havootu - Tumblr blog

havootu · 22 days

Text

I think my Soul just apologized to me with this little feather that just blew my way on the wind.

I understand things between us have not always been easy and copestettic, but I do also want to try.

I understand you have a job to do. I want you to do it, I'm just scared. That's all.💜

#self love #self help #realization

0 notes

havootu · 1 month

Photo

🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

Segovia Amil

3K notes · View notes

havootu · 2 months

Text

Philosophy - Dmitry Kochanovich, 2019 (1st) Oil on canvas, 100x120cm

Ideal - Dmitry Kochanovich, 2019 (2nd) Oil on canvas

6K notes · View notes

havootu · 2 months

Text

Lessons of the Week: Understanding and Feeling Emotions (Acceptance)

Words Considered (Given)

Peace vs Bordom

"Is peace boring? Or is a mind without peace bored?"

ANSWER

"Boredom is when a mind is deprived of stimulation. Peace is when a mind doesn't need stimulation." - Qura comment

Peace: - freedom from disturbance; tranquility.

a state of harmony between people or groups; freedom from strife. law and order within a state; absence of violence or other disturbance

Bored:- feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.

feeling tired and unhappy because something is not interesting or because you have nothing to do

• Radical self acceptance

Mother reveled the reason I often have issues with showing up as my full self, being afraid of what people might think is due to not fully accepting ALL of who I am . Understanding that the parts of who I am being a "good" or "bad" thing is only in my perspective.

Goes back to not shrinking or being "humble" anymore.

• Remembering my confidence

Naturally I'm a confident person, that in the past has come with the stigma of being "stuck up", or "intimidating" but it's not my job to appease anyone or make them feel comfortable. I am meant to be me and that's all. My natural energy is love and that comes through for those who get it. For others who are of low esteem, I'm not for them and it's none of my business. I was never made to shrink but stand out.

• Taking One Moment at a time

The mother says she is here to be of service to my deepest desires, she wants to see me flourish and serve my highest good.

My job is to make a decision on what I want and point. My job is not the who when where or how, expectancy.

Me expecting my truth and taking one moment at a time, small steps to that new truth, she is the magic that turns it real in my reality. She is here to serve me and I honor her by stepping into my purpose.

• Understanding that what I say to be true is true.

If I say things are hard then they are hard in my reality until I decide they are not. Asking the Mother to help me release and this old paradigm of everything is hard. It is a reality that I have created that I no longer want a part of. Release.

• On a more spiritual level

I have been living on my own limited human power for years, trying to figure out why I'm so drained. I understand it is because I have not allowed the power of the mother into my life, so she can do the heavy lifting and I can live. Human power is limited because all of our spiritual energy cannot reside in this human vessel, all of that energy would kill us. Most of it is left out, so we can live more freely in this existence and our higher self guides our steps, source, the universal magic brings it into fruition.

• Understanding My Emotional Eating

Taking notice of my body....

I notice that when I feel stuck and don't know what to do and feel frustrated, I feel the urge to eat. This insatiable need to stuff down my feelings of uncertainty.

- I've been taking the time to try to analyze these feelings, and understand my role in what happens next.

- the mother has helped me to understand boundaries in a situation. No I cannot control what my next order price will be, but I can remember that, I live in bounty and excess and always get what I need.

- to trust myself and where I'm going, even and especially in the moments where I feel like I'm getting it wrong. Even in the moments where I feel like I'm shying away from something. It's a reason why I've decided to retreat or not move forward with an idea. It is because there's something in me that needs to be addressed before I take the next steps.

- analyzing my thoughts going step by step to remember what's my role and what's her role in this situation.

Biggest Lesson Learned This Week

I often have felt weird that most things people get fulfillment from, I don't. I thought it was due to the depression and that is somewhat true but only a part of the answer.

I realize that no things, no money, no place that I could go, or opportunity that I could have, no success, no praise, no person, no relationship or friendships, nothing in this world or outside of me will ever feel that empty hole. I realize that even my hobbies was an attempt to try and feel that empty hole, which is the reason I don't do them as much anymore. I realize they are not the fix.

The mother applauded me during this conversation saying you finally get it. There is nothing outside of you that could fill the emptiness that you've been feeling. There's nothing out there anyways everything is you.

All these years you have been looking for a greater and deeper relationship with you. You get it now so here's the gift. A gift of remembrance, full acceptance, and full self love. As you remember these things and during a time where your mind is busy and uncertain, go into your heart and feel that fullness of self.

Relish in the silence, smile within yourself knowing that that's all you need was you. Let yourself be full remembering that all you have ever wanted and needed was you. That's the reason no one else or nothing else could get close or stay for long because you've been searching for you all these years.

*THANOS SNAP* 🤭

Final Thoughts

(I remember driving, and thinking to myself yes it feels great to help people but it's not fulfilling to me, It's just a fleeting thing. Everything every moment is a fleeting thing but the only thing that is still constant and always will be is me. I am the only constant in every situation. And if I'm okay with me even in the moments that I'm upset with me but I could still sit in my presence and love on me, That's the most fulfilling thing I've ever experienced. I am the constant in this universe. I am the only thing in this universe, and everything else are reflections. As I feel empty the world feels empty, as I feel full the world feels full. The only thing that has ever mattered, that I've ever wanted was me, because I knew deep down that only me could satisfy me. Only me could fill me. Because I'm the only thing here!

That's an amazing feeling. And because I'm human it's something that I will have to remember in the moments where things feel empty, and why they feel empty, because they are all fleeting moments I am the only thing that is forever! )

Things To Work On

• Accepting blessings

• Allowing things to be, not controlling every moment. There is no solidity in the moment there is only me.

• Not being afraid of the unknown or my future. I can handle it.

• Procrastination due to uncertainty. Create moments of solidity in plans. (One verse, in the book per day. One task to complete per day

• Address the freeze moment, talk myself through each emotion and allow myself to feel them

• Allow myself to grieve the past self. She is worth my tears because she is special to me and did her best. Let myself cry or feel sad.

• Self-compassion and trusting myself in every moment, especially uncertain ones.

1 note · View note

havootu · 2 months

Text

Growing Past The Sky

Sitting in bed wondering how am I gonna get through this day. So grateful that my job is flexible but even flexibility can only bend so much. But, I have been working.

Working through the highs and lows of depression is a moment to moment business that never ends or has a day off. I have been working on myself intensely over then past 7 years. Honey, I've been working! Also coming to terms with my issues with food addiction, so much on my mind and today is no different.

Recently I saw all of my dreams begin to come to fruition in a vision. All the years of working on myself paying off. It excited me and terrified me. That invisible force field began to form, and again I am at a glass ceiling, hands out stretched, holding off the inevitable. But again, I trust myself. There is a reason I am here, and it's a good one. One that begs a look before I move forward, I have to trust that.

As I look at my reflection in the glass ceiling, open to a vast sky, I see the universe twinkle in my sad eyes. "Why are you hurting?" Because it's all so big, so new, so.... Much. It feels too much.

The Mother softly reminds me "But it's all you. Every bit of it, and I am with you all the way❤️.

"In the moments where it's too much let me take over and be your strength, in your eyes, if it's too much to see, let me guide you along the way. One moment at a time. I am here at your disposal. I am here for your peace❤️"

I believe this heavy moment has come as a solemn reminder, I have been relying on my human strength, only, for far too long. I am worn down from not trusting the process, my spirit, the Mother, the universe. I am only 1 woman with all these gifts. I was never meant to carry all of this alone.

"Release your grip my love, let me take over. Let me speak for you, let me carry the load, let me do the work. Make yourself available to me and we will work it out together. I love you.❤️ - Mother

#mental health #mother #mother goddess #dark mother #dark mother goddess #mental heath awareness #depression awareness #enlightenment #shadow work #essay #writing #writeblr #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #writer

2 notes · View notes

havootu · 2 months

Text

Absolutely! 😏

Black Phillip

— By Carlos Palma Cruchaga

3K notes · View notes

havootu · 2 months

Text

My body is my art and my inspiration, as such as my personhood, the greatest topic of discussion in my head as of late. Rediscovering my self worth, understanding how I've lowered myself under my own gaze for one reason or another.

"My body is my art" or my natural essence (nudity) is not a mission statement, but a moment of exploration.

I had a great revelation recently, well a few. Over the weekend I had a solo dance party. Where I played my favorite dance songs and danced around nude. I had these great feelings of sexual arousal, but I didn't want a man or penetration of a dildo. I wanted ME!🤗 I only desired me and my essence. I laid on the floor, hugged myself, threw my legs in the air or curled myself in a tight ball and just enjoyed my sexual essence and arousal. It was one of the most profound feelings I ever felt. I felt vulnerable yet powerful. I felt open yet I desired no one but my own company. I was aroused in my body and my mind but not my genitals. I again desired no sex, just my own essence was euphoric! One of the most beautiful experiences I never thought possible to have. It's something every woman should experience in my opinion. Male as well but I have no reference for male desires so I'm not sure how to give advice on that. Maybe it's the same. Idk. But either way, it was a beautiful experience and here are some shots from that night! Enjoy❤️

3 notes · View notes

havootu · 3 months

Text

My Whole Identity Has Been Challenged

Over the past 3-4 months but especially the past month or so. I never would have guessed I would have been broken down this far where the CORE OF ME! And not just broken down, but entirely altered, shifted, twisted, transformed, then reformed, molded, ironed, pressed, thrown back into the wash, fired, air dried and pressed again. 🤣🤣 Feels like I have to get dirty while getting clean at this point!

But what I've learned going through therapy is that there are so many different ways to see a problem. Issues that I've known about for years, have been trying to figure out for years, seen in a different way, seen inside out, forcing me to take a good look at how I've seen myself. Pulling the sight away from external and bringing the vision internally, taking accountability while giving myself compassion for what I didn't know or understand.

Understanding that not every problem is meant to be solved today or even needs to be solved today. Giving myself that buffer for allowing things to marinate and understanding to be had past my mind. Exposing the wounds to fresh air and insight, allowing my soul to heal.

Sitting with the pain is the hardest part. Looking, directly, at what's been ugly for so long, what I've turned away from. Acceptance... Compassion... Love.... Silence.

1 note · View note

havootu · 3 months

Text

The Goddess in Me Can No Longer Be Contained!

Like the deep cosmic energies, rumbling... Tightly squeezed to the core of a star ready to explode. All the elements in me, clashing and colliding, creating new things ready to be birthed, and old things the universe has long staved for, and needs desperately! I am full!

Pregnant with possibility, alignment and The Mother. She calls her children back to her. She calls for the balance. I am her humble servant, slicing sword and mouth piece. Havootu Crystal.

THE GODDESS SPEAKS! Rumbling and Loud! The deep cosmic Om is voice! The quaking, the vibrating you feel in your body is the sound. Poking you, shaking you then slapping you, urging you to WAKE UP to your new self! SHE HAS ARRIVED!

To love and to show you YOUR way, back to yourself. Back to the highest version of you. And then.....

BOOM!!

You've arrived! I have arrived, here to be used and be LEAD! Fill my cup up with the bounty thats in me. Over flow to the others around me. Plant seeds created new life around me! I am here. I am born. Ready to be rebirthed again!❤️

Ase! All love! Highest Honor to de LeLu (Devine Masculine) you support the place on which I stand. Quietly working and protecting

Much love to ALL!

2 notes · View notes

havootu · 3 months

Text

Ugh THISSS!!! 😩 (Thank you Ma Kali 🌀)

#Spotify

45 notes · View notes

havootu · 3 months

Text

🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️😩🙌🏽❤️

I hope at the end of the day, you find Love in a someone who views you with an eye of kindness. I hope you gain the courage to believe that you are deserving of Love. That you end up with a cute someone who adores every little thing you do, who vows to protect you from all the harm this world could do.

I hope at the end of the day, you sleep peacefully in the embrace of a lover who wouldn’t make you look like a fool for being a loyal, decent human being. I hope you gain the courage to accept that you’re worthy of a Love that nourishes your soul mind and body. That you can be happy with someone whose words are true and actions noble.

I hope, even if gradually, you learn to see—and accept—that you truly deserve to be with a somebody who views you with glistening eyes of fondness when they see how precious of a darling you are🦢

I hope you see how precious of a darling you really are🍓

236 notes · View notes

havootu · 3 months

Text

Something Like....this post! 🥹❤️

I hope that today you get to see one of those mundane moments of life that reinforces your faith just a little bit. Maybe something like getting a glimpse of two friends laughing. Or maybe something as simple as watching a leaf fall down. But I hope with all my heart that you find something today that gives you the strength to hold on a little longer.

1K notes · View notes

havootu · 3 months

Text

🥹🥹🥹🥲

zoecainart

1K notes · View notes

havootu · 3 months

Text

THISSS! I've always had an air of this in my heart. But at 32 really just grabbing on to this in its entirety !😩🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

If being a loser and a failure means I get to be who I am without having to pretend, then yeah, I'm proud to be a loser and a failure. I don't want to spend my life not knowing who I am or making stupid choices just to be popular or successful. To give up who I am and all my morals just to have money and power. Because at the end of the day all that shit is worthless. Money can only buy so much. It buys security, not happiness. You can buy priceless experiences with it, but you can't buy yourself or true meaning in your life. So yeah, fuck that shit. I'm a loser baby, but I know I'm not the only one. I may never be successful or have profit, but at least I have myself and people give a damn about me.

#gratitude #grateful #food for thought #glory #shadow work #enlightenment

11 notes · View notes

havootu · 3 months

Text

Misery LOVES Chaos!

My my my.... What a harsh lesson, Mother.

The past few days have been the most intense in a long while. I don't think I've been this spiritually beat up in a minute. Lol

The Mother has shown me my deepest pain... And it's been a hard look.

Even as I write these words I'm on the verge of tears. My breath is short and there's a weight on my chest, a lump in my throat. Long held screams, on the verge of busting, circulating like a spiral, expanding outward into a tight space that has long been confined by the limitations of fear and truth. Mother I'm in debt to you.

As I write these words, I am reminded that misery loves chaos, and goes searching for it like a crack addict. I have to be reminded I am not alone in this burning fiend within myself. I have to watch more chaos unfold. If not inflicting it on others, watching it being taken out on strangers. The gag is there are no strangers, I find that in their perceived pain, I'm just inflicting it on myself. I know this because if the hate isnt spread just right. If the inflicted party isn't in just the right amount of pain I see fit. IM FURIOUS!

What a sick joke! What a sick way to be! A one way street to insanity, because we do it all the time to each other, hoping for a "new" feel of relief, and never receiving it. If not physically, or verbally to someone else, then we want to see it on TV in the story lines, or in social media. Mobbing the hated, canceling the party, till they are beat down to nothing, and then even an apology isn't good enough. "You have to hurt harder till you're nothing!" What a sick culture! And we all play a part in it!

Guilt opens like a burning flower in me, smoke filling my lungs, burning my eyes, stopping me from moving forward in any way. Now I am the target too the atrocities within myself. And around and around we go.

You showed me my chaos through others who spread hate and anger, who are DEEPLY hurt and battered. And I feast on it like the last desperate meal I'll ever get, attract it, look for it. Look for things to hate, so I don't have to turn around and see how much I've been hating me....

And thats the truth!

I've taken the time to look at my influences, people I watch and follow. So filled with hatred, steming from a deep sadness, too afraid to speak it. Don't know how to speak it. Ego has them gripped like a beaten, bleeding slave, afraid to show pain, in fear of a worse beating to come. I see myself in them. Watching it is like a sick twisted way to express it through their hate. Getting it off my chest, without dealing with the truth of the matter. I'm sick of it! Although I inflict no pain on others directly, by giving attention to it, I approve the action. Embolden the party to continue their actions, I want no part of it any more!

Now expressing anger and deep sadness is healthy. It serves me no good being bottled up inside, but in a responsible way, in an open way I can express it through words, activities and art. Some hard conversations with the divine. In the bosom of the Mother Goddess, crying, kicking and screaming, lol, I know you'll hear me and soothe me Mother.

I deserve better from this life. I deserve better from me. I want no more part in the cycle of anger hatred and sadness we inflict on each other, but my most importantly ourselves.

Deep honor to the Mother Goddess Kali for this deep soul lesson. Dear Mother, you have my life❤️.

-Havoo

#revelations #deep thoughts #self love #self reflection #reflection #self realization #enlightenment #mother goddess #divine mother #divine feminine #words from the soul #shadow work #spirutality

2 notes · View notes

havootu · 4 months

Text