okamirayne

[okamirayne]

Hiya Rayne-chan! Just dropping by to send some love and to thank you again for the latest chapter. I think I've read it like five times now 😅. How are you managing the next chapter? Are you pacing yourself ok? (Provided you're still writing HHU! Not meant as pressure!) Your latest burnout post was really interesting and I hope that you're taking care of yourself. Mwah! xoxox 💋💋

Hey there, Anon!

Awww, thanks for the love, sweetie. Consider it absorbed by osmosis.

[...] thank you again for the latest chapter. I think I've read it like five times now 😅

Oh bless you. You're welcome! I'm so happy you've enjoyed it so much.

How are you managing the next chapter? Are you pacing yourself ok? (Provided you're still writing HHU! Not meant as pressure!)

You're very sweet to enquire, and I appreciate the no-pressure caveat. 🥰 Oh yes, I'm cracking on with Chapter 9 and hope to have it out shortly. Argh. It frustrates me that I can't produce at the level I used to...which risks me sounding like a mouth-breathing hypocrite given the Burnout Recovery journey.

I need to get over my old narrative and work with what energy and time I have to spare. Which is precisely what I'm doing. I'm presently 14,000 words into this chapter...and I haven't even changed scene yet....oh....

Faaarrrrrkkkk......

*laughs hysterically, manically, TRAGICALLY*....

I don't know why this always happens...but in this case I'll blame beautiful, bloody Hiashi...and his bastard, bloody father.

Trying to take care of myself, yes. It's a steep learning curve for the stupider (bad-habit) parts of my brain. Thanks again, sweetie. I hope you enjoy the next chapter when it's finally bloody posted. I appreciate the love!💜💜💜

#thank you anon #sweet anon #HHU ask #why am i like this #why can't i write short shit #heaven hold us btb #stay tuned #watch this space #okami rayne

[okamirayne]

😐😑😭

#there were many points #but here #here #this was the point #the point was sharp #and cruel

[okamirayne]

Burnout Recovery ❤️‍🩹

OUTPUT VS INPUT: Okay, I’ve learned that a major contributor of this loss of humanness, especially for creatives, can come as a result of intense output (what you give/how you expend energy) and very little input (what you receive/what fills you up/restores energy). The Output Issue can present as a kind of GO, GO POWER RANGER beast mode workaholism which makes you think that despite mounting stress levels, decreasing energy, and neglecting many key needs and values, you can still soldier the hell on, maintain your former pace, and run on fumes without crashing and burning: like Supernatural after 15 seasons😅

YOU ARE NOT JESUS-NO-JUTSU: Empathic personalises can also suffer from a kind of self-abandonment, as they tend to prioritise other people’s needs ahead of their own — in time this chronic behaviour will often make you sick. And that sickness can manifest differently (at varied levels of debilitation) for different people. Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. Sometimes it can manifest as all four, because the nervous system is so very generous like that 🤦🏻‍♀️ . Do not crucify yourself to keep others from bearing their own crosses. By all means, if you have capacity, help lift the load, be kind and compassionate — just don’t nail yourself to the crosses you help to carry.

PUT PEACE/REST BEFORE PLEASURE: Self-care has become a popular mental health buzzword/term but it’s not a one size fits all. It requires you to discover what personally brings you calm and joy — and healing . Burnout can steal the joy part (which is why things that used to bring you pleasure may not — and that can feel very bloody scary). If this is the case, and you can’t find or feel the joy part just yet (very, very normal), then seek the CALM \ PEACE part instead. You do this by finding relief from the stress. Caveat: healthy relief. Substance abuse and addictive behaviours are just another form of self-abandonment in an attempt to escape/avoid pain (often, but not always, painful emotions). Here’s the kicker: We cannot avoid pain, it’s part of being human. Thems the rules, earthlings.

HEALING CAN HURT: Healing is not spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity. Healing can fucking hurt. It’s supposed to at times, because hurt shows you where you need to heal. It’s not easy. It’s not meant to be. But it can also be so full of Grace and unexpected beauty it’ll steal your breath — and not because it hurts.

UNDERSTAND SURVIVAL MODE: Sadly Burnout can reduce capacity to regulate and manage hurt / painful emotions, because your smoking burnout nervous system thinks you’re being hunted for sport or chased by an apex predator most of the time. Gods bless the nervous system. It’s a paranoid little fucker when it’s disregulated, but only because the poor little bastard has not been able to switch gears into “chill the hell out mode.” What broke your gears? Enter in chronic stress.

BEHOLD CHRONIC STRESS: Regarding burnout, this inability to switch into “chill the hell out mode” is often due to ongoing exposure to states of chronic stress. These states take many forms and impact different people in different ways. Prolonged exposure to something that makes me lose my shit and go screaming for the hills (or for Lindt Chocolate) might make you shrug your shoulders, shake it off, and go swanning about the rest of your day. We’re all wired differently — and that is especially true for introverts and extroverts (whole other topic). Best thing you can do regarding this topic is learn about the parasympathetic nervous system — the fancy term for CHILL THE HELL OUT MODE. It will HELP YOU HEAL. That’s its job.

Takeaways

FIND WHAT KEEPS YOU HUMAN. Not what keeps you a high-performing robot or a spiritual-bypassing Bodhisattva who risks martyrdom by sacrificing their humanness on the altar of other people’s needs. Humans can’t just OUTPUT, we also need INPUT. Sometimes we need boundaries to ensure we make time to discover / recover our input and experience relief and joy. And sometimes we just need to feel our hurt first or find our calm (regulate our nervous system) before we can find and feel our joy. Peace and Rest can be the road back to pleasure/healthy productivity, and your parasympathetic nervous system is the vehicle you need to be driving in. It’s a journey.

Dear Burnt-out Creatives: Journey well. I hope you heal ❤️‍🩹

~ Rayne 💜☕️

There are many other things that create this loss of humanness, but for the sake of not writing an essay-length post I selected 6 🙏🏼

#healing from burnout #writer burnout #hope this helps someone #burnout recovery #balance #writers burnout #take what you need #ignore the rest #do what works #rest yourself #burnout #burnout journey #healing #writers burnout recovery

[okamirayne]

A thousand times, yes.

It’s a willingness to be the characters, letting what they think and say rise from inside them.

Always, always, always. 💜

It might seem that the writer needs a gift of mimicry, like an impersonator, to achieve this variety of voices. But it isn’t like that. It’s more like what a serious actor does, sinking self in character-self. It’s a willingness to be the characters, letting what they think and say rise from inside them. It’s a willingness to share control with one’s creation.

- Ursula K. Le Guin, Steering the Craft: A 21st Century Guide to Sailing the Sea of Story

#on writing #writing #writing quotes #writing life #writer life #this is pretty much it #always this

[okamirayne]

“We all have forests on our minds. Forests unexplored, unending. Each one of us gets lost in the forest, every night, alone.”

Ursula K. Le Guin

[okamirayne]

how to ask / motivate your favorite fanfic writers to post new works / update a new chapter WITHOUT rushing them or sounding entitled and rude;

don’t comment “when” or “will there be a next chapter” or “will you continue this?” quite frankly, these type of comments can sound like you’re demanding from your favorite writer, even if it may not be your intention.

if you’d love a sequel or are wondering when or if the fic will be updated, try something like “I love this so much!” *bonus if you explain why you love the fic or what you love about it* and then add something along the line of “if there’s a part 2 of this, I would be so excited / would absolutely love to read it!”

the trick is to avoid a blunt question like “will there be a part 2?” or “it’s been so long. when will you update?” etc.

honestly, DON’T ever comment something like “it’s been ___ months, ___ years” or “I don’t think the author will continue this lol” that’s one of the most effective ways to make sure your favorite author doesn’t come back to your favorite fic, and it’s just so… dishearteningly rude.

it doesn’t matter if it’s been months or years since the author’s last update, demanding and rushing them will most likely NOT give you the result you want.

reminder that fanfic authors are humans with lives and jobs outside of writing fanfiction, especially when fanfic is something they do in their free time out of love and passion, and you — the reader — get to read their works for free.

rushing and demanding will only make it sound like ‘a task that needs to get done’ for your favorite author, and it sucks out the joy of writing out of love and passion. it can be so discouraging for the authors.

fanfic authors don’t owe you anything.

even if they completely abandon the fic, it still doesn’t give you the right to be rude to them or to ask why they stopped writing or to coerce them into giving you what you want.

I can never say this enough; fanfic authors write in their free time, FOR FREE, out of love and passion. and you get to read their works FOR FREE because they’re kind enough to share their love for their comfort characters with you.

they don’t owe you anything.

it’s okay if you’re wondering when or if they’ll post something new, but it’s not okay to rush or demand from them.

comments are mostly what motivate authors into writing faster, so if you want your favorite authors to post more, comment about what you love about their works, express your gratitude to them for giving you these amazing fics for free, but don’t be an entitled reader by rushing or directly asking when they’ll update.

let’s keep fandom space safe and comforting for both writers and readers.

[okamirayne]

Burnout Recovery

Meaning, something that burnout can ruthlessly steal from you. What returns it?

Thank you to every single blessed individual reviewer, reader and reacher who has ever reached out to me regarding my writing and shared your experience of my storytelling madness. I’m currently rereading every message and review I’ve ever been blessed to receive; to remind me how to answer the vital questions posed here that I have struggled with ever since burnout hit:

What is the gift you carry in your soul? What have you brought with you into the heart of the village?

I love and appreciate those who so kindly remind me of the meaning of what I do, which trumps all drill-sergeant self-talk, and forced modern-culture motivation mantras (the hustle shit) that only leads to further stress and illness. 🙏🏼

Modern Culture is fucked sideways and upside-down right now. Hello Clown World 🤡

Takeaways:

Cultivate your own myths and soul-medicines to find your meaning. If you can’t find joy in your old go-to pleasures right now, please find relief from any of your pressures.

If nothing seems to fill you right now, you may need to Empty Out rather than consume or try to fill what feels like a void. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether we’re truly empty inside, or too full of shit to feel.

It feels strange to share this, but as people have enquired (and are so sadly suffering similarly), I said I would do my best to offer my random and humble findings as I navigate my own way from the hellfire wasteland of burnout back to my writing worlds again.

I hope this helps someone. 🙏🏼 Even if it’s just to acknowledge their sadness.

For any other creatives going through burnout and are in the baby steps of recovery — or even if you’re sitting in the wreckage and not yet on recovery’s road just yet— I get you, I see you, I hear you, I feel for you, and I wish you so much grace in gently cradling and protecting the gifts you hold whilst your mind/body/spirit heals so you can return to your creative projects again and feel what the fires of burnout scorched and then extinguished in you.

Beauty CAN come out of Ashes.

And that beauty doesn’t have to be a phoenix. It can be a tiny, tiny spark — and even if the spark doesn’t catch just yet, stay with it, stay with it, please stay with it ✨

~ Rayne ☕️💜

Thank you BtB readers/reviewers for staying with me as I return to HHU to help me find my way back to my sparks once more ✨💖 Love and appreciate you 🙏🏼

#burnout recovery #healing from burnout #return to the writing well #remembering who you are #writer burnout #writers burnout #creative burnout #burnout support

[okamirayne]

😭💔❤️‍🔥

Kakashi and Genma by Eluminel

Erotic, embarrassing, uncontrollable sounds that drew Genma’s head back up, inviting the Shiranui’s lips to settle above the fluttering fabric of the mask. Again, that dangerous imitation, that too-close, too-personal graze of lips… that almost-but-not-quite-kiss… “Say it,” Genma husked, his voice sounding oddly hoarse. “Tell me how to touch you… tell me what you want… tell me what this is…” - Under these Scars by @okami-rayne ——————————————————————————————– @eluminel Loved this chapter, and you already know that Rayne~ This is the first time for me ever painting Kakashi this serious. I had an inner fight with myself to paint with or without his mask ( I destroyed the witout-mask-thing via Facebook with some friends because I’m stupid!, but in the end I also felt.. I don’t think I could do him justice. We don’t know his face ( even if I believe I know what he looks like since it’s not THAT hard to imagine, unless he had a scar or anything). But I choose the mask on, and since this moment excisted in Raynes Fanfiction I decided, mask on. Genma, I don’t know about him. In Raynes version he’s really broken, so that’s why he has the tired troubled face. But in the manga I can’t say apperance-wise he do not attract my creative eye BUT when I want to draw him, he’s gorgeous, AND I think he looks better than the manga makes him Also, Genma/Kakashi pairing is one of my favourites. So good. Give more room for Genma people, he’s freaking great~ Why it’s blue coloured. NO idea. I like blue. It feels calm to paint with blue, always painted with blue coloured pencils as a kid the most, and purple. So might be why. AND KAKASHI’S HAIR COULD JUST GO AND FUCK ITSELF GAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Had major problems with it. Won’t change… (Angryface) Hope you like it Rayne sweetie and everyone else who stumbles upon this! Be nice;D (Longest freaking description I’ve ever made…)

#btb memories #kakagen #btb fan art #kakashi btb #btb genma #genma btb #kakashi/genma #hatake kakashi #genma/kakashi #genma shiranui

[okamirayne]

Wait... There's more btb? What did I miss? Tell me more, please?

Hey there, luv! Not sure which parts you might have missed, so I'm posting all the links below for you. 💜 Here is the totality of BtB series so far:

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆᯽◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

༺BtB Masterlist༻

In order from BtB through to HHU

Break to Breathe (BtB part 1) COMPLETE

BtB on ff.net Break to Breathe on AO3

On the Cusp (BtB part 2) COMPLETE

OtC on ff.net OtC on AO3

Requiem (BtB part 3) COMPLETE

Requiem on ff.net Requiem on AO3

Under These Scars (BtB part 4) COMPLETE

UtS on ff.net

Bonus series add-on:

Heaven Hold Us [Post War] WIP/ONGOING [Contination of BtB Series | Can be considered as part 5]

HHU on ff.net

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆᯽◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

~᯽~ PROFILE LINKS ~᯽~

FF.NET PROFILE LINK: Entire series posted here, HHU updated here.

AO3 PROFILE LINK: BtB parts 1 - 3 posted here.

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆᯽◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

Hope this helps! 💜

#BTB Masterlist #break to breathe masterlist #btb series #break to breathe series #break to breathe by okami rayne #okami rayne #okami rayne btb masterlist #all break to breathe stories #heaven hold us btb #break to breathe btb #on the cusp btb #requiem btb #under these scars btb #uts btb #hhu btb #otc btb #shikaneji #shikaneji btb #entire btb series #masterlist fic #btb fic masterlist #okamirayne #okami-rayne fic list

[okamirayne]

Do the clan elders harbor any resentment toward Hiashi for his 'confliction' with Neji, and Hiashi's "inability' to produce a male heir? Neji's talent is undeniable,& as Hizashi's and not Hiashi's son it makes me wonder if the elders think the wrong son was cursed? Since Neji has been around Hiashi more than Hizashi now, does Shikaku's words about him being his father figure cross his mind at all anymore in present day? Especially with Neji's death does he feel he failed Neji more or Hizashi?

Hey there Anon!

Great question - and kind of serendipitous considering I'm writing from Hiashi's POV at the moment in the upcoming chapter.

Do the clan elders harbor any resentment toward Hiashi for his 'confliction' with Neji

They most certainly do. Some individuals more than others.

Neji's talent is undeniable,& as Hizashi's and not Hiashi's son it makes me wonder if the elders think the wrong son was cursed

Bull's eye! Indeed, this is absolutely one of Hiashi's deep and abiding conflicts/wounds and one of the main reasons he privately struggles with (yet still meticulously upholds) his position in the clan...even though it's cost him so much. 😭 Hyuga Hitaro also needles this wound whenever he can.

Since Neji has been around Hiashi more than Hizashi now, does Shikaku's words about him being his father figure cross his mind at all anymore in present day?

Yes, they absolutely do. I hope this will reflect in HHU. There's a lot Hiashi has to contend with regarding Neji's death, considering his clan's politics/expectations...especially his Father's (Hyuga Hijikata in BtB)

Especially with Neji's death does he feel he failed Neji more or Hizashi?

Potential spoiler territory ahead.

I hope you'll forgive me sidestepping this for the sake of upcoming chapters! Thank you for the excellent ASKS - again, I find it so uncanny as I'm deep in Hiashi's headspace atm, so it came at the perfect time! Thanks, Anon! 💜💜

#hiashi hyuga #hyuga clan ASK #hyuuga neji #neji hyuga #btb Hyuga clan ask #hyuga hizashi #hyuga clan #poor Hiashi

[okamirayne]

💔😭.

Asuma and Kurenai for @narutosenseizine 💋🌿

#stay #still hurts #kurenai #sarutobi asuma #asuma sarutobi #Asuma #kurenai yuhi #yuhi kurenai

[okamirayne]

OMG, Rayne, Rayne, Rayne! Firstly - HIII! I don't know if you'll remember this (was a long time back now - like quite a few years😅!) but do you still have/remember CC KAKASHI? DeviantArt days, bb! 🤣 Aaaah memories!!!

I was reading UtS and was on the chapter where Kakashi is stoned on his meds 🤣 and I was like 'OMG THIS REMINDS ME OF CC KAKASHI!'

Oh boi, I'm gonna feel sooo dumb if you don't remember this so ignore this ask if you're like wtf dude. Ha😅😅😅😅 *nervous af*

Anywaaaay! Had to just send this bc I've been laughing my ass off reminiscing on that craziness. xxx Kisses 🤣💗💗💗

Weeey!!! Heya dArt-Days Anon! 💜💜 So awesome to hear from you after all this time!

I don't know if you'll remember this (was a long time back now - like quite a few years😅!) but do you still have/remember CC KAKASHI?

OH. MY. GODS....

YOU BET YOUR ASS I DO!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

The Original Emoji:

*runs and tries to dig up her paintshop artwork version from the bowels of her old Sai files*

....20 mins later....

YES!!!!! HE LIVES!

CRACK COCAINE KAKASHI!!!!! 🤣🤣

*struggles to breathe* Oh sweet Josephine...some of those emojis back on dArt were utterly horrific and ABSOLUTELY BLOODY BRILLIANT...

Strike me down, but I still have the freaking bookmark I made, Memory-Lane Anon! 🤣🤣

Oh god damn, I love him. He shall live on forever. Absolute nutter.

Good Gods, I can't even begin to express how ridiculously hard I've laughed receiving this message from you. 🤣💜💜

THANK YOU. 💜Talk about a hilarious, insane, and most glorious trip down memory lane to the dArt days when my BtB insanity hadn't even peaked yet.

Thank you so, so, SO much for this ASK, you bloody awesome individual you. I am tickled all kinds of pink laughing my arse off over the fond and ridiculous memory of making this bookmark and sharing this insanity with the dArt crowd at the time.

Huge love and insane thanks for this golden ASK. 💜💜

#no freaking way #throwback Thursday on steroids...or crack cocaine #crack cocaine kakashi #he lives on in all my books #sorry Kakashi - not sorry at all #cc kakashi never dies #old school madness #awesome anon is awesome #way back when btb #cc kakashi #the madness lives on #dArt days #omg can't breathe #still tickles me #throwback madness #i still love him #Kakashi

[okamirayne]

When will you have a little pity for every soft thing that walks through the world, yourself included?

Mary Oliver, from "Pen and Paper and a Breath of Air" in Blue Pastures

[okamirayne]

Left brain :

Right brain:

Is this anything

#I cannot one shot to save my life #one shot kill is the only one shot I got #why am i like this #writing problems

[okamirayne]

Burnout 🔥 in a very small nutshell.

😭 ugh.

#difference between block and burnout #writers burnout #healing from burnout #burnout recovery

[okamirayne]

Used to run, now it feels like a crawl, but one step forward is better than no steps at all. 👣 Rhyme through the ruin!

Shoutout to any creatives recovering from burnout. ❤️‍🔥

My twisted sense of humour will undoubtedly make an appearance as I share certain burnout posts (I hope it helps those who’ve requested them) but please know my gallows humour amusement is all part of participating positively (no, not the toxic kind) in the tough trek out of Burnout’s hellscape. If you can’t keep your sense of humour about you, the climb will feel steeper. There’s a time to laugh, a time to cry. A time to drink tea, a time to bay at the moon.

Balance and all that. 👌🏼

#burnout recovery #writing process #one step at a time #healing from burnout #writers burnout #support creatives #come on brain #chill the fuck out

[okamirayne]

Hi Rayne <3 How are you going? Are you doing ok? I just wanted to add my voice to the readers/writers/fans who follow you and say that as someone also going through burnout (what you described about the difference between block vs. burnout really helped btw) I'd definitely support and love to see you chart your recovery as you get back to writing. Any tips/tricks or insights of your own journey back to writing/wellness would be awesome. Sending you bunches of love. Laci xxx

Heya Laci Sweetheart, 💜

Thanks for your message. Bless you. I'm cracking on as best I can with the hiccups I'm facing atm, luv. Just annoyed because it's delayed my writing/posting the next HHU chapter. But, trying to do the patience thing.

Ah! I'm happy to learn that my response to the block vs burnout ASK was useful to you. I can understand how people might confuse them, but my god, they are entirely different demons. I'm so sorry you're going through burnout - it sucks major hairy balls.

I'd definitely support and love to see you chart your recovery as you get back to writing. Any tips/tricks or insights of your own journey back to writing/wellness would be awesome.

Oh wow, gotcha.

Solidarity. Burnout sucks. If I can share something that helps, sure thing. I got you. 💜 I'll start doing this if it helps.

Big love coming back at'cha, Laci. Thank you! 🥰

#writers burnout #burnout ASK #solidarity #writer problems #kind readers/writers