#I don’t think dating apps are for me

[dumbbunnii]

૮꒰ྀི⸝⸝> . <⸝⸝꒱ྀིა

#Hi bbys #I’m posting this when I should be studying #I hate my class so much it’s painful #but anyways #I took this after way too many pina coladas #me #bunni #diary #selfie #blasian #girl #also another update #I don’t think dating apps are for me #or maybe just not rn

[itspileofgoodthings]

on the one hand we have many people treating me like Mrs. Bennet trying to marry off her daughters, just like Maria pls date someone go on a date once, anyone, just GO, get out there and then on the other hand we have my mom saying she doesn’t think you should try to make Romance happen but only take opportunities as they come if you want to. so.

#these are too personal for a post I should have put it in the tags #but another source of anxiety! #I don’t feel any desire to be on a dating app i am happy with how things are right now #but people can make you feel so weird 😭😭😭 #like just. Maria you have soooooo many walls up you HAVE to get out there #sometimes it does make me question if something is wrong with me #but then I’m like ? ??? that just seems so panick-y and awful #to be like oh noooo I’m TOO comfortable I’m just hiding from reality #like surely on this matter we can all just trust God right? #not saying you can’t be trying to meet people or take opportunities! but just #I don’t see any human way to manufacture something that I personally would be happy with #I think it’s all out of my hands and I’m okay with that #most of the time!!!!!! until people make me overthink it

[atinystraykid]

I probably forgot some common way to meet people, but I ran out of options anyway! Feel free to choose “something else” and put it in the tags

#my polls #for me it’s online (not on a dating app) #If you are not dating anyone right now you can think about your last relationship #If if you don’t date at all either skip this poll or think about your best friend or whatever I’m not the boss of you (joking tone) #Honestly I also ran out of space for that option #Oliver talks

[reamed]

don’t even wanna go on that date anymore I wanna be with a woman

#txt #this is why none of this stuff ever works out for me #I’m so indecisive #I also don’t feel gr8 about going out with someone off a dating app that id also pushing 30 jus don’t think it would go anywhereromantically

[everrgrreeen]

not to get too existential on main or anything but like. maybe there isn’t someone for everyone, romantically speaking. maybe some of us are just meant to be alone. because just the thought of having to date people, having to open up/alter your home and your life for someone else in the name of romantic partnership seems so exhausting to me, especially after trying for so long and constantly being let down in one way or another. i have gotten to the point in life where i am SO happy being alone. do i sometimes crave intimacy like any other human being? sure. but my peace doesn’t feel worth sacrificing to maybe find someone i can tolerate most of the time.

#much to think about #and for the record I feel like I may fall somewhere on the ace spectrum so sex isn’t really even an issue for me #like I could go the rest of my life without having sex with someone and it really wouldn’t bother me #also as an otherwise heterosexual cisgender woman my prospects on men are just… Not Great #also I should mention I am not aromantic #I am very much romantic actually #but I just feel like I’ll be alone forever because I refuse to settle #and I also refuse to use dating apps and that is unfortunately where most people my age range in their late 20s/early 30s meet people #and I think they are dumb and I don’t want to do that #plus I am vehemently childfree so there goes a lot of men lol but ones I wouldn’t be interested in anyways

[seventh-district]

.

#it is 5 hrs past my bedtime and i am awake listening to Two Hearts by Dermot Kennedy on loop and crying over Rotating Shifts. again. #i couldn’t resist the urge to read the latest chapter any longer but i knew when i did i’d get like this #so Why did i wait for my period to roll around. i have made. a silly decision lmaooo #i’ve complained abt it before but i’m conflicted about how much more sensitive it makes me #my nightmares usually don’t make me cry but oh i was a Wreck this morning #so why i picked tonight to read the fic that always makes me cry is beyond me #i have never met a fic before that had me in such an intense emotional grip #and it’s fucking hilarious bc it’s not that intense of a story!! like yeah there’s been devastating parts but i’m out here having to- #-take a break every single chapter bc i’ll read one line that hits my inner child like a truck and i have to take a minute to recover #but the whiplash this fic gives me is so fucking funny and the range in the storytelling from comedy to tragedy is just.. *scream-cries* #it has my favorite characterization of Sun and Moon that i have ever seen #this chapter wasn’t even that sad i’m just Making myself sad about it #but on another level it also makes me sad in the sense that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to write something that good.. #all that i want out of my writing endeavors is to make one (1) person feel as strongly and as much as RS makes me feel #and i don’t know if i can do that. i don’t know if my writing has what it takes bc i can’t even describe exactly what it is #i don’t think it’s a science that can be replicated. things either connect with someone or they don’t #the way Sun goes from worryingly innocent ‘wdym we can’t invite strangers to live with us?’ ‘wdym we can’t adopt an adult that needs help?’ #to fucking. tearing an animatronic in half in a fit of protective rage and blocking access to all dating apps to prevent you from- #-finding anyone else bc he’s your Special Friend and he can’t have his Daydream falling for anyone else!! no no!! #it’s not a new concept but i eat it tf up when Sun is actually the one you should fear the most #like no i don’t think he’d hurt Reader but i dread to think of the things he would do For them #the back and forth between childlike innocence and terrifying intelligence possessiveness and physical capability is just mmmmm 100/10 #and don’t even get me started on Moon. or i Will start crying again #he’s ​like yeah dumbass of course i’m gonna save you every time some POS man tries to **** you. of course i will you fucking crater-head #but i will complain at you about it the Entire way home and then i will steal your fucking toilet paper and pack you a raw egg for lunch #because i hate you 🖤 but Sun loves you and we would both kill for you 🖤 also i drank all of your chocolate milk 🖤 also i hate you :) #anyways i am paraphrasing obviously and dear god i hope no one who actually reads RS sees this bc i do not want my 2am ramblings taken as- #-any kind of Official Thoughtful Analysis of the story ok pls pls pls let me be insane abt my favorite fic without having to be articulate #i just have so many fucking FEELINGS about them. i am unwell. #i’m not even tagging this i’m just hitting post and going to sleep goodnight

[slav-every-day]

#someone from school that I happened to have taken a few classes with #has just liked me on a dating app that I peruse every so often #and I’ve actually seen her profile before #and it is…well it doesn’t leave a whole lot to the imagination #anyways I ended up matching with her cause im just a tiny bit bored #however I don’t think it’ll go anywhere cause I don’t usually text first and nobody else on this fucking app ever does either #slav #slav every day #voltron #not to not-kiss and then tell

[dancedance-resolution]

bisexuality update! today i was getting ice cream and a guy walked in. extremely short, and looked like the type of guy who regularly yells at another guy on the streets of hoboken outside of the local deli about the yankees. and i thought you know what actually i might want to fuck him. !!!!!!!

#this is fucking progress i think yeah????? like the first real life man ive ever encountered who i can recognize im attracted to! woo hoo! #if i’d have matched w him on a dating app i absolutely would have met up with him at a dunkin or smth! i cannot see myself romantically with #him or men in general and i don’t think that will ever change but like dude i want to take that man’s virginity with a neon pink strap and b #e his big spoon when it’s over while we watch cake boss or some shit on the tv. i sneak out as he’s drifting off and he doesn’t see me again #until we’re fucking again; maybe he’s in charge this time at least at first but once i get my mouth on him he gets all babygirl-ified and i #lay him down and take care of him…. #this is hilarious and i’m high key very happy for myself bc like dude i know i have so much internalized biphobia so being able to recognize #that i’m attracted to him????? fuck yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! #i want to take this man’s virginity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[souvlakiandcocaine]

I’ll msg her

#my txt #the dating apps here have gotten BLEAK #god save me #I don’t think I’ll be that attracted 2 some1 again #♱ #🧿

[pepprs]

i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!

#purrs #imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i #get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i #am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of #course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into #the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere #so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the #way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT #SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #delete later #like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy) #it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more #than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE #psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si #since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i #just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being #RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy #like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I #it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal

[callixton]

bro why can’t anyone ever just want to fuck around w me

#sorry i’m tired of not having gay sex #was gonna say why can’t anyone have a crush on me but that’s not actually what i want at all lmaoo #i can hypothetically find hookups on dating apps but i’m realizing that if that ever worked for me i would have already made a Real move #- instead of just talking. i need someone who’s actually a friend :( #to be so honest hearing that boy talk abt his history also made me a little jealous like. maybe straight men do have it easier in gen but i #- do think it might just be him. but also it’s bc he felt like he could ask i think #*not of his partners to be clear. of his inexplicable ability to pull LMAO #this isn’t even a real complaint for the record it’s just the mix of hearing abt his sex life plus all of the gay boys in our department #- getting into shit. i don’t want the drama At All but maybe i want to get into shit. a little bit.. #i just want more intimacy with my friends on a lot of levels lately & for some of them this is one of them #will not be saying anything tho. xoxo #ted talks #minors dni

[likedaylighht]

Sometimes I swear I’m like thiiiiiiiiiis 👌🏼 close to downloading a dating app bc I’m bored

#I just don’t think I’m built for dating apps bc online messaging makes me nervous #yall see how many years it took to make friends on THIS app? #spoken truly like a girl who’s never dated

[tobuo]

i wanna go on a date this year but dating apps are so humiliating and also Very Straight in my area so lmaooooooo rip

#or a friend dating app bc i need friends #i love my best friend #but i’m so tired of only having her as a friend when we can only hang out every couple months #also to clarify i mean dating apps are humiliating for me #i don’t have a thing against them i just find them so awkward to use because i’m an anxious and insecure person lmaoooooo #but i wanna go on a cute date :( #i wanna hang out with friends :( #i WANT To hAVE friends :( #i wanna go to cons again w ppl and just vibe :( #so so so so tired of constantly feeling like i’m always on the outside of friendship groups #or that i like and think about people more than they do me #i should probably just sleep my mood has been funky all week #it’s just that so lonely my chest aches hour again and even a 6kg weighted blanket can’t help this time lads

[boqvistsbabe]

..

#is it weird to say that I want more friends that look like me #like in the sense that all my friends are of average/skinny body types #and so when I talk about any struggles about being physically bigger they can relate to some feelings but #they are not classified as mid or plus sized #so they don’t relate to a lot of things #and I just want someone that understands what I go through both in trying to date and in just regular life as well #not that they don’t try to understand #but it’s not the same if that makes sense #like I appreciate them trying and being there #but I have one friend that is still not understanding some of my frustrations with certain things #and she’s like well just don’t talk to those people or just ignore it or it’s not that big of a deal #or things along those lines #and she never realized how hard it is to find someone even slightly attracted to #to me #like we sat there and I explained some of my experiences #and she never knew #and then she’s like well you don’t deserce that #and like yes I know that but you’re not understanding the fact that there is a very small majority that would even look in my direction #like we talked over an hour and she still thinks it’s just as easy as ignoring people etc #like I had to explain how the people that I talk to on apps that I’m on plus size and give that disclaimer and hope they don’t unmatch or #just stop talking to me #I don’t know #just like I want more friends that can closer relate to how I feel without having to explain it #I’m not saying my friends can’t or don’t go through similar things #but they are still skinny/average to society’s standards #and that makes it hard to talk about my struggles #if that makes sense #anyway rant over #idek if that made sense #Sams feelings

[floral-hex]

Haven’t been sleeping well because, and this is the stupidest reason, I’m so full of damnable longing. All I do is yearn and pine and want.

#I hate it! #I just want to fall in love! #not long distance. not through an app. I want to meet someone and be awkward and flirt and be messy and work for it. #I’m 35 now and I feel like I’m too old for that #which yeah I know sounds ridiculous. life goes on. I’ve got time. blah blah blah. #but I do wish I’d done the standard meeting and falling for someone in school and marrying young and having kids #all that milquetoast basic stuff #BUT IT’S NOT BASIC! I want that! I want that security and young love that just grows and grows! #can you imagine building that kind of connection with someone? #I know there’s plenty of valid criticisms towards marrying your high school sweetheart but come on… lemme dream a little #I don’t want to fill out applications online and trawl dating sites for someone! #I want the friends to awkward more than friends to maybe more to yes! please why did we wait I know you. I’ve known you. I accept you. #I want someone to know me and want me for who I am #aaaaaaaaaa I’m fucking foaming at the mouth #I can’t stop thinking about it and it makes my chest ache so much #and I feel like I’m too old for that! I have no social life! I’m not in school around other people! how could this even happen for me? #stupid! #😮‍💨… okay… calm down Ian… it’s cool. we’re cool. #I don’t want to sleep. I just want to lay in bed and imagine being in love all night. #gross. gross gross gross. #you can ignore this #goodbye forever #text

[boyghcst]

i want affection and connection w someone but im also just so disheartened and disappointed by ppl…

#i rlly do think im unloveable tbh #I’ve used dating apps for so many years now n lit haven’t gotten anywhere w them #it’s just the same thing #speak once or twice have a good convo then they ghost or unmatch #even tho there’s no indication why like the convo was easy going and fun it just comes out of nowhere #n it always makes me feel there’s something wrong w me tht ppl do this #ik deep down it’s just ppls choices n tht it doesn’t reflect me #but idk why i have such a hard time meeting ppl and dating #n it’s embarrassing only ever having one relationship n im 25 this year #i can’t even meet new ppl bc ppl just don’t communicate n don’t match the same effort #it’s left me feeling hopeless and cba w dating in general #i used to think me being trans was the barrier in me meeting ppl #but there’s other ppl around me who r trans who have no problem whatsoever #so idk wht it is #journal