qjpsys

[qjpsys]

Going back to our last post, we did indeed split a new fictive. That fictive is me. I got triggered out just now it seems because our mother was in a bad mood, I suppose Teo was unable to handle it, although I am unsure what our brain thought I would be able to do about it. Either way I am here now, so I suppose everyone can stop stressing about whether or not I exist?

#🎍 Wanning. #did system #did alter #osddid #dissociative system #did osdd #system things #actually did #traumagenic system #fictives #fictive #introject #did splitting

[qjpsys]

welcome back to: did we split a new fictive or do we just heavily relate to this character a bit more than we should, stay tuned, more details at 6

#🧃 teo #i think? #maybe #❔ blurry #a bit #anyway #we shall see? i guess? #did system #did alter #osddid #dissociative system #did osdd #system things #actually did #traumagenic system #fictives #introject

[qjpsys]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[qjpsys]

made clown cat keychain, it is tofu approved

#🪷 nine #shrink plastic #shrinky dinks #cat art #did system

[qjpsys]

the way i became aware i was fronting this morning was because i got insanely frustrated and almost yelled at the junior staff members today, i never have to deal with them and don't have a particular love of children or teenagers, whereas teo or morrow can handle their bullshit, i simply cannot, i'm still mad over it like there's a reason i don't front at work

#🪷 nine #pain in the ass #did system #did alter #dissociative system #osddid #did osdd #system things #actually did #traumagenic system #did vent

[qjpsys]

tw // csa

don't reblog

was researching alexithymia and the issues with sexual encounters triggered us into thinking about how fucking stupid the concept of viginity is, we always just say we're a virgin for the sake of keeping everyone comfortable and to not spiral ourselves, but thinking about it is setting off bad feelings bc like.. we never would but how would it go if we just straight up told people we 'lost our virginity at 2'? we would never do it but how would people react to that? i'm just bad feelings but also curious, very quick way to make people feel uncomfortable i guess? idk we need to stop thinking about it

#🪷 nine #tw csa #did system #osddid #did osdd #tw vent #kinda? #tw sa #uhhhh idk what else to tag

[qjpsys]

i want us to run away into the woods and never return, no particular reason, life is just shit

#🪷 nine

[qjpsys]

clown cats <3

also stars bc the kasa influence stays true

#🧃 teo #i think #anyway #did system #did alter #did art #system art #dissociative system #osddid #did osdd #traumagenic system

[qjpsys]

one of our high school friends and i just had a massive talk about being diagnosed with adhd and autism as adults and how the education system fucking sucks for both diagnosed and undiagnosed individuals and it was really cathartic to just complain about how shitty so many things are, and just talking and relating over how hard it is to come to terms with being disabled

cw // suicide mention

we both also realised we're both stuck in the same sort of go to city we live in > try to fit in to a neurotypical society that doesn't accommodate for us > have massive meltdown and/or suicidal episode > go back to hometown for a month or two to recuperate > rinse and repeat

her and i originally grew close through things like talking about trauma and our dysfunctional families, also how being mized race makes us both feel, and it was just nice to sort of retrospectively look back and see how we both needed so much help that was never afforded to us when we were younger, i miss us having these big discussions with one another, it's sad we only get to see each other when we're both in our home towns or if we go to each other's cities, but all in all i'm glad that despite our distance and not being able to spend us much time together, we still are so close and can easily relate and get straight back into lengthy discussions without worrying about any awkwardness, it's just really nice, i love her sm

#🧃 teo #i miss my two hs friends #weird to think we've known each other for over 10 years now #we've know our other hs friend for 20 years now #shits wild #anyway

[qjpsys]

Sorry Ive been quiet. The dissociative disorder has been dissociating lately.

[qjpsys]

called out of work today after agreeing to cover a shift because i had a horrible night sleep with nightmares that made me feel physically ill gahh

[qjpsys]

our houses internet bill came out for this month and i can't remember for the life of me if i had asked them to pay for the last months one, waiting for an answer from one of them before i message the group chat, god memory issues suck so much

like i checked our groupchat and there's nothing there but i'm worried maybe we've spoken about it in person? and i just can't remember? idk we'll work it out, i'm not stressed about the money honestly, i'm just confused

#❔ blurry #i think #idk #kinda feels like fizz teo and some third other thing #but as one? #ughhh #did system #dissociative system #osddid #did osdd #system things #traumagenic system #memory loss #amnesia #dissociative amnesia

[qjpsys]

housemate has invited us (and our friend group) to go to a party/club in july but its less an invite and more a "youre coming whether you want to or not" but i genuinely cant think of anything more overstimulating for us than going clubbing, its for her birthday and i dont want to let her down but i feel like it will be unenjoyable for us and well just be awful if we have to go ackk idk what to do or say, i hate being autistic why couldnt we just be born with a normal brain? and not have had that brain screwed up further by trauma? why must we be like thisssss

#❔ blurry #aghhhhh i dont want to say no #but i know ill hate it to death #did system #did alter #dissociative system #osddid #did osdd #actually did #system things #traumagenic system #actually traumatized #actually autistic #autistic things #autistic adult #autistic community

[qjpsys]

so today is our birthday, its also the day i said we'd post the comic about being a system to our close friends story on instagram.. now its the day to do it im second guessing and stressing tf out over it :'<

theres like 10 people on our cf story, four of them already know as weve spoken about it face to face, im just questioning whether or not we do it now bc im scared and i can feel at least two of the others in co-con also freaking out about it, they wont share their worries or why theyre just pushing through their anxiety over it to me so now im just 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

#❇️ ​fizzy #i mean maybe ill calm down and be able to post it later #right now though i cant even think to #did system #did alter #dissociative system #osddid #did osdd #actually did #system things #traumagenic did #did vent #system vent #traumagenic system

[qjpsys]

finding our old warriors art from 2018-2019: damn okay

finding our old warriors art from 2012-2013: damn okay 💀

now we are back in the warriors fixation and are slowly trying to pspspspsps at them and figure out which of them manifested into our brain 💀

#❇️ ​fizzy #did system #did alter #dissociative system #osddid #did osdd #actually did #system things #warrior cats #warriors fanart #wc art #wc oc #warriors oc

[qjpsys]

no no no, it’s totally fine—will you excuse me for a moment? (steps outside to shriek and sob)

[qjpsys]

tw // sh

why is there nothing more triggering than scars fading i dont want us to relapse again but i also so so badly want to relapse

#❔ blurry #maybe kinda fizz? #idk feeling strange #tw sh #tw s3lf harm #tw self h4rm #did system #did alter