#this is all i have to say bc i just remembered the whole thing abt ppl trying to say hao was being fatphobic or something dumb

[epickiya722]

I never really seen ppl say Izuku's a stalker unironicaly (usually it's just for meme-y shitposts), but i pretty much agree, he isn't nosy but rather he's just really aware of details. I would only call him that abt heroes and stuff bc that's a special interest of his.

In Katsuki's case i think it would be a mix of him always being loud, and Izuku just being there to see it instead of going out of his way to know. He remembers bc he'd always admired him after all, and is also eager to share his memories that he has abt Katsuki everytime he's the topic.

Katsuki, however, i would call the nosy one for sure lol.

EXACTLY!!!

There's a difference between noticing and hearing things while passing by and being nosy. Izuku is, most of the time, the former. The only time he's really "nosy" is when he asks about quirks.

Actually, no, scratch that. He barely even does that. He just happens to observe how someone's quirk works and figures it out on his own. Take it when he deducted Stain's quirk for instance.

I think about how anytime he is in family drama, it's because he's dragged into it. Look, I don't care what anybody says, Dabi telling Izuku "this fight isn't your business" (episode 12, season 6) was so funny to me because my guy... you just spilled your family tea to the whole nation. Izuku just trying to help his friend out.

Now, if we're calling anyone nosy it's Katsuki. What reason he had to follow Izuku and spy on his conversation with Shoto? And then that scene where All Might And Izuku are talking and he just comes up to tell them to stop sneaking around (hypocrite) because it will look suspicious... well, yeah... you're drawing attention to them!! People are going to notice, sir. Like, you couldn't wait till later for Izuku to tell you anything? 😭 Like, don't get me wrong, Katsuki doesn't actually have bad intentions but come on! You can't be calling people out when you're doing the same!! Katsuki, you are my boom gremlin, but come on!

#kiya answers #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[dootplusone]

(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)

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(If the OP would prefer this post not link back to the OG post or is otherwise is not okay w/ this post in reference to theirs, please let me know in some form so I can delete/edit it as needed.)

Thinking. Abt this but with Bones. Like. Post-Tholian Web? Post-Mirror Mirror?

For AOS, could be after Into Darkness and/or Beyond.

A Bones who's just. So anxious. So stressed. So overwhelmed that it starts taking a toll on his health. Maybe he doesn't even realise - or maybe he does and tries his best to push through it until it knocks him on his ass. Kind of in the vein of "You don't actually know how tired you are until you stop. And then you just physically cannot start again." It becomes his new baseline, a problem that just brews and storms in the distance.

And he just carries on. And keeps going and going and going until one day he realises that 'Oh fuck, I'm not okay' and has about 5 seconds of warning before he straight up collapses, doesn't matter if it's on the bridge, in the madbay, on a planet - he's going down. (Maybe a repeat of Tholian Web where he just straight up faints into Spock's arms? Full whammy, why not)

Maybe it's a high-tension situation getting resolved that does it. The pure relief of it reminds him of how tired he is. How tired he's been for a while. His body sees that momentary rest and goes "More of that, please. And I'm not asking."

And he's so rendered by it that he doesn't grumble about being coddled like he normally would when he wakes up. He knows not to fuck with the medbay staff - they're just as firm as he is on recovery, and that's not by accident - and he knows that Spock and Kirk will be hovering, because they see any problem as something they, too, should shoulder the burden of.

...And because they're some of the most protective people in the damned universe. And that goes for pretty much all the people on board the Enterprise.

In some scenarios, it's just a case of letting his body and mind rest properly. In others, there's a lot more recovery involved than anyone initially expects. Luckily for him, he has a found family who are determined to be there with him at every step. It just takes a couple reminders, every once in a while.

#leonard bones mccoy #star trek tos #star trek aos #whump #back on my bullshit #aos bones fretting over Jim and Spock and their injuries; completely forgetting that hes also a little worse for wear #thinking back to dustykneed's post abt him being fucked up and grieving after ST:ID and. Lets just make it even more physical #After the issues they face from that; Spirk are more aware of Bones' tendency to brush things off. are more equipped to take care of him #when he needs it; just as he does for them. He's so stubbornly self sufficient and it worries them. But they're equally as stubborn and #loving. Unstoppable Force meets Immovable Object. I feel like post ST:ID is where they kind of Learn that Bones keeps shit on the down low #Because like. Bones will complain. Unless it's smth that's just affecting him. And then he suddenly keeps it to himself. When he complains #abt that whole fiasco he complains abt Jim dying. Abt Spock almost dying on that planet. About how they all almost died. But he doesn't tal #about how HE almost died from that fucking torpedo almost blowing up on him. Not a word. Jim forgot it had even happened until like. Carol #brings it up in passing. Maybe she has nightmares on the incident. But he realises Bones has just NEVER fucking mentioned it despite him #being the master complainer. That sets off the first alarm bells. And then maybe Uhura asks Jim how Bones is doing bc she knows that Bones #would just say he's fine. But Jim is like ??? Bc why wouldn't Bones be okay. And then she realises that HE HASN'T realised that Bones is th #kind of motherfucker to suffer in silence. and she's like Jim. Jim he literally ran himself to the ground trying to revive you. Jim. Are yo #kidding me have you NOT TALKED ABOUT THAT??? ANY OF IT??? Thus... Jim realises or maybe even Remembers what Bones is like #bc maybe at some point he DID know Bones well enough to know when he's fucking himself over. But all the Bullshit that theyve gone through #and the fact they work in entirely different parts of the ship kind of. Alienated them a bit. And suddenly hes like. Oh. Oh No. Oh FUCK. #because Jesus how the FUCK does he even approach this. But he manages it. And Spock gets in on it too as he slowly gets to know the doctor #And then post-beyond its like. Yeah. All three of them gang up on each other. That includes Spock and Kirk making sure Bones is as Fine as #he always says he is. #anyway. Yeah. I just think Bones probably stresses and overthinks too much but god forbid anyone comfort him. Self sacrificing bastard #wow this is a lot of alphabet soup im so sorry AHAHA

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[possiblytracker]

valentines day became a lot more fun and less agonising to me as an ace-aro person after it finally clicked over the past few years that whatever the fuck happens today is what i make of it, and that can and does include loving and appreciating the shit out of the friends ive decided i'd like to spend my life with in a way that i can define on my own terms not limited to the generic concept of romance. which i absolutely revel in doing, personally

#first and last post im gonna make about it BUT #kinda wild as a kid who got picked on on vday and got Insanely bitter abt the whole holiday for most of my teenage years #and coped by being 'totally fine with' the idea of living and dying alone bc who could Possibly want to get that close on my terms #that im here now and actually vibing with it #and like. if you hate vday personally i am giving you a pat on the back in solidarity. me too still for the most part #i am not going to be annoying about it for your sakes i respect you so much. best of luck avoiding Designated Love Day #but i am personally reclaiming this shit as a semi-recently discovered Bitch Who Yearns. #what a nice day to consider love in all its incredible forms! how great to remember i love and am loved in return #despite the years and years of thinking it just wasnt something that even loosely applied to me #funny how that works out sometimes. that im still learning things about myself #(some of this is slightly exaggerated ofc i have and have had friends who mean a Lot to me throughout! when i say 'alone' i dont mean Alone #(but it is still only recently ive started to unpack the 'i dont Need to bond that closely with people im Fine to live on my own' kinda #shit that i internalised for a stupid long time as a teenager #maybe i Do want to spend my life with other people in my own queerplatonic way and not only are there people who want that with me #but also make me want it with Them. and thats more than i could ever have imagined as a teenager) #ok tags ramble over im done getting sentimental khgCSDJ

[meowonhao]

soo crazy to me how in the last year with minghao, dokyeom, hoshi, joshua, junhui, and now woozi (idk if i'm missing someone) y'all are way too ready and eager to automatically throw them under the bus over something some random person (usually antis) said online and then like a day or two later when everyone comes to the consensus that it wasn't actually that big of a deal or even wrong/bad in the first place (which you could've figured out yourself from the beginning by just doing like. 30 seconds of research and exercising your critical thinking skills) everyone just moves on like nothing happened and goes back to being a fan/stanning them or whatever like you weren't just going with the crowd and shit-talking them 12 hours ago

#not even going to get into how so many problems arise from no understanding of korean/asian culture #and relying on half-assed and sometimes just straight up wrong translations #like cool you don't have to know everything about a culture or be fluent in a language but #that also means you probably shouldn't be speaking on certain things at all much less without even trying to look into it a bit more #anyways..yeah i'm sorry maybe i'm delusional but i definitely am going to default to trusting my idols #and then figuring out for myself if i really think they did something that bad or “cancel” worthy #before i'm about to believe some random twitter/tumblr/tiktok user and just go with whatever they tell me to think about something #and most of y'all don't apologize or clarify anything. just move on right after hurling the most abhorrent accusations against these people #who are people too in case anyone forgot #but then an idol kills themselves and everybody boohoo's and cries and acts like they just can't believe how this happened again #like it's you. you're why #and i can only speak on the last year of course bc that's how long i've been an actual carat and kept up with them to this extent #i'm sure other stupid stuff has happened before that too with other members #i just think if you're so ready to toss away your idols without giving them like any benefit of the doubt whatsoever you just need to go #i hate when i see this stuff too bc i'm usually only seeing the korean side of stuff and most of these things are such a non-issue here #bc people know better (not saying there aren't some crazy fans everywhere but) #then i see some dumb shit on tumblr dot com that either only has links to some dumb twitter thread #or i have to search for on twitter because again. i do not see stuff from int'l fans unless i am forced to or look it up intentionally #and just saying the timing of these things is always so calculated by antis and y'all fall for it every single time #this is all i have to say bc i just remembered the whole thing abt ppl trying to say hao was being fatphobic or something dumb #and then i remembered everything else and it just made me mad all over again lol #if anyone disagrees with any of this feel free to block me🥰

[fleshdyke]

absnskaisgbsj

#lost literally one of the best friendships of my life yesterday #i mean it’s been gone for a while i just never had the courage to talk to them about it until yesterday. and that basically confirmed it tbh #they didn’t say i did anything wrong but they also didn’t not say i did anything wrong and i’m v paranoid that i did do smth wrong #like i dont want to talk bad abt any of them bc genuinely i had so much fun with these people and im so glad i got to know them #like when i talked to them they were very dry ig? like not like their usual self at all even when talking to someone they dont know #definitely sounded like they were talking to someone they hated. im trying to tell myself taht its just my anxiety but ummm yeah idk i think #im actually right this time #idk. it just sucks man. im trying to think of what i did wrong bc i just dont know what happened #i think im overanalyzing every interaction i can remember having with these ppl bc i dont even want to entertain the idea that they might #have been bad people all along. i dont want to think that and i dont but idk it feels like an observation about myself that ive made from #the outside in yk. like half of me is feeling the emotional response and the other half is just watching from the outside like im someone #else. and i know this is a normal human thing but its just always weird yk #and then theres the whole awful thing of seeing shit that they would find funny or that reminds me of them. and i also dont know what im #supposed to do when school starts back up again bc we took a lot of the same classes and if i end up in a class with them idk if im supposed #to say hi or just pretend they dont exist or not and i dont want to make the wrong decision so they hate me even more yk #whatever man. it fucking sucks but life goes on. my dog is just chilling in my room rn and i’ll always have her and tia and my brother #rambles #vent

[dutybcrne]

I like to think that the very reason Diluc keeps Kae at arms length despite wanting to reconcile & go back to their old ways as much as Kae does is the fact that Kaeya adamantly Refuses to tone down the new facade of his ( the shield for his vulnerabilities ) & Diluc, being Diluc, hates liars & doesn’t want to feel like Kaeya will drop another secret on him/is keeping smth from him all over again.

#//Signs Luc wants to? for a start; the hidden strife letters #//Addie’s mentions letting Kae stay at the Winery while Luc’s gone saying she knows he wouldn’t have objected. Even being AFTER the Fight #//Diluc thanking him for his intel & esp the last one where he asks Kae to take care of himself. KEEPING ALL OF THE LETTERS KAE SENT #//Of Ballads & Brews event is SO good for this too. If not Diluc staring up contemplatively atthe cliff where Kae was looking to the Winery #//THEN THE WHOLE FREAKIN DINNER BIT #//Mans acted all huffy and defensive when Kae was there for Business. Only got even MORE annoyed when Kae tried to dodge the dinner #//What I love abt that supporting my thoughts is Luc lightens up on him TWICE through the whole ordeal #//Once before during while Kae starts talking abt how he’s here to help Razor & ask Luc for help (which he GIVES so easily) #//Which makes me laugh also bc of how even standoffish as he was abt the wine for the KoF; he STILL let Kae have it (Lisa KNEW he would) #//& then when Kae starts acting flustered and shy bc of Addie. Mans is even PLAYFUL & pokes fun at him TWICE & asks him to stay via it #//That one event with the seashells too; when Luc’s tone Softened after Kae reminisced fondly abt their childhood #//The DK quest where Luc Immediately bristled up when discovered; & his Reaction when Kae said he was just happy sb was looking after him #//His hangout was Delightful for this too. The Up & Down of Kae saying they came back from Sumeru to say hello & Diluc Immediately welcomin #//And then backtracking to Annoyed when Kae started asking for free wine. & then teasing him for reusing an old excuse to get it #//The fact that Luc REMEMBERED it sends me jdfgf. And don't get me started on the GIFTS #//Diluc commenting on Kae's 'unique aesthetic taste' in gifts; yet KEEPS BOTH THINGS HE GAVE HIM no matter how odd they are to him #//When in Venti's story quest; he commented he gets rid of things he doesn't need (any wonder he hasn't tried to actually get rid of Kae?) #//& how he commented he really would have loved to join Kae & Traveler for drinks outside; but couldn't (& the good regards was so sweet!) #//& the way Luc sounds when he asks where Kae is after! Plus the IMMEDIATE switch to a more business one once Traveler says he's still ther #//Elzer exposing Diluc so hard was so fucken funny too. Kae out here tryna only take bottles home to not get Diluc on his case #//Elzer's like No; take a barrel; trust me; Diluc will NOT mind & will Not mean any complaints on you for doing so #☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #//Heck; this just spiraled lmao #//This bouta have more citation than my academic paper I'm putting off kjdffghf. Can you tell they are my favorite duo? #//Anywho; but yeah. I just love the fact that Luc tends to lighten up on Kae when he's being honest/more like 'himself'. Like #//Mans Backtracked on the snark in Venti SQ when Kae got offended abt the drinking remark; then only restarted when Kae brought up Crepus #//I want to see them talk in a future event or cutscene. I am invested in them and their dynamic & how it could be mended. Do it for Addie! #//I laugh at the fact that even Varka himself tried to intervene in their mess & make them play nice lmao. Varka in Natlan chapter; PLS- #//Bruh; I didn't even include shit from the manga jkdg. Luc had every right to be pissed at being falsely accused & provoked by Kae #//Yet not only did he help Kae save Collei & get arrested; but he ALSO Kept the vase his Vision was brought in & fixed him up a drink afte

[nomaishuttle]

ALSO sry im so talkative today idk whats gotten IN to me but anyways. its sooo crazy 2 me that ppl have other birthdays that arent the sake day as my birthday like obviously i know ppl do but its crazy to me. bc january 13th is like My birthday ykwim. like its such a good day to have a birthday on so beautiful 1/13/2005 gods specialest girl was born ykwim.

#also the cafe is plsying so much lana del rey im rly scared guys. ive never listened to ldr outside of nightcore when i was 11 #but ya i loooove having a january birthday bc it makes it so easy to figure out how old i was during an event. bc its like. ok unless the #event happened in the first 12 days of the year i can just subtract 5 from the year it happened and thats how old i was. ykwim. like 2007 i #was 2 rhe entire year basicslly 2012 i was 7 the entire year its awesome #whereas if i had a september birthday. Like some people (my sibling). itd be a wholee production like ok was it before or after the end of #september. which is isnt rly that difficult but i have trouble remembering what specific month a thing happened in #but i can remember seasons. which again like ig isnt the difficult bc if it happened in wjnter etc. spring etc. summer etc. but if it #happened in fall id probably be confused.. #basically january is the best month of the year and the most beautiful girls are born then #a fun fact is i wasnt born on friday the 13th. i was born on a thursday #BUT my 1st birthday was friday and so was myyy 16th i think. idr. but yeah sometimes its on a friday which is cool :] #and another fun fact is it was a sunny day but (according to my dad) there was a random lightning strike like. right when i was born. so #basically i think im rly rly quite special. joke. i think that lightning strike was god saying Lord well hold on. why would god he saying #lord. thats kinda funny. thats like if i went Connor i am going to put this guy in situations. which tbf i do refer to myself in 3rd person #mentally On occasion. but anyways. sry i distracted mysekf and forgot what i was gonna say. its tly funny to imagine god just being like #Lord almighty. #speaking of idk if you guys know this abt me but i say lord almighty and jesus christ and good lord etc so much. and i didnt always i like #started saying them a year or so ago and now i cant stop. i wasnt even raised religious im not religious in the slightest . but my first #reaction to things now is Lord almighty... like girl you do not even know him. #anyways thats all. sry

[astrxealis]

sorry. if you mention ffxiv once either to me or in general i will most likely start rambling a lot

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚ #i try not to talk too much also bcs typing is harder than talking as in. i have to type. #i have mixed feelings on talking bcs i both love and hate it depending on yeah. but do know me and lune stay up sometimes for hours just #talking and i also sometimes talk over her or cut her off and forget what i want to say only to either remember or just talk more #and i cannot stop until i deem the time too late or parents catch us still awake! uh. i don't mean to talk over her or cut her off btw of #eugejfnskdn if i was given all the time in the world to talk abt ffxiv i might genuinely just go on forever #the world is so big the lore is so massive and it connects some bits too to other final fantasies!!! #and there's speculations you can make and there's just so much and they somehow also made nier automata canon LMFAOOO BCS OF THE COLLAB #CROSSOVER EVEN. it is actually content in game that cannot be removed. love that tbh #there is so much lore known and so much that isn't yet #and some things we may never truly know #LOOK SHB INTRODUCES SO MUCH MORE IT IS UNBELIEVABLE!!! 1.0 to stb has SO MUCH ALREADY BUT NOOOO TIP OF THE ICEBERG #AND THEN. enw you're exploring more again!! oh right yeah stb introduces a whole other continent too LOVE that #there's so much you get from just playing the game and so much from reading out of it and even i don't know it all yet #but i want to even if that will take ages. and. there is just so much it is so beautiful and i am utterly obsessed #the way you can build on lore too esp if you're into oc making !! or even just for the characters. building on their character #this game is so good for making ocs istg i have barely touched the surface with mine #there is just sooo much and i cannot handle making too much ocs but the temptation is really there #ffxiv eats up my MIND

[yngseung]

liminality highlight medley

#verivery #taptap already sounding like it has potential to be my favorite track from vrvr im really excited to hear how the whole thing sounds #in love with the switch up rn but i wanna hear how the song as a whole is able to execute it #which could change things bc this is only a small snippet and for me context is very important lmoa but im so excited #also like...my opinions on sd have not really changed so uh...thats all i'll say abt the second track #i remember at concert dh was like trying to get us to cheer for sd and i was like ldkjflkj i'll just take my coke paris please <3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do? #me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care #but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour #away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from #sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont #care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it #manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean #i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking #measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her #new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted #ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning #for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering #and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself #amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads #god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im #putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do #so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u #productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh #look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment #whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh #but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see #uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs #unrelated

[pepprs]

the way i am going to need to be tranquilized and sedated to get through tomorrow. god fucking help me

#purrs #particularly from like 1:30-3:30 specifically. i do not know how i will be able to get work done. i do not know how i am going to be able to #not fucking die. i really feel like i am going to pass out. i can’t do this i really truly genuinely cannot #every time i remember. like just… there are implications of this i have not even THOUGHT OF yet. that haven’t even crossed my MIND that are #still so engrained in my life and way of thinkjng and being. and i don’t know ifim gonna make her uncomfortable or panicked or guilty by #sobbing my eyes out not to mention other people witnessing that but there is NO WAY im gonna be able to not sob hysterically. this is #legitimatelt one of the most painful things that has ever happened to me in my whole life which says something about how much pain i have #experienced as a human being and how ridiculous it is that im freaking out over this LOL. but ummmmmm. this is……. this is so bad. i think #everything after tomorrow will be very hard (because i’ll miss her terribly) but it’ll be okay because it’s like this is the reality and now #we have to just like move forward and yeah im gonna have breakdowns on here abt how i feel like we aren’t properly grieving it or whatever a #and how i want time to like cope with it and not keep movi ng at 38472974mph WHILEALSO trying to not convey panic. but it’s been this #excruciating mindfuck of a situation bc she’s still HERE. STILL USING THE ‘WE’ THE DAY BEFORE SHE LEAVES! LIKE WHAT IS GOING ONBNNN THE COGN #COGNITIVE FUCKING DISSONANCE OF IT ALL!!!!! and like seeing her and having her stuff still around and whatever is um. it’s bad. it’s really #making it hard for me to accept that this is happening. so tomorrow is it then and we will drag ourselves through it and i swear to god i #will be hysterically crying. maybe even as i walk in and see her there knowing it’s the last time. LOL. like how do i not…. omgggggggg 😍😍😍😍😍 #this is so so so bad. why is this happening. not only is it embarrassing and humiliating but it’s like girl thisis an office this is work it #it’s really not that big a deal. BUT IT IS. TO US. TO ME. WHY IS SHE DOING THIS? i am about to punch the WALL. but nothing will help or make #it better until time passes or if she randomly decides not to do it. idk .i just can’t believe it. im so angry and sad and hurt and scared. #tomorrow will straight up kill me. it really actually seriously will. i don’t know how im gonna get through it. LOL #delete later

[airbenderedacted]

I love you too!!! /p For the record I also listen to will wood I’m just not a superfan and I haven’t listened to the album because I didn’t have the energy to listen to new music yesterday,,, But anyways yes idk I just remember you talking about listening to will wood a while ago and you were like “I’m a gay little spinel kinnie of course I do” so maybe I had those words subconsciously in my mind… but in any case I . I just wanted to tell you everything will be okay . Because I know you have been sad in the past :( . And being a spinel kinnie if it’s for trauma is inherently sad HASHJSNAD. Anyways goodnight or good morning depending on when you see this. Rest well buddy💗💗💗

"I'M A GAY LITTLE SPINEL KINNIE OF COURSE I DO"

#IMN SIRRY YSYHGS BJNMS IM SORRY I READ THAT PART AND IT SENTM #JKSDFHGVSD NM E SO BAD I LIKE/ . #i think ym whole brain exploded just the inherit humor of that is GODLY im scvreaming #idk what it was i SAID but you remembering it like that is killing me it's jkllk BGHVDFJMK #HELPa #crying that made me completely unable to read the rest of ur ask for like. the past IDK mins straight hjsefhjskjs #BUT ANYWASY UM! okay yeah no i've been doing really well like emotionally and healthily and academically these past few months!!! #i think it so very WILL be okay YEAH!!!! 😄 <3333 that's really nice of you to wanna send me ty <333333 #(bc god yeah i was . fucked up SO BAD the beginning of the year. and also for a decent while prior to that. The Foreshadowing to the hrtgh) #(BUT IT'S FINALLY ENDEEEEDDDD YEYAGHDHAAHHHH and it better stay that way god (it probably will lol i've fixed like. a Lot of Thimngs👍💖)) #Also. to that last spinel kinnie mention: HELP? #DWNMBDNBSNM OKAY ICAN SAY RIGHT NOW THAT THE KINNIE THING IS NOT BECAUE OF TRAUMA or at least i dont think i can say that #that fyucked up lil wad of pink bubble gum of a gem is just Literally Me and it's insane and yah :) #genuinely. very genuinely. movie premiere bringing her into existence was like having a mirror held up to my mind's eye. crazy #both in aesthetic and being ridiculously relatable on so many fronts both to past and present instances of myself like wtfff #(minus her wanting to hurt innocents during her stupid fucked up and evil phase - that was NOt a mood 😰 girl wtf the fuc) #WHY DID SHE HAVE LIKJE ALL OF MY MANNERISMS AT THE TIME. HER STUPID LITTLE WALK. THAT WAS 2019 ME HELPP #okay anyway done screaming abt being a kinnie ty for the ask and being so sweet and fun to talk to !!! 👋😄😊 <333 #fr!!!!!! ♡

[noxtivagus]

nah fuck

#delete later #when i said i was okay i genuinely was fine save for the physical pain but #how quick words that were once truths turn into lies huh? #ah fuck i want to block out the whole world. i want to destroy it all. it's all so fucking worthless #maybe hormones r just fucking me up rn n i'm just emotional but #no bcs i was doing emotionally decent earlier but i just rmbered smth n i feel like crying again #i want to disappear i want to hide i want to say goodnight #stupid mood swings . n i rmber again abt all the things i have to do rn & i want to focus on myself n my work but #it's september rn right? #two years ago i think i was in a similar predicament where i was drifting from both reality and fiction. from my life in general #distancing myself from others. stuck in that oblivion #i don't know why i've been more keenly remembering 2 years ago recently. #nah actually it's probably bcs they were the friend grp i had back then that i cld really share n be myself freely #but they knew the good n bad of me. ultimately decided to let me go in one of the darkest times of my life #which damaged me for a while bcs i struggled believing i was deserving of better but i ultimately became my own best friend #but that time in general was. a time where i was alone. deep in my passions. idling my time #a bit empty a bit lost. not exactly sure what i was doing in my life but i was content being alone before i realized how nice it was to #share yourself. if i wasn't alone then i'd love that again but in times where i'm tired n drained i just make even more failures #n i'm not sure how to face the ppl i care for when i'm dealing w the guilt of not doing more of what i could be capable of in a moment #from cringe tumblr stuff to irl problems. they supported my writing in a time where it was hard for me to have consistent inspo/motiv #nah every year i swear i meet new people n the story repeats. different ppl different chapters but same trope #last year with ffxiv. mostly the only ppl i talked w for the year ever since joining that fc in june. n to october i barely talked w others #this year i've been more attuned to my reality but i think i've been slowly losing sight of a part of myself that was strong #when i was alone. but i'm afraid that i'll experience that emptiness again from late 2020 to early 2021 #video games in general & ffxiv specifically helped fill that emptiness. it healed me. #i don't rmber much in those months other than ffxiv bcs i was still numb from smth unexpected that happened in earlier months #april i was stuck in the free trial n though i was enjoying myself i rmber feeling so lost n falling behind. finally buying on sale saved m #i'm too tired to think abt the present or future rn but that feels like a failure on my behalf n i can't rest #but then it also just still hurts. the same things. my friends are closer with others. when have i ever been the first choice? #everyone's special though. i'll keep on being myself then surely what is meant to happen will fall in time

[cruelsister-moved2]

truly cant get over the fact my parents just said this is my regular neurotypical child who only wants to wear the same fairy outfit (complete with wings) every single day, refuses to put their shoes on in the snow because they don't feel cold but won't leave the house if "the sun is too bright", hates to be touched, has dramatically above average literacy but underdeveloped motor skills compared to their peers, only has one friend, wants to watch the same film every single day, will only own items that are purple, collects teabags, draws pictures of the virgin mary over and over in their free time, has earthshattering tantrums at the supermarket for no reason, cries because of the smell of a yoghurt, takes literally 90 minutes to finish a meal at school etc. like that was so brave of them.....

#does anyone else have that kind of almost grief remembering ur autistic childhood😭especially when I'm like why didn't anyone help her #I just have this scrapbook of moments that just. wah #me not understanding why I couldn't wear my pajamas to non uniform day #me crying asking my mum to teach me small talk because I was so embarrassed that I didn't know what to say to other people #me coming home from my first week at secondary school n saying I don't think I will ever have any friends #this whole thing where I would get very very upset abt the sun being in my eyes to the point I didn't want to go outside on sunny days #and everyone assumed I was making it up to not have to go out u_j #all the things I've been like stupidly obsessed with 😭 #I was like an early Wikipedia enjoyer bc at the age of like 9 I would go on my dads computer to read the wiki pages for breeds of horses #and dogs #....