#// i forced myself to not ramble too much

[moomoorare]

Every day is so emotionally draining I don't know where to turn to. I'm gonna keep drawing. And. What I'll see it'll be, I don't have the strength to reach out to look for even more awful topics after Everything that is happening with the world, online and my own life. Believe the victims. That's all I'll say

#its something new every day. always something bad. #like genuinely ive been struggling and while I'd love to. do. more. i cant even force myself to think about things too much because I'll #break down and my mental helth is already fucked up. sorry? idk what to say just. I'll be here i guess. but im taking steps back from the #tragedies and awful actions happening #i wanna chill im here to chill #idk #take care everyone dont push yourselves<3 #rare rambling

[write-it-motherfuckers]

Still not quite ready to come back Darling ones. Please accept this picture of Bug and Bunny cuddling on my bed as an apology 🖤

#mod speaks #they're warming up a little faster now which is nice. I thought they would be a bit more wary of me #because of all the meds I have to force feed them. Thankfully that doesn't seem to be the case #all the small wounds Bunny had on and inside her mouth are pretty much invisible now too. though her tongue still looks a little fucked #swelling should go down quickly now though which is good. She's also not eating as gingerly anymore #Are you sick of me rambling about my babies yet? I'll reign myself in soon I promise.

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc. #so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously) #but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate. #and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic! #if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it. #like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is- #writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl- #will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of- #'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

[daz4i]

one thing they don't tell you about song writing is you WILL get hit with inspiration at 1 am and you WILL have to write down the whole thing before you forget and you WILL find a tune for it while typing and now you gotta actually finish it so you can record a draft so you don't forget it and- oh look it's 2:22 am

#:( #BUT the draft slaps. imo. the singing's Not Great it's purely to save the melody somehow #also some parts def need to be polished lol when i sing along on my phone in bed I'm too lazy to go back and do retakes #(in part bc it can delete stuff i don't want deleted so.) so if there's a line I'm not sure about well. i have to wing it lol #anyway. this one exists in the same cinematic universe as loveless. aka fun upbeat pop songs about how i can't feel love #i like it! i like how my brain immediately went to a fun pop tune while writing. it's perfect. i love the irony of it so so much ♡ #it's also kinda funny to call it pop when there isn't any music ajdkflglh but i can hear it clearly in my head so 🧐 yeah. #yknow I'm surprised by how naturally this sort of thing comes to me now #and i find myself writing to match the tune rather than forcing a tune to match the lyrics #it also just. makes them better. sound more natural imo. less pretentious too :P #idk I'm excited that i managed to create smth sorry for the ramble 🙏 #i need to wake up at around 9:45 so wish me luck with that 🥲 bc i doubt I'll be able to sleep soon lol

[timeisacephalopod]

For the last four days I have been staring at The Other Side of Silence, a book I have been wanting to read since I got it and my brain keeps going "no. Not today. Stars, can't do it" and like breh I just want to read about deaf education in America ok.

#winters ramblings #i gotta find myself some canadian centric stuff i read too much shit about America lmao. but also America is Very Loud #and canada is less so. also American history is FASCINATING im literally watching a video on Iran Contra as i type #but also ive watched or listened to a couple podcasts/ vids on koko the gorilla and the book talks about that #and how fucked up it is hearing people were stoked about a GORILLA using sign while ACTIVELY FORCING DEAF KIDS NOT TO SIGN #because yeah that IS fucked up tell me more

[aturinfortheworse]

Working with year 12s (ie in their last year of high school) is weird and great. Earlier in the week I said Batman TAS is the best batman, which led to a student going home and watching it on my recommendation, which led eventually to a discussion about video games where I found out one of these kids has played 2500 hours of Borderlands 2. He spent 5% of his highschool years playing that one video game. What the fuck.

#ruin rambles #man i love my job #i like my job TOO MUCH yknow #like there was one time i had to force myself to stop helping this student with a practice test #because it's meant to be a test!! #but I just like em so much #they're so weird

[buff-muffin]

I REACHED THE TIME SKIP!!!

I’m gonna give myself a few days before I get back to watching so I can

A. Sort through all the thoughts ideas and head canons I have

B. Watch the movies

C. Let some time pass. Let the story simmer so when I come back it actually feels like some time past

#also know as forcing myself to GIVE MYSELF A SECOND #I’ve been binging too much I need to let it SIMMER #Currently working on a head canons post :) #one piece #one piece time skip #rambles

[crowtechs]

hi!!!!!! i went to barnes & noble ! :]

and GUESS WHATTTTT!!!!!!! i got tmm vol 1 & 2 combined manga :]

it makes me so happy yippee ! ! ALSOOOOOOOO my hitori figurine came in too !!!! todays been a great day :D

#im watching tmm rn im having A BLAST i love ichigo so much... #she means so much to me shes so silly !!! #i havent really been super duper into anime or manga actually :( #an ex friend of mine really ruined it and forced me to like it or watch shows i didnt really like and i still dont like because of them #BUT NOW!!!!! #im having so much fun and im enjoying myself !! AND im watching / reading ones I ENJOY #so YIPPEE #also i saw tbhk there and i got so happy <- its my fav anime ever #i thiiiiiiiink i figured out a tag too !! #ashley talks #<- HOW DO WE LIKE IT #idm txts but i had it for so long and i want to start fresh !!! #ive also been leaning more onto being called ashley lately so it just makes me happy #OK IM RAMBLING SORRY

[moenmomentsthemoe-en]

I STILL HOPE TO DO ALL THESE THINGS but i need to let myself take my time and not think that 'ooohh if i dont do this in two/three days its OVER' im throwing my brain at the WALL

#wharr #im so disoriented #IM OKAY THOUGH /GEN #just woke up with too much Drive #drive is good !! its amazing and destroys executive dysfunction for me #but it also forces me to focus on that one Task #and will destroy me if i dontt #and ill feel the need to rush my work so much to the point i end up burning out or experiencing Symptoms that force me to stop working #ACK BUT im taking things slowly rn and being more conscious about my mental state while creating nowadays #its nice and it helps me be nice to myself #yearh #its so much . easier to understand and tackle since i can. actually catch my thought process and be mindful/conscious about it? #rather than only focusing on deadlines and mentally exploding when i can't complete something / am not getting things done the way i want #ii thinkm . its better now #GAH sorry for rambling i am getting my thoughts in order #where is my Personal Tag #struggle moenment #there it is #reminder that this blog is a personal blog above everything else . i may post fanart and original art but thats bc those are personal too #-> trying to remind myself as well

[virescent-v]

I am so so so so tired. Switching my schedule from nightshift to dayshift has completely fucked me over and given me the worst headache of my life, made me nauseous beyond compare, and just mentally drained. Healthcare workers don't get paid enough. *le sigh*

#and to top it off i started my period and its making me a hormonal mess #and i miss my sg and hate that we have rotating schedules and i havent gotten to talk to her much #im becoming a little dependent on her entertaining my existence and making me happy but dont tell her that itll go to her ego ;) #anyways i finished my homework and my work week and im going to force myself to eat *girl dinner* #and then i am going to pass the fuck out on the couch while watching bobs burgers for way too many hours #anyways thanks for letting me rant in my tags idk #i also think i want to do an emily smut/gif challenge for october maybe #if people would be into that idk #im rambling sorry #byeeeeeeee #(ps ur pretty if no one told you today)

[todayisafridaynight]

Oh god I need to know it anyone else noticed Nanba and Saeko have a different relationship than she has with anyone else in the group? Plus Ichiban’s most natural flirting is aimed at Zhao even without player input 😭😭😭

nanba and saeko def have a really cute relationship, i adore their interactions immensely (❁´◡`❁)

and lbr ichi's matching zhao's energy alright. insert zhao 'kasuga-kun' compilation here

#snap chats #honestly i love how saeko interacts with everyone- like she never feels like The Girl of the group she just feels like a part of the group #yk what i mean ? like i feel like in a lot of other casts where theres one/few girls they stick out like sore thumbs #because of how the other cast members and the media treats her but with saeko its like #Yeah No She's Here. She's A Girl But That Doesn't Mean Much #like obvi there's some instances like her offering to be a hostess but Tactical Necessity right #and honestly even the party chats she has with everyone are so nice too i love them so much #i love the one where she and adachi are roleplayin having kansai accents that shits so cute and funny #sorry for the impromptu saeko rant i just never express how much i loved her character and contribution to y7 #yk whats funny tho as i was walking to my computer i thought about making a nanba post and lo and behold #it wasnt a major one it was just me going 'i cant believe that during my VA ramble i forgot one of my favorite fun facts #and that's greg chun also voices ike from fire emblem' because ike's been My Baby since like. 2008 #he's still jason adkins to me </3 but i mean greg chun also voiced luke from shadows of valentia #ok ill stop with the VA talk i promise thats the only one i wanted to update on #thats a lie but i'm forcing myself to stay semi on topic #ichi and zhao are funny too theyre such fuckin goobers #like ichi definitely dicks with zhao the most- or at least zhao matches his energy the most equally imo #Y7's cast and relationships are just top tier thats all i can really say #i love how despite eri being an optional character she still has party chats with everyone #i love eri.... BUT thats a post for another day #im either A.) going to continue trying to figure out how modding works B.) play smash ultimate

[mrpsychokiller]

you’re very passionate about all the things you talk about and its really cool to see you ramble about things you care about because its clear that you care about it

oh!!! thats actually about one of the nicest things ive been told it means a lot to me :] thats very much how i try to come off as! i just truly have so so many things i love and things i am passionate about, and i think being truly and openly passionate about the things i like is the happiest way i can live my life and its good to let my tumblr blog be a channel for that. and im glad if you can enjoy sticking around!

#like truly i worry if i come off as no genuine or forced when i post online on this very peppy and overly positive mood and stuff #its just that while i do have negative feelings and think about serious subjects and have things that i hate or that upset me #i just realized posting about those things online always just made me feel worse and never did anything useful #so rn really im just attempting to keep negative feelings mostly to myself or friends in private #and just dedicate my online time to engaging with things i like and enjoy #and well i do feel much better!! ive generally been feeling very well and also more. comfortable with myself and my interests i think #idk ive been trying word these tags without rambling too much for a long time LOL idk i just feel well and when i feel well i act like this #im just a very passionate soul lots of love in my heart autism in my brain etc. #ask #anon

[dbphantom]

fuck it im watching the (other) mermaid magical girl show

<- obsessed with magical boys and girls and merpeople

#no the OTHER other mermaid magical girl show #wait ok i just looked it up on crunchyroll holy shit there's SO MANY i didn't realize this was like fi/nal fan/tasy there's so many... #not all of them have mermaids tho. wadda hell #cruddy rambles #i know this is because as a trans dude i intentionally removed myself from feminine stuff out of fear of being perceived as a girl as a kid #you know ye olde 'i HATE pink stop FORCING pink on me' -> 'actually pink is such a nice color now that im not being forced into it' #so now that i know myself im exploring it like ''hey this stuff actually slaps AND i get to be a dude 'despite' liking it'' #i can have my cake and eat it too and if you're mad about it then die mad about it bc im not changing for anyone anymore #rahhhhh rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #and im gonna watch it while beating the fuck outta people in skyrim. very much looking forward to it actually. #update: #so i didn't realize this entire show is gonna be about putting on make-up ;-; #episode 1 was uhhhhhhhh. well... they REALLY like lipstick. im happy for them don't get me wrong but this is not for me LOL #makeup gave me serious self image issues sooo i do not feel good watching this even if the message is just 'wear it and be confident' #which like. i probably could've guessed from the name? but tbh i thought it was like... magical girl 'make-up' not LITERAL makeup #happy for everyone who likes it tho! mermaids are awesome and the characters seem great i am just getting ick-ed by the focus makeup has

[bluupxels]

kinda jealous of people that have one sim that’s like Their Sim, like their mascot that they always play dress up with. sometimes people have multiple but those are Their Sims. like you see that sim and immediately know who it is (both sim and blog i guess). it just seems fun to have one character that you can fall back on to put in situations if that makes sense

#i always have 5000 saves and things going on at once #and constantly abandon things which is fine #but i feel like i've never had That Sim #and you cant really force it it just kinda happens #like everyone starts associating you with that sim like they're the main chracter #i also just think my sims arent very memorable bc i keep all lore to myself and end up not delving into it #another thing is that i genuinely love all my sims so much and can never pick who to use for things bc they're all special 😭 #the closest i think i have is wisteria and ames form my bpr i use vanilla version to test packs and mods #and ive used them a lot in challenges but its not quite the same idk how to explain it #im thinking too much my brain hurts okay bye #court rambles

[didsomeonesayventus]

every day I deal with phone calls in my silly stupid little job and all I wanna do is unravel and figure out the knot in this little fic project of how to get from "alear is naive and overly transparent and alcryst takes it upon himself to try and mitigate the consequences" to "can you please take care of yourself too argument" to "alear makes a big dramatic rescue and saves his boyfriend"

#katie rambles #katie writes #its about writing so it counts sflashadfgfd #trying to get in the habit of dumping my thoughts in tumblr again and doing a little vent about writer's block + work #anyways i have the big scenes i wanted to write written out save the argument im putting off #because i know its going to kill me that its unstoppable force alear love vs immovable object alcryst protection #but unfortunately the middle escalation parts are elusive to me #perhaps because i'll admit the plot is a little contrived. #and while im trying to not like expect too much of myself because this is a hobby #im still sitting here like. come on guys. where's the rising conflict. where's the poor decisions. #gimme some meat so this feels reasonably paced and justified. #starting to worry this might be one of those darlings i have to kill OOPS #macro plot beats are together but the micros... oofs

[adammilligan]

thinking about 15x19 again how acute does the grief of heaven's most terrifying weapon have to be for it to just stand there and let itself be destroyed

#michael who felt things but from at a distance. he held himself separate for so long and then when adam was ACTUALLY separated from him #it hit as close and powerfully as possible. the realization that you are not as hard of a weapon as you think you are #and it is such an overpowering unbelievably terrifying realization that you choose to stand there and let your creator destroy you #instead of fighting back. #what's that one quote the one that goes the enormity of my desire disgusts me #michael loved adam so much so deeply so insanely and didn't realize it until he was forced to confront it and like. hello. he's supposed #to be a weapon. he's supposed to be unshakeable. what must it be like to love so deeply for the first time in your entire existence #and to be so absolutely terrified of that love without your love there to guide you? #christ maybe i would've freaked out and killed myself too #kate rambles #michael #midam