#not even going to get into how so many problems arise from no understanding of korean/asian culture | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aphroditelovesu · 7 months

Text

The Lost Queen - VII

— summary: You woke up near a military camp without remembering how and why you got there, you didn’t understand why they were dressed like ancient Greeks, all you knew was that you weren’t safe and you needed to get out of that place as soon as possible. Too bad for you that you found yourself attracting unwanted attention from the Macedonian King and he won’t let you go so easily.

— genre: yandere, dark!au.

— warnings: time travel, obsessive and possessive behavior, murder, mention of torture, kidnapping, angst, fluffy (very rarely), dub-con, possibly smut.

— pairing: yandere!alexander the great x female!reader, yandere!generals x female!reader.

— word count: 2,003.

— tag list: @devils-blackrose, @faerykingdom, @hadesnewpersephone, @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 , @kadu-5607, @zoleea-exultant, @borntoexplore11-blog

— the lost queen series masterlist.

Chapter 7

Time was against you.

The more time passes, the more blood he loses and the more the chances of mortality increase.

You needed to be very careful and be as thorough as possible. Any wrong move or touch would result in Cleitus' imminent death.

The issue of medicine was also complicated and archaic and this only complicated everything. You weren't a doctor, but you knew enough about the human body and health care that you believed you could help save it. Your biggest concern, however, was the infection that could arise and how to treat the wound in his abdomen correctly and not make his situation even worse.

Those nights spent watching Grey's Anatomy could come in handy.

You almost laughed at that thought, but it was true. You tried to remember medical procedures and the biology books you had read in high school. You had to remember what was written.

You looked at Doctor Philip and frowned. He seemed more confused than you and that was because he studied medicine. Of course, not the medicine you knew, but still medicine even if archaic and probably with many flaws.

Obviously, Cleitus needed a hospital, with proper medical treatment. The only problem is that you were in the 4th century BC and not the 21st century and there were no conventional hospitals and there was the bonus that you were in a camp during a military campaign.

All the odds were against you.

The thought alone was very discouraging, but you weren't going to give up. You would do everything in your power to make sure this man lives and in the end it would all depend on how well you did.

Cleitus shouldn't die now and you were aware that saving him could change history even more, but you didn't care. Everything had already changed and you needed to save him.

You had to do it.

You washed your hands with the water that was there and the soap available. It wasn't the same as it was in its time, but it should help eliminate at least some bacteria.

You closed your eyes and counted to ten in an attempt to calm your nervousness and opened them again. You took a needle and sterilized it in beer. It wasn't what was recommended, but there was nothing else available so it would have to do.

Cleitus was lying on the cot, Philip was checking his temperature. You approached the cot with the needle and thread in hand, along with a wet and dry piece of fabric that was supposed to imitate gauze.

Philip looked at you suspiciously, ''What are you going to do?''

''Sew him.'' You replied as if it was obvious. You sat down on a chair placed next to the cot and grabbed the beer. You stared at your patient, Cleitus' tanned skin was pale and a wet cloth was on his forehead, as if it was trying to fight off a fever.

He was in a lot of pain and you would only make him feel more.

Your hands were shaking slightly and you cursed yourself for it. Taking a deep breath and praying to whoever was listening to you, you carefully cleaned the blood from the cut that was still bleeding, praying that internal bleeding wasn't happening.

You could stop external bleeding, but not an internal bleeding.

After cleaning up the blood that would get in your way, you threaded the needle and prepared to sew him up. Philip tried to help guide you, but you already knew what he was talking about.

You knew more about medicine than he did.

Trying to ignore Philip's babbling and the panic settling in your body, you pierced Cleitus's sagging skin and began to stitch him up. He was still and expressed no pain, but you knew he was hurting. The right thing to do would be to anesthetize him, but that was not an option available to you.

You managed to stabilize the tremor in your hands and finished the sewing, cutting the rest of the thread with a small knife. The wound had been closed and sterilized, Philip seemed satisfied and said that Cleitus could recover.

But you knew it wasn't just that.

A deep cut to the abdomen was dangerous and there were many risks to consider.

The cut had been closed but there were many things that could go wrong. An infection, internal bleeding or sepsis could occur. Or this could all happen at once.

The only thing left to do was pray and make sure he wouldn't die, at least not alone.

It felt like days had passed.

You had lost track of the time since you had treated Cleitus.

Your eyelids were heavy and you just wanted to sleep, but you knew you wouldn't be able to sleep, not until you were sure he would live.

In a way, it was your fault. You were to blame for him being in such a state.

Although it seemed unrealistic, you were sure it was your fault. Alexander had his share of guilt that was greater than yours, but you still felt so fucking guilty.

You blamed Alexander too. Oh, and how you blamed him.

What was wrong with that man? By god, why the hell does he want to marry you? He knew you for what? A day or less? And you weren't politically attractive.

Not in terms of beauty, you thought you were quite beautiful.

But not politically. You literally appeared out of nowhere, with just the clothes on your back and probably looking like a ghost and he wanted to marry you.

It seemed like a very bad joke.

Cleitus had been the only sensible one, you recognized that. You were too shocked to react and you blamed yourself for it. Maybe if you had said something, Cleitus wouldn't have been stabbed.

Or he would have been the same way.

There was no way you could have predicted it, but you wished you could go back in time again and reverse this situation. But you couldn't do that.

Or could you?

You shook your head, trying to get those thoughts out of your head. There was no point in thinking about things like that, you didn't even know how you ended up in this place, much less how to travel through time again.

Or did you know? Now, alone with Cleitus in a strangely silent environment, you were finally able to think and analyze everything that had happened a few hours ago.

This all started after you bought that book, you were sure of that. And that book was supposed to be magical, it was the only explanation, even if your mind screamed otherwise.

You have always had a scientific mind and have always sought answers based on science and this has always worked for you. There was nothing that science couldn't explain.

Except that.

Science confirmed that time travel existed, but only into the future and not in the way you were experiencing it. Albert Einstein's theory of relativity was always something to be credited with and you trusted him.

Now you weren't so sure about that.

Science went down the drain in this case. Maybe it was some god playing with you or you went crazy. But you dug deep into your mind, looking for any traces of what might indicate why you were here.

And that was when you remembered that strange man who had approached you before you went to the market.

You shivered when you remembered his words.

''The shadows of fate surround you... The world will never be the same for you, girl.''

Could he be the real culprit of your current torment? Possibly. In fact, him and that damn book were the things you could blame right now and only the gods knew how desperately you needed to blame someone or something.

You felt anger course through your body and you wanted to scream at someone. Preferably the culprit, but anyone would do in your moment of understandable outburst.

You felt tears in your eyes, but this time, they weren't tears of despair, but of pure anger.

You didn't try to fight back the tears, but let them fall and wet your face and the top of your blood-stained chiton.

All the emotions you had been suppressing finally exploded. The anger, the sadness, the fear, it all came at once like a devastating wave. Your eyes burned a little, but you didn't care.

After hours of anguish, you allowed yourself to freak out once and for all. And it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders after letting all your emotions out of you. You buried your head in your chest and folded your legs, trying to hide like you did whenever you were scared.

''(Y/N)?'' You raised your head and tried to focus your unfocused gaze on whoever had spoken to you. It was Perddicas. You smiled a little at his presence.

He approached you and gently touched your bare shoulders. You shivered a little at the sudden contact, but didn't try to push him away.

''Hey...'' You mumbled with a choked voice.

''How is he?'' He murmured, patting your shoulders.

You held back a sob, ''I'm not sure.''

Perdiccas just looked at you fondly with those beautiful blue eyes that you felt like you could get lost in them for hours.

''And how are you?'' His voice was a little louder than a whisper. He was trying to comfort you and you appreciated it immensely.

''Not great.'' You simply said, still looking into those mesmerizing eyes.

A hint of pain flashed across his handsome face. ''I'm sorry to hear that and for what happened to Cleitus.'' He mumbled and you could swear there were tears in his eyes.

''It sucks.''

He laughed nasally, ''Yes.''

No exchange of words was said after that. And it wasn't necessary, body and facial language said everything that needed to be said.

You were very close, closer than would be considered appropriate or comfortable but you didn't care. You needed this comfort, desperately and Perdiccas could offer you that.

He wanted to offer you this.

You knew it from your first interaction with him.

You leaned your face closer to his and his breathing became heavy, You didn't back away however. Your eyes were fixed on the general's full lips.

''(Y/N)...'' Perdiccas murmured, looking at your face with desire and affection.

Hearing him say your name like that sent waves of pleasure through your body. Your faces were close, very close.

''Perdiccas...'' He got goosebumps when he heard you whisper his name.

You no longer had any doubts.

Against all the common sense you had left, you sealed the distance between you. Your lips met in a shy and superficial kiss, but one that quickly became passionate.

You moaned softly and wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing his warm body closer to yours. Perdiccas touched your waist and squeezed lightly, deepening the kiss. Your tongues touched in a shy and passionate way, your mouths became one.

You reluctantly broke apart after the lack of air hit you. You opened your eyes and blushed when you saw his lips swollen from the kiss and his breathing a little labored. Yours was no different.

You took a deep breath and touched his face tenderly, stroking it softly. He was really very handsome, the kind of man you were sure you'd see in one of those magazines, maybe like Vogue.

''(Y/N), you...'' Perdiccas couldn't formulate a proper question, still very surprised and excited by the passionate kiss. He wanted to kiss you more and maybe even more than kiss.

You smiled at him.

You threw yourself against him, looking for the necessary comfort. Perdiccas hugged you tightly and kissed your neck, stroking your hair. You closed your eyes and gave yourself what you wanted most.

— lady l: You didn't expect that kiss, did you? Me neither. The idea for the kiss came up at the last minute and I had to write it, so... Yeah, we had a little kiss between our girl and Perdiccas. Will I mention the consequences this will have? No. Anyway, I hope you liked it and forgive me for any mistakes and bad writing on the medical treatment part lol, don't repeat that! If you have been stabbed, seek medical attention! Love you all and see you in the next chapter ❤️.

#history #yandere history #yandere historical characters #the lost queen #tlq #alexander the great #alexander the great x reader #yandere alexander the great x reader #yandere alexander the great

279 notes · View notes

moodymisty · 1 month

Text

𝕽𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝕺𝖓𝖑𝖞 𝕸𝖊

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙| 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Part 1 of 5 - Part 2

Author's Note: It's here! The first chapter of the Yandere Salamander/Fem!Reader/Yandere Night Lord love triangle(corner) fic! It's going to be 4 chapters (5 actually you'll see tehe) and I drafted a good portion of it in advance so it should be smooth posting? We'll see. Enjoy!

Summary: A Night Lord becomes interested in you while you stand under the eyes of your Salamander guardian, and you find yourself stuck between two titans.

Relationship: Yandere!Salamander/Fem!Reader/Yandere!Night Lord

Warnings: Hints of nsfw at points, Yandere, Size differences, Very toxic suffocating relationship(s), Some knight/princess dynamics, Demeaning language, Both these guys have hero complexes, Violence blood and bruises and possibly death to say without spoilers

Word Count: 2068

Word travels fast aboard even the largest of ships, you had learned quite quickly.

Space marine legions are not fond of working with one another, was what you had learned first. Many times even different squads within this same Legion can butt heads, as different styles of commanding and battle conflict with one other. Salamanders often try and remain cordial when problems within them arise, but friction was and is inevitable.

The second, was Vulkan was apparently quite firm with his legion that they were to welcome their temporary allies with respect. At least that is what you’ve heard from any Salamander that you’ve heard mumbling as you pass by, or any that have given you a moment of their time. That’s all you know, and these tidbits of knowledge fail to put together a full picture that you can understand. Their lips have been quite tight other than the bare minimum they believe you need to know.

Or what you can get from them if you ask very nicely; Much like the Commissars and Lords you've dealt with over the years, it seems Salamanders aren't immune to a bit of flattery also. You just need to make sure he doesn't find out, as you know how displeased he gets whenever he finds out you went wandering around chattering with his brothers.

Speaking of...

You can ask him about it; You just need to wait for him.

He always visits you in the librarium, once his second round of training is concluded. He then goes for his five hours of rest, and the cycle restarts. Though even if it isn't that time, you know he still keeps a keen eye on you.

You don’t wish to bother him with an issue as seemingly meaningless as gossip, but none of your fellows have been able to piece together what's happening, as none of the Salamanders have loosened their lips about it in the slightest.

It's made you more than a bit unnerved; Knowing that something is wrong but no one will tell you what it is. The tenseness in your neck is worse, and sirens and calls once normal now make you jolt when they sound off.

The large piece of parchment in front of you remains nearly empty, apart from the crude outline. Commander Artellus's face is fresh in your mind, but you for some reason can't put it to parchment.

You hear the sound of harsh, heavy boots on the ground, and turn to see who you've been waiting for coming towards you. You shift in your seat and turn to see him coming.

“Ralkan; You’re back,”

You smile wide at him, a put down the pen you'd been fruitlessly trying to use. The way his eyes look down at you is warm, his helmet hanging on the side of his hip. He stands close to where you sit alone at the massive table, covered in a mess of materials. The ink in your well shakes with waves, when he steps closer.

“You should have been there this time. I feel like I'm missing something now without your curious looks.”

You smile even wider and laugh, remembering the time. He had outpreformed Salamanders his senior, and you wondered if he was overdue for an ascension in rank, or if he was simply showing off.

“I'll come next time. As long as your battle brothers don’t mind me seeing your training again.”

He places a massive gauntlet on your shoulderblades, thumb against the side of your neck.

"They won't, I am sure of it. Though I hope you'll reserve your cheering only for me again."

His hand brushes along the upper half of your back before it slides away, his chainsword hanging neatly on his back. He looks out the massive window to the vast reaches of space directly in front of your makeshift desk for a moment, before pulling his bolter off his thigh and checking it.

He’s always meticulous. He’s been trained into flawless discipline, and it shows in every aspect of his existence. From the way he keeps his thoughts closed to the way each piece of armor and each weapon must be meticulously maintained.

You can hear the mechanics of his armor shift as he moves, but you can only tolerate few more beats of the near silence before you can’t help it anymore. Your pen twirls in your hand as a soothing gesture before you speak up.

“Ralkan?”

You look up to him, sniffling from the disturbed dust in your nose. He turns to look at you as you abandon your parchment, and finally put pen down and place your ink stained hands in your lap.

You hesitate for a moment, pursing your lips and looking away from his hard gaze as he turns back to you.

“What is happening?”

He is genuinely confused by your question for a moment, before he realizes what it is you're asking about, and his face stiffens. But still he doesn't answer. It irks you; Thinking that he’s trying to keep this all from you. You add on to your earlier question.

“I know that you are going to be fighting alongside another legion, but why are all of you acting like it's something you're all dreading?”

Perhaps you might simply be a guest aboard this ship, gifted from Terra to a legion eager to put their deeds to written memory, but you wish to know more than the servitors do. You pull your hands from your lap and lightly slap the table with them, gripping the edge.

“Ralkan, Who are the Night Lords?”

It is so instantly apparent that you struck something in him, as his body visibly tenses and his face briefly flashes with anger as a legion's name other than his own leaves your tongue.

He makes eye contact with you, the burning red of his eyes making your curiosity waver. But you still want to know- need to know. He takes a step closer, and his left hand rests against the surface of the table. He lets out a tense breath.

“The Night Lords are the 8th legion. They," Ralkan tries to find the words, pausing for a moment. "The way they wage battle is in near direct opposition to us Salamanders."

He speaks the name with a stern, cold demeanor. It fills you with a hesitant sort of interest.

These legions; Have they really developed cultures so unique that they find themselves unrecognizable to each other?

“They have no respect. They will cull entire cities for the slightest infraction.” He looks to you, and he catches that your curiosity it still taking hold; You lack the fear that he's trying to instill in you.

He takes a step forward, and you can hear his armor hiss and grind as he lowers to a knee, now only a head taller than you as you sit. He puts his hand on your shoulder again, but it lacks the gentleness it had the last time, as he grabs tight and forces you to face him. You wouldn’t be able to pull away even if you wanted to; And while he is still trying to be gentle, his gauntlet still yearns to bruise your skin underneath your clothing. The seams of his armor dig into your flesh even through the fabric.

“They are going to be crawling over the ship soon. Do not let them even see you. You cannot run from them and they will know it.” His hand makes sure you can’t look even the tiniest bit away from him. “They will take advantage of your weakness. You must stay here, in your quarters, or close to me. I was charged with protecting you, and I will see it through.”

There’s not many places on this ship you go, at least without him. He is your guard, or perhaps more accurately your handler. He is in charge of making sure you don’t wander where you don’t belong, as even if the Salamanders have been welcoming to a remembrancer on their ship, they have their limits. For your safely and their privacy.

This ship- A world for giants, it isn't meant for someone like you either. Ralkan makes it a bit easier to navigate.

Though out of all the titles he's been given, he seems to enjoy calling himself your knight first and foremost. You assume it’s simply a part of their culture, you’ve heard other Salamanders call themselves knights as well. The tone is different, but you assume it’s simply Ralkan’s own brand of oddity. Perhaps he isn't fully cognizant of the intimate undertone behind saying such a thing to you.

Stuck in his grip, your nose wrinkles as you try to say something in defiance, to learn a bit more, but you know this it all you'll get from him. Even if you ask sweetly.

“I just wanted to know what was happening. I'll," You turn your face away from him and blow air from between your tight lips. "I'll stop the questions about it."

There isn’t much you can say otherwise in the matter anyhow. You want to trust him, and to listen to him, but perhaps it’s simply curiosity that makes you hesitate on the matter. Or naivety he probably assumes, as much as that irritates you.

He lets out an audible sigh of relief, and loosens the hand on your shoulder, it drifting up your neck before it cups your jaw. The other joins it on the opposite side, holding your face in his gauntlets. They're so gentle, even with cold ceramite between your skin and his.

“You know I do this to protect you, yes?” He continues, his eyes soft as they gaze over you. “I only want for you to be safe here. With me. I have seen these astartes before; I know what they are capable of.”

His eyes are warm, brow softened. You always enjoy when he looks at you this way, even if you might fear of what lays between you being far beyond the supposed title of knight and his charge.

He leans forward, and his forehead touches your own. You feel like he wishes to do more, but is forcing it back. Your bare hand lays overtop of his gauntlet, and you smile at him.

But after a moment, he leans back away from you.

“I must leave now. My brothers and I are part of the battalion that is due to greet our temporary allies.”

You so desperately don’t want him to leave, but at the same time, you wonder if the weight on your chest will finally dissipate if he does.

He rises, and in doing so also removes his hands from your jaw. His cape shifts behind him just barely brushing against the floor, and you swear you can hear the crackling of a vox channel in his helmet. His battalion must be calling for him.

“I will return soon. Please, do not forget what I have said.” You nod in understanding, and pick up your pen. He smiles at you after you do, and turns to leave. You turn to watch for a moment, until he's out of your sight. You turn back to face the table and let out a sigh, rubbing your jaw.

You didn’t want him to leave, but at times Ralkan can be so, suffocating. His very energy is that way, many of the astartes are, but Ralkan seems to have his grip around you particularly tight.

You sum it up to him being dedicated to the safely of their brand new remembrancer. The sheen of a new toy that hasn't worn off yet. Or perhaps him simply wishing to make sure you don't deviate from the path, and tread where you aren't welcome.

You assume the ladder, though the way he looks at you fills you with doubt.

You aren't opposed to him being fond, but he is so overwhelming. You might consider yourself lucky you think you feel the same way, as you don't know if you'd be able to get free of his grip if you didn't.

You don’t forget his words, but as you write word after word, and the drawing of Commander Artellus's face slowly forms, your mind begins to fall into the paper, and his voice becomes little more than a tickle in the back of your mind.

#warhammer 40k x reader #space marine x reader #salamander x reader #reader insert #reader #mywriting #Yandere!Salamander/Fem!Reader/Yandere!NightLord

111 notes · View notes

403tarot · 3 months

Note

Hey duckie, could you do Wonbin (Riize) as a boyfriend and his ideal type, please?

hi dear, i'll do wonbin's ideal type in another opportunity, okay? let's go with him as bf ☺️

남침 원빈 ㅡ wonbin as boyfriend 🔸

how he is:

wonbin is very affectionate when he's in love, the kind who even gets a bit silly and smiles at the walls when no one is looking. for him, love is expressed in small gestures, like intertwining fingers, a passionate gaze, a gentle kiss on the forehead... he prefers to show he cares through acts of service and his sweet and loving personality.

wonbin is the type of boyfriend who bends over backward just to find time to talk to his beloved, even if it's just for a few minutes. he calls, asks about your day, makes you laugh, subtly expresses that he misses you... all the while playing with his hair and pacing around the room, trying to dispel the nervousness that arises whenever he's talking to someone he cares about so much.

he is someone who fights to make the relationship work. differences in opinions? that's okay; he'll try to have a calm conversation and understand the other side. did something he said upset you? he'll make sure not to repeat what hurt you and apologize for it. in general, wonbin doesn't give up easily because he doesn't allow himself to enter into a relationship with just anyone. if he has reached this level of commitment with someone, it's because he believes it's worth the effort and seeks the same commitment from the other party involved. people who create drama, hinder communication, or invent reasons to create chaos are quickly dismissed by him.

what he seeks:

he is looking for someone willing to commit to a serious relationship with him and to have a structured connection. i think it's clear by now that wonbin is a methodical guy, so fragile relationships and volatile individuals are a big NO for him. wonbin seeks someone willing to reciprocate efforts on the same terms, someone mature who doesn't let external factors unnecessarily affect the relationship.

he's mischievous, eager to touch your face, kiss your lips, run his hands over your body... he wants someone who loves him passionately, who's on the same page, and isn't afraid of the consequences of that.

what makes a good relationship for him:

he aims to be the one who resolves problems on the spot so that in the future, they won't become the subject of discussions again. he detests when past issues are brought back to the table to be used as arguments. wonbin wants someone willing to go through life's various transformations with him without much hassle, someone with whom he can build loyalty and a healthy relationship, based not only on love but also on friendship and complicity.

i haven't done many readings for wonbin, but from the few i've done, i noticed that he is very focused on giving his best in various areas of his life, and his approach to love shouldn't be any different. it's been a few months since i read for wonbin for the first time, and now i feel that even in a short period, a lot about him has changed. i sense him as more mature and confident now, which is definitely surprising and has shown very positive reflections in this reading.

#— duckie notes ⪩♡⪨#kpop readings #riize tarot #wonbin #kpop tarot #kpop reading #kpop astrology #riize headcanons

91 notes · View notes

toxic-lass · 3 months

Text

Some guy, and all his friends!

I wanted to do that relationship chart that went around forever ago, BUT I wanted to try my best to draw the gang. So I'm getting on this bandwagon late BUT I DID IT (minus Minthara, he's never gotten to really meet her)

And then I got carried away and wrote out little blurbs for the gang (I am n o t a writer) so that's below the cut. "Enemies" is also way too strong a word for all his companions he just "had beef" with.

Astarion: Their relationship is surprisingly complex. Gideon was already wary of Astarion upon first meeting him because he claimed to be a magistrate from Baldur's Gate. Gid is heavily suspicious of everyone he encounters with any ties to nobility or the Upper City. He is hiding a huge part of his life from the entire party afterall, meeting someone too close to his old life could prove to be a problem, should they have ever crossed paths with him or his family. However upon finding out Astarion was a vampire he feels a bit more at ease, selfishly he sees this as his advantage over the elf. If he knew too much, or even just more than he was letting on, Gid could have a response. Thankfully nothing ever really came of his worries. He honestly wasn't all that threatened by Astarion. Whether true or not, he believed whole heartedly that he could deal with a vampire should the need arise, and it almost did, they got in a rather intense scuffle the first time Astarion tried to bite him, that was a bit of a bad look, Gideon didn't appreciate it. But, after a couple of rough patches they do end up becoming genuine friends. Astarion saw him as a means to an end, a meat shield who could protect him if it came down theough it: and Gideon willingly did just that, minus the "meat shield" part, he didn't know Astarion called him that… But multiple times throughout their travels the barbarian assured Astarion he wouldn't let anything happen to him, and over time Astarion realized he believed him.

Gale: Gale is... the first subject of Gideon’s... bullying? Gideon has some pretty intense feelings about spellcasters. Traditional spellcasters mind you, he displays very obvious distrust of sorcerers, wizards, and warlocks. So he isn't always very nice to Gale, who tends to go out of his way to be courteous to him despite the way he's treated. Gideon harshly rejects his offers to show him magic, he doesn't humor his musings about the weave, the only kindness he gets from Gideon is that the barbarian is at least sympathetic to his condition. Gideon actually knows Gale from the city, on a surface level. Gid's mother was an enchantress, she had her finger on the pulse of everything related to magic. So of course she heard of Mystra's Chosen and by extension the tiefling did as well. Gale was something Gideon studied years to never become, a prodigy, a powerful master of arcana. Gideon resents him, for these things that are out of his control. Upon finding out more about Gale's situation, and the revelation of Mystra's coldness and true intentions, Gideon becomes kinder to him. Even apologizing for any of his actions. They do become friends, and Gid values him as such. Hoping he'll understand that he's so much more than his magic and his goddess.

Halsin: Gideon doesn't have many thoughts on Halsin. He sees him as well spoken and wise but beyond that the tiefling doesn't have much of a relationship with the druid. It's in part because he frequently finds himself embarrassed by Halsin's flattery and he just doesn't quiet know how to talk to him. But also because Gideon’s “solutions” to problems, aren't usually the way Halsin would solve problems. Where Halsin believes There could be a more peaceful resolution, the odds of Gideon using brute force and intimidation before peace is even considered is always higher than not. They have a mutual respect for one another, but not much else beyond that.

Jaheria: It's hard to tell if she actually enjoys him, or if it’s some sort of pity that shapes their relationship, but Jaheria does like Gid, and the feelings are mutual. Gideon greatly admires her. It's that he clearly just admires her as a person, and finds her presence comforting, since he actually admitted to not really knowing much of her story, given his sheltered life there are lots of things he isn't quiet aware of. She seems to understand that and treats him kindly after their rocky first meeting. He is often able to convince her to share some stories with them under the guise that he and Karlach want to listen, when in reality he wants to know more about her, and she knows that, but humors him anyway. His cautious optimism and steadfast bravery remind her of friends who've come and gone, and she hopes he finds the life he deserves at the end of everything.

Karlach: They knew eachother once. Though neither recalls because time has been cruel. But they did. They met as kids, and only knew eachother by informal names. She just called him Evervale, and he only knew her as K. They weren't in each other's lives long, so when they met again some decade later they were none the wiser. She is easily the companion to become the closest to him, the quickest. They have a lot in common despite living two very different lives. It's not hard to see why they had little crushes on one another for a pretty long time. But it never really develops into any besides that: a crush, puppy love. They're platonic soulmates in every right, or maybe 'right person, wrong time'? There is a certain tragedy to their relationship but it becomes clear to everyone (except him... for awhile atleast) that he clearly loves someone else and they aren't meant for eachother like that. She's actually the one who points it out to him, insisting he should go with his heart. This actually hurts him a little as he doesn't see the truth in her words, and for awhile they stop speaking as Gideon isolates himself. But that doesn't last long at all, when the part encounters Dammon again at Last Light Inn. With Karlach's second upgrade Gideon can't stop himself from pulling her in to a hug, which he returns instantly. With the moment quickly turning somber at the news they receive about her engine. The two spend that night together as friends, though he tries to ask her about her engine he stops when she asks him to, and they just spend the night sharing some drinks and stories under the stars.

By the time they reach Baldur's Gate they're pretty much inseparable, attached at the hip wherever they go having one pretty significant squabble about Raphael but in the end there's not many people he trusts as much as her. And he holds her trust in him as an incredibly high honor he doesn't take lightly and would do anything for her.

Lae'zel: Gideon greatly respects Lae'zel. Lae'zel… acknowledges he exists. The way he looks at Shadowheart disgusts her, the way he empathizes with strangers disgusts her- she sees him as soft and weak, perhaps rightfully so. When meeting strangers sometimes Gideon will withhold some of the truth about his class, if not outright lie. As a noble he has preconceived notions about how someone claiming to be a "barbarian" may be perceived. So upon meeting the party, he told them he was simply a fighter, something he tried to use as common ground with Lae'zel. If anything this just made it worse, as she would often comment on how tender he tended to be, and how it was a miracle he hadn’t be brutally gutted yet, as he lacked discipline and principle. This charade couldn't last forever though, as in one particular fight, when their tiefling 'fighter' friend flew off the handle and brutally pummeled some goblins with a rock after one caught the Bard he befriended with a stray arrow, the party had more than a few questions; it was obvious their blood soaked fighter wasn't entirely honest with them. While everyone else briefly felt a little more tense around him, Lae'zel actually softened toward him. They reached some form of understanding. He was simply a different kind of warrior than she was, and a fearsome one at that, she grew to respect him and he returned it in kind. They become genuine friends after everything, and eventually he even gets the 'Thank you' he asked for all that time ago.

Shadowheart: I'm not immune to the "A fell first, B fell harder" trope, and that is them in a nutshell. Gideon liked her pretty early on in a platonic way, he found her company enjoyable enough. Though by his own standards of "enjoyable", a lot of their time spent together then, was him irritating her. He saved her life once and that was really the only thing they had between them. She was secretive and guarded, he was somewhat honest and eager to help. She felt he was an idiot with a bleeding heart, who shared far too much with strangers, and he felt she was just kind of mean. That didn't stop him from developing feelings toward her, however they weren't so obvious, as if he didn't even realize it himself. He was the only member of the party to seem unrattled by her revelation of Shar worship, which is what perhaps made her see him as a real ally. She confided in him, and without fail he listened. Now whether or not he would throw in a joke in response was up in the air, but it was never malicious, and he always knew there was a time and a place. His goal was never to actively hurt or upset her, though he did tend to pry when she would make vague comments about her mission or getting back to the city. It was to be expected, that was their dynamic. It would actually be Shadowheart who confronted his feelings toward her. They spend the night of the Grove Party together and the next morning she muses about how for some reason she thought he wanted to kiss her, and that he would but didn't... He's an idiot, he plays it off, they have a laugh, but this is a turning point for the both of them.

The Shadowcursed Lands are particularly hard on him, even though he isn't a religious man, uncovering the story of Moonrise and what befell the town of Reithwin because of Shar, really shakes him. He and Shadowheart drift apart during this time as the way he sees her actually shifts. After she choses to spare the Nightsong, when they escape the Shadowfell, Gideon is the first person to rush to her. It is in this moment the barbarian finally confesses how he feels and she returns those feelings.

Gideon doesn't see much in himself, but she sees him as a light in the dark. The irony of it is, that's exactly how he sees her too. They're a balance neither realized they needed.

He and Wyll are also ironically two endings of a similar story, Gideon realizes this, and it drives him mad. Wyll is noble hearted, wants to do what's right, and free himself in the process; Gideon is furious, wants to survive, and is destroying himself in his efforts to do so. Unlike Wyll, Gideon believes he will never be free of his family name, he will never be anyone more than Gideon Evervale. There are no legendary heroics in his future, he is no Blade of Frontiers, he is simply an angry, hurt man, who can't escape the darkness that haunts him.

Wyll: Wyll is so kind, and patient, and good… and Gideon can't stand that about him. While Wyll likes Gid well enough, Gideon is extremely cold and abrasive towards Wyll. Again Gideon doesn't trust magic users, wizards, sorcerers, warlocks. Things like Arcane Tricksters or Paladins or Clerics don't seem to bother him, but he is extremely wary of spellcasters. (He has a big "I told you so" moment after the party meets Lorroakan. He talks about it for days after, he is extremely committed to this bit. “Oh, who would've thought the sorcerer who sent mercs to hunt Aylin was a BAD GUY”)

These feelings are obvious one sided, Wyll is always kind and patient with Gid no matter how the barbarian treats him, because he can see Gideon is hurting, and his anger is misplaced.

As their respective stories unfold Gideon does grow kinder to Wyll, as the Warlock along with the others eventually learn the truth about their barbarian, and he can see Gideon’s rage. And Gideon comes to realize just how much he and Wyll have in common when the party learns about the Duke. Gideon does eventually apologize to Wyll, for everything he ever said or did. He acknowledges the other man had no reason to be so understanding to him, when all he ever was was cruel.

They respect eachother in the end. The warlock helps him see he's more than his past, and life will go on.

#baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 tav #karlach #wyll ravengard #astarion #gale dekarios #shadowheart #lae'zel #halsin #jaheira #my art #oc: gideon #between this and now I've somehow forgotten how to draw Gid lol #this was too much

88 notes · View notes

igotanidea · 1 year

Text

Quiet: Dick Grayson x fem!reader

Stubborn like a mule, Dick would never admit he fell for a teammate. Of course everybody knows and with the amount of teasing it won't take much to push him over the edge.

Inspired by Charlie Puth;s song Charlie be quiet.

Warning: it's long :D (20.971 words!) - that part was not planned :D

Seven years ago

„Stop staring.”

„What?”

„You heard me. Stop ogling her.”

“I am not….”

“Dick.” Donna’s voice was as stern as it possibly could. Despite her best effort she was slowly losing patience with Robin’s childish play of cat and mouse. Everyone, literally everyone, team or not could say he was head over heels in love with his teammate, Y/N Y/L/N, who also happened to posses the power of blue lantern. She was the third one to join the Titans, after the corps decided that the girl, born human, had to be near Earth’s green lantern to get access to her full power. Hal, who was supposed to be her mentor trained her well for a couple of years and despite their differences they become friends. So when the green one left her at the tower, arguing that she needed friends at the same age and with similar capabilities and assuring that she could always reach him if need arises, her heart broke a little. At first she was withdrawn, intimidating and hard to understand but soon her other, lighter side emerged. One thing everyone noticed about the girl was that everytime she was indulged in things that gave her sense of fulfillment the lantern’s blue light surrounded her, making her look ethereal and beautiful. Perhaps that was the thing that quickly caught Dick’s attention. Despite their initial fights and a lot of misunderstandings and communications problem they worked through it. Of course, only for the sake of the team, nothing else. Both Dick and Y/N were individuals who hated being told what, how and when to do, but also knew when to step down. She was the one to make him stop, think and analyze the situation before acting, he helped her in developing her intuition. In no time, he found himself falling for that introverted analyst who always, always had a plan and was way too much in her own head.

“She’s gonna figure it out. Is that what you want?” Wondergirl mocked, knowing well enough that for the last couple of years Dick was doing everything in his power to keep this infatuation a secret. In his own words, it was not wise to get into relationship with someone who could be called into space at every second. And definitely stupid to love a teammate, which may cause a distraction and damage while fighting. He just kept coming with so many dumb excuses to adore her from the distance. At this point he didn’t even bother to answer Donna’s question since it was obvious Y/N realization of the situation would be the end of him. So he kept it quiet. Y/N was that kind of person who preferred to keep the emotions at bay as well, never giving him any sign she was interested in forming a relationship, more often than not pushing people away when she was scared and worried and stressed and vulnerable. Not really talking about it but separating to gather back her strength and balance. Well, she was the blue lantern, who got power from hope, so what else could you expect.

“Did you guys want something?” said blue one turned around towards her friends “you’ve been standing there for like a quarter now and it’s getting suspicious” she mocked

“it’s fine. We were just trash-talking you” Donna smirked

“Oh thank god, I was getting worried you were saying some good stuff about me. Such a relief” she fake-brushed her forehead. “Anyway, is anyone up for some sparring? I need to keep my spark up.”

“I thought you were supposed to recharge? I mean… meet with Hal?” Dick frowned and a shadow of disappointment crossed the girl’s face as she shook her head.

“He was called on Oa. Apparently some threat appeared in the north side of the galaxy and Green Corp needs his immediate help. Nothing new, so yeah, I’m gonna go workout. Want to join me, Grayson.”

“Nope.” He felt his heartbeat fasten. Shit, it was getting harder and harder to be around her.

“ Ok. Donna?”

“Sure. I’m game. You can never count on the boys, right.”

“Hear, hear, sister.”

Just as Donna and Y/N left, heading towards the training room, Hank appeared on the other side.

“You did it again, didn’t you?” he let out a laugh “I would love to see you breaking one day.”

“Not a chance.”

***

Four years ago

“You’ve got to be kidding me” Y/N eyes went wide the second she entered the lab at the precinct. “it’s all for me?” it took a lot of strength not to jump out in joy. When, after the Jericho incident, the Titans fell apart and everyone went their own ways, she put all her intellectual efforts into science, biology and chemistry, taking first steps on a path to become a Forensic Scientist. With her stubbornness, passion and insight she soon got to be the best in the field. Last year was spend on working with the best detectives and investigators (including detective Chloe Decker from LAPD), getting hell of a knowledge and experience. And now, she moved to new city and easily scored a job at the best precinct in the whole country.

“Yep. All yours. Take your time and when you are ready, come meet the team. It’s quite big if you ask me, may be a bit overwhelming, so at first you’ll only meet with the best of the best. Those will be your regulars.”

“Good. I’m not exactly good with people.”

Half an hour later, the girl finally left the lab equipment, the books and agents and came down to the main office of detectives. With every step the feeling of something strangely familiar of this place was consuming her more and more and that hope of good things to come made her hand glow blue. A single raise of an eyebrow of one the officers was enough to snuff it.

“Y/N! Oh, you decided to grace us with your presence.” Her boss was talking to some man, whose back was turned to her so she did not see his face. “good timing. I would like to present to you our top investigator. Meet detective Richard Grayson.”

“Wha.. what?” she stuttered a little bit, pure shock reflecting in her eyes as the man turned around his expression being a mirror reflection of hers. “Dick?”

“Y/N?” he hadn’t seen her for two freaking years. Hell, he did not contact her in any way, despite a bit of stalking to make sure she was doing fine. And after all this time his heart skipped a beat at the sight of the girl he was still in love with. Time did nothing. And she was going to work with him, again.

“Hi.” She tilted her head and smiled lightly as the first surprise passed

“You know each other?” the captain caught up on the scene happening in front of his eyes

“From the previous life.” Dick said without looking away from her. It was real, she was real and here. He got her back.

“Should I be worried then? Will your past cause any problems in professional relationship?”

“No, sir. Not at all.”

Dick Grayson was always a good liar.

***

“Hey.”

She wasn’t even doing anything, just sitting at the desk, covered with document and samples collected from the crime scene. Her eyes were a bit puffy and red, clear sign she did not sleep much in the last days, her thick h/c hair a perfect mess. Lack of makeup and lab’s soft light mixed with her blue aura made her look young, fragile and innocent. All those adjectives far from truth given her secret identity.

“Hey Dick.” She smiled softly, yawning and stretching “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“You are?” that was surprising. Maybe she did change during the last time he saw her. There was something more gentle in her action.

“Mhm.” She rubbed her eyes in child-like manner “I need to stand from behind this desk like now. I’m way too sore. I’m going to grab some coffee. Would you mind staying here and watching the documents? Can’t risk anyone getting the confidential information about the investigation. And since it’s yours….”

“Sure.” His heart dropped a little but he did not let it show.

“Thank you.” She hopped down from the chair and suddenly lost her balance. Dick’s instincts kicked in and he was quick to catch and hold her before she fell to the ground. For the first time since the Titans she was so close to him, yet not close enough. He wanted to embrace her fully, stroke her hair, feel her heartbeat next to his, feel her. Sad thing he couldn’t.

“When was the last time you slept?” he asked instead, unwillingly letting go.

“Not sure. I took a nap yesterday, but…”

“Y/N.”

“What?” she scoffed “to much to do. You know…. the other job…. And it’s not like you are not running around the streets dressed in red and green.”

“You….?”

“Yeah, of course I know. I observe. And did you really think I bought that story about your injuries being the effect of the latest work action? Please, I know you better than that.”

“And I know you. How’s your light doing? Hope still up?”

“Never dying. But I’m not going to lie. Given the condition of the world last two years was a rough ride. I was even summoned by the Blues.”

“You were in space, huh? Why?”

“They thought I was getting weak. Wondered if I deserve the power of the lantern. But you know, the ring know what it does. I was just cut from using it for a bit. Last week of my suspension and then I’m back at my full capabilities.”

“I’m sorry about it.” He took a step closer and grabbed her hand. She didn’t even flinch when he started caressing her palm. It was nice and comforting and moving something inside her.

“It’s fine. We learn from mistakes, right? At least some of us” she shoved him playfully killing the atmosphere in effect.

“Sit down, Y/N. I’ll fetch you coffee and then we’ll talk about my case.”

“Ok, thanks. I want…..”

“Black, no sugar. I remember.”

***

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this” Dick and Y/N were standing at the crime scene. Or rather a battlefield scene. Blood and dead bodies were everywhere reminding of horror movies, especially those where the chainsaw was used.

“I’m not an amateur, Dick and this is not my first rodeo so stop it. I’ve seen worse. In both lifes.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“It’s ok. That little protectiveness of ours is touching. And gives me a reason to mock you freely.”

“Don’t you dare” he hissed grabbing her by the waist “I can always go full Robin on you” he whispered his face centimeters from her, unwillingly leaning in, forgetting where he was, who he was and what he was doing.

“Well than, I’ll go full blue lantern on you” she smirked and wriggled from his arms “but now, I have work to do. Genetic material, my favorite kind”.

As Y/N came closer to the one of the bodies Dick was completely consumed by his own thoughts. He loved her even more now and it was getting impossible to hide it.

Two years ago

Two years of working together did not bring him any closer to confessing his feelings. Even when after night patrol he showed at her apartment to get patched up and stayed the night watching her sleep on the other side of the same bed, unable to even close an eye. Her obliviousness was no help, since she was always calling him a friend, a coworker, a team member, even a mate. It was killing him.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” she muttered shifting her position a bit. She knew he was awake and there was no point denying “how are your injuries?” she reached towards his arm covered with fresh cuts almost touching it, but stopping a few millimeters away from the skin. Luckily for him, since he knew her single touch would make him burn. He wanted to kiss her, to do more – to make her feel good, to make her his and only his…….. Dirty thought and images was now creeping in his mind “Dick?” she frowned “you are distracted, officer”. That last word and her body so close made him jump out of the bed immediately, terrified his self-control was failing him.

“I’m fine. I’m gonna get some water. Go back to sleep, you need to rest.”

“But…”

“No buts. Sleep. I’m taking the couch.”

He did not get any rest that night. Crazy dreams that could never happen were enough to keep him up.

***

She got hurt. Because of him. Because of his recklessness and distraction. He shouldn’t have left her alone. Y/N was just doing her job, securing the evidences. Every other detective was in the other room of the house when shooters came through the door, firing their guns in every possible direction. Before anyone could react three policemen where bleeding, and one was dead.

“Shit! Y/N!” Dick hissed and rushed to the place where she was hoping nothing happened. He managed to disarm three of the attackers on the way, but judging from the sound she was dealing with the fourth, doing pretty good job. Even if blue lanterns were never considered the fighters, she was an exception, years in Titans and Hal’s upraise giving her exceptional skills in hand-to-hand fight, blue constructs adding to that. She was spinning, ducking and sliding, creating blue daggers and blades, going for the win when she saw him. A second of hesitation was enough for the opponent and she ended up with a knife in her stomach and blood flowing everywhere. The last thing she felt was a pair of strong arms embracing her and lifting her up, holding close to wide chest whispering the most cliché words – it’s gonna be ok.

And now she was on the ICU, looking small and pale in hospital bed with Dick sitting on the uncomfortable chair holding her cold hands.

“Detective Grayson?” doctor’s voice made him stand up immediately “she’s going to be fine. No serious damage was done, luckily the blade missed the organs by an inch. And this girl, she’s strong, a fighter.”

“You have no idea, doctor. Thank you.”

“Just doing my job.” The MD shrugged but smiled happily “you got couple minutes left, and then she’ll need rest.”

“Ok.” When the doctor disappeared he leaned over girl’s sleeping figure and lovingly kissed her forehead “I’ll take care of you.”

***

Year ago.

“I need your help.”

“My help of Blue’s help?” she asked “wait, don’t answer. I know what it will be.”

“Of course you do.” she could tell he rolled her eyes on the other side of the phone line.

“So? what’s the case? Go on. I got work.”

“There’s this girl. Her name is Rachel…..”

“Wait, are you talking about the teenager that run away from the house? The one, whose mother was shot straight in the head?” Y/N voice came up an octave.

“Yes. Wait, how do you…..?”

“So it happens I’m at the crime scene, detective.”

“Right.” Of course, he should have known she would be called there right away. And he did not like the fact that he wasn’t there with her to keep her safe. He didn’t trust anyone else with that.

“Relax, Dick. Everyone’s safe and I know how to protect myself. I can’t understand why do I have to assure you of it every time you are not around. I thought you knew my killer skills.”

“I know, but remember what happened last time?”

“It was a year ago, you fool! And it was your fault.” He went quiet for a bit too long “Dick? Are you still there?”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty.”

“I know.”

“But you’re sulking. We’ve been through this. All is forgiven and forgotten. Now, what about this Rachel girl?”

“She’s like you. She has powers. And she’s terrified.”

“she just lost her mother, no surprise with that.”

“Not only about that. There’s something dark about her. Can you come?”

“Give me an hour.”

***

“Hey, you must be Rachel? I’m a friend of Dick.”

“Where is he?” the girl truly was terrified

“Dealing with paperwork. He asked me to watch over you.”

“I don’t think it’s safe to be around me.”

“I can handle myself. Now, since I work on the case of …. Nevermind. Can you tell me what happened?” Y/N held Rachel’s hand trying to reach for the hope inside the girl.

“I…. I……”

“I won’t push you. But I know Dick promised to help you and I’m going to make sure he keeps that promise, all right?”

“Ok. I need help…..”

***

Today

“What exactly is the case of Dick and Y/N?” Gar could not hold back the question

“Are you asking me?” Donna raised an eyebrow at the green haired boy.

“Well you are the only one here who knows about their past.”

“Yeah, everyone can tell he’s in love with her.” Rachel added “so why does she keep pushing his limits?”

“Well it’s not my story to tell” Donna scoffed “if you want to know anything you may as well go the subject of this discussion and …..”

“So you are now talking shit about me behind my back?” Y/N leaned on the doorframe and crossed he arms “come on, I;m a big girl I can handle anything. Donna?”

“Nope. I’m out. You can talk to the kids, they seem very interested about your past.”

“Really? Why? Rachel? Gar?”

“Y/N, I love you, but I need to speak with Dick. Gar can explain. Right, Gar?” she eyed him suggestively.

“What?” he frowned but soon the realization dawned on him “oh, yeah, right, sure. I’ll explain.” Rachel and Donna nodded and left leaving Y/N with the boy.

“So, what’s up shifter?”

“Why don’t you love Dick back?” Gar blurted before realizing his words

“What?” she was taken aback “what are you talking about?”

“Nothing.” He tried to escape but she was quick to pin him back to the chair

“Oh, no, no, no, no. You are not running away from me. Talk. Now.”

“Don’t shoot the messenger.” Gar raised both his hands in surrender “but how can you be so oblivious? Everyone knows he loves you and you miss all the signs!”

“that’s absurd! He’s just a friend. Which is a progress, since we were more like enemies at the beginning. And who’s everyone? And since when you are so gossiping?”

“Donna. Rachel. Kori. Me. Everyone! From what I can tell even Hank and Dawn get the message. And I’m not gossiping.” He sighed “Look Y/N, you are my best friend, you know it, right?” the girl nodded “and that’s why I care about your happiness.”

“But….”

“No, no buts. You are making two people unhappy. Three if you count me. Do you love him?”

“Gar…..”

“Do you?” he studied her face carefully, his tone now gentle. They only knew each other for a while but he already knew talking about and expressing emotions was not her stronger suit.

“I do….” She whispered looking down.

“Well I can assure you he loves you to. Why do you think Rachel went to talk to him?”

“You two are unbelievable.”

“And that’s why you love us” he grinned “now go talk to him.”

***

“Dick? Can we…. Can we talk?”

“I’m actually a bit busy.” He was tensed so his conversation with Rachel must have been emotional

“Come on, Dickie, I bet you have five minutes for me.” She came closer and put an hand on his arm from behind gently stroking his shoulder. Out of instinct he leaned more into her touch wanting more. “So, Gar talked to me.”

“About what?” he turned around making her hand drop and immediately missing the contact.

“You. And well.. um.. me being blind.”

“How so?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“You know what!”

“Well maybe I’m tired of guessing!”

“Putting the pieces of information together is your job! So quit playing!”

Instead of soft conversation they were now yelling at each other. Not how it supposed to go.

“I hate you! All those years I held it back but I hate you!”

“Really?” She mocked “what do you hate about me the most?” she started circling him like a predator

“don’t do this.” He warned, his eyes glistening

“my blue light?” she took a step letting some of the aura out “or maybe my hands?” she brushed her fingertips on his arm causing him to close his eyes

“You’re walking down a dangerous path….”

“Sure, what’s new. Oh,I know” she faked surprise “I know what you hate about me the most.” She leaned close to him “I bet it’s my lips, right?”

He didn’t answer as he could not hold back anymore and closed the distance between them crashing his lips on hers. She was right. He hated those soft pink, plump and kissable lips he was dreaming about for so long. He hated her aura, full of hope. He hated her hands that patched him up so many times and that brought him comfort and sense of safety everytime she touched him. He hated what she was doing to him, how she was messing with his head, how vulnerable she was making him, he hated…..

“I love you” he whispered pulling away, letting his arms sneak around her waist, holding her tight, not wanting to let go. “I loved you since the day you showed at the tower. I wanted you for so long.”

“Why did you hold it back? I really thought we were just friends. You were withdrawing every time I tried to…."

“Stop talking.” He pressed their lips together again, drunk on the feeling of her, craving her, tightening the embrace trying to get her closer than it was physically possible.

“Ouch, not that I’m complaining, but Dick that hurts. You’re strong, remember?” she whined as he started to crush her.

“Sorry. But I love you so fucking much. Feels good to say it.”

“Why don’t you let me try then?” she smirked locking hands on his neck and looking him straight into the eyes “Richard Grayson, I love you too. But you are an idiot! Why the hell didn’t you tell me?!”

“I was scared you would run away. You always displaced the emotions, so….”

“Dick, you dumbass. I am a lantern, I thrive on emotions, I just can’t let it consume me. Don’t want to turn into the red lantern, or worse – a black one. Do you know the latter drive on death?”

“Is that possible? For you to change color?"

“Don’t know, but I can’t risk it.”

“Well, I’ll make sure to provide you with hope if that’s what you need. Hope for us, for starters.”

“Ok, Mr. Grayson, so why don’t you kiss me again?”

“Gladly.” He would never get tired of holding, touching and having her. He was dead set on making up for the lost seven years.

@somest1 @pinksirensong

814 notes · View notes

tequiilasunriise · 10 months

Text

Annabel Lee & Fears: A Short Essay Based On Ep70

Here it is, folks, the truest crux of Annabel’s character, her deepest fears is not going mad or even people discovering she’s not as put together as she tries to appear, but rather:

Was that gambit of constant scheming and using others worth it, Annabel? Was always trying to think ten steps ahead and always keep yourself in a position of power and control truly worth it, because how can you ever be trusted when all you do is play 5D chess with everyone?

There is is, folks!!! Just like her greatest strength- her cunning willpower- is centered around a certain bright moon, Annabel’s greatest fear is rooted in Lenore. The deepest, darkest trenches of her soul, the one thing that would shatter her heart and send her lungs choking fer breath? The killing blow that would end her and make all these charades worthless? It’s Lenore seeing her constant conniving and asking Annabel, “Why would I be any different? You already have no problem using everyone else as a pawn, how could I ever possibly trust you, Annabel Lee?”

The way Annabel is SUCH a great morally grey character, y’all tell me you love hot villains yet many a time I’ve seen people calling Annabel too heartless. She’s the opposite! She cares!! SO MUCH!!! She would burn the world down if it meant kissing Lenore one last time, to the point where her deepest fear is losing Lenore in the process of trying to protect her. All Annabel knows is using manipulation to gain the upper hand because simply being born a woman in the Victorian era she was so throughly disadvantaged by such a horribly misogynistic society that girlypop had to scrape together any form of control she could. Annabel wants so badly to protect Lenore but all she knows are her own methods of protecting herself, which involves plausibility deniability and facades and sometimes sheer cruelty, and that’s where the conflict arises. From the start Annabel assumed Lenore and her had the same understanding of this ‘fake enemies’ ploy going on but surprise surprise babygirl, not everyone is overthinking four parallel universes ahead like you do. This boils over into her lover having doubts on what’s real and what’s not, which then culminates into Lenore asking if Annabel is using her affections as empty currency to get what she wants, and Annabel’s first move to tell Lenore to fucken kill her????

“To you alone, I have left myself completely defenseless.”

The drama of it all!! The shattered facade leading to exploding vulnerability of it all!! The dim sun sparking out into a heat death just to prove her sincerity of it all!!! The exposed innermost organs ripping out my heart with my bare hands and begging you, “Do you see it now? Do you see the way it beats for you and only you? Tell me you see it, tell me you see me…” of it all!!

Oh baby the way Annabel still retains this deep fear of Lenore not truly believing in the “only thing that’s real” to her, the way her lover’s ghost still lingers and haunts her and is then ripped up from her innermost psyche like a desecrated grave and given form by Ada’s power. The way, after all this time- and I mean all this time from Lenore’s constructed resurrection, to their relationship blossoming into a wedding, all the fucking way up to that bell tower scene, the fucken way Annabel still never truly let go of her fear that Lenore doesn’t see her, doesn’t see how she alone bashed through all of Annabel’s walls and made a home where her heart laid. I’m sure during their living relationship all the way until the wedding Annabel’s fears were greatly settled, but it’s the fucken way these panels implied that this wretched heartache never completely left Annabel’s guilt-wracked soul.

I just know, okay I just KNOW, that even up until she was putting her wedding dress on Annabel still questioned if she even deserved this happy ending because she still feel phantoms of guilt fer this betrayal. This comic only furthers this implication of unabsolved guilt when it’s made clear as day that Annabel’s biggest fear is Lenore not believing in her love. And before anyone argues how Annabel can currently feel guilt fer betraying Lenore when she hasn’t recovered the memory yet, I’ll argue back that from the very beginning of the comic these two were inexplicably drawn to each other even when they had NO memories. Therefore, even if she doesn’t have the explicit memory, I highly doubt Annabel’s subconscious would ever let go of something as huge as deeply hurting the one person she truly cared about in such a wretched way.

Fuck, dude, I mean Annabel’s greatest fear wasn’t even Lenore dying- which was already a huge thing if y’all remember her tearstreaked, panicked, “What is left? If she’s not here, what’s the point?”- no her greatest is Lenore!!! Not!!! Believing!! Her!!! Like yeah losing Lenore physically definitely would’ve cut so deep even her bones would bear the scars, but losing Lenore in the form of the other woman walking the same ground as her but choosing to stay away?? Call her fucking selfish because some people would rather have their other half still be alive even if they’re not by their side, but Annabel ain’t one of them that’s fer sure. Babygirl has spent a lifetime perfecting the craft of deceiving others fer her own gain, but the ONE TIME she’s genuine her heart is to be called nothing more but empty??? Oh babbyyy that’s gotta fucken hurt.

The thing is, I don’t think Annabel really loves herself all that much. I really don’t. A huge focus on self-preservation doesn’t necessarily mean one really loves themselves, and when we add the aforementioned guilt she carries? Plus, the fact that Annabel being forced to swallow down her anxiety attacks from a young age could easily lead to her having a rather sour view of her 'not normal' self? Yeah no yeah, I truly don’t think Annabel loves herself that much, if at all. So really, this line is adding immense insult to already grievous injury. Not only does Annabel deeply fear Lenore not believing her affections to be true, she also fears the New Yorker misconstruing her as nothing more but a shallow as hell, prissy, little pampered damsel, a role pretty much everyone else regulates her into whether she wants it or not (right from the beginning, before she even set her schemes in full effect, Annabel was already explaining, “Ada wanted a queen, so I gave her one”). Lenore, the only one Annabel had believed to ever really see her fer her, is now discrediting Annabel’s vulnerable affections AND seeing her as that unloving ice queen like everyone else?? Horrible terrible horrible!!! She may have a ribbon threatening to strangle her right now, but it’s clear that ghost!Lenore’s words are what truly cut her down to size. Y’all seeing that fucken pain in Annabel’s eyes? Her worst fear is just so… personal.

Which actually leads me to my next point, which is how just before Annabel’s worst fear is revealed in stark, horrifying detail, we see Prospero’s. Lemme just preface this by saying what Prospero went through is n o t any less terrible and is a super fucken mega valid fear/trauma, but let me cook y’all just hear me out. Prospero’s fear seems to be about medical malpractice and/or being conscious during a painful operation that likely went south (aka ‘oh shiiitttt he fucken DEAD-‘), and that’s fucking tragic as all hell. Yet, okay let me cook here, it’s more… I don’t want to say general, because that does NOT mean his fear is any less significant but it’s like. Way back when, death via medical bullshit was more or less fairly common, especially during wartimes (which is the era I headcanon Prospero to be from); meanwhile, Annabel’s fear is so uniquely hers, it’s borne of a culmination of specific experiences tied together by her relationship with Lenore.

By contrast of a more common fear vs something so deeply personal and specific to this one person- because it’s not just unrequited love, it’s being so vehemently denied and misunderstood by the ONE (1!) person who you wholeheartedly trusted in your entire life who also oops mega died on you- this distinction gives way to an almost more raw, more visceral feeling to Annabel’s fear sequence. Again!!! I am not undermining Prospero’s own trauma, I promise!!! But you have to admit that there’s something, from a narrative standpoint, that hits so much harder with how deeply personal Annabel’s fear is. The contrast is even more great when you look at how Prospero’s involved a buncha bloodied hands not really tied to any faces or even any indication of personhood like accessories, scars, etc etc. It could’ve been a group of anyone holding him down hurting him; on the flipside, Annabel is being restrained by one very specific person we see in full view. The faceless crowd who could’ve been anyone at anytime vs the lone perpetrator whose history you know like a second name. It’s just!!! So personal!!!

In conclusion, on the surface level, one would think a character so deeply ingrained in using deceptions and manipulation would have her greatest fear tie into having her true nature revealed to everyone she’d fooled, but then it turns out it’s the complete fucking opposite. What homegirl fears the most is her truest, innermost self not being believed and accepted by just one (1!) person. The way it’s framed is just so heartstabbingly personal, especially when you parallel it to a previous fear sequence just a few panels preceding it. This is it, your honor, this is Annabel’s deepest driving force broken down to its bare essentials. To hell with whatever reputation she’s carefully crafted! Who cares what anyone else thinks of her if she doesn’t believe her, if she doesn’t SEE her. Really, truly see her. Lenore is the defining point that Annabel has revolves around so wholeheartedly, and there’s no point to anything anymore if Annabel loses her. This crux of her character, OHHH BBAAABBYY it’s just so well done because we, as the audience, have been given clear evidence to build up this narrative of Annabel’s characterization fer so long now and to finally see it come together in a fiery explosion of lesbian angst with this latest chapter??? Gods, the writing of Nevermore will never not drive me absolutely insane in the membrane.

#if yall think this essay went crazy i need yall to kmow i once wrote a legit MLA cited college research paper about mf Bumbleby #and I got a high grade and everything yall heard me it was 12 pt new times roman and had literal academic sources to back up my points #i had to cut it down from 15 pages to like 10 bc of a max word count my prof set it was so sad #so yeahhhhhhh your girl may or may not just go crazy on the fictional analysis #which makes sense when u know that imma character-driven writer #anyways in conclusion i be clocking in to fight fer annabel as an amazingly written character like its a 9-5 job #to all the ppl who doubted her how yall feeling rn hmmmmmmm #annabel lee whitlock ur just so much fun to dissect like a lesbian lab project #nevermore webtoon #white raven #annabel lee whitlock #lenore vandernacht #prospero nevermore #<—i swear i care fer the rat man guys i rlly rlly do #but man. the way annabel’s shit was just to personal. it rlly got me okay???

164 notes · View notes

strwberri-milk · 10 months

Note

okay I'm doing dehyas story quest rn and how about kaeya / diluc / ayato with a mercenary!reader? like very assertive about their feelings, brings up issues when they arise rather than letting them fester yk 😅

Kaeya thinks it's a breath of fresh air. In his line of work he's so used to just constantly having to hide anything and everything away from everyone, and you just coming up to him to tell him how you feel or what issues you have makes his life so much easier.

However, he doesn't exactly always afford you the same luxury. You might find him annoying as he lets himself fester in his negative emotions or just hide things from you because he feels they aren't worth mentioning to you. Anything that he's going through he thinks is something unimportant, much to your annoyance.

This means that when you end up having to confront him and tell him that you don't like him doing that he just laughs awkwardly and tries to play dumb. When it becomes clear that you won't drop it he just has to begrudgingly admit whatever it is his issues are. However, you're not going to let him get away that easily. You end up just sitting him down and making him tell you everything he's been bottling up. It takes a while but you're just a little too good at your job so he does end up spilling all of the beans.

You tell him your honest opinions on things, making sure to let him know that you hear him and what you think of his problems to try and invite him to do the same. It's a bit of a growing process, but Kaeya's more than happy to grow with you.

Diluc doesn't like to confront his feelings either. He loves to keep busy to avoid having to really sit still and fester. However, you always telling him the truth makes it easy for him as that means you've taken out all of the guesswork.

He's very good at listening to how you feel and because he's more solution-oriented, any problems you bring up that he can fix, he will. That means any time you're just looking for comfort he finds himself struggling more. He is good at holding you and letting you speak but he's not exactly good with words of comfort.

Instead, he's taken to just asking you what you want him to do whenever you're feeling upset. It's good to know that he's at least consistent, but sometimes you can't help but feel like he's a little hollow or robotic about it.

Cue you talking to him again about it and Diluc panicking a little as he holds you in your arms exactly the way you want him to. He understands what you're trying to tell him but unfortunately, he's a little worried to break the status quo. He knows what works and foraying outside of that with you is scary because he doesn't want to mess up.

However, he takes your words to heart and starts working through his reservations. You're open about what you like and don't like which means he doesn't make too many mistakes, and he takes a page out of your book and works on being more open with you as well. He's always pretty okay with his issues and doesn't let them impact your relationship, but you can see how they eat at him which is why you always thank him whenever he's honest about how he feels.

Ayato is the most productive person to have this sort of conversation with. He's great at listening and adjusting himself accordingly, as well as bringing up his issues with you. It can be amusing to have these conversations as it seems almost diplomatic. You thought it was so funny that you even come to talk to him with meeting minutes, Ayato always giving you an amused smile at the scroll you put down in front of him as you prepare to bring up any issues.

He's grateful that you're willing to talk to him because he wouldn't personally broach the subject unless you do first. To him, if it's not a pressing concern that needs to be addressed immediately it might just get delayed until it does need to be addressed. He's got a lot on his plate, but he's fairly good at managing it to make sure you still get all the attention that you need and deserve.

He takes your thoughts and concerns and always considers them after a conversation, making sure that he doesn't do things you don't like. Even if you just mention it in passing he's made a mental note about it.

Again, issues that he has he does bring up to you whenever you start to bring yours up. Sometimes he'll take the initiative and talk to you first but to be blunt, he doesn't have many issues with you. He's happy where the two of you are at almost all times which is why he doesn't start the conversation very often.

#kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich x reader #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr x reader #ayato x reader #ayato kamisato x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader

147 notes · View notes

sarucane · 6 months

Text

OFMD Spiral Narrative 49: Whims, Self-Knowledge, and Committment

Intro: What I love most about how season 2 builds on season 1 of OFMD is the spiral narrative structure. Ground is repeatedly and explicitly re-trod from season 1 to season 2, but in season 2 everything goes deeper than season 1. Meanings are shuffled, emotions are stronger and truer, and transformation is showcased above everything. The first season plucks certain notes, then the second season plucks the same ones--but louder, and then it weaves them together to create a symphony.

---

Stede and Ed both make many decisions impulsively (although Ed more than Stede). But their whims are rather different: Ed's are the result of things he's been brooding on for a long time, which rise to the surface and become actions in the form of whims. Practically everything he does in S1E4 falls into this category: the way he's drawn to Stede and acts on that feeling, telling Stede "I'm Ed," the clothes swap: it all points to deeper dissatisfaction and longings.

Stede, on the other hand, acts on whims as a form of denial, as a bad coping mechanism to avoid dealing with or thinking about something he's having trouble getting his head around. The whims build on things that have been bubbling, but they amount to "X makes me scared/nervous/anxious, I'll throw myself into Y." The whims are fundamentally misguided ways of dealing with those X things. Going after the hostages in S1E2 is an example of this: Stede is transferring his fears about how he let down his family (his daddy issues) onto an unrelated situation, trying to prove that he's "adequate."

Some of their whims lead to disaster (Stede's more than Ed's), but others lead to goodness, and all work out in the end (since it's that kind of story). Whims aren't bad in this show, but over the course of season 2 Ed and Stede develop better, more self-aware relationships with whims. Because the problem isn't having those whims, or even acting on those whims: problems arise when they act on the whims without fully considering about how they'll negatively affect others, or engaging with those negative effects afterwards. Things like Stede dragging Olu and Pete into the woods with him to save the hostages, and Ed not thinking about how what Izzy might do in response to Ed's changes.

The first time the word "whim" is important on OFMD is in season 1 episode 10.

Mary has completely called him on this. Stede had been brooding about his family even before, but his decision to come back is so impulsive that he's not actually wearing shoes when he arrives. Instead of dealing with what a horrible person he thinks he is--or the intensity of what's happening with Ed--he tries to run back into a life that was empty, but safe. It didn't register on him 1) that he might not be welcome home and 2) that he'd be completely breaking Ed's heart. He can't deal with what's happening in his pirate life by running off back to his married life. But in season 1, Stede refuses to own this until he's forced. His reaction to being called on this shit is denial.

The next time the word whim appears on OFMD, it's also being thrown at Stede by an angry ex after his unwelcome return.

But this time it's Ed, and this time Stede doesn't reject the accusation. Instead, he goes wide with it: he points out that technically their whole relationship was founded on whims.

Whims aren't necessarily a point of conflict with Ed and Stede. They can be a point of empathy, of understanding.

The problem isn't the fact that Stede left on impulse, the problem is that he left. He didn't respect Ed's feelings, at the moment it was most important.

But under the whims, there's love. The whims aren't bad, but they're not a solid foundation for a long-term relationship.

Ed figures this out, and decides he wants feel more secure in his choices in future by considering them first.

He doesn't want to have whims bubble in his unconscious, unrecognized, and then manifest in real life without him understanding what's really happening in his own head.

He wants more solidity, more trust in himself and in Stede than he'll feel if they don't temper their impulses.

Because whims mean his actions may spin away from the kind of person he wants to be--and Stede's important to him, this relationship is important, and he doesn't want it to fail.

Stede recognizes this, he recognizes why it's important.

And then he and Ed proceed to both completely fail to follow through on that.

Each acts on one of their classic Stede and Ed whims. Sure, Stede's been "longing" for Ed for weeks--but sleeping together right now, when Stede knew that minus pressure, Ed wanted to take it slow, and when Stede's clearly freaked out by what just happened with Ned and trying to avoid fully dealing with it? That's a "Stede tries to deal with X by focusing on Y" kind of whim.

Still, it's worth noting that Ed doesn't at all blame Stede for acting on this whim and pushing Ed to go faster than he was ready for. The fact that what happened was impulsive isn't used to invalidate the relationship, like in the conversation at Anne and Mary's. There's an acceptance of the reality of Stede's "whims" implicit in the whole conversation. But rather than communicating about what's gone wrong and how to move forward, Ed panics and whims out.

And Ed's been thinking about leaving behind being a pirate for a while. He's been brooding over his own confusion about his sense of self--and what that means for his relationship--for a while. It's a panic move, but it speaks to real needs for a self-identity that's not dependent on piracy, and for surety that he's emotionally safe.

That said, Ed also isn't considering how this will impact Stede. He leaves insisting "fishermen and pirates are nothing alike." And he's horrified later when he realizes he might not have been there when Stede needed him most.

But by facing these whims and their consequences, each man grows.

Stede doesn't panic when Ed tells him he regrets their night together. He doesn't lash out over any hurt this causes him, or try to displace his pain (though later, he does exactly that and almost gets killed by Zheng). Right in the moment, he demonstrates real growth.

Stede sits with the kind of problem that used to send him running, and he engages constructively with the consequences of his whim.

Ed, meanwhile, thinks at first that his fisherman whim has worked out perfectly. Except it turns out that whims don't always work out against reality. Then he finds that following whims unquestioned meant he wasn't there when Stede needed him.

Ed's whims speak to real issues. Leaving Stede spoke to a sense of insecurity about himself and the relationship. But when he finds Stede's letter, he rediscovers security in that relationship.

And when he finds Stede, Stede understands why Ed followed that whim, and doesn't blame him.

Instead, he offers Ed security. Ed might not fully understand why he follows some whims, but Stede does. And Stede understands Ed well enough that Ed acting on his whims, even when he's careless, doesn't invalidate the relationship.

And then we come to the boys' final whim of the season: turning a shack (which they have clearly never entered) into an inn.

This could have been a negative whim. Ed becomes an innkeeper for a lot of the reasons he tried to become a fisherman, after all. But this is also more considered a whim than something like "we'll go to China."

And most important of all, Ed goes out of his way to make sure that he isn't steamrolling his partner by following this whim (like with the China thing). That they're in it together.

And Stede following his boyfriend to become an innkeeper could have been a displacement. He did just wind up in a world of trouble over being a pirate, after all. And he's watching his own ship sail off.

But this isn't displacement from Stede. This is commitment. Faith that the bones of the relationship are solid, whatever whims are laid over them. Knowing his own blind spots, knowing Ed's, and choosing which whim to follow--together.

#ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd meta #ed teach #stede bonnet #blackbonnet

63 notes · View notes

andrewwtca · 11 months

Text

the Aubrey problem (or how Omori's writing failed her)

Also available to read on Archive of our Own.

I really like video games. If the fanfiction, theory posts, and occasional essays weren’t enough, here’s me saying it—I really like video games! They’re a conversation between writing, art, music, and human interaction, between the player, the game, and the characters in them. Of course, not all games have all of that, some being only text-based, some being lifeless wastelands, but whatever they end up choosing to work with, they often do something amazing.

Sunny is one of my favorite protagonists in any realm of media—video game, movie, book—and he genuinely changed the way I view the world. Not just him, but the entire world built around him, Headspace and its charming inhabitants and the wondrous sights and music, the creative bosses that leave so much insight, the beautiful overworld that is Faraway and a nostalgic look into what we leave behind, and what we return to.

So that’s why I’m so disappointed I don’t like Aubrey.

This game blew my mind away when I first saw it—my first experience with the game wasn’t even my own playthrough, but sitting through a 20-hour longplay!—and I lost so many hours of sleep twisting and turning and trying to make peace with the grief it left me feeling. And after finishing, I realized that its flaws were plenty, but not enough to drag me out of my enjoyment. But Aubrey? Aubrey didn’t make me feel the way I knew she was supposed to.

That frustrated me, especially as I became a bigger and bigger fan of the game. I had no qualms about liking her archetype, the feminine bully with a tragic backstory, and yet I do with her.

As someone who craves literary analysis and in-depth looks into every media I consume, I just needed to know: what made me dislike Aubrey?

And after over two years of being a fan of the game, I’ve finally figured it out: it’s a good mixture of 1) lack of explanation, 2) rushed self-awareness, and 3) lackluster narrative choices. And I’ve found the words I needed to explain these concepts, so please join me on my messy journey to understanding what went wrong with Aubrey.

preface

If you’re an Aubrey apologist, this essay is not for you. I’ve heard plenty of arguments about why Aubrey was actually in the right, not limited to “Basil deserved it,” and, “Aubrey was hurting too,” so I’d like to begin by stating that Aubrey was a bully very clearly.

Rejecting the notion that she actively harmed others is rejecting a core component of understanding her character. Before we dive into her character and how the writing failed her character arc, I would like us all to be on the same page: she physically, verbally, and socially bullied Basil. It was not Basil’s fault, and it will never be a victim’s fault to get bullied. She is not the victim of her own crime, just like how Sunny is not the victim of Mari’s death, and Basil is not the victim of Mari’s hanging. We, as the player, are to recognize their responsibilities in their actions. The same must be extended to Aubrey.

Some people feel the need to deny this aspect of her character to justify her actions and/or justify liking her. Firstly, the purpose of this essay isn’t to villainize anyone for liking Aubrey. I’m simply analyzing what was attempted with her character and why it didn’t strike a chord with me and so many others. Secondly, as Kel wisely said, “Just because you did something bad, doesn't make you a bad person.” I’m not here to say that Aubrey is a bad person—no, nobody in Omori is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and labeling characters as such is taking away the nuance they possess. And I’m certainly not saying liking a character who did something bad makes you bad, either!

Liking Aubrey is in no way a problem (which makes me a tad bit sad that I need to clarify), and I’ll even go as far as to say kudos to you, but if you bend and twist to stop her from holding any responsibility for her actions, that’s when problems arise. Basil is a fictional character and won’t care if you think it was his fault he was bullied, but for the people around you who may have been in similar positions to him?

And lastly, I want to say that if you cite sexism as the reason people don’t like Aubrey… actually, this is the perfect transition into the analysis.

gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

Femme bullies are not a new phenomenon. Perhaps it’s the break from the stereotypical sweet feminine girl that makes them so fascinating, using their femininity to not sing to animals or wish for a man, but pull down others and advance their status.

I, for one, adore the femme bully trope. Especially if they’re one who used to be extremely kind and underwent some sort of ‘fall from grace’ that led to a bastardization. But, as for all bullies, if they are left without a proper backstory and motivation, I’m turned off from them. Most humans are not mean just because they can be but rather are products of how they were raised. When these causes are ignored, the trope falls flat, and instead of being a good reconstruction, it’s a flat stereotype.

The best way to analyze this is by comparing Aubrey’s character to good examples of femme bullies in the past. Specifically, I’m picking my favorites: Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion, Nanami from Revolutionary Girl Utena, and Sophie from The School for Good and Evil. I’m going to do a quick (and a bit sarcastic) overview of their characters in their respective media, but a quick warning for suicide in Asuka’s overview, and animal cruelty in Nanami’s.

Asuka is a pilot for one of the mechas, the Evangelion, and she always thought of herself as better than everyone. Well, of course, she would: she studied hard, worked harder than everyone around her, and she’s just naturally talented. And yet, she’s still always threatened by others and how they can ruin her status. Specifically, for the course of the show, she targets Shinji—he’s this nobody from nowhere who could suddenly pilot an Eva, while she had to fight her whole life to get here! How is that fair? And what has that asshole been through anyway? Did he have to see his mother’s corpse after she committed suicide as a small child? Did he fight for his mother’s love his entire life just for her to kill herself? Does he have to fight for male attention just so he isn’t thrown aside? No, of course not! So how is any of it fair?

Nanami is the sister to the wonderful student body president Touga, and she wants nothing more than his attention. And with her being the youngest of the cast, one cannot be mad at her for not understanding the severity of violence and finality of death, so her anger as a small child with a kitten whom Touga adored is also understandable. One simply cannot be mad at her for drowning it. So, of course, you cannot blame her for wanting to punish the ever-elusive Anthy and Utena, who Touga has become fixated on. What does Anthy or Utena have that Nanami doesn’t? They’re stupid girls, not Touga’s sister. No matter what, Nanami is going to win her brother’s affection (and in her pursuit, ignore how horribly he’s been manipulating her the entire time).

And Sophie is the Witch of Woods Beyond, capable of powerful spells beyond the imagination, from a place that few know of. And she wants nothing more than for her own fairy-tale ending—why do all the princesses around her get princes and castles and beautiful dresses, and she’s doomed to being hideous and alone for the rest of her life? Who decided that for her? She’s beautiful, after all, so she should be a princess! It doesn’t matter who stands in the way of her happily ever after; especially not if it’s Agatha, her lifelong best friend. No matter what, Sophie will not end up like her mother who died all alone, with her husband forgetting her and moving on. Sophie will be loved, no matter who she has to hurt.

What do they all have in common? Firstly, they’re all girls. As stated, femme bullies are different from masc bullies, especially as they reveal aspects of femininity and womanhood in general that many people—see, a male audience—will neglect to face, and overall uncover sexism that's still present in both media and society. Secondly, they’re all bullies, and they targeted someone in particular who they saw as detrimental to their happiness. And thirdly, they all had specific upbringings that conditioned them to have their ‘falls from grace’. What is this third, unidentified thing?

Mommy issues!

(Sorry, I know Nanami technically has a brother complex, but I just wanted to say mommy issues.)

A pattern has been developed with all of these girls. They all start fairly, what one can call, ‘feminine’ or at least, per standard stereotypes. They’re gentle and sweet and shine when needed. And they all have a ‘fall from grace’—a moment, or sequence of moments, that leads them to reject traditional femininity and embrace a more vengeful version of it. And a final moment, where they are faced with their opposite, who represents all that they do not have.

Asuka was sweet and kind and bubbly until her mother killed herself. After that, she dedicated herself to her studies and getting adult male attention through means of the over-sexualization of herself. And then, she began to bully Shinji.

Sophie was sweet and kind and bright until her mother died. After that, she idolized her mother’s false display of femininity and became obsessed with becoming a princess. And then, at the School for Evil, she began to bully Agatha.

Nanami was assumedly sweet—she deviates from this pattern slightly, being built off assumptions of a good past rather than showcases—until she was brought into this family and became obsessed with her brother and was manipulated by him. After that, she became desperate for his attention, fighting any other who could take it. And then, she began to bully Utena (and Anthy.)

While Nanami does deviate from this pattern, they all have clear origins. They were not bullies from the start. As aforementioned, in the face of an adversary, the majority of people do not turn to hurting one another. Something in their pasts, their ‘falls from grace’, was the foundation of their actions, what led them to believe what they were doing was okay. It’s not justification—it's a much-needed explanation. After all, if you do not understand, how can you empathize?

Still, you may fail to see my point. The game has lots of hints of Aubrey’s troubled upbringing. And that’s exactly what the problem is. These girls have clear origins while Aubrey’s is muddled.

Of course, I don’t expect Omori to have spoon-fed me details of her past. You can put the pieces together by walking through her home and seeing bottles laid on the ground. But, even in a game dependent on nuance and having the player put certain things together, it’s better to leave things out directly rather than to work a way around.

To build up a good femme bully, we need a good origin story. What happened to her that made her turn to violence? Why should we care? We know Aubrey probably had a troubled childhood. But the game doesn’t supply enough. It leaves too much to fill in the blanks. I know that Asuka saw her mother’s corpse, I know that Sophie was forced into a misogynistic viewpoint upon her mother’s death, and I know that Nanami was manipulated to hell and back. I know what these girls have been through so I know why they ended up walking their paths.

But the game simply doesn’t reveal enough about Aubrey. Fan speculation is not enough. Canon interpretation should not be confused with fan interpretation—according to the fans, Aubrey’s father is a deadbeat, and her mother is an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. According to the game? Aubrey’s dad is “strict”, and her house is an absolute disaster. The house is one of the biggest clues as to Aubrey’s childhood, and while some may praise this as ‘showing and not telling’, the game never tries to make workarounds for the other characters (which I will dig deeper into later). I can assume what happened in her house but it’s not my job to find ways to empathize with the character; that is the story’s job.

This is the first of Omori’s three sins and we haven’t even scratched the surface.

actions speak more than words, or something like that

I recently saw a post that I thought would make a good intro for this section. It’s an apologist post for Aubrey, discussing how the game did treat her with just enough harshness—that because she’s been beating herself up, because she’s suffered a public breakdown, because it took kindness to help her heal, it’s proof of her regret. There’s some good Basil blaming in there too, with a strange turn saying that she refused to leave Basil’s house because of her willingness to turn over a new leaf. And it ends with a weird claim that she was a “good person all along,” (implying an argument otherwise), but I’m not here to rat on that post.

Despite how frustrated the post made me, I am inclined to agree. It’s black-and-white to state that Aubrey didn’t change at all. If you compare her first Faraway appearance to her final scenes, she’s a completely different person. Which would've been nice if the change didn’t take two scenes.

Much like how I compared Aubrey’s backstory to that of other femme bullies, I’m going to compare Aubrey’s redemption to that of my favorite redemption story in all of media: Riku from Kingdom Hearts (the fact that I’m so in touch with his story may also explain some of my disappointment with Aubrey’s).

Riku starts off his journey on Destiny Islands. He’s always wondered what lies beyond his small home and dreamed of taking a sailboat with his best friends, Sora and Kairi. However, jealousy is an awful thing—Sora and Kairi are close. And it seems that Riku has been hearing about how they’re thinking of leaving him behind. So, he does what any teenager dealing with larger-than-life feelings does: he gives in to the magical Darkness and effectively kills everyone on the islands, separating him, Sora, and Kairi (don’t worry—everyone comes back.)

By the end of the game, he’s come to his senses, but it takes a lot of time. He fights with Sora a lot because he just knows, deep down, that he’s right and Sora is wrong, and if Sora would just listen…but no. Sora keeps abandoning him. So he has to work through that and all the feelings that accompany those abandonment issues, he has to work through the question of “What is even making me want to kill my best friend, anyway?”, and he has to work through “Wait…can I kill my best friend?” So, it takes a lot of time for him to get to his senses.

And then, he goes through hell. Literally and metaphorically. He dedicates himself wholly to making up for what he did. How? Well, he first identifies what he did wrong—he separated from his friends, he gave in to his jealousy, and he submerged his home in Darkness. He apologizes for it directly—although he doesn’t have a chance to speak with Sora right away, he's constantly apologizing for the fact that he gave in to the Darkness, so much that it became a running gag to some fans. He put up distance—he didn’t feel like he was owed forgiveness right away (or at all, but that’s a different matter) and didn’t stick at Sora’s side to wait for his best friend to forgive him. He worked hard to show that he’s changed—it would be a much longer essay if I attempted to explain the lengths he went through, but it’s not limited to allowing himself to be possessed, going to literal Hell, forcing himself into isolation, and enduring multiple handicapping injuries.

Long story short? He really, really tries to make it up to Sora. And when he and Sora finally talk (it took three years in real life, took perhaps a year in the game), Sora doesn’t even hesitate to forgive his friend…though it may be in part to Sora just being Sora. Nevertheless, Riku had earned that forgiveness.

And then, after that, Riku continues to give himself hell! He never stops to sweep what he did under the rug. It’s a part of him, after all, an ugly past but his past nonetheless. It does not define him but it cannot be forgotten, otherwise, he hasn't learned anything at all.

Deep breath. We talked a lot about Kingdom Hearts in an Omori essay. But it’s important to understand the sheer depth put into his redemption: identification, distance, and work.

What’s most frustrating about Aubrey’s arc is that fragments of this good writing exist, but that’s what they are: fragments. I would like it to be stated for the record that everything I explained for Riku’s arc wasn’t me creating speculation based on what the games said. It’s what the games literally came out and said. Aubrey however…

Identification—she apologizes to Sunny, Kel, and Hero by saying “I’m sorry, guys… I’ve been acting like such a jerk.” While I may give her grief for the usage of the word ‘jerk’ when perhaps a stronger, more evocative term would’ve done a better job, it’s certainly better than what she said in front of Basil’s door: "I just wanted to say that… I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you.” Completely separating herself from the issue at hand.

Distance—none. She's immediately reintroduced to her old friend group, at a rate that ended up giving me whiplash the first time around. The question, “What about the Hooligans?” is never brought up, and things are back to how they always were, with no problems at all.

Work—Aubrey stayed the night at Basil’s house, wanting to make sure he was safe. To which, if you end up getting the neutral ending, you get the most insightful message of Aubrey’s arc (which is technically non-canon): “I'm so sorry, Basil. Please forgive me…” If getting the good or bad ending, her staying the night meant literally nothing, as Sunny’s fight took the reins.

These are fragments of a character arc. These are fragments of good characterization. While I praise Omori for how often it appears realistic, this kind of exponential growth simply isn’t. In what world, does someone who’s been bullying someone for four years, take less than two days to realize she’s been a bully and decide to change the entire course of her life?

While I could rat on Aubrey, this isn’t her problem. This is the game misreading what makes a good redemption. Redemption means work. It means effort. It is not a character simply changing their ways. Those characters feel cheap and empty—there’s a reason, after all, why the majority of fans always characterize Aubrey as the mean girl she’s shown to be when she first appeared in fan works. It’s because the ‘new’ Aubrey, the Aubrey buried under layers of hurt, hasn’t earned the right to exist.

The Riku I love in Kingdom Hearts III has earned the right to be angsty and gay and happy and his new self because he’s put in 17 years' worth of effort to become that person. It’s beautiful, it’s inspiring, it’s hopeful—you can make a mistake and go past it. It doesn’t define you. You can be forgiven. You can have hurt and have been hurt and still be worthy of love and loving.

The Aubrey at the end of Omori has not earned the right to be there, simply put. She’s the product of lazy, or ignorant writing, and it feels harsh to type out, but there’s no other way to describe it. Her self-awareness happened too quickly. She passes by Sunny’s house every day, sees Kel playing basketball every day, and could freely visit Mari’s grave whenever she wants—there were four years for her to change who she was. If Kel wasn’t able to give up his toxic positivity until the bitter end of the neutral ending, it’s quite hard to believe that a few hours of just talking made her change her ways. Especially considering that the Hooligans were characterized as her new, accepting friends, who love her and hear her out.

And again, the best fragment of an arc that could’ve been appears in the neutral ending! While it was not directly Aubrey’s actions that led Basil to take his life, it’s very impactful to see her begin to blame herself. It’s not right for her to blame herself—but that’s perhaps the only scene in the entire game where I really sympathized with her. It’s the only scene in the entire game where I truly saw that she wanted to change.

A quick note I wanted to pull out before finishing: the inclusion of the Hooligans. They were, again, fragments of an amazing arc. While they could’ve been a good way to show how kind Aubrey still is, they are thrown aside and mainly included in scenes where Aubrey is still being a bully. It’s in content outside of the game (see: Aubrey birthday comic) that they contrast Aubrey’s harsh exterior and show her sweet insides. But no, they’re underdeveloped and unutilized to make Aubrey’s arc feel doable.

There seems to be a very clear culprit to both this and the femme bully problem, and a solution that should’ve been considered more deeply.

rome wasn’t built in a day

There’s a loud rumor in the Omori fandom that Omori was originally supposed to take place over ten days rather than three days. While I’m not sure how much merit this rumor has, the fact that it exists leads me to my ultimate point:

Omori should’ve been longer.

Specifically, Omori should’ve taken place over a longer period.

EDIT: Before we continue, I just had an excellent conversation with a friend ( /ᐠ ._. ᐟ\ﾉ ). This solution only applies to if one is unwilling to change Aubrey's core character; essentially, the extent of her bullying. By making her someone who goes out of her way to torment Basil, significant screen time is going to be needed to properly unpack all that's been given. Making the base game ten days is only my opinion of the best choice, but there are other ways to solve this. However, the best course of action would be to change the extent of Aubrey's bullying on Basil—in other words, changing how Aubrey's anger presents itself.

For example, she would simply hold a grudge over what she believed was Basil destroying the photos, being extremely passive aggressive towards him. It would make a reconciliation between her and Basil, much, much more doable as well, perhaps him seeking her out in the first place in a peaceful manner to look for the photos. The lake scene could be an emotional explosion for her, perhaps finding out Basil just gave the photo album to Sunny, who is literally about to leave, and then pushes him into the lake. Then, the reflection she has next would fit what has tonally been established, seeming doable. She had, after all, been on good terms with Basil, even if for a little while.

By ‘lackluster narrative choices’, I am referring literally to the belief that Omori should not have been a game that took place in three days. I’m not here to argue about the game's mechanics—should Headspace have been that long? What is the point of a world created to serve as escapism, which should be fleeting moments of happiness, when it ends up being longer than the real world?—as much as I’m here to argue that this is a flaw of the game’s writing as opposed to a game design standpoint.

I’m not going to pretend I know how to make a video game. I’m enthusiastic about them, I follow their development and creation, and I strive to learn as much as I can about the ones that are dear to me, but I’m not going to pretend I know the first thing about making a video game. Omori’s development is one of the most infamous parts of its legacy, and the notion of extending the game would’ve only been another strain on the extended period between its announcement and its final release.

But, I know how to tell a story. Or, at the very least, I know what makes a good story. Now, the three days format of the game serves its other protagonists amazingly.

Sunny, whose arc mainly develops through the interfering ideas established in the real world and the ones previously established in Headspace, doesn’t need an extended time in the real world. His story takes place in his dreams, and the foundations of Headspace are already extremely insecure, based on the idea of covering up the truth. But when faced with a separate truth in reality, despite only a brief exposure, the lies created to protect Headspace fall apart. So Sunny’s arc does not depend on how long he spent in the real world.

Kel and Hero, on the other hand, have a very small arc. They are not flat and are very much dynamic when you compare how they started and how they ended up. However, the majority of their arc had taken place off-screen. The majority of their characterization does not occur through direct interaction with Sunny—we don’t learn about Hero’s depression because of him having a breakdown, but rather Kel discussing it. And in that same scene, we learn about Kel’s toxic positivity and the strain it’s taking on him, rather than through the game. This recontextualization is perfect for Kel and Hero. The change that occurred after Mari’s death is not easily seen by Sunny, and through it being slowly revealed instead, we learn the nature of their changes. Nonetheless, their changes occurred after Mari’s death and another change will occur most likely after the revelation of the truth—either way, their character arcs do not depend on the length of the three days. No amount of time would’ve changed them without Sunny revealing the truth (and as aforementioned, Sunny’s time was well spent in Headspace).

And finally, Basil. He's in the same boat as Kel and Hero, having an arc that occurs entirely off-screen. The difference is, however, the amount of emphasis the game puts on what happened to him as opposed to a few cutscenes with the brothers (though it is understandable, given his role as the game’s deuteragonist). His arc is a downward spiral, from an already unstable boy to an insecure mess who becomes obsessed with the sole idea of keeping his best friend safe. While it’s a progression of who he used to be, it’s development nonetheless, and it also happens off-screen. Given Basil’s fragile mindset, furthermore, the appearance of Sunny suddenly was enough to throw him off, given he was already planning on taking his own life. His rapid spiral into an even worse mess which leads to the fight between him and Sunny, therefore, is understandable. And, similarly to Kel and Hero, his real change will only occur after Sunny reveals the truth. Basil’s character development does not at all depend on how long the game would be.

The simple fact is that the other characters do not go through a drastic change on the days that Sunny comes out, and Sunny’s change was fueled by the existence of Headspace, not by the real world. The game taking place in three days does not affect the others. That is good storytelling. Using the game’s time frame to properly convey their arcs having occurred off-screen.

Aubrey, however, is not subject to that same praise. Her arc occurs on screen—while she descended to becoming a bully after Mari’s death, the arc we the viewer are supposed to acknowledge is her redemption. And three days just isn’t enough time.

The last two problems I covered, a lack of detailed backstory and a general lack of redeeming actions, lie in the same problem: the game went past those scenes far too quickly, as though Aubrey’s redemption is not essential to understanding her. It’s as though the game is trying to place importance on relationships and the joys of rekindling, rather than having to actually rekindle a relationship, having to put in the work. If the game had been slightly longer, Aubrey’s story could’ve been dealt with in a far more effective manner.

I am not Omocat, nor am I a part of the development team. I do not have the ideal solution for what could’ve been. I do, however, have a few ideas that I’d like you, my audience, to consider. How much do you think the game would’ve changed if it was ten days instead of three?

As already explained, Sunny, Kel, Hero, and Basil would not have had any significant difference if the game took place longer. Perhaps, there would’ve been a more natural awkwardness present that accompanies talking to someone for the first time in four years, but aside from that, the events of the game would’ve just taken longer.

Aubrey, however, would’ve had some actual thinking time. Her fight in the church would be her turning point, and her then isolation would feel like she had time to think things over. For a few days, Aubrey would have to be absent, and given the impression she left on the players, this absence would be heavily felt. It would be her return so much more effective, especially if she returns as someone who is unsteady due to their actions.

For the next few days, leading up to Aubrey deciding to stay the night at Basil’s house, we have the chance to know and forgive her better—perhaps, similar to Kel talking to Sunny about Hero’s depression, Aubrey can explain what it was like growing up in her household. Not as a defense, but as an explanation. She would do things with the rest of the group, and she would at a more natural rate, be integrated once again. And not just anything! She would actively help them with whatever the ten days would have to offer, and it would show that she is hurting over her actions.

And, finally, when she would decide to stay at Basil’s house, it wouldn’t feel like the game was just trying to have the cast together for one last moment, but it would feel like she’s trying to bridge the gap of all the hurt she created. When she would go to Basil’s door, it wouldn’t feel like the game was just trying to convince us to forget about her actions, but it would feel like she’s reflected and attempted a new leaf. And hopefully, the game would offer a more heartfelt apology, given more context and material to work with.

Four years of bullying can’t go away in ten days. But that’s not what the game was trying to argue in the first place—it wasn’t fully erasing Aubrey’s action, but trying to create the stepping stone for a way back. But the three days poorly argued her case, with a rushed and lacking version of redemption, and it made her ‘final character’ feel poor.

At the very least, ten days would have allowed the audience to empathize and begin to understand her. And, more importantly, it would’ve made sense that she understood the weight of her actions. And the Aubrey she became, whoever that girl would be?

She would’ve been so, so loved.

a little love in our lives

This has been on my mind for an awful lot of time. Sunny, as aforementioned, is one of my favorite characters of all time (if not my favorite), but the entire cast has a spot in my heart and is very dear to me. That includes Aubrey, but she benefits from association, which hurts me—I hate when girls in media are defined by their relationships with other guys. I wanted to get to the heart of why I couldn’t get her to stand on her own.

To summarize: Aubrey’s character was criminally mismanaged. Instead of it being a hopeful story of redemption, someone finally breaking the cycle of abuse and breaking free of her toxic household, seeking forgiveness by taking an active part in Basil’s healing, she is let off too quickly and makes all her further scenes feel twice as empty. The ideal solution would have been to have the game take place over a larger period, rather than a rushed three days, to allow the audience to empathize and relate to her.

Aubrey apologists truly astound me. I find so many flaws in her writing, and yet other people manage to see those flaws as perfections. I see people making very absurd, ableist arguments, and it makes me question the humanity of many fans, but I’ve always been intrigued by how many different perspectives there are surrounding her. I’ve seen some who relate to her because they were bullies or because they’ve been abandoned by others; so some valid reasons, and others very concerning. But it’s telling how our own experiences make us relate to different characters and help us understand why someone stands in the places they do.

…do you see what I did there? I started talking about relating backgrounds and how that benefits our understanding and— yeah, I suppose you understand, if you got this far (almost 6k words, you should be proud of yourself). If you’re still unfazed and believe that Aubrey’s writing was splendid, all the power to your fannish behaviors. But if I’ve opened your eyes a bit as to the flaws in her writing or if I’ve been able to explain your dislike of her, then I’m glad. It’s important to discuss things that didn’t stick the way they were meant to so that we can do better and we can learn.

Omori’s writing failed Aubrey. Some fans took that as a challenge. I’ve said before that canon interpretation should be separate from fanon interpretation, but I’d have to be heartless (Kingdom Hearts pun intended) to say that many fan’s interpretations didn’t get me to feel with her. I think Aubrey could’ve been brilliant, and while Omori didn’t fully capture that, a lot of fans did. So to everyone who makes art, whether it’s a drawing, a written work, a video, a song, an edit, or whatever, thank you for sharing it. Thank you for telling your stories.

I feel like writing these analysis pieces without connecting them to our own life experiences is pointless. So, to everyone else, please tell your stories. Tell your stories of redemption and love and forgiveness, because that’s what Aubrey’s story was meant to be about, and that’s what we all need in this world. Tell your stories, no matter what they are, because that is what ties us all together. We are made of stories and we return to them. We learn from them and we become better people. We become kinder—and we could all use a little more kindness in the world.

Thanks for reading!

#omori #omori meta #omori analysis #aubrey omori #media analysis #meta essay #literary analysis is my special interest #andrew's essays

177 notes · View notes

broadwaybalogna · 12 days

Text

[Zutara] oneshot! In which Zuko starts taking meds and faces the effects :/

Zuko did not want medication. He had spent years of his life telling himself that very fact. From the moment his mother left to now, ten years later, he was sure he would never need to take something to change his feelings.

But too many nights spent crying on Katara’s shoulder seemed to argue otherwise.

Katara’s quiet pleas for Zuko to try medication or therapy didn’t go ignored by the ladder, he was just so adamant about not needing them. He didn’t understand what burden he was placing on Katara by doing so until later. On top of having a job and working the house, she was Zuko’s own personal therapist. Not that she ever complained, she would never try to make Zuko go back to bottling up his emotions like he had for years before. Zuko recognized all the effort she put into to make herself a safe space for Zuko, and he thoroughly appreciated it.

It took him longer than it should’ve to recognize that Katara herself was also suffering from her own problems. She went to therapy weekly, still coping with the tragic loss of her mother from a few years earlier. Not knowing how to handle her emotions, she signed up to get a therapist after saving money for a few months. Her therapist seemed to help her a lot, although she often came out of the building her sessions were housed in teary eyed and solemn. Zuko could see the change in her everyday demeanor, however.

They had originally bonded over the loss of their mothers, as weird as it may seem. They had found comfort in knowing that another person understood their pain on a level they didn’t necessarily know if even their siblings did.

Zuko was extremely proud of Katara’s improvement, but that didn’t mean that she still wasn’t struggling. He understood she was having some inner familial issues, but not much more than that. He heard her light cries at night in their shared bathroom before bed. When confronted about it, she would change the subject.

Zuko didn’t realize until recently that Katara felt she would be putting too much on Zuko’s plate if she mentioned the problems to him. And after some self evaluating, Zuko realized she wasn’t wrong.

Knowing that Katara was keeping her problems to herself because her own spouse didn’t have the capacity to help her is what pushed Zuko to finally go to the doctors and get a prescription.

The process wasn’t as daunting as he thought it would be. Yes, he had to open up all his doors and inner thoughts to a person who he did not know on any form of a personal basis, and it mentally drained him to an extreme, but it wasn’t a horrible experience.

When he came home with his new prescription, Katara gave him a long hug and quick kiss on the cheek. She was proud at him for taking the first step to getting better.

He started taking his meds for two weeks before his problems started arising. The first week was just 25mg as his doctor wanted to ease him into the usual 50mg. After the first week, he started the 50mg dosage.

He didn’t realize at first, but he began going to bed later than he usually would. He would toss and turn to a much longer extent than before, and even though his eyes were heavy and his body was tired, his mind seemed to race with excitement over unnecessary topics.

He didn’t understand what was occurring until it was 1am and he had been trying to fall asleep for two hours. He gently cupped Katara between his arms and spooned her until he finally relaxed, her sweet smell of lavender shampoo etching itself into his mind.

When he awoke, Katara was facing him, combing her hands through his hair in an attempt to soothe him. Instead of falling asleep in this circumstance like he normally would, he found himself gaining more and more consciousness. He reduced the problem to ‘rising with the sun’.

The next night, he found himself in the same situation as the last, tossing and turning but feeling unable to get comfortable no matter what position he was in.

”Zuko, are you alright?” Katara asked, groggily.

”I-“ Zuko started, taking a moment to think, “yeah, don’t worry about it.”

”Are you sure? You were like this last night too.”

”It’s fine, I guess I’m just stressed over work.” Zuko rolled into his back and stared at the ceiling.

”Hey,” Katara said, grabbing Zuko’s shoulder and pulling him to he was facing her. She lightly cupped his face in one of her hands as she examined his eyes. “You can talk to me, you know that, right? You’re never inconveniencing me when you do.” Her voice was slightly raspy, layered with sleepiness, but her words sent a surge of emotions through Zuko.

”I know you’re dealing with a lot,” Zuko sighed, “I don’t want to add more onto your plate.”

Katara took a deep breath in. “That’s family stuff. It happens annually. You can’t be a part of my family without some sick drama,” she rolled her eyes, “You and me? That’s right now, this moment. Nothing else is coming between us and proper beauty sleep,” she let out a soft chuckle. Zuko did the same.

He sighed, knowing that Katara had won. “It might be something to do with that medication,” he finally admitted, “It did say something about sleep problems.” Katara hummed.

”You have been a little more active during the night,” she deducted.

”I feel like I’m being plagued with thoughts about my life. Where I am, why I’m here, how to continue.”

Katara sucked in a sharp breath.

”Not like that,” Zuko quickly clarified. “Just— how to continue working myself? Where do I go in life from here? How do I improve myself? Do I even want to?” He mumbled the last question to himself a bit more, slightly hoping Katara hadn’t heard him.

Katara took a long moment to think. Zuko thought for a moment she had fallen asleep. His thoughts dispersed when she took another deep breath in before talking. Her voice was low, and if it weren’t for the silence of the world around them, he doubt he would’ve been able to hear her otherwise.

”For a long time, I didn’t know who I was without my trauma. It shaped my entire personality to who I am today. Every piece of me became what it was because of my own suffering. I didn’t know how different I would be if I… healed. The idea of a version of myself that wasn’t who I was in that moment was scary… But I realized, over time, that even though those moments will forever shape who I am as a person, they don’t have to define me. I am not some girl who lost her mother two years ago and goes to therapy for it. I’m more than that. And you’re more than the boy with father issues who needs medication. We improve ourselves each day by living and accepting that we can be better. And I look forward to knowing that the next day, I’ll get new experiences that will shape who I become.”

Zuko took a long moment to think about her words. He wanted so badly to be more than the kid who’s mom left and dad never treated him well. He didn’t want people to think of him as that person when they saw him. He wanted to be more.

Zuko nodded in understanding. Katara grabbed the back of his head and gently pushed it down so she could kiss his forehead.

”We’ll call your doctor tomorrow, they’ll know where to go from here. In the meantime, Sleep when you can, dear, I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”

Zuko smiled and cuddled up to her, his head in her chest. Katara combed her hands through his hair until she eventually fell asleep. He didn’t fall asleep until later that night, but knowing that Katara was there for him, no matter what, certainly helped his efforts.

#angst #fanfiction #atla katara #katara #zuko #atla zuko #zutara #love #fluff

25 notes · View notes

circyexistforcontent · 1 year

Note

There's a team comp event yay

So like uh I have 3 teams that actually work to dps

Team Ganyu is Kokomi, Ganyu with Yelan's weapon, Diona and Shenhe, who shares a Sands with Klee and Wanderer (Hajime)

Team Nahida is Kokomi, Nahida, Keqing or Klee, and Yelan or Diona who shares her entire artifact set with Yaoyao because Tenac is a pain in the ass. When I use Yelan I take Aqua Simulacra from Ganyu and put it on Yelan. Ganyu has a Skyward Harp anyway

Team Scaramochi is Hajime, Faruzan, Benny and Kokomi. Benny is often exchanged for Diona. I've been debating putting Yelan instead sometimes.

Feel free to choose whichever one lol 🤗

TEAMP COMP: WANDERER, FARUZAN, BENNY, KOKOMI FT. DIONA Note: I-I'll take the last team, please, I just came back to the genshin fandom I don't know most of this information-

♥ Poor Kokomi, why did you place her on this team? She has to deal with both Wanderer and Faruzan arguing with each other, along with Benny's sulking self and bad luck always sabotaging the team. Diona is just sipping on some juice she made back at her home and smiles, thinking about the time you will come and use her again.

♥ Kokomi, despite being a Hydro sub-DPS, still takes the place of a leader due to her experience back at Watatsumi Island. She helps with the team and plans a strategy so their damage can be higher and you'll use their team more often. It is a bit hard due to you having two Anemo vision users on the team, but with Benny and Diona she can make a plan easily. Still, she burns herself out with how much she carries this team. Wanderer is stubborn, claiming that he'll only follow your orders and not hers, he sometimes even goes out of the plan when fighting in domains. Faruzan is okay, she follows the plan and even helps Kokomi, but that doesn't mean she's out of the problem. Faruzan eggs on Wanderer when he mentions how he's the better Anemo user, causing the both of them to fight. Benny and DIona are the only sweethearts in this team, and are the only ones Kokomi appreciates.

♥ Faruzan has been trapped inside a ruin for a century. Who wouldn't become paranoid about being alone again? She wants to cling to you and never let go. She will do her best in the challenges! She will also do as many commissions as possible for you! Just please don't bench her! That being said she clashes a lot with Wanderer, or Hajime as you call him, due to him being possessive of you. She thinks Wanderer shouldn't be on the team if he's not willing to cooperate with Kokomi, by extension not willing to help you progress more in the game. She stands by her own beliefs and does not back down when an argument arises between the two of them. She's not going to use her weapon, she's more professional than that. But if it's needed to get a point across Wanderer's head, maybe it isn't a far possibility.

♥ Wanderer is possessive, the reason why is explained in his past. He's trying to be a better person after being given a chance by Kusanali, but he still falls back down every time he sees you close to one of the characters. He tries to get your attention through voice lines that were not in the game, to doing idle animations you've never seen before. Can you take the hint of what he's trying to tell you? (you just wanted to play genshin-) Why do you need another Anemo user when you already have him? With that in mind, he doesn't like Faruzan. He thinks she's being overbearing and selfish with your attention, and you already know what happens when a clingy yandere and a possessive yandere have the same love interest. They fight. A lot. Kokomi had to hold him back so many times before the fight turns physical. Just, be careful about who you pay more attention too. Better yet, split their time equally.

♥ Benny is sad that he gets switched often with Diona, but understands. You need someone who doesn't have a curse holding them back from doing their best. He's alright with seeing his new adventure team running around without him. He's definitely not on the verge of tears! When he's not in your team, he sits on the bottom of your statue off-screen. It brings him a little comfort being near you in some way, and your statue is the second closes thing aside from being in your control. His dads comfort him, saying that you're just giving him a day off after he works so hard for your team. It doesn't do much, he wants to always be on your team! He doesn't need a day off. He is a little jealous of DIona, but he's not going to fight her. He thinks it'll only upset you further so he holds back any anger that threatens to spill over.

♥ Diona is smug. Haha! She knew her talents would soon be acknowledged by you. She works to make her shields better than they already are, even practicing how to use her bow better so that she always hits her target. She doesn't mind her team, at least, not as much. She scampers away to hide behind Kokomi whenever Faruzan and Hajime start fighting so as to not get involved or affected by the fight. But she's willing to deal with this team if it means being a step closer to you!

♥ I feel like this team wouldn't work out properly. But with Kokomi, it will somehow still work out. Benny's elemental burst is useful for the team and Diona's shield provides a lot of support for the other three team members. Faruzan and Wanderer strive to hit higher numbers just for you, killing off the mobs easily and ending the challenge quickly. It's a big contrast to when they are offline...

164 notes · View notes

cy-cyborg · 8 months

Note

What kind of worldbuilding would you expect from a world where amputation is really common? (NOT a cyberpunk thing. The technology is somewhere between Bronze Age and Middle Ages, which I know is really broad but I’m indecisive). Also the most common cause of amputation is disease, not war or anything like that, in case it makes a difference. So far all I’ve come up with is that assistive technology isn’t limited to more urban/populated areas, and people treat amputations as commonplace. Sorry if this is too random

Ok, so my answer to this will depend of what kind of tone you want. Do you want it to be normalised in a more idealist/optimistic way, or do you want to do worldbuilding around the new problems that would likely arise and take a more pessimistic approach? Either way there's a lot you can do with a setting like that and I absolutely love world building stuff like this! I was actually working on another post kind of similar to what you're asking for, so I have a lot prepared lol. apologies for the long post in advance.

Here are some questions/suggestions I would consider:

What are the views around Amputation in this setting? Do any stereotypes or beliefs appear around it?

Just because a disability is common, doesn't always mean it's accepted, or accepted unconditionally, nor does it mean people won't make odd assumptions about it. Obviously, if you want something more optimistic, you'll want to go with "it's just a normal part of life, most folks don't really think about it much" but in that case, even accepted disabilities get weird assumptions, stereotypes or even religious beliefs surrounding them. The best example of this in the real world is people who wear glasses. Most folks wouldn't even consider it a disability because it's just so normalised, but it is - glasses are a type of accessibility device. But what comes to mind when you think of someone who wears glasses? Chances are, it's someone smart, maybe a nerd? Glasses have nothing to do with intelligence but we associate people who wear them with it anyway. From what I found, that association formed in the middle ages, as monks and priests wore them to read, and those were people who studied religious texts and passed that information to the public. the common folk saw these people as a source of information and wisdom, forming the idea that glasses were worn by intelligent or wise people. If amputation is common and/or accepted, this kind of thing will probably happen with it too. If amputations are more common in some lines of work than others (either because that job leads to more amputations, or because a lot of people go into that line of work after their amputation) people will start to associate qualities needed for that job with amputees. For example, If the most common reason for amputation is illness, and if that illness is contagious, you might actually end up with a similar belief, that amputation is a sign of intelligence because doctors/healers, who people view as intelligent, are more likely to catch the illness, resulting in more amputations among doctors.

On the flip side, a lot of cultures have disabilities at the heart of many of their beliefs. For example, they idea of the fey replacing children with other fey, is thought to have been people's way of explaining neurodivergence like autism, ADHD and personality disorders before we had words for those disabilities.

Likewise, some European Christians believed people born with disabilities (including limb differences) could be explained by their mothers participating in witchcraft or deals with the devil. These disabilities were pretty common at the time due to malnutrition and a general lack of understanding about how to be safe while pregnant, but they lacked the medical knowledge to be able to explain it, and so superstition took over. If your setting has a similar level of medical knowledge/understanding, something similar might occur. Not every example of this is negative btw. It's thought that early ancient Egyptians believed disabilities such as blindness, especially if it was from birth, were the result of the gods calling them to speak for them. Similar lack of understanding about where the disability came from but this time it has a much more positive outcome.

Also, consider that if it's so normalised, people are going to be much less likely to be afraid of becoming amputees. This can be a positive thing, but it could have run on effects, both in the sense that people are less likely to care to take precautions to avoid things that could result in amputation, and that people may underestimate the impact it will have. Even in the real world, as being an amputee has become less stigmatised (though we are still far from normalised), some people have started underestimating how it will impact you. My prosthetist says the hardest part of his job is watching the realisation that a prosthetic won't be a magic cure hit his patients in real-time. this isn't to say being an amputee is always a terrible and awful and all the other things people think about disability, but it is a BIG adjustment that a lot of folks are unprepared for. In a setting where it's even more common, this is even more likely. It's also more likely that non-amputees will underestimate this impact, and say things like "but I know someone with the same amputation and they're fine!" when someone tries to say they can't/struggle to do something because of their amputation - something that also already happens to me irl lol. People are going to take to being amputees differently, they'll have different limits and different capabilities, how well does your society as a whole understand this?

Finally, think about if there are certain types of amputations that are more accepted/normalised/understood than others. In the real world, leg amputees tend to be more accepted than arm amputees in my experience, and larger amputations/multi-limb amputations carry more stigma and have a lot more bizarre misinformation and stereotypes about them. Is this the same for your world?

What is the general populations view of other disabilities?

Just because one disability is more common or accepted, doesn't mean they all are. This is especially important to consider for comorbid disabilities (disabilities that are connected to, are caused by having, or are usually seen alongside being an amputee). For example, a lot of leg amputees choose wheelchairs over prosthetics, but the degree of acceptance for that in your world will depend on people's view of wheelchair users as a whole. In real life, it's an unfortunate reality that the use of a wheelchair is looked down on and there are a lot of negative stereotypes about wheelchair users which deters a lot of leg amputees from using a wheelchair, even when they really need one. When leg amputees specifically use wheelchairs, we are often said to be giving up or even lazy for not "pushing through" or "trying hard enough" - I have another post here talking about that. This has resulted in a lot of amputee-specific spaces being completely inaccessible wheelchair users. An example of this would be a camp I used to attend specifically for amputees being held in a non-wheelchair accessible location until recently, or amputee clinics (where you go to see doctors who specialise in treating/rehabilitating amputees) having equipment needed for taking measurements essential for getting quality prosthetics, being unusable to people who can't stand up. If they do accept other related disabilities though, there's more stuff to think about (which I'll come back to in the next few points)

Of course, how your world views unrelated disabilities is important to consider too, because chances are there's someone out there with both. How does the general view of disability affect those people? Are people more or less likely to accept that having this other disability means they won't be able to things other amputees can? I'm autistic for example and find it nearly impossible to wear my prosthetic when I'm in burnout, both because it's a lot of energy I don't really have, but also because when I'm in burnout, I'm very sensitive to certain textures, and the feeling of wearing my prosthetics when I'm like that is unbearably uncomfortable.

What has the acceptance/normalisation of amputees done to influence beauty standards?

You see this a lot in cyberpunk but it's worth considering for other settings too. Amputation can be a very visible disability if you want it to be, but in the real world, there is a big emphasis on "looking normal" because beauty standards. This isn't just a modern thing either, there are many stories of real-life knights who lost arms during battle and had armour made for them that hid their missing limb. They were functionally useless (except for maybe backhanding people lol) but the desire to look "normal" outweighed the need for functionality to many.

If amputation is common though, this might not be the case in your setting. This might mean people are freer to explore prosthetics that put function over aesthetics, meaning they might have more advanced prosthetics than you'd typically expect to see in that time period. Alternatively, it might go the other way and you could end up with people who still favour aesthetics over function, but they try to make it look as outlandish and unique as possible.

Beyond how it effects amputees though, if prosthetics are seen as fashionable, do non-amputees try to mimic the look of prosthetics in their outfits? Consider the first point I mentioned here too. If there are certain desirable characteristics associated with amputees, would people trying to present themselves a certain way try to make it look like they're an amputee, even when they are not? Kind of like how people wear fake glasses to look smart or just as an accessory. Alternatively, how dose being an amputee play other beauty standards and expectations? Another real-world example, is that there is a lot of fatphobia in amputee circles, to the point where most teenaged amputees I know have/had eating disorders. Part of it comes from the general fatphobia in the wider population, but its amplified by the fact that many prosthetic components have weight limits on them, and many prosthetic companies refuse to make components for bigger people, not because they can't/it's too hard, but because they say there's no demand for it. So Doctors push the importance of staying below a certain weight so their patents can have access to better tech and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If there are a lot more amputees though, this might be different, but it's worth considering.

How will it impact architecture?

When we think of medieval or even older structures, "accessible" isn't the word we usually think of. Most buildings had stairs, and the needs of people with different bodies was rarely, if ever considered. But if amputation is more common, this might not be the case, especially if things like wheelchair use are also common/accepted (told you I'd come back to that). Buildings will be more likely to use ramps, lifts (even in ancient times - this could be achieved via pullies or something similar, though it would need to be usable to arm amputees too) or forgo multiple levels entirely where possible. Roads would probably be paved or at least smoothed to allow for easier travel via wheels and cities would be laid out in way that would make traversing them from a wheelchair easier. This would likely have a run-on effect and lead to cities being more accessible to people with horse-drawn carts, wagons, carriages etc too. things would be made with the idea that someone lower to the ground, or someone who needs to use their feet to grab things (and therefore can't reach as high) needs to be able to access the thing too, and a lot more. Even small things, like the way doors are opened might be altered to make it easier to use for someone missing an arm/who's arms are occupied with pushing a wheelchair. Making spaces more accessible in these ways also has run-on effects. I already mentioned the carriages in cities, but it also means you might start seeing small changes to the world, like chairs being made to be more comfortable, or single-handed versions of tools/weapons being more common.

What type of illness is the most common cause? How do people view it? Is it understood?

You mentioned illness is the most common cause of amputation in this setting. In that case, consider what kind of illness is usually the cause. Is it a single disease? if so, is it contagious? How high is the mortality rate? Who does it mostly impact? I lost my own legs to an illness, one that is well-known where I live, but poorly understood - most people just know it's contagious and acts kind of like the flu. This has resulted in some very bizarre interactions with non-disabled people when they find out how I lost my legs. There was a rumour about me in school that I still had the illness, and so because of that my amputations were contagious. It wasn't just children who believed it either lmao. Now as the public has been better educated, those ideas are less common, but weird stuff still comes up occasionally, like the lady who thought my illness was a government conspiracy theory made up to control people and scare them into getting vaccinated, apparently my amputations were unnecessary and all a part of the plot lol. I don't know if I talked about that on this account yet but I think it's probably my favourite weird interaction lmao.

You can also look at how people reacted to COVID for ideas about how people react to wide-spread illnesses that have a high chance of disabling you. Diabetes is another good example too, while it's one of the most common causes for amputation in the real world, people are still very weird about it and a lot of people insist it either doesn't exist or can be treated without medicine (insulin). Does the disease in your world have a lot of untrue information about it too? are there people peddling fake "cures" to take advantage of people who are more at risk?

How has this impacted Medicine as a whole

In medicine, advancements in one field are rarely isolated. When advancements are made in one area, other areas usually follow or are at least influenced. As much as the modern medical industry structure likes to pretend otherwise, it's all connected. In the real world, amputees were a lot rarer (not unheard of mind you, but rarer) because well, bronze-age understandings of things like infection and disease in general wasn't great. people would often die from the side effects of the amputation or the surgery itself (e.g. infections, going into shock because the surgery was preformed while the person was awake, blood loss during surgery, a general lack of understanding of how important hygiene is post-op/a lack of access to proper hygiene etc). So if amputees are more common, that would imply their understanding of medicine is at least a little better than real-life bronze age folks. This won't just stop an amputees though, like i said, it's all connected. Having a better understanding of, say, how infection happens in an amputee, means they will probably have a better understanding of infection in general, which could stop a lot of deaths in other ways. Likewise, sewing a stump closed in a way that won't cause immense amounts of nerve and phantom pain implies a decent understanding of the nervous system in general, which will have run on effects in how a lot of other conditions can be viewed and maybe even treated.

Conclusion

There's a lot more you could consider, but I hope this gave you some additional stuff to think about (sorry for the long response, but like I said, I was already working on a nearly identical post so this was perfect timing lol). Let me know if you need more help, I love this kind of worldbuilding stuff! Also, just to be clear as well, as long as you aren't just ignoring the fact so much of your world is disabled or being super ableist about it, there's no right or wrong answers here. You can have more positive answers to these questions than what I've given as examples, you can go darker, you can have a mix of both, whatever you like. Depending on the tone you want, you don't even have to answer every question if you don't want to. If you have a rather light-hearted setting for example, you probably don't need to know how all your amputees are surviving infections and unmedicated amputation surgery lol, but if its a darker tone where the illness you mentioned is a central focus, then it's probably a good thing to think about at least. At the end of the day, just ensure your answers aren't based on stereotypes or misinformation and you're all good for the most part!

80 notes · View notes