#I STARTED CRYING IN CLASS I HATE MYSELF

[rapidhighway]

I didn’t go to sculpture again……

#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness #I can’t make myself go there it’s hell idk why I’m just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick #and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like I’m gonna throw up #I’m not going to pass if I don’t start going there……. #and I cannot handle repeating a semester #I live in fear #and it doesn’t help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful #banging head on the table #I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever #god even if I go there I’m never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically I’ll at the #slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it #everyone’s done it already #I will literally cry if anyone talks to me #the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me #and everyone says they’re super nice but I can’t make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive #but if I never go I won’t pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money #pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just can’t do it I’ve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but #I couldn’t do that either I’m just in panic mode instantly #so yeah I’m just venting not asking ppl for solutions 😶✌️ I just don’t want to text my friend again bc I’ve been putting way too much on #them #they do practically everything for me anyway bc I can’t do shit by myself #uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE #I’m gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever #ugh I know I’m making things worse by not coming #but I can’t make myself I just cant I’m gonna have an anxiety attack ✌️ #no one look at me #I being sensitive and vulnerable here

[alex-just-vibing]

grah my head feels like it might explode

#this essay prompt makes 0 fucking sense #love this teacher. fucking hate how she teaches tho #we're supposed to have a rough draft by the end of class tomorrow #okay not too horrible #IF MOT FOR THE FACT SHE KEEOS CHAINGING THE ALREADY FUCKIBG CONFUSING ASS PROMPT #i can write essays about whatever stupid fucking novel you need me to #but myself?? #a significant memory i have??? that i learned a stupid fucking lesson from????? #i have like 0 significant memories from before the age of like. 10. and still not all that many after thay <3 #should i talk ab how my dad fucking died? would you like that you asshole????????? #what fucking lesson would I have learned from that? dont become a fucjibg alvoholic? #shit i feel like im gonna fucking cry again i cant do this shit #i have the general vibe for each paragraph listed out ill work on it more in homeroom tomorrow #we wont even have the full fucking class for this tomorrow cuz she's a fucking asshole who gives us like five fucking seconds in class per #assignment #fucking hell dude #especially since half the class said they hadnt even started writing by like halfway through our (shortened!) class yesterday #im gonna fucking explode #my stuff #alex is not vibing. #also pjysicially too my dumbass forgot to eat dinner cuz hehe haha omg i can sing and suddenly uts 10 and i havent showered yet and my mom #will be getting home soon so i need to shower then rush my gay ass to bed #which i am in currently. #so im also feeling the forgor to eat feeling too <3

[bicon-crange]

Hi friend are you trying to make like a general sona like just to represent you in like art or are we talking like a sona for a specific fandom universe

well friend. im not gonna lie to u. i DO only want one bc all my friends have one and i wanna!!! draw myself mashing their cheeks with my tiny lil hands!!!

up till now ive kinda just drawn myself like this, and tried to mix it up but the more it looks like me the more i fcking hate it. so ive stayed kinda neutral blobby.

BUT THATS NOT GONNA FLYYY FOR HAVING FUN WITH MY FRIENDS!!!

So i gotta come up with SOMETHING

#and a lotta these new friends ARE in a certain fanbase... but its more of an anything goes sitch #like i could be a tin of soup with arms and itd be fine type deal #also like. man i knew i hated the way i looked but i didnt get HOW MUCH till i started trying to do this #like. fun fact. i once had to do a self portrait for a final in art class and i legit just took the F bc. #i hated looking at myself so much that after 30 minutes of referencing myself in the mirror i started crying and couldnt finish the project #one of my friends was like that doesnt sound healthy you should talk to someone about that. and she was right bc shes very smart. #but anyways i never did that. so.

[azotowanie]

the snow has been there for five fucking days

the road I always take to go to the bus has not been salted or sanded as of yet

and as a bonus the now two months old street lamps still don't work gotta love poland

#me at 5:40 am putting on my gay little outfit that screams slay only to trip start crying and go back home to burry myself in bed at 6:20 a #gotta love living in Poland <333 #at least i have suitable classes to learn three most important things in the world: where to go (geography) why maybe not go (history) #and how to talk there (english and spanish) #dwujęzyczna really popped off with our curriculum but also . #i fucking hate exteneded geograpphy in english it's the worst choice of someone else i have to suffer through #classes at 7:10 am are a close second

[woosansang]

.

#when ur so mentally burnt out that u start crying three times at dancing and ur dance teacher thinks u hate her or her choreography :^) #idk how she hasnt realised by now that it's got nothing to do with dance and just. u know. the rest of my life #did u know i used to be the one person who always remembered everything for every style and every dance? #even if i was in 10 dances i could rememebr them all #rn we have learned five and i cant even remember those #my brain is so full #and we havent even started the opening and finale numbers which we have three lessons to learn #thats like seven hours. to learn two massive group dances #i am so tired #as soon as all my classes finish up for the year i am taking a week off work for stress leave #straight after the dance concert #bc if i dont get to rest i will crash so hard that i might quit my job #no fucking wonder so many teachers change professions in the first few years #my lifelong hobby is becoming a chore bc i have no brain space left for it bc of teaching #anyway #time to make atz gifs and try to make myself feel better #jazzy talks

[orcelito]

me gearing up to hate my Fucking life as i work to finish this damned texting bitch of a program due tomorrow, logging into the school website to get the lab info page... only to see the due date's been pushed back a week. probably bc many people, like me, are really... not close to done with it lol

i wouldve known this if id gone to class today probs lol, but i was too busy being gay. so uh. yay? this is a genuine relief lol i was feeling Particularly destructive about it all.

#speculation nation #ive been increasingly irritated today bc of the knowledge that this was waiting for me at home #i knew i wasnt going to finish it in a way that was favorable to me. i was going to need to sacrifice sleep. #but it seems like i wont have to. thank fucking god. #anyways yea my girlfriend was visiting for the past few days (aka why ive been largely absent from here) but she's left again #i only had a few more hours with her so i decided to skip class and be gay instead of going. Lol #and then i had to go to work to do some stuff but i procrastinated leaving bc i was watching critical role #and then the stuff took longer than expected bc i had to make creme brulee bc we were completely out but got more powder for it #did inventory. prepped my notes for the meeting (that is starting. soon.) #then came home. prepared myself for Shit Night. got started looking into shit #and then found this thing. so like lmfao like Hell im going to work on this bitch tonight. fuck that. #uhmmm sorry professor for not going to class for two consecutive class periods i was busy prepping for being gay and then being gay #Finger Guns. lmao #anyways yeah life resumes as normal. im not really getting a day off this week. #WELL depending on things maybe i could get away with not coming in on thursday #i was only scheduled an hour today but it turned into 3.5hr. im not scheduled tomorrow but it's payroll week so i'll go in to do tips #then thursday im scheduled 2 hours for recipe restocking but if no recipes need restocked then like. no need & all #the other days r proper shifts. Though if they dont give us our tapioca by the weekend i'll end up not having a sunday shift #bc BOBA MAKING IS BACKKKKKKKKK (crying tears of joy and pain) #but we're getting a new machine for it so it'll hopefully be Much easier than it used to be. which is good! i fucking hated my Life with it #anyways i know i need to sleep after the manager meeting bc lol. lmao even. staying awake any longer in this kind of mood isnt gonna help

[this-should-do]

fuck me that was embarrasing

#just fuckkng dammit #ive been struggling with this painting for class cuz oil paints are a bitch to deal with and my teacher was maki g the rounds #coming by seeing how were doing talking with us about what were feelong about our work struggles sucesses #that typa thing shes cool like that #and when i was talking about it and how ive been struggling i just started fucking crying #not outright sobbing but my eyes wouldnt stop leaking and nose wouldnt stop running and sniffling #and just it fuckjgn sucked #and tbat shouldnt be my reaction to struggling with a painting right normally im p good at goimg ah me struggle but no problem #i can just do this #but mother fucker my dumb fucking brain hasnt been doign great so this miniscule thing just fuckjng crumpled my fucking mood #so im jist crying and the teachers being all worried and sympathetic an shit and it fucked #i hated it just fuck #god i really really need a therapist but thats just not fuckjng possible #even tho i literally have free fucking therapy available to me at school as a student here i just cant fucking get myself to go #becjz i just cant brjng myself to trust anytypa school realted counselor or therapist or authority or whatever #after fuckjng my middle and high school experiences #which fucking sucmed #so i jsut feel so fucking stuck #i csn tafford outside therapists without my parents i surance but i cant #use that cuz theyll be able to veto anytherapists they dont like i and i dont wanna go thru that #just #FUCK #and its stupid cuz it despite all the shitty public crying feelimgs it felt so nice to cry but i hate fuckjng crying #god i hate my dumb fuckjng brain for not beng able to cope with whatever mystical issues that i cant #immediarely identitfy like a normal fucking persons cuz it leaves me fucking struggljng to act normal #just fucj #anyways to cope i am now writing a post combine gordon fic of him havign simialr experience #look forward to that i guess #iwillspeakincessantly

[catboyolli]

🌟

#vent post #FUCK #why is it that when i try to turn my life around and start making positive changes for myself it fails #i have to return my prescription glasses because they need to be redone #and i cant find the warranty card #and they were fucking expensive glasses #but ive been trying so hard to be more organized and neat #i never lost anything back when my stuff was a total mess #why nowwwwwwww #i gotta go to class but i cant leave my house because i cant stop crying i hate this so much #i know the cars is somewhere because i remember going to the optician with it #but they didnt need it back then so i put it somewhere #but where??????? #fuck why does one small inconvenience ruin everything???? #i hate it here #vent done im out i hope i die omw to class because nothing has worked so far on my path to becoming a functioning person 💀💀💀

[radioactive-cloud]

will i ever stop feeling so awfully jealous and miserable over people actually living their lives

#it's your fault you do nothing and waste your time rotting and have no dreams and no ambitions #i have no right to be so bitter about people having fun and having jobs and having friends and having some interesting experiences #because i do nothing and i don't try to actually live even the tiniest bit and i'm just pathetic and jealous and stupid #i complain and complain and complain and that's all i ever do instead of trying to change and trying to be a better version of myself #i just endlessly waste my life and i hate this and myself so fucking much #didn't plan to just start crying during class today but here i am i guess #thank god my camera is off #personal

[idontdrinkgatorade]

all the people that said senior classes were going to be easier than junior classes were just saying bullshit literally what the fuck am i doing

#at least my classes junior year were fun #i think if i could take junior year math and history and senior year science and a combination of junior/senior english then i'd be okay #this economics class is bullshit this stat class is bullshit this gov class is bullshit #i hate everything #it's bad when i almost start crying bc my physics teacher left a comment on my lab saying that my conclusion was really good #bc that's like the best news i've heard this month #stat and economics and gov make me want to die while phys and english make me feel good about myself

[borkborkheresadork]

.

#fuuuuuuuck me I just got out of a manic episode and launched into a depressive spiral that’s really bad #I was crying till like 2am last night and just started right back up when I got up #didn’t go to class #and there’s a alt right speaker right near where I need to go today too and my roommate is really upset by him but she said she’d try- #to stay w me and stuff today #god I just feel so hopeless and like I know it’s gonna get better and I’m just not able to see how it will but damn it feels so real #and like I can’t do anything at all #and I’m so angry I have to just keep living in a system that hates me y’know #I can barely work and have enough energy to do more than a few tasks a day #and I can’t push myself to do more bc I just break down #remi rants #vent

[galariangengar]

I am doing horribly mentally tonight and my jaw hurts 😢

#I’ve been really anxious most of the day and it started with receiving another weird email from Facebook about a recovery code #I’ve been ruminating about that all day and been kinda freaking out if my account is gonna get hacked or something #and I’ve been thinking more about deactivating my facebook account or deleting it or something #I’m stressed about a bunch of things relating to future school shit and possibly getting a part time job on top of everything I’m dealing w/ #i can’t stop overthinking and ruminating and I’m stuck in a rabbit hole of thoughts and I hate being like this #I’m crying now and my jaw fucking hurts and I hate everything #also the professor for my pharmacology class sent a message to everyone a little bit ago #saying she’s noticed some ‘suspicious activity’ with proctorio recordings of us from our first quiz #and basically saying to make sure we show our desk/workspace to the camera before taking quizzes and exams #and giving everyone a warning that if anyone is flagged for sus behavior/she’ll make them take a new test with new questions #I mean I know I didn’t cheat and kept my eyes on my computer and won’t be doing anything that’ll flag me #but I’ve never had a professor for an online class be this fucking strict with proctorio for quizzes/exams #I’ve never had to flip my whole ass laptop to show a strict ass professor my desk/workspace to prove I’m not cheating before #I also work and will take quizzes/exams in my dad’s office which has his computers (but he turns them off after he’s done with work) #so like is this bitch gonna yell at me cuz I’m in my dad’s office that has 2 computers in the room?? is she gonna be that strict?? #I need to calm down somehow… I’ll probably distract myself with YouTube and play some splatoon #jazz uses curse! 💜

[just-me-in-my-head]

TFW you've been called mature for what feels like your entire life and you finally realize (once you're going to college two years in advance) that you aren't mature, you just learned to push your emotions down so that others didn't have to deal with tantrums or outbursts and now you realize that you don't have coping mechanisms or friends or any personality at all (surprise, you're also taking sociology and it's fucking you up majorly) and every time you express any emotions you feel blinding rage towards yourself because you're "being childish"

#college #tfw #tw vent #vent #i keep feeling so small #like i just need to curl up and make myself as tiny as i physically can #because i feel like im a toddler again and i just want to cry #now im sitting in my bed eating off brand oreos and hating myself #had to go home from college early because i started having a panic attack #at least i didnt have any classes today and i was just studying

[applejarjar]

The emotional frustration is next level bro

#Havin a real rough go of it guys #Hate it when ppl ask about my feelings #Instant way to make me cry uncontrollably #It's always at the worst times when I can't seem to get the tears to stop too #I think my body is just primed to allow optimum tear production or something #And I don't think the contacts help much #Gonna really struggle through this class #Just frustrating because I know what my problems are #I don't need help pointing them out #I just need to get to a point in my life where I have even a vague control over my circumstances and then I can start fixing things #And I know it's bad to try and say woe is me and there's nothing I can do to help myself #But that's not what I'm talking about #Like I'm not even meeting maslow's 2nd lowest level of needs #I don't know where I'm gonna end up working I don't have a house setup I don't even have a clear way of getting to my goals #There's so much sit and wait that I have to do right now and it's infuriating #And I know I can't help the ppl I want until I get my shit figured out #It's all just too much right now #And it mainly stems from having incorrect expectations for what was going to happen #Because I was led to believe this would all be way different than it played out

[umilily]

i think someone could threaten to shoot me and i would still be procrastinating.

#lily talks #why am i like this?????? #my exam is in like 7 hours #i didn't study for a minute #i am not sleeping either #and i have another exam that i didn't start on tomorrow evening #WHY?? #there are no words for how much i hate myself right now #i wanna dig a hole for myself get in and never resurface again #and my professor for the one in the morning is sooo nice #i feel terrible for being such an awful student #but i just can't bring myself to do anything #like do i just go to sleep and forget about one of them? #because there is no way i can pull an allnighter and afterwards write two exams in the same day #maybe i just give up on the one in the morning and get some rest so i can study for the other one?? #and failing means i have to stay in uni for a whole year longer bc they only offer the classes every other semester #just thinking about it makes me want to cry #once more: #i am too soft for any of this #why can't my brain just work for once????

[bailies-me]

.

VENT

c'mon world why do I have to be such a fuckin coward. i hate the fact that even tho it's on me that I'm this way, i can only feel pity for myself. like if i was any more self absorbed i would drowned in a pool

#tw: vent #tw: social anxiety #first day of school and i was seperated from my friends #i do have a friend in this group too but he is a popular guy and SOO many popular kids are in my class this year #he thinks I'm smart or something because we've mostly talked online #but I'm such a fuckin wreck #i didn't even talk to anyone except him #and i now he was bothered by my silence #AND I'M NOT EVEN THAT INTROVERTED #like wtf self #the problem is that everyone already has friend groups #and if i start talking to any of them now they'll just think that i am trying to intrude #or become a part of their crowd #i just want to cry cry cry cry #why why please please just let me switch with someone #I'm begging #i wish someone except me would have pity for me #but i somehow can't even bring to hate myself #which would be better than pitying my own self