#I've been here 10 fucking years

[ultradarling14]

Sometimes tumblr is like wandering around a neighborhood you thought you knew really well but then you make a random right turn and you realize you've never seen any of these things before.

#Like who #Like where #I've been here 10 fucking years

[on-this-day-mcr]

On this day, March 20

In 2023: My Chemical Romance performed their 68th show of the 2022-2023 Swarm tour in Warrang (Sydney), Australia. At this show, an unreleased song (titled "Eagles" on the paper setlist) was performed for the 12th time ever, with new lyrics. Gerard Way wore a dark grey skirt suit with white scleral contact lenses, and "UNKILLABLES" was written on the drum. (🖤)

Watch the show here!

@pedrovsr

#tour date #id in alt #2023 #march 20 #MCR sydney 2 #MCR warrang 2 #oh i weep. the last time i saw MCR live. two times more than i ever thought i would :') #its been 10 fucking years since i've been seeing your face round here..... #swarm era

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

#luly talks #i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad #rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck #gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night.......... #actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles #(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something #so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it? #not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still #i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭'' #first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was #OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy. #anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence #dsaf #roger jones #dsaf roger #btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment #probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc #jake is so confrontational though #hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude #except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon. #hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff #because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen #not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway #yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact #im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking

[museaway]

Hey @staff, care to explain why super super super triggery content that is explicitly prohibited on tumblr btw and contains ZERO TAGS THAT I TRACK is showing up in my "Your Tags" page? I love this site but fix your shit. Luckily I've learned to deal with this specific trigger but this was unforgivable and frankly seems malicious.

Hopefully mine is an isolated incident but maybe be careful looking at your tracked tags, friends.

#it's pro-self injury stuff with pictures #seriously tumblr fuck you so SO much for putting that in front of me #luckily I have myself under control #but 10 years ago that would not have been the case #tumblr dot com #I track ships like rinharu #there's no overlap here #no tags were highlighted #I've never seen stuff like this on here in a decade #absolutely horrified right now

[aberooski]

If I take a second to breathe and think and 3 seconds into it someone calls me over the radio to come clean something they could do themselves again I'm going to actually scream

#like god I knkw I'm the only usher here rn cuz im the opening usher on saturdays but FUCK #give me a second tk fucking BREATHE #I HATE when I'm doing something and one of the managers calls and is like actually can you stop what you're doing even though what you're- #-doing is more important and come sweep up this like 3 cernal popcorn spill literally right next to us that we could get ourselves but won' #I hate this job so much I want to quit so bad #somebody else hire me right now so I can leave this shithole #and also have a real job that pays mlre than 10 bucks and hour so I can actually pretend to be a semi functional adult #I can't even pretend right now #I've been stuck in limbo for the last 2 years at least and I really don't know how I'll ever get out #I probably won't let's be honest because I wasn’t born into a world where that's possible anymore #and my mental health has only been slowly but surely deteriorating for even longer than that but it's really crashed and burned lately #but i'm trying #and I honestly don't want to try anymore #I'm so tired

[afniel]

Okay, I sat at my desk thinking I'd write, but instead I'm so tired (distinct from being sleepy. I'm usually tired. I'm almost never sleepy) that sitting at my desk hurts and I can't focus worth shit.

I'm beginning to understand how I can write doorstop-size novel(s?) from my phone actually...horizontal is a great position in general.

#I went out and Socialized today #and then came home and made dinner AND chogled chib coogies (nobody can stop me from saying it like that) #(but it's chocolate chip cookies. just for the record) #and this was starting from about 4/10 fatigue and 6/10 pain #so I fully knew what I was getting into. like. I'm not surprised in the least here. #the thing about having autonomy is that you're allowed to make decisions that are bad because the tradeoff is acceptable anyway #sometimes you do in fact decide to push yourself bc what are you gonna do? nothing? #I've been trying to hang out with a friend for like 3+ weeks and I'm not going to get less tired for at least a month so. #that's just how it works! #anyway I want a coogie and to go lie down now and perhaps write a few (thousand?) words #and THEN what I want. is for Magpie to not YELL ME THE FUCK AWAKE through the bedroom door at like 8am #I am 30 or 40 years old and I do not need this

[helennorvilles]

organising my wardrobe and uhhhhhh im realising that my old-t-shirts-that-are-no-good-to-leave-the-house-wearing-but-still-have-a-purpose collection has got a bit out of hand

#EIGHTEEN. eighteen !!!! i thought it was like. five. no wonder i don't have room in my drawers?? it's basically all old t-shirts?? #and there's more hanging that i've been pretending are still an option for work but realistically are no longer nice enough #so this collection is clearly like. 10+ years of me being awful at keeping t-shirts in good condition #in my defense t-shirts are just. the WORST at staying nice. in all the ways. holes and stains and fading. bleh. #anyway i think my reduce reuse recycle instinct has gotten a bit wonky and lazy here eh? #bc while i need some for pyjamas and gardening and cleaning and drying my hair...... fucking eighteen is a bit much eh #gotta start turning them to rags or stuffing some cushions or get crafting or all of the above and more #my post tag

[solarisposting]

screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!

#not about j we're good - about the friend who i haven't shut up about in the 14 years i've been on the hellsite #the fun part is that i know his forever career and his forever whereabouts and it will break my heart into shards for the rest of my life! #and goddamnit we weren't romantically together but instead together as part of a weirdly codependent friend group of four and we were #near identically weird and fucked up emotionally and in our humor and how we spoke and how we meshed and i will NEVER fucking get over it!! #i'm still agog that i sent you a last chance hail mary sort of letter like the lyrics in this song about how i think about you often and #have always believed in you and been rooting for you like all the rest of us who knew you before things got really bad because you were and #are such a fucking incredible person and musician and friend and so smart and creative and LOVABLE! i said that in the letter without #realizing alanis said that in one of THE best lost love songs of all goddamn time! #i wish i could tell you one more time - right now today immediately or better yet five years ago - how i have always loved and admired you #and everything about you. even now. all the way out here in iowa i am still loving you with everything i have in me every single day #knowing i will never speak to or see you again [i think about you all the time but i don't need the same] and i finally started to admit #that to myself and my friends and my therapist in 2021 and i'm more at peace with it than i ever was or thought i could be in 2019 and 2020 #but i know it's gonna take my whole lifetime to get a grip on it and accept it. and it'll stop hurting one of these days. i know it will #i don't think i've ever loved a friend as much as I loved you. i think you were the best friend i've ever had #and that's one of the nastiest parts of it - we were good friends and you did seem to like me plenty #but i think i was the w-h-auden_morelovingone.txt by a mile. i was a weird obsessed stage 10 clinger. #and that's surely a large part of the dwelling and the fixation. if things had been more equal then maybe it'd be very different now. #guess i'll die because i sure ain't finding out!! #HELLO LOVES HAVE SOME RICH NUTRITIOUS ANNIE LORE ON THIS FINE FREEZING COLD SUNDAY AFTERNOON! #ann with an ie #<- this was a nightmare to type out and feel but i wanna keep it around for whenever i get the balls to talk about it in therapy again

[thingswhatareawesome]

i hate you stellar warp, i hate you i hate you i hate you i fucking HATE you

#YELLS WITH FRUSTRATION #now up to 70 pity #271/300 so 29 more pulls until choosing #just...all i've gotten from this fucking warp the ENTIRE time i've played this game is a bronya himeko and one 5* lc #i want other peoples' luck SO BADLY i want to cry #like all i got from the starter warp was bronya and then those 3 things from regular/stellar and like #why am i so fucking unlucky why is my rng so bad #every time it's the same thing just one shitty 4* thing and that's it #and yet there's people who're like wow i got two 5* and three 4* and i got it at 35 pity lol #like here's the spots for gepard and bailu or even welt or yanqing or clara in my roster IF I EVER FUCKING WON THIS WARP #/sigh #all i wanted for fucking month after month after month for what 3/4 of a year has been gepard (or now him or bailu) #and nothing just jack shit nothing #and none of the other 5*s either like there's fucking seven of them i've gotten two there are FIVE others it could give #but it never does #if i finally win one to pity and it's a duplicate himeko or bronya i am going to literally learn chinese to yell at their entire staff #now to wait another 3-4 weeks until i can scrape together another 10 passes to see how it screws me over next time #please ignore my sr bs

[irawhiti]

man there is really no way out of poverty huh. like for real.

#no matter how much money i save up over years and years it literally won't ever be enough #i'm just never gonna get anything i want done like top surgery and i have to accept that. at the bare minimum it's gonna take over a decade #i have over 10 thousand dollars worth of dental work that needs to be done now #which would have been completely free if my parents just took me as a teen. free. but they didn't because they're abusive fuckwads #so now i gotta foot the bill. i'll never forgive them for a lot of things and that's one of the biggest things lol. #it's gonna cost several thousand dollars just to get me out of here back into a city too not even including finding a place and paying bond #everything i've saved up for literal years now is literally nothing compared to the bare minimum to potentially stop being fucking homeless #i've lost all the weight i gained from being able to feed myself bc i'm back with my parents with even less access to food than last time #so i'm just like... chronically malnourished and fainting all the time again. it really feels like the past few years were for nothing #i wish i had a bed. i haven't had a bed for well over a year now. #it's so fucking expensive to be homeless and for what. i was able to take a shower for the first time in two weeks today #taking a shower costs $30 for me. i'm so tired man. #delete later

[meezer]

spending this much time and effort and energy working towards a career path I really do not like or want or will ever go into is really taking the wind out of my sails not gonna lie. and making me hate the humanities 😍

#I hate teaching with every fiber of my being #I like translation but that's a dead-end field if nobody cares about the languages that you know (and nobody cares about romanian) #also any good translation job would probably require me to live in brussels. I do not want to live in brussels. you see my problem here #I used to like reading but then I stopped because video games is more fun #then I started reading a little more (just poetry but it's a start) and then I majored in literature and now I can't stand reading #absolutely fucking hate it #there must be THOUSANDS. of students who study in the same building as me. and yet. the bathrooms are insanely small. no bathroom has more #than 3 stalls. oftentimes you will spend your whole 10 minute break waiting in line for the bathroom. not to mention the fact that #the bathrooms never have basic fucking neccesities like toilet paper or soap. #I must've built up a reputation as a pissboy and a freak because ever since uni started I've basically been taking jabs at #the bathroom situation in conversations with T. she knows too and she hates it because she also uses the student bathrooms. AND YET. NOTHIN #HAS CHANGED. DESPITE US rightfully complaining for A YEAR about the horrible conditions. #man I'm just really angry. that this is how I spend my time. it's a waste of time the time will pass anyway yes #but it seems like an especially horrible way for the time to pass #it's like oh I could spend the next 30 minutes in this empty room looking at the wall #or I could spend it giving myself electric shocks for fun and stimulation #and I was essentially forced into giving myself the electric shocks cause other people think it would be good for my future. whatever man

[nexus-nebulae]

rage

#having a rage moment #abt a conversation i had #abuse tw #i have like. fucking severe ptsd #not anything new #but like #ive gone through some fucked up shit #of course i'd be fucked up by it #of course i'd want help #who the fuck are you to say 'im sick of this victim complex' #I AM A VICTIM WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT #I'VE LITERALLY GONE THROUGH 10 STRAIGHT YEARS OF GASLIGHTING AND ABUSE #HOW IS THIS A 'VICTIM COMPLEX' TO RECOGNIZE THAT I'VE BEEN FUCKED UP AND WANT HELP #I HAD THREE BACK TO BACK ABUSIVE PARTNERS #WHO EACH TRAUMABONDED ME TO THEM AND THEN USED MY PAIN AGAINST ME #AND I'M SITTING HERE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK OVER NEVER BEING ABLE TO TRUST AGAIN #AND YOU SAY I HAVE A 'VICTIM COMPLEX'?????? #YEAH YOU NEVER CARED YOU JUST WANTED TO GET ME TO STOP WHINING #(i fucking hate my blood family)

[moghedien]

I swear I only see any discourse about "anti vs pro shipping" or whatever the fuck when its specifically people complaining about how supposedly prevalent that discourse is on here.

like I cannot emphasize this enough, you control your dashboard. learn how to curate it and unfollow people and block people for being annoying. like you aren't obligated to be mutuals with people who reblog things that annoy you. you aren't obligated not to block people just because they're kinda annoying. literally stop making yourself miserable for no reason and just start weeding people its better that way

#I have literally been on here for 10 year #I have almost 7.5k followers #and I've literally never followed more than 200 people #not because that's some arbitrary number I'm trying to keep under #it really just takes a fucking lot for me to follow someone ' #like I literally don't follow people who I generally like because they reblog things from someone I don't like ' #and I would rather not follow them than see that person on my dash #like avoid things that make you upset its not that hard

[chipped-chimera]

Fuck this cesspit country. I want to go home.

#auspol #kerytalk #I have lived here for 25 years #i have a citizenship #but this country has done jack shit for me #all its done is given me ptsd and a genuine fear for my safety if liberal gets back in #I left New Zealand when I was five but I've never been so homesick in my life #btw the racist vote won so haha my faith in humanity for Australia at least is FUCKED #I'm never going outside again what's the point #when you know the majority of the people out there are either racist or too stupid to develop critical thinking skills #I'm just ... done #really hard to not let the su*cidal thoughts eat me when shit like this happens - do not report me I am not a risk to myself #I've been living with them for over 10 years and I'm still kicking #but fuck ... man ...

[clemencetaught]

this applies to all verses, but more so to verse one specifically, but patrick is agnostic, leaning more towards atheist. originally he was brought up christian both by his birth parents and his adoptive parents and while he never was a serious practitioner, he always did vaguely question it...but it was never something he seriously thought about.

this, however, changed drastically as a result of felicity's death. his reasoning is that: "if there truly is such thing as a benevolent god, then what happened to felicity and the others would have never occurred in the first place."

#the gentleman ( headcanons. ) #believe in a precious world ( headcanons. ) #religion cw #i'm going to put this under read more #and tag it with religion #since i know this can be a very personal subject for some ppl #that being said #he was more atheist initially after she died but as he's gotten older #he has become more open-minded over the years....skeptical but welcome to be proven wrong i would say #i mean....the day she died it was really traumatic for him ngl #like it wasn't just suddenly losing her #it was also seeing her charred dead body ....in the midst of destruction and just well that'll fuck with your head for while #AND THEN?? the media suddenly denies that this ever happened?? so yeah i think this is warranted :/ #it's actually kinda interesting?? that in the two years i've had him #felicity's death while it does come up #i don't think i actually talk a lot on here about the impact it had on patrick's life #like yeah he's been grieving for like 10 years #but esp in verse one it manifests in more subtle ways..... #this also low key ties into goblin...which has some pretty christian values here if you examine it :DD

[wereshrew-admirer]

long work day today but in my heart of hearts i'm drawing chine in a dress having a great time, because, gender i guess.

no alterations to their appearance otherwise, maybe somebody's convinced them to wash their hair, but only for the sensory experience of having some bounce to it afterwards, y'know?

i just..am ruminating on how good it feels to be so incongruous with people's expectations without any fear at all? or more, even, with the sense of power that comes from frightening cis people when you yourself are confident in your safety?

not even a hint of chine being embarrassed about it, just straight to the joy - slap a few flowers in their shitty beard and dare somebody to say something <3

#idk my headcanon with chine re:gender is not so much about gender at all #more in that they're a he/they because their relationship with humanity is tenuous #and any bleed into gender is secondary #but like boundaries are fluid and/or meaningless to them so why would he give a fuck what clothes ppl think he should wear #also i'm projecting because i scared a man out of the bathroom last week and instead of having a panic about it i felt this huge wave of #gender euphoria? #this could only happen at work because i've been here 10 years and everyone is habituated to me #and because i dont go anywhere in public much anymore since covid #so most of my experiences with unfamiliar people is that nobody reacts to me wearing a dress anymore? #so when a new hire did react it was a surprise? #and the realization that it was a surprise felt SO POWERFUL #god i just love being visibly trans #i want to depict obviously-testoserone-dominant people in flowy comfortable clothes without makingany effort to look traditionally feminine #this is the height of gender for me #and i know the table friends tend to depict worlds in which clothes aren't gendered anyway #but the incongrousness can come from folks associating dresses with delicacy (also wrong) instead if you want to imagine the world that way #i prefer my fantasy with a side of real-world struggle so that the payoff feels more worth it personally but to each their own