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#I am married to this program and we have a mortgage
blue-cat-shitposts · 1 year
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It’s really fucking hysterical at this point how much I don’t know about my own drawing software.
I mean I've been using Krita for what, five years now? And I'm still learning just how much I don't fucking know about this program and its capabilities. I only discovered it has stabilizers half a year ago. I had to look up a video that showed me what dockers to enable for animation and how to use them. Not to mention the dozens of blending modes which I’m still trying to figure out what exactly they do an how to use them. This program is a marvel of engineering but I’m using like, 5% of it at most. I feel like the Doctor being scolded by River Song about improper use of the TARDIS every time I learn that there's a feature in Krita that makes what I want to do five hundred times easier and more efficient.
There's this one guy on Youtube called David Revoy that has in-depth tutorials specifically about Krita, and I have never felt this indebted to one man’s thankless work before. It’s thanks to him that I learned that something called a coloring mask is even a thing, and it has improved my life DRAMATICALLY ever since I’ve learned about it.
However I do need to watch his videos one at a time with breaks because my brain is being blown with the sheer amount of information in each one. It's just me going "wait you can do WHAT?!" every five seconds for the entirety of the 15-minute video every time.
Every time, every fucking time I’m stuck trying to painstaikingly draw something manually, and then learn about another feature Krita has that’d make the process a thousand times easier and better, it’s basically:
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Every FUCKING time
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starrynite7114 · 4 years
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Headcanon: Pets
A/N: Good morning/afternoon peeps! A small update from me! 
ooh a request! Angel comes home form a run and finds his s/o has gotten 3 kitties and a puppy for company! His reaction? @gemini0410​
Masterlist
Request tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic : @ifoundmyhappythought : @carlaangel86 : @woahitslucyylu : @encounterthepast : @enamoured-x : @thewarriorprincessxo : @briana-mishell24 : @bribri-82 : @chibsytelford : @agirllovespasta : @twistnet : @everyhowlmarksthedead : @trulysuccubus : @jadert15 : @sammskellington : @cind-in-real-life :  @claytoncardenasbabymama : @sadeyesgf : @thickemadame : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass : @gemini0410 : @elcococruz : @samcrobae : @sesamepancakes : @iambabyharry : @blackmissfrizzle : @mrs-losa : @1-800-imagines : @phoenixhalliwell : @lady-pswrld : @dazzledamazon  : @getyourcrayoncas : @fvckthisbxtchup : @lukealvxz : @scuzmunkie : @lilac-tea-time : @danie1432 : @cocotheclown : @soaronmywings : @my-rosegold-soul : @buttercup812 : @itskiranbitch : @angelreyesgirl : @sheeshgivemeabreak : @vicmackeybullshxt : @bigcreatorwombatdreamer : @khyharah : @strawberrywritings : @cherry-icetea : @fuzzy-jellyfish : @losolvidad0s : @brownsugarcoffy : @courtrae89 : @prdsdjarin : @blessedboo : @marvelmaree : @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat : @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead : @thesandbeneathmytoes : @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind : @maddie-georges : @pearlkitten33 : @aquamento : @incorrect-mcdanno​ : @that-chick212​ : @rebel-without-cause-x​ : @inscribeddiatribes​ : @kaystacks17​ : @mindless-x-dreaming​ : @justlikebreathing​ : @imanerdychubbyqueen​
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CREDITS TO THE ORIGINAL GIF MAKER!
* You and Angel have been talking about getting a pet.
* Not plural, singular.
* After you two signed the paper for the first house you bought together as a married couple, getting pets was the first thing on your agenda. 
* But that’s when the problem arose
* You wanted a dog and kitty, Angel wanted a dog.
* Angel suggested you two get a dog first and see how that went.
* You wanted to just bite the bullet. It was better for you two to get the dog and kitty so they would know one another already. 
* Angel has not fallen for your usual puppy dog eyes, holding strong and he was proud of himself.
* “Please? I’ll take care of them and so that I’m not alone.”
* “Okay? Let’s get a dog, but a dog and a cat at the same time? No way baby. We’re barely getting the hang of living in a home.”
* You left the conversation at that and not bringing it up again. 
* You could start with a dog and if you happened to leave with a cat, then it was the will of the lord.
* “I love you, keep the doors locked and I got the cameras just in case.” Angel sighed.
* He hated leaving you to go on a run, but he had to work for your home.
* You two were equal partners after all.
* “I love you too mi rey.” You wrapped your arms around him, inhaling his scent. It was insane that you already missed him and he hasn’t even left.
* Angel placed a kiss on the top of your head. 
* “I’ll call at every stop.”
* It was a habit that Angel picked up when you two began dating four years ago. 
* Whenever he went on a run, he called you to let you know he was safe. It was a reassurance for you and for him.
* At that time, he wasn’t incredibly worried about your entanglement with the club.
* But with you being the club’s resident doctor, he wanted to assure your safety.
* Chucky checked on you every night and it was endearing, since Angel always showed you how much he cared.
* When you first treated Coco all those years ago, you didn’t expect to become involved with Angel.
* Due to your program at school that helped pay for your tuition in exchange for you serving at an underserved community, you came to Santo Padre.
* You just never thought you would be staying at said community.
* But here you were now, five years later.
* Engaged with a mortgage.
* And you wouldn’t trade it for the world.
* Now, if you only had a puppy and a kitten.
* Angel has been gone for two days.
* And in those two days you’ve been searching for a doggie at a shelter. 
* You finally found the doggie you and Angel wanted. 
* It was a grey Pitbull that had blue eyes. As soon as your eyes landed on him, you were a goner. 
* A two year old stray that was found in the streets. 
* But it was odd since he wasn’t alone and he wasn’t at the designated dog area.
* He was with a kitten that snuggled closely beside him.
* “They were found together. We don’t usually have them placed together, but the poor boy wouldn’t stop crying unless he was near them.” One of the shelter employees explained to you.
* You knew you couldn’t part them, the poor pup would not fare well without them.
* And that was the story on how you got a cute doggie that you have yet to name, wanting Angel to be there so you two could decided together as well for the kitten as well, that they estimated to be six months old.
* After a trip to the pet store, you set the two up in your bedroom where you had the doggie bed by your dresser. 
* You bought them plenty of toys, treats, and food.
* Seeing them run around happily inside your home, you were more than happy.
* Now, all you had to do was convince your fiancé to keep the two newest additions to your family.
* The next day, Angel came home.
* “Baby, I’m home, what the fuck?” You heard Angel at the front door.
* You made your way out of your office when you found your new boy sniffing Angel. The kitten was on the coffee table, assessing the situation, waiting for his brother to give him some sort of sign.
* “Surprise!” You spread your arms and smiled.
* “Corazon, we talked about this, one at a time.” Angel was exhausted. All he wanted to do was cuddle wit you. 
* “I know, I know,” you rushed over to Angel, wrapping your arms around him, his arms around you. “But I couldn’t leave the kitty because they’re like two peas in a pod.”
* “A likely story.” He chuckled. “What am I going to do with you? Next time I leave for a few days, we’re going to have goats.”
* You pulled away, your eyes lighting up.
* “Absolutely not, we are not old McDonald.” He laughed, kissing you. “Querida, I missed you.”
* “I missed you more.” You looked up at him.
* “Alright baby girl, what did you name them?”
* Angel pulled you onto his lap, wrapping his arms around you. The doggie jumped onto the couch next to him, sitting down.
* “I was waiting for you.” You wrapped an arm around his neck, sitting sideways on his lap.
* “I’m surprised you did.”
* “Babe!”
* “I’m kidding.” He laughed. 
* Angel scratched his head, making the dog lean his head towards him.
* “Blue.” The dog perked up, moving closer to Angel. He wrapped an arm around him, scratching the top of his head.
* The kitten jumped up the couch, settling next to blue. It was a ginger tabby cat. 
* “Red.”
* So simple.
* “Blue and red?” You looked at the two who were now laying beside you and Angel. “You know what, that works.”
* “No more surprise pets, please?”
* And you didn’t bring anymore surprise pets.
* Angel ended up bringing two kittens home he found near the clubhouse.
* Two months later, you two had 3 kittens, Red, Ollie and Nicko. And your sole dog baby, Blue.
* And another addition in six months, a baby boy or girl, didn’t matter.
* You and Angel had your own little family.
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reddit-aita · 4 years
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AITA for telling my bf I might hate him in the future because he earns so little?
I (27F) and my bf (28M) have been dating for almost 2 years and sometimes we're talking about the future. He just graduated from a 3 year non degree program and got his first job. His starting salary is only 1/3 of my current salary.
I was born in a poor family and had to rely on scholarship for my college. I worked hard my whole life to come out of that. I have 5 years or working experience in a pretty big blue chip company that pays me decent. I can afford a car, holiday overseas every year, weekend gateway almost every month, and still manage to save 60% of my salary. It is comfortable to live as single with no mortgage but it's tight for family.
So on a date night, he asked me if I see our relationship last. I told him sometimes I don't. I explained that I've been through poverty and I'm not interested to go through that again. I want to keep my current lifestyle. I made a rough calculation in front of him about how much money we would need to own a fancy house (at least cost $800k-1mill USD) here in my country, save for future kids education, and manage a comfortable lifestyle. In the next 1 year I'll have my savings for 50% of the DP for the house and need my partner to cover the 50%. I need him to earn at least the same as me. He was surprised with my answer.
Then I asked him. "Do you have a timeline or strategy to go from your current salary to $$$$$?" He said he probably will never be able to since he doesn't have a degree. Our country's stats says non-degree holder would not even reach my current salary after 20 years of working.
I told him "get a degree, you can take night class for 2 years. I'll wait". He told me he doesn't like studying. I offered to chip in for his study even though his parents can help. He refused. He said "I will work hard, after my office hours I will do delivery job so I can earn more". At this point I was very frustrated and I said "Then you wouldn't have the time for our relationship, or if we're married, you wouldn't have the time to be a husband or father. That delivery service isn't going to last forever, drone would replace human in the future". I closed our conversation with "I don't know if your finance is something I can live with or something that is a deal breaker. I love you know but I might hate you in the future because of this".
I felt very bad, I know if the situation is reversed and I'm the guy, I'd sound like a big asshole but I really am scared to live with less again. I don't want my kids to suffer. I'd rather not have children if they have to suffer. But I love him, I do. He's a very sweet and never raise his voice at me and support my career. I'd marry him in a heartbeat if the future doesn't look bleak for us.
He's been very quite the past few days, not a silent treatment but I feel there's something wrong with us after our last conversation.
AITA for telling him all this? am I wasting my time with him?
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morgannalefey · 3 years
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Homes, relationships, realtors
These are a series of anonymous questions I was asked and I'm endeavoring to answer them. I am not a concise writer. I apologize in advance for the length of this post.
Step 1: Start Your Research Early. Step 2: Determine How Much House You Can Afford. Step 3: Get Prequalified and Preapproved for credit for Your Mortgage. Step 4: Find the Right Real Estate Agent. Step 5: Shop for Your Home and Make an Offer. Step 6: Get a Home Inspection. Step 7: Work on home loan with bank lender Step 8: Get home appraised Step 9: Complete paperwork and close the deal ?
How were you able to learn what the homeownership steps entailed and how did you vet the realtor, home inspector, home appraiser, and lender, if you used them? How did you ensure the people whose help you enlisted were legit and were going to do right by you?
How did you find out what the paperwork/legal aspect of marriage was going to entail (research so far has given me a few different answers)? There was a lot I either didn’t know or didn’t understand - you need to get your ring appraised and added to your insurance (what kind of insurance), for example? You need to change how your tax filings and paperwork in general, especially if you choose to change your last name, etc. I’m scared of missing an item and running into some obstacle😫
How do you also ensure that your name and/or your spouse’s name is on the deed and stays there? I’ve come across TOO many stories about one party thinking their name was on the deed only to find out it either wasn’t or it was removed. Or one party dying and the remaining party finding out the place wasn’t on their name or was removed. Or, one party kicking the other out and not being able to advocate for themselves because their name, come to find out, isn’t on the deed😳😞 How do you avoid all that (besides vetting your potential SO properly lol)
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The first thing I want to say is I am NOT a financial advisor or a counselor/therapist. I am not a lawyer. I am a 55 year old database developer (in 2020) and have bought several houses and been with/married to the same person for 32 years. Prior to this person, I played a very large field of folks, and was in a lot of short-term relationships. The longest relationship I'd been in by the time we met was 10 months and it ended very badly. I'm not an expert, I'm just old and experienced. Another thing I am is frugal. While I'm being detailed, I'm also bi, cis, childless-by-choice, mostly-abled, and white. I can't speak directly to the experiences that marginalized folks (especially those with multiple marginalizations) have had.
I'll talk about the relationship stuff first 'cos that'll be the shorter answer. I met my spouse in an online space for roleplaying gamers back in 1988 (before the internet existed there were dialup networks, I was on those basically from 1983 on). The beginning of our relationship was a shared interest in roleplaying games. We also found similar tastes in books. Over time we discovered other shared interests, or got each other interested in the things we cared about. We both love being in the woods, and the natural world. We care deeply about the environment. We have always been in agreement politically. At first we were on opposite ends of religious matters, and neither of us tried to change the other in that regard. Eventually we grew together on that. We both knew from the outset that we wanted to travel the world together.
There have been stumbles. Bad ones. We are able to hurt each other more than any other human on the planet, and we're aware of that. We try not to, but sometimes we just, do. Then we talk about it. We've been in therapy to work things out several times, and have learned techniques for working through our problems. The thread running through all of this is we were committed to making it work, to working through, to not giving up.
We have woven our lives together into a fabric that works for us. This takes trial and error. It takes being willing to make mistakes and, more importantly, forgive those mistakes. It requires you to learn from your mistakes and to do personal work. You have to be willing to change the things about yourself that need changing. Certainly some things are deeply embedded. Those things you need to learn work arounds for. It's especially difficult to figure out which things are too deeply embedded to be changed, and which are mostly habits you can retrain. Ideally they'll be supporting you through this work, and doing their own work along similar lines. If things work out, you're both growing as more emotionally mature individuals who bring things to the relationship that help sustain it through the hard times.
It helps that I am good at things he's not, and vice versa. We have a decent division of labor (both emotional and household). We give each other space to enjoy our different interests, too. I love movies of all sorts, but he's mostly fond of SF and action movies. We will watch those things together, and I watch my romcoms and historical dramas on my own while he's doing his stuff.
Sometimes it's a choice you have to make every day, to stay together. Sometimes it is effortless. Still, it always takes time to build shared experiences. To build traditions. To figure out how you fit together. This is time well-spent, even if you discover that you just don't fit together and you can't make it work. This prepares you for your next opportunity to explore with another person.
Now on to home ownership.
tl;dr is we did research into mortgages and closing costs and everything to do with buying a house before we bought one using various resources (mostly at libraries, this was in the dark ages when we bought our first house)
We were living in Juneau, AK when we got to the point that we had enough stable income to start talking about owning a home. This got us talking about the future, and our plans. Specifically we talked about what it would be like when we were finally able to travel like we wanted. We realized that if we were still in Juneau, all of our travel plans would be doubled in cost because just getting out of Juneau is a trip in itself. We decided (not just for that reason, but a lot of other ones, as well) that we wanted to move and we would buy a house somewhere else.
For a lot of people the answer of "where" is obvious but it wasn't for us. We made a list of qualities for where we wanted to live.
Inside the US
Low population growth 
Not on the west coast 
Not in the south
Within a day's easy drive to the ocean
At least four distinct seasons
There were other criteria we had on the list, but those were the ones that narrowed our search down to Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont. Then we spoke with work friends who had lived in all three states. They heartily recommended Vermont over the other two for a few good reasons. We both wanted to work for the state so we researched where most of the state jobs were located. That placed us in central Vermont.
Deciding where you want to own a home isn't just about what you can afford, but where you want to live. There's a lot you can change about a home once you buy it, but you can't change the location. When you buy a home you're putting yourself into a place that it's not going to be a simple matter to leave if you decide you want to later. It's not impossible, but depending on where you buy, it can be very difficult to sell again. Deciding where you are going to focus your home search is part of the research you want to do.
Figuring out how much house you can afford is a complicated thing. The financial institutions will encourage you to buy the maximum amount of house you can afford based on your income, a snapshot of your debt load, and your credit rating. That's all well and good, but you also need to take into account your actual lifestyle. If you never were interested in cooking, then it's a waste of money to buy a home with a big ole "professional" kitchen because it's all shiney and cool. You could buy a less expensive home with a smaller, more functional kitchen suitable for the lunchables you "prepare" on the daily, and put that extra money into something else.
Figure out what things you must have, that if a house doesn't have it, you're not going to buy it. For some people that's X bathrooms. For others it's lots of inside storage. Make actual lists of these things that you keep handy so you can just check for them when you're doing your search. Divide the list up into "must have" vs "nice to have" vs "I wouldn't pay more for this but if it's there it could be a tie breaker". The list may change as you start looking over listings, and that's fine. It helps you figure out what is really important to you.
Financial institutions. I... hate... banks. I haven't done my financial transactions with a bank (generally speaking) for over thirty years. Credit unions are the financial institution to work with. Of course, that is something to take with a grain of salt because there are some horrific credit unions with shitty customer service and nasty fees all over, too. If you can get into a state credit union (in Vermont anyone who lives in Vermont or works for the state can join the Vermont State Employees Credit Union) do it. There's typically a minimum deposit required in one account (for my credit union I have to keep $25 in a savings account). When you're looking at financial institutions to finance through, do your research of course, but include credit unions in your research. Look for first time home buyer programs (there are federal programs for this, as well). Look for low interest rates. The blog you should be looking into is Bitches Get Riches for more specifics on this. Their information is way more up to date and helpful regarding interest and mortgages and stuff.
You're going to need money to pay the closing costs. That is money that you pay over and above the mortgage. You will need money to put a deposit down on whatever house you want to buy. The deposit tells the seller you're really interested. If they decide to accept the offer from someone else, you will get the desposit back. If they accept your offer, the deposit goes towards purchase/closing costs. You will need money for the appraisal, an inspection (do not buy a home without an inspection, if they won't let you do an inspection, run), and a title search. These are all over and above closing costs. How much you can expect to pay is variable and something else to research. You will also need a down payment. If you can't put 20% of the purchase price in as a down payment, you will also need to buy private mortgage insurance. That cost typically gets rolled into your monthly mortgage payment. You will also need homeowners insurance.
Once you've worked these things out, you're ready to really dig into the listings. This used to be a whole lot more complicated than it is now. The MLS used to only be available to realtors, but that has changed. Most realtors will list houses online in a searchable place (the best places to do searches varies by region, in New England, I would look on the NNEREN website (Northern New England Real Estate Network). In other areas Zillow might be the best place to look. It really depends on what the standard for local realtors is where you want to buy.
The great thing about online searching is you can plug things in, make notes, save favorites, and build lists of features, or things you care about. There's typically photos of the property that get you started, as well. Because of these online tools, you don't really need a realtor to represent you in the sale. You can contact the realtor representing the seller if you want to see a property.
It can be tiring, looking at houses. Doing research. It takes time. If you can't, or don't want to do this, then you can get yourself a buyer's realtor. Their job will be to take the criteria for what you're looking for and find houses that might work for you. They present you with the options, and will arrange for a viewing if you like any that you're seeing. This has the benefit of reducing how much research you have to do personally, but it does mean that they get a cut of the final sale (but it also means you have a realtor on -your- side in the negotiations, though they're not allowed to influence you on certain things like what price to offer). Because they get a cut, some sellers won't work with buyer realtors.
The snarky answer about how you find a realtor you can trust is "you really don't". Realtors are all about closing house sales with the least amount of effort on their part possible. That is their job. That is how they earn their money. Every time they have to do something for you, it reduces the value of the commission they make off the sale. Some realtors resent this, others don't care and just see it as part of doing business. Some of them are really friendly, and love their job and love helping people find homes. Others are snotty nozzles. But they are all trying to sell you the most expensive house they can get you to fall in love with. They will regularly try to go $10-20K over your stated "highest cost" on the assumption that you won't really mind having to pay "just a LITTLE bit more" on your mortgage payment to have whatever feature they're trying to convince you that you really want.
Don't fall for this. Stand fast on your financial limits. Remember that increased purchase price means increased closing costs. Find a realtor that doesn't make you want to shower after you talk to them, and who will take your calls or answer your emails. If they won't communicate the way that works best for you, find another one. There is always another one who has a different style. It's OK to shop for realtors.
Different regions have different rules about real estate. Spend some time looking into your state's rules. Like in Vermont, you have to get a radon test. Some things are national, but a lot are regional. There are SO many guides online these days it should be possible for you to find one fairly local to help you be sure you're doing everything you need to. Your state might even have an agency for helping first time buyers.
Ensuring folks are legit: Find out what licensing requirements there are in your state. Realtors have to take tests and get licensed to sell within their area. This is something they should be proud to display in their office because it's not a simple test they have to take. Appraisers typically need a license, too. To get a title search done you need an attorney, they also have professional oversight. An attorney might ask for an initial low deposit (they have to pay for copies in town offices) but most of these professionals won't ask for payment in advance. If they do, be wary. Ask around to see if that's usual in your area. They usually bill for their services after they've provided their report here. Try talking to a variety of people about what realtor they have used, or what appraiser. Ask for referrals from folks you know (coworkers, friends, family of coworkers, etc). You can also search online for reviews of services and see the bad experiences folks have had (most folks only complain about bad service, so take those with a grain of salt).
In the end, you're buying a service, and the person performing the service should be doing their job. If you find out that they didn't, because they are licensed (and possibly insured), you will probably have recourse. Obviously it's better to avoid that because it's a painful thing. But sometimes that's just how things shake out.
I have to say that I've never considered a situation where my name might have been removed from my deed without my knowledge. I suppose if I were worried, I'd set up a reminder to check on it occasionally, like checking on my credit rating from time to time. I mean, to remove you without your knowledge requires forging documents. I know that this sort of thing happens, but... there's only so much you can do to protect yourself if someone is intent on breaking the law in some way. So, I guess, really pay attention to red flags when you're starting a relationship. Don't assume they will change if they're engaging in concerning behaviors.
Phew, the tax stuff is a whole other thing. It's usually worth working with a tax preparer the first year you're filing after buying a house. They can go over all the paperwork with you, so you understand it. Property taxes are so local that you really need to research it based on where you’re buying.
We have a specific amount on our homeowner's insurance that covers "household item loss" up to a certain amount of money, and we specify how much. We have a LOT of computer equipment, so ours is fairly high. If I were to lose a ring, it'd be covered under that. My engagement ring was a $50 cubic zirconia. Our wedding rings were a few hundred. Our computer stuff is way more valuable monetarily.
About all the things relating to marriage and how it entwines lives legally: that's like a dissertation for another day. :)  There are huge articles out there talking about all the things that getting married means from a legal stand point. It varies by state and even city. It matters if it's a same-sex marriage or not, as well (it shouldn't but some places have "civil unions" which aren't always the same legal thing as hetero marriages).
If you're still here, wow. I'm impressed. I'm happy to answer questions. Maybe consider me like an elderly queer aunt who doesn't mind talking a lot. I hope this helps you.
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talix18 · 4 years
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November 3
Today begins with the time change back to EST, a Fleetwood Mac concert two hours away in Philly, and a head cold. I went to bed at ?? o'clock, woke up at 5:something AM, ate some leftover Halloween sugar, and put myself back to sleep. It's now 10:30 and I've finally made my way out of bed. My intentions are to pace myself and nap so that I'm still awake for the drive home from Philly, but this day's start is not encouraging. I've eaten some pizza for breakfast, so I'm thinking of taking some Excedrin or cold medicine, which will add yet another variable to this consciousness management equation.
I'm saying it's a head cold, but really it's just congestion and a headache. I'll see what's in the medicine cabinet when the cat gets off my lap.
Yes, I've become that sad middle-aged lady in the office with no husband, no kids, and two cats. I know that there are pros and cons in all of these choices, and I know just about the same number of people who are happy with their families as people who are either struggling as single parents with young kids or in unhappy relationships and really, there are no guarantees anywhere. The goal, as Sinead O'Connor put it back in the 80s, is to not want what I haven't got. But that has never been my MO.
Almost every decision I've ever made (or failed to make) has been about giving myself the maximum possible outs. I've never been good at commitment – I've always wanted room to move and now that I have it, I have absolutely no idea what to do with it. I've got all the freedom and independence to make grand gestures and absolutely no idea what to do next.
There's this saying in my specific 12-Step program that says something like “working this thing will give you a life beyond your wildest dreams” and I have a lot of issues with that. (Of course, because I am a philosophizer and an addict, justifying and rationalizing all the livelong day.) My wildest dreams include being in a loving relationship and being Stevie Nicks, so clearly I'm falling short.
So I think, well, maybe that “life beyond your wildest dreams” stuff means living like a productive member of society instead of sleeping in abandominiums. Having a job and a bank account and paying bills. Maybe my bottom wasn't low enough to make the life I have now seem remarkable. I've seen how using addicts live – when every decision is literally about getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. I got clean at 27 and I had very little to lose because I didn't have anything of my own. I was just about to start making some incredibly bad decisions when I got a DWI and a year's suspended jail sentence and was scared straight. I was still living at Mom's and going to grad school.
Maybe my dreams are too outrageous. I have a friend who celebrated 25 years recently and realized that she is living her best life. She has a job that she worked hard for and cares about, is married to a man who adores her, has two rescued dogs, and has a good relationship with her grown daughter. Why are my dreams on such a different scale? I have no ability to want things in any correct proportion. I can't play a damn instrument and haven't sung with anyone in public since I got clean – maybe touring with Fleetwood Mac is aiming a little high. How about I start with taking guitar lessons that don't cause me sleep-disrupting pain? That seems like a reasonable place to start.
Then there are my world travel dreams, many of which I've been lucky enough to live out. I went to India, for gods' sake. Not that long ago. That was amazing and surreal. And one of those things that really is a gift from the Universe, like my job and my house. I got the job I have because my father took my resume in to work and back then, the government had an Outstanding Scholar Program. Because I had excellent grades (despite having graduated from college ten+ years earlier), I was hired at one grade and automatically promoted several more within my first three years, where I've leveled off and received modest within-grade step increases at regular intervals since. I make more money than I ever though I would working a nine-to-five job; enough to put some away for retirement and still have enough to have a life now (like seeing Fleetwood Mac twice in one year or international travel). That alone puts me at a higher standard of living than most of the damn world.
My house also sort of fell in my lap. I had just moved back to Mom's after moving out of a friend's house – she had recently gotten engaged and he had moved in. They got a new puppy, so I took the cat and moved back into the basement. One of my friends' mom's is a real estate agent and told her to see if I was thinking about buying. I wasn't, but I was in my 30s and my cat did not get along with my mom's cats, so it was time to consider a living situation. I had been gifted stock in a utility by my mother's second husband's parents when I was a kid; that money was more than enough for a down payment on this tiny house next to the state park. I was about to get one of those automatic grade increases at work and could afford the mortgage and utilities: voila! Home ownership. Only some of the factors that came together to make that happen were within my control. I've seen people stuck in relationships because they can't afford to support themselves. I've seen people move from spare room to spare room because they can't afford a place on their own. I always wanted a place to live where I'd have enough room for all my stuff and no one could kick me out. (Except the bank, obvs.) I have that and have had it for damn near 15 years.
Maybe my life has been so good for so long that I don't even notice it anymore. There are very few things I have to if I don't want to do them. Just that is a huge freedom.
India happened because I had recently gotten back in touch with a women I'd met when she did PT on my first bad shoulder. She was also a yoga teacher and I'd taken some classes with her, but our schedules stopped syncing and we hadn't seen each other in a while. I responded to one of her emails offering a new class and about a week later, she asked if I wanted to join her for an evening of kirtan. I said sure, and on our way to Annapolis, as we caught each other up on our lives, she mentioned that she might be going to India with the founder of the yoga tradition she practices. “I want to go to India!” I said before even realizing it was true, and she said “Come with us!”
Now I am not a person of spontaneity. I'm not a compulsive researcher, either, but finding out in October about a possible trip to India in January is not way out of my comfort zone. For one thing, I'm a terrible flier. I'm not sure if it's the stress of airport security or being trapped in a steel tube in the sky with strangers, but anytime air travel is involved, my anxiety levels start off near the top of the chart. And this meant flying halfway around the world to a completely foreign country, although with a group that would handle all of the hotel and travel arrangements. It was the best opportunity to go somewhere I'd probably never go on my own.
And to my surprise, my reaction wasn't “I can't do that!” It was “What would stop me from being able to do that?” I had just enough vacation saved, just enough money saved, and a mom willing to take care of my cats while I was gone. I applied for a visa and got the recommended vaccinations and found myself in Mumbai in January of '18. That was a dream I didn't even know I had until it happened.
And it was almost everything I wanted it to be. My own personal eat, meditate, and have sex for the first time in two years. All that was missing was meeting an elephant. (I'll make sure the pictures of me on a camel and of a monkey on me are included at some point.) It wasn't included on our tour (which took us from Vrindivan to Rishikesh), but we added a few days on to the end and went to the Taj Mahal. I still can't believe that happened and I have pictures to prove it did. I know there are many tourist attractions that don't live up to the hype, but trust me when I tell you that the Taj Mahal is worth going out of your way for. Our first views of it were from a distance and looked exactly life every picture you've ever seen, but as I walked toward it and the perspective changed as we got closer...it was overwhelming. The white marble of the building is inlaid with stone of every color and...the artistry is literally breath-taking. We went to a workshop where, according to our travel guide, the descendants of the craftspeople who built the mausoleum still worked creating marble pieces today, several of which made their way home with me. Those Indian people see us white folk coming and I was happy to leave several hundred of my American dollars behind with them.
And that is just sliding onto the edge of today's word count. I wonder how long it will be before I see this taking any kind of shape. I know the whole point of this exercise is just to get the words out, but I'm not sure how long I can do this without repeating myself. Would I be easier if I made something up? You'd think I could wring 10K words out of each decade I've been alive, but even I know that most of them just aren't that interesting.
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Rutger Hauer has passed, and is on his way through the stars, toward the shoulder of Orion and the Tannhauser Gate.
He gave himself to the world of film and created characters which will continue to inspire the people lucky enough to share in the dreams he left behind.
I wrote this a couple years ago - and maybe it’s time to look at it again.
Thank you Mr Hauer for leaving this place a little brighter for your having been here.
Good journey, peace at last.....
————————————————————————————————————-
January 8, 2016
It's Roy Batty's birthday.
Ridley Scott's 1982 movie - Blade Runner - cast Rutgers Hauer as the renegade Replicant in search of his maker.
The film was a brilliant adaptation of Philip K Dick's "Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?"
Roy and a small group of Nexus-6 Replicants, have stolen an off-world transport, killed the crew, and returned to earth - in an attempt to coerce their designer to extend their programmed four-year lifespan. January 8, 2016 was the day of Roy's inception, and also the day his genetic coding has scheduled him for death.
He is being hunted by Harrison Ford, as hired-gun Deckard - a Blade Runner - paid to track and kill escaped Replicants.
----------------------------------------------
In 1982 - the idea of the year 2016 was a mind-numbing distance away.
"The Future" was a place where anything was possible, and our wildest dreams would come true.
It seems like yesterday.
And yet, when I started thinking about the world I inhabited in '82, and where I've washed up on the shores of 2016 - it's been quite an extended sea voyage.
I was married to somebody else.
We walked into town to the little movie theater on Central Avenue, and as we moved to our seats, were told by the usher ( yeah, that's right - there were still ushers ) -"You shouldn't even bother with this movie. It stinks. Four people at the last show actually asked for their money back."
We loved it.
Minds were blown - and we went back two more times, bringing friends.
That Christmas Eve - I had a small stroke. I was 26.
At the time, I was more worried about how the news would affect my husband - and did not fully appreciate my own predicament. He overheard the doctor on the phone making arrangements for what was then, the only echocardiogram machine in the New York area.
"Is that about you?" He asked. I nodded.
My husband passed out cold on the waiting room floor.
I survived. Had test after test after test, and slowly got my left side back under my own control.
Time passed.
We tried for the baby - and a series of horrors led to the loss of pregnancy, and culminated with a 3:00 AM visit to the emergency room.
The husband was so upset - he left me by the hospital entrance, and drove home.
When he inevitably decided that he needed "space" and wanted to "take a break" -(clearly, his office-affair had nothing to do with this decision ) - I used the time to take a good long look at the marriage.
When he came back three months later - I was not the girl he had walked out on.
The world had changed, and so had the locks.
-------------------------------------------------
I moved into the West Village with a girlfriend. It was awkward having a roommate after having a husband, home, and mortgage - but I made it work.
An unusual boyfriend followed, and several years of actors, artists, and cabaret performers filled my days and nights.
It was Manhattan in the '80's. There were nights out spent dancing at the clubs til dawn.
The Met was open late on Friday nights, and my group of fellow oddballs wandered the museum halls every week for over a year.
Art and illustration was my livelihood. I knew everyone in the Village ( at least by sight) and was completely comfortable in my element.
But my friends got sick.
And my friends started dying.
AIDS ravaged the world.
The Village was ground zero, and everyone was terrified. We didn't know where it was coming from, didn't know how to cope with the skeletal friend, the friend covered with sarcoma blotches - was it the end of the world?
In many ways - yes. It was.
The best, brightest, most talented people on earth were dying out - and all I could do was hold hands at the bedside, and attend memorial services.
There was a three month period when I went to a service EVERY SINGLE WEEK.
My dearest friend, Bruce - I never even knew when he was well. We were fellow illustrators, and spent hours a day with phone cocked between shoulder and ear - talking while we drew in our separate studios. He was in Chelsea, I was on the corner of Perry and West Fourth.
We brought children's books to life, and loved the work.
As AIDS ravaged his body, he needed to take long naps in the afternoons. His fever would spike uncontrollably - he called it "Shake and Bakes."
He fussed over the ugly sarcoma lesions which appeared on his arms and hands - he found a theatrical makeup which he swore would cover them up so that nobody would know.
Everybody pretended that it worked.
"Well, my sweet darling angel - I took a shower this morning, and guess what? I watched all my hair go down the drain."
Some medication he was taking, combined with what may have been a chemotherapy cocktail - took every hair on his head.
He entered the shower - with.
Exited - without.
He had been told this might be a possibility, and had already purchased a wig from a professional Broadway wig-maker.
It was awful looking, but we continued to pretend.
He slipped farther away, and was hospitalized on a closed floor reserved for AIDS patients.
I visited every single day.
I brought tiny gifts, saved up stories to make him laugh - and built my day around spending time with him.
His family wouldn't come and see him. Friends did their best, but simply couldn't be with him when push had finally come down to shove.
I remember shouting at his brother on the pay phone in the hospital hallway "I can't make this better. I'm not allowed to make decisions for his care, because I'm not a family member. He is dying, and you need to be here."
He wasn't.
I held Bru's hand, and wiped his forehead. I asked the nurse to turn up his oxygen because he was struggling and begging for air. "It's as high as it will go." she said - and even though it was time for all visitors to leave, she said I could stay.
The day before, he had spent time with a priest who had given him what I now believe was last rites. He seemed comforted, and we said what needed to be said.
"You know Bru....I will ALWAYS love you."
He smiled and said. "I know. And I will always love you too."
He took his last breath a little before midnight.
I closed his eyes.
Twenty seven years have passed since that night.
-----------------------------------------------
The unusual boyfriend fell victim to his own silliness. He convinced himself that another woman was sending him messages about being attracted to him - and he needed "some space" to explore the magic.
He did.
She didn't
And I was magically single again.
As 1990 dawned - the Internet had not been invented.
The cell phone - wasn't.
Video rental stores were visited daily, and made money hand-over-fist.
Blonde, Madonna, and all that wonderful 80's music that my kids now think is divine - were the sounds of the decade.
And I didn't quite trust CD's.....
Times Square was just beginning to shed the peep shows and adult movie houses.
It was gritty, and how I loved it.
July 4th of 1990 I found myself eating in the diner downstairs from my apartment on the corner of 14th St and Seventh Avenue.
It was empty.
I ate my bluefish dinner and went back upstairs to the drawing board.
One single red rocket cleared the rooftops and the stars rained down.
I was bored.
Decided to place a personal ad in The Village Voice. "Looking for an interesting conversation over a cup of coffee....." and some other minor nonsense.
Over 350 people responded in the three days I checked the answering machine.
"I've never answered a personal ad," said the voice on the phone."I live with a grey cat. And I'm reading DUNE. Maybe you could call me, and we'll get a cup of coffee?"
On our third date, he never went back home.
"You know what? It's getting kind of silly to keep paying for an apartment to keep my cat in...."
"So what are you saying?" I asked. "Are you asking to officIally move in here?"
" Nope. Let's get married. It'll be fun. I'm not exactly getting younger - either are you. Why not?"
"It'll either work - or it won't. What's the reason that we shouldn't at least TRY?"
He talked me into it.
Brian and I were married in the Cathedral of St John the Divine, three months after our first date. Twenty five years ago, last October.
Babies happened. Three in a row. "Irish triplets" as my obstetrician called them.
Quinn.
Morgan.
Maddie.
They were (and are ) the three finest people I have ever known - and are the center of my soul.
Brian and I survived critical fulcrum points where the smallest waver would have plunged all of us into hell.
We stared death in the face - death blinked, and looked away,
more than once.
We walked away from alcoholism.
Left cigarettes behind,
Did battle with depression,
and kept walking....
We've skated on the thinnest of financial ice for YEARS.
We've worked and worked and worked some more - and it was never going to be enough to keep the ship afloat.
The kids, as we've laughed over the years have "Never missed a meal."
Nothing was easy, but our youngest will be the third to graduate from college in the Spring. Yes, there are loans to be paid - and we'll do everything we can to help them gain traction in their lives.
About a year and a half ago we took a good hard look at where the road was leading us. Our ability to maintain the income necessary to support our lives in Westchester county, in a big house with a big mortgage - huge utility bills, and a dwindling job market - we came up with a plan.
The bank was unhappy with our syncopated mortgage payment schedule - and really wanted their house back. Things were sliding downhill, and we simply couldn't stop it.
"Let's take the money from my last free-lance job, and buy a house in Ireland."
Found one.
And did.
Sold the house in Westchester.
Packed up everything we could.
Got on the plane.
And here we are.
January 8th, 2016, and it's 1982 all over again.
The Replicant is out of time.
He sits high on the rooftops above the city, rain is pouring from the black skies - and Roy Batty,- in his last moment of life - knows what it is to be fully human.
"I've seen things, you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
We all go through the motions. We get out of bed every day, and do our best to keep our lives and our families moving forward.
We work.
And plan.
And strive for happiness.
I'm no Roy - but I too, have seen things that will pass away with me when I go.
I, too, have learned what it is to be fully, and completely - human.
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thecatladyknits · 5 years
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did i say i started therapy again? well i did.
i like her so far but as usual, i still feel like an awkward dork weirdo and feel mostly uncomfortable pouring my guts out. but i also cannot stem the tide of non-stop talking so i definitely need it.
one of the things i came around to that i realized is like a ‘theme’ in my life and i really hate it but need to figure out how to deal with is always having something “different” that requires explanation or correction that causes me anxiety. and UNFORTUNATELY the therapist did it to me three times and it bugs me... idk if she’s secretly doing it to force me to confront it and sit with the discomfort or if she just didn’t remember but i think it’s probably the latter.
so to be more specific... 
my last name is constantly mispronounced and misspelled. the original German spelling was with an ö but anglicized, it is spelled with an oe. it is pronounced as a short ‘e’ with the ‘o’ being silent - like the name Goetz is pronounced “gets” not “goats” or “go-ets.” my last name is WAY less common. people butcher it in ways that seem impossible or like they cannot read letters. it gets CONSTANTLY misspelled, including on important things like fucking mortgage and house title shit, which is fucking important to be accurate. also because letters sound similar when you’re spelling it out verbally... e, d, p, b, v, g, z can all get confused and 3 of these letters appear at least once in my name. i get the wildest different spellings. it drive me fucking insane to constantly have to correct it. i have no reason to change it other than i just hate the hassle and i won’t do it bc it will offend my family and i don’t want to deal with THAT hassle. i always hoped i would get married to someone with an easy last name, but here i am at 35, no marriage in sight lol
my job title is ‘product manager’. almost no one knows what that is so i have to explain what it is EVERY TIME i introduce myself. sometimes people think it’s like, not really a job and like “seems like all these computer jobs are just bullshit”, so then i end up sort of defending myself. or they’re just like “oh... okay...” and still don’t understand. if you told somebody you’re a nurse or a teacher or a therapist or a mechanic, they would know instantly what it is. 
i work at a very large accounting/consulting firm and because of that, everyone thinks i’m an accountant and work with external clients. jokes about tax season. yeah i don’t know shit about taxes or accounting. i’m an internal support person - you know, like how your company has an internal HR team and admin assistants and finance departments - that literally only work for the company. again, people are like what? why is that a job?
D and i are not married, but people refer to him as my husband often just by assumption based on our ages and we live together and have been together for 7+ years. i wish we were married, but we’re not and it annoys me that people don’t listen. also i feel like the only one who isn’t married and i still have a hang up about why no one has ever wanted to marry me but whatever
my therapist has done 2 of these.
she called my job ‘project manager’ and ‘program manager’ at different times, which are real jobs, but not what i do. she has referred to D as my husband like 2 sessions after we had a discussion about whether i wanted to be married
she also referred to my childhood house ‘burning down’ rather than what i told her which was there was a fire in the kitchen, which damaged the kitchen but didn’t destroy it and got nowhere near burning down the house. i KNOW i did not imply that.
now, i know she has more clients than just me, i’m new to her and i see her for an hour a week. she doesn’t have to memorize everything i ever tell her. it still fucking bugs me! not necessarily bc of her as a therapist but like why am i so uninteresting or unimportant or whatever to people that they don’t remember these things?! they’re significant! my fucking name. my relationship status. my fucking job. not like i expect someone to remember an obscure movie i once mentioned or whatever. but literally the top 3 things people ask you when they meet?? come on. 
why do i always have to explain and defend myself? why can’t i just say something simple and people get it? why am i so forgettable or boring?
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Whatever It Takes-Part 7
Part 1                    Master List
DEAN
I seem to have a history of doing the wrong thing for the right reasons.
When we were kids, everyone considered Sammy to be the responsible one, even though he was younger than me. He was an amazing student, he was kind, and he always tried to see the good in people.  I was a hothead with a chip on my shoulder who was more interested in girls and cars than anything academic.
“Sam Winchester is going places.” His teachers would often say before quickly adding, “If he can escape that no-good family of his.”
It was bad after Mom died. Dad had never been easy, but Mom was the glue that held our family together. When she was gone my father drowned his sorrows in booze and spent most nights passed out in front of the TV. He simply didn’t know how to go on without his beloved Omega.
Sam hadn’t presented yet, but with as tall as he was getting, I was pretty sure he would be Alpha like Dad and me, which sucked for him.  In the movies they made it seem like finding your Omega was your own personal ‘Happily Ever After’.
If claiming an Omega and losing her meant I would become a mess like my father, then there was no way I was ever going to put my mark on anyone. It just wasn’t worth the trouble.
I had been on a date with Rhonda Hurley and stayed out past curfew.  She was a hot little piece of Omega tail who was always up for a good time, and her parents were out for the night.  She knew I was just looking to get laid, and she was okay with that.
If I was lucky, the old man would still at the bar and I could sneak in.  But as I walked towards the house, I saw the Impala in the driveway and I cursed under my breath. When was I ever lucky?
I eased the front door open, and my father looked up from the TV, beer in hand. “You stink of Omega. Out fucking some slut?”
“I’m going to bed.” There was no point in lying.  We’d had this conversation too many times before.
He looked at me sadly. “I used to be just like you.  I never believed in true love, just wanted a warm pussy to pop my knot in.  Then I saw your Mom.  And she was it for me.  Someday your gonna meet your Omega and she’s gonna knock you on your ass. I hope I’m there when it happens so I can laugh my ass off.”
“You’re gonna wake Sam,” I said through clenched teeth.  I was so tired of this, and of him.  He thought he knew me so well.  “Go sleep it off,” I said before turning and heading up the stairs to my room.
******
I tried to rehearse in my head exactly what I wanted to say to my brother. There was so much riding on this conversation.  I wanted to tell him about Y/N, of course.  He would be surprised to hear that his commitment-phobic brother had found his Omega.
Sam had suspected there was more to the story with Y/N than I was letting on.  After we ran into Y/N and that dickhead Pete at Harvelle’s, I was so distracted that I was barely paying attention to a word he was said.  “Who is that girl really, Dean?” he finally demanded after I had completely stopped listening to him.
“She’s just a friend.” I snapped, my eyes searching for her over Sam’s head of their own volition.
“But……” he protested.
“Drop it, Sammy. I mean it.”
Something in my voice told him I wasn’t kidding around, so he did.
*****
I kind of fell into the whole Alpha4 thing by accident.  Dad had just died, and it wasn’t until after that I’d found out about the second mortgage and the money he owed Bobby.  Bobby was like family and had offered me a job at his garage. Sam had been accepted at Stanford, but even with the scholarship, there still wasn’t enough money.  I took all the overtime Bobby would give me, working six days a week until I practically collapsed from exhaustion.
One evening, Bobby closed the shop early because Steve was getting married and we were all going out for beers to celebrate.  The last thing I wanted to do after a long day was freaking socialize, but Steve was a good guy and I deserved a night out.  When we got to the bar, I was surprised to see Benny, who used to work with us but had left a few months ago.
“Dean! Long time no see, brother! Sorry to hear about your Dad.” Benny said, shaking my hand as he sat down next to me at the bar.
“Thanks.”
‘’How have you been? Are you working at another shop?” I asked. Benny had been my closest friend at the shop.  I always laughed a lot when he was around.  Then one day, he just gave his two weeks notice, saying he’d found something else.
Benny looked around to see if anyone was listening, and leaned in. “I don’t fix cars anymore. I found something much better.  Making more money than I ever have.” He grinned at me, showing me the Rolex watch he was wearing.
I raised an eyebrow.  “Oh yeah? Doing what?”
Benny proceeded to tell me how he got paid to help Omegas through their heats.  My mouth dropped.  “Your an Alpha for hire?”
“I get paid for doing something I am biologically programmed to do anyway.  Man, let me tell you.  There is nothing like an Omega in heat.  Best sex ever.” He said with a smirk.  “You know, Dean, they are looking for new people.  I bet you’d be pretty popular.”
When I asked, “How much does it pay?” I knew I was already considering it. Benny leaned over and whispered into my ear.  
My mouth dropped open in shock. “Can you get me an interview?” I whispered quickly before I changed my mind. This may be just what I need to solve all my problems.
Benny waved the bartender over and ordered us both a shot. “My treat.” He said with a wink.  He handed her a fifty and said, “keep ‘em comin’ sweetheart.” Grabbing a card from the same pocket, he slapped it on the bar in front of me. “Call her tomorrow, man! But tonight, we are celebrating.”
He handed me a shot, and I tucked the card into the pocket of my shirt. I raised my glass and clicked it against his. “Here’s to new beginnings!” I said over the noise of the crowd as we drained our shots.
PRESENT DAY
I was staring blindly out the window, drumming my fingers while absently downing my beer when I heard his voice.  “It’s a little early for that, even for you.”
“Shut up, it’s never too early. Can I have another, and one for my friend here?”The server, a pretty little Omega looked between us and gave me a flirty wink.   I didn’t even notice, I had way too much on my mind. But Sam certainly did.
“Dude, that Omega is totally into you,” Sam commented, while he ate his salad. His eyes were fixed appreciatively on her ample cleavage on display in her tight t-shirt.  I had barely touched my burger while Sam seemed to be enjoying his usual bird food. We sat in near silence while we ate until I looked up and noticed him staring at me intently, eyes narrowed.   “What?” I snapped impatiently.
“So, are you gonna tell me what’s on your mind or am I supposed to guess?” Sam finally asked me with a dimpled smirk. “What is your deal, Dean?”
“Can’t I just have lunch with my brother?” I say casually.  “Do I need to have a deal?”
Sam put his fork down and stretched his long legs out in front of him.  “Dude, you haven’t even noticed our waitress has been making eyes at you the whole time.  That’s not the Dean I know.”
I rubbed my hands over my face tiredly.  “You’re right, Sammy. I didn’t notice.  And there’s a reason for that.  I’ve met someone, and she’s it for me.”
Sam’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute! Is it that Omega we ran into at Harvelle’s that night I was visiting you?”
I nodded without speaking. Sam was always so smart.
He grinned knowingly. “I could tell by the way that you looked at her there was no way in hell she was just your ‘friend’.  You looked like you wanted to rip that guys head off.”
Just the memory of that night made my fists clench in anger. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”
“So how did you meet her?” Sam asked curiously.
I knew this would come up at some point. It was the moment of truth.  I wasn’t going to lie to my brother anymore. It was time to come clean.  I took a deep breath and began to speak.  
“For the past three years, I have been working at a company called Alpha4. Y/N started as a client of mine. It quickly became more.  I crossed the line with her. “
Sam stared at me intently.  “Alpha4? Isn’t that for Omegas when they are in heat?”
“Yeah.”
“So you’ve been having sex with Omegas in heat for money? I don’t understand, why would you do that?” Sam didn’t seem angry, just confused.
“Because I can’t make money like that working as a mechanic. Because I needed to make sure you could go to college.  Because now I have enough money to buy my own garage.” I tried not to sound defensive.
“You told me Dad had money saved!” Sam said indignantly, pushing up abruptly in his seat.
“Yeah, well I lied! There was nothing left when Dad died.  My friend Benny hooked me up at Alpha4, and the work was easy and I was able to get you set up in school, and I started saving money for a garage of my own. Everything was going my way for once.”  Sam’s eyes were locked on me.  I had his full attention.
“And your girlfriend is okay with you sleeping with other Omegas?” Sam asked quietly.
I rolled my eyes at him. “It doesn’t matter. I quit. I don’t want to be with anyone but her. I got what I needed from this job, but I’m done with it forever. I don’t regret what I’ve been able to do thanks to Alpha4.  I never would have met Y/N if it wasn’t for that place.” I felt lighter as I talked with Sam.  The truth really does set you free.
“Wow.” Sam as he brushed his hair back from his face.  “So am I going to get to meet your Omega or what?”
I grinned at him. “She really wants to meet you.”
Part 8
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majorwynkoop2-blog · 5 years
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What Dr. Spock Forgot To inform Us
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novicewriter01 · 2 years
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In Search of a Home
It was not long ago that I left my brother’s house because I was a burden on him. Although I paid rent and helped with household work, I always felt like I needed my own home. It is almost impossible in Canada for an immigrant to buy a house, not at least with a minimum wage job. For one, I needed a good-paying job to afford my rent (now I do). Second, even if I have enough money to cover rent, it is only a dream to have saved enough money for the down payment. That is not all, even if I magically had a saving lined up, I still need a good credit history to qualify for a mortgage. This is often incredibly hard to have for newcomers. That’s the reason why I live so far away from my current job which is in Vancouver. I must commute to work every morning for 2 hours. I tried many times to find a house to rent near my work, but rent is so unaffordable in Vancouver that I didn’t even bother checking the place in person. I come from a war-torn country, grew up in a different country as a refugee. My family fled our country when war broke out with no money or friends. Thankfully, we were accepted as refugees and given a home to stay. My father only had a hand-produced carpet with him which he sold in the first few months of our arrival in the new country to make ends meet. However, he quickly found a job and was able to buy a home later. We lived in 1 bedroom apartment with my 7 siblings. We had enough space. I was only 6 months old when we moved to that country. I went to kindergarten, finished high school, and then was able to get into one of the best universities in the country on a scholarship. Through my undergraduate program, I was able to transfer to Canada and continue my studies in one of the best universities in the world. I was very happy when I arrived in Canada as I thought my problems would go away. I am about to finish my degree now, and I already found a job even before graduation. I love my job very much. It is a job that many of my peers dream about. It pays well. I am now faced with the much more difficult task of securing a place I can call home and raise my children. I cannot get married unless I have a place of my own. In Canada, especially Vancouver, even Canadian-born youngsters have a hard time buying their own apartments. Why would that be is a great question to ask, no wonder? It is because the housing market in BC is flooded with foreign money that jacked up the housing prices. It has a tremendous impact on ordinary Canadians, like me, who are fresh out of university. But I never lose hope as Canada is where dreams come true.
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lakeblutomski · 3 years
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so some updates um it's on the mob
i know who it was that's sending some message now it was a blonde male from the basketball and also another was his favorite restaurant an italian place landini brothers the waiter person there who one day i saw had tattoos don't know if that's real but those conspirators and things upset about and the mafia um education popularity
also the other person the georgia roommate parts about that one was someone was i think didn't follow the elephant republican side effects all the all the way to the bottom and backed out and another mentor figures sex thoughts so peoples life purposes and holes in stories or ejaculation
lots of people still trying to keep tabs on me the local alexandrians like someone now trying to off the um person who allegedly is crazy and witness protection program so pimps bookies um my dad and his career so not brando someone else and different people i know i can point out of a crowd their off base bullying (thus always to tyrants va or other personalities that if i thought i'd know who it was)
snitching um scanned 3 magazines um things people weren't familiar with and passionate love affairs teachers lessons um synopsis peoples secrecy missing people the drug business um
the school people so that whole thing sort of lumped as les miserables despite i think a rumor was actual legitamite french had eaten bodily fluids and my citizenship over there um cousin and masturbation secret rooms muslims um
so what's out there um not really offended or well i guess that's not me so moving on um the hbo sopranos and peoples attrition to um secrecy the senator these characters in the plot mario puzo the god father or um still pointlessness it's not real it's as the georgian even said and found out it's a lie
so um misled um old personalities it's the same people it's the same earth coincidentally you don't really um leave the familiarity online predators and plots on the sex schemes um the next door website and being denied service um back to va and things that'll happen as that is dealt with in reality so me um think tomorrow should go okay mostly i'd rather do this then the other stuff due to last times lessons
peoples um education formatted to outrageous cockameeny things like murders prostitutes drug addiction um divorces misled reenlistment
coincidentally another was the oh fbi watchlist actually works for me but it was that oh my entertainment career was destroyed but i am ok sort of um oh all these true things i said that turn out to be completely true so like things i even predict or notice such as i was going to do a here's who the people notifying me are list of them and their motives all of that stuff but then you can't really do much
so there's my i believe jewish roommate from vcu and the intro to someone who had the same name as dexter there's that
there's the person i labeled muslim from maybe isa before the close with sports bets
um there's the thai guitarist who was violent and showed drug systems distribution
there's the artist with the road bike and all of them
there's the new yorkers further about the it was crime syndicates or representatives
my brother and me trying to not have him get into messy things
saw mccusker the other day his i image outrageous career
the west potomac
an example of the true story i see i am at anita's and say that here's what i think this is it's drugs rockstars um transgenders then am reminded there's the coheed and cambria taking back sunday miami tour on a cruise ship
so this one um the big release with the prequelle to the sopranos is ramping up other times things ramp up new school year anniversaries sometimes secretive um election day other changes
so the jewish ghetto and the term is about um hidden societies the amish um oh trafficking births and the city lens on that there's like the yankees or those companies maggiano's is over here
peoples kids going missing um that's some music history is a tangent but um your profession and your passion for fun um love affairs the term was trap lords for getting somehow incriminated
i think a cop family kid both may be going closer towards the std i deemed broken needles so that being hogging sex and then replies to that um other things spokesperson tattoos their lost and getting losed in the crime worlds with the badge as as stated knowing people parents um wills and that trying to agitate and mislead see the story of insurance or the holocaust or others fixed stalking
the doctor maybe mistaken but maybe he is a social worked power on how people will get cornered or dead ends see third eye blind their hit single semi charmed life
ok so different lots of the west potomac's that clothes look affiliation from the veterans affairs off post from fort belvoir and blasting on civilians um a university brand law things followers
the anonymous computer gang one focal point a personality in school others um even unknowns but some if paying attention knowing it like hackers met or which one
mil attempted lifers um benefits arrivals presentation
ok so the drug world a manager teeth missing and pharmacy people the food and drug reps like jansen or dr hines and me getting mostly blessed from them sit here tell what i saw then everythings ironed out and provided for and don't raise the alarms little checkpoints so the term a made man
um who to listen to now there's like shoe box stops on that like don't click that it'll show up and you'll so hearing damage in the neighborhood um the usmc childhood person and all the people branched off from that
ok so the adultery part don't get upset and my parents business so there was other parts tax collectors that's a movie too but people in government so that mentality um sex breaks how that works spirit breaking um different factions arts and education alternatives the record store and others calling but ironies and foolishness
the married so my parents provided for the future um the beneficiary people the school so peoples teaching lesson on that get him pussy you get reward and certificate and people pursuing hiv
um the person from this site that'd be other richmonders um publishers and asians category um inherent vice pynchon defectors
so the cops or which one is it now knowing which local personality the sports gamers with the mortgage clouts those people swinging through um
over here no one showing up to um well there's the cleaners reports so told about a popular middle school person and different branches from that the caverns (rhymes with taverns) and that's like the beatles
tearjerkers from others someone might be gay and eating bodily fluids and lots of people outsourcing schools favors vandalism jumping someone um wild stuff
carrier pigeons the leader the name movie references and um hmm georgian life that like no not near the potomac river something about that as a comfort the reagan airport um the land locked part nebraska others crazy out landish quests
sex tourism here um higher roads and maybe rewards coincidentally
porn changes not interracial and um hanger ons
so getting flattered the sicilian
so the professor his getting me and working together that'd be him and a dwarf (references to books on deciphering and telephone a galaxy) so them typing up a home made gift for me and other things penis guitar um public opinions
grand dad looked mostly okay getting skeletony skeletal um get him out of the keeping place for now heard of hospital for dehydration assume that's actually his two kids who live with him bullying him like head games from their background but so hmm see some of these old timers just keep on going getting the right kick on
so the birchmere club thought haven't been as often little hearing issue but there's a personality there who maybe mistaken i openly we talked about lgbtq that explanation so them um the cool cop who'll show you your way everything high strung think when i was in restaurants pees tips so what's the new music um kingston trio vinyl in my case
showing up for what and the muslims that handled so iraq afghanistan jerusalem like crazy veteran stories more than just a black hat with a caregiver seated going somewhere the turbo
harrisonburg so hearsay um sex addiction drug dealers game zones um vices vices so peoples short cuts a restaurant what common knowledge and directions will tell you as in my case 'cop outs' don't always work also fault finding that now
saw the stones later this like bad ass dangerous turtle thing in head like also british things humor um national geographic a big rollins head the um discipline and some of these song bird stories at dc a nickname was song bird mccain
the blacks vietnam um smokers
people infusing sex with games and other unoffensive details
my blood pressure cuff
calm and relaxed there's some doctors the maybe not retirement circuit so active duties um the reward they got for their effort sex gains and freedoms um then drug scripts the pharmacy that legal and head ache frustration free
so others a painting um american claude monet blonde blue eyes um the other games workshop mcfarlane not as much facebook but um maybe second veteran not generation but va gi bill voc rehabers um each person corner the gays um asian food um high octane and the nfl um each of these then the high traffick time how forgetful
sex
so banned books and others things um words um usages exhale america
ok so thought the real time was sort of not possible though i continued and also it was the other things insurance modesty explaining the guy instead of bill gill um popeye's um over here different map and cool cars um attitude or misleading um
did also thing despite it was very viewed i clicked to see how many two nephew visiting weekly maids
drama going on um the moles in tradoc and apparent back breakers injection knock out drills um phases so new lifes abandoning others um grossness as a weapon unemployment throughout um not annoying transgender um drunkenness inebriated highs um the ivy leaguers and the libraries and effects of purchases
youtube online publishers um companies sites a cafe caffeine um old memories of rare limited edition entertainment
so the story soon movie survey
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Goldman Sachs analyst Abby Joseph-Cohen has made a name for herself on optimism. She was called Permabull (permanent bull) and The Queen of The Bulls (queen of the bulls). Abby was included in the lists of the most successful women in America. Thousands of private investors trusted her every word. But after the 2007 mortgage crisis, Joseph-Cohen's career ended ingloriously.
Brilliant takeoff
Abby Joseph was born in 1952 in New York Queens. Her father, the son of Jewish immigrants from Poland, had a master's degree in finance and worked as an accountant for a publishing company. In the late sixties, he became a chief financial officer of Essence, one of the first magazines for African American women. Her mother, also a Jewish immigrant, worked as an economist at General Foods Corporation (today's Kraft Heinz). Abby was raised with her older sister and attended a regular public school. She studied well, her favorite subjects were physics and chemistry.
In 1969, Abby entered Cornell University - at that time one of the few Ivy League universities that accepted girls. Her main subjects were economics and computer science. The professor tried to dissuade Abby from studying computer science more because she was not "neither an engineer nor a man," but she ignored those admonitions.
In 1973, Abby Joseph received her bachelor's degree and adopted a double surname when she married her fellow student David Cohen. Immediately after her marriage, she moved to Washington, where she got a job as a junior economist at the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System and enrolled in a master's degree at George Washington University.
In 1976, Abby Joseph-Cohen received her Master's degree in Economics and accepted an invitation to an analyst position at the T. Rowe Price holding company. Little is known about her success during this period. In a late interview, the analyst spoke about discrimination at T. Rowe Price - she was denied health insurance for a long time until her husband, an employment law lawyer, achieved compliance with the law.
In 1983, Joseph-Cohen joined the investment bank Drexel Burnham Lambert as a portfolio strategist. Four years later, shortly before Black Monday, she was promoted to Senior Strategist. This is how Abby's first failure happened: without foreseeing the scale of the crisis, the new strategist did not have time to warn customers. Moreover, the morning after the disaster, she recommended clients to buy stocks and bonds, which, according to her calculations, were undervalued by 15%. Against the background of the bank's other problems, this mistake was not very noticeable, but since then Abby has become much more careful.
In 1990, Drexel Burnham Lambert finally went bankrupt due to the machinations of Michael Milken . After that, Joseph-Cohen worked for several months at a merchant bank Barclays, and then moved to Goldman Sachs, which she considered "the gold standard of the financial world." Here, as Senior Strategist, she pitted a confident bullish approach against massive bearish sentiment. A number of successful predictions brought the analyst not only profit but also fame. She began appearing on CNN, CNBC, and other major TV channels, and soon became an advocate for investing in a wider audience. Abby's predictions came true, she became more and more famous.
The peak of Abby Joseph-Cohen's career came in 1997, when the host of the cult Wall Street Week program, Louis Rukeyser, included her in his Hall of Fame, a rating of the best Wall Street financiers.
In 1998, Abby partnered with Goldman Sachs, a $ 5 million bank. Private investors began calling Goldman Sachs "the Abby Cohen firm."
Rapid fall
The bullish market trend predicted by Joseph-Cohen in the early nineties was abruptly interrupted by the deafening explosion of the dot-com bubble. In March 2000, the NASDAQ index fell by more than one and a half times at the close, and with it, the analyst's reputation collapsed. The Permabull nickname began to sound derisive. Newspapers competed in wits, coming up with new ones, like Miss The Turn (literally: skip the turn).
Abby seemed unfazed. “Inflation is a delusion,” she told Fortune in October 2000. - If you look at the entire economic history of the United States, over the past 20-50 years, long-term inflation has been 1.6%. We had six inflationary periods followed by deflation. <...> Every inflation in US history has been associated with a decision to finance a war. Now that that time has passed, we are back to normal inflation. "
In subsequent years, Abby's rating only declined due to her unreasonably optimistic forecasts. The last straw was the mortgage crisis. At the end of 2007, the analyst predicted that the S&P 500 index would reach 1675 over the next twelve months (at that time the indicator was equal to 1468). In 2008, the S&P 500 reached the level of 903, and on March 9, 2009, market participants remembered the ominous number of 666.
In March 2008, Abby Joseph-Cohen was fired from her position as chief analyst at Goldman Sachs, but remained with the company and led the Global Market Institute project. After her resignation, she several times gave incorrect forecasts related to the expectation of an uptrend, but they no longer had a wide resonance. In 2017, 65-year-old Abby retired.
Judging by her recent interviews, she considers it unfair to be labeled a stupid bull that stuck to her. “In 1999, right before the tech crash, I was called the most cautious strategist on Wall Street because I told people on behalf of Goldman Sachs that we were nervous. And in 2006 we said we were worried about bonds. So it is a myth that I am the eternal bull. This is not true, and I can cite many other cases when I was careful, ”says the ex-analyst.
Abby Joseph-Cohen is currently involved in community activities. Since 1997, she has served on the Board of Trustees of the Cornell Institution, Brookings Institution, and the Jewish Theological Seminary of America (JTS). In the latter, Abby was chairman of the board of directors from 2009 to 2015. She is still married to David Cohen and they have two grown daughters.
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rioketzaugrin1989 · 3 years
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farmers insurance sheridan wy
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes from different companies :cheapinsurancequotes1.info
farmers insurance sheridan wy
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Allstate Insurance Companies - Sales Offices- Lawrenceville, - in Lawrenceville, GA
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fastfidesys1987 · 3 years
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17. Bill Richard - State Farm Insurance Agent - I would like to thank you, Joe for the insurance service, thank you for the info, Joe, you should be fine. I’m currently looking into auto insurance and would like to go over what benefits I’d get in the event of getting injured during my car accident because my car was totaled by something other than a motor vehicle. I’ve already paid all my car insurance premiums and nothing was stolen and there were no other drivers involved in the accident. I have also been contacted by DMV to take a look at the other person responsible for taking my cars, and I believe I am not going to be in a situation where I am not physically able to do anything but run away to an area with the least amount of any cars I have insurance with. When I get my insurance my car is going to be in storage at an out of the lot. I would also like to see if we can get this vehicle insured again, I would like to do.
2. Nationwide Insurance- Kingery & Company
2. Nationwide Insurance- Kingery & Company, Ltd., and its representatives are not insured by the Lloyds of Financial Services or any financial representative of Lloyds Insurance Company or its representatives. Home Office: One Nationwide St. N, Room 250, Columbus, OH. Nationwide, the Nationwide N and Eagle and other marks displayed on this page are service marks of Nationwide Mutual Insurance Company, unless otherwise disclosed. ©2020. Nationwide Mutual Insurance Company. It depends on whether your policy was purchased and where you want to take it. However, for many consumers, the cost of a homeowners insurance policy is lower than a auto policy. What to prioritize when choosing your policy is that your monthly payment is equal to your deductible. In a nutshell, your deductible will be less if you are a homeowner, and vice versa if you are an automobile owner. The amount will be the first month of your lease, and the minimum deductible for your policy is $100,000. Your deductible is determined by the value of your home and your insurance policy�.
26. Geoff del Forn - State Farm Insurance Agent
26. Geoff del Forn - State Farm Insurance Agent . He specializes in insuring low- to moderate incomes. To make a payment, you need . To keep the car insurance program open and compliant from the moment you leave work at 12:00 a.m., you do a phone interview – and when you get an email asking you to give us your personal info – do not get the offer. No. There is no penalty – your insurance provider will give you a non-negligent estimate for how much you will pay. You make a personal payment – no one from your insurer, even if they are in the position of driving the vehicle. The insurance company will make its own call on an emergency basis. If there is no call, then an insurance company will not call for you. It is almost as much to do the insurance on your own. If you want to start the process from day one, then you can get a quote and then begin shopping around for insurance. As I mentioned before, getting your quotes can get really expensive.
12. Verdell Jones - State Farm Insurance Agent
12. Verdell Jones - State Farm Insurance Agent We’ll answer your question »   We’ll answer your question »  We’ll answer your question »  As we have said before, the reason we never ask for a quote for another driver is that we don’t want to . In all our conversations, we’re given an answer. In fact, the one time when he was telling us to get to our car when he was doing that, we did it. We got a better rate than you should get because our rates are lower. I think I’ve got a point here that you should never take our name for any other vehicle you drive, and your car number is going to be the number in the insurance applications. I’ll get it. Let’s get started. This means if you’re going to drive any other car about 10.
11. Fountain Insurance Agency
11. Fountain Insurance Agency is a full service independent insurance agency. We have the knowledge and expertise to provide insurance and financial products to our policyholders. In addition to the basics you can enjoy, we also provide everything for everyone in the market to choose from, no matter your situation! Whether you have a car, new house, or you love having a policy, our agents are ready to guide you through the process. Let us guide you over the phone with your car insurance quotes and other helpful information! Fountain insurance agents love that you want to be with them for years to come since they never have to get tired of asking for quotes. We take care of the work in order to offer you affordable insurance at a time you are comfortable doing. Our agents have over 10 years of experience and we are here to guide you from beginning to end. We focus on providing quality insurance and competitive rates to each group. It’s our mission to make it as easy as possible for you to buy. We don’t.
AdErica Herndon Timmons - State Farm Insurance Agent
AdErica Herndon Timmons - State Farm Insurance Agent - The Department of Insurance, Department of the Treasury, Department of Consumer and Business Services, Department of Finance and Financial Services, Department of Energy, and Department of Housing and Urban Development - All of them have been doing amazing things over these past many years. We know that all of these folks have a huge love for cars! I love our State Farm Bank, The State Farm Bank, The State Farm Bank, The State Farm Bank, The State Farm Bank, State Farm Bank of Minnesota, State Farm Bank of Wisconsin, State Farm Bank of Texas and Allstate Bank. We know that our state, including our great state of Missouri, is one of the hottest places, and we know that our families and friends come here to look for their amazing and get the best experience. State Farm Bank Insurance Services, Inc. has made these consumers the first ever property of a life insurance commercial, and is recognized both with its broad range of products and the way they are prepared in the event of a loss.
7. Global Insurance Group Inc
7. Global Insurance Group Inc. is a Delaware corporation. Global Insurance Group Insurance is not licensed or controlled by the United Nations Arms OPC 20:59 631 576. Global’s representatives are not registered dealers or agents in North America. Global Insurance Group specializes in homeowners insurance and other insurance products for those who may have a mortgage, who need coverage for high dollar costs like home loans or even mortgages, and for those who wish to file low or moderate credit card or PayPal claims. For more information, please, please contact us. Global Property and Casualty Insurance is dedicated to providing customers with excellent customer service, affordable prices for their home insurance, and high quality and convenient solutions. Global Auto Insurance has over 30 years experience in the insurance and reinsurance business. Since 1994, our insurance team has been working alongside the leading national insurers to identify potential clients with high risk portfolio and develop better financial solutions. We’ve helped over 30,000 customers with high risk insurance policies and strategies. We will continue to.
27. Direct Auto Insurance
27. Direct Auto Insurance, based in Houston, Texas. Direct Auto has policies in Alabama, Georgia, Indiana, Maryland, Maryland, Tennessee, and Texas. The auto insurance policy for $300,000 to one person would meet the standards of the minimum insurance required of a minimum liability car. For a $100,000-$200,000 auto insurance policy, that would not apply. That would be the cost of having the minimum liability coverage. Direct Auto Insurance does not sell auto insurance through agencies, brokers or the direct marketplace. See our for all the details. Get the Direct Auto Insurance rates Direct offers 24/7 roadside assistance in all fifty states. You can also get a quote online. Get a Direct Auto Insurance Comparison Enter your ZIP code below to view companies that have cheap auto insurance rates.  Secured with SHA-256 Encryption Get the Direct Auto Insurance Rates Direct.
6. Nationwide Insurance
6. Nationwide Insurance Connect Find PCS insurance referrals? Get a free insurance quote Need insurance now? Get a free quote using our FREE comparison tool.   Log in to our FREE insurance quotes tool. Looking for a free car insurance quote? Log in to our FREE instant no-wait hours to get quotes from multiple major providers. Find a free insurance quote for your auto. Log in to the FREE Insurance quotes tool to compare multiple quotes for car insurance. You’re likely thinking of purchasing a new Jeep Wrangler. You also have to understand that all six models in the Wrangler are either owned by a company that is licensed to operate in.
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