#(and i also have the issue of figuring out if it's actually that moving or if i'm just hormonal/sleep-deprived)

[i-was-a-teenage-eldritch-horror]

I (unwisely) recently logged on to the website formerly known as Twitter, and was immediately greeted with more eva fandom misogynist apologia on the for you tab. Will this ever end?

Equating Shinji's misogynistic actions towards Asuka (and his more subtle misogyny towards Rei and Misato) to Asuka being rude and abrasive to Shinji is just absurd. Is Asuka rude? Yes. Does she have poor social skills? 100%. But Asuka is not a bully, period. Why? Bullying, like abuse, is about power structures. The only character more powerless than Asuka in this show is Rei. Asuka has no adults on her side. Misato favors Shinji because he reminds her of her father wound and neglects Asuka because she reminds her of the feminine parts of herself (read: her unhealthy interactions with men and boys, particularly Kaji and Shinji, which, ironically, stem from her father wound). Or have we forgotten about this scene? Similarly, once Kaji arrives in Japan, he also begins neglecting Asuka in favor of Shinji.

In addition to Shinji's mistreatment of her, Asuka's also experiencing culture shock (compounded by the fact that she's functionally illiterate in Japanese, since she canonically can't read kanji) and the fact that Kensuke was literally manufacturing and distributing csam material of her (and other girls!). Asuka also lacks the protective Eva Unit that Shinji benefits from at almost every turn. The only ally Asuka has is Hikari, who is an ordinary girl with no power over any of the things that are harming or have harmed Asuka.

The smoking gun here is the fact that Shinji is fantastically unfazed by Asuka (who, it must be said, makes several attempts to be kind to Shinji -- which he typically shuts down). Until eoe, the most emotion that he shows around her is when he's understandably upset that she moved into his room while he was at school, and even then he's not upset with Asuka, he's moreso upset at the situation. When he does finally get angry at her in eoe, it's because she was honest with him about how he hurts her and how she does not want to help him (to be clear: she's not obligated to).

Besides that, he nonchalantly tells her not to speak to him that way, or confesses to another character that he finds her bothersome or annoying. There is no real evidence that Asuka has any significant, negative impact on Shinji's psyche the way an actual bully would have on their victim; no, the characters who have the most negative impact on Shinji are Gendo, Yui, and Misato.

What empowers bullies of any age in real life is a power structure (be it at a school, workplace, or in the home) that is negligent towards the victim. There is a reason why school bullies tend to be star athletes, high academic achievers, or exceptionally well-liked (by students, staff, or both) students -- it's because these students often come from privileged backgrounds and/or are aligned with the power structure of the school. Power empowers, go figure.

Misato's treatment of Shinji is definitely not admirable (let's not forget that by the end of the series, Misato has assaulted Shinji); but it's not neglectful. She's very concerned with and involved with his inner life, albeit for selfish reasons. Conversely, Misato knows every ounce of Asuka's pain (rewatch the end of episode 10) and still neglects her! Keeping both Asuka and Shinji in the same household after episode 9 was a mistake on Misato's part. A good, competent caretaker would've discussed the issue (the nonconsensual kiss) with them both separately with the end result being one or both of them moving out into the dorm-like housing that NERV has.

Point being is that the power structure exclusively benefits Shinji relative to Asuka. Despite also suffering as a child soldier and a victim of trauma and abuse, he is privileged relative to Asuka due to how the adults who have power over him and Asuka favor him through their interactions.

Finally, eoe beats us over the head with how uncompassionate Shinji is towards Asuka, Rei, and Misato. Characters who just to happen to be...women and girls. Huh. How about that? It's almost like there's a message there. Although there are a few moments in the show where it's suggested that Shinji ought to empathize more with boys and men like Toji, Kaji, and Gendo (suggestions to empathize with Gendo tend to come from Rei in particular, which I'm not a huge fan of, for the record, but I also recognize that this is Rei imparting her own perspective regarding her own internal journey of questioning onto Shinji), the fact that in eoe, the piece that marks the end of the series, much of the narrative focuses on Shinji's treatment of the women and girls in his life is absolutely significant and sends a message about misogyny.

Does being a misogynist make Shinji a horrible, irredeemable character? Well, that's up to each viewer to decide. My take is that he can still break the cycle and improve. Any story about childhood trauma and abuse would be incomplete without at least one of the characters going down the road of turning into an abuser and/or their traumatizer -- Shinji fits this bill in eva, same with Misato and Ritsuko. Despite everything, I like Shinji. I find him endearing and even identify with him to a certain degree.

When you ignore these facts about Shinji's character, you are erasing a large, very interesting part of his character. Reducing him down to any flavor of sensitive, soft boy is as boring as it is cliche after the more than a quarter of a century since the first episode aired in 1995.

The softness, the sensitivity -- this is Shinji's exterior. Beneath it lies someone who is selfish, callous, bitter, rude, and self-flagellating. As is the case with every eva character, the interior is more interesting than the exterior.

The thing is that everything I've discussed in this post isn't just some throwaway line or a piece of blink and you'll miss it symbolism. It's present in this show basically from episode 1 onward. Seriously, rewatch episodes 1-7. Shinji clearly has some misogynistic ideas about how women should be and this rubs off on how he thinks of Misato (and Rei!), especially regarding how women should dress, keep house, and interact with their sexuality. He not uncommonly makes jabs at Misato for being a slob and having poor dating prospects. After Asuka arrives, much of this is transferred to her.

If anything I've written here sounds like vilification to you, I'd encourage you to examine why. For better or worse, this is the reality of eva and Shinji as a character. Will you face this reality, or just keep on dreaming?

#originals #shinji ikari #asuka langley soryu #nge #neon genesis evangelion #end of eva #eoe #end of evangelion

[deadbeatbirdmom]

I think I've recovered enough from watching the episode to actually say something about it, or at least more than I managed right afterwards.

I loved it.

It's great to see chibi-ish!Ruby used for comedic effect again, for the first time since Volume 1 I think. First acting playfully mad with Yang, and then in her excitement at the boba.

On that note, it's great to see and hear Ruby excited again. It's impressive how high her voice can go without breaking, especially considering Ruby's VA's normal voice seems to be lower pitched than Yang's voice.

I'm not surprised Ruby's uncomfortable with the cult that has sprung up around her message to Remnant. She always wanted to be a normal girl, if one who became a huntress, which is a fairly normal thing in Remnant. Especially for someone born to a family of them.

It's good to see that refugees from Patch can set up their business in Vacuo, and even better that it lets Yang and Ruby carry on the tradition they had before Beacon. That it was something they did with Tai also ended up revealing why he isn't there with them: he's on assignment, according to Qrow. What is more important than being in Vacuo, where the majority of Remnant's population is gathered? And more important than being with his daughters, who he might have heard were presumed dead and miraculously reappeared.

I've seen the suggestion that Tai's guarding the Crown aka Relic of Choice, but I've also seen the great point that if that's the case and Salem finds him, there's not much he can do to stop her, no matter what his Semblance is. Although I guess Raven might feel that he's in danger and open a portal for him to escape through. It's not confirmed that's how her Semblance works, but it explains how she knew when Yang needed saving in Volume 2.

Anyway, back to Yang and Ruby! I love that Yang brought up what happened in the Ever After. That she's understands, or at least understands enough after what Yang herself has been through, and the important thing she gets across to Ruby is that she's not alone. That she's not going to carry the weight of leading them alone. Not anymore.

It's also important that they've figured out a code word to signal that Ruby needs help, because she doesn't always know how to reach out. I figure that they will tell Blake and Weiss about that, or it could confuse them:

Ruby: "Boba!"

Weiss: ...

Blake: :3 ???

Yang: Hugs Ruby. "I'm here for you."

Weiss: "Is. Is this another weird Xiao Long-Rose thing?"

What I particularly appreciate about it is that Yang acknowledged her mistake but didn't actually apologise for it, and Ruby didn't mind that. Because the important thing isn't saying sorry, it's changing things so that Ruby never feels that alone again. Actions speak louder than words.

It's also equally important that Ruby recognised she still has issues saying when she needs help. They're a team and they need to work together.

It just reinforces RWBY's message of hope, and to keep moving forward, and that no one is perfect but that they learn from their mistakes.

Asjhgsdkjghfdkshjkakjhdhlsj FEELS AUGH

Also that last line kinda hints that Ruby likes to go shopping with Yang, but they haven't got around to it. Shopping for new outfits, perhaps?

#RWBY spoilers #RWBY Beyond #Yang Xiao Long #RWBY Ruby #the sisters Xiao Long-Rose #the sisters of all time #deadbeatbirdmom posts

[fictionadventurer]

The worst part about reading in a genre where you have low expectations (in this case, Christian historical fiction) is that when a book impresses you, you have no idea if it's actually good or if you're just overly impressed because it was a fraction of a degree better than the usual garbage.

#basically lately anytime i read a christian fiction book that isn't romance-based i find myself surprised by the quality #i do think that some christian publishers are getting better #and trying to tell stories that dig deeper into real faith and messy issues #instead of making only vapid squeaky clean prayer-filled tropefests #but i'm not sure *how much* better #because anything above the low bar feels like great literature #the most recent is 'in a far-off land' by stephanie landsem #and let me tell you setting the prodigal son in 1930s hollywood is a genius concept #i have some issues with the history and the mystery #but the characters! #it has been a long time since i cried this hard over a book #several chapters of solid waterworks #(and i also have the issue of figuring out if it's actually that moving or if i'm just hormonal/sleep-deprived) #i keep thinking about this book but also i worry about recommending because what if it's actually terrible by normal book standards? #(also the author DOES NOT understand the seal of confession and i was SHOCKED to find that she's actually catholic) #but also looking at the reviews makes it clear that if most of christian fiction is vapid garbage it's these reviewers' fault #here you have something that's digging into sin and darkness and justice and mercy and these people are just #'how can it call itself christian fiction if it only mentions god at the end?' #are we reading the same book this WHOLE THING is about god! and humanity and our fallen nature and how this breaks relationships! #your pearl-clutching anytime someone tries to get even a tiny bit realistic is destroying this genre #i'm gonna run out of tags so i'll stop now

[welcometoteyvat]

btw. exploding everyone with my mind who thinks neuvillette and furina are father/daughter or some other crappy stupid strict familial structure

#you don't have to ship them whatsoever. but im SO OVER NUANCED RELATIONSHIPS GETTING WATERED DOWN INTO THIS STUPID SHIT #'shes his daughter' 'he's her uncle' exploding rn. they are neither they are transcending familial boundaries brother. #ALSO THEY WERENT RELATED IN THE FIRST PLACE WHY R PPL SO OBSESSED W MAKING THIS RELATIONSHIP SO CUCKED #literally this is zx but swapped and put through a funhouse mirror. dragon subordinate w existential crisis stuff trying to figure it out #and a god who's trying to move on and got some major issues and trauma #vs a dragon god who moved on and figuring it out + subordinate who's got some issues but trying #STUPID. why does this always happen is it like the godforsaken height difference????? they are both 500 years old. nobody is nobody's child #ok goodbye i hate found family actually. they are not fucking finding their family here. #ramblings!

[designernishiki]

aight im just gonna say it. some folks really gotta stop treating nishikiryu like they’re actually related and considering anyone who’s so much as Okay with them as a pairing of being incest apologists. like. that’s a legitimately fucked up and serious thing to accuse someone of just because of your view of two factually unrelated fictional characters.

#like. i really don’t like yumi being a love interest for kiryu and think she’d be best as a sister figure to him #a dynamic which could’ve formed while growing up alongside him at sunflower. that absolutely does not mean I would start blocking #and shittalking people for being ‘incest shippers’ as if I have the mora high ground and self righteousness to do so #it is really not different. only difference is the use of the word kyodai. which is an honorary title and not inherently synonymous with #viewing someone as your Actual Literal Sibling. #like just. chill the fuck out. #throwing that kinda accusation around is honestly no better than someone throwing around terms like ‘abuser’ or ‘gaslighting’ #over subjective and unserious situations #no one is asking you to change your view of them. no one’s asking you to like them as a pairing. just say you don’t see it that way and move #on. not everything is a moral issue where someone needs to be condemned for something. #tldr: don’t be an asshole #this reminds me of the post that’s like. hey sometimes it’s okay to just say you don’t like someone/something without trying to prove #that disliking it is the Morally Correct thing to do. #like for real dude. #anyway might delete this later or simplify it becuase I have honestly been scared to say anything about this for a long time #due to seemingly the majority of people considering this a highly controversial hot button issue #also sure blocking people is an option but. if you like someone/most of someone’s content and just don’t like a certain pairing or topic or #whatever that they’ll reblog on occasion you can also just. block the tag. unless they don’t tag their shit then it’s more understandable #but i most certainly do and I appreciate when other people do the same because I have one major pairing tag in this fandom blocked because #of how much i don’t like it and plenty of people I follow post this pairing occasionally and shockingly it does not bother me. because #of the ability to filter via tags. it’s really not hard #anyway yeah sorry. let’s see how fast I delete this cause boy am I scared of getting eaten alive for this Apparently Hot Take #rambling #edit: also just wanna note that this isn’t even my main/favorite pairing or anything. im not a diehard nishikiryu guy #im a diehard kazumaji guy though for sure. but I have a strong opinion on the topic because. like I said. the gravity of people’s #accusations is beyond Not Okay

[ohbutwheresyourheart]

girlies I'm losing my mind.

#personal #vent #oh my goddddd #i thought my coworker and i were finally making decent progress on our project #that we have to present on THURSDAY MORNING #and this is the biggest project we need to do twice a year #only to find. at five fucking pm today. that she had not informed me we are resourcing two of our biggest fabric programs to a new supplier #which supplier? don't know #just know it's not going to be the one I've been planning for #and that the fabric program i DID want to resource #and had SPOKEN TO HER ABOUT TODAY #cannot go to the supplier I pencilled it in as #i don't know if she didn't know herself or just forgot or didn't care or didn't understand or what #for fuck's sake this is your job to know this stuff #don't just sit there looking gormless while i have to find out from YOUR BOSS #who then speaks to me in the most patronizing manner possible as she tells me she can't do my job for me #like motherfucker i just. need. correct. information. jesus christ. #also shout out to the big boss who last week was like tell me if you have any scheduling concerns guys!!! #and then when i told her today i have scheduling concerns because. uh. the fucking project is not going. anywhere. at this rate. #get told oh no sorry we can't do any schedule moves you can figure it out #like???? what???? was the point????? of asking us to come to you???? #this is such a prolific fucking issue in my workplace and it drives me nuts #it's like management have heard these trite phrases on a managing people skills course somewhere #and not realised you need to back it up. with actual. actions. #also my manager whomst i loved is now on maternity leave and her replacement is someone i've worked with previously and. hm. suffice to say #she has not changed one bit #in regards to her complete inability to stand up for her team #i'm sure she has her good points but she's as supportive as a fucking wet paper towel #ignoring me trying to set boundaries on my time #but making sure SHE leaves on time for school pickup

[piplupod]

would rly love to know why the brain and nervous system have decided to gift me with The Evening Horrors every day for the past ... week ? ish ? what the heck changed that made this start happening consistently every time dinner rolls around :[

#its just like suddenly everything bad becomes a crushing unbearable weight #like i can usually cope but this is just... Too Much fhdkdl #i wish i could just tell my brain and body ''hey i know this reality is intolerable but can we just like... chill?'' #like theres nothing i can do for it fhdkdl so why do i have to act like a prey animal about it !!! #cant i just be silly and ignore the terrible reality around me ??? why do the body and brain refuse to cooperate !!! #its so infuriating dbjdksl #i know its looking for an escape or a fix but theres nothing !!! i have been attempting to figure this out for 5 years now !!! #unless something miraculous happens then there is no escape or fix !!! i would like to move on and just chill !!! #if there is no way out of hell then i might as well have fun w it yknow? #if nothing immediately terrible is happening then i should be able to just Ignore it all #but alas !!! nervous system and brain do not allow for that !!! #(actually there IS a way to cope w this and its called ''have a self destructive meltdown and forcibly get switched out'') #(but I'd prefer to not do that fhdkdl i have a lot of creative projects i want to work on rn LOL) #(also the others in the brain get very bored and lonely bc theres nobody to talk to and nothing much for them to do) #(thats the issue w having a host who fronts for large chunks of time!! its difficult for the others to make friends and find hobbies!) #anyways. rambling. im going to go eat dinner and hopefully that fixes at least a little bit of this fjfkdl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

oh my god everything makes sense now

#ive had so much troubke sleeping for the last like. 3 weeks. like i havent been getting more than 4 hrs of sleep most nights #and its SUCKED so bad and ive had the worst dreams ever like #its either mind empty blank 0 dreams whatsoever (<< which ive learned also sucks! feels bad and empty in the morning) #or like..trauma nightmares. like im back in high school type nightmares. and a few work stress dreams sprinked in for flavor #lkke this has been. An Issue. #I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY. AND I FEEL SO STUPID #ITS BECAUSE I DONT HAVE LOKI LIVING WITH ME ANYMORE. #im at my parents house for the weekend and . got here at like 8pm last night. #laid on the couch. loki jumped up on thr couch with me to cuddle #and ive always said hes so good at this bc hes warm and he lays on top of me so hes like a weighted blanket #and i cant move my arms to look at my phone or anything so its SO easy to fall asleep w loki cuddles #AT 9PM I FELL ASLEEP. i havent gone to sleep before midnight in like 2 months. #and when i had 2 get up to move to the guest bed he followed me. #and i just woke up from a nightmare and he was on the other side of the bed so i reached my hand out 2 pet him #and he laid his little chin on my hand and oh my god everything makes so much sense now. #ive always kind of half joked abt loki being an esa. because im like. he is. but not officially #hes never been trained for it and we dont have like. documentation for it bc ive never been officially diagnosed for anything (hell world) #so i feel bad calling him that bc it feels like im. disrespecting people that Actually Need esas #(<< coming from.a guy who Actually Needs An ESA Apparently.) what the fuck #head in hands. everything makes so much sense now #and normally id go all science brain on this like oh it was just one night iwas probably just too tired i need more evidence to be sure #but like. i have loterally not slept this well in a month and a half. #I have not gonento sleep before midnight in AT.LEAST the last two weeks. CONSISTENTLY . #head in habds.

[meowonhao]

soo crazy to me how in the last year with minghao, dokyeom, hoshi, joshua, junhui, and now woozi (idk if i'm missing someone) y'all are way too ready and eager to automatically throw them under the bus over something some random person (usually antis) said online and then like a day or two later when everyone comes to the consensus that it wasn't actually that big of a deal or even wrong/bad in the first place (which you could've figured out yourself from the beginning by just doing like. 30 seconds of research and exercising your critical thinking skills) everyone just moves on like nothing happened and goes back to being a fan/stanning them or whatever like you weren't just going with the crowd and shit-talking them 12 hours ago

#not even going to get into how so many problems arise from no understanding of korean/asian culture #and relying on half-assed and sometimes just straight up wrong translations #like cool you don't have to know everything about a culture or be fluent in a language but #that also means you probably shouldn't be speaking on certain things at all much less without even trying to look into it a bit more #anyways..yeah i'm sorry maybe i'm delusional but i definitely am going to default to trusting my idols #and then figuring out for myself if i really think they did something that bad or “cancel” worthy #before i'm about to believe some random twitter/tumblr/tiktok user and just go with whatever they tell me to think about something #and most of y'all don't apologize or clarify anything. just move on right after hurling the most abhorrent accusations against these people #who are people too in case anyone forgot #but then an idol kills themselves and everybody boohoo's and cries and acts like they just can't believe how this happened again #like it's you. you're why #and i can only speak on the last year of course bc that's how long i've been an actual carat and kept up with them to this extent #i'm sure other stupid stuff has happened before that too with other members #i just think if you're so ready to toss away your idols without giving them like any benefit of the doubt whatsoever you just need to go #i hate when i see this stuff too bc i'm usually only seeing the korean side of stuff and most of these things are such a non-issue here #bc people know better (not saying there aren't some crazy fans everywhere but) #then i see some dumb shit on tumblr dot com that either only has links to some dumb twitter thread #or i have to search for on twitter because again. i do not see stuff from int'l fans unless i am forced to or look it up intentionally #and just saying the timing of these things is always so calculated by antis and y'all fall for it every single time #this is all i have to say bc i just remembered the whole thing abt ppl trying to say hao was being fatphobic or something dumb #and then i remembered everything else and it just made me mad all over again lol #if anyone disagrees with any of this feel free to block me🥰

[altruistic-meme]

yay we love adding an additional 15 stressors to an already stressed tf out person like yayyy whoopee that sure is fun :)

#im having a time ok #i already havd been super stressed about fucking everything #and now my parents are having me get my own insurance and phone plan and switiching the title of my car to my name #but theyre putting a lean on it which means if my car becomes unrepairable i will not be able to sell it or trade it in #to help cover the cost of buying a new car #especially bc my parents will be literally across the country 🙃 #and that on top of trying to decide if I'll be resigning my lease or moving #and i COULD move in with my sister and her gf but like #i mean that's also like a generally Good plan bc it'll cut my rent down by more than half what i pay now #but also from what my sister told me of the contract her gf is writing for it (in case i DO move in with them) #its like. heres a bunch of conditional stuff about your cats (including potentially not allowing them at all) #and conditional stuff about your health (????) as though I'm not fucking trying to work on that #as though I've not BEEN trying to work on it since i was fucking 12 years old #like is that. is that actually fucking NECESSARY? to include in this? like us in AWARE I've got health issues #I'm AWARE i have severe depression and anxiety #I'm TRYING to work on it but i ALSO just lost my healthcare and am trying to figure out the one my work provides #which also wont cover a whole lot and is not exactly like I'm dwimming in cash over here #anyway #ugh #shh ac #seriously shut up

[trans-leek-cookie]

someone talking about the ways media and common tropes/depictions of things that are either explicitly or implicitly linked to marginalized people are demonized and presented badly is not a fucking opportunity for you to flex how you're doing it Differently And Better

#I'll rb the post but I domt want to add it on cause it feels. Not my place maybe #Anyway fun fact! You can think that all you fucking want! Close your God damn mouth about it and figure out if it actually adds to the #Conversation! Marginalized ppl don't have to hear about how you're hashtag Not Like The Others!!! TAKE IN THE INFORMATION AND CONSIDER IF #THE THINGS YOU DO TRULY DEFY STEREOTYPES OR ARE STILL IMPLICITLY INSPIRED BY THESE BIASES!!! AND DO IT QUIETLY OR WITH SOMEONE WHOS WILLING #TO LISTEN! NOT ON THE POST INFORMING YOU OF THE PROBLEMS EXISTENCE #Also I'd move this tag up but genuinely idk if I can do that atm. But I'm LITERALLY guilty of the same shit. I immediately jump to no true #Scotsman the subject because I want to defend it!!! Yes I recognize the pattern is wrong and yes I genuinely believe it isn't necessarily #Inherent! But I still have to confront the fact that it's so prominent and to many people inseparable from the subject #(That being disability and body horror). I will say: my immediate instinct was to disregard any body horror that is just like Real Shit Tha #Happens To People as body horror but that's not helpful! I can't just say well it's not body horror BECAUSE PEOPLE STILL CALL AND SEE IT AS #BODY HORROR!!! I HAVE TO STOP AND CONSIDER THE LARGER IMPLICATIONS. My PERSONAL OPINIONS do not matter and the pedantic discussion is #Something to be had with friends or used as it's own criticism of the genre not ON THE POST CALLING OUT A REAL ISSUE! Anyway just. #Both artists and consumers have to be critical of What we see as body horror/what others tell us is body horror/what we accept as body #Horror bc/what we create as body horror etc. We NEED to confront that and we can't just say I Wouldn't Do That! We need to understand that #It goes deeper than that!!! Also YOU DONT INHERENTLY KNOW WHATS POSSIBLE FOR A HUMAN TO EXPERIENCE #There's so many things that ppl can experience and Live With! There are obviously things that are fatal so u rarely hear abt them but human #Beings can survive a lot of things!!! And here's the thing: the rarer something is the shittier it feels to have it misrepresented!!! #At the very basic level: CHECK IF THE THING YOU WANT TO USE AS BODY HORROR IS A RECORDED PHENOMENON AT LEAST!!! FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK #DO THE BARE MINIMUM

[wildermouse]

vent iii.

#yeah i could just make a 'read more' post but tags are better for me #more hiding #anyway #i have this problem where my sister is probably moving out next year but she can't rly do that without me bc her dog has issues #and i would have to take him out and feed all the animals while she's at work during the day bc nobody else can #but even with that being taken into account she would still charge me over double what i'm paying now for rent and i cannot afford that #and she says i'd have to get a job too but excuse me how am i supposed to work when i also have to be home to look after your animals?? #barn job would be nice bc short hours but it also wouldn't be enough to pay what she'd charge me #so i'm screwed there #anyway i WISH i could make enough money to live on my own but i CAN'T #ik i probably sound very lazy and spoiled and i get that i am definitely priviliged to get to live at home for cheap rent #but it also fucks with my mental health so bad living here. and i want to live on my own but it's just not an option rn #i have dreams and they're such basic sad dreams that i still don't think i'll ever accomplish #like i want to live in my own small travel trailer. that's all. my own space. or a tiny falling apart cabin that i can fix up #that's all i want and it seems impossible for me #i'm not built to live in this world. my body and mind cannot take it. i have tried. i've tried so hard #honestly if i had to work full time again i don't think i'd actually be able to stay alive to benefit from it. it would burn me out too bad #there's no win for me #i'm still trying to figure something out but i'm honestly not hopefull at all

[carryonmylovelies]

omg hey hotties 😭😭 im back !

#sooooooooooooo anyways not me dropping off the face of the earth for like the entire summer vwkqmqjdhsowjwjwjenkwhwk #just had to die for a little bit u know....disappear into the abyss and all that #pls look away from all the shit im abt to throw into these tags 😁 unless u want 2 read my cringe oversharing essay for the day 👍 #my summer was so silly 😍 ummmmm lets see i lost my fulltime job at the daycare bc the owner very rightfully decided to retire and close #so i was unemployed for the whole summer except for my occasional side jobs and also had to move bc of family shit #so im living w my grandma for the time being and its utterly amazing tbh my grandma and i have a really strong bond and relationship #and i really love getting to come home and see her every day. i decorated her house for halloween a week ago 🎃🎃🎃 #and she couldnt stop talking abt how nice everything looked and how glad she was to have me there and i just abt broke down 😭😭😭 #i did a complete fucking 180 jobwise im actually training to be a certified fire alarm inspector now LMFAO #i really really like it so far and have like a million stories already abt all the shit ive done/seen so far #im the only girl looking son of a bitch thats working and training in the field out of my entire region of the company so 🤪 #literally shoved my dykey nb ass in there and now im fucking it up with the boys heyoooooo #ummm me and one of my best friends started dating bc of a miscommunication (BC OFC WE DID I KNOW I KNOW ITS SO MF GAY) #and our 4 mo anniversary will be on halloween which i think is the swaggiest fag shit in the whole WORLLLDDDDDDDD 😫🎃🖤🧡 #my very beloved pet rabbit of over 8 years died quite unexpectedly in august and i was. doing pretty bad for awhile which sucked so so hard #he had multiple health issues and was over 10 yrs old so its hard to say what exactly happened. my gf and gma both pulled me thru that shit #and my besties gave me so much support and love idek what i would have done w/o them. i miss my baby so bad. #ive also had some health issues which sucks absolute BALLS #and recently figured out that the migraine/anti depressant meds ive been on for the last THREE MF YEARS have been fucking up my body lmao #but on the flipside going back 2 the positives i got to have some really incredible experiences/interactions in the past few months #and those were really huge in helping me get my shit together again #i got to take my girlboygirlfriend on little daytrips throughout the summer. i got a second tat🕷🕸❣️ (which my gf designed 😫) #i met girl queen pussy slay miss felicia day AND met the sexiest creature alive harvey guillen and he told me he liked my hair #which im still super duper normal over i can assure u 😁👍 definitely didnt alter my brain chemistry or anything #i saw gods greatest and most valuable gift to this planet on monday (mcr concert) #and had my entire mind body heart and soul so thouroughly fucked up that im still peeing my goddamn pants over it #and of course now its october :) my rotting flesh and sickened brain knows peace once more #bouta go eat up some drawtober posts right the fuck now so prepare yourselves 👁👁 also gonna be making a post on the coc blog soon as well #its already that time of year again mwhahahahahahahahahaha #so yeah 😋 my summer was goofy and silly as hell. i hope u all have been doing okay and im so happy 2 be back pls hmu if u wanna chat !!!

[legacysam]

.

#god i fucking hate staff #trying to figure out exactly what all this new bullshit means and it's just impossible #literally none of the scant information they've put out is helpful or addresses actual issues that are going to come up #my ns/fw blog is still on lockdown and flagged posts are still invisible even if you fix the settings #which seems to mean they aren't actually fixing anything that already exists just changing how they flag moving forward #and not even changing it all that much #just making it worse honestly #and also the community guidelines literally still have that stupid fucking female nipple ban #even though there's a staff member claiming they're allowed again #yeah i hate the censorship and misogyny but it's the sheer incompetence that really gets me steamed it shouldn't be this hard #like. please hire at least one person who is good at their jobs i am begging you

[be-good-to-bugs]

UGH why does eating always make me feel like throwing up :/ that is the opposite of what i want

#the bin #i feel less bad todaynthan i usually do. i think. but physically my body feels terrible. i am also still super stressed and sad but. i dont #feel as utterly horrible as i usually do so thats good i guess. i wish i could turn it into something productive but thats fine #i mostly wishbthat i could being myslef to do something fun like watch something or whatever but my brain still says no #and i wishbi could draw but my brain says no to that too #well. i can probably actually afford some weed after all bc itll peobs mostky be gas i gotta pay for for thw trip so #idk when ill see my sister next but ill have to fully figure this out then. and i gotta measure the inside of her boyfriends car so i can #know how much i can pack. i can also probably afford to get the things i wanted for my siblings from here before i leave. maybe. #gas will be a lot but they still owe me $300 so that helps a lot. i should be able to afford the trip fine. im really sad i have to leave #most of my stuff though. i dont trust my sister with it. but i dont have a choice so whatever. ill just have to deal. #well. im glad i dont feel so empty and horrible now. i hope it lasts and i can do something with it. its probs bc i had a meltdown honestly #ive felt like maybe thats what ive been needing to feel better. things still suck but i feel marginally better #usually i try talking to my mom just to get an ounch of social interaction and also i can complain abt stuff to her and she doenst tell #anyone. she has issues but shes pretty good about my privacy i think because shes scared id stop talking ti her if she broke that trust #which is true. i would probably stop talking to her. that was originally the plan before she stopled being such a bad mom anyway so #but idk. i havnet talked to her since she asked if i was coming to the funeral and i said no. she wasnt mad at me or anything but i havent #talke to her about non dad dying related stuff in a bit so. i shouod tho. im moving and i need to find out when a good time for that is. #and make sure she knows around what time i had been planning. and i need to know if she got an update about some stuff too. #also helath insurance stuff. im assuming she didnt end up getting a chnace to add me yet considering what happned. shes been busy #but my tooth pain has gotten even worse this past week so id like to see a dentist in june if possible bc god this thing hurts so bad

[getvalentined]

An open letter to @staff

I already submitted this to Support under "Feedback," but I'm sharing it here too as I don't expect it to get a response, and I feel like putting in out in public may be more effective than sending it off into the void.

The recent post on the Staff blog about changing tumblr to an algorithmic feed features a large amount of misinformation that I feel staff needs to address, openly and honestly, with information on where this data was sourced at the very least.

Claim 1: Algorithms help small creators.

This is false, as algorithms are designed to push content that gets engagement in order to get it more engagement, thereby assuring that the popular remain popular and the small remain small except in instances of extreme luck.

This can already be seen on the tumblr radar, which is a combination of staff picks (usually the same half-dozen fandoms or niche special interests like Lego photography) which already have a ton of engagement, or posts that are getting enough engagement to hit the radar organically. Tumblr has an algorithm that runs like every other socmed algorithm on the planet, and it will decimate the reach of small creators just like every other platform before it.

Claim 2: Only a small portion of users utilize the chronological feed.

You can find a poll by user @darkwood-sleddog here that at the time of writing this, sits at over 40 THOUSAND responses showing that over 96 percent of them use the chronological feed*. Claiming otherwise isn't just a misstatement, it's a lie. You are lying to your core userbase and expecting them to accept it as fact. It's not just unethical, it's insulting to people who have been supporting your platform for over a decade.

Claim 3: Tumblr is not easy to use.

This is also 100% false and you ABSOLUTELY know it. Tumblr is EXTREMELY easy to use, the issue is that the documentation, the explanations of features, and often even the stability of the service is subpar. All of this would be very easy for staff to fix, if they would invest in the creation of walkthroughs and clear explanations of how various site features work, as well as finally fixing the search function. Your inability to explain how your service works should not result in completely ignoring the needs and wants of your core long-term userbase. The fact that you're more willing to invest in the very systems that have made every other form of social media so horrifically toxic than in trying to make it easier for people to use the service AS IT WORKS NOW and fixing the parts that don't work as well speaks volumes toward what tumblr staff actually cares about.

You will not get a paycheck if your platform becomes defunct, and the thing that makes it special right now is that it is the ONLY large-scale socmed platform on THE ENTIRE INTERNET with a true chronological feed and no aggressive algorithmic content serving. The recent post from staff indicates that you are going to kill that, and are insisting that it's what we want. It is not. I'd hazard to guess that most of the dev team knows it isn't what we want, but I assume the money people don't care. The user base isn't relevant, just how much money they can bring in.

The CEO stated he wanted this to remain as sort of the last bastion of the Old Internet, and yet here we are, watching you declare you intend to burn it to the ground.

You can do so much better than this.

Response to the Update

Under the cut for readability, because everything said above still applies.

I already said this in a reblog on the post itself, but I'm adding it to this one for easy access: people read it that way because that's what you said.

Staff considers the main feed as it exists to be "outdated," to the point that you literally used that word to describe it, and the main goals expressed in this announcement is to figure out what makes "high-quality content" and serve that to users moving forward.

People read it that way because that is what you said.

*The final results of the poll, after 24 hours:

136,635 votes breaks down thusly:

An algorithm based feed where I get "the best of tumblr." @ 1.3% (roughly 1,776 votes)

Chronological feed that only features blogs I follow. @ 95.2% (roughly 130,077 votes)

This doesn't affect me personally. @ 3.5% (roughly 4,782 votes)

#tumblr dot com #tumblr staff