#kerytalk

[chipped-chimera]

Finally got a fancy(tm) pic of my aquarium - think I figured out the solution to awful photos is just I have to do them at night because the hugeass window in my room directly adjacent ruins everything. Going to try and take a pic like this weekly to track growth!

Anyway it's looking close? Closeish? to being cycled so the question is: WHAT COLOUR SHRIMP

#kerytalk #fish nonsense #planted tank #aquablr #fishblr #cherry shrimp or neocaridina is what I'm looking for #I just don't think I'd like reds. Or yellow #also rip I found the underground shrimp trading groups (complicated) and went from not finding any Caridina to so many #DO NOT TEMPT ME! I KNOW THEY'RE MORE SENSITIVE #they look bomb af tho rip #I do prefer them over Neos #idk how close is close but ammonia is 0.2 nitrites 0.0 and nitrates 20ppm #been sitting at that for a hot minute tho so not sure what's happening #dosing with bacteria and a fertiliser (both seachem) daily #things I've read saying as long as I have nitrates it means something is being converted so yay? it's def not in our tap water I tested

[kery-sims]

So uh, I guess I owe an explanation of where I've been?

To make a very long story short, I started making a tattoo mod for a sims version of my Cyberpunk 2077 V (Venatrix) because I thought that would be fun. What started initially as what was just going to be some cathartic playing around in the sims with an OC led me to re-downloading Cyberpunk for some textures ... and then it occurred to me 'well why don't I make the tattoo in Cyberpunk FIRST so it's higher resolution?' It was kind of a downhill tumble from there.

In two months modding for Cyberpunk I have learned an insane amount of stuff, namely, teaching myself Blender and then modeling physics rigged hair from scratch with custom textures (which was absolutely insane btw, given there's no tutorials on hair for Cyberpunk - I need to write one) ... so uh yeah! I'm a multi-game modder now!

I'm going to keep Kery-Sims separate as my Sims exclusive handle for any mods and community interaction - I kind like being able to filter my tumblr dash by content anyways.

But if you're interested in my other modding adventures/general gaming talk, you can check out that blog @chipped-chimera. I also have my art blog @kerynean which features the art above - one of the custom tattoos I drew for my tattoo set in Cyberpunk.

I'm excited to bring my knew knowledge and confidence with Blender over to the sims 4 (especially now S4S open beta works with Blender 3.6) especially with making custom hair and meshes.

So uh, that's the news!

#kerytalk #my modding #I now have like three different tumblr accounts yeah I know it's silly #I'm mostly on chipped-chimera though #it's also just so I 'follow' from the right places tbh #tumblr let me make specific dash lists when #keeping sims tumblr sims exclusive because I know sims communities are just ... really insulated to sims and nothing else

[chipped-chimera]

Since you guys liked the finished planted tank so much, have the tetra update!

A little bit of glass surfing is still happening but honestly was more because I was bugging them with my phone camera than anything. Most of today they were all over the place exploring~ also weird thing in the tank is a Banksia Seed Pod, threw it in for some extra tannins to help with any transition stress (natural antibacterial).

#kerytalk #fishblr #aquablr #planted tank #aquascaping #planted aquarium #freshwater aquarium #green neon tetra #idk if tumblo has content ID but I guess I'll find out #I just ripped this from my personal instagram #music is by Nujabes <3 #fish nonsense #there is also a real bossy lady? among them - she's the biggest #was guarding the leftover algae wafer bits and telling the rest to rat off haha

[chipped-chimera]

Gotta say nothing shows the level of americanisation of media/internet than with this eclipse. Last year state in Australia (Western Australia) had complete totality of an eclipse in a dinky little town up north. It was inundated with tourists from around Australia and the world - we even had NASA scientists fly in for study.

I'm based in the only city of our hugeass state (Perth) and while we didn't get totality it was probably the most significant eclipse I've seen in recent memory. It was present in shadows, and there was a significant temperature drop during the experience.

Internationally? News probably didn't make a blip.

Meanwhile I'm sitting in my office overhearing the BBC on the tv (so british news) talking about an American solar eclipse like it's more significant? 🤷‍♀️

Anyway here's some of my pics of our eclipse last year: we had 72% coverage where I was, managed to catch some of the crescent shadows beneath our paperbark tree (I thank tumblr for bestowing this knowledge years ago).

#kerytalk #science #I guess it's science #it was fun watching the broadcast because the reporter just lost train of thought at totality and you can hear people cheering #and screaming #just gleeful humanity #also Pink Floyd went up there in the lead up and did a concert so that's pretty fucking BALLER #for my state that's apparently 'offbrand texas' #idk what texas is like but if jack shit happens there and all the bands miss you - uh yeah that's us #jokes about WA splitting off from the rest of Australia are so strong they made it into fucking cyberpunk 2077 lore I shit you not

[chipped-chimera]

Hey you! Yeah you. It's okay to not feel creative! It's okay to need to take a break from making things! Being a 'content creator' is far too normalised and driven by shitty algorithms that prioritise daily output to stay relevant. If that's not for you, that's fine! You're not a robot! We're humans, we're meant to live and have joy and create out of our expressions, experiment, discover and learn - not become a digital content sweatshop.

So if you need time away to rest, to find that joy again - you're still a creative, whether you passion is writing, music, art etc. They're still a part of you and they'll be waiting for you when you return.

Rest is self care, it is not something you should be ashamed of or apologise for.

#psa #kerytalk #positivity #idk seen a few people getting burned out and shit and being very apologetic #rest is SELF CARE #you should not apologise for it #also content farming is so noemalised I hate it I hate it I hate it #need to go back to the era of rich sponsors who'd basically pay their pet project artist to fuck around for months #then show up with a painting #more of that please

[chipped-chimera]

Today in fish nonsense! 🐟🐠- Tank is good to go! Cool wood piece is cleaned and time to spend way too long on a plan painting.

More below the cut.

Tank has been set up, leak tested so it's good to go (after I overhauled the layout of my office ... still dealing with the fallout of that though lol) and the piece of jarrah/mirra? wood that my Dad grabbed from the tree he cut down on a farm (noting this specifically because it's actually now illegal to commercially harvest Jarrah in my state - this was on private property so it's legal) has had the absolute crap scrubbed out of it - I mean literally, in the process I found yet another interesting hole in it so that's cool, then high-pressure blasted with water so I am finally ready to think about scaping.

Which apparently means spending longer than I should drawing a plan lol. This piece is super awkward to work with I think - while functionally interesting it has a silhouette that makes me oscillate between 'boring' and 'awkward'. After talking to some artist friends, generally it was agreed I'd need to put more stuff in there to actually make it look better, right now naked glass is super harsh. Problem is, rocks and wood? Well in the aquarium hobby that shit is expensive. We're talking 60 AUD+ for pieces of wood. I mean they are fully cleaned and treated (?) and selected for being interesting, but I have a budget and I'd like to save as much of it as I can for more than just harscape sooooo planning is just the right idea here.

Thinking seiryu stone because I looooove the white veining through it, and then for the branches to break up the shape it's probably going to be spiderwood or something (as much as I love mopani wood I don't think it usually sells branched like this - but I will watch out for it) but the good part is these pieces are all probably going to be on the smaller side since I have my huge hunk of feature wood for free.

I don't know how this piece of wood will interact with inhabitants, I've soaked it for probably a month at this point to get a large amount of the tannins out (and I know it waterlogs, which is great because I won't have to play 'how long will this take to sink') but also to help the looser material come off so all I'm left with now is the hard stuff. It's also now sitting in the sun (and I mean sun - it is going to be 40C today and the next few days so that shit is gonna bake 💀) but prior to that has been sitting in the sun either here or the farm for a total of about idk ... at least a month? Maybe more?

I've struggled to find information on whether Jarrah or Mirra wood is safe beyond one post on a forum where someone-who-knew-someone at a local fish shop had put a piece of this in his store tank and all the fish died. Beyond that? no more context. According to my freshwater ecologist friend I caught up with, she thinks it's probably going to be okay given the amount of time/work put in. I have not done a bleach soak and I don't think I really need to given the amount of time it's been soaking in regular tap water (so already contains chlorine) and sun exposure. There will still probably be tannin leakage into the water but I'm okay with having a mild blackwater tank after seeing one in my LFS, I actually like the slight tannin tint of water and how it makes everything a little 'softer'. But I do ACTUALLY want to be able to see though lmao. I've also seen Jarrah seed pods sold locally specifically for blackwater tank setups so it might be fine?

Either way the plan is going to be: Scape, plant, cycle and then introduction of some cheap shrimp as my poor guinea pigs to see if that wood actually is awful.

Right now I'll just have to painstakingly go through plant choices and placement and making sure it lines up with the planned parameters for the community. I absolutely will take suggestions btw.

More soon. Fish nonsense will contain fish ... at some point. I swear lmao.

#kerytalk #aquablr #fishblr #my art #I guess even though this is a grossly overconfident doodle #aquascaping #yes that is a sandpit for enrichment #though I'm debating corydoras #I worry tetras + corydoras might be too much schooling happening for the eventual last edition - Betta fish #if not then it'll be tetras + one pleco #... I swear I saw a video of a pleco thoroughly enjoying burrowing in sand - I'd love that #yes all of this is primarily because I want a betta #but if I only get one tank ... go hard or go home right? #ngl considering getting a small 5-10 gallon for my bedroom for shrimp breeding so that could be a feasible second plan #in case the betta is an asshole #do not tell my parents lmao #I'd love a male in the tank but know it's probably not going to work so female is more likely - or at least plakat type #it's got quite a bit of height to traverse so I don't think anything with super big fins would be great - especially with age #even if I basically have a stepped up network of holes in this wood right to where it nearly touches the surface

[chipped-chimera]

I mean it's technically past new years by a day but I'm gonna round out 2023 with the two selfies I actually like (I wish myself a very figure out how to take more good ones 2024 😤)

#kerytalk #my face #about me #lesbian #idk man I'm working on the self esteem shit #moment of silence for my phone case I said I'd change two years ago and my popsocket that gave up the ghost on Christmas #new ones in the maaaail #my hand hurts (miss u popsocket) #look I have the photographic recoed of a cryptid the past ten years I am having to learn selfies real late #stopped taking them around post high school

[chipped-chimera]

Seeing crochet clothing being 'in' now is always kind of frustrating as someone who can actually crochet for shit (evidence attached) because as much as I'd love to be able to maybe sell some of that work, ultimately you can't compete with that store (machine?)grade shit. A crochet maxi-skirt made from granny squares is selling for AUD $60. AUD $60 wouldn't even cover the cost of the materials (in a nice, wearable quality yarn). :/

Well at least when I make something I know it's not gonna be basic bitch shit -

#kerytalk #crochet #fuck corpos #I guess I can file this under that #also no joke this has been on the last row for nearly a year because I'm just 'if I finish it what the fuck do I do #I think it cost me idk ... 150? AUD for materials #this is just acrylic but it doesn't feel shit #I flip flop on starting a small business for money because I do have a lot of creative hobby knowledge I can sell #crochet and then I can make seed-bead earrings #I can sew decent too #made a bunch of masks during the pandemic #I just really do not have the energy to market that shit though #right now I'm considering learning to sculpt jewellery for 3D printing #but I think I'd need someone to team up with because managing that commercially is beyond me #I GUESS #ventpost

[chipped-chimera]

Sometimes I flirt with the idea of learning to become a nail tech because it's a ~*~*Special Interest*~*~ and I'm actually decent at it like

but then I read shit like this -

you know what, nevermind.

#kerytalk #this post brought to you by - #my Mum saying she'll foot the acrylics bill so I can break out of my habituated picking #since I've had it recommended to me multiple times #on one hand oh yeah love having pretty nails #on the other I'm really into nail care and handing that over to someone else got me 😬😬 #also what it's gonna do to my natural nails #may they survive this so I can paint them again #dermatillomania #tagged for tw purposes but it's all in said tags but anyways

[chipped-chimera]

So, I'm a Lesbian I guess.

So uh, life update. I came out to my Mum, so I figured I'd do so here too.

I've done a bunch of self reflection, healing. I reached out to my ex and we had a good conversation and I think that just made everything even clearer for me.

So yeah, this is me saying I'm not bisexual. I'm lesbian. And I probably always was.

More context below the cut if you want it (it's long). But anyway, here's to finally feeling like I'm finding the real 'me' in all this rubble.

❤️🧡🤍💖💜

I thought I was bisexual for ages. The fact I even got to think that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my ex, who identified that way and I felt in a safe enough environment to express it. In the past two months I went through some self reflection, and talked to my ex for the first time in 2 years. It was good, and it's too complicated to explain easily but at least on my end I was getting a double dosage of the comphet juice between just regular expectations and the undiagnosed autism (also jesus christ, being a teenager in 2005-2010 that environment was just fucked up for anyone who might be trying to come to terms with not being straight). Kids in my school were more accepting, but also in the same breath using 'Gay' as an insult).

We were both undiagnosed neurodiverse people and maybe it was just the first time we'd encountered someone who just actually understood for once. Who saw who we were and were okay with that. The 10 year relationship, put in that context makes a lot of sense. So I don't blame him for how it ended. If anything I thanked him for breaking it off, because I was in such a goddamn state after being used by the Australian government (see Robodebt) there was no way in hell I had the mental tools or even brain space to realise anything about myself because I was too busy just trying to fucking survive. I would have lived and died in that relationship simply because at least it was safe, and stable. But it wasn't genuine.

Past two years since that relationship ended were fucking rough. For most of this year I kind of just turned into myself I guess, but I was letting it happen because after finding out about the high comorbidity of chronic health conditions with Autism and how it's likely related to long-term compound stress from masking for so long, I really asked myself when was the last time I just let myself 'rest'? Didn't do anything I didn't want to do or feel compelled to do because of some social contract or guilt?

I couldn't come up with an answer.

So I rested. And I think that's basically given me the strength now to finally 'wake up'. I dunno. That's how it feels. I only recently noticed my thoughts about women were structurally very different than the ones about men (and yeah it's goddamn fuckin' embarassing to say but uh thanks Larian specifically for giving me a female love interest tailored to my exact preference which FINALLY connected some dusty neuron in the back of my head or something. It was Karlach. MY GODDAMN GAY AWAKENING WAS KARLACH, ffs) and the more I examined it, the more everything became clear. I was hesitant to remove the bi label from myself, wondering if this was just a really extreme 'bi-cycle' swing but the more and more I thought about it, went through memories in my life, how I could never see myself with someone else it was always characters together and really it was the relationship and intimacy between them, regardless of gender that I was appreciating.

I thought I was grey ace but after going 'huh these thoughts are kind of different' and realising that yeah, I could imagine myself with a woman - it wasn't some weird other shit I'd told myself like it was just visceral self hatred or something, placing myself with a guy it was literally I did not want to be with a guy - it became obvious. So fucking, embarrassingly obvious.

I'm not sure where things will go from here. I am incredibly socially isolated in real life. My best friend is my Mum. I don't have a social circle at all outside of online spaces. I'm 30 and that's a fucking weird age to be thrown out into the world essentially experiencing goddamn delayed idk mental puberty because you suppressed it that hard. I haven't used a dating app in my LIFE. I'm still kind of scared of being hurt by others and I'm aware it's not entirely logical, but I just feel fragile. I'm also still picking up the pieces of my life.

I've confirmed a C-PTSD diagnosis with my psychologist, which explains why all the CBT tools I'd learned over the years just stopped working (CBT doesn't always gel well with PTSD or Autism) so that's probably going to inform treatment going forward. My intense fatigue issues are probably caused by having to carry all this fucking trauma and suppression of myself. As I said to my Mum, it's like I'm just 'Tired from being alive' at this point. I'm really, really fucking hoping it's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME. The new medication I'm on seems to be keeping me going past the 4hr mark though, so we might be onto the right medication mix (I do not appreciate the 7:30pm crash, like clockwork, where instead of feeling unfocused and tired like before I now feel jacked up as hell like I'm waiting for someone to punch me however :V)

I don't know where this is going. Or where I'm going. All I know is 'I'm going'. When the breakup first happened, when I hauled myself out of the Mental Health ward and back to my parents home where I had to figure out what the fuck to do after any kind of certainty of my future had been completely obliterated - I saw a lot of snakes. I'm kind of vaugely pagan, if I'm honest. I don't know how to put it. I am very scientific but I also don't think we know all the answers.

My ancestors were likely heavily Celtic, likely some Viking and Pictish influence as both family lines go back to Scotland and Ireland. I know through my reading that natural signs were important to them, so I start noticing when I see multiple occurrences, especially in odd places (I'll be real, I just remembered earlier in this relationship when I was more into pagan shit I saw a lot of Moths. Yeah. Yeah I feel like smashing my face into my desk about that. No I never figured it out then EITHER). I know quite a few things about snakes. Snakes are an animal that is both used as a symbol for medicine, but also classed as 'evil', especially in the modern christian context.

They are considered symbols of rejuvenation, of immortality, much like the Phoenix, they are constantly reborn through the shedding of their skin. Shedding is critical to a snake, because if it does not shed it's skin, it will die. This is a legitimate concern for zookeepers with snakes that have scars - they often struggle to shed completely, and they have to soak the snake's skin in water so they can cast off the skin.

So it's shed or die.

I have struggled to let go of things. Of everything that was done to me, but I knew it had to be let go. And today I have shed a lot of that shit. I am crying on and off but this is probably the first time it's easy. It's not physically painful, like knives in my throat, or something I have to shove down and keep contained for fear of being rejected. It's happy crying.

Because that skin being shed - it wasn't mine either. I needed rest, I needed to soak in that goddamn water dish so I could get through all the scar tissue. So it's probably the strongest image I have in my mind of everything. Of who I am. My entire life.

If you're going through difficult shit in life, all I can say is - you're strong. You're strong as fuck. Strength isn't being able to get into a physical fight, or being super confident around people - it's enduring life and the chaos thrown at you. It's being able to be broken down and rebuild, just like the snake casts off skin for their new selves. You will endure things and be stronger for it, than those who have lived all their lives without any pain whatsoever.

But it could be better, I know. It doesn't justify the pain. But please listen to yourself. Listen to your body. If you need to be selfish? Be fucking selfish! Don't want to do that thing? Don't do it! If you know it is costing you, if it is adding to that scar tissue - stop. Take the time you need to reset, to regain your breath. Ask yourself who you are doing this for. Ask what skin you are wearing and whether that is something you want to keep. Shed it. Let go.

It will hurt, but this is just the beginning. Change feels like a broken bone. But it will heal.

#kerytalk #lesbian #lgbtq+ #sorry this got real long and kind of spiritual at the end but yeah #this is I guess the culmination of 30 years of my life and a lot of pain #uh yeah that spn tattoo I provided was taken directly from that idea bank for my own tatt because I felt it fit #and it's a good message to carry I think

[chipped-chimera]

I keep seeing people panicking about the AI thing and I want to help, but after being shutdown for trying to do so I guess I'll just let people deal with it themselves. But for those who care I'll say this:

The facts are this current state of affairs is going to be temporary, and due to the internet predicted to be 90% AI generated content by 2026 and since AI cannot train on itself without degrading, AI companies are going to run out of scrape-able good quality material for datasets very quickly - at least in terms of images (language scraping will be harder to fight). They'll likely be designing their web-trawling bots around this fact, which means they'll be seeking out any kind of image that is not AI generated or has been Glazed/Nightshaded. If we want to put pressure on these companies to respect our content and that they want to use as good training data - don't let them set the terms and conditions. Your data is yours - protect it. The noose is closing for these huge tech companies, so don't let them fool you into believing there is no hope, no control, and you should give up. It is a lie to keep you complacent and if you're Adobe - maybe lets them get away with paying you a pittance for your data being trained on.

You'll soon be the one with the leverage here. You set the terms. Not them. Never give them anything for free, or less than you feel it is worth.

Fuck corpos. Poison the machine.

#kerytalk #anti ai #idk after basically being told 'your long writing is annoying' I don't think I want to stick out my head over this again #despite a lot of my knowledge #if anyone has AI questions I can help with that though #yeah I know it seems silly to get upset over that shit but it literally put me in a ptsd meltdown last night #as much as I want to unmask more and exist within my self comfortably - I can't deal with that happening if I can avoid it

[chipped-chimera]

Aughhghhghg I clipped my dog then decided to fix my undercut too after and that was 'too much' for my body apparently so now I'm lying in bed sniffling like I'm gonna come down with the worst cold ever (but it is a lie).

I am 30 this is ridiculous.

#kerytalk #ventposting #THIRTY. I HAVE THE CAPACITY OF MY GRANDMOTHER. SHE IS 80 #how am I supposed to feel dateable in this economy

[chipped-chimera]

Time, yet again, to wade into a pit of contradictory information as I try to determine what I should do about my nuked tetra population while I'm still doing ich treatment.

(if you have some ideas/opinions about what I should do context below)

This is my first tank, so please be nice 🥺

I have a heavily planted, 20gallon (76L) freshwater aquarium which I had probably researched for about 3 months, then ran empty/with plants for about a month or so? before fish introduction. So absolutely cycled, bombproof setup that I have not seen a whiff of ammonia or nitrates in since I started testing (probably a month after it being cycling empty when my kit arrived).

I introduced 10 green neon tetra, which grew confident very quick within the new tank, like within the next day stopped schooling behaviour, bopping around and doing their own thing. But then I saw white spots appearing. In my delay of trying to determine if it was actually ich and conflicting info about it being 'stress ich' that could minimize in time with the stress reduction - probably me delaying it too because the meds were expensive - I probably doomed them.

I'm angry and sad at the same time, in part towards myself but mostly because I'm mad at the contradictory info leading to delay on a situation that was more time critical given the size of these little fish. Which I think led to their deaths.

I know quarantine is important but given my tank is heavily planted, I was struggling with bioload - as in not enough - so on the day I started ich treatment I put in 6 corycats which have been absolutely fine. So fine in fact I've noticed their barbels getting much longer! They're having a great time in there, and while I've seen some showing sign of being itchy, I've never seen a spot appear. Same with the Starlight Bristlenose, who was actually the first resident - she's weathered the ich outbreak pre-treatment fine (yeah I know it's hard to tell given she's a starlight but I've had a good look at her when I could, she's clear) and while she hides a lot during the day, I think she's happy - there are a stupid amount of tunnels and hidey holes in my setup, the centerpiece is a huge slab of driftwood so she has plenty to rasp on too. All the food is also the best quality I could get, and they get blanched veggies twice a week.

Unfortunately though, the delay was too late for the Tetra. First I lost one. Then more. I went from 10 to 3 today, if I am lucky it will stay at 3. Two of them look very good. One of them has minor body spotting. Worst comes to worst, it'll be 2. I think it'll stay that way, nothing new has been appearing.

What I am worried about now is I know the minimum for tetra is 8. While these guys I think know fairly well the tank is safe, and the presence of the corycats might help in terms of them having another grouping fish around to help them feel more confident, I don't want to be causing them unnecessary stress that might make the situation worse. Two of them left are grouping together, the one I am uncertain about is often hanging out on it's own which is making me worried I'll lose it too.

I am early on in the treatment at full dosage (I spent more time cranking up the dosage slowly since this is a planted tank with inverts, so that probably didn't help the ich situation) 25%~30% water changes daily.

Naturally online opinion on 'should I add fish during ich treatment' is about as confusing as it was when I was just trying to find info on ich. Some say hard no. Some say it's always in tanks anyway, it's the stress, may as well chuck them in during treatment. I'm going to have to grab another bottle of the stuff (so bleeding expensive) and I don't want to use more of it on a quarantine tank - right now anyway.

The treatment I am doing specifically targets parasites (Seachem Paraguard) but I also have Melafix and Pimafix, though I haven't really been dosing either since the smell of it I think irritates the tetra, and Paraguard supposedly has antibacterial elements that also target finrot. If I were to add new fish, I'd probably start adding both during the day, Paraguard goes in at night after a waterchange because it's lights-off after that (degrades under light).

If I added new fish, I'd be doing that for 14 days + maybe one more week just in case. But yeah, I have no fucking clue what to do and I very much want to not fuck this up anymore.

I'm also honestly kind of put off by tetra at this point - compared to the corycats they are very, very nervous and twitchy I think which didn't help their stress levels, even with me trying to make it as stress-free as possible. But also know I'm probably stuck with them if I want them to feel better.

Any thoughts/opinions would be good. I don't really have other treatment options available either btw, either because products are literally not available or the risk of killing plants/hurting other fish is too high (heat is NOT an option, corycats upper-limit is 26C so that's what the tank is set to)

My gut says it's probably okay to add fish, if I keep up treatment. But idk anymore :C

#kerytalk #aquablr #tagging it this out of the hope someone could help but also be nice this is my first tank #fishblr

[chipped-chimera]

Sometimes my AuDHD brand of special interest do be winning though

#memes #kerytalk #everytime fandom drama crops up I'm either looking at it a. retroactively or b. surprised pikachu face cause I have no idea what is going o #I only got limited capacity to focus on thing so I don't have capacity to focus on the rest of the things (fandom at large) #and because it works like a carousel of things I'll drop it completely and come back in a few months and just go 'what happened' #I don't really engage in fandom (well I think so) I just vibe enthusiastically about my interests #and I think that's something more people should do #fandom discourse

[chipped-chimera]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 21/06/23

(I mean it’s technically Friday now between timezones and spoons but have this otherwise I’ll keep forgetting) My first WIP Wednesday! Thanks @theviridianbunny​ for the tag! I’ve been really getting stuck into modding - as well as falling into my usual mod habit of ‘start like six project at once and end up with a million WIP files' but I guess I’ll talk about the major ones.

Graphic design is my passion ...

(Long) rambling about mods I'm making + things I've learned below the cut~

My V’s tatt project is still ongoing, and I’ve (somewhat begrudgingly) been trying out Substance Painter to work on bits of it, mainly polishing seams between UV maps. It’s definitely got a lot of benefits, especially for graphic placement in really tricky areas (like anywhere in the entire head mesh region for example) but I still think a lot of the heavy work will still be done in Photoshop so I’ll probably be writing up both experiences with them when I do that tutorial I keep hinting at for complex tatt work. I’ve started drafting a tumblr tutorial but I wonder if that’s the best format, maybe a PDF? Google doc? Github wikis look cool? (tho I think I need to pay for that) - if y’all got suggestions for tutorial formats pls let me know!

As for the other arguably overly-ambitious-project-where-I-bit-off-more-than-I-could-chew ...

H A I R.

Hair has been the bane of my existence for about the past week( ... weeks? Maybe two?), most of it involving cursing, a lot of reverse-engineering game meshes and smashing my head against blender. But if not already evident from my monowire post - I am a stubborn bitch with too much time on my hands so even though there were at least two moments where I wanted to curl up on the floor under my desk and just stay there - we got there.

This all started because my favourite hair mod which I cannot split from my V’s identity was acting funky and the shape of it had been altered since a physics update. It wasn’t her anymore. So I needed new hair. I tried editing the existing hair. I tried importing the old hair mesh. I tried so many things and they didn’t work out one way or they threw a million errors or there were an obnoxious amount of verts.

I even tried looking for replacement mod hair. None of them fit, all of them felt too ‘clean’ for my V. So I just concluded: FINE. I’ll make my own damn hair. From scratch. At least then I’ll actually KNOW what’s going on with the mesh, right?

Problem with hair is tutorials are very limited in respect to Cyberpunk, so I had to learn a lot of this by myself and looking at other processes used for building game hair. I’ve had a previous stint in game design at uni but it was very introductory and more broad-strokes concepts not specific stuff like what ‘real time hair’ is and how you actually go about placing hair-cards (there’s a million different ways btw) but after another 3 days smashing my head against blender I finally got shit to work to a satisfactory level using hair tools for blender and the particle hair grooming system (not the 3.5 blender system, maybe more on that at some point).

Putting together the hair cards I was 120% convinced this was going to blow up in my face, primarily through vert count. But this hair tool plugin? Alarmingly efficient. I was frequently checking my work against Alt's hair mesh (one I was planning on rigging to) and here's the final-ish stats -

This is with only Alt's hair mesh selected (no cap) and then only my mesh(s - lots of layering to build it up), and by comparison I felt I'd built up the density of a chinchilla. This is not a brag, this is mostly genuine confusion over how efficient this plugin is, all I did was smack around hair curves. It did all the UV mapping junk on the fly.

Although structurally complete, I still consider this a WIP (yes I know there's a reeeeal fun vert funkiness in that second render, it's been fixed) since I'm having to go back and fine-tune some of the UV's the plugins mapped that I'm not happy with and generally figuring out my density problem because if anything, after putting it in-game it felt too dense.

Because yes, somehow I got it in game.

WITH. PHYSICS.

This may have driven me absolutely up the wall between having to learn blender from scratch then what the heck real time hair is and how that works etc. etc. but ... god, seeing her move back from the mirror and just feeling that instant catharsis of 'IT'S HER!' made it so. Damn. Worth it.

It looks too thick - this might be because I chucked in the 'doubled' feature Wolvenkit comes with because I hadn't spent any time doing backfaces. But it also might be because it's black? That's going to need investigating.

The physics need a lot of work too, I did a pretty rushed weight painting job last night on a merged version of the mesh because I was worried whether it was even viable and I'd already dumped an insane amount of hours into this between trying to salvage the old hair and building a new one (with some more bells and whistles. Mainly - curly). That wasn't without it's issues -

This almost fucking cracked me, given this was one of the issues I was experiencing before trying to fix an existing mesh mod. Turns out I was just being dumb and forgetting to export the armature, which I'd thought I wasn't supposed to do after having blender throw a bunch of errors on other hair attempts. I gave it a try after one last shot and boom. Worked. (I dunno what those errors were about man but now I know armature? very important).

Will I release this hair? no damn clue, depends on if I can get it to a level I feel is 'releasable'. I already know what I'm calling it though - Venatrix her side-handle I've decided on.

I look forward to adapting it into maybe a comb-back version, as well as a tied up version, so I can show off both her undercut + have the option of NOT hiding every damn tatt I've obsessed over placing on her neck haha.

In other news -

My much-needed wacom tablet replacement arrived (as well as other things I was looking forward to 👀) meaning my Wacom Cintiq, workhorse of ten years can finally enjoy her retirement. Her controls were getting funky, she had a few dead pixels but man. I'm convinced they won't make them like her ever again. Either way she's done unfortunately - upgrading my monitor to 2k made this painfully obvious. I don't think it's even running in full HD, it's that old. And with Phantom Liberty coming out this year? I'm probably going to need a new videocard and DVI compatibility isn't really a thing anymore.

So for future I think I'll just stick to the basic tablet set up, invest in screens. Also now I FINALLY know what her hair is gonna look like and with the tablet here, I can get back to work on the tattoo bodysuit.

Anyways, that's it for now! (Jesus Christ did you really read all of this? If you did you're a fucking trooper). Sorry for the extended ramble but MAN I did a lot, I needed to yell.

Till next time Chooms! Thanks again @theviridianbunny for the tag~ <3

Oh shit wait, have the blender renders before I forget because hahah I figured out how to do that too lol -

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 modding #my mods #wip wednesday #cyberpunk 2077 mods #kerytalk #god I am sorry this is a fucking essay but I had a lot to talk about I guess #one can do a lot in a week with nothing but the power of autistic hyperfocus and the love for one's OC blorbo ok

[chipped-chimera]

Going to have my consult with a clinic tomorrow to see if they think I can get into this medicinal cannabis study - please send me good vibes, I'm super sick of having these anxiety drops and fighting bad thoughts every goddamn evening when my meds wear off and I'm running out of anxiety treatment options 😞

#kerytalk #cannabis #like atm my other option is benzos #which are temporary #and also HIGHLY addictive by comparison #med cannabis has only a tiny amount of thc by comparison #also apparently i CAN vape it with asthma because its a bronchodilator #also dont want benzos because they make me feel gross the next morning #at least if i get into this study my shitty brain will be good for something #tbh i just want to go to bed chill and happy not tense as fuck and constantly thinking how im gonna die alone #because i'm the epitome of an absolute mess that no one in their right mind would want to date #at least this is proof of the ADHD - meds in system = more positive no anxiety #meds leave system = I feel like I'm gonna be hunted for sport and I'm a pathetic piece of shit #spend several hours trying to beat back my brain with a newspaper telling it to stop thinking this trash #this has been a tag rant