planet-premier
Planet Premier👽✌🏾
“This is pop culture in the present, we create the future”Self proclaimed Icon, It girl,& peoples princess🎀
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tainhanh
Tải Nhanh
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i feel like my thoughts are so médiocre. Like the pain i feel someone has felt it before, the struggles someone else has already struggled with, or maybe im scared that im being dramatic. I think thats another thing i tell myself to downplay the pain and problems like telling myself theres a chance to get through it because im not the 1st and only low income black mentally ill and abused artist teen girl to exist. I realize all of the thing people tell for encouragement is empty, cannon fodder to try and attempt peace in misery. The things you tell a homeless friend or someone suicidal , suffocating them in toxic positivity because we cant or dont want to admit we all dont know what to do to help. All of the people around me are struggling but have some sort of community around them , keeping them afloat like raft boats and some with only a few to help them like a plank of wood floating in a vast ocean of helplessness and uncertainty. We’re all lost in the sea but id rather have raft boat then my decaying plank of wood, because if i run across resources it doesn’t feel like i have much space for them . Also learning that apparently people dont want to help people who are desperate which i see , everyones guard is up so terrified of being used , then you see only abusers want to help with the small price of your sanity and happiness. Sadly i’m making peace with it, or im just becoming more numb , i’ce stopped asking for help bc after a while of having your screams ignored your throat and voice give out , just laying here waiting to die, too tired to shoo away the flies and the violating passer bys, clinging onto to hope feels cruel but human , just another survivors instinct or way to have control over something. Sometimes im scared people i know will find these but really these aren’t thoughts that that i hide just the ones i know they dont care to listen to but thats life🥂i just want something sweet rn like tiramisu and like a huge rotisserie chicken drenched in sauce
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i find that i get excited when i meet kind eyes, whether its a stranger or friend, in this time of my life im surrounded by wolf eyes, seeking to consume and break me down to build themselves up, just a source to be drained and used . i think i’ve given up on the idea of family , im scared that girls are always meant to be alone. Slight topic change, how is it to have sex without being taken advantage, emotionally or physically, is that normal? i dont like to think that all men will hurt me, its too hopeless but i feel delusional seeking love and companionship from the very beast that hurt me, masucinlity doesn’t scare me though, insecurity does, Ive seen what insecurity can do to a human, to myself. Safe to say a desperate human is dangerous. Maybe thats why they do it. I feel like im dying but being kept alive enough to suffer, being fed, housed, but never enough to sustain to build me. enough to where if i speak up im ungrateful and so little that im rotting inside and out.my existence beyond my appearance feels useless, unwanted, non existent . Also the after taste of cheezits tastes like buffalo sauce, goodnight
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I don’t want to do life alone again and i’m tired of being told otherwise. I’ve done what feels like everything, 18 years completely and utterly alone. As a kid the hope of the future holds you together but the future is here and im burnt out. The world wont be less harsh, judging, misunderstanding, or mean to me but to face that i am nothing and will be nothing , that every action i take is just to take space and fill the void of my individual human lifespan, that everything i do is to give meaning to a life that will end whenever, alone, everyday morning night. Still I dont take it personally , theres nothing more i hate than a victim complex even when i was victim. Its so addicting, thats why being a loner is so addicting but every time i left my house im faced by people who project their every fear, thoughts, fantasy, and desires onto me or the image of me, which i cant take personally but nothing can be more dangerous and unpredictable than human fear and desire. I learned after i was raped that once i left the house i had to accept that i was vulnerable to being hurt again, that i had to trust, but in the 18 years of living, I’ve trusted no one, I’ve been attacked from ALL corners of my life, which hurts to remember because i was such a sweet girl, desperate snd eager to please, i just wanted everyone to be happy, why was everyone so sad around me, miserable, it seems thats just life. Nonetheless i’m not shocked that i’m in the state that i’m in, there’s no avoiding ptsd, so fuck sue me for wanting just a little more support, companionship, a body to hold at night, a soul to hug, and reciprocation please reciprocation because i think if another human takes advantage of me emotionally or physically im going to just lose it, my life. Its exhausting searching for meaning your whole life just find out that it never mattered never will , now what,i dont know. All i know is i dont want to be lonely anymore but things like that dont seem to go away overnight, its funny to think that the people are just born into love, never questioning their spot or place on Earth, their existences not consumed by the guilt and shame of being unwanted.
Happy Friday💋❤️
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Am I the only one who doesn’t know how to be heart broken?
I turn heart break into ego deaths but its only because i’ve never been in a deep and intimate relationship with a man and when i did i never let it happen again . loll what happens when we meet a person we actually like , ew i’m going to have feel my feelings instead intellectualizing them 🙄
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One of the prettiest tree of flowers i’ve seen at the park, I wonder if the flowers will become fruits.
I wish the cities here grew random fruit trees that we all could just pick from on the streets and parks.
I’ve heard more about cities shutting down community gardens way too much to believe they’d do it though. 🌳
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Stunning makeup and hair , she reminds me of those pretty blythe dolls.
nyadolliee
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Tumblr rate my music taste 😭
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The last full moon of 2023🌝
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Hello. I heard all the niche and cool people are still on tumblr 😏
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