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Bilal Al-Shams, Sacrifice

two sides of the same coin (Arthur version)

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Fics that you should read before Arthur comes back: clown edition

Now I know we might all be clowns, and that they're probably playing with us as usual, but honest to God I don't care. I am going to get my hopes up because I have been doing exactly that for the past lord knows how long. So better stay consistent, ok? Better remain true to the cause.

Now here are some post-canon fics that the writers should put into consideration if they know what's good for them.

1. These Ghosts Might Be Mine by @peaceheather. 68K, G.

The only thing I wrote in my bookmarks over this was that it's "the ending we deserved". Pretty sure that sums up exactly what I want to say. It's not just your ordinary time travel fix-it fic, but one that is done with such brilliance that it leaves you marvelling in awe at times. You must do yourself a favour and read for this author if you actually want to get a good understanding of the characters past canon.

2. Seo Gaestlufe/The Soul's Love series by flowerofnettles. 180K, T/E.

I know how hesitant some are when it comes to series, but listen. This one is simply not long enough from how GOOD it is! I rarely read wip fics, (it's now complete) but I genuinely loved living a journey with the author while it was being written, and I felt the amount of love and passion the author spent on it. What a creation, honestly. It's one of the very best out there.

3. I will turn your fear into a handful of dust by @regulusrules. 1K, G.

I am biased, ok? I want my own happy ending for them. I want to see them grow old and weary together. I want them alive. And if what it takes is a 1k drabble of them lying together by the sea, then I'll take it. I'll take it every single time you guys.

4. Albion's last bulwark by Saturne. 92K, E.

You know when there's a halo around a fic that you intensely remember a scene from but never the whole? And the scene alone is more than enough to remind you how good of a fic it is? Yeah. Yeah it's definitely the case here. I vividly feel its effect still. Absolutely planning on rereading soon because of how brilliant it was.

5. And like the cycle of the year, we begin again by @katherynefromphilly. 207K, M.

And lastly, the fandom requirement. The one that we will throw fists for if we don't see a scene or two from. As much as I am always more into canon deviations than accepting the idea of immortality and Arthur rising after millennia, this fic was definitely a pro in trying to make me less in denial. It certainly set the expectations high for any adaptation they might make now, and for good reason.

ARTHUR WILL RISE AGAIN.

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— “you’re losing me”, taylor swift

#merthur #bbc merlin #merlin

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ICYMI, there was fear that companies were scraping public AO3 fics to train their AI without the consent of AO3 or its users. That fear has been confirmed.

AO3 has written about what they’re doing (and what they’re not able to do), and they recommend restricting your work to AO3 registered users only. [Instructions here]

This gross misuse of the archive by techbros is why I’ve locked down my fics for the foreseeable future. I recommend the rest of you do the same.

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Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

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the king has lost his h e a d (at the bottom of the lake)

mentally preparing myself for watching arthur d*e by drawing him dead already 🤩🤩 joke's on you arthur pendragon you cannot upset me by dying if i kill you myself first !!!!

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Portrait of the prince and the princess

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i do think people talking about how “it wasn’t the minotaur’s fault” are missing the fact that the minotaur was meant as a punishment. it was not his mother’s “fault” for getting pregnant by a bull either. poseidon (or depending on the version, aphrodite) magically compelled her to do so. had minos not kept the bull (breaking his agreement with poseidon) none of this would have happened.

minos then could have killed the minotaur or left it to starve. but he was angry at athenians for killing one of his other children (out of jealousy/a wicked stupid reason). so instead he trapped the minotaur in a labyrinth he forced daedalus to make and demanded a regular sacrifice of 14 athenians to feed the minotaur (with the implicit threat of war/releasing the minotaur on the athenians should they refuse). he turned poseidon’s punishment for him into his punishment for athenians. (you could make a decent case that the story of the minotaur is about the cycle of abuse, and how cruelty begets cruelty).

but the story is not one about the minotaur’s monstrosity or his innocence. he is, in essence, an active volcano; an (un)natural force that arose because of the gods anger (which arose because of minos’ cruelty and greed). i love treating him like a fully fleshed out being with intelligence and emotions but in the original contexts he’s about as sentient as a woodchipper. there was no option for redeeming him. you cannot redeem an act of god’s wrath.

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stock animal

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voiceless, a oneshot reid centric about that one time in amplification when he couldnt talk that well, its mostly me exploring his character but o well here it is

read on AO3

Spencer considers himself a fairly reasonable person, he was always able to stay grounded when in situations of stress, so when he realize the situation he was in, he doesn't panic, he does not panic when Morgan tries to enter and when he starts having trouble breathing, he kept calm when looking for something of use in the lab, and kept moving and thinking, but even then he was losing hope, not entirely but enough to make a desperate call to garcia just so that his mother could have the comfort of hearing his voice one more time.

Morgan was still there when he got out of the house, he looked so worried and stubborn as always. Spencer found himself being suddenly reminded of how much he cared, of how much it must have hurt to look at him and feel he could do nothing, but that was the truth, unfortunately for Morgan, he could do nothing other than to wait and hope, there was still a case after all.

So he told him to go, and predictably Morgan told him he wouldn't, a simple threat about seeing him naked was enough, and even though it was a joke, Morgan saw what else it was, a vulnerable plea for Morgan not to see him weak, for him to keep what little dignity he felt he had left, and so Morgan left to keep on working with the case.

Everything felt wrong, the air was too harsh and too dry, he was hot but felt cold, he knew what was happening to him, he knew every detail of the other victims symptoms and yet it felt as if his mind was betraying him, he tried talking but he couldn't, he knew what to say but he couldn't say it, he tried to but all that came out was nonsensical, not even words anymore, and for the first time in his life he felt powerless of the one thing that always protected him, his words, his intellect, he wanted to cry and scream and he wanted the doctors in the ambulance to stop touching him, he had so much to say but he couldn't.

Upon his haunting realization he tried to grab for the doctors for help, his symptoms were advancing faster that those of the other victims he wanted to say, but at the end he could only babble and hope that the people in the ambulance noticed, he felt as powerless as when he was young, naked and tied to a pole, just that this time around he was granted the decency of not feeling humiliated and he felt in his early years.

Even in his sleep his inability to built and recite his ideas was haunting him, he saw himself as a child, he felt like that too, his dad was there, his mom was calm, she looked like a princess with her long blonde hair, flowing down her shoulders, the light of the window shining on her, making her seem like an angel, he wanted to tell her how much he missed her, how much he was sorry how much he loved her, but the words didn't came, his father turned to look at him with curiosity, he tried again and the only thing he could do was babble, a laught bubbled out of his dad mouth, his mother was now looking at him with something akin to coldness in her face.

“What? What are you even trying to do? I thought you were a genius, come on then, talk”

The tears were coming out faster and his heart felt like it might explode, everything blurred but he still could hear the screaming between his mom and dad just like the distant memories of fights from his childhood.

The fleeing memory was enough to make him feel like he couldn't breathe, like he was underwater, everything so heavy and meaningful but also completely stripped out of its intention, like the fight to get to the surface was with himself and not with the suddenly so dense water.

When he woke up it was to a blinding light, dry air and an almost suffocating warmness, he felt numb and almost still wet from his dream, he wanted to scream for someone to help but he also didn't want to open his mouth, to find that he couldn't form words still, that the hurricane of emotions inside him would be left unsaid just like so many other were even when he could still say everything he wanted and didn't.

He went back to sleep this time with no nightmares, one moment he was sleeping and the next he was waking up to the still way too bright light and the noise of people walking, people talking, the iodoform smell of the place invading him as he forced himself to finally open his eyes.

He would be lying if he were to say he wasn't scared and in pain, every breath was accompanied by a sharp sting in his lung, not only that but his mind was racing trying to give him so much useless information that he was sure he would get a headache sooner or later, but what mostly scared him was the small possibility that when he opened his mouth ready to inquire morgan about his Jell-O all that would come out would be incohesive nonsense.

So he resigned himself to his paranoia and deep fears of vulnerability and decided that the best course of action would be to try, no matter how scared and humiliated he would feel could he not form reasonable sentences from here onwards.

He could also tell by Morgan's posture that he was unreasonably worried for him, had he not seen that they found a cure? Was he not sitting beside Spencer's bed?

But he knew how emotional Morgan was and maybe just for him he would bear the mortifying experience of trying to talk after being asleep for god knows how long just to ease the tension of those shoulders and relax the frown adorning his face, just for him he would try, because Morgan would always try for him.

“Is that Jello-O?”

#criminal minds #spencer reid #derek morgan #spencer and morgan friendship #criminal minds fanfiction #its a little sad #but only a little #so dont worry #sad spencer reid #bau

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a little something i never quite finished but somewhat liked that i thought i should share in here, its a byler rewritte of the van scene from wills perspective

to read on AO3

The air seemed to shift, something heavier settled in, mike was still looking at me, my hands were sweaty and I felt like jumping out the van and begging to whoever god had the disgrace of watching over me to give me mercy and a way out of this situacion, but I couldn't do that, not when my friend needed me, not when my sister was in danger, not when their happiness was something I could reach and take with my own hands and give to them, even if in the process I gave up my own, but right now, here, in this hot van that seemed to be robbing me of air, I wanted more, how selfish of me, but I couldn't stop, so with shaky hands and my heart in my throat I gave mike the opportunity to shut down my hopes, to deny and turn around and forget that I even asked.

“can I show you something?”

he nodded and as if I wasn't wishing for his rejection my heart pumped blood a little faster and the world appeared a little brighter

I looked at the painting in my hands, perfectly rolled up and concealed from the world, my heart, my mind, the only thing that for a while felt like my only purpose in a world that no longer had room for me

a deep breathe

a hand moving

a hand receiving

the transaction was over and now there's no turning back, no chance of me just ripping it off mike's hands and throwing it at the dry road left behind us

as he slowly unrolls it everything seems to stop in my heart, but he smiles, and I feel like he doesn't notice that that painting right there is everything in me I wish to extinguish but also hold on like a lifeline, the childish games that I love so much, the longing for something that was ripped from me, the love for someone that I cannot have, and yet, he smiles, so pretty and so dangerous

“this is amazing!”

relief floods my head and clears its way to my lungs that can finally breathe again so i nod and feel myself smile

“did you paint this?”

he sounds excited and happy and my heart can't take it but it also craves more and more and it's giving me unwanted hope, hope that things can go back to how they were

I let myself go, I let myself hope as if I ever stood a chance, as if I wanted one, but this isn't about me, it's about mike

“anyway, my point is, see how you are leading us here, you're guiding the whole party, inspiring us, thats-thats what you do, and see your coat of arms here, its-its a heart, and I know it's sort of on the nose but-but that's what hold this whole party together” you hold me together “heart, be-because, I mean, without heart we all fall apart”

everything is too much and the tears collect in my eyes uninvited

“even el, especially el”

he's looking at me so intensely, like he is drinking in every word, like he takes them and with careful hands stores them away in his heart, and if that not what I have been after, a single second of his attention

“these past few months she's been so lost without you, its just shes so different from other people and …when you're different, sometimes, you feel like a mistake” like you are fundamentally wrong, like you are broken, like you were never whole “but you make her feel likes she's not a mistake at all, like shes better for being different and that gives her the courage to fight on” you give me the courage to fight on, to love, because for every moment I felt not seen, faulty, incomplete, mike was there, and loving him was the most natural thing I have ever done

“if she was mean to you, or-or she seemed like she was pushing you away it's probably because she's scared of losing you just like you are scared of losing her”

so many tears, its like I have never even cried before

“and if she was going to lose you I think she'd rather get it over with quiqly, like ripping off a band-aid”

im ripping the band-aid, quick and with no looking back

“so yeah, el needs you mike, and she always will”

I always will

“yeah?”

I take in air but still feel choked

“yeah”

the tears cannot stop, I cannot stop, I put my hand in my mouth because what's the use of crying for something that never was, so I will mourn my own heart in silence, because even if not rejected I was not truthful, as tears pour I realize that things have changed, that things had to change, that's always the realization that hurts the most, because I yearn for the sleepovers and hours playing D&D, for the simplicity of not understanding what you feel, for the almost naive and childish love

I really wished things never changed but with how much has happened that almost seems foolish to think

#byler #will byers #mike wheeler #fanfic #its not finished yet #or ever #stranger things #i dont know what this is but enjoy #but enjoy #ao3 fanfic

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will the wise + text posts & tweets & such (more here)

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growing up as a cis girl the patriarchy told me “you’re a girl because of the way you were born, there is nothing you can do about this, you have no say in your gender” and i hated being a girl because it wasn’t my choice it was a prison and the trans community told me “you’re a girl because you say so, your view of yourself is the most important thing, if you change your mind that would be ok” and it made me proud to be a girl and feel empowered in my gender and i wasn’t trapped anymore and then terfs come along and tell me “you’re a girl because of the way you were born, there is nothing you can do about this, you have no say in your gender (but like in a woke way)” and they somehow expect me to be on their side?

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Will Byers as text posts

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we’re one and the same

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jonathan's college of choice isn't even the one nancy is going to, he sacrificed his dream college to be with her, then sacrificed being with her to be able to provide for his family and didn't tell her so she wouldn't have to sacrifice anything for him. and he didn't tell his family either so they wouldn't worry about him.

will's used his confession to help mike and el's relationship, sacrificing his own happiness so the two of them could be happy. Then Jonathan tells will he will always be there for him and will tells him he will be there for him too, he doesn't even let the moment of comfort that should be reserved for him be only for him.

I'm losing my mind over these brothers, they really think priorizing everyone's happiness over their own is the right thing to do, that the one acceptable outcome is to make everyone they love happy and that their own happiness isn't even on the table if they can make their loved ones happy, that their own happiness is the first thing to go if needed. and the thing is, Will won't be happy anyway, because Jonathan will be unhappy because of his choices, and Jonathan won't be happy anyway because Will won't be happy. Their self sacrifice will only make the people who love them unhappy and they don't even realize it! They don't even realize it!!!!!!