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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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AITA for saying my family shows favoritism towards my baby cousin?

(This is copied from my Reddit drafts because my partner told me tumblr would be better for this and I trust them)

Okay this is a long one so I’m just gonna throw out fake names for everyone and everyone is white middle class Americans

I, Op, 20M, I’m a trans man not accepted by my family. This is relevant

Renee, 20F, my twin sister

Bea, 16F, my younger sister

Lee, 35F, my aunt on my father’s side

Lucas, 2M, my cousin, son of Lee

Suzie, 5F, my cousin, daughter of Lee

My father, 44M, the patriarch of our whole family

My mother, 45F

Grandpa, 76M, paternal grandpa, previous patriarch

Grandma, 74F, paternal grandma

So I’m sending this in on Christmas Day of 2023. For some context, I still live at home, but it’s more of a roommate situation now that I’m an adult. Renee lives on her out-of-state college campus but visits for holidays, and Bea is still a high schooler. Lee, her children, and her husband who isn’t relevant to this (I love my uncle, we just literally never talk) live across the country. My father is losing the battle with cancer and can’t travel, so we had two separate christmases this year, one with my immediate family and one with Lee. Grandma and Grandpa went to Lee’s, which was awesome for me because that meant I got to avoid them this year!

As the character list above states, I’m (one of) the oldest of the five grandkids with my cousins being born a lot later than me and my sisters. My family is a traditional WASP family and staunchly conservative with Aunt Lee actively being a cop right now while my parents and Grandpa served in the military. Growing up undeniably queer was hilarious, I know. But the family dynamic wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, my family did a good job of trying to hide the fact that Renee was the favorite child lol, but that was more on the basis of her having the same traditional values that they do until Aunt Lee had Suzie, then she obviously became the favorite. Fine by me, she’s an adorable girl and I love spoiling her. Also, ACAB does apply for Aunt Lee for being complacent in this system, it’s not just the most relevant part of the story besides explaining how she fits into the family dynamic

But then Lee had Lucas a few years later and the focus in the family shifted to him. At first, it was baby fever making everyone dote over him (and I’m guilty of this too) but after a while, I realized that the fever hasn’t died down. If we had family reunions, everyone would flock to Lucas and I would be the one watching Suzie. For a toddler, she’s a great conversationalist, but it was still sad to see all her aunts and uncles and cousins showering her baby brother with attention and not her. And then the comments started. That my father would only refer to Lucas as “my nephew” even when talking directly to Lee (unhinged to witness in person). That Grandpa was so happy to finally have a grandson (felt great). The lady-killer comments and guessing what profession he’s gonna go into based on how chubby of a baby he is (the money’s on Linebacker, little dude is built like a truck). Stuff like that

None of these comments were ever made about Suzie when she was born, and I really don’t want to admit that it’s because Lucas is a boy, but thats the only answer I can think of when trying to understand the favoritism. Lucas is showered in gifts and love and while I know newborns need that, Suzie received nowhere near this much attention. Lee’s husband doesn’t go to family functions because he works full time, but I heard Suzie mumble at Thanksgiving last month that she wanted to go home to daddy. It broke my fucking heart, so I called him and she got to FaceTime with my uncle until my phone died

At this point, I’m not even upset that the family ignores my obvious trans-ness as I’m over a year on T (paid for by myself too) in favor of my boy cousin. I’m upset that Suzie is getting left out of the fawning while she’s still super young and she could grow up resenting Lucas because of it.

Anyways, so this morning we opened gifts as an immediate family and I got to FaceTime my significant other as they unboxed their gift from me and we were having a good time until my dad FaceTimes Grandpa. Grandpa answers and Dad immediately asks how his nephew is. Lucas is pushed in front of the phone and all I can hear is asking about how Lucas is, is Lucas talking yet, is Lucas reading yet. I manage to squeeze my head in and ask about Suzie and Lee’s voice off camera says that “oh she’s fine, just snobbish.” Snobbish? A five year old?

And here’s where I’m probably the Asshole. Honestly, I’m looking between ESH and JAH here, but would perfectly understandable if tumblr decides YTA. My response to Lee’s comment was: “well maybe she wouldn’t be if everyone didn’t pick Lucas as the family favorite.”

My dad smacked me upside the head, Renee and Bea got really pissed off, and the FaceTime went quiet until it was cut off and Grandpa called back to talk to Dad privately. Bea called me an asshole and while my Mom got onto her for her language, Mom agreed that I was.

My dad came back from the phone and did the silent point towards his bedroom, y’all with shitty parents know the one. Because I’m twenty fucking years old and pay RENT here, I shook my head, grabbed my keys, and went to go hang out with my significant partner and work friends. We had a great time and I’m currently in the car with my significant other while typing this. I’m gonna spend the night at their place and go back in the morning to see how bad the damage is. My significant other says I was justified in what I said, but two of my work friends (one who’s a Cishet guy who grew up in a similar household and another who’s a new dad with his own son) say that what I said was uncalled for and rude. They explained that I had no right to weaponize Lucas and Suzie like that and I understand that. I’m just tired of Suzie being neglected and, selfishly I know, I’m tired of how my identity is ignored as well

So, tumblr, AITA?

TL;DR, My two year old cousin is the “only” grandson in the family. The family ignores my male identity and my baby cousin’s five year old sister to fawn over the two year old. Am I The Asshole for pointing this out point blank in front of the whole family on Christmas morning?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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pbscore · 3 years

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There is no clever, ‘tumblr funnyman’ way for me to say this, so I’m sorry if this comes off as long, sardonic, and/or rude:

A lot of y’all care more about arguing over semantics than y’all do about like...actual activism and social issues that cause very real, harmful, and, sometimes, fatal consequences towards minorities online and in real life.

Y’all will fight over who’s allowed/not allowed to use the term queer but won’t even consider the possibility that it’s none of your business in the first place and that people are fully capable of deciding that for themselves without your presumptuous, smartass comments that you know will get you those sweet, sweet tumblr validation notes.

Y’all will fight over someone accidentally (meaning someone who isn’t purposely trying to demonize neurodivergent/mentally ill folks) using the word ‘empathy’ instead of ‘compassion’ in only one post of theirs and immediately ‘cancel’ them for being ableist but won’t even consider the fact that person can also be neurodivergent/mentally ill themselves and simply didn’t know about the differences between the two words.

Y’all will pick on a black person whose tone may not be ‘very nice’ when explaining (probably for the millionth time) systemic racism and how it’s literally killing our community but will dip and dodge through a bunch of hoops to defend some crusty ass, racist white man/woman who called someone the n-word ‘in a blind rage uwu’.

Like...I hope that my point makes sense (and I do understand if I need to clarify better in the future by using better examples, so feel free to let me know). Y’all spend way too much time just yelling at one another online, trying to reach some kind of catharsis that you’re not able to get in real life, and it’s genuinely unhealthy to witness. And a lot of times, y’all will try to excuse your rude and callous behavior by claiming to be ‘the most oppressed’ by society, while refusing to actually understand the dynamics between oppression and privilege that is far more nuanced than just ‘I have x disorder or I’m x identity, so I can’t be a bigot uwu’.

Having BLM, ACAB, ‘commie’, and other ‘leftie’ titles in your bio, while the ‘peak’ of your activism is just you getting too big for your britches and yelling at someone for using neopronouns or for someone ‘not having a nice tone’ or for someone not being up to date with the latest ‘discourse’ of the week, without understanding any of the contexts behind these individual situations, is just laughable and makes y’all look like the very disingenuous ‘activists’ that y’all claim to hate.

All it tells me is that y’all don’t know how to engage with real world issues, and instead of doing the necessary research that would help y’all experience genuine personal growth, y’all would rather stay where it’s ‘safe’ for y’all to continue acting like a big dog (a bully) online, telling everyone else who they are/are not and dictating really unnecessary situations like whether ace/aro people are LGBT...like??!? Why??

Y’all will dog people about using Twitter because ‘uwu it’s just so toxic’, while still being fully aware of how equally toxic Tumblr is. But of course, y’all will excuse the behavior anyways because on Tumblr, you can still get away with your ‘funnyman’ jokes that went out of style five years ago and you can hide all of your internal bigotry behind some faux ‘social justice’ persona by writing a whole thesis on why Kylo Ren is actually ‘a well written villain’ and how the ‘evils’ of ‘purity culture uwu’ are ruining fandom or some other vague crap lol

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