#I did not reread and just rambled out

[ray-elgatodormido]

So… Non Ghost Skyrim Lucien

I’ve been sorta just brainstorming ideas of Skyrim Lucien. Overall he’s like Shadowmere but I kinda wanted to add more to him in my Skyrim au and so I bring forth theses ramblings.

It starts off with him being dead and the guard of Bruma finding the nightmarish scene in Applewatch. During the investigation, Sithis got pissed that is Dark Brotherhood fav died like an idiot so the Dread Father did the same void stuff he probably did to create Shadowmere but with Lucien this time. Lucien starts, for lack of a better term, regenerating from his wounds and gained powers such as super strength and regeneration. However that resurrection wasn’t perfect since he’s blind from an eye, deaf to everything that isn’t Sithis or his own voice, more bloodthirsty, less subtle and his lower jaw occasionally falls off.

Well he made quite a ruckus in the North of Cyrodiil for obvious reasons, eventually word spread across the entire province about the man who literally sprung back to life. Some say it could have been necromancy gone wrong, others would point to the deadra. Lucien would enter the Cheydenhall sanctuary and haunt Arquen for a week before brutally killing her as revenge for the whole traitor situation. I don’t think he’d seek revenge on Arquen if this was regular Lucien, but yeah this Lucien is quite vindictive and really really pissed. Not in the loud anger but in the silent rage kind. He eventually makes his way to the Night Mother’s crypt to discover what happened to Bellamont, the Night Mother eventually tell him to calm tf down and that Baadahil deserted her position as Listener, at this point Baadahil is Lucien’s wife and locked herself in Cloud Ruler Temple out of heartbreak and anger.

They both confront each other and Baadahil seeing how dangerous Lucien ended up becoming (he nearly kills Martin and did a lot of collateral damage because he did not calm tf down) , she freezes him solid and seals him in a Dwemmer ruin. This event only made the Deal Brotherhood finale worse for her and Martin’s death was the final straw for her to mantle the madgod. Around 200 years later, before the events of Skyrim, Astrid learns of a legend of the Dark Brotherhood being sealed off inside a Dwemmer ruin. And so Astrid ventures in, defrosts Lucien who finally calmed down and gets him as an ally in the same way she probably got Shadowmere aka he can be brought to Nirn from the same void pool as Shadowmere.

And then the Skyrim time fuckery Au happens and that makes for a very awkward reunion. I mean if I were a 200+ year old undead assassin and found that my long lost wife has been isekaied and is now possessing the body of a Dragonborn and at one point divorced the leader of rebels in the ongoing civil war I too would be weirded out.

Anything to put a soap opera in Skyrim for pure entertainment.

#May not be entirely lore accurate but I am having fun so it doesn’t matter #Also my headcanon as to why Skyrim Lucien can’t be interacted with is because Skyrim Lucien is deaf #But that shouldn’t pose any problems as I made him and a couple other DB members know Sign Language #I mean Baadahil can’t speak verbally and she’s probably not the only one so #lucien lachance #elderscrolls #tall dark and stabby #hero of kvatch #oc #oc ramblings #dark brotherhood #oc x canon #oc: baadahil faris #I did not reread and just rambled out #It feels good to ramble about blorbos #Also yes Baadahil divorces Ulfric Stromcloak less than 12 hours after the wedding because I thought it would be funny #But that’s a story for another time

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

i... wrote a smol fic (っ´▽`*)っ

also!!!!! If you haven't seen it - shoutout to first ever published fic in Ninja Showdown/My Immortal Soul tags - Lustrous Red by @missadmyre !!!

#ninja showdown #my immortal soul #first ninja x chase young #rc9gn first ninja #first ninja #rc9gn #chase young #xiaolin showdown #randy cunningham 9th grade ninja #rc9gn plop plop #well i say smol fic.... but those 4k words felt very long. #i did say i was going to direct my energy into writing >.> and now look at me ive gone insane #no actually dont look at me im just gonna go cry over my 20k words of rough drafts for like dozen ideas that are now going #to haunt my every waking moment like JESUS i woke up today and literally wrote out 1k words of an idea for a modern au for those two TToTT #its literally an au where its a meet cute turned meet violent and first is randy's sorta dad and chase wants to adopt omi #not to mention a different AU where its an epic mystery adventure AAAAAAA someone heeeelppppp meeeee #also. its been a month but im still staring so intently at missadmyre's fic hoping for another crumb. like thank you sm for the food!!!! #ive literally been rereading it several times after i went insane about it on my main blog and im still slurping at it like a starved perso #Ive been collecting my ideas like a dragon but after reading that fic i was like: I WANT TO READ MORE FICS ABOUT THEM #but i dont wanna be a whiny baby&beg others and be annoying about it. So i put on my big person pants and was like f it WE R WRITINg NOW #so i dont care how bad my writing will be. we gonna be balling on those ideas and YES it doesnt make sense im just v rambly rn

[alchemiclee]

been trying to figure out what exactly it is about aventurine that feels perhaps relatable, or what it is that makes me want to study him like a bug...

and camr to the thought that he's pretty pessimistic for am optimist...but also ob the other side of the same coin, he's optimiaric for a pessimist. kinda both at the same time,.or depending on the day or how you look at him maybe.

he's an optimist becuase he knows he's going to win. he always wins. he has always won his gambles. he knows it will happen again and again. his luck, or gift, or blessing, or whatever you want to call it ensures that. but he's also a pessimist becuase he knows that "win" also always comes with some kind of suffering for him. he wins all his gambles, but at what cost? a lot, actually. so is it really a win? he knows he will win, but he also knows he will be used, abused, sacrificed, broken, or in pain. he expects those to be a consequence of his winning luck, to the point of making sure it happens and becomes self-destructive because of it. he acts calmly like it's ok and is the outcome he wants and calls that a win because it's what he plans and expects. he bets on it and it happens.

but at the same time, he's slowly breaking and seems to want it to end. he tests the limits of his luck to see if it's a real "gift" or if it is all a coincidence and has an end. he probably wants to meet the end to end the pain and suffering, but knows his "luck" won't allow it. he wants to be against the luck and see if he can win. a whole contradiction it itself. his luck kept him alive so many times and continues to do so. it will always do so, unless perhaps his end is the goal. what if he bets on losing this time? bets in meeting his end? he needs to get lucky enough to achieve that goal. flip his lucky fate by turning his luck around, make his end the final lucky win.

but it seems like he either lost for once and didn't meet his end....maybe his luck truly does intend on keeping him alive...or he changed his mind in the end and got lucky enough to get out of meeting his end once again...

he's still a bit of an enigma to me and i'm not sure exactly what happened. but he's for sure a complex and amusing character (even if I still want to put him into a snow globe and shake it as hard as I can) and this whole penacony story is too complex for my soggy trashcan brain lmao but i'm enjoying the ride

#hsr #hsr aventurine #hsr spoilers #kinda spoilerish tbh #words #i could be very much misinterpreting him but this is just my brain trying to work things out so its not too deep #its a ramble for brain to try organizing thoughts #this quest left more answers than questions #like. FIREFLY?! is she even real! what is she who is she. why did they leave us on TO BE CONTINUED there! #also not to be a rock nerd but aventurine is a very pretty rock. i enjoy that pretty rock #also i reread this and its basically a nonsensical ramble and doesnt really make sense #its vague and doesnt really grasp him. hes too complex to fit neatly into my rotten worm brain so dont mind me and my rambles lmao #am too sleepy to use brain. make me do dailies and go to bed #ah. a thing i forgot to add to my ramble: hes always been alone ever since his sister left him. he only has himself to rely on #hes a very lonely character who doesnt have anyone to trust or rely on. no true friends. everyone uses or betrays him #perhaps hes afraid of this and further chooses to not trust and rely on anyone too much. he only has himself in the end #that part of him is very relatable. i also find it hard to trust and rely on anyone and am forever alone.....

[blackjackkent]

what do you think wouldve happened in an alternate universe where hector let karlach become a mind flayer?

(A/N after writing this whole answer: whoops, this got out of hand, hope you're okay with an Unexpected Fic. XD Also maybe a smidge weird/dark at the end, although not a ton I hope? Certainly no more than the whole game is weird/dark. XD Anyway I hope you enjoy. <3 )

Ohhhhhhhhh.

Anon, I love you for asking me this question. <3 A very intriguing one!

And it is because I love you for asking me this question that I have braved looking up a video of Karlach actually becoming a mind flayer, which I had put off doing because I am a softheart and I knew it would hurt and also make Hector yell in my head. XD And when Hector yells in my head it's a whole thing because he does double Flurry of Blows against the inside of my skull for 140damage and it's rough enough in there already.

However! I have now watched it and done some thinks. (Hot damn, Lae'zel is MAD too, at least in the version of the scene I watched. The whole thing is very upsetting.)

Fundamentally it would be a tragedy, and not just for Karlach. Watching the way the scenes play out - there is just enough of Karlach in her speech that Hector would not want to disconnect from her. I think perhaps it touches on the same hope that kept him expecting a miracle for her heart right up until the end of the game - somehow, somehow we can make this work, somehow we will find a way...

But there is no way. This is who she is now, a creature of the Astral Sea with his love's voice and an empty place where her soul should be. And unlike the engine situation he can't even kiss her to make himself feel better because she looks like a squid.

-----

The one saving grace is, I suppose, she does seem happy enough. In the epilogue, she states that she has found a way to get brains to eat by consuming from terminally ill patients at a clinic in Baldur's Gate, people who have volunteered for the process because they are about to die anyway. And she talks about helping all of them live on by absorbing their memories and carrying them with her.

It's... sweet, in a way, Hector supposes.

He tries to keep busy. There's no battle in Avernus to occupy him in this timeline, so he primarily works with Jaheira and her kids on rebuilding. It's hard, physical work; it keeps his mind occupied. At first he sleeps at the Elfsong; later, after some nudging from Rion, Jaheira offers him lodging at her home, where he takes a hand in raising the latest crop of orphan children she is protecting. He sees Baldur's Gate start to bandage its wounds and begins to believe there was some purpose to all his struggle.

But his own wounds do not heal so easily.

He visits the clinic often. He and Karlach talk. Her voice is a slow near-monotone in her accent, unlike anything he ever heard from her before. Sometimes he can hear a twinge of her humor or a turn or phrase, and his heart leaps... but other times she speaks of things like destiny and infinite time in a way that reminds him more of the Emperor than the woman he loves.

She never laughs. She doesn't curse. There is never even the slightest mention of sex; though she still fully understands a double entendre when he makes one experimentally, she seems to take no interest in it. She seems to exist slightly beyond him, with a view of the world that is no longer of the Material Plane.

And yet... she does know him. She remembers everything - stories he told her of his childhood in the monastery, details of Selunite rituals she learned from him, quiet moments in camp he half-forgot himself. She still calls him Soldier, and sometimes Hec. She remembers her own parents; she remembers the city. There is just enough of her still in there... just enough for it to squeeze his heart.

----

One day she walks (well, floats) with him to the Singing Lute; she sits with him while he eats. They talk about the rebuilding; he points out from the balcony some of the new homes he has worked on. She is quiet for a long time. "It is good to see the place begin to live again," she says, in that strange cool slow voice that has replaced the old jocular drawl. "It's what it was all for."

He nods. "Do you regret it? Any of it?" Do you remember what we had? What we've lost?

"How could I, Soldier? The city still lives. You still live." A long pause. The old Karlach might have laughed sardonically, but there is no humor. "Even I still live, and I have grown beyond myself. What is there to regret?"

It sits like a rock in his stomach. If she is content, what more can he ask for? And yet it hurts... it hurts...

-----

Jaheira notices that he begins to withdraw back into himself, that he is quieter and more serious. She mentions it to Gale, on one of his visits to the city from Waterdeep.

"You're not wrong there," Gale agrees. "You weren't around yet, when we knew him fresh off the nautiloid. He was much more careful, then. Very controlled. The very picture of monastic stoicism - in between the panicked realization that we were all undergoing a supreme nightmare that never ended, of course. He lightened up, over the months - certainly by the time you knew him."

Jaheira purses her lips. "And this... he is returning to his old ways, you believe?"

"I don't think it would be unreasonable to assume," Gale says, with a sort of bleak humor, "that Karlach is no longer providing the same amount of compensatory levity that she used to."

-----

In the end, almost two years later, Lae'zel is the only one who speaks to him of it directly, and she is brutal - but effective.

"You have been hollowed out, she'lak," she says bluntly, on one of her rare visits from the Astral Plane. "It is a lessening of you. Do you still trail after your ghaik as if bound to her by a lead?"

"I have done much in the city since you left," Hector says, somewhat defensively.

"Chk. I do not speak of your body's business, k'chakhi. I speak of your mind. Your heart. You have lost yourself. You live only for others."

"As I was raised to do. As I have always done."

"Hector." She rarely speaks his name directly, but she does now, and it makes him jump. "You know of what I speak, and I will not have you ignore it. Your work in the city is admirable. You have cause for pride and contentment. Yet you pine after Karlach as if you hope to find her in the shell wearing her voice."

"She's still in there, Lae'zel."

"You mislead yourself," she spits. "Was it not you who taught me the strength to look beyond mindless devotion?"

That stings, and unconsciously he stands up a little straighter. "This is not mindless. It has been earned," he objects.

"Tas'ki. She is ghaik," Lae'zel says flatly. "What remains of her will dwindle, day by day. You know this as well as I." A pause. Then her eyes soften, and her voice with it. "You do not honor her sacrifice by this emptiness, Hector. Nor do you honor yourself."

He says nothing. His lips draw into a tight line. He hears her, and he does not want to.

"Think on what I tell you," she says - for all the world, now, as if she is the wise mentor and he the student in need of guidance. "You are no fool. You know I speak truth. Do not discount it."

-----

It takes a long time, but he does eventually start to come back to himself. Ten years. Twenty years. He grows old, though he loses none of his strength, his training too ingrained to allow him to weaken with age. The city reforms, stronger than ever, and he slowly begins to learn what life is, outside of both monastery and war.

He teaches self-defense to the children Jaheira rescues and others in the Lower City. He learns to (very badly) play a lute at Alfira's school. He tries his hand as a woodworker after so much carpentry work in the rebuilding of the Gate; one day, with some pride, he gifts Halsin a raggedly carved owl in return for the duck. He travels with Shadowheart several times to the House of the Moon in Waterdeep, reaffirming his faith in the light that has guided him through so much darkness.

And he reads voraciously. Everything he can get his hands on, from every library in the city. There is far more knowledge in the world, he comes to learn, than the particular cache with which he grew up.

He visits Karlach less, over time. And Lae'zel was right - there is less and less left of her each time he sees her. She is drifting away from him. And slowly he comes to terms with that - that what they had was a wonderful thing and a fleeting thing that will never come back to him. He learns to live for them both, for the life she would have had with him, had there been time.

He does not love again, though. He lived his whole life devoid of romance before he knew her, and he has little interest in trying to find it again in the years that remain to him.

For the most part, he moves on, and eventually finds himself relatively happy. But there is one last concession to sentimentality and to everything he has lost.

-----

On one bright, cold afternoon in mid-autumn, many years after the Netherbrain has faded into a bleak memory, he goes to the clinic. She is there, much as she always is; she has not seemed to age much in all these years, though the tentacles are slightly longer, a bit more nuanced in their movement.

He, though, is old; the grey dappling in his hair and beard has faded to white. His body acts as strong as ever, but time is implacable; he knows, as she once did, that he has very little left. It is a strange thing - a weakness of spirit rather than flesh, old age's deeper destruction that even the most disciplined monk cannot stave off forever. He is not dying, but he would be dead soon, likely within a few tendays.

"Hector," she says, flat and cool and almost unrecognizable, and inclines her head at him slightly. "You have settled everything?"

"Everything," he says quietly.

"You are still certain it is time?"

"Yes."

"Then we will begin." She gestures him to a secluded corner of the clinic, with a comfortable chair set up for the purpose. He settles himself there and looks up at the clinic's cracked stone ceiling and waits.

"It has been a good life," he comments, as much to himself as to her, as he waits for her to approach. "Lae'zel was right, that I had to move on. I have done much, seen much. I am proud of what we achieved - all of us."

There's a long, expectant silence. Then he leans his head back, closes his eyes. "I never stopped loving you, you know," he adds softly.

"I know," she answers, and her jaws sink into his skull.

#hector carlisle #long post #drabble #au: illithid karlach #WELLP I MADE MYSELF SAD AND NEED TO GO REREAD MY POSTS ABOUT THEM SNUGGLING ABOUT 50 TIMES #this answer got very out of hand and rambly and self-indulgent :P #although maybe that's what you were hoping for idk XD #i've mentioned before that hector did not come out of the monastery well-equipped to handle tragedy in a productive way #so this is not a timeline that is ultimately a good one for him i think #even though it ends on a generally positive upturn #i hope the ending is not too out of left field XD but it wouldn't be an illithid ending without just a smidge of KindaFucked Up Shit i thin

[r0bee]

So it was YOU! YOU'RE the one who made me think wanting to kiss my best friend in primary school was a normal friendship thing DAISY WELLS!! CURSE YOU AND THE GOOD CHARACTERISATION/FORESHADOWING IN THE IN-CHARACTER GLOSSARY!!!!!!

#Decided I want to try and reread Murder Most Unladylike but I couldn't find the first book so I skipped to the second #And this is such good foreshadowing for her being a lesbian (read just past that scene after finding out about it and trying to finish that #book but it was during my first burnout on reading in secondary school) #But like. Now I'm thinking it was maybe part of why I thought my crushes were just friend things #Like this wouldn't be the one thing that did it but it was maybe a big contributing factor bc I loved the word pash #I was a little obsessed with it I thought (and tbh still think) it's a cute word #But like. What I had weren't that bc they were crushes even though I do think pashes are a thing!! Like strong platonic desire for someone!! #Idk I'm rambling in the tags #murder most unladylike #daisy wells

[subarashiihibi]

i've already written about these quotes in my own drrr novel notes but i have to post about it here too just because i need to speak about it again but

narita describing izaya as 'very difficult to grasp or classify' here in his first real appearance and introduction is so UGHHHHH it's so fucking good. izaya is like an enigma and he is so complex and he's got all these things going on with him that all work to make him so so so beautiful and so i just really like that narita worded it like that. i love to observe izaya like he's a specimen under the microscope.

the other things i highlighted were also very important to me i think the 'anything that wasn't himself' is also a good glimpse into izaya's personality and the way his mind works. 'equally pleasant face' i just like that one cause i like when they call him beautiful in the story . <3

this also made me feel like i was going to ascend from my couch first time i reread it a while back. how interesting is it that narita describes mikado's feeling as though his 'entire existence would be denied' by the very man who so obviously struggles with facing his own humanity and instead chooses to see himself as an omnipotent figure. i just idk i'm not even going to try and get further into it bc i'm already like just feeling like i need to start rolling around and pulling my hair out but my god i love izaya orihara so much he truly is the goat he is MY goat 🙏🙏🙏

#do u know how hard it was for me to type out coheremt thoughts on this instead of just going #RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and adding 30 reaction images #anyways. opened up adobe acrobat just to highlight the text in cute colors. #i need to get back to my drrr novel reread/annotating bc i have so many thoughts about izaya #but the main thing stopping me other than school is that #i have it all on my izaya site... and i dont even have a set layout for it yet... #if anything i am really unhappy with how it currently is because the quote(s) and my annotations are all together #and i want them separate. #actually the way i did the shizaya fob lyrics thing is inspiring me to just go and use tooltips but like. #i dont like to use js when i dont need to... #i might just try doing a side by side thing but then i'd have to use scrollboxes to ensure the sdame height #sorry. sorrey. rambling again. i will be quite now

[ruinakete]

☽ ・WHAT MAKES A PERSONALITY.

a template ( created by the wonderful Ree ) for analyzing features of a personality beyond listing adjectives. written beneath a readmore because of length, not spoilers!

SELF-CONCEPT

VIEW OF SELF: highly upheld on a pedestal created by her late tribe and the hierarchy of Fell Churches. though clouded by a heavy sense of superiority, there is the slightest chance of self-awareness from her, though it is an introspection that takes time. what is important to her is that she, above anyone else, knows her heart and mind. no one else can claim to relate to all she has lived through and she knows this; though the level of tragedy she connects this with is debatable. likewise, her view of self is duller than her view of others, as she truly does not care for herself at her core. this is not self-deprecation, rather it is the monotonous feeling that comes from knowing that, at the end of the day, she is what her tribe and Sombron have made of her. there is nothing else and nothing more.

VIEW OF OTHERS: hardly memorable. unlike her, time will pass for them and they will die, so their only purpose is to serve until their last breath. will she remember their names? hardly, but the impact they have will outlive their body. as a direct result of her behavioral inconsistencies and traumas, she alienates herself from society and, thus, does not view humanity and other immortal beings in any positive light. they are only useful under a leash. they are only useful if they can be wielded as pawns. if they stray from their fated path, then they must be punished. it is as much a law as it is instinct. either way, none of them will equate to the space necessary in the void of her heart; what she needs is a family, and other people cannot give this to her.

VIEW OF WORLD: unforgiving. selfish. the world is cruel to those who surpass their fate and, thus, she bares her teeth and takes as much from the world as she thinks she deserves; which is everything it has to offer. in her eyes, the world is ever-changing and will not wait for you to mend your wounds, no matter how closely you hold it at heart. you will not survive if you are not the aggressor. her environment taught her that pain is love and such love, one strong enough to destroy what it has created, is punishment, in its own way. to love was to hurt until you knew nothing else; to grieve was to love with all your heart. if you sought love then you had to seek the pain that is obligated with it upon your faults. thus, all relationships of value between her and the world were, and will always be, transactional.

MOTIVATIONS & GOALS: serve as Lord Sombron's greatest follower until he sees her as fit to be the mother of his child. whether it be one or plenty, she hopes to bear them and give fruit to lives of her blood. upon birth, they are hers, as a mother and idol and god. and that, the idea that, one day, someone she brought into the world will revolve that very world around her, is what keeps her focused on the future. but somewhere, along the line, another motivation has formed upon her arrival; protect the Four Hounds and restore what they once were.

WHEY THEY VALUE MOST: family, both in the physical and metaphorical sense. the idea of having and taking from someone who owes you their entire life for giving fruit to theirs.

EMOTIONAL REACTIONS

REACTION TO STRESS: most, if not all, negative emotions end in her lashing out in an attempt to regain the control she once lost. so, when stressed, her composure falters; she becomes jittery, scheming, and distant. she'll refocus all of her energy on picking apart the stressor and, upon recognizing what it is, eliminating it without hesitation. this could mean directly destroying the stressor or completing it, but whichever it is, she does not ignore it. it, also, does not matter what this stress comes from; whether it be a responsibility, environment, or person. the execution, however, of this determination is usually heartless and selfish, as she will go through anything and anyone to calm the nerves of her heart.

REACTION TO FEAR: though fear, too, is a negative emotion, it does not necessarily end in an unwavering sense of hostility. to fear something is to think that it has the weight to actually affect you. and, thus, it is fine to say that fear isn't an emotion she's faced often in her thousand years of life. upon first face of this subject causing her fear, she's incredulous. confused or shocked, rather than frightful. but when the emotion sets in, she becomes quieter. curt. this silence is not submissive, lest it be in the face of Sombron. her following reaction will be to right what has been wronged; control. she will combat this fear with confrontation if the risks prove to be lesser, but she knows her limits and will not provoke the fear if it will bring her harm.

REACTION TO SUCCESS: to revel in her success is not rare. this is, usually, done in the form of taunting the losing party. however, her reaction to success differs between the success of herself and the success of those she deems as hers. for the former, she does not seek praise. it is not the acknowledgment she requires, as that is flawed and not taken at heart's value. if not from Sombron, then she does not want it. however, praise is what she requires when her pawns succeed. for them to win is a win for her, as it reinforces the greedy pride of being able to create something worth loving. otherwise, success, to her, is conditional and can always be revoked. it is not something worth celebrating by the masses. in fact, it could be argued that success makes her hungrier for the possible retaliation that will follow.

REACTION TO FAILURE: depends highly on who she fails regarding the event. in light of disappointing Sombron, her apologies are swift, curt, as there is nothing else to say. her willingness to right, again, what has been wronged is high and she will take no other answer unless she's given the other chance. there is no guilt, as she does not recognize such a feeling, but the feeling aches similarly. if in the case of failing herself, her reaction is duller. again, at her core, she has come to terms with the fate she's been given, so all she is to do is find her way back unto the path paved for her. she'll try again, more determined, but emotional reactions are little to none. she understands herself best and will right herself accordingly, aiming to engrain into her the teachings that made her who she is.

DEVELOPMENT

IDEAL SELF: is constantly changing, to the point where she cannot fully recognize where she, herself, wants to be. what amount of development would be enough? from whom would this development come from? all she knows is that the ideal life she sees fit for herself is that of a mother, as it was the only thing able to fill the void in her heart. key word: was. new events have shone a light on her ideals and hope to shift them. unfortunately, because of her lack of concern for who or what she becomes, as her fate will always be written before her, the exact ideal self is unknown.

AREAS OF GROWTH: as mentioned before, loneliness is still a factor she hopes to heal. being alienated from others, even dragons like herself, because of the behavior she adapted to in hopes of defending her heart will always prove her efforts futile. to grow requires the knowledge to understand exactly what is necessary beforehand. thus, her concept of what can heal her is false and flawed. it's simple and, if she does not recognize her emotions and pick apart the years of manipulation, all will be hopeless.

BARRIERS TO GROWTH: the inability to wear her heart anywhere that is not the steel bars of her ribcages; the continuous conquest of favor for Sombron; the inability to recognize how she has affected the world and vice versa; the inability to be truthful lest she fear bleeding out on the spot; and time wearing away at the familiarity she should have with her own emotions. there is a lot that stands as an obstacle to her development. none of it will disappear quickly, so she must approach it slowly and with patience.

#☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ a bleeding dragonstone; her heart crystal ・ 【 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 】 . #☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ she; the daughter known by her teeth ・ 【 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 】 . #been chewing on this template for some time now and after rereading the entire script and watching zelestia's supports... call me inspired #thank you ree for the template!! always cheesed to fill this out. especially for such a complicated muse #of course since zephia is still a newer muse of mine and i have yet fully perfect her voice this is viable to change in the future #also.. tried to be vague w this so no engage spoiler tag! please lmk if i definitely should though :D #most of this is rambling as that's the best way i come to understand characterization. esp in light of her true feelings being quite hard + #to pinpoint since lying / manipulating has become second nature to her: to protect herself and weasel her way into others' hearts #also it is veeery possible that i may have misunderstood a few of the categories.. if i did then look away i'm just a silly little guy

[quatregats]

He literally has the most embarrassing middle-school level gay crush on his captain and he's being so so brave about it <3

#it's been a year since i even did a semi-reread of book one (a proper reread is on the docket once i get through blue at the mizzen) #but i'm a little bit fond of him. like he's having such a rough time out here and everyone's so mean to him ://// #tbf he also makes it other people's problem but i don't care gay rights #the world needs more mediocre middle-aged gay guys who aren't afraid to be cringe 😔✊ #perce rambles #aubreyad #i have a james dillon on the docket as well but we'll see if that ever gets done #master and commander truly has some excellent characters though <3 they just don't make them like that anymore (book 20)

[sadgirlautumn]

I saw mocking jay part II in theaters when I was 12 and it was the movie that made me read the books because I was so shocked by prim’s death and I was mad my mom didn’t warn me about it before I saw it on the big screen 😭

#it’s a moment that really sticks out in my brain because I was never upset over a character death that much before #I felt bad for rue but prim was the who reason katniss did all of that and then she just gets blown up????? #I really did not get it at the time #also reading the hunger games at 12/13 and then rereading them at 16 during Covid was a trip #I didn’t realize how similar it was to our world and that made it scary #autumn rambles #anyway I’m excited to see tbosas but I’m not sure when I’m going yet

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time

#First chapter I changed the opening bc I always thought it felt off/abrupt and wanted to have it be prince pov from the start #I wanna get in his head more ok sue me #Beyond that tho it was just some wording edits #Specifically with the internal dialogue moments I helped them flow more/feel more like thoughts #Also mj gets a bit more of their usual edge/pessimism bc the prologue they always felt a bit too “ówò sad poor smol bean” or whatever #That’s it tho chapter 4 I didn’t change bc it’s peak #Did add some teases to later things tho like snatch senses mjs soul at the end of his chap but doesn’t realize it #Or like I added the Not Now running thing in the earlier chapters bc it was more of a chapter 4 thing so I wanted 2 set it up more so boom #I think that’s all the notable edits ig like I said just description additions the only actual new thing is the opener for chap 1 👍 #Also also I got to include a hc that I have that I neglected to do before but I hc a!prince used plural internal dialogue #Because lol we love dramatic irony in this house #Grace post #this reminds me tho one of these days I should look through heart strings chapter one to look for editing things #Bc I think I did that recently but I don’t remember it much tho #Mostly just when the Hat stuff starts that was the parts I never directly rewrote I just edited them so they feel out of place in my brain #Also I’d wanna edit her dialogue bc it *was* in character (after rereading her diary’s to confirm) but I wanna have her be a bit more snark #Hat is Hard bc i Need the balance of cute little kid and also smug little shit (affectionate) like she is a pain to write man cries #This is just me rambling lol ignore it I just wanted to spam aau thoughts #In other news I made shapes redesigns but I’m on the fence on posting them bc idk if I wanna spoil or not hhhhhhhhh #Nowadays I’m more chill w spoiling things than I used to be #But there are a handful of things I’ve kept shut about (ex being princes name or mjs species stuff etc) #So I’m not sure if this thing with shapes i should keep secret or just post bc I used to spoil it but idk now #Shrugs #maybe I’ll do a poll later I dunno #Ok yapping over byeeeeee

[kakusu-shipping]

Ted B. Grizz himself

#Mr. Grizz #Splatoon 3 story spoilers #Me? Redoing the Grizz boss fight just to grab better screen shots of him than anywhere else on the internet has? #It's more likely thank you think #Why are high quality Grizz screenshots so hard to find did NO ONE want to photograph his BEANS??? #When he gets his claws out and you can see him paw pads I want to scream #Behold him. Perfect shaped sir #Also I'm rereading his wikis and I'm very obsessed with the way he's written in Japanese #black company boss Grizz.... #Also he calls the player 'Little One' in Dutch which probably comes with the same conotation as 'Kid' in English #But I am OBSESSED with it even still #where are the Grizz X Readers I need them I need them everyone stop being cowards and write Grizz X Readers please #I can't write them myself they'll be too self indulgent they won't be X Readers at that point honestly kdjgkfjgk #I apologize if this ended up in a tag it isn't supposed to be in because I am rambling it happens #him........ big bear......

[oh-gh0st]

ok i actually need ot ramble ab that wip

#ghosts rambles #in the tags ofc. smiles #no cause i have been DYING to actually animate something and the thought popped into my mind the other day #like i was rereading the isolation imagine and i was seeing it play out vividly in my head and i just. what if i animated that #i had a couple hours to kill tonight and i was stupid bored so i got to drawing ! #the good thing about this is that i dont really have to quote on quote animate??? #like no over the top frame by frame stuff. its a lot of still frames and only slight movements #or repeating ones #there was only 15 storyboard images i did for this so i think that says a lot #plus i like leaving it at a cliffhanger technically. u get to imagine how they work it out ^-^ #there's 11 unique backgrounds i have to do and Hopefully the editing of frames wont be hard. like the phone turning on and off #and light sources from like the sun outside w choro or the light from the shades in ghosts bedroom #and obviously this will take a while. like i cant promise a definitive date of when itll be done #earliest is like prob by the end of november depending on my schedule and motivation #OK RAMBLE OVER. if u have any questions feel free to ask ^-^ i heart talking

[absurdumsid]

I didn’t know you were a ninjago fan

anon you havent even reached the tip of the iceberg /lh

#like.... im into a LOT of things that i filter out because i wanna TRY and stay on just. one interest #like did u know i love mp100 (has rewatched it four times) #did u know im obsessed with fire force (has rewatched it ten times and reread the manga too many times to count) #or that i absolutely adore chainsaw man ? or dunmeshi ? or danganronpa ? or jibaku shounen hanako kun ? #i am a fan of maaaaany things !!!! #sid answers #sid rambles

[ifievertoldyou]

man, i wish that i had thought to take notes on the basic timeline when i read atol :/ i have done that with thaw, but not atol, which sucks because i think that would be incredibly useful sometimes (aka: right now, as i'm trying to write my thaw comment)...

#~ever rambles #thaw nation #going to have to remember to do that whenever im motivated enough to reread atol cover to cover again #atol is so freaking long that i can only do the 'entire work + ctrl f' method on my laptop bc it literally breaks my phone halfway through- #so a written timeline of what happens in each chapter and how much time has passed like what i did for thaw would be so handy sometimes </3 #the amount of times i've wanted to reread an atol chapter but couldn't remember which one and had to seek it out is too many to count #(bc i do reread atol a lot still just not cover to cover like thaw bc that's a Lot) #but yeah that is definitely on the list of things for me to do in the future #long tags

[crazynerdandproud]

I’m trying to write around 300 words every day and I couldn’t go to bed unless I at least tried to sit down and write. I’m happy to say that I slaved away and at the end wrote over a thousand words. Yay!

#I looked at my psych wip for like less then a second #before abandoning it to quick reread a short one-shot I have in my drafts #and I managed to double the word count for my Macgyver X-men crossover fic #it was kinda annoying actually #Alex was supposed to just cause absolute havoc #and hurt one of the team when he escapes from the Phoenix institute #but apparently he’s playing spymaster #not sure if I’m going to keep the whole spymaster part for sure #but I mean he isn’t going to cause much damage at all #in fact at this rate he will figure out what’s going on pretty quickly and then trust the team #but where’s the fun in that #and even though I doubled the word count of the fic he still hasn’t escaped yet #not that he needs to escape but he doesn’t know that #he just woke up in a medical place with two doppelgängers of some very not nice people who actually aren’t the worst in this universe #so yeah fight it is #I’m toying around with the idea of him somehow accidentally releasing Murdoc or something #idk #we’ll see where it goes #he better get out soon though cause Bozer is going to find out sooner rather than later that he’s bullshitting him and he isn’t Mac #I did not think I’d ramble this much in the tags #I’m just happy I’m making progress because soon I get tot switch to jack’s pov and it will be great #still don’t know if I’m going to have Mac waking up after the explosion at the manor and trying to find his way home or not #I mean like that happens but I don’t really feel like writing that right now #maybe it could like #be a kind of connected series? and I can just eventually write Mac’s universe hopping adventure? #alright I’m headed to bed #goodnight!

[little-green-lies]

I can't believe you think they're treating Choni badly this season or that they have bad storylines and especially that they painted Toni as a villain in 708 when she was simply finally granted some perspective and they tackled an issue with their own writing that always plagued Choni back in the high school days, to show how much they've matured. Their content this season is nothing short of excellent.

Okay this is the second time I'm typing this because Tumblr glitched and wouldn't post the first one. I probably typed too much but I really wanted to give you a solid answer. I will try to keep this more succint but I have a lot of thoughts on this so hopefully it posts this time.

I apparently also deleted my first paragraph so I've typed this section out three times now. I do not think they are treating Choni bad this season. My issue is and will continue to be the setting for this season. After two seasons of them not being together they've now thrown them into a situation in which they "can't" be together and that irks me. I thought when we got confirmation that they were soulmates, that maybe just maybe they'd let them be fully happy in the final season. And that is the full crux of the issue, it's the LAST season. I discuss Riverdale a lot more on my main page (which I encourage you to check out because I do speak about this a lot more in the tags of a lot of my Riverdale reblogs) but i actually just made a post stating that I think this may be Riverdale's best season. They opened this season with one of the strongest episodes I've seen in television thus far. Especially coming from a CW show. I do think this season is also shaping up to be Choni's second best season. They've had a lot of solid scenes and Vanessa and Madelaine are giving it their ALL. That being said, forgive me for hoping the last season would be spent wrapping up happy endings mixed with the usual Riverdale drama. I did not go into this season expecting SO MUCH new plot. And if it wasn't the last season, I wouldn't complain as much. That's always been my biggest gripe, it's the last season. That's all. If this was season 5 or 6 and I knew we had 7 seasons, then I would have nothing to say. Because yes, it's given us some really good content. I just don't want it for the finale. They could've tackled homophobia back when Kevin came out to his dad or when Cheryl came out to Toni. I don't want to see my favorite character forced back into the closet because they decided to set us in one of the worst eras in American history.

Now for my villain comment. I stand by that. I do think that scene framed Toni in a really bad light and here's why: Everything she said was valid and yes, it's an issue I've been wanting them to tackle for YEARS. What she said is not what made her the villain. It was the way they framed the scene that I knew would be misconstrued by the people that watch this show and always have a bone to pick about whatever she says or does. Up until that scene, we were led to believe that Toni's biggest issue with Choni is that she lost herself. But all they show that as, is she's given up writing for cheer. Okay fine, drop cheer and go back to writing. Cheryl wants to see her gf but she's not gonna stop her from doing what she loves. However, Toni breaking up with her felt out of left field to me because she's allowed to be her own person AND still date Cheryl. So I figured maybe they were setting it up for the fact that she doesn't like commitment and the other greaser got in her head about Cheryl being a rich girl too scared to come out of the closet. Also a valid reason. But that's not the scene they gave us. What they gave us was Cheryl asking if the issue was because she was white and Toni saying yes. Nothing up until that point had given us any indication THAT was the issue. What frustrated me even further was that they don't even give them room to have a discussion about it. Toni says her peace and leaves and all we get is a shot of Cheryl crying. She clearly cares about Cheryl enough to have pursued her for that long and then she drops her without even having a discussion?? And so soon after they got together? If we had gotten a scene where the difference of their skin was brought up before that (and that could've have been anything from an offhanded comment to Cheryl laughing about something someone says in their presence she didn't know was meant to be a dig) and we see that register with Toni, it wouldn't have felt off balance. Especially since her and Betty get along and she's white. Her and KEVIN get along and he's white. Kevin and Clay are dating and there seems to be no problem THERE. So they can be okay but she can't date Cheryl because of it? It just felt like after they gave us such a strong opening ep regarding race, to then have her drop that with no nuance didn't sit right with me. All of the digs against Toni that we had seen had been because she was bi or at least "queer adjacent" as far as Evelyn was concerned. The only time we see anyone being racist, is when she's dealing with the adults, never the teens. And I knew someone was gonna watch that and say "oh of course the black girl has an issue with her white gf blah blah blah". That's why I said they set her up to be the villain. Not that she was one. Purely based on how that scene was framed. It just felt like it was missing context. And who knows, maybe they filmed a scene and then cut it but either way, it felt off to me and having it not get brought up again until the Black Athena ep just left me feeling unmoored.

#asked and answered #i said I'd keep it short and then i still rambled so apologies #hopefully you read this in it's entirety #but I've had anons rant in my inbox and then tell me they didn't bother reading so... #anonymous asks from people who i know don't follow me are always so weird #cause like...how do you know if i answered? do you come back and check? #I'm happy to have discussions about anything. i have way more opinions on main so its weird to get this here #but i also think this has become the problem with fandom #everyone is so protective of their media that they don't allow people to have differing opinions #if i see a post i don't agree with i usually just ignore it #but i also understand not everyone is going to agree with me so like 🤷🏾‍♀️ #i knew when i posted that I'd probably get called out but also it was a month ago #they've rectified the issue for the most part which is why I haven't brought it up again #riverdale #choni #hopefully this makes sense cause it did when i reread it but i could also have just been filling in the blanks in my head #cheryl blossom #toni topaz #i wasnt gonna tag them but idk who this anon is so i figured it beat to cover my bases #vernalfey