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#black lives matter

“Describe all the times/ways you find or see hope in your everyday life.
- Are they specific moments?
- Are they specific people?
- Are they embodied in the things you do or say?”

For some reason these prompts always make me angry. I come into the workshop after having a great hump day and I’m all pumped and happy and fresh to write. Then these prompts bring out this angry black woman that is inside me: pessimistic and mad at the world. It doesn’t help that I saw someone twice today that I didn’t want to see. Everything else was going great, but for some reason this one thing is all I can think about right now.

I don’t see and find hope in my daily life. My daily life is my daily life. It’s not rising or diving; it’s stagnant. Every other day I get better, with the following day getting worst. This is stagnation. This is my state and has been for 3 years now. I am unmoving, then this pandemic happened and things got worst. I am incapable of letting things be and getting out of my own head. I fuck things up too much to see hope anywhere.

I am a pessimistic optimist because I feel what I feel and I feel what I wrote but I don’t like that I feel that way or that I confessed that. It’s too honest. I want to feel hope. I am at times very hopeful. Just not now it seems.

Trying new things and meeting new awesome like-minded understanding people give me hope.

                                                                                                                                                                   – she

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“Personify what you’re feeling right now. Give them a voice, give them characteristics, give them emotions and thoughts.
What do they look like?
What do they feel like?
Do they remind you of someone?
How would they talk to you?”

I am the middle child.

I’ve been indifferent towards this election and this government as a whole ever since Scalia died to be honest. When that happened and our sitting president was refused the right to choose a supreme court justice I was, kind of, done. I’m old now. Not as old as the candidates, obviously, but old enough to be tired of the endless cycle of fuckery. Little black woman me is not thought of enough in this country…..until election time. So why should I think of these people or expect them to do anything for me?…Or to think of me when they make decisions? This country was build by me but not for me so my indifference is warranted.

I am not emotional about this because my life isn’t going to change because of this. I truly believe that. My life isn’t all that different now than it was 4 years ago. The people invested are the super poor and the super rich. I am the middle child, no one pays attention to the middle child.

                                                                                                                                                             – she

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Super simple shakshuka

I’m a black trans woman with no income due to covid-19 so I’m reliant on donations to pay rent and for food. Even the smallest donations help feed me.

You can gain access to all my recipes, artwork, photography and poetry by subscribing to my Patreon: fightingpride93

Paypal: paypal. me/fightingpride


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Activism in the City | June Vlog

This was my FIRST DAY out for 2 months and all I saw in the city was this. 

The wanderer. I wander around New York City. Me wandering again. 

I traveled from Soho or Washington Heights. The city was ill. 

#Saytheirnames was everywhere. Citywide curfews throughout June.

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Black men, especially str8 Black men, are the reason we as a community might not ever move forward. They don’t like when women take the lead, even though they complain about leadership but at the same time do nothing. They don’t like it when Black members of the lgbtq+ community take the lead cuz they either homophobic or they question their blackness as if their sexuality will stop them from experiencing racism. Black men work for no one but themselves which is why they are the weakest links. A lot of them don’t even want justice cuz we deserve it. They just want justice, for themselves, so that they can show just how close they are to the white man, even though they don’t benefit from patriarchy at all. They need serious help.

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You know, I wasn’t going to respond to this, but, fuck it. Regardless of George Floyd’s background, he did not deserve to die. The entire world watched a man die at the hands of a police officer, someone who is supposed to protect civilians. People have a right to be angry. Police are not judge and executioners.

As someone who works in mental health, this is extremely damaging to people’s psyche. I’ve thought long and logically about this. We are in a tumultuous time. You’re entitled to your opinion, but by hiding behind an anonymous message and telling me to “jump off a bridge” does nothing to change my mind nor does it help further conversation.

Whoever you are, I truly hope you stay healthy and well.

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