#.I thought I was going to sleep earlier

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: mention of previous abuse, dad Dabi, mom reader, mention of childbirth, angst

new dad touya that doesn’t know how to deal with his son. he’s growing too fast and his smiles are so big, but he’s still not sure how to just be with him.

touya isn’t abusive in the slightest, not like his shit for brains dad. he can acknowledge, after you’ve drilled it into his head on cold nights where you had to hold his quivering cheeks in your hand, that he’s better. that he’s trying. that he’s a great dad.

he doesn’t really believe it. it’s hard to believe that he’s a great dad when his son, still covered in that fresh newborn smell, stares up at him with matching azure blue eyes, the little shit, and he finds it hard to smile back. it’d be easier to smile back if he could guarantee a life with no trauma, with the perfect pair of parents, that he’d love him as much as his tiny little face deserved.

touya can still hear the labor and delivery nurse tell him that he must’ve gotten on your nerves for the baby to look so much like him, and that they’ve never seen a baby that fresh out the womb smile so big at their dad. he hands the little bundle back to you, and glares at the nurse who hands him a tissue. he takes it anyway.

touya loves his son. so goddamn much that it hurts, but, he doesn’t know how to be a dad. and he knows that you don’t know how to be a mom either, that it’s a learning process for the both of you. but he’s so scared—he’s terrified that he’ll fuck up this innocent brat with his ruin. with his scars and history and the want to better but never knowing how to just be.

so he leaves. it’s the day after your sons first birthday that you celebrated together in your home.

you thought everything was okay, that he was starting to get the hang of being a dad. he did everything right, why couldn’t he stay? he sat on the floor with your son and changed his diaper and made him giggle those addicting baby giggles? he carried your son everywhere whenever he cried after being sat down without a single complaint? he helped him open his birthday presents? he didn’t smash the cake in his face, only swiped a little icing on his sons nose to hear that addicting baby giggle? he held your son like he could never let him go?

how could he just go like this? you thought he was finally learning and accepting how to be a dad? what happened?

#angst angst angst #SORRY #I thought about this earlier while I was under the dryer #and I was like ohhhh write that down before your slow ass forgets #my toxic trait is that every time I write soemthing short im like #……this could be a full fic 🫣 #LMFAO honestly duck it im making this a full fic #I have so many on my plate but this has to go on the list #he makes my heart so sad I love him mr pathetic man with so many troubles in his head #I also wanna write a sleazy shiggy n keigo fic (separate) what’s wrong with me #all these ideas and no juice to write them #im just about halfway finished w my classes so maybe il get more inspo to write #anyway I have a bkg draft from like two nights ago that I forgot about #and I wanna write that too but my head really hurts and I have to be up early tomorrow sad 😔 #okay I think im gonna sleep now :) #—new treat in the streets! 🍫 #dabi treats! 🍬

[staryarn]

I like how all of the project moon games are tied together by cycles of pain and suffering and learning how to end your own cycle of suffering just to get a breathe of fresh air (or at the very least, attempt to end the cycle).

In lobotomy corporation Angela is going through her loops over and over until the script progresses. She's only 'free' when she decided to start white days and dark nights and take the light for herself. (Same can be thought about the Sephirah and their meltdowns)

In library of ruina both Roland and Angela are in another cycle of suffering and hatred (though from Roland's stance its moreso a cycle of suffering and hatred towards Angela for White days and Dark nights, along with the Pianist incident.)

Eventually the cycle is broken by forgiving eachother (because Dying only perpetuates it) and freeing the books of the library .

And so far limbus has shown us the sinners each confronting their past and (more or less) deciding how to move forward with their lives.

(This is especially evident with how canto iv is worded and how Yi Sang wants to choose the road he walks rather than wandering aimlessly)

(Bonus to what I said in the tags about connecting each sinner to a Sephirah (minus dante and whichever sinner decides to backstab, making it 11 which matches tye Sephirah.

The Will to Stand up Straight (Malkuth) - (???)

The Rationality to Maintain Discretion (Yesod) - (???)

The Hope to be a Better Person (Hod) - (???) (I'd personally want to say someone like Sinclair)

The Fearlessness to keep on Living (Netzach) - (???) (Personally I connect this with Yi Sang)

The Expectation for the Meaning of Existence (Tiphereth) - (???)

The Courage to Protect (Gebura) - (???) ( I think Don Quixote would fit this one)

Those who are Faithful and Trustworthy (Chesed) - (???)

The Eye Facing the Fear; Breaking the Cycle (Binah) - (???)

The Eye Embracing the Past; Building the Future (Hokma) - ???

The Knowing I (Angela) - (???)

#someone else write this post better im sleep deprived as hell and have a headache #its not well written I just have to spit it out #as said earlier i did immediately sppt a connection between yi sang and netzach as the will to keep on living #and I feel like thats how were going to get the sinners connevted to the Sephirah . through their own goals and motivations in life #I know they siad theyre done w the librarians so this the way i think they may be referenced #idk man #theories #lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #limbus company #there arent really spoilers in this but ask me to tag it anywys #I know these are bad analysis observations i am just sleep deprived and bad at conveying my thoughts

[doveotion]

genuinely didn't think I'd make it to 18 let alone 22 so now I'm looking around like..... Now What

#diary #um. sad rant i guess dont read if you're not in the headspace to take in negativity #i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like crying all the time and I'm always tired no matter how much i sleep and i love my family bu #sometimes i wish i just lived alone and didn't talk to anyone. i hate talking about my problems i hate everything about it #i dont want to be here. but i dont know where to go or how to move forward. i want to live but i dont really have that option #i feel so stuck right now. #i would say more but it would get sad really fast so I'll write it down maybe. or listen to some sad music and cry it out #genuinely thought about running away to like. Switzerland earlier. like i was looking up flights and everything #how fucking sad does someone have to be to contemplate that.

[adriartts]

Another screencap redraw as I rewatch episode of all time (The Most Toys). 

#geordi laforge #Star Trek: The Next Generation #star trek #tng #the composition of this shot is just very nice tho I did edit the painting behind him a bit to make the planet halo him better #thinking many thoughts. also just the fact that he has a random painting in his room. he doesn't own a lot of art #it's very hyperrealistic in the sense that it really just looks like a picture taken of a planet from a moon that orbits it #do u know where im going with this. it looks like data painted it. we know what data's paintings look like. data made that ive decided #like it makes sense with the whole thing about this episode how they think data's dead. its good #also the fact that when he's sleeping here. full uniform. didn't even take off his boots or combadge #i forget who exactly but maybe riker or picard who was telling geordi to go the fuck to bed earlier #you KNOW he was just up working trying to find what went wrong with the shuttle and then Conked Out #star trek will give us characters in pajamas if theyre SLEEPIN sleeping. u KNOW he wasnt #if he wasnt working himself to death they wouldve given us geordi jammies #anyway :(((((((((( episode of all time. put data in SITUATIONS. #FUCK kivas fajo #kill kill bite main destroy. they shoulve let data kill him. a a treat

[silenthillbunni]

📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :(( #but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol) #then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole?????? #got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :(( #it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :< #but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣 #now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :(( #and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!! #i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :( #but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

[front-facing-pokemon]

#azurill #okay let's see if i can be functional for this set of tags. azurill is a retrofit baby prevo for some fucking reason #i was under the impression that these mostly happened in like gen 4 but here we are. i've been surprised multiple times #and this experience has been showing me that they're spread out everywhere they feel like being for no reason #and natdex ordering makes no sense forever and ever #i am currently very cold and i woke up earlier than i should have and did not get enough sleep because my body decided it wanted to #which i think is a pretty shit reason but it wouldn't exactly allow me to go back to sleep so now i'm up. and. well. i am not liking it #azurill is like cute. it's like. cute. it's blue so i always thought it was a water-type. it has the pikachu cheeks. ummm #it used to be a normal-type until gen 6? and then boom. fairy-type. the azurill kid in pmd sky who drops his apple #shouts to that kid. end of sentence

[poems-of-a-lover]

my bed is right up against the window so i sleep in the moonlight and i hear the rain really nice when it happens and i want a boy here to hold me and kiss my forehead and just sleep next to me. please.

#im so sleepy #i gotta go to sleep earlier than normal im busy tomorrow #but aghhhh just the thought of being with a boy rn makes me crazy i wanna be in love #anyway i have to sleep soon #mlm #mlm yearning #mlm post #mlm love #gay mlm #mlm thoughts #t4t #trans mlm #mlm blog #t4t yearning

[hiding-under-the-willow]

I'm half asleep and running basically entirely on hyperfixation fumes so this thought process might be literally nothing but I'm thinking about how we as the viewer don't get to start making decisions in the Markiplier Cinematic Universe Canon until after the DA's death in WKM. We experience the entire series through their point of view and it's presumed we continue to inhabit their character throughout the canon (at least through date and heist, I'm ignoring space for my purposes bc my grasp on how that fits into the story is fuzzy at best on a good day lmao) but it isn't until after the events of wkm have played out that we start making decisions on their behalf

But anyways something something at the end of wkm they die at the hands of Wil, and they give up their body to Damien and Celine, and their story to Mark, and their autonomy to the viewer. Someone who isn't eepy as hell turn this into a more coherent line of thought for me

#atlas speaks #realizing that this is also very similar to the ways in which ut and dr fans tend to interpret the relationship of the player to the pcs #so that's fun #anyways i can tell my brain is in like creative hyperfocus looking for a new idea to latch onto mode #because I've been bouncing off of different project and story and art ideas all day #woke up this morning incredibly invested in the idea of a full recreation of the wkm house in minecraft #which somehow led to a brief reunion between me and my middle school wkm marble hornets au #honestly still tempted by that one might come back to that when my brain calms down #ended up on some sonic movie fanart bullshit by earlier this afternoon so that might be something y'all get in the next few days #and then i went to lay down and go to bed and somehow landed on this line of thought #so anyways if i come back online to post more random bullshit again after this yell at me to go tf to sleep it's 11pm lmao #I'm so eepy i should not be posting

[caffeiiine]

one more thing thats been rotating around my head:

my school anime club hosts an anime con in the spring and i am genuinely so excited bc club members are staff amnd we are hsoting it! and i can host a panel!!!

#itd be my first anime con] #and also why part of the reason im trying to homemake a cosplay so i can have a cool one to wear #so many panel ideas are running around my head #i wanna make it bsd themed but im unsure how popular that would be #so i was thinking since im planning to go in dead apple fyodor cosplay #fyodor has that one line i really love “welcome to happy group counseling hour!! Im your host-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky” #and it sounds like hes introducing a game show (im not gonna force the panel goers into a counseling hour sobs dwdw) #SO my idea was anime themed game show w/ good prizes corresponding to the animes i picked the questions from #like itd INCLUDE bsd but it wouldnt be only about bsd is what im saying #therefor making it more appealing to the general con goers!!! #god its in may and im beginning to prepare for it now help me #of course i have a fuck ton of time to prepare but ive always liked to have my details in check long before the actual thing happens #i feel sorry for you and am deeply thankful if you read through my mess of thoughts #ily! /p :D #actually goodnight now its like 1:30am and id prefer to sleep earlier than i did last night <3 #sodaramblestoomuch

[keii]

I have fallen into the pits of BG3... I made an emo looking high elf cleric named Bellamy. I THINK HE LOOKS SO PRETTY AHHH (thank u to the mods I've downloaded...) I wasn't originally going to go into the game with any mods, but seeing how limited the options are... I figured I would enjoy the game more making a character that I really liked... and it's an edgy looking elf HAHA. I wish his tattoo pattern was also on the rest of his body too. Anyway, despite being a man of a God... he grew up with very little, doing anything he can to get by, even if it meant stealing and deception... I'm having so much fun and I really like that I could take my time with this game. I am so terrible at planning when it comes to the battle sequences it makes me laugh so bad at the dumbass choices I make. Also... tell me why I went into this game because I wanted to see what the big deal is with Astarion, especially with all the thirst traps I've seen on my tik tok... but I'm over here giggling over Lae'zel LOOOL I... I LOVE HER... SHE'S SO FUNNY, I LOVE MEAN AND DOMINATING WOMAN! When she was telling Zorru to bow down, I made Bellamy say "YOU HEARD THE WOMAN. BOW." ... My queen....... But Also Astarion is SO FUNNY?? HIS DAMN FACE WHEN WE WALKED IN ON THOSE CREATURES FUCKING??? I said "I wanted to join in the fun!" And then battle commenced and immediately got half my life taken out, how did we survive LOL

#also how is my ass gonna be like “bow down teethling” one moment #and then the next moment i chose the religious option and told lae'zel 'are you that cruel and heartless???' BYEEEE MY WISHY WASHY ASS #ALSO I THOUGHT THIS SLEEP POTION WAS SOMETHING I COULD'VE THROWN AT AN ENEMY TO KNOCK EM OUT... #BUT THEN HAD LAE'ZEL DRINK IT AND HER ASS WAS FAST ASLEEP... #yea... yeah i get why people dream about this game and is consumed by it........ #anyway this game is v fun #i stayed up until 3am last night and i usually go to sleep earlier #i really want to be evil AHHH I WANNA BE EVIL BUT AT LEAST FOR MY FIRST PLAYTHROUGH I'LL BE... morally grey as it should be #bg3 #bellamy

[wizardlyghost]

spent several fucking hours this morning wondering why i was wandering around insane before someone reminded me that daylight fucking savings happened last night, so my 6.5 hours of shuteye was actually 5.5 hours. no fucking wonder.

#it was going to be 9 hours but then i made bad decisions and it turned into 8 hours #and then i realised that i was starting work an hour earlier than i thought and it became 7 hours #and then my shitty ass sleep cycle woke me up half an hour earlier than planned and it became 6.5 hours #which was secretly 5.5 hours along #i am so tired

[flame-shadow]

"I could really go for a coffee," I say, knowing how much I'd dislike that.

#i just want to feel awake for a while :( #i tried to go to bed earlier last night and then got LESS sleep than the past few nights #gee!! thanks body and/or brain!! i love that!! #maybe if you let me get MORE sleep we can all function better and stuff. just a thought

[ybcpatrick]

save me kevin

#shut up kell #feel evil. feel so so evil #cant form thoughts today. could hardly string together a sentence out loud earlier #can't answer anybody. want to. can't #if you've messaged me in the last week i'm sorry and i also don't know when it will be better i hope soon #irritable. very sad. burnt out. too many things last week and too big feelings #imgonna look at kevin more and then i'm gknna go to sleep good night i hope tomorrow is better i love you