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ohtobeleah · 1 year

Note

Oh please don’t hurt us too bad Leah. Terms of Endearment is just so good! It’s like a bad car accident that you can’t look away from.

Welp—oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. I don’t think you’re gonna like this one then anon because shit just keeps spinning out of control. Here’s some Jake Seresin angst so I get get the tension out of my system. As always here the Terms Of Endearment Masterlist

Warnings: Domestic Violence, control issues, a intense verbal confrontation between Jake and reader. Mentions of abortion.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Jake Seresin wasn’t the type of person who had a lot of regrets in life. He firmly believed that every step he took was one filled with purpose and intention. Although he didn’t believe in a lot of things like the great beyond, religion like his parents did or little green men who roamed the galaxy, he did believe in the power of fate. He believed that everything was supposed to happen for a reason, good or bad. Whatever may come, whatever challenges he needed to face, whatever adversity he needed to overcome—he did so with the understanding that it was meant to play out whatever way it did.

But if you asked Jake Seresin if he still believed in fate and destiny and purpose and if you were meant to have been caught up with Jaidyn Zeus Dolan? Jake would say that it was his biggest mistake not to have pulled you out before you got too entangled in the web of unfortunate events that would transpire. He would say that it was his own fault that you experienced everything you did in that relationship because he was the one that introduced you, set it up, and left you in his care.

Jake Seresin would say that wasn’t fate. He’d say he failed you as a friend, as a brother. He failed to notice the signs even if they were written clear as fucking day right in front of him. He failed to see that if you stayed with Jaidyn Dolan your fate would be one that ended six feet under—and that was a fate Jake couldn’t possibly accept.

“Thanks for letting me tag along.” Jake bumped into your side as you walked down the path towards your home. “Still can’t believe you’re pregnant.” He chuckled softly at the thought of you, his best friend, being a mother. “God you’ll be such a good mum Fe.” Your smile quickly faded when you noticed a few white trash bags on the curb right out the front of your house. Jake noticed too, frowning as you both approached them. You tore into one harpzaradly before coming to the realisation.

“These are my clothes?” You mumbled as fury and fire ripped through your soul. “That Motherfucker.” You huffed out as you grabbed the bags. Collecting them all before dumping them by the front door.

“I’ll take that chair if you don’t want it?” Jake tried to make a light-hearted jab at the recliner that had been thrown out next to the clothes that were just dumped into bags on the curb. He wasn’t all that sure what was going on as he followed you inside. He knew enough though that it couldn’t have been too good. You’d told him Jaidyn wasn’t all that keen on having this baby. That he’d asked you to get an abortion the second you told him you were pregnant.

“Fucking Jaidyn, God.” It was coming out in mumbles as you gritted your teeth. Storming through the house till your font Jaidyn in the kitchen. “Hey—!” You shoved at his back, pushing him forward into the countertop before he turned around with an expression you knew all too well. He was about to have a go at you—only he stopped and balled his fist at his side when he’d seen Jake standing in the middle of the arch way.

“What the fuck?” He settled with, he was always good at hiding the bruises he’d give you. Never in plain sight. He was calculated and strategic. He wouldn’t start hitting you wherever he could get a welp of pain from you until well after Odette was born. Until Jake was stationed in North Island. Until he’d separated you from everyone who ever gave a shit about you.

“You put my shit on the fucking curb?” You raised your voice, feeling confident enough to confront him while Jake was here. You knew Jaidyn wouldn’t try it with him around. No. He’d just wait until later when you two were alone. “This is my home!” You reminded him, shoving him again, only this time he played pretend and stumbled back as if you’d actually been strong enough to force him back.

“The fuck Fe!” Jaidyn retaliated as he looked over to where Jake stood idly by. “You see the way she fucking acts man, it’s psychotic.”

“You can’t fucking do that!” You yelled, it was on for young and old now as you lunged at him, smacking his back and kicking him wherever you could. You knew that you’d get it later—but god you felt empowered with Jake's presence.

“Yeah well— I want you fucking out!” Jaidyn shouted back as he dropped down and picked you up. Lifting you over his shoulder as you kicked and screamed and balled your first to slam against his back.

“This is my house!” You sobbed. “I live here!” You screamed. “I live here! This is my fucking house!” It was falling out of you like a mantra of pleas.

“Okay easy, easy easy easy—“ Jake saw that now was the right time to intervene. He knew you and Jaidyn had been having some issues but he’d never seen it play out before him. He loved you, how could he not when you were his sister? but he’d known Jaidyn for a good few years before the academy. They played lacrosse together in senior year of high school. Seeing two of his closest friends go at it like a pack of wild dogs wasn’t on his most recent bingo card.

“I own this house!” You cried out. Tears flowing freely from your waterline.

“Easy!” Jake interrupted as he grabbed you from Jaidyn's shoulder, pulling you back as Jaidyn stepped back with his hands up near his head in surrender.

“The title is in my name!” You reminded Jaidyn. You probably shouldn’t have done that, later that same month he put the house on the market after forging your signature.

“I’m not letting you live here! Not until I know you got that goddamn abortion! No fucking way—“ Jakes heart skipped a beat and not in a good way. More in the way of an aneurysm. Holding you against his chest, you tried to lunge forward but Jake's grip only tightened.

“FUCK YOU!!” You spat. You could see the blood lust in Jaidyn's eyes. He was going throttle you later.

“Look at you!” He shouted back. “All right? You’re fucking pathetic! You need to take a fucking personally god damn inventory!”

“Did you just say inve—you?” Jake saw his moment and he took it. Letting you go as he stepped in front of you. “You AA people are all the same, you want a goddamn parade because you stand in front of the other alcoholics and state the galactic obvious.” It was probably a dog shot to bring up Jaidyn's personal issues with alcoholism but Jake knew his mate was stepping over the line as well. “It’s the very definition of narcissism man—so will you please take a drink and shut the fuck up.”

“Fuck up—!” You hissed over Jake's shoulder before he side eyed you.

“Get to a clinic.” Jaidyn shook his head. “Before your shit gets moldy.”

“Listen man.” Jake had really had enough at this point. “I’m not gonna get involved in your personal problems but don’t talk to her that way.” Taking a few strides toward Jaidyn, Jake balled his fist. “You talk to her that way again and I hear about it? You're done for.”

Jaidyn Dolan knew at that moment he had to segregate you from your friends, from Jake specifically. He beat you black and blue that very night in all the places that could be hidden. He threatened Jake too—said if you ever told him a word, a single peep, he’d have no problem cutting his throttle cable. You knew he wasn’t bluffing.

So you said.

Nothing.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Bradley sat with his back against Jake's front door. His head lulled a little to the side as he fought off the urge to just close his eyes for a few moments. He couldn’t though, not with you and Odette sleeping on the mattress Bradley had helped you drag down stairs into the living room. It felt like he’d just taken it back up--but having you down stairs was the easier, more appropriate choice in terms of safety.

He watched as you slept, Jake's baseball bat in his hand. Thinking of all the ways someone could try and get into the house. Bradley knew sometimes the lock on the front door didn’t work properly, so he decided that to give you an extra sense of comfort and protection he’d sit with his back against it for a while. That was four hours ago. Ever since he’d noticed you’d fallen asleep hugging your daughter tight, he hadn’t moved. He couldn’t.

Bradley Bradshaw was a tired man, he was so tired that he’d started falling asleep for a few minutes at a time before jolting awake when he realised he’d allowed himself to drift off. He was so tired in fact that he hadn’t heard the back door unlock, open and then close quietly. He didn’t hear the footsteps coming closer to the living room and he definitely didn’t feel the presence looming above him.

“Bradshaw—“ Jake whispered as he kicked his best friend softly. “Get up man the fuck you doin against the damn door?” Jake smirked as Bradley jolted awake, snoring out a gasp as he came to.

“Holy shit how long was I out for?” Bradley looked over at where you and Dot slept soundly. Blankets and pillows sprawled around you both. “Fuck—“

“Long enough for me to come through the back door unannounced—“ Jake sighed, his eyes never leaving the space in the living room you had turned into a makeshift bedroom. “She get to sleep easily?”

“Not really, said she was gonna stay up but I think when Dot went down Fe pretty much just gave in.” Bradley explained as he stood, rubbing his eyes as he yawned. “I think her body just told her to quit.” Rooster knew that if you could fight off the urge to sleep you would have. But you were emotionally exhausted. “You got here quicker than I thought you would? What’s the time like two in the morning?”

“Three—“ Jake was quick to correct. “I was on the first flight out of Austin.” Silence lingered between the two aviators for a brief moment as they watched you and your daughter co-sleep. The hold you had on her was laced in fear rather than comfort, afraid that if for a second you let go she’d be stolen from you. Taken. “So my cars fucked is it?”

“Oh yeah big time, complete write-off man.” Rooster smirked, tapping Jake on the shoulder softly as he pressed his lips together in a gentle nod. “He did a bang up job that's for sure.”

“Fuck, I don't even know what we're gonna do Bradshaw.” Jake sighed as he made his way into the kitchen, rubbing his tired eyes as he made a straight shot for the fridge. “You want a beer?”

“Beer sounds fantastic right now.” It was weird to think about how far Bradley and Jakes friendship had come. They’d always known of each other—ever since their first encounter at TopGun. They weren’t inherently friendly towards one another, it always seemed to be easier to argue despite their many similarities than to admit they had nothing to really fight over. None of that mattered though when Jake had saved Bradley's life. He’d done it without hesitation either. Against orders, against everything all of his superior officers were telling him. Hangman however, couldn’t leave Rooster and Maverick to just die, especially when he could do something to help. Ever since? They’d been two peas in a damn pod. Jake was convinced he’d do it again if he had to, because now Bradley Bradshaw had a family. A girl who would mourn his death and a daughter who’d cry for him every night. “Thanks.” Bradley took the crisp beer bottle Jake held out for him with a soft smile while Jake pretended to ignore the swelling, cuts and bruises that littered the expanse of Roosters knuckles.

“So what exactly are we gonna do about this guy?” Although he hadnt slept, Jake was determined to talk it over with Rooster, to make sure they were on the same page. There was nothing more important to either of them than keeping you and your daughter safe.

“I already warned him that if he even looked in their direction he’d be breathing through a feeding tube.” Wiggling his knuckles as he sat down at the same dining table Jake had nearly caught you and Rooster fucking on, Rooster took a sip of his beer, sighing as the amber liquid soothed his temperature. “But considering the circumstances I'm sure it only made him all the more mad.”

“Yeah no kidding asshat.” Jake groaned as he joined Rooster at the table. “You know I remember this one time where Fe had asked me to go with her to one of her early ultrasounds for Dot before she was even well, Dot.” Bradley could already see the anxiety and pain riddling his friend, listening as Jake took another sip of his beer before licking his lips clean. “Jaidyn didn't even want her to have her, threw all her shit out onto the curb while we were out and I didn't even take that as a sign that something could have been wrong.” Shrugging his shoulders, Jake settled into the quietness as he turned his head to see if you were still sleeping, you were. “I mean, how fucked up is that?” Jake shook his head, disappointed in himself. “And then before I knew it she was just MIA, gone.” Again he shrugged his shoulders, only this time he looked back at Rooster who still sat across from his listening intently. “I thought maybe she wanted space to live her own life? I mean we lived in each other's pockets our entire lives, so it made sense that because she was a new mum she'd want her own space with her family.”

“He shut her out?” Bradley filled the drowning silence as Jake nodded in response, holding back his own tears.

“Yep, and I never second guessed it until it was too late.”

“It wasn't your fault.” For the few minutes neither Jake nor Bradley hadn’t been watching where you and dot were sleeping, you’d woken up to the sound of faint mumbling coming from the dining room. “You can't blame yourself for the crap I put up with Jake, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say.” You were sleepy, yawning as you spoke as your feet took in the the direction of where Jake sat. He was on his feet in seconds with arms held wide for you to walk straight into his warm embrace.

If there was one thing Braldey Bradhsaw knew for sure it's that there wasn't a single thing Jake wouldn't do for you. Watching as you accepted the warm embrace from the man who'd taken you in as his own sister. The two of you went deeper than the ink beneath the skin of your tattoos. And although you didn't share the same blood he was your brother and you loved him that's the truth. You were living different lives, heaven only knew, but if you made it back with all your fingers and your toes, come five years or twenty years, you'd come back together like nothing ever changed–things would always stay the same. If you were dying on your knees, Jake would be the one to rescue you. If you were drowning in the sea, he’d give you his lungs so you could breathe.

“Hi–” You mumbled into his chest, pulling away after a few moments to look up as Jake looked down at you, he was trying so hard not to cry. His bottom lip quivering. “Okay, no, don't you cry because then i'll cry and then before you know it Bradshaws gonna be inconsolable and–”

“Woah!” Bradley gasped as he threw his hands up in surrender. “Don't bring me into this!” It made you smile as he let go of Jake and made your way over to Bradley, taking a seat on his lap as he kissed your cheek softly. “Sorry if we woke you mamma–”

“Its all good–” Your heart did a leap inside your chest at the term of endearment that fell effortlessly from Rooster's lips as he kissed the juncture of your neck, leaving small goosebumps in his wake. “Dont think ill be getting much for a while anyway.”

“We’re gonna take care of it Y/n you don’t gotta worry about it alright.” Frowning, you looked at Jake from across the table, giggling as you leaned into Roosters chest.

“You sound like your in the fucking mob Hangman ease up.”

“I already punched the dude so if he’s stupid enough to try something after that then he’s really not that bright.”

“Yeah well.” Reaching out for Bradley’s beer, you took a quick sip before pressing your lips together. “You two never got to see the pleasure in that animal's eyes when he was caving my skull in.” The memory was yours and yours alone to bear the burden of. “So I highly doubt your warning would have done anything Bradley.” Turning to kiss his forehead. “No offense—but I really do think it would have been easier to just run than to stick around like sitting ducks.”

“Sorry, what did you just say?” Jake sat up a little straighter. “When was that ever an option?” Maybe it was just the exhaustion taking, but that comment lit a fuse inside Jake.

“Jake—“ Bradley warned as you caught the sight of your daughter walking towards you. She’d woken up not long after your warmth had disappeared—dragging her comfort blanket behind her as she sucked on her thumb with tired eyes. “Now's not the time man come on.”

“You were just gonna leave?” Ignoring Roosters warnings, Jake pressed on in his questioning as you got up to tend to Dot. Scooping her up in your arms as you stood at the head of the table. Rocking side to side to hopefully get her back to sleep before she was awake long enough to stay awake. “You were just gonna pack up and high tail it out of here like you haven’t made a life here?”

“Well, I was prepared to go with—“ Bradley added under his breath before Jake sent him a deadly glare.

“I don’t think I need to go into heavy detail about why that thought crossed my mind—“ You hissed. “But I’m not going anywhere, so just, drop it? Alright?” You were tired, that much was easy to tell, but tensions were starting to run high as the three of you tried to process the unimaginable. “I ran to protect my daughter once and I’d do it again if I had to and you don’t get to judge me for a second if I chose to do that you arrogant son of a bitch.”

“Running away from your problems doesn’t make them go away.” Jake hissed as he finished his beer, standing from his place at the table as Rooster stood to stand between you. “Just makes them bigger, prolongs the inevitable.”

“Well in my case the inevitable is ending up six feet under or becoming another statistic in some domestic violence case study at some prestigious university somewhere!” You’d begun to raise your voice, so much so in fact you’d startled a sleepy Odette enough for her to start crying.

“Here baby—“ Bradley cooed as you handed her over. “I got you.” Stepping out of the way so you and Jake could hash it out like adults. “You’re alright.” Rocking side to side as he worked to soothe the little girl. “Hangman, I’d back off if I were you, we’re all tired.”

“Fuck up Bradhsaw you were just gonna run off with her!” Jake spat as he turned around to run his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath before he said something he’d regret. “You know what? I never should have gotten you involved in this crap!” Jake was just tired—he hadn’t slept since Christmas Eve and even then it was a shitty five or so hours. “I should have kept my mouth shut when Penny called about Jaidyn showing up at the bar—!”

“What?” You frowned in confusion as silence fell throughout the house. Odette's soft sobs were the only thing that could be heard. “You knew he was here? In North island?” You tried to put the prices of the puzzle together as Jake stood there with wide eyes not knowing what to say after letting the fan of worms spill on the floor. “And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“Rooster? Take Dot outside.” Jake asked, Rooster nodded as he took a few steps towards the front door but you were quick to race around in front of him, sliding on the hardwood floor in your soaks.

“Take my daughter anywhere without my goddamn permission and I’ll fuck you up Bradley—that’s a goddamn promise!”

“Y/n, I’m just gonna take her and sit on the porch swing alright?” Rooster knew you were just projecting your anxieties into the world, this whole thing was all too much for you to handle. “I’m not taking her anywhere, I’ll be right outside the door.”

“No, no, don't you take my baby away from me.” It was the tears in your eyes that reminded Bradley how broken you really were. Reaching your arms out to take Dot back. Holding her as tight as you could as you sobbed. “Did you know?” Through painful heartbroken sobs, anguish laced your voice. “Did you know he was here and you didn't think to tell me?”

Bradley didn’t know what to say, he’d only ever done what he was told to do by the one person who he thought knew you the best. Looking over his shoulder at Jake who stood there in disbelief at the scene he’d caused.

“I just wanted you to have a good Christmas Y/n.“

“Oh god—“ cupping your mouth as you shook your head to muffle your sobs. “I can’t believe you two didn’t tell me.”

“Y/n—“ Jake thought it was a good a time as any to interrupt to try and de-escalate the situation he had accidentally caused. “Bradshaw was just doing what I told him to do.”

“Oh good!” You raised your brows and you scoffed back Roosters way as he stood before you. “So you’d jump off a bridge if Jake asked you to as well would you?”

“I don’t know what you want me to do here Fe, I’m just trying to protect you.” Rooster wasn’t going to argue with you and he most certainly wasn’t about to fight or tell you how to feel about this entire situation. After all it was your ex and you knew better than both him and Jake combined about just how far he’d go. You had every right to be lashing out. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I thought I’d have a chance to after Christmas at least? I didn’t expect he’d try to run us off the road—“

“He’s a psychopath Rooster, what the fuck were you expecting huh? That he’d give you time to sit down and break the news to me gently?” It was then you turned your attention back to Jake, stalking forward as you pointed his way. “And you, you fucking left me!” Jake flinched at your words as your venom hit his skin. “You left me when I was at my fucking lowest so how god damn dare you try play some version of a saving grace when you and I both know the only reason why you let me stay here in the first place was to help your guilty conscience sleep a little easier at night!”

“That’s not true and you know it!” Jake spat back as Dot cried a little louder in your arms at the shouting that was echoing off the walls. “You know that isn’t true—“

“You left me to rot! YOU LEFT ME BEHIND!” The tears weren’t stopping for either of you, Dot was a mess when Bradley finally had enough and took Odette from you again. He just held her against his chest, rocking her and cooing sweet nothings into her ear to settle her as you and Jake went back and forth. “You knew what he was doing to me and you still left me there with no support system Jake! God I couldn’t imagine where I’d fucking be right now if he didn’t drag us to California for a casino party with his buddies.”

“I didn’t know.” You saw the way Jake gritted his teeth, you saw the way he clenched his jaw and balled his first in anger, not at you but at himself. “I didn’t know what he was doing to you!”

“Yeah? Is that still the web you wanna spin?” You scoffed as a pained laugh escaped. “That day you told me you’d been chosen for some special detachment, you still think I gave myself that back eye?” Jakes cringed at the thought. He knew something was wrong, he just hadn’t put two and two together. “Or do you remember that you were the one who drove me to the hospital? Held my hand and stayed by my side as I gave literal birth to the daughter he never wanted a bar of?”

“You did that?” Bradley interrupted as tensions slightly died down. “Jake, that’s—“

“It was supposed to be Jaidyn, but he was too busy watching the cubs game.” You hadn’t stopped looking at Jake as he walked towards you. “I’d been in labour for a few hours by the time Jake showed up—she almost came out in the car.”

“Listen to me you little shit.” You hated that Jake was three months older than you. “I know I fucked up alright?” He smiled softly, cupping your face as he tried your tears with the pads of his thumbs. “I know I should have done more to protect you but that’s what I’m doing now.”

“I don't think you know what he’s really capable of.”

“He doesn’t know the lengths we’d go to protect you Y/n.” Bradley was quick to add as she stepped a little closer. Jake stepped back to hand you over to the only man he trusted to love you the way you deserved to be loved. “He’s got no idea what I’d do for you, or Hangman.”

You had to take a moment to breathe, take in your surroundings and just calm down. Shutting your eyes as you inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you, both of you.”

“You don’t have to apologise.” Jake shook his head, reaching out to take Odette from Rooster. She’d settled down when she saw you had started to as well. The second Bradley’s arms were free of your daughter, he was opening them for you. “We’re sorry we didn’t tell you the moment we knew he was in town, in retrospect? It should have been the first thing we did.” Bradley nodded in agreement as you hugged him tight.

“I think I need to go to bed, I’m just exhausted—emotionally and physically.” Bradley looked at Jake over your shoulder as he kissed the top of your head. Jake just nodded, gesturing his chin in the direction of the living room .

“Come on, let’s go get some rest, pretty girl.”

“Jake? You okay to take Dot?” You asked as you turned around in Bradley’s arms. It wasn’t necessarily a question you needed to ask because you knew that the answer was always yes. But as Jake nodded, you felt a little better for asking anyway.

“She can sleep with me, I got her—just please for the love of god get some fucking rest before you blow our heads off.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Okay do you want Banana pancakes or cereal?” The next morning was a lot quieter in the Seresin x temporary Y/l/n Household. Odette and Jake had woken up just after you and Bradley. Rooster was still waking up, lying between the sheets on the mattress in the living room after you’d made your way upstairs to have a shower and freshen up after the absolute horror show that last night had become.

“Pancakes.” Dot smiled brightly at her uncle as he placed her into her highchair. Kissing her forehead softly as he tickled her underarms gently, forcing a giggle from her that was the purest sound he’d ever heard. “Dop it, Dop it!” She squealed as Rooster made his way into the kitchen, walking in the see Jake stirring up your daughter.

“You gonna offer me pancakes as well?” Rooster teased as he walked by and gave Dot a kiss on the cheek. “Morning bubba.” He cooed, ruffing her hair up as he made his way over to the coffee pot. The kitchen in Jake Seresin's house was definitely the hub of the household.

“Do you not have a home to go to or something Bradshaw?” Jake teased back, reaching into the cupboard to fetch the box of pancake mix. “I don't remember offering you a permanent bed and breakfast package?”

“Funny you mention it, I'm planning on going home today.” He hadn’t actually been home in a few days, and even before that for a few days he had been sleeping with you in your room at Jakes. Braldey had been spending way too much time in Jakes for walls than his own. He knew he had washing to do and lawn maintenance to keep up on. There was definitely a load of dishes that still sat dirty in the sink and a load in the dishwasher that needed to be unpacked.

“Don't let the front door hit you on the way out bro.” Bradley smirked to himself as he let that bro that slipped from Jake's lips slide. Pouring himself a coffee and absentmindedly pouring Jake a cup too. “You gonna ask Fe to go with you or?”

“I was thinking she may want a little space today, but I'll see what she's up to and if she wants to come over she's welcome.” It wasn't that Bradley didn't want to spend every waking second with you, but he knew if he left to tend to his own home today that you'd still be safe with Jake. “She seemed a little calmer this morning though, guess the whole thing kinda rattled her huh?”

“Oh yeah, big time.” Jake chuckled as he poured the dry mixture into a mixing bowl, tossing Bradley a banana to cut up for Dot. “I've seen her get worked up before but last night was a whole other level, she terrified.”

“Guess she's got a right to be when this guys as unpredictable as she says he is.”

“Tooster can I pwease have some nanna?” Dot asked as politely as she could from her highchair, watching as Bradley cut the potassium rich fruit into small bite size pieces before scooping it up and placing it right onto the highchair table. No bowl required because he knew she was just gonna make a mess anyway.

“Oh course you can darlin’.”

“Hey Tooster can you pass me the milk?” Jake snickered to himself as Bradley opened the fridge and passed Jake the oat milk, a faint singing coming from the upstairs bathroom as he did so. “I heard her playing the Joanas Brothers before, year three thousand.” Jake added as he watched Bradley smile and look up with a questioning look. “She mentioned having and everything shower.”

“The fuck is an everything shower?” Braldey asked as he heard you singing a little louder, laughing to himself as he sipped his coffee.

“Something she does when she needs a full reset I guess? Shaves, washes her hair, does a face mask, tans, leaves my bathroom looking like some back alley spa." Jake shook his head as he mixed the pancake mixture. “I'm not kidding, bet you ten bucks she's up there with a face mask on using her hairbrush as a microphone, used to do the same thing whenever she’d stay at mine on the weekends before my mum decided she was a little too much to handle.”

“Ten bucks huh?” Rooster smirked against his coffee cup, downing the caffeine before placing the now empty mug on the kitchen bench. “Be right back.”

Rooster missed every second step as he barrelled up the stairs, heading straight for the bathroom he could hear you singing in. the door slightly ajar in case Dot needed something.

“I can buy myself flowers–” You sang to yourself as you painted your face with the cooling mint mud mask. “Write my name in the sand–” Bradley smiled against the door for a moment, thinking to himself if he should even bother interrupting. “Talk to myself for hours–!” You got a little louder, a little prouder with your singing, tone deaf as ever but you weren't singing to a crowded arena, just little old you. “Say things you don't understand.” Bradley gently pushed the door open, you saw it on the corner of the mirror as you finished off applying your mask. A towel wrapped tightly around your body after your very refreshing shower. “I can take myself dancing–” Bradley just smiled, watching as you locked eyes with him through the mirror and grabbed your hairbrush. “And I can hold my own hand–!” It was night and day to the side of you Bradley had seen last night, he much preferred you like this. Dancing, singing, smiling and loving yourself. You had every right to be scared though and he loved you either way.

Turning around to grab Rooster by the wrist, you pulled him further into the bathroom, urging him to dance with you as you turned up the music you’d been blasting through your speaker. Spinning around in Bradley's arms as he swayed with you and kissed your neck, he knew you weren't singing to him, but to your ex. You deserved love, but first you had to learn to love yourself first.

“Yeah, I can love me better than, you can.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @a-serene-place-to-be @lilyevanswhore @thescarletknight2014 @blindedbythelightt t @averyhotchner @emma8895eb @blairfox04 @caitsymichelle13 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @teacupsandtopgun @aemondssiut @feltonswifesworld87 @akalei349 @notjustsomeblonde @americaarse

#terms of endearment// bradley bradshaw #bradley 'rooster' bradshaw #bradleybradshaw #bradley x reader #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #rooster series #top gun rooster #rooster imagine #rooster x reader

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emblemxeno · 15 days

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This got me thinking, "humanity f*ck yeah" as a concept needs to be kicked to the curb especially when because at best it's ignorant, and at worst in the case of the Agarthan sympathizers, it's really gross. Also some of these guys really think FE as a series is all about dragons bad..which makes me howl with laughter given how the prev games and Engage thoroughly throws this concept out window.

Same tbh...

Like, the best kind we got with that is Roy believing in humankind's innate goodness, but that also had the layer of being against Zephiel's nihilistic, misanthropic insanity. And what's crazy is that 3H is actually quite by the numbers when it comes to the "potential of humanity" point, as it ultimately results in the 'when we band together we can overcome anything' aesop that FE has done several times already, only this time there's not an underlying thing to band against (FE13 had destiny/fate, Binding had humans rising up against flagrant political corruption, RD had humans against literal god figures), beyond "oh we're so different but we still all went to school together."

But since now we had a route where we play as the "dragon people are responsible for all the wrongs in the world" side, fans do everything in their power to spin and exaggerate said dragons' less perfectly good points, in order to justify them being nearly wiped out.

Such a different vibe compared to RD, where playing as Daein on Begnion's side of the discriminatory war really made it clear that you're fucking things up for the worse.

#queue #fire emblem discourse #edelgardiscourse

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randomnameless · 6 months

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FE 25 :

Uwu:(...) I question the way in which our society is designed. No matter what strength a person has, it is the station he is born into that controls his destiny. And you cannot control where you will be born. Do you believe that a person of low birth should simply endure the curse of his station? I think not. If you are stronger than those around you, you should benefit from your strength. This is why I will use my strength to remake this world. Class and rank will not matter. Human and sub-human will not matter. The strong will possess everything. The weak will submit to their will. Is this not the meaning of peace? A subhuman: Are you saying that the lives of those without strength have no value?

Uwu : If after all of this you believe the weak will still be weak, that is only because they are too used to relying on others instead of on themselves. A barbarian and potential subhuman lover : There are those who cannot live without their faith... and those who cannot go on once they have lost their reason for living. Your path will not be able to save them. It is the path of the strong, and so, it could only benefit the strong.

Uwu: That is the natural order. The only way for the weak to survive is to cling to the strong. Our discussion is over. Tell me, frail little bird who cannot fight; which do you choose? Submission? Or death? A subhuman: …Life proffered to me by your hand is something I would never accept! A barbarian and potential subhuman lover : (...) I finally understand…what you believe is right.

The context is different, Dimi has a special background with Supreme Leader and is her step-brother, so it makes sense trying to reach for her and at least try to understand what is going on in her mind, than Reyson, a frail and weak laguz by birth, trying to understand and reach out for Ashnard.

But are we really supposed to think Dimi's reply here is pretty different because he personally knew his Ashnard? Or because he isn't a weak and frail thing by birth, like Reyson, so he isn't as angry or as passionate in his replies?

I know this scene plays a role in Dimitri's arc - he tries to reach out for her (hand) when he earlier only wanted to end her life, because he isn't driven by revenge or vengeance anymore and wants to save people, even Supreme Leader.

So this convo is less about Supreme Leader and more about him.

And yet, imo, this always felt sort of wrong, because while Dimitri cannot do a thing for the people who are already dead (killing Supreme Leader won't bring them back, he has to think about the living now and not to avenge the dead) - Dimitri is still talking to someone who gave means and opportunities (and fodder!) to Izuka to create Feral Ones thus most likely knows there is a Gritnea Tower around, started a war and killed thousands, was involved (as far as he knows?) in the brutal killing of his family and has pretty biased views on Laguz.

Of course in the following scenes and maps, he resolves to put an end to the war thus defeat her, and we know Supreme Leader refuses his mercy and prefers to die - but the way this development is frailed is not a straight up rejection of her POV or her so called "IdEaLs", but it's framed as a tragedy because Dimitri couldn't "save" her.

No, kill that, it's even worse :

We have no choice but to destroy each other… Such is the destiny we were born to.

Now this fight - aka Dimitri wanting to put an end to Ashnard's war - is the result of fate, and not the will/choices both parties made to reach that point (which is, in a way, hilarious, because he mentions just after his line her "iron will", so pick your horse Dimitri, is this war the result of fate/destiny, or is it due to Ashnard's "iron will"?).

Ultimately, the themes and arcs of both games are different, so it's no wonder that the solution each Lord(s) offer is different - Elincia wants to avenge her parents and justice for her dead countrymen, Reyson wants to have the right to exist even if he is a weak thing by birth, Ike is out of the loop / Dimitri wants to accept Supreme Leader and "save" her because vengeance and justice drove him to a wall and got his close father figure killed, Dimitri now wants to protect the living, even Supreme Leader herself (or at least he tries).

So even if Ashnard and Supreme Leader share the same dubious ideals, keep a lizard in cage/captivity, used feral ones and started wars - the reaction to them is different, because the Lords have different character arcs and development.

That being said, even with all his character development, would a post-Rodrigue death Dimitri who, idk, is warped in FE9's Tellius, after befriending Laguz, witnessing racism, seeing Gritnea and the "wildlife experiments", witnessing Daein's army ruining civilians, learning about Lillia, Rajaion, etc etc, would that Dimitri still have reached his hand out to Ashnard upon his defeat?

If we want to stay in Fodlan, a Dimitri who befriends Nabateans (who reveals themselves to be Nabateans!), learns about the Relics, learns about Supreme Leader's goal to free the world from their existence because their race isn't allowed to have power over humans, seeing Gritnea or at least still giving fucks about the humans who were painfully transformed in Demonic Beasts (and maybe solving the question about who are they made from, random Adrestian civilians or war prisoners?), reacting to Ferdie's paralogue, learning about Rhea's zumba lessons in her 5 stars resort, etc etc, would this Dimitri still have reached his hand out to a Supreme Leader whose core belief (or least one of them) is Nabateans shouldn't be allowed to live in Fodlan, and Faerghus and Leicester should never have existed and should return to her?

Of course the game makes it so that we will never learn the answer to that second situation, because Hresvelg Tea and whatnot, but if we want to stay true to his character arc, then AM!Dimitri would still have reached out for her hand.

A Dimitri who becomes the kind of ruler Elincia is after her arc in FE10... wouldn't have at all.

#typing about the game's hresvelg grey made me think about this issue #to think the writers had the nerve to have Dimitri mention 'uwu destiny fault' when he took time to talk and understand Supreme Leader's PO #and 2 seconds later mention her own will #like you can see IS casually adding more tea in there bcs uwu maybe there's a path where everyone can walk together #plz cry it's a tragedy that you have to rekt Supreme Leader :(#no wonder why no one seems to give a fuck about her lizard prejudice it's not mentioned at all bar optional convos in SS and VW #or it's locked to her route #Baldo'n'Waldi? Who gives a fuck #sure Supreme Leader deflects the convo in the parley #but there's no fire against her uwu ideals #instead we focus on the personal tragedy between the two of them who cannot accept each other's reasoning #'i think a good nabatean is a relic they cannot exist in our world' 'wtf' 'agree to disagree' 'okay'#the writers knew it would look stupid and nonsensical so instead we get this scene #Supreme Reply replies yes to Reyson's question #and then the convo ends with Supreme Leader starting the 'ok agree to disagree let's fight later' and we have the dagger scene

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dyns33 · 2 years

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My beloved sweet heart : bonus

Nigel x Reader, from Reader’s point of view, because why not

It was all Alex's fault.

Or Jack, as Nigel kept calling him, never explaining why, just grinning stupidly.

Y/N had never intended to push Alex off the train. She had never intended to hurt anyone. She just wanted to get out of school, have a little fun, get away from everyday life.

The first time she had seen Nigel, she had known immediately that he was different, and that she had to stay away from him. She didn't know why, but she felt it.

Then Alex had this stupid idea, simply because Nigel had criticized him a bit in his diary, and Y/N had come to enjoy a night out, and to prevent her "friend" from doing something silly.

In the end, she had killed him. By accident. Nigel was also responsible, since he hadn't caught him.

When she saw Alex fall, something happened inside her. Or rather, nothing had happened.

Nothing at all.

She had watched him fall, without feeling anything, she had understood that he had died without feeling anything, and she had gone back to school with this strange emptiness inside her, lying in bed and falling asleep as if everything was going perfectly well.

Of course, getting arrested by the police was one of hers fears. Even if she tried to explain that it was an accident, maybe they wouldn't listen. But this emptiness was what really scared her. Y/N was smart, she had read a lot of books, studied psychology.

She knew it wasn't normal. She knew it was wrong.

Because not only had she felt nothing, but she had a morbid curiosity that whispered to her to do it again.

That little voice in her head sometimes sounded like Nigel. Nigel who refused to leave her alone since the accident. He too didn't seem traumatized by what had happened, and she could understand why he wasn't saddened since he didn't like Alex, but he had started saying crazy things, dangerous things.

He wasn't helping her feel normal at all, talking to her about destiny, missions, and all kinds of illegal things.

When he killed Raj, Y/N wondered if she should report him. It was an obvious, easy way out. A good way to prove that she was normal, a good citizen who had found herself in the wrong place at the wrong time, attracting the attention of a dangerous psychopath.

But even if she refused to admit it, she liked Nigel's attention. She liked to feel him watching her, hidden in a dark corner of her bedroom. His eyes following her down the halls, always on her. It was a heady feeling.

Very quickly, Y/N realized that it was one of the few feelings she had. The rest seemed bland. The others didn't matter. Life had no meaning without Nigel.

It scared her very much.

The note inviting her to join him at a specific address, in a town a little far from the school, could have been ignored. Y/N probably should have ignored it. But she went to the meeting, as if pushed by forces more powerful than herself, and she saw Nigel's father killing his wife.

Then she killed Nigel's father, which seemed to fill him with joy.

"You are insane." she said as she saw the woman's body, while the boy started to smile like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

When she picked up the gun, she hadn't intended to use it at all. She just wanted to prevent someone else from dying, she wanted all of this to stop.

Because if he was crazy, she was going as crazy as he was, and it didn't really seem to bother her, and it bothered her that it didn't bother her.

The father and the son didn't see that she had no intention of hurting them. The old man tried to take the weapon. She shot him.

After taking care of the bodies and cleaning everything, Nigel said nonsense again. His kiss sent her into a sort of waking coma.

Then the poor boy was persuaded that she avoided him for the next few weeks because he had become close to another girl. Y/N understood very well what he wanted to do, what he wanted them to do, the reaction he expected from her, and she didn't want to play.

She felt totally lost.

Fearing for her life, and those of others, she decided to return home, away from Nigel. It would certainly be easier for her to refocus and think properly, without his bad influence.

But that was useless, because even when he was not there, he was present, in her head, and in her heart. He kept saying she was his sweet heart. It seemed obvious that he had none, and after all that, Y/N didn't feel like she had one either, so it seemed all absurd for him to call her that.

As her situation did not improve, and she could no longer find out who she was, Y/N had the idea of disappearing. For that, she needed a good plan, and a sure way that Nigel didn't try to follow her.

The girl he had killed was very useful. Y/N tried not to think about how easy it was to dig up the body, putting it in a large trunk and taking it to her place. She didn't wonder if it was normal that she found the girl almost pretty in this state, before burning her on her bed, with her clothes. She did not think at all of her parents, her relatives, no one.

She had to go. It was written, as Nigel would have said.

With some money, and her skills, she managed to find a small job, and a place to stay, far away, where nobody would look for her.

Time passed.

The emptiness inside her wouldn't go away. The lack of feeling. The curiosity.

She killed for the first time the following year. A drunken man, who had thought she would be easy prey. As she pierced his flesh, Y/N thought of Nigel. She often thought of Nigel, more than anyone else.

Often she wondered if he was thinking of her. If he would be happy to see her again, or if he would want to kill her. If he had found someone else. If he was happy. If he was alive.

If he killed again.

To still feel somewhat normal, she only targeted those who deserved punishment. But she wasn't sure that was what Nigel meant when he was talking about fate.

After almost nine years away from him, after realizing that she was definitely not quite normal, and that it might be impossible for her to stay without him, Y/N sought information on Nigel Colbie.

It was a shock to learn that he was married. Of course, she immediately understood why, it was a good way to blend in, but she felt jealous. Did his wife know ? Did they work together ?

It was not difficult to approach her, to gain her trust, to become her "friend", and it soon became clear that she absolutely did not know her husband, who did not make her happy, but if she loved him blindly.

"I don't understand. You love him? When he's never here, never talks to you ?"

"Nigel is a sensitive soul. Complicated. He's been through a lot in the past, he's lost a lot of people he loved. I don't blame him for being afraid to get attached again."

"If you say so."

The first time she visited their home, the couple was away. The woman was at a party, while Nigel was out on one of his so called missions.

Knowing his habits, Y/N quickly found his hiding places. She would not have imagined that he had so many pictures of her. For her part, she had no photo of him. Only her memories, and the dreams she had. Most of the time, he ended up killing her.

The skull and bones were a surprise. Y/N took some time to figure out what remains it was. Hers.

Anyway, Nigel thought it was hers. He had kept them under his bed.

She thought it was touching, before thinking it was morbid.

There were several other nocturnal visits, sometimes while the occupants were asleep. Nigel and his wife did not share the same room. He preferred to stay in his office, where he had set up a bed.

Peaceful, pale, he breathed calmly, at her mercy. If she had wanted to, Y/N could have slit his throat, or strangled him. But she often stayed to observe him, as he had observed her when they were younger.

Once he opened his eyes, as she stood beside him. He looked at her for a long time, before getting up to kiss her again and again, starting to cry like a child.

"I miss you." he said. "I miss you so much, sweet heart. Nothing is the same without you. I have often thought about joining you, but first I have to finish my mission. Then we will be together. Will you wait for me ? Oh, you'll be proud of me. I'm so happy to see you, and I'll be so devastated when I wake up I wish you could stay with me. If only I hadn't touched that girl, you wouldn't be gone, and you wouldn't have burned. It's my fault. Forgive me, my sweet heart. Forgive me."

Y/N hadn't thought of anyone when she burned the body, so she hadn't thought Nigel might be sad. She hadn't thought he could feel any emotion.

But he was in front of her, crying and pleading, thinking that he was responsible for her death for which he felt guilty, because he loved her and missed her terribly.

So, without saying a word, she kissed him tenderly. This seemed to relieve him, happily receiving her forgiveness.

He then let her push him gently against the mattress, his eyes still fixed on her as she left the room, letting him think he had been having a sweet dream.

Then the police realized there was a problem. Nigel killed poor Josh, his wife had a stupid idea, and they were finally reunited, after all these years.

As he cleaned the house, pondering what he was going to do with his late wife's body, he turned to her, who was sitting on the couch, gazing up at the sky through the window.

"I dreamed that you kissed me once. Was it really a dream ?"

"Who knows." she replied simply.

"It was a beautiful dream. I wish you had told me sooner that you were alive."

"I wasn't ready."

"I know. Forgive me sweet heart, I have a bad habit of rushing you."

"I am not your heart." she sighed, knowing that she was. Even though she too was empty inside, she was the only thing in the world that made the small organ that was in Nigel's chest throb. And surprisingly, he was the only thing that stirred hers a little.

They didn't make each other better, however. Rather, they had the nasty tendency to push themselves into the depths, a cold, dark abyss, as easily as pushing someone off a train.

Yet it didn't bother Y/N, just as it didn't bother Nigel, who was smiling as he wiped the blood from his face.

And it was all Jack's fault.

#like minds #murderous intent #nigel colbie #nigel colbie x reader #nigel colbie imagine #nigel colbie fanfiction #tom sturridge

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cinnbar-bun · 1 year

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I just discovered your blog and I already love it! Can I ask you what would be the favorite video games of the groups Destiny, Sea salt and Wayfinder please? What would they play or like? If that's too much feel free to reduce to the characters you like the most or ignore, it's really okay! Thank you and good vibes!

A/n: Woo just slowly gonna try and go through the requests! I added a few extra bonuses, hope you enjoy <3

Multiple KH Characters and Their Favorite Video Games!

Destiny Island Trio:

Sora: Fighting games- preferably Smash. He mains himself main characters (Mario, Link, Kirby, FE protags). He sucks. He is the guy who button mashes and corners players to beat the hell out of them.

Riku: Fighting games- preferably Tekken or Street Fighter. Mains Jin or Lee. Attempts to be strategic but gets way too competitive fast and is busy mashing all the buttons off the controller.

Kairi: Way too good at fighting games. But she’d probably play lots of Pokemon or monster collecting games. She has many setups that are both competitive or just fun ones for a fun challenge.

Sea Salt Family:

Roxas: Persona fanboy. He hasn’t played 1-2 but he can’t pick a favorite between 3-5. Plays all the spinoffs or has someone else play them for him. His favorite characters are the protagonists. Hears jazz music and assumes this is a Persona 5 reference.

Xion: Resident DMC and Souls-like player. Girl is a monster on the controllers despite being just being born. The way she can effortlessly combo and dodge all attacks makes her a fearsome opponent.

Axel: Mario Kart. Axel is pretty average at video games (unless they’re like, retro or arcade) but Mario Kart? He’s on it like Donkey Kong. He mains Funky Kong.

Saix: He has two wolves inside him- the logical gamer and the second, more absurd gamer. Sometimes he wants to unwind, so he might pick up a basic platformer like Mario or Sonic, but on the other side- he’s a menace in a Warriors game. He’s hacking and slashing. He’s killing everyone in his path. Also, he’s a completionist. He has to get the best markings and everything. Won’t settle for less.

Wayfinder Trio:

Terra: Minecraft and fighting games. He tries his best lmao. He’s just got pretty big hands so often he messes up with combos but he’s also pretty impatient and tends to spam certain moves.

Aqua: Rhythm games definitely. Watch her effortlessly get all perfect scores in one try. Even the hardest OSU! map has nothing on Aqua. She also kicks ass at fighting games.

Ventus: He likes Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games and Mario Party. He always loses at almost any game against his friends though.

Bonus Characters:

Namine: I feel like she enjoys visual novels and Okami. She really loves aesthetic games and is a patient player.

Xemnas: does not play video games beyond Candy Crush or Solitaire. You kids and your “Splatoons” or “Bayonettas”, go pick up an old Final Fantasy game smh.

Xigbar: Call of Duty. Fortnite. PUBG. Overwatch. He’s a menace and plays all sorts of FPS games. His sniping abilities IRL translate very well into games. Also likes the Hitman games.

Vexen: Bookworm and civilization manager games. He’s big on Age of Empires and is a top talent within the community. He loves playing as the Vikings or Mayans for competitive play. He’s also made many custom maps.

Zexion: Tower Defense managers and Ace Attorney. He loves deducing the crime or finding the best way to defend his base with the minimum amount of units possible.

Xaldin: He doesn’t play games (lie). He plays romantic visual novels. Plays all kinds of them. Otomes too. He is a lonely man. Also loves cooking games.

Lexaeus: farming games. He just has a fun time playing Story of Seasons. Rune Factory is nice too but he prefers SoS because he loves the farming aspect more.

Demyx: Guitar Hero. No argument. This man did all the crazy achievements and was going at it for days.

Luxord: Yeah yeah solitaire and gambling- have you considered he loves playing the Yakuza games? Well now you do. He loves the games dearly and cherishes them and likes to be the biggest Yakuza on the block. Also yeah, he plays lot of gacha games.

Marluxia: Doesn’t really play video games, but he’d most likely play some horror games with Larxene or town management games.

Larxene: Horror games or multiplayer games where she can troll people. Banned from multiple servers and people refuse to play with her minus Marluxia. Aesthetically though she loves Trish from DMC and thinks Vergil is number one.

#kh #kingdom hearts #kh hcs #headcanons #sora #riku #kairi #marluxia #larxene #luxord #demyx #lexaeus #zexion #vexen #xaldin #xigbar #xemnas #namine #terra #ventus #aqua #axel #saix #xion #roxas

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vulnonapix1234 · 11 months

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This is kinda an Fe au idea? Not really.

The spider people are blessed by the God of fate and have the ability to change it.

Miguel has made it his life's work to find all of them to make sure that they are never able to do it, as he once changed the fate of two lands, resulting in the destruction of his own.

The god of fate isnt the only deity. Btw.

They use humans as their tools to rule over the world, without having to leave their temples.

I say tools because most of them basically play dolls with their humans, blessing them with powers and using them as puppet springs to use them for their goal.

Of course, a human can decide against the blessing, but in most cases that is met with banishment from other humans.

The only one that can break the chains is the God of fate.

You can't deny his blessing, but it sets you free with the ability to change destinies.

Miles had accepted the Blessing of Lightning and the unspoken burden of taking his uncles place as the sage of storms when he dies.

Then along came Pav, whom he had saved from some monster.

What was apparently enough to get the blessing of the God of fate.

(Because Pav is one of its favored)

He is freaked out, because ge didn't agree to this blessing and just runs.

Pav, who had felt how the strange knight had been blessed, couldn't see his face due to the helmet he wore.

He only knew that one of the soldiers in the land he was supposed to save from an monster had been blessed and needed to be "saved" before others recognized it

(Cause the other gods have beef with the god of fate for stealing their toys)

#chaiflower #miles x pavitr #pavitr x miles #pav x miles #pavitr prabhakar #miles morales

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silverjojo08 · 1 year

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On video games and writing and Fire Emblem Engage

Mainly just me musing about how I don't think the story is bad. Sorry for being annoying tbh. This is meant for my personal circle of mutuals, but maybe other people can get something out of it. Please be nice to me; I am not a professional reviewer and don't claim to be writing anything objective or anything lol. I'm also not really editing heavily for grammar or anything (if anything I try to keep a bit of order structurally but I love a comma splice idk lol).

This piece has gone through many versions in my head as I try to nail down exactly what puzzles me about the perception of the writing as being "bad".

Initially I think I was going to do a full plot breakdown and point out how logically every moment fits together and how foreshadowing + late reveals enhances certain previous moments. As I write this down, I don't think that I'll be doing that here. I almost considered a deep dive into the themes of motherhood and found family presented in the game. Not sure I'm going to do that either. At one point I also considered fully getting into common complaints (particularly some brought up from one of my folks who I deeply respect, Mr. Forte himself), but also I don't think I'll really do that.

So, what am I writing here? Maybe it's a mix of all of the above. Maybe it is none of the above. I don't really know. But I do want to talk about how this game just really vibes for me; and while I don't intend on necessarily changing anyone's mind, I want to at least provide some perspective on why I personally enjoy it so that others can understand my perspective at the very least.

Perhaps I will succeed in that. Perhaps I will fail. Let's find out together. (Again I'm doing like very minimal editing. Please excuse grammatical errors/typos. If anything is unclear, ask and I'll try to clarify. But I'm bad at tumblr so either tweet at me or send it through an ask please.)

Prologue: Who? What? Why?

To start, I'm in my early 30s. The video game that made me love video games was Super Mario RPG, and my earliest gaming memories include me watching my dad beat up the robot evil Santa at the end (also him playing some NBA game on SNES). FE games I have played start to finish: 8 (Ephraim), 11, 12, 13, 14 (all 3), 15, 16 (all routes), and 17. FE games I have played a bit of but didn't finish for various reasons (mainly I got distracted and forgor 💀): 1, 4, 5, 7, and 9. None of this actually matters that much, but maybe there's a generational and/or fandom divide of some sort and this provides useful context.

I am not a writer by trade nor hobby. Writing is actually one of my least favorite things to do (this is potentially related to OCD brain "just right" stuff), to the point where I chose my college major specifically based on which had the least amount of classes that I could actually complete without having to write essays. I am a math person. I do like consuming and dissecting written fiction though.

This piece is meant to be mostly explanatory. I want to give my perspective as best I can. I decided other writing styles would be too combative for what amounts to something we're consume for enjoyment. I just want to pass on some understanding of how I feel.

I think the best way to do this is generally avoid spoilers, but I will include a specifically marked section where I discuss all spoilery things that come to mind (anything that I intend to come back to in this spoiler section will be marked with a *). Any non-FE games mentioned will not be spoiled beyond kind of a general "a reveal happened in a way that bugged me" type of stuff, if even that is a concern here's a list of the games vaguely mentioned so you can crtl+f: Tales of Zestiria, AI The Somnium Files: Nirvana Initiative, Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies. It all happens within two paragraphs, so you can just skip them if needed.

(Also I may accidentally use he/him pronouns for Alear because M Alear was the one I played with first, but I do generally think of FE avatars as the same being regardless of gender and try to use they/them when speaking to things both versions experience, which is like everything besides the hair colors being flipped and class options?)

Chapter I: What Is "Bad Writing" To Me?

Ok if you're reading this I assume you are at least in high school, and for that reason I'm not going to walk anyone through that level of analysis. In no way is this meant to be a lecture and I'm not trying to give any particularly deep literary analysis. That feels kind of like a pretentious thing to do in this situation.

So, bad writing? To me the biggest thing I consider bad writing is when an idea is not communicated well. This could be contradictory messaging, poor delivery, puzzling execution, etc. Obviously this can happen to various degrees of "bad", but I will not consider a story to have bad writing unless the writing breaks the experience in some way.

A broken experience is not the same to me as a negative one. To me a negative experience is just a matter of taste in the end and not a matter of "bad writing". Boring writing is not the same as bad writing even if it makes the experience painful. A broken experience has to be bad to the point where you just do not understand what they were attempting at all.

One game that comes to mind on this is Tales of Zestiria. I loved the characters in that game, and the main story itself is largely logical. But it was written so messily that there's a point where it becomes truly incoherent. To this day I have no idea what was going on with Dezel and Rose's personal histories despite a major climax of that game being built around the moment things get revealed for them. Again, it was overall a fun game, but it was definitely one I would claim had some bad writing.

Another situation that comes to mind that can be a spark for bad writing is when a reveal sours previous experiences. Misleading an audience can work really well in some ways. Ace Attorney 5 (Dual Destinies) has a reveal that has made me not want to replay it at all, but I don't believe the reveal is poorly done. Conversely, Somnium Files 2 (Nirvana Initiative) had one reveal that invalidates a significant part of the playing experience in a way that's hard to describe without going any further, but I think playing with audience expectations can only go so far until you make the audience feel like you've stolen part of the joy of the playing experience by severing an emotional connection.

I've been trying to describe this all in objective terms, but obviously it is very subjective. It's totally a "I know it when I see it" thing in the end. This section might be pointless. I don't know.

(There were too many blocks of text so look at Alfred; he's so nice and funny and good. I will give him the pact ring every time I play as M Alear lol.)

Chapter II: What about Fire Emblem Engage?

I guess this is kind of my point. I don't understand how any of this is applicable to it. The plot is fairly simple especially to start. You go from point A to point B with plenty of easy to follow narrative. Characters behave in logical and understandable ways. There's nothing functionally "wrong" with the story.

I think there are some pacing issues with the last stretch of chapters in that things happen too quickly for the player to properly respond even though the concepts are cool*. There's a lot of infodumps in these last chapters too that feel a little misplaced*. I agree that the tea supports (and shared gimmicks in general among certain groups of characters) are a bit overwhelming to unlock in succession. The DLC sucks* and only small parts of it truly add to the main story's narrative. There's the usual Fire Emblem incest and pedophilia grossness trying to peek its head through*. It's not a perfect game by any means.

I think I need to break up overall story discussion and character usage discussion, so I'm going to do that right now. If you've read to this point you generally get my point maybe on why the writing works fine for me and can stop here if you don't want a full peek into the deepest and most illogical recesses of my mind?

If you're not stopping here, together we ride or something idk did the title for this song come from Smash? Whatever.

Chapter III: The Story

***SPOILER WARNING, SKIP TO THE NEXT PART IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS***

Alright so I lied when I said I wouldn't go into this fully dissecting the plot or other people's criticisms. I'll do that a little bit here.

The biggest moment of "controversy" I think that happens early on is the loss of Lumera. What I've seen is that many people feel it didn't land well with them due to the game having not built up the relationship all that well. And I intellectually get that perspective. If a story beat doesn't land well to you then I can't tell anyone they're wrong for feeling a particular way about things. But while I understand people may feel this way, I truly do not understand that viewpoint. That we don't know Lumera is kind of the point. Alear also doesn't know her well at that moment. You're supposed to feel like it came too suddenly and is weird for it. The full gravity of the moment is not clear until later on in the game, and I think it was executed very well because the entire game revolves around this specific concept of chosen motherhood and family.

But maybe I'm moving too quickly. Backing up a bit, another criticism of this early game situation is I've seen people say they don't "have reason to care" how Alear is feeling this early on. And like, I truly don't know how to help you with that. When I start a game I generally don't start at 0 waiting for the game to make me care about the main character. I am already on their side and hoping for the best for them? I went in mainly thinking Alear looked goofy but like a nice kid who deserved nice things and the game did build well on it for me.

I think there are some questions on the nature of the emblems and the rings that go somewhat unanswered. There's a lack of clarity on how the rings function, and how stealing the rings after winning a battle works. Given that we see them levitate at numerous times, I suspect that is mostly the answer. But I do understand if that's a point of contention for some since it's not directly clarified.

The emblems are similarly somewhat explained as kind of heroic essence put to form, which genuinely is enough of an answer to me. But I do understand some may find that lacking. There are also many issues with the writing of the emblems which I sympathize with especially as a comic book fan who hates it when my faves are misrepresented in other titles. That's a genuine flaw that could have been corrected by having people working on the script who cared more about accuracy.

The pacing absolutely becomes an issue in the later chapters of the game. The Zephia and Griss death scene is extremely touching and well-written, but to have a scene that long and that complex in that moment of the game is very awkward. It would have been better suited as a Memory Prism type of bonus scene like FE15 had (for several characters there were scenes that added context but did not exactly fit in the main story such as a flashback discussion with Emperor Rudolf). It is necessary to understand the characters, but there's not a truly comfortable place to put it that doesn't seem insane especially given the length. This deeply ties into how I feel about the DLC as well, which is that Good!Zephia/Zelestia gives crucial insight to the effects of positive nurturing and actively choosing to build bonds, which is perhaps the strongest and most important theme of the game. Every instance of chosen family in this game is framed and shown to be a truly critical event for the individuals, as are the instances of chosen neglect. The usage and execution of this theme to me was extremely powerful in execution and just worked without feeling too cringe or forced. It's good stuff. I love love love what they did here, and I say this as a person who has never wanted to be a mother of any sort.

To go on a bit more about this: Griss (and by extension Gregory, but focusing on Griss here for simplicity) and Alear are such strong reflections of one another. There's some obvious aspects like how Griss is visually edgy and Alear is visually bright, Griss is rude and confident while Alear is kind and doubtful, etc. But the strongest comparisons and contrasts between them involve their mothers, and I think it's just incredibly well done. Comparisons include both of them get their sense of fashion from their moms, get their unit classing from their moms, somewhat blindly follow the words of their moms, had terrible upbringings and cling to their moms as their first emotional support, etc. But the contrasts? Oh baby. Zephia adopts Griss because he's a standout while Lumera adopts Alear because they're a failure (by Sombron's measure, not literally). Griss spends years by Zephia's side learning from her while Alear has to mostly guess at what Lumera had planned for them. And perhaps most starkingly: Griss gets to die alongside Zephia while Alear and Lumera are always mourning one another. Griss is such an incredibly well done rival character. It's no wonder he's the one who gets the special cutscene where he reveals the truth to Alear. Forever my GOAT!

Sadly though it's time to switch gears and talk about the DLC: it truly sucks. I said it on twitter after beating it, but I really think that they messed up on anticipating what would be a compelling scenario for the players to play through while also coaxing themselves into a snafu regarding spoilers. There's some good stuff there, but it's almost directly undercut by necessitating that it can be played early in a playthrough before the player has gotten to the revelations about Alear's biological parentage.

The DLC does attempt to carry over the themes of the main game, but without being able to openly acknowledge that these are some of the last of Alear's siblings (even if not by blood exactly) it becomes hollow. The only real payoff on the theming is the Nel and Veyle support chain where even if they aren't sisters in the traditional sense, Veyle is desperate for that kinship as she is so young and has spent so much time alone. It's very touching and something that could have been touched on with Alear as well if only the writers weren't forced to write a detached arc to avoid spoilers.

Yes this is probably where I should get into the alt Alear being the "twin" of the main one. They needed to either go all in with that and have Alear confirmed as sort of a multiversal set of twins or back up off it and confirm that they're only narrative parallels because doing literally all of this and then having Nel have feelings for the other Alear is gross. They did so well avoiding weirdness with Veyle in the main game, and then completely blew it in regards to Nel. It makes no sense you can romantically S support her and invalidates all the themes about family presented to that point if characters who literally share a father and share similar traumas don't find healthy kinship with one another.

But beyond all that, we don't really get to see enough of Nel and "Nil" to be convinced by their dedication to one another especially in comparison to other familial relationships like between the recruitable royals, Four Hounds, and Four Winds. It feels like things are just happening to happen without feeling the gravity of terror that we are told Sombron caused them. Again, the obvious parallel to Alear being forced to fight Veyle purely due to their father's machinations isn't allowed to be explored due to the spoilers thing. Subtlety can be a structurally clever thing, but this doesn't even feel like the DLC writers were aware of that basic fact. This is the only aspect of the whole game that I feel truly misses the mark for me. It feels like a bland copycat of the main game written by someone who only skimmed a wiki article of the main story. I truly really believe they would have been better served making it a proper postgame arc because then maybe the emotional connections could have been fully explored.

I also almost feel as though they'd have been better served writing a story set in the past around red Alear. I understand that would have made it difficult to have playable units from the DLC in the main campaign, but I would have gladly missed out on them if that meant adding to the main universe instead of mostly meaning nothing in the end besides an edgy boy (and I genuinely like Rafal, he's funny) realizing he isn't as edgy as he thought he was.

Back to the main game though. Alear becoming Corrupted and begging their sister to not give up was extremely cool and dangerous and insane in a GOOD way (though again, the cutscenes were somewhat long but long for the sake of the main characters is different than long for side villains). Then you play the actual chapter and nothing truly significant is happening that makes the experience feel noteworthy. I think the design and gameplay are more of a problem with this than the specifics of the writing itself, but both of those generally work to the benefit of storytelling in this game so to have an obviously contradictory moment like that undercuts the drama of the scenario. It's a great idea done in kind of a "just ok" way. Would have been better off omitting that chapter entirely and just jumping to the emblem-izing of Alear immediately. Maybe the writers were just too ambitious with the idea of using the Corrupted for a good reason, and couldn't bear to cut it out? I don't dislike indulgent writing, but I dislike when I can tell the writers are just doing something because they thought it was cool and no one felt like being the one to say "ok this doesn't quite fit".

Another gameplay and storytelling problem is the final boss fight. Bringing back the other final bosses as evil emblems was brilliant, but to not bring them back as recognizable models, not give them their portraits, and not give them their voice lines (and correct me if I'm wrong, but they all have voice actors from their own games or Heroes) made it difficult to identify who was who without looking up their classes online. That really undercut most of the drama in them being used in that battle. I understand this may have all added costs to the game that they maybe didn't want to pay, but that lack of detail made a very cool inclusion feel kind of middling.

And the boss himself? Sombron is actually an interesting dude to me. But again, all his backstory and evil plans probably should have been dumped in a monologue separate from the final battle. I think this is yet another case, similar to the Zephia and Griss scene, that would have worked better as a memory prism than as just a character telling the audience directly in what sort of feels like an inappropriately detailed explanation. I appreciate that they did not force this into being another story centered around multiversal crossovers in a media landscape that is currently overwhelmed by such stories, especially if the "Zero Emblem" hook has no intention of being followed up on. Though arguably that's yet another thing the DLC needlessly complicated. Is there just an infinite number of Sombrons looking for an infinite number of Zero Emblems? Even more proof that the DLC should not have happened as it did.

Last thing worth addressing in detail is the pedophilia that has been sadly very prevalent in the series and arguably emboldened by the introduction of the S support system. Even if one wants to disregard the internal age data, characters like Anna, Jean, and Hortensia should not have been romanceable in any language. I thank the English localization team for scrubbing out most of this and making them as platonic as possible.

Ok I think that's basically everything about the plot I can think of right now to address directly. Solm royals could have gotten more, but whatever. I thought they were fine as the hyper-competent Batman-like country that's like 5 steps ahead of everyone. I don't have any other things to speak about on the main story events.

*** THE SPOILERS ARE DONE, CONTINUE READING HERE ***

(Your reward for reading all those paragraphs is a nice picture of my daughter Veyle, who is precious and good. I was so worried they would be weird about her and barefeet aside they thankfully were not.)

Chapter IV: The Other Characters

There's a couple of obvious social groups of characters who have largely overlapping gimmicks. Tea time enthusiasts (Celine, Louis, Jean), aesthetic obsessives (Goldmary, Rosado, Hortensia), gym rats (Alfred, Etie, Boucheron sort of). Firene has perhaps the biggest problem of having so many gimmicks done so close together. There is still a lot of depth in those supports still (notably in the A levels after many might have given up, such as Alfred-Etie, Alfred-Celine, Celine-Alear, etc). I don't really have a defense for this, but I do understand why especially early on it would cause people to write off the cast of the game. It didn't bother me much maybe because I benched everyone but Alfred and Louis right away (I needed to keep Clanne and Framme around, they're really funny lol).

But overall I didn't mind any of the characters for their gimmicks besides Seadall (his disordered eating being treated as a joke was just extremely offputting and it was really 50/50 on whether a support might focus on it) and Goldmary (she is just an asshole and to me it wasn't funny, not every joke will land for everyone I suppose).

The cast felt extremely likeable and well-rounded. I will sound like a broken record here, but again they really reminded me of what I enjoyed about the FE8 cast. Just pretty much all likeable and good characters.

Chapter V: Everything Else

Here's like everything else that comes to mind but I don't have enough in my brain to properly write sentences on them and I kind of want to be done with this lmao:

Yes, I think it's a little silly how some characters manage to get away without the game directly stating how. Alear and co are nice and not brutal so you can assume they allowed the escape, but it's still weird at times. Poorly choreographed.

I will never unironically use the term "ludonarrative" (no shade if you do, but it's not me). However the introduction of the Lucina ring bringing back hope to the crew while being a supportive ring for gameplay purposes and all is just really special stuff. It's good. Similarly, the ring you get at the end of chapter 17 is an amazing moment.

I'm not particularly bothered by the rings being former characters. I don't feel they were used poorly or anything. They're wise old heroes helping the new gen, and they serve that purpose well. Only Marth has a bit more to him than that due to his history with Alear, and I think it plays out well without being reliant on prior knowledge. Again very sorry to Eirika fans, I've seen the essays there on the inaccuracies and you're all valid.

The time travel is very clean and properly defined imo. Much more limited than in Three Houses in-universe which is good, however the best explanation for the rewinds will continue to be Mila's Turnwheel (in that there is no time travel, just some premonitions that allow the characters to evade danger).

I love Pandreo and Zelkov so much. Oh my god. They're so funny and just good men. Excellent dudes. Amber, Rosado, YUNAKA. The cast is just lovely. I love them.

Sommie is so cute for real. Just brilliant idea to include a nice pet for your home base. If anything, they should have given it more wigs for the main royals or some of the emblems. Also Sommie is totally the Zero Emblem.

Chapter VI: Conclusion

Let me get TMI here. I do understand that personally I experience and perceive emotions in an unusual way compared to most people. I've not been diagnosed with anything specific to that level of wiring (just OCD and anxiety), and as far as I feel it doesn't seem necessary. But it is what it is, and I am who I am. Maybe all of this is pointless to write and it truly is just a matter of taste and personal emotional expectations. I don't know. I just know I liked the game, and what worked on me really worked. Hope this was fun to read even if it doesn't give any particular insight.

I did not intend to compare any other FEs in this piece mainly because it's not about them. Legit sorry if I inadvertently cause some sort of discourse.

tl;dr It's Peak Fiction™

#fe17 #fe engage #fire emblem #essay

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megabif · 2 months

Photo

Piero Golia

Manifest Destiny, 2008

16 foot jump off the Tsien and Williams ramp onto a 3 x 12 x12 foot red foam mattress

On January 8, 2008 during my visit to Santa Fe, I was informed that the exhibition design for the Biennial would contain a large elevated ramp circulating throughout the show, creating a directed path for the visitors. When invited to create a site-specific work, I chose to intervene by proposing to cut the ramp at the point it reached the height of sixteen feet and set at the bottom a 3â€™12â€™12â€² red foam mattress. This will generate a situation where, if the Biennial visitors desire, midway through the exhibition they can jump from the platform onto the red foam mattress or just go back.*This gesture arose from pure instinct upon first encountering the ramp. The response will be equally instinctive on the part of the visitors Â they can jump or they cannot jump. The ramp forces an experience and logic onto the space by interrupting its circularity. I replace this imposition with a physical experience, different from that which was intended.I remember hearing the Beastie Boys singing, â€œRide with me, Iâ€™ll take you to the border.â€ Well, here I take you to the border and I want you to jump. Part shaman and part showman, and, in a way, completely both. The regularly scheduled experience is replaced with a concrete, emotional experience. There is an issue of trust on all sides, and the work is shaped by trust from all involved.*This text was dictated by artist Piero Golia to art critic Andrew Berardini on April 25, 2008 at 11.37 p.m. GMT.After having signed waivers, museum patrons will be permitted to jump from Golia’s work. The crash pad is located in the northwest corner of Gallery 4. The actual jump will be approximately five, not sixteen, feet.Piero Goliaâ€™s work addresses issues of identity and the role of the artist through the powerful tools of humor and irony. Although Golia calls himself a â€˜small artistâ€™ â€“ referring to his physical sizehis self-deprecation stands in stark contrast to the sometimes Herculean endeavors the artist pursues in order to make something of a legend of himself.For one of his first works, he successfully spent six months convincing a woman he had met to have his portrait and the words â€œPiero My Idolâ€ tattooed on her back. In 2005, he vanished in New York and reappeared three weeks later at the Royal Academy of Arts in Copenhagen. Within that period of time, he left no trace of himself at all, crossing borders illegally, leaving no proof of payment and pretty much living the life of a fugitive. Typical of Goliaâ€™s taste for creating works that are as much talked about as they are looked at, his adventurous journey was reconstructed by a filmmaker with the help of the head of the Italian Police cyber-investigation unit and a criminal psychologist.Goliaâ€™s gestures are often as grand as they are futile, as illustrated in the work It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (2003), where he had the entire facade of a building removed from its original position in Amsterdam and installed in a gallery space in Paris. The humor in his work is catalyzed by paradoxical situations Â the imbalance between means and aims, and the way things sometimes never turn out the way we expect them to.In 2001, following an invitation to the Tirana Biennale, he rowed across the Adriatic Sea in the opposite direction to migratory movement, thus becoming the first illegal Italian immigrant in Albania, but also playing with the cliches of the emerging artist striving for notoriety on the platform for large-scale exhibitions. Golia turns himself into his biblical counterpart, David, when he fights against the art system and its rules in On the edge (on the crest of the wave) (2000) â€“ a performance he did for the Artissima art fair in Turin â€“ by climbing a 7 meter high palm tree and threatening to come down only if a collector would buy the photo of the work.He now lives in Los Angeles, a place that blurs the boundaries between reality and fiction, making it the perfect setting for his exploration into the process of myth-making and his ironic outlook on contemporary society. In 2005, Piero Golia and Eric Wesley founded The Mountain School of Arts, an educational institution that aims to become a new spot on the cultural map of the city of L.A.

(via Piero Golia - Artist - PLAY Kortrijk - City circuit for contemporary art)

Via + Via

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god-of-a-thousand-demons · 8 months

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They should’ve made more parallels be drawn between chidori and mitsuru simply bc visually they’re the only ones similar to each other and it would’ve been interesting to see where they were the same and different. I wish this would’ve happened in the main plot and also hope something like this happens in portable if chidori lives bc if I’m not mistaken she doesn’t exactly “join” the party but she is around more so it could’ve been cool to explore her dynamic with SEEs and mitsuru and chidori to both have a female friend to lean on

#og #chidori posting #mitsuru posting #atlus made chidori then dangled her around before ripping her away and I wish they hadn’t been cowards and just included her more #I think I’m gonna fall in love with chidori on this playthrough #I’ve already liked her a bigger bit since her story simmered in my head and cried when I didn’t really like her so now that I do it’ll ruin #I hope portable is cathartic to say the least #Destiny plays fes

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gen-the-greedy · 11 months

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List of things I like so that I can remember that I like them, will update as my interests come to me in prophetic visions

I humbly request you engage me in conversation about these topics

Also for the record transphobes dni

Digimon (gabumon, gazimon, and impmon favorites)

Sonic the hedgehog

Mother series

Splatoon

Ace attorney

Smash ultimate (I main Mac and Falco)

Jojo's bizarre adventure

Revali from botw my beloved

Pikmin (have only played 4 but I watched chuggaconroy play the others back in the day)

Xenoblade 1 (mixed feelings on the rest of the series)

STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO why did it take me this many bullets to remember, got tier band

Halo

Fable (second game was never ported to PC so I haven't played it)

InFamous (haven't played second son)

FE three houses was good fight me (edelgard my beloathed)

Anyone remember Epic Battle Fantasy? Ebf 5 was so fucking good

ATLA

Full metal alchemist

Red Vs Blue

The Princess Bride

Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny

Dr pepper 😎

Deltarune

I don't really care for the roleplay elements but I occasionally show up to my local larp group just to bash some heads

I just like martial weapons in general

Never used a bardiche but it looks like my kind of thing

I want to play dnd again but haven't had the chance (I mean I could dm a campaign myself but I don't wanna)

They Might be Giants

Lemon Demon/ Neil cicierega

Cake (the band)

Pie (the food)

Anything lemon flavored

The color purple (and that specific shade of lemon juice yellow)

Sao abridged

Calvin and Hobbes is responsible for my absentmindedly archaic and verbose vernacular that I have to go out of my way to subdue to not sound like a fuckin nerd

Coming back to this point, obviously my word choice was intentional but subdue specifically was not, I can't escape this curse

Also hitchhikers guide, but I was too young to actually remember any of it

Red Vox

Funny cat pictures

Fuckin love dragons when they're treated with respect instead of as giant beasts to slay or cute and "smol" I am very opinionated about this I grew up with

Eragon/ The Inheritance Cycle

I am way too opinionated about dragons I think I might be a kobold (the dnd ones not the german ones)

Gryphons are also cool but if you spell it Griffin dni

Might change my name to gryphon, I liked the sound of phoenix shortened to nick like in ace attorney but my friend's brother is already named that and that would get confusing

Been a while since I read Percy Jackson but I liked that

Dragon Age: Origins

Fable 3 totally ripped it's story from DA:O

I bite my ice cream cause I'm not a coward

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ifellinlovewithpersona · 1 year

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I finished P2EP which means I oficially finished all of the existing mainline Persona games at least once!!! 🎉🎉🎉

As usual my ending summary contains spoilers so everything is under the cut:

The ending of the game made me ugly crying, idk why I'm crying though it is because this absolute masterpiece of the game have ended or because Atlus never did a game like that again or because of Tatsuya's fate or because I never be able to experience this series for the first time or just because I finally accomplished my goal of finishing all mainline Persona games. The last time I ugly cried so much was when I finished my first Persona game (P5) and now I'm crying in the same way at the end of last Persona game I played.

What can I say... P2 duology is an absolute masterpiece and I think my favorite Persona & overall Megaten game in general. Even without a need of social links I managed to attached to all characters to the point I literally ugly cried rn at the end

I feel so bad for Tatsuya though that he's just destinied to suffer on the Other Side, the moment he said he had to go back home is when I started crying. Also I think after playing entire P2 duology I think Tatsuya got promoted to my favorite Persona protag, my forever blorbos and absolute babygirls (rn I'm like Akiren who? Sorry but that's the truth haha). Literally, with the amount of trauma and shit he went through during both games he deserves the title of honorary SMT protag imo, cause I think only them suffered as much as Tatsuya

On the other hand, if someone is wondering how the final boss is like on PSP version - at your party lvl 70+ and if you have dark nullifying Personas and aply buffs, then he's laughably easy. I think the whole fight with both stages took me 30 minutes max and I killed Nyarly on my first try lol. I was surprised myself that it took me so fast haha

So yeah... I finished all mainline Persona games but I'm still not 100% done with the series. There are still things left for me like

-Tatsuya's scenario (I'll be starting for a moment)

-P1 Snow Queen Route

-P3P FEMC Route (I'll start it very soon after I'll be 100% done with P2EP so after I'll finish Tatsuya's scenario)

-P3FES The Answer cause I gave that one up when I played FES but I need to know how and why Minato ended up on the door lmaoo

And also Q games but I need to download an emulator for that (and when I'll do, I'll probably play SMT IV and IVA first anyways as I'm much more curious about that ones in terms of 3DS games). Idk if I'll ever play Persona Dancing games because I don't really like that type of games and they aren't canon anyways, well maybe P4D if any for Specialist remix & new character haha

So yeah, I finished my main goal for now (to play every mainline Persona game at least once) but as you can see there is still so much need to be done haha

#liveblogging p2ep i guess?#i finished? still can't believe it #the whole series 'only' took me 3 years haha #much thanks for all my followers that were with my during that whole journey of mainline persona games #and y'all stay tuned cause i'm not going anywhere and start my journey of playing other megaten games/completing SMT series this time #also like I said I still need to play other additional Persona material haha #lilly's talking

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lordkingsmith · 5 months

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January lyric prompts 2024

1. When the grey wolf howls outside my door/I wake to nothing but this swaying house and creaking floors-miles by Bobby lens

2. Leaving through the door without a word/You won't even notice, little bird/Better off dead so I reckon I'm headed to hell instead-bells in Santa Fe by Halsey

3. I’ve hid in isolation to have a conversation/with my own thoughts/so sing a duet with me till the sun sets/beyond the mountains/woah this life ain’t long/woah like silhouettes/of mountains I drink from/don’t you leave me just yet/just sing this melody- silhouettes of mountains by Timbre Shore

4. All in all I think I'm fallin' into love with afterlife/She's the ghost of Chicago/She got lost somehow/She gets married tomorrow/Oh and I'm goin' down-ghost of Chicago by Noah Floersch

5. This is a life (every possibility)/Free from destiny (I choose you, and you choose me)/Not only what we sow /(every space and every time)/Not only what we show, we (we, ooh)-this is a life by son lux

6. From lost sights/Have lilacs frozen over/Have all the trees outgrown her/Were we clean when the morning came/Cause darling the sunrise has gone slower-paper teeth by Elias Hix

7. Welcome to the party, I know it's kinda funny/That everyone is acting like they know you personally/Just play along, be nice and all/You won't get far being on your own-gladiator by Jann

8. Whip me slap me, punk funk/New York clubbers, bump drunk/Dark like liquorice, bar slam/Move it, this is your jam-heavy metal lover by lady Gaga

9. Skin is a word, love is not a sin/People are bad, people are good/Just like the moon is a stone/But it's a star when it's dark/And now she's hiding-apple tree by Aurora

10. You once made this promise /To stay by my side/But after some time you just pushed me aside/You never thought that a girl could be strong/Now I'll show you how to go on-bad boy by cascada

11. Baby after just one touch/you can never get enough/You should know I like it rough/But you'll get used to me/Baby you can count me dead/Sleep by all the things you said/But baby you look good in red, so just keep killing me-you might be the killer by harlo

12. I feel an ache where my mind was/I try to think but it's no use/Tumbleweed, bloody knees/I would crawl through broken glass to get home-possession of a weapon by ashnikko

13. And the sky was the limit/Now, the stars where we're livin'/It's the vibe when we're in it/It'll blow your mind-perfect from Trolls 3

14. I want to inhale your disease/I would do anything for you/I am guilty/I get goosebumps when you're near me/You're just like the movies/I am guilty for your love-Guilty (for your love) by Yonaka

15. Holes in your pockets watch you lose/Anything you thought was meant for you/Daddy asks you if you'll stay/Doesn't know he's the one who made you feel this way-blame the moon by Hazlett

16. Tiptoe round the circus as everyone cheers for nothing/The maddest and the broken hide behind/The thinning of the veil/I wander down the road as my friends/Are slamming doors behind me/I ponder at my own feet scrambling on without me-Tomorrow by Harrison Storm

17. But love I know if I stayed/I wouldn't live long in this cage/It's just the growing pains-growing pains by Crystal Skies & SOUNDR

18. I did send you a note/On the wind for to read/Our names there together/Must have fallen like a seed-in this shirt by the irrepressibles

19. Green where my red love lies, was it all? /Don’t wear your winning prize, let it fool/Oh, what a waste, I’ll be locked in your heaven, always /and oh, what a way, to be living with all of your pain/and oh, what a way, to be locking your heaven away /and oh, what a wave you have made-Colourway by Novo Amor

20. It's glowing/Embers barely showing/Proof of life in the shadows/Dancing on my plans-leave the city by twenty one pilots

21. I'm so tired of hiding what I feel/So here I am, not gonna disappear/Because I cannot fake it-bad girl by aviva

22. All my life, all my life/I've been chasing shiny things/Blind my face, blind my face/Save me from this suffering/Oh, can you blame my sin?/Touch me like a lover-believer by syml

23. Did you reminisce signing my death certificate?/You almost got away with it/But the reaper snitched, now you got to admit to/Your crimes, your lies/So slick, so sly, yeah-body bag by neoni

24. Nothing makes me confused/No wonder why/I'm still in hell/This is the moment, come/Now, it's time to choose-true by yoari

25. If we just wanna be free/Maybe we're better off as part-time/lovers/So sad you didn't notice/So sad you didn't notice that/"Paris hurt more for me"-part time lovers by hazlett

26. The salt on your skin when you're kissing me/We build a fire on the beach/Sometimes moments like these/Are all that we need/You lean your head against mine/And tonight everything's alright-lost by the sea by Fabian Kuhn

27. Am I a villain or a saint? Let me lead the way/Resting bitch face on the move, fuck you have to say/I know (I know, I know, I know), I am tough as a stone/I've lived a lot of life that not a lot will understand/The type of life that gives you scars before you take command-villain by Missio

28. You paved your Hades/With precious stone/Made an heirloom to patricians/And the rich alone/And the toll for crossing/I'd owe Charon/Would atrophy a half of me/The heart of gold, ah-ooh-cold by the oh hello’s

29. Lonesome roads/And the same old clothes/Radio for company/Home, my home/And these dreams of you/Are all that comfort me-Home by Max Jury

30. City's breaking down on a camel's back/They just have to go, 'cause they don't know wack/So while you fill the streets, it's appealing to see/You won't get out the county, 'cause you're bad and free-feel good inc by gorillaz

31. Right now, I'm shameless/Screamin' my lungs out for ya/Not afraid to face it/I need you more than I want to/Need you more than I want to/Show me you're shameless-shameless by camila cabello

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purplesong1028 · 2 years

Text

A Forest Tale

Chapter 1: Mystery and Deal

Art by @amane-otaku

Rating: General Public

Paring: Chepe/Pacho

Words: 2,207

Fantasy, AU, !Fox Pacho, !Shapeshifter Pacho

Chepe takes a trip to the forest at least twice a month during the hunting season. Colombia is blessed with fertile land for a variety of plants and animals. That has been working out pretty well for him, especially the plant part, but hunting is one of his biggest hobbies ever since he was a teenager. It’s a shame that he can’t get Gilberto and Miguel into it, but he’s the coolest one anyway.

About a month ago, he took a trip that was supposedly no different from others, but he didn’t come home with a dead deer, birds or rabbits. He came home with a fox— one that was very much alive.

He was aiming at an enormous bull when some ruffling noise came from behind, and when he immediately turned to pursue the disturber, he found nothing but a beautiful creature with flawless dark red fur and warm brown eyes. He lowered the rifle, laughing at his own paranoia. Chepe didn’t try to shoot the fox because there was no reason to. He couldn’t eat the meat, and he hated those hideous fur coats, so he simply turned away, hoping he could still find that magnificent bull he almost killed.

However, the fox apparently had something different in mind, relentlessly trailing after him despite his aggressive attempts to stop it. At one point, Chepe literally fired a shot at its direction, which would have scared off any animal, but this fucking fox either had no survival instinct, or was secretly a fox ninja, because it didn’t move an inch! In fact, Chepe was pretty sure the animal gave him a confusing stare, as if it was wondering what the weapon was.

He didn’t believe in shit like destiny or fate, but he did know a stubborn asshole when he saw one, and there were only two ways to deal with them: killing them, or giving in.

When Chepe brought it home— brought him home, the maids absolutely had a field day, taking turns to hold the new pet in their arms, not shutting up about how pretty he was. Honestly, Chepe had to agree with them on that. He hadn’t seen that many foxes in real life, but this one didn’t even look like an animal living in the wild, more like some bored rich person’s exotic pet.

But it wasn’t just his appearance that stood out; it was the entire demeanor. Chepe knew this sounded completely insane, but sometimes he didn’t even feel the fox was an animal at all. He always stayed nearby when Gilberto and Miguel came over, and Chepe could swear that the fox was actually listening to their conversations. Also, the spoiled brat insisted on sleeping in a bed, a human’s bed. The first night he actually jumped up to Chepe’s bed and settled in right under the blanket. They fought for about 20 minutes, until the fox finally gave up and walked out of the bedroom, only to be found in one of the guest rooms the next morning. Most importantly, Chepe had never seen him eat anything! The maids and chef tried everything possible; they talked to three different vets, and all they could come up with was maybe it would go out to find food on its own. Yeah, fuck those expensive experts.

Sometimes though, Chepe felt nice to have the fox near him, more than nice, happy. He couldn’t explain it, couldn’t even describe it other than it being a pure, transcendent blissful emotion. Once he fell asleep on the couch and had the most heavenly dream. It was like a movie with all his best life memories, when his parents bought him a new toy on his birthday, playing silly games with Gilberto and Miguel when they were kids, the first time they had money, how they built their business from the ground as partners and friends…

When he woke up, the fox was lying peacefully on his chest.

“What are you…?” He whispered.

The fox didn’t answer, but Chepe just knew he understood.

“What the fuck are you?!”

As Chepe shouts that, he can’t help but remember saying the exact same thing a few days earlier. But fuck, this sure feels different now! He forces himself to take deep breaths, grabbing the big cross on his necklace out of sheer instinct—— definitely not his proudest moment.

But what the hell is he supposed to do, when a fox literally turns into a grown ass human being, in a puff of smoke, right in front of his eyes?!

“The cross doesn’t work, Chepe. I’m not a vampire.” The fox, no, the man, the monster speaks perfect Spanish, like a human living in Colombia his whole life. “Plus, I’m not trying to hurt you. You want to know what I am, right? I’m just letting you see the truth.”

Never in his life has anyone said to him, “I’m not trying to hurt you.” But he’s too astonished to feel offended at the moment. “Ok. So this is the real you? Or is the fox…how do you…”

The man laughs, fucking laughs. “I can explain everything, alright? But both this and the fox are the real me, if that’s what you want to call it.”

Yeah, like that explains anything. He has a million questions, but he decides to go with the first one that comes to mind. “How did you learn to talk?”

“It takes a long time for us to become strong enough to transform into a human, so I’ve been listening to you people talking this whole time, for more than 500 years.”

“What?! You…” It's 11 in the morning, and he’s not nearly drunk enough for this conversation. “You’re telling me that you’ve lived over 500 years?”

“As a fox, yes, but only a few months as a human.”

Chepe honestly doesn’t know which one is worse.

“Chepe? Are you in there?”

As if this isn’t already bad enough, he hears Gilberto’s joyous voice coming through the hallway leading to this living room.

“I’m busy, Gilberto! Come back later.”

“Busy with what? It’s not even noon yet!” Of course Gilberto doesn’t care. The bastard is probably even hoping to walk in on something embarrassing for him.

“Oh, hello! I didn’t know you had another guest.” Gilberto looks at the stranger, and then back at Chepe. ��What, you’re not gonna introduce us?”

“You’re Gilberto, right?” The fox man walks over to Gilberto before Chepe can stop him. “Pacho Herrera. Nice to finally meet you in person.”

They shake hands, and from now on, Chepe can never look at the word “in person” the same way again. Also, how the hell does he have a full name? Is there an ancient fox family, like vampires or something?

“Nice to meet you too! Please excuse me for a moment.” Gilberto smoothly leads Chepe a few steps away from Pacho, and lowers his voice. “Who is this guy? Is he in the business?”

“No. I met him during a hunting trip.” Technically that’s not a lie.

“Ok, but he knows me, and he knows where you live? What did you…” Gilberto pauses mid sentence, looking like he just realized something. “Wait, have you been smoking stuff?”

“What? No.” As soon as he denies it, Chepe knows why Gilberto’s asking. There’s an interesting lingering smell in the air, an earthy, natural scent. But he wasn’t smoking anything, not even cigarettes. Then he remembers the puff of smoke earlier when the fox turned into man. That must be it.

“Ah, actually yeah.” He decides to just go with the lie. “We were just having a smoke or two, nothing serious. I’ve known him for a while. He’s not in the business though. He only buys, never sells.”

Well, better to have Gilberto believe he knows a rich junkie friend than a fox monster.

“Hijo de puta.” Gilberto rolls his eyes, but visibly more relaxed. “Why didn’t you just tell me that, hermano? Got me worried there for a second.”

“Well, it’s before noon.”

“Like you ever cared. I’ll leave you guys to it then, but take it easy, alright? We have that meeting tomorrow.”

“Yeah yeah, of course.” Chepe agrees perfunctorily, urging Gilberto out of the room.

“I think I should tell you I heard all that.” Pacho speaks again as Gilberto leaves the house. “My hearing is more sensitive than humans’.”

Chepe silently walks over to the bar to pour a drink, and when he turns around, he has a loaded pistol pointing at the mysterious creature. “Alright Mr. Fox, or whatever the fuck you are. Sit down, and let’s have a talk, hm?”

“I thought we were already talking!” Pacho isn’t wincing at all, just like how he was in the woods a month ago. “You don’t need to do that, and I doubt you can kill me with that gun.”

“Well, I’m willing to try,” Chepe unlocks the safe, making a crisp sound, “and I have bigger guns.”

Pacho glares at him, a very real human expression. Then he sits down on the couch, seemingly more out of frustration than fear. “Fine, what do you want to know?”

“Everything. Start from your name.”

“I obviously didn’t have one. Why would I? I just made it up.”

That effectively makes Chepe forget the next question in mind. At this point, he should just be expecting every sentence coming out of this creature’s mouth to be a bigger surprise. He does find some humor in it though, because honestly, Pacho Herrera isn’t even close to the worst name someone can come up with on the spot.

“Why did you follow me?”

“I’ve seen countless hunters in the woods, and most of them were awful, so I’ve killed quite a few.” Pacho says that emotionlessly, like confessing to murders isn’t a big deal at all. “But you were different. I followed you multiple times, and you always had the cleanest shots; you never killed what you didn’t want to take.”

“You respect us. You seem like a pretty good human to be around.”

Chepe can’t believe his ears. All this, because he is an ethical hunter? And if he weren’t, this motherfucker would have killed him off in the woods?!

“Look, it’s really not as complicated as you might think.” Pacho looks into his eyes, and right there and then, he feels absorbed from the inside of his head, as if those brown eyes carry gravity on their own. This is raw power beyond humanity’s understanding, and all of a sudden, he feels like an idiot standing there with a gun.

But the pressure only lasted for a split second before Pacho’s eyes went back to regular warm brown. “Feel that? In your words, I guess you could say I can manipulate minds. Very few of us were born with a gift of special powers, but we need to work for it. It takes a couple hundreds of years to absorb enough energy from nature to fuel our own powers.”

“Ok…? Then what’s the deal with changing into humans? Is that just how you manipulate our minds to see?”

“No, of course not. This is how I look as a human. Foxes are not the only gifted kind, you know?” Pacho’s lips curve up into a tiny smirk, like he’s just sharing a little gossip, instead of changing Chepe’s entire world view. “I’ve also met two snakes; I’ve heard of birds but never seen one myself. None of them can manipulate minds, but I suppose they have other powers. Anyway, the point is: all of us can turn into humans once we are strong enough to do so, and that has nothing to do with mind control.”

“And?” Chepe lowers his gun and takes a sip of the whiskey, “That still doesn’t explain why. What’s the point of looking like a human?”

“Are you serious? All of us want to see what it’s like. You people…” Pacho gestures around the house, looking at him like he just asked the stupidest question. “We all live on the same land, but you humans built a whole different world on top of it. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that, and know how it feels?”

That leaves a strange feeling in Chepe’s chest, like a tight soreness, not painful, but a very uncomfortable tension.

“So for your kind, all this power, all those years, all you want is to live like a human?”

“Is that unreasonable?”

Yeah! That makes no sense!

“Isn’t that a waste of your powers, your gifts?”

“Why? They can be very useful in human’s world.”

Well, that’s the truth. But that’s also the fucking problem.

“So what do you want from me?”

“Well, I was thinking now that you know I can look like a human, you can show me how to do these human things.” Pacho shrugs, “In exchange, I can use my power to help you, if you need it.”

“Alright, I see.” Chepe drinks a large gulp and puts his glass down. Now he kind of gets it, why these special gifted beings haven’t taken over the world yet.

“So the first thing about being a human: you need way better negotiation skills.”

@sikkui @ashlingnarcos @yourlocalspacewitxch @kesskirata @mandaloria314 @marrianena @alreadywritten @cherixrosa @cheesybadgers @cositapreciosa @criatividad-e @narcolini @drabbles-mc @passionatewrites

#pacho herrera #chepe santacruz #narcos #narcos fic #Chepe x Pacho #fanfic

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mbti-notes · 2 years

Text

Anon wrote: (700026129933860864) Thank you so much for your thorough response. I believe I am INFP, just in a grip, but am open to the possibility that I am mistyped.

Background info, brief due to limited space: my mother is ISFJ (I could not get her to take the test because she thinks of MBTI as horoscopes and personality types as destiny), but the people and society she has lived with have a very strong preference for Te. She unknowingly tries to find harmony (Fe) with people (e.g. my father) by strongly and again unknowingly trying hard to talk the Te talk. So I (& my siblings; I am the only one with Te in my stack - I have always played the "parent" role in my family) was raised with emphasis on Te (raised to be in a grip?), even envy because no one actually used Te "well". Mixed in are Confucian values (being Chinese) - repeatedly told that deviation from my mother's values = not filial, = betraying her by not working towards "rich and successful" to avenge on my father for mistreating her.

At school and work - can't claim I did this very often, but whenever I did mention I like to write or show my little poems or drawings, etc., I was laughed at or just told "you have no talent". (Thinking back, what can one expect in an AP math class or a cut-throat Manhattan office?) I learned to hide my (N to a certain extent) FP and act out my best rendition of (S)TJ - the better I could build a financial model, organize a project or analyze in a transactional manner a business decision, the more external recognition I got, the more career progression I got, and the more I hid my (N)FP. All done with a price of mental distress - your guides describe what I experienced very accurately.

Analogy: though left-handed, I was told since young that only right hand is "good"; the more I got rewarded, the better I got at using it. But I had to expend a lot of extra energy using my right hand, and actually, subconsciously don't believe it and even hate myself for it. Unaware of this until ~10 years ago, I have been struggling with "shedding the baggage" (habits, reward, self-esteem, etc.) associated with using my right hand while also realizing my left hand has gotten rusty due to lack of practice. Socially, I have close to no support or understanding for “coming out” as FP because my family's culture hasn't changed, and the “identity” I have with my "friends" (almost all from work) has been constructed from the TJ they have known me as (or they don't want to hear about FP "soft feeling" stuff). I.e. I feel highly not integrated.

As you wrote: I have "immense difficulty staying true to myself." I have attempted to remove obstacles as your wrote, but keep faltering: left my formal business positions a few years ago, but keep interviewing when jobs are proposed to me and doing freelance business projects but not enjoying them; entered a formal creative writing program but constantly fighting in my head (how do I get published, what kind of competitions or social media presence could help me gain recognition, vs. writing isn't about this, I need to learn to enjoy the act of writing, etc.) and also disappointed that many of my classmates aren't that "pure and passionate" with their pursuit of writing. (These are generalizations and probably made a bit extreme to convey the points with little space.) I haven't lived with my mother since college, but every so often would stay with her for a few months to take care of her.

Follow-up questions: I agree with your 2 & 3 about my inability to distinguish values, traits, introspect/interrogate, etc. I understand their definitions, and can even explain to others. But when I read your sentence, I felt a visceral reaction, a small panic in my stomach that flashed "oh, I have absolutely no idea how to define each of these for myself."

Do you understand that you're essentially saying you don't have dominant Fi at all? While chronic inferior grip does happen, it is rare, and not what you think it looks like. Te grip does NOT accurately encapsulate your problems. It seems you are operating on some misconceptions or gaps in knowledge. I don't consider it my job to convince people about their type because it's none of my business. Purely as a courtesy, I say something whenever I believe people may be mistyped, but it's up to them to sort it out for themselves. Unless you decide to submit a thorough type assessment by carefully following the instructions on the contact page, I won't discuss tips for function development. Some people get deeply convinced of the wrong type and it does them no good in the long run. Time and time again, I've seen such individuals lock themselves into the wrong self-image and it actively prevents them from gaining the self-awareness they require for personal growth. I strongly suspect you are one of these individuals.

(I often tend to run my analytical mind on turbo on whatever problem I encounter - I have been practicing mindfulness with my therapist, to get to my feelings and body sensations before my analytical side jumps out and "takes over".)

You are correct to identify this as a significant obstacle. However, this is NOT an INFP problem and even helps rule out INFP. If you believe it is easy for INFPs to block out feelings, lose touch with body sensation, and find comfort in intellectualization, then you don't know what it means to be INFP. This problem more likely indicates that T is your tertiary function (not the inferior function). You use "analysis" as an unconscious defense mechanism against uncomfortable feelings and emotions, indicating that F is the auxiliary function that is poorly developed (not the dominant function). If you are indeed N, then logic dictates that there are only two possibilities: ENFP and INFJ. If you are perhaps not N, then you'd have to consider ESFP and ISFJ as well. Given the scattered evidence I've processed, IMO, any of these four types would fit you better than INFP at this point.

So, what can I do to start learning how to distinguish them? I couldn’t find a better way of asking this question as they all sound simplistic, rhetorical, or too close/open-ended. E.g. I know it’s not reading books that describe these concepts, so I can’t say “could you suggest a reading list.” It's also not “get CBT as opposed to general talk therapy” or “do meditation” as it’s not a simple prescription that will help me.

For your 4 - I have indeed tried to visualize my positive potential but just could not - as you said, the obstacles have not been removed yet. As mentioned, I have tried to remove what I know as obstacles, but I discovered they leave holes that I don't know with what/how to fill. E.g. Leaving my business career means I don't get the adrenaline from all the action daily and the external recognition to (unhealthily) hold up self-esteem. But without the adrenalin and movement, I feel I have lost all triggers/forces and momentum to take actions on a daily basis (depressive tendencies), only feel inertia, and also have not learned to give value to self-recognition. How do I create a break/what does one look like to overcome what seems like a chicken-and-egg relationship between removing obstacles and positive visualization, to get out of the vicious and enter a virtuous cycle?

These are problems to work on with your therapist. There's not much more I can say without your true type. The advantage of knowing your type is that it provides a roadmap to guide you. Without that roadmap, it is much more difficult to reach down to the root causes of your problems. Getting in touch with your feelings and emotions is a very important thing to do because they are generally an important source of self-knowledge (especially in cases where it would aid auxiliary F development). You should keep working on it. The deeper problem seems to be that you really don't know yourself because you basically have no identity of your own. Whatever identity you possess has been cobbled together through the process of internalizing the judgments of everyone around you. Over and over, you've chosen to give in to social pressures to put on flimsy masks or false ideals and be someone you're not. You are, in a sense, very addicted to social validation in many forms. According to what I've observed in people with this problem, they can't kick the addiction because they're unable/unwilling to face up to very deep-seated fears about what their life would look like without it - perhaps that's a place to start. In other words, they benefit too much from denying who they are to ever want to stop. You keep saying you're in pain/distress, but perhaps it's not yet painful/distressful enough for you to grasp the full cost of self-denial and finally see the benefits of stopping.

#mistyping #ask

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