#I've been short-staffed since I started and it has literally only been me since the new year | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kokoch4n3l · 2 months

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DEAD GIRL’S BEACH࿐ྂ KUROKAWA IZANA x f!oc x SANO MANJIRO

FIVE — little bunny

"He doesn't like it when I don't make eye contact while talking to him. He says it disrespectful but I think he just wants to show me that he's the one in control and not me."— MAYA'S ROUGH NOTES ON K.I

chapter summary: with the apparent lack of staff at the hospital, Maya has no choice but to clock in despite her begging for a day off and goes through an unforgettable night. good thing she's wearing running shoes.

chapter warnings: minor character death, suicide ideation, self-loathing, mentions of vomiting, corruption, exploitation, death threats, murder, torture, blood, gore, non-con drugging, unethical use of drugs, use of weapons, noncon/rape(not mc), noncon touching, mentions/implications of forced prostitution, inaccurate depictions of psychiatric hospitals, f!oc with zero self preservation skills

word count: 4910

moodboard | masterlist | previous | chapter 6

Maya's mother was a surgeon and her father was a mechanical engineer. They met in university, fell in love and had her. Her childhood had been a happy one. That was until the day before Maya's 13th birthday, her father got into a really bad car accident. The surgeon in charge? Her mother. Maya's mother wasn't able to save her husband and it absolutely destroys her. Her mother drinks away her pain, sending her into debt and eventually but quickly to her death. The day Maya met Chifuyu in the park, she was going to kill herself. But rather than using the money she had to buy herself her favourite ice cream one last time, Maya used it to buy a first aid kit and treat Chifuyu's wounds.

Chifuyu didn't know that. She'd never tell him about that. But he somehow saved her that day. Who knew falling in love could give you a reason to live?

Or, maybe it was simply a distraction from how utterly tragic her life had suddenly gotten. Her childhood ended at 13 when her mother and father died but her inner child continued to cling to Chifuyu like it was the last thing she had left. But now that was over. That fantasy was over and it all came crashing down. There was no more pretending, there was no more dreaming. Chifuyu didn't love her back. What happened last night was a mistake to him— something he deeply regretted and now Maya had to deal with the emotional consequences of it. "I need to call in sick I—"

"Doctor Kaneko, we're very short on staff tonight. I'm literally a new hire and they have me working the first day with no training. Please come in" The new receptionist at Sunshine Grove pleads

Maya feels gross and sad and tired and exhausted and just a whole bunch of emotions at once. "I really don't feel well right now. I've never taken a day off since I got hired I... I really need this day"

"Yeah I know... I'm sorry... But really we're really really short-staffed. You'll get paid extra and you can come in late if you'd like!"

That didn't make any sense for her to be paid extra when she was just coming to her normal shift. Maya had always been to kind for her own good and the sound of the new employee's desperation made her ache so she gave in. Maya has been sitting on the floor of her bathroom since she got back. She's lightheaded and still needs to shower but she couldn't find the motivation to get up until she saw the time and that she had only two hours since her shift started. She called in to take her first ever day off since she started working but unfortunately, she had to come in. She wanted to cry. Maya didn't feel like doing anything right now. All she could think about was the harsh rejection she faced and Kazutora's words.

He knows you're pretty, he just doesn't love you.

She feels gross and used. If you told middle school Maya that Matsuno Chifuyu would make her feel this way in the future, she'd probably kick you in the shins and set your homework on fire. But Maya wasn't in middle school anymore and she had grown up long ago. Chifuyu was no longer someone she could use to cling to her childhood innocence. Chifuyu didn't love her back and probably never would, especially after last night. Maya lost her virginity to Chifuyu and he regretted the entire night, telling her it was a drunken mistake. She still had to shower, still had to eat something but she couldn't get up. The aching in her hips and thighs was gone but now her spine hurts from how long she'd been crouched over on the floor. Her phone buzzed at 9:30 pm with a text from the nurse who was assigned to the 4th floor asking where she was. Maya resists the urge to call the old lady and cuss her out. It wasn't like she did her job anyway. Maya was the one doing all the work. But she hadn't broken down enough for that yet. Her shift had already started and here she was still sitting on her bathroom floor, not showered and really fucking hungry. But time is money and maybe just going to her shift might make her feel better.

Maya gets into the shower and washes her hair, doing her entire routine and then—

Maya cut her hair. Chifuyu said he liked it long so she cut it short. She hated it. She hated everything, she wanted to change everything.

Chifuyu said he liked her hair long so she cut it short.

Maya hates endings; the endings of movies, the ending of a series or novel she invested herself in, the ending of an art project she poured her heart into. She thinks the inevitable ending of her and Chifuyu takes the cake though, the creme de la creme of endings, the one that sits at the tippy top of her shitty, neverending list.

She wants to say something so badly and thinks she finally understands what people say when they tell someone their unsaid words are trapped in their throat, almost choking them. It's in no way hard for a functioning person to pick up a phone and shoot a text, but when you're a fresh outta university Japanese girl who's wearing heartbreak like a badge contemplating sending a text to an unrequited lover whose contact sits in your phone with a heart next to their name, maybe it is a bit hard.

Maybe if she really wanted to, she could. She could pick up her phone, open iMessage, and at least cuss him out but the option seemed a little embarrassing more than anything. But embarrassment aside, she wants to protect herself, it's the only rational thing to do in this situation. If she sees the text message go green inside of blue paired with the red lettering on the screen beneath the text saying not delivered, Maya feels she might just rip her own skin off.

A bitter feeling fills Maya's mouth and she almost wants to run to the toilet and throw up, but she swallows it down. Of course, it was her fault things went sour like usual, wasn't it? Why'd she get drunk with him? Why did she even stay over? It was always Maya who was immature— too young— always her who didn't want to make any changes, and always her feelings that didn't matter. Was she protecting herself from the start? Possibly, but she couldn't find herself feeling bad for herself. She likes familiarity and the safety it provided.

But the familiarity is too comfortable now, so hours after her least favourite ending thus far, Maya cuts her waist-length black hair short around her shoulders. It took more time than she wanted for her to get the short wolf-cut style she wanted and surprisingly her hair feels so soft and new with all the dead ends and more cut-off— for the first time since this morning, she lets the smallest of real smiles settle upon her face.

Chifuyu really used to love her hair, loved how it was always soft and naturally a bit curly, long till her waist. But now Maya's hair is short, and when she tries to mimic the way Chifuyu would card through her hair, her fingers run through too fast due to all the length chopped off, pretending to ignore the fresh wave of heartbreak washing over her.

Deep down Maya knows that things will never be okay again, but at least she can pretend.

Maya often wishes things in life had a refresh button, or that things would be shut down and start up brand new like a laptop did when you held the power button down for too long. unfortunately, things never work out in her favour, and that's nothing more than a faraway impossibility.

Chifuyu said he liked Maya's hair long so she cut it short.

With the help of kitchen scissors and a YouTube tutorial, Maya hopes to forget anything Chifuyu ever said about her and heads to work.

Her shoulders are slouched as she heads through the front gate of the hospital, lazily showing her ID badge to the security at the gate. It's about 11:00 pm. "You're late" the man said

Maya was too tired to notice it wasn't the usual security guard. "yeah..." she mumbled as the man handed her badge back

Maya walks through the parking lot and up to the front doors, entering the silent building. She greets the new receptionist without really looking at him and heads into the locker room behind the front desk. She had come wearing her scrubs and had her coat in her bag. Maya doesn't really look in the mirror as she puts her bag in her locker and slides on her coat, clipping the pager to the waistband of her pants and the ID to the breast pocket. Maya sighs and takes a seat on the bench feeling tired. She didn't want to be here. She was exhausted and sad and felt like she could cry again at any moment.

He knows you're pretty, he just doesn't love you.

Kazutora's words ring through her head constantly. It's making her feel physically sick. She's nauseous. Maya wants to throw up all over the floor. She wants to go and— "Doctor Kaneko" Fingers snap in front of her face

Maya flinched and looked up seeing Kakucho standing over her(she was a bit too tired to notice he wasn't wearing his uniform but in a suit). "You're late," He says cocking his head to the side "Nurse has already given the patients food"

Maya nods. "That's a first. Usually, I'm the one doing her job"

Kakucho gives her a gentle smile. "New haircut?"

Her hand comes up to touch one of the newly cut short locks. "ah yeah... spontaneous decision" Maya says with a nervous laugh, hoping he can't see how fucking depressed she looks right now

Oh wait. It's Monday. Izana. The IV bag. The director.

Now Maya just feels even worse. Through her self-loathing and depression, she forgot about Izana. What she was going through was nothing compared to what had been happening to him for the past 2 months without his knowledge. "Uh so... Has the patient from 401 been discharged yet?" She asks standing up and adjusting her coat

Kakucho shakes his head no then looks at his watch. "Ah~ about that, Mr. Kurokawa said he wanted to see you before he left..." He says lowly, looking away from her "He's been discharged but he said he wanted to wait for you before leaving"

Maya's eyes soften. Now she just feels even worse. "O-Oh... I better hurry up then"

They enter the elevator and Maya can't help but feel like utter shit. She shoves her hands into the pockets of her white doctors' coat and she stares up at the small black display screen showing the floors they pass by. She'll tell Izana. She'll tell what's been happening and apologize. Maybe it'll make her feel a lot less shitty about what has happened today. After all, it wasn't her fault. Maybe she should have been a bit more critical of the orders given to her for Izana's treatment and it would have stopped and maybe Izana could have maybe switched hospitals. But now she figures Izana could sue after she tells him. At this point with how terrible she's been feeling, Maya wouldn't even blame Izana if he decides to get angry and lash out at her. Her shoulders slump and she doesn't notice Kakucho staring at her. "Doctor... Are you alright?"

She looks up at him and nods. "Yeah, I'm alright"

But the look in her eyes showed how utterly exhausted she was. Maya had attempted to do her makeup just like she always does before her shift but she ended up crying her mascara and concealer off so she was bare-faced, not wanting to be an absolute mess at work in case she cried again. Her dark circles were showing as well as the few little moles scattered on her nose and cheeks. The elevator stops and the doors open on the fourth floor. Kakucho lets her step out first and they walk side by side towards room 401 all the way at the end of the hall. "You look tired" Kakucho says "had a rough night?"

Maya laughs a bit.

He knows you're pretty he just doesn't love you.

"You can say that," she says then as they approach the door she speaks up again "Security unlocked his door right?"

Kakucho just hums. Maya doesn't press the bracelet to the scanner and just twists the doorknobs. An odd feeling of dread fills her but she's already opened the door all the way and Kakucho stands behind her, holding it open. Maya freezes.

Fight, flight or freeze are the three most basic stress responses. They reflect how your body and mind will react to danger.

Fight. When your body feels that it is in danger and believes you can overpower the threat, you'll respond in fight mode. Your brain releases signals to your body, preparing it for the physical demands of fighting.

Flight. If your body believes you cannot overcome the danger but can avoid it by running away, you'll respond in flight mode. A surge of hormones, like adrenaline, gives your body the stamina to run from danger longer than you typically could.

Freeze. This stress response causes you to feel stuck in place. This response happens when your body doesn't think you can fight or flight.

Unfortunately, Maya froze. Her heart pounded so loudly in her chest it was all she could hear. Her body trembles as she feels Kakucho's hand rest on her shoulder. "Well if it isn't my favourite doctor!" Izana croons happily as he folds up the sleeves of his black silk dress shirt "Been waiting a while for you"

He's no longer wearing the two-piece white cotton outfit all the patients wore. Instead, he's wearing beige trousers and a black silk dress shirt. His shoulder-length hair that's usually a little messy is slicked back and tied in a half up half down style and he's wearing Hanafuda full moon earrings. But what he was wearing wasn't the point, it was what was happening in the room that made Maya freeze. Near the window down on their knees were the two nurses in charge of the 4th floor, Doctor Sawamura who only showed up a hand full of times she had been hired and the hospital director. They were all bloody and bruised, Doctor Sawamura and the hospital director shifting in and out of consciousness while the nurses were trembling in fear, faces splattered with blood and necks turning purple. "Come in! Come in!" Izana says with a grin walking over to her "I've been waiting so long for you. I can see it's your new haircut that made you late"

Other than the staff, there were a few men inside as well, all wearing suits. Maya's heart drops recognizing one of the men, Haitani Ran, the club owner from Saturday. She's breathing shaky as Izana grabs both her wrists and drags her into the room. Kakucho walks in as well, and her heart skips a beat at the sound of the door clicking behind them. Izana's hands grip her wrists painfully tight then with ease shifts them both into one hand. "Shion, what ya' got?" Izana asks one of the men in the room

Maya is breathing shaky. Her knees are weak and she can't get herself to move. There are puddles of blood on the floor and the guy wearing glasses is fixing a silencer onto a pistol. Her throat feels tight at the sight of it and now she can't tear her eyes away from it. "Uh..." The Shion guy who's got a scalp tattoo on the side of his head says feeling around his pockets then pulling out two baggies and examining them "Xanax and Rohpynal"

Izana holds his hand out and says. "One of both" Shion puts a single pill of each into Izana's palm

"I don't think that's safe. You're tryna make her overdose?" Haitani Ran asks with a playful pout while leaning against the wall "Thought we could sell her. Pretty face could make us a bunch"

Maya feels sick and gross and she just wants to go home. She knew she should have stood up for herself and said she didn't want to come in for work. "Now unless you want Kisaki to shoot your brains out, I suggest you swallow" Izana says and without warning shoves both pills into her mouth

Maya swallows without thinking, her brain processing this slowly to protect itself. She's pushed down to her knees next to one of the nurses. Maya thinks she's having a panic attack of some kind. It sounds like she's underwater, their voices distant and she can't fucking move. Maya can't get herself to move. Her body trembles and her head hangs low, staring down at the floor. "It was her" One of the nurses says frantically, pleading to the men before them "It was all her we—"

A loud smack sounds and the nurse's body crumples to the floor right in front of Maya. Shion then grabs her by the hair and makes her sit up, the woman clawing at Shion's hand to make him let go. "Did any of us ask?" He says lowly, holding a gun to her temple

The nurse just whimpers pitifully. "Calm down Shion. Let's get our newest arrival up to date and tell her what's been going on" Izana says with a smile

The nurse is thrown to the floor again and towards a few men who were dressed a bit differently than Ran, Shion, Kisaki, Kakucho and Izana. "teach her a lesson" Ran calls to the men

"Shion snap her out of it" Izana says in a dismissive tone, leaning against the hospital bed

Without warning, Maya feels her hair being pulled so she's no longer looking at the floor and Shion slaps her across the face hard. She chokes out a gasp and Shion lets go of her hair while Maya cups her cheek. The slap snaps her out of her panicked state but the drugs also start to take effect. She starts to hear moans and cries from where Shion had tossed the nurse. She doesn't dare turn her head and look. She'd rather not throw up right now at the sight of her co-worker being violated. Maya didn't think she could speak. She probably shouldn't try to either. She doesn't want to end up like the nurse being defiled, nor the one next too her who was bleeding from her head. She doesn't want to end up like the other doctors either, bloody and bruised, looking like death. Izana is speaking but she only hears bit and pieces. "He made you his pawn ... and our resident slackers... supported him"

She doesn't understand. Her head is going fuzzy and his words are coming in from one ear and out from the other. Maya's vision begins to go fuzzy. Her mouth is dry and her head is empty. Her heart isn't even beating that fast anymore despite the terrifying situation she's in right now. It feels like she might sleep. No, she definitely will pass out. Izana force-fed her not one but two tranquillizers. Xanax and Rohpynal were not a good combination. If he wanted her out of it, just Rohpynal would have been enough. But she figures that he wanted her sedated enough to keep still and awake while the horrors around her happen and she wouldn't move a muscle. She hears a whipping noise and blood splatters across Maya's face and her clothes. The nurse next to her drops dead with a bullet through the brows, the muffler keeping the pistol quiet. Instantly, Doctor Nakamura and Doctora Sawamura start pleading for their lives. Maya's head falls again, staring down at her knees. She thinks she might pass out. But Ran grabs her by her hair and makes her look up again and watch as Shion slits Doctor Sawamura's throat, slowly, inch by inch. Blood splatters everywhere. "I swear to god if any of that gets on me" Izana warns and Shion simply salutes him and lets Sawamura's body fall to the floor with a thud

Maya's eyes begin to fall shut, unable to keep herself awake but Ran roughly pats her cheek and forces her to stay conscious. "Hey, don't fall asleep yet" Ran coos then laughs and turns to look at Izana "Shit you were right. she does have blowjob eyes"

Maya hopes they don't kill her slowly. She hopes they make her death quick and painless. She watches Shion pull out some kind of tool and start pulling each one of Doctor Nakamura's fingernails out. She flinches and her eyes fall shut. Her knees are wet with the blood from the dead nurse pooling around her, she's got it on her face and clothes. Maya wants to call Naoto and ask for help. She wants to call Chifuyu to come save her. She needs help. She's terrified but her body isn't responding to her. It seemed like she zoned out for a moment because she felt another set of roughing pats against her cheek but this time it was Izana. "look at you..." Izana coos, his voice a soft whisper so the other men couldn't hear him

Maya barely heard him over Doctor Nakamura's screams. "You know what you remind me of?" He asks, one of his hands coming up to grip her jaw

His fingers dig into her skin. His nails have probably left indents on her cheeks but Maya doesn't even flinch. She feels like she's melting. "there's something about you... you remind me of a bunny" Izana's words dripped with a sinister charm, sending shivers down her spine

Her senses dulled, and she struggled to comprehend his words, feeling a strange mix of confusion and fear. Izana's tone held an eerie fascination as if he found amusement in her helpless state. Maya tried to muster a response, but her limbs felt heavy, her thoughts clouded by the drug's embrace. In her haze, she couldn't grasp the significance of his comparison, only a profound sense of vulnerability enveloping her like a suffocating shroud. The Izana's gaze lingered on her, his expression twisted into a smirk of perverse satisfaction. "Yes, a bunny," he talks more to himself than her, his voice a soft whisper taking on a predatory edge

His words slithered into her consciousness, stirring a primal instinct to flee, but her body remained immobilized, trapped within the drug-induced haze. She fought against the encroaching darkness, desperate to break free from his sinister grip, but her efforts were futile against the potent cocktail coursing through her veins. It's then she hears an odd zipping noise and a nylon thread is wrapped around her neck. She's frozen and caught in a haze. Maya can't even bring her hands up to plead for her life. She's struck staring up at Izana's lilac eyes.

Was this going to be the last thing she saw?

Were Izana's eyes going to be her last memory of the living world?

But it seemed Izana had a different plan for her as he unloops the thread from around her neck with a grin. "tell you what, we'll play a little game" Izana says, talking in a normal tone again over Nakamura's screams as if his deal even made any sense "I'll give you 5 minutes. If you can get through the front doors of the hospital in 5 minutes, I'll let you go and we can pretend none of this happened"

Maya is finally able to get her words out. "and if I don't?" she whispers out breathlessly

Izana smiles at her. It's eerie and scary. He takes a strand of her freshly cut hair between her fingers and says "I'll decide when I catch you, little bunny"

Izana starts the timer and it takes Maya a while to even get up off the floor. The men in the room laugh mockingly at the way she stumbles like a newborn fawn. Her knees ache from kneeling for so long and just trying to get to the door wastes an entire minute. She can't get the door open. Her hands keep slipping due to the blood and standing upright is an entire task on its own. Just then a large hand grabs the doorknob and twists it, opening it for her. Maya doesn't even look at who it is and stumbles through the doorway. Maya's heart pounded in her chest as she stumbled through the dimly lit hallway, her footsteps echoing against the cold, unforgiving walls. Panic surged through her veins, fueled by the disorienting effects of the drug coursing through her system. Every step felt like a battle against the encroaching darkness, her mind a haze of confusion and fear. With each passing moment, the sense of urgency intensified, driving her forward toward the distant glow of the elevator's illuminated panel. She could hear the faint hum of its machinery, a beacon of hope amidst the oppressive atmosphere of her captivity. Adrenaline surged through her veins as she pushed herself to move faster, her instincts screaming for escape. As she finally reached the elevator's doors, her trembling fingers fumbled for the button, praying for salvation from the nightmare that had become her reality. "come on, come on" she mumbled, pressing the button repeatedly

Finally, with a soft ding, the doors parted, revealing the sanctuary she so desperately sought. Without hesitation, Maya stumbled inside, her breaths coming in ragged gasps as she frantically pressed the button for the ground floor. She felt helpless but with each passing floor, her hope grew stronger, fueling her determination to break free from Izana's clutches. She almost blacks out a few times, her heart rate slowing and it feels like she might sleep. But thankfully with another ding, the silver doors part again. With a desperate surge of adrenaline, Maya stumbled toward the front door of the building, her vision blurring at the edges as the drugs tightened their grip on her consciousness. She could feel herself teetering on the brink of unconsciousness, her limbs heavy and unresponsive as she fought to reach safety. But just as she reached out for the door handle, her strength failed her, and she crumpled to the ground in a heap of limbs and despair. "Fuck" she whimpers as she tries getting up

It's hopeless. Utterly hopeless. Her hands reach for her phone in her pocket. She forgot she had that. Maya calls the first person she can think of.

Chifuyu.

She waits and waits and waits but there is no answer. His phone goes to voicemail and Maya whimpers, leaning against the wall, desperately trying to regain her strength and just get up. Chifuyu wasn't answering. She tries to call someone else but her phone slips from her grasp and falls to the floor with a loud crack. Her eyes fall shut. Tears stung at the corners of Maya's eyes as she lay there, her body wracked with pain and exhaustion. She's covered in blood that isn't her's and she might just die if she doesn't get out. In the haze of her fading consciousness, Maya barely registered the sound of footsteps approaching, the echo of her Izana's chilling laughter piercing through the fog in her mind. "Oh~" he coos crouching down in front of her "looks like you lost little bunny"

He's mocking her. Maya doesn't even have the energy to cry. "How about you take up my offer and come to my beach house" Although it wasn't an offer this time "We'll have lots of fun together, bunny"

Then, with a sickening sense of dread, she felt strong arms encircle her, pulling her back into the darkness from which she had fought so hard to escape. As the world faded into blackness, Maya could only pray that somehow this was only a nightmare and she fell asleep on her bathroom floor.

[END CREDIT SCENE]

"What’re you gonna do with her?" Kisaki asks, watching Kakucho put Maya in the back seat of the car

Izana simply waves him off. "You worry about Tachibana, Tetta. Let me have fun with my pretty doctor"

Izana looked as happy as a toddler who just got a new toy. The cleaning crew is heading into the hospital the clean up the mess left. Kisaki makes a grunt kind of noise. "Oh, and where is Manjiro?" Izana asks, turning on the child locks just in case and shutting the car door "I thought that little shit was going to be here tonight"

"You know how he is," Kisaki says with a sigh pushing his glasses further up his nose "Mikey does what he wants"

Izana sighed and looked at the girl lying unconscious in the backseat of the car wearing scrubs, a white coat and smeared with blood on her knees, hands, white coat and face. "Tell him to come see me. I missed him."

How pretty.

notes: lol. I do NOT condone any of the actions in this fic. This is all fiction.

My birthday is on March 7th so if I manage to finish the next chapter by then, I will post it cuz why not? I'm unfortunately turning 20 😭 so lol. However if I don't get it finished then the next update will be on Monday as planned and I’ll post this other fic I’ve been working on.

I am creating a general taglist for all my fics so if you’d like to be apart of it plz tell me

taglist: @kokonoiscoconut @mysouleaten @yaya4thawin @piroporopo @reiners-milkbiddies @bontensbabygirl

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gingus-doon · 3 years

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pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.

#your turn to die #keiji shinogi #yttd keiji #kimi ga shine #i really just wrote this much just about keiji like goddamn. calm down @ me #it's not that much tho i checked and it's like not even 2000 words 😔😔#i got sad writing some of the angstier parts of this. like keiji... my darling.... let me hug him #i feel like there's a lot to be said about ~after the shooting~ and the process of him becoming the man he is now #there's lotsa speculation about that here from me specifically lol #i'd kinda kill to read a fic that goes into this stuff! no ship or anything just keiji. and megumi and his mom #i wonder if it exists 👀👀👀 but there are few things without ships that exist....#anyway i love keiji more now somehow #i am super keiji simp trust #i am tired tho lol i think i'll sleep now. maybe #OH ALSO!!! it's very fitting that the last line mentions the downward spiral #because i was thinking of the nin album by that title earlier today #specifically keiji and a certain track. I WILL NOT SAY WHICH TRACK. YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW

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roswelldetails · 4 years

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RNM 2x07 - Como La Flor

Apologies for being so late this week!! Lots of translating to do, and research. Mucho gracias to @queenrikki for reviewing this one for me!

EPISODE SUMMARY:

OLD WOUNDS — Liz (Jeanine Mason) is forced to revisit a painful part of her past when her mother Helena (guest star Bertila Damas) shows up at the diner unexpectedly. Michael (Michael Vlamis) urges Maria (Heather Hemmens) to seek help after she experiences a strange vision, and Kyle’s (Michael Trevino) attempt to get Steph (guest star Justina Adorno) to open up doesn’t go as planned. Finally, Helena’s arrival in Roswell sends Rosa spiraling. Nathan Dean and Lily Cowles also star. Barbara Brown directed the episode written by Danny Tolli & Carolina Rivera (#207). Original airdate 4/27/2020.

DETAILS:

Max and Isobel both describing to Rosa how it feels to use (and control) your powers.

Isobel:

"Ground your intention. Feel the current running through your body, your hands guiding it with purpose."

Max:

"Okay, draw energy from your spine…"

Arturo on Rosa:

"I heard a little mouse crying in her room this morning."

Escamoles - like Liz says in the episode, they're ant larvae. One article I found called them "the Caviar of the Mexican desert".

Helena calls Liz "mi corazón", which means "my heart".

"Arturito, te ves bien."

Arturo, you look good.

Adding "ito" to someone's name in Spanish can both be positive or negative. It can refer to smallness or also tenderness (like an affectionate pet name).

@tasyfa pointed out that there was a little timeline error in this scene. Arturo says that he hasn't seen Helena in 7 years, since Jim Valenti's funeral, but last season it was established in 1x12 that Valenti died in 2014. Also, remember the show is a year behind reality right now, so it's still 2019. So off by 2 years.

The reason for Helena's visit - transferring her ownership of the Crashdown for Liz so that Liz can sponsor Arturo's residency for citizenship. I did a lot of research trying to understand and clarify why this is. Thanks to those who weighed in when I was struggling to find a clear answer. Eventually I reached out to Define American, the non-profit org that provides support to the show on racial and immigration related issues. Here's the response:

The short version is that Liz has to meet minimum income requirements in order to sponsor Arturo, because she has to be able to certify that she can financially support him. Since she's currently unemployed except for the Crashdown, transferring half of the ownership to her makes her a business partner and helps her to meet the income requirements.

The Spanish:

"¿Cuánto quieres, Mamá?"

How much do you want, Mama?

"She has a very thoughtful manicure."

If you don't understand, it's cool. I'm not going to explain here. Feel free to DM me though! I won't judge, promise!!

Narrative thread about Max's nightmare/memory continues from 2x03 and 2x06. Don't forget that 2x03 was just Isobel remembering it. Max was a hallucination. So when he brings it up here, it might be something they haven't discussed in a very long time.

The Spanish from Rosa on her red jacket:

"Eres una mujercita."

Basically translates to you're a little woman or young woman. I assume the "cita" is supposed to be diminutive here.

"Mom is an opportunist. If she found out she had a kid who came back from the dead she would use you to get to Anderson Cooper. And then she'd use him to promote her latest lounge singer gig."

"Isobel pays double. Becky tax."

A Becky, according to common colloquial use, is an annoying white woman, usually entitled and privileged.

Lead bartender quit..meaning there's a job opening at the Pony…hmm. Wonder if any of our characters need a job... 🤔

Maria's vision:

Michael drops the change

Flash to Kyle dropping his keys & bending down to pick them up.

Kyle staring into a bright light.

Maria shouting his name.

"My heart was broken. Liz ended things and a part of me died."

Max's story to Valenti… not all THAT far off from the truth.

Note: has anyone told him about Valenti investigating him? We know Liz and Isobel were questioned. Michael was present when Liz was questioned. Kyle knows the whole theory his mom was pursuing. And he just wanders in there like nothing happened?

"Try leading several short staffed investigations with the mayor breathing down your neck."

Another subtle reference to the mayor, including the election banners hung around town in S2 and his "anti-immigrant agenda" which was referenced in S1.

Max has been with the department since he was 18 - this is the first time we learned that. In 2x05 we learned he was there at 21. So that timeline has now been further clarified. Which also means he was hired during Jim Valenti's time as Sheriff.

"I need eyes on you at all times now."

Definitely implies a lack of trust, or possibly still wanting to keep an eye on him for the purpose of her investigation (not a fact, just a theory).

Steph tells Kyle that she's always hanging around the hospital because she's doing admin work for her dad.

"I'm starting to feel like you're a ghost who only I can see."

"Ask them if they can see me. Or if you were just talking to a ghost."

Note that ghosts have been a running theme this season with Rosa returning from the dead. This seems to be in line with that. Or are they subtly tying Steph to Rosa (I'm grasping at straws here, probably).

Liz leaves the safe on 3...but before she changes it is on 81. Helena leaves it on 78 after stealing the ring. Good continuity, RNM!

The whole "my mom hates cops" theme is a little confusing to me. I mean, it makes sense given what we know about Helena. Except that she had an affair with Jim Valenti, who was… a cop. And also an addict. Maybe it was different because they rehabbed together (just an assumption, not a fact). Or maybe the Jim experience contributed to her dislike of cops.

Liz...might be grasping at straws when she refers to police work as "something you love" to Max. He didn't exactly seem enamoured by the job when we first met him in Season 1.

First time we learn Max and Isobel's father's name. And it is… Dave. 🤔

The Spanish Helena uses when she meets Max:

"Pero que guapo estas."

But how handsome you are.

"Cuidado Arturito."

Careful, Arturo…

Helena found Liz and Diego's wedding registry online.

“Look there are medical reasons for non-drug-induced hallucinations - epilepsy, schizophrenia…”

“My mom has a degenerative brain disease. My grandma did too. I've always known I'd be next.”

Helena wanted to be Selena.

Which fits with Liz's lounge singer comment earlier.

And the "drunkenly singing in the car with your daughters in the backseat" fits with the story Liz and Rosa discussed in 2x02 about the car accident they got into as kids with Helena driving drunk.

Helena shows Liz her ten years sober chip, suggesting that she's been sober since Rosa died, but Rosa finds pills in Helena's car later in the episode. Oxycodone. The same drug that Rosa used to steal from her mom as a kid (which we learned about in 2x04) and the same drug that she and Kyle discussed when he was checking her health in 2x01.

During Helena's toast to Rosa:

Preciosa = precious

Rosa Linda… still not sure personally if this is a continuity error or a pet name. I’m inclined to go with a pet name. Throughout the whole episode Helena uses lots of pet names, nicknames, diminutives to address people. Rosa Linda may be just another version of this since Rosa's middle name was pretty well established as Helena in Season 1 between her grave, memorial pamphlet, etc.

Kyle calls attention to Steph's bandage on her arm. She says she gave blood, but it feels like she's evading.

Also she calls him McDreamy, which is a Grey's Anatomy reference. Kyle called himself McSexy (another Grey's nickname) in 1x08 as well.

Note: I've seen some people talk about the speech about his sick friend as being about Maria, but I think he's really talking about Steph. Or both, vaguely. He's certainly trying to get Steph to open up to him. Here's what he says:

"I just found out a friend of mine is sick. And I can't do anything to help her. And I hate feeling helpless."

Only after Steph puts her walls back up, does he gesture to Mimi's files.

The Spanish:

"Oh, ándale, gùero."

Ándale is like, go! Or let's go! Gùero we discussed earlier...basically white boy.

Por favor - please

Rosa's art that we first saw in 2x05 now looks finished:

Isobel's graffiti "In Pod We Trust"

Both Isobel and Rosa's graffiti:

Isobel's assessment of Rosa's art

"That's a black hole. An unstoppable force of destruction. And it's getting closer. I see a girl looking into her own doom. She thinks it's inevitable, that she can't stop it, but she can. See, she created it. That means she can destroy it."

Rosa on Isobel's efforts to help her:

"You and Max, you keep talking about harnessing emotion and grounding myself, right? But I can't do that. It is in my DNA to be screwed up. Literally. My mom's mentally ill. So, so am I. I was broken long before Noah did what he did. That's why he chose me to prey on. That's probably why he chose you too."

Maria on her grandmother:

"When I was a child my Grandma Patty was the only adult who understood my make-believe world. Thing is, I was six. So my favorite things about her were just illness, I guess…"

Maria on her mom:

"She was always kind of out there. By the time I realized it was more than that, I just became obsessed with money. Wanted to be able to take care of her. I invested everything Grandma Patty left me, and I worked, scrounged. It was about three days after my mom was finally fired from her job at the Pony, I bought the place."

Maria's blood does not contain the alien protein that Kyle found in the Pod Squad and Rosa after being in the Pod for a decade. (and yes, he actually said Pod Squad, which feels like an OG fandom victory)

"Look, there is one thing I noticed in your grandmother's file. Her insurance company is the same one that paid for my dad's cancer treatments...My dad got cancer because of an alien incident at Caulfield Prison. A fake insurance company established by Project Shepherd covered his bills."

"Okay so my grandmother got sick at the same alien prison where your mother died?"

More Spanish (there's lots of it this week).

Helena, when she gestures to the present:

"Abre tu regalo."

Open your gift.

Quinces is just slang for Quinceanera.

Just in case you're not familiar with quinceaneras (Liz's was also referenced in 1x02).

"Mija, me enseñas tus prom photos?"

Daughter, show me your prom photos.

Regarding the power outage. Liz thought it was Max. Max thought it was Rosa. But the wire is frayed, like it was cut or chewed through. So it wasn't alien power related. When Arturo finds the wire though, he says, "Must have been a little mouse." Which is how he referred to Rosa earlier in the episode. So the question is, does he actually think it was a mouse? Or does he think Rosa cut the wire? And if Rosa did cut the wire, then why? To distract them while she goes after her mom's car?

In the big Liz/Helena argument, Helena calls Max “a güerito cop”. Güero means white person, similar to the more commonly used gringo. But by adding the “ito” onto the end (like discussed before), Helena is basically diminuitizing Max. She’s using the “smallness” above to basically imply that he’s some white nobody.

“I may not be the PTA mom who made cookies for bake sales or hosted sleepovers, but I sacrificed everything to come to this country to give you a better life.”

This is...not actually true. Liz and Rosa are both natural born U.S. citizens, born in Roswell. So she didn’t “come to this country” for that reason. She was already here when Liz and Rosa came into the picture. And it’s not like she came pregnant with Rosa or anything, since Rosa is Jim Valenti’s daughter.

The ring that Helena took was ARTURO'S mother's ring. It wasn't even Helena's family's heirloom.

Liz and Arturo sharing flan for dessert. At the start of the episode before Helena arrived they discussed making flan for Rosa.

Arturo admits that he always knew the truth about Rosa's heritage. (*fistpump* that's one of my headcanons coming true).

"Rosa es mi hija, siempre y para toda la vida."

Rosa is my daughter, always and for life.

"Maybe you're right. I am playing the hero. Just like you're playing the politician's perfect arm candy. See, I did a little digging. And your boyfriend, Dirk-- he ran for city council. It's very impressive. But there's no mention of your daughters. I'm guessing Dirk doesn't even know about Liz or Rosa. Does he know anything about you, Helena? 'Cause it would be such a shame if he found out about a little town called Roswell."

Helena gives Max the ring, but keeps the box… maybe that's what Helena really wanted?

Huevos = eggs. Basically, slang for balls.

"I know that face. You uncovered a massive conspiracy."

"I checked the Caulfield drives. No sign of a Patricia DeLuca, but there was a Patricia Harris. Her maiden name. She signed up to participate in an experimental trial. Government was interested in weaponizing alien abilities. They wanted to create super soldiers. Your grandma was one of the first human subjects."

"Kind of wish I was an alien instead."

"What happened to the experiment?"

"It was a total failure. Caulfield shut it down in the '70s after people started dying. I don't understand how your grandmother got involved."

"I do. Henrietta Lacks, Tuskegee, Holmesburg. The DeLucas aren't the first black people to be secretly experimented on."

Highly encourage you to read these if you're unfamiliar with any of these references. It's African-American history (and really a black mark on U.S. history) that's rarely taught in schools.

Henrietta Lacks:

Tuskegee:

Holmesburg:

Reality versus Maria's flashes… great gifset by @rosaortecho on this here:

Kyle rips his jacket, staggers out to the parking lot, drops his keys, and is almost hit by a car, but Michael throws him out of the way with his powers (and Kyle still ends up injured because he lands on a glass bottle).

"Now that we know your illness is related to Caulfield we can find a cure for it."

"Maybe it's not an illness. I saw the future today, Guerin. When I first found out Grandma Patty was experimented on, I was furious. But what if my genetic inheritance isn't just injustice? It's also actual superpowers. Saved a life today. And not just any life-- Kyle Valenti's. Tomorrow he's gonna turn around and save five more lives."

Liz and Rosa's dueling big sister act is super fascinating. Rosa admits that she wasn't going to burn the car, and then she saw Liz crying, felt helpless, and that's when her powers went all wacky and caused it to explode.

Meanwhile, Liz has spent the whole episode trying to keep Rosa safe from Helena, and is trying to comfort her here by talking about Helena's sobriety.

But--Rosa stole Helena's pills, so she knows Helena is not sober, and she doesn't tell Liz that. Why? To protect her.

At some point these two should probably stop keeping secrets to protect each other and start actually sharing what they know.

Kyle stitches himself up.

Steph quoted in this scene:

"I was up in the gallery contemplating American downfall thanks to progressive socialism."

"People tend to bail when things get real. I'm not into that."

Cameron's car was impounded a couple hours away.

Max is turning in his badge and gun and is turning down desk duty to search for Cam.

Isobel and Michael's discussion at the Pony:

"Do you think that Noah chose me because I was already broken?"

"I think you are the only one of us who ever keeps it together."

"I'm serious, Michael. The night that drifter attacked me, why am I the only one who started blacking out? I mean, Max literally murdered a man, but I'm the one who breaks?"

"You were traumatized. We were kids. At that age, trauma gets etched on to your soul."

"But what if it's not in my soul? What if it's in my DNA? Look, my whole life, I've played Stepford wife, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. But...I need to understand myself now. I need to know where I'm from. And if I don't know who my biological parents are, how am I ever gonna know who I really am?"

"What are you saying, Iz?"

"I know that we said we shouldn't look into the past, but…"

"It keeps pulling you back. Me too. I spent my whole life thinking I'd build a ship and blast off into the ether. And then the minute I decide to leave that all behind and focus on this good thing in front of me, I'm sucked back in. Maria's family was experimented on at Caulfield. I need to find out more so I can find a cure for her illness."

Rosa takes one of her mom's pills. 😭

MUSIC:

1. Cactus Groove "This World"

2. Shelly Fairchild "Drive"

3. Mathis Hunter "Mrs. Vinegar"

4. Big Stone City "Good For Zero"

5. Big Stone City "Way Down Below"

6. Selena "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom"

7. Elizabeth Moen "Best I Can Do"

8. Wagons "Keep Coming Back"

9. AG "Where Is My Mind" (Pixies Cover)

#roswell new mexico #details #rnm season 2 #episode details #long post #rnm 207 #como la flor

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fuck-customers · 5 years

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Holy Shit Buckle Up Y'all

(TW: mentions of transphobia, racism, and self-harm)

A little backstory:

In November we hired three new people to help with our workload around the holidays, and we've kept them on. Two of them are very hard workers, have great personalities, and nice work ethics. The third, who I will be referring to as J.....does not.

She constantly asks to switch shifts instead of putting in for time off or changing her availability (said that its "inconvenient" for her to change it), if you're even a minute late to covering register for her when she's supposed to get off, she'll just abandon the register and clock out and then shop for thirty minutes, and she is constantly walking away from her post bc she's "bored" and "doesn't feel like working" when there are literally people in line.

So about two weeks ago, she scheduled for five days off. Sweet, shes learning. She then proceeds to call off the day before her five days and the day after. So now she has a week off. Dick move, but I can't say no one has done it before.

Her scheduled day back is a Wednesday. She texts one of my coworkers, P, and asks her to take her shifts for Wednesday AND Thursday. P agrees because she wants more hours, but all of us, including the managers, are irritated now. This is now nine days off she's gotten.

On Wednesday, I got a text from her asking if I could take her shift Friday. Now as of this point, I've been sick all week - hacking my lungs out, not able to breathe, but working bc we're short staffed (bc of her) and bc I need the money. I had Friday and Saturday off for the first time in MONTHS so no way in hell was I gonna take it. I just said no, firmly.

She continues to pester me, asking why, since I don't work Friday I should be able to, etc, and I kind of snapped:

Which, okay, maybe I shouldn't have snapped like that. But I was exhausted and frustrated and so sick of her getting to do this that I just couldn't take it anymore. I expected her to call me a bitch and then ignore me but hoooooo boy nope. (Names are blacked out) (and if this many photos aren't allowed feel free to delete this submission)

First of all, the racism comment:

She was buying cigarettes and even though shes a coworker, I have to ID her bc she's 19 and I can get fired for that shit. She told me she had lost her ID and asked to just put her birthday in. My manager said it was fine, so I did, and I made the offhanded comment about how she should get a new one so she didn't get pulled over by a racist dick while driving. We live in an area where the cops just looovvve to profile people (if you know Ohio, you know where) and I'd had that conversation with so many of my friends that I didn't even think about it, I was just concerned about her getting home safely to her kid. She didn't react negatively at the time, just said "oh I didn't think about that, thanks" and we moved on. If she had really had an issue with it she would have spoken to our managers, so clearly she's only bringing it up now to scare me. I just.....I mean obviously if I am being racist I want someone to tell me so I can fix my actions, but I didn't even think that came off that way in the moment. Maybe I was out of line, but the same thing has happened recently to my 16 year old cousin (he's fine dw) and so its been on my mind.

Second, no, I am not a manager. But aside from four other employees, two of which only work part time, I am one of the oldest members of staff (time wise, not age wise, I'm 23). So the managers put me in charge of a lot of shit, which means that I end up being in charge of people. Which apparently she did not like.

And third no, I do not have a kid. I'm not married, I don't have a partner, and I barely have the income to make half of rent with my roommate sometimes. I would not bring a child into this world if I could help it, and it pissed me off that she would imply that if I had a child, I'd be more mature. I wanted to scream at her and tell her that if having a kid makes you more mature, it clearly didn't work for her. I feel so bad for her kid; he's like two, and she's already constantly using him as an excuse for not doing things and not going to work. She lives with her mom and her boyfriend, so she has a support system (her mom is retired, and a very sweet lady). Like again, I don't have a kid, but all my coworkers who do don't pull this shit ever.

Anyway

I was physically shaking by the end of these texts, crying, because I HATE when people yell at me, especially when they know me IRL. And especially cause she was accusing me of some nasty shit. I sent them all to my manager in the least professional set of texts I'd ever written and then two hours later had to go to work.

My depression was up, my anxiety was through the roof, and as soon as our floater manager asked me if I was okay I burst into tears again. I showed her and the closing manager the texts and they were both appalled but then

They fucking started trying to "comfort" me by making racist comments!!! "Oh, thats just what her people are like" "you know she grew up in the ghetto part of town" "that girl is straight up hood" like!!!!

I was furious. I was so mad it wasn't funny, but they're my MANAGERS and i need this job and they're both old, so they don't think what they're saying is wrong. I tried desperately to derail it by saying things like "where she grew up had nothing to do with it" but they just kept going and I just....that made it so much worse tbh I just walked out of the office to do my fucking job.

A couple hours later, right as I've started to calm down, one of my coworkers started making really transphobic comments about one of our old coworkers who I'm still friends with, deadnaming her, saying that she's allowed to deadname her bc its part of her religion, etc etc.

Y'all I just....walked behind the photo counter and had a fucking meltdown on the floor. I dragged myself to the pharmacy to get their trash so I had SOMETHING to focus on and as soon as I got there the tech took one look at me and held out her arms and I just lost it again.

I go to my manager and basically just ask to do trash and go home. I was supposed to close, and I have left early only once in my life, when we were too dead to need me, but I had just mentally had it. I knew that if I didn't leave in that moment I wasn't going to make it to the end of the night without hurting myself.

She agreed, I finished trash, and got one of my friends to come pick me up.

My GM texts me the next morning (Thursday) and says she's giving me PTO for the hours I didn't work Wednesday night and for my day off on Friday. I almost cried again bc I was so stressed about the money.

Fast forward to a week later, today, and J still has a job, but she has now also called off 16 days in a row. Claiming she's still stuck in Texas with her kid (which was why she was asking to trade shifts last week).

I don't know how much longer my GM can hold out before firing her. I really don't.

Tldr; coworker asks me to take a shift for the hundredth time after calling out for a week, I say no (albeit a bit rudely), they start screaming at me via text, and I have a mental breakdown.

#fuck co-workers #fuck coworkers #fuck managers #tw: racism mention #tw: transphobia #submission

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