#I also keep a “side quests” list of all the goals that didn't make the final cut

[garaksapprentice]

New Year, (some) new Goals

This post was originally published on my blog here.

An Unnecessarily In-Depth Explanation of How I Set Yearly Goals

It's a new year, which means that for me, it's time for a new set of annual goals. (These are NOT resolutions. Resolutions are fuzzy and vague, usually cliché things like "lose weight" or "be happier" or "achieve world peace". Goals are things that you can actually aim at, and with enough practice, hit.)

I started formally setting and tracking yearly targets a few years ago, and while I won't call it the cure to all that ails me, it's certainly been a helpful practice. And hey, 'tis the season for everyone's "how I set goals" posts, so who am I to rock the boat?

The TL;DR

I usually start this process sometime in December, whenever the urge to wrap up the current year and look towards the new one starts to itch me. (Incidentally, this is almost the exact same process I use when doing monthly goals, just with less introspection/review.)

It goes something like this:

Review the areas of my life and how things went over the last year.

Review last year's goals - what I hit, what I didn't, what needed changing part way through the year when it became apparent I'd picked an over-ambitious target/something I didn't actually care about, that kind of thing.

Do a brain dump of all the things I want to do next year. Delegate them by life area.

Refine the brain dump over a few days, until I have a reasonable number of targets to aim for over the coming year.

Break those targets down into the things I'll need to do to actually reach the goal I'm aiming for.

Review Last Year

I'll be honest, sometimes I do this after I've worked out the shiny new goals for next year. But I always try to do some form of yearly review, even if it's just a short, half-assed version of the "ideal".

I currently use a (heavily simplified) version of the practice laid out in Alex Vermeer's 8,760 Hours Guide for this step. Finding Alex's guide to use as a springboard was extremely helpful for me. I'd tried doing yearly reviews before, but they never really "stuck" or felt like they were worth the time. For whatever reason, 8,760 Hours was the guide that worked for me.

That being said, I've modified the review framework (usually by removing things) every year I've used it. Alex's guide is super in-depth - he takes a full week to do his review, and he goes hard. While I like to think I'm that kind of person, I'm really not. Some of the review questions and Life Areas Alex uses aren't applicable to me, so I removed or combined things where it made sense. While I love complexity (the PKM scene is like pseudo-academic catnip to my dopamine receptors), at the end of the day I need simplicity - something that both On The Ball Me and Off With The Fairies Me can do.

In the (checks notes) four years I've been using his guide as a framework, I've reduced Alex's twelve life areas down to eight. I've also removed, modified, and combined a LOT of the questions in each Deep Dive. (I removed two more while I was doing this year's review, in fact.) My ultimate goal is to get it down to where I can complete the entire review in about a day, while still feeling like I got my money's worth from the time spent navel-gazing instead of eating gingerbread and knitting.

Brain Dump

Reviewing one's past actions is great and helpful and definitely a path to world peace or Ultimate Effectiveness or whatever, but for me, the brain dump is where the rubber hits the road. I always start my longer-term planning with a list of things I want to do, whether it's for the year or the month. It's essentially a real-life version of "What could happen next?", the question I ask myself whenever I'm running out of plot in my fiction work.

This question is designed to be a free-for-all. I don't let little things like the space-time continuum get in the way at first - it's just one big bullet list of things I've been dying to get to, things that have been bugging me that I want to fix, and usually a few things I feel obliged to add (because I know they're important, but I'm not really enthused about them). Most of the time I've got the first list version finished in ten to fifteen minutes.

(Sometimes there's one specific pile of stuff that's bugging me, making it hard to focus on grander things. (Usually it's the fact that the WIP pile has blown out again, or the house has reached an ill-defined but completely unacceptable level of disrepute. This year it was both.) When that happens, I brain dump all that first, in a separate list. That usually shuts up the brain weasels, and frees up enough mental RAM to get the bigger picture/longer term stuff down.)

Refine the Brain Dump

Once I've got everything down, I keep the list open on my computer and let it percolate for a few days. This lets my subconscious chew on it while I add, remove, and change things. This year's brain dump list ended up with 22 items. That's a typical number for me (the most I've had is 25, the least is 19.) Some are pretty modest, but most are things that will take a fair chunk of the year and my dedication to accomplish (as befits yearly goals).

I also work out which buckets/life areas things fit into - there's usually clear distinctions for most goals (writing, fibre arts, health and fitness etc). If there's lots of goals in one or two areas, and only a couple in others, then that's a pretty good clue about what my next year is going to focus on.

Next comes the hard part - triage.

The first triage step is trying to narrow my "I definitely want to do this thing" choices down as much as possible. This is hard. Everything on the big list is shiny and new and feels so important and urgent right now. That's why I keep the list open after I've made it - looking at it frequently, but not necessarily actively engaging with it, helps my subconscious start to pick favourites. Even so, I'm doing well if I've narrowed the list by half after the first pass.

The second triage step is working out how many of my goals are process-oriented, and how many are product-focused. Process goals involve doing a thing on a regular basis, or for a certain amount of time, every {time period}. Weave for 2.5 hours a week, go hiking twice a month, that sort of thing. They're heavily focused on small, consistent efforts over time, and they're intended to last the entire year.

Product goals require me to do/make a thing, or achieve a benchmark. They're things like "sew X new items for my wardrobe", "finish revising novel Y", "compete in/attend X event". Once that thing or benchmark has been reached, that goal is finished and I don't have to worry about it any more. While I still have to put in time and effort to get to the finish line, it can be much more focused than with a process goal - if I want, I can spend three straight days sewing a shirt, and then not think about my wardrobe goal for six months.

It's both very important and extremely tricky to get the balance of Process to Product right. Human brains LOVE habitual activity and consistency, but they can only deal with so much of it being piled into them at once. (This goes doubly if you're neurodivergent.) I've learned to tilt the balance pretty heavily towards Product when I'm writing my final list.

I try to only have one new process-oriented goal to focus on, at most. Any more than that, and I'm less likely to hit what I was aiming for. (Many of my process goals carry over in some form from year to year. For instance, I always have a word count goal, and some form of fibre-related goal.)

An example: last year, three of my goals were writing related - establish a consistent writing routine, publish at least one blog post a month, and finish revising a novel. The first two were process goals, the last one product-focused.

While I made good progress on all of them, and was happy to declare success based on the spirit of the exercise, I didn't hit any going by the letter of it. Sure, I published 14 blog posts last year - two more than the target! - but there were three months when I posted zero. And while I made my yearly word count target, my consistency was, uh, not great.

Break down the targets you're aiming for

Which brings me to my next tactic. When possible, have more than one way to measure a goal's success.

This is especially important for process goals, which by their nature are easier to 'fail' week to week. Having multiple success conditions gives you greater leeway for when Life Happens At You. Nothing is more demoralising than something happening early in the year, that throws you off your so-far perfect streak, with no way to fix it.

How does this work in practice? I take the weekly or monthly goal that I'm aiming for, multiply that number out to a year, and use that as my secondary aiming point. So "weave 2.5 hours per week" becomes both "weave for at least 130 hours over the year" and "weave 10 hours and 50 minutes every month". If (when) I don't hit 2.5 hours one week, it isn't as big a deal - I can look at how many minutes I was short, and roll that into the weeks left in the current month.

This approach saved my bacon several times last year. I had a couple of big, multi-day conferences and camps that sucked a lot of time and brainpower out of my usual schedule. If I'd just been measuring weekly adherence, I would have "failed" in April and May when I simply didn't have the energy to do that much weaving on top of all the conference prep. But because I was measuring monthly as well as yearly, I simply rolled the two weeks I took off into the weeks before and after the events, and still hit my monthly weaving target.

It can help to think about what the actual point of the goal you're making is, too. For me, the ultimate goal of "establish a consistent writing routine" isn't to have a consistent routine - it's to write more words. I really had no idea what that looked like in January last year. So I decided that "consistent" writing was 30 minutes a day, three days a week. AND I set a year-long word count target of 75,000 words. (I beat the 75k goal by 48 words, but my consistency still sucks.)

Same with blogging. The point behind "publish a blog post a month" is partly to have a consistent output, but it's also to write more words. So as well as the one-a-month goal, I also set a year target of 12 posts, total. Did I post to the blog every single month? Nope. Did I post twelve or more times in the year? Yep! Was that more than I would have posted without having a goal to aim for? Absolutely!

Last, but definitely not least, is to update your approach as the year progresses. Whatever I pick as my 'yearly goals' right now don't have to be the things I work on all year. Life gets in the way, my needs change, I have more or less (usually less) time and energy available than I thought I would.

So I give my "final" goal list (and attached success metrics) a going-over in March to see how it's shaping up. Depending on the year, I'll give it another interrogation in June or July, and adjust or drop goals as needed. Remember, your goals serve YOU, not the other way around.

Last year I started January with nine goals - I had three life areas, and three goals in each area. It turns out that's too many for me to focus on over a year. In March, I dropped one of those goals, and by May, I'd dropped a second. (Both of the dropped items were process goals - things I wanted to do every day or week. They were also, not coincidentally, things I'd added out of a sense of obligation more than actual excitement.)

The Final List

No talk of goal setting would be complete if I didn't share my final list. (I'm also doing the Habitica's New Year's Resolutions set of Challenges again this year, and the first one involves sharing your goals on social media.)

Buy a house

Publish at least one blog post a month/12 blog posts in the year

Maintain daily streak on 4TheWords/write 75k new fiction and 15k non-fiction

Maintain a 5:1 spinning:weaving ratio (ie spend 5 hours spinning for every 1 hour of weaving)

Get - and then keep - the WIP pile below 10

Make at least three new items for my wardrobe (socks don't count)

Attend HEMA training at least four times a month during terms

Take the younger kid (and thus me) roller skating at least 6 times

If we're lucky (or unlucky if you dislike this sort of talk) I'll do a check-in around mid-year to see how I've been doing. If we're less lucky, I'll do a year-end wrap-up thingummy to close out the year.

Either way, hopefully this extremely long and somewhat rambling break-down of my goal-setting is useful to y'all.

#writing #habiticaresolutions #I also keep a “side quests” list of all the goals that didn't make the final cut #Because inevitably I end up finding one or more of them *so* much more attractive than one or more of the “official” goals #and then I can swap them out when it gets to March and I've done 80% of a side quest and less than 5% of a main goal

[writingmia]

In defense of Jason Grace

I have seen many people through the years say they hate Jason, that Jason is their least favourite character in the series, etc. and all of their reasoning is because he's 'boring'. I admit, when I first read those books, I was feeling the same way. I wasn't the biggest Jason fan and I didn't think I would be. I even judged my friends for liking him, when there were other 'obvious' choices for favourite characters. Now, years later, I'm no longer 12 reading those books for the first time and I see Jason in a completely different perspective I would like to share.

Jason Grace was a child without childhood. He was taken from his family at two years old and taken to the Wold House, where he couldn't show weakness because then he would be seen as food - you cannot show weakness when you're being trained by Lupa. Which immediately strikes us with a, frankly horrifying, thought - Jason's first memories won't be of his mother, who wasn't the greatest parent anyway, or his sister Thalia, who loved him so much. It would be of what he was taught in a life-or-death situation, that you cannot show weakness. That's important to remember for later.

Jason also has had to carry an incredibly heavy burden since he first joined Camp Jupiter - he's the son of Jupiter, the King of the Gods. We have experienced first-hand what it felt like for Percy to have to go through being a child of the Big Three, but please keep in mind that when that happened, Percy was already 12 and he was a child of Poseidon. I'm not trying to say one of them had it harder than the other, because context is very important, but simply putting things into a perspective - Jason, a child who can't remember his family is put on a pedestal because of who his father is, with expectations being placed upon him immediately, as a, presumably, young child who has just been taught that life is either be strong or die.

And then, despite all of that, he decides that he will join the Fifth Cohort because he wants to write his own destiny, and because he wants to restore their honour. He's not only going against what others would expect from him, including his father, but he's also claiming a goal others perceive as impossible just to prove a point. Not a very boring thing to do, is it?

To continue adding to the list of things that Jason has done to prove that he isn't the prince-like, spoiled boring white guy some people in the fandom see him as, I want to talk more about the things Jason cannonically does at Camp Jupiter. He becomes friends with the 'least popular kids' because everyone else expects they would have to treat him like royalty, he goes on small quests that don't mean much because he doesn't want to be that hero and savior that's expected of him. He follows rules as to not appear spoiled, and even with his rule-following he appears to be 'unconventional' by Roman standards. He's the son of Jupiter, who's doing everything in his power to not conform.

And despite all that, he still manages to use his status to do what he thinks is right. Despite his efforts, he still ends up being the undoubted leader while everyone else is a follower. He listens to all sides, he tries to mediate to the best of his abilities. In his attempts to make everyone else an equal, he puts himself above them and makes them look at him for mediation and decision-making. For the twelve years he spends at Camp, he has eyes constantly on him, judging him, expecting things from him.

Now remember when I said that Jason tried to go to meaningless quests? Yeah, you can guess that didn't really work for him. Canonically, he has gone to many quests, including some that had been appointed to him by gods, such as Bacchus, so he was fairly unsuccessful there as well. And remember when I said that he was raised by a wolf to not show any weakness? I feel like at this point it should be pretty clear he internalized that, a lot.

I get why the debate 'who's stronger, Jason or Percy' happens in the fandom, but it doesn't mean it annoys me any less. Because most of the time, the only arguments are pointing out Percy's strengths and we're forgetting that Jason does some pretty incredible things as well. Jason, like Percy, also fought a Titan single-handedly, and won. What we know from canon about it, it's that he did it with sword-fighting and, interestingly, hand-to-hand combat, which is what the books mainly focus on when talking about his feat. Jason went up against a Titan and smacked him with his bare hands enough times that he won. And in the entire fight, Jason using his powers is not mentioned once. Which is a pretty constant thing, if I might add, but I'll delve into that more later.

Again, a common mischaracterization I see in the fandom is that Jason is this strictly rule-following, rigid, stick-in-his-ass guy, when he really isn't. One of the main things about him is that he's too relaxed for Camp Jupiter. After the war, when he tried to change things about Camp, he was unsuccessful because Camp Jupiter is too traditional and Jason's ideas weren't conforming to that.

And of course, it was Jason who welcomed the two kids of Pluto (Hades for Nico but you get my point) to Camp. I feel like it should be pretty clear to you why at this point, but let me repeat - Jason knows the pressures of being a child of The Big Three, and Jason isn't afraid to be friends with the 'not cool' kids, with the people who are looked at as weird or that are treated as outcasts. He does some of it out of spite, yes, but he was what, fourteen? Thirteen? At the time. That level of emotional maturity for a barely teenager is surprising as is.

Also, can we note that Hazel describes Jason as closed-off, hard to read and 'more of a legend than a man'. This thirteen/fourteen year old? This should be enough to tell you how Jason was treated and raised and why he is the way he is. 'Boring', because this child needs to be an example for an entire camp that has placed him in that position he didn't want in the first place but felt guilty and responsible to take. When Percy was thirteen-fourteen, he was being an ass to Tyson (which he later regrets, yes) and fights with Thalia (which they stop doing, yes) and Camp Half-Blood still sees him as more of an annoyance than a hero at that point. That doesn't change for Percy until The Battle of the Labyrinth. Jason never had that. He was spotlight leader from the second he was at camp.

He also didn't have an Annabeth and Grover, at least that we're explicidly told about, and his closest person was Reyna, who also had a crush on him, so who was Jason's platonic best friend in Camp that he could rely on for anything? We don't know. Maybe because he didn't have one? I'm just putting that idea out there.

Now, I will try to be more brief on Jason in the series, but with the speed with which we're going, that is kind of unlikely. First and foremost, Jason is an amnesiac who never gets his memories fully back. I want to focus so much of your attention on this. Jason wakes up and he doesn't remember, excuse my swearing, jack shit. He doesn't know who he is, what's his favourite colour, what music he likes, nothing. Nada. He is then told, again, he's the son of Zeus, he is sent on a quest with people who don't actually know him but have expectations for him, while he still doesn't remember anything. He is also fifteen. He is a child that people are judging for being 'too boring' of a character. Well excuse him for not having any memories so he can have a proper personality!

Excuse me, I'm getting a bit heated here. I feel I'm making valid points though. Because Jason's story keeps repeating - he goes to Camp, people start looking at him like he might become the new Percy or some variation of that, he has these friends with false memories of him, he is also trying to save the world in the meantime. I'm very sorry he doesn't have time to figure out his personality in the meantime.

This is what I think is the most tragic about Jason's character - he doesn't have the time to figure out who he is truly is because he's too busy helping everyone else, even if what he's helping with is stopping the end of the world. He is a hero of the Great Prophecy, which again links with his destiny and how there's no escaping it and he, again, doesn't have any choice in what happens. He was unconventional for Camp Jupiter because of his disregard for tradition, but he's not fully accepted in Camp Half-Blood either because he's still a Roman demigod.

And then the Burning Maze happens and we don't talk about it because Uncle Rick hates us. I refuse to read that book because if I don't, then Jason is happy and alive.

We should note, though, that Jason and Piper have broken up. And I believe the only reason they ever dated was because Piper had that expectation of Jason, and we've already established how he was raised. He is a people-pleaser because that's what he's had to be for his entire life. He can't disappoint people, because then he would feel guilty, and so I believe he gaslit himself into thinking he liked Piper romantically because otherwise he would have to hurt her. And I do believe Leo and Piper are the first real friends Jason has made, at least those who see him as truly human, and so he didn't want to lose Piper. So, he made her and himself believe he liked her and started dating her. I think he would've done the same with Reyna if he'd remained in Camp Jupiter, for the same reasons - expectations. He also has raging abandonment issues, so. Double fuck there.

In summary, because of his personality and parentage, Jason has never had the choice to put himself first. He hates the framework in which he's put by being the son of Jupiter, but he swallows that for the sake of others.

Well that was quite the rant. I have more to say, but this is already too long. After this post, I have become a Jason Grace stan. If, one day, he has no fans, it's because I have died. Jason Grace is my son and he's very much alive, thank you (not you, Rick Riordan. I don't thank you). Anyway, please like this post? I would super appreciate it. I would also love a discussion! - mia

#jason grace #in defense of jason grace #we love jason in this household #camp jupiter #reyna avila ramirez arellano #leo valdez #jupiter #piper mclean #percy jackson #the heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #this post is too long #but i had a lot to say #please love jason #and please like this post too #camp half blood #jason grace is my son #thalia grace #character analysis

[thankyouforbeingsowrong]

2023 fic year in review

Tagged by the lovely @greenapricot <3

Total number of fic: 5

Total word count: 12,862

Fandoms written in: Lewis

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

I didn't really have expectations in terms of a particular number of stories or wordcount, but I was definitely hoping to make more progress on some of my longer wips. Overall I ended up having less time and energy to write than I was hoping for.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Fortune comes in threes for sure. That Robbie/James/Laura dynamic was an absolute joy to write.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Posting a proper pwp (Better Than a Dream) felt like a challenge, but a very fun one!

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

I would love to figure out what I'm doing with the Valentine's Day sequel to Follow Me in Merry Measure, and actually finish it. It shouldnt be that long but requires both rewatching some episodes and rereading FMIMM, so if anybody feels like a Lewis watch party hit me up!

I'm still tinkering away with the musician au as well, which keeps throwing up side quests in the form of wanting to make playlists and draw shit, so I'll settle for any progress on the actual writing that I can manage.

In terms of significantly les plot-driven fare, the glove fic is creeping up my to-do list, and this year I will really truly finish and post the vampire!Robbie porn that I wrote...uh a year and a half ago? (don't get bogged down in the vampire lore of your 2k words of porn folks)

(Please remind me I said all of this at any point to give me a jolt of motivation XD)

I also really want to make a dent in my absolutely massive to-read list 😭

Most popular story of the year?

Keeping Watch by kudos and comments, I have not written much hurt/comfort but it was fun to dip my toe in, and it definitely spawned some other fic ideas.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Honestly, I can't think of anything, the Lewis fandom is so lovely and supportive.

Most fun story to write:

Fortune comes in threes, with Better than a Dream in close second.

Most unintentionally telling story:

I'm not sure, I mean possibly a toss up between Fortune comes in threes and Better than a Dream? I haven't been too introspective about it, to be honest, but those were definitely my most self-indulgent fics of last year.

Biggest disappointment:

Struggling to find time, energy and/or motivation to write last year. Although considering what I've been working with I'm kind of impressed with myself for getting anything written at all!

Biggest surprise:

Not written this year, but I was pretty amazed to get comments from a few people who were reading Follow Me in Merry Measure in the middle of the year or re-reading it through December 2023. It's a massive fic, so that's especially impressive to me haha. I love you guys x

I'm definitely late getting around to this, but if you see it and want to do it, tag me so I can read it! <3

[matenrou-fan]

Just saw the requests are open!? Well, let's go!! (～￣▽￣)～ Unfortunately I'm not a fan of OM to request something from there so... :'D

People recently were requesting so many things with "Fantasy theme", so I had an idea *Pushing away my request list for later* Hmmm... Do you know that event from ARB? The Hypmic quest 2nd where Kuko was a ninja?? Could I request a Ninja! Kuko with a Kunoichi! s/o who was sent to kill him, but they ended up falling in love with each other?

I'm sorry, I just accepted the fact that I'm a Kuko stan, and even a quiz I did these days said that I'm like Kuko, and my Best friend is Ichiro, oh well I think I'm the DEvil Monk of our friendship 🤡 My Rosho platonic request will have to wait a little ＞︿＜ - Maid Cafe Anon

Ninja! Kuko with a Kunoichi! GN!s/o

Omg hi hi hi!!!! I have never seen this card of Kuko but!! Here we go! <3

femreader, ninja! au, teasing, just wholesome stuff;; 992 words;;

A light whisper of wind tickles your skin and you close your eyes, concentrating on sounds around you. At this moment, you can hear everything, even the small sounds of animals in the forest, but your main goal was to hear footsteps of one particular person.

And here he is - your target seeming to approach with inaudible and careful steps. Probably, he doesn't know you're here, as such a habit of silent walking was inherent in all ninja. That means you have a great chance to attack, and, with a muffled small sigh, you jump from the tree in the foliage of which you were hiding.

Well, maybe you just get a little bit bold.; Or the thought that you finally would be able to catch your elusive enemy boils your blood more than it should. But as soon as you attack him, ready to knock the ninja out, he unexpectedly has a good reaction and repels all the prepared attacks.

"Oh, it's you again!" - without any fear but more with teasing, your opponent moves closer. - "And I wondered why you didn't bother me for so long, s/o..!"

"Kuko! Don't think it's just a game.." - like a light wind before, you almost fade away, gracefully jumping back from him and his smug face, quickly and softly.

"Hehe, you're the one who's turning it all to a game." - a sudden giggle behind your back almost makes your trained to always be calm heart skip a beat.

You turn just to see his big grin again, ready to punch but he once again parries the blow.

"Ugh.. You could have disappeared again before I even turned around, then why you-"

"Just wanna see your angry face again, my lady.." - his jokes always annoy you, but you start to pay less attention to such tickling words, knowing how much your reaction amuse him.

"I'm not your lady. I'm a well trained ninja, and don't think that if I go easy on you all this time, then my skills wouldn't be enough to actually end your life.." - you mumble, furrowing your brows, but Kuko quickly interrupts you.

'Well trained? I thought well trained ninjas never show their emotions or something, do they?" - slowly drawling his words, he keeps looking right at your face with his smug one. Ugh, just how much you want to kick him again.

"I'm also not showing my-"

"Your cheeks are red."

For a moment you both froze - you from shock and he just admired your priceless reaction. Your hand dashed to touch your face just to actually feel unusual warmth on smooth skin.

"Am I embarrassed of you?" - another coo from his side makes you turn your wishes into actions and you attack him again. Maybe this time not that calculating, but you can't help with controlling this burning feeling he arises in you.

With a pretty loud thud you both fall into grass, as you pin him to the ground, finally able to catch Kuko off guard. Or do you? As his smile just got bigger.

"You only embarrass yourself with such an attitude.." - you scoff, thinking how exactly you should knock him out. Watching him laying under you with such a smirk makes you experience mixed feelings, so you decided to get this over with as soon as possible.

But some laugh was the only response to your words, as Kuko suddenly grasped your waist and pushed you down, changing positions.

"Catch you~" - he grinned triumphantly, before leaning closer. - "Interesting, what reward would I get for catching one of the best kunoichi, hmm?"

"The only thing you would receive it's just some proper lesson!" - your hands grasp his shoulders as you quickly lift yourself in an attempt to head-butt him.

Yet at this moment his own hands quickly cup your face, changing the angle you wanted to hit him with. At this point, it almost looks like you were the one who leaned closer, pulling him into some quick kiss, and Kuko quickly turned it into a more steady one.

"Sorry, I decided to choose something more pleasurable from you, hehe!"

"Ah! Y.. you're such a jerk!" - this time you actually weren't able to control your emotions at all, feeling how your cheeks slowly got even hotter.

"What are you talking about? Your eyes is much more truthful than you are, s/o." - the fact that he keeps his hands on your face while saying that makes everything even worse, as you can't even turn away to calm down your fast beating heart. Oh, okay.. If he wanted to play like that..

"Huh.. Don't think you're the only one who can act all cocky here.." - as you also still hold his shoulders, it was easy to bring him closer again, this time to actually press your lips to his, in a more harsh and long kiss.

Just.. Why did you decide to do it? Aren't there some good ways to escape from such a situation, just like you were taught..? But the surprising warm softness of his lips makes this burn in your chest get fired up more, and you really wanted to understand why.

"Mh.. Ha, what a tease you can be, huh.." - he mumbled when your lips pulled away for a second, before leaning closer again. Oh, did your bratty enemy start acting needy? As you can feel how his hands slowly lowered to your waist, grasping your sides in some firm, tickling manner.

"Hear now the pot blackguarding the kettle.." - a small chuckle escapes your chest as you look at his much softened gaze. Did you actually have the same expression on your face right now? - "But don't think it means our war has ended.."

"Oh yeah? Then I'm looking forward to what you would use next time to catch me off guard.." - Kuko smirk, lips are within a breath of distance. - "Take note, this should be something more than such naughty kisses, s/o.."

#hypmic x reader #hypmic imagines #hypmic #hypnosis mic #kuko x reader #hypmic kuko #kuko harai #Kuko harai x reader #hypnosis mic Kuko

[c-is-for-circinate]

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about why P5R didn't quite land for you. I had the same reaction to it, but I've never quite been able to properly articulate why the last section fell so flat.

God okay so I've tried several times to answer this, and it seems like the answer is 'I still have way too many feelings, personally, to say this in anything less than thirty pages and fifteen hours of work', because Persona 5 the original is a game I loved a lot and care about a great deal. And most of the reasons I disliked Royal feel, in my head, like a list of ways it broke some of the things I liked best about P5--which means explaining them feels like I need to explain everything I loved about the original game, which is a book in itself, complete with referents to P3, P4, Jungian psychology, the Joseph Campbell mytharc, and fuck all even knows what. And that is too much.

But today I realized that I could instead describe it from an angle of, Persona 5 Strikers succeeds really well at doing the thing I think Royal was trying to do but failed at. And that I think I can talk about in a reasonable amount of wordspace, hopefully, behind this cut because I have at least one friend who hasn't played Royal yet.

Note for reblogs/comments: I HAVE NOT FINISHED STRIKERS YET. I got through the jail that pretended to be the final jail and have not yet gone into the obviously inevitable 'ohshit wait, you mean there's something more than simple human machinations behind all of this?' dungeon. (I got stuck on a really frustrating side quest, put the game down, and then dived into Hades to avoid throwing the Switch across the room for a while--and anyone around this blog lately knows how THAT'S been going.) Please no spoilers past Okinawa!

So, one of the many, many things I really appreciated about Persona 5 was its straightforward and unashamed attitude towards abusers and their acts of violence. Because, while yes P5 is a story about the use of power and control to make others suffer, it fundamentally isn't about those abusers themselves. It's about their victims, those that survive their crimes. And this shows up repeatedly over the course of the game.

We do not give a shit why Kamoshida wanted to beat and rape his students. We really don't. Kamoshida does not deserve our attention one moment longer than it takes to make him stop. Because, ultimately, that's the goal of P5, start to end. We don't know for sure if what we're doing is fair, if it's justice, if it's questionable. What we know is that people are being hurt, badly, actively, right now this second. What we know is that victims are suffering. What we know is that we, personally, us-the-protag and us the Phantom Thieves at large, are in danger. And in those circumstances, we don't care about the abuser's side any more. We don't. We don't have the space or time or capacity to care, because that is not the point.

The point is to help the weak. To save the people who need saving, right here and now. To give others the courage to stand up on their own behalf. We're not even out to change society, not really--that's a byproduct. We are reactions. We are triage. We are important.

There's something so empowering and validating about that as a theme, y'know? In a media landscape so full of "sympathetic villains", the idea that, you know, maybe sometimes you don't have to break yourself to show compassion that might possibly heal the bad guy--that sometimes you can just make the bad guy stop hurting people--feels both refreshing and satisfying. I really appreciate it as a message! I liked it a lot!

And yes, there's nuance to that theme, and the game is not without compassion. We save Futaba, because 'make the bad guy stop hurting people', in that case, means 'make this person stop hurting herself'. We give Sae a path forwards, help her fix her own heart. Yet it's worth pointing out that in both of those cases, while we were very glad to do those things, to save those people, we also went into both of those palaces for extremely practical reasons to begin with. We needed Futaba's help. We needed Sae's help. The fact that we chose to talk Sae into a change of heart rather than simply stealing her treasure, while ultimately a very good thing for her, was absolutely a practical choice predicated on the need for her palace to still exist to save our life. And yes, we wanted to save her, for Makoto's sake--yes, we wanted desperately to save Futaba. But Sae and Futaba let themselves be helped, too, and that doesn't change the overarching themes of the story itself.

Akechi (and to some extent Okumura) would not let himself be helped. Akechi's another interesting nuance to this theme, because of all our villains, we do learn the most about what drove him to the cruelties and crimes he's committed. He's at that intersection of victim and villain, and we want to help him, as a victim--but we also know that stopping him as a villain is more important. We'd like to save him from himself if we could, because we save people from their sources of trauma, it's what we do. We regret being unable to do so. But in the end, what matters to the story is not that Akechi refused to be saved--it's that Shido and Yaldabaoth need to be stopped, for the sakes of everyone else they're hurting now and may continue to hurt in the future.

The thing is, there's space and maybe even a need for a corollary discussion of those places where victim and villain intersect. It's an interesting, pertinent, and related topic. Strikers made an entire video game about it, a really good video game. It's centered in the idea that, yes, these people need to be stopped, and we will make stopping them our priority--but they're not going after us, and that gives us some space to sympathize. Even for Konoe, who specifically targets the Phantom Thieves--compare him to Shido, who actively destroyed the lives of both Joker and Futaba, who ordered Haru's father's death, who's the entire reason the team is still dealing with the trauma of Akechi's everything. Of course the game can be sympathetic to Konoe where it can't with Shido. There's enough distance to do that.

But right--Strikers is a separate game. It's a separate conversation. It's, "last time, we talked about that, so now let's take it one step further." And that's good writing. (It's something Persona has done before, too, also really well! Persona 3 is about terrible, occasionally-suicidal depression and grief. P4 is about how you can still be hurting and need some help and therapy even if things seem ok. Related ideas, but separate conversations that need to be separate in order to be respectful and do justice to either one. P5, as a follow-up to P4, is a conversation about how, ok, changing yourself is great and all, but sometimes the problem is other people so how do you deal with that? Again, still related! Still pertinent! Still alluded to in P4, with Adachi's whole thing--but it wasn't the time or place to base a quarter of the game around it.)

So one of Royal's biggest issues, to me, is that it tries to tack on this whole new angle for discussion onto a game that was originally about something else.

Adding Maruki's palace--adding it at the end, which by narrative laws suggests that it's the true point that everything else should be building up to--suddenly adds in about a hundred new dimensions at once. It wants us to engage with "what in this abuser/manipulator's life led him to act this way?" for basically the first time all game (we'll get to Akechi later). It wants us to engage with, "if the manipulator has a really good reason or good intentions, does that mean we should forgive them?" It requires us to reflect on, "what is the difference between control and cruelty?" It asks, "okay, but if people could be controlled into being happy, would that be okay?" (Which, based on the game so far, is actually a wild out-there hypothetical! Literally not a single thing we've seen in the game suggests that could ever happen. Even the people who think being controlled is safer and easier are miserable under it. Control that's able to lead to actual happiness is completely out of left field in the context of everything we've encountered all game so far.)

That's too much! We don't have time to unpack all that! We only have an eighth of the game left! Not to mention we are also being asked to bring back questions we put to bed much earlier in the game about the morality of our own actions, in a wholely unsatisfying way. Maruki attempts to justify his mass brainwashing because "it's the same as what you're doing", and we know it isn't, but the game didn't need Maruki calling it out in order for us to get that. We already faced that question when we started changing hearts, and again several times throughout the game, and again when we found our targets in Yaldabaoth's cells. The fact that we change hearts does not mean we think "changing hearts is fine and kind and should be done to everyone, actually." Changing hearts has been firmly established in this game as an act of violence, acceptable only because it prevents further systemic violence against innocents that we must prevent. The moral question has never once been about whether it's ok to change the hearts of the innocent, only about how far it's ethical to go against individuals who are actively hurting other people. Saying "you punched that guy to keep him from shooting a child, so punching people is good and I will save the world by punching everyone!" is confusing! and weird! and not actually at all helpful to the question of, how much violence is it acceptable to use to protect others! So presenting the question that way just falls really flat.

(And right, I love Strikers, because Strikers has time to unpack all that. Strikers can give us a main bad guy who wants to control the whole world for everybody's own good, because Strikers has earned that thematic climax. It has given us sympathetic bad guys who started out wanting to control the world to protect themselves and ended up going too far. It's given us Mariko Hyodo, who wanted to control the world to protect other people and went too far. It's given us a long-running thread about police, the desire to serve, and the abuse of power that can lead to. And since we are actively trying to care for the people whose hearts we're changing in Strikers, we can open the door to questions about using changes-of-heart and that level of control to make other people happy. We can even get a satisfying conclusion out of that discussion, because we have space to characterize the difference--Konoe thinks that changing peoples' hearts means confining them, but the Phantom Thieves think it means setting them free. We have seen enough sympathetic villains that we as an audience have had the space to figure out how we feel about that, and to understand the game's perspective of "stop them AND save them, if we can possibly do both." And that message STILL rests firmly on Persona 5's message of "it is Good to do what you have to do to stop an abuser so long as you don't catch innocent people in your crossfire.")

It's worth noting that the general problem of 'asking way too many new questions and then not answering them' also applies to how Royal treats its characters, too. P5 did have unanswered questions left at the end! The biggest one, and we all knew this, was Akechi, and what actually happened to him, and how we should feel about him, and how he felt about us. That was ripe for exploring in our bonus semester, and to Royal's credit they did in fact try to bring it up, but by god did they fuck up doing it.

Akechi's probable death in the boiler room was absolutely the biggest dangling mystery of the game. It was an off-screen apparent death of a key antagonist, so all of the narrative rules we know suggested that he might still be alive and would probably come back if the story went on for long enough. So when Royal brings him back on Christmas Eve, hey, great! Question answered. Except that the situation is immediately too good to be true, and immediately leads to another mystery, which leads to a flat suspicion that something must be wrong. We spend several hours of gameplay getting sly hints that, oooh, maybe he's not really alive after all, before it's finally confirmed by Maruki: yup, he really died, if we end the illusion we'll kill him too. Okay, at least we know now. Akechi is alive right now and he's going to be dead if we do this, and that doesn't make a ton of sense because every other undead person disappeared when the person who wished for them realized they were fake but at this point we'll take it. So we take down Maruki, and okay, Akechi really is dead! Probably! We're fairly sure! Aside from our lingering doubts!

And then we catch a glimpse of maybe-probably-could be him through the train window, and I just want to throw something, because come on.

Look, it is just a fact of storytelling: the more times you make an audience ask 'wait, is this character dead or aren't they?', the less they will care, until three or four reversals later you will be hard pressed to find anybody who gives a shit. Royal does this like four different times, and every iteration comes with even less certainty than the last. By the end, we somehow know even less than we did when we started! Did Akechi survive the boiler room to begin with and Maruki just didn't know? Or was Maruki lying to try and manipulate us further? Or was he actually dead and then his strength of will when Maruki's reality dissolved was enough to let him survive after all? Is that even actually him out the train window?

Where is he going! What is he doing! How did any of this happen! What is going on! We all had these questions about Akechi at the end of the original P5, and the kicker is that Royal pretends like it's going to answer them only to go LOL JK NO. It's frustrating and it's dissatisfying and it annoys me.

The one Akechi question that Royal doesn't even bother to ask, though, let alone leave ambiguous, is how does the protagonist feel about him? The entire emotional weight of the third semester rests on the protagonist caring about Akechi, Sumire, and Maruki. Maruki's the person we're supposed to sympathize with even as we try to stop him. Sumire's the person we're trying to save from herself. And Akechi is our bait--is, we are told, the one thing our protagonist wished for enough to actualize it in this world himself. Akechi's the final lure to accept Maruki's deal. Akechi's survival is meant to be tempting.

For firm Akechi fans, this probably worked out fine--the game wanted to insist that the protagonist cared for Akechi the same way the player did. For those of us who're a little more ambivalent, though (or for the many and valid people who hated him), this is a super sour note. Look, one of the Persona series' strengths is the way it lets players choose to put their time and emotional investment into an array of different characters, so the main story still has weight even if there's a couple you don't care about that much. It has always done this. The one exception, from P3 all the way through P4 to here and now, is Nanako Dojima, and by god she earned that distinction. I have never met a person who played Persona 4 who didn't love Nanako. Nanako is a neglected six-year-old child who is brave and strong enough to take care of herself and all of the housework but who still tries not to cry when her dad abandons her again and lights up like the sun when we spare her even the tiniest bit of time and attention. It is impossible not to care for Nanako. Goro Akechi is not Nanako.

And yet third semester Royal doesn't make sense if your protagonist doesn't feel linked to Akechi. The one question, out of all the brand new questions Royal throws out there, that it decides to answer all by itself--and it's how you as a player and your protagonist ought to feel about an extremely complex and controversial character. What the fuck, Royal. What the fuck.

In conclusion, I'll leave you with this. I played the original Persona 5 in March and April of 2017, as an American, a few months after the 2016 election and into the term of our then president. It felt painfully timely. A quick calendar google early on indicated that the game's 20XX was almost certainly 2016, and the closer our plot got to the in-game November leadup to an election destined to be dominated by a foul and charming man full of corruption and buoyed up by his own cult of personality, the more I wanted to laugh/cry. It felt timely. It felt important. It felt right.

I went through Royal (in LP form on youtube, not having a platform to play it on) in summer of 2020, with a hook full of face masks by my front door and protests about racial tension and local policing that occasionally turned into not-quite-riots close enough to hear at night if I opened the windows of my apartment. The parts of the game that I remembered felt as prescient and meaningful as ever, if not even more so. The new parts felt baffling. Every single evil in the game felt utterly, painfully real, from the opening moments of police brutality to the idea of a country led by a guy who probably would use his secret illegitimate teenage son as a magical assassin if the opportunity presented itself and he thought he could get away with it. Yaldabaoth as the cumulative despair of an entire population who just wanted somebody to take over and make things be okay--yes, yes, god, in summer of 2020? With streets full of people refusing to wear masks and streets full of people desperate for change? Of course. Of course that holy grail of safety should be enticing. Of course it should be terrifying.

And then Maruki. Maruki, who was just so far outside the scope of anything I could relate to the rest of the game or my own life. Because every single other villain in the rest of Persona is real. From the petty pandering principal to the human-trafficking mob boss. The corrupt politicians and the manmade god of cultural desire for stability. And this game was trying to tell me that the very biggest threat of all of them, the thing that was worse than the collective force of all society agreeing to let this happen because succumbing was easier than fighting back--that the very biggest threat of all was that the world could be taken over by some random nobody's misguided attempts to help?

No. Fuck no. I don't buy it. Because god, yes, I have seen the pain and damage done on a tiny and personal and very real level by the tight-fisted control of someone trying to help, it never looked like this. Not some ascended god of a bad therapist. All the threats to the world, and that's the one I'm supposed to take seriously? This one man is more of a threat than the fundamental human willingness to be controlled?

Sorry, but no. Not for me. Not in this game. Not in this real-life cyberpunk dystopian apocalypse.

#c plays persona #driveby meta attack #p5 royal spoilers #p5 strikers spoilers #holy crap I did it #I actually wrote a semicoherent essay of a length I'm willing to put on Tumblr #about my problems with this game #I have been trying on and off for MONTHS #I wanted to like Royal SO BADLY #it makes me SO UPSET #anyway #now back to your regularly scheduled Hades blogging #asked and answered #Anonymous

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: You don't think Richter has anything against Marta? When he supposedly kill Marta in the manga, he was released that he didn't kill her (granted he didn't want Emil to see him doing that to Marta, but still). Also, when Emil pretended to be Ratatosk and grabbed Marta in a choke hold, Richter was the one to help her in that moment. Why would he do that? P.S. Do you think Marta holds anything against Emil for the choke hold? Sure Emil wasn't trying to hurt her, but he did carried away.

I think part of it is that Richter recognizes that Marta is, in her own way, innocent. He doesn’t really want to hurt her or anyone else. The sad fact of the matter is that Marta, by virtue of having what Richter thinks is Ratatosk’s core, is inherently in his way. Richter would happily settle for just the core. He only wants to hurt Ratatosk, and even with his motive of revenge, at least PART of the reason he wants to hurt Ratatosk is that Ratatosk threatened to kill humans and half-elves. So in a way, I think Richter has a little affection for Marta as a “friend.” “This girl is a good kid and I would rather not hurt her, but I need what she has, so if it comes down to it, I might have to kill her.” The only reason Richter considers her and Emil enemies is because Emil and Marta decided to side with Ratatosk. I’m pretty sure if they had realized “You’re right, Ratatosk is evil, let us help you.” He would have protected them above all else, no questions asked. I think the reason he helps Marta during the final battle is because he knows he can’t defeat Ratatosk. He’s given up on his own plan. So he has to pick the next best thing. And in that moment, that’s helping Marta. And opposing “Ratatosk.” In that moment, Emil has him tricked. He thinks Ratatosk is ready to go through with his original plan to regain his full power and kill everyone. So in order to keep that from happening, he has to side with Marta and the others. He helps her because he doesn’t want her to die, and also because he doesn’t want Ratatosk to hurt everyone.

This is putting my finger on the scale a bit here, since it’s not always true that order of items in a list indicates priority, but let’s assume it does. If what Richter says is true, then his top priority was always Aster, and his second priority was always revenge. But the fact that he bothers mentioning the world’s safety indicates that it is, at least, a concern. So when he saves Marta, he knows he’s beyond the point of getting Aster back. He knows the demons are aware he’s too weak to kill Ratatosk now, and he knows that the demons know he planned to betray them now that they’ve seen the Sacred Stone. So his first priority is gone. He knows that he can’t defeat Ratatosk now, because he can’t beat Emil, so he has no hope of revenge. So that priority is also out the window. So now, his top priority is the safety of the world. So at the very least, this is a case of “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” At the very least he recognizes that they all have a better chance of achieving their shared goals if he helps Marta rather than letting “Ratatosk” hurt her. But I think it’s more than that. If we look at Onshuu, it’s pretty clear that Richter didn’t intend for anyone to get hurt. He’s not interested in causing collateral damage and he was willing to condemn himself to death for the deaths he indirectly caused. He cares about Emil, he cared about Aster, this is a guy who genuinely cares for people he thinks are innocent. He doesn’t like seeing people get bullied, let alone injured. And the fact that killing Marta was never a priority considering he asked her to give him the core several times before resorting to fighting seems to say he’d rather do things peacefully, even if Marta wants to help Ratatosk in other ways. That is to say, I think it’s more than just Richter deciding they all have a better chance if he helps Marta. I think it’s a case of Richter realizing that if he can’t get what he wants, he can stop fighting HIS fight and start fighting THEIR fight. Marta doesn’t deserve to be hurt. So even if it’s obviously painful for him to move at this point, he tackles “Ratatosk” to make him let her go. In this moment, she is his friend.Think back to the Balacruf Mausoleum sidequest. Richter goes out of his way to get a dinky little bracelet to give to Emil so he can give it to Marta. Even as he’s on that quest himself to fulfill his own goals, even as he’s there spending time with Emil who he obviously likes, he’s THINKING about Marta. And you could say “Well, he just wants to make sure Marta doesn’t ask questions about Emil disappearing.” But why not? He’s not the one under scrutiny. Emil is. He could have just helped Emil think of an excuse. But no. HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO HELP EMIL GET A GIFT FOR HIS “GIRLFRIEND.” So I think this is a case of Richter not only thinking of Emil’s happiness, but Marta’s as well. An explanation could have kept everything under the radar and helped Emil avoid Marta’s scrutiny. But a gift? That would make her happy. (You can say I’m overanalyzing this but this is just what I think. I do have a heavy Richter bias though.)Part of it might also be that Richter genuinely feels bad for what he did to Brute and thus to Marta. We see how the Blood Purge affected him in the Onshuu no Richter manga. He’s devastated that people are being killed because he gave a core to a guy running a charity two years prior. So I’m sure he understands that by giving Brute the core, he drove a wedge between Brute and Marta and basically ruined their relationship for two and a half years at least. But I think even if you think the worst of Richter, you have to admit that he at least wants to minimize death and suffering, even if he has a selfish reason for doing it. (I don’t think he does have selfish reasons per se, but everyone will interpret him differently and that’s kind of the beauty of headcanons, right?)

#DotNW #Richter Abend #Marta Lualdi #TBH I think if Marta chilled out a bit #they'd make great friends #Anonymous #ask GKD