#I AM EMPTY TILL SHE FILLS ALIVE UNTIL SHE KILLS

[glsneeg-enthusiast]

ougghsgdghfhdhfjg

#overwhelmed with guilt and realizing the disease #you give me chills ive had it with the drills #i am nothing you are nothing we are nothing with the pills #i am empty till she fills alive until she kills #im the fish and shes my gills #i walked into your dagger for the last time in a row #its like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow #where you cant seem to hold me cant seem to let me go #so i cant find surrender cant keep control #you turn me inside out and then you want the outside in #you spin me all around and then you ask me not to spin #you wanna be with me you wanna be with him

[holytrickster]

HELLO ADRIANNE LENKER BRIGHT FUTURE VERSION OF VAMPIRE EMPIRE??? EXCUSE ME?? MY FAVORITE LINES ARE BACK IN THIS ONE??

#the different versions of this song are my roman empire honestly #listen i did the biggest double take at my screen seeing vampire empire on bright future #yOU GIVE ME CHILLS I'VE HAD IT WITH THE DRILLS #I AM NOTHING YOU ARE NOTHING WE ARE NOTHING WITH THE PILLS #I AM EMPTY TILL SHE FILLS ALIVE UNTIL SHE KILLS #IN HER VAMPIRE EMPIRE IM THE FISH AND SHE'S MY GILLS #i wish i could hear the demo for the first time again #adrianne lenker #big thief

[placidlypanicked]

Progress Update!

Going to keep this short, but I need to write something out for myself.

It's been a tough week! I haven't had a lot of time on my hands, so oI unfortunately haven't been able to work on my IF very much. When I have been able to, I've just been writing, so no intro post yet.

I'll hopefully finish that intro post this weekend when things start to slow down a bit for me! That's really all I've got though, for now.

sidenote: I cannot get vampire empire by big thief out of my head. it's becoming a REAL problem.

#interactive fiction #twine if #progress report #devblog #I'M EMPTY TILL SHE FILLS ALIVE UNTIL SHE KILLS IN HER VAMPIRE EMPIRE I AM FALLINGGGGG

[boxx-cutterz]

I am empty 'till she fills, alive untill she kills in her vampire empire, I am

#i wasted good lyrics on a shitty drawing lmao #toxic yuri save me #eddsworld fanart #ellsworld fanart #tamtori #ellsworld tamara #ellsworld tori #ew art #tomtord #eddsworld tord #eddsworld tom

[raparopa]

Could I request a Tolya X reader where they are on Nikolai’s ship at night and reader can’t sleep so she stays up reading poetry and he joins her? 🤍🤍

a/n: I am alive☠️With all this studying, I was completely lost and I really want to get back into my rhythm! I don’t know if I will succeed, but I will try very hard, maybe slowly and not right away, but I will try. I've got a lot of requests, I'll try to sort them out for now, but if you have any ideas, don't hesitate

warnings: none (I had to use lines from poems by famous authors, because poetry is not my forte)

pairing: Tolya Yul-Bataar x reader

do you understand or feel it?

I couldn’t find a place for myself: I tossed and turned in bed for an hour, drank tinctures for sleep, counted the crows that were jumping in my head - and none of these methods helped me. Didn't help me sleep.

Usually, sleeping on board our ship was more than good. The soft swaying of the waves, the light of the stars penetrating into the small porthole of my cabin - it was all so beautiful and good. Exactly until this evening. I don’t know what caused my insomnia, but not being able to just relax in a cloud of blankets and pillows, as well as one adorable heartrender by my side, was just killing me.

Therefore, I couldn’t find anything better than to walk along the empty deck and gaze at the stars, taking Tolya’s collection of poetry with me. He found something in the poems and I was wondering why exactly they amazed him so much, because before I had no time at all to escape from business and devote myself to... art?

I quietly walked along the creaking wood, plopped down on one of the boxes and turned my gaze to the clear, dark sky. The silver disk of the moon sparkled, surrounded by a vault of small stars, filling everything around with its cold light. There was a smell of salty breeze and oil, splashes of water could be heard somewhere, and I again thought how disappointing it was that on this good night I couldn’t just sleep.

-So, so... Let's see what we have here that makes Tolya go so crazy?-The book opened easily and I began to leaf through the pages, reading the first lines to find the poem I liked.

…And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes…*

I raised my eyebrows; the lines sounded promising.

...Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies...**

Poetry at night, in the light of the moon, absorbed me more and more, and now I understood why Tolya carries this little book with him everywhere and no longer understood why people did not allow him to read them out loud.

I re-read and re-read, looked for new things, mentally noted the works that were imprinted in my mind and heart, thought about how I would ask Tolya to buy a collection for me or tell me how to choose the most interesting one.

Immersed in my thoughts and tender lines of light poetry, I did not at all notice the cautious steps that appeared on the deck.

-...as fair art thou, my bonnie lass, so deep in luve am I...

-...and I will love thee still, my dear, till a' the seas gang dry.*** - a strange voice rang out over my ear and strange hands wrapped around my waist. - Good night, my heart.

I winced, immediately slamming the book shut and rolling my eyes in pseudo-annoyance, trying to hold back a smile.

-Tolya! You scared me, Saints, don't do that again or I'll hit you.

He laughed, pecking me on the cheek and resting his chin on my shoulder.

-You weren’t in bed, I thought something happened, and you’re sitting here and reading poetry.- Yul-Bataar giggled. -I expected anything, but not this, Y/N. You... pleasantly surprise me.

-I couldn’t sleep, I decided to take a walk and thought it would be nice to take something to read...

-And how? Poetry isn't for everyone, you know. Not every person is able to understand the meaning and feelings embedded in ordinary poetic lines, in ink written on paper. When you read poetry, you must either understand or feel.

I turned my head slightly to see his smiling face, clutching the volume of poetry in my hands.

-Well? And you?-Tolya asked again.

-What?

-Do you feel or understand, when you read these lines, my heart?- He quickly took his book from my hands, lovingly and gently opening it.

I thoughtfully followed his movements, digesting the words he said, trying to grasp their essence.

-Don't know. I haven't read enough to fully...dive into this. I think I need to get to know a lot more to feel poetry.

-Do you want to feel it?- Tolya’s warm embrace immediately disappeared, which made me instantly freeze. He walked around the chest on which I was sitting, opened the collection and began to look for something in it.

-What are you going to do?- I asked, admiring his silhouette, which so softly curved around the silver light of the cold stars. Tolya smiled mischievously, without taking his eyes off the pages.

-Once, you want to feel poetry in your heart, Y/N,-he put his palm to his chest. -Then let me show you this path and read some wonderful things?-He looked up at me and smiled tenderly.

I smiled back, bowing my head.

-I would be glad if you honored me with this, dear,- I responded, involuntarily giggling.

-Then, as expected, every bard is entitled to a reward. For each poem I want to receive... - Tolya thought theatrically, rubbing his chin. - For a kiss. Is the lady happy with this price?

-Cunning fox!- I laughed, squinting from the sharply elevated mood. -But, yes, the lady agrees to the conditions of the cunning bard.-I had to bite my lip so that my smile did not sparkle like a mirror reflecting the light of the sun.

-Then let's start! Bright star, would I be stedfast as thou art... ****

Or maybe this insomnia was not a punishment after all?

**“She Walks In Beauty” by Lord Byron

***“A Red, Red Rose” by Robert Burns

****“Bright Star” by John Keats

#shadow and bone season two #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #tolya yul bataar #tolya yul bataar x reader #tolya yul bataar imagine

[reasonsforstaying]

not to be dramatic but you give me chills! i've had it with the drills! i am nothing you are nothing we are nothing with the pills!!! i'm empty till she fills! alive until she kills! in her vampire empire i am FALLING!!!!!!

#big thief #vampire empire #holy the things this song does to me

[mrsnancywheeler]

a while ago @nomorespahgetti mentioned eddie and muse were vampire empire coded and I wholeheartedly agree and felt like dissecting it rn so here we go

"i see you as you see yourself through all the books you read" for me this represents the way eddie thinks he sees her (he doesn't) but he pays attention, he understands in her in what she listens to, reads, but he doesn't really understand it. he thinks he sees her but he doesn't. and it goes around the same way, she doesn't really see him even if she thinks she does

"overwhelmed with guilt and realizing the disease" she feels so guilty for being with eddie when technically she's billy's girl (even if that situation is confusing) and for feeling like she's hurting eddie even though she's told him they'll never be together and she'll always pick billy (500 days of summer core). slowly she's realizing that neither of these relationships are fruitful or sustainable, but she lets them continue. eventually she gives billy an ultimatum right before the big tour but she doesn't even stay true to that, during the time of the tour she stays with billy even when the cycle mostly continues. she tells eddie it will never be him when he asks and yet she'll take him back every time he thinks he can change her mind because she needs to feel wanted.

"you give me chills, I've had it with the drills" chills being what she experiences when eddie finally gives up not just on being with her, but also being there for her. it's really a terrifying time for her because her whole world is falling apart. but eddie has had it with the repetitive cycle of aching for her to not just love him, but love him more than billy and choose him first. he's done with the drills.

"I am empty till she fills, alive until she kills" eddie is longing for her love until she gives it and feels on top of the world until she inevitably goes back to billy. deep down he knows it will happen, but it breaks him every single time.

"I see you there rejecting all your earthly power" she knows eddie would treat her better than billy, that she could so easily stop with cycle and just be with eddie. but she refuses to do so.

"protecting and dissecting till you've emptied every hour" her endless talks about all the things billy's said and how that's made her feel, how it's altered her, his words fill the void even when he's not there. eddie is there to make her feel worthy, like she's more than just a groupie, like she's lovable"

"you lay upon my pillow and you open like a flower, I wanted to see you naked, I wanted to hear you scream, wanted to kiss your skin, and your everything" the times they're intimate together and vulnerable. she lets eddie have that part of her, express himself through that to express that she does love him even if it's not how she loves billy. and eddie wants to be that way with her all the time.

"I wanted to be your woman, I wanted to be your man, I wanted to be the one that you could understand" she does want eddie (not like she wants billy and I believe if billy gave up on her and was with someone else she would pick eddie but that's not for now) she wants to be loved, and even if she doesn't really say it she wants the traditional idea, to be someone's girl in a way that means they belong to each other and end up together forever, marriage, kids, all of it. and that's what eddie wants from her too, but there's billy. there's always billy and the fact they've both idealized versions of each other that aren't true. they don't really understand each other.

"where you can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go" she doesn't commit to eddie, but completely breaks down when he leaves and doesn't call. when he rejects her it breaks her, but she'll still pick billy.

"you turn me inside out and then you want the inside in, you spin me all around and then you ask me not the spin" this is billy and all his constantly changing expectations for her, but also eddie letting her live the fantasy that she's said isn't what she'll choose but then losing it when she still doesn't want it.

"you wanna be with me, you wanna be with him" yk

so yeah eddie and muse are literally this song

#wanda 💋 #billy dunne #billy dunne x reader #eddie roundtree #djats x reader

[amonsalvador]

You give me chills.

Ive had it with the drills.

I am nothing.

You are nothing.

We are nothing with the pills.

Im "empty" till she fills.

Alive until he kills.

Im her vampire empire,

I am.

#Spotify

[cupioriot]

any octavian/octkahale song recs? i've been listening to 'we will commit wolf murder' (of montreal) a lot recently and i feel like it kind of fits octkahale but honestly it might just be my brain projecting them onto it.

oh my gods yes hi hello i have been working on a playlist for octkahale for a bit and ive had an octavian playlist for a while that i have not shared thank you sooo much for this ask. i am SO SORRY it took me this long to answer this i kept forgetting about it

ALSO YES OH MY GODS THAT FITS SO WELL HELLO IM SCREAMING?? anon ily and this song

but yeah this post isnt much analysis sort of just observations and me connecting themes from songs to octavian (and mike)

warning. pretty long post under cut

as for the songs i associate with octkahale;

I will never shut up about them and Vampire Empire by Big Theif. I think about them everytime i listen to it, honestly. So, this, as I see it, if from Mike's perspective, talking about Octavian, more specifically Blood of Olympus era.

"[...] I'm not quiet, you've been quiet just recieving what you said Reeling, feeding, feeling filled by everything you fed I see you as you see yourself in all the books you read Overwhelmed with guilt and realizing the disease."

"You give me chills, I've had it with the drills I am nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills I am empty till she fills, alive until she kills[..]"

"I wanted to be your woman, I wanted to be your man I wanted to be the one that you could understand"

"Well I walked into your dagger for the last time in a row * It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow Where you can't seem to hold me, cant seem to let me go So I can't find surrender, cant keep control"

(*the end of this lyric was removed in the now released version of the song, making the actual lyric "well I walked into your dagger for the last time" however I though the demo version fit better for them here)

alsoooo. P.U.N.K Girl by Heavenly. This to me sounds like Mike trying to defend Octavian in some way. Much more domestic than the other one lmao

"People say she's bad But they don't see The way she is with me"

"P is for the painful way she makes me feel some days U is for utopia, the other times with her N is for the new wave dreams she had back in her teens K is for the kid in her [...]"

"She is honest in kind but in a way that people see As telling lies and being mean She has thousands of dreams but what they are I'll never know I hope I figure in them though"

"I don't care if they don't see Just how great that girl can be But I wish she'd find a way To act well for just one day I don't mind if they can't see Just how much she means to me[...]"

"She is hardened to hurt her softness hidden from the world But almost ready to unfurl She tries so hard to change but something always happens to Persuade her, it's too hard to do"

I put like. almost the whole song their. It just works very well imo :')

Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives. This to me also reminds me of Blood of Olympus. augh. Mainly just Octavian and Michaels tenseness. This one I'd say is from Octavian's perspective. I have been meaning to do a oneshot about this for so long and I prolly will once I figure out how to do Octavian's narrative voice (i have been working at it too long. anyways)

"The words I speak Are wildfires and weed They spread like some awful damn disease And I swear, I didn't mean what I said I swear, I didn't mean it."

"Now listen close You owe me ears for dropping eaves Forget it all, you caught me in a moment weak Sometimes I just can't help myself[..]"

"Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad? And you would always crack And we'd both be laughing in the end Now you're not so quick to forget"*

(*this verse specifically I think fits in Mike's perspective. only this one specifically tho)

"Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me This will be the death of me All is fair in love and war, but I can't fight with you anymore This will be the death of me"

"What happens now? Do we have another go? Do we bow out and take our separate roads? I'll admit I've had my doubts But I want to be let in, not out[..]"

Nothing's New by Rio Romeo. Ohhh my gods yeah. I like angst with them very often sorry guys. Octavian's perspective, rocky times w them. Not much more to elaborate on methinks.

"I want to be touched, be loved I wanna heal, be hugged It's just the two of us Or that's what we swore And if I lost my charm Apologies due, no harm Cause you got ahold of my heart And I know it's worn"

"I want to be close to you But I don't know what to do 'Cause if we are near to through It may make it worse And if I start to grieve 'Cause it feels like you're 'bout to leave Forgive me, I'm not naive I've been here before"

Tongues & Teeth by The Crane Wives. Oh my gods. No thoughts just Octavian warning Mike that he's flawed and despite the fact that Mike is fine with that and wants to help him, he [Octavian] just knows it wont end well.

"I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel It's all I can give to you, my dear"

"And I know you mean so well But I am not a vessel for your good intent"

"Desperation will erase the fact I'm keeping all Of the answers in my cigarette box Yeah the answer's in the second before the other shoe drops[...]"

Octavian specifically!(a lot of these r like him and his relationships with other charavters);

Brutus - The Buttress. OCTAVIAN TALKING ABOUT JASON AND ABOUT THE GIANT WAR/HIS DEATH HELLO YOU ALL SEE MY VISION YES. I almost cited the entire thng but. just listen to it the ENTIRE THING WORKS!! i have literally no intelligent way to explain said thoughts i just. take these mid observations

"Or am I just wishing I could be like you? That the people would see me too as a poet, And not just the muse. Oh, it's not true, I don't wish harm upon you From birth we've been like brothers from different mothers Within the spirit of the same womb May the Gods strike me down if I forsake you, Frater meus, you're beautifully made And to you I'm forever grateful[...]"

"I know the love you showed me came from a pure and noble heart I love you, and if you want, I'll call you king But why do I lie awake each night thinking 'instead of you, it should be me?' "

^^ugh on the topic of how he feels about jason's status. i think he would feel a weird sort of jealousy, and a lot of that would be distressing because he likes jason. its not jasons fault that he has the acomplishments octavian wants. but he's human and that comes with loathing.

"Something wicked this way comes And as I set to face it, I'm unsure Should I embrace it, should I run? What motivates me? Hatred? Is it love? What's more wrong; that I too wish to be great Or my mother wished she'd had a son? And even if I can't be the one Maybe I could at least help make way for him Until the day that he comes Maybe my name could also be known That I helped return good to the people And restored greatness to Rome."

^^all just about the giant war. oh my gods this boys desire to save his city. ALSO THE 'wished she'd had a son' LINE. cheering and clapping as a trans octavian truther (literally either way. it works either way transfem and transmasc octavian truthers unite)

"So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy My whole life, you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I, too, have a destiny This death will be art The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, and I'll be great too I don't want what you have, I want to be you"

'goodbye, traitor Jason Grace!' ahh lyrics. oh hell he makes me ill.

"I always knew I could be the one Though I feel the endless pain of being And I am scorched by the Sun Of humble origins and born of the cursed sex My name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex"

mmmm. something something prophet of apollo. something something transgender my brain is radio static.

now. heres a few where i really dont know how to draw any specific connections between him and the lyrics just. sort of themes which i apply to octavian. all of the songs are good listens though imo (especially wannabe which is SO UNDERATED AND SO GOOD)

Wannabe, Pt. 2 - North Bloom

Saint Bernard - Lincoln

Flight of The Crows - Jhariah

CHOKE - IDKHBTFM

A Mask of My Own Face - Lemon Demon

I Am Not a Robot - MARINA

Teen Idle - MARINA

Under My Skin - Jukebox The Ghost

Migraine - Twenty One Pilots

THANKYOU SO MUXH FOR THIS ASK I LOVED MAKING THIS POST

#asks #anonymous #damien shut up challenge #octavian hoo #michael kahale #octavian x michael kahale #octkahale #michael x octavian #riordanverse #jason grace #sort of

[2econd2ight2ydney]

I WALKED INTO YOUR DAGGER FOR THE LAST TIME IN A ROW ITS LIKE TRYING TO START A FIRE WITH MATCHES IN THE SNOW WHERE YOU CANT SEEM TO HOLD ME CANT SEEM TO LET ME GO SO I CANT FIND SURRENDER AND I CANT KEEP CONTROL YOU TURN ME INSIDE OUT AND THEN YOU WANT THE OUTSIDE IN YOU SPIN ME ALL AROUND THEN YOU ASK ME NOT TO SPIN YOU SAY YOU WANNA BE ALONE AND YOU WANT CHILDREN YOU WANNA BE WITH ME YOU WANNA BE WITH HIM YOU GIVE ME CHILLS IVE HAD IT WITH THE DRILLS IM NOTHING YOU ARE NOTHING WE ARE NOTHING WITH THE PILLS IM EMPTY TILL SHE FILLS ALIVE UNTIL SHE KILLS IN HER VAMPIRE EMPIRE I AM FALLING YEAAAA FALLING YEAAAAAAHHHHH

#I’m throwing up everywhere #vampire empire #big thief

[tartblog]

Thanks @somniens for tagging me I don't usually do these! lol

Last Song: Vampire Empire by Big Thief , "I'm empty till she fills, alive until she kills, in her vampire empire I am falling" if you like queer folk music I love this band!

Currently Watching: the Youtuber Jillian Eve who spins yarn and weaves ancient textile recreations, so relaxing and charming

Current Obsession: fiber arts and fashionnnn, constantly scouring knitting patterns on Ravelry, seam ripping pillow shams to make them into a cape, going to savers to see what things I can find wheee

tagging @keepthisholykiss and @such-a-fellow :D

#tag meme

[literaturebf]

i wanted to be your WOMAN i wanted to be your MAN i wanted to be the one that you could underSTANDD you give me chills ive had it with the drills i am nothing you are nothing with the PILLS alive i am empty till she fills alive until she kills im her vampire empire i am...... FALLINGGG YEAH FALLINGGGGG YEAH

#whatever im normal #people didnt like the removal of the fish and gills line but I DID. SO WHATEVER #julian.txt

[urlocalelysian]

i’m empty till she fills

alive until she kills

in her vampire empire i am…

#silly lyrics <3 #FALLING

[sweetpomegranate]

I WANTED TO SEE YOU NAKED. I WANTED TO HEAR YOU SCREAM. I WANTED TO KISS YOUR SKIN AND EVERYTHING. I WANTED TO BE YOUR WOMAN. I WANTED TO BE YOUR MAN. I WANTED TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU COULD UNDERSTAND. YOU GIVE ME CHILLS. IVE HAD IT WITH THE DRILLS. IM NOTHING YOU ARE NOTHING WE ARE NOTHING WITH THE PILLS. IM EMPTY TILL SHE FILLS. ALIVE UNTILL SHE KILLS. THE VAMPIRE EMPIRE I AM. FALLIIIIINNNGGGGGG YEEAAHHHH

#music #big thief #this part of the song is stuck in my head rn 🌎💔

[theoburrsvirginitybalcony]

Not to be dramatic but you give me chills I've had it with the drills you are nothing I am nothing we are nothing but the pills I'm empty till she fills alive until she kills

[mrsagathaharkness]

Strangers

AGATHA HARKNESS/FEM!READER

WARNING: Angst, Heartbreak, Mentions of Depression, Mentions of Self-Harm, Hallucinations, Fighting

SUMMARY: After disappearing for an entire century, Agatha finally returns to you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I walk into the desecrated church, where the next mass would take place. The cobblestone walls adorned torches and ivy ropes. It was a beautiful setting, if only I was in the mood to enjoy it. I’d barely slept the night before. Tossing and turning, but to no avail. I was already being greeted by the rising sun, before I could even begin to drift off.

I thought, after the countless nights we spent in the woods together, she felt the same way I felt about her, but I was wrong. I woke up one morning alone in the cold, with Agatha no where to be found. To say I was devastated would be the biggest understatement in existence. For years, everything went dark. I would barely leave my cottage, refusing to eat or drink, until one of the other witches found me, among many other things. Things that I am not proud of.

Ever so often, I would find myself on the floor of my bathroom, watching the blood from my wrists and thighs wash down the drain along with the water. Though my wounds would heal themselves in an instant, I could feel enough of the pain to remind myself that I was still alive. I would often imagine her next to me in bed as I slept. Holding me and kissing the nightmares away, only to wake up to an empty room. Even a hundred years later, I still see her shadow in the corner of my eye. Her voice echoing throughout my home. The image of her face still fresh in my mind.

Once the final prayers were given, the coven was dismissed. I bid all my peers goodbye, before walking back to my cottage. But as I did, I found track marks in the grass that lead to the front door. It was open. Why was it open? Hesitantly, I walk in and looked around before my eyes landed on a ghost. Long dark hair cascading down her back, bright sapphire irises pouring into mine with such need and longing, her soft rosy lips slightly agape at my presence. I softly gasp and turn away, closing my eyes. Wake up.

Just then, I felt familiar arms wrapping around me, pressing my body against hers. I was awake. I immediately push her away, using my magic to hold her away from me. Keeping Agatha suspended above the ground.

“(Y/N)-”

“NO!”, I yell,

I finally look back at her. Her eyes filled with tears, threatening to spill.

“Why are you here?”, my voice shaky and unsure,

What could she possibly want? She abandoned me. She was the one who left. She broke my spirit, the trust I had in her and the ability to see the good in people…so why couldn’t I bring myself to hurt her like she did me? All the anger and hurt that’s built up over the years could have never prepared me for the possibility of Agatha’s return.

A searing burn began in my chest, denying me any air. It spread through my body, setting fire to my face and ears, till all I could hear was a faint ringing.

“I came to see you”, the witch finally answered,

At that point, I couldn’t hold the sobs from escaping my lips. I slowly put her down and hugged myself, trying so hard to keep it together.

“You have every reason to hate me”, she explained,

Making me scoff.

“But I hope you know there wasn’t a day that went by where I wasn’t thinking about you…us”, she added,

She gently advanced towards me.

“Bullshit”, I mutter under my breath,

“It’s true”, she argued,

Walking closer towards me. All I wanted was to run into her arms, but I knew I shouldn’t.

“You left me”, I sobbed,

“I know”, she replied,

“You left me!”, I say louder,

“I know that”, her voice falls beneath a whisper,

Finally holding onto my arms.

“YOU LEFT ME!” I cried,

Shoving her arms away.

“(Y/N), stop”, she pleaded,

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD!”, my magic makes a glass cupboard explode into pieces,

Making her flinch.

“I CRIED EVERY NIGHT, KILLING MYSELF OVER AND OVER, WISHING I WAS DEAD!”, my dining table levitates, before flying towards the wall and getting completely destroyed,

“WHEN YOU DISAPPEARED, I BLAMED MYSELF, BECAUSE I THOUGHT I LET SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOU!” I screamed,

As hot streams of tears rushed down my cheeks. Agatha was still trying to hold me, whilst I fought back.

“You left me! You left me! You left me!”, I screamed,

Hitting her repeatedly in the arms and shoulder, while she tried desperately to hold on. All I could do was yell and cry. It was as if my body forgot how to do anything else. This went on for a good while, until I got tired and collapsed in her arms. She sat on her feet, holding onto my upper body, as I tried to catch my breath against all the coughs.

“You did this to me”, my weeping words barely heard,

“You left me”, I whispered,

I could feel her tears drip onto my bare shoulders.

“I know”, she muttered against the top of my head,

Softly rubbing my back.

“I was a coward”, she added,

Sounds of my sniffles and jagged breaths served as the background ambience to this scene.

“I was falling for you and I didn’t know what to do”, she continued,

“I was scared that if I got too attached, you would have been the one to leave. So I hurt you before you got the chance to hurt me”, she admitted,

I slowly sat up, looking at her through red tired eyes.

“I wouldn’t have done that to you”, I return,

“I would never do that to you”

She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled me into her arms.

“I’m so sorry”, she pleaded,

I was overwhelmed with so many feelings. Hurt, Anguish, Rage.

Relief.

Despite all the negative emotions, the most prominent one was solace in knowing that she was alive. When she first disappeared, I couldn’t help but think something had happened to her. Something bad. It tore me up inside for years. I grieved the loss of someone I cared about, someone who I thought would be there forever.

“I loved you”, I say,

Her tender hands meet each side of my face, before bringing her lips to mine. A moment passes before I pulled away, resting my forehead against hers.

“I loved you too”

The night was spent with her holding me in comforting silence. Just being in each other’s arms under the thick wool blankets, shielded from the cold night, we felt our souls begin to recover and intertwine.

“I’m never leaving again”, she declared,

Delicately caressing my hair.

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