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imaginedisish · 3 years

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The Adults are Talking (Tenet) Neil x Reader

A/N: HEY GUYS!!! HERE IS THE SMUT!!! This is my first time writing smut in a long time, so I’m sorry if it’s awkward ahhh!!! It’s 3:30 over here on the East Coast of the US, so I’m going to BEDDDD!!!! Enjoy!

Summary: (dom!)Neil teaches you a lesson for being forgetful and late, and it’s the type of lesson you're sure to never forget.

Warnings: SMUT, SO MUCH SMUT. Overstimulation, lot’s of cursing, minor violence, and a very dominant Neil, so this is very much 18+, read at your own risk...

Word Count: 3,747

I’m so fucking late, You think to yourself.

Nervousness swells in your gut as your black boots press harshly into green grass below your feet. Your eyes search the crowd around you as shoulders hurriedly crash into your chest. No one apologizes, they just keep moving as they try to get a better view of what lies at the front of the crowd.

You were 10 minutes late for a training session with the new recruits. You knew that Neil would most likely tease you endlessly for it. You were late because of him, after all.

You and Neil had been secretly together for quite sometime, which meant extensive sneaking around, just like a couple of teenagers. Usually you would go to his room while everyone was still eating dinner in the cafeteria, spend some time together, and then head back into your room to go to sleep. No one saw a thing. No questions were asked.

But this time was different. This time, you let yourself fall asleep in his arms.

I’m an idiot, You think to yourself as you push a hand through your dampened hair. Neil decided to steal the keys to your room and run into the shower ahead of you as a playful punishment for your forgetfulness.

“I don’t know what to say, but I’m disappointed, (Y/N)!” Neil sarcastically sings through the other side of the bathroom door.

You rush over to the door, and knock a few times. “Come on Neil, let me in, or at least give me my keys so I can shower in my room!” You can’t help but smile, despite the fact that you were definitely going to be late.

“No, I’m teaching you a lesson here,” Neil pauses, “And then after the training session, I’ll teach you another.” You feel your cheeks flush with redness.

Your heart somersaults in your chest at the thought of the other lesson Neil had planned.

You look around, forcing yourself to focus. You can easily tell that you stick out like a sore thumb amongst the new recruits. You look far too polished and put together to be new. You’re too…sophisticated. Your black, faux leather dress pants and tight black turtleneck clash against the beige and green bodies spread across the open field. Still, despite your appearance, you get the feeling that you’re a freshman being judged by the older kids, when in reality it should be the other way around. You shake the feeling off, remembering that you have nothing to prove.

While you weren’t recruited to Tenet too long ago, you were granted extremely high clearance almost immediately. TP saw something special in you from the very second he met you. You were skilled in hand to hand combat, and you could shoot a gun better than anyone, better than Ives, better than Neil, even better than TP. After all, you were a high level CIA operative before you were recruited to join Tenet. Your training goes back years.

“(Y/N)!” You hear a familiar voice call out from the near distance. You stand on your tippy toes, searching for the dirty blonde head that matched the voice.

Out of the corner of your eye you spot two slender, toned arms waving erratically at the front of the crowd. He smirks, and waves even faster as he realizes that you’ve found him. You push through the recruits as you get closer to the front.

All of a sudden, a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you out of the sea of people.

“Took you long enough,” Neil says, a cocky grin spread across his face. Your heart thumps in your chest. His long fingers are still wrapped around your wrist. He pulls you closer to him, and brings his lips to your right ear, “Try to be faster next time, love, and maybe I’ll go easier on you.”

You feel your face redden with heat. He lets you go, but you’re all shaken up now. You almost wish he held on. A shiver travels down your spine. Your mind is too foggy with thoughts of Neil to recognize that Ives had already started talking.

You clear your throat, still focused on what Neil had just said. “G-go easier on me?”

With the blink of an eye, Neil grabs your waist, and pins you down to the ground. He presses his right hand into the center of your chest. He pulls a knife from his back left pocket and points it in the direction of your throat. The recruits rowdily cheer Neil on. He smirks, basking in the attention. You can’t even imagine how red your face is now.

“And at this point,” Ives pauses as a slight smile tugs at his lips. He looks down to you, “We can see that Neil has the advantage. It’s safe to say that (Y/N) would be dead if she were the enemy.” Neil puts the knife back into his pocket, and stands up.

He extends a hand out to you, and you grab it, grateful for the assistance. That is, until he twists your arm, turning you to face the crowd. His right arm pulls your back into his chest. Your hips brush against his. He pulls you even closer so that you’re glued against him. You’re stuck; there’s nowhere to go. He takes his knife out of his pocket and brings it to your neck again.

You swear that you can feel him pushing his crotch against your lower half.

“Are you alright, darling,” He mumbles against the skin of your neck. You can feel his gaze land on your face. You swallow harshly and nod. “Good,” Neil says in response. “I wouldn’t want you too beat up, especially for later.”

Later? You think to yourself as you ignore Ives’s description of Neil’s move. “What’s happening later?” You whisper back to him.

He lets you go and gives you a smug look that reads, You should know already, love.

You breathe in sharply as your mind races with thoughts of Neil. Now wasn’t the time for this. You were embarrassing yourself in front of the new recruits. They were going to think you were weak.

You tilt your head side to side, cracking your neck slightly. You roll your shoulders back and get into your fighting stance. You’re ready this time. You tune everything out and focus on Neil’s movements. He flashes a smile your way but you know he’s trying to distract you. The recruits’ cheers quiet down a bit as their interest piques.

“You’re so unbelievably cocky, Neil. It’ll be the death of you,” You playfully remark. Neil furrows his brows and squints his eyes. He takes a single step towards you and you take a single step back.

Neil chuckles, “What? You’re too scared to get any closer to me?” You can tell Neil’s guard is down. You’ve got him right where you want him.

The left corner of your mouth turns up slightly. You rush towards him, stepping onto your left foot and round housing Neil on the right side of his stomach. He buckles over. You feel a twinge of guilt before you take another step, sliding down to the ground, and kicking your legs into Neil’s ankles in a circular motion from left to right. You sweep him off his feet and he falls to the ground. You stand back up and look down at him.

“Now that’s what I call a comeback!” Ives shouts. The new recruits roar in excitement. You reach out your right hand to Neil and he takes it. He gets back on his feet and brushes off the dirt from his navy blue dress shirt.

Neil shakes his head in defeat. “Yeah, I guess she got me back,” He says taking a step towards you. He lowers his voice and says something that’s clearly only meant for you to hear,

“But I’ll get you back later.”

Later, the word repeats itself over and over in your head.

“Alright everyone! We’ll reconvene after lunch!” Ives yells, and the recruits make their way back into the boxy white building that houses the Tenet headquarters.

Neil and Ives walk a few feet away from you and begin to chat. Ives briefly looks concerned, but Neil waves his hand, appearing to reassure him about something you’re not supposed to hear. Ives shakes his head as the concerned look falls back upon his face. He breaks his stare from Neil and looks towards you.

You take that as your cue to walk over. “I kicked your ass there, didn’t I?” You say jokingly, nudging into Neil’s side with your elbow.

Neil sighs and moves his head to turn towards you. “The adults are talking, (Y/N), pipe down love.” The sense of elitism in Neil’s words are carried through an ever so dominant tone. You know he’s teasing you, but you can also tell he’s trying to get under you skin.

Ives chuckles, “The ‘adults’? Neil, since when have you proved to me that you’re an adult?” You can’t help laugh at Ives’s dig at Neil. Ives’s laughing continues as turns away from you and Neil and follows closely behind the recruits.

You take a step forwards to walk behind Ives, expecting Neil to come along as well, but he doesn’t. He grabs your upper arm and pulls you towards him.

“Thought you could get away?” He stares into your eyes. “You didn’t forget about what I said earlier, did you?” He questions, his grip growing tighter around your arm.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you think of some sort of response. “I-I-,” But you’re speechless.

Neil’s eyes pierce through your soul and he parts his lips, “I believe I told you that I’d be teaching you a lesson, didn’t I?” His domineering voice leaves goosebumps on your arms.

You look around, noticing that everyone had already gone inside. It was just you and Neil now.

Neil pulls you closer to him yet again. “You still haven’t answered, love,” He says softly as his free hand glides down your side, settling finally on your hip.

“Yes,” You mumble under your breath. You can’t concentrate. You’re too wrapped up in the thought of Neil pinning you down to the ground and taking you right here and now.

Neil releases your hip and begins to walk you towards the building. “Good,” He says nonchalantly. You walk across the green field and onto the concrete sidewalk that outlines the shape of the headquarters. You finally approach a door. Neil opens it and brings you inside. He instinctively lets go of your arm the second you enter the building, as the sounds of people and the flow of pedestrian traffic overwhelms your senses.

“Follow me,” Neil demands. He walks in front of you, and you follow close behind. You walk down a series of similar hallways before recognizing where you are.

You’re headed towards the living quarters of the building.

You swallow hard, trying to keep up with Neil. He turns around to catch a glimpse of you, and notices that you’re starting a slow down a bit.

He grins confidently as he closes the gap between you and him. “What? Are you overwhelmed, darling?” He questions as his hands land on your waist.

“Neil,” You whisper, “What if someone sees us?”

Neil pulls you against his chest. “That just makes it more exciting, doesn’t it?”

You gasp as he pulls the collar of your turtleneck down a bit, bringing his lips to your neck, planting soft kisses on your now exposed skin. He sucks lightly. You look around. The coast is clear, but you know it won’t be for long.

“N-Neil,” You moan. Neil’s lips leave your neck in response, and he brings his left hand up to cover your mouth.

He looks left, and then right, searching for somewhere to go. There’s a single door at the end of the hallway. He uncovers your mouth and grabs your wrist. He practically runs into the door before twisting the knob and pushing it open.

He pulls you into the room as the door shuts behind you.

“What happened to going back to your room?” You ask, confused as to why you’re in what appears to be a dark, tiny, unused office.

“Because, I couldn’t wait any longer.”

You feel your need for him growing. He takes a step towards you so that your back is up against the door. Neil reaches behind you and twists the lock.

You can feel yourself getting more and more wet. You need friction between your legs. The sensation is driving you crazy.

Neil’s hands secure themselves onto your hips, pushing you harder into the door. His lips find themselves in the crook of your neck again, but this time Neil is rougher. He lightly sucks your skin, intending to leave his mark on your. You moan in pleasure as Neil’s right hand finds its way in between your legs, spreading them a part slightly.

“You need me, don’t you?” He asks as his lips leave your neck. His ocean eyes deeply stare into yours.

You breathe shallowly. “Y-yes,” You stutter.

Neil grins. “I thought so.” He grabs your waist again, picking you up and setting you down on the desk that’s on other side of the tiny room. He grabs the inside of your thighs and parts your legs with his hand, filling the newly made gap with his body. He rests his right hand on your thigh, and his left on your waist.

“Please, Neil,” You murmur, wanting him to touch you where you need him most.

“Please what?” Neil asks, his face moves closer to yours.

“Please,” You pause as your heart beats out of your chest, “Touch me.”

Neil’s lips crash into yours as his hands wander to the hem of your pants. His fingers move down to play with your button before undoing it completely. He finds his way to your zipper and carelessly unzips your pants. His hands move back up to the top of your trousers. Much to your dismay, his lips leave yours. You groan at the loss.

Your unhappiness ends almost instantly as you feel Neil slide your pants down your legs, discarding them to the side. He pushes himself back in between your legs and brings his thumb over the your underwear to your clit, slowly sliding down to explore the rest of you.

He lands over your folds and smiles. “You’re already wet for me and I’ve barely touched you at all,” Neil says. He takes his hand away from your heat and brings it up towards the hem of your panties. He plays with the elastic band for a second and brings his attention to your eyes, searching for consent.

You nod your head in anticipation, and he pulls at the hem, bringing them down your legs, and throwing them on the floor.

Neil grabs the bottom of your shirt next, pulling it up over your head as you lift your arms to give him easier access. He places his hands on your back and starts to mess with the hooks of your bra. With ease, he undoes the clasp, and your bra falls to the side.

He steps back, looking you up and down. You bring your knees together, rubbing them against one another in search of some sort of friction. Neil shakes his head and spreads your legs again.

“You haven’t earned that yet,” He breathes. His hands grab your waist and slide up the sides of your body. He stops at your breasts, playing lightly with your nipples.

You gasp at the feeling, needing more. Neil squeezes them tightly. He smirks, and then moves his hands back down to your hips.

“What do you want me to do?” Neil asks. His breathing becomes heavier. Despite his attempt to be the dominant one, you can sense his need for you.

You take a deep breath as his hand moves down towards your heat. “I want you to make me come, please,” You plead.

You gasp as Neil’s thumb brushes over your clit. It’s slow at first, but still enough to make you moan. He picks up the pace a bit, rubbing small, slow circles where you need them most. You throw your head back and moan. Neil smirks, loving how he’s making you feel.

Neil’s circles get faster, pushing you closer to the edge. You shut your eyes tight, letting the pleasure take over.

Abruptly, Neil’s touch disappears, leaving you feeling cold and empty. You groan in agony, wanting more. “N-Neil don’t st-,”

You’re cut off by a warm, wet sensation at your folds. You open your eyes to see Neil’s head in between your legs. His tongue rolls over your clit. Suddenly, you feel a finger at your entrance.

“Shit, N-Neil,” You cry out in pleasure as Neil pushes his middle finger inside of you. He sucks roughly on your clit, pushing his finger in and out.

Neil adds his index finger, and it’s already too much to handle. “Fuck,” You whimper as you feel yourself getting closer and closer to climaxing.

“You like that?” Neil says, his words vibrating against you, sending waves of pleasure throughout your body.

You moan in response, but that’s not enough for Neil. He takes his lips off of you, and takes his fingers out. “I asked you a question, (Y/N).”

You want him to fill you up again, to make you feel whole again. “Y-yes Neil, I like it. You feel amaz-, oh fuck!” You practically scream as Neil shoves his fingers back inside of you, his tongue lapping at your folds.

“You taste amazing,” Neil says against your clit before sucking on you again. His words alone could take you there.

“Neil I-,” You try to get your words out, but you can’t form a proper sentence.

“I love when you say my name like that, darling,” He says, sucking even harder now.

You can’t hold back anymore. “I’m so close,” You mumble. “I wanna come, please,” You beg.

“Then come for me, (Y/N), now,” Neil commands. You do as he says. You feel your walls tightening, you feel yourself collapsing around his touch.

“Holy sh-shit,” You stutter. You come around his fingers as you throw your head back against the wall.

Neil removes his fingers from you and stands up.

“I think it’s my turn now,” Neil remarks slyly, undoing his belt. You feel butterflies flutter in your stomach.

You watch closely as he slips his pants down his legs and steps out of them. He brings his hands up to the top of his shirt and unbuttons each button one at a time. He throws his shirt to the side.

You gulp harshly as he pulls his boxers down, revealing his hardened member. He gets closer to you, pushing your hair out of your face, searching your eyes once more for consent as he lines himself up with your opening.

You nod.

“F-fuck!” You cry out, feeling the overstimulation wash over every inch of your body as Neil enters you. He grabs your right breast with his hand.

Neil starts out slow. “You feel so good around me,” He says, moving rhythmically in and out of you.

He then brings one hand up to your chin, and the other to the middle of your back, forcing you to sit up and stare into his eyes. His lips meet yours hungrily, searching for something more. Neil picks up his pace, growing faster and faster.

“Neil,” You sigh, “I don’t know how long I can last.” You were already close.

“You got to hold on longer, darling. Don’t come yet.” Even when he whispers he’s commanding.

“O-okay,” You mumble, bitting down on your lip, trying to hold yourself back. It was all becoming too much for you to handle.

“You’re taking me so well, (Y/N),” Neil praises you as he speeds up even more, his hips bumping hard into yours.

He’s going to send you over the edge. Your walls begin to clench tightly around his cock.

“Neil, I-,”

He cuts you off. “No, not yet,” He says shakily. “I’m so close. Shit!”

Neil moans loudly, his lips capturing yours in another passionate kiss.

“Y-yes,” Neil huffs, pushing in and out of you even quicker now. You know he’s seconds away from finishing, and so are you. “I’m ready now, love. Come with me,” Neil begs.

You do as he says, your walls clenching harder around his hard dick. Profanities fly out of your mouths as you both reach your climax. After a few, slow pumps, Neil pulls out of you, stroking his cock a few times before reaching down and grabbing his boxers. He slips them on, and looks over at you, still sitting on the table. You’re so sore, so tired. But it’s all so worth it.

He walks over to you, cupping your right cheek in his hand, and bringing your face close to his.

“I love you, (Y/N),” Neil says as his lips find yours again.

You part from him. “I love you too, Neil.”

Neil grins, looking around the room at the mess you two made, and the mess he made of you. He looks proud.

And he should be, You think to yourself. Only Neil could make you feel this way.

You stand up, grabbing your panties and slipping them on. They’re still soaked. You grab your bra put it on as well. You look over at Neil, who’s buttoning up his dress shirt now.

He’s watching your every move, as if he’s still fucking you in his head.

“Just looking,” He says, a wide smile makes its way across his face. “I mean, how could I not?” He slides his pants back on, and buckles his belt.

“So,” He pauses for a second, “Do you think you learned your lesson?” He questions finally, arching an eyebrow in your direction.

You can’t help but giggle. “If the lesson was that I should ‘misbehave’ more often, then yes, lesson learned.”

Neil grins widely and walks over to you. “I guess I’m a good teacher then.”

He embraces you tightly, pulling you into his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Yeah, I guess you are,” You say, grinning back at Neil.

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sylvie-writes · 3 years

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Chain of Events

word count: 2500

pairing: andy barber x female reader

warnings: cheating, age gap, some profanity.

request: can i request a andy barber x fem!reader where the reader is his asisstant and his secret mistress (in mid 20s) which she always stick by his side and help him through jacob's trail. after the trail he divorced w laurie and they got marry and have a baby girl please!! thank you!!

a/n: sorry for the wait! i hope you enjoy lovely! ngl this really fueled my love for andy.

please excuse any mistakes!

It wasn’t something you were proud of. Something that had started off as a night with a few innocent drinks paved the way for a never ending cycle. At times you felt dirty and awful, yet that didn’t stop you from going to see him every other night. Even when you had the slightest feeling that Laurie had a hunch, it didn’t stop you. Especially when things got dark for Andy, you were the one to hold him close and not his wife. It felt so right although extremely wrong all at the same time.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Currently, you were sitting in your apartment bed, spending your Friday night a bit differently than most. Rain gushed from the sky and rhythmically hit your bedroom window which you were spaced out on, many thoughts running through your mind and a glass of wine occasionally hitting your lips. Using your free hand you softly ran your fingers through the mop of hair that belonged to Andy who was passed out in your lap. His breathing was even and it did your heart good to see him so peaceful for once. Just two hours ago, he called you, sounding so broken and vulnerable which was out of the ordinary for Andy. The minute you answered the door, he flung himself at you and held you tight, whispering repeatedly “don’t leave me, please.”

It absolutely tore you to pieces to hear him say that and you were quick to reassure him that it wasn’t even possible. You then lead him to the bedroom to ask what had happened.

“Is everything alright? Talk to me, Andy.” You placed a set of his pajamas into his hands but not without a pleading look in your eyes when meeting his own sullen ones.

“Laurie’s adamant it’s him, but (y/n)-” Placing a finger on his lips, you hushed him.

“I know, I know. You just have to ignore it okay? Laurie is just,” Pausing, you chose your next words wisely, “having a hard time with it all. Everyone copes differently.”

He sadly nodded before standing to kiss your forehead and make his way to the bathroom to get changed and cleaned up a bit.

The two of you continued to chat about Jacob’s trial once Andy returned from the bathroom, and he confided in you in many ways more than one. You’d never seen Andy so open, even with yourself, and clearly it helped him quite a bit as he was now relaxed.

Time had flown and amongst your thoughts, one stood out to you in particular. When would Laurie start to question where he was? Andy always had some bullshit excuse ready to give her and would then tell you that it would be alright. Normally, before you had time to truly convince yourself, Andy’s lips would be on yours or his hands would caress you gently and you’d melt into him as did your cares. Except for now.

The two had just gotten into a huge fight and you were sure Andy hadn’t even thought twice about telling her where he was going. Even if he did, Laurie would surely be on the lookout for his return.

Carefully reaching over to your nightstand, you grabbed your phone to check the time and noticed that it was getting late.

“Andy? My love, when do you have to go home?” You leaned down to whisper to the sleeping man who groaned in return.

You repeated his name once more, this time slightly shaking his shoulder to which he rolled onto his back, a goofy grin on his lips as he looked up at you. “Well hello, honey.”

From Andy’s point of view, you peered down at him like a disappointed mother but with a faint smile upon her lips at her child’s goofiness.

“Nice of you to join me, sleeping beauty. I was wondering what time you had to get home. It’s starting to rain more heavily and Laurie-”

Andy sat up and turned himself so he’d be sitting shoulder to shoulder with you. Silently, he took your empty wine glass from your hand, leaning to place it on your nightstand. As he did so, he didn’t let go of your wrist, which he brought to his lips when he returned to face you.

Murmuring against your wrist, he started to place soft and delicate kisses to the smooth skin there. “Don’t worry about it. I told her I’d be back tomorrow morning.”

“But Andy, she knows you don’t have anywhere to stay.” You didn’t want to exactly say “Hey! Andy, you have no friends and your wife knows that!” but it was implied in a kinder way. Andy picked up on this, clearly deflecting when he just nodded in response and started to place more kisses up your forearm.

Letting out a frustrated “hmph,” you let Andy carry on before he victoriously smiled at you.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The vicious cycle went on throughout the course of Jacob’s trial as things between Andy and his wife got worse. Even though they both lived under the same roof, slept in the same bed, and put on a facade for Jacob, they were practically separated. One night Andy drunkenly showed up on your doorstep, confessing how he had come home to find Laurie with another man. In a fit of rage he let the cat out of the bag that he had been seeing you. Funny how things work.

You knew they were both wrong, so instead of shaming either one of them, you just let Andy cling to you for comfort. When Andy was drunk, he was like a big child and if the circumstances were different, you’d been laughing, but rather you soothingly rubbed his back and listened as that’s all he needed. Someone who would just listen.

At three in the morning, he most definitely needed you as well when you found his head in the bowl of the toilet and not sleepily nestled in your neck. (Which was ironic as the two of you would be switching places very soon.)

Christmas came quick and along with it, many miracles, one being that Jacob was not convicted.

Just as Andy was in a rush to tell you the news, Laurie was even faster to serve the divorce papers to him. In a relationship, you and your partner are supposed to be able to push through tough times without breaking. With that being said, Andy and Laurie mutually agreed that they had failed and it was time they both quit lying to themselves. It was time for real happiness.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

“(y/n) meet me at our favorite restaurant in thirty minutes.”

You were working on some case files for Neil, despite your hatred for him, and tried to tell Andy that you were busy at the moment. He didn’t listen but continued to insist that you meet him there. His tone wasn’t demanding, but it was...excited? Surely, Andy had been excited over things in his life, but you’d never actually heard the usually emotionless man speak with such ardor.

Setting down the case files, you rushed to put on some real pants and a blouse, but nothing too fancy or flashy as you had no idea what was about to happen.

When you arrived at the restaurant, Andy happily flagged you over. He wore the biggest smile ever and you were borderline concerned. What could have him this happy? Was he getting back with Laurie? As much as you wanted them to be a functioning family, you weren’t sure if you could deal with such heartbreak because Andy really did feel like the one.

Ever the gentleman, Andy pulled out your chair and handed you a small bouquet as you sat in the wooden seat. Before he walked away, the man planted a smack of a kiss on your lips and hurried back to his seat since he saw the waiter out of the corner of his eye. As the waiter approached, you were just sitting there, the most shocked expression on your face as it settled within you what Andy had just done. Long ago when this whole fiasco began, you and Andy always kept it professional when out in public because so many people knew him and word could get out easily that he was cheating.

The minute the waiter left, you were quick to chastise Andy who just laughed as if it were the funniest thing in the world which left you a bit angered.

Since the restaurant was quiet, you extended yourself across the table so Andy could hear your harsh muttering.

“Do you realize what you just did, Barber?!” Andy shook his head in a content manner and at this point steam was about to emerge from your ears. Before all hell could break loose and you go ballistic, Andy cut in to explain.

“Jacob, he’s a free man!” Andy looked at you with an awaiting smile and your face immediately softened, but for only a second as that didn’t explain why he was parading your relationship out like this. Didn’t he know what he was risking, not only for himself, but you.

Your counterpart noticed the sudden change of expression on your face and continued, “But among other things, I meant to tell you that Laurie and I got divorced recently.”

“Oh hon, I am so sorry.” Reaching across the table, you comfortingly ran your thumb over the back of his hand, but he just shook his head in detest.

“No no, it’s not a bad thing because it just opened the gateway for this,” Andy pulled his hand away and went to dig in his coat pocket. You thought to yourself, no he couldn’t be-

“(y/n), I’m gonna make this short, but sweet. You mean the world to me and I could spend all night listing off why I love you, but that will never do justice, so instead, I ask that you make me the happiest man alive, and marry me?”

His cliche, yet utterly adorable speech could make a person’s heart melt and instantly say yes, but you’ve always been a thinker, and maybe Andy had accounted for that a bit in his proposal.

“Andrew! You just got divorced!” In a semi-whisper slash hiss, you bent over so only he could hear, hiding your words from the prying onlookers as if you had top secret info spilling from your lips.

“I know, but, (y/n), you are the one.” He looked a bit awkward being on his knee for so long and the ring box still patiently in hand as you processed his question. Nonetheless, Andy continued to hopefully smile at you, ignoring all of the whispers, until you excitedly replied “yes” just a mere second later, though it felt like ages for him.

This proposal was definitely gonna be a story for generations.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

You and Andy settled for a simple courthouse wedding with just your parents in attendance as witnesses. The two of you were never really used to flaunting your relationship, and even though you could now, it just wasn’t ideal. Besides, you had bigger things to worry about.

For example, when just a few weeks after your short-lived honeymoon, you noticed some changes and came to the conclusion that you were pregnant.

One night, you casually brought up the idea of more kids to Andy to test the waters.

“Hey love, you awake?”

Andy lifted his eyes from his book, no longer looking as if he was asleep. He nodded his head and set the book aside giving you his full attention.

“What’s up, gorgeous?”

“I was thinking… what if we were to have a kid. Would you be opposed to that?”

The reaction on Andy’s face was most definitely not the one in mind and he looked as if you had asked him the most appalling question on earth.

“(y/n), I love kids,” He chuckled a bit, “I thought I made that clear, you know, by being a dad and all.”

His lame attempt at making a “joke” eased your nerves and you just came straightforward with the gold.

“Andy, I think I am pregnant.”

And faster than a predator can pounce, Andy was on you in seconds, his arms hugging you close as he whispered words of excitement.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Nine months later and that statement was very true as you held a bundle of joy in your arms. Your hours numb in pain couldn't even be compared to the gift that was before you. Andy could hardly keep his hands off your stomach for the past few months and he never failed to speak to your daughter as if she was actually there. Now that her presence was finally in the world, Andy was yet to look away from her small figure and his smile hadn’t withered the slightest.

The nurse had stepped out a few minutes ago, giving both you and Andy some time and privacy with your newborn. Even though drowsiness overcame your body, you visibly forced yourself awake just to absorb all the time you could with her. Little ones grow up in a flash and you weren't going to miss a second if it was up to you.

Andy joined you in the hospital bed when you silently invited him in with a soft pat to the crinkly sheets. Once he snuggled up against your side, you carefully passed the little baby who was about to have her first contact with her father.

As Andy played with her mini hands, you sleepily rested your head on his broad shoulder, watching the two and already figuring out that they’d be lifelong friends.

“They always say with age comes wiseness, but darlin’, your momma gives that phrase a run for its money.”

You giggled at your husband’s words and propped up the little darling the smallest bit so she could “see” you and her dad.

“Don’t listen to Daddy, munchkin. The grey in his beard says otherwise.”

“Hey! I’m not that old, I was still able to knock-” Backhanding Andy’s leg caused him to dramatically cut his sentence short. There were plenty of years for him to taint your daughter’s innocence.

As you observed the two, you noticed Andy gazed at her as if she hung the moon and stars for him, a familiar look he often gave you. Possibly from the lack of energy or just being enamored with the interaction, a sweet tear slipped from your own eye. Upon closer inspection, one could see that a subtle tear fell from the man beside you.

If Andrew Stephen Barber had known all those years ago he’d be here with a second chance at life, he would’ve never even waited another second to be with you. It’s funny how life can send you down the most twisted paths, yet have you come out with the most precious of gifts.

taglist: @memissbee @tricereads @buckybarnesthehotshot @bval-1 @tonystankschild @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @turtoix @kelbabyblue @jakiki94 @aubreeskailynn @calirindo @lady-elena-adeline @siriuslyslyslytherin @sushiinmidnight @patzammit @iwik3it

a/n: what did you guys think? it feels like ages since i’ve written anything, and I am sure you can tell haha

if you are new here, check out my masterlist at the top of my blog for more Andy Barber (and Chris Evans characters) writing. I’d link it but tumblr always tag blocks me :(

#andy barber #andy barber x reader #andy barber x y/n #andy barber x you #andy barber imagine #andy barber one shot #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber x female reader #andy barber x assistant reader #andy barber x wife reader #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans characters

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quantumsnipers · 7 years

Text

Mnemophobia

A body frozen, breath gasped in while orchestral music drifts around him mixed with the quiet chatter and bustle of people. The equivalent of his life flashing before his eyes, the choices that led up to this point in a split second as he could only stare wide eyed in shock….

Neil’s lips ticked up into a small smirk as he heard the sharp click of a weapon cocking behind his head. His hands came up next to his head from where he had been closing his front door, at the familiar nudge of a barrel at the base of his skull. He was hardly surprised, returning to a mercenary life as a sniper after Celestial Being had turned his existence on its head, he had up heaved the existing hitman hierarchy overnight. And he had kept it in disarray ever since by failing to align himself with any one side after all this time. He took only contracts that he saw as fitting with his personal code and since he was the best at his job, he could name his price. He had a list of people who would love to see him gone, but only a few of the names on that list had the guts to try. Even fewer who could have gotten in his place without him realizing.

“Lockon Stratos.”

The smirk quickly dropped into a frown as his back went ramrod straight. That title and voice efficiently cut straight thru the mental list to a very specific set of people. None of whom he was particularly looking forward to seeing. He turned his head to glare over his shoulder, disregarding the dangerous press of metal to his head. Sure enough, a form familiar from memory of fluffed up black hair and tan skin coolly met his gaze from behind the silenced small caliber barrel. His lips thinned in a tight line as he drug his eyes back to the door, knocking it fully closed with his hip before his hands dropped; he pulled the padded strap of his rifle bag from his shoulder and settled the weight of the bag in the corner, wedged between the wall and side table.

“That’s not my name anymore, Setsuna.” He moved farther into his apartment, disregarding the other male tracking him with a steady weapon arm. He pulled the fridge open and grabbed a beer, cocking the bottle questioningly at the younger, and being met with nothing more than his normal impassive stare, shrugged and closed the appliance door. He tapped the lid of the bottle against the side of his counter, popping it off and ignoring the small spilling of carbon fizz as he leaned back against the sink and took a swig.

“I’m here to bring you back to Ptolemy.” Setsuna’s voice was as bland as Neil remembered, and his lips quirked in a sardonic half smirk against his will at the nostalgia, even as memories flashed behind his eyes of things that ripped the wounds of his mind and heart fresh open. Memories of aubergine and crimson, cold and calculating overlaid with flashes of curious gaze and tentative touch.

“Ptolemy was destroyed.” Screams and explosions, decompression and alarms blaring...quiet, distressed words over a com... Things that still haunted his nightmares and that even alcohol couldn’t dull on the worst days. “And even if it was rebuilt, I left her “crew” and I’m not going back.” He let his inflection speak for the reference to Celestial Being. Setsuna hadn’t said it, and he may not be planning on going back, but damned if he would turn over a prior ally by lack of discretion. Never knew who was listening.

The gun may have already been on him, but the hardening of Setsuna’s gaze at his denial was more concerning, making Neil’s fingers twitch with desire for his own weapons concealed around the apartment. He took another swig of beer both to appear nonchalant to the other, keep his own concern hidden. He almost froze as Setsuna reached for his pocket but slowly lowered the bottle as he only pulled a piece of paper from an inner pocket. One handed, Setsuna flicked the folded paper open, and Neil’s eyes narrowed at the picture that was almost like looking in a mirror. He would have assumed that it was his own image, if not for the stats listed underneath. “Is that a threat, Setsuna?” His voice had gone cold and he was tight as a bowstring, this was a ploy he thought Sumeragi would have better sense than to risk. He knew it had to come from her, Setsuna wasn’t devious enough for this, he’d rather have just shot him.

“We need a pilot speced to the Dynames class. You are still alive and Sumeragi’s first choice since we have lost contact with Veda’s analyzing process. If you refuse, I have orders to retrieve your twin as he is the only other valid choice that won’t require alterations that take time we don’t have. He is part of Katharon and will make a suitable replacement.”

Neil’s gaze flickered from the paper to Setsuna a few times, judging his resolve and, sadly as expected, finding it solid. He wasn’t bluffing. Neil had his suspicions about his twins extra curricular activities, but lacking the ties he’d had when with Celestial Being, and not wanting his current clients to ferret out any outside attempts to gather intel, lest it be used against him, he had only clung to the hope he was mistaken. Silently cursing his impulsive estranged sibling, he pushed aside memories of quiet conversations about introducing him someday with “this is classified information” being hissed at him. He quickly failed to hold his stoicism under the memories and new information, all but snarling at the younger male as he cursed and hurled the half-empty bottle against the kitchen wall. Setsuna was holding his weapon two handed, stance steady, when he calmed down enough to turn his attention back to him. Neil scoffed at him, and threw open a cabinet, dragging out a bottle of unlabeled poitin alcohol. He gulped a few swallows of it straight out of the bottle, ripping it away just to gasp a breath and drag the back of his wrist across him mouth.

His glare was hard as he stalked out of the kitchen, bottle still in hand, stalking straight past the shorter meister. He didn’t even give the weapon following him a second glace as he slammed open his coat closet and dragged out a duffle bag, throwing a coat, belt-pouch with clips, a couple small ammo boxes, and a .357 torn out from under the coffee table into it, despite Setsuna spiting his code name again in warning. He merely took another swig of the alcohol and stuffed a shirt, pulled from its place hanging over a chair nearby, on top and shoved it all down into the bag. He dragged the strap diagonal over his chest, hauled his rifle bag out of the corner and up on his free shoulder, chugged the remainder of the poitin and slammed the bottle on to the side table as he turned the glare on Setsuna.

“Put that shite away and take me to Sumeragi. Your just the messenger boy and I wont let you near my brother, I’ll make her understand myself.”

The trip back spaceside went without incident physically, though the memories of the last times he had been in space weighed heavily on his mind. Neil kept himself under tight control, all he needed was for Setsuna to decided he was psychologically unfit and make the call to go with his twin after an unfortunate accident. He held himself together thru the trip to rendezvous and back to the ship. He left Setsuna behind as he floated thru the halls toward the bridge. He was met by Sumeragi before he got there, and he followed her without comment to a briefing room. By the end of their “conversation” there was a minor crowd around the doorway, even Setsuna not willing to intervene despite the random sounds that could easily pass for a knock down drag out fight punctuated by screaming. When the door finally slid open, and Neil staggered out (a feat considering zero-g weight), he was bleeding from several places and clutching a dislocated shoulder. Sumeragi was worse for wear but it was clear his re-acclimation to zero-g had put him at a sever disadvantage. He was medicated and returned to his room.

This, unfortunately, turned out to be a bad idea. With his body and mind already stressed, he lapsed into the memories of the day they lost the Virtue and he had a minor mental breakdown resulting in the room being trashed. He was found later by his mech’s Haro and eventually was coaxed out of the room due to re-acclimation training for an upcoming mission while they repaired the suite. He has never fully readjusted to sleeping in the room, frequently suffering from extreme nightmares, insomnia, and other issues. He, just as often as actually sleeping in the room, was found passed out in a surplus storage room, that in the original Ptolemy had been designed for a certain computer system interface. However, with Veda out of reach, the rebuild design deemed the inclusion of the interface a waste of resources, and as such the space was allocated for extra storage.

Having been basically strong armed into rejoining the organization, Neil was much more subdued in his interaction with the crew. Instead of the warm big brother he had been, he was more prone to his mercenary personality being prominent. He secluded himself outside of missions and started to rival Sumeragi in drinking. It didn’t significantly affect his piloting abilities, but it made him distrustful and distant from the others where he used to be a binding front for the crew. He was always having to be ordered into missions he would have easily done without any prompting before. As such, when the infiltration mission for the A-Laws ball came up, it was a scene to get him to agree. He eventually relented to the logic that he was the best option for the mission despite his being out of practice. And, under duress, found himself in a tux and schmoozing with the upper echelon of the government that wanted to keep their own law enforcement in power, as he searched for this elusive ESF leader.

#verse:the eternal spiral #thread:mnemophobia #gundam00 #quantumseraphim #neil

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thoughtsfeelingsjustblah · 5 years

Text

Monday 9/16/2019

It’s been a while since I posted. Things are going pretty well here. My depression levelled off a long, long time ago and though i’ve felt some depression symptoms periodically, they were short lived. That’s a huge change, for someone who almost constantly lived with depression since she was 7. I often felt suicidal, or close to it. That also started at 7. I remember the day I first told someone, it was my brother Neil. He just told me everyone feels that way sometimes. Me personally, a child tells me, i’m going to take it seriously and get her help. Oh well, it’s whatever

The past 8 months or so, i’ve felt a lot more social and it’s been great!! For years, I stayed to myself for the most part. I was really social in my teens. When I was twenty, I moved in with Nathan and secluded myself. It was almost completely just he and I. For years, I hardly socialized in real life, only online. I went out with a couple friends a few times here and there, but it was nothing like now.

For several years, I rarely went out. I’d have little spurts of being social, like one summer that I spent a lot of time with Cloyie and Jessica, and Amber to an extent. Then, I got with Mark, and it was only me, him and Nathan again. I just didn’t make the effort to get out. To meet people. To strengthen old friendships. About 8 months ago, something in me just changed. I met my friend Kristy, and we started hanging out. Then, I met a few more friends, and we spent time together. My friends have made friends with each other, and we have some awesome get togethers!

When I think about it, depression held me back. I always had more depressive episodes than manic. Though i’ve had my share of those as well. But, the depressive episodes could last for several months at a time. I’d seclude myself, stop talking to people, practically drop off the planet! Friends don’t understand. Most don’t, anyway. A lot of people just think you’re avoiding them or whatever. Kinda goes along with when my psychology instructor told me i’m aloof. Love her to death, I know she didn’t many anything by it, but that stuck with me - I wonder how many people think of me as cold, distant and aloof. I like to think i’m the furthest from that description.

I’m sampling Kratom, the Trainwreck strain, and I feel i’m a little more talky now than i have been lately. lol

Back on the aloof thing.. I wonder if people think that when i’m feeling shy and having anxiety, or when I have to be to myself for sometime. People’s first impression of me used to be that I was bitchy. Until they got to know me. Because of the shyness. I’d like to think i’ve moved past that a bit now.

I do have a weird need to be alone sometimes. In silence. When i’m around other people for an extended period of time, my mind feels overstimulated and I feel like I need to escape. Yes, even Mark. At home, I spend a lot of alone time in my room. It’s definitely nothing against him, I just need to be alone at times. I was really happy when I lived alone. And often kept it silent, no tv’s etc.. I need that alone time to feel spiritually fulfilled. To feel at peace. Labor day weekend, had a big cookout. It’s awesome! But twice, I was standing in my rather small living room/dining area and felt trapped. Anxiety shot up. I had to go back to my bedroom for a few minutes, both times, almost as if to recharge. It was odd. I love a big crowd, especially when it’s good friends, but my mind overstimulated. Sensory overload. I wish I knew what caused it. As a child, teachers, principals and a school nurse tried telling my Mom I was autistic. She would get angry over it. But, honestly, I have to wonder if I am on the spectrum, and just learned social skills. I truly did have to learn how to behave with people, how to be normal. Se;f taught. Some from reading things and some from observing people’s behavior. I was a mess as a child though, I wasn’t taught social skills at all.

Changing the subject a bit.. I’ve met someone whom has brought about feelings that i’m not used to. It’s a little confusing, and wonderful, at the same time. :) First, let me start with an explanation of my sexuality.. Ok.. I knew that I found some women attractive, even as a child. Certain types of breasts. Beautiful faces. A nice ass. lol I was never sure about my sexual preference. I admired women, but didn’t want to be with a woman....until somewhere in my late twenties or so I considered the idea. Still unsure. By the time I was 19, I had kissed a couple girls. Mostly for attention from boys at parties, i’ll be totally honest. I’m not like that now! I also had an experience that could be considered sexual experimentation when I was 16 or 17... I cheated on my boyfriend and had a hickey on my neck. One of my girls said, let’s all give each other hickies and tell the guys it was us. Which......sounds ridiculous to me as I type this. Extremely. lol But I went with it. I got nothing from it sexually, wasn’t turned on by it.

I refused to experiment with bisexual friends over the year, just didn’t feel like it was my thing. The closest two women to call experimentation would be a woman name Virginia. I was 19 and she was 30ish. And Jessica. Whom I actually 10 years older. lol I’ll explain both situations...

First, Virginia. She was ok looking, tall, and a bit intimidating in looks and personality. And I don’t get intimidated easily. I was already really, really drunk. Had went a type of gay dance that raised money for aids research. I had a couple gay and bi friends. That night, a friend I cared about came up to me and told me that he just hound out he’s hiv+. That hit me hard and I started stress drinking. We were invited to an after party, and of course my drunk ass went. A guy had a BIG bottle of tequila. I asked for some. He kept passing it to me throughout the night. I was so gone. The host started hitting on me, then acted like she was going to try to fight me. I’d never lost a fight in the past, but as previously mentioned, she had an intimidating presence and as drunk as I was, any fighting would have been sloppy and probably resulted in me getting myself hurt. Then, two gay men got into a fight, I was trying to stop and and she pulled me aside and told me they do it all the time. Next thing, they were kissing. And I was like, wtf? lol Anyway, I remember watching a porn on tv.. Then, I had to go pee. This older trucker guy cornered me in the bathroom. He was trying to get with me, and I was scared to straight up say no, so I kept telling him some other time. He kept insisting no, right now, he’s on the road all the time. I had no plans of getting with him. EVER. I was just trying to talk myself of out the danger that I knew I had gotten myself into. Finally, Virginia (the same one who acted like she wanted to fight me) came along, and I clung to her the rest of the night. Which wasn’t long. I had to have been about 5am by that time. I was so scared to drive as trashed as I was, had noone I could call. I was stuck. Like I said, I clung to her, it felt like she was saving me from this 50 year old pervert. She told me I could sleep in her bed. And with all the crazy drunk guys in the living room, I felt safer that way. Then, trucker dude and this big black guy she was with came in the room. People passed out around the bed. And now it was us 4 in the bed. I remember it’s like in 3rd person, as if I weren’t there, and were watching in happen instead. I ended up basically having an orgy. Both guys. (I had had a threesome with two guys before, when I was 16. I liked it. It was not forced, I didn’t feel trapped - as I did this night) The most she and I did was hold hands and kissed. I stayed close to her, she was the only feeling of safety I had at that point. As soon as everyone snuck out, I drunkenly. and quickly, drove home. Virginia tried to text me several times after, she never heard from me again. And I rarely let myself think about that night. I did not want this night to happen, but “no” wasn’t worth it, and it was a very intimidating situation. This is the first in a long time, and the most detailed i’ve ever told anyone. Even though i’m only telling my blog. I have very few readers, I keep this blog very private. I remember when I told my asshole ex about it (Jerry),July 4th 2013, he got angry at me and called me a slut and told me it was my fault. Our relationship went down hill after that.

My second serious experience, more than just a simple silly kiss.. Was with Jessica. I will start with this... Jessica took care of herself when I first met her. I thought she was pretty. Had a little interest, but no plans to take it anywhere. I also didn’t realize she had a mental impairment at the time. I thought her speach impediment was a cajun or similar accent. Anyway, right after meeting her, I went to the beach with some friends at the time. She was one of the ones going. I can’t remember exactly how it started, but we did have a little chemistry. So, at some point, she kissed me. There were several kisses that week. She stayed by my side much of the time, which I didn’t know how I felt about that. My best guy friend was on the trip too, and we had talking about hooking up. So, the whole time, I was hoping he’s make a move and Jessica ended up making the moves. lol She was really sweet to me though. Surprised with with a bottle of liquor, roses, a necklace. We didn’t “get together”. Didn’t date, i’ve never dated a woman. Did really do anything sexual....other than one night she tried to finger me under the covers and I stopped her. I told her it was because someone else was in the room with us, and that was partly why. But still, I didn’t want it. The most we ever did after that was few kisses and one heated make out session, the most we did was grind on each other. I never went there again. We cuddled sometimes though, that was sweet. We haven’t kissed or anything like that in years. Met her in 2012.

After the beach trip. Jessica was VERY persistent and moving way too fast. I stopped talking to her, and she found every way she could to get in touch with me. The primary reason I stopped talking to her, I randomly got a text on my phone asking my permission to put a gps tracker on my phone, and the company said it came from her. Later, she insisted in wasn’t her, a friend got a hold of her phone. No. It was her. It took me a really long time to talk to her again, but I finally did. After that, I stopped talking to her for an extended period of time twice.. One time, she was getting too pushy, getting frustrated when I didn’t share the feeling she had and frankly was behaving possessive and obsessive. Then next time, and it was the final time.. It was not long after I started dating Mark. She continued to “jokingly” call me hers, and I can’t remember specifically how it happened.....but she got psycho pissed at me. Wanted a Christmas gift back (which I smashed before leaving it in front of her house), texted Mark accusing I cheated on him and all this other bs. She contacted friends, trying to start shit between us. I blocked her, and it was a very long before I spoke to her again. And when I did, I promised her if it EVER happened again, our friendship is through permanently. For years, I haven’t had a problem. She still flirts with me. Year ago, I did playfully kiss her a couple times. But that’s all it was though. I don’t mind her flirting, as long as she doesn’t take it too far. And things have been good sense.

We’re not close like we used to be, though. She refers to herself as my best friend. I feel awkward and don’t correct it. She my have problems, and hasn’t been the best friend, but I do care about her and consider her a good friends. Never a best friend though. I haven’t had a TRUE best friend since my friendship ended with Amanda at 16-17. We were super close, met when I was 11. I’ve never been that close to a female since. I never had any sort of attraction for her though, she was just my best friend. I’ve wanted that closeness sense, never bonded with anyone after her though. Tried. Just didn’t feel it.

I’m taking a break from this blog. I have to. I’ve spend a LOT of time on it already, and still have things I need to say. Will continue tomorrow! <3

********************************************************************

Tuesday, 9/17/2019

Wow, that was a lot of writing. My blogs are often pretty long, but that was crazy! lol I took my first full dose of kratom yesterday, maybe that what did it. lol If so, I need to get more. Do some writing. I love to write and dream of getting published one day, I just don’t have the focus that I need.

Where to start back.. Ok.. As far as my sexuality goes, I considered myself straight until a few years ago. Then I realized i’m bi-curious. I kept it to myself though. Still do, for the most part. Most people don’t know. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I definitely do not want Mark’s family to know.

I always said I like dick too much to be a lesbian, and that’s still true. (excuse the trashy phrase lol) - but I do have an attraction to some women. But it’s been a subtle attraction.

However, I recently met this woman. She’s awesome. I have a very strong connection with her. It’s more of a deep spiritual connection. It’s something I can’t explain. I feel about her, something i’ve never felt before. I can’t explain it, because I don’t quite understand it yet.

We have so much in common. Religion, political views, a love of wolves. And so much more that we’ve discovered that we have in common. My niece even says we kinda look alike. lol And, she’s beautiful. Gorgeous face, love her eyes. Great body.

She told me that if she ever went there with a woman, she’d want it to be with me. And I had thought the same thing about her. I don’t know where this is going to go, but it’s definitely something new for me.

I love spending time with her. And truthfully, I think about her often. Not in a psycho obsessive sense. lol But, she does cross my mind.

It feels odd to feel this way about a woman. But it feels good. One evening, she took my hand while we were talking, and normally i’m not much of a hand holder, other than the hubby. But, it was nice. It actually felt right.

Ok, and about the hubby, while i’m thinking about it.. I love him, and would never do anything to hurt him. No matter what the situation. I’ve talked to him a little, but very little, about how I feel for her. It’s a little awkward. I plan to let him read this blog eventually. IF he wants to read this much writing!! lol

Anyway, he used to tell me he won’t share me, even if it were another woman. Now he tells me that he’s ok with it, as long as he can watch. I appreciate him being somewhat open minded, but him watching.....i’m not sure about. I don’t know how she would feel, and frankly I don’t know how I feel about it. What I feel for her is pure. It’s not all sexual and lusty. It runs much deeper. Don’t get me wrong, I *am* physically attracted to her, who wouldn’t be? But, if we were to ever take it a step further, I really don’t know that i’d feel comfortable with anyone else being around. It would be special, you know? And I don’t know if he’d ever be accepting of just her and I having a physical relationship together. Only time will tell.

Even if it never turns physical, she’s a special person in my life. I can see her turning into a lifelong bestfriend (....or more).

I guess I should be going. Have to get ready to start the day, a few things need done. I only took two kratom today (Trainwreck strain), instead of the suggested dose of 6 pills. I’m already feeling it. Thinking I may get a big bottle and make them part of my daily supplements! I’ll try to blog again very soon, though it probably won’t be nearly as long.

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