#LIKE WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WITH MYSELF NOW?!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi. I heard you answer questions about sex ed and I can't ask anyone this irl since none of my friends talk about any sex that isn't super cishet and allo.

I'm kind of worried I'm asexual and of course I'm ok with other people doing whatever they want with their lives and not having sex whenever and however they want, but I really don't want to not have sex. Except that whenever I think about having sex with a person I'm instantly disinterested. like even fantasizing about myself having sex in a nonspecific disembodied way turns me off.

I worried for a while that it was because I was scared of my body (like a vagina-fear/dysphoria sort of thing, which was probably true) or just didn't have any sex drive, so to figure it out I started trying to masturbate when I was sixteen (my parents tracked my search history on my phone so I actually had to go to the library and find a sex ed book in the adult section and hide the cover with my jacket while I read it just to memorize the diagrams so I could figure out where the hell the clitoris was lmao) and I did like it and was capable of feeling good and orgasming and whatever. but even after I knew that it felt good and I do have a sex drive I'm still not interested in having sex with other people (I'm eighteen now for context, so its been a while). I can't think of one person I would ever even theoretically want to have sex with, including people I know, famous hot people, fictional characters, nothing. I don't want to be asexual but I feel like I have to be because I don't want to have sex with anyone. How can I be asexual if I don't want to be, or am I even asexual? what if I just have high standards, or I haven't met someone I really like yet? what if I am ace and I'm just being ace-phobic because I've internalized the cultural norms that 'sex equals humanity'? I keep having this mental loop where I think about possibly being asexual then I conclude that I'm definitely not asexual then I start thinking about it again. I know I'm supposed to define my own identity, but if I think I'm allo but all of my feelings are the types of feelings everyone says is ace, then what am I?

obviously you're not the mind-reading wizard rabbi of the internet so you can't divine my sexuality from an ask, but do you at least have any advice for figuring it out?

thanks for listening, sorry for the tmi

hi anon,

let's take a big deep breath and calm down a little, okay? it seems like you're overthinking yourself to bastard death and that's not going to help anything at all.

listen, man: the only thing that makes someone asexual is if they decide that's something they want to call themselves. like it's literally just a word to use or not use, and it sounds like you really don't want to use it. labels are meant to be helpful in letting people express something about themselves, so if a label doesn't spark joy, don't use it. simple as that. not wanting to call yourself asexual is no more phobic than me not calling myself a lesbian - I don't have a problem with lesbians, I just personally don't happen to be one.

it sounds like the main thing getting you down here is that you're 18 and like jacking off but haven't ever super wanted to have sex with someone, which is, like, oh man that's so normal. some people just don't have a very high sex drive as it pertains to other people, dude. you've likely only met an extremely small portion of the people you're going to meet in your entire life, and you're going to have feelings and relationships and experiences you can't even begin to imagine with all the people you're yet to meet.

in the meantime, let's channel all of the energy you're spending worrying about being asexual into something that will actually make your life cooler and more fun. might I recommend reading a nice book or perhaps doing some manner of art?

#sex edventures 2024

[kirkenovak]

Man, I love fandom. 💜 I love being in fandom ❤️ All is good all is great 👍 😊 hunky-dory peachy great 😌 damn, don’t you just love the fandom. 💕 Warm and fuzzy feelings and heart full of joy. 😃 ❤️

*listens to Adele’s 21 on full blast for 17 hours straight*

#LIKE WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WITH MYSELF NOW?! #IF GOD HATES GAYS WHY DO WE KEEP OH WAIT NEVER MIND #GONNA BE SICK #DO NOT TOUCH ME IM SCARED #I JUST WANT TO GO HOME #good omens #the Witcher #our flag means death #what we do in the shadows #radskier #ineffable husbands #nandermo #blackbonnet

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[ike-mcswains-mortician]

very random thought that makes me sad- i think rebecca was helping sparrow stand up during them getting tortured so when she disappeared, sparrow would have fallen and then looked up, thinking that rebecca fell and then he sees her just poof away i am going to eat drywall i am so sorry leaaaaa

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO MEEEEEEEEE I AM DISTRAUGHT WTF

LIKE. YOURE CORRECT THATS CANON IN MY HEART NOW. BUT OWIE

also taking this time to address your other asks lol yeah this scene hit me like a fucking BRICK. literally i was playing the ep in the background working on an essay and That Happened and i literally almost threw my laptop across the room like???? anthony count your fucking days i am On My Way With Hammers

and OUGHH YEAH THE TEENS SAYING GOODBYE TO D00D (collapses to the floor dead) i literally started weeping like ,, anthony said he wasn’t feeling very funny but he sure as hell was feeling very Let’s Make Leabee Sad,,,, d00d my BABYYYYY IM GONNA THROW MYSELF INTO THE OCEAN

ohhgh ok im normal im literally so emotionally stable rn hru

#i literally wandered around my room for like 10 minutes after the episode ended like what the hell am i supposed to do with myself now #just staring at the ceiling like. what is my life #anyway im fine this is totally fine and not emotionally devastating :D #ask #thedndgoblinwholivesinyourwalls #dndads #dndads spoilers

[bonestrouslingbones]

actually while im feeling sad about stupid bullshit (not being popular anymore oh woe is me) lets take a little summary of atbb's pre-hiatus inbox

someone trying to roleplay as sans because they didnt look at the blog for more than two seconds

someone saying the skeletons are cute and asking to hug them

someone asking to be friends with [Enter Skeleton Here]

someone asking what their brothers are like

How are you?

You're cute!

You're cool!

How have you been?

Nice outfit!

Nice outfit!

Nice outfit!

Nice outfit!

someone who does not understand the concept of dramatic irony who wants very badly to explain the full plot so far to characters who would never know that in any context otherwise as if that wouldnt be lame as hell for them to suddenly know

why is [thing that was a very big plot point]

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

YOU'RE CUTE

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

#AHHHHHHHHHH #LOOK. NONE OF THESE ARE INHERENTLY BAD. BUT WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THEM #IF I SCROLL FAR ENOUGH I CAN GET TO THE ACTUAL PLOT RELEVENT ONES. BUT OF COURSE THEY WERE SENT IN AFTER THE TOPIC CHANGED #ohhh and i didnt even MENTION the ones that i would always instantly delete #the “*walks in and smiles* well whats going on here?” just LOOK!!!! READ!!!!! FIND OUT YOURSELF #IT GOT TO A POINT WHERE I WOULD GET MORE OF THOSE THAN ACTUAL QUESTIONS #just. ugh. no wonder it stopped being fun #i get it. make art for myself and all that. i try to. #but i fucking hate being alone here man. #i know what its like to have other people have fun with it with me and it feels like thats so fucking rare now. i dont know #doesnt help that i can't form connections over the internet. especially since every time i've talked about this irl i've been laughed at <3 #this is all dumb as hell whatever. going to bed #probably just PMS tbh none of this matters who give a shit

[magnus-and-the-dragon]

I’m 5 lbs away from being under 200 lbs for the first time in my adult life, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

#i went to the doctor a year ago because i was worried about my relationship with food #i was constantly hungry. constantly eating. binging multiple times a week. #… and now i have to coax myself to eat most meals. have to schedule in lunch or i’ll skip it. #a n d my last round of bloodwork was worse than it was a year ago #so what the hell am i supposed to do??? #also. none of my clothes fit. but i’m still losing weight. #how do i know where i’ll stabilize?? when do i buy new clothes??? what if i start regaining! #i do not have anyone irl i feel comfortable talking about weight with so i #i will put it here i suppose. #i have a lot of feelings and thoughts about all the time i put into building myself up. body positivity. #… and there is still so much satisfaction in seeing the scale going down #and i think i feel guilty about that #i think i also feel incredibly FRUSTRATED that losing weight HASN’T changed my bloodwork #when everyone says being fat is the problem and losing weight is the solution #….. i’m still fat. like SIGNIFICANTLY so. #but why is it getting worse instead of better? #😐 #it’s a mess and that’s all i know #and also i would have to lose more than double what i already have just to drop down from ‘obese’ to ‘overweight’ #i’d have to loose 100 lbs to be a ‘healthy’ weight #so i just………. don’t know

[shakestheclown]

i dont know if i ever mentioned this but a couple months ago i finally tried downloading a dating app and it was so heinous everyone was cringy ugly or republican just like i feared i literally swiped left on every choice didnt speak to anyone cause they were all insufferable and i was left with nothing so i just deleted the profile in the end and called it a day. so like. there i tried it. now what

#my sister wont listen to me complain abt being single cause 'i dont put myself out there' #but look! i did it and it was just as bad as i thought! what the hell am i supposed to do now.. #she said it's because i put my distance range too low but i already know nobody likes driving to get me for any reason #so......idk i think i am just doomed to this cell forever #im sick of being alone and i feel like so much of my youth has already been wasted #like!!! im so old!!! and i havent done ANYTHING!!! im so scared!!!!!!!!!!! and nobody understands!!! #i dont get how everyone around me is in a happy loving relationship and im not allowed

[skrunksthatwunk]

not to doomer post. but. american politics is like here's a conservative warmonger who wants to burn you alive personally and here's a different conservative warmonger who definitely wouldn't stop someone from burning you alive BUT who might raise the minimum wage by $0.30/hour for you, but only like eight years from now (so re-elect me please!! >w<). yes one of them has to be president they are the only two options we'll let you have. no neither of them will stop the government from killing you or anyone else, but at least one will say "it's kind of bad to kill people :( someone should really do something about that..." while giving the people-killers $20,000,000,000,000 to keep doing it then saying they can't afford to help you at all, but oh shucks, maybe next cycle, if you vote for me again! and also everyone will pretend as though they are extremely different political entities covering two highly polarized ends of the political spectrum despite nearly identical policy views obscured by their slightly different ways of addressing their target audiences, many of whom are also conservative warmongers. and also if you don't vote or vote third party the other guy will win and you will watch as they burn everyone you love alive in the same way they've burned so many strangers so you kind of feel like you have to vote for the other warmonger because even though they both have blood on their hands you'll take a handshake over an uppercut. even if you can still see the bodies piling up behind them. even if you can only save like five people you know and not the thousands of people who are dying in the other room. because you believe the difference between 30,000 and 30,005 is still worth it even though no one needed to die in the first place and no one seems to agree with you. you have to keep living in this world every day. if anything changes it will take decades and it will never be enough. if this takes a toll on you good fucking luck surviving off the generosity of the warmonger state that claims to serve you. happy voting!!

#like. yeah i'll take the raised minimum wage. i guess. but jesus christ #yes you are doing slightly good things sometimes almost. can you stop killing people though. please. that is a higher priority #like this is my first prezzy election season since i turned voting age right and like. what the fuck am i supposed to do now #what am i supposed to do with this. it took me 5 fucking months to pick a dead cockroach off my floor how am i supposed to fix this. #how am i meant to be a person and go on living while knowing i am doing nothing and cannot do anything and won't do anything #i need to fight i need to get up but i am stuck. im always stuck. i pray yknow. i don't know what else to do #how can people think about buying houses and getting promotions in this world. how are they not feeling likr their chest is caving in every #time they falter in their complex self-distraction. how am i supposed to do anything when all i can think about is helping and my body won't #let me. i cant do anything i cant but i have to but i cant. im supposed to and im a bad person if i dont and i cant live like that. #and if i am too upset about that i am punished for it by the people around me and ignored by those in power if not punished as well. #i love the world. i love people. you motherfuckers are killing everything and im not stopping you and you're getting in the way of me loving #the life i was built to love and i can't understand why you think it's even thinkable to do what you're doing. or what im doing. #i just want to look at clovers and paint and be good to my neighbors but you won't stop fucking murdering people in front of me #and i can't fucking do anything. i cant take care of the people i love i can't carry my own weight i can't take care of myself i can't move #and im supposed to fucking file taxes? to fund mass slaughter? on the off chance it might go to welfare or something. god. #i hate it here i hate it here america is a fucking nightmare it is hell i can't stand it but if i leave im just running and saving myself #whch is selfsh and cruel and so i would never be able to escape the feeling and i would always be in american hell because it' a part of me #but if i stay i cannot do anything because my body is filled with smoke and broken glass and im supposed to fucking get my drivers license #so i can buy groceries or get a job so i can keep myself on life support watching everything get worse and worse around me #and knowing that nothing has ever been good here and ive been lied to forever and im still being lied to #and i am in hell. #and me dying won't fix it and me living won't fix it ans both are too painful to even consider. #i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning and my skin is on fire im on fire and i want to have children. but i can't imagine #doing that to someone. oh my god. and to raise them and watch them come to understand what this place ive brought them to is #that ive raised them in a slaughterhouse and to feebly try to show them the clovers and the ducks and the baby shoes and teach them to love #when maybe that love of the world is a distraction. or maybe i use it as one. i think of the blood as an obstacle to love and joy but maybe #i would not love the world so much if i was not so constantly desperately scared and ashamed of living in it #and i am a very lucky person. my life is cushy and i want to rip my skin off because what does that matter when it doesnt let me help people #god help me. but help the rest of them first. but i am helped first anyway and i hate it. i dont. i cant. god. #nyarla dni

[catastrxblues]

good morning it is now 4 am and i have just finished watching atonement good night

#atonement #next tags are just going to be personal rants ignore that #i couldn’t sleep at all so i tried reading s&b and then fanfics and then the bell jar but it just didn’t hit #so then i tried writing but i just kept crying so i thought i’d watch a romance movie because yes #should’ve gone for four weddings and a funeral or pride and prejudice because what the hell is this #i didn’t know anything about this movie i just remember having it on my watchlist and saw ONE clip so i picked that help #and yes i ended up crying and the tears are still here but i’m also starting to think that that’s not entirely because of the movie at all #i stripped my bed off its sheets because the bright color annoyed me and it was already peeling off anyway and i was too lazy to put it rig #and when i pulled back from the screen after the movie finished and just look at how bare my bed is and how i’m in the middle of them #i just started crying again #and my legs are aching and i hate myself and i think i want to take a shower but maybe i’ll wait later on #i don’t think i’ll sleep at all honestly i’m not sleepy anymore #besides i’m thinking of going outside today just at the park i don’t know doing something #i always sleep really really late lately because my parents are out of country right now and no one is keeping me checked and i apparently #still can’t take care of myself. cried about that too it was something. why am the eldest daughter i’m so not fit for it #and then i always wake up at like 9 am and it’s already too late by then that i just never do anything productive #and it’s like i’ve been living in a simulation and i’m kinda going crazy and insane but it’s okay because today is going to be better #i hope because i’m not getting any sleep and i can finally go outside at 7 in the morning instead when it’s already way too hot #damn this is supposed to be one of the best years of my life??????? fuck off #also i can hear the azan subuh from the mosque by the neighborhood and i miss praying honestly #it’s so funny because i was happy to get my period because that meant i wouldn’t have to wake up so very early on in the morning #but i miss it now #hopefully my period will end soon #nadirants

[pepprs]

yeah no im not going to lie to you gewls. the psychic damage of having to apply for the full-time version of my internship a year ago was kinda unbearable but like it made sense that i had to do that. but the psychic damage of having to apply for the literal EXACT same job that i am CURRENTLY IN just at a regular status with better benefits… is quite simply unspeakable. make it make sense.

#purrs #i feel horrible for complaining abt it bc again… im potentially getting fast tracked to regular status and a raise and that is an extremely #generous big deal. but how the fuck am i supposed to do any of this. like you mean i have to do a peasant dance ON THE PODIUM after winning #the dance competition ⁉️⁉️⁉️ like how do i even write this cover letter or ask for references or anything. i get why they have to do a searc #so it’s equitable and fair and whatever but this position was MADE for me and im already in it like… it’s fucking embarrassing for everyone #involved. why are we going through all of this why are you making me a dog in a thundervest AGAINNNNNN. attacka you attacka you attacka you. #delete later #like i feel so much despair agout it but it’s also so upsetting it’s funny. of course i have to apply for my own job not once but TWICE. #hell watch it be three times too once i finish killing myself getting a masters degree i don’t even want 😍😍😍😍😍😍 it’s all rainbows and #sunshine until they decide i have to walk across the coals one more time just for kicks huh. and you wonder why im on the verge of a nervous #breakdown literally constantly and am extremely distrustful and paranoid about anything having to do with my positioning in this work LOOOOL #like actually wha happened last year was i walked across the coals and then as soon as i made it safely to the other side a volcano erupted #and we all drowned in lava but i survived and now it’s like oh you have to walk across the coals again 😇 LIKE STFU DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT HELL #IJUST OVERCAME. IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! but it isn’t of course and i get it but also like WHAT the fuck. this sux 😍

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#i <3 wanna fucking die <3 all the time #all the god damn time i wish i could just kill myself im so sick of it #but noo bc that's like not good in theological terms nooo my best friend would be fucked up noo i cant cause even #more stress to my family but im so fucking tired and done #lifes been exhausting as shit and im sick of it #and on top of all the fucking health issues this useless piece of shit body is going to hell too #like great!! great! abled ppl can often barely manage to make it by in this country and economy or they #get so fucked by work they become disabled lmaoo i already fucking am #i dont want to even fucking try. i dont even wanna try. most of this life has been pain and mystery and wanting to die! #and feeling like im fucking suffocating #and i can go on and on abt how oh u know u live for the little things life is pain inherently it is what it is and whatever but i just #wanna god damn fucking dir #the years of my life when i was the least physically sick were spend being abused and being fucking exhausted to hell and back #now im almost 24 and ive what. barely managed to finish a univerity with a useless degree which in my parents eyes means basically #nothing compared to what i was supposed to do #its too fucking late for anything im too fucking old my health is too bad and i dont have the fucking energy to #do this shit enough to even just get bt much fucking less have it be anything that id even 5% wanna live for

[funkytoesart]

tw for ed talk in the tags so like,,, idk be mindful of that i guess if you happen to read the tags of this post? just need to vent to the void a lil lol

#tried vlogging today #one of those “day/week in the life of an artist/etc etc etc” vlogs #because i love watching studio vlogs but also i wish there were more from webtoon/comic creators so I was like except that like... y'all #it should be illegal for me to point a camera at myself 💀 #Me: I'll do a vlog! #Also Me: forgets I'm ugly as fuck 🤡 #this is why I don't allow people to take my photo lol #anywayyyy decided NOT to vlog bc literally No one wants to see *gestures to myself* any of this lmaoo #Also apparently it's time to double down on that diet 👍 :/ #which is like: I already only eat like around 1200 calories a day or less most of the time wtf am I supposed to do now lmao #Anyway i hate getting reminders that despite having ED I can't lose weight and like... then what the hELL is the USE of having debilitating #eating disorder issues if I can't even lose weight while I'm at it 💀🤡💀🤡💀🤡💀🤡 #Funky's personal tag #please ignore this I'm just venting and don't got no one in my personal real life that won't get annoyed at me if I vent to them irl lol #delete later #lol tumblr is such a bad website it totally fucked the tags on this post lmao

[administer-distractions]

.

#im going to preface this by saying this is all really vague and personal and not funny #but its a gigantic step for me in terms of recovery and my bestie is busy #and im filled with anxiety so my thoughts have to go somewhere so it goes on my blog #which is i think how blogs are kind of supposed to work? #anyway #a year and a half ago some shit happened that kicked off about eight months of steadily building relationship traumas #that i felt stuck in because i was doing dnd with the people actively making my life miserable #and theres so much god damn nuance that it makes it impossible to concisely explain what happened #but the end result is that i lost all of my friends and it really truly wasnt my fault at all #and anyway now ive been diagnosed with pstd over the whole fiasco #and tonight i sent a message to the person who started it all #basically like 'hey i wasnt able to defend myself before but i can now you abused the hell out of me' #but they were never of the notion that they were ever wrong #and theyre friends with people im still friends with #i know that i blew up the evening for their discord server #and based on what ive been told it doesnt seem to be going exceptionally well #but when i apologized i was told twice in no uncertain terms that its okay #so i am attempting to will my heartbeat back into my control #sorry for being all personal but also this is my blog so i guess im not really #i had to cask of amontillado the part of me thats a nosy bitch though so i didnt unblock them to see if they responded #ill get her out in the morning shes fine in there

[jackett-slut]

ok sorry if this sounds fucking insane. i need to write something out.

#vent. sort of. #okay. why do i have absolutely no clue what i want or like. like in life. career/job/college/life etc wise. no interests beyond casual. #and amateur level interests. which is fine but i don’t think i want them to go higher and therefore aren’t careers you know. i like them #for fun. but like all my friends have interests and things they’re studying or doing that i hear it and i’m like oh my god yeah that’s them #that’s perfect. that’s so them. of course. makes perfect sense. and they have the history of hobbies and interest in the topic to back that #choice up. but me? man i have fucking nothing. i feel like i have been in survival mode forever and i literally have not had the opportunit #or ability to develop myself and my interests or even my fucking STYLE or ANYTHING!!! it seems worthless FOR ME. WHY???????? #that’s the survival mode talking. but like what am i supposed to do now. i feel like a fucking shell of a person. like the only thing that #passes through this brain is whatever my current hyperfixation is and whatever new hell/trauma/issue i’m dealing with in my life. that’s it #man i remember being a kid and having vibrancy and passion and interests. and it just left. maybe it left when my brother was born when i #was 10. maybe it left during any one of the traumautic experiences or abuse during my teenage years. #but then i wonder what my friends see. like do i have interests and likes in their eyes? i mean space has been My Thing to my friends for #years now but even my interest and love for that was a coping mechanism (escapism) and i’m not interested in the science beyond what i can #use to cope and mentally escape or use in my head as hope for escape. #MAN i feel like i’m so fucked. like i don’t know what the fuck to do. i don’t want to do anything. maybe i’m depressed? #i mean i know i do and have dealt with depression but i mean maybe that’s what this is from. #maybe i’m autistic? maybe adhd and maybe that’s why i have whims and phases that never stick? i don’t know. #maybe it’s from the dysphoria? maybe it’s like bc i can’t picture a future for myself bc of that? probably not cuz i have trans friends who #do indeed have solid interests and senses of self. #so. i don’t fucking know. #i don’t fucking know. i don’t know what to do. i feel like i’m falling behind and like i’ll never get out and i’ll never get my head into #my own real life and the present in order to figure out who i am and what i like and want. i’ve got NOTHING. HEAD. EMPTY. WHAT THE FUCK. #what the fuck. what do people do when they run up against this problem. i don’t know. #maybe this rn is just because i’m on my period. i don’t know. fuck. #maybe it’s dissociation. or like FROM my lifelong dissociation issues. hmm. #okay but THEN i’m like okay this is a really privileged problem to have like. i have a choice in what i want to do. which is nice. and i am #not even being rushed by my family. so like. then i feel even worse for feeling this way. fuck. maybe it’s fine maybe it’s all fine. #maybe this just happens sometimes and a person has no interests and it’s fine. i don’t fucking know. doesn’t seem to be that way for most #people but maybe. who knows #vent

[soldier-poet-king]

Has anyone ever considered that I don't want to do chores and run errands after work and commuting and I WANT to go home and nap and play video games and read

#UNFORTUNATELY. IM WEAK WITH NO SELF CONTROL #i told myself i wasnt gonna start pf wotr until after this weekend #bc i am out of town w maria and rae!!! and dont wanna be spending the whole weekend stuck in hyperfixated hell #thinking abt game. #unfortunately. guess what ive started #i have SO MUCH backstory for my duelist ex spy dhamphir rogue-undead sorcerer #its about the ANGST and the REDEMPTION #ugh. combine alucard. essek. mhm maybe a lil fenris and finnick odair #honestly. being like. im a grown ass adult but i can create cringe ocs like im 11 yrs old #what absolute freedom and joy!!!!! #i am having a BLAST #yes she has white hair trauma. yes there are scars. yes shes now devoted to sarenrae the SUN god of mercy even tho shes dhsmphir #yes she still wants human blood and hates it #/SCREAMS/ #anyway i am going to run errands and also desperately get a haircut #and i SHOULD be reading #but 2 guesses what im gonna do after o get home #IM SUPPOSED TO PACK TOOsgdbshhf i have no idea what the dress code is #Franposting #YKNOW WHOS THE BIGGEST PUSHOVER???? ME #i am WEAK and TIRED after all day at work i want FUN

[sk3l3t0n444]

heyo

#im a fucking liar and imma vent in the tags #a server i was in got fucking raided with homophobes calling me a faggot and telling me to cut myself #and i miss people that arent coming back #and you can guess if youve been following me for a while #i miss them #so much #but i feel like i cant talk about it #like they were the only person i could imagine spending my life with and just like that they were gone #i cant function at all...everything reminds me of them and it hurts #what am i supposed to do now? just act like it never happened? cuz i cant #they changed my life...and to forget is like forgetting the best parts of my life #but those memories hurt too much #and i miss my brother...but no...hes not moving back here #and hes happy there...but i miss him... #and maybe its selfish...but just seeing him leave and not talk to me every day? it hurts like hell #all i have is my friend #and i feel bad putting this all on her cuz shes amazing #and she doesnt need to try and fix it...it cant be fixed #and i just want her to realize that ill be fine on my own #but the truth is i wont #i cant even begin to think of what life would be like without her #she celebrates good things with me #mourns bad things with me #and i dont need her to feel sad or like she has to be responsible for me #and im so clingy to her that shes prolly so sick of me #like she prolly has had to stop herself from blocking me #and she fucking saved me so many times...and she doesnt know how many #i would be sitting there with a blade or pills in my hand and she would call or text and be a guiding light for me #and im prolly becoming codependant on her and i need to give her some space but i cant #anyways thats 30 tags now ummmmmm well ill prolly reblog this and keep venting cuz im a mess