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doodlejoltik · 29 days

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the unwinnable game

[~2.7k words. Read it here or on Ao3]

Zugzwang (from German 'compulsion to move'; pronounced [ˈtsuːktsvaŋ]) is a situation found in chess and other turn-based games wherein one player is put at a disadvantage because of their obligation to make a move.

Centuries after their battle atop Mt Coronet, Rei confronts Volo in a nondescript forest, somewhere on Pasio. But the answers he's seeking aren't so easily given.

aka. a continuation of that one dialogue cliffhanger in the Mysterious Stones chapter because I'm extremely normal about these two

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“There's something you'd like to say, isn't there… Rei?”

Volo turns around and Rei musters up the bravest expression he can.

Now that he's here, he doesn't know what to say first; all his planned questions bounce around his head, clamouring for dominance. Why are you here? How? Since when? You have a Togepi and a Togekiss? Why a tournament? What do you know about the mysterious stones?

Were we ever really friends?

That is, it takes an embarrassingly long time for Rei to respond. In the end, what he says isn’t a question at all. “That Togepi in the ruins was yours.”

Volo only shrugs. He's got a languid smile on his face. “It might've been. She likes running around.”

Internally, Rei is relieved. So he hasn't been seeing things. But he doesn't let it show on his face, and crosses his arms. “Why’d you hide from everyone for months, and only show yourself now?”

“Now, I wouldn't call it hiding,” Volo replies, waving his finger. “This is a big island, and I've made a good few acquaintances here on Pasio already! Perhaps our paths simply didn't cross.”

With the number of times Rei has visited the ruins for mysterious stone research, the odds of that are vanishingly unlikely. “But why didn't you even try? It's not like I've been keeping a low profile.” Of course, the reason is probably something like I tried to end the world and it would be awkward. And that's what Rei needs Volo to say.

The Arc Phone sits heavily in his belt satchel, recording every word.

“Oh, I was just preoccupied. The ruins here are simply fascinating! Even though they're replicas, teasing apart all the ancient cultures used in their construction is such a fruitful area of study. You know me.”

Yeah, I know you. “Find anything interesting about Arceus?” Rei snarks.

“Not particularly!” Volo shakes his head, looking disappointed. Then he perks up, and continues, “Now, Dialga and Giratina however…”

“Oh?” Rei seethes quietly. Of course he had been watching. Why hadn't Giratina said anything?

“It’s curious, isn’t it, how they have seen fit to partner themselves with new wielders?” Volo smiles. “And Palkia too, I’ve heard.”

“It is interesting,” Rei forces out, adjusting his scarf. He recalls Volo's last parting line about Arceus, all those months ago. “Nice to know that they've bonded willingly with people in this time,” he says pointedly.

Ignoring Rei's tone, Volo continues, “That man, Cyrus, who controls Palkia. What a character, wouldn't you say?”

Rei has a lot of thoughts about the Sinnohans’ decision to allow Cyrus - a man who has literally tried to remake the world and not disavowed said goal - to keep the embodiment of Space with him. He'd thought Adaman and Irida had to be joking, at first. What would the Captain think if she saw what her descendant had turned the Galaxy Team into…

“I suppose you see yourself in him.” Rei says flatly.

It's only the two of them here, in the middle of a forest, in the dead of night, so Volo should have no reason to be evasive. And yet -

“Hardly,” Volo laughs off. “Intellectual curiosity, nothing more.”

This is going nowhere. Does Volo seriously think he can fool him again? Probably not - every remark is undoubtedly purposeful, but with just enough plausible deniability to appear innocent. So maybe he just wants to mess with him. Great.

A different strategy, maybe. He’ll surely make a mistake at some point if Rei keeps pushing. “This… tournament that you proposed,” Rei says. “I suppose you're participating?”

“Naturally!” Volo says cheerfully. “Battles on Pasio are done in teams, are they not? Perhaps you'd like to-”

“No.” Rei glares at him. Oh, now, that was going too far. Going to shut that line of conversation immediately.

“So hostile,” Volo sighs. “A united Hisuian contingent would've been a sight to see. Well, the clan leaders should be more receptive, at least.”

“Not if I can help it,” Rei says, crossing his arms. He’s well aware of how childish it sounds, but the thought of his friends falling for Volo’s innocent merchant act, again, is too horrible to consider. Mentally, he rapidly revises his priorities - he has to meet with Adaman and Irida as soon as possible and explain everything. Tomorrow, ideally. Does he have the energy for that? It’s something like one in the morning, right now. He's dead on his feet. But he’ll make it happen. He has to, before Volo does.

But what if he’s already too late? When had Rei last spoken to them? The dance competition, that wasn’t that long ago, right? At least a week, maybe more, his mind supplies. He'd just been so busy… and surely they would have told him if they'd met Volo.

This little anxious spiral must be evident on Rei’s face somehow, because Volo chuckles, stepping closer. “The world doesn't revolve around you, Rei. Not here.”

“You don’t get to act all high and mighty,” Rei snaps. “Not when you’re pulling everyone along on your own strings. I suppose you think you make the world go ‘round.”

But Volo has a point, no matter how much he hates to admit it. Rei’s been assuming he was someone significant to this whole saga. The appearance of the mysterious stones coincided with his and Akari’s arrival to Pasio, after all, so was he really wrong for thinking that?

And Arceus spoke to him first. That had to mean something.

“On the contrary, I simply meant that we’re all on equal ground,” Volo says. For the first time, goes unspoken.

“I’ll still beat you,” Rei vows. He’d done it before, he could do it again. No matter if he was still favoured by Arceus or not. “Because my bonds with my Pokemon, and my friends, are real. And you don’t know what that feels like.” Though intended to be a sharp jab at Volo, instead, a deep bitterness colours those final words.

Volo’s expression twists into something briefly unreadable before it settles into a polite half-smile. “You’re quick to assume the worst of me.”

“Quick?” Rei barks out a harsh laugh. “No, it was exactly the opposite.” He’d been strung along so thoroughly, accepting every strange behaviour as simply one of Volo’s little oddities. Only up at the Celestica Ruins did those allowances start to crumble – and by then, it was too late.

Volo’s look at Rei is one of intrigue. The way Rei's seen him examining ancient ruins, like he's something Volo wants to observe, or study.

And Rei has had it. Enough dancing around the subject, trying to draw it out of Volo; clearly it’s never going to happen. “Is this all just a game to you? You tried to destroy the world! You want me to think you care about anyone?”

Volo raises an eyebrow. “That's a bold claim. Surely if that had happened, it would've ended up in the history books, somewhere.”

Well – okay. The only person who knew what happened was the Professor, sort of. And Cogita. Arceus knows how she found out. But Professor Laventon didn't know half of it, even, Rei had just incoherently vented everything emotional and hurting at him, swore him to secrecy, and then hoped that he'd never have to unpack that again.

Clearly Arceus had other designs.

“We were friends.” Rei’s voice cracks a bit, there; he hates how true it is. “I thought we were friends. But you were going to kill me for standing in your way!”

Volo frowns. “Now, why would I do that?” He takes a few paces towards Rei and smiles, purposefully, grin stretching tight across his face. “I wouldn't want to lose my favourite customer, after all!”

Stumbling backwards to regain the distance, Rei exclaims, “I’ve bought maybe one thing from you. Stop calling me that!”

“Recipient of free samples, semantics,” Volo shrugs, entirely unaffected, and Rei wars with the competing urges to punch him or bolt into the treeline.

“Play dumb all you want,” Rei hisses, “but you’ve already shown your hand. I could tell them everything. You won’t be able to fool anyone ever again.” Least of all me.

Volo tilts his head with a smirk. “Well then, why are you here?” he asks, calling Rei’s bluff.

And though he can’t know that the Arc Phone is listening in Rei’s satchel, Rei realises that his motivations must be laughably transparent. Maybe Volo thinks Akari, or Cynthia, is watching the whole thing from the treeline. The specifics of it don’t matter, really. Rei’s been outplayed from the very beginning.

Volo makes a little movement with his hand. There's a sudden rustle of movement behind Rei, and he whips around, hand on Decidueye's Pokeball -

But it's just Volo's Togepi, who warbles in alarm and quickly toddles past him.

“What would people rather believe in?” Volo says lightly. “The accusations of a boy who jumps at shadows?” He bends down to pick up Togepi. “Or in the innocence of their friend?”

In Volo's arms, Togepi lets out an adorable squeak.

Over the Pokeball on his belt, Rei’s hand is trembling with misfired adrenaline. He carefully drops his hand to his side and raises his head up high. “Cynthia trusts me. I’ve been here for months, and we’ve worked together on the mysterious stones since they were first found.”

“And so?” Volo shrugs. “A working relationship is hardly worth much. I thought you would've known better, with what Kamado did…”

Rei flinches.

The worst part about it all was that no matter what ulterior motives Volo might have had, back then, when he’d been thrown out into the wild with barely a few days’ worth of supplies – Volo had been there for him when nobody else was.

Volo had seen Rei fall apart and put himself back together with forced cheer. And so, he knew exactly where the cracks were, where to strike with his words to disassemble Rei all over again.

Of course Rei knows Cynthia is responsible, and smart, and has been nothing but friendly to him – but he doesn't really know her, does he? And Volo is her ancestor. Which is pretty obvious, honestly. She’d probably like him immediately.

Just like everyone else did. Including Rei.

“Besides, you're not the only one who's been making friends in high places,” Volo adds smoothly. “I’ve heard that Bettie’s word is quite well regarded.”

So now that Rei had wised up to Volo's true nature, he'd gone and found himself new people to use. “You’ve always been like this, then,” Rei huffs. None of it had been real; their entire ‘friendship’ had been predicated on Rei's usefulness. “They deserve to know the truth about you.”

“Truth? Or your own opinion?” Volo scoffs. “You think so highly of yourself, Rei, but you're not the beloved Hero of Hisui here. No…” he smiles. “You're entirely ordinary. Do remember, it was everyone in that stadium who heard Arceus' voice.”

Admittedly, that stings. He'd thought - maybe - that Arceus was finally telling him why He'd brought Rei here. What he was supposed to do in this strange new land. But he'd failed, unable to clearly hear Arceus’ voice.

Rei spares a thought for the Arc Phone, once a vessel for divine inspiration, now reduced to recording mortals’ petty feuds. His messages to Arceus have been left on read for months. He's probably allowed to be a bit petty, at this point.

Volo continues, “Imagine! Any one of us could become Arceus’ champion.” Togepi makes a little noise. “Yes, even you,” he says indulgently, lifting her up to face him, and she goes cross-eyed following his waving finger.

It's horribly cute, the sort of thing Rei would've been charmed by before. And it's clear Volo is no longer taking Rei seriously at all.

What starts out as a wavering thought suddenly asserts itself with startling clarity. “I don't need anything from you,” Rei realises. He'd told himself he was here for evidence, something concrete he could hold against Volo, and that was true. But beyond that, he'd been after something entirely more personal.

He can walk away.

“I don't need anything from you,” he repeats, with force this time.

Volo turns his attention away from Togepi, and this of all things is what finally seems to make him genuinely confused. “Leaving so soon, Rei?”

Rei doesn't elaborate. He turns on his heel to stalk through the forest back to civilisation. Now, because if he says anything more he doesn't know if he'll ever bring himself to stop. Because he's asking for something he'll never get.

Volo's saying something. He doesn't care to catch all the words, though some of it filters through - “challenge”, “tournament”, and “rivals” among them. The general shape of the message is clear. They'll meet again; Rei's powerless to stop that. But as best he can, he'll shake off whatever lingering grip Volo still has on him.

He doesn't stop walking as the trodden earth turns to paved cobbles under his feet, and he makes it all the way up his building's winding stairs to the little studio apartment that he's been given. Home, for now. Collapsing onto the lone armchair, he takes the Arc Phone out of his satchel and turns off the recording. Thank Arceus for divinely bestowed infinite storage, he supposes.

Rei knows that if he were to listen to it, there'd be nothing of use. Only hidden barbs and Rei’s own ugly, wounded anger. It feels fitting to delete it, to banish the whole encounter to memory, and perhaps eventually, less than that.

He doesn't, and instead tucks it away in a folder several layers deep.

Maybe Professor Laventon wrote about the whole disaster in his private diaries. Rei knows he has them, bless the man. He'd once stumbled into the Professor's office late at night, after an exhausting, terrifying escape from an Alpha, ready to tell Laventon off for sending him there – and startled the Professor fiercely, who quickly shut the manuscript he was writing with a blush. So even if Rei had sworn him to secrecy, he might have confided in the written word.

That's something he can set Cynthia on digging up, then. Even just the suggestion that Laventon, the First Pokemon Professor, had such personal writings, would probably send her into an unstoppable research frenzy. That much about her, at least, he knows. If it still existed in this era, Cynthia would almost certainly find it.

And maybe he doesn't need evidence. Not for the people who matter, anyway.

Akari’s only a few doors away, their apartments close neighbours just like back in Jubilife Village. If he wanted, he could wander over there once the sun rose, have her fantastic tamago rice, and tell her everything.

Is he ready to take that step into thin air? To trust that he'll be believed, in something that's infinitely more convoluted and improbable than the simple plea – “I don't know why the sky is red, it's not my fault, I only ever did what you told me to” –

Well. Volo might've been the last one to break his trust, but he was in no way the first.

Can he make good on those words that he’d levelled so confidently against Volo? That his bonds with his friends are real?

Akari had never doubted. And Adaman and Irida had gone against Kamado's will, risking the standing of their people, just to help him. He would be doing them a disservice if he didn't at least try.

And in this dangerous game, it might be the only winning move.

Even as he makes this decision, he feels the pull of sleep. It's offensively late, or early, in the morning now, depending on perspective, and all of this is Tomorrow Rei’s problem.

There's no energy left to even stumble to bed. Rei falls asleep right there in the lumpy armchair, hand loosely gripped around the Arc Phone, Adaman and Irida’s Poryphone numbers on the screen, ready and waiting.

And, though Rei will certainly wake up sore with a crick in his neck come the morning…

For the first time in a long while, his dreams are not restless.

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dirtytransmasc · 1 month

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Modern Aocorro high school au: what if Spider was a harpist in his high school orchestra and Ao'nung was down bad about it.

Spider was already your classic high school heart throb. He was popular, buff, handsome, a little rough around the edges, yet still a total sweetheart.

For Eywa's sake, he carpooled his siblings to school or rode his skateboard to school, volunteered around town 24/7, used reusable straws, he'd hand his pocket change to anyone in need, and was known for getting into fights with bullies in the parking lot.

Not to mention that he had the prettiest golden curls and brown eyes anyone had ever seen (at least in Ao'nung's opinion).

So to say Ao'nung was crushing, hard, was probably the understatement of the century, and could you even blame him? The guy was perfect, an angel, and it was driving him insane.

He'd catch himself staring during gym practice, marveling at his muscles, cheeks flushing, or in the locker room when he took his shirt off to change, his heart pounding away in his chest.

he thought he couldn't be even more down bad for that boy than he already was, his confident personality rendered null and void when he was around, his tongue caught in the back of his throat, unable to do so much as squeak at him… until the day he caught him in the orchestra room, practicing.

Now, he had heard Spider was in orchestra and had even seen him rolling around some large black case around the school before, but he'd never actually caught what he played.

But walking past that half-opened door was how he found out the love of his life wasn't only a sweet handsome hunk of a guy, but he played the harp, the instrument of an angel.

The sheer audacity of this boy was getting out of hand, he swore to Eywa, he was gonna kill him one of these days with his impossibly hot antics.

He stands and watches as Spider presses up against his harp, eyes focused on his sheet music, hair tied up in a messy bun but a single golden curl hangs he keeps blowing out of his face, and his fingers strum along the strings, working the muscles throughout his hands and arms.

The sound of gentle music flowed from the gap in the door, and it sounded just as pretty as Spider looked, soft and sweet, but still robust, still full of base and bravado. It was so fitting.

Watching Spider's face quirk with focus and frustration and pride as he worked through the song made the other's heart swoon, he swore it must be palpating or maybe skipping beats. He just knows it wasn't beating right, especially as he rubs his hand over his chest and feels how heavy it beats against his ribs.

And thats when Spider just so happens to turn to see who was gawking at him from the hallway, and instead of telling him to stop staring or throwing a pissed-off glance like Ao'nung is sure most other's would do if they caught someone staring like he had been, Spider just smiled.

"Like what you hear?" he quipped, leaning forward to turn the page of his music binder.

"Y-Yeah, yeah, you're... amazing," he choked out an answer, coughing into his fist to try and cover up the stammer in his voice and the blush on his cheeks.

"You flatter me," he replied, sitting back and looking Ao'nung right in the eye before he looked away with an even brighter smile, and it was like his skin was set on fire by just that single glance. "Are you gonna come in or are you gonna keep standing out their like some weirdo?"

"Oh, I-I wouldn't want to bother, I was j-just passing by,"

"It's free period, it's why I'm in here all by my lonesome," he puts on a fake pout and bats his lashes in his direction for show, "keep my company yeah? I'm sure you've got nothing to do if you've already spent so much time staring."

He moved his bag off the chair next to him before patting it.

"Sit," his tone was warm and inviting and his eyes were soft and almost pleading, so he did, with a deep breath, he sat next to the other boy.

He managed to be even prettier up close, and Ao'nung had to tear his eyes away so he didn't make a fool of himself. He decided to turn his attention to the harp. It was beautiful, made of a soft, warm-toned wood, intricately carved and painted with the image of flowers he couldn't name off the top of his head.

"She's a beauty isn't she?" Spider asked

he only nodded at first, before feeling the urge to touch, his hand moving before he could think better of it, but he managed to stop himself before he made contact with he wood.

"Can I?" he asked, quite pitifully, finally making his own eye contact with the blonde. Eywa save him, he was too pretty, it was unfair. He felt butterflies tickling his stomach and his head getting fuzzy. Why didn't he run when he had the chance?

"Go ahead," he answered with a huff of laughter.

He tried to steady himself as he stroked a hand down the curved wood that he saw resting against Spider's chest earlier when he was playing, feeling the warmth from the other boy's skin still clinging to the wood.

His fingers sought out the strings Spider's rested on moments ago, the metal threading bit into his flesh ever so slightly when he ran his fingers down them.

"I catch you staring all the time y'know, you're not very good at hiding it."

Ao'nung feels his heart drop through the floor and into the stone-cold basement beneath them. Fuck. He fucked up, he fucked up so bad, Spider must think he's a freak-

"It's cute."

"What?" he didn't mean to ask that out loud, but when he did, he said it far too loud.

Spider just laughs at him, gently and without malice, his eyes crinkling into almost nothing, his cheeks going a little red, his nose scrunching a little. Ao'nung feels his heart swell.

"Oh, it's never subtle, especially since you turn bright red, and the second you realize I'm looking back, you turn tail and run away like you have the devil on your heels," he pauses to wipe the tears from his eyes, "It's just cute, adorable even. I kinda like having a not so secret admirer."

"You don't think I'm some total freak?"

"Nah dude.... who's to say I'm not staring back?" he said nonchalantly.

Ao'nung was sure his brain was melting, cause he just found out his crush might like him back? Potentially. And that was just simply mind-boggling, cause, he wasn't gonna sell himself short, but he never thought he could be on Spider's radar.

They hung out with different people, and he used to be an ass to his siblings before he transferred to be here, and sure he apologized and made up with them, he always seemed to hold a bit of a grudge.

"You are?" he had to ask.

"Mmmmmm, maybe a little," he replied with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. "I will admit, at first it was because I was trying to make sure you weren't being an ass, but, things might be changing."

Ao'nung nodded to himself, clearing his throat, trying to decipher what that could even mean. Was Spider saying he was starting to like him too? did he have a shot with him?

"Listen, the bells about to ring, so why don't I give you this," he pulled a pen from the spine of his binder, tearing the corner off of one of his sheet music, which felt oddly intimate, and wrote something down on it, before handing it to him.

It was his number. Spider just gave him his number.

"Text me? we can start gettign to actually know each other, and maybe you could start joining me in here during free period, I could give you some lessons on the harp if you'd like?" now Spider sounded a little sheepish.

Which somehow made Ao'nung feel a bit more confident, so for the first time in seemingly forever, he answered Spider with some level of confidence.

"Yeah, I'd like that, I'd like that a lot."

"Good, good, I'd like that too."

They were both smiling now. The bell rang. They both hesitated to break eye contact.

"I'll text you, promise." Eywa, he was making promises. Already. He really was a hopeless sap. But it felt right when Spider huffed a laugh at it, a hand coming up to cover his smile a little. He was flattered.

"You better, stalker," Spider laughed, finally starting to pack up his stuff.

"Rude," he faked a gasped, lingering in the door, knowing he had to get to class, and he needed to let Spider pack up so he wouldn't be late himself, but wanting to let the moment last just a little longer.

"I think staring is rude, but I think I'll give you a pass, so long as you stop running away when I catch you, deal?"

"Deal."

"And you have to meet me here tomorrow."

"I will, it's a date," the words slipped out of his mouth without thinking about how it could be interpreted, "oh, not like-"

"It's a date" Spider repeated.

Ao'nung found he could only nod. It's a date. Even if it wasn't like that, it was still nice to think about. a date with an angel.

"Now go, before you're late, wouldn't want you to get in any trouble." Spider crossed his arms and jutted out his hip like he was some disappointed mom or something.

"Right, bye Spider."

He waved goodbye. It was corny and childish, but he waved. Spider waved back. He had his number clutched tightly in his other palm. Spider had his phone clutched in his hands as if he couldn't wait for the message to come any longer.

"Bye Stalker."

He has a feeling he's gonna have to get used to that nickname, but as he rounds the corner, his chest still feeling warm and full of butterflies, he doesn't think he minds all that much.

#this was so random #but I loved the harp back when I was in highschool orchestra and fought to play it myself but failed to get the funding for it #(harps are so expensive oh my god)#and I really think it's an instrument so fitting for Spider so I projected it onto him #and I have aocorro brainrot at the moment. so I wrote this.#when Spider called Ao' dude. he really meant “future boyfriend”#writing romance is not my strong suite so I don't know how good this is #and Ao'nung is surprisingly hard to write #so idk how I feel about this #ending this felt impossible #it wouldn't just come to an end #even when there was nothing else to write #Spider was making a move. this kid had been staring at him for weeks and acting a damn fool. he was putting an end to it #and how to pop that conversation on a guy other than to wait till his guard was down and he was moments away from a heart attack #they're just silly #avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #spider socorro #miles spider socorro #miles socorro #ao'nung #aonung #aocorro #tigerseal #seamonkey

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pansyfemme · 1 day

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now is he reallyyyy a self insert oc if i made him during an obsessive thought spiral during one of the darkest periods of my life and based his entire personality and mindset on my perception of myself at that time but i’ve since left that period and experienced major personal growth and now am happier and more fufilled than i’ve ever been in my life the only remenants being my main oc being horifically depressed and focused on thought processes that are now alien to me except for the brief periods im writing him and realize im more so speaking from memory than from his perspective

#i am fine. i am good i am happy and doing awesome i genuinly mean this writing this post #but it is. hm. sometimes looking back at creative projects and remembering where you were when you made them #and like. one of the reasons i sometimes think of leaving noam behind despite him being my fave oc is that. he is so clearly a past version #of myself i need to move past. so clearly #idk. it just doesnt feel right to write a narrative about a character who doesn’t believe in his own treatment and rehabilitation when mine #has gone so well and has changed my life so much. happy now. but its hard looking at art i made when i wasnt #started off as a character to put all my feelings onto. left off as someone i can no longer relate to or even like

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parkercore-69 · 2 months

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thank you J.R.R. Tolkien for writing the most devastating romantic subplot in your lotr books without even realising it

#im talking about sam and frodo sorry everyone #guess who like watched all the extended films and cried #whether you intepret sam and frodo’s love platonically or romantically you have to understand that they are so entwined that it is #devastating nonetheless #the forehead kiss #im on the ground sobbing #dawgs it was such a real depiction of how trauma is irreversible and will change you entirely #frodo baggins #i love him so fucking much guys #i love those little hobbits #samwise gamgee #lord of the rings #i could and most likely will write an essay on this #samfro #dawg sometimes love can be both platonic and romantic as queer love is not to be constrained by heteronormative values #sorry did i read too far into the little fantasy story #dude i was not expecting a story about the horrific effects of war racism and power corrupt addiction when i sat down in front of the telly #jokes on the side frodo looking absolutely miserable at sam’s wedding is so fucking real #i get it’s because he knows he cant move on and he is forever changed by his trauma but also that hobbit gay #his wound from the witch king never healing being a symbolic representation of his trauma FUCKS ME UP #frodo you may have been a whiny bitch at times but like yeah that ring probably did weigh a fuck ton and i was worse on my dofe expedition #i may be fucking too hard with lotr #lotr #teehee

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todayisafridaynight · 6 months

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i cant explain it but daigo being subtitled to just be like 'you're making me look like i have no balls' feels so illegal and wrong. hilarious but something's off

#snap chats #WAIT I HAVE TO INTERRUPT THIS POST WITH THE FUNNIEST SHIT #SO I WAS GETTING FOOD FROM MY SCHOOL'S DINING HALL AND YOU CAN WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU WANT ON A SHEET YEAH #AND I SAID I WANTED A SAMMY AND FRIES OK BUT WHEN I GET MY PLATE ITS JUST FRIES #AND YK W/E OK I'LL JUST EAT THAT BUT THEN. WHILE IM LIKE. GETTING PIZZA TO SUB IT YEAH #I HEAR THE COOKS BE LIKE 'yoo why do we just have a sandwich here' AND THE BIN IT #AND I WAS LIKE 'was that a chicken sandwich cause uhhh <:)' AND THE WOMAN WAS JUST ':OOO IM SO SORRY'#LIKE DAWG /IM/ SRRY I FEEL BADLKAJLJ but yeah. they were nice enough to make me another one 😭#ok. back on topic with this fuckin post SORRY. i just have all these potatoes and a pizza to eat with this sadnwich now #i didnt eat breakfast or lunch so its ok. moving on #watch me explain it lol. i think its just cause its hard fr me to imagine daigo even saying balls like that. in jp or english #like he just doesnt have the Oomph to do it like the kansai bitches #see this how i know jo from kansai.... that easy as balls to imagine...#LIKEIM TELLING YOU THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN SAY BALLS AND MEAN IT ARE KANSAI/EAST COAST BITCHES #in regards to eng its the accent... you just put a heavy mphasis on the b yk... any east coast bitches know what im talkin bout #or am i insane.it could be both idk #its cause in context he looks so meek like no !!!!! you dont be shy about balls talk !!!!!!!#I JUST IMAGINE HIM SAYING IT SO POLITE LIKE NO !!!! YOU HAVE TO SAY IT WITH FEELING. WITH YOUR BALLS #anyway daigo bb ily and i care for you but youre not hard enough to say balls #which is the most insaane thing i could say considering Daigo And His History but yk... im right...

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voidscreamns · 1 year

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#i dont think i’ve talked my nonverbal!Diluc hc on here yet #but i keep seeing posts abt disability/chronjcally ill/neurodivergent hcs for genshin characters so here’s one from me #idk i feel like after That Night™️ and being on the run from the Fatui/working with a secret organization #diluc not just learns the ‘value’ of keeping secrets and staying quiet but also internalizes his guilt and trauma of saying smth that could #hurt people #it started with him telling Kaeya that he’s not a Ragnvindr anymore and then is exacerbated by his 3-4 Year Fatui Murder Rampage thru Teyvat #and with all ghat trauma and self-deprecation and paranoia he just. stops talking.#he picks up sign language in Fontaine and still writes but at some point he just stops talking and never speaks again #when he comes back to Mondstadt it was hard to adjust to for both him and the people around him #Kaeya initially assumes that Diluc just refuses to talk to him until he later hears gossip abt how no one has ever heard him speak since he #came back. he goes to Adelinde and/or Elzer abt it and they tell him that they neve even hear Diluc so much as hum or grunt #afterwards everyone changes up real fast— Kaeya and Venti drinking at the bar and seemingly just talking at Diluc but they’re always #observing his reactions and body language even when they’re drunk #Jean tries her best to be patient but she has a hard time reading him bc he’s changed so much in the time he’s been gone #Adelinde & Elzer and the winery staff are the most communicative he’s with— Diluc is far more likely to write with them to communicate #at some point Diluc has a business meeting with some rich dude from Fontaine or smth #Kaeya walks in bc he has an actual important mission thinf to discuss and he sees Diluc and this Fontaine dude and the dude’s wife #moving their hands so fast and with all kinds of gestured and stuff #and it’s the first time Kaeya sees Diluc look so EXPRESSIVE— he’s frowning and raising his eyebrows and mouthing words and all this #and Kaeya just goes ‘what’#turns out the Fontainian dude is deaf and both him and his hearing wife know sign; she helps interpret this to kaeya for the dude and Diluc #and Kaeya is like ‘oh okay’ and goes to the kitchen like ‘i’ll just wait here till yall are finished’#and he sees Adelinde and Elzer there with stoic faces and they just. stand there in quiet for so long.#Kaeya finally says ‘…..so. sign language huh’ and Adelinde and Elzer have the most pained looks on their faces #later that week Diluc finds like everyone around suddenly doing basic signs with him #he later learns that the winery has ordered a shitton of signing books from Fontaine and are trying to learn #+ Kaeya and Jean too with help from Lisa bc like dont you know learning several languages is a requirement for graduation from the Akademiya #soon the use of sign starts spreading in Mondstadt— there might be some small communities where they have their own native sign but it’s not #as standardized nor widely known as it is in Fontaine #this is getting really long so I’ll stop here but yeah. nonverbal Diluc who signs fjskdjs

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orcelito · 3 months

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Thinking about using the journal I got for writing my dad's eulogy for trying to process my grief with it. The letter from me I found in his lockbox is still in that front sleeve, along with one of the memorial folders they had at the funeral.

I think I don't want to write it all on here. I think I've talked about my emotions too much as of late.

#speculation nation #negative/#kind of. i guess.#the thing about grief is that it really just never ends.#so im done with the funeral. the time is over. here i am. hes dead. im alive. time to move on.#but it's not that simple. of course it's not.#but would my followers who followed me just for my writing even Care?#honestly surprised i havent lost more followers. or any? idk i havent been paying much attention to numbers #but i know it hasnt really gone down much if at all #i just feel. like im not the person that people initially followed.#and i dont know when im going to be that person again.#there's no enthusing here. anytime im making text posts it's about The Situation.#i wonder how evident my grief is to you all. i feel it in my every breath.#i havent been working yet i feel weak. it's hard to feel much at all.#either im existing and im helping with packing or im crying again bc i remembered my dad cant help me pick out a car now #(in the Vaguely In The Future me buying a used car idea. for after i get my license. whenever that is.)#or im crying bc of jackets or colognes or a letter in a lockbox or a stupid minions hat picture in a too-big frame #or laughing bc Dad In A Bag (his ashes are downstairs. im far too unbothered by their presence)#ive been having an... okay time. we watched Dune today and i started building a lego set. it was nice.#but im only ever Okay. emotions hard to access. interests certainly not accessible.#making it hard to be creative at all. im literally only going through the motions here.#theres no heart. i left it behind when i got that 2 am call and had to rush to the hospital to watch my dad die.#i left it behind when i touched his cold arm for the last time. when i walked out of that room & knew id never see him again.#i know a week is still far too soon to be over it. but im sick of feeling this way.#it still doesnt feel real. feels like im following the bad end route just to see. i should still be able to reload my past save.#but this is my life now. forever until the end. out of nowhere hes dead and hes never coming back #and it's just really fucking hard to care about just about Anything else right now.#i prommy im gonna use the journal next time i get the urge to vent about this. im sick of this crap too.

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ashrifts · 6 months

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trying to find the situation for it would be difficult but i'd really love to write ran getting comforted... like for a genuinely terrible situation bc he likes to pretend he's upset over the littlest things so rindou can get him more sweets 🩷 but in a situation where he has no choice but to be vulnerable.... oughhh loser guy who thinks he's above everyone else gets unpleasantly reminded he's, in fact, a Human Being with emotions

#sry for all the ooc im slowly getting my Writing Groove™ back #i think a lot about how he must've felt when (or if) he found out kakucho died for real this time LOL #in my heart of hearts i believe that in that timeline ran kept both kakucho and izana's earrings 😔#like he could accept it the first time bc they both 'died' together and there's comfort in that #but this time? kakucho was his responsibility... ran made it a point to look after him...#so in a way it's like he failed izana now too 😔😔#not to mention independently of izana ran just really likes kakucho so it hits hard regardless #but he has rindou with him so the only thing to do is move on and honor their memories #SIGHS...#* ›› / * ooc.

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twelverriver · 1 year

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au: buffy and faith are in a pop rock band called The Slayers. buffy is the lead singer, faith plays the bass and does backing vocals. faith keeps fucking every single person in their band and their crew and buffy isn’t jealous. when they Do they together they’re absolutely obnoxious and faith keeps spilling things about their private life on stage with a smirk and a wink and buffy is really embarrassed but also thinks faith’s super hot while she’s doing it, so she doesn’t mind that much.

#btvsedit #fuffyedit #fuffygifs #fuffy #faith x buffy #*mine #hi i have VERY elaborate thoughts about this au !!!#also They’re the support for buffy’s shitty older boyfriend angel who plays sad boy guitar music first #and move on to bigger n better things soon after (their own tour)#when angel comes back around on THEIR tour to sing the one or two songs angel and buffy have together faith is super normal about it :))#also they have INSANE chemistry on stage #pop is buffy rock is faith's influence obvi #so they settled on pop rock #also they have a big angry fight scene where faith confesses her love for buffy and then they part and faith gets drunk in lorne's bar #and has a big gay revelation #faith's feelings for buffy work hard but the devil works harder (her comphet)#anyway im here to DEFEAT the devil #buffy and angel will break up after angel cheats on her i think bc while i love angel he WILL be a douchebag in this :/#anyway part of this stems from @chasingfictions when we went insane when i told them about this idea i had <3 #i might write this soon it's deffo on my to write list !!!!!!#btvs

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arashi-no-saxlphone · 7 months

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As many complaints as I might have about Axl's position in the Strive meta compared to the way other characters function in Season 3 one of the things I really appreciate is there hasn't really been a patch where they shafted him. Like yeah you're getting near-ToD'd by crazy bullshit and WA but even this season they're like "Axl is kinda playing passive in a game where aggression and crazy damage is king. We should make his zoning better" and now wheb you get hit by Rensen it's like you got T-Boned at intersection with how much they increaed the pushback. Like yeah I'm not in your face erasing your health bar like Sol Badguy but damn, you've gotta be pissed off that you finally got in and I sent you back fullscreen. Closed for business, try again fucker. That rules. Axl is not trying to kill you, he's just pissing you off until you make a mistake or get tired and give up. Very fitting for his character. Very "Come on I'm just a little guy you can't hit me it's my birthday" ass playstyle. Really excited to see what kind of stupid new move they give him cause he's so unique for Strive that I don't know what direction they'll go to give him something new to use.

#sairambles #guilty gear #axl low #ggst #I'm thinking either a new defensive tool to help him out when he gets put on the back foot #or something really fucking batshit insane you can do for a mixup on block #Like that one Xrd move he had where he just leapt over you and smacked you in the back of the head #“Nice job blocking surprise asshole”#hard to say #Just looked up the xrd move while writing this btw that shit was PLUS???#Dude I hate (affectionate) guilty gear #623K was the move

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themyscirah · 17 days

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This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the Pérez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier

Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol 🤦‍♀️but feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags

#blah #the 45 years is a guesstimation of julias age w her being in her late 40s #bc she has a middle school aged daughter which would make you lean a bit younger but shes also highly respected prof at harvard (is she the #dept head? i think so. and has a career that would suggest older. and shes also drawn middle aged so 🤷‍♀️#i would say late 40s early 50s for her honestly. but i moved it down a lil bit bc of vanessas age #wait shit i may have contradicted logic here bc wasnt the diana trevor stuff supposed to have happened before dianas birth. and that was #wwii. which would be btwn 42 and 45 years. BC PÉREZ!TREVOR IS OLD I FORGOT THAT #okay so actually there still could be a question of what happened first the timeline would just be much shorter #but then wouldnt julias family be boating during wwii? that makes no sense #im definitely thinkimg too hard about this probably. logically it would make the most sense if diana was like 20smth in reality. but thats #its own basket of worms honestly. like what do you mean hippolyta only had like 20 yrs w her daughter out of a lifespan of thousands of #years. what do you MEAN she became champion and ambassador so young like #like also thats the point though. she had to wear a mask in the challenge for a reason. her inexperience with men is what makes her the kind #of ambassador they need. and her youth and relation to hippolyta and role as the baby of the amazons is one of the things that makes her #ambassadorship SO important is bc she fulfills that role in an ancient sense. where it would be a sign of great trust and respect to send #someone close to the crown as an envoy bc it shows you mean business and arent going to reneg on whatever the deal is. bc if you do they #shoot the messenger #god anyways i very much answered my own question here in the tags like 100%. esp in regards to the pérez canon bc he very much laid this out #and i was trying to weasel my way out of it. only that didnt work and the decisions he made he made for a reason and they have huge #narrative importance. damn. okay then #i always write the shittiest posts and the best tags and then have to keep the post to keep the tags #i rlly need to make these tags posts ugh. anyways keeping this up bc of my tags abt diana and ambassadorship #also sidenote I LOVE HIPPOLYTA #just though id mention that. i love how much shes motivated by love and i also love when she makes fucked up decisions bc of that and has to #live with them. woman of all time FOR REALS #god this is making me want to reread historia again lol bc its the one ww comic i own. also its fire. and hippolyta gets to make shitty #decisions motivated by emotion and live w the consequences. and the comic is actually good unlike when that happened in the messner-loebs #run. which was the other instance of that ive read rlly. 10000% sure there are others but i havent fully gotten there yet.#i mean ive read other comics where she makes painful decisions thats like her whole deal but there are different vibes to those than the two #i mentioned. like the exile thing in ww year 1 or rlly anytime she has to send diana away

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volivolition · 22 days

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Is the Wip game finished? Can I still ask for stuff? If I still can, can I get a snippet from the one that give me the most rot (meet the parts)? If no, then I'm just swinging by to say hi how are you doing? <3

HI RED!! thank you for swinging by, im doing better than earlier!! my ear is getting better and im eating pizza :]!

okay so TECHNICALLY it's no longer wednesday, but i LOVE spoiling my fics so of COURSE you can have a snippet from Meet the Parts hkjh <33 you are always free to ask anytime, i will always be happy to share bits of my stories <3 AND SINCE THERE'S NO RULES I CAN SHARE MORE THAN THREE LINES!! here's like, a whole React Speed thing i just wrote :]

LOGIC – Along with Coach and Sparks – Flighty and Fingers too, I suppose – they're why you have trouble sitting still for long periods of time. The attention deficiency disorder... Or are they exacerbated by it? I still haven't figured out which is the cause and which is the effect...

REACTION SPEED – Point is, we got zoomies! Can't sit still. Always more to do, more to see, more to say.

YOU – "Are you why my leg is always-"

REACTION SPEED – Bouncing, yep! Fingers tapping, hands flapping, feet moving, words flying- hey, if you had wings like me, we'd never be touching ground.

YOU – "You have wings?"

KIM KITSURAGI – He jots this down with an interested hum.

REACTION SPEED – Yes! Books, what- which animal–

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] – You have the hovering wing type of trochilidae – hummingbirds, colloquially – with their ability to rotate their wingspan at the shoulder and elbow joints to create maximum lift. However, though you exhibit some iridescent feathers associated with the birds, your wings also connect to membranes, which share the Voronoi tessellation of the species anisoptera, the common dragonfly.

REACTION SPEED - Yeah, exactly! I'm a hummingbird and a dragonfly. Both of 'em. :)

#task: meet the parts #inland drabbles #volta transmissions #the :) is not in the original but i added it here for fun <3 :)!!! ALSO YAY my reaction speed has wings :]#im glad you like meet the parts :'] its hard for me to work on it but i just wrote this scene thinking ''oh but red loves these guys'' hkjg #like! i LOVE the premise of meet the parts as much as the next guy but i dont like how im writing it hkjgh? i dont know what im doing :']!!#i need to finish my character analysis for all the skills first because i feel like im writing them too shallowly... ough im trying #how am i introducing kim to the skills when even i dont know the skills!! im building a house with a foundation made of peanuts hkjh #like hm. ency wouldn't touch on so many subjects so briefly? he'd zero in on one topic and talk.... or not? idk!! im not an int guy!!#reaction speed does use a LOT of exclamation marks though i love this for him. his sentences are often short and cut into phrases.#''Blam! Straight in the eye. Straight in the old eye-orb. In *the lookin' ball*!'' short pointed sentences. also oh my god he's silly <3 #restless and energetic. coach wants you to move; echem needs the dopamine; but react speed puts the Hyperactive in ADHD!#sidenote: canon in reaction speed's description ''working in tandem with your Intellect skills'' GUY WHO GETS ALONG WITH THE INTs :D <3 #anyway this is also the one of the few skill-centric fics im writing that don't have my usual skill actions :0 #''REACTION SPEED flutters excitedly; twisting to try and catch a glimpse of his own wings - Yes!'' vs just ''REACTION SPEED - Yes!''#which means a lot of what the skills are doing or thinking as characters are cut out unless i have them mention it in dialogue #which SUCKKSSS for me because i LOVE focusing on the skills but i often leave it out when the outside world is involved (harry and kim)#it presents a unique challenge to just write characters with only dialogue. ough... curse my current lack of interest in the humans hkfjh..#ANYWAY im running out of tag space so im done rambling hkjhg thank you for asking red! :D

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moregraceful · 11 months

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my reading of that post was something akin to [sniffles] i'd like to talk about big gay bbq ;_;

also God yeah if ppl wrote about the ahl more there wld be a lot of firebirds fic. or maybe i just see men and am like ouuuughhhh kiss ? i have Angles for like so many different pairings / polyships

- ash

What if Joey Daccord was enjoying the Big Gay BBQ with his boys after a hard fought game...what if Kole Lind looked at him with a smudge of bbq sauce on his mouth and felt insane about it....and also, what if Chris Driedger was watching this while wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses and vaguely yearning for Grubi...ouagh

[I absolutely derailed myself into a psychological assessment of Chris Driedger his 20s + musings on the AHL fic -- cut bc I had to scroll four times to get to the bottom and the people on my dash who don't care about the AHL just don't deserve that...just a note that there is ZERO salacious imagines under the cut]

Actually Chris is very interesting to me bc irl he is a 29yo who invested in crypto, but he is also a 29yo who suffered his way through his 20s not unlike the rest of us, just with more of a spotlight on him. but it's like, or at least of me it was like this, I hit 29 and I was like, well. I made it this far through my 20s and it absolutely sucked so much and I hated every minute of it and I kinda wish I was dead, but maybe a new decade will be different. I gotta make it through one last year of pushing through this shit and if I take a step back, yeah, it's gotten a little better with every passing month. Maybe my 30s are not a chance to start over so much as they are a chance to start moving forward. And I think for Chris (this is turning in a psychological assessment instead of a sexy imagine sorry) who has suffered through some catastrophic injuries, some terrible setbacks, some truly awful decision-making of his own, and just kept coming back from it and kept pushing forward -- to me Chris at 29, back in the AHL and yet again a back up, but also BACK PLAYING AT ALL which is very much its own kind of triumph, it feels very much like an interesting thing poke at in fanfiction. Like, okay Chris, you turned 29 in May in the middle of a playoff push, back early from injury when everyone thought your entire season was done an almost full calendar year prior. You're a back up again, but you're not really playing. You just watched this kid you love so much and this team who has embraced you have an inaugural season that quite frankly set the standard for any expansion team yet to come and CERTAINLY any team moving around (Wranglers. Cuda.) in the current era. Like, irl he seems very confident, very full of swagger, but also very full of humility and gratitude for how many chances he got and very determined not take anything for granted anymore. If you apply that to the experience of being a queer man at 29, gosh there are so many possibilities. Very "I am going to make it through this year if it kills me." Where do we go from here, Chris???

But also yeah he should eat bbq and send a photo of himself to his friends with his shirt unbuttoned flirting with drag queens and Philipp Grubauer should have a horny meltdown about it and spend all summer sending him thirst traps to get back at him. This does many things for Chris's ego.

also AHL fic is so interesting to me as someone who spent a couple years in bandom when fob had more or less fully taken off but a lot of pete's proteges were grinding it out on one hit wonders or collaborations with more famous artists and they were all clawing for every show and even p!atd wasn't really a sure thing yet... there are a lot of parallels to the whole "boys in buses got it so damn bad but we love it like the last cigarette we ever had" liminal space of the grind of touring and fighting for every last chance and making these friendships you THINK are insoluble but more often than not just dissolve as soon as one of you makes it or one of you breaks down and quits and goes home...the way Warped Tour was a party every year because for a lot of bands it WAS the last cigarette they ever had and they probably knew that on some level...i forgot where I was going with this. OH. the NHL can't even touch that level of "every game could be my last game"/"every show could be my last show" and the kind of desperation but also weird situational camaraderie that comes from that. Like on a pro athlete way for sure but also in that, 5, 6, 9, 12 hour bus rides every week all over the damn west coast. What do you do if you hate the guy sitting next to you. What do you do if you love the guy sitting next to you. There's no escape man. I forgot where I was going with that again but yeah basically, AHL fic is an untapped and very rich universe for people who love dirtbags, writing about people in close quarters, desperate feelings, and accept that there's a solid chance you may have to delete your fic someday when a prospect bombs out of hockey and turns into a normie. You know?? It's great stuff.

#like i am fully expecting to have to delete all the nick cicek fic at some point in the next two years tbh. if i'm lucky he goes to the shl #but that's kind of the joy of ahl and writing about the ahl tbh. the promise and the agony. [cwk voice] the joy the joy the joy and misery #i think i've actually gotten less coherent as this ask has gone on. i think this ask devolved the further i got into it #ah well. that's what the dash receives when i have to spend four hours in a clinic being diagnosed as not a werewolf.#the navelgazing on mortality in a waiting room...we move forward every decade...we grow into ourselves. we grow more comfortable #if we're lucky the impact of life softens year by year. if we're lucky we get gentler and more confident even if life stays hard #in conclusion what if chris and grubi kissed on the mouth at seafair again and then chris went down to palm desert and watched his #20yo teammates have some bananas melodrama romance and he just felt grateful that wasn't his life anymore lmao #ok NOW i'm done #cage replies #anon

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