#Or more likely barely not asleep

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad. #Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.' #ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists. #take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol...... #ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

[wonderlandsakura]

The gods won't make the same mistake twice

There's one hero Percy Jackson is similar to, someone the gods broke, and they regretted it

Someone kind, that they made ruthless

Someone loving, that they made brutal:

Odysseus

#sorry I'm half asleep #does this make sense #i barely know pj tbh #but I've been listening to the EPIC soundtrack #and like #they've both been changed by their experiences with gods #made less naïve #but still remained true to themselves and their loyalty to love #even when they couldn't fully remember #like their goals to return never changed #and idk #it feels like ironic symbolism that the fates would enjoy #that the reincarnated version of someone who Poseidon killed the men of #is his favorite son #that the only man Athena saw as somewhat of a friend and equal in intellect #is the son of her enemy #that the man Zeus forced to kill a child #is the same one that brings back his lightning bolt and scolds him?? (idk if this happens) about being a good father #like Odysseus would've #but he was born in a more god fearing time #oh yeah percy also saves Zeus's kids #pjo series #pjo hoo toa #idk i didn't read the books sorry #epic the musical

[benevolenterrancy]

i hate when i get a book on insanely high recommendation and it's just 😶 not good. at all. like, I'm gonna try to read and try to find something positive to say but you live like this??? girl, there's better options out there 😶

#it had a pretty high rating on goodreads too??? but i dont get it im two chapters in and the writing is Just Bad #not even getting into lacklustre characters/plot/worldbuilding #fine I've barely cracked the spine that COULD get better #but just the basic writing is. bad. #help #seriously what is everyone else seeing that I'm not??? #bene speaks #more like vene whinges #my gf is now asleep which means i cant continue to grumble about it to her

[ryuichifoxe]

So, a good friend introduced me to The Northern Passage. I may have repurposed my old Witcher oc and have a soft spot for Lea...

#tnp hunter #the witcher oc's name was nevio #and that's what I've been using #just not sure I'll keep it #anyway hi it's been a minute #burnout and extreme fatigue are whooping my rear end #like I've spent more time asleep than awake #against my will mind you #so January has been a month of forced rest #which was maybe needed #that said this was an excuse to mindlessly paint water and ice #because I've barely touched a canvas this month #ryu art #tnp spoilers #kinda iykyk #blood

[synnefo-nefeli]

I stg in Nocturn, if Alucard’s introduction doesn’t involve the reveal that in the depths of the castle over many generations Trevor’s descendants started a Belmont Family Crypt, and in the oldest crypt, Alucard emerges from a tomb that is next to Trevor and Sypha’s tombs, then what are we even doing here?

#srsly castlevania you gave us ot3 hints you gave us bipolycard who was pining after them #this is the bare minimum - to show him wanting to be besides them for eternity #I can see Alucard tending/raising the Belmont descendants for a few generations #but after a time when he stops seeing Tevor or Sypha’s faces each passing generations #he grows weary and goes to sleeo besides them #takes a 300 year nap only to wake up one night and realize that not only is his dad back #the castle is in an entirely different country #like imagine falling asleep in 1400s Romania and waking up in the middle of the French Revolution #and you gotta get up to put your dad down again #and this guy turns around and looks at you with Sypha’s eyes. #like fuck that would be more emotional than him talking to his Trevor and Sypha dolls #castlevania #netflix castlevania #alucard #alucard fahrenheit tepes #trevor belmont #sypha belnades #trephacard #Trevor x Sypha x Alucard

[sysig]

This is a very serious story about a man named Stanley (Patreon)

#Doodles #The Stanley Parable #TSP #Just kidding I tricked you it's more silly fluff! But it is still about Stanley haha #Starting off with just some general doodles because Fun To Draw <3 #I was trying to draw Stanley pursing his lips from a side angle 'cause lip expressions are something I struggle with and yup! That tracks #He does look cute tho haha spacey boy thinking in emoticons #More Narra floof - trying to even out his hair but it's harder than I thought! Hm! #The ''long side'' (really just the side opposite of his part) has more volume so it's hard to get them to convincingly ''match'' lol #Doesn't help when he has it all mussed haha #Sleepy lads <3 Sleeping together but so grumpily barely touching! No snuggles! Protect the chest and don't get cozy! #Yeah that lasted all of like five minutes once they were both asleep lol Stanley must cuddle the warm spot on his mattress haha #I'm quite pleased with that one especially haha ♫ Sin looks so open and unbothered and relaxed and his hand ah <3 #Narra's so put out (but he does secretly like to be snuggled. He's never admit it tho!) #You might notice I also tried a different eyelid fold style for funsies in the first Stanley-solo and them sleeping together #It was in fact funsies! Haha #I still like the simple dot-folds but every once in a while it's fun >:3c #Capping off with more size silliness hehe - if he can go very big why not very small! Put a Narrator in your pocket and walk around with him #He'll complain the whole time that your pocket is cramped and you did a bad job in picking fabric haha #Oh but he'd be especially cute in Stanley's breast pocket <3 #Also he's not speaking in that one I just didn't know how else to express that thought about Narra being So y'know? Lol #Cute lads <3

[seriousbrat]

I feel like I'm not especially good at or interested in prose tbh but I've always found it fairly easy to write natural-sounding dialogue. I could happily write pages and pages of nothing but dialogue like it feels like I can Hear These People speaking in my head and I know exactly what they'd say

#its why i love screenplays #and also gravitate towards iceberg theory style of writing #like i like bare bones 'this happened. she went there. And then she fell asleep' #like obviously that's a bit of an exaggeration and its not like it doesn't take skill to do it well #i love raymond carver or hemingway where words are chosen carefully and you have to read between the lines #things are implicit #i honestly should probably challenge myself to focus more on prose lol #oops this is on the wrong blog but i'll just keep it here

[littlepissbabee]

Gohan would bring dende a kpop(or well, whatever dbz's verision of kpop is)album to add variety to his music and dendes excited cuz yippee new music!! And hes going through the album and yeah hes a little confused cuz he dont know who tf any of these ppl are but hes still enjoying himself. Anyway he gets to the photocard and he's like "gohan why is there small photos of these artists in the album?" And gohan just shrugs his shoulders cuz he is not so into kpop stuff but he says sumn like "these albums always come with a card like that, i think theyre meant to be collected? i dunno." And Dende's got a twinkle in his eyes and he feels The Need to collect these. So anyways he then proceeds to repeatedly asks Gohan for more albums but that boy don't work he can't get more! So Dende's a little heartbroken but yk what he decides to do? He makes his OWN photocards. He starts taking pictures of his friends and loved ones(probably with some camera gohan owns) gets them printed, and starts arts and crafting with them hoes. He has a lot of popo and gohan, even himself, but piccolo's a tricky one. He considers piccolo's photocards "super rare" but only he knows that. Anyways when gohan finds out about this he probably thinks its really cute and even poses for some.

#my silly dende ideas #idek dude #im just combining interests atp #i love dende #this would also give him a chance to be more of a photographer #i think he'd really like taking photos of anything #itd be one of his fa #fave things to dk #sorry guys im half asleep rn #mr popo #piccolo #only tagging those for reach LMAOOOO #son gohan #gohan #they were barely mentioned but idc

[floral-hex]

Two hours. I got two hours of sleep. I’m so frustrated with myself.

Went to the ER. Everyone was very nice. They gave me an IV bag of fluids (I was dehydrated! Sad cactus!) and a little ativan (teeny dose), which was nice at the time! Just a little amount, but the (mostly) quiet room, fluids, and meds managed to relax me a lot. Could have fallen asleep if the bed was actually comfortable. Then they packed me up, gave me another little Ativan to take home for tonight, and said they’d contact my primary. Cool cool. Got some much needed food on the way home, then took the pill and got comfy. Again, smallest dosage they make, so no feeling too good. Managed to muscle past my anxiety to fall asleep, and… 2 hours. Woke up. Tried to go back to sleep. Too frustrated and anxious and I feel like crap. What should I do? Just eat a whole gummy and hope that knocks me out? For me, that feels like playing roulette. Could work, yeah. Could make me sleepy and pliable. Could also backfire and make me feel sick and extra anxious for another 5 or 6 hours. What do I do? Roll back up to the ER? “Hewwo, I woke up and I need more benzos 👉👈🥺” haha funny, but I’ve seriously been thinking about it 😑

God, I’m miserable. Been sitting outside on the porch for a bit. Not quite an hour. Needed to get out of the apartment, but tbh, nearly 4am outside isn’t doing much for me. I just feel alone. It wouldn’t help with sleeping, per se, but just someone, I dunno, hugging or holding me for a few minutes would honestly save me a little. What a mess. Oh yeah, and apparently my kidneys are going 👎👎👎 down. Bad meat. Not great test results. Not what I’m focusing on tonight. I’m a mess. Anyway, this was my update. Sorry for all the walls of text. Suppose this is mainly for me to look back on in the future, but can’t pretend it’s not at least a little validating to put this all out into the world and knowing that maybe one or two people read this and I didn’t suffer completely without recognition. Yeah…

#this is a lot of text #not really a casual read #ok ok… I can’t sit outside forever #gonna go back inside and I dunno make a hot chocolatey drink. grab some snacks #TRY to feel good even though I don’t #YES will probably get a little high #hoping that the combo of sugar. salt. and thc will give me the sleepy tools to just pass out for awhile #just a few more hours! please! #omg I was so pissed when I woke up and thought I’d slept for awhile but realized I hadn’t #’ what do you mean the last text I sent was only two hours ago? ‘ #seriously. I thought I fell asleep around 11 pm but it was closer to 1am. #stupid sexy ativan. messing with my sense of time #it really wasn’t that big of a dose! I was basically a little buzzed for an hour or so each time #but the doctor was nice and straightforward with me. I just dunno tho. I’m a big guy with a history of anxiety. .5mg is weaksauce #god I’m getting anxious just sitting here thinking about trying to sleep again #it’s feeding on itself. I’m trying to rationalize this but it’s just this feedback loop. #is this my life now? I’m outside. I feel so alone. I feel like I could die any moment. in a sword of Damocles way. it’s there and waiting. #ok sitting outside isn’t helping #after 4am and yes I see cars driving by. I hear the occasional siren. but I still feel alone in the world #please tell me life goes on? please tell me we’re not really at the end here. #I always feel like I’m staring at our final days. that we’re all barely here. fucking ghost planet. waiting to die. #there’s war and hate and everything is expensive and I can’t.. I’m not a part of this world. I’m too poor and sickly and so it all seems… #like we’re on our last leg. like the final days of a fire sale. this body feels fit for the grave. this world is the grave. #I’m scared #ok like I said sitting out here isn’t helping. Ian. please stop. #yes. yes. ok. snacks and drinks and distracting tv. let’s try this again. #sorry this is a lot #I spent the last 20 minutes writing these tags and getting progressively more anxious 😬 #you can ignore this #text

[simonstamenovic]

its like not even a problem except for if i think too hard bc logically yeah i wouldnt keep me around if i wasnt useful either but also man aside from being essentially a tool its not. listen. i get it. will if you ever exist here i get it i do i got mad last night but now im just like at least be smart about it. you can let me die after but hes given up too much. idk. man. i know you can live without me. not sure about him. and i understand that. but itd at least be more useful if you listened to match and let me take care of it. as i fucking do.

#bloodletting #i feel like shit maybe. i should be asleep. tomorrows gonna suck #im barely tired though. idk. #that last bit sounds bitter again im trying not to be #or like. i get it. more. whatever. #its just. may be wrong but. idk. canon vs memories. we will fucking see

[misfortunegirl]

bro i really am just.

😀

i am just fucking sitting.

#GIRL.......not nerdy guy just texting me cause i havent responded in more than two weeks 😭 OH CMON I JUST FORGOT YOU i cant be getting #delusional over him aGAIN..... he just texted me “hey (name)? where've you gotten lost?” okokok. the fact he hasnt forgotten my ass yet? ok. #slay mayhaps but also... why🤨 anyways. i came to uni today and barely talked to anyone💀💀💀 he doesnt share today's particular lesson so #we haven't seen eachother in like............. more than a month? give or take.. #so if i decide to show up again tomorrow ill most likely see him. so. ill have to dress up extra cute. why? i dunno. my brainworms tell me #to do so. see #i wouldve dressed cuter today but i was too tired and didnt have enough tjme..... #im kinda running on not enough sleep but i meant to say we dont share today's particular class. #ive almost forgotten how his dumb cute lil loir face looks like. hm.... anyway. #im tired. took too much hydroxyzine and almost fell asleep in class 💀 someone nameless bitch gave me a dirty look and i was like ok i dont #eveb know you why the disgusted face💀 youve never seen a sleepy angel or what #“some* nameless bitch” #especially an angel sleepy cuz of a “drug” like cmon. grow up. 🙄 #placeholder tag

[isekyaaa]

The difference between insomnia as a symptom and having a "decreased need for sleep" is that, while both results in you spending an ungodly amount of hours awake and not able to sleep, insomnia will result in a exhausted sleepy person while someone with a "decreased need for sleep" will not be sleepy or exhausted.

#rambles #tmi and bad decisions ahead #i have barely slept the past three nights #i can't fall asleep nor can i stay asleep #and while i can sense something is off enough with my body that it probably would be a good idea to get a full night's rest... #i am at regular functioning capacity #i'm not tired or sleepy... i don't need a nap #i am pretty much fine for the most part #which is even funnier considering that i am sick right now and that's when people feel exhausted the most #hypomania is a trip man #i'm beginning to think that certain games like instinctively triggers my hypomania #because this only started after i started playing graveyard keeper again... #games like that put me in this weird state of mind where i hyperfocus and obsess to the point that i can play for like the entire day #and this is coming from someone who usually does not play a single game for more than an hour at a time #so to go from one hour to like.... 8-10+ hours is rather concerning... #a part of me does wonder if it's actually hypomania or if i'm just physically weird #idk i don't think i've been displaying other hypomanic symptoms... at least i don't think so.... #either way regardless my plan for this evening is to get drunk AND take one of my meds that causes drowsiness so i can hopefully sleep well #wish me luck! :)

[princekirijo]

Istg I actually need to sit down and write a proper bio for Riku because even I get confused af as to what his personality is sometimes.

#oc tag #“but prince he's your oc how tf did this happen” he has a mind of his own trust me #i mean this is literally one of the parts of his character he is literally so good at adapting his personality #because he felt he needed to as a kid both in school and in the business world #that barely anyone knows what he's actually like #like one minute he's a suave overconfident guy who can take on anything #but hes also the quiet dude in class who never participates is probably asleep but somehow gets everything right and is top of the grade #he loves to flirt but will absolutely blue screen if anyone flirts back because despite the fact he flaunts himself- #he doesn't think hes attractive LMAO #his biggest motivation is spite and he doesn't know when to quit #this boy has so many fucking issues istg #def one of those characters who has so many masks that he hardly knows himself #i have a fear that he's nearly too complex to the point where he's a confusing character and i personally dont think thats a good thing #so i really hope that's not the case for you guys 😬 #over my break ive really spent time trying to iron out his character and just make him into soemthing im even more proud of you know #the good thing is that at least his story now has a clear arc and theme which im really proud of #so im gonna use that to build off and iron him out even more #the way i put more work into this funky dude i came up with than like my entire uni work #i love him so much sorry to be mentally ill about a guy i made because i liked a ship too much (and crossover i was having fun with too) #one day i will have a proper post for him with references and everything for him his outfits his personas the lot #one of these days

[robotpussy]

woke up from my sleep angry because I take too long to do anything like I'm so fucking annoyed rn I genuinely cannot comprehend how ppl have full time jobs and go to school and also fully indulge in their hobbies and get them done in timely manners because if I'm doing anything I have to either finish it in a day or it will take a year to complete it

#anyways im not working on that hobie thing anymore its stressing me out that its taking me a month to make a fucking collage 😭😭 #u thought i could have real progress yesterday but after 3 hrs of working on it i got tired and wanted to sleep #*i thought #also the reason why i barely ever make videos im either too tired or it will take me 5 months to edit because #i can't focus on more than 1 thing at a time. if im editing something don't fucking ask me to go anywhere i need yo finish this shit #or it will never be done #been trying to edit my Beyonce and spiderverse vlogs and its just taking too long i just abandoned them #and then like. school. #that fucking university has done nothing but waste my time. wasting my time travelling for 6 hrs so by the time i get home #i cant even do anything but eat and fall asleep because if i stay up to work on what i want to do i will basically get no sleep #cant even indulge in my hobbies without wanting to kill myself because even those stress me out OH MY GOD

[munamania]

best part of my day is gonna be the massive hit of pillow and blanky when i get home from work

#getting up was so painful today. and well yes it was probably made worse by going to dinner for my friends birthday last night #where EYE had to be bitchy abt service ppl bc it's the worst restaurant ever run by college students. #ok it was like two minutes of me being bitchy and saying 'go be a mean boyfriend abt it' but i was justified. #anyways. took forever to get out of there. woke up so many times during the night #maybe cause my body was anxious id miss my shift idk. and i wouldve only been sleeping for like. 5 hours max #and i cant lie some joy was restored in my heart talking to some of our buddies and i felt like a person again briefly #and im making myself do more things today even tho i barely wanna go to class. but that will be #once again after an amazing wonderful nap #just gotta make it thru this shift.. and well brother i am just sitting here #will not fall asleep #abby talks

[aahsoka]

tragedy can be good, but not when it is out in there to be “”subversive”” and not because it makes sense in the story

I think we’re really mean to the word subversive. Being subversive is fine as long as you genuinely understand what you’re subverting and why you want to do that. Idk I think some people get really hung up on a ‘happy ending’ in some media where a tragic or bittersweet ending does actually fit the story 🤷🏼‍♀️

#there are a lot of kdramas i love that dont have a 100% happy ending #and people blame it on ‘bad writing’ but tbh the ending being that way narratively makes sense #jordan talks #answered asks #anon #im like half asleep and barely read that post also #im not trying to defend GOT or the magicians as far as im aware that was all bad writing #but ive never seen either #the gritty realism stuff was originally subversive to more happy less gritty stuff that preceded it #its more of a cycle than like. one or the other being the original i think idk #and i get it i really do im always chasing the rom com drama dopamine high