Tumgik
#I wanna try and figure it out myself
skunkes · 14 days
Text
Tumblr media
292 notes · View notes
shevr · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
whats down there
1K notes · View notes
theminecraftbee · 23 days
Text
every time i exit like, an exchange writing period, and i no longer have a deadline, i start to become dizzy with "i should be writing right now--no writing??? i do NOT need to be writing right now??? cannot be right?????? writing??????"
anyway i've decided to use a poll to make you all into people who can create a deadline for me (and also i've started using habitica and want to try to write a LITTLE daily). there's no guarantee this is the one i'll actually go with given i've asked this like SIX TIMES in the past few months but this time it is a poll and also this time i'm trying to start writing daily again, so maybe this time it'll stick, idk??? so:
131 notes · View notes
poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year
Note
Just popping in to say i LOVE UR ART SO MUCH WAUGH!!!! Its soooooooo exoressive and u get across emotion and movement SO WELL!! I love ...littlr apple ...so much.....u imbue this donkey with Such Chaos
Tumblr media
I love this little chaos creature, we should all forfeit our mortal possessions to her.
482 notes · View notes
lunarneo · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
February's monthly sticker on my Patreon!
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
82 notes · View notes
jrueships · 2 months
Note
can you please walk us through the relationship between wemby and jabari the people need to know
i think the most notable thing about vic and Jabari's relationship is that they don't have one, when it would be so beneficial if they did. they're like two soldiers fighting for the opposite sides of a war, too loyal to the cause to stop and think about what could have been if they just lowered their respective weapons aimed by cold hands larger than their own. foils by fate, friends by freedom.
Tumblr media
' remember, you will Always be Different. '
Tumblr media
' remember, you will Always be Replaceable. '
'Replaceable'
Jabari's dad made it in the NBA, then didn't. He was a big that could shoot, but wasn't a post-up man. Back then, post-up was the desired style. Ironically, now, it's all about shooting. But his dad didn't live in the now, and his career in the US was short-lived, to keep it cordial. Jabari's older brother played basketball throughout his whole life, but stopped after college. Jabari's cousin, Kwame Brown, was drafted 1st overall in the lottery, and became a notorious bust for the Washington wizards.
Basketball is a business. Basketball is fleeting.
It doesn't matter that a big with sharpshooter skills is valued as something so 'prized' in today's nba, not back then, not when it would have mattered for Jabari's dad. Making it is one ballpark in its own, but Staying in it? Can perhaps be an even more painful ordeal when the hoops to accomplish it aren't circus hoops, but a plain hill some just don't have the strength, mentality, or the materials to help climb without distraction or pitfall.
Jabari's dad made sure Jabari had this threat forever ingrained in his mind. When he yells at Jabari for misplaced eye contact, for typing the wrong words in a public social media reply, for reacting in a way a camera might misinterpret, it's out of love. Jabari's dad was known for being a hassle to coach back then, maybe because he knew his potential and no one else did because it was too new to the mold. So he makes sure Jabari doesn't follow his same habits. Jabari is polite to authority, simply replies with a 'Yes Sir' or a 'No Ma'am', he holds eye contact, he wakes up hours before he needs to just to jump rope, just to uphold the standards that his family could not. He is Everything his father is and isn't, plus more. When his team wins, he's still talking about his missed freethrows even 8 hours later. Because someone else could have won the game And hit those free throws too . someone from a family that gained success and stayed in that success. Someone who wasn't Just Another Son of a basketball player trying to do what his father couldn't, someone who was Different .
Everyone knew wemby was different. When his literature class was asked to write an essay about your future dreams in life, he wrote a fictional romance about a couple where the woman got in a car accident and was comatosed as a result, but got better in the end. He didn't write about being a great basketball player one day, because his parents don't pressure him to hunker himself into the norm, even though his mother once was and now coaches. If Wemby one day realized this wasn't for him, they would encourage him to leave and follow whatever greater passions propelling him. He's so agile for his size because his dad was an Olympic talent in track and field. He is someone who has hobbies and talents that are considered common alone, but strange combined, because he loves what he has and what he does. He reads every night for one hour before bed not to appear as some pseudointellectual, but because he Genuinely loves it, and when he loves something, he excels at it. He does try to be different, but not out of ego. He just loves to be. He either accomplishes at 200% or zero. It may be 200% in an unexpected direction, but it's His direction and that's what matters. If he somehow does wind up a bust, a possibility he considers without fear but acceptance as potential fate, then he won't go down as yet another failed first pick. He'll fall as he flew, Victor Wembanyama.
' Different '
' Replaceable'
Jabari winces each time he's subbed out, even for a second, even on an injured ankle, he's silently Stubborn, his posture shrunken and his gaze at the ground yet his eyes, big, wobbling, staring up always at the speaker, he's silently scared.
Jabari doesn't Want to be different. He just wants to be what his family couldn't be when it came to fame: irreplaceable . His parents split when he was younger, he tries his hardest to appease them both as to not cause any more issues. The relationship relies on his shoulders more than ever, and he can't fumble it again. He has to be what his dad couldn't so his dad can stay, commenting on commonality or surprises. He wants to support his still working mother, especially after the split. He doesn't Want to be unique, he just wants Security.
Because this can crumble any moment now, it doesn't matter how high your pick was or how bright the future Could Have been or how the game would later shift to your style if you had just somehow Stayed. Why bet on low chances if you know you can't handle the risk. He shakes any college coaches' hands that showed up to his practices, personally thanks them for coming even though he's one of the best in the country so their presence should be a given to him, it's not. When he picks a college, he picks one that guaranteed their faith in him from day One, and didn't require any further prodding to finally say '.. Maybe we'll offer you a position' like Kentucky did, as big and famous as it is, it wasn't Secured . They saw him as a risk at one point, and that's everything he's been trying to avoid when it came to attention, negatively standing out.
Jabari wants to be known as the strong shoulder to the world. He WANTS to be known as That One Guy who can just carry everything, nameless but Good. He just wants to be Good. Please tell him he's good. Please tell him what he's doing is Good. That basing his entire personality around yet another soldier who ultimately fell in battle but fought nonetheless being nameless is Good. Please feel free to give him all your burdens to bear like he's just some mule, an animal, a Tool .. because that means he's Useful, at least. That means he's Good. And if he isn't good, then he's nothing. Because you can always just buy another one anyways. A better one.
'Different'
Although his parents try not to treat Wemby by simplifying his differences into a strictly labeled, simple FUTURE BASKETBALL PRODIGY box at birth, that doesn't mean that can always stop others from doing it. Wemby signed his first autograph at ten years old.
It didn't matter if he was a kid who was so much more than just his basketball future, basketball fans wanted one thing from him and one thing only: Success. People didn't care about his literary skills or his drawing hobbies. The eyes on his alien needed to be smaller 'so your shoe can sell better, trust us, it's still Your drawing.. your weird little .. not money-making hobby, do believe me, Vic, We know what We're doing. You just stick to whatever you do.'
His differences, in the end, are minimalized just to that. He's just Different. That's what everyone says who wouldn't really care to say anything at all if he never hooped as well as they wanted in the first place. The youtube videos of 40 year old men criticizing his 15 year old games didn't Really care if he was just a kid, they just cared in the 'imagine when he reaches peak physicality? imagine the points (money) he'd make for the nba.' His beautiful differences, artistic, soft, unique but oh-so wonderfully common and passionate.. are all dissolved into 'Different', the Base definition.
he's an alien. Someone you can just dump all your poverty franchise worries onto because don't worry, he's Different. Trust me, he'll save your team. 'He's Different. ..am i talking about how he'd effortlessly answer questions in class while also trying to hide the fact that he's playing on his phone by tucking his bony legs awkwardly in his chair and crouching his spine over that it looked almost scary? HELL NO? what does THAT have to do with BASKETBALL?? no, he's just freakishly long, but like. Gifted. Though. ... I don't know, man, he's just DIFFERENT, okay? you can trust me, i'm a sports podcaster, okay? everything i say is gold.'
A celebrity approaches him because he was different than most famous basketball athletes. He was Different. And yet, when he didn't recognize or notice her presence due to Different cultures ( due to Being Genuinely, Detailedly Different ), he was scorned and ushered out of public eye so another possible pr bomb couldn't injure his reputation as a Difference That They Really Would Rather Not Want.
that's what his reading falls into, his old friends, his family, his art, his personality. If it's beyond ball, if it's beyond Business. The world only cares if it's marketable. Sure, some reporters will ask a question outside of sport, but only because it'll be a Different.. funny little nugget of knowledge for fans to laugh at then soon disregard for what Really made him famous. But, Wemby is what he always wanted to be. He's Different. So What if it's not exactly the kind of Different he actually wants, he actually functions on? No one has the time to perform 200% anymore. Slap the label you wanted and call it quits, stop being so High-Maintenanced. That's not marketable.
You're just different. And to some people, that's all you'll ever be. No need to explore it any further. Who knows, your Consumers might find something they won't like. And we can't risk that happening to our greatest circus freak.
i mean. Generational basketball talent .
Tumblr media
If there's a press conference going on that somehow includes the two, then Wemby just wants to be sure everyone can hear what he really wants to say, in his own words, not echoing anyone else's, and Jabari just wants to Be in the Room.
His brother stopped playing basketball because his family said he didn't try hard enough. Jabari Can't have that. His whole life revolves Around basketball, around sport. He doesn't WANT to be DIFFERENT if that isn't the soundest option, he just wants to be GREAT. Because GREAT is SUCCESS. Jabari Smith is not success. It's just a retry at it . His father shares the same name.
Wemby's life did not always revolve around basketball, to people, at one point. At one point, Wemby's life was just his life. Now, it seems like only his family think that, and they're from a whole other country. When he comments on videos critiquing his playstyle, he doesn't do so out of anger or questioning, he does so because he genuinely Wants to improve. He Does want to be great. But, he wants to be great in Everything that he finds interesting. He always did. When he likes an author, he reads All their books, not just their most notorious novel. He wants to be transported into other people's worlds so he can learn, so he can change, so he can be Different. Even if he somehow were to lose all of this fame, this Greatness, this job, this opportunity, he will never really lose. Because he's someone who's always taken opportunities to the fullest, so even if they pan out a little differently, that's Fine, really, because he's different. Not in the minimizing, dictionary definition then leave the meaning at that different, but in the butterfly effect. What he once was ten days ago is not exactly the same of what he is now, and it hurts, sometimes, when people fail to see that, or simply don't want to because textbook different is easier to digest than worldly different.
IN SHORT.. theyre foils. i can't Exactly walk u thru their relationship bcs .. there Isn't one.. & that's what's so Interesting about them. That's what makes their relationship, to me. Because if they WERE to be friends, if they somehow in some alternate world WERE to get paired up on the same team... they would be friends. I really think they would be. Not only because their signs are so compatible, or their differences are so stark, but because their similarities would triumph everything beautifully. Maybe. We don't know because they Weren't paired together, we can only speculate. But i think it would be big and beautiful, whatever they would have, it would be Something.
Tumblr media
unfortunately, we don't live in an alternate world where they're teammates though ! Double unfortunately, Jabari and Wemby's biggest similarity is their loyalty to the game (a double-edged sword in both their lives from Jabari's silent unhealthy desire to be limited and Wemby's silent desperation not to be) Wemby, in Jabari's eyes, is Indeed a powerful...
Problem.
He's not really a person to him . In all fairness, no one really is when they're involved in the basketball world, not to Jabari, not from the way he's been taught. Everyone's supposed to be Replaceable, a faceless tool in the pocket of good business.
Tumblr media
.. except for This freakazoid. Apparently.
APPARENTLY, he's some supposed 'saint'. someone to be feared for being more. APPARENTLY, the reporters just LOVE yapping about him SO much, that Jabari HAS to take the time out of his training just to talk about some guy who doesn't even GO here, yet when they ask him about his opinion on future prospects. WELL, that's ALL wemby IS to Jabari, just another future prospect. Just another problem.
Tumblr media
A problem he'll be sure to check off his list.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
... okay, so Maybe he's a bit more than a problem.. maybe.. he's just a really persistent problem? yeah, that's it, nothing more. Jabari will work through this. He Always does. That's what he does well, Work.
Wemby wonders if that's all he ever does .
But he doesn't have long before Jabari's marching down the tunnel to beat himself up over all his mistakes other people would never make, and Wemby's being escorted to an interview that other people would never make solely to show how Much he just Stands Out as a soul... in basketball .
I hope they find each other in basketball, and out of it as well. I just feel like
Something would Happen
#THANK YOU for this ask#i was so scared making it tho like... im srry it's so long but im afraid i cant short answer in life 😭#if im scared it's gonna miss something 😭#i MAY be an overthinker hooper 🗣‼️‼️💯🔥#in reality thank u for asking fr <333 it's been a while since ive done one of my (in)famous ted talks LMAO#i hope this helped 😊!! <- i say as the whole point of it was that it couldnt actually help#LiSTEN- iN THE END.. IT'S FOR THE DELULUS IM AFRAID#the OHHHH but the POTENTIALL#mfs who have mental illness (multi shipping)#theyre like pg and dame Thats a Bad Shot to be#like they both have insane 200% or nothing work ethics... but driven into such POLAR opposite means to an end#theyre like two people who wrote an antithesus to the other but would actually rule the world together if given the chance#2 veey powerful heroes belonging to two different alliances or worlds.. holding similar but different ideals#corny one liner quip bcs i have to for the kids marvel wemby and trying to be edgier bcs fck them kids dc jabari#idk theyre insane to me#pls say u understand#bcs i dont think i rlly do myself and thats why i love them so much#theyre a puzzle and i wanna know if the final product is exactly what ive been imagining from the pieces given to me#or if it's completely opposite#either way it's so fun for me to figure out but again. i may be insane#if i am .. feel free to tell me 😭😭 really. at least have the courtesy to tell the polar bear his world is melting before taking a picture#ted asks#ted longer#jaba#webby#IF I MISSPELL WEMBYS NAME PLS BE NICE 2 ME. I DID LORE RESEARCH HIM i SWEAR. I RESEARCH ALL MY POSSIBLE SHIPS PEOPLES CUS IM SCARED OF#MISINTERPRETATION. SO IF U SEE ME MISSPELL WEMBY.. IT'S BCS I AM STUPID YES. BUT LIKE. NOT WITH RESEARCH. IT'S JUST MY STUPID BRIAN#*BRAIN**** <-SEE?? i Dont think i have to explain any further how his name is a Nightmare for people like me who#think 8s are 6s on a math test and fails bcs of it EVEN THO the problem wouldve been right if it WERE to be a 6.. it is simply not
20 notes · View notes
starbuck · 2 years
Text
Listen: if you’re questioning your sexuality or gender and having a really difficult time figuring stuff out, you might wanna try reframing your thinking from “what am I?” to “what do I want?”
If you want to have sex with men, do it! If you want to go on hormones because the physical affects are desirable to you, do it! If you don’t want to have sex at all, (don’t) do it!
Labels can be a wonderful thing, don’t get me wrong, but they can also cause you to second-guess yourself into paralysis if you give them too much importance. You can always label your identity later on if you want to, but, in the meantime, don’t let stress over which label is “right” stop you from doing what makes you feel fulfilled in the here and now.
679 notes · View notes
teabookgremlin · 9 months
Text
i have been having so many thoughts recently about van and her relationship to her appearance. are these thoughts coherent? not particularly. am i going to try to make them somewhat coherent to share with you all now? yes. will i make any sense or say anything that hasn’t already been said? that remains to be determined
i first really started thinking about this when i started my fic feel like me again but honestly it had been floating around in my mind since we got our first look at adult van and the debate over if she was butch enough began (she is btw that is not up for discussion here and not the point of this post). anyway lets get into some of my thoughts.
first i wanna talk about her hair. i know recently people have been pointing out how before the wolf attack we most commonly see van with her hair tied back (with the exception of just a few occasions) and how after the wolf attack it is always down (except for during doomcoming but then her scars are covered by a mask). it’s very clear that her hair becomes a shield for her, using it as a way to hide her scars. even as an adult it’s never up and we see it hanging in her face a lot. especially back in society it makes sense to me that van would want to hide her scars somewhat, i mean her whole thing is trying to live in a past where none of the bad shit happened. as for before the attack, her hair being pulled up often, first of all same, i do this and for me its bc i’m sick of my hair and just haven’t gotten around to cutting it yet. it could be similar for van or she just prefers it out of her face. i feel like it’s unlikely that she wouldn’t have cut it if she wanted to as she already presents pretty butch and presumably is not overly bothered by people clocking her (kind of drawing this from both her appearance and that she is so much less concerned with being caught by the others than tai is) but there is still the possibility that she just doesn’t want another thing about her to scream dyke as she is living in an american suburb in the 90s. 
onto her scars specifically. i love how she stops covering them after tai tells her that she’s beautiful. i’d imagine that van is not someone who is used to compliments on her appearance (or at least not ones that are affirming to her). i also know that a lot of us have headcanons that her mom is shitty to her about her appearance (or at least i do and i’ve seen it in a few fics) so hating how she looks would have become internalized and the scars would just make it worse. and there’s how she storms out at the suggestion of a party, hiding off in the woods until tai comes, bringing a solution and way to support her. and she clings to tai as they first walk out at doomcoming, holding her arm, kind of tucking herself against/behind her until the kiss. in this moment van is shown that she is still desirable despite the scars and this is just further affirmed when tai asks to see her without the mask and calls her beautiful. and going forward she doesn’t directly hide them anymore, even as an adult when in society, where facial scarring would get her more attention than among a group of teenagers who all know exactly what happened and are too busy trying to survive to care about appearance.
this is all i’ve got for now but i certainly think that there is so much to talk about concerning van and her appearance both because of her scarring and because a complicated relationship with presentation is not uncommon among lesbians. idk i have lots of thoughts but putting them into words is hard so feel free to add on your own ideas and happy van vednesday
67 notes · View notes
the-kipsabian · 5 months
Text
hey can you do me a favor, can you like this post if you see it on the dash?
19 notes · View notes
sillayangel · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
happy tdov from heaven's silliest angel :3 !!! 😇 (she/her)
93 notes · View notes
keylovesstuff · 7 months
Text
Little Events
Omg It's a Key Post you guys know what that means...I'm sharing another story hehe.
AO3
FFN
Toadsworth had returned home from finishing the last of his errands at about nine that night, taking great care in making as little noise as possible. Slipping off his shoes, he placed them next to the other little pair by the door and then headed over to the couch to turn on the lamp. As predicted, It was left unoccupied with the exception of Peach's purple blanket and a couple of books still open. The older mushroom let out a small sigh and shook his head, first folding the blanket and laying it on the back of the couch and picking up the books to take to his bookshelf. One thing that he's learned about taking care of a child for the past two years, was that no matter how many times he would tell her to clean up after herself once finished using something or leaving an area, it never got done. He took great pride in making sure his house looked perfect, that nothing was out of place and other than a few other factors, being messy was definitely in the top five reasons why he did not want kids of his own. Peach, out of all the others, had chosen to be with him though and at such a small age and that had meant a great deal to him even if he never voiced it outloud.
Other toad parents promised him that with age, kids would be better at picking up after themselves. However, he was slightly doubtful as these same people still talked about how their older kids would leave their rooms and other areas of the house from time to time. Peach would be different though, It was his goal to raise a proper young lady in every area. For now he was more than ok with picking up after and teaching her the correct way of doing things. Toadsworth walked down the hall that held the rest of the rooms and took notice that with the exception of his bedroom, all the other doors were left ajar with the lights on. Passing by the bathroom and closet he took a quick glance inside before turning the lights off before making his way to his little girls bedroom. Instead of being met with a small figure curled in her bed, the white and pink flower covers were halfway pulled off the mattress, one of her pillows was missing, there were toys and clothing scattered around the floor, and Peach was nowhere to be found. 
If this hadn't been the third night in a row and fifth occurrence within the past week he would have frantically run out of the house and waking up the entire street to search for her, like he did the first time. This time he knew where she was, they would both clean all this up in the morning before she went off to school so for now, he turned off the light and closed the door and went to his room. The door to Toadsworth's quarters wasn't even halfway open when a few books toppled over startling the five-year old awake with a loud gasp.
"Stay away" she shouted, grabbing the nearest item and throwing it at the shadowy figure in the doorway. 
He had to admit that for how young she was she had a decent arm. If the room wasn't so dark, she might have hit him as she intended. Instead, the cheep-cheep plush landed two feet in front of where he stood. With the light now flipped on, relief instantly flushed over her face as she pulled the cover down from her mouth. 
"Papa, you're home! I was waiting for you but I got sleepy." Peach smiled telling him, suddenly wide wide awake. 
Toadsworth took in his room's altered appearance. The case that shelved his book collection was almost entirely empty save for three. Several missing books were meticulously placed domino style in front of the door, while others were lined up side by side from one end of the room to the other in front of the bed. There was a half circle of stuffed animals around his bed as if they would sprang to life and defend the girl in the bed should an intruder come close. She surrounded herself with pillows all over the bed and it seemed she had a plan B If all else failed, leaving the window a great bit open.
"I see. I do apologize for disturbing your rest. If I may ask, what all happened here?" He asked, looking to get to the heart of the matter. With the books from earlier in hand, he took them over and placed them on the bookshelf before moving to collect the others.
"Mmm, I don't know" Peach answered, taking in the state of the room better with the lights on. "I'll help" she climbed off the bed, rubbing the wrinkles out of her nightdress. Starting on the further side of the room.
"You're right about that my dear and we'll straighten up yours in the morning." He took the books as she handed it to him. "I am looking for a better answer than 'I don't know' however" he said, giving her one of his serious looks.
"After Toadina left, while I was sleeping, I thought I heard a noise and I got scared, so I came to your room where it was safe." Peach finally told him as she picked up the toys. He knew she was leaving out extra details but he could fill in the rest.
"Did you not want to go next door to Ms.Toadina after you got scared? I'm sure she wouldn't have minded you coming over.  I would've picked you up once I came home" He assured following her to her room to drop off the stuffed animals. 
"No cause they said if it sees you outside alone it'll get you and it was dark." She shivered at the thought, placing a few plushies on her bed and putting the rest along with the other toys and clothing in a pile in the corner for tomorrow morning.
Toadsworth knew it was just one of those passing phases that would have to run its course. The 'they' she was referring to was her classmates and The 'it' was some mysterious being meant to scare and take children in the dark. Mere playground rumors meant to spook out each other, he remembered participating in that chatter in his youth. Peach put on a tough front and brave it through the nights and he always offered his room for comfort if she needed. She insisted that she was a big kid who was able to sleep in her own bed.  All he could do was continue to assure and provide her with the security if she chose to come to him. 
"Can I get a snack and drink before I go back to sleep?" She asked, putting the pillow back on bed and pulling the covers back up on the bed.
"Of course. While you eat, I'll get myself ready for the night and if you stay up we can read a story before you sleep." He offered and she nodded with a smile.
It took about forty-five minutes and she sat in her bed waiting for him to exit the bathroom. After she brushed her teeth she returned and he had her pick out a book that they read together. They talked a little bit longer before she started to doze off and snore quietly. Toadsworth left the room as quietly as he could without disturbing her.  He took a few notes in preparation for tomorrow's work and then completed a chapter of the book that he was reading before shutting the lamp off and calling it in for the night. The sound of knocking slowly pulled him out of his deep slumber, flicking on the light he put on his glasses to see a bit better. Peach stood in the doorway clutching her clothing sniffing quietly, he beckoned her with a hand to come in closer.
"I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?" She asked, standing in front of him. He sat up in bed and offered her a hug. Peach happily accepted returning his embrace and giggled a little when he pulled her up on the bed beside him.
"One of these days I'm not going to be able to pick you up that easily. You're about as tall as me." He chuckled as she made herself comfortable.
"You just gotta go workout" She told him with a laugh laying her head down on the pillow facing him.
"You tell me where I have time to go for a workout" He jokingly said, taking off his glasses and turning the lamp off laying back down. Instinctively, she moved closer to Toadsworth as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder 
"We can go together during the weekend" she answered seriously and then added "I'll even workout with you" she laughed again.
"We'll see. For now it's time to quiet down and rest, we both have a busy day tomorrow."  He hushed her and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
"Ok goodnight. I love you" she told him, closing her eyes.
"I love you too sweetheart" he said, combing his fingers through her hair. Within minutes she was fast asleep. He followed soon afterwards.
24 notes · View notes
buggbuzz · 9 months
Text
semi-heavy adhd vent tw 🫢🫢
personally of the opinion that the worst thing about adhd is the subtlety. we joke abt how obvious and silly it is but its barely visible 95% of the time.
& u spend your whole life not knowing if the mental struggle you have doing basic shit is what everyone deals with or if something's wrong. even when you KNOW you have adhd and even have it TREATED you STILL don't know if you're having a normal amount of obstacles.
i've been on meds for two years now and i just spent a whole fucking summer semester not sure if i was having adhd burnout or if my meds weren't working or if i was actually just being lazy. i think its all three, but who knows! and now i have a final tomorrow that i have to pass and i dont know if i can because i could barely fucking do any work all semester.
this happens like every year/semester but this one particularly stings cause it was supposed to be really good this time!! lots of free time, one class to worry about, the best nd-friendly note-taking system i've ever used, lots of flexibility, and friends to spend time with. it was even a science class!! chem, not bio, but better than non-science, right? but apparently, the only way i can ever stay motivated and on the ball is if im chained to a super-stressful and merciless schedule. so i have to choose between my long-term success and my mental health!!
i don't envy neurotypicals for the weird fucking ways they operate sometimes but good lord fucking jesus it sounds nice to be able to do things. i feel like a loaded gun with a busted trigger; i have all these amazing ideas and well-thought-out schedules and all the passion and desperation to follow through, but my brain and body just. won't. do it.
44 notes · View notes
gregmarriage · 2 months
Text
okay, i’m genuinely curious: do people find me intimidating?
7 notes · View notes
seariii · 2 months
Text
I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...
#overall my mood has been better but i am so incredibly terrified of the future... its like....#like i feel as if someone has holding me at gun point and got told thst if i did any mistakes they would shoot#but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself#i am really scared... even tho all of this gave me a new objective... i dont wanna be obsolete...#... so... that what we will work on... also... i wanna work towards my dreams...#I've been putting it off for so long i want to do it#people support me and actually enjoy my voice... i want to...#the things on my plate right now are things i can achieve... but i want more... i want things i actually want...#i want...#my house has a constant buzzing sound. i believe its because of the small power plant behind the lot. which makes it difficult for recording#since i have to get rid of that and that messes with the rest of the audio#its comforting to know it wasnt the mic tho... heh...#tomorrow lets try to take the first few steps... well more like lets try to continue with the set up#we have already a couple stuff but we still have a lot missing...#... today the girls said some stuff that impressed me... thats how im perceived?... is that what people think of me?#i kinda want to... fulfill those 'expectations'... they dont expect anything but its more of a me thing... ive been dreaming and hoping for#so long but i dont take the next step. i never do... and its because of the executive dysfunction... but... once i get the hang of it...#once i do... everything will be excellent... and we will take it easy#i am so tired already... i feel im gonan falla sleep#seari talks
7 notes · View notes
dhmis-autism · 9 months
Text
SORRY. JUST REALIZED I ORIGINALLY SKETCHED THE STUFF FROM THAT LAST WIP POST IN. MARCH.
GODDDD...
Tumblr media
#I GUESS MY WRIST FUCKING UP PUT ME FURTHER BACK THAN I THOUGHT#but also like. i was JUST talking about it in chat. i have a comic about the Three Of Them that i wrote in a frenzy in FEBUARY.#by the time i rewrote the dialogue and figured out the ending it was SEVEN FUCKING PAGES. SOLID.#OF JUST SCRIPT.#I STILL HAVENT EVEN FINISHED SKETCHING IT. YOU GUYS ARE NOT SEEING THAT SHIT UNTIL 2024#sometimes an idea of them will grasp me and i will just write the script out in the middle of the night#I realistically. dont even know if you guys are gonna like my scripted stuff.#the first scripted thing i wrote was a yellow&duck comic that im STILL SKETCHING BACKGROUNDS ON#i could be really bad at writing for them. i could totally not get them at all.#but hey!#we'll see when we see I guess#BUT YEAH UH. SORRY FOR LITERALLY ALL I POST BEING WIPS NOWADAYS I AM JUST WORKING ON LIKE 5 DIFFERENT DRAWINGS AT ONCE#STILL TRYING TO GET MY SPRING STUFF DONE. AND ITS ALMOST FALL. SO :]#I JUST CARE SO MUCH ABT THOSE PUPPETS DAWG I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR THEM#I HAVE!!! EVEN MORE DRAWINGS THAT I JUST HAVENT SHARED!!! bc i either made them for something real specific in the discord#or bc theyre phone doodles and i dont think theyre that great. or bc i made them just for a friend and thats like. theirs now kjdhkjdfhs#a lotta times once i finish drawing smth for a friend ill just never post it bft. so its just like. for that one thing and nothing else#ANYWAYS HAPPY 3 AM IM FORCING MYSELF TO GO TO BED#AND I STILL HAVE THE ANIMATIONS#AND THE FANART FOR LIKE 5 FICS I WANNA DO#OHHH GOD CMONNN BRO IM NEVER FINISHING ANYTHING#my postings
26 notes · View notes
b4kuch1n · 2 months
Text
1/ true to luner new year tradition I've caught a cold after finally getting home and being able to unclench my cheeks. minor one probably so its just gonna be very annoying for a while 2/also true to luner new year tradition I've jumped into something new with No preamble so. hopefully I get this one done fast and we have a 12pg scribbly comic on hand 3/ I'm on bluesky now. do not ask abt what Ive been posting on there u will see
10 notes · View notes