ok but im getting emo over heinkel again so im gonna talk about him again because yeah hes yet another sad character in a sea of sad characters and i love rezero for that but like he is a character consistently characterized by one loss after the other. it's a rollercoaster and its going straight fucking down and he is so miserable and absolutely alone and its both his fault and not his fault at all. but the way it starts is - its all out of his control. the more you think about the trajectory of his life the sadder it gets.
imagine you are heinkel and your parents are the sword saint and the sword demon and you come from a long line of knights and sword saints so thats almost definitely where youre headed, right? thats whats expected of you. you are nineteen years old and youre a knight in the royal guard, which was expected of you, and you have a wife and a beautiful baby boy, which was also expected of you, but at least you have so much joy and love for the latter while the former is just another chain on the astrea family line of people who are stuck to knighthood whether they like it or not. but your family is also just another chain because youre nineteen and your mother is still the sword saint and youre playing with fate here because either youre going to be the sword saint or your son will be.
your wife, the only equal you have, falls asleep one day and never wakes up. you are twenty-one years old and a single parent and then you are twenty-three years old and your son's fate is so much bigger than youll ever be. having the worlds love means that your love pales in comparison, doesnt it? everyone knows about your comatose wife because you keep searching so much for a cure that its just another thing to gossip about. every year that passes by she just continues to look the same as she did when she was awake and alive and loved you. (you dont know it yet but your son is going to reach the same age as her, because you dont find a cure for another sixteen years and you know that she wont love you anymore because who does? theres no one left because your son doesnt count.)
and everyone knows about you because of your family. because yeah, youre a good swordsman, but youre not liked by anyone in the knights. youre not a friend and youre certainly not a sword saint or sword demon. your son mind controls someone because he loves you so much that he would do anything for you and looks up to you like youre some hero, but youre just a wreck whos scrambling to keep what little you have. youre twenty-four and you lose your mom because you were too scared to go on the mission you were assigned on, because youre a coward and youre in over your head and you know, because everyone knows, that you dont measure up. you could never be prepared for this. in a long line of people who have to carry the weight of the world, you crumble easily. your mom goes on that mission and dies and your son becomes the sword saint like this was always going to happen. this is what being loved by the world means. you just killed your mom because you just couldnt suck it up and die on that mission instead. on top of that, your dad says that your five-year-old god of a son killed your mom. its just you and your son and the two of you both killed your mom but youre the worlds biggest laughing stock and your son is the up and coming hero and monster. but you still love your son. you really do.
right?
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do u have an opinion on . yakumond re: bugs
my mind is in factions, warring . edmond brave, yakumo baby. BUT
yakumo farm boy. edmond city kid.
yakumo destroying farm pests with his bare hands? out of habit? it's on SIGHT??
but nothing scares vice captain, right? so what if yakumond just turns my trope upside down and NEITHER of them are scared of bugs. what then. what do i do
I spent a while thinking how to reply to this ask. And. OK. Bear with me.
I honestly don't see either of them being afraid of bugs. I can see them not liking them, with Edmond being a more indiscriminate "bugs have no place in this house and should be squashed" compared to Yakumo's "will remorselessly kill pests but not harmless insects."
That being said... I kinda like the idea of Edmond having a very specific weakness to just one (1) bug and being utterly fucking embarrassed about it, and Yakumo (being the anxious baby he is) somewhat mirroring Edmond's response to it despite usually remaining very calm. They can be a disaster together. They've got that potential.
In fact, I liked the idea enough that I have this deleted short scene from a fic that I'm working on and that I will be releasing it into the wild now. Mind you, it's a draft so it's way more functional that it is polished.
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“Sir Edmond, why don’t you go to sleep right away? It's already very late.”
Edmond looked up from the blank paper. At the lack of a desk, a small wooden crate he'd found here in the hayloft would work just fine. Until he saw that he'd finished writing the letter, he was not going to be able to calm his nerves enough to sleep. It didn't matter that it could be done the next morning. Why leave it for later if it could be done now?
“I’ll be finished in a few more paragraphs, don't worry,” he said, dipping the pen in the inkwell. "You shouldn't stay up longer than necessary, either. Is something holding you up?"
"Ah, well..." Yakumo looked at the lamp on the crate. It would be rather difficult to sleep with it still on, and he couldn't ask it be turned off if Edmond was still writing. "It's fine. I can wait a little longer. I'll make sure the tent is properly set up."
"Haven't you already done that twice?"
There wasn't much else left to do here. Maybe he could go outside or look around the barn for things that might be useful next morning? His eyes tried to look around. It would be rather difficult to do this in the dark... Besides, he didn't want to do anything that would be too distracting. Edmond was very particular about this letter.
As Yakumo looked around from where he was sitting, he could see something scuttling up one of the sides of the crate. He frowned at the presence of the insect. People commonly referred to those as "claw traps." They had a crab claw-like pincer and a nasty habit of biting people in their sleep and hiding in boots. What if there were more around? Thankfully, he'd had the foresight to bring some repellant.
Yakumo crawled closer to the tent, where he'd left his belongings. He rummaged around his bag for the repellent and something to kill the insect with. However, Edmond was so absorbed in writing his letter that he hadn't noticed yet. It was probably better to warn him before he got bitten.
"Sir Edmond, there's a claw trap going up your desk."
At the mention of the bug Edmond haphazardly grabbed all his things and scrambled backward in panic, spilling black ink on the wooden floor, splashing some of it on his shirt.
Yakumo's heart made a jump. He dropped his bag and reacted without thinking.
Squish, crack. He immediately squashed the bug with his bare hand.
For a moment, there was silence. He stared at his hand, at Edmond, who looked way too tense over a single bug. When Yakumo realized what he had done, a shudder ran up his spine. He lifted his hand. It was wet and crunchy, and he probably just stuck the claw into his palm because it hurt. He looked at it. Yes. There it was. Like a massive splinter.
He was more worried about how Edmond hadn't taken a single breath ever since he'd killed this thing, though.
"S-Sir Edmond, is everything alright?" He asked as he shook the remains of the claw trap off his hand.
Snapping out of his panicked state, Edmond nervously cleared his throat, his cheeks burning red. He looked aside and took a deep breath with an angry expression on his face.
"Y-Yes... I... Oh, how embarrassing... I need a moment."
With a nod of acknowledgment, Yakumo rushed to wash his hands in the basin, just the get the gooey and feeling off his palm. Now he was going to have to go back into the house to change the water. He was not about to wash his face with cold insect soup when he woke up in the morning.
The act of cleaning and removing the pincer from his palm helped him calm down and think about what just happened. He turned around to look at Edmond, who examined the stained sleeve of his shirt with an air of inconvenienced embarrassment. That ink stain was not coming out, and he probably knew that.
"Umm... Do you have something in particular against these insects? I've never seen you react like that to any others before..."
For sure, they'd been toiling in the fields for most of the day, and this wasn't the first time they'd dealt with a bug problem before. Usually speaking, Edmond didn't hesitate. He looked at the offending creature with disgust and slammed the first hard thing he could find against them, making it abundantly clear that, while he didn't like them, he could handle them perfectly fine on his own. While claw traps were unpleasant, this seemed a bit excessive.
Looking tired all of a sudden, Edmond took a long breath and let out a deep sigh.
"I don't like those."
"Ah... Well, yes? It's... not hard to see that at all..." He waited for Edmond to continue, and he was about to nervously change the topic and run away to change the water when Edmond cleared his throat.
"We saw a lot of them back when I was still in training. There was one summer when they were everywhere, wherever we set camp. They barely let us sleep. I've had an... aversion to them ever since. But I can handle them on my own next time. I just need a second or two to calm down."
The last part was a quick attempt to save face, but Yakumo wouldn't have minded it at all if he had to get rid of one of these pests again. He merely hoped Edmond's panic was a little less contagious next time.
Hoping to help Edmond retain some of his dignity for now, Yakumo tried to make the atmosphere a little less stilted by subtly shifting the subject away from how Edmond felt about these insects.
"You must have stayed within the Light Territory that summer then?"
Edmond gave Yakumo a surprised look.
"How do you know that?"
"Claw traps can only really survive there. The Water and Wood territories are too humid for them."
Hold on... Yakumo's brow furrowed deeply once he realized what he'd just said.
"How did it get here, then?" Edmond asked. And he was right. They were right in the middle of the Water territory, weren't they? But Yakumo didn't really have an explanation.
"M-Maybe they're mutating...?"
"No."
Edmond snapped at the suggestion. Yakumo reflexively lowered his head in response.
"Um..."
"Don't make me even entertain that idea." He stood up, slightly agitated. "I'm going the search the hayloft in case there are more. I won't be able to sleep otherwise."
"W-We have repellent myrrh. We can burn some inside the tent. It doesn't smell bad or anything..."
His voice was barely a whisper, but the night was already silent in the village and the fields. Edmond had no problem picking up what he was saying, or the tone in which it was said.
"... I apologize. My tone was too harsh."
Yakumo had never heard Edmond talk to him like that before. There was no doubt that these bugs were a touchy subject. He chuckled nervously.
"It's... fine. Don't worry. I understand."
With his cheeks turning red once again, Edmond let out some unintelligible noise that maybe, in some corner of his mind, had been words at some point. Eventually, he gave up, huffing in frustration.
"Tha-Thank you for handling it..."
"Oh. I... could do it again if we find another one."
Not enthused by the idea of seeing more of them, but still looking somewhat relieved, Edmond's voice and face softened just a little.
"I seriously wish we didn't... But I'd be quite grateful if you could."
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