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#I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GRADUATE
strosmkai-rum · 4 months
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update post — everything that's happened since july 3rd, 2022
hi everyone!
a little over a year and a half ago i stopped posting or using tumblr at all. long story short, i don't think it was a hiatus, and i don't think i am coming back.
a lot has happened since then! i mostly stopped being a part of the elder scrolls fandom. i don't really play skyrim anymore, and i sure as hell don't make content anymore. i've also (mostly) stopped writing, but the little i do write, i can't justify in posting. i stopped making tumblr posts, even on other blogs. all of the time i spend on tumblr now is scrolling through hashtags.
i've tried several times to rekindle the attachment that i had for skyrim and tumblr and in hindsight, i think i was more attached to the memories i've made in this fandom and on tumblr than anything else.
seeing as this blog started out as an elder scrolls blog, i've decided that i should archive this blog and properly say goodbye. it's a lot of work maintaining more than one social media, and i have too long of a list of irl commitments that will only continue to grow. but i want to thank everyone i've met here for all the wonderful memories! i was mostly active here during a not great point in my life and i don't think i would have gotten out as easily if i didn't have y'all. thank you.
if anyone would like to stay in touch, you can dm me for my discord (i'm primarily active there atp).
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lonelyplanetfag · 13 days
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sorry 4 being depressed on the dash but i just realized i havent hung out with anybody my age on the weekend for two years straight unless i was doing smth school related n as someone who spent his whole childhood looking forward to being a teenager that just kinda sucks
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cryptidscries · 3 months
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you ever see someone you used to know and have an extremely deep relationship with and wish you could reach out to them again just to talk one time but know that you cant do that because you would wreck your life all over again for them and its better for your mental and physical wellbeing to be away from them?
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Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies
#personal#taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it!#its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate#these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers#I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional#what are my strengths? don't have any. next question#what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it#not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far#and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester#my best grade this year has been a c#one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think)#the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe#and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already#and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow#and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again!#so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!!#that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe#and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done#semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already#I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not#this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely#like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human#so in summary: augh the agonies
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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yknow I think the core of my problems rn is the fact that I never thought I'd live long enough to have to make all these big life decisions
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svtskneecaps · 1 year
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i always know i’m getting stressed when my comfort fic becomes “time travel fix-it” adjacent. like honestly when i put that tag back in the ao3 include filters that should have been a red flag.
#i also know i'm getting stressed because i'm starting to do quirky shit#like naming one of my wip documents 'the inside of my head sounds like screaming'#plus i just. have the insatiable urge to DO SOMETHING but that something is none of the things i can think of to do#even the unproductive ones. even the productive ones. it's not that. i need to DO SOMETHING but my body and mind can't decide on what#i'm running out of time. i have a deadline. the deadline has always been tangible and yet somehow it never was.#i have an exact date and somehow that's still nebulous and ephemeral#i am so tired#how do i convince someone i'm hireable when sometimes i'm still trying to convince myself#like i would love to tell these people that i am a WHIZ i am a GODSEND like if i don't know how to do it point me at the documentation#like i'd love to tell them all of that but the minute i look at a job application suddenly i'm questioning everything i thought i Knew#like i'm handed a school assignment and i'm like yes. this i can do. idc. it'll be done and i'm gonna get a damn A#why is this different. like literally why would it be that different. they say 'do this thing' and then i do the fucking thing.#that's life. that's work. that's what i've been told. why am i so scared. why am i not sure i can do it.#like i CAN do it that's what we've been fucking preparing for#i have As!!! As!!!!! they emailed me about graduating with distinction!!!!#i wasn't even trying that fucking hard!!!! this is my normal tryhard!!!!!#why am i so scared a job won't want me. when they're asking for fresh faced college grads.#i'm so tired. i have a headache. i am so afraid. i just need a job. literally one.#i am so scared of the mess i am going to become once i cross that stage#i am so. terrified. i wish i could anticipate graduation like everybody else in my design project.#the future has teeth. and my only option rn is just. bite it first. but i don't think i've ever been that violent.#i'm not ready#i am so scared#not kpop#shut up vic#negativity
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loveisfruitful · 2 years
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visualization, prayer, and manifestation really works bro it’s all about faith and persistence!!!!!
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bi-rising · 2 years
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been tumblr rping for about 10 years now and i just officially shut down my rp blog. i haven’t written anything on there since february or before, but i...have a surprising amount of emotions going through me about it rn. i shut it down for several reasons, but it still feels weird to close that chapter of my life. maybe just for a little while, maybe permanently, i don’t know. i’ve always had rping to fall back on; it’s where i’ve met so many friends, where i’ve spent so many hours. combined, i’ve probably written the equivalent of twenty or so books, just from the sheer amount that i wrote. i believe this is the right step, but wow...i always thought i’d have a tumblr rp blog up into my thirties, or longer, so this is...a surprising amount of emotions. huh.
anyway, just dumping this here bc idk where else to put it lmao. feels good, but also a bit like mourning. but yeah. life is weird like that sometimes, i suppose
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leejeann · 2 years
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Watching a vod of someone’s first reaction to the Undertale OST and he just casually mentioned how it’s a 7 year old game and I think I just aged several years instantly
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actually-eldritch · 4 months
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we want to resume our studying so. so so badly but the eating has to not just be good but consistent over a long period of time and i wish to scream. my brain is full of paywalls nobody warned me could happen. nobody warned me I could become too poor to think at all on a physical level because whilst my faMILY was abusive as shit growing up the conditions were still of a higher class so i developed a brain that had high demands and then started fueling it with not just poor but povertty resources . like im at high risk of being homeless in the next 6 months and i have a brain that puts me in saw traps and basically says "if you don't eat at an average of least 5 meals a day, approximately 3 hours apart, and keep this up for weeks at a time, you will not be awarded access to any of your incomplete but grandiose thought constructs, good fucking luck having a single useful thought because it's not built for your resources"
Nobody fucking warned me about how painful the class drop was. I suppose a lot of that was because they were completely inconsiderate about what the experience of children in higher classes might be. They'll remember that their daddy's are heartless monsters peddaling slavery, and then for some reasojn think that they'll give their riches to their kid no questions asked. What do you think happens when the money loving man has a child with undesireable identities and interests? they torture them and wipe them off the face of the fucking planet. you don't know about it because they don't fucking want you to know about it. have some godamned nuance.
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vraska-theunseen · 7 months
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yeah i have good coping mechanisms. whenever i'm overstimulated or feel like i'm about to have a meltdown or am in the middle of doing something i don't want to do i just think about how if i want to i can kill myself later. and then i get out of the environment or stop doing the thing and im normal again and have no need to kill myself so it works perfectly
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sylhea-raemi · 1 year
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man i just realized how wild was my senior high school, it's like it almost didn't exist
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withahappyrefrain · 5 months
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Somebody to Love
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Summary: Attending a cookout hosted by Penny seemed like the perfect way to kickstart summer. Meeting and falling in love there wasn't on yours or Bradley's bingo list.
Warnings: Language, Bradley being a loverboy, female reader
For @roosterforme's Rocktober event! I'm so sorry it took so long and hope you enjoy it!
The first time you saw Bradley was at the Hard Deck.  
He completely missed you, as much as it pains him to admit. 
In his defense, his eyes were on the ivory keys of the piano, only looking up briefly to revel in the cheers from guests of the Hard Deck as he played. 
You, in his defense, were just trying to get in and out. Considering it was barely seven, you thought you were coming in before things got rowdy.
You were mistaken. 
The show he was putting on was nice to watch while you waited for Penny to be free. But that's all it was, a show. And after a while, you couldn't help but scoff. Was being in the Navy not enough attention? 
The smile on Penny's face when her eyes met yours was worth the wait. You pulled out the coveted book from your bag, raising it in the air as if it were the golden ticket. 
"Amelia is going to be so excited," Penny beamed as she took the book from you, "She's been talking about it for weeks!"
The mention of your former student brought a smile to your face. 
Amelia was a student during your first year of teaching. You felt a kinship to the young girl, whose parents were going through a divorce at the time. You also saw that her love of reading was untapped, blocked by years of past teachers failing to help her learn how to read. 
So you worked with her the whole year, and the summer after that, helping the girl catch up. One summer, Penny offered a bartender job when she heard you were looking for extra money. Over time, the Benjamin women had become more like family than your own. 
It's why you stayed in touch. Why you took on extra shifts occasionally during the school year, when Penny truly needed help at the last minute. Why you made the trip out to the Hard Deck simply to give a book. 
"Stay for a drink? It's on the house," Penny held up an empty glass, hoping the way it gleamed in the light could entice you into staying. 
But you looked around, taking in how many people were there, how loud it was. How the man wearing aviators and a Hawaiian shirt was feeding the crowd with the piano rendition of a song that sounded familiar. 
And simply shook your head. 
"Should get going, it is a school night." The truth was, you'd rather be at home, in your bed reading than staying out late with a bunch of pilots. 
Before you could say goodbye, Penny placed a hand on yours.
"Before you go Birdie, I wanted to let you know that we're celebrating Amelia's middle school graduation two weeks from Saturday. We'd love to have you there." 
You smiled, sincerely flattered that they would want you present for such an event, "I'd love to. Will your man of the hour be there?" 
A giggle escaped from you when you saw Penny's cheeks begin to turn pink. 
Bradley swears if he had looked over at that moment, he wouldn't have let you leave the Hard Deck that night. 
—------------------------
Bradley Bradshaw was not anti-romance, despite what his friends claimed, despite the numerous times he's turned down someone wanting to set him up. 
The idea of romance did appeal to him. The idea of spending the rest of his life with one person, who loved him and wanted to grow a family with him, was very appealing in theory. 
He wasn't against it at all. Just cautious. 
Cautious as he witnessed first hand how dangerous his job was, how it tore families apart. Hesitant because he grew up with the aftermath- the support groups, the sympathetic looks, the empty dining chair that served as a loud, always present reminder of what he and his mother had lost. 
He had been on dates, had been in relationships. They never went anywhere and Bradley was fine with that. The possibility that he may not come back from his deployments lingered in his mind, as did the image of someone receiving a flag and maybe his dog tags. 
Why put someone through that? 
“It's hard, but I wouldn't change a thing about it. You'll understand when it happens to you.” 
His mother’s words rang in his ears. He knew she meant well. Bradley knew those words were true for her. 
But he couldn't see them being true for himself. 
So he came to Amelia’s graduation party with a vegetable tray and no date, despite Penny’s insistence that he could bring someone. 
It's why Bradley walked straight past the kitchen, ignoring the unfamiliar voices. It's why he kept to the people he knew, rather than mingle with strangers. 
And that was fine, enjoyable even. Things were going the way they always went, the way Bradley wanted it. 
Consistent. 
Bradley Bradshaw lived for consistency. Each morning, he'd get up and go to work. Work hard until his bones ache. Spend time with friends and the makeshift family he had found. Go to bed alone. Rinse and repeat. 
Consistent. 
Everything was just fine, until Bradley felt a hand grip his shoulder. When he turned around, he found Jake and his fiancé, Danica (or Venus, as everyone called her), looking at him. 
“Your future wife is in the kitchen. Get in there.” 
—-------------------------------
Bob saw her first. 
It was hard to miss the sound of classic rock blaring from her red Subaru. 
The sounds of eighties rock was a nice change from the Jerry Lewis and Sinatra music Bradley insisted on playing. 
Even nicer was her voice. Sweet, smooth, light. 
She was clearly in her own world, unaware she had an audience. 
Nor would she. Bob knew better than anyone the pains of people walking in on him. So he quietly got out of his car, leaving her to finish the song by herself. 
Reuben was the first one to speak to her. 
Or rather, his daughter was. 
Ava, always determined to explore, ran into the kitchen as soon as he set her on the ground. 
It was easy to find her. Despite being only two, Ava had quite the voice on her. 
Given her shouts about cookies, Reuben wasn’t surprised when he found his daughter in the kitchen, pointing excitedly to a plate of sugar cookies. 
He was a little surprised to see that the person kneeling down to talk to her wasn’t Penny, but rather a woman he had never seen before. 
“Is it okay if I give her a cookie?” She asked, motioning to the sugar cookie she was holding in her hand. 
“As long as you're able to cut her off after two,” Reuben chuckled, “I'm warning you now, she can be hard to convince.” 
You smiled, the corners of your eyes crinkling, the bridge of your nose scrunching up as you looked at Ava, “It'll be tough, but I think I can manage.” 
Javy was the first one to try to include her in the picnic festivities. 
“Hey, don't tell them this is what we’re calling them, but we’re playing beer pong against the old timers in the basement. You in?” He asked. 
“Oh I'm good, but don't worry, your secret is safe with me,” She said with a gentle smile and a wink. 
It was the fact that she sounded assured, content to stay in the kitchen and continue making small talk with some of the wives, away from the hubbub of the picnic, that made him not push. 
Natasha was the first one to have an actual conversation with her. 
In a sea full of testosterone, it was  hard not to notice another woman. Especially one who looked around her age. 
“So how do you know Penny?” You looked rather surprised by Nat’s question, surprised that another person had noticed you in the kitchen and decided to converse.
“Oh, I'm, well, I was Amelia’s third grade teacher. I tutored her for a couple of summers and have helped Penny bartend when she needs extra help,” you explained. 
Natasha recalls Penny mentioning you a few times, now able to put a face to the name. 
“So you're the teacher! Penny said we might see you at the Hard Deck this summer,” Nat grinned, hoping it would help her feel more at ease. 
“I am! I'm still figuring out how exactly I want to spend my summer. First time I won't be doing summer school or tutoring,” you explained, continuing to wash the dishes that had begun to pile up on the counter. 
“Any travel plans? Or family you plan to visit?” Nat asked. 
You shook your head, eyes appearing dismal for a brief moment, “I don't have much family to visit. But I have been meaning to explore the area more, so I might do that.” 
Natasha knew not to press. You didn't owe her any further explanation. 
But out of all people, Jake Seresin was the one to make the connection. 
“I’m sorry, but what did Penny just call you?” He asked, jamming a finger up his ear to clean it out, convinced he heard it wrong. 
“Oh, Birdie!” you explained, flustered, “It’s um….it’s always been a nickname that friends and family have called me, ever since I was a kid. When I told Penny, she started calling me that too.”
Jake recalls the other details he's learned; a love of classic rock, vintage clothes and children, how your face lit up when someone spoke to you, as though you had  been waiting an awfully long time to be noticed, to be acknowledged. 
Your nickname. 
It hits Jake like a fucking freight train. 
“Excuse me, I have to go uh, um, find my wife,” he said abruptly, practically running out of the kitchen. 
Jake quickly found his Venus, tapping her on the shoulder as he ignored the death glare Phoenix was giving him for interrupting. 
“What is-” 
“Birdie. Her nickname is Birdie.” 
Danica’s amber-glazed eyes widened as she shot Natasha a knowing look. 
“Where is she?” 
Which is how Bradley Bradshaw found himself being dragged away from the grill and into Penny's house. 
After all, Bradley didn't have too much common sense. He would insist he was alright, despite losing his beat as he watched his close friends fall in love and get married. 
So they were just helping, helping him find somebody to love. 
“Y'all are being ridiculous, just because she likes the same music-” 
“It's more than that. You just need to see for yourself,” Jake explained, pushing him towards the kitchen. Inside, a sweet voice was talking.
“Peekaboo! I see you!” He could hear a big smile through your voice, “Now it's Ava’s turn!” 
Bradley turned the corner to find you sitting cross legged on the kitchen floor, enabling you to be somewhat closer to eye level with Ava. You and the little toddler were both full of giggles as you continued your game. 
Ava’s small hands flew up to her face, covering her eyes. It was an adorable sight, how she was trying to say the words. A bright smile adorned your face, eyes shining as you played with her. 
“Where did Ava go?” You asked, pretending to look, “There she is!”
A warmth flooded Bradley’s heart as he watched this mysterious woman interact with Ava. It felt familiar,childhood memories of his mom flooding back. But this time, instead of feeling sorrow, a pleasantness surrounded him. 
Strange. 
Ava babbled, causing you to giggle once more. 
“My name is Birdie. Can you say Birdie?”
Oh. 
So that was why everyone thought this was his future wife. 
It was a cute coincidence, nothing more. Yes, it was beyond endearing to watch you interact with Ava, you were obviously great with kids. 
“Roo!” Ava’s coos of her special nickname for Bradley broke him out of his thoughts. 
“What's a Roo?” You asked, your eyebrows knitted together in confusion. The puzzled look on your face was adorable. 
“That would be me. Hey Ava girl,” Bradley kneeled down, his arms open wide, allowing Ava to run over and hug him. 
You instantly recognized him thanks to the memorable mustache. But his smile and eyes were much softer now. His whole demeanor is less cocky and more approachable in Penny’s kitchen. 
Bradley scooped the young toddler into his arms, grinning as Ava giggled. 
“You being good? Trying to persuade people to give you more cookies by being adorable?” Bradley asked the toddler. 
“I'm holding out strong. Don't want her dad to hate me for giving her a sugar rush,” You explained, a soft smile on your face as you watched him interact with Ava. 
“See, the key is to make sure the sugar rush happens when he takes her home,” Bradley grinned, “That way he can't do anything about it.” 
“I'm sure he can ask around regarding who gave her all that sugar though,” you retorted, facing the sink again to continue the dishes. 
“See, that's where you have the advantage; you're not in the group chat,” Bradley balanced Ava on a hip, walking over to the sink to join you. 
You were fun to talk to; able to hold your own with a soft, yet slightly mischievous smile adorning your face. 
“I'm Bradley,” he explained, the spirit of his mother probably screaming that it took him this long to introduce himself. 
“I take that's your actual name, considering that's way too normal to be your callsign,” normally you wouldn't tease a complete stranger like this. But he was easy to talk to and it helped that he was holding an adorable baby like a complete natural. 
“It is. My callsign is Rooster.” The information caused your hands to still. 
“Rooster?” It was too wild to be a coincidence. 
“Yeah, when I was part of my first squadron, I was always the first one to be up. But I also had a tendency to be well, louder than what they would have preferred, which is how I got my callsign Rooster.” Bradley smiled as he recalled the loud complaints of his squadron, which always seemed to die down once they learned he was making breakfast. 
“I, love that. Sorry, I, it's funny your callsign is that. Because it's like a nickname right? My nickname is Birdie,” your speech quickened as you realized you were rambling, “I know that nicknames aren't the same as callsigns. Well, in a way they are, they're both given to you for a reason, right? It's just funny how our nicknames are both-” 
“Excuse me?” You looked up to see your savior came in the form of a bespectacled man who was standing by the door. 
“I was threat-I mean, told by Danica and Phoenix that I needed to get Ava,” The man said, walking over to Bradley. 
“Bo!” Ava exclaimed, reaching for the man. 
“Sure thing Bob,” Bradley said, hanging over the toddler to his friend, unable to stop himself from rolling his eyes at his friends’ schemes. 
“C'mon Ava, let's leave the two soon to be lovebirds alone,” Bob whispered, out of the room before Bradley could say anything.
“Did he just… “
Bradley sighed, “Gotta watch out for that one. He's quiet but can be cheeky when he wants to be.” 
“As opposed to the others, who are just outright cheeky?” You asked. 
Bradley chuckled, “You're catching on. Here, I can dry while you wash?” 
He could be spending time with his squadron. Could be spending time joking with Mav’s old squad, making jokes and talking about the past that he was too young to remember. Could be anywhere but here in the kitchen, helping you do dishes. 
And yet, he didn't mind it at all. Bradley was finding himself enjoying his conversation with you, despite knowing it would earn him several eye rolls and shoulder shoves from Danica and Jake. 
You were surprised he was still here, that he hadn't found an excuse to leave. 
It was a nice change. 
“So you're the teacher Penny talks about?” 
You laughed, “Is that who I'm known as? You're like the third person to ask me that.” 
“Just shows how big of an impact you had.” Your cheeks warmed at the praise. 
“You know, you just try your best. Make sure to listen. Helps that I'm also a child of divorce, you know? Had a lot of pointers,”  you shrugged, but it was clear you were downplaying your efforts. 
“Have you always wanted to be a teacher?” Bradley asked, wanting to keep the conversation going, despite the dishes being done. 
You took your hands out of your pockets, fidgeting with the hem of your dress. Your shoulders shrug as a small smile spreads across your lips. 
“Yeah. I love helping folks, especially kids. I was a camp counselor all throughout high school and I just….felt at home when I was helping other people,” you explained. 
You leaned forward, the scent of jasmine flooding Bradley’s nostrils. 
“It makes sense that I became a teacher. But if you asked me as a kid what I wanted to do as a grown up, I wouldn't have said teaching.” 
Bradley leaned forward. With the sunlight hitting him, you could now see the lighter shades of brown that adorned his curls. 
“A mom. I’ve always wanted to be a mom.” 
“You'll understand when it happens to you.” 
Oh. Okay. 
That's when Bradley Bradley finally gets it. Because he's imagining life with you; moving in together, getting married, having kids. The risk is still there. But he'd rather live with that risk and you than not at all. 
“I know that's silly, but it's true. I mean, it's not even an occupation-” 
“I said I wanted to be a dad when I grew up.” 
Your eyes light up at his admission, feeling at ease and less like a rambling burden. 
“You must have had a really great Dad then.” There was a flash of sorrow in his eyes at the mention of his father. 
“From what I remember. I was only four when he died, but….from what I remember, he was great,” his voice was softer now, his eyes showing he was in another place. 
You inched closer to him, “I'm really sorry, I'm sure that was hard for you and your mom.” 
“It wasn't easy. But she always said she wouldn't change anything. Never really understood that until recently.” His shoulder is touching yours, his long fingers inches away from your thighs. You were hyper aware of the closeness, unsure if moving away would be proper or offensive. 
“Something helped you have that revelation?” 
“Moreso someone.” 
It's impossible to not notice the way his stare lingers on you, how his smile is warm and those whisky eyes are shining bright as he sends a wink your way. It makes your heart flutter; no one has ever looked at you that way before. 
Nerves begin to overtake your brain, causing you to look away from his intense gaze. 
“Should we um, get back to the picnic?” You all but mumbled. There's no desire to leave him, but you don't want to get your hopes up. 
“Can I at least get your number before we do that?” Bradley asks, eagerly getting out his phone. 
Bradley Bradshaw hates accidents, except for the one that led him to this kitchen, to you. 
His forwardness is uncharted territory. There's no wondering or second guessing; Bradley wants to stay in touch, wants to keep talking to you. 
It's nice. It's unfamiliar. It's exciting. It's sending your doubts and anxiety into a tailspin. 
Your fingers fumble for your phone, opening up a new contact for him to fill out. His fingers brush against yours when he hands you his phone, little sparks flying up your spine. 
Bradley simply smiles when your eyes look at the screen of his phone. Your brows knit together in confusion, the bridge of your nose scrunching up as you read over the words again and again, eyes surely playing tricks on you. 
“Um, I think you made a mistake Bradley?” you hold up his phone, “The name for this  contact is Mrs. Bradshaw?” It also has a heart emoji next to it, but that wasn't worth mentioning. 
“Oh, it's no mistake,” Bradley grins. 
The only sound you can let out is a confused huh. 
“You just gotta put your number right there, and then you're all set.” Bradley points to it, an assured smile remaining on his face. 
“Are you….are you going to change the name?” You asked, dumbfounded. 
Bradley shrugs, “Nah. I'll know it's you. But I can put the word ‘future’ in parentheses if you want it to be more accurate.” 
Your fingers have a mind of their own, typing in those desired ten numbers. Bradley takes his phone from your hands but not before placing a gentle kiss on your burning cheek. 
His lips feel soft, the hairs of his mustache gently tickling your skin. When you turn your head, your lips are now inches away from yours. 
You try to ground yourself, try to look away from his lips, try to ignore the warm, fuzzy feeling that's overtaking your body. 
“Sorry Birdie, but I'm old fashioned. First kiss shouldn't be until the first date,” He winks. 
What floors you more, his confidence or his bold desire for you? 
Raising an eyebrow, you ask, “And when will that be?” 
Bradley chuckles, “Whenever you want Birdie.” 
He can't be serious. But what would he gain from leading you on, other than Penny’s wrath? 
You straighten your shoulders, trying to hold your own against his large frame.
“Tomorrow at six,” You muster up all the confidence you can, preparing yourself for him to drop the act. 
“Done. Do you prefer Italian or French?” 
“Neither as I'm lactose intolerant.” This was it. Was he going to stop the act, once he knew it would require more effort. 
“How do you feel about Thai? I know a great spot. Never been but it's been praised by Jake and Danica and let me tell you, that woman does not give out praise easily.” 
You giggled, “I could tell. By the way, is there a reason he calls her Venus?” 
“Short version; he's obsessed with her. Been that way since they met in the parking lot of a coffee shop. You should ask them how they met; they give different answers and it's hilarious,” Bradley explains, a gleam in his eyes as he thinks about one of his favorite couples. 
“I'd like that. But if you go with me,” you asked, “Kinda random to just walk up to a couple you don't know and ask how they met.” 
Again, you expect Bradley to falter. He's clearly more outgoing than you, so why would he want someone whose first instinct wasn't to strike up a conversation with strangers? 
“I will, but only if you confirm we’re on for Thai tomorrow at six.” 
Surely, he couldn't be serious. But that sweet smile and shining brown eyes said otherwise. 
“You really gonna take me out?” you crossed your arms over your chest. 
“Of course! I mean, I'm more than happy to take you out tonight, but you said tomorrow, so I'm sticking to it. Plus, it gives me time to get you flowers. Speaking of which, what are your favorite? You seem like a sunflower gal,” his eyes reminded you of an eager puppy, absolutely endearingly adorable. 
“What makes you think that?” He was absolutely right, but you wouldn't let him know that yet. 
Bradley shrugged, “When you smile, it reminds me of sunshine. Also, if it want to get technical, birds also like sunflower seeds.” 
You couldn't help but throw your head back and laugh. Your laugh was sweet, bursting with joy. It calmed down Bradley’s racing heartbeat. 
 “And what should I get you, Rooster? Corn meal?”
His corniness almost made you forget that he literally compared you to the sun. 
Almost. 
His laugh was deep, bellowing deep from his stomach, making you feel warm all over. 
“You kill me Mrs. Bradshaw, now let's go get you that story,” He gently takes your hand into his, entwining his fingers with yours. 
The nickname makes you less confused and more certain Bradley would be sticking around.
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hilumin · 2 years
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