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#I just ripped this from my personal instagram
chipped-chimera · 1 month
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Since you guys liked the finished planted tank so much, have the tetra update!
A little bit of glass surfing is still happening but honestly was more because I was bugging them with my phone camera than anything. Most of today they were all over the place exploring~ also weird thing in the tank is a Banksia Seed Pod, threw it in for some extra tannins to help with any transition stress (natural antibacterial).
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kabutone · 2 years
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can we get rid of edtwt
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inkskinned · 2 months
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my father told me he read it, but he hasn't read it. that's okay. my friends keep picking the words out of my throat.
someone once told me that the more trigger warnings that go on a book, the better it is. i didn't mean to write something with so many conditional phrases - i was writing about what i felt while being a human. sometimes you are a person and sometimes you are a statistic. sometimes it is falling upwards and sometimes it's sliding back down again.
my father tells me that it will be difficult to get people to read it. i didn't like the idea of a singular genre. i'm not going to lie to you - it is actually a difficult book to get through. i change the rules in it. it's not poetry or prose explicitly. it's neither false nor reality. i give you the tools to "solve" the book, but i let you do the thinking. my father says people don't care to think. i don't know about that - i think we just, like, enjoy reading.
the thing is - i was tired of stories about survival where someone with depression goes to therapy and wakes up okay. i didn't live like that. i was tired of books about violence, where the gore of what i experience was splashed in glitter to lick off the page. like, i was a person, you know? i had a life and a job and a family. and in books, i watched my story get ripped up so people could explore the viscera of my body. so they could feel good. my brother once called it inspiration pornography. we had walked out of a suicide-prevention seminar, both of us disgusted while the increasingly-elated presenter kept listing methods-of. i remember the look on my brother's face. like i would tear that man apart given the right time and place.
my father says that kids these days. he warns me against writing about things that are too-serious. he says that they don't want it. i don't listen. he does make me take out a scene from the book where i go to church after having sex with a woman. it used to be the 7th scene in the book. i don't think he's read further than that, it rocked him too hard to continue.
it's a book about being queer. it's a book about being raised catholic. it doesn't have monsterfucking, i'm sorry. it's just about, like.
at some point you have to choose to stay here. and then you do have to stay here, which takes practice. this is about forming the habit. this is about what happens after you've already started doing the work. because, like. you keep going. you have to. and it's like. very imperfect.
i should make a post on instagram. i should make this announcement less bittersweet. but like -- i'm giving it you, specifically, because i think you know why i had to write it. you and me. this little community.
body's a bad monster. here's the link if you're interested in ordering.
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steddiealltheway · 10 months
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Modern AU stuff is stuck in my head.
Thinking of one where Robin gets a new number and scribbles it down for Steve in a rush because she has a Tinder date with a really cute girl, and she does not have time for Steve to inevitably mistype his phone password several times before finding his contacts app. She rips off the scrap of paper and shoves it at Steve as she rushes to finish her hair and retouch up her mascara.
“Robin, you look great.”
Robin huffs, “I don’t need to look great. I need to look fantastic! You saw the girl! She’s hot, and, for once, I had such a great conversation and we were immediately connecting, you know?”
She rambles on as Steve rolls his eyes and tries to tune her out a bit. It’s not that he isn’t happy for her, it’s just… he’s suffering from a small, embarrassing crush on Dustin’s older friend. And while he knows he could just ask him out like any other person, he finds himself at a loss for words in front of the hyper man. And usually, Steve is more than happy to ramble about random shit and flirt until he has the person practically melting into a puddle of goo at his feet.
All he’s saying is Eddie Munson is different.
And he doesn’t know what to do about it but suffer in silence until their inevitable interactions where he unapologetically shoves his way into his space and calls him little flirtatious nicknames that make Steve’s mind go blank.
Steve has never felt so flustered in his life.
A snap brings him back to reality, and he looks at Robin who does a final spin and asks, “Good?”
Steve looks her over and smiles. “Perfect. Now, go have fun and be safe. I’ll text you to make sure she’s not a serial killer or something.”
“That’s comforting,” Robin says but looks in the mirror one more time before nodding and rushing off yelling, “Bye!”
Steve looks down at the piece of paper in his hand a cringes and the hurried scribbles. Hopefully he’ll be able to decipher it correctly.
He watches through the window, trying not to look too creepy, as Robin climbs into the car with a big smile before it slowly starts moving down the street. Steve feels better once he sees her date is a careful driver.
Steve waits a few more minutes before he makes his way out of the house and goes to his own. Once he gets into his room, he pulls out the piece of paper and types it into his contacts - after messing up the password and struggling to find his contacts.
Steve: So not a serial killer I hope?
There’s instantly some typing back that worries Steve. Shouldn’t Robin be distracted by her date?
Robin: Not a serial killer but you might be… who is this? You intrigue me.
Not Robin. Steve’s heart races as he looks at the scrap of paper. Damn scribbled mess.
Steve: Sorry!! I must’ve typed in the wrong number. Friend is on a first date and was checking in
Not Robin: So sweet of you. Although it makes me nervous that you have no way of contacting your friend and finding out
Steve hadn’t even thought of that. His heart races more. He’s always been one to worry.
Steve: Shit.
Not Robin: Do they have an Instagram that you can message and ask for their number? Not that I mind texting you this lonely Friday night, but it’s probably a good option
He sighs in relief. The stranger is smart and honestly a bit charming. It’s definitely a lonely Friday night for him too. He goes to Instagram and send Robin a quick message before returning to his texts.
Steve: You’re a genius! But what’s a genius doing alone this Friday night?
He stares at the message before sending it. No regrets.
He looks at it for a minute longer as the stranger doesn’t reply. Okay, maybe he has some regrets.
He starts typing out an apology, but a response comes in.
Not Robin: Nothing much really. Debating playing my guitar or staring at my ceiling for a few hours. Both very exciting options. Although I like this new option of texting you more… I will say I’m a 20 year old male though. Don’t want to be texting a minor or some shit.
Steve stares at the message and his heart thuds. 20 year old male. What are the chances?
Steve: 19 year old male here, so you’re in the clear. Unless one of us is lying.
Not Robin: hmm… that makes you sound a bit suspicious but I’ll pinky promise that I’m not lying to you on my end if you’ll do the same
Steve smiles at the message as he types back.
Steve: Pinky promise ❤️
He stares at the heart that’s a little bold, but hey. Why not take a risk?
Not Robin: Looks like my night is getting a lot better
Steve laughs and can’t help but think the same thing.
-:-:-:-:-:-
They text nonstop for the next few days. Steve opens his soul more than he has in years, and the stranger does the same in return. They flirt and exchange jokes and whatnot as well, but Steve always looks forward to when it’s late at night, and the stranger is always up and willing to hear some of his deepest thoughts.
Robin’s worried a bit about the person being some lying creep, but Steve isn’t too worried. He’s given away nothing too personal… except his crush on Eddie Munson.
He hasn’t told the stranger the name of his crush or exactly how he knows him, but in response, the stranger talks about his own hopeless crush on this hot guy who doesn’t really say much to him. They both joke about how they’re hopeless, and Steve almost wonders if he’s falling for the stranger alongside Eddie.
But it’s a crazy thought. The guy could be halfway across the country, but Robin argues that they’re nearby with the way the area codes match.
Steve just shrugs it off and tries not to think too hard about it.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Two weeks pass and Steve finds himself giggling in his bed at 2am, trying to fight sleep as the stranger rattles on about some kid he’s friends with that sounds oddly like Dustin. Steve shares his own stories about his Dustin and his annoying habits, but the two of them agree they wouldn’t change a single thing about their friends.
Not Robin: By the way, I’m going to be MIA for a few hours tomorrow. Got this sort of big game coming up.
Steve’s heart drops a bit at the thought. Tomorrow he was going to try to get a pep talk from the stranger before he has to face Eddie after the big final to his Dnd campaign.
Steve: damn. I’ll miss you. I’ll be hyping myself up tomorrow before I see my guy. Think you could give a brief pep talk?
He watches as the stranger types for a while, but is surprised with how short the text ends up being.
Not Robin: Just be yourself. If he can’t see how amazing you are, then he’s not the right guy for you 🖤 goodnight, stranger. Wish me luck as I will be seeing my guy too
Steve stares at the heart and feels his own heart beating fast.
Steve: Good luck :) Same to you 🤍. But hey, try to get his number this time! Goodnight
He feels his stomach kind of flip at the idea.
Not Robin: thank you. I’ll try
Steve hearts the message and puts his phone down. He stares at the ceiling and tries not to think too hard about the jealous feeling in the pit of his stomach as he drifts off.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Steve is slightly freaking out. He’s about to see Eddie, and he’s decided if his stranger is finally going to get his crush’s number, then he’ll ask Eddie for his. It’ll be fine. It’ll be great.
He stares at the school and waits for Dustin to bust out the doors with Eddie trailing behind him. Steve nervously pulls out his phone.
Steve: About to see my guy and I’m freaking tf out! Miss you :( you always know what to say
He sees his stranger typing and his heart races.
Not Robin: Weird, I’m about to see mine too. But I’m gonna ask him for his number!! I’m determined. But hey, I’ve miss you too :( game just ended by the way
Not even seconds later, the doors to the school open, and Steve watches as Eddie comes out behind Dustin looking at his phone before turning it off and pocketing it. Steve’s heart races.
“Steve! Eddie’s campaign was incredible! I almost died twice, but Will ended up saving all our asses when he rolled a nat twenty during our final battle! It was so cool!” Dustin says running up to Steve.
He laughs and nods not totally understanding what he’s saying. But he sees Eddie come closer out of the corner of his eye. Okay. Get his number. Easy enough. He can do it. His stranger believes in him.
“Okay, you can tell me all about it on the way home. Just give me a minute here,” Steve says patting Dustin on the shoulder as he approaches Eddie for once. He feels like he might pass out.
“Hey,” Eddie says with a big smile.
“Hey yourself. Heard that it was a good game,” Steve says, trying not to do a little dance at how he’s able to get a full sentence out.
It seems to also surprise Eddie who has a blush rise to his face. “I was hoping it would be. Um…” he trails off and kicks a rock on the ground. “So, I was uh. Wondering if…” he takes a deep breath and looks at Steve. “Wondering if I could get your number? In case… you know… something happens with Dustin or something. I don’t know,” Eddie rambles out and pulls a piece of hair in front of his face.
Steve digs out his phone with a big smile. “How about I get yours?”
Eddie smiles and his hands drop down to fidget with his rings as he rattles out his number. Steve goes to his messages and types it in, only it shows the number appear as Not Robin.
Steve shakes his head and deletes the number. Surely he did something wrong. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”
Eddie nods and repeats his number slower. It pops up again. Not Robin.
Steve’s heart thuds. “Uh…” he says and then carefully repeats the number back.
Eddie smiles and nods.
Steve swallows. Shit shit. Holy shit. Not Robin is Eddie. He’s been talking to Eddie this whole time and bearing his soul and talking about him to him. Holy shit what is life?
“Hey, Steve, you okay?” Eddie asks, concerned written all over his face when Steve glances up.
Steve stares and nods. “Um… just… you’re really not going to believe this.”
Eddie’s brows furrow. “Believe what?”
Steve takes a deep breath and types out a message to Not Robin.
Steve: Hey Eddie :)
Eddie’s phone dings and he looks at the message before doing a double take at it. His jaw drops. “You’re…”
“Yeah,” Steve replies.
Eddie nods looking like he’s half on the verge of panicking. “And your guy is…”
“You,” Steve admits then his heart races. “And your guy?”
“You,” Eddie says as his tongue comes up to worry his top lip.
Steve lets out a sigh of relief, “Oh, thank god. I’ve been falling for both of you this whole time.”
“Me too,” Eddie says with a laugh. He holds Steve’s gaze. “So… what do we do from here…”
Steve scratches his cheek and shrugs. “Well, I say we take a night to connect the dots about everything and then go on a date tomorrow? Eight o’clock? I’ll text you details tonight.”
“Sounds perfect,” Eddie says with a big grin. Steve nods and starts to walk back to his car where he feels like he’s about to have a full happy breakdown. “Steve?” Eddie calls out.
Steve turns around and looks at him.
“The buttheads we’ve been talking about are Dustin, right?”
Steve laughs and can’t help it as he walks back to Eddie throwing his arms around him in a hug. “God, I missed you tonight.”
Eddie squeezes him back, “I missed you, too.” They pull away but stay close. “This is going to take a bit of getting used to. Both my dreams guys are you.”
“Same here. Shit.” Steve takes a moment to look into Eddie’s eyes. “I really want to kiss you.”
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Eddie says leaning in.
The car horn beeps loudly causing them to both jump back. “Listen!” Dustin yells leaning out the window, “I don’t know what the fuck I missed, but I would appreciate it if you filled me in on the way home before my mom starts freaking out!”
Steve sighs and drops his head to Eddie’s chest. “What a butthead.”
Eddie laughs and hugs him again. “Tomorrow,” he says like a promise.
“Tomorrow,” Steve says pulling away and raising up his pinky towards Eddie. He smiles down at it and links his pinky with his.
The car horn goes off again.
“Alright alright! I’m coming!” Steve yells over his shoulder then gives Eddie one last pinky squeeze before walking away.
This is going to be a long car ride, but Steve doesn’t mind at all.
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garoujo · 6 months
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saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk
CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.
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hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.
first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.
on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.
first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.
i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.
a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!
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so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.
this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:
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again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?
i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.
regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.
she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.
i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.
now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.
but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.
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anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.
the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.
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it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.
i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.
i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.
i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.
so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.
i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.
— emmie :)
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chris-slut · 1 month
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HOW LONG
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pairing: dom!matt x sub!reader
summary: for what feels like months, matt’s been feeling different towards you. he can’t help it, he stays up one night scrolling through your instagram, phone in one hand and his cock in the other. nick tells you to go grab a blanket from his bedroom but you definitely grab something else instead.
!both p.o.v!
!warnings!: SMUT, oral; male!receiving, pet names (mama, pretty girl, slut, baby, good girl, gorgeous), p in v, unprotected sex (don’t do), praising.
authors note: decided to post again since my last one did good, HOW DO YOU DO A MASTERS LIST.
word count:
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MATT HAS no clue why— or how, but he was scrolling through your recent instagram post. the way the silky pink dressed hugged all your curves and showed the slutty little pink panties you had underneath it. fuck all he wanted was to watch you go down under him.
after 5 minutes of scrolling, his cock was in his hand going up and down. “f-fuck y/n,” he moans, imagining his hand was you. he forgot that you were sleeping over for his brother nick.
his hand goes up and down faster and faster— “shit y/n, fuck— fuck!!” he whimpers louder than he’s meant to. his legs shake as he images your slutty lips wrapped around the tip of his cock.
the way your panties were showing made him go insane. he wishes he could rip them off you and just fuck your absolute brains out. it’s the only thing he’s been thinking of doing since he’s laid eyes on you.
he knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help himself. he feels like a dick jerking off to a photo of his brothers best friend. his legs shake more and more and loud growls and whimpers escape past his lips. feeling the cum shoot out of his cock, he lets out one last loud whimper and wipes it off.
all he can think about is you tho, and he knows he can’t take anymore— but come on, he’s so attracted to you he’s got to do it twice.
* Y/N’S P.O.V. *
“DO YOU think you can go and get some extra blankets from matt’s room? there in his hamper,” nick says to me as i nod, placing my cola can down and getting up from the couch.
i quickly walk up the stairs, since i’ve been friends with nick for as long as i can remember and i know matt on some level— i walk in without knocking.
“jesus y/n, fuck!” i fix my vision as matt’s sweatpants are pulled down to his thighs, his long and hard cock moving up and down while his hand is wrapped around it. is he moaning my name?
i sit there for a minute in pure shock, and matt doesn’t notice me so he continues. “fuck y/n, fuck!” he moans a little louder as a little drop of cum starts to come out of his cock. fuck that’s hot.
“matty?” i ask after another 2 minutes go by, his eyes open wide as he takes his hand off slowly— his gaze going from his cock to my eyes now. his cheeks turn to a cherry red s he pulls his sweatpants a little under his v line.
“shit y/n— what are you doing in here?!” he asks, worry filling his voice. i laugh dryly at him as i slowly walk over, “what’s going on in here?” i ask as he smirks, shaking his head at me— “i asked you a question y/n.”
my eyes widen at his sudden dominance, but deep down i absolutely fucking love it. jesus anything this man does turns me on. “getting some blankets for me and nick, is that an issue?” i ask, tease filling my tone. he growls lowly as he grabs onto my wrist.
“why didn’t you knock,” he asks me, “what’s up with all these questions, jesus,” i say back— grabbing the closest blanket next to me. his grip tightens around my wrist as i drop the blanket, barley being able to move.
* THIRD PERSON *
matt grabs her wrist and pulls her hand down closer to his cock, her fingertips only inches away from his waistband. just knowing that any second her slutty little lips could be wrapped around his cock makes him grow harder by the second. she’s a fucking tease. the smirk on her face only makes his grow more and more impatient for her touch.
“y/n, please, just give me head!” matt begs for her touch. all he wants is to feel her hand wrapped around his cock as she spreads her saliva down it. he just wants to fuck her mouth like the slut she is.
“fuck matt— don’t say shit like that,” she whimpers out, mumbling her words as her nails get closer and closer to his waistband. she wants nothing more then to rip his sweatpants and boxers back down and suck his cock.
“why? i’m not lying baby,” he says to the girl, looking up at her through his eyes lashes. fuck he’s a slut. i can’t control myself any longer as i climb onto him and slowly start to take the clothes from beneath his waist right back off.
“look at you, taking orders from me, such a pretty girl,” matt says, causing a moan to slide past the girls lips. his cock springs out and hits his stomach, growing hard just knowing y/n’s in his presence.
matt grabs a handful of her hair and forms it into a ponytail, bucking his hips slightly so his tip hits her lips. “be patient matt,” i try to hold his hips down, but he lets out a low growl and moves my hands— pushing his tip into my mouth. “don’t tell me what to do mama,” he says to her.
she begins to suck his cock, bobbing her head up and down. “fuck— been wanting your slutty lips wrapped around me since i’ve seen you,” he rants out, causing her pace to fasten.
letting go, matt hums in disappointment. she spits on his tip and sticks her tongue into it, a whimper now falling past his lips. she kitten licks the tip and slides her tongue down his full length. ‘such a fucking tease’ matt thinks.
without a warning, she takes his full length. both of them turning into a moaning sweaty mess. “oh- yeah- FUCK!” matt groans out as his legs slowly start to shake, signaling he’s close. “i’m not done with you yet matty,” y/n says as she takes his cock out her mouth, a pop! noise coming with it.
“wanna ride you, let me ride you please!” she begins to beg as matt smirks, running his hands down the curves of her waist. “fuck baby, ride me,” he mumbles in a low voice as he leans forward, uniting the knot to her short pajama pants with his teeth.
he wastes no time sliding them right off, revealing the same pink bow panties she had on in the selfie he was jerking himself off to. “those fucking panties, you know what your doing slut,” matt says as my cheeks grow hot. what’s that supposed to mean?
“jerked off to your photos, you were wearing these slutty little bow panties and jesus— all i wanted was to fuck your dumb brains out baby,” matt admits as he slides them off with one hand, patting his lap for her to sit on.
she quickly does as told as he pulls her in for a messy make out session. their tongue’s fight for dominance and— of course, matt’s won. he slides his tongue past her lip as their teeth’s clash together— a whimper falling from both’s lips. her hips begin to grind as her wet core rubs against the skin of matt’s cock.
“fuck baby, hover over my lap real quick like the good girl you are,” good girl made her grow even wetter, she slides up and hovers her body so her clit is now lined up with matt’s tip. “grab a condom from my bedside table really quick,” matt says as she quickly shakes her head— “no.” she replies.
a smirk falls into matt’s face, “oh your a slut, you want me to fuck you raw?” he says as y/n slightly nods, her cheeks growing hotter as embarrassment fills the room. “you wanna be filled up huh? have my babies like the good girl you are?” matt teases her once more, “fuck matty, please!” she begins to beg for it. she doesn’t have to tell matt twice as he grabs her hips and pushes just his tip into her clit.
“is this good for you so far?” matt asks, sliding in little lengths at a time. “no matty, more- please!” she begs as he shoves as much as he can into her, a loud moan escaping past her lips. “shhh, don’t want nick to hear now do we?” he asks as his one hand falls from my waist and onto my mouth, shutting me up and muffling my moans and cries.
our sweaty skin slap against each other, whimpers falling from both our mouths. “fuck baby— look at you taking me so well, so fucking good for me. such a good girl,” matt praises which sends y/n over the edge. her back arches in the air and her head falls back, rubbing his thighs as she bounces up and down onto him. “fuck matty, gonna cum!” she says as matt slowly goes rougher.
“me too sweetheart, cum with me!” matt moans louder then expected as their legs begin to shake against each other, both of them hitting their orgasms. the room is filled with whimpers and loud cries, occasional growls coming from matt’s throat.
“shit- cumming!” y/n cries out as her steamy liquid falls onto matt’s cock, matt plunging into her once more as he fills her up with his own white, sticky liquid. “fuck— such a good girl!” matt says as he slowly slides his cock out of her core. whimpers falling past their lips as he does so.
“do you think nick still needs his blanket?” matt asks, laughing at his own joke. she lean’s over and click his phone on. 11:38 p.m. fuck time does go by fast when your having fun.
“nah, i think he’ll be fine,” she replies, both of them pulling in for one last kiss.
that night definitely ended better than they expected.
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disneyprincemuke · 6 months
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long story short * fem!driver
the aftermath of best dress
(series masterlist) | (📂 a day in the life)
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the door swings open, revealing the girl in her pajamas, hair in a ponytail with her makeup completely wiped off. “seriously? you couldn’t have waited until tomorrow?”
“nope,” logan says, pushing past her to enter the hotel room. he slips his shoes off and immediately jumps into her bed where the phone is. “what do you think they’re serving? think they’ve got nachos?”
“no,” oscar shakes his head.
“why not?” logan frowns. “what kind of food will they have?”
“it’s 2 in the morning,” oscar rolls his eyes, “normal people don’t order room service for food at 2am.”
logan simply shakes his head before looking at the girl again. “you didn’t invite him up with you?”
“we’ve got a race,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes as she closes the door behind oscar. “and hey, i’m not like that on the first date!”
oscar shrugs, grinning at her. “we never assumed that. why are you so defensive?”
he kicks his shoes off and rips the duvet from her queen size bed, crawling under before he takes a pillow into his arms.
she stands back, absolutely shocked at her friends. even after being friends for almost a decade, their audacity never fails to throw her offguard.
“well, this is my room,” she mutters, pushing the boys’ legs to separate ends of the bed. “make some space.”
she crawls in the small spot between them, only for oscar to reach forward and push her back gently. “you sit at the foot of the bed. you’re doing the debrief,” oscar giggles, wrestling away her hands fighting him back.
“you wish!” she shrieks, reaching forward to flick his forehead.
she squeezes herself between the two, climbing under the duvet and resting her head on logan’s shoulder. logan adjusts slightly, trying to slowly read the menu in the dim environment of the room.
oscar just sits back, eyes closing. “i’m going to fall asleep if you don’t start talking.”
“he’s very sweet,” she beams, largest smile on her face that they’ve seen on her in a while. “a gentleman.”
“that’s good,” logan mutters.
“and very tall,” she sighs. “he’s almost too tall.”
“for you,” oscar corrects her.
“for me,” she agrees with a small nod.
“anything for you guys?” logan offers, holding the menu out to the other side. “i’m getting chicken wings.”
“chicken tenders.”
“just a coke for me,” she answers.
logan swiftly turns, reaching for the phone, dropping her head in the process. she frowns at the sudden movement, shuffling around to comfortable rest her head on oscar’s arm now.
“seeing him again?” oscar asks.
logan’s whispers consume the dimly lit room with her breathing steady and soft. oscar lifts his head, looking at the girl staring into the room blankly.
“no,” she says just barely above a whisper, shaking her head.
“i’m sorry, kid,” oscar sighs. he reaches over to pat her head and ruffles her hair. “how come?”
“i don’t have the time to be dating around right now,” she shrugs, pressing her lips together. “i’ve got more important things; i’m too busy.”
logan puts the phone down, lying back down with them. “did you at least have fun?”
“of course,” she grins. “it was a long distance relationship, anyway. i don’t have it in myself for that. i need me a wag who can follow me around.”
“that’s not a wag, that’s a personal assistant,” logan states, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“okay, then retire faster so i can hire you as my pa,” she jokes, smacking his thigh lightly. “can’t leave you without a job.”
“how considerate,” oscar mutters. “seriously, though. i’m sorry it didn’t work out. there’ll be better guys than jacob elordi.”
she nods as silence now engulfs them. oscar slides down the bed, resting his head on top of hers as he slowly drifts off the sleep. logan’s now on his phone, scrolling on instagram while she’s stuck underneath the australian’s heavy head.
the decision to reject jacob elordi’s prompt for a second date wasn’t easy, but it’s a much expected response. with her rookie career finally kicking off in formula 1, the added pressure of upkeeping a relationship is too much.
she feels a weight on her arm, logan taking it upon himself to rest his head on her.
“if harry styles were younger, i bet he’d date you,” logan mutters suddenly. “just like if i’d been born earlier, i’d definitely be megan fox’s boyfriend.”
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taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @vellicora @leilanixx @meadhbhcavanagh @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @inejismywife @2bormaybenot
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cheriladycl01 · 4 months
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Funny Gaming moments with Lando and Max (F) x QuadrantStreamer! Reader
Plot: Just funny moments where Reader is a member of Quadrant and is a big UK streamer that does everything on Twitch and YouTube.
A/N: this is only small and just for fun, better Lando stuff is coming out.
Credit to formulaonedirection for the GIF
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Moment 1:
"Do you earn more than Lando Norris, chat you guys are wild ... but honestly with my individual sponsors, YouTube and streaming and any of my weird side activities I think it'd be up for debate" you giggle not actually knowing how much difference there was in what you or Lando earned.
"Not girlie casually admitting that with her side hustle she earns as much as an F1 driver, yeah guys, you gotta think I stream and upload full time. So i get paid for each YouTube video I do, I'm a twitch affiliate and you guys are so so generous. I game competitively and earn from that. I have sponsors, so ... lets just say i had no trouble buying Lando's Christmas presents" you grin, knowing the man had widely expensive taste.
"Who am i spending Christmas with, well Lando's family has asked if I'd like to join them, but I'll be spending the holidays mostly with Max and Pietra. Oh my gosh guys, did you see Instagram? I met Martin Garrix! How cool is that!" you laugh.
Moment 2:
"So I'm here today with Lando, and I'm teaching him Valorant, he knows that I'm in good but I don't think he knows I'm Immortal" you say until you unmute yourself in discord.
"Hey Lando baby" you joke but all you get from the otherside is silence which makes your chat go absolutely crazy.
You hear a few coughs that sound like choking, so you check his stream making sure not to tab out on stream, seeing him sat there in shock in his chair blushing.
"Lando?" you ask, and you watch as he rearranges himself in his chair pulling the mic closer to him.
"Hi, hello yes. Sorry you just threw me off guard" he laughs, wiping across his face with his fingers.
"What are we?" he asks, and you burst out laughing at the question which makes him laugh too. Chat on both ends starts going crazy, with the spam of Lando Norizz <<< Y/N the Rizzler and you were both dying.
Moment 3:
"Argghh fuck" you scream leaning back and fulling falling back off your chair. You were currently playing the horror game ' In Silence with Max, Lando and Ria.
"No way did Y/N just fall?" Max asks laughing at the girl whose stream he pulled up seeing her laying on the floor gripping her shoulder while her chair was now also laying in the floor.
"SHE DID" Lando laughs and you groan out in embarrassment.
Moment 4:
"What was that chat? My door reopened and closed shut while I was gone?" you ask looking back at your door. You knew you were home alone, the only people having a key to your apartment being Max and Pietra and Lando. But they were all travelling right now and were on the plane.
"Chat, stop messing with me" you scold jokingly, you start to load up the game your changing too. However a knock at your bedroom door has you stilling.
"What" you mouth looking at the camera. You go to the door, chat spamming saying how by opening the door that how all the dumb movie characters die. You here another knock making you flinch, you rip open the door, screaming when you see the scary mask, jumping and tacking the person now.
"Ow Y/N fuck" you hear and you rip the mask of, knowing that voice but not wanting to assume.
"Lando?" you ask looking at him.
"I thought it would be funny" he jokes laughing.
Moment 4:
"So Lando, Max and I thought it would be funny to play Valorant but for every kill we get we do a shot" you exclaim.
"Y/N gonna need new kidneys by the end of this? Hmmm very true, maybe we change it to every time we die we do a shot?" you ask seeing what chat's opinion would be on that.
"Then Lando and Max will be needing new kidneys? Well, I'm playing on my alt account and I'm just chilling so we'll be in gold/silver lobbies. Last time we played on my normal account, it was a struggle.
"Lets ask what they prefer! Guys? You want to do shots every time we get a kill or when we die?" you ask after unmuting yourself.
"We playing with MILF account of FnaticY/N?" Lando asks.
"MILF of course. And no comps, I'm not being called a booster" you grin and Max groans, Max was gold 2 and was asking for you to coach him, you had watched him in unrated's but refused to do comps together.
"Wait, when did you change your name...didnt it used to be Ilovetits6?" Max laughs.
"Yes, but chat started to call me mother? So i just rolled with it" you grin looking at chat and winking.
Moment 5:
"Are you and Lando Norris dating?" you ask, and then you open your phone and call Lando himself.
"Hey baby!" you smile and show the chat what Lando is saved as and the picture while he's on speakerphone.
"Hey love. I'm a little late coming back. I got stuck here with Zac and Oscar, but Max and P wanted to know if you would like to go out for dinner with them tonight" he asks and you laugh.
"Wait, Y/N are you live"
"Maybe, look you said you were ready to go public. So this is payback for what you did to Max on stream!" you laugh, knowing he wont be mad at you, as you'd talked recently about going public.
"Exposed? Yes yes i did" you grin.
Moment 6:
"Y/N your boyfriend is horny come sort him out" AngryGinge says adding you to the call forcefully mid stream.
"Mmmm that sounds like a job for you" you says seriously and you pull up his and Lando's stream to watch what was going on. Some people had come into your stream to say to get Lando to end the stream before PR has his head.
"He's been moaning on stream Y/N get your man and take him home"
"Yeah sorry let me just hop on the jet to Monaco..." you joke, knowing you definitely don't have a private jet.
"Wait, just how rich are you? Your boyfriends out here buying watches for 400k, you have a private jet. This just ain't right!" he exclaims making you laugh.
"I don't have a private jet. But... I've been in one of Max Verstappen's" you boast, you'd been introduced to him through Lando as Kelly wanted to meet you and set you up with her modelling agency.
"Huh? WHAT?" he screams and you just laugh before leaving the call. You shoot Lando a teasing message watching his eyes change as he reads it, and he lets out a groan that soon turns into a joke as Angry Ginge yelled at him to calm down again.
Moment 7:
"Salem stop" you tell your cat, which had jumped up and starting to paw in your lap where the blanket lay across before flopping down wanting fuss.
She started to meow at you not getting the wanted attention, but you were in the middle of an important rank up game, that would put you as radiant in Valorant.
As the game went on, you apologized to your teammates when you died after nearly clutching a round when Salem distracted you by pawing at your hand on your mouse.
"Salem please bub. 3 more rounds and you can have all the cuddles in the world" you whisper to the cat before she settles down, you proceed to Ace the next round and your team and you win the next two. The end of the game, with the MVP you get promoted to Radiant #497.
You celebrated by grabbing Salem your black Bombay cat and hugging her tightly, she leans into you wrapping her paws around happy for the affection she's finally getting.
"Treat?" you ask receiving a meow.
Chat:
y/nloverrr02- not y/n celebrating like she just got a podium
landonorizz- what's harder, f1 win, or reaching the top 500 valorant players
wedonttalkabouther- please, mother is mothering!
deadlocknerf- not her top fragging as an omen and their jett with a negative kda.
lockandassit- well done on the promo!
LandoNorris- Babe! Well done! I watched your win! I'm so proud
"Thank you, everybody. I think I'll leave it there for the day and I'll come back and we can try and get into the 450's!" you exclaim before cutting stream.
Taglist:
@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover
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leo-muscle · 4 months
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Kings of the World: Europe's Protector
Dominic, for the most part, was what the gay community would consider average. He had some mass to him, though not much, and his junk was fairly average. He had light body hair and a short beard, though not enough to be considered an otter. Almost no one swiped him on any dating app, which did leave him feeling dejected. He was a top, though all of his few matches pegged him as a submissive bottom. Though, someday, he hoped that he would gain the strength he desired.
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Alone in his apartment, Dominic was doomscrolling through Instagram, crying over pictures of happy men in love. It had been so long since his last hookup, let alone his last boyfriend, that he had become incredibly touch-starved. London's pool of gay men had been incredibly unkind to him.
KLUNK.
A single notification rang from Dominic's phone. A match! Dominic dove to his phone, and couldn't believe his eyes. An absolute stud of a man had decided to give Dominic his approval. His pecs and ass were perky and voluptuous, his dark skin accented his enormous muscles perfectly, and judging by his bulge, he was more hung than every other man Dominic had seen, combined. The crystal crown on his head, while a little tacky, only added to his allure. According to his profile, he was "King Leon."
That sure is a King of a man, all right. Dominic thought.
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Soon, they began to chat.
King_Leon: Hey. I think you might have exactly what I'm looking for. Meet me at my place?
DomDom74: Absolutely! I'm on my way!
Dominic dashed to his car, and drove as fast as he could over to where King Leon said his address was. It was a tall apartment building, with an impressive view over Buckingham Palace.
King_Leon: Head to the Penthouse. I'll be waiting ;)
Not only is he immeasureably hot, but he's also rich? Dominic thought. This could not be going better.
Dominic sauntered up to the elevator, and hit the button for the Penthouse suite.
"Dom?" King Leon's Nigerian accent entered Dominic's ears like butter from the intercom. It was smoky and rhythmic, with a deep, rich melody that caused Dominic's cock to instantly harden.
"Y-yes?" Dominic stammered. He was already flustered, and he hadn't even met the man yet.
"I'm glad to see you could make it. I'll let you on up now." King Leon said.
Soon, the elevator opened into a lavish Penthouse suite, each room the size of Dominic's entire apartment. Relics and statues from every corner of the globe accented the space, though most were from Africa, where King Leon's throne resided.
King Leon himself was standing in the middle of the room, wearing nothing but a small towel. He was even hotter in person. His muscles, divine, his skin, glistening, his ass, superb, his incredible height and his enormous cock visible even through the towel.
"Dominic, it is so good to have you here." King Leon rumbled, his voice flowing over Dominic like a river, wearing down his inhibitions.
"S-same." Dominic stuttered. "You have to be the most beautiful man I have ever seen."
King Leon laughed. "Soon, you will be just as beautiful as I."
"What do you mean?" Dominic said.
King Leon smiled, and let the towel drop as he turned around, revealing his luscious, bouncy muscle ass.
"Why don't you come find out?" King Leon teased.
Salivating, Dominic ripped off his pants, and stuck his throbbing member into King Leon's hole. The sensation was unlike anything he had ever felt: King Leon's perfect ass seemed to be vibrating and massaging every square millimeter of his dick, creating pleasure unlike anything he had ever felt. Dominic's eyes rolled back into his skull as he lost himself in the pleasure, firing orgasm after orgasm into King Leon's ass, each one longer than the last. A gold fluid began to leak from King Leon's hole as the most orgasmic experience of Dominic's life finally came to a close.
As he removed his pulsing member from the King's hole, Dominic almost screamed. His cock was... different.
It had swollen up like a balloon, until it matched King Leon's size, inch for inch, a full foot in length and as thick as a beer bottle. His balls had turned into massive grapefruits swinging between his legs, churning with his own kingly fluids. Most surprising of all, his cock was pale, with a red tip, surrounded by a fiery orange bush. No longer was it a brown twig, but a mighty birchwood weapon, capable of slaying any ass.
"Wha... what?" Dominic asked.
"A king needs a weapon, does he not?" King Leon said.
"How? Why? Why did you change me?"
"I saw greatness in you, Dominic. You could be the protector of this whole continent, if you wished. A king, a warrior, a protector... the most powerful Dom in this land."
Dominic considered this. Power, prestige, strength... The choice was obvious.
"I'll do it. Where do I start?" Dominic answered.
"Only a moment of submission, for a lifetime of lordship. Impale yourself upon my sword, and drink of my fluids." King Leon said, his voice having a playful air to it.
King Leon sat down upon a wide loveseat, his enormous Black horsecock reaching far past his abs. His pecs throbbed, and his nipples called to Dominic, just begging to be sucked.
Trancelike, Dominic walked over to King Leon, and lowered himself onto his cock.
It was like paradise: There was no blockage, no pain, just pure pleasure His cock filled up Dominic perfectly, despite its egregious size. Dominic's mouth latched onto King Leon's perfect dark nipple as the King began to slowly thrust.
Soon, the King's fluids took effect. As King Leon pumped load after load of kingly fluid into Dominic, his muscles expanded. His biceps, wrapped around one of King Leon's enormous arms, suddenly blew up to match the guns they worshipped. His hands, once small and insignificant, became enormous mitts, digging and massaging King Leon's equally huge arms. His back and lats wrenched themselves apart, creating a sea of perfect ridges. His abs repeatedly clenched and unclenched, growing stronger each time, until the eight blocks that made up his core were as solid as stone. His legs, once skinny, became almighty pillars of strength as they expanded to well over the size of tree trunks. His feet did the same, becoming bigger and wider, to support the royal mass they carried.
The more fluid Leon pumped, the lighter Dominic's skin became, until it settled on a lightly-tanned cream color. His hair became a fiery red, his beard changing to match. His brow narrowed, and his jaw became square. His voice deepened, and took on an Irish accent as he started gyrating his ass to properly milk King Leon's dick.
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"Yeh, you like that, don't you?" Dom said, in between chugs from King Leon's chest.
"Oh, I do... Daddy." King Leon said with a smirk. While he normally preferred to be the dominant one, for his fellow King, he would make a rare exception.
"My arse is going to milk your cock like you wouldn't believe." Dom said. With each slam of his ass on King Leon's mammoth dick, it bounced and expanded just a little more, until it became an enormous Irish booty, leaking an emerald fluid, which mixed with King Leon's golden fluid perfectly.
"Now, I want you to suck my pecs like your life depends on it." Dom ordered.
"Anything for you, Daddy." King Leon placed his soft, supple lips on Dom's left nipple, as Dom moaned with pleasure. His chest began to puff up, going from muscular, to voluptouous, to absolutely obscene. His massive muscle tits were just as large as King Leon's!
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Soon, Dom wrapped his arms around King Leon, and tried to wrestle him to the floor. King Leon obliged, and pulled Dom close, pressing their sensitive muscle tits together, releasing a moan from both behemoths. Dom continued to grow in height until he matched King Leon while they rolled on top of each other, each man fighting for dominance. Dom pressed his face firmly against King Leon's, locking him in a passionate kiss. They wrestled and fought and loved for hours, until the pleasure finally became too much for the both of them, and they came from all orifices at once. King Dom's transformation had completed.
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Both Kings laid there, exhausted. Soon, there would be more of them, and they could lead the world into a brighter age
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everyonewooeverywhere · 2 months
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MDNI 18+ BLOG -> ageless blogs and minors WILL BE BLOCKED
pairing ✭ bf!jongho x f!reader
synopsis ✭ when you come home from a less-than-perfect day, your boyfriend is nowhere to be found, but you don't want to call him and ask him to come home while he's out with friends. even though he'd drop everything if he knew you were struggling.
content/genre ✭ smut 18+ MDNI, established relationship, non-idol!au, hurt to comfort, slightly angsty, relatively fluffy (certainly the fluffiest thing i've ever written here)
word count ✭ 2.5k
note ✭ so this was something i really needed to write for myself, i think. for those who don't know (which is all of you lol) i have adhd. where i see it the most in my own life is chronic procrastination. it's something i've had to learn to cope with a lot throughout my life. a lot of times, when i feel the need to avoid feeling the stress of my personal life, i'll scroll on instagram or tumblr forever. which then leads to a heaping ton of guilt in the following hours as i try to make up for lost time. it's a wonderful cycle.
anyway, this is to say, that coping alone can be incredibly difficult. don't get me wrong, i have a handful of wonderful friends (who go to school across the country) and an angel of a therapist, but i often romanticize having someone there to help drag me out of those hopeless cycles. and not because i think i need someone to do it for me, but having that person is a really comforting thought. and, today, that is jongho i guess 😀
that being said, this mc doesn't necessarily have adhd, but they are certainly experiencing something that i experience very frequently as a byproduct of it.
like, is this smut? yeah, but im allowed to be emotional 😗
warnings ✭ mc is stressed af, protected sex, really soft sex (they're in love 😤)
✭✭✭✭
It was a terrible day. One of the worst you’d had in a while. Nothing seemed to be going your way. You’d ripped your favorite pair of tights this morning when getting ready in a hurry after waking up super late. You’d locked yourself out of the apartment. The seven dollar coffee you’d bought for yourself to cope with aforementioned events had spilt all over your desk, ruining the book you had just received as a gift from a coworker. And, to top it all off, your boss had demanded you to stay late to finish what was supposed to be his job.
So when you finally made it back to your apartment, after waiting in the lobby forever waiting for your landlord to let you in, you wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch with your boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms. 
You were plagued with fatigue as you slipped out of your work shoes and made your way through the kitchen and into the living room, not finding him anywhere. The bedroom the two of you shared was also completely vacant. Nothing had changed since you’d left this morning. He hadn’t been home all day.
Maybe he’s just working late, you thought, slightly defeated knowing you’d have to wait for him, not knowing how long it would take. 
Trying to take your mind off of it, you scrolled on your phone for a completely indiscernible amount of time, feeling completely defeated with the day you’d had. Moving in with Jongho months ago has been an incredibly helpful step for you. Before the two of you had lived together, you were a master of procrastinating your own feelings. Constantly letting yourself rot away in your bed and letting the day pass you by. Only to be plagued by that crushing guilt that came with letting a day go by unproductively. Living with Jongho had given you someone to hold you accountable. To pull you out of bed because sometimes it was impossible to do it on your own.
But on nights like these, where your boyfriend was nowhere to be found, which was not a common occurrence, you felt yourself slipping back into the endless cycle of losing yourself in your phone for countless hours. 
Hours passed and the sun was almost completely down before you received a text from your boyfriend.
| jongho 🐻🤎: hey love, sorry i had to stay late for work today. i’m gonna go get some drinks with my coworkers.
| jongho 🐻🤎: that ok?
God, you felt so helpless. How horrible and controlling of a partner would you be to tell him ‘no?’ Did he ask? Yes, but you desperately didn’t want to be the girl who always needed to be by her boyfriend’s side. Telling him he couldn’t go out with his friends would make you feel like such a nuisance. You stared at the screen for a good two minutes, biting your thumb, trying to think of how to respond.
| jongho 🐻🤎: y/n? 
| jongho 🐻🤎: i can see you read the message. is everything alright?
Before you could even draft a response, his name flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, you slid your thumb across the screen, answering the call.
“Hi,” you picked up.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” You could hear some of his coworkers in the background. He must already be at the bar. 
You held in a sigh, “Nothing, I’m alright. Why?”
“Y/n, you read and didn’t respond to my message. Like you were overthinking a response."
You didn’t say anything. Overthinking yet another response.
“Love, I don’t even want to be here that badly. If you need me to come home, I will. But you’ve gotta tell me.” He was being so patient with you. So much more patient than you thought you deserved, though he would certainly disagree with that.
You took a deep breath, nearing tears, “I–” this was so incredibly hard, “Can you please come home? I didn’t really have a great day.”
“Of course, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”
“No, it’s alright. I just need to see you.”
“Ok, just hang in there alright. Why don’t you hop in the shower, and we can watch a movie when I get back. I’ll pick up some takeout on my way, too.”
When you hang up, you force yourself to get out of bed and get in the shower. It’s so rewarding and feels so relaxing that you can’t imagine why you ever couldn’t get out of the bed in the first place. But, of course, you say that every time. 
✭✭✭✭
By the time you had gotten out of the shower and dried your hair, Jongho had made it home with the takeout he’d promised in hand. 
When you left your bedroom, you saw him sitting on the floor in your living room. He’d lit a candle on the coffee table and set the food down with it. You could tell he’d changed out of his work clothes into a hoodie and basketball shorts, mirroring your almost identical outfit. He didn’t notice you at first. He was chatting to someone on the phone, seemingly a friendly conversation, and not one you wanted to interrupt. When he saw you, though, you heard him say goodbye to whoever was on the line. 
Throwing his phone down on the couch, he got up from the floor and met you at the door of your bedroom. Pulling you into a big hug, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. 
“No pressure, but, if you wanna talk about your day, we can.”
You shook your head, “Not really. I just wanna eat, I think.”
The two of you ate, sitting in comfortable silence on the floor in your living room. You noticed as you took in the scene around you, that Jongho had turned off all the overhead lights in the room. Leaving only the candlelight and the string lights around the ceiling to illuminate the room. There was something about warm lighting that made everything feel so much more cozy and comfortable. 
Your boyfriend wasn’t the most physically affectionate individual, but he never failed to make you feel loved. He always noticed the small things. He was hyper aware of your emotions in the least patronizing way possible. It was little moments like bringing home food for you and turning the cool-toned overhead lights off that reminded you that this man knew you better than anyone.
And that wasn’t something that happened overnight. He tried harder than anyone you’d ever met to know you. Your likes, dislikes, discomforts, phobias, and even your little habits. He knew it all. What he knew most is that you desired so bad to have someone to pull you out of your slump. Which is why he had come home early.
“I’m sorry you couldn’t stay out with your friends,” you whispered, staying focused on the food in front of you.
“I didn’t come home because I felt any obligation to. It’s not that I couldn’t stay out with my friends. It’s that you needed me here at home, and I wanted to come home and comfort you.” He ran a hand over your hair as he finished up his own food. 
That was another thing you loved about him. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted to make you feel better. He wanted you to know that you were not alone. That you were free to feel your feelings, and he’d always be right beside you to comfort you through them.
“Thank you,” you looked up at him, “I love you, you know that, right?”
“How could I ever forget? I love you, too, y/n.”
✭✭✭✭
After the food was gone and the coffee table was cleared, Jongho had put on a movie laid down on the couch, holding out his arms for you. When you finally sat between his legs and leaned into his chest, he pulled a quilted blanket over the two of you, wrapping his arms around you.
You paid very little mind to the movie playing on the TV. Instead you were focused on the rhythm of his breathing, the steady beating of his heart, and the minor movements his chest would make when he let out a soft laugh whatever he was watching.
He played with your hair, running his fingers through the strands, softly brushing his fingers over your neck with each pass. This position couldn’t have been more comfortable. Being with the man you loved as he comforted you in the way he knew best with absolutely no complaint was more than you could’ve ever dreamed of.
Jongho would claim that it was the bare minimum, but you always felt the need to let him know how much he really amazed you. 
When you reached your hand up to his cheek to brush your thumb over the skin, he looked down at you, completely forgetting about the movie playing. He grabbed your hand from his cheek and kissed your fingers, your palm, the back of your hand, the inside of your wrist.
Pulling yourself up to his face, you kissed him as softly as he’d done to your hand. Everything was so soft. From the way he kissed you to the way he caressed the skin under your hoodie right above the waistband of your shorts. From the hand you had in his hair to the way he lifted you to sit more comfortably in his lap.
He kissed your neck just as softly. You sighed contently. Fully basking in the way he took care of you. His movie was fully disregarded at this point as he gripped the bottom of your shirt.
Looking into your eyes he asked, “can I take care of you, love?” You nodded, helping him lift the sweatshirt over your head. 
Before you could even comprehend the nakedness of your chest, he lifted you into his arms and carried you to your shared bed. Laying you on your back. Your bare skin taking immense comfort in the softness of your sheet. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw his pants off to the side.
He immediately went back to kissing you. Hands moving from your cheeks, down your neck. His thumbs caressed your collarbone as his lips brushed the crook of your neck and then your shoulder. You shuddered when one of his hands took your breast. His lips met the other one, causing you to let out a breathy moan and weave your fingers through his dark hair.
He continued to kiss and touch every inch of your torso. When he got to your waistband, he left a small kiss under your belly button. His big brown eyes meeting your own as he pulled your shorts and underwear off together. Tossing them to the side of the bed. 
Lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder, he kissed your inner thigh, still meeting your eyes. The eye contact wasn’t broken until his thumb met your clit. Brushing over it slightly, making you toss your head back into the pillows under you. His mouth replaced his thumb, slowly teasing you. 
With his free hand, he took your own hand, the one that wasn’t gripping his hair, and threaded his fingers through yours. Thumb brushing over the back of your hand.
He felt so good. His tongue working so hard to make you feel pleasure. Everything was so gentle, but felt so euphoric. His fingers pumping in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. You felt like you could’ve floated away with the way he caressed your hand and your thigh. It wasn’t long before you were washed with a wave of pleasure. Everything was hot. You felt it rush through you from your ears down to your cunt. He kissed your thigh one more time after you came, fingers pushing you through the finale of your orgasm. 
Your breathing was ragged when he made it back up to your face, kissing you tenderly. Reaching a hand beneath the pillow under your head. He pulled out a condom. Before he could open it, you plucked it out of his hands, tearing it open as he stripped himself of his own underwear before you rolled the rubber onto his length. He groaned at the touch.
“You ready?” He asked, grabbing your arm and kissing your wrist.
You nodded, smiling, “yes. please, baby.”
When he pushed into you, you gasped and threw your head back again. He kissed your neck and shoulder, slowly thrusting into you. On most occasions, you’d beg him to go faster, but his subdued nature in this moment was so incredibly comforting. His thumb massaged your clit.
He kissed you deeply as he thrust into you. Completely overtaking your lips with his own. His kisses were so full of passion that your head spun. His adoration for you was so evident from the way he looked into your eyes when he stopped kissing you. Your foreheads pressed together, separated only by a thin layer of sweat. 
“I love you so much, y/n,” he says, just above a whisper. So close that you can feel his breath tickle your lips when he says it.
You moan softly, feeling yourself reach a second high, “I love you, too.”
It’s only a matter of minutes before you reach your orgasm. You grip his shoulders tight as he coaxes you through your climax. Walls fluttering around him as he finishes inside the condom. 
He kisses your lips once more before pulling out. He pushes himself off the bed to throw it away. When he comes back, he slides back into bed with you. Breath still slightly ragged. 
You laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat once more.
Running a hand over his stomach, you said, “Thanks for coming home early today.”
“Of course, love. You know I’d drop anything to come home to you if you were struggling.”
“I just feel like such a nuisance asking for you to come home,” you groaned.
He ran a hand over your hair, “I will never ever see you asking for help as a nuisance. Sometimes you just need a little push. Or sometimes you just need to lay in someone’s arms. I will always be there to do that for you. No matter the circumstance, ok?”
You wanted to protest, tell him he was too much, too good to you, but he kept going, “I trust you. I know that when you ask me to come home, it’s not because you're insecure or controlling. It’s because you need help, and I want you to always feel comfortable asking for it.”
He’d left you just a little bit speechless. All you could respond with was a gentle kiss on his lips.
For him, though, that was more than enough.
✭✭✭✭
note ✭ ok this shit got really personal 💀 but i did really enjoy writing it. it's not often that i write a whole oneshot in one sitting but i did today (other than my minor break to eat dinner).
also, i was actually between writing this for vernon or jongho because i felt like they both kinda fit the vibe (sorry if the knowledge that this could have been a hansol fic makes anyone sad), but maybe i'll write something similar for him next time i'm feeling it
again, i hope you enjoyed this! thank you so much for reading 💗
mwah~
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pepsiboyy · 13 days
Note
Could you do one where the boys are on a tour (in Australia maybe😏) and the reader gets like a backstage pass for her and he bff and reader is talking to Chris in the meet greet(earlier cause of the pass) and Chris seems to take interest in her so he slips his number in her pocket and she eventually finds and called the number confused and he picks it up and then after awhile of them talking back and forth Chris asks her out and they start dating blah blah blah (sorry for the in Australia maybe lol I just want them to do a tour here so I can meet em)
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SAVE MY NUMBER.
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pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader summary: the triplets are finally having an abroad tour and the reader purchased vip tickets with their best friend to meet them. what happens when she finds a stray set of numbers on her postcard when she gets back to the hotel? warnings: cursing, use of y/n!! a/n: thank u for the request love <3 i hope this is awesome sauce !! i tried so hard to make this enjoyable LOLL but i think it may have come out ok!! <3 lowercase intentional !!
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my fingers anxiously picked at my shoes with one hand as my other hand scrolled through instagram.
"come on, y/n, aren't you excited!?" my best friend, harper, exclaimed as she gripped my shoulder and shook me rapidly.
with a soft nod and a small chuckle, i nodded as i locked my phone and let it fall into my lap. "of course i am. i'm just tired of sitting here."
we had been sitting in the sun on the side of the venue in line for the last hour and a half. it was that point in the day where the sun was beating directly onto us.
i had managed to get my best friend and i some tickets to the triplets' tour with the meet and greet pass. counting down the days was grueling, but we finally made it and the hardest part was now. waiting outside to be let into the building.
"it'll be worth it. who even cares?"
i nodded softly as i looked her up and down. she was decked out in purple, some purple stars drawn on her cheeks under her eyes and some purple cargo pants with a let's trip tee and some white air forces.
i, personally, was drowning in orange. with an orange crop top and deep gray ripped jeans, my outfit was topped off with orange nike high top dunks and an orange belt. my friend had helped me out with the orange stars, mine on the opposite side from harper's.
"y/n, the line is moving!"
i turned my head to harper, being ripped from my thoughts before quickly standing to my feet and moving up in line.
the line moved slow, but it was something.
we still had a long way to go.
-
the line for the meet and greet felt like it was forever, but as we got closer, i felt like no time had passed at all. i could see them every once in a while through the lit cloth between the line and the boys, and my eyes shifted to harper. "dude, we're almost there." i chuckled, trying to keep myself as calm as possible as harper made noises i didn't even know were humanly possible.
"y/n, i don't know what to do or say, i think i might shit myself."
i slammed a hand over harper's mouth and let out a cackle, shaking my head. "shh, say that less loud." i scoffed and before i knew it, harper was next in line.
my hands toyed with the orange belt that helped my jeans hug my hips, my eyes glued in front of me as i watched the three boys.
the three boys i watched at first every once in a while when they appeared on my for you page, but i quickly became a huge supporter of the triplets, and they were somewhat a coping mechanism for me when things were hard.
and now i'm meeting them.
"next!"
i shot harper a smile and tapped her shoulder. "you got it!" i smiled brightly and waved as she approached matt.
i felt a lump develop in my throat. this was bad.
it wasn't a crying lump, but an anxious lump. unfortunately, when i get nervous, i can't help but ramble and yap.
"next!"
no way time flew by that fast. as i approached matt, i swallowed and smiled brightly as i felt like each step that i took was in slow motion.
matt's arms opened and i quickly stepped towards him and hugged him tightly. "hi, matt," i breathed, taking a deep breath as the reality of the situation began to settle.
"what's your name?" he asked softly, picking up his photo and signing it quickly.
"oh, it's y/n," i breathed, the smile on my face so wild you could have probably found me in a horror movie.
"nice to meet you, y/n. i hope we haven't kept you waiting too long?" he questioned, and i quickly shook my head.
"i'm just happy you guys are here," i breathed and smiled brightly at him before my expression fell. "oh my god a picture-" i scrambled to reach and get my phone from my back pocket, opening my camera and lifting it up.
two bright smiles later, matt pulled me into one more hug and smiled brightly, while i wished him luck on the rest of the tour.
i turned to see nick and smiled brightly, pulling him into a deep hug. i always had a theory that nick gave the best hugs of the three. so far, my theory was correct.
"hi, friend!" nick cheered, signing his card and smiling at me. "your star makeup is so cute, your friend had the same thing, no?"
i smiled brightly and nodded, biting my lip. "yeah, she did them for me actually! she's the best." i smiled and pulled out my phone.
"i'm so glad you guys could come." he stated as he wrapped an arm around me and held up a thumbs up in the camera.
i smiled brightly as i pulled away and gave him one last hug. "you guys are amazing. i just thought you should know, i'm proud of you guys. good luck tonight!" i told nick as i pulled from the hug. nick shot me a soft and quick thank you as i was rushed off to the final triplet.
christopher sturniolo.
i felt my entire being crumble the moment i took a few steps forward.
of course, i loved all three of the triplets with everything i had.
but chris.. i related to him in many ways and always found my eyes gravitating to him while watching their videos. he's a silly guy, and it doesn't help that i find him insanely attractive between the three.
"you in there?"
my eyes shot to chris as i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding.
i literally just spaced out in front of chris, who waved his hand in front of me to snap me out of my trance.
not to mention i'm decked out in his color.
"hi!" i squeaked, and he pulled me into a hug.
i bit my lip as i hugged him tightly, taking a deep breath.
the hug lasted for a little longer than needed, but i wasn't complaining.
not sure if it's because it's chris or not, but i think nick has some competition for best hug.
"i like your outfit," chris stated softly as he pulled away from the hug. i smiled brightly at him, and i couldn't tell if i was gaslighting myself or if he licked his lips while looking at my orange self.
"thanks, i don't really wear much orange," i stated and i felt my face heat up.
"it's definitely your color more than it is mine. consider wearing it more often?" he asked, writing on the card and pausing before deciding to hand it to me. "wanna take a selfie?"
i nodded quickly and shakily took out my phone and began to raise it, but chris carefully took it from my hands and raised it himself, wrapping his other arm around my shoulders softly.
he took about four photos and handed me the phone back.
after signing the card, taking a little longer than usual, he looked me up and down one more time.
we stood there for a few moments, simply looking at each other and i noticed my friend waving at me from behind chris, about ten feet away.
"you're gonna do great tonight," i quickly said to him, and he simply smiled at me and nodded, running his fingers through his hair to adjust his bangs.
holy fuck, this guy isn't real.
"i'll do great because you came. thanks for coming." he stated softly, and brought me into a tight hug.
i bit my lip hard as i hugged him back, taking in a deep breath.
-
the night went incredibly well. the show was enjoyable with the games they all played, and i told harper about the interaction i had with chris.
harper was in the shower. i had just gotten out, my pajama pants and small black tshirt hugging my body perfectly as i laid against my bed in the hotel.
i turned to the postcards, smiling brightly as i took them into my hands and admired them. i turned them in the light to look at the layered marker, holding them towards the lamp. as i got to chris's, i noticed some writing on the back through the light and my heart jumped out of my chest.
i threw myself up off the mattress and flipped the postcard over, feeling my heartrate pick up at the phone number written against the back.
"dude, the shampoo in there is awesome. you weren't kidding." harper stated as she dried her hair in a towel as she sat in front of me, also in her pajamas. "you okay?"
i looked at her and slowly held up the card, pointing at the number.
"holy fuck, is that..?" harper trailed off, and i bit my lip.
"oh my god, i need to call it." i stated as i searched for my phone under the comforter, quickly retrieving it and dialing the number.
i put my phone on speaker as i looked at harper, my leg bouncing anxiously.
"hello?"
my heart sank.
"h- hello?"
i mentally cursed at myself for stuttering.
"who is this?"
"uhh, it's y/n, i found this number on the back of my postcard-" i was quickly cut off.
"y/n!" he cheered. "it's chris."
"are you fucking for real?" i whispered, biting my lip.
"yes ma'am." he chuckled, and i shook my head. there's no way this is fucking happening right now.
"i know it's late and you guys probably have jet lag, so i'm sorry, but i just found it-"
"it's fine, really, i was running fortnite with matt." he stated quickly, cutting me off.
i snorted. it made sense.
"well, get a victory royale ok?"
"for you, i will. save my number, i'll text you." chris stated, and i looked at harper who was in utter shock.
"right, yeah i will." i stated quickly, and hung up afterwards.
silence overcame harper and i before i bit my lip and we both screamed at the top of our lungs at the same time.
there was no way this was real.
-
my eyes were beginning to shut as the video of the triplets from a few weeks ago seemed to be watching me.
i turned to harper, who had fallen asleep a little while ago and blinked a few times when my phone vibrated and chris's name appeared on my screen.
a bright smile took over my face as i began texting him, and my night was made even more. somehow.
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helpimstuckposting · 9 months
Text
I couldn’t get my earlier post out of my head, and then this happened so… I hope you enjoy a little famous!Eddie and dingus!Steve ficlet (ft platonic soulmate Stobin)
Part one | part two | part three
Steve and Robin had lived in Indy all of their lives. They shared the same schools, same teachers, same jobs, it would never end. They were platonic soulmates in a way they understood but couldn’t explain to anyone else, and that was okay. It worked for them.
Since they graduated, they’d been ice cream scoopers, movie rental employees, pizza makers, delivery drivers, movie theater security, bartenders, and now - surprisingly - musicians.
They had originally started messing around with song covers during their bartending era. Every Thursday was karaoke night, and they were both too competitive to see it as anything other than a chance to win, both trying to upstage the other. After a while, Steve started writing songs in his free time and Robin wouldn’t let anyone but her sing them. She posted their songs on Tiktok and Instagram just to see what would happen, and eventually they made their way onto Spotify and other streaming services.
A few of their songs went viral enough that they had a steady stream of listeners, and spent their free time putting more and more songs together. Their boss even let them play live at the bar on Wednesdays (and of course they’re still just as passionate about karaoke night).
It was a few months into their Wednesday shows when he showed up. Eddie Munson. It was just another bar in Indy, just a stop on their tour, just a coincidence that he happened to choose Robin and Steve’s bar. Steve noticed him during their set, and he was so glad in that moment that Robin was the lead singer because he was absolutely sure his voice would have cracked. Corroded Coffin was one of Dustin’s favorite bands, the kid wouldn’t shut up about them any time a new album or single was released.
Steve knew they were in Indy on tour, he’d witnessed Dustin’s spiral about not being able to afford a ticket, but he couldn’t believe they stopped in this bar. Dustin was gonna freak.
Once Robin and Steve finished their set, they went back to the bar to resume their actual jobs and Steve was once again stunned when Eddie Munson walked right up to him for a drink. Obviously Steve should have expected that, what else was someone going to do at a bar? But seeing someone he knows from the multiple posters plastered over Dustin’s bedroom wall, right in front of him - in the flesh, was beyond anything he could have predicted. Internally, he was absolutely freaking out.
Externally, he tried to keep his professional mask on. Munson was a regular customer, just a guy buying a drink, Steve could handle it without a meltdown. But man was the guy attractive. His band tee was ripped at the hem, jean vest with all its pins and buttons catching the light, and Steve could see the tendon in his neck pull as he laughed at something his band mate next to him said. Steve wanted to bite it.
He finished a customer’s drink, collected their card, and braced himself as Munson stepped up to the bar, a dimpled smile on his face that made Steve’s heart flutter like a dying butterfly in his chest.
“Nice set, man, your friend’s voice is gorgeous,” he said. “Can I get three rum and cokes?”
Grabbing three glasses from the bar, Steve began on the drinks. “Absolutely,” he said, his smile probably nowhere near Eddie’s level. “Are you here often, or just visiting?” Steve asked, attempting to play it cool, like Eddie was just any other person. This is ridiculous, Steve’s gonna throw up. Keep calm.
Eddie looked him up and down and smirked, “Just visiting for the weekend,” he said. A growing lump in Steve’s throat made him want to scream ‘I know!!! I know why you’re here!!! I know who you are!!! Hi!!!’ but he shoved that down as far as it could go, ready to choke on it if need be.
Steve set the finished drinks on the bar in front of Eddie, the musician handing over his card in exchange. “Open or closed?” He asked.
“Open. So, are those songs originals?” Eddie leaned into the bar, putting his face just a bit closer to Steve’s. He was gonna have a heart attack before the night was over, for sure, if Eddie kept this up.
“Oh, yeah, I uh… I wrote them,” Steve stuttered out. This was insane, he could pinch himself, there was no way this situation was happening. Eddie was gorgeous, dimples firmly in place because he wouldn’t stop smiling or smirking, his curls just begging for Steve to bury his hands in them and bring their faces closer. If Steve hadn’t been on the receiving end of hundreds of Dustin’s rants about Corroded Coffin, he knows he’d still want to drag Eddie out back and see what those lips tasted like, if they felt as much like sunshine as they looked.
Eddie nodded appreciatively and looked Steve up and down once again. “I’d love to hear more some time,” he said as he turned to leave, three glasses balanced in his hands.
“Well there’s karaoke here tomorrow night,” Steve blurted out, all attempts at remaining calm flying out the window because was that Eddie flirting with him? How did we get here? “You could stop by if you’ve got any free time.”
Eddie laughed, amusement flickering in his eyes and suddenly Steve remembered chasing fireflies in Robin’s backyard when they were kids. He started walking backwards towards his friends, “I’ll see what I can do!” he said with a raised voice, flashing one more smile that made that butterfly in Steve’s chest absolutely flip out. He was frozen in place, the shock of the whole situation settling deep in his bones. Honestly, Steve wasn’t sure he was still alive. Did he choke somewhere between the stage and the bar? Did he even make it to work in the first place? What day was it?
“Earth to Dingus!” Robin shouted at the other end of the bar. “A little help here?” she frantically gestured around her to the rising number of patrons.
A pretty decently sized mob was forming around the bar, snapping Steve out of his rock-star-induced-coma. He could freak out later in the privacy of his own home, right now he had work to do. And if his brain short circuited every time Eddie ordered drinks, that was nobody’s business but his own (and Robin’s).
Thank you so much for the encouragement !
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talkdutchtome · 9 months
Text
You Should Have Said No Chapter Five- Shake It Off 
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pairing . . . max verstappen x reader / pierre gasly x reader )
summary . . . when your fiancé cheats on you, you strike up an unusual friendship with one of his closest friends, who just so happens to have had a crush on you since he set eyes on you. chaos ensues.
inspired by the works of miss taylor swift )
genre . . . angst )
song . . . shake it off- taylor swift)
warning . . . cheating, mental illness, angst, eventual smut, poorly translated french and dutch, swearing, mention of parent loss, emotionally abusive parent, slight social media au, kendall jenner as fc (potentially more i’ll add as i go along)
series masterlist . . . available here )
“Literally everyone does it Y/N, it’s a rite of passage after a breakup” Lila stresses at you, waving a pair of scissors in front of your face. She wants to cut your hair, claiming that it would help you forget about Pierre. Truth be told, you’re not even sure that you want to forget about Pierre, though you’d die before admitting that to Lila, who may kill you herself if you dared let those words pass through your lips. Whilst Lila worked on the West End theater scene in London now, she had spent years working on much smaller theater scenes so she had learned to cut hair so that her and her colleagues didn’t have to spend a good chunk of their small paycheck on their hair; so you knew that she definitely could cut your hair you just weren’t sure you wanted it cut. Pierre had once told you when you were 18 that he liked your hair long so naturally, you kept your hair that long ever since. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that Pierre wouldn’t have had an issue if you did cut your hair, realistically he may not even remember that he told you he liked your hair long, but you remembered so you always kept your chocolate brown hair at the length it was when he said it. “Okay fine, just do it” you relented, sitting in front of her to allow her to begin to work on your hair.  
After she had finished, she put a mirror in front of your face, enabling you to see your now shoulder length hair and as much as admitting she was right was painful for you; you had to admit not only did you look good but you also felt a freeing sense, like you were finally accepting that life was going to be different now, and maybe that’s okay. “It’s lovely, thank you Lila”  
“Right okay time for outfits, I’m not sure what you’re wearing to the race yet but I know exactly want I want you to wear for the after party; you need to go full Princess Diana” The words that came out of her mouth made you laugh but you quickly realized that she was completely serious. “Okay what the hell do you mean by ‘full Princess Diana’, also you do know you’re not my personal stylist righy?” 
“Oh, come on you know! The revenge dress!”  
“My god you’ve lived in London for too long” You laughed at her but maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, there was every chance Pierre could come to this party and you were only human after all, you couldn’t help wanting to realize what he’s missing out on. Whilst you were weighing up your options regarding your evening wear, Lila had moved onto looking through her suitcase trying to find something for you to wear. “Now this is perfect!” hearing your best friend’s words made you look up to the outfit she was referring to. In her hands she held up a pair of light wash ripped boyfriend jeans and a black top that was really more of a bra than a top. Opening up your mouth to tell her no, you caugh sight of her face looking at you with pleading eyes and pouted lips. “Okay fine, give it here”  
“Ohhh and this too?” she throws Max’s jacket at you, resulting in her receiving a death stare from you “Nope. Too far Lils” you told her trying to be serious but failing once she fell into fits of giggles, causing you to laugh like a mad man too.  
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“Uhh Y/N, have you been on Instagram lately?” Lila questioned with a worried tone in her voice, before you could answer her question, she had turned around her phone and showed you the post that she clearly thought you needed to see. Your eyes focused on the image in front of you and you quickly snatched the phone out of her hand to have a look. The fact that there were paparazzi as you got off Max’s private jet a few days ago had completely slipped your mind after a very stressful few days. “Oh fuck” you cursed at yourself, you didn’t even think how it looked for a driver's fiancée to be flying on a plane alone with a bunch of other drivers, but clearly the fans following the infamous F1 gossip page did. Reading through the comments, you saw countless people calling you a slut, alleging that you were sleeping with one of the drivers that you were pictured with, people worried and upset for Pierre; pretty much any derogatory word under the sun was used to describe your behavior. Just for a second you felt a flash of guilt, knowing that Pierre is defiantly going to see the post, but it quickly dawned on you that you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for having friends or for spending time with people who were looking after you after finding out that your finance had cheated on you. After the guilt subsided, anger took its place. How dare they criticize you for having friends, for daring to even be in the presence of men whilst Pierre could literally fuck another woman and there wasn’t a post about that, there wasn’t cameras in the club when Pierre actually did what people are accusing you of. 
“You just need to ignore it Y/N, it’s not fair of course it isn’t but it’s also not important, just follow the advice of Taylor Swift and Shake it off” Lila spoke, knowing what was going through your head.  
“Oh I was actually meant to say, have you spoken to Charles since everything happened?” she asked you, trying to change the topic of conversation as she could tell the gossip post.  
“No actually, he messaged me literally the day after it happened as Pierre went to his house when I kicked him out but since then I haven’t heard anything since. Though he did phone you so I guess.” you told her and she scoffed, clearly not happy with that answer. “That’s really shitty of him, he’s been your friend for almost 15 years and all he can manage is one text. Though it doesn’t surprise me, he always was a dick.” her words made you laugh but you couldn’t help but agree with what she said, you had known Charles for almost as long as he knew Pierre and you were always close so you’d be lying if you said it didn’t bother you that he hadn’t reached out since that first day. “Oh come on be fair Lila, he was a bit of a dick when we were 15 but he’s changed since then, he’s a good guy” you told her but she just scoffed again, clearly not ready to accept that he wasn’t the same Charles that broke her heart 12 years age. 
Much to Lila’s dismay, upon your arrival at the track ready for the race, you were called into a meeting, leaving her alone for an hour, desperately searching for some entertainment, she ended up stumbling into Pierre. Whilst she tried to avoid his gaze and get away without speaking to him, she had no such luck. “Ugh what do you want?” she had asked him clearly pissed off that he wouldn’t let her slip away without having to acknowledge his presence. “Please just listen, I really need your advice” Pierre told the girl in front of him who rolled her eyes but gestured for him to continue. “I just don’t know what to do, I love Y/N so much and I know I fucked up, I really fucked up but I don’t want to live without her and every time I try to speak to her, I just seem to make it worse” his words caused Lila to laugh, earning her a death glare. “Look if she’s got any sense, she’ll never take you back, but I’ll tell you this; if she’ll ever be ready to take you back, she needs to heal first. Every time she sees you her heart breaks more and soon enough it’ll be broken beyond the point of no return. So, if you love her or ever did, you need to leave her alone, at least for a while” Lila told him, causing him to stand deeply in thought for a minute before speaking up again. “But what if I leave her alone to heal and she ends up falling for Max?” he asked her, with tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. “I’m going to be brutally honest with you Pierre, would that really be such a bad thing? You and I both know what a hard life she’s had, doesn’t she deserve love from someone who will never hurt her? Who will never make her look in the mirror and wonder what is wrong with her that the person who is supposed to love her went and slept with another woman.” Lila told him before turning around and walking away before he had a chance to respond.  
Eventually the race started, and you were sat in Red Bull garage hospitality with Lila, things were going well for the first 15 laps until there was a crash that made your heart sink. Pierre had collided with Geroge Russell sending them both spinning. Before you even had the chance to think about the consequences, you were on your feet and running to the Alpine garage. In that moment nothing else mattered other than finding out if Pierre was safe, everything else was forgotten. In the time it took you to reach the garage, Pierre had come back and other than sporting a bit of a limp, he seemed fine; that was until he saw you and it looked like he was going to cry. Both of you were acutely aware of the fact that were countless engineers surrounding you who had no idea what was going on between the two of you; they were used to you being sat in the garage all weekend but this time you were nowhere to be found until right now when you ran in frantically. It was quite the picture, you both standing opposite each other, him trying not to cry and you trying to catch your breath, partly from the running but also from the creeping anxiety that sat in your stomach.  
Eventually realizing that you weren’t going to say anything whilst surrounded by everyone, Pierre told the medic charged with checking him out that he was going into his driver's room to get his withings before they took him away to the medical center to be checked. As he walked, he gestured for you to follow him, so you did. “Are you okay? That looked really bad. I was so worried oh my god are you okay?” You rambled at him, not even giving him a chance to answer your questions. You were spiraling and he knew it, even though you could now see that he was okay, the initial fear you felt was the straw that broke the camel's back and every emotion that you had shoved down for the past week was making itself known. Pierre could see that you were shaking and crying, so on instinct he wrapped his arms around you, so tightly that it hurt because he knew you and he knew that’s what you needed when you got like this. “Shh baby it’s okay I’m okay. I know it was scary but I’m okay” He soothed you and stood with you in his arms until your breathing calmed down and you pulled away from him. “I’m sorry for coming here Pierre, I just needed to know that you were okay” you told him before turning to walk away from him, once the anxiety had subsided you realized that coming here wasn’t the best thing to do, that letting him comfort you wasn’t really fair on either of you. Just as you reached the door handle you heard Pierre’s voice ask you the one question you really didn’t want him to ask- “Why did you come here?” You turned around to look at him, but you didn’t answer his question, how could you when you didn’t even know the answer yourself. “What is going on with you and Max?” He questions you again, upon realizing you weren't going to answer his first question. It’s the same thing he asked you days ago, but the way he asks is different now; there’s no venom in his voice, no taunting look in his eyes, there’s just sadness and a look of hopelessness. “He’s my friend. He’s really looked after me over this last week and I do really like him, but it’s not like that Pierre okay. He’s just a friend” you told him hesitantly, you’re aware that maybe it was best not to humor his question, but the anxiety attack you just had exhausted you and you truly did not have the energy to argue with him as to why it’s none of his business “He likes you Y/N, he always has” he told you. There were no words you could think of to say in response to him, so you just walked away.  
After your interaction with Pierre, you went back to the garage with Lila where you both watched Max win the race by 30 seconds. Immediately following the race Lila had to leave to catch her plane back to London, you both cried as she left, vowing to not leave it so long until the next time you see each other again. Despite all of this and how much you loved her, you cursed her name when you arrived back in your hotel room and saw the dress, she left for you to wear. It was a tan mini dress that clung to your body tightly and stopped way higher up your thighs than you ideally would have liked; to put it bluntly it was almost the exact opposite of something you would chose to wear but as it was the only option available, you had to accept that you would be out of your comfort zone and get ready for the party. Just as you were getting ready to head to the club you remembered the last words that Lila had said to you just before she left “Make sure you post on Instagram how hot you look just in case Pierre isn’t at the party, a revenge dress isn’t a revenge dress if the person doesn’t see it” you laughed at her words but did what she said anyway, knowing that she wouldn’t leave you alone until you relented anyway.  
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The second you walked in the club, you caught sight of table that Max and everyone were sat at. Even though it was a Red Bull party Max did mention that others would be coming so you weren’t surprised to see Lando and Daniel sat alongside him. As soon as Max spotted you, he was up on his feet, making the short journey from his table to the bar where you stood. 
“Hey Max congratulations, such a good race.” You told him, smiling sincerely at him. “Y/N I’m so good you’re here! I was worried you weren’t going to come. What are you drinking?” The Dutchman asked you, smiling ear to ear, clearly on a high from his win. Usually, you didn’t drink much in clubs, often finding that it ends up making your anxieties worse, but you couldn’t help but feel that this was a night where you deserved to let go a little bit and actually get drunk for once. “Ohh maybe tequila?” you suggested earning yourself a cheeky grin from the man in front of you, who leant forward and ordered four shots of tequila from the bartender before calling Lando and Daniel over to give them their shots. As you stood at the bar with the three men taking your shots, you couldn’t help but think about the gossip post from earlier; you realized that as you were in a public club, anyone could easily take a photo of the four of you and use it to fuel more rumors. Part of you wanted to walk away from them, to not give people anymore ammunition to use against you, but the other part of you didn’t care what anyone else was going to do or say and just wanted to have a good time with your newly found friends. Deciding to listen to the part of you who just said ‘Fuck it let me have fun’ you ordered more shots and let yourself just enjoy the company you were in.  
After an hour or so passed, you could feel how tipsy you started to become and decided that you had probably drunk enough; that was until you saw Charles and Pierre walk into the club and immediately decided to buy and drink a lot more alcohol. You sat at the Red Bull table with Max and his friends for a while more until you saw that Pierre had left Charles sat by himself for a moment and with your decision-making skills inebriated, you decided to go and confront him.  
“Oh hey Y/N” Charles spoke as you walked towards him. “Don’t ‘hey y/n’ me Charles you’re such a dick” you told him perhaps a bit more aggressively than you had meant, slurring your speech whilst you were at it too. He just gave you a confused look. “I can’t believe I’ve barely heard from you Charles. I know you’re Pierres friend I get that, but you’re my friend too. I’ve known you for almost 15 years and all I get from you when my life literally falls apart is one text? I get you called Lila and I appreciate it, God knows I needed her here. But I also needed you. I’m not asking you to pick my side or drop Pierre, but it would have been nice to feel like you didn’t drop me.” You ranted at him, and he just looked at his feet, clearly ashamed at his behavior. “I know, I’m really sorry. I did want to reach out, but I just didn’t know how” he spoke, and you could tell that he did genuinely feel bad. You were going to say something else to him in response, but you suddenly saw Pierre approaching and decided that being around him in this state definitely was not the best idea. “I should go” you told Charles before turning to walk away. “I am really sorry Y/N, phone me when you get home to Monaco and we’ll arrange to do something” Charles called out after you just as Pierre rejoined him, earning him a funny look from his friend.  
The need to drink came back after that conversation with Charles so you grabbed another couple of shots for you and Max before walking back to the table, and after taking them all you wanted to do was dance. With Lila being gone, the next best person to dance with was Max so you grabbed his hands and dragged him onto the dance floor. This was completely out of character for you, with you usually being the quiet person sat in the corner at a club but despite that and despite the fact that you knew that Pierre was burning a hole in your back watching the two of you, you completely let yourself go and danced with Max. The dancing started fun, with the two of you jumping around to Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off (the irony was not missed on you even in your very drunk state), however after a while the copious amounts of alcohol you had drank started to catch up on you and Max eventually declared that you probably needed to head home and that he would acompany you to make sure that you got in safely.  
The journey in the uber was proabably around 30 minutes, although it didn’t at all feel like that. You spent the whole journey talking to Max about pretty much everything that came into your head, you told him about how you and Lila met Charles and Pierre and how the four of you became best friends, you told him about your love for Taylor Swift and your desperation for Eras Tour tickets, you even told him about the time you met Christan Horner’s wife Geri for the first time and completely embarrassed yourself by gushing over her and telling her how obsessed you were with the Spice Girls when you grew up. And the whole time he sat there and listened to you, he didn’t just listen to the important stuff you had to say like you often felt Pierre did, but he sat there and listened just the same when you were rambling on about something silly and insignificant. He was completely attentive, and it made you feel like you could tell him absolutely anything. He then walked you all the way up to your hotel door just so he knew that you were home and safe. “You looked so beautiful tonight Y/N” he told you but it looked like he regretted in straight away when you just looked at him unsure what to say back to him. “Goodnight, thank you for a good night” He spoke again before turning to leave. “Wait Max” you called after him and he turned around to ask you what it is you wanted but stopped when he felt your hands come up to the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. Your lips touched only for a second and your touch was so faint that Max could have thought that he had maybe imagined it if not for the riot of butterflies took flight in the depths of his stomach, their wings fluttering in harmony with the newfound spark that had ignited between the two of them. Before Max had a chance to say anything you closed the door on him before walking to the bed and flopping onto it. In spite of the amount that you had drank, you had never felt more sober than you did right now, in the aftermath of your first kiss with Max. You wanted to cry, you wanted to laugh, you wanted to scream, you wanted to run after Max and kiss him again but in the end all you do is just lay on your bed and attempt to follow the piece of advice that Lila had given you earlier in the day, you just shook it off and went to sleep.  
Taglist-
@hiraethrhapsody @ironmaiden1313 @dudenhaaa27 @aundercover @dearlovelys @bicchaan @eugene-emt-roe @faithm120601 @ruleroftheuniverse @idkiwantchocolatee @simxican @reidsworld @icarus-nex @barnestatic @amalialeclerc @stargaryenx @pjofics @girlintheredscarf @janeholt3 @lu-morningstar-2 @mycenterfold @be-your-coffee-pot @omarsiglia @lordperceval-16  
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heich0e · 2 years
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wake up call suna rintarou/f!reader (haikyuu!) word count: 2k tags: sfw but suggestive, classic morning after meltdown, walk of shame (bedroom to kitchen edition), pining, fwb to lovers, idiots to lovers, instagram story repliers to lovers, bestfriend!terushima, implied teruyams. a/n: i heard suna rintarou has a 8 pack... i heard he’s shredded
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I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up—
“I fucked up.”
“Good morning to you too,” Yuuji chirps from the other line as you answer his call. His bright tone is a stark contrast to your own hoarse, panicked whisper—having frantically fished your ringing cellphone from the bottom of your tangled bedsheets when it woke you. “What did you do this time?”
"I..."
You hear the unmistakable sound of your shower running down the hall of your one bedroom apartment, sucking in a breath.
"... am going to be late for brunch.”
“Ohhh.” Your best friend’s tone of voice turns salacious. If there's one thing you can count on, it's that Terushima Yuuji is nothing if not insatiably gossip hungry. “Who did you do this time?"
"Yuuji..." you trail off, weary and miserable.
"I should have known what you were up to when you disappeared from the bar last night without saying goodbye.”
“Yuuji,” you repeat yourself, though this time it's a harsher snap that's punctuated by a painful throb buried deep between your temples. “I’m serious, this is bad.”
“Oh no,” he says with a dramatic gasp, quickly realizing just what—and who—you’ve done.
You let out a dismal, pathetic little groan.
“You said it was never gonna happen again! Swore up and down that you’d rather be struck dead than ever—“
“Shut up,” you hiss, another pang of your aching hangover blooming behind your eyes. “This is all your fault!”
“My fault? You’re the one who was all ‘Yuu I’m getting transferred to Nagano wah wah wahhh I’m not going to know anybody wah wah Oh, doesn’t your super cute boyfriend’s friend study in Nagano? Can’t you put me in contact with him? i just wanna know one person wahhhhh.’”
“That was insulting,” you sniff following his offensive impersonation of the conversation the two of you had shared ten months prior before you'd moved across the country for your promotion. You push your messy, matted hair back from your face.
“That was spot on and you know it.” He snickers. “Anyway, blaming me for any part of the mess you’ve gotten yourself into here is laughable.”
“If you’d never introduced me to Tsukki I never would have met—“
The shower down the hall turns off, and your head snaps towards your bedroom door—left slightly ajar by the last person to exit it.
“I have to go,” you whisper in a panic, and hang up before you can hear Yuuji’s (surely snarky) reply.
You stumble on your own two feet as you scramble out of bed, grabbing an old oversized t-shirt to pull on from your floor next to your hamper. You hadn’t even cleaned up your apartment last night, you realize in horror, rushing out to your living room.
There are dishes in your sink, a half-empty and uncapped bottle of green tea on your counter that you never finished, a pair of shoes in the middle of your floor, and a pile of work papers on the corner of your coffee table with an empty candy wrapper on top that you'd forgotten to throw away. Your eyes flicker to your closed bathroom door and wonder what humiliating mess you might have left in there.
Your cellphone, clutched tightly in your hand, buzzes with a text.
Tadashi and I’s train home to Sendai leaves at 2, and if I don’t see you before then I will assume you have died of mortification or had your back broken.
Either way RIP.
‘Fuck you’ you text back, sneering at the way he's taking pleasure in your misery.
Your bathroom door opens.
“Hey,” a familiar figure steps out, and a wispy cloud of steam follows. You feel the humid heat kiss your cheeks as he towels the ends of his hair.
There's another wrapped around his waist, but the man before you is otherwise glistening and bare.
“Hi.” You stand like a proverbial deer in the headlights, averting your eyes demurely.
The phone in your hand buzzes again, and your gaze flickers towards it.
I wouldn’t say no to Suna Rintarou’s sloppy seconds 👅
You toss your phone gracelessly behind you onto your couch.
Suna quirks a dark brow as the device lands with an audible little thump among the cushions, but otherwise passes no comment.
Everything on your body aches.
“Sleep well?” he asks you, ruffling the hair beside his right ear with the end of your favourite lilac bathtowel.
No.
“Yeah, you?”
“Mhmm.” He lets the towel rest looped around the back of his neck. He juts a thumb over his shoulder towards the door he'd just exited. “I was gonna wake you to ask but I figured I'd just shower first. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Yeah, no, of course,” you wave your hand dismissively, trying to keep your voice as even and unbothered as possible though you have reason to suspect you might be failing.
It's painfully, hideously quiet in the moments that follow.
“So," Suna says, his uncannily vulpine eyes watching your every move carefully, "wanna grab breakfast?”
“I have plans actually." Your answer comes too quickly and too emphatically even though it’s true. You shuffle into your kitchen just as an excuse to put some distance between the two of you.
He follows.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah,” you reply through the sticky tightness of your throat. “I can make you a coffee though?”
You feel gross. Your skin feels tacky and icky and you desperately need a shower. You're also fairly confident that you didn’t even have the presence of mind (or remaining stamina) to take any of your makeup off last night, and can only imagine what you must look like right now as a result.
Your cheeks flush hot at the realization, and you spin on your heel to face your kitchen cupboards to--if nothing else--spare you another mortifying moment of being too closely perceived.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” you insist, pulling open the cabinet door in front of you and reaching towards the middle shelf to grab your bag of coffee grinds.
“You can hardly bear to look at me." You can tell as he speaks that Suna's getting closer, and panic mounts in your aching chest. You fiddle with the foiled edge of the plastic coffee bag nervously.
“You’re half naked,” you squeak out like it should be obvious.
A large hand appears in your peripheral vision, resting on the cupboard door next to your head and slowly easing it closed.
"I was fully naked last night, and you didn’t seem to have a problem with it then.”
“Suna, I-“ you falter when you turn around and realize just how close he is.
He's right in front of you. So close that you can feel the residual heat from the shower radiating off his exposed skin, so close you can see the droplets of water that still cling to him. His hand still rests flat against the cupboard beside your head, and the other on the counter next to your hip.
“You call me Rin when you’re drinking, you call me Rin when we’re fucking,”--you realize belatedly he has you practically pinned against the counter with his body--“why can’t you ever call me Rin in the morning?”
Your pulse pounds in the back of your throat, and for a terrible, horrifying moment you think you might be sick. In your panic, you duck under his arm and skitter away.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you mumble, heat climbing up your cheeks as you flee to the other side of your tiny kitchen--not that it does much good.
Suna turns and surveys you skeptically as you wring your clammy hands. “Is that so?”
You nod, entirely unconvincingly.
“I don’t think you’re telling me the truth.”
“What reason would I possibly have to lie to you?” you toss back, equally accusatory in tone, but it's clear to both of you that you're floundering.
“Great question," Suna crosses his arms over his stupidly toned chest, "I’d like to know the answer too.”
All you can focus on is how his posture makes both his chest and his biceps look unbelievably good.
“I’m too hungover for this,” you groan, cradling your head in your hands.
“Do you need medicine?” Suna softens in the face of your apparent agony, taking a little step towards you.
“No, no!"--you throw your arm out to keep him at a distance, waving him away dismissively--"And don’t do that.”
“Do what?” he asks, head tilting to the side in confusion.
"Y'know..." Your mouth opens and then closes again as you try to string together any coherent sequence of words. "Be all… nice to me.”
“Don’t be nice?" Suna's already monotonous voice is impossibly flat as he interrogates you. "Why not?”
“Because you’re you!” you finally snap, exasperated and flustered and wishing more than anything that you could just crawl back into your bed and pretend none of this ever happened.
“Uh, as opposed to…?”
“You know what I mean!” You huff frustratedly.
He looks at you like he really, really doesn't.
“You’re charming and hot and a professional fucking athlete with an eight pack,”--you gesture accusatorially to his naked torso for dramatic effect--“and yeah you’re a little weird, but honestly it’s kind of infuriatingly cute.”
Suna glances down and quietly counts his own abs, seeming genuinely surprised when he finds that you’re not wrong.
“I thought I only had 6,” he says, mildly impressed, as he looks up. “I think you’re cute too, by the way.”
You resist the urge to scream, settling instead for crouching with your head held in your hands.
It's quiet again, and you squeeze your eyes shut against the painful pulse you can feel pounding behind them.
Your voice is softer, more defeated, when you finally do speak.
“You’re you, and I’m me, and we’re us. And us just… doesn’t do nice.”
You hear Suna shuffle towards you, his bare feet appearing in front of your downturned gaze as he crouches in front of you and mirrors your stance.
“Hey, don’t I get a say in any of this?” he asks, surprisingly gentle.
“You can’t really will two of your abdominal muscles away,” you mumble.
“I’m not talking about my abs,” he says, but he can’t help but laugh a little. “Didn’t it ever occur to you that there’s a reason I keep coming over here? That there’s a reason we keep hooking up?”
You blink, pursing your lips. You still refuse to meet his gaze though you can feel it on the features of your face.
“I’m annoying? And surprisingly hard to shake when I’m drunk and propositioning you?”
“Yeah,” he replies simply, “and I also happen to like you.”
You suck in a sharp, wounded breath. “It’s… different for me, Rin. I-I’m worried that I like you more than I should. And I don’t know when it happened, or what to do about it.”
“There you go making decisions all on your own again.”—Suna clicks his tongue admonishingly—“I reply to every single one of your Instagram stories.”
He makes the announcement as if it should clear everything up, though it unsurprisingly does not.
You blink, peeking up at him from under your lashes.
“You’re just always on your phone.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” he admits, running a hand through his wet hair and pushing it back from his face. He draws in a little breath and holds it for a moment, like he’s steeling his nerve. “Do you have any idea how often I bug Tsukki for updates on you? How you are, where you’ve been, if you mentioned me? It’s kind of pathetic. I’m pretty sure he’s muted my text notifications.”
You don’t understand.
“Why?”
He laughs, though the sound is relatively mirthless.
“Because I like you. I already said that.”
“You like fucking me,” you argue, hiding your face in your hands.
“No,” he’s exasperated now, and you realize that this might be the most you’ve ever actually spoken to Suna about anything that isn’t, well, directly related to being penetrated by him. “I mean, yeah, obviously. But I also think you’re funny, and have good taste in music, and find it really fucking cute when you text me at two o’clock in the morning trying to start a fight with me just because you want me to come over.”
Terushima did once accuse you of using instigation as foreplay.
“I was keeping things casual because I thought it was what you wanted, not because I thought it was all you deserved.” He ducks closer to you, and gently pries your hands off of your face so you have no choice but to look at him. “I’m gonna say this once to make it perfectly clear: I like you just as much as you like me. Hell, maybe more. You’re free to do with that information what you will, but I just… need you to know.”
He stares at you, hands loosely circling your wrists as he holds them away from your burning face, and you have absolutely no choice but to stare back.
“Okay?” he asks.
“Okay,” you agree.
You’re both breathing heavily, your heartbeat racing in your chest.
Suna looks suddenly quite guilty, his narrow eyes flickering away.
“I really wanna fuck you right now,” he admits breathily.
“I really need to shower,” you say, but you sound almost remorseful. “And I wasn’t lying about having brunch plans.”
“I could come with you,” he offers, his grip sliding up from your wrists to cradle your hands with his own, his fingertips trailing over your knuckles.
“My shower is pretty small…”
“I meant to brunch,”—he threads his fingers through your own and squeezes, accompanying the gesture with a breathy little laugh—“but thanks for thinking of me.”
“Oh,” you mumble, too fixated on how much bigger his hands are compared to yours to offer much else.
Suna groans suddenly, dropping his forehead to your collar.
“You look good in my shirt,” he says, but in spite of the compliment it almost sounds like a complaint. “it’s kind of driving me crazy.”
You thought that you’d pulled on your own oversized t-shirt, but in your hungover, barely-conscious panic you had in fact put on his.
Suna smells like your shampoo when he nuzzles against your throat, and he’s still deliciously warm from his shower as he slumps into you on your kitchen floor. The early morning sunshine streams through the windows behind him in your living room, and your eyes flicker to the bag of coffee you’d abandoned on your counter.
Your fingers gently brush against Suna’s nape, running through the damp tendrils of hair that curl against his neck.
“I… really do need to shower,” you say, though it takes a lot more of your willpower than you’re willing to admit. “But… there will be other brunches.”
Suna pulls back to look at you.
“Yeah?” he asks, a smile playing at his lips that crinkles the corners of his eyes. He’s so close that you can see the single dimple on one side of his mouth, and the faint freckles smattered around the highest points of his cheeks.
“Yeah,” you agree, soft and affectionate.
“Okay,” he says.
“Okay,” you echo.
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s0lam33y · 22 days
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not a thing in my name.
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a/n: everybody and they mama was in shambles. It’s not my fault YEW chose Tori mane 😭 (I’m just kidding plz don’t get me) so I made this part 2 🙏🏽 I’m personally not the biggest fan of this part 2, but Ik you all have been waiting for it. I was conflicted on how to end this piece and I’m scared that it shows 💀
Here’s part 1
🎶: @pvnks0ul @fentibeauty @onyxstones-world @kissvamps @shurislover @eringranola @elyxiir @oceean @teadah18 @ririshotgf @blushyrawrz @imnotb
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A part of you has begun to hate fame. At the same time, you’re grateful for everything, for everyone. You’ve started to hate how invasive everyone has become. There’s a camera in your face every single time you step into your home. There’s always some sort of hateful tweet or Instagram comment which is mostly due to your lack of management.  The only person that you know that was ever good with hooking you on to others was Riri.
She’s barely in your life so things aren’t the same. You have a whole group of people with you at all times. Especially on your tour. It’s so close to ending with LA as its last location.
You finally make it to your hotel room with Tori trailing behind you. She seems to be enjoying the fame, she’s gained quite a bit since your relationship is now public. Now it’s broadcasted, and everyone’s wondering who she is. And since you’re with her all the time, you decided that she might as well be a part of your team, as a manager. She manages your schedule, and what time everything happens.
The real reason is so she can communicate with anyone that needs to reach you. Riri included. Not that you can’t speak to her but you wouldn’t be able to handle interacting with her after what happened four months ago. So you have Tori handle it.
“Damn, New York! I did not miss this,” She chuckles as you chuck your heels off. You’re exhausted but you offer a curt smile anyway.
“Yeah, same.” You agree. You rush into the lush bathroom, ripping off your lashes, and wiping off your makeup. You slip into the shower quickly and head out in a fluffy robe to hear Tori on the phone.  She’s sitting on the edge of the California-sized Bed, tightly gripping the phone. She catches you at the door frame and visibly relaxes.
“Yeah but you know she got early mornings tomorrow, I don’t think you should come.”  She says with some edge to her voice. You approach her, watching her eyes trail over your frame before you cup her cheek. You’d like to think that your relationship is fixing itself. You’re starting to feel like the boredom is stability.
“Who was that?”
“No one.” She promises while wrapping her arms around your waist.
You can’t spend your mornings admiring the beautiful city or taking walks like you used to. There’s something nostalgic about being in New York again. It’s like being home again. Despite how irritating it can get, and ending up at the 125th by accident, you’ve missed the chaos of it all.
But, you can’t have everything. You can’t stand still and admire anything either. So you get ready in the morning while it’s still dark. While rubbing cream into your face, you notice the deep bags that have begun to form beneath your eyes after a hot shower. 
Sleep has been difficult lately. Not only do you get six hours at best, the quality of it sucks. The mattress in the hotel is barely comfortable to you, too soft. You find yourself sinking in silk sheets at night. And it doesn’t help that you get super cold, Tori likes to keep to her side of the bed and nine times out of ten her back is facing your own so warmth from her isn’t even an option.
You step out of the bathroom, dressed in dark sweats and a gray hoodie to match. You barely look done up, but that’s not anything you're concerned about right now.
You sit at the foot of the bed, reaching for Tori to pull her out of sleep.
“Tori, c’mon, wake up.” You breathe out. She wakes up with a jolt, looking around and forcing a chuckle out of your lips.
“That was gorgeous! Y/N!” A manager speaks, hollering from the empty crowd. A thin layer of sweat covers your body as you finally take in a needed deep breath. You don’t remember this hurting so bad during your last performance. You see hundreds of seats in front of you, but they aren’t filled just yet. You’re sure they will be in less than 13 hours. You had to go over your entire routine, it’s a lot. More than you’ve ever done but you’ve worked through it and that’s all that matters. A manager of the venue wanted to watch you rehearse and seems to have enjoyed it. You smile at him in thanks and sit on the edge of the stage, reaching for the water bottle next to you.
After a while, you go backstage to find Tori on the phone. She notices you and smiles.
“Alright, I’ll call you back.” She says, quickly stuffing her phone in her pockets.
“I heard you, you sounded good, babe.” She smiles as her hand grazes your arm. She takes a step closer to you and lowers just a bit to whisper into your ear. 
“After this event, we could-“ You begin.
Her phone rings again. She takes a step back, smiling at you before walking away. You’ve been trying your best to fix everything. To bring you back to the way things were before. She’s been on the phone more often than usual lately. You’re sure it’s just to manage your schedule and whatnot so you don’t question it. 
By the time the performance is broadcast all over social media, you’re already on a plane to LA for your next location. Tori decided to linger in the last tour location, saying she had things to wrap up.
You blast some Sade up into your headphones and lean back into your seat.  First class seats weren’t anything that you were able to experience back then so you take advantage of it now and do your best to relax despite the headache beginning to form. You close your eyes, the aches in your body finally releasing.
Before you can truly relax, you blink your eyes open, looking around to see a familiar head. A woman is sitting across the other isle right next to you,  facing the window but with gorgeous braids and spare curls gracefully falling next to them. She’s not sitting normally, instead, she has one foot perched up on the seat and low-hanging sweats. She turns around and meets your gaze.
Riri.
You blink again and do your best to shake the thought out of your head. When your vision clears you realize that it’s just a woman that you’ve never seen, dressed in regular clothing at that.   
You’ve been trying not to think about her. The guilt is beginning to chew at you again. She was one of the realest people you will ever meet in this industry. The way you ended was messy but you wished she was at least still a friend. But you can’t have that. You can’t have her and Tori at the same time, she told you herself.
“I want nothing less. I don't want to be the other woman.”
She couldn’t ever possibly be the other woman.
“Thank you! Los Angeles!” You yell out onstage.  This is your second to last show and you went all out. Your adrenaline is at an all-time high like it always is when you’re on stage but all you can focus on is how much these platform heels are killing your ankles. The crowd is so loud you can’t hear yourself and the beat of your music is just as loud if not louder than they are. 
The song You were originally supposed to end with was the last one you made with Riri but it was somehow scrapped from the list. You don’t know how or why but right before you got up on stage, Tori had told you to not bother performing  It.
You get backstage, relieved that you’re finally done with All the performing and exhaustion. You don’t see Tori backstage like you expected.
It’s Riri in the flesh.  Or at least you think it is so blink once,  really hard to focus. She can’t be here but you’ll take your chances.
You wrap your arms around her shoulders, tightening so you’re pressed against each other.
“I missed you.” You smile as she rubs your back. She looks the same for the most part, her style is still on point.
You pull away to get a good look at her, she’s in a white oversized tee and some baggy jeans. You notice some concealer but only because it’s covering the pretty marks on her skin that you’d love to see.  Gold on the bottom row of her teeth and her chain glimmers in the dim light but you don’t mention it.
“You look good, ma, damn. I saw you up there and I was like, damn.” She praises you.  You missed her voice too. So much that you feel like it’ll bring you to tears. You’ve needed some sort of good thing to happen to you lately.
This is wearing you down and you feel like you’ve finally found comfort.
“How are you here?” You question while her hand rests on your waist.
“I ordered the tickets a long ass time ago, I talked to yo girl and she was cool wimme being backstage, I know it’s your second  last.” She remembers. Of course, she does. You do your best to memorize the feel of her hands on your skin, the calloused slightly fingertips and soft palms. You feel her hands slowly leave you and the energy shifts once she begins to look at the floor and then at you, like she’s somehow anxious. That’s new. “I wanted to see you one last time. I’m moving away from Chicago…I need something new, calmer. I found some cabin in Montana which is weird, but…I think I need to go somewhere quiet.” She says. You swear you stop breathing. Her hand rubs against the skin of your hip as comfort. This is good for her. “You’ve always been on that spiritual shit, anyway.” You smile while feeling the prick of tears in the back of your eyes and the gentle shaking in your voice. You watch her chuckle, the biggest smile forming on her face. Oh, how you’ve missed her. And now she’s leaving. “Good luck with your tour, baby.” She doesn’t attempt to kiss you on the cheek. Instead, she brings your hand to her lips, kissing them the same way she did at that party and staining you with her touch. You pull her into a hug one more time. You want to tell her that you love her. That you don’t want to be in the music industry without her. That you so badly want to drop everything to go in the middle of nowhere with her. You want to tell her that you wish you weren’t so scared. She hugs you back, securing her arms around your frame. “You were never the other woman.” You admit despite the lump in your throat. “I know, baby.” And with that, she’s gone. 
Chicago feels weird when you’re back.  You should be ecstatic. Your last show is in your hometown. Your career is taking off, you’re becoming a household name. Artists are blowing up your phone and begging to collaborate with you. Labels want to sign you. Fans recognize you when you walk out of the house. It’s amazing but so suffocating.
“You've been off lately,” Tori says from the shower. You continue to do your mascara in the mirror. She’s humming the song that you had made with Riri.  It makes you think back to why she had cut it out of the list. “Why’d you take the song out?” You suddenly ask, hearing the hot water cut out. “Ion need everybody listening to it, You made it for me.” She says before beginning to go on and on about your love for her, which you would be paying attention to if there wasn’t constant buzzing in your ear. You look down and hear the buzz in her sweats on the floor. It’s not her usual phone, it’s a different color with a different case. You stand upright and before you can see a contact name, you feel steam right behind you and watch her grasp the phone. “Work phone, Let me answer it.” She insists, barely giving you room to answer before leaving. ..
That phone call turned into some sort of meeting that she dressed too well for. She for some reason wore her best cologne and made sure her hair looked right. Tori left you with a kiss on your forehead before heading out of the house. She’s been gone for five hours.  The same way she knows you, the same way you know her. You ain’t fucking dumb. You’ve spent the last five hours on the couch, zoning out and coming back to reality. You saw this coming, especially with her constantly taking too many calls, staying in tour locations without you, her quickly hanging up when you came around. You wait for her to step back into your shared apartment. She has a grin on her face. You feel stupid for not having seen this coming. She tosses her two phones and car keys on the glass coffee table in front of you. “Where were you?” You question while she sits next to you on the couch. She scoots closer and you let her. She looks flushed and all you can think about is how much you used to love her.  Her eyes grow wide and you’re sure the look on your face is enough for her to know that you know. “Babe-” “How long?” You ask, it’s not fair. You knew she was insecure about Riri but you never pinned her as the type. “What the fuck are you on?” She curses, damn near yelling before standing up. A loud repeated buzzing turns her quiet. She looks at you like you’ve slapped her. “Pick up and put it on speaker.” You order. She takes in a deep breath before doing as asked. You keep your eyes on her own before she taps the screen. “Hey baby-” A feminine voice greets her through the phone, she sounds so fucking irritating. 
She knows it’s the end of your relationship. …
“Thank you, Chicago…truly. I’m honored to finish my tour here.” You watch the video of you ending your tour.  It was amazing, the fans were perfect, the energy was everything. Now you sit in a cab on your way to your apartment.
You figured that Tori cheated on you because of Riri. She had been with the mystery girl for a year and a half. If it was after Riri maybe you would’ve given her some chance. Even before Riri, she had been with someone, perhaps that’s why she was so tolerant for so long. You didn’t ask for many details just for how long. She tried to make excuses about how she didn’t feel cared for and how she always felt like you saw her as some sort of pawn. As far as you know, Right now she’s packing her bags and making her way out of your apartment. You won’t know until you get back home. “We’re here, Ma’am.” The cab driver, you leave him with a generous tip before quickly making it home. You need to be home, your bones are beginning to ache and so are your joints. 
As you approach your apartment you swear you hear shifting and a voice. The closer you get, the more distinct it becomes. It’s not Tori for sure, It’s some woman with a grating moan that you hear sounds too fake to be true. You quietly walk through the door only to find a naked body on top of your ex. You stand there in silence, crossing your arms. You already thought it was crazy for her to have been cheating on you for months. But for her to fuck in your apartment, that’s another level of disrespect. You knock on the doorframe, watching both of them jump like they’ve got blood on their hands. She’s riding your ex like there’s no tomorrow. “What the—Y/N, You..” Tori starts breathlessly. 
“Be out in ten minutes.” …
Your finger hovers over Riri’s contact name.  Her photo is cute, it’s a selfie of the two of you in her studio. You’re sitting on your washer, cleaning the fucking fluids off your couch cover while a tall glass of wine sits in your palm. 
You miss her. So much. This breakup should hurt. You’ve known Tori for so long but for some reason, it doesn’t hurt. You feel relieved instead.
“I’m not gonna be your second choice, Y/N. I refuse to be an option, okay?” 
Riri was never the second choice. And all you’ve thought about since your career has taken off is her. She should have her arm wrapped around your waist at events. She should be the one driving you home.
You would hate to see her again and have her feel like she was the last option. So you decide that maybe it’s about time you fix that. 
….
Turns out she really went to fucking Montana. You double check her location which she gave you ages ago.  You’re close, right next to each other almost. It’s bright out, after a rough night at your apartment. You abruptly decided that there was no use in waiting to not go see her. So you chose to book an early flight. 
It’s beautiful, there are mountains everywhere and it looks like she’s alone. You walk up the steps of the cabin’s porch. Maybe this is a horrible idea. Maybe she’s moved on. She could very well have already moved on. 
There’s a light chill this morning. You raise your hand and knock at the door, waiting for a response.
“How’d you find me, y/n?” She questions. She doesn’t make a single sound of irritation. There’s a small smile on her face and her toned frame is showcased because of the sleeveless top she has on. 
She doesn’t look like the Riri you know but she does. She doesn’t have any makeup on, no lashes done, she’s barefaced with her hair slicked back in a neat bun. She’s still so beautiful. She looks happy. Less stressed.
You can’t help but smile at the sight of her. She looks all the same for the most part, so carefree, with a small smile on her face and blissed eyes. 
You smell her vanilla perfume that brings you home every time. It reminds you of a home that you don’t recognize. It just feels right. She feels right. 
“A lot happened and I missed you.” You admit, still a little afraid of her reaction. 
“Just say you still got my location…Come here.” She laughs before grabbing your hand and pulling you into her arms. You don’t hug her back immediately.  But then eventually you settle into her touch for a while. She pulls away to get a good look at you. 
Her eyes are dilated, more than you’ve ever seen them. You’ve never had the privilege of admiring her up close. She’s so beautiful, you knew that already but watching her from a distance is different.   Her hand is gentle against your cheekbone. Her sweet eyes scan over your makeup that’s somehow still dewy although it’s been hours since you put it on.
“You hate red lipstick,”  She points out at your stained lips. You’re confused before thinking back to what she’s talking about. In your last performance in Chicago, your lips were a vibrant shade that you hate. She’s not wrong,  you hate how much attention it draws but you’re glad she’s seen it. She’s been keeping up with you.
“That hasn’t changed.” You murmur, watching her reach her thumb to your skin to wipe at your lip as if the lipstick is still there.
“Come in,” 
….
“Oh damn, so she has been fuckin’ somebody else,” Riri says with raised brows and a hushed tone. A sour taste grows in your mouth even though you know it shouldn’t. 
“I guess.” You murmur while looking around Riri’s place. Most of the interior is just the old warm decor she had at her old place. Her guitar sits up against the wooden wall next to the fireplace. You see why she moved here. It’s gorgeous and all you hear is birds chirping outside. 
You take a sip of the hot chocolate she’s made for you before leaning back onto the couch. 
“I’m sorry ‘bout that, baby.” She comforts you while inching closer to you and rubbing your knee. The pet name makes you melt all over again. She leans back, watching the fire pit. 
“You going back to the city soon?” You wonder.
“Mhm…in a couple of months. I can’t let down my artists. I’ve been working from home for the most part.” She comments. 
“I’ve missed you.” You admit. You haven’t felt this calm and centered in a long time. It’s just so quiet. It’s just you and her. 
“Me too.” She agrees while both of you look at each other.  She’s always been good with eye contact but this is something different. You wonder if she’s always looked at you like this.
You know she won’t take the initiative to lean in so you do and eventually she follows, the hand she had on her knee moves up to your waist and you’re so close you could count the cute little freckles by her eyes.
Your lips ghost over each other and you almost taste the mango-flavored chapstick on her lips before her face tenses. 
“I can’t be your rebound either, Y-“ 
You ignore the sheer irritation brewing in you before leaning in to kiss her. You pull away to gauge her reaction, her chest is rising and falling at a pace you don’t think you’ve ever seen before.
“You can’t be a rebound when you were never the other woman, And I’m sorry that it took so long for me to realize that,” You blurt and for the first time, you can’t tell what she’s feeling. Her hands wrap around your face as she speaks.
“Took you long enough.” 
She kisses you again and she doesn’t stop until your lips go numb. 
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tycarstairs · 3 months
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ready to fight for my life for ty blackthorn when twp is released because the way people are already infantilizing and patronizing him bc he’s autistic is so….
no one asked for this but i’ve seen a lot of people have weird takes on his autism so as an autistic woman i need to clear some things up ok 😭 so buckle up, this is gonna be a long one (seriously, it’s long)
the main arguments i’ve seen are: (i’m paraphrasing here btw)
“ty didn’t cry when livvy died but he did cry when kit said he wished he’d never known him so it’s clear that he does love kit.”
and
“ty clearly loves kit because he cried when they argued and it’s hard for autistic people to cry.”
and
“ty gets on my nerves because he didn’t react at all when kit told him he loved him”
like. i do get what you’re saying (with the first one. not the second one, that’s a stereotype, and also not the third one bc that’s just weird), because it does show that ty cares but like. obviously? all his actions before that showed that he cared too.
saying “he cried when him and kit fought but not when livvy died” just comes off as acting like he’s more upset about kit leaving and insulting him than he is about kit dying and that just rubs me the wrong way.
i know this is not common knowledge but autistic people often have delayed processing, especially when we’re grieving because it can be so overstimulating and even when we do grieve, it’s not gonna look the same as when an allistic person grieves.
so, delayed processing:
delayed processing in autism is where you are recording/aknowledge events as they happen, however that information is stored elsewhere in the brain and isn't taken in.
once the brain is ready or has capacity the information is suddenly taken in. this could be hours, weeks, days or even months later.
an example (from justkeepstimming_ on instagram):
An autistic person whose mother died at quite a young age. At the time, when his father was grieving, it did not appear the autistic son was upset.
However, one year after his mother's death, he suddenly processed that she was gone (permanently) and only then started the grieving process.
that example is pretty much exactly what happened with ty in qoaad.
partly, ty didn’t cry when livvy died because he didn’t accept that she was dead. he was so sure that he was gonna bring her back and for a long time, he probably didn’t even consider the fact that he might fail.
after livvy dies, kit says this:
“Everyone had been terrified. Ty would fall apart, they’d thought. Kit remembered Julian standing over Ty as he slept, one hand stroking his brother’s hair, and he’d been praying—Kit didn’t even know Shadowhunters prayed, but Julian definitely had been. Ty would crumble in a world without his sister, they’d all thought; he’d fall away to ashes just like Livvy’s body.”
if ty were allistic, he probably would have reacted like this immediately. and he does react like this eventually when his brain fully processes that the ritual didn’t work, that livvy is actually not coming back:
“Livvy!” Ty didn’t scream the word so much as it was ripped from him; he curled up, hugging himself, as if desperate to keep his body from shattering apart.”
this is when ty actually processes that his sister is gone. so saying, “ty didn’t cry when his sister died but he cried when him and kit fought” as if it’s some really romantic thing that he was sadder about kit leaving than livvy dying (which is not true) is just iffy because it’s such a stereotype and a misconception that autistic people don’t seem to care at all when people die, and way too many people from this fandom are feeding into that so much.
and ty does show is grieving throughout qoaad but because it’s not in the allistic way, a lot of readers don’t recognize it.
(i was actually so positively surprised to see that cassandra clare, an allistic woman, wrote the grieving process for an autistic character—and everything else about being autistic tbh—so well but it gives me so much hope for twp)
for example, autistic people (this is obviously not all autistic people as all autistic people are different but i'm just listing the signs i've seen in ty in qoaad) when they're grieving might show their grief gradually in more subtle ways by hurting themselves, emotionally or physically, which ty does do:
"The only person he was unkind to, Kit thought, was himself."
and we also see in gotsm that ty is continuously punishing himself because he is still grieving. livvy is simultaneously there and dead, and ty has to live with both the grief of her death and the guilt of her being stuck as a ghost.
there's also the fact that kit observes that ty starts keeping secrets and doing things alone, which is also common when trying to process emotions that haven’t fully caught up yet:
“In the past days, though, since Julian and Emma had woken up, Ty had been harder to find. If he was working on something, he hadn’t included Kit in it—a thought that hurt with surprising intensity.”
like. ty is pulling away because he is trying to process everything that’s happening. him excluding kit is very likely a symptom of some kind of delayed grief because it’s very unlike him to exclude kit from anything, as we can see when he says multiple times outright that he doesn’t want to do things without kit.
just because it’s more subtle than breaking down into tears doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel it at all. it’s more likely that he simply feels too much and is shutting down because of it.
and of course his grief is gonna be subtle when he hasn’t even accepted and processed the fact that she’s dead yet.
and yes, he cried when kit told him he wished he’d never met him but that is so different because there was no room for denial. kit told him that word for word, the processing wasn’t delayed this time because there wasn’t really that much to process.
ty truly believed right away that his only friend wished he had never known him, and when livvy died he didn’t accept that she was dead. those things are different and pitting them against each other is weird.
so, onto the second argument/misconception i’ve seen that:
“ty clearly loves kit because he cried when they argued and it’s hard for autistic people to cry.”
this is a misconception stemming from the stereotype that autistic people are emotionless. yes, some autistic people might have a harder time crying because of shutdowns etc. but generalizing it to it’s hard for autistic people to cry is just wrong, especially because this has never been implied about ty in the text.
in fact, it’s the opposite:
“Ty heard everything twice as loud and fast as everyone else. The headphones and the music, Kit sensed, were a buffer: They deadened not just other noises, but also feelings that would otherwise be too intense. They protected him from hurt.
He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to live so intensely, to feel things so much, to have the world sway into and out of too-bright colors and too-bright noises. When every sound and feeling was jacked up to eleven, it only made sense to calm yourself by concentrating all your energy on something small that you could master—a mass of pipe cleaners to unravel, the pebbled surface of a glass between your fingers.”
so implying that it’s harder for ty to either cry or feel sad is just wrong. kit notes that “every sound and feeling was jacked up to eleven”, and this includes ty’s grief. him not crying when livvy died has nothing to do with how much he may or may not be feeling and everything to do with how delayed his processing was.
and the third complaint of ty is frustrating because he didn’t react when kit told him he loved him.
first of all, i don’t know if it’s my autistic ass not understanding allistic people but is it not normal to be in shock when someone tells you they love you in the middle of a necromancy ritual???
and second of all, this scene from city of heavenly fire where julian says “i know it’s hard to understand, ty, but we love you” like it’s supposed to explain their actions and ty reacts like this:
Ty looked at him blankly. He knew what “I love you” meant, and he knew it was good, but he didn’t understand why it was an explanation for anything.”
ty looking at kit blankly in surprise in qoaad is not him “not reacting”, it’s him trying to process 1) what that has to do with anything and 2) why that would be an explanation or an argument as to why ty should stop the ritual.
(it is probably also partly because ty thought kit had feelings for livvy at this point but that’s just speculation so i won’t get into it now)
to kit, this was probably his way of saying that because he loves him, ty can stop the ritual and kit will help him with the aftermath.
to ty, kit’s confession made no sense in that moment because why would kit loving him mean that he should stop the ritual? and this was most likely also the moment when his grief was really starting to kick in, so that just adds to it.
yeah idk if anyone made it to the end but as you can tell, i have a lot to say and i’m tired of people romanticizing ty’s grief.
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