#after he humiliated her father and assaulted her mother

[theinfinitedivides]

i will hear no slander about the Robin Hood train arc that sh*t is everything to me and then some

#film: jawan #jawan #shah rukh khan #srk #vijay sethupathi #nayanthara #sanya malhotra #priyamani #deepika padukone #bollywood #local gay watches Bollywood.txt #local gay watches Jawan (and spends the entire time filing the various SRK avatars into new DILF categories).txt #Kalki. f*cking Kalki and her scream of rage when she slammed that shovel into the bank representative's head in the rain #after he humiliated her father and assaulted her mother #when i say i had to restrain myself from screaming and then exiting the video to run off and take screenshots of THEE Rain #Scene in BE when Joo Won opens the car trunk grabs the golf club and heads off like he's about to commit patricide i mean it #do not get me started on their flawless escape from the train that requires another ten to twelve posts by itself #the energy. i rest my case

[sodobabe]

The Beginning of our Hotheaded Loverboy PT. 1

MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY

A/N: I’ve been wanting to write more Dew fics. This one is a work in progress so consider this chapter one. Dew is very whiny in this part as he’s a new ghoul and is going through it. Let’s cut the ghoul a break. The ultimate goal for this is for it to be a Dew x Aether x GN reader. Please see warnings below as some of the stuff written is very heavy.

Trigger Warnings: suicide, mention of physical and sexual abuse of a minor, warning for readers who have Emetophobia (it’s not detailed but the action is mentioned).

Smut Warnings: slight humiliation, praise, ever so slight choking, Dew coming in his pants because he’s needy.

Enjoy, and please tell me if I missed warnings so I can add them!

Dewdrop was the ghoul that nobody wanted to mess with. He was hot headed and severely misunderstood. He had a troubled human life. Nobody knew his life story except for Aether.

He grew up an orphan, in and out of foster care. He had to put up a tough act from the very beginning. He never knew his father and lived with his drug abusing mother until she OD’d one day. The memory of finding his mom unconscious after coming home from picture day in the third grade is one that never leaves his mind and often results in nightmares. He was the one who had to call 911. At the age eight, he was always making sure his mom was laid on her side after she shot up whatever drug she could get her hands on. He knew how to cook for himself. He had to do everything for himself from then on out.

When he was placed in his first foster home, he thought he was in heaven. His foster parents spoiled him and made sure he was comfortable. He never had to cook for or fend for himself. Unfortunately, they could not keep him due to his foster mom being pregnant with twins so he went to another foster family. This family would be his own personal hell. The foster mom would beat him for not saying please or thank you. This actually sent him to the hospital multiple times for stitches. When asked what happened, he was conditioned to say he was clumsy. The foster father would groom him, often times resulting in sodomy of a minor or sexual assault if Dew said no. He was stuck with this family. He endured this torture for years until one night he had enough. He found an old belt that his foster mom would hit him with and went to his closet where he would inevitably end his own life. While nobody really grieved his death, his soul found comfort in the pits of hell. He felt like he belonged.

He had been an outsider his whole life. Always interested in things other people weren’t. One thing he loved to do was play guitar. Sometimes after school, he would go to the local music shop and play to his heart’s content. Well, now that he was in Hell, he was able to enjoy all of the things he secretly did in his human life.

He had heard about certain people being summoned to the ‘top side’ by a man often known as Copia. He heard rumors that this Copia figure was looking for musicians for his band. Dew didn’t know much about being summoned or what even being topside meant, he just knew that he would be content with whatever was thrown his way.

As luck would have it, Dew’s faithful day arrived. Satan himself approached the guitarist and told him he was being summoned. Dew wasn’t sure what that entailed but he was eager to find out if it meant he got to play guitar and show off his skills in the human world without actually being human. Before he knew it, he found himself in a dark dungeon-like room, his body aching.

“Fuck me, what the hell happened,” he muttered to himself.

“Oh, good. You’re awake,” Aether, a fellow ghoul called out from the corner.

”Wh-where am I?” Dew spoke with confusion in his voice.

“Welcome to the abbey. You’ve been out cold for a while, that’s not uncommon with new ghouls right after summoning. You’re going to be sore, that’s why I’m here. Consider me your death coach. Kinda like a life couch but since we aren’t humans, make it death,” Aether said with a chuckle. He thought he was the funny one.

“I’m Aether, by the way. I play, or played rhythmic guitar in the band. Now I’m the touring nurse and head nurse at the infirmary. I’m a quintessence ghoul. You’ll learn more about your ghoul quality as you regain your strength. For now, let’s get you to your room so you can rest on something a little bit more comfortable than this awful concrete floor,” Aether continued.

With that, Aether scooped up Dew and carried him back to the den. Dew’s eyes were taking in the surroundings. Once they went through the doors of the den, he felt other eyes on him. He looked around and noticed four other ghouls staring at him from the couch in the common area.

“Who are they?” He whispered to Aether.

”Oh, those are the other ghouls. We can do introductions tomorrow. Right now, my main goal is to make sure you gain your strength back after a harsh summoning,” Aether said as he carried the new fire/water ghoul through the door to his room.

“This is your room. You can decorate it however you want. We just ask that you try not to dirty it up as Copia’s rats will find their way in here and get lost,” Aether said as he placed Dew down in his nest.

“Are you going to stay with me?” Dew asked, curling up into a ball.

”Would you like me to?” Aether replied.

Dew nodded his head and Aether crawled into the nest and brought Dew to his chest, holding him tight. Aether knew how rough a summoning was. He knew what the process could do to one’s body. He wasn’t about to let the new ghoul go through the process alone. Dew relaxed against the warmth of Aether’s body, breathing a sigh of relief as some of the pain went away thanks to Aether’s quintessence. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep, his body preparing for a brand new life starting tomorrow.

Dew started to stir from a nightmare. Even in his human life, he was riddled with anxiety while he slept. His troubling past never left his mind. Aether woke up to the sound of Dew whimpering. He pulled the new ghoul close to him and gently rocked him.

”Shhh, Dew, you’re okay. You’re safe,” Aether whispered to the still asleep Dew.

Dew grew more antsy, now kicking his legs. Aether had no choice but to wake him.

”Dew, wake up,” he spoke softly. Nothing.

”Dewdrop, hey, wake up buddy,” he said, a little louder.

This caught Dew’s attention, startling him awake. He was now holding his chest as he tried to fill his aching lungs with air.

”Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” Aether cooed as he ran his fingers through Dew’s hair.

Dew started sobbing into Aether’s chest.

”Dew, hey, it’s okay. It was just a dream. You are safe. Nothing is going to happen to you,” Aether said as he held Dew close and gently rocked him.

Once Dew’s breathing was manageable, Aether sat up with the new ghoul in his lap.

”Care to tell me what that was about so I know how to help?” Aether softly asked.

“You can’t tell anyone. You have to swear you won’t tell anyone,” Dew begged.

”Hey, whatever you tell me Dew, stays between us. I swear to Satan on that promise,” Aether reassured.

“It’s my foster dad. He-“ Dew suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe again.

”Dew, just breathe. Take your time. You’ve got this. You are in control right now. You lead the conversation,” Aether said as he tucked Dew’s long blonde hair behind his ear.

Dew took a large deep breath and relaxed against the quintessent ghoul.

”My foster dad. He would abuse me. He would do sexual things to me. I have these nightmares that are just never ending memories of what he did to me. I don’t know how to stop them,” Dew muttered out as tears became more evident in his eyes again.

“Oh, Dewy, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Is there anything I can do to help you with these memories?” Aether question, tears now forming in his eyes as he felt like his heart was shattering for the new ghoul.

“I- I don’t know. Everyone always told me to go to therapy but I was too scared to go alone,” Dew replied.

”I’ll go with you, Dew. I go to therapy to help with my troubles. Not only is Copia a great leader, he is also a wonderful and sympathetic therapist. He will know exactly how to help in this situation,” Aether said as he laid back down on the bed with Dew curled up on his chest.

The two of them fell back asleep and woke up a few hours later. Dew woke up feeling like his skin was on fire. He was sweating profusely. He didn’t know what was happening so he decided to wake Aether up.

“Aether?” Dew asked quietly as he nudged the sleeping quint.

“Hmmm?” Aether mumbled as he rolled over to face the panicked ghoul.

”I think I’m sick. Something is wrong. I’m burning up,” Dew muttered out.

Aether sat up and let out a yawn before a stretch. He placed his hand on Dew and jumped back due to the burning sensation on the back of his hand.

“Ah, that was fast. Your powers are setting in. You’re a Fire and Water ghoul hybrid so you are going to feel hot and sweaty,” Aether said as he got out of bed.

”I’m going to go get Copia and a bottle of water for you,” he continued as he left the room.

Dew was miserable. He laid back down against the pillows but he felt like he was going to overheat and die. He didn’t want any of his clothes on. He stripped down to his boxers and just laid there, waiting for Aether to get back with water. He wasn’t sure what exactly meant to be a Fire and Water ghoul hybrid but he figured he would find out soon enough.

”Dew? Are you decent?” Aether asked through the door.

”Yeah, just in my boxers,” Dew mumbled in agony.

Aether came in, followed by Copia. Dew sat up and looked eagerly at the multiple water bottles in Aether’s arms.

”Here, but drink it slowly,” Aether instructed as he sat down with the water ghoul, pulling him against his cool body.

Dew let out a sigh of relief at the contact. He was able to feel some comfort as he chugged the water.

”Dew, I said to drink it sl-“ Aether started to say before he was cut off by Dew throwing the water up all over the bed.

”Slowly,” Aether continued as he got up.

Dew started crying at the loss of contact from Aether’s cool body and due to the fact he just ruined the blankets and sheets on the bed.

“My ghoul, it is okay. Accidents happen,” Copia soothed the agonized Dew.

”Aether tells me that you have nightmares and that your new powers are settling in?” Copia asks as he brushes the ghoul’s hair behind his ear.

“Aeth, you swore not to tell,” Dew said with anger and betrayal in his voice.

”Dew, relax, I didn’t tell him what the nightmares were about. I wouldn’t let you down that fast,” Aether said as he went to put the bedding in the laundry.

“Would you care to tell me about them? Maybe I can be of assistance?” Copia asked, drawing Dew’s attention back to him.

“I don’t want to talk unless Aether is here,” he said as he laid his ears back.

“I understand. We can wait for him to get back,” Copia reassured the clearly stressed out ghoul.

It didn’t take long for Aether to get back. He laid back down on the bed and pulled the hot ghoul against his chest once more. Dew let out another sigh of relief as he was getting comfortable and slowly sipped the next bottle of water.

”Alright, are you ready to tell me?” Copia asked as he sat down on the bed.

”In my past life, I was in foster care. My last foster parents abused me. My foster mom would beat me for any reason. My foster dad would sexually abuse me. They were the reason I died. I took my own life with the belt my foster mother would beat me with. I was hoping the nightmares that I had when I was a human would stay in the past life, but I guess that was not the case,” Dew babbled out.

”Oh, I am so sorry you went through that, my poor little ghoul,” Copia said.

”This is why I don’t like to be alone. I fear they will find me. I know that is impossible but I can’t help the paranoia,” Dew continued.

”That is okay, may I suggest something to the two of you?” Copia asked.

Aether and Dew both nodded.

“Aeth, why don’t you move into Dew’s room or vice versa. That way Dew never has to be in a room alone with his thoughts?” Copia suggested.

”I’d be more than happy to do that. Dew, is that okay with you?” Aether asked.

”Yes, please. I don’t want to be alone. Aether is my only friend I’ve ever had,” Dew muttered out.

’Very well. You two get that figured out, and I want to start a weekly therapy meeting for you, Dew. And don’t worry, Aether can come with you,” Copia said as he got up off the bed to leave.

Dew was still relaxing against Aether when Aether tried to reposition the ghoul. He let out a hiss, and Aether, a chuckle.

“Dew, relax, I’m just repositioning myself,” Aether said as he reached between him and Dew, adjusting his growing cock in his boxers.

Dew felt Aether’s cock pressing against his back and felt his body getting hotter. He was getting flustered with himself for not being able to control whatever it was he was feeling.

“Fucking damnit. I can’t fucking do this,” Dew said as he pushed off of Aether and stood up.

”Dew, just take a breather,” Aether tried to calm him.

”I can’t. I feel like my skin is melting off of my body. I am having these thoughts I have never had before and it’s all just too fucking much,” Dew spat out.

Aether knew exactly what thoughts Dew was talking about. Being a ghoul meant that you had a higher sex drive, for some ghouls, even for members of the same gender. Aeth knew all about this but he could sense that even his own sexual needs became needier since Dew came around. Was Dew the mate Aether had always heard about? Ghoul’s couldn’t choose their mates. They were summoned for the ghouls when Copia thought they were ready. For instance, Copia summoned Rain as a mate for Swiss but Rain is also a contributing member of the band.

Dew started to ramble on a bit more about how he felt. Aether was trying to think of ways to get the fired up (pun intended) ghoul to calm down. That’s when he just let his hormones get the best of him. He got up off the bed, walked over to Dew, grabbed him by the throat and passionately kissed him. This caught Dew off guard but he gave in and relaxed against the much larger ghoul. Aether picked him up and carried him over to the bed, never breaking the kiss. Dew was holding onto Aether’s back devouring the kiss. This caused Aether to ever so slightly grind his hips against Dew’s abdomen, drawing a moan from the hybrid’s lips.

”Dew, we need to talk,” Aether said as he came up for air.

Dew was panting after the loss of contact but was coherent enough to nod his head to acknowledge that he was listening.

”I think, I love you,” Aether said, avoiding eye contact with Dew.

Dew was now a bright red and left speechless.

“Wha- what do you mean you love me? I’m not lovable. That’s impossible. You only just met me,” Dew finally babbled out after slowing his breathing.

“Dew, there are things that you don’t know yet. I’m about to explain a big one to you. Some of these things may explain the way you feel,” Aether said as he sat down next to Dew.

”As ghouls, we have mates. Copia has files from Satan and he has a power that can tell who is who’s mate and he summons them. Two of the ghouls here are mates, Swiss and Rain. What I am feeling right now is the way Swiss said he felt when Rain was summoned for him. I feel like I cannot leave you alone. I feel like I have known you for my entire lives, both human and in death. I have been rock fucking hard since you got here, which is uncommon for me because I am the least sexually motivated ghoul that is currently here. I literally feel like I am on the brink of orgasm standing here. Another aspect of this feeling is being irritable. Swiss said that your emotions for your mate are all over the place and are so high that it makes you want to crawl out of your skin. We, as ghouls, cannot control who our mate is. It is someone that our souls have a bond with and that bond cannot be broken unless we were to die,” Aether explained.

”Is that why I’m angry? I have all of these emotions surging through me and I just thought it was from the summoning. I feel like I need to cum but it’s almost as if I can’t. I also feel like I’ve known you forever and I was hoping the feeling would go away because I know I am unlovable, but part of me wants to be shown the love,” Dew explained.

”Dew, you are not unlovable. You just never had your soulmate in your lifetime. I’m here now. We have each other now. If you want to take some time to process all of this new information, I under-“ Aether explained before he was cut off by Dew.

”Don’t leave me, Aeth. I just got you, I can’t lose you already. Don’t go, I- I need you. So fucking bad,” Dew growled out.

”Okay, I won’t leave. I’m right here,” Aether said as he hugged the little ghoul.

“Does this mean we are dating?” Dew asked, shyly.

”Only if you want it to mean that. For Swiss and Rain, that’s how they view it,” Aether suggested.

Dew nodded his head and resumed kissing Aether. He wasn’t sure what overcame him. Before he knew it, he had his hands in Aether’s pants, slowly stroking the quintessence ghoul’s dick, pulling sweet, soft moans from his lips. This got Dew all worked up, he felt like he was going to cum in his own pants.

”Fuck, Aeth, I think I’m gonna cu-“ Dew said before his own body cut him off.

Thick ropes of cum coated the material of his boxers over his crotch, leaving a pattern of wet spots from the stick secretment.

“Fuck, such a good boy for me, that’s so hot. Love watching you lose control in your pants before you could even pull your dick out,” Aether praised as he nibbled on Dew’s ear.

Dew moaned as his body dealt with the big release. He was limp in Aether’s lap now. Aether got up and pulled Dew’s boxers off, wiping up any remnants of his seed, and threw them in the dirty clothes basket. Aether went into the bathroom to release his own loud, moaning for Dew in the process, before returning and tucking the sleepy ghoul into the nest with a back up blanket from the hall closet.

“Dew, baby, I’m going to go get us some food and something to drink. Are you okay staying here or do you want me to get one of the ghoul’s to bring us something?” Aether asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Can someone bring us something? I don’t want to get up but I also don’t want you to leave quite yet,” Dew said as he held onto Aether’s arm.

“Sure thing, baby boy,” Aether said and winked at Dew, causing his dick to twitch.

Aether picked up his phone and texted Rain:

TO Waterboy: Hey, sweet thing, think you can do me a favor and bring some Gatorade, nuggets, and Mac n Cheese to Dew’s room. He’s spent but doesn’t want me to leave yet.

Dew questioned the use of the term ‘sweet thing’ from Aether to Rain.

“You will soon find out that we all flirt with each other. We also all fuck each other. Swiss shares his mate. I personally, don’t want to share you quite yet. The flirting is just a friendly ghoul thing. You will get used to it,” Aether explained as he chuckled and laid down with the sleepy hybrid.

FROM Waterboy: Sure thing, big daddy.

Aether set his phone down and pulled the sleeping ghoul into his side, allowing Dew’s head to rest on his chest. He dozed off for a bit until he heard a soft knock on the door. This startled Dew, causing him to cling to Aether and flip his ears up to attention.

“It’s okay, Dew, it’s just Rain with our food and drinks,” Aether says as he rubs Dew’s back.

“Come in, Rainy boy,” Aether instructed.

Swiss opened the door for Rain and the two of them entered the dark bedroom. Dew laid his ears back and tightened his grip on Aether.

“Dew, they’re not taking me from you. It is okay. They just want to meet you,” Aether said, grabbing Dew’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

Dew relaxed a bit as Rain handed him and Aether the food and drinks.

“Can we sit?” Swiss asked.

”Yeah, go ahead. I figured we could do introductions slowly today since he’s still pretty timid and clinging to me,” Aether explained.

Swiss and rain pulled up bean bags and sat on the floor next to the bed.

”So, you’re Dew, the new hybrid that Copia has been talking about. We’ve heard you are a great guitar player as well as a lil hot headed,” Swiss chuckled.

”I wouldn’t say I’m a great guitarist but the hot headed portion is right,” Dew snarked back with a smile.

”Well, I’m Swiss, this is Rain. I’m a multi ghoul meaning I have more than two powers. Rainy baby here is a water ghoul so you and him could talk about some of your powers,” Swiss suggested.

”I see you’re clinging to our beloved Aether here. Aeth did Copia finally treat you?” Swiss continued.

”Yes. About fucking time. I’ve been proving to him I’ve been ready for my mate. Now I have the love of my life with me all the time,” Aether said before giving Dew a kiss, causing him to relax a bit.

“Congrats, man. And Dew, treat our favorite ghoul well, please,” Rain chimed in.

“Thanks, Rainy baby, can you send Mountain to us in a couple of hours. We are going to eat and take a nap so Dew baby here can gain some strength and help settle the emotional chaos that is his brain right now,” Aether suggested.

Swiss and Rain both nodded. Swiss got up from the bean bag and yanked Rain up with him before slapping the water ghoul’s ass and telling him to go to their room.

”He’s kinda scary,” Dew said as he dipped his nugget in ketchup.

”Who? Swiss?” Aether said with a giggle.

”He’s really nice once you get to know him. He just tries to be tough guy because of his past, kind of like you,” Aether reassured the ghoul.

“What’s your story?” Dew asked in between bites of his food.

”Dew, my love. That is a story for another time. Right now, let’s just relax and enjoy each other’s company. What would you like to watch on TV?” Aether asked as he turned the tv on.

”Can we watch Grey’s Anatomy?” Dew asked as he continued eating.

Aether nodded his head as his mouth was full of food. He turned on the tv and they ate their food while just silently enjoying each other’s company. Aether had noticed that Dew had finished his food and went to ask if the hybrid wanted more. As he turned his head to ask, he realized that Dew was leaning back in the pillows, fast asleep. He smiled to himself and put both of their plates on the nightstand next to the nest. Aether turned the tv down and laid down with his mate, pulling him to his chest, resulting in a low pur coming from the little sleeping ghoul. Aether was content. He figured he would be perfectly happy just working around the abbey and for the band but now he had someone to spend his time with whom he loved dearly. All of these happy thoughts made it easier for him to fall asleep. Before he knew it, he was back into his dreamland which all seemed like reality now that he had his mate with him.

#the band ghost #aether ghoul #aether fluff #nameless ghouls #dewdrop ghoul #dewdrop angst #dewdrop x aether

[samwpmarleau]

genuinely wanting someone who hated the james tartt sr. story to explain (not putting u on the spot, others feel free to weigh in!) — in what way is showing a character has chosen to go to rehab & smiling once = redeeming that character ?

i literally feel like people complaining about sr’s “redemption arc” are watching a different show than i am…. having qualms is valid but i don’t think redemption is what anyone was going for here.

Requisite disclaimer that this is just my opinion. Others may have their own.

Putting this under a cut because it's long.

I don't think he was redeemed — in my eyes, he's way beyond redemption — but I think the show clearly wants us to view him as such. Which is an issue because there's absolutely no foundation for it. The last we saw of James, he was humiliating his son in front of the entire team and, had it not been for Beard (whom James later tried to murder, let's not forget), would have assaulted him. Since then, while we hadn't seen James, we'd heard a story of him: Jamie tells us that when he was 14, James facilitated his rape via a prostitute in a foreign country, which traumatized Jamie so badly that he doesn't even remember the encounter.

To say nothing of the other things we've learned and seen:

Throwing a boot at Jamie's head

Laying into him for having the audacity to score merely the winning assist rather than the winning goal

Constantly calling Jamie soft if he didn't dominate, thereby forcing Jamie to put up walls to protect himself

Impregnating Georgie when she was 16 (let's really hope it was a short relationship because oh wait, the age of consent in England is 16 so if they were in a relationship any earlier, James would be a statutory rapist twice over)

Abandoning her and Jamie shortly after Jamie was born

Many many more things we're not privy to

James is a piece of shit, to put it mildly. That's what they told and showed us throughout the first 33 episodes of the show. The incident at Wembley, and James in general, hadn't so much as been mentioned since it happened, not even in the episode in which they played Man City, let alone hints that James suddenly had a come-to-jesus moment.

Then we get to 3x11, and Jamie is having an identity crisis and two near-panic attacks — one of which causes him to faint — because he's spent half his life doing what he did out of anger at his father and to prove himself, and he now has to face what happens when those motivators are no longer there.

He goes to his mother for comfort and advice, which she gives to him, and it's great advice! She tells him that he's an amazing person, that his worth isn't derived from his father, and that James isn't going to change so Jamie shouldn't be torturing himself with hope. All of that coincides with everything we'd seen up until then, and is headed for a sad but important message: sometimes people don't change. Sometimes people won't love you or give you their approval. Sometimes you do need to cut ties with someone, even if that someone is your parent. It's okay to not forgive them or come to a nice rosy conclusion with them, and that you can move on without doing so.

And what does the show do? It has Ted — Ted who is projecting like hell, Ted who thinks every parental situation is the same, Ted who has absolutely no business butting in on something like this, Ted who has already given Jamie shitty advice before — telling him to "just forgive him." Which not only sets Jamie up for falling right back into James's abusive cycle but completely obliterates what Jamie's mother said. Instead of her experience and relevance leading to good advice, the show tells us she was wrong and heartless, that Ted is the one to listen to. Additionally, it tells us that Jamie can't be his best self unless he forgives and reconnects with James.

(Ted also frames this as Jamie letting go of his anger. Which is a rather strange thing to be a lightbulb moment for Jamie, considering that wasn't his problem. He himself said earlier in the episode that he feels so lost because he doesn't have that anger — he has indifference. Jamie didn't need a releasing of anger or forgiveness for his dad, he just needed clarity and guidance.)

Then, it shows us James in rehab. To which I say: since fucking when??? What had we seen or heard from James that would ever indicate he'd go to rehab? Worse, it shows us James nearly crying with pride and love for Jamie (oh, can't forget Denbo and Bug either and their "His dad would've been proud" nonsense). Since fucking when??? James has NEVER shown pride or love for Jamie. Jamie has only ever been a source of clout for him. FFS, he gleefully cheered against him at Wembley!

To say nothing of the fact that James's alcoholism was a symptom, not the disease. Alcoholism doesn't make you the sort of person to do all of the horrific things James did. It may have made things worse, but it didn't cause him to do them and getting clean doesn't magically make him into a good person as the show implies.

All of which I still would've hated but could have probably accepted, were it not for the text. Fine, have Jamie forgive him (ugh). Fine, have James in rehab (maybe I'll pretend it was court-mandated).

But then they have Jamie — Jamie who doesn't even know James is in rehab, the last memory he has is of 2x08 — actually reconnect. They even show that he's deleted the quotes he used to have around James's name in his phone. Jamie says it's "been awhile," that he hopes he's okay, and smiles after sending it. The implication being that he and James will reconcile and perpetuate the bullshit that family is family no matter how abusive they are and you can't not keep ties. What the fuck. Jamie should not have to do that, and the SHOW certainly should not present that message.

It's harmful, repulsive, puts Jamie in harm's way, and I really fucking hate it.

#no i am never going to be okay with this #i cannot tell you how much i despise it #jamie tartt #james tartt #tl #tw child abuse #tw rape

[lya-dustin]

All is Bliss

Chapter 28

cw: attempted murder(possibly really just regular murder), depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, Aegon’s post Rook’s Rest injuries, mentions of past sexual assault, implied ritual sacrifice, infanticide

Taglist: @mercedesdecorazon @darylandbethfanforever9 @watercolorskyy @ewanmitchellcrumbs @aemondx @sweethoneyblossom1

Gif by @barbieist

No one save for the maesters, the queen mother and the lord hand are allowed to see him.

Aemond is kept out of there because they doubt his loyalties, Aemma is too unwell, and there have been instances where a servant or two has tried to off him.

“In the case of King Aegon perishing from his injuries, what would be the course of action?” Wylde asks the question the rest fear asking in front of his mother.

“I will wed his widow, open talks with the rebels and share the regency with lords of their choosing as well as with the boy’s mother until he is of age.

Should the boy die with no issue or his mother suffer a miscarriage, the succession will be secured as I am next in line and unlike my brother, have no issue stopping me from impregnating my future wife.” His words are met with a scoff from his lady mother.

“I raised no son, I see, I raised a vulture.” She comments and he tries his best not to roll his eye at her.

She always took his side, when he bullied him, she’d allow it so long as it happened behind closed doors.

He loves his mother, but her love always felt conditional.

Like she might stop loving him if he ever rose against his brother.

“Men with such injuries often perish or take their own lives, your grace, it would not hurt to be prepared.” Tyland Lannister says in his defense. “Prince Aemond must be prepared to secure the succession without giving time for the rebels to install Queen Aemma.”

“Princess Aemma, she was never crowned as his consort.” His grandsire corrects, but refuses to speak more than that.

His reputation and ego suffered quite the blow when he was dismissed and his replacement won them the battle.

“Had she been crowned as it was her due, perhaps this would have been avoided. Most believe she rebelled because she was ignored and the king’s whore paraded about in her place.” Grand Maester adds, in defense of Aemma and perhaps because he was known to harbor sympathies with the Blacks.

He and Beesbury had been opposed to the usurpation, only Beesbury was not so important as to be kept alive.

“She rebelled because we killed my half-sister by crowning Aegon on top of the humiliations my beloved elder brother had already heaped on her.

Even if we could crown her, it would not fix anything. Her supporters know her claim is greater than all of ours combined.” Aemond shook his head.

“The babe killed your sister, your sister who is the reason you have no eye and had no justice from your father that night.” His mother reminds him.

It was her bastard son who did it, he’d like to correct.

Bastards she protected the way I now protect mine.

Now that he is to be a father, he came to understand why Rhaenyra said and did what she did.

Because he would do the same.

“The babe was covered in dragon scales, with no heart and filled with maggots. If I remember my history correctly, Tyanna of the Tower poisoned Maegor’s wives so all the babes would be born like that.

Prince Daemon claims it was the work of a witch, and I am inclined to believe him.” Aemond hates the turn this has taken, but he needs them to find who hired Alys to kill Rhaenyra.

He suspects his mother.

Her sudden closeness to the witch that called him the One-Eyed King once made him suspect her of Rhaenyra’s murder.

While he hated his sister, he loves Aemma and he would imprison his own mother to keep her and the babe from dying.

What is your mother to your own son, after all?

“Everyone knows Maegor was cursed for kinslaying.” Cole says in defense of the queen.

Knowing damn well the only two people here who could have hired the witch was her half-brother and the queen she now serves.

But Cole thinks mother a goddess like the Seven Who Are One, the Mother and the Maiden rolled up in one.

A woman who can never do wrong.

A woman who could never kill another even for a what she believes may have been an honorable reason.

“Lady Laena died the same way, the babe was malformed and described the same as its half-sister, the Triarchy boasted of having hired a shadowbinder from Asshai to kill her and weaken him.

As Lord of Harrenhal and head of House Strong, I would hand over our prime suspect to the Faith and prevent such misfortune falling upon King Aegon’s only heir.” Larys finally speaks up, hardly speaks unless it is of great importance or offer a sordid deal.

It shouldn’t surprise him, House Strong had been whittled down to Larys, his elder sisters, Ida and Ada, and the cause of their family’s extinction and the burning of their seat: Alys Rivers.

“No, you cannot. Alys merely miscarried the babe the night the king died. Prince Daemon still has many enemies, any of them could’ve done it.” His mother dismissed it as madness and sought to change the topic.

But she has never been subtle even when not backed into a corner, and now they have the confirmation they needed for it.

She hired Alys to kill Rhaenyra and make Aegon king.

Alicent the Pious loved her children more than the gods themselves, she would do anything to save them.

No one could fault her, she was a mother after all, her council especially, she was a mother after all and gave them the power they so desperately wanted.

But his mother was becoming a liability.

She may be the reason her cause had something to rally behind, but her job was done when Aegon was made king.

It won’t be long before they turn against her and use Alys to kill two birds with one stone.

The state her beloved son is in breaks her heart every time she sees him.

Aegon woke up towards the end of the second week and cursed foully when shown his new reality.

The left side of his body burnt beyond recognition, steel of his armor still in whatever skin is left on his arm, his ribs and hip broken and left leg injured beyond repair. It was a gruesome sight.

“Let me die, gods-damn it.” He shouts at the maesters and her who denies him that mercy.

It is clear what she must do.

Aegon cannot live like this, her golden son cannot be this for the rest of his life.

For days she ponders whether it is worth whatever is left of her soul.

She asks the Mother for guidance, for strength to turn away from this, but the Mother does not respond.

The Crone does, silently telling her it is the only way.

“What must I pay to save him?” she asks her witch one morning while they watch little Ellyn Waters pray for her father in the Sept.

“I think you already know the price, your grace.” The witch answers and gestured to the nearly three-year-old girl at the feet of the Mother.

Ellyn Eversweet, called like her famed namesake and for the sweet smiles that look so much like the ones Aegon used to have when he was her sweet little boy.

Silvery golden waves like her and blue eyes so innocent it feels like a knife to her ever-blackening heart.

Any mother would do the same if they had the opportunity, the queen begins to tell herself as she asks her lover and curse for a solution to her son’s problems.

“She is a child!” she whispered in outrage at her own thoughts.

“His child, he gave her life and now she must give her his. It is the only way to save him.” The witch said as she lit a candle at the foot of her patron goddess.

“Do you think I would not have given my life for mine and my brother when you ordered them killed?”

“There has to be another way.” The queen tells herself and rejects her solution.

When she sees the chambermaid suffocate him with a pillow, Alicent knows she has no choice but to kill the child to save hers.

“She’s only a bastard,” she tells herself when she carries the sleeping girl and places her beside her dying father.

Aemma is better than she has been in this past fortnight.

She comes alive as her mind replayed those moments when Aegon stopped thrashing under the pillow as she and Enola the Chambermaid held it over his face.

He was dying, the guards had been alerted by Alicent’s presence in the other room and for her safety, Aemma was told to run.

It had come too easy and before the guilt over her first murder set in her bones, Aemma takes advantage of this sudden spark that ignites the fire in her blood.

Aemond is utterly oblivious as to what spurred this on.

He could never know.

He must never know.

She cannot take out this feeling on an opponent, but there is another way. Aemond was always hard as oak after a spar or an execution.

She needs him badly, so bad she cannot wait until dawn for this.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asks but does nothing to stop her. He does not mind being woken up this way, enjoys it or so he’s told her after.

“I couldn’t sleep, wanted to go for a walk, but then I remembered we never got to finish what we started that afternoon, would the prince regent like to finish what he started?” she lies with a sultry voice and a cunny wet enough to sell the lie.

Aemma has not been intimate with him since the Cargyll twins killed themselves. It has been little more than a fortnight since that afternoon and so much had happened.

It had taken a week to leave Dragonstone under capable hands, keep Aegon stable enough to return home and have the dead dragons prepared for travel. Four days and three nights because the wind and current disagreed with them and nine days and nine nights to devise a plan and execute it.

Her courage had nearly failed her, until she saw a chambermaid hiding a knife with the same objective as her.

He raped Dyana, she whispered and the queen nodded in understanding.

There was no going back after that.

In the end, Enola the chambermaid, took her knife, slit her own throat open and the truth died with her.

“We did not.” He gives her a groggy smile before helping sit on his gloriously made face.

Between the pleasure and the thrill of her first and final kill, Aemma feels the clouds leave and the sun shine again.

It all comes crashing down the next morning.

“The king is awake.”

#aemma velaryon #aemond targaryen x velaryon!oc #aemond x rhaenyra and laenor's! daughter #aemond targayen x oc #ewan mitchell #alicent hightower #alys rivers/alicent hightower #ocappreciationtag #all is bliss(in the court of aemma the great) fic #all is bliss fic

[agentrouka-blog]

Do you think Ned at one point had thought how his sister Lyanna would have suffered with Robert after witnessing his abuse on Cersei and what he did with Barra's mother?

Ned skirts around the issue mentally when he is confronted with little Barra, but GRRM never allows him to really verbalize the thought.

"Robert will never keep to one bed," Lyanna had told him at Winterfell, on the night long ago when their father had promised her hand to the young Lord of Storm's End. "I hear he has gotten a child on some girl in the Vale." Ned had held the babe in his arms; he could scarcely deny her, nor would he lie to his sister, but he had assured her that what Robert did before their betrothal was of no matter, that he was a good man and true who would love her with all his heart. Lyanna had only smiled. "Love is sweet, dearest Ned, but it cannot change a man's nature." (AGOT, Eddard IX)

Jaime's untimely attack on him and his people in the streets of KL unfortunately makes focusing on Robert's horrific nature an afterthought, and Ned never allows himself to truly acknowledge Robert for what he is. Even after watching him assault Cersei.

Their past friendship matters so much to him, more than the truth in front of him, more than Lyanna in some ways. He served her a palatable fantasy made up of wishful thinking when she was alive, and he's warmly embracing the guy who would kill her child. The fact that Robert still clings to an idealized image of Ned's dead sister (while humiliating his own living wife at every turn) matters more.

It's like Davos with Stannis. "Sure, I had to smuggle out Edric Storm to make sure Stannis wouldn't allow him to be burned alive. But this is my bestie, my liege, my king! He is what Westeros needs!"

Ned needed the image of his good friend Robert who loved his sister Lyanna more than he wanted the truth of him. And it ends up killing him.

#eddard stark critical #anti robert baratheon #lyanna stark #rouka queue

[viviennelamb]

Sorry i'm venting here again I couldn't finish earlier and also it's not THAT serious it's a vent so DW I'm not gonna fully describe my situation cause I'm embarrassed and don't feel ready/

i literally don't even have a life now because of my abuser and the most important thing to me which is me. I could have spent my life in bliss of my own energy and I don't know which thing in my energy manifested this tragedy for me. All I ever wanted my whole life is for her to leave me alone but I never got it and now will ever do and Im tired of analyzing this situation and how's right who's wrong what's right what's wrong objective judgements (what decides if it's objectively) like I'm so severely confused about what the fuck happened in my life and how the abuse even isolated me from other humans irls. Abusers abuse in private often and no one outside even knows what you might be going through. All of this suffering makes me question if I'm wrong for being the way I am, I was always called stubborn if I didn't obey my abuser but I also was and am a rebel (which is inherent in my personality not caused tho) cause the environment I am in even genetic one is crazy low consciousness, full of sick people, obesity, low iq, mental and other disabilities and my whole life I was the awakened one even changing my diet at 11(!!!) because seeing people eat what they do horrified me. But my attempts at not being turned into them were sabotaged, I had to treat dumb people as an authority since I was born meanwhile I should have been the leader. Conscious intuitive people are so fucking sabotaged besides the abuse I even have to feel guilt for being smart cause after all they all are my family and family is one and it's love blah blah but how to not get wasted in a low iq environment. People can't understand me and this and the torture forced me to start isolating from a young age, my abuser made me succumb to the tortures and lately I feel so humiliated because I got tired of going against them I felt as if I'm giving in and like it's fucking over like they won like they got a control over me. I don't understand why we are slaves to other humans. Why is physical assault illegal but worse tortures with worse long term consequences okay and not even seen by others not even therapists. It's always seen as a flaw in my character and a mischievous rebellion. These people can't even indulge in complex thinking their logic is flawed and close minded. Seeing people struggle to judge situations correctly is insane it made me obsess over things like guilt or sympathy cause is it wrong to not do something other person wants you to do if it hurts them emotionally? Do we have to care about others emotions? I care in a "I an aware of others emotions and that they have them" but its rare to meet someone like me, what's the ultimate 6 fucking truth and correct judgments!?!?. No one irl ever had been as sensitive gentle shy and intuitive as I am besides my father kinda and his mom but just a little but he's a male and male biology is male biology it wins cause it's their material identity and I'm not that type of a person who worships their father instead of mother. I was literally born with heightened awareness then harvested? by a demon since I believe my abuser is in fact demon possessed for whatever reason once I even had a dream in which I felt physical pain as she was sucking the energy out of my chest. If I caused this to myself even if I couldn't escape most of it then how and what we should be so that we dont manifest bad shit? I want an objective view on this not even "your abuser is a monster" cause ok they are but lately I've been thinking if I'm right or wrong I can't fucking decode this shit am I the black sheep or what. These people are "normies" but how much guilt I feel for calling them that is insane, see I'm almost an empath(which doesn't even mean a person who acts on their empathy or is good and yk how cringe this word is trust me lmao) cause I'm in tune with the fact that others feel. If I'm engaging with an animal or something I intuitively tune into them and if I pick them up or something then my awareness is centered in me trying not to hurt them like my intuition guides my

Karma is complex. The basis of it is if you haven't made any effort to know your soul, you will be brought to Earth to become motivated in learning this aspect of God. From what you're describing, your lesson is likely one of becoming brave. If it's not, it couldn't hurt.

The fact that you're tired of analyzing the situation is a good thing. You're ripe for transformation. People who are stuck in that loop aren't receptive to a way out of that mindset because they actually enjoy it and feel safe in that habit. Your isolation is a sign to turn to God as well. You're getting all the signs here, all you need to do is act.

People will tell you talk to others to heal, but relating to other people's trauma isn't actually healing, you will fall into another codependent situation. Stop worrying about empathy, guilt, and sympathy as well. These emotions have been manipulated in everybody since birth and, as a result, bring everybody out of Presence. For example, when somebody is attacking, you, you will automatically feel guilty for even thinking about fighting back even though they attacked you first. This mind control is even more prominent in school than learning that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. School was essentially about telling you not to stand up to bullies, to turn us into prison bitches for the rest of our lives.

Low IQ people are 100% physical which is why their only concern will only be appearance. Work on not caring what they think about you. You need to become rooted in God and if you've read the Bible, God wiped out evil. What they think doesn't matter. Moreover, if you want to see Karma at work, just listen to the way they talk. People who are karmically favored don't speak and act the way they do.

No, you don't have to care about emotions. Understand that in the sex-addicted world, the ordinary person's nervous system isn't right. Their interpretation of reality is false and they will demand that you bow to their Egos instead of submit to the Truth of Reality.

Why be in tune with what other people feel? Save all that love and empathy for God. You still have yet to fully grasp the situation you're in. Start by retracting all your senses within. Once you let emotions leak out, your abuser will detect it and feast. Even when they're temporarily nice, don't reciprocate it because that is manipulation also. They can tell you're looking for some relatability or just some compassion, and they'll dangle it in front of you then crush. These individuals are experts at manipulation because they never knew how to communicate or control their emotions and are completely disconnected from their souls. Having control over your communication and emotions is better than sex.

#ask

[dracodazaii]

A Mother’s Disappointment

Rhaella confronting her son, and his paramour Lyanna after the destruction faced in Westeros

How could this all go wrong?

Rhaella’s own flesh and blood, grown showcased the mistakes of man yet doomed to repeat it. Aerys was a blight on the realms, yet her poor son Rhaegar acted so callously, causing a war the likes never seen before in centuries.

Even King Aerys, the infamous madman himself, did not create astronomical damage alike to his progeny.

The philosophical heir, the presumed prince to bring peace and greatness to Westeros, restoring the blunders of his father.

Now he stands in front of his beloved mother shamelessly, with his vagabond of a mistress, and his collection of cowardly Kingsguards.

How dare they stand in front of Rhaella Targaryen.

These alleged protectors of the realm preach their vows of duty and honour in the name of the King, to justify standing idly by as her brother-husband mistreats her, beats her and rapes the frail women into submission.

Yet now they act as turncloaks and betrayers to the King, in the name of Rhaegar and his harlot wolf-girl.

The frail, pregnant women gathers all the power she can muster, and strikes her foolish son with the culmination of rage released from the depths of her heart filled with disappointment.

His three underlings gape back in shock, undetermined in how to act as their admirable king has been slapped by the now Queen-mother, the women they once witnessed numerously battered and downtrodded by the previous king. Rhaegar’s paramour Lyanna also gazes at her presumed-mother-in-law acting unexpectedly, unlike the frail southern flowers she presumed everyone below the North would be in temperment.

“Mother! Why did you slap me? I’ve won the war and returned back in great health. This is cause for celebration, not to attack me!” Rhaegar retorted in response to the unanticipated assault on himself by the mother he cherishes dearly.

“Have you no decency Rhaegar? After witnessing your father’s mistakes, I thought you would grow up respectful and kind with the values I taught you unlearning the evil tendencies of your father.”

“Yet here you stand with your mistress and guards, as you flaunted about carelessly in poor Elia’s homeland while the realm was set ablaze due to your actions!” Rhaella’s fury was unleashed and unrestrained, her eyes never once leaving the guilt-filled lavender eyes of her firstborn son.

Lyanna impulsively retaliated snidely, “I’m no mistress! Rhaegar and I’s love is pure and true, witnessed by both Gods Old and New! That Martell crone is of no consequence in our love!”

The Kingsguard beside her, Arthur Dayne of Dorne sends a disapproving gaze filled with shame.

Shame in participating in this foolish excursion of two wayward lovers. Shame in betraying the Princess of his land and participating in the humiliation of Elia Martell in front of all, nobles and smallfolk alike.

“You let your little whore call your wife, the mother of your children that? I see now that all I taught you was irrespective, as Aerys blood truely runs through you.”

“At least your father had the courtesy to not outwardly flaunt his mistress to me and abscond with her!” Rhaella counters in anger at the total absurdity of the situation.

The gallivanting prince whines in shame, “Mother, I’m not immoral like father! This was a duty of mine, to provide the realm with the conqueror’s reborn to face the northern threat.”

His mother rebuts this claim, “And yet this somehow led you to run away with the betrothed of the Baratheon Lord! Doing so caused a war, you fool!”

Lyanna Stark immediately screeches back to Rhaella, at the name of her previous-betrothed, “I didn’t want to marry that boarish oaf! He already has a bastard child! Love is sweet but it cannot change his nature!”

“And so you abandoned your family to gallivant off with a man with two children, and a pregnant wife instead.” The Targaryen matriarch retorts, illustrating the incredulous hypocrisy of the arrogant wolf-girl.

The Stark women growled in a pathetic attempt at silent as she grows red as a prune in mortification.

Her immoral deeds have been showcased off to everybody in the room witnessing the argumentative nature of Lyanna’s meeting with her mother-in-law.

“These callous actions of yours led to the murder of both your brother and father and yet you have nothing to say now!”

“I’m done with you imbeciles. Rhaegar, I tried the right ways on how to act, yet you and your cronies acted so badly to the extent of war!”

“I’m heading back to Dragonstone with Viserys. Hopefully him and my next child will grow to be nothing like you. My eldest son. My biggest failure.” Rhaella then storms off, away from the unpleasant scene. Unable to face the blunders caused in the rebellion as a result of her son.

Lyanna stewed silently in shameful fury.

Rhaegar now filled with shame, yet unwilling to accept the fact that his pursuit of Lyanna Stark in the name of prophecy was a foolish endeavour.

Arthur Dayne lingered in the room, feeling disgusted with himself for following these scandalous nobles. In attempt to become a man worthy of the Kingsguard, worthy of the titles he has been given, as a result of his skills and his supposed noble attitude, yet he had led himself to ruin. Led Westeros to ruin.

Nobody continued to speak, silence ensued while the figures stood unsure of themselves. Awkward in the fact they had to face the consequences of their actions.

[frary-us]

"Emily, naturally, immediately ran to tell her about seeing the portrait of Aphrodite with Clara's face as soon as possible. She's upset and furious about her sister's behavior. Not, of course, because Clara might be publicly shamed or ] her marriage might be irreparably damaged should Frederick find out, though. No, Emily's worried that Clara's scandalous secret and/or imminent shame might reflect poorly on her, somehow damaging her chances at...whatever shot she thinks she still has with the good reverend, I guess. Keep dreaming, Em.....

Speaking of Frederick having a normal one, it turns out that what it takes to get the elder Trenchard son to visit his estranged younger brother is if that brother is beaten within an inch of his life in a combo black-mail/hate crime incident. Yes, the good Reverend James tries to tell his blackmailer he won't be giving him any more money. Still, all he gets for his troubles is more threats and so many injuries that it's only by the timely intervention of the Trenchard valet Fletcher that he doesn't expire on the street. (Fletcher, having experienced a similar beating as a youth, is unable to turn a blind eye to a gay man getting assaulted as a result of his sexuality.)

It is, unsurprisingly, Emily who forces her way into the rectory after several days of James being missing and who bullies him into finally seeing a doctor for his many wounds. The prognosis isn't great, though, and when James begs her to reach out to Frederick for him, she can't exactly refuse. This episode is, hands down, the most I have ever liked Emily Dunn, as she finally deploys her powers of nosiness and nagging for a good cause, determinedly staring down her brother-in-law when he tries to stonewall her and doing everything short of physically dragging him to James's bedside herself. 

Unfortunately, the Trenchard brothers' reunion didn't go as well as we hoped. James, who wants nothing so much as to free his brother from some of the emotional burdens he carries where their father is concerned, decides that the best and most helpful way to do that would be to reveal that their dying mother told him Frederick is illegitimate and not Oliver Trenchard's son at all. On paper, James means this as a kind gesture. After all, Frederick doesn't need to be so obsessed with the fact that his father was hateful and abusive if he wasn't even his real dad, right? Just insane levels of Guy Tapping His Head meme energy at work all around here. How is James so sweet and yet so dumb?

Because, of course, Frederick takes this in the worst way possible, assuming that James is telling him to be cruel, yet another step in his allegedly lifelong quest to destroy his life. He storms off, but not before accusing James of trying to ruin and humiliate him or maybe even steal the title Lord Trenchard for himself, you know, as the realheir. James insists this isn't what's happening and looks pathetically ill. Still, Frederick is nothing if not a champion of hearing what he wants at any moment, and the brothers look farther apart than ever.

Can't wait till Clara finds out about that."

#Belgravia: The Next Chapter #Episode #BTNC 1x06 #Recap #Telly Visions #Feb 2024 #Spoilers #Emily Dunn #Hannah Onslow #Scandal #Sisters #Crush #Rev. James Trenchard #Toby Regbo #Poor James #Blackmail #Beating #Caring #Reunion #Brothers #Frederick Trenchard #Benjamin Wainwright #Confession #Parents #Lying #Secret #Paternity #Angry #Denial #Stop Their Misery

[fandomkidfromthefuture]

Content warning: abuse, SA, I’m talking about House of the Dragon so just be kind to yourself and skip if you need to!

I’ve been thinking about HOTD again and I was thinking about Aegon and 1) how confused the show seems to be about how they’d like to portray him, sympathetic or downright horrible (because he is horrible, do not forget about what he did to Dyana!) and 2) how people keep blaming Alicent for him turning out shitty? And I just find that a really important talking point, but I also find it infuriating, because it’s like this: she didn’t want these kids. We can all kind of agree on that, right? She never even expresses wanting children, and even if she did, we can at least agree that she very clearly didn’t seem happy with her kids and she very obviously did not want to have said kids with her best friend’s father. I think people bring up her not liking Aegon as a thing to shame her, because oh God, a mother not liking her children??? When in actuality, she clearly loves her children. She’s the only one we are willing to protect and go to bat for them. She stared down a fucking dragon for Aegon because that’s her child, no matter what he’s done, and she loves him even if she can’t stand what he’s become as a person. She was forcibly married at fifteen and conceived all of these kids through martial rape from a man that likely was and should have been a pseudo father to her, being her best friend’s father. She was then emotionally and physically abandoned by Viserys while he only paid attention to her when he was assaulting or belittling her, while having back to back pregnancy at a very young age, while literally having to physically and emotionally provide for and take care of both these kids she didn’t want and this horrible man that stole her entire life from her. Viserys, meanwhile, gets little to no hate for any of it? And Rhaenyra is throwing a tantrum for years on end over Alicent “betraying” her, when she knows good and goddamn well that she didn’t want this and had no say? And Alicent’s father is sent away from King’s Landing, leaving her alone raising these kids she didn’t want and getting no support from the man that ruined her life to have these kids, that murdered his last wife that he loved far more than Alicent? Imagine how terrified she was and is. She has every right to be. Rhaenyra has proven to be violent and impulsive and selfish many times, and even if she’s not worrying about Rhaenyra killing her children, she certainly has cause to worry about Daemon doing it. Then Rhaenyra’s kid mutilates Alicent’s child, and she gets away with it. Alicent is humiliated and dismissed and threatened (cutting out the tongues of anyone who dare claim this publicly true thing about the king’s daughter) in front of everyone, and she’s shown how little power she has and how little this man that raped her over and over again cares about these children and her. Rhaenyra says she wants her ten year old tortured after being mutilated, and people think Alicent warning her children about the danger Rhaenyra poses to them is unwarranted? It’s a horrible burden to place on them, but what else is she meant to do? She is the only one that is protecting these kids. She is the only one that cares for them. She is all that stands between them and the dangers these people pose to them, and she’s doing it alone. So, back to Aegon. He’s her first kid with this man that treats her like a brood mare. That dead eyed, empty look when she’s holding her crying baby as a young girl, broke my heart, because you can just see that this isn’t what she wants. She’s miserable. Rhaenyra even acknowledges it after making a particularly crude and backhanded statement towards Alicent about this. Alicent was an abused child that continued to be abused, and now she’s left to be the only person to care for and protect these kids. Of course she’d be within her right to resent them. Children do not deserve that resentment, but it’s a natural thing to feel, and it’s so taboo to talk about with mothers, but Jesus, you can’t blame her for feeling that way.

Aegon is her first child with her abuser. She might view him as the final piece of her identity and freedom being lost. When you become a mother, it’s like you become less of an individual sometimes. We see it all the time, these expectations and judgements and this loss of self, and it’s especially going to be a thing that comes up when someone is forced into that role of “mother”. Look at all these people blaming her for how Aegon turned out. All the pressure is on the mothers, always. Why isn’t Viserys being blamed? If anyone were to have taught Aegon that women, particularly women with less power and station than he has, were just things that he could use and abuse as he pleased, it would be Viserys. It would be the man that forced his first wife to go through horrific pregnancy after horrific pregnancy and then murdered her all for the sake of his own ambition. It would be the man that forced a girl he watched grow up into marrying him and continuously assaulting her when one of the other things besides him and his own selfishness that killed Aemma was how young she’d been forced to carry children. If anyone is to blame for how Aegon turned out, it would be the man that neglected and openly mocked his children and wife, who Aegon and his siblings watched mistreat and humiliate his mother for all of their lives. There’s a reason not a single one of those children gave a shit that Viserys was dead. All this hate for this woman, but none for Viserys? Not only is this so common that it’s played out by now, it’s annoying, too. I’m very tired of people acting like Aegon is Alicent’s fault when Aegon, if anything, is representative of Alicent’s burden. If she had told all these kids to fuck off and figure it out themselves, I couldn’t sit here and judge her without considering why, but she didn’t. She owes these kids that she didn’t want, that she was forced to have, nothing, could’ve given them the bare minimum, if that, but she didn’t. She loved and cared for them. She protects and shields them when no one else will. She’s doing more than anyone could expect from her for these kids. Viserys is the one that should be getting heat, and he isn’t, and I just find that so terribly disappointing. A lot of good, progressive conversation can be had over this, but first, we have to acknowledge who the real major bad guys are, and Alicent isn’t one of them.

#house of the dragon spoilers #house of the dragon #team green #anti viserys i targaryen #aegon ii #alicent hightower #for all her flaws Alicent is a damn good mother and nobody can convince me otherwise #if you want to blame anyone blame the guy that managed to screw over all of Westeros by virtue of existing #the real villain of this entire story is Viserys and I want to talk about that #I just think women get so much hate and mom shaming when men can just do whatever and nobody ever blames them for how kids turn out #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[isabel-rubin]

Girlhood Critical Film Analysis

Girlhood (2014) is a French coming-of-age film directed by Céline Sciamma and follows Marieme, a 16-girl living in a poor neighborhood on the outskirts of Paris. In the beginning of the film, she is seen caring for her two younger sisters, and the viewer gets some insight into her life. We learn that her mother has long work hours, which means that Marieme and her sisters are left under the care of their older brother, who is both verbally and physically abusive. Marieme is romantically involved with Isamael, who is her brother's friend and a relevant character later in the film. 

Marieme struggles academically and has to go to a vocational school to learn a trade. On her way to school one day, Marieme is approached by a girl’s gang of three girls around her age. They all wear their hair straight and are dressed in jean jackets and gold jewelry. Lady, who is the leader of the group, asks Marieme if she wants to spend a day with them shopping at the city center.

In one scene, Marieme, Lady, Adiatou, and Fily are shopping in a clothing store, and the employee, a white woman, skeptically follows her as she looks for clothes. Marieme is visibly uncomfortable and her friends begin to notice what is happening to her. They approach the worker and interrogate her about what her intentions were towards Marieme. 

This act is very telling of the prejudice that Black teenagers face, and displays that as prevalent an issue it is in America, Black teenagers experience racial bias in so many other countries. 

Marieme quickly grows attached to the group, and is heavily influenced by them, as she begins to wear her hair straight and dress in their typical outfit. She also changes her name to Vic, short for Victory. 

The group commits theft by stealing money from people by the school. They get a hotel room, steal fancy dresses, and drink and smoke throughout the night. A cinematic scene of the four dancing and lip syncing to “Diamonds” by Rihanna emphasizes their need to have fun in each other's company, and how they feel comforted and supported by one another. 

In this film, it is common for the girl gangs to set up fights against each other, and Lady sets one up against their rival group. She is beaten and has her shirt ripped off of her body, which is a sign of disgrace, humiliating her. Angry about her loss, Lady’s father forces her to cut her hair and keep her distance from the group. Vic plots to prove herself to the group and get revenge for Lady, so she sets up a fight against the rival group and comes out victorious. 

After Vic’s brother discovers that she slept with Ismael, he physically assaults her, causing her to move out and leave her two younger sisters behind. Vic is like a motherly figure to her sisters, especially the older of the two, who she argues with frequently. Leaving them is very difficult for her and is an integral part of the way her character changes later in the film. 

She moves out and starts to work for Abou, who is a nearby drug dealer. Her life in the last third of the movie is drastically different than in the first two parts. At such a young age, she undergoes such significant changes in her life that allow her to find herself and become more confident over time.

Céline Sciamma wanted to depict a story centered around black women, who already were underrepresented in the film industry in France. In Ella Shohat and Robert Stam’s Stereotype, Realism, and the Struggle Over Representation, they state, “Representations of dominant groups, on the other hand, are seen not as allegorical but as “naturally” diverse, examples of the ungeneralizable variety of life itself. Socially empowered groups need not be unduly concerned about “distortions and stereotypes,” since even occasionally negative images form part of a wide spectrum of representations.” (Shohat and Stam). Representation of women of color in film is so significant to the way they are viewed by society, so showcasing them in a positive, empowering light, is extremely effective and important. 

This film intertwines themes of race, class, and sexuality into Vic’s journey as she comes into her own and discovers who she is as a young woman. Although Vic’s sexuality is never explicitly discussed, in the last third of the movie, she is seen to present herself as more masculine, wearing her hair in a shorter braid hairstyle, dressing in slacks and a t-shirt, and covering her chest with bandages. This is recognized by the people around her, including Ismael who sees her bandages covering her bare chest during an intimate moment and starts to interrogate her about her choices. The character Monica is introduced, who is a prostitute working for Abou. Her and Vic quickly grow close and their bond becomes intimate due to the circumstances they are living in. Monica and Vic share an intimate, tender moment during a dance, leaving the viewer with a “will they-won’t they” situation, wondering if the two will kiss. The energy quickly changes when Abou inserts himself into the moment and almost forces Vic to kiss him, which she refuses over and over again. 

This French film has almost an entirely Black cast, with a Black female lead at the center of its story. Misconceptions and stereotypes of people of color are often very prominent in European films, as explained by Robert Stam and Louise Spence in their essay Race, Colonialism, and Representation. It is stated that, “Since the beginnings of the cinema coincided with the height of European imperialism, it is hardly surprising that European cinema portrayed the colonised in an unflattering light. Indeed, many of the misconceptions concerning Third World people derive from the long parade of lazy Mexicans, shifty Arabs, savage Africans and exotic Asiatics that have disgraced our movie screens.” Girlhood is a powerful, raw, and heartfelt piece of work that places Black women at the center of its story and embraces issues regarding race, class, and sexuality. 

Work Cited

Girlhood. (n.d.). 

Person, Ella, R., & Shohat, S. (2013, September 27). Stereotype, realism, and the struggle over representation: 12: Unthi. Taylor & Francis.

https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/mono/10.4324/9781315002873-12/stereotype-realism-struggle-representation-ella-shohat-robert-stam Stam, R. (1983, January 1). “colonialism, racism and representation: An introduction by Robert Stam and Louise Spence”, originally published in Screen, vol. XXIV, no. 2 (MAR/April 1983). Academia.edu. https://www.academia.edu/12180023/_Colonialism_Racism_and_Representation_An_Introduction_by_Robert_Stam_and_Louise_Spence_Originally_published_in_Screen_Vol_XXIV_No_2_Mar_April_1983_

#@theuncannyprofessoro #oxyfilmidentity

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Lloyd was expecting her to be grumpy and slow with hangover after a night of drinking 😂 girlie shows up with sass and a nice ass and he’s boiling because he wasn’t able to humiliate her nor is he any closer to fucking her lmao.

I’m pretty sure court or nick are gonna flirt heavy with her, and she’s just gonna be joking around by Lloyd’s gonna snap

Btw, if that was my mom, she’d ask me to go to work too but would be cursing up a storm alongside me. Yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do to earn the money, but she is not gonna cut him some slack. If she met the man putting me through a bad mood, she would not care he’s my boss. She’s gonna throw the next Starbucks coffee in his face and be all like, “opps, that happens when I’m up late talking to my daughter who has had a rough day”

Lloyd was definitely thinking she was gonna be in a haze from her wild night but she came chipper and ready to put up with the stache.

Definitely gonna be some flirting, intentional or other wise hehehe.

And my mom would be like that's fucked and probably call the labour board because she's a lefty and all about job protections ahahaha. My mom would also be all too willing to smash a cup in his face... which is ironic bc my father accused my mother of assaulting him with a glass but that's a story for another day.

[reginageourge]

top creepiest husbands in reddit posts ive read:

guy who tried to get his wife into swinging, then told his friends and their employees to flirt with her even though she'd repeatedly told him to make them knock it off, then set her up to get sexually assaulted by his friend in an attempt to force her to swing, resulting in the friend getting stabbed with a butter knife after grabbing the wife from behind

guy who had these new, weird, quiet, friends who he was v strange and secretive about who he said he'd just go on fishing trips and to bars with, but the gps co-ordinates he'd entered on google maps before seeing these friends led to the middle of the forest and to little houses nearby, meaning that he was meeting these weird friends in the middle of the night in the forest and lying about it. who then parted ways with his weird friends after his wife went to the place herself one afternoon and talked to one of his weird friends she recognised there (he was likely cruising for gay sex behind his wife's back and got kicked out of the group once one of them realised his wife stumbled upon their meeting place. but. there's also a tiny chance it was some weird cult activity. also, I just need to proclaim how much I truly despise ppl who cheat and think it's justified bc they're cheating with the same sex. why is it so common for ppl to sympathise with cheaters or child abandoners as long as they're betraying their spouse/kids with the same sex).

guy whose mother died in childbirth and became convinced his wife was going to die in childbirth too and along with his father, was basically preparing for his wife's death when she got pregnant and making plans about taking care of the baby after she passed even though she was alive and healthy (op of this hasn't posted in a long time, I hope she's okay)

guy who took his wife to a party with his friends where women were being made to eat bugs, pig's uteruses, and other gross things and being mocked and recorded (which op found out through talking to one of the women there that they weren't told they'd have to eat gross stuff or be humiliated before going). a guy there aggressively tried to force op to eat gross stuff too until one of her husband's friends recognised her and said, "not that one." then husband gives her the whole spiel about how she'd be safe around him (implying the other girls aren't safe) and then got nasty when she asked him why he's friends with these guys, attending these (non-consensual fetish) parties, whether he'd personally participated in them instead of just going off when he went to ones she wasn't at before, culminating in tricking her into seeing his creepy misogynist friends at his birthday party that he said would just be family. then getting mad and accusing her of causing a scene when she was upset about being deceived into meeting his weird friends when she'd made it clear she didn't want to see them

guy whose wife discovered lots of creepshots of his secretary on his devices and had videos of him masturbating into the secretary's lunch and coffee, but because he was a well connected lawyer he intimated the wife out of trying to file legal proceedings against him. somehow convinced the wife who was previously on the side of the secretary (who was horrified when she found out) into thinking they had an affair and the lunch/coffee-masturbation was a mutual kink by bringing up that the secretary was his physical type, dressed well, and changed her whatsapp picture frequently, which are apparently somehow seduction techniques she used to ensnare him even none of these things actually mean anything on her side. oh, and apparently her dropping the charges means the sexual assault never happened despite the mountain of evidence he himself recorded, even though op of that post herself stopped seeking litigation after her husband threatened her, so imagine how much worse he must have intimated his employee into not bringing legal action.

not officially a husband since his marriage only existed in his mind, but the guy who fell in love with ogtha, the giant female imaginary cockroach his mind conjured up after reading kafka in school

#💗 #reddit #im sure there are many more im forgetting #these stories make me 100% more of a misandrist than I was before ... tf is up with all these awful creepy husbands

[greatearthquakestudent]

Characters Anaylsis: True Strong Females

Samantha LaRusso and Tory Nichols

A lot of feminism these days are weak, bland, or stupid as heck. But Cobra Kai has able to produce two true strong female characters, Samantha “Sam” LaRusso and Tory Nichols. 

Some people may say Sam is an annoying brat or Tory is a psychotic murderer. But I call that flawed characters more than anything else. Both these two have done terrible shit, but they also mean well too.

Early Lives:

Samantha “Sam” LaRusso:

Samantha aka Sam LaRusso is the daughter of two time all valley champion and successful salesman, Daniel LaRusso. Her mother Amanda LaRusso (Steiner) is a tough chick from the mid-west. She’s also the older sister of Anthony LaRusso. And the granddaughter figure of the wise karate master, Mr. Nariyoshi Miyagi.

Sam was raised in a wealthy house alongside her younger brother, Anthony LaRusso. Being from tough backgrounds, both her parents had spoiled her and brother to near ways of other rich kids.

At a young age, her father and grandfather started teaching Sam karate, which she shows true talent in. She trained for several years. But around the time Mr. Miyagi passed away, Sam dropped karate from her life.

She befriend a girl named Aisha Robinson at a young age, and later in life, befriended two popular girl named Yasmine and Moon causing her to ignore her friend.

Tory Nichols:

Tory Nichols was born to an unfortunate family. Her father was a deadbeat, her mother was a struggling worker, who barely can make enough money. She has a younger brother named Brandon Nichols, and a criminal for a aunt named Kandace Nichols.

Early in her life, her father has abandoned her, her mother, and her brother for whatever reasons. Her mother had been kicked out of a good waitress job for taking used food out of the trash. This incident made Tory believe that the fortunate are selfish and heartless monsters who won’t care for people like them.

Later in her life, her mother fell ill to a unspecified illness. This causes her to be the adult of the household. She started working minimal wage jobs to make money to take care of her mother, raise her brother, and pay the bills. But since she basically is now her mother, she developed a hatred and anger for these things. 

She also get scammed for her at, who wants her mom to die, so she have her and Brandon for guilt-trip money. She had been threatened with sexual assault by her landlord.

Season 1:

Sam

We see first the young LaRusso through an event. She was one of three girl hit- car accident of future sensei Johnny Lawrence.

The girls, or just one is a part the reason that led Ms. LaRusso’s down her spiral of bad decisions. But reason why she did so was because of her desire to leave the shadow of her famous father. But this influence she made to her person outside her family who was connected to the real her, Aisha, utterly useless .

This desire causes her to date super popular boy, honestly who wouldn’t to be liked, I surely do half the times. But after seeing his true color and avoiding an attack, the boy by humiliating her, made her seem like she’s not something, just like her friend.

But Miguel Diaz, a new kid that Sam barely knew and cared for, stood for her honor and punish this boy. Being a decent person she tries to be and clearly does a good man, Sam is willingly to give Miguel a chance in love.

But tension raises as when she finds out that Miguel is  a student of her father’s old enemy, making her and Miguel’s relationship like Romeo and Juliet. But not speaking up about her role in Johnny Lawrence’s car incident, Sam loses her device privilege for some time.

The someone new came into her life, another nice boy, named Robby Keene. They quickly became friends, but since she couldn’t commune with Miguel, her friendship with Robby turned into something that looks more intimate, romantically intimate.

But when she been caught with this romantic looking friendship by her boyfriend, he got mad. He was understandably mad, but Sam never thought her and Robby have anything romantic between them.

Sam still feels guilt for the two people she hurt, she tries her best to fix it, but the damage has been done, Robby has been hurt by Miguel. I don’t know why she went into karate maybe she use it as a coping mech or whatever

Season 2:

Sam: 

After a while of trying, Sam wasn’t able to get Miguel explain her and Robby’s relationship. But during this time, their friendship developed into something more, the even were able to do the wheel technique together. When the chance came for her to get back her old friend, Aisha, she got it. But then that quickly diminishes, when she meets her new friend, Tory Nichols, who has mean girl demeanor and stole a bottle of vodka. When she found out her mom’s wallet was missing, Sam already knew someone that would that. She confronted, but got humiliated.  Even though, Tory didn’t  steal her mom’s wallet, Tory’s demeanor still was enough for Sam distrust her. But before her chance was diminished by her feelings of Tory, Aisha planted seeds of her and Robby’s relationship which cause her to sees him in the same way she saw Miguel possibly even more. Then found themselves close the felt each other.

But when she went on a date with Robby, she saw the boy she still loved with girl who she can’t the shake of the feelings of trouble off of. And after she antagonized her enough, Sam decided to take revenge on her.

At the party, Sam was probably willing to have a fun time with Robby and co, until she saw Tory with Miguel. Her distrust and along with her jealousy, made her unwilling to let her bully-looking ass intimidate her, so she was willing to challenge her in a drinking contest, knowing she’s more balanced than her. And since she was, she was able to beat her, and gained some glory.

She would’ve probably be into the drinking after beating Tory in it. This happen to where she doesn’t think she needs Robby with her. Then Aisha admitted the truth about what Miguel did by returning the medal of Miyagi.

This action, and along with her undealt feelings for Miguel, She approached him. And with the drugs she was on, she loss herself and kissed Miguel.

But since she still does care about Robby, she felt guilt for kissing Miguel, But she wasn’t able to tell due to fleeing away from the cops, being drunk, and her dad getting her out of Johnny’s apartment.

On the first day of school, Sam tries to tell Robby about what she did, but she couldn’t. Then both things that was on Sam’s mind came out real quick. 1. The Cheating and 2. Her thoughts on Tory. She was hesitant due to her been afraid of what she’d seen in Tory this whole time. 

But when Tory physically cut her open, she beat her up in order to survive. Soon afterwards, she witnessed the love of her life fall to his death caused by the other boy that she genuinely cared about as well.

Despite the fight being over, she was left with the pain that was caused by the girl that she knew who was dangerous and the guilt of her mistake affecting not just her life, but the lives of the boys she loved.

Tory:

Tory Nichols enters the scene showing her badass credential by challenging Cobra Kai champion, Miguel Diaz. There, she showed herself to be a natural tough fighter.

When she found herself hanging out  with the other girl in her dojo, Aisha Robinson, she opened up to her about her  best friend Sam, who wasn’t the best to her. And when she met the said friend Sam, she probably already heard so much shit about her.

Then Sam shows her pain in the butt attitude causing her to think that Sam some kind of “saint”. But when Sam accused her for her stealing her mom’s wallet, she really believed she’s an entitled little brat. When she grabbed her, this reinforced the entitlement, and made her pushed Sam down.

After trying to flirt with Miguel, he was trying to win the affection of his ex, When Tory found out it was Sam. She think that she wasn’t worth it due to what she heard from Aisha. And gets the idea for them to date, because she liked him and she could teach this little brat a lesson.

When Tory tells Miguel about her mom and how the fortune people were horrible to her this was a big part of her character. Both Aisha and Miguel had been wronged by a fortune person  which she could sympathize with. And Miguel was an immigrant, she could understand that struggle too. This also ties Kreese’s speech how, if one person goes down, the rest of you do, since they could share experience with each other.

While on the date with Miguel, she runs into Sam and her date. She started to mess with the entitled brat. But when it looks like Sam’s trying to play with Miguel’s heart or be selfish, Tory retaliated by knocking her down. Sam got an easy revenge by doing the same thing. This got her a consequence which pleads Tory.

At the party, Sam challenged her to the drinking contest which she was an expert in. When she seemed unphased by vodka this shocked her. This causes Tory to lose her balance and lose. Since the brat won, she was angry.

Later on, Tory witnessed Sam kissing Miguel confirming to her that Sam is really a player.

With all the times that Sam was “better” than her, Tory decided to punish the brat for her actions with the people around her.

But sadly, her anger caused the only person she loved to fall to his death.

Season 3:

Sam:

Months after the school fight, Sam was living the trauma of the fight, and with physical reminder for it. And after months of recovery she believed she was ready to go back.

But when she did got the memories of what happened, she’s shamed for being a victim in an assault for something that wasn’t entirely her fault. She’s also living with the guilt of where this all left both important boys in her life. She try to relentlessly check on Robby to make sure he’s alright.

And when Miguel woke up, she tries to amends with him and help him get helping with raising money for his surgery.

When Cobra Kai was antagonizing her fellow students, since she knows what  it’s like to have Cobra Kai  antagonize her, she steps in for them. Any kind of antagonizing behaviors they show, Sam will be there to counteract that, even if that gets her in trouble.

And when she did, she decided to antagonize them to show they can’t just do that to them. But when Tory showed up, the face of her fears was coming, causing her to go into flight mode.

But sadly, she let her friend, Demetri get his arm broken, and since she could’ve done something, but didn’t she at least felt guilt for that. 

This guilt along with her role in everything causes her to have some nightmare of Tory coming over to her safe place, blaming and beating the shit out of her for the role she had, saying it’s all on her. Then attempted to drown her.

When she wakes up she comes to the realization that she isn’t good for her anymore.

Her father tries to help built her up, but she found that useless. But after finding out her father was in her shoes once before with another cobra kai and getting the good of karate back in her, she felt much better with it again.

When she sees Miguel all better, she decided to have a fresh start with him and have redo by on their relationship before the trouble came in. And when they saw unlike couple of Demetri and Yasmine, they saw more of a chance in them.

And after, they worked together to restate the all-valley tournament, they had a moment. This similar moment with her and Robby, but unlike that, she had fully realized her feelings for Miguel and they made a move.

But then Robby came in and made her realize she just betrayed his love too. But hopes of Robby being sensible seemingly low, Sam didn’t reach out to him anymore and focused on her and Miguel.

Miyagi-Do and Eagle-Fang were getting together, Sam able to them together due to her knowing they both hate Cobra Kai now and to stop it.

When Tory confronts her again, the face of her fears was back which causes her to flee. But when she confronted her in her dojo, she had no where to run. With what she learned from her father about fear, Sam was able to face her fear and overcome Tory again.

Tory:

After the fight she started, Tory was expelled from school, was put on probation, doesn’t pay for the dojo, and was low at making money.

Adding more salt to the wound, she has to deal with a sexual predator in the form of  her landlord, but the worse part of about it, he has both financial and lawful power over her, leaving her with no way to defend herself without facing more consequences.

Then Kreese came in and made her a lot better by solving two problems, he got rid of landlord and getting her back into the dojo.

When she found out Miyagi-Do, more specifically Sam was at the arcade, she found another chance to try to punish her again for everything she had done especially after the fight. Even when she didn’t show, this made Tory believe that wasn’t bold enough to fight and chickening to her mom reinforced the spoil brat image she seen in Sam. When Hawk and Tory were talking about getting revenge on Miyagi-Do for getting Miguel involved, Tory showed signs of guilt, but hides it from Hawk who questioned if she had seen him yet. Later that day, she ran into a wheelchair bounded Miguel while going to work. She told him she’s now working two job. 

She tried to apologize to him for not showing up, she explained she really didn’t mean for him to be like he is now. But she and the other will get back at the Miyagi-Do for him.  She uses the line Kreese said, “if one man goes down, so do the rest too”.

But Miguel points out that he’s the only one that’s down. She tried clarifying herself, but Miguel said he understood. He explained he only cared about her during that time and nothing else. Based him and Sam, Tory questioned if he wanted to use her to make Sam jealous. And admit she witnessed their kiss. 

She felt justified over that. Miguel stated he understood and implied she needed psychological help, which she didn’t because her mentality doesn’t matter  and that only that people were wrong get what they deserved, and that Miguel is Sam’s. When she sees Sam’s ex Robby again, she wasn’t happy. She blames him along with everyone, including herself too. Then she helped his anger about Miguel and Sam by channeling it into his fighting. But after the finding a cobra test, she was impressed by Robby’s confidence.

With guidance from Kreese, Tory breaks into the LaRusso household to settle her score with Sam. With Miguel with Sam, she’s enable to listen to him. All that mattered to her was settling the score with Sam. Even when she loses, she was still angry that the brat won again. But she was still determine to get back at her.

Season 4:

Sam:

After the intense fight with Tory, a few months ago, Sam, her dad, and co had officially joined force with Miguel, Johnny, and Eagle-Fang.

Although she’s with Miguel, she still cares about Robby and tries talk to with him. Another way she still cared him about is admitting she went the skate park everyday back then for him to show up. She was angry at Robby for what he did. Which causes Robby to bring up her and Miguel. Sam tries to explain her thoughts at the time.

But Robby didn’t care and told her that she made a choice. But she knew Robby is much better than her, and try to use that fact to make him choose to go back to Miyagi-Do. But Robby brings up a major flaw of her’s, she believe she can get whatever she wants.

When she and the Miyagi-do students were being taught by Johnny for the day,  Johnny wanted them to free run jump off one building to another.

Sam was understandably afraid, she might fall to her death or cripple herself, plus her dad wouldn’t want that. This led into a mini argument with Johnny about their past mistakes and what’s the difference between were. Sam is still young while Johnny was in his 50s  Johnny showed sympathy to Sam about having by your parents, but he now he’s something he likes.

After mix of that conversation from her dad, she developed the confident to jump across the building, soaring an eagle for the first time, being herself more now.  After some time learning Johnny’s style of karate, Sam finally strong again.

With the ideal of Johnny, striking first, Sam gets a little payback at Tory for all the time she hurt her. But to no avail. 

Then her dad forbid her from using Eagle-Fang, she is the first-step of feelings helpless and restricted to her.

After Hawk got jumped and his  hair shaved, she goes to same instinct, to back to up them,

But then soon after, she found Tory getting help from her parents, making her betrayed and more restricted in her life. Brings up how unfair it is that her allowed to do the same while she can’t 

With her life getting out of her control, she starts turning to the only person that she could trust, Aisha.

Aisha gave her advice make, to the first move and set her terms. Since Sam was trying to get into get control of her again, she made the move and threated to Tory.

When her pointed out her cycle of love interest and general mess of that, she promised deal with aspect of her life.

Her trying to take control of her life again clouded her judgement on Tory, and it’s 180 to her, Tory seem insincere.

At the junior prom, she was trying to forget it all, forget the drama that happened from the past year. But then the two biggest thought of her life came back, but worse, Tory with Robby. 

Seeing Tory with Robby triggered her jealousy, trauma, guilt, and lack of control.

During the after party, Tory was acting like she didn’t mess her up real bad. These feelings in Sam overflows and causes her to lash out.

Her and Miguel got into a fight with Robby and Tory which ruined her and Miguel’s night. With all the emotions she feels, she felt hurt that Miguel blamed her for everything going on.

During the all-valley, when Sam was fighting someone that knows her moves she decided to use Eagle-Fang. The best thing to counter that mimicry. But this get reprimanded by Daniel.  Sam fought Tory, she was ready to win again. Even she got the approval to do her own thing. She made the Miyagi-Fang style. But somehow, despite all efforts, she loss. She felt like she failed.

Tory:

After losing to the brat again, Tory is angered than ever before. Tory express to Robby a reason she dislike Sam, because she believed Sam could have  everything she wanted, because it does happen a lot in their conflict.

When Robby challenges the whole dojo, she wasn’t willing to let him win, but after showing his strength, she let him stay. 

During work, she met Amanda LaRusso who gives her an ultimatum, to stay away from her daughter or she’ll go to prison for life. Tory tried to say something about it, but couldn’t knowing this couldn’t end well for her, losing everything right there.

But still knowing what she knows about people like Amanda and not wanting to do this during work, she tried to not let her push her around But with the annoyance of a customer asking for his food, she lashed out at him. Due to having a history of lashing out, this was the last straw for her boss to fire her. Since Amanda played a role in this, Tory blames her for making her angry and expresses her anger by admitting all her deep thought on the workplace.

At practice when she got tripped by Robby, it adds on her frustration what happened earlier. When Kreese tried to ask her, she refused at, but knowing what kind of person she knows he is. She admits why she’s angry.

When she found the bag of food that Amanda gave her. She got angry for her potentially fake sympathy, even with her explanation. She uses this fuel to her anger about Sam.

Despite her anger and frustration, Tory found another job as a children  entertainer. It might’ve been humiliating especially with Sam around, but she was knew it necessary for her life situation. Then Sam came over and was being girl that she knew she was. But due to everything she done, Tory had decided to stay calm and in character. Even when she brought things that were personal to her. But her belittling Tory was enough for a little payback. Knowing she can’t attack at the place, she gets tame way, by having the children throw glitter on her, getting good payback. But, when Sam kissed Miguel, this triggered her frustration, jealous, and anger that  she felt that night. This was enough fpr her quit the job. But, then Amanda apologizes and explains Sam’s behavior. She was full anger. Amanda tries to tell her to look for help, but she believes she could handle this. But Amanda just tells her to try, Tory didn’t react to that though.

At the movie drive in, Tory was still thinking about everything, when Robby checked on her, she tell about that she been having bad day, but, Robby respect her if she didn’t want to tell. Some time later, she gets a visit her aunt Kandace,   who was trying scam her.  But Tory was seemingly fully aware of her tricks and her games learn them from her. When Kandace was talking about her mother’s illness and taking custody of Brandon, she greatly offended Tory and caused her try to hit her. But she pull the fact that she has nobody to help her not even her dad, just her. Tory knows that Kandace doesn’t care about them. But she pulls the fact that her record will not make her look worthy for custody over Brandon. This leaves Tory to realize Amanda is right about needing help and realized what her action cost her. Later that day, Tory went to the LaRusso wanting help to get back into school, so she could finish and get her G.E.D. With knowing she what did at least wasn’t right for her and her situation Tory promises to stay away from Sam. But Amanda tell her to go to therapy, to have someone outside karate to talk about her issues. When she went back to school and saw Sam, She hesitant, but she was thankful for helping her get back in. This is unknown would’ve gone well, made Tory less of everyone around and including.  After spending so much time with Robby, something sparked between them. And when junior prom was rolling around, tension between them really came up, Robby suggested that she should go to mess with Sam and Miguel since that was the lesson of the day. And she suggested that they should do it together.

When they got there, they were ready to give Miguel and Sam a performance they will remember. But slowly the thought messing with Sam had started to fade from Tory’s mind. It was replaced with the thought of her actually being with Robby. As dance continues she confess to Robby about how she realized her what she desire, is to have something she could be proud of herself for, that she earned something in her life.

During  the afterparty, she was probably having the night of her life.  So such she seem to be nice to Sam for a little bit, keeping the promise that she made to Amanda. But since Sam was still the same person, she doesn’t let her boss her around.

Then Sam strikes first, and since Sam is the attacker, Tory has a reason to fight back. Then Miguel comes and carries her, but they fall to the ground. She reminisce for a second about their time together, but since everything that happened, she doesn’t linger on it, and goes back to fighting. When it seem Sam was messing with Robby’s heart now, Tory swept her legs. Since they’re together now, they work together to take on Miguel and Sam. But that didn’t thing, since Robby accidently shoves the couple and Tory into the pool. With the excitement that happens around them after the fall in, Tory playfully  pulls Robby into the pool making there night fun. After all that, Tory and Robby were enjoying the fun that they had at the party, and their night in general. That combine wit there closeness, they shared a kiss and a night together. During the all-valley, when Sam showed more offense to Tory while in her other fights, which caught her guard off. When getting some convo and advice from Amanda and we know that her therapy is really help explain her current self.  When she was ready wish to Sam, she was hesitant, not wanting to disrespect Amanda’s wishes, but Kreese assured that her could do it.

When Sam and her fought, she was really trying to hold back her hard side. But after Sam shows her aggressiveness, Tory was conflicted on what to do. Silver tells her to amp it up, which she did, getting her the point. When Sam strikes back with an unfamiliar style that got her the edge. Despite that all, Tory tries her best to hang into the fight. But while doing so, she accidently used an illegal move on Sam, which she knew wasn’t right.  When Silver tells her harm Sam more, she knew that isn’t going to be any good in this fight. But Kreese tells her to do whatever she wants. With this in mind, Tory was able to overcome Sam fairly. After her victory, she attempted to make amends with Sam by checking on her, but she got swept away by the glory of winning the all-valley. When Tory thought she has finally earned something in her life, it was quickly shattered by her stumbling into Silver paying the ref to rig the fights. She walks away in shame knowing she didn’t actually win.

Season 5:

Sam:

Some time after Sam’s big loss, Sam still has feelings of guilt of letting everyone down. She blaming herself getting Miyagi-do shut down. And she’s been replaying her fight with Tory, but since her guilt was so much and since it already happen, she loses every time.

When Miguel called, she rationally explain how what he’s doing is a bad idea. With having Miguel to about happened, she felt in little neglected by him, but Miguel brushes her issues aside, making her feel alone in this.

This sent Sam in a bit numbing mood and Anthony telling about his problem which is karate was leading to her wanting get away from it all more now. 

After getting text from Miguel, Sam was hesitant after the last time they talked. But with some advice from Moon and Yasmine she was confident enough to suggest them having a talk. At the Spa, Sam tries out a sensory deprivation tank, while she was in there. She was visualizing every issues in her life in the past couple years. Her being in a shadow of her father, her tournament loss, her public image, guilt on hurting Robby, and her tough relationship with Miguel. This all spiral down into what sounds like Tory, but she was really her, or the her that caused all this. 

Sam started to battle with the twisted side of herself,  but got it cut short by Moon. Sam was shaken up by her experience.

Still being shaken up by her vision, she decided to remove one of her problems, her struggling relationship with Miguel, by breaking up with him.

With her break-up with Miguel, Sam had felt  a little relief for problem, but since they’re still friends and their own friends are dating, she still kinda has to see him. While in Ohio, she found out her brother is being terrorized by Cobra Kai, she decided to step in by teaching him ways to defend himself.

When her dad got hurt physically and mentally, she decided to step back in to help him. When her dad reopened, she was there, ready for the fights.

While learning from Chozen, Sam rekindled her friendship with Robby. When her and Miguel found out, Miguel brought up the fact about her being back in karate. Which she has again remembered what it had meant to her. And hearing him and Robby are closer, this made her guilt on what happened to them dissolve.

When getting ready for the Sekkai Tekkai qualifier match, Sam was little hesitant, but her new sensei, Chozen was able relate about feeling like you needed to be better, he convinced her to fight for the people she cares for.

Then she found an octopus necklace by the dojo and was immediately able to put together that it was Miguel’s. During the match, she was ready to fight Tory, but when she disappeared, She had to fight Devon Lee instead. She was dominating Devon, but the ref was making her lose every time which gets to her head. But after encouragement from her team, she was able to overcome these calls and fairly beat Devon. Sam has finally won and she’s very happy about it.When Sam arrived at the party, she was ready to reconnect with Miguel, her hopes to do so was shattered when she saw him making out with another girl. She flees. She tries to go home, but Tory came and told her the truth.This made Sam angry, since her holding this info cause all the events that happened after the tournament. Next day, Sam is still struggling with this information causing her to be judgmental and hostile.

After just not getting the results she wanted from Stingray, Sam was very frustrated and leaves, but as she’s doing so, Miguel questioned everything that been happening in their lives with her. Especially with what happened last night. Sam admitted how much hell this was that came from a lie, she blames herself for not knowing, she blames Tory for not telling her until now. But Miguel gave a perspective with what effects Cobra Kai can have on its students.

With this perspective in mind, Sam decided to talk to Tory for information. After seeing her living environment, her broken hand, hearing the struggles she went through in the dojo, this made Sam realize Tory herself is a victim of Cobra Kai.

With this in mind, Sam decided to finally shut down Cobra Kai. After it was all over, Sam’s life was nearly completed, she and Miguel finally admitted they loved each other, and they kissed.

Tory:

After finding out what happened, Tory was hesitant to go back to the dojo, but knew she had to.

When she questioned as champion by a potential sensei “Joe”, she reluctantly answered the question yes. 

Tory’s mind wasn’t fully into the training which doesn’t go unnoticed by Joe. Joe questioned why she isn’t giving an effort into training, possibly not wanting to train anymore. But Tory’s core motive for karate is to be strong. Then she questioned Joe on why he wanted to be a sensei. He told her his motive was honor. This confused her a bit, but he explained his loss of honor and how he realized it was a self thing. Then he told her that she could do the same. Tory realized this could mean about her as a fighter and person.

The he told her, if she break free of her problem, she must face them. Knowing what to do, Tory was able to now focus on training.

Later, she took Sensei Joe’s advice, to confront her “problem” aka Terry Silver, by confronting him about the cheating. But when Terry promised a good future for her, she couldn’t that pass that up.

At home, Tory looks at her trophy knowing she didn’t deserve it, but she went on display it in fear of Silver.

With no one to really confide in, Tory turns the only person she could rely, Kreese. They came with a plan for her to find out what she can and report back to him.

When Robby came back to leave and asked her, she knew wouldn’t work, because she needs to get info on Silver.

But after Daniel got hurt, Tory felt a mix of guilt making him a part of this, lying to everyone, especially Robby, deceiving people with mysterious notes, letting Silver expand his dojos. But when she told this to Kreese, she was very thrown off on how inconsiderate he was.

When Tory and the senseis took over Topanga Karate, she ended up teaching Devon. She was confused by her combative behaviors, but she brought her late mother dying from illness, she was to able to sympathize with her. 

When the senseis made her fight Devon, she tried to go easy on her, but Sensei  Kim made her go harder. But every time she did, she felt sorry for hurting this poor girl who just want to live up to her mother’s words.

When Devon joined Cobra Kai, Tory was worried for what Cobra might do her.

Training with Kim and Devon, Tory tries to set a good example to Devon, but to no avail. When Devon questioned how she defended her, Tory just express showing how that’s a good leader.

When the Sekkai Taikai came around, and finding out the effects of these events, Tory asked for advice on what to do. But Kreese just refuse to help her, the image of what Tory thought had shattered. She realized this betrayal, led to the belief that she has nobody.

When she found out the match was rigged again, Tory isn’t willingly to feel like faker again and leave the dojo.

After both dojo got into the Sekkai Talkai, Tory was finally decided to come clean to Sam about the cheating. But with Sam not giving her a chance, Tory feels like she had nothing but Cobra Kai as a place to go.

When Robby showed up and  tried to convince the students to see who Silver as the terrible man he is. Tory struggled to hide with the guilt of not listening to Robby and not showing her agreement of the argument of fear out of getting found out.

After the training for the day, Tory was ask to stay back and punch a solid dummy. With no way out, Tory risk breaking her hand in order to avoid further punishment.

But when Kim was tormenting her with her love for Robby, this anger her and try to hit her, but hit the stone instead. This sent Tory to the ground in fear, pain, and regret.

When Tory was icing her hand, the most unexpected visit happened from the person she wouldn’t expect to see her, Sam. Tory already knows how Sam feels about this, so she tried to push her away, but when Sam told her, she wants to talk. Tory hesitantly let her in. There, she let of all her pain, guilt, regret, fear, feeling of being a fraud, and her disappointment to Sam.  But when Sam told her about Stingray, she realized what chances they have.

Despite her feelings and her injured hand, Tory put taking Cobra Kai down above all those things. She tries reason to why the other Cobra on how used they are. She also tried to apologize Devon for deceiving her. 

After the defeat of Silver, Tory and Robby get back together, Tory wanted to have the good things first, before going into the difficult ones.

Conclusion:

Sam and Tory are very flawed characters, but have very strong redeeming qualities to them. Sam is a drama magnet, but deep down she’s just trying to be a decent person, who struggles with life. Tory is a girl with very deep psychological issues due to her past. But deep down she’s a very strong, caring, hard working, and sweet person.

#sam larusso #tory nichols #Cobra Kai #miyagi-do #mary mouser #peyton list

[livbygrace]

I’ve worked on this post for days and days. I’ve debated on how much to share and how to share it. This is something very personal, for me and my mom.

Though my mom is no longer here, I will always have the utmost respect for her. And I know that if she were here now, she would agree that it’s worth it to share this if it might save one life or change one mind. 💛

There's a copy-and-paste post making the rounds that claims to be both pro-choice and pro-life, and 13 scenarios are given that describe situations in which abortion should be justified.

The first type of scenarios reads like the beginning of my life story. They describe my mother’s situation perfectly—pregnancy as a result of abuse or assault. Here are the scenarios from the “pro-choice & pro-life” post:

“I'm pro-Susan who was sexually assaulted on her way home from work, only to come to the horrific realization that her assailant planted his seed in her when she got a positive pregnancy test result a month later.”

“I'm pro-little Cathy who had her innocence ripped away from her by someone she should have been able to trust and her 11-year-old body isn't mature enough to bear the consequence of that betrayal.”

“I'm pro-Jessica who is FINALLY getting the strength to get away from her physically abusive spouse only to find out that she is carrying the monster's child.”

The implications presented in these scenarios suggest that you can’t support women and young, innocent mothers at the same time as their pre-born babies, and that you also can't be anti-abuser and pro-baby at the same time.

But this is an obvious fallacy, and I am living proof.

Sexual assault is wrong, sickening, and horrific, and perpetrators should be punished to the full extent of the law, especially when the victim is a child. Yet, one crime committed does not justify another. Killing a baby doesn’t undo rape. Additionally, brutally ripping a baby from a poor girl’s body creates further violence and trauma.

The baby deserves life, not a death sentence for the crimes of his or her father. The father might be a monster, but that doesn’t deprive the baby of his or her right to life. If you choose not to love your child because of his or her genes, allow them to live and place them for adoption.

You probably don’t know this, but I am the product of r*pe.

My mother’s husband (my biological sperm donor) beat her, humiliated her, stalked her, pulled weapons on her, threatened to kill her, threatened to kill her family, and threatened to kill me when I was in my mother’s womb.

If he would’ve succeeded in killing my mom—and me while in her womb—he would’ve been charged with double homicide. Yet my mom could have had me killed via abortion. One means of killing is condemned and punished while the other is condoned and even supported. Something has gone very wrong.

My biological sperm donor hid in the crawlspace beneath my mom’s house for months, drug her around by her hair, locked her outside naked, threw her, threw things at her, hit her, r*ped her, accused her of *ncest, and tried to get her fired from her job, among many other horrors. Suffice it to say he was abusive, manipulative, cruel, ruthless, and evil.

He was that monster mentioned in the above scenarios.

See the picture I’ve attached of a smiling, happy little girl in a red t-shirt? That’s me.

I would've missed out on that joyous, wonderful childhood if my mom had chosen to see me as a product of abuse and aborted me.

By the way, does that innocent little girl look like a monster's seed?

I cannot thank God enough that my mother loved me and saw me as a gift from God, created for His purpose—to work good out of what was meant for evil.

My mother chose to let me live. She could have murdered me in her womb, but she saw me as an individual, separate from her abuser, and loved me dearly.

As she carried me, she thought of God’s plans for my life, not her abuser.

When she looked at me after delivering me, she saw a precious baby, not her abuser.

When I accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, she saw the beginning of His wonderful work in my life, not her abuser.

As I grew into a young woman, she saw me as me, not her abuser.

He had no part of me other than lending me a few genes.

My mom remarried when I was a child, and since then I've had a wonderful, true father who chose to adopt me when he married my mom.

HE is my dad, not my mom’s abuser.

I'm so grateful that my mom chose not to take my right to live away from me.

May we allow all children in the womb the same right to life.

The only pro- is to be pro-adoption.

See the other picture of 2 little girls snuggled up in their pj’s with their stuffed animal? That’s me and my lil sis.

If my mom would've ended my life in her womb, I would've missed out on that precious little sister!

The other photos are from Live Action and are collages of babies in the womb from 6-15 weeks. SIX WEEKS.

Take a moment to clear your mind of all presuppositions and look at those photos and tell me they are not living babies.

The site CreatedEqual.org will show you exactly what happens to cause these precious innocent lives to suffer the brutal pain of abortion. If you have not seen it, I beg you, don’t choose to remain ignorant of it.

It's not just adult women's lives that matter. Every woman's life matters, from the womb to the tomb.

There is NEVER a need for abortion. There is early delivery, there is adoption, and there is support available.

We must value every life.

We. Must. Let. Them. Live.

May we stop tearing our precious children limb from limb in their mothers’ wombs—what should be the safest place in the world.

Here are just a few resources for expectant/struggling mothers:

LetThemLive.org - Providing financial assistance, counseling, and help finding employment so expectant mothers feel able to choose life.

LoveLine.com - Providing tangible support for pregnant and single moms across the US, as well as helping single dads and married couples in crisis.

LiveInMyShoes.org - Offering shelter, food, and other support to homeless pregnant and parenting women. Based in Texas.

FriendsOfCrossroads.org - Gospel-centered clinic and counseling center for expectant mothers considering abortion. Based in Oklahoma.

ReverseAbortionPill.com - Helping mothers who are considering taking the abortion pill or those who have already taken one and regret it.

The pictures I’ve attached are one reason that people have been fighting for life for decades, because at the time that Roe v. Wade was decided, ultrasounds weren't yet available, and the technology to take such photos as these was yet unavailable.

People just DIDN'T KNOW. They believed the lie that fetuses are lifeless blobs, but now we can all see how mistaken we've been. When we know better, we should do better.

If you've fallen prey to the propaganda claiming that a fetus is nothing but a lifeless clump of cells, let today be the day that you do a 180 for life in the womb, and forgive yourself for having been unaware.

We must be willing to be brave, to take off our blinders and adapt to new truths.

We have no excuse now, so let’s begin to stand for life from this day onward. 💛

#roe versus wade #roe vs. wade #pro life #pro abortion #abortion #adoption #womens rights #healthcare

[siftingthroughmyself]

TW: SH, mentions of sexual assault of a minor, suic ideation, mentions of suic attempts and mom trauma

My view of myself has always been skewed. I was always different. I saw the differences in others. I found different people who were different in so many different ways. I saw our sameness. I saw the pain and confusion. How I responded wasn't who I am now.

I was mean in school. I hated monogrammed boots and backpacks and binders. I hated the design, the letters were in a weird order. It always brought up our names, middle, first and last. People knew who they were named after and what it meant. They told me about their parents picking the perfect name. I was always told such a pretty name, how delicate, like a flower and the sunrise.

In kindergarten, there was someone who shared a name with me and so I let people call me something else. I submitted to another version of myself in a different family, living a different life. I'm more than that child, I have pain that runs deep. I have rough edges. I was mean about the stupidest things. I reflected their vibes even if they weren't directed at me.

Some boys picked on me, pulled my hair, played rough and I didn't like it. My parents said maybe he likes you. I didn't get the memo that I was too old to be bullying my crushes. I would flirt through shoulder grazes, eye contact and kicking under the table because I thought that's what love was.

I want to formally apologize to someone named Matthew whom I played soccer with. I liked you and feelings were confusing and you didn't deserve what I did. I'd like to apologize to Chanelle for saying your drawings of people's feet look like horse feet. We were in the fifth grade. You came to me for advice and I didn't know how to draw feet. All my drawings of feet still look like horses feet. That wasn't cool of me and I'm still embarrassed and I'm sorry.

I struggle with the view of myself because I know those were just a few mistakes in my life. I remember being the quiet kid. In high school, someone came to a teacher and said I was cutting my legs. I'm assuming they said that because I would change in the bathroom stalls rather than the open locker room. I also had a friend who dyed their hair and wore a lot of eyeliner.

Whoever reported me for self harm didn't know that I was ashamed of my dollar store flower print underwear. Or that my father sexually assaulted me when I was young. How would they know? I just didn't want people to see my skin or call me a stick.

I didn't give them a chance and opted for an awkward dance in the stalls. Whoever reported that didn't know that my mom picked me up from school and locked me in her bedroom and told me to take off my pants. She didn't trust me and I suppose she had no right. I was cutting my upper left arm. She humiliated and cried over what I put her through and she didn't even see the real harm I was doing to myself.

Here I am. 24. Genderless, new name. I'm who I was and more. I've learned that so much of my upbringing was messed up. I've learned that family isn't supposed to make me feel this way. It's been three years as Max, as me. For Christmas, my mother sent me a journal. "To my daughter..."

Best intentions. But an absolute rejection of who I am. Of the work I've done. In the psych ward I cried because I didn't want to be abandoned by someone who wanted me to breathe. She rejected an abortion with me, all of her Facebook friends know because of a stupid pro choice post I made. That was the lynchpin. She wanted me. But not anymore. She wants her little girl back and all that I've done to get better is not in alignment with her view of my life.

I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be. I wasn't claiming to be Wonder Mom, I was an older sibling trying to take care of the kids she couldn't stop popping out. She chose life. I tried to end mine again and again. She doesn't want to know all this is real and not just a phase. She doesn't get to know me anymore. And it hurts.

#mom trauma #tw sh related #tw sa mention #overshare #trauma dump #trauma #writing #tw sui implied

[queerstation]

The Use of Force From Life Along the Passaic River (1938) by William Carlos Williams

In this story, a conflict between two characters is portrayed. The narrative alludes to how serious a situation might become when social roles and internal impulses collide. A doctor is called to see a family at their home who he has never met before. He assesses the situation immediately- the patient is a girl youngster named Mathilda whose parents are nervously worried, reliant on, but skeptical of the doctor. Their household is impoverished yet tidy. The doctor is instantly captivated by the patient's charm and intense gaze.

The physician asks questions about whether or not she has a sore throat. The parents say no, however, the mother claims she was unable to verify this. Recognizing that the kid may have diphtheria, the doctor attempts to convince Mathilda, to open her lips, but she opposes. She strikes out, knocking his eyeglasses off, as he gets closer. Her parents are humiliated. The doctor is irritated by the parents' apathy and inability to cope with their child. He confesses that he requires a throat examination, and her parents grant them permission for him to proceed.

The situation is no longer a business or professional transaction in some sense. The doctor admires the child's willpower but despises the parents' utter incapacity. For fear of injuring her, the father repeatedly keeps her still before releasing her. She cries out loud when her wrists are restrained. The doctor is enraged with the young patient. He pulls a wooden spatula inside her mouth while holding her head down. She bites down, tearing it apart, and wounds her tongue before the doctor reacts. Without the allusion to a neck examination in the surrounding context, the concluding scenario might be contrasted to an assault which is a form of abuse. In the end, the doctor successfully gone the operation.

Given that kind of situation, If I were also the doctor, I would do the same. Even if I lose my license as a doctor for using force on a patient that will result in saving her life, I can say that I’ve done something greater in my whole life and my so-called profession. Though using force isn’t acceptable but it is justifiable in some other ways. After all, the doctor’s intention isn’t bad yet may be frustrating, but it doesn’t change the fact that he saved the life of Mathilda.