lunulater

[lunulater]

I wonder

Maybe

If you drink yourself into an early grave

The world might be a safer place.

[lunulater]

i feel like for abled people who don’t have to spend a huge portion of their waking life in bed, it’s really easy for them to imagine it as some sort of constant relaxing vacation from ‘real life’ or from effort and feeling and working or whatever else

when in reality it’s like. im so restless. im so tired of being in bed. it isn’t comfortable. i Hurt. im hurting all the time and if i could not be in bed without being in huge amounts of pain, i would!! i miss being able to do things!! laying in bed helps the most, but a lot of the time it feels like a trap, not a comfort. a lot of the time it hurts too much to be doing anything else

i miss when laying down was a choice i could make for relaxation, when napping was an indulgence and not a necessity, when i could spend time and energy being upright and it didn’t even feel like effort !!! i don’t want to do this. this isn’t something relaxing or fun the majority of the time. it’s painful & frustrating. i wish people understood that better :(

[lunulater]

I know the Disability Day of Mourning traditionally commemorates disabled people murdered by their parents and/or caregivers, but I wanted to take a moment to also commemorate the disabled lives lost during the genocides taking place in Palestine, the DRC, Sudan, and across the globe (including in the US). There are many ways for a system to perpetuate ableist violence and we must struggle as a community against all of them.

May the disabled souls taken from us rest in peace, every single one, and may the members of the disabled community currently fighting for their lives and the lives of their loved ones receive the support and safety they deserve.

If you have a bit to spare, please consider donating to Crips for eSims for Gaza and supporting their vital work.

[lunulater]

I hope you know

I know

I deserved so much better

Than you

#spilledink #poetry #personal

[lunulater]

All I ever wanted to do was believe you.

[lunulater]

okay okay so like i don’t wanna kill the party but i just saw an instagram shop selling a shirt that says now i am become death the destroyer of worlds in barbie font and i just sigh i just like i get the novelty of barbie and oppenheimer weekend but i have got to stress the bomb changed the entire world forever and wiped out over a quarter of a million people i think maybe we gotta kinda take a step back here when we start selling it as if it’s fun hot girl summer fodder

#“Also Barbie would fucking never do that”

[lunulater]

I never deserved you

Or all the shit you put me through

You never deserved me

Or all the shit I did for you to be happy

#what a total piece of shit you proved yourself to be #feeling bad about yourself isn’t absolution for hurting others #feeling guilty is not holding yourself accountable

[lunulater]

[lunulater]

I want you to know that I finally believe you are the piece of shit you said you were.

[lunulater]

I don’t like this story

It has too many plot holes.

[lunulater]

It hurts to long for a person

you can’t be certain ever actually existed.

[lunulater]

#i know who i am #so fuck you #you’re not for me #i know who you are #fuck you #I’m not for you #Spotify

[lunulater]

Fact or figment?

Faith in fiction.

Strung together by your diction

I clung to every syllable

Believed while I was still able

Under guise and being gullible

You have sowed while I have reaped.

The poisoned fruits of your seed

Birthed and blossomed from deceit

Nearly drowned in your shallow

I won’t watch you drink and wallow

The truth’s a bitter pill to swallow

But you’re a liar and a thief

Trapped inside your false beliefs

You have robbed us both of peace

Drowning out reality

Tried to sink us both in grief

While you drink yourself to sleep

Close your eyes to the shame

Of the harm in your wake

Of cheap shots that you take

Go ahead frame your truth

Sacrifice my trust in you

In the end what’s lost is

You.

Fact or figment?

lost faith in fiction.

Broken down by your addiction.

Fact or figment?

No faith in fiction

Fed and fueled by narcissism.

#spilledink #poetry #personal #thoughts #music #free verse #lyrics #addiction #substance abuse #narcissistic abuse #shame #why tho #i trusted you #you were drunk tonight #still drinking #drinking and driving #i didn’t deserve this #liars gonna lie

[lunulater]

What a fucking disappointment.

[lunulater]

Abusers will build you up just so they have a bigger crash to enjoy when they drag you down.

[lunulater]

Once again it seems my favorite person was just another lie all along.

[lunulater]

Testing the Waters

I once had a one night Only once to verify Baby I am still alive Even if I’m dead inside You thought you had ended me After you befriended me Only just to betray me And run away to leave me be I thought I would never breathe My heart it would never beat But I promise you will see You can’t get the best of me