#Apologies for the silence here

[coldercreation]

PSA: 

If you have related to how I have described Nathan’s struggles with his mental health and some experiences with life; emotional, physical and social etc (ignore the story/his fam background for this; I mean if you have been able to relate to his feelings/anxiety/negative physical sensations etc.)

Might be worth it to get your blood checked. 

Especially B12, Vitamin D, Iron levels and Ferritin (ferritin should be 100+).

Building on top of the character, character background, and my research into trauma / mental health etc, I have always used a lot of my personal experience when describing emotions, feelings, and how mental health issues can feel like or present. It’s my attempt to make the writing feel realistic, had I experienced the things in the story or not. Aka even if the story was high fantasy and thus not realistic, I’d source my own feelings to make it ‘real’.

So. Regardless of what's causing it in the story: If you have ever related to how Nathan FEELS or describes his experience with the world and his brain… (Anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, feeling like an outsider/in a fishbowl, easily overwhelmed or over tired; social withdrawal, social anxiety, heart palpitations, chest pains, breathlessness, dissociation, irritability, issues with cognitive function; memory, overthinking, insomnia, brain fog, panic attacks, slow recovery from physical activity, etc etc et fucking c) 

Turns out bish has been chronically deficient of many things for a very long time due to stomach issues that stopped nutrients from absorbing. Antidepressants have never successfully worked for me, and it’s now looking like that’s because my mental health stuff could've largely been a physical symptom, instead of just purely mental health?? 

I have been on a pile of supplements for a bit now and uhh… It’s like night and day? Even with the other health stuff I've been getting treated for, it's been... So much better?? Like. Life changing amount of difference?? And I’m only just starting out fixing these deficiencies, which could take a long time. But...

Holy shit, “Better” might actually be a real thing after all?? There was a reason I've been so "stuck"???

Kind of mad… And sad. Because if this is true and I keep feeling like I have been recently, it means I’ve lost a lot of time to this. I try to focus on how good I’ve been feeling though, and stay curious for this journey of what literally feels like a second chance at life.

Just… Wanted to post this in case it could help someone else. This is a highly personal experience, mental health issues absolutely exist on their own too and there's possibly often overlap as well. But stuff like this can make existing mental health conditions worse too, so either way it’s worth checking. 

Yeah. So.

Happy new year?

From someone who might be pulling a whole Phoenix moment???? xx

#Apologies for the silence here #Been going through a lot if you can imagine lol #I have a bunch of asks and messages to catch up to #I'm so sorry for taking forever #It might take me a bit longer still but I promise I'll get back on here at some point hopefully soon #Your messages mean so much to me<3 #Take care everyone <3 #Also #the description of Nathan's experience could and would still be rather accurate #even if you don't have these physical health issues!! #Depression and anxiety etc from a deficiency is still depression and anxiety #+ when I write Nathan I have a set of mental health “maps” or “guides” for his character (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD) #Yes I use my own feelings and experiences to describe his anxiety etc #But his character is built around specific mental health markers / trauma research / symptoms etc (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD) #So I'm pretty sure Nathan's POV would still look very similar based on just that research and ignoring the stuff in this post #Hope this all makes sense :'o

[miraculouslumination]

The audacity to be like "there's a problem with racism in transandrophobia discussions" while also unironically using the term "transandrophobia truther(s)"

#Jean mumbles #Of course there will almost always be racism in discussions of oppression #But like...bro are you really going to say this and then side with the exact same people #Who have constantly erased and silenced the voices of trans men of color and other marginalized trans men #Calling them shit like white-aligned or overall gatekeeping their blackness #Are you seriously not seeing how that call is coming from inside the house #And again - truther is something that has very heavy ties to antisemitism #So again. Are you really the hero because of this? #Are you actually helping people here? #Now I'm white so obviously take what I say here with as many grains of salt as you feel is best #But all I'm saying is that racism is fucking everywhere and there is not a single group in this discussion who is guilt free #And right now you're participating in the violent act of erasing and silencing the voices of non-white and non-gentile trans men and mascs #I wish the best to anyone who has fallen for this pandering bullshit #And a huge apology to all the trans m&ms this bullshit hurts #Transandrophobia #(Gatekeeping blackness but also just non-white raced and ethnicities in general)

[azuries]

'cause boys don't cry

#hello. #sorry for my last post :( heres a way to make up for it :D #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #you heard of mike hugging and comforting will now get ready for vice versa. you aint ready for this!!!1 #piano arts #anyway in this scenario i just wanna imagine maybe mike asking will to meet in the swings #mike is sitting on one swing inviting will on the other and asking him to listen to boys dont cry with him with a walkman he has on the sid #the music plays in the bg along with the crickets #the boys listen in silence until mike breaks the silence and starts reminiscing about the time between them #and starts to contemplate how things got so complicated so fast #and will coild only agree and explaining that he was right. its nc they werent kids anymore.. and change is inevitable #making mike go back to their fight in s3 #mike starts breaking down in front of will with his head on his hands slumped over and he starts apologizing #he starts apologizing profusely to will with how hes been acting and hurting him #even when he didnt mean to #and he explains how hes confused. so so confused #and he doesnt know what to do #will could do nothing but listen and bring him into a hug as the last verse of boys dont cry plays #and they remain like that for the entire night #basking in each others presence.

[radiantmists]

man especially having now read the flashbacks i think about how hard xie lian always tries and how many people have told him that he tries too hard, that he never should have bothered and that doing so made things worse, or even more commonly just hating on him for not fixing things or being arrogant or whatever they think his problem is. and some of those people are probably even coming from caring places!

but before hua cheng, had anyone ever sat next to him and said, you tried and that's good, it matters that you cared, you did your best. nobody could have done better than you.

how badly must xie lian have needed that?

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #the donghua is making me emotional #this arc made me emotional in the books but what can i say people crying in my ears makes it worse #GOD the way xie lian loses his temper for a /half a minute/ bc he's spent centuries in silence about this #got stabbed through the chest and buried alive to preserve lang qianqiu's heart #and now it's all destroyed #and then the second he realizes that he did something as mild as shout at the person responsible #he breaks down apologizing?? #and like. its funnier with the romance parts later but its the same thing #xie lian is still human he can't stop himself from feeling or reacting to things #but he can hate himself for it. he can apologize for ever mildly inconveniencing someone else with his humanity #i don't think he internalizes what hua cheng says here at all #but. at least someone SAID it #at least someone told him what he did mattered and what he intended was worth something #after all that time #and like. you wonder how he can be so cheerful all the time usually despite all the shit that happened to him #but it's because he thinks he deserves every bit of it!! #i feel for hua cheng on a spiritual level i would also move mountains for this poor man if i could

[luminitewrites]

A small (unedited) crumb of Sleuth Jesters Actor AU for you

Nobody let Moon drive or else

(Psst, @naffeclipse, I hope you don't mind that I've made the acting cast not quite like the characters they play)

#sobbing at how little time I have to write lately #every day that i'm unable to write eats me up inside #so I hope this is okay #the personalities of the acting cast are shaping up to be rather different from the characters themselves #(e.g. Sun and Moon being less serious and Eclipse being not... well... AS homicidal as he could be) #(I jest--he's a sweetheart in this) #but I'm hoping to bleed in some of everyone's characters into their own personalities at least a little #apologies for the mostly radio silence on here recently #writing tag #lumilite

[borderline-off-fangame]

working on a new mall.. even has working escalators.

#borderline related #borderline (off fangame) #borderline (off spinoff) #off fangame #off spinoff #off (game) #off (mortis ghost) #rpgmaker #borderline spoilers #apologies for the radio silence #work has been quite hectic to the point of me relapsing back into depression #once more i'm picking up the pieces and working on things bit by bit. #i still have a lot to do #mostly wanna focus on the graphic side of things (adding talksprites and changing dialogue here and there) #I'll try and be a little consistent

[doomxdriven]

jin vibe checks you by collapsing your lungs

#jin: shitposting #//okay but seriously hello everyone i am still here. i apologize for the extended silence. my job is in inspection mode and will be until #//the 28th of this month. i've been very busy. and stressed fgGJSDFJGHGHJ to say the least #//i will be getting to replies as i can but i cannot guarantee consistent activity until i clear this stupid inspection gfjghGHJSDFJ

[deerlirium]

I really do understand the appeal of toxic romance like hannibal/clarice I really do. I just can’t get behind it 😭😭 I’m like no she wouldn’t do that she wouldn’t like that!! She’s not like that!!! And it’s like yeah that’s the point he drugs, gaslights and brainwashes her into it and into almost being a completely different person. But it’s also that there was a part of her that wanted to be feral and violent from the beginning and by hannibal brainwashing herself out of her shes now truly free. But also I dont like thinking about it if I can help it and I blocked the tag

#clarice starling #hannibal lecter #the silence of the lambs #hannibal #apologies for the armchair analysis I havent read sotl or hannibal in a hot second so I dont remember the exact circumstances #also lowkey convinced thomas harris just didnt know how to end it or was tired of it so he was like here. you get the bad version

[daydadahlias]

Hi! Are you okay? Sorry but you haven’t updated on here in a while and I’m worried.

#ok hi im done faking my death #so sorry abt that guys #uhm was not my intention to be gone for a week #was kind of thinking it would be like 2 days lol but stuff kept coming up #just. irl things and then like overarching feelings blah blah u dont need my life story #the bottom line is !! im totally good !! #im sorry i didnt get to this ask sooner!! #im alive and well etc etc have lost no limbs and have no illnesses except i got stung by a wasp the other day and BOY does it hurt #anyway i will promptly be queuing a million posts bc ive <33 missed a lot of things on here <33 and need to decorate my blog <33 #dw i followed info abt the luke show diligently on twitter #and have some operatives in the field reporting back #and i will also get to the asks i have unfortunately neglected #sorry kids #i apologize genuinely if anyone was worried abt me but also do know tumblr isnt the only thing i do ! #and if something happened to me irl i have friends who have my password to notify people #so silence usually just means im busy in the real world!! or just not vibing. and even then i always come back <3 #nothing to be concerned abt ^.^ #i will say. kind of humorous that. my last few posts were abt how i wont be leaving the fandom and then i promptly dipped for a week #that's my bad sdfghj that was not on purpose #i just ended up having a lot of stuff to do and was too tired to make posts at the end of the day #anyway. now that im resurrected uh. magnolia day :) and also... i have a lot of stuff to reblog #ok !! #hope this covers all the bases #ily #pigeon #anon

[coollyinterferes]

"Thing 's... why would I wanna be 'loud and proud' for one month when I can be loud and proud and also be a bloody menace all year long?"

#[you can take the homo ganglord out of the slums but you will never completely take the slums out of the homo ganglord] #[gay king] #[happy pride month to all the lgbtq+ peeps out there!!!] #[also hiii everyone~~] #[apologies for the silence here] #[shit's been... *hand gestures* these weeks still so i'd been taking some time] #[i also got a little busy with a side project so that might end up taking some of my time for a bit too] #[i haven't looked at my threadtracker yet so idk what i currently owe] #[but i'll mostly be focusing on rbing stuff and maybe an ask meme too like i said last time (couldn't find good ones that day ;-;)] #[i'd really love to interact with all the peeps who i haven't interacted with yet!] #[hope everyone's been doing well!! <3] #;ic #;speedwagon says (( ic ))

[yooniesim]

This is not my anon but this is exactly how I feel. I've made my own mistakes but that was never why they were in the convo. They saw how badly I was suffering and swiftly took the opportunity to kick me while I was down and that's just the truth. The quick pivot into easily transitioning the anti-blackness conversation into absolving themselves and all their friends from their mistakes & various acts of bigotry by discrediting my voice in a few decisive moves was legendary. The priority & focus of the conversation was no longer about the important issue and became an almost sadistic pursuit of my "downfall". It was fucking dirty and manipulative to the point where i almost have to admire it. And emphasized to me that empathy just isn't their strong point.

We all have bias including myself and that was clearly at play here. Some of the shit I saw said about me was simply not true or completely misrepresented and I was brushed off for pointing that out in the replies. And the fact that plenty of people believed it at face value with no proof whatsoever was acceptable to them and even people that saw what really went down with their own eyes but wanted to save their own reputation with these simblrs went along with it. They even chose to believe the word of a known racist over me because it fit their narrative. Once again the vague post + wave of hate from followers method was deployed, but this time I was already at my limit before it even began. I was degraded & talked over by several white people and essentially silenced and blamed for my own violent & bigoted harassment because i hurt people's feelings on simblr and was too "annoying". I was the subject of some pretty awful shit both here & IRL to the point where I was at one of the lowest points of my life and I was basically told to eat shit for asking for time and empathy. Even after apologizing and admitting what I had done wrong, they continued to pile on and beat the dead horse because the fact of the matter is they just want me gone and ostracized & have ever since I first slighted anyone in that friend group. Which solidifies to me that another one of my mistakes was to expect any of this on simblr to be based in actual ethics or a sense of morality.

For it to be about the racefaker & anti-blackness, I didn't see 1% of the anger and name-calling towards that being from them compared to what was thrown my way & it only exploded after I had apologized for that situation and that being was long gone from simblr and kicked from my server. And it was clearly because no one was angry enough at me for their liking. "We got a racefaker in the community yeah but oh no look, that negro uses kpop gifs and was too aggressive and bitchy towards us!" Shit. As much as my reaction to the situation was never about corpsetrait & all about my own feelings and situation I was going through, which was terribly wrong of me & I still apologize for, it was clearly a similar thought process with them. And many of the posts and actions I've seen have been purely performative when you consider the nonexistent (and even mocking) reaction to what happened to me compared to the people they liked. Whereas I've spent quite a bit of time defending & trying to see other people's perspectives when I simply should've never wasted my own time or mental energy. Trust i will never make that mistake again.

I took the opportunity to apologize further and delete the channel in my server because I've seen how it was a bad idea & how it negatively affected others and me as a person, and there's nothing like being at the bottom of the barrel to humble a dumb bitch like me. But y'all better not make the mistake of thinking you're better. I know exactly what kind of chats you got, as well as the anons & messages you send, and you ain't slick nor fooling anybody taking that moral high ground. Especially while saying some of the worst things about me out the other side of your mouth. The difference between us is that I can say I was wrong, and I've never seen y'all do that once this entire time. I'm going to work on myself, and I highly advise y'all to consider the same. And if you hate me, if I annoy you, you're just going to have to block me. Because I'm not going anywhere because of you. And if you got some vile bullshit to say, I'm blocking & ignoring you. Period.

#text #ceci speaks #nonsims #petty #the irony is palpable #nearly broke for a min but now im medicated so i dont care anymore #yall are dirtier than any simsecret anon #tho some of the specific talk i saw there in the past makes me think ur there too #fucking vultures the lot of u #at least i know i can get beaten down to this extent and still be here #still aint deactivating from ur age old tactic #im made of tougher stuff than that and probably all of u #im gonna work on being less petty but im not gonna be silenced in general #dont apologize to people who hate u bc they dont care #im only sorry to: #the people in the server and my followers disappointed by my response #my friends especially ones that are black that i didnt protect #and veone for calling her out of name and reacting with anger and fear instead of empathy #everyone else can eat my ass #ill also keep in mind how much and who i use gifs with #but no one is taking away my special interest bc u have a personal vendetta #and a need to grasp at straws on how to hurt me

[sophfandoms53]

Taylor, Joseph, Turner and Indy being the only ones from this season giving us any post-season content is so funny, thats literally 1/4th of the whole cast, where did the rest of them go

#they talked so big on the feeds and in the DR #but the utter silence is hysterical #Taylor and Joseph are all over my Twitter and its great #and occasionally Turner and Indy pop up #it seems Taylor and Indy are good and I believe Indy is like the only person who has directly apologized to Taylor #correct me if that’s wrong #Michael and Brit have been here and there tbh #but I’ve mainly seen these 4 #bb24

[ailurocide]

Can we get some more asks in the inbox please? :D

#ailurocide #spotty speaks #apologies for the radio silence here recently #my life’s kind of been falling apart #BUT #I’m still here for ailurocide ofc #just in a little rut with the stuff already waiting for me; I think I’ve been staring at them too long lmao

[magnificentmuses]

"I found a new trashcan on Belobog. I was sad...because the lid was frozen shut due to the snow, so I couldn't open it up. March had to comfort me."

#muse: Stelle #apologies for the silence today #wanted to be here more but #stomach wasn't feeling the greatest so I just curled in bed and did Star Rail's newest event instead

[myownprivatcidaho]

thoseve yall who were here a year ago might remember that a year ago He was liking tweets like "idk how people can cheat when im in love im obsessed😍" and "the honeymoon stage rlly doesnt die if youre with the right person🥰" and he was liking stuff like that up till recently now shit like this is in his likes something is BROKEN in him

#i feel bad. i dont even mean it in a conceited way but i cant help but feel like a bit of this is my fault #hes so bright eyed and ambitious that the idea of him losing any of that idealism is nothing short of a goddamned tragedy im sorry #yes this is the guy who lead me on (unintentionally???) and flirted with me for a year despite seeing TWO people during that time #the latter of which became his girlfriend (who i told Everything to ...) #and like. he never apologized he never explained what was going on or why he acted like a fucking simp for a year #but basically we're not talking now and we're on bad terms and angry at each other #(me because. well yall were there for that . hes angry because i ratted his flirty ass out ) #god that all stings so bad i havent talked about the details of what happened to anyone...... #but yeah i just. even still after all this time i hope he stays bright eyed. the idea that he wouldnt is heartbreaking in and of itself. #that one crush situation lol #idk if theyre still together. it was early novembet i reached out to his gf and laid the whole thing out for her #& she said theyd 'take it from here' (??????) and was uncomfortable with me and him communicating with the knowledge that THAT ALL happened #even while they were together. i told her i could respect that (even though i wanted to ask her who the FUCK she thought she was. anyways) #and then i reached out to him one last time to clarify i wasnt dredging it up for retaliation or to break them up but bc she genuinely #deserved to know. then he sorta said fuck my feelings and then reiterated what his gf said that we shouldnt be talking anymore #its been radio silence since then from bothve them. if they did break up id feel bad (cause how COULDNT i?) but if they didnt. #that means the only factor that changed here was. well. his 'relationship'/chances of a relationship/flirtationship/friendship with me. #i dunno. im not gonna act like i have all the facts and im not gonna act like he hasnt screwed me over #but getting back to my main point. imagine knowing him and watching him lose his idealism. try not being heartbroken over that.

[kindafooey]

Had a bit of a xenophobic moment just now lmao

#I was at a campfire site minding my own business when a bunch of southerners came up #and while sternly pretending that I wasn't there they put on godawful music and started doing yoga #and I. well. I'll admit I could've made an attempt to be more communicative but like. I was literally right there #and they were being extremely rude. like. I don't know it's a cultural thing because I genuinely do not understand southern finns #but I think it's customary to ask if it's okay to blast music from your shitty boombox when there are others present?? #not to mention that we were literally in the middle of the forest where people usually want to enjoy the silence ffs #and they didn't so much as say hi #so I was like. fuck it. two csn play this game. and I pulled up my phone and searched for 10 hours of annoying noise on youtube #and started blasting that to drown their dumbfuck yoga music #and eventually they pulled that gross fake southerner smile and asked me if I wanted to join them #and I was like. no I don't think I will. I was just curious how long they were willing to pretend that I wasn't there #and I told them it's common sense to ask other people if they're okay with playing music that loud especially in a situation like this #and they were STILL fake smiling at me and said I'm free to join. so I was like. okay gals listen up. #I don't know if this is how you do it in helsinki but it does not fucking fly in lapland and maybe they'd be better off going the fuck back #to where they came from #(which is a gross thing to say to anyone I KNOW but I was being talked down and fake smiled at #and feeling fairly fucking pissed at that point) #then I was like aight I've had enough I'm outta here #but changed my mind and came back #at which point they turned off the music and actually apologized. which I can appreciate #so uhh yeah. I can be obnoxious and gross sometimes lol #but even though it didn't come out in the best possible way I still think it was like. a well-deserved moment of straightforwardness #for the three of them #honestly I don't feel ashamed at all haha #but maybe next time I'll be more polite. just maybe. no prommies tho