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#I wrote this in two hours after i spent all day at work hyperfixating on one of my favorite bands
queenie-ofthe-void · 2 months
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“Led Zeppelin? Never heard of them,” Steve lies, like a liar. Of course he’s heard of them, thinks maybe Hop’s mentioned them before. Doesn’t really know the band well, and probably definitely couldn’t name a song. But the comment serves its purpose, and the trap is set.
Eddie calls it the Zep Campaign. Every day they’ll listen to one album, and Steve will pick his favorite song from each. Eight days for eight albums. On the last day, they’ll narrow it down to one song to rule them all– because apparently even Led Zeppelin likes the Mordor books Dustin doesn’t shut up about. 
Each day, Steve struggles to pick a favorite. Day four isn’t bad– doesn’t mind a song that is actually called Rock and Roll, which is just a lazy title in his opinion– but they’re only half way through and the songs are all starting to sound the same. An endless stream of too-fast guitar melodies and weird, wobbly sounds he’s sure he’s never heard before. The vocals are his favorite part, but the lyrics are vague and confusing.
Long story short, he’s not a fan.
But this growing thing between him and this ridiculous metalhead is new, fragile. So if it’s important to Eddie, it’s important to Steve. 
“Stevie, we really don’t have to keep doing this,” Eddie concedes. It’s day eight, the final album, and he thinks even Eddie might be desperate to listen to something different. “You’ve listened to every other album and honestly this one is the worst. They were all on drugs, and this isn’t even their sound ya know? Like it’s not even real metal.”
And honestly, Steve does know. He’s been listening to this band for eight days and yeah, all the songs sound the same. But these ones are different. Softer. He’s made it this far, and he’s nothing if not persistent for the people he loves.
Sprawled out on the floor next to the boy he likes, passing a fading joint back and forth, he thinks he can suffer a bit longer. 
“No Eds come on, we’re halfway through anyways. Just flip it over and we’ll smoke while we finish.” Eddie huffs a sigh, but Steve can see the slight uptick of his lips, reminding him of why he’s doing this. He flips the record and crawls back, presses himself flush up against Steve’s side.
The next song is long, too long to keep his attention. They burn down their joint and Steve leans heavily onto Eddie’s open chest. He gets lost staring at the vinyl art. A guy dressed in a fancy white suit sits alone in a dive bar, the only splash of color against a dull background. The bartender looks gruff, like the rest of the bar, making the man stand out even more. He wonders if that’s how he looks posted up at the Hideout during Eddie’s shows. Wonders if he looks just as out of place in Eddie’s life as this man does, even though he looks comfortable there too. 
Eddie shifts his arms around Steve, bringing him back to the present. The song has changed and Steve feels the slow melody wash over him.
“Wait,” Steve cries out, flailing up and out of Eddie’s arms as he registers the new song. It’s soft with a steady beat. It’s got synth-- the sound Eddie told him he likes in pop music. This song isn’t loud and chaotic like the rest. The voice is soothing and the lyrics are mostly simple enough. It’s different, and he can’t believe it but–
All of my love, all of my love
all of my love to you, oh
“This one. I like this song. Like actually like it.”
Eddie sits up and stares at him. He can see the dramatic shock and annoyance on Eddie’s face. But it’s doing nothing to hide his broad smile and shining eyes. 
“Steven. Stevie. Baby, sweetheart, this absolutely cannot be your favorite Zeppelin song. Out of all the songs on all the albums and all the hours of poetic melodies I’ve forced upon you, you choose the most non-Zep Zeppelin song.” Steve laughs sweetly as he watches Eddie fail to keep the glee out of his supposedly annoyed voice.
The cup is raised, the toast is made yet again
One voice is clear above the din
“This song isn’t even metall!" Eddie screeches. He rants and raves, waiving his arms as he regales Steve with all of the reasons he should absolutely not like this one particular song. He's shining with happiness, dial turned up to a hundred and it's all aimed at Steve. He can't help but to gaze back fondly, enraptured in the adorably obnoxious spectacle.
"It’s all synth, almost no guitar because Page didn’t even write this one! He wrote all of them except two songs, Stevie, and of course that’s the one you chose. No one who knows good music even likes this album. It’s not even metal music and honestly I almost didn’t show it to you, that’s how bad it is!” They're both giggling, leaning falling slowly into the other's space. Facing one another, their feet tangled together, Steve twists and pulls on Eddie's rings. Just to touch.
“Well, maybe that’s why I like it,” Steve snarks, taking his hand. “Plus it’s a love song.” Daring to reach out.
All of my love, all of my love, yes
All of my love to you
Eddie’s smile dims a bit, softens at the edges as he grows serious. “It’s not a love song Stevie, not like that.” He’s looking at Steve but he isn’t. Looking past him into the back of his thoughts. “The lead singer, he wrote it for his son. His kid died of some kind of bad illness while he was on tour. Didn’t make it back in time.”
He pauses, and Steve waits. Knows Eddie has more to say, hoping his patience will pay off. Eddie’s sight refocuses and he heaves a heavy sigh. His eyes glisten as they lock onto Steve.  
“My mom used to sing it all the time. While she was cooking, or putting me to bed, or pulling weeds in the garden. She’d sing it constantly. Hell, she didn’t even know all the words, but she’d still try and sing the interludes– ya know, the music between the lyrics.” He laughs lightly, a stray tear just barely hanging on. Steve tightens his grip around Eddie’s hands and presses a kiss to his knuckles. A silent sign of gentle support and encouragement. 
“Sounds like a love song to me,” Steve whispers. Leaning forward, he presses a kiss to his forehead and pulls Eddie into a tight hug. 
All of my love, all of my love, to you now
“A love song just for you, from both of us.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've always headcanoned that Eddie loves Led Zeppelin, because he plays guitar and loves metal and reads Lord of the Rings so of course he would.
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moth--knight · 2 days
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if you don't mind sharing, how exactly did you find out you had adhd? and how did you get through college w it?
hi anon!! not a question I expected haha, but sure, I can answer (but I rambled sorry, so putting it below the cut)
I didn't realize I had it until I got to college, mostly due to interacting with peers who also had ADHD and whose experiences mirrored mine in startling ways. I had always been a good student in terms of like, grades? But I struggled with getting ANYTHING in on time. It was like there was a mental block preventing me from doing even the most basic of things. Sitting down to focus on a simple 200 word response felt like pulling teeth despite the fact that I was objectively a good and fast writer, and pretty much every assignment I have done since middle school onward I have done at the VERY LAST MINUTE. I nearly flunked out of my first semester of college because despite having As in all my classes, I could not for the life of me get myself to write the final papers for three of my classes. My professors were kind enough to give me extensions of a full two months - and yet every single one of those papers I wrote the night before the final deadline, crying on the floor of my dorm room until 7am. I didn't understand WHY I couldn't just fucking sit down and do it. It did not help that I could focus on shit like video games for HOURS without moving. I would forget to eat, forget to sleep, forget to use the bathroom - I always felt very fucking useless and lazy, because I *could* focus, but never on the right thing. Not to mention that I could not form habits to save my life. Even now at 25, remembering to brush my teeth twice a day is like, nigh on impossible. Lol.
In college I met some friends who were diagnosed with ADHD, and all of them were pretty much like "hey your issues with hyperfixations and an inability to focus on simple necessary tasks and an inability to keep habits and so forth all are very ADHD coded my friend" and I was like "NAHHHHHHHHH. NO WAY. I'M FINE." <- words of a guy who was NOT fine
Even worse, my partner at the time had a therapist who just from stories of me was like "btw maybe you should tell your bf they probably have ADHD it could help them" which is like. Deeply fucking funny kdfsgfhdkjsal Anyway. My own therapist eventually also was like "99.9% sure you have ADHD" and I was like "sick what do I do then" and she was like "well you could get tested and get on meds" and I was like "ahahahahahahaha well I cannot afford that so nah"
I had no insurance in college and every dime I made I spent on HRT or sent it home to my family. So. I basically ignored the problem. Which. Was not helpful. Lol. Quite frankly looking back I am not sure how I managed to graduate at all. I was under severe and constant stress because of the way ADHD was ruining my life as a student. It was not fun.
I didn't really *accept* that I had ADHD though until after college, and I still have never gotten a formal diagnosis 1) because I don't have that kind of money to throw around tbh and 2) I don't need a doctor to tell me what I already know.
BUT. YOU ASKED HOW I GOT THROUGH. SO HERE ARE MY TRIED AND TRUE STRATEGIES
Whenever possible, I tried to set up parallel working sessions. I often sat with a large group of friends/peers in our library and we would work together. Having other people with me helped keep me on track, and even when I spent half the time talking, the other half I worked. Working alone I often got NOTHING done. Parallel play saved my ass on many nights and for many assignments. My junior/senior year when we had to go remote because of COVID I swapped out in person for video calls with multiple people. Same sort of vibe. Now as an adult if I want to get something done, I still hop on a video call with my friends. It helps me focus to have other people there, and the background noise of conversations is soothing almost. I don't know why, but it works.
If you can, have some sort of schedule imposed by outside forces. I really fucking suck at habit forming, and so making lists and just saying "I am going to do this then" does not work for me. But having set times I would go to class and go to work helped me manage my time better, and carve out blocks that FORCED me to work on what I needed to get done. I color coded my schedule and made sure that my class hours and work hours were regular; it made my 'free time' also more structured around those mandated times, which helped a little. It also caused me a lot of stress though. There are tradeoffs for everything I suppose.
Walking and pacing!!! This sounds nuts but like. I luv maladaptive daydreaming and have since I was a kid, so I kind of adapted that to help me with school work. If I had an essay or something I would put on some music and go for a walk or pace in my dorm room and just think about the assignment. It helped me generate ideas so when it came time to sit and focus, I had something to work with rather than staring at a blank page. I really suck at sitting still and thinking, so moving around helped me a lot.
Speaking of, I took a LOT of breaks. Which seems counterintuitive I guess, but allowing myself to get up, go get a snack, go chat with someone, etc, made it easier to come back and sit down and work rather than trying to just sit and focus and fail to focus for hours on end. I took lots of breaks but also got small pieces done in between every break, so it all added up in the end.
Anyway, sorry, this is a lot. the TLDR is I spent my schooling years either unaware or in denial of having ADHD, and it destroyed me. I wish I had accepted it sooner, and I wish I had more adults in my life that could have saw the signs and helped me.....but alas.
Even so, I developed ways to cope that I still use now. It helped me a lot to start talking to other people who also have ADHD because it made me feel less alone. I've also tried very hard to reframe my thinking of myself as lazy/useless because like, I am not either of those things! I just have a disorder that makes shit hard! GRAH!
I have no idea if any of this is helpful anon, but I hope ??? it can be. I don't want to presume anything BUT if you too are in college and struggling I am wishing you the absolute best and I hope you can find a good support system. (And if you ever want to chat, my dms are open <3)
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transthaumaturge · 4 years
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Squirrel Girl is Super Gay for her Roommate and I Want Everyone to Know
A gay infodump of sensible length by Rachel Tikvah
ALRIGHT, SO The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl was the very first comic that I ever read regularly, back when I was looking for more stories with strong female protagonists but didn't really know why. Back then I just thought I really liked strong female characters and not that I was being gay on main, but now I know the truth. The comic had a 5-year run, and it was the first time that Squirrel Girl, AKA Doreen Green, had had her own series. She had a brief run in the mid-2000's where she was established as someone who could beat up Thanos with her bare hands well, more like squirrel hands but was mostly a joke character that happened to be incredibly buff and had indestructible plot armor. USG decided that Doreen's next major life goal would be to enroll in college to become a computer scientist, because her writer, Ryan North, is really into computer science and they basically gave him free rein over Squirrel Girl canon for five whole years. Like, a solid third of the plots are solved with some kind of computer science smarts. It’s really cool. Anyway this is Doreen in one of the gayest solo pictures I could find of her on short notice, which is also one of the variant covers from the actual series:
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And this is her college roommate, Nancy Whitehead:
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I'm like, 99% certain that Ryan North intended for them to end up as a couple and Disney!Marvel told him no. So he decided to make them AS GAY FOR EACH OTHER AS POSSIBLE without explicitly saying that they were a couple, and it ended up going under the radar. What follows is evidence for that claim. I’m going to put a "read more” after this so it doesn’t clutter everyone’s dashboards, but please read on if you’re interested. There’s a lot of cute gayness after this point. I’m also going to put all of the image descriptions at the end, since they take up a lot of space and I don’t want to break up the flow of the post. Finally, a quick spoiler alert for one arc in the middle of the series and a couple major plot points from the final few issues.
AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES
So for a while it was just kind of hinted at that they’re in a relationship, mostly because they were basically domestic life partners for like, two whole years in-universe before the comic run ended. But it really came to a head with an arc that was ran about 2/3 of the way through the series. Some pictures of them being, like, so cute together in general and/or talking about how much they care about each other before I get to that arc, though: 
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Also Doreen describes her and Nancy's cat as "co-parented" in one of the last issues:
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ANYWAY, THE ARC. THE HYPERTIME ARC. So one of the villains created for the Squirrel Girl run (I think they liked making weird shit canon just because they could) was a dude who went by the name "EpicCrimez". He’s a crime streamer. He livestreams his crimes to an online audience. I don't know. *Throws up hands*
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He had some kind of laser gun that he built out of scavenged alien tech but didn't really know what it did, so he shot it at Doreen and Nancy for kicks. It shot them into hypertime, so suddenly the rest of the world was moving at a fraction of the pace that they were. They were moving so quickly that they were slated to live out their entire lives over the span of a single weekend if they didn't figure out how to reverse the effects. And...they did. Live out their entire lives together. For the two of them, they were the only two people in the world. There were other people, but they looked like statues unless you spent a very long time observing them. Doreen and Nancy grew old together in a world where they only had each other. This is an incredibly cute domestic scene from a little while after they found themselves in hypertime:
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Gosh, I wish I could find more official art from that arc of them just living together, it was so good. But the point is, they were both old by the time that Nancy figured out how to get them out of hypertime. And it wasn't ideal. Their bio signatures were stored in the gun that EpicCrimez shot, and they could essentially "reboot" their bodies from when they were first shot and send themselves back into the regular timestream. But they wouldn't remember anything about the life that they had shared together. Nancy almost didn't want to do it. She raised the possibility of them just living out the rest of their lives together, because she didn't want to forget their life together. This is the conversation they had:
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"I don't regret any of it. I don't want to lose it, and I don't want to lose us." "You're not getting rid of me that easily." Every time I look at that last picture, which took up an entire page of the comic, I start to cry. We’re seeing the final moments of two people who love each other more than anything, who were each other's entire lives, savoring their last moments together and wondering what the future holds. Sacrificing the life that they built together so that their younger selves could live a better, fuller one. Dying in each other’s arms, scared but comforted by the fact that they had each other. And then the arc ends, and they can't remember anything, so the status quo is restored. They have some paintings they made of each other while they were living together in hypertime, but they move on pretty quickly without ever knowing the significance of those lived decades. Still, it's clear in the arcs that follow and the adventures they embarked on afterward that they would die for each other. All of that continues until the end of the last arc. Their shared apartment's been blown up at this point by a supervillain who wanted to ruin Doreen’s life before eventually killing her. And in the aftermath of the fight, they're sifting through the wreckage for anything that survived (don't worry, the cat got out in time) when they find the picture that they painted of themselves during the hypertime arc:
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They have a really cute conversation about how this chapter of their life is over, but they're going to be okay and they're going to build a new life together. And then Nancy basically tells Doreen that she can't live without her:
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And then Doreen says something super queer-coded about how she likes the idea of the world knowing her secret identity now:
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On the very last page of the comic, after all of the action is over and the series is about to end, they're talking to each other in what's supposed to be a twitter thread and Doreen asks Nancy a very thinly veiled question about whether she still wants to spend time with her now that her identity's out. She pretends it's about a class project, but it's really not about the class project. Here's how that conversation goes:
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With no knowledge of what happened during the weekend when they shared their entire lives together, without ever having heard Doreen say it to her before, Nancy’s heart still knows which words to choose. "...you're not getting rid of me that easily. <3" I believe that the author of the series, Ryan North, did as much as he possibly could to portray them as a couple without saying it outright. And as the last piece of evidence to support that claim, I want to share a response he wrote in one of the series' last-ever letter columns:
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"as for more Doreen and Nancy, I hope so too. A Squirrel Girl book without Nancy would feel like--like--like some sort of hypothetical "Super" "Man" book without an equally hypothetical "Lois" "Lane"!" It's easy to write off this analysis as wishful thinking, or as a misreading of the subtext. But when the author of the series says that these two characters are meant to always be together and compares them to one of the most famous couples in any comic series ever, it's clear that there's more to it than that. 
Some Additional Thoughts: 1) Doreen and Nancy are both probably bisexual or pansexual, since they both expressed romantic interest in men throughout the series but they’re both clearly interested in each other too. There might be an element of demiromanticism there as well if part of the reason that they’re into each other romantically is because of how emotionally close they’ve become over the years. I want to make sure that that facet of their romantic orientations doesn’t get erased, because bi and pan folks get erased enough as it is. Neither Doreen nor Nancy are lesbians, just super-cool WLWs.
2) HERE’S WHAT THE ISSUE 50 VARIANT COVER LOOKED LIKE
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That’s NOT a fun, totally straight way to pose with your platonic gal pal. They’re so incredibly cute together! I have no words! In Closing If you got this far, thank you so much for letting me talk to you about a comic that’s very important to me, and a couple in that comic that I care about very much. I spent way too long making this (six hours and counting), mostly in writing the image descriptions, and I’m very proud of my work but very tired now. Hyperfixation is a hell of a drug. If this resonated with you, please consider reblogging it so that more folks can see it. If not, even a like is nice. I’d also love to engage with people who have their own thoughts, so feel free to leave some comments in the notes if you’ve got an idea/a reaction/any additional cute Doreen/Nancy scenes that you’d like to share with me. At any rate, this post has gone on long enough and I don’t want to ask y’all to read any more than you have to. So have a great day, good morning / afternoon / night, and stay safe. Thanks again for reading! ~Rachel Tikvah, AKA @transthaumaturge Image Descriptions: Image 1: [ID: Squirrel Girl, a young woman with light skin, is posing in front of a brick wall that she seems to have crashed through, leaving a perfect outline of her body. She’s facing away but looking backwards over her shoulder at us and smiling. She’s flexing upward with her right arm and has her left fist resting on her left hip. Her sidekick, a squirrel named Tippy-Toe, is standing in the cutout she left in the wall and is making the same exact pose while wearing a light pink bow around her neck. Squirrel Girl is wearing brown lace-up boots, fur-lined hot pants over grey tights, and a brown fur-lined jacket with sleeves that come up to her forearms and a symbol of an acorn embroidered into the back. She’s also wearing a hairband with fake squirrel ears on it over short reddish-brown hair. She has a large squirrel tail coming out of her hot pants that sweeps down in a curve behind her lower legs. The illustration is drawn so that everything is bathed in the light of a sunset, and Doreen is casting shadows on the wall in front of her.] Image 2: [ID: Two frames depicting a scene between Doreen and Nancy in their college dorm room, with many cardboard boxes still not unpacked and sitting on a bare bed mattress. Nancy Whitehead is a young woman with dark brown skin and short, curly black hair. She's wearing black tights, a white dress-top, and a yellow cardigan over that. Her arms are crossed as she holds her white cat, Mew, against her chest. Doreen is wearing grey tights and a black long-sleeve shirt with a wide collar and white stripes across the chest. She's holding Tippy-Toe up to Nancy with both hands so she can see her better. The following dialogue ensues: Nancy: "A squirrel? But weren't you the one who was all about pets not being allowed in--" Doreen: "Yeah, I know. But this really interesting person I met today told me that obeying an unjust law is itself unjust." Nancy: "...You know, I was worried I'd get a weird roommate, but you're all right, Doreen Green."] Image 3: [ID: Doreen and Nancy are both sitting on a lavender-pink couch in nightclothes. Doreen has short, orange hair. She is wearing a loose-fitting grey long-sleeve shirt and steel-blue cutoff shorts; Nancy has cropped black hair. She is wearing a dark purple top with sleeves that come down to her upper arms, and loose-fitting navy-blue shorts that come down to her lower thighs. Doreen is side-hugging Nancy as she says, with an ecstatically happy smile, “Nancy, you’re the greatest. You know that, right?” Nancy gives Doreen a full smile as she responds, “I’d always suspected it, but it is nice to have it confirmed.”] Image 4: [ID: Nancy is shown from the shoulders up. She has short, curly black hair. She’s wearing large, disc-shaped gold dangle earrings, and a red jacket with prominent shoulders and a yellow collar. She’s fixing the observer with an angry, determined stare as she says, “She knows this man wouldn’t dream about betraying her, or he’d have to answer to me.”] Image 5: [ID: Doreen and Nancy are eating breakfast at the brown, circular kitchen table in their apartment. Doreen’s wearing a skin-tight athletic crop top that’s striped in black, red, white, and blue. Her arm muscles are well-defined and clearly visible as she puts a spoon in her mouth, closing her eyes as she does so. She has a bowl of cereal in front of her, and half a banana in front of that. Nancy is sitting to her left in a pink camisole top that’s also exposing her muscles, scrolling through something on her smartphone. Her hair is in a yellow fabric wrap that’s knotted on one side of her head. A cup of coffee sits in front of her. The clear blue sky is visible through the window centered on the wall behind them.] Image 6: [ID: Nancy and Doreen are facing away from the vantage point, walking towards an Empire State University campus building and holding hands with their fingers intertwined. Nancy is wearing a long knee-length grey coat and black knee-high boots, with a baby-blue side bag hanging from her left shoulder. Doreen is wearing a magenta sweatshirt with the periwinkle-lined hood down, light brown form-fitting denim pants, and black ankle-high boots, with a dark brown side bag hanging from her right shoulder. Trees and bushes hem the walkway in on either side. The building in front of them is dark red, with glass doors and a row of floor-to-ceiling windows on the second floor. Doreen is saying “...we’re just going to have to take the long way around.”] Image 7: [ID: Doreen is facing towards the vantage point and is visible from the legs up, standing in front of a pile of rubble in the background. She’s wearing high-waisted light blue shorts over black tights, and a red windbreaker with sleeves ending at her upper arms that’s opened to reveal a white t-shirt underneath. Tippy-Toe is sitting on her shoulder. There are two people facing Doreen, each slightly in frame and silhouetted in black against the light of the setting sun. Doreen is fixing them with an angry, determined expression, resting her right fist at her hip while she gesticulates with her left hand and says, “So! I don’t know about you all, but Melissa kidnapping my friend and blowing up my life and my house and almost blowing up my co-parented cat makes me feel like giving her a piece of my mind. Friends...”] Image 8: [ID: A full comic page. EpicCrimez is looking like a dork in a green and black skin-tight jumpsuit, bright red ski goggles, and a green wig cap with his brown hair sticking out the back in a mullet. He’s standing inside a jewelry store and holding up a fist of expensive gems and pearls-on-strings as holds up his smartphone and speaks into it. He’s facing off against Squirrel Girl, with her allies Koi Boi and Chipmunk Hunk on her right, and Nancy and Brain Drain on the left. The following scene ensues: EpicCrimez: “And for those of you just tuning in, welcome to another successful heist by your boy EpicCrimez, streaming live! Now with 10% more live crime action than any other streamer! Don’t forget to like and subscribe!! I know some of you in EpicCrimez Nation have been forgetting to do that lately. Not acceptable.” Squirrel Girl: “You picked the wrong small business to rob, crime-initiator! Because this mall is protected by super heroes.” Brain Drain: “HELLO” SG: “And also an unrelated civilian friend I brought along too!” Nancy: (Not looking up from her phone) “ ‘Sup.” EC: “Check it out--Squirrel Girl and her miscellaneous friends are here! It’s action you won’t find on any other channel!” SG: “Are you...streaming your robberies?” (Nancy pockets her phone) EC: “Yeah I am! For money reasons! And with you “heroes” in it, I’ll make even more!” SG: (Whispering to Nancy:) “Question: a fight scene just gets him more traffic, which lets him profit from this crime even more--so does this mean we don’t fight him?” N: (Whispering back:) “I feel like letting him go causes more harm, but I look forward to us teasing apart the moral implications of this later.” SG: “Nice.” SG: (No longer whispering:) “I’ll like and subscribe, EpicCrimez! I’ll like fighting crime, and subscribe... to a worldview wherein the strong protect the weak!” EC: “Oh my gosh, are you like wholesome Spider-Man or something??” At the bottom of the page, small text says: “Wholesome Spider-Man, Wholesome Spider-Man/Does whatever a wholesome spider can/Is he tough?/Listen bud/He’s here to hear you talk about your day and tell you it’ll all be fine while taking you out for your favorite meal for dinner because he knows you deserve it.”] Image 9: [ID: Another full comic page. Doreen and Nancy are in their apartment together, and their friends Tomas and Brian (AKA Chipmunk Hunk and Brain Drain respectively) are frozen as they look down at the machine that Nancy is on her knees in front of, working on. Nancy, barefoot, is wearing cerulean-blue athletic pants, a black long-sleeve spandex shirt without shoulders, and narrow-framed glasses. Her hair is partially covered by a yellow cloth head wrap tied on the left side, with black dreadlocks spilling out the side and back. The machine in front of her is made of dull grey metal, about a meter tall and roughly circular. Wires dangle out of a hatch that Nancy is fiddling with. Doreen is wearing a flowing, dark-purple pantsuit with wide, ankle-length legs and a halter top with the sleeves tied off at her shoulders. Her shoes are light-brown ankle boots with a horizontal gap on the bridge of each foot. Her wavy orange hair is parted in the middle and down past her shoulders. She looks incredibly cute. The following scene ensues: Doreen: “What do you think?” Nancy: “I think--come on you stupid screw--I think we’re still years away from this thing working, if it ever does. Who knew time machine construction is really hard, except of course for everyone who has attempted it?” (She wipes her forehead with the back of her hand) D: “Hah! No, I mean my new outfit.” N: (Looking up and checking her gf out:) “Doreen! You look amazing!!” D: “Liberated it from a very expensive department store uptown!” N: (Now standing) “Tony paid for it?” D: Tony will eventually discover he was kind enough to leave some expensive jewelry in trade, yes. I pinned a note to him so he knows.” N: “There really are advantages to being friends with billionaire playboy genius philanthropists.” D: “Right?!” N: (Taking Doreen’s hands in hers:) “It’s a shame we can’t take a picture of you all dolled up.” D: “Not without standing still for a few months, yeah. But I was thinking about that. I picked up something else at another store downtown. Thought maybe it could help us with that.” (Holding up a shopping bag with one hand while still holding onto Nancy’s hand with the other:) “Nancy Whitehead, I thought you and I might take up painting sometime.” At the bottom of the page, small text says: “Tony Stark moves from meeting to meeting, his body accumulating dozens of notes every second. He sighs. Stuff like this didn’t happen before he knew Doreen. But then he smiles, because after all...stuff like this didn’t happen before he knew Doreen.”] Images 10-16: [ID: Several pages worth of comic frames, posted together to depict one scene. Doreen and Nancy are now old women, likely in their seventies or eighties. Doreen has short, grey hair. She’s wearing a tan button-up waistcoat and an orange ascot, brown flats with an olive-green skirt, knee-length and softly pleated. Her tail is sticking out the back of her skirt over the top, bushy and brown but with stiffer, less-dense hair. Nancy has her grey-black hair done up in a ponytail, a mass of tight curls behind her head. She’s wearing thin oval glasses, black dress pants, black flats, and a lavender cardigan with a flower motif along the edges, open to show the yellow-orange top underneath. They’re standing in front of a completed time machine. On either side are tall pieces of machinery, and in the middle is a round, flat metal dais hooked up to everything else with snaking cables. The following scene ensues: Nancy: “So...this is it, babe. The new machine.” Doreen: “Your secret project! Nancy, it looks like you started from scratch!” N: That’s because I did. I finally realized our old machine was never going to work. Maybe if we had a few more decades, but...there’s no time. And given that our backs are to the wall, I took a risk. I disassembled the gun right down to the metal, and examined all the parts. And I did find something: a data chip. Doreen, the gun stored our bio signatures when it us.” D: “What are you saying?” N: “I’m saying my new machine won’t send us back in time, and we’ll still have lost a weekend of real time. But it will restore our bodies to normal time.” D: (Hugging Nancy tight:) “Nancy! You saved us!!” N: (Resting her hands on Doreen’s shoulders:) “Not--quite. There’s a catch, Doreen. Our bodies will make it...but we won’t. Look, Doreen...I’m an old woman. I’ve spent most of my life in hypertime. This wasn’t how I saw my life going, but...I don’t regret any of it. I don’t want to lose it, and I don’t want to lose us.” D: “I don’t understand.” N: “It’s like restoring from backup. Our bodies will be restored to how they were the moment we were first hit. But--that necessarily includes our brains, too. Everything we’ve done since we entered hypertime--our entire lives spent together...we’ll forget.” (She looks at Doreen in distress) D: “I don’t either, Nancy. You’ve been the most important person in my life. But if we do go back--we can do it again. All of it. It might not happen again quite the same way, but--well, like you say...we’ll have all the time in the world.” N: (Their faces inches apart, they both tilt their heads down and smile sadly:) “Twist my arm, why don’t you.” (They both step onto the dais holding hands, and blue energy starts to ripple around them:) “You filled up Spidey’s web-shooters before we go?” D: “Yep. Again.” N: “You and me, saving the world.” D: “Well,” (holding Nancy’s hand in both of her own) "No reason we can’t do it twice.” N: “You know, there’s a chance things could turn out differently, now that we’ll have video games to distract us. In 40 years we might decide we don’t like hanging out after all.” D: (Hugging Nancy even tighter than before as the energy from the time machine starts to envelop them, resting her face in the nape of Nancy’s neck:) “Nah. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”] Image 17: [ID: Doreen and Nancy are sifting through the charred rubble of their apartment as night starts to fall around them. Doreen is wearing faded blue jeans and a navy blue t-shirt with a Captain America star in the middle. Over top of the shirt, she’s wearing a dark reddish-brown leather vest with four metal studs at the four points of the folded-out collar. Nancy is wearing black tights and a light green long-sleeve shirt with olive-green sleeves. The front of the shirt has a picture of Cat-Thor, Cat God of Cat Thunder’s head on it. The following scene ensues: Doreen: “So I know we’re only a few hours into it, Nancy, but I think my identity being public isn’t gonna be as bad as I thought.” Nancy: “Oh?” D: “Yeah, Tony’s given me lots of tips, and it does honestly help to know that my parents are protected by a robot tree with laser eyes and my friends live in a city with the most super heroes per square mile.” N: “Most super villains too, but--Hold on. I think I found it.” (Nancy lifts a picture frame out of the wreckage, charred around the edges but otherwise no worse for wear. It has a painting inside of it of Doreen and Nancy, arm-in-arm, from hypertime. Doreen is wearing the lavender pantsuit from before, and Nancy is wearing a tight-fitting lilac dress.) “...And it looks like you and I made it through just fine.”] Images 18-19: [ID: Two later comic panels from the same scene. They’re wearing the same outfits, but Nancy’s now cradling her white cat, Mew, in the crook of her left arm while she holds onto the picture frame with her right hand. The following scene ensues: Doreen: “Come on, let’s talk about it! If we’re starting a new chapter in our lives, and we can decide what’s in it, what do you want it to contain?” Nancy: “Doreen...” D: “What are the three things you can’t live without, Nancy Whitehead?” N: (Holding up the picture so that Doreen can see it:) “Fine. If you must know, all this girl needs to be happy are cats and squirrels and knitting and computers and friends and secret tattoos and super heroes and lots and lots of love. Also food and shelter. And water. And internet.” D: “That’s more than three things.”] Image 20: [ID: Same scene as before, a single frame with a close-up on Doreen from her chest upwards. Doreen cups her chin with one of her hands and says, “Honestly--I thought about it. I really did. But I realized that where I am now, I’m safe and I’m loved and I kinda like the idea of not having to lie to people anymore, you know? Even if it is just a lie of omission. I want to share my whole self with the world. I don’t want to have to hide who I am anymore.”] Image 21: [ID: Something resembling a twitter thread, with dialogue between Nancy and Doreen stacked chronologically as horizontal boxes. Their respective names and handles are at the top of each of their comments. Nancy is Nancy W. and @sewwiththeflo, Doreen is Squirrel Girl and @unbeatablesg. The following conversation ensues: Nancy: “You think I’d leave you high and dry??” Doreen: “I think I don’t want our lateness harming your grades and therefore harming your post-secondary education or career choices and therefore harming your ENTIRE LIFE?!” “So yeah I think you should switch to someone else, real talk. I honestly don’t mind, I promise.” Nancy: “Please. If there’s one thing I know about you, about me, and about how we spend our future together, it’s this. Doreen Green...” “...you’re not getting rid of me that easily. <3″] Image 22: [ID: A paragraph of text, black text on a yellow background. “As for more Doreen and Nancy, I hope so too. A Squirrel Girl book without Nancy would feel like--like--like some sort of hypothetical “Super” “Man” book without an equally hypothetical “Lois” “Lane”!”] Image 23: [ID: A group picture of Squirrel Girl and friends sitting down on a grassy hill and watching the sunset together. Kraven the Hunter is in the foreground for some reason, looking almost directly at the camera. In the background we see Koi Boi, Mary Mahajan, Chipmunk Hunk, Brain Drain, and Mew the Cat. In the middle of the shot, Doreen and Nancy sit together. Doreen is in her superhero outfit with Tippy-Toe on her right shoulder, and Nancy is in a yellow cardigan and jeans on Doreen’s left. They’re holding hands, fingers intertwined, as Nancy leans against Doreen with her whole body. Their heads are tilted inward towards each other, the side of Doreen’s head touching the side of Nancy’s, as they look off into the distance together.]
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okay so how many of you are tired of hearing about how her sweet kiss is about geralt instead of yennefer? 
yeah none of you that’s what i thought.
so here’s my fucking dissertation on it because i spent an hour crying over this song at work this morning and my sister caught the brunt of my hyperfixation. 
i was listening to it and i sent it to my sister (we work in the same place and i messaged it to her via inter-office instant messenger) and i asked her what she thought of it. she gave it a go and said
“it’s a diss track about yennefer”
sure, but that’s not all it is. and it’s not exactly ABOUT geralt, either. 
it’s about jaskier. this is HIS song, about HIM. and he wrote it, picturing him staring geralt in the eyes as he performs the whole thing. 
her sweet kiss is about jaskier and i’ll tell you why. 
But her love’s as unfair as a crook It steals all my reason
so we’re all in agreement that this is jaskier talking to geralt, telling him that yen’s affections toward geralt make jaskier lose his ability to think logically and calmly as if he ever did anything calmly a day in his life
So tell me love, tell me love How is that just?
pay attention to the way he say love. as this post references, the way he enunciates the vowels is aptly described as wider than the way he’d pronounce the same sound in other worse, like just and judge. he’s putting more emphasis and feeling into that word, directed right at geralt. he’s ASKING geralt, whom he obviously looks up to, how he could be buying into this storm. he almost sounds kind of irritated, imo. maybe a little frustrated? (honestly the whole song is impassioned but it starts off a little more frustrated and by the last stanza he just sounds resigned and sad vs full of heartbroken frustration at the start)
Her current is pulling you closer
obviously this isn’t a narrative ‘you’. he’s straight up talking TO geralt. forget about him - once again, he’s envisioning himself performing this song while maintaining heartbroken eye contact with geralt. 
The red sky at dawn is giving a warning, you fool [...] I’m weak, my love, and I am wanting
NEED I EVEN TALK ABOUT HOW HIS VOICE WAVERS ON FOOL AND WEAK. yes, yes i do. in high fantasy settings such as this, when someone in jaskier’s position calls someone a fool, it’s usually because they’re so overcome with love and worry for said fool. the crack in his voice here shows just how concerned he is for geralt, even after he got yelled at and ousted from geralt’s life. the emotion in the way he says he’s weak and wanting - i can see him furrowing his brow and clenching his eyes shut because it’s obviously the most painful part of the song for him.
If this is the path I must trudge I welcome my sentence Give to you my penance Garrotter, jury, and judge
here’s his resolve - the same resolve that has kept jaskier going back to geralt over and over again for years. this stanza is rolling several of jaskier’s feelings into one and they each bleed very well into one another, from a narrative perspective. “if this is what i have to do, then i’ll do it”. he’s resigning himself to -- and this is open to interpretation. being a third wheel to yen and geralt? remaining exiled from geralt’s life? never having his feelings known, let alone returned? 
give to you my penance is an interesting line, implying that he’s willing to hand over the time he’s going to spend without geralt willingly. he’ll stay away from geralt until geralt seeks him out, because geralt told him to fuck off and yeah it came from a place of anger but jaskier is more observant and intuitive than he lets people think he is, so he knows geralt is going to need his space. so he’s just accepting that he needs to stay away despite the fact that he’s so in love with this witcher that he HAS LITERALLY ONLY WRITTEN SONGS EXCLUSIVELY ABOUT YOU OF COURSE IM IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU DENSE WOLF.
Garrotter, jury, and judge. here’s another interesting line because of course, we all know that he was toying with gorgeous and lovely at the beginning of episode six. a garrotter is someone who kills by strangulation. so here we have pre-exile jaskier already feeling choked by the resigned fact that geralt isn’t going to love him the way he loves yen. he feels suffocated by their emotions, not his own, and GERALT is the one who has put the nail in that coffin. and aside from that, the whole MOOD of the song shifted wildly from what we hear him humming at the beginning to the finished product. it’s just slightly more jaunty at first, and he’s complimenting geralt. the finished product is a direct result of geralt’s fight with yennefer and his dismissal of jaskier immediately after.
but the REALLY INTERESTING THING is in this same scene where he’s trying to decide on lovely or gorgeous, he asks the two men this:
“Is the whole metaphor landing, or is it too cerebral?”
he’s literally asking two random dudes “do you understand the metaphor or am i reading too much into this and thinking too hard?” 
he wants to know if an audience is going to pick up on the meaning behind his song, his fucking open letter to geralt. he’s asking if he’s being transparent enough. 
tl;dr her sweet kiss isn’t so much about geralt as it is about jaskier and his own feelings. he’s speaking directly to geralt, not about him. 
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smolbeandrabbles · 4 years
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Somethin’ I’m Good At - Gerry x Reader (Mississippi Grind)
@sufferthesea​ - Not the one I had in mind, but one none the less ❤
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I want to call this a Pre-Sequel to Diligence. Because it is a sequel, but it’s not the one that ‘Reason Why’ is waiting for.
Author’s Note: I remember telling @mandy23b​ that Brett Eldredge songs were to be earned, but then I went to see him in concert on Friday and this one smacked me in the face. And here we are...!
That isn’t to say Gerry didn’t earn this
Somethin’ I’m Good At - Brett Eldredge 
Disclaimer: Mississippi Grind Characters not mine / lyrics not mine / gifs not mine / lyrical liberties taken.
Premise: Having dated for a few months, Gerry knows for sure, there could be one thing he’s good at...
Words: 2056
Warnings: Fluff, mostly.
______
I'm a real bad liar, I'm a burnt toast kinda guy Or if I try to build a fire I'll burn the woods I ain't a mover or a shaker, can't keep up with the pacer Never met a dancefloor that ever did me any good I got a poor sense of direction, sometimes too strong of affection For a whiskey made in Lynchburg, Tennessee If there's a hole in my boat son, you bet that's all she wrote I'm a Titanic sinking down into that deep blue sea I can't change the world, no I can't change a flat If you give me your heart, girl, well, you may never get it back You said you'd never smile again, but oh no, here it comes Would you look at that? I finally found somethin' I'm good at
---
It'd been a few months down the line since your little talk over hot chocolate. When you'd given him your number, and he'd waited two days to call you. When you enquired as to what had taken him so long, he'd simply told you he didn't want to bother you on your day off. And you thought that maybe he hadn't quite grasped the point of you handing your number over.
 Gerry still used the cafe like an office. It was well frequented, but had long periods of quiet where - to him at least - there was little difference between this and being in the estate agents. Besides, most of the time he also had you here. And now he knew that all those small looks and gentle smiles were for him. Really for him.
 You didn't think you'd been in a relationship quite like it. Gerry was, as his demeanour would suggest, just adorable. You'd thought that before just watching him - but now he got to be yours, and somehow he could up the ante on that. The little I saw this and thought of you - which happened fairly often. Or, if you or he wasn't working or...  At least in the cafe on any particular day the I was just thinking about you... messages you'd get on your phone. And each one was sweet - unlike texts along those lines you'd ever got before.
He was cute, and according to a lot of people who had commented more than once, the two of you together we're even cuter.
 He liked watching you work sometimes - but also just liked leaving you to it, and he loved when you'd walk passed and just brush gently against him, or lace your fingers just long enough for it to be considered holding hands, until his arm refused to stretch after you or bend back any further. Or on occasion you'd even reach out and run your hands through his hair - and if he was busy concentrating on his laptop that was your favourite time to do it. Gerry longed for those fleeting moments the most, and you liked that sound he emitted and that excitable shiver as his heavily fixed concentration switched from whatever he was reading to the sensation of your fingertips.
Sometimes you'd stop by because he wanted to show you something, and you'd lean your arms on his shoulders and your head on his, and on occasion kiss his hair - and for a moment things didn't get better for him. But you didn't stop by all the time, and he didn't want to hinder your work either. He just liked being surrounded by you. Even if you were super busy and all he got was the scent of your perfume as you ran back and forth between tables. He would still smile absentmindedly and get to think about you.
 But, if you ever had a break between the busier and quieter shifts, or you got a full lunch break you still liked sitting with him. Gerry might have told you about the way he hyperfixated on things... How his obsession, and addiction, to gambling had all culminated and been put on... you. But if it was supposed to induce pressure, you never felt it. And he was the only consistently calm thing in the room. You knew he'd slide his laptop and notes to one side and give you his full attention as you told him about your day, or picked his brain for advice. He knew when you came first. If you had an issue, and what hadn't he been through!?, he likely had some kind of solution. He just liked seeing you smile - and being the cause of such a beautiful thing. Gerry knew just when to make the right joke, or be gentle and easy going, or get excited about something... He'd watched you so long he knew your emotions, your expressions... Your body language. That was something he’d picked up from tables that he could be thankful for. Perhaps he knew you better than you knew yourself - and he was only getting more used to it now you were dating. And that obsession meant he wanted to know everything, and help in whatever way he could. You were still responsible for keeping him from tables, after all.
Sometimes he still felt like he was gambling with feelings... It wasn't like Gerry could possibly know where this was going to lead.
 Sometimes he'd drop by for a few hours and then leave and come back, the way he used to when you'd have his coffee order ready for him by the time he crossed the parking lot. Only this time the name Gerry was accompanied by a heart, and he got to kiss you over the counter as he picked up the cup and left. ‘See you later’ really meaning that, even if he didn't return to the cafe.
When he did return from his house viewings though, he was always happy, and all he wanted to show you were these houses. And Gerry didn't miss out on one single detail, because sometimes pictures couldn't do any justice to it. You gotta hear about this one, it has the works!! He didn't seem like the type to get so excited about houses - even if he was an estate agent. And, usually, Gerry would agree with you... That was simply what his job happened to be. And he was just pretty good at it. But, he wasn't thinking about the people he was showing around, or even the houses themselves. (Heck, not even the pay check and well it's a job!) But he was thinking about aspects of those houses, and you.
It always came back to you.
What would you like to live in? What sort of house would you walk into and say this is where I want to be. Would it be with him? That's obviously where his thought process was going. But Gerry knew it was far too early to start asking you questions like that - and he kept it quiet. But secretly he'd show you these houses and take note of what you liked. Or, what caught your interest when he described them. If he could build up that perfect picture in his mind - he knew eventually it would come onto the market... Even if it was only close enough; and he'd find it.
 Back when you'd first had a real discussion, you'd talked about being therapy for him. But you didn't talk like any therapist he'd ever known. And he thought you were doing better for him than any therapist ever could. And sometimes those conversations got intense - and you took a lot of Gerry's emotions and burdens on for yourself. So he would pull you to him and cuddle you and end up reversing the situation. He was as much a remedy for you.
The end goal was just to see you smile again - he didn't matter what kind or how small - he'd count it as a win if he saw one. Usually it didn't take long, the second you were wrapped in his arms and one of his extensive collection of jumpers, you were almost always good to go.
 But today you were having a tough one, and he could tell that the second you sat down. You had this cheerful service front you put on. But Gerry knew all about fronting situations - and yours was a real poker face - so he'd been worried from the moment he'd heard it. Your shoulders slumped and you placed your head in your hands - exhaling loudly. "What's up?" This time he closed the laptop as he slid it across the table - and leant forward on his elbows "Nothing." You looked up at him "It's okay." Well, he knew - or at least from what he'd heard - that it wasn't customers, so it must have been personal. "You know you can tell me anything." He reached for your hands, "And you also know that you won't get passed someone who spent a lot of his life at card tables with a face like that-!" He meant your fake little smile; the only one he wouldn't accept seeing. "I dunno, I don't want to bother you with it." He gave a shrug "You might as well, I'm going to worry anyway." "Well that's really the last thing I want." Your eyes met his, "Me too, so just tell me." "I dunno... Maybe it's all in my head." "Boy trouble?" He raised an eyebrow, and you laughed - and it was score 1 to Gerry because that was genuine. "No, you know, for the first time in my life I actually don't have boy trouble." His smile became playful, "Good - had me worried for maybe half a second..." You ran your hands across the tabletop to his, and let him hold you between his; large hands enveloping yours safely. "I guess… I just… Sometimes I guess, it just feels like my friends would be better off without me… Then there’s times you miss one thing and you just feel totally lost.” You gave a shrug, “I don't think it's conscious - I can't blame 'em. I don’t blame them. But… If you go quiet for a while what happens? Does it show they care if they don't bother you because they are respecting your space? Make you think they don't care if they don't check in? Maybe I'm just fragile. I'm certain some of it's in my head." You looked to him "You ever get that?" Given that his hands were in yours, Gerry tipped his head as he began thinking; "I'm sure everyone wants to give you their 5 cents on it." "For sure, but I'm asking you." "Friends? I ran out of a lot of them a long while ago when I was incredibly bad at paying people back. Enjoy the ones you have. Remove the ones you no longer enjoy. Not worth risking your own health if it keeps happening, huh?" He gave a gentle smile, "Ask me and my... Acquaintances!" You smiled gently; "I'm not so great at forgiveness either..." or maybe you just weren’t good with the right words, sometimes you felt you found them a little too late… "Forgive those worth forgiving. Unless the bridge is well and truly burned… But that’s not my decision to make – is it?" "But what if my reaction-!" His eyes narrowed; "Hey. Who do you think I care about more?" "Me." "You." He nodded in agreement "So, whose side am I always going to be on?" That smile continued to grow as you realised what he was getting at "Mine." "Yours." His smile continued to coax yours out of hiding. "I'm happy to talk it out with you, but I want you to realise that all I'm going to want at the end of it is you happy..." "Well that's all I want for you, too." "Me?" He tipped his head once more, gentle sparkle in his eyes "Whenever I'm with you I'm happy. So, of course..." He chuckled "Yeah. I'm... I'm happy." But then he pushed it right back where it belonged; "Are you?"
There was silence for a moment as you looked between his eyes, and that prolonged smile on his face. That you were just as responsible for as he was the one manifesting on your own. You realised that it was a longer discussion for another time - but you knew that by what he was saying he'd help you as far as he could... But the decision was yours. Still, it was a million-dollar decision, and he'd probably made a billion of those in his life. Probably not always called right, so hopefully he'd help you with the right call. Even if that would be all your own.
 "I'm happy." And there it was, a genuine, beautiful, full smile. Almost a beam, but there was a soft blush across your cheeks as you admitted it all out loud. And he knew it wouldn't be long until he got it there.
Gerry wasn't good at much, he knew. But he sure was good at that.
---
@dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby​ @3134045126​ #MendoTagSquad.
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the-astro-ace · 4 years
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I was tagged by @mistbornhero.  Thank you, friend! 🥰
I’ll tag... @merwaines, and the one other person I thought of had been tagged by the same person as me lol.  No obligation to, of course.  And if you would like to do this then by all means feel free to say I tagged you lol
AO3 name: Nebula5030
Fandoms: Merlin, Yuri On Ice, and then I have a couple WIPs for Forever, Wayward Children, and Galavant
Number of fics: I have 70 works on AO3, but only 54 of them are fics I’ve written - the rest are art
Fic you spent the most time on: Well, um, I have a two chapter fic that I posted the first chapter during November of 2018 and haven’t posted the second chapter yet 😶  Otherwise I do have a couple completely unposted WIPs I started in late 2017 but haven’t finished yet either
Fic you spent the least time on: I Draw Back the Veil and I Say A Prayer took me an hour and a half.  As far as I know it’s the only fic that I managed to complete in one sitting
Longest fic: For the Love of All Who Gather.  Coming in at a cool 92,504 words 😎
Shortest fic: Want and A Secret of Night are both 100 words
Most hits: For the Love of All Who Gather, with 8566
Most kudos: The Meeting of Dragoon and Arthur, with 554
Most comment threads: lmaooooo that one’s The Wonders I Know with 547 - SOLELY because I have one subscriber who likes to chat with me in my comments.  That work is 30 short fics in one work and with a convo happening in each one...yeah it builds up lmao
Fave fic you wrote: Ironically even though it isn’t about the OTP, the one I find myself rereading the most is A Time of Joy - maybe it’s just because it’s SOFT and FLUFFY and GOOD FOR MY HEART OKAY??
Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: 🤔 There are a couple ideas in The Wonders I Know that I want to rework (I have a revision for the last fic in that collection in my gdocs actually) but I think I would like to redo For the Love of All Who Gather.  Since it had a deadline, I was forced to skim over a lot of things I would have liked to touch on - mostly going more in depth with the Druid culture and what Merlin learns while he’s with them.  Not to mention actually going and seeing what happens in Camelot while Merlin and Gwaine are gone lol
Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: Oh man how do you expect me to just pick one lmao 
Context for this one: I had gone on a Spock/Kirk kick one day, and read a lot of “Mind Meld” fics.  Since I can’t turn off the Merwaine hyperfixation, I decided I needed a Merwaine Mind Meld Fic in my life
So I started writing one
Basically: Merlin and Lancelot find a grievously injured Gwaine out in the woods.  It’s not looking good, and Merlin, in a last ditch attempt to save Gwaine’s life, performs a spell he had only briefly read: a spell designed to connect two people’s magic together, and he hopes that this spell will give Gwaine a boost and allow them to get him to Camelot in time.  It works, Merlin and Gaius fix him up, and Gwaine is left to recover on his own.  However, Merlin begins to notice that...the spell isn’t disappearing.  He can still feel Gwaine in a way he never could before.  So he goes to read his spell book to find out how long the spell is supposed to last, hoping it’ll disappear soon.  Especially since Gwaine doesn’t know about his magic, and he would rather it fade before Gwaine realizes something is up.
And he doesn’t like what he finds lmao
Lancelot rapped his knuckles gently against the door to the physician’s tower, before opening it quietly and looking inside.
Gaius was standing by his workbench, examining something in a vial in his hand.  He smiled a bit when he saw Lancelot.  “Ah, Lancelot,” Gaius said, voice low.  “Gwaine is still resting so we’ll have to be quiet.  But what can I do for you?”
“I just wanted to check in,” Lancelot said just as quietly, stepping in and shutting the door behind himself.  A glance to the patient cot confirmed what Gaius said: Gwaine was still asleep.  He didn’t stir when Lancelot walked in, but Lancelot could see his chest rise and fall as he breathed.  “How is he?”
“Improving.  He woke for a short while, so we managed to get some food and water in him before leaving him to his rest once more.”
Lancelot nodded, a small smile of relief coming to him.  “Is Merlin in?”
“He’s in his room,” Gaius said, turning back to whatever it was he was making.  “He’s been back there for a while now - I’m not entirely sure what he is doing.”
Lancelot nodded and thanked Gaius, before he headed further into the back.  He climbed up the two stairs, before knocking once more.  “Merlin?”
And from inside, Lancelot heard a very muffled and dejected sounding, “In here.”
He opened Merlin’s door to find the man in question lying face down on his bed, his face mashed into the pillow, and his arms to his sides - as if he had simply fallen face first onto the bed and had made no effort to reposition himself.
Lancelot was, in a word, concerned.  “…Merlin?” he asked as he stepped in and shut the door behind himself.  “Is everything alright, my friend?”
“Arthur’s right,” Merlin said, voice still muffled due to a face full of pillow.
“…in what regard?”
Merlin sighed heavily.  “In that I’m an idiot.”
He lifted an arm and pointed to his desk, but otherwise didn’t move.
Lancelot glanced between the desk and Merlin for a moment, confused and concerned still, but then he stepped over to the desk.  Merlin’s spell book was on top, opened to a page somewhere in the middle.  He skimmed it over: the spell displayed was designed to connect two people’s magic, allowing for limitless telepathic communication, empathy between the two of them, and the ability to sense where the other was.  A footnote noted that it was often used by Druids after they got married. 
Lancelot wasn’t quite understanding.  “And this is relevant because…?”
“Remember that spell I used to heal Gwaine yesterday?  The mind one?”
“I do, yes.”
“Well…that’s it.”  It was then Merlin turned his head, meeting Lancelot’s gaze.  “And it’s permanent.”
“Oh,” Lancelot said simply.  Then he realized.  “Oh!  Oh…well, oh dear, Merlin.  What do you plan to do?”
Merlin shook his head frantically as he sat up.  He gripped his hair with a hand.  “I don’t know!  I thought the spell was only to - give him a boost!  Not…tie us permanently to each other!”
Even though Merlin had just sat up, he flopped back onto the bed with a groan, and covered his face with his hands.  “He’s going to wake up and I’m going to have to explain what happened.  I didn’t even ask, Lancelot, I just did it because I wanted to help him!  I didn’t know it would do this!”
Lancelot was quiet for a moment, thinking over what to say.
He came over and sat on the edge of the bed.  “What you did saved his life.  Gwaine doesn’t strike me as the kind of man to take that lightly; I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“But what if he doesn’t want…this?” Merlin exclaimed, sitting up and gesturing wildly to himself.  “I can feel him in my mind, Lancelot.  I can feel his pain, his emotions.  Once he’s awake he’ll feel the same for me.  We’re going to be stuck like this - forever!”
“…is that really so terrible?”
Merlin blinked at Lancelot, as if he hadn’t considered that other possibility.  He let out a breath.  “…maybe not, but…it still feels wrong.  Like I’m violating his privacy.”
Lancelot considered this.  “…we’ll wait to see what Gwaine thinks,” he said calmly.  “I’m sure there’s a way to reverse it.  While the spell may be designed to be permanent, I am certain there have been people who have wanted to break it.”
Merlin met his eyes.  “And what if there isn’t?”
“Then you and Gwaine are just going to have to learn how to live with it.”
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