#alex o'hara

[lumosinlove]

Vaincre

June part iii

But if you try sometime you’ll find

You get what you need

Leo turned his face up to the sun. It was quiet, save for the waves lapping at the boat’s edge and the rocks of his cove. And it was his cove. It had always been his cove, ever since he’d been allowed to take the boat out on his own. It was nearing evening but it was still warm and the sun still reached its soft fingers out across the water to touch his face.

All his thoughts were drowned out by the tree frogs, with their monotone song, and the wind in the trees. He looked at the fishing rods over the side. He’d caught nothing, but it was mostly a meditation anyway, or at least a form of one. Setting everything up, and then settling into the idea of a couple hours alone on the water. Cool, sweet iced tea and his Mama’s ham and mustard sandwiches.

He should go. It would be dark soon, and no one wanted to be near the rocks in the dark. He pulled everything inside the boat—rods, anchor. The motor hummed to life with ease, and he took his time, not ready to leave the dimming sun, or the way the wind rippled his t-shirt across his damp back.

When he turned towards the marina, all he could see were the bright crystals of the reflecting water. As he got closer though, squinting, he saw that there was someone standing at the end of their private dock. A silhouette of the sunset. Someone with a tilt to their head, a set to their shoulders, that Leo would know anywhere.

~

One Week Earlier

Remus went to his knees when Madison Square Garden erupted around him. He went to his knees when Leo fell, glove still outstretched but empty. He went to his knees when Logan’s puck found the back of Leo’s net.

Remus completely missed the Rangers’ celebration, pinning Logan up against the glass. The puck was swooped neatly off the ice, away from Leo, and handed to the Rangers’ equipment manager to be taped, labeled as a game seven game-winner, and readied for Logan to take home as a keepsake. Logan went off the ice. Thank God Logan went off. He had been for over two different shifts and he knew them. He knew them so well. Remus watched him put his head down against the boards when he made it back to the Rangers’ bench. His shoulders were rising and falling harshly. Luke thumped a hand on his back, eyes concerned behind his visor. Remus risked a glance at Leo and wished he hadn’t. His mask was down, his head was down.

This could be their nightmare.

Remus saw Sirius skate to the face-off circle. He registered James, right at Sirius’ side as usual but looking haunted. James looked up at the clock, which made Remus look up at the clock. Nothing but his blood rushed in his ears.

Nineteen seconds.

He tried to will the numbness out of his hands and feet. He drew a breath that felt sharp when the referee dropped the puck.

There was no scramble for it this time. Sirius swept it back to James, and James held it close. Remus felt himself call for it, tapping his blade on the ice. They didn’t have time to hesitate. James didn’t even look at him, drawing the Rangers’ defense away and over into his own lane before sending a clean, arrow-straight pass to Remus.

Remus caught it, and pushed hard. He didn’t think about anything but keeping the puck close and keeping his strides fast. His muscles burned, even inch of him held tight as Saint trained his body onto him, guessing what Remus might do next.

Six hundred options went through Remus’ head as the white ice blurred beneath him, and he went for, not his own favorite, but Sirius’. The shot that he’d adored as a PT. The one that made Sirius look like pure magic.

Remus let the puck drag, let his skate drag, slowing down the play and making Saint crouch. He knocked it to the other side of his blade, and lifted the puck as hard as he could.

Saint didn’t catch it. It rebounded against his blocker and Remus lunged forward—but Sirius was right there. He sent it hard, as hard as he could, right towards the empty sliver of space above Saint’s shoulder.

Remus was close enough to hear Saint’s shout. It sounded like outrage. His glove reached up, windmilling, and snatched the puck out of the air. He slammed it, captive, down on the ice, and the final horn went.

Remus fell to a knee. “No…”

He was close enough to hear Sirius’ shout, too, something past outrage, and watch as he slammed his stick low against the boards behind the Rangers’ net, snapping off the blade.

Game over.

Remus couldn’t hear the stadium for a long, long stretch of eerie quiet. He heard his own breathing. He heard his own, choked, desperate breathing.

Jules, he thought, and then it was all he could think. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Blue, red, and white gear fell around him as the Rangers threw their sticks and gloves in celebration. The roar filtered slowly back into Remus’ register, and then slammed into him like a wall of sound so hard that he had to close his eyes. The pummeling of hands on the glass sounded like thunder.

This was the hard part of perfection. So much of this year had been difficult. So much of it had been adjusting, then readjusting, climbing and struggling to get things right.

He’d started to believe he was owed this win. When had he started thinking like that?

Something tapped against his side and he looked up to find Pascal there. His face was stone, set and somber, and he jerked his chin towards something. Remus looked to see his teammates quickly filing into a line, waiting to shake hands with the still celebrating Rangers. A pile of blue on the ice, glimpses and flashes of laughter and grins and tears. He looked for Logan, but he couldn’t pick him out. Sirius was there, at the line’s front, waiting with his eyes averted from the celebrating New York.

Pascal helped Remus to his feet, said something that Remus couldn’t hear, and they skated towards the line together.

~

Logan’s hand found Sirius’ and about four different camera flashes went off at once.

“Sirius,” Logan said. “I…”

“I’m happy for you, Tremz,” Sirius said. He squeezed Logan’s hand then put his other one on Logan’s shoulder and pulled him in for a hard, quick hug. “Really.”

“Merci,” Logan said softly. “I’m sorry, you—look, you played so well. That shot—”

Sirius nodded and let go. Logan realized he didn’t want to hear it. “So did you.”

Remus was right behind him, pulling him into a shaky, one-armed hug.

“You deserve this,” Remus said. “Really, Tremz.”

“You’ll get one,” Logan said. And Remus looked away. Logan could hardly stand this. “I know you will.”

Remus smile was sad. “Yeah…Yeah.”

Logan wished he could spend ten minutes on each boy. Olli, Kris…

Kota held out his hand for Logan to shake. “Um. Good game.”

Logan hesitated for only a second before putting his hand into Kota’s. “You too…” He sighed. “Truce for the summer.”

Kota cracked a smile. “Yeah.”

Logan watched Kota pass by to shake Alex’s hand. Replacement. Logan didn’t think he’d ever look at Kota and not think of him that way. Even if they both ended up, somewhere down the line, on completely different teams with no Rangers or Lions even in the picture.

“What, no handshake for me?”

Logan looked back to see Pascal standing there. His helmet was off, brown and grey hair curling over his forehead. His smile was the realest one Logan had seen from the Lions.

“Dumo,” Logan said. It came out a little broken, and he more or less fell into his tight hug.

“I’m happy for you, mon fils. Don’t judge Leo on how he treats you just now,” Pascal said softly in his ear. “And don’t judge yourself.” He pulled back, hands on Logan’s shoulders. “D’accord?”

How? Logan wanted to ask. How how how?

Kuny stopped in front of him, jostling him with a hand on his head and a hard slap to his back. Logan wished he had something better to say. He wished he was better with words.

And there was Leo.

Hair darkened from sweat, cheeks red. He still had his glove tucked under his arm. Logan would relive that moment forever. Watching Leo fall to the ice, glove empty. Feeling himself shout in celebration, maybe out of muscle memory, only for what had just happened to crash into him nearly as hard as his teammates had. He’d been pushed away from Leo, from the blue paint. Like a photograph going out of focus, he had watched the blurred image of Leo pushing himself back up.

Logan came to a complete stop. He put a hand on Leo’s chest because he couldn’t help it. He touched the lion printed there. Even then, Leo didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Le,” Logan whispered. Leo put his hand over Logan’s, but that was about all. Leo’s hand was so slack, so cold, and his blue eyes flit once to meet Logan’s, but hardly for half a second. “Soleil…”

“Proud of you,” Leo said quietly. “I am, I…”

Logan opened his mouth to say something more, unsure what, but then Leo’s hand slipped out of his and he was left blinking hard and face-to-face with Thomas. That had happened too fast. Logan wanted to turn and grab Leo’s hand again, pull him into a hug.

But maybe Leo didn’t want that. Maybe, for the first time since they’d met, Leo didn’t want anything to do with him.

Thomas had seen, and pulled him into a short hug. “You’ll both be okay.” He pulled away and put a hand over Logan’s heart, tapping once. “Love you, man. It was a good series.”

“It was,” Logan said softly. “I’m—I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Thomas tapped his chest again, more firmly, like he was pressing something into Logan. “You’ll be okay.”

Champagne sprayed against his cheeks and got his hair sticky once they entered the locker room. The alcohol was sweet on his tongue, salty from his sweat. He smiled when he saw the cameras, it would look strange if he didn’t. He took a beer when it was offered to him.

It all happened to him, but he felt like he was hovering just outside of the room, looking through glass.

He found his stall and pulled his jersey over his head. He yanked off his pads and unstuck his undershirt, drenched in sweat, from his skin. God. He didn’t want beer or champagne. He wanted to go home. He pulled a sweatshirt over his head to keep his muscles warm.

Someone hugged him from behind. “Hey.”

Luke appeared, grinning. He jostled Logan by his shoulders. Luke’s hair was sticking up in different directions from his helmet and the champagne. His mouth looked, well, thoroughly kissed, and Logan glanced at Saint, who had a smirk on his face as he gave an interview for one TV network or another.

“Game winning goal, Tremz,” Luke said. “Means you get to pick where we celebrate first tonight. We got three days off, we’re going hard.”

Alex put an arm around Logan’s shoulders and Logan looked up at him. He hoped Alex, like Finn, could read his face without him having to say anything. Alex sent him a sympathetic smile and squeezed tighter.

“It is true,” Alex said. “You get to choose. You should choose. I know this is not how you pictured it, but you still deserve this.”

“We didn’t win yet,” Logan said. “You remember that, right?”

Luke sent him an unimpressed look. “When you pull through a seven game series, you get to have a couple drinks with your friends at a nice bar.”

Logan would have usually jumped at that chance to celebrate, at letting loose for a day or two before they were back and battling—well, whoever else was moving on. Everyone would be keeping an eye on the Lightning and Panthers game set for tomorrow. Logan wanted nothing more than to only be thinking about going to a rooftop bar and staying up until the sun rose.

But it wasn’t so simple. In his head, Leo was holding a champagne bottle to his lips and Finn was boxing him in against the rooftop wall with the rising sun against his face.

Home.He wanted to go home. Luke read it on him as easily as Alex had.

“I know,” Luke said then grabbed his shoulders again. “I know, but come on. You have to celebrate with us. I know you didn’t want to be, but you’re part of this team. I’m…” He paused, blinking. He briefly touched the cut and bruise from the high stick under his eye, and then his mouth. He glanced behind him at Saint, then back to Logan. “I’m fucking happy you’re here, Tremz.”

Logan smiled, but there were still Leo’s sad eyes pressing at him. At that moment, Percy jumped on Luke’s back, momentarily pulling him away into a mess of foaming beers and cameras.

Alex leaned in. They were alone, at least for the moment. “If we’re going to be…us. Who we are…” It didn’t take Logan any time at all to decipher who us was, and what they were together. “Then we can’t let it affect our play. And that’s what you showed them out there tonight. That we can love and play. And I’m grateful. Leo will be, too, after a little time.”

“Alex,” Logan began to say, but then Luke’s laugh filtered back in as he pushed Percy away towards where a camera was trying to interview him. He turned back to Logan.

“So?” Luke asked. “Where to?”

Finn and Leo would no doubt tell him he should go, but all he wanted to hold Leo until he could erase the crestfallen look from his face.

“Please,” Luke said more gently. “I know this is…I know you’re probably feeling a lot of different things right now but we’re your friends.” He glanced at Alex, who nodded. “Let us help. Just a little while. I want you there.”

“Me too, Tremble,” Alex said.

Logan rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Non. Mais—merde. Just…Okay.” Alex let out a whoop. “Let me find them first, let me just…” He looked towards the locker room door and accidentally made eye-contact with a few reporters who were looking at him hungrily.

Alex released him. “You have ten minutes before I’m pushing you into the shower so we can get this night going.”

“Alex,” Logan said. “The reporters by the door.”

Alex didn’t have to be told twice. He turned his hat backwards, raised his hands up and walked to the center of the room. “I have some super important things to say! Very important. Over here!”

Logan and Luke shared a look, laughing as the reporters were drawn like moths towards light.

“Um,” Alex began once the recorders and iPhones were inches from his mouth. “Okay, wait, let me think what they were…”

Luke gave him a little push. “Go.”

Logan tapped Luke’s cheek. “Looks like you already went.”

Luke’s next push was a shove.

The hallway was empty. Everyone was in the locker room for now, but it wouldn’t stay that way once the celebrations ended and the players had to be left alone to get dressed. Logan glanced behind him one more time as he made his way down the hallway, away from the doors. Maybe Finn would be with Leo—God knew the Lions wouldn’t want him in their locker room right now. But maybe if he waited outside, a little ways away, he’d be able to catch Finn’s mom, or Leo’s, and tell them that he just wanted to say…what did he want to say? Maybe he didn’t have to say anything, not if they didn’t want him to. Maybe they didn’t even want to see him, but he needed to see them. Just a glimpse. He turned the corner—he’d be out of sight of any reporters now. He looked behind him one more time, just in case, and when he looked forward again he stopped hard.

Finn was there, leaning against the wall, alone. He pushed himself upright when he saw Logan.

“Hi,” Finn said in a rush. “Hi. Hi, I—wasn’t sure if you’d be—Or, I also didn’t think any reporters should see me waiting right outside because, I don’t know, we’re rivals right now and all but that’s a stupid reason, so I…But I wanted to see you? I was going to call but maybe you didn’t have your—”

“Harzy,” Logan breathed. He closed the space between them in two strides, so relieved that it knocked the breath out of him, and reached up to hug him hard.

Finn had been expecting it, waiting for it, and clutched him back with one hand. Logan crushed them together, hands locked behind Finn’s neck. He remembered the sling.

“Oh—” But he couldn’t seem to let go. Finn. This was what he’d wanted. This was home.

“You’re not hurting me,” Finn’s voice had turned rough. He squeezed Logan tighter. “You’re not hurting me, it’s okay.”

Logan just shook his head. It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay.

Finn pressed his face into Logan’s neck, letting out a slow breath. “Just wanted to see you off the ice. It’s so different out there. You’re still wearing blue, though.”

“You love all those books where the enemies become lovers.” Logan’s voice was muffled by Finn’s shoulder.

Finn laughed softly. “I love that you know that.” He passed a hand through Logan’s damp hair. “You were never my enemy, though.”

“I was tonight.”

“No. You were an opponent tonight. That’s different.”

“Are you okay?” Logan pulled back to see his eyes. “Your head?”

“I feel okay,” Finn said, but he looked tired and strained. Logan put one of his cold hands to Finn’s forehead. It made Finn close his eyes briefly in relief. “Don’t worry about me.”

Logan had plenty to worry about. He saw Leo’s face again, eyes down, shying away from the cameras. “Is he okay?”

Finn just stroked careful fingers over a fresh bruise on Logan’s cheek.

“Does he still want—like, to see me?”

“God, Lo, of course he does. It’s not your fault.”

Yes it is. Yes, it is.

“I’m gonna take him home,” Finn said.

Logan’s heart jolted. “Home?”

“To your place, I mean.”

“Oh.” God, he’d thought Finn meant Gryffindor. He thought he would have to go to sleep alone tonight thinking about Leo. “Oh. Good.”

Finn smiled a little. “Home’s wherever we three are together.”

“I thought you meant you were leaving.”

“Not a chance.”

“You have your key?”

Finn nodded. He looked so tired. It was going to break Logan’s heart. “Yeah, we got it. Go celebrate, okay? Really, I’m not kidding. Have fun. It’s okay. It is. I love you so much, we both do, go celebrate and have fun. I want you to.”

Logan touched his face, the scruff there, the beginning of a try for a long play-off run—one that should have been longer than this. He leaned up and kissed the coarse stubble on his jaw, then then corner of his mouth, and then Finn turned into his kiss with a hand on his lower back.

“I love you,” Logan said.

Finn took his hand and kissed his knuckles, the fresh cuts from fighting Kota. “See you at home. Okay? Doesn’t matter how late it is, wake me up.”

“Tell Leo I love him.” Logan kissed him quick again, then tried to leave but had to kiss him once more before finally turning back the way he’d come.

~

Remus could tell that his mom had given Julian a bit of a lecture before he entered the locker room. Maybe on not seeming too disappointed when he saw Remus. But Remus, after he’d bent down, could feel it in the tight grip of Julian’s hug.

“Sorry, Jules,” Remus said into his shoulder. He looked down at the 6 on Julian’s jersey. “I…I wish I could have done it for you.”

Julian just held him tighter, and when he didn’t reply Remus realized he was crying.

“Oh,” Remus said, a little surprised. He rubbed Julian’s back gently. “Oh, Jules…”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m—didn’t mean to cry.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, this sucks, I know.”

Julian pulled back and Remus was relieved to see that the tears were soft, not truly upset. More overwhelmed. Still, the catches in his voice took Remus right back to Julian crawling into his bed. To a baby Julian. His baby, that’s how he felt sometimes. He reached up to wipe a thumb across Julian’s cheek and laughed when Julian swatted half-heartedly at his hand.

“I just really wanted it for you.” Julian huffed. “Like—I really want everything for you.”

Remus looked away briefly, at his parents, standing just behind them. Hope put her hand against her chest. Julian’s words made them smile at each other, despite it all.

“That means the most,” Remus said around a thick throat. “That means…the means more than anything else, thanks, bud.”

Julian fiddled with one of the straps of Remus’ shoulder pads. “At least we’ll get to hang out more now.”

“I mean, it’s not like you need to help me get married or anything.”

Julian laughed a little. “Oh jeez. I forgot.” He looked over to Sirius. “That was a really good almost goal, Sirius.”

Sirius’ smile didn’t come as easily as Remus’ but it was there. For Julian, it was real. “Thanks, Jules.”

“I wanted this for you, too,” Julian said.

“Ditto.”

They looked up to see Regulus there, in Sirius’ jersey still. His hair was buzzed short—Remus had been surprised when he’d first seen it, but it suited him. It made his jaw sharper, his grey eyes vivid under thick brows.

“Some luck charm you are,” Sirius said half-heartedly, but he rose from his stall.

Remus watched the two of them hug, watched the way Regulus, maybe without completely realizing it, tucked his chin into Sirius’ shoulder in just the same way Julian had.

“Bien?” Regulus asked softly.

“Non,” Remus heard Sirius say. “Mais ouais.”

No but yes. That sounded about right to Remus’ ears.

“Hi,” Remus sighed with a smile, pushing himself up to greet his parents.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Hope pulled him into a tight hug, and Remus felt his dad’s hand on the back of his head. “You were incredible, you know that.”

“Thanks,” Remus said hoarsely. He let himself lean a little harder into his mom’s arms.

It was a blur after that, mostly. Getting dressed. Getting back to their hotel. Saying goodnight and his mom promising to take them out to a late, late breakfast—even though Remus knew both Sirius and himself most likely weren’t going to be able to sleep that much. He was exhausted but adrenaline coursed through his veins, hot and alive.

In the room’s kitchenette, Remus listened to his family’s final footsteps out the door as he flicked the burner on for tea. He turned back to the glossy hotel kitchen island to find both Black brothers sitting there, looking at him.

Regulus cracked a small smile. “Just making sure neither one of you is going to go break into MSG and skate back the game or something crazy like that.”

“Fuck off,” Sirius said in French.

“Hey.” Remus took down two mugs. “Point taken.”

Regulus raised his eyebrows at the mugs. “Two? Is that you telling me to fuck off?”

“Yeah,” Remus said with a smile.

Regulus looked at his brother. “Re said it nicer.”

Sirius, who was slumped with his cheek in his palm, merely shrugged. Regulus’ smile faded as he looked at his brother. Sirius looked tired. Like he had been lifting something heavy and didn’t know how to hold himself without its weight.

Then, to Remus’ slight surprised, Regulus wrapped an arm around Sirius’ shoulders and pressed his forehead against Sirius’ temple.

“D’accord,” Regulus said softly. “Je t’aime.”

And then he was gone, the hotel door closing with Sirius left blinking after him.

Remus watched him go, too, feeling warmer than before.

“Sweet,” Remus said softly, and Sirius just looked down at his hands, rubbing over his dry knuckles.

When the water heated, Remus poured the tea—chamomile—and settled on the stool that Regulus had occupied. Sirius looked down at the mugs, then at Remus.

“I know, I know,” Remus sighed. “I don’t think it will actually make us sleep, but we can pretend.”

Sirius didn’t reply. He pressed his hands around the warm mug, staring down into the steam rising from the cup. Remus let him be quiet. He let them sit. They would talk when they both felt like they could.

“Re,” Sirius said suddenly.

“Hm?”

“Une promenade? Avec moi.” Sirius asked.

“A walk?” Remus asked.

Sirius hummed his affirmative into a kiss to Remus’ temple. Remus closed his eyes when Sirius inhaled, breathing him in. 

What else was there for Remus to do but nod?

~

Leo and Finn moved quietly around Logan’s apartment. Leo sat down on the couch, but didn’t know what to do once he got there. He watched Finn take off his sling—he’d taken to doing that recently. Finn went to the refrigerator and returned with two glasses of water, plus a bottle of gatorade for Leo.

“Comfy?” he asked, which was Finn’s way of asking if he wanted to put sweatpants on. When they had first started living together, it had also been Finn’s way of asking if Leo would rather stay in than go out. Comfy? he’d ask, and they would go and change—sweatshirt and sweatpants—and return to the living room together, smiling and each with their own book in hand.

How did I get so lucky? Leo would think, and then, a second later, How am I supposed to survive loving you?

Now, Leo accepted the gatorade and downed half the bottle in one go.

They walked into Logan’s closet, which had morphed into their shared closet lately. Leo thought of their rooms back in Gryffindor. When was the last time Leo had walked into his own, old, abandoned room? He couldn’t remember. He preferred Finn’s. Finn’s was his.

Leo pulled his suit jacket and pants off, pulled sweatpants on. He was starting on the first button of his shirt when Finn put a hand out.

Leo looked at those soft brown eyes. Finn was his.

“Thanks,” Leo said. His voice sounded odd, like he hadn’t spoken in ages. It wasn’t true. He’d been forced through interviews. God, he never wanted to see those recordings. He never wanted to see what his face had looked like, answering any of those questions. What happened? What’s next? And it was Tremblay who—

“T-shirt or?”

“Yeah,” Leo said, and let Finn push his shirt from his shoulders. Finn turned to their suitcases, messy on the floor, and reached for one of his own t-shirts. Harvard Men’s Ice Hockey it said. Soft and worn and faded gray and red. Leo’s favorite. Leo wanted to comment on the way Finn reached up to slip it over his head—it probably hurt his healing shoulder—but Finn didn’t flinch. He just kissed Leo’s cheek, let his mouth linger there for a moment, and then turned back to the suitcases.

Leo stood there, hands twisted into the t-shirt’s hem. Finn straightened back up, holding a shirt for himself. Some pressure cracked in Leo’s chest. It felt like tears, but they didn’t come.

“I’m gonna go home with my parents,” he said into the small space.

Finn froze. The muscles in his bare back tensed, the t-shirt he was holding bunching in his grip.

“For—” Leo’s voice broke. “For a little bit.”

Slowly, Finn turned around and Leo had to look away. He reached for socks, head down.

“It’s just been—like, a lot of things have been happening. I’m just—I’m gonna go home for a bit.”

“Le,” Finn breathed.

Leo closed his eyes and flipped the top of his suitcase closed. “I’m—I’m sorry? I’m sorry.”

He didn’t know what he was doing when he turned out of the closet, leaving Finn there. He hadn’t meant to say it like that. He sat back down on the couch, heart pounding. Finn didn’t follow him out right away. Maybe he was trying to give Leo a second. Maybe he didn’t know what to say. Maybe he was upset. He’d lost too, tonight. Leo almost had to remind himself since Finn hadn’t been on the ice. But all of Finn’s season was just as over as his own.

He wondered where Logan was right now. A cool, summer-night roof top? A sticky-tabled bar? Someone’s apartment? Someone’s house just outside of the city?

He felt the couch dip beside him, caught Finn’s soft red hair out of the corner of his eye.

“Le?” Finn’s voice was so gentle that Leo had to look at him.

He had his glasses on now, but he took them off as he sat down and put them on the coffee table. Leo stared at them. He loved the way they looked, waiting for Finn to pick them back up again.

“Don’t be sorry,” Finn whispered. “That’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Leo kept his eyes on the glasses. “I…Yeah. I know.”

More silence. Finn reached out and rubbed a gentle thumb over Leo’s knee.

“I know that Lo’s sort of spoken for,” Finn began. "For who knows how long, but—would you…would you want me to come—”

Leo shook his head. “No. I don’t think so. Not right now, but I love you.”

Finn sat up more and Leo watched his thumb on his knee. Bitten nails, sweet, brown-sugar freckles on the back of his hand. Leo never thought he was going to get to have him. It still hit him with a wave of happiness, even now.

The thumb paused. “You might find Lo in your suitcase anyway when you unzip it.”

“Play-offs.”

“I know.” Finn leaned forward and kissed his temple softly. Leo closed his eyes and a tear escaped without his permission. “I know, I was just joking.” A beat passed. The thumb, maybe the same one from his knee, passed over his cheek. “You might find me in your suitcase.”

“Finn.”

“Okay.” Finn kissed his temple again. “Okay…”

More silence. Leo didn’t know what to say when Finn was quiet.

“Well…Hey.” Finn paused. “Le, look at me.”

Leo did, and Finn’s eyes were all worried and calculating, trying to work out a way to make it better. Finn liked that, Leo had learned. He liked to snap his fingers and make it okay. It got hard for him when he couldn’t.

“Are you sure you…” Finn gave his head a small shake. “I just mean I’ll miss you. I thought…you know. We’d be cheering Logan on, of course, but even more we’d get to just hang out. We have so much time now.”

“Finn,” Leo said, pleading. “Don’t make me feel bad.”

“Oh, no, baby.” Finn sat forward more, palm warm on Leo’s thigh. “No, no, I just…I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just meant I’ll miss you. I’m not trying to, like, corner you, I…”

Leo put his hand over Finn’s and Finn groaned and dropped his forehead against Leo’s shoulder for a moment before looking at him again. “If I can’t make you feel better, what am I good for?”

Leo shook his head. “This isn’t on you, sweetheart. This is just something I want right now. I need the heat. And the water. And the streets I used to walk. And my mama’s kitchen and boat rides and—”

“But I could be there if you need—”

“I need hockey to not be right in front of me for a second,” Leo said firmly. “And it kills me to say it, but Logan’s in the thick of it and you’ll be in the thick of it with him. And I’m not saying forever, just a week or so, I…” Leo closed his eyes briefly. He took Finn’s hands in his own. “Baby. You’re not listening. I love you, but you’re not listening to me.”

Finn looked like he was going to protest again, but he kept his mouth closed. He closed his eyes and gave a short nod.

Leo hated this. He hated that look on Finn’s face.

“No one knows what I need like you do,” Leo said. “No one knows what I love, no one listens to me like you. No one. But right now, I need something else, we… We lost Logan for a second there.”

Finn’s eyes darted away. He nodded.

“And then the person who hurt me most in this world showed back up in my life,” Leo continued. “Then I had to watch you lay unconscious on the ice because of him, because of me, and I had to sit there not knowing what to do while Logan seemed to know exactly what to do. I’ve never felt like I had to fight through your guys’ history before. The biggest mentor in my life retired, and the play-offs are finished and it was with me in goal.” Leo cupped Finn’s cheek, smoothing a thumb over his freckles. “And I love you both so much. But I need to be in the home that came before my home with you.”

Finn was nodding, and nodding, like he was trying to convince himself that he understood. That it was okay. He rubbed his palms over his face for a moment, and when he looked up again it had made his cheeks red.

“Just…don’t leave tonight,” Finn said. “Please?”

“Tonight?” Leo shook his head, brushing Finn’s hair back from his face. “Honey, I was never gonna leave tonight.”

“Oh. Oh, good, okay.”

Leo leaned forward and kissed Finn once, then twice. “Can I…” He pushed himself up to put a knee on the couch between Finn’s, and Finn opened his arms. “Your sling?”

“I’m allowed to be without it for a bit,” Finn said, and pulled Leo in. “I’d rather feel you.”

The entire world felt quiet and still like that. Finn’s fingertips running up and down Leo’s spine like soft drips of water. They had been laying there for maybe a half hour when, in the quietest voice, so soft, so god damn soft that Leo almost didn’t hear him, Finn said, “You’ll come back.”

Leo hesitated, trying to figure out if he’d heard right, then looked up at him. “What?”

Finn’s arms tightened around him, but he looked away towards Logan’s dark balcony. “No, nothing.”

Leo wasn’t convinced. Finn hadn’t said it as a question exactly, and most of Leo knew that Finn would never have to ask that, but the fact that it had slipped out…

Finn let out a breath through his nose. “No, I—I know you will. I just…I didn’t expect…I’m not making you feel bad, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that, I know this is—”

“Finn…” God, Leo thought. Oh, Finn. So much of Logan’s old torment was in those words and Leo, in all honestly, was glad they had finally been said. “Yes. Yes.” He turned in his arms to hold him properly, to look at him. He nodded, keeping those brown eyes on him. “Yes, I’m coming back.”

“I’m not telling you to stay,” Finn said quickly. “I just meant that I’ll miss you while you’re away doing what you need to do. And I want you to do what feels right. I just meant—fuck, I mean—I just mean that I want you to…know that I will miss you. It’s not that I don’t understand…Yeah. Yeah.”

“I’m coming back,” Leo repeated. “We’re both always going to come back to you.”

Finn’s slow nod didn’t disturb their quiet or their still. It was like it had molded around them, keeping them safe from that cold crush that had happened on the ice. Leo still felt it. The tingling awareness of a puck hitting the back of his net.

“You too,” Finn whispered. “Lo and I love you a lot, Le. Nothing would be the same without you.”

Leo closed his eyes, letting the warmth of that rush over him. He let it erase everything else, just for now.

Finn pressed a kiss to his forehead, then to his neck.

“Finn,” Leo whispered. “Finn, I want…”

It was a question-not-question of his own, and it was all he needed to say before Finn was nodding again, hand against Leo’s cheek.

“Me too.”

They moved back into the yellow light dim of Logan’s bedroom, unable to part. Leo didn’t have it in him to protest the fact that Finn still wasn’t wearing his sling. He wanted so badly to have nothing but Finn’s skin against his. A weak protest made it out of his mouth in the form of Finn’s name, but it had sounded like nothing but a wish for him to come closer. Finn just hushed him, and wrapped him up close, and Leo could have cried. It had been so long since Finn could hold him this tight, and maybe it hurt but Leo made sure to find his good shoulder to let his head rest heavy on as Finn kissed his neck. Finn’s warm hands spanned up and down his back and he pressed a kiss to the dip of his spine.

They moved back into the yellow light of Logan’s bedroom, unable to part. Leo didn’t have it in him to protest the fact that Finn still wasn’t wearing his sling. He wanted so badly to have nothing but Finn’s skin against his. A weak protest made it out of his mouth in the form of Finn’s name, but it sounded like nothing but a wish for him to come closer. Finn just hushed him and wrapped him up close. Leo could have cried. It had been so long since Finn could hold him this tight. Maybe it hurt but Leo made sure to find his good shoulder to let his head rest heavy on as Finn kissed his neck and whispered soft words to him. Finn’s warm hands spanned up and down his back and he pressed a kiss to the dip of his spine.

It was Louisiana heat, Finn’s touch. Leo was burning from the inside out, centering at his hips and radiating outward like sun warming up a room. Leo’s mouth was open and panting, sweat sheening over his chest. Finn’s breath was shaky, and Leo could picture the way he tilted his head back. His hands took Leo’s hips, guiding, and Leo settled back on his knees more, his back snug against Finn’s chest so Finn could wrap his arms tightly around Leo’s waist and tuck his nose against Leo’s neck as they moved together. Leo reached back to fist Finn’s hair and turned his head. Finn didn’t hesitate in kissing him, sound and slow.

Leo let the weight, at least for now, slip away.

#vaincre lumosinlove #wolfstar #coops #hockey au #sweater weather lumosinlove #finnlo #sunfish #lelo #Alex o'hara #sirius black #remus lupin #Logan tremblay #Leo knut #finn o'hara

[tea-moon-ster]

Courage, dear heart

hello! have some Kasey/Alex angst set during SW. that ginger took rainbow tape out at All Stars and you can't tell me Kasey didn't have a little crisis when he saw. read it on ao3 here. all characters belong to @lumosinlove.

The night of All Stars, Kasey’s brain switched off the moment he saw Alex skate around with rainbow tape around his stick, opening a line of colorful players behind him. And it was unfortunate, because it happened right at the beginning of the night. Kasey hadn’t thought about much else for the few hours spent at Remus’ place, only offering vague comments every now and then. Natalie’s eyes finding his over the Cubs’ heads had been the one thing keeping him at bay.

Then Logan had called his boys, and that’s how they found out. The tape had been Alex’s idea.

Kasey wanted to say something, anything to him. He wrote ten texts or so on his phone, feeling stupidly self-conscious as he erased them all. Hey, Al, nice tape. Hi, loved your idea. Hey, Alex, good gesture. He sighed, wondering how did he always make everything so complicated. And why he’d never had the courage to do something similar.

And now there they were, in Dumo’s backyard, with the Lions’ team and their families surrounding them.

The Lions were going to the finals, and they felt invincible.

The air was electric even outside of the rink, following them everywhere and rising every time they met. Kasey could see it in Thomas’ grin, in the little jumps Finn made any time he was on his feet. Leo told him it was a mixture of things for him. We’re so close, and my parents are here, and I have two boyfriends, can you believe it? Because I can’t. I feel like I could climb the Everest in one morning. Kasey shared that excitement, but he had to admit that it was nowhere near to the thrill of his first seasons in the league. It tasted bitter in his mouth. Most things about hockey did, now. Leo’s sparkling eyes had brought fresh air in hockey, at least for Kasey, and he was glad for it. A little push to go on until he couldn’t.

And Alex was there.

 I wouldn’t miss it, he’d said. How ever it goes. He was standing by a bush with Timmy and Olli, and Kasey couldn’t hear their conversation, but they were laughing and shaking their heads. He never failed to make people laugh.

Kasey saw the moment Alex’s eyes spotted him, leaning against the wall. He watched him excuse himself with a warm smile and one last joke. His eyes followed him to the drinks table, and saw him grab two beers. He came to lean next to him and handed him one without a word.

Kasey took a sip as they watched the sun go down, drawing golden stripes on the surface of the pool. It was still too cold to jump in, but just standing next to it built the vibrant energy of the beginning of summer. Air of anticipation really was everywhere, these days.

Kasey stole a quick glance of Alex.

The same man standing in front of him had convinced half the players at All Stars to wear rainbow tape relying on sheer force of initiative, and a great deal of courage. Even if Kasey had been surprised to see it, he realized, looking back, that there really was no reason for it. Everything about Alex translated into actions, and watching him skate around and wave his hand at the fans with pride tape, he couldn’t see a difference between him and the boy he’d fallen in love with. The boy he’d shared playful glances in the locker room with, that made him laugh loud and messy, with the little snort, and that took him for long walks on the beach every time he played in Florida. Seeing colorful stripes on his stick had moved Kasey more than he cared to admit. What does it mean, and were you thinking of me?

Of course, Natalie had noticed, too. Natalie noticed everything and she was good at not making a big deal out of things. Kasey loved how she’d immediately understood whatever was going on between him and Alex, and how she’d kissed him gently after. It’s okay if you have love for both of us. Gentler than he could ever be with himself.

That night, they’d shared a surprised look as everyone commented the tape and the players, and he’d seen her gaze going from him to Alex-in-the-TV as she tried to figure it out with him. Was it a message? Or simple support? They’d held hands in silent reassurance, wondering what it all meant.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence—Alex was good at those, too- Kasey cleared his throat. He stole a glimpse of the redhead’s golden profile against the setting sun, serene and warm.

“Sick tape,” he blurted out. “At All Stars. Logan said it was your idea.”

Alex’s eyes darted on him, as if looking for something. But it was just for a moment. Then the usual lively grin crept in, for him to relax into.

“Yeah. I thought your captain could use some support, you know?”

Kasey turned to glance at Sirius, standing on the other side of the garden, smiling at something Adele was telling him. Remus was there, holding hands in a newfound sweetness that was delightful to see. Kasey swore it had all seemed impossible until it happened.

“He really did,” he nodded. “I’m glad he had it. It meant a lot.” Kasey stopped before adding to Cap, because they both knew that it wasn’t just that. It meant a lot to me.

Alex nodded, maybe not sure on how to answer. He looked around, and his smile softened when he found the Cubs over the snacks table. Finn had an arm around Leo’s waist, talking a mile a minute, while the other two were looking at him smitten happy. Kasey studied the redhead in front of him as he looked fondly at them.

“And, you know, it wasn’t just for Sirius. For Finn, too. And his boys.” He shook his head, smiling. “You know, Finn called me the morning of All Stars, all excited, saying Alex, big ass news, I’m so happy I’m gonna die, and told me everything.” He took a sip of his beer, eyes returning to Kasey with a raised eyebrow. “Well. I already knew something was up between him and Logan, like, ages ago. I was waiting for him to tell me. And he did, so I felt like I needed to show him that it was okay. On and off the ice.”

Kasey thought back at All Stars night, when eight people had crumpled into Loop’s living room. How Finn had shouted That’s my big brother, and the way his eyes were shining in front of the tv. Kasey had allowed himself to linger on those eyes for a few moments, while everyone else focused on the screen, thinking about the twin pair that Alex bore. He remembered their warmth on his skin, shining like a jewel in the sun. Kasey thought about those eyes a lot.

Bring your eyes on me and I’ll wear your stares like the most precious stones, an old song played in his mind. He didn’t remember the name.

Alex bit his lip, sobering, and those wonderful eyes moved to his shoes. His voice came out lower this time, a vulnerability that people didn’t get to see often.

“And—you know. I had to do it for myself, too.”

Kasey felt a wave of heat rushing to his head, his heartbeat growing faster. He tightened his grip around the beer, only for the icy glass to send shivers down his spine. But Alex looked calm—like he always did.

“I just thought, what’s the point, you know? ‘S not my problem if someone cares.”

He paused for a moment, and everyone else would have thought that he was waiting for a reply from Kasey. But Kasey knew he didn’t. Alex never expected anything from him. And in that moment, Kasey was glad, because he felt petrified.

Alex sent him a small, reassuring smile. Why was he reassuring him and not the opposite, Kasey wasn’t sure.

“I’m not gonna do a big coming out. I’ll just…stop hiding, I guess.”

Then he looked up, and snorted, shaking his head as he’d just told the most amusing joke. He took another sip. Kasey could see his ears blushing as he ripped off a corner of the beer’s label.

“I mean, nothing’s really gonna change, and there’s nothing to hide. But still.”

He said the last words with his usual calm, nonchalant serenity. He threw Kasey a helpless smile, and then returned to watching the people around them as if the conversation had never taken place.

That was what Kasey had never understood. What he’d never comprehended, what he could never do.

How Alex could appear, bright and warm and wonderful, throw a few smiles and jokes around, be what people needed him to be, and then drop bombs like that. Nothing’s really gonna change. There’s nothing to hide. And then he returned to normal, like his own words, his feelings, didn’t matter more than chitchats about the weather.

Kasey just looked at him.

Nothing’s really gonna change.

Alex had never been one for holding back. He’d never been afraid of what he felt, and at the same time he’d never expected anything in return. He just felt, and loved, in his warm and easy way, without taking or holding anything against him.

Kasey was the reason nothing would change. He knew it in his heart.

He knew it every time someone tried to ask Alex about eventual partners, or dates, hookups even, and he just shrugged and smiled. Nothing significant. Not really my thing.

He knew it every time they met or talked on the phone, and Alex inevitably asked about Natalie, but then he’d stay quiet for a bit.

Alex hurt quietly, and Kasey knew, and hurt even more quietly, and none of them would do anything about it.

Alex loved Kasey. He wouldn’t need to come out if it wasn’t Kasey at his side, simply because he didn’t want another man. So, nothing would really change. And the redhead looked like he didn’t mind.

Kasey could swear he was going to go crazy.

Did he know Kasey loved him back? They’d never spoken about it enough for the goalie to understand it, let alone about Nat’s feelings, or their deep conversations about love and guilt and pain the middle of the night. Did he know they watched all his games, traced his helmet on the screen with their fingers? That they whispered his name, like a secret just for the two of them?

Kasey just looked at him, even if it hurt to stare at a soul that didn’t know how to love without hurting. Or how much love and sleepless nights bore his name.

After a moment of silence too long, Alex must have felt Kasey’s stare on him, because he turned, and his smile softened.

“Oh, Kase, don’t look at me like that. I’m fine, really. I just meant…there’s nothing to notice, you know? But it’s fine.”

Kasey looked at him with pleading eyes, even if he didn’t really know what he needed from him. To stop talking, to stop caring, to stop being so nice about it.

Alex sighed, rolling his eyes back, his expression dropping for a second. He took a breath before wearing his smile again.

“Listen, let’s forget it. I just wanna have a good time with my friend, alright? Haven’t hung out in forever, you and I,” he said, nudging their shoulders together. He paused for a second, before taking another sip. “Hey, what are you doing at the end of the month? You know, after you and your team get your hands on that shiny thing.”

Kasey hurriedly looked around for some wood to knock on, but had to settle for the wooden piles under their feet, forming a path to the pool. He gently tapped one with his shoe a few times, ignoring Alex’s disbelieving scoff, and shrugged.

“Dunno,” he said, a small smile returning to his face. “Nothing planned yet.”

Alex grinned. “Well, in that case,” and Kasey rolled his eyes at the old joke, “I have the house at the Hamptons to myself for, huh, a long time. If you wanna come, with Nat of course, I’d be happy to have you two.”

Kasey looked in the crowd by the pool for Natalie, and found her with her feet in the water, talking to Katie as the she moved her tiny feet energetically, sending splashes all around them. The grip in his throat loosened a bit. He nodded.

“I’ll ask her, but you already know the answer.”

“Great,” Alex grinned, leaving a pat on his shoulder. “I’m gonna go grab another beer, want one?”

Try four or five. “I’m good, thanks.”

He returned the smile as Alex walked away, taking away with him a bit of the warmth in Kasey’s body. He let out a sigh, gulping down too much beer at once, and then looked around for a bit. There was something in spring nights that always made tears burn more as they sat stubbornly still at the corner of his eyes.

He glanced at Natalie again, and realized she’d been looking at him for a while, a frown worrying her brows. He bit the inside of his cheek, maintaining eye contact. He didn’t feel like shaking his head and scrolling it off. He didn’t have it in him, not that night. Not after that conversation. And in all honesty, he was tired of dismissing pain like nothing could scrap him.

So, he just shrugged helplessly and made a discrete hand gesture that meant later. She nodded, not fully convinced. Love you, she mouthed. He mouthed it back, and she finally focused on Katie again when he sent her a little smile—more like an imperceptible raise of a corner of the mouth, but she knew him.

He then glanced at the Cubs, still by the snacks table, where Finn was trying to make Logan dance to the rhythm of a low background song. Tremzy looked like he was protesting, but he let the redhead move them, nevertheless. Leo, leaned on the table, was filming them with a smile of his own.

They looked so happy, Kasey thought, glancing back at Natalie, and then searching for Alex, now chatting with Noelle and Thomas.

Kasey looked at the Cubs again, and then at his girlfriend, and then at the man he loved, and decided there was something he could do. Or at least try. He’d talk to Natalie that night, in the quiet comfort of their bedroom. They would figure something out.

Something could change.

.

.

.

#lumosinlove #lou's writing #sweater weather lumosinlove #o'darwin #alex o'hara #kasey winter #kasey/alex

[fruitcoops]

Solstice Sweetheart

Happy Secret Santa, Elise! This was such a fun prompt to tackle, and I hope you find as much joy in the New Year as these three <3 O'Darwin belong to @lumosinlove and the Cold Brewed Enchantments/ witchy coffeeshop genderbend AU is credited to the server's lovely minds!

Nat inhaled.

Bottles on the table—mostly. Repurposed jars held most of their previous contents, and those had been scattered to kingdom come since the night began. As they should be, of course. He could think of nothing worse than a mediocre solstice party. Awkwardness was born and bred in the cliquey little huddles of a party gone wrong.

Nat exhaled.

None of that, now. The house was still standing. People had fun. Out-of-control spellwork had been kept to a dull roar, even after the firewhiskey made an appearance. He could feel, deep in his soul, that it had been a good night.

Glass chimed in the other room. Kasey, if Nat had to guess. That sound had the hallmarks of her careful handling all over it. Alex was somewhere on the stairs if the heavy footsteps were any indication. If she was untangling the streamers from the banister, Nat was going to…he didn’t even know, anymore. He had spent the better part of a year since Alex’s arrival in their little town trying to figure out what the hell was going on between his girlfriend and the gorgeous new girl, with naught but a spinning head to show for it.

They knew each other. Kasey had told him that much. The dulled gray-blue of her tone said more than words could.

Soft humming floated through the empty doorframe. The gentle rasp of Alex’s voice had such a lovely color to it, like fresh maple syrup or crystalline honey. It glowed against the jewel tones of the rest of her—rich, curling clues tucked in tight next to sparking reds.

Kasey’s braid caught the light when she turned, only just visible through the kitchen doorway. Nat had loved that about their house since the first day; so few doors to still the air. Something was always in motion, always making noise. He wished Kasey could see it—the brilliance of sound, the cool shades of her voice—but she just seemed to like it so much when he described it.

And maybe that was something just for him to cherish. Their life clung to the ceiling corners like cobwebs. Words and music and laughter. A snippet of Kasey singing ‘happy birthday’ had been lingering in the dining room window since the summer.

“Winter!”

An electric blue comet zipped from the stairs to the kitchen sink.

“What?” came the mossy wave of Kasey’s answer.

“Knutty promised pastries for us tomorrow! She’s trying new recipes. Needs extra mouths.”

Alex would need more hands if she was trying to text Leo and clean at the same time. Nat gathered an armful of empty bottles off the table and dumped them into the recycling bin before turning to the staircase, where one sneaker-clad foot was barely visible through the slats in the railing.

“New recipes?” he asked.

Alex’s face popped into view. Still freckled, even in the dead of winter. Nat felt his stomach perform a funny little flip-flop over itself at her bright smile. “Oh, hey!”

Orange and gold fireworks, crackling about her head. “Thanks for cleaning that up.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” Alex’s vague wave sent a curlicue of taupe his way. His mouth tanged with citrus when it reached him. “Least I can do.”

“None of the other guests stayed to help,” Nat pointed out, bending to collect a few paper crowns.

“None of the other guests are as gracious as me.” Her smile was quick and mischievous, but genuine. How often had Nat thought the same of its owner? “Get up here, Music Man. Where’s your solstice sweetheart?”

“Downstairs, with the dishes.”

Alex pulled a face that made her pointed nose wrinkle. “I told her I’d handle those.”

“Clearly it worked,” Nat teased. “Don’t feel too bad. You know how she gets around the solstice.”

A test. Just a teeny-tiny-itty-bitty maybe of a test. Alex’s fond smile was far and away the best answer. “Yeah,” she said, darting a grin toward Nat. “You’re a lucky one, Darcy. It ain’t easy being a seasonal delight.”

“I think she’s pretty great all year.”

“Good answer.”

It was times like this when Nat wondered if Alex could see what he saw. Or at least, if she understood. Dark topaz eyes ticked along the path of pensive purple.

Alex had been speaking in purple a lot, lately. He knew why. Even without his gift, he’d be a fool to miss the way she reached, hesitated, ached for Kasey now that their distance could be measured in inches instead of borders. It pulled at them both, torn edges of the past snagging on the present. He knew what it felt like to match himself to Kasey’s steady keel and let her draw him through her oceans. Alex spoke like someone who had swum those waters before, unafraid that Kasey would ever close the ice around her.

Nat…wanted that. For himself, and a laughed morning, Music Man held in golden parentheses, but more than that, for Kasey. She deserved so much. He could give so much. But if Alex had ridden out the storm and found harbor in Kasey’s heart enough to linger after all these years, Nat would be worse than a fool to let that fall away for his own sake. He could love them both.

Did.

Would.

“Nathaniel.”

“Alexandra.”

“You’re thinking at me.”

“You’re in love with my girlfriend.”

Alex’s hands never stuttered on the loops of ribbon. “Yes.”

Butter yellow. A pastel, more tender than her heavy saturation, but unyielding. “You didn’t stay here just to be a good guest.”

“No.”

Dandelion cradled in blush pink. “You’re in love with me.”

“Yes.”

She didn’t whisper. He didn’t know why he thought she would. Alex never whispered. She was far too vibrant for it to do any good. It didn’t matter if she was banging on their door to drag them out for a taste of Leo’s kitchen witchery or falling asleep on their throw pillows in her fox form—wherever Alex was, the world grew brighter.

“You should tell her,” Nat said.

“I won’t get in the way of what you have.”

“You won’t,” he agreed. It had lacked the fuzzy edges of a question, but that didn’t matter. Anything, as long as she understood.

“It’s—” The maroon undercurrent of her voice curdled mauve. Her gaze fell on him with the weight of a feather alighting on the water. “It was before you. I let her go. It’s okay.”

“Alexandra.” An old joke between them, perhaps too flirty for simple friends. Nat propped his chin on the end of the railing and made sure she was looking, really looking, before he continued. “I’m in love with my girlfriend, and I’m more in love with you every time you come by, and I’m pretty sure our solstice sweetheart has been head over heels for you since the day you met.”

Alex’s lips pressed together, but the smile ticking at the corners betrayed her.

“It seems like a waste to sit here and be sad on the stairs when Kasey Winter is in the kitchen and waiting for you to say something,” he finished quietly.

His heart should be racing. His stomach should be in knots, all aflutter the way it had been when he first asked Kasey out. But with Alex looking at him like she could hardly believe the marvel of her ears, he found only calm waiting.

“Yes.”

Crimson bloomed around the word. Alex was so sure of herself—Nat thought he might love that most about her, from not-so-sneaky tips stuffed into her sister’s café jar to her utter confidence that whatever new drink she brought to their doorstep would be the most delicious thing they had ever tasted. She was unfailingly correct. His eyes flickered to her mouth.

“What are you waiting for?” she challenged.

“Kasey first.” She deserved so much.

Alex’s smile grew, and she pushed herself up with a “don’t have to tell me twice” that flashed peacock through the stairwell. Peacock, like Kasey’s laughter on the first day of winter when her magic was thick and strong in her veins. Nat was pretty sure some part of his heart beat just to hear that sound and watch it coat their home.

He was already reaching for the ribbon where she left off when Alex’s hand closed around his wrist and dragged him after her. He couldn’t help a laugh and didn’t particularly want to—turquoise shimmered ahead of them where Kasey was singing along to the record player under her breath. What a thing to have waiting.

“Winter.”

Kasey looked up, a casserole dish held in both hands under the warm water. Her eyes darted between them; a golden brow arched. “What did you…”

It took two steps for Alex to close the distance between them. She shut the faucet off and took Kasey’s hands from the sink, holding her wrists between them without a care for the water dripping on them both. “Please?” came the lilac-soft request.

Any other time of year, and Kasey might have questioned it.

The solstice lined her in threads of gold and blue. Her cheeks were round and flushed pink with power, and her hands were steady despite the anticipation that quickened her breath when she looked to Nat, then back to Alex, then to Nat once more. “You spoke?”

“Yeah.”

Kasey leaned in and kissed her without a moment’s hesitation.

Nat watched Alex’s ribs expand to accommodate a deep breath in—tiny crystals of ice began budding in the water droplets on Kasey’s skin as she cupped her hands around the back of Alex’s head and exhaled, long enough for steam to billow up between them. It was kind of the season to let everyone else see how much of a wonder she was.

“Mmm, wait wait wait,” Alex hummed when Kasey began pulling away. She closed her hands around Kasey’s forearms without a care for the chill and kissed the smile from her lips in a burst. “Storm girl,” she whispered with periwinkle fondness that made Kasey blush. Her thumb traced the peony-pink of her cheekbones and Nat steadied himself on the countertop. “Gods and fae, I missed you.”

Nat loved her when she was a chattering fox on their couch, and loved her when she was tall and kind and warm in every word. He loved her when her booming reds mingled with Kasey’s mellow blue in harmony so perfect it struck him silent, just to listen and watch for a second longer.

“Nathaniel!”

When Alex pulled away to launch herself into his arms with a laugh so bright and happy he could see it through closed eyes, he thought he might love her so much he’d burst with it. The solstice was the time of greatest and best change for them. He could think of no better way to start anew than with Alex beside them.

#natalie darcy #kasey winter #alex o'hara #o'darwin #sweater weather #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #coldbrewed enchanments #witchy genderbend au #secret santa 2023 #winter solstice

[nikarie5]

Resurrection - drabble

Rating: General audience. Someone singing in the shower. Hymns. French. Description: Logan Tremblay is not the only one who messes around with song lyrics. Set around the time of part xxi in Sweater Weather by @lumosinlove. Thanks to @lumosinlove, @hazelnoot-analyst, @noots-fic-fests, and @1-800-shedevil (line divider)

Finn O'Hara grabbed the body wash bottle, spun around on his heel, brought the container up to his mouth, and started belting, "Res-sur-rection TIME! Come on!" A deeper, false-baritone voice comes out of the guest bedroom, "It's a resurrection." "Yahoo!", yelled two voices in near perfect unison and harmony. In the kitchen, Leo looks over at Logan with a look of shock. "Alex est ici? Depuis quand?" Logan replies, "Hier soir. C'était presque minuit. Il n'a pas voulu resté à l'hôtel avec Haley et Ramsey."

Head canon that Finn randomly singing bits of church songs or playing with lyrics is so normal that Leo doesn't even bat an eye at that, he just thought he would have heard Alex come in. All of the O'Hara's are lovely, but none of them are what you could call quiet.

Y'see, Alex and Finn would get packed off to their church youth group as kids to expend any extra energy, and also sang in the choir until they left for college. Alex sang in the choir at university each year when the hockey season had ended. The youth group songs being catchy as heck, the greatest hits would inevitably get air time when Finn and Alex were together. Their rendition of Handel's Hallelujah Chorus would bring you to tears. On the other hand, OKN was a bad influence on Finn, and the first time he came home and sang Res-erection-time in the shower over Thanksgiving break, he had to clean up all of the coffee Haley spat out over the breakfast island. Logan helped.

#lumosinlove #sweater weather fanfic #hazelnoots #fic fest #fic-o-ween #logan tremblay #finn o'hara #alex o'hara

[peggyrose19]

o'darwin ballroom dance au thoughts for you all cause i was at competition all weekend and then had a 6 hour car ride home

(basic ballroom info can be found at the end under the cut)

the three of them are all partners together and just switch out depending on the style. nat and alex do rhythm and latin, nat and kasey do standard, and alex and kasey do smooth. but if 3-person ballroom was a thing they'd be excellent at it (a side note - competitions do fun dances after each style and our last one was group latin, so my 3 coaches did it together and gave me this idea cause it was adorable) (want to be clear coaches are platonic friends this specifically was just very o'darwin coded)

alex styles his hair very casually, basically just the way it falls normally but aggressively hair sprayed into place. kasey slicks his back into a neat bun. kasey does nat’s hair for her, pulling it back in a twist back into a fancy ballroom bun with lil sparklies to accessorize

my former coach’s partner has a smooth jacket that’s - well idk if it’s actually velvet cause that’d be quite heavy for dance - but a velvet like texture and it’s subtly shiny under the lights and i imagine alex wearing that for smooth. paired with kasey, in something classic but maybe with some subtle detailing? rip

nat’s latin dress is black with gold detailing. the skirt is a high to low style and it’s super cute and bouncy. her standard dress is long and i wanna go royal blue. maybe red. or green. some bright royal shade. it’s got this beautiful full skirt and she has ribbons on cuffs she attaches to her wrists for certain dances. the dress has silver gemstone detailing on the bodice

they stay in a hotel for competitions and share soft sleepy kisses in the elevator up on the way back, heavy bags hanging off their shoulders. alex insists on carrying nat’s costumes for her (he’d carry her bag too but he doesn’t have enough arms for that)

cheering each other on from the sidelines and the two dancing always smile at their third when they hear/spot them

social dancing and nat is laughing while kasey twirls her all around, alex watching from the side, falling more in love with each laugh and smile from the two of them

falling into bed with each other, all soft hands and quiet giggles. they have passionate and rougher times too but in my head o’darwin are just so somft with each other. alex carefully taking nat’s shirt off and kissing each inch of bare skin he uncovers. kasey standing behind her with gentle hands on her hips, nosing at her neck. alex and kasey taking turns fucking nat and it’s different with both but just as good. alex getting his mouth on kasey and reveling in the sounds he makes

nat steals alex's sweatpants constantly. they fit better than kasey's so she steals his sweatshirts instead. kasey and nat steal each other's hair elastics, one of them always has one on hand

the three of them aren't like all over each other at competition, looking at them you might not guess they were romantically together rather than just dance partners, but you can tell they have a connection with each other through their dancing and know each other well. when partners actually like and know each other it shows and makes it that much better to watch. but if you paid close enough attention (not sure why anyone would but) you'd be able to see the quick kisses and gentle intimate moments between the three of them between rounds

now i'd put them in open, so they wouldn't have to wake up at the crack of dawn like us poor syllabus dancers (rip me), but if they were partners back then:

bb college alex and kasey partnering together kasey's first year (i put alex maybe a year older), and falling for each other towards the end of the year semester. they're never together, not really, but they've kissed and had sex and are close despite the complication of whatever it is their feelings are. kasey transfers schools after his freshman year and they're both devastated but they can't do a whole lot about it. they promise to keep in touch, but it's hard

at his new school, kase meets and partners up with natalie who's a freshman and new to ballroom. he's so shy and awkward around her at first, but he's patient and helps her learn. soon they become good friends and kasey gets less awkward. kasey is terrified to let himself fall for her after falling for alex, but he can't help it; nat is just so bright and delightful, and he finds himself spending hours outside of practice with her, just enjoying each other's company. nat - i don't wanna say wears him down cause that implies she pressured him, it's more she makes her own feelings known, respects his boundaries, and lets kasey sort his own feelings out on his time. together, they eventually decide to start dating, after kasey allows nat to kiss him late one night, saying he just wants to know, but really he's just too scared to say it outright. natalie is the one who asks if he'll be her official boyfriend. he agrees

anyway. back to 5am wake up times. comp starts at 8am, doors open at 7, and if you're in the first few rounds like they would be, that's when you arrive, hair and makeup already mostly ready if you can. nat and kasey staying together for their first competition and it's the first night they've spent together. they're bleary-eyed and exhausted, still new to their relationship, but there's sleepy kisses and gentle touches as they help each other get ready

they compete at bronze and do quite well, especially for natalie's first ever comp. i made my dear newcomer partner dance up to bronze because i've really danced too long to be in newcomer still, and she did great. anyway. it's a smaller comp, only one day. they don't place in anything, but they advance past the first round in every dance they compete, which is still very good

it's a long day for them both, but a fun one. a lot of time spent at ballroom competitions is standing around waiting for results. so there's a lot of that. they sit with the rest of their team ofc. it's a good bonding exercise

i have more thoughts but this is long enough as is so i'll stop for now cause it's nearly 2am and i really need to be asleep. i meant for this to just be headcanons and now it's gaining a plot. ah well

apologies if these don't make sense, i was awake for 20 hours straight sunday and wrote half of them in the car. i've been recovering since. also today i took a 2hr nap at 7pm and now here we are nearing 2am

ballroom basics for those who are very lost

ballroom is split into four styles for competitions:

standard: international waltz, intl tango, intl foxtrot, quickstep, intl viennese waltz

smooth: american waltz, am tango, am foxtrot, am v waltz

latin: intl cha cha, intl rumba, samba, jive, paso doble

rhythm: am cha cha, am rumba, east coast swing, mambo, bolero

in the international dances, you aren't allowed to separate from your partner. you stay in frame - hands clasped basically - the whole time. in american style, you are allowed to separate. there's other differences to some, but that's the major one. rumba, foxtrot, and tango are the ones that are most different.

collegiate competitions have two levels: syllabus and open

syllabus: there's a specific list of moves you are allowed to do at each level. the levels go newcomer, bronze, silver, gold.

open: you can basically do what you want. there are no specific guidelines to the steps you can do. within reason, i mean, you can't just start doing an entirely separate dance. this is when it gets really fun to watch. the levels go novice, pre-champ, champ.

some competitions will let you cross-register, which basically means you can compete at multiple levels. many also compete different styles at different levels, allowed at all competitions, because learning that many dances well is quite difficult and takes a lot of time.

after newcomer dances will start being paired. so if you compete one, you must compete the other. common ones at bronze are intl waltz/quickstep, am waltz/tango, and cha cha/rumba. those were all paired at my competition this past weekend. starting in gold, they'll put three or four dances paired. at open, all dances are paired. so for example, a standard event in all open levels would include intl waltz, tango, foxtrot, and quickstep. each couple would have to dance all four. then separately they would have a syllabus v waltz event, which is open to anyone.

though hosted and mostly attended by college teams, anyone is allowed to enter a collegiate competition. once you get to the higher levels, especially open, most dancers are not still college students. you can't get that good in four years, so if they are college-age they would've had to start beforehand. those who don't register with a team are generally just put in as unaffiliated. schools are registered under the school. coaches can register through the school they coach for as well, if they register together. my coaches have done both. this doesn't really make a difference. mostly just a way of organization more than anything. we still claim my former coach as our own despite her now living and working in a different state and coaching a different team with her partner. we don't like him. i digress.

i hope this helped anyone if you bothered to read it

#o'darwin #ballroom au #o'darwin ballroom au #ballroom headcanons #alex o'hara #kasey winter #natalie darcy #lumosinlove #sweater weather #vaincre #audrey talks dance #or well #rambles more like

[livingforcoopsandoknutzy]

You should do O’knutzys love languages if you haven’t already

hey guys!! sorry for being gone for a hot minute but thanks to those who stayed!!

characters from sweater weather by @lumosinlove

o'knutzy love languages:

leo: quality time

leo absolutely adores when people spend time with him, he could't care less about physical gifts

when he was growing up he spent a lot of time in the kitchen with his mom and it brought them closer. ever since then he values quality time above pretty much everything else.

he lives for practice and roadies because it gives him the chance to spend time and bond with his team.

when it's his birthday his boys will gift him things like tickets to the zoo, museums, or movies

they also like signing him up for beginners cooking lessons with them, they find it hilarious and leo pretends to hate it

he doesn't

finn: words of affirmation

finn thrives off of praise

he first realized when alex would congratulate him when he learned certain hockey skills

everytime anyone says anything nice to him he gets this warm fuzzy feeling and basically breaks his face with the smile that takes over (especially when it's someone he cares about)

this absolutely warms the fans hearts because anytime a fan shows their support he ends up freaking out about them almost as much as they freak out over him

logan doesn't typically compliment people seriously because he's normally very sarcastic but he goes out of his way to compliment his boys (finn especially) and loves to watch the way finn completely melts whenever his boyfriends feel especially sappy

logan: physical touch

this stems from his sisters who were almost all cuddly in general but especially with him

anytime he was sad, starting in middle school and still ongoing, the only way they would get him to open up was to basically have a big sibling cuddle until he felt better

it made college feel neverending because he wasn't comfortable enough with any of them to be physically affectionate and when he finally found finn he wasn't comfortable enough in himself to allow it

once he got to the lions and became more comfortable in himself (thanks to coops, dumo & co., and his boys specifically) he became more obviously affectionate

he would lean on dumo during pep talks

he would use leo for piggy back rides (he likes the view because he is NOT SHORT but everyone else is abnormally tall)

he loves his cap cuddles but they have nothing on his boys

he likes the middle (though he will reluctantly give it up if one of his boys needs the feeling of safety that comes with it)

he is a leech in every way but literally

#leo knut #o'knutzy #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #finnlo #lelo #lionfish #lumosinlove #tremblay sisters #sweater weather #alex o'hara #headcanons

[awanderingdeal]

Wasn't ready to let the Lo/Nat friendship go, so here's a little something.

Rating: G

CW: alcohol and drunkeness [but happy drunk]

Character credit belongs to @lumosinlove

"Hi," Natalie said, stumbling as she draped herself across Logan. "I like seeing you happy."

Empty bottles of alcohol and copies of the score-sheet which Leo had designed littered the counter. The categories of smell, appearance, first sip and aftertaste had quickly been forgotten, each new cocktail aiming to be the most outrageous. Six glasses, still full of a greenish concoction Finn had created, stood proudly in the centre, abandoned for the takeout that had now arrived.

"Are you okay?" Logan laughed, as he shifted his weight to better support her. He threw a thumbs up in Alex's direction at his querying glance. With Kasey snoring on his shoulder, there wasn't much he could do anyway.

" 'm fine." Natalie let out a small burp sending a waft of alcohol in Logan's direction. "You should smile more," she declared, prodding at Logan's cheek.

"That'd ruin my vibe, non?"

"Finn!" Natalie shouted. Logan grimaced as he rubbed at his ear. "Tell Logan he should smile more. He has a beautiful smile."

"Stop hitting on my boyfriend," Finn said, nudging Leo off his lap and crossing the room to join them in the kitchen. He pressed his lips against Logan's forehead. "You do have a beautiful smile though."

"Thanks," Logan grunted, lifting his head to accept another kiss.

'Aww," Natalie sighed wistfully. "I should go and kiss my boyfriends too." And then she was gone, managing to make her way over to Alex and Kasey with just one small stumble.

"Finn, I'm lonely," Leo drawled, his accent thick with the drink. His smile brightened as his eyes landed on Logan, as if he had forgotten he was there. "Lo, honey, I saved you pepperoni. Come eat."

"Alright, we're on our way Nutty," Finn chuckled. He shook his head fondly at the way Leo hummed happily to himself. "I think he finally filled those hollow legs."

#sweater weather #lumosinlove #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #leo knut #natalie darcy #kasey winter #alex o'hara #cw: alcohol #cw:drunkenness #rating: g

[spookypotato]

Baby Alex

Character by @lumosinlove

#lumosinlove #alex o'hara #o'darwin moodboards #moodboard by meee #moodboard #alex o'hara moodboard #sweater weather #vaincre #cw food #cw food image

[ninak803]

Letters (XIX)

I am baaaack! This is a long one. I hope you like it. I really hate me for using roman numerals.

@whataboutmyfries I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm not sure if you know but I love you.

These lovely idiots beelong to @lumosinlove

Dear Kasey,

How could you forget that I tend to create chaos? That’s basically one of my best character traits and you kept complaining every single time we shared a room. Remember the two weeks when we lived together because there needed to be some renovations done at your place? You always tripped over my bag. Every single day. And then you would complain that the bag’s not supposed to be there. I have to admit, I put my bag in your way on purpose at least once. It was fun to watch. You looked annoyed and grumpy but also some kind of happy? I don’t know how to describe it, but I liked it. I liked having you around. Why didn’t we share an apartment? I think we should’ve done that.

I totally get that. Family can be a lot. I love my family and I love that I’m so close and can see them whenever I want (usually) but I’m also happy to go back to my silent apartment and just be alone without anyone popping in and asking questions or in need of something. So, don’t feel bad about feeling that way. It’s absolutely normal and just part of growing up, I guess.

Saying that, yes, I annoyed the hell out of Finn when he visited. There’s something up with him, but I don’t know what exactly. I know he wanted to bring something up several times but didn’t in the end.  He would rather say something else than what was really on his mind. Like, we were out in the park, running together like we always do. Running and chatting, that’s like our thing. We were silent for a while and I noticed Finn was glancing sideways at me every now and then, almost as if he was trying to bring out the courage to say something. And after another while, he said: “Alex, uhm… I…” then just stopped, shook his head and said “Race me.” And he took off into a sprint, that bastard. I caught him. I’m still faster than him, let’s see for how much longer though. But stuff like that kept happening all the time during his stay. I didn’t push him, though. That was the right thing to do, right? He’ll tell me when he’s ready, whatever this is about. Right? I hope he knows that there’s nothing he can’t tell me. There is absolutely nothing he could say or do that I would judge him for. I’d bury a corpse for him, no questions asked. Okay, I’d have some questions (God, please don’t let it be about a corpse). I should probably call Finn and tell him that I love him, no matter what. I’ll do that later.

I had a fantastic time with Inés these last weeks. She also had some weeks off, but she still had to work at the bar, so a long trip wasn’t possible (time wise and money wise, she wouldn’t even let me as much as suggest that I’d pay for her. We both know I have enough money for that), but we met often and discovered New York together. I've lived here all my life and there are still so many places I’ve never been to before. It was fun to see the city through her eyes. One night, I picked her up after her shift at the bar and we went to a club together. Inés is beautiful and smart and amazing and great, but she absolutely can’t dance. Graceful isn’t a word that I’d use to describe her, to be honest. She told me before we went to the club that she can’t dance but I didn’t believe her. But she hadn’t lied. We had so much fun that night, doing stupid moves together. People stared at us. I swear they did. I loved watching her on the dance floor. She’s just so full of life, you know? And that happiness lights up an entire room, fills it. I don’t know, I’m probably talking nonsense.

I managed to talk her into a small trip though! Only for three days. We went camping close to DC (she insisted on paying her share) and did some hiking in the area. It was super sunny, and I got a bad sunburn on the first day (stop laughing). But do you know what a cloudless, sunny day brings? A cloudless, starry night sky. We lay under the sky and watched the stars. It was rom-com movie romantic, I swear. Except for my sunburn; that reminded me why sunscreen is a good invention with every move that I made.

Did you get to make the road trip with Natalie? If so, where did you go? And yes, you should totally take her to Toronto with you the next time. I bet she wants to see every place that means something to you, and I bet she even more wants to hear every embarrassing story your mom has to tell about you. I love your mom and her stories. And I’d love to visit you in Canada one day. Yes, I know we said that like a hundred times before and never managed to do so, but one day, I promise. Maybe not when you take Nat with you for the first time. I bet there’s a lot of stuff you want to do with her alone and I really don’t want to be the third wheel. Take your time alone together, you two lovebirds. But if I visit, I want to go to the mountain you talked about in your last letter.

Okay, so I know you’ve probably already heard about it because it’s all over the internet and you probably wonder why I haven’t mentioned it earlier. I got traded. I’m playing for Tampa when the next season starts. I already took care of the logistics, and all there’s left to do is pack up my stuff. I’m leaving in a couple of days.

I told Inés about it as soon as I knew. And we had a really long (and emotional) talk and we decided that it’s best for both of us if we break up. It wasn’t an easy decision, neither for her nor for me, but I know she didn’t like long-distance relationships. She barely has any free time as it is and once the season starts again, I’ll have anything but free time. She won’t be able to visit me because of her classes and work and money is always tight for her (obviously). And we both don’t want a relationship where we see each other every six months or so. And you and I know I suck at long distance friendships. Can you imagine how bad I would be in a relationship? So, yeah. We talked like adults and we both think it’s the right thing to do. Hard, but right. And it’s not something I just say because it’s something you say. We really talked it through, every possibility. Maybe we can be friends one day, I really hope that, but for now we both need some distance (won’t be hard, once I’m in Tampa). God, that sucks. We had such a great summer and I like her. Like really like her, Kase.

Sometimes I wonder if the stars or the gods or maybe fate itself look at us, at me, and tell themselves: “Oh, Alex O’Hara, your life is going too smoothly right now. Let’s add another step stone, another path you don’t see coming.”

I know I’m so lucky. I get to live the life I dreamed of. I just don’t want to leave my home. I don’t want to leave my family behind. I don’t want to leave Inés. Why did it happen now? Why this year? Maybe if our relationship had been longer, things would have been different.

I know, I’m being dramatic here. Don’t worry about me, I’m okay. Or I’m going to be. I’m alright.

So, that’s the news, I guess. I had a great summer until I didn’t.

I have to get moving now, pack the last of my stuff.

Bye for now,

Alex

#letter #kasey winter #alex o'hara #o'darwin #alex to kasey

[givemetherapyimawritingtravesty]

🌹

"Kasey wouldn’t say he was waiting for it, any sign that might point him towards action, but that? That was the gravitational pull of Alex finally entering his orbit, and who was he to not at least try to shoot his shot?"

#*evil gremlin laugh* #sweater weather lumosinlove #kasey winter #alex o'hara #fft

[heartthrobohara]

pffft, therapy? who tf needs that? i can just reread sweater weather by lumosinlove again!

#finn o'hara #leo knut #logan tremblay #lumosinlove #sweater weather #o’knutzy #vanicre #alex o'hara #coops #kasey winter #natalie darcy #o’darwin #remus lupin #sirius black #the cubs #coast to coast

[lumosinlove]

Hazel, you have me in desperate need for some Alex love

(love you <3)

Alex love! Vaincre snoop below... (Love YOU)

Natalie was sitting on the couch with her guitar. Her eyes were closed as she plucked out a simple melody. Alex smiled as the milk finished steaming, then turned to pour the fresh shot of espresso. He wasn't very good at designs yet but...

She looked up at him when he came to stand over the couch.

He held out the latte. “I tried for a heart, but you get a snail.”

“I like snails.”

“Well, good thing.”

#vaincre lumosinlove #Alex o'hara #Natalie Darcy

[tea-moon-ster]

Love is in the Air

hello! this is a sickfic from your sick Lou. I wrote and published this all in one hour, don't ask questions. it contains major Vaincre spoilers, you've been warned!

have a sick Alex O'Hara and his partners taking care of him. this is set after Vaincre, and therefore features a retired Kasey.

all characters belong to @lumosinlove. read it on ao3 here.

“I gotta go to All Stars.”

“No, you don’t.”

“But I do. I can’t miss it.”

“Alex, All Stars was three months ago.”

“I gotta go.”

“No.”

Kasey smiled despite the situation. A sick Alex O’Hara was…something. A helpless bundle of blankets and tissues that insisted he could do everything on his own. I’ve lived on my own for years, Winter. His scowls would have been more convincing if not followed by a series of sneezes every time.

Natalie entered the bedroom with a bag of candy in hand. She popped one in her mouth.

“What is he on about?”                                          

“He absolutely has to go to All Stars.”

Her eyebrows went up with a smile as she approached the bed. “Wasn’t one enough for you, big boy?”

Alex mumbled something, burying himself deeper into his nest.

Natalie sat on the bed next to him, shooting a glance at Kasey, across the infamous pile, who was chewing his lip. Alex sighed in relief as soon as a cool hand touched his forehead. 

“His fever went up,” she stated.

Kasey nodded. “Yeah. He’s been talking nonsense since he woke up from his nap.”

She hummed. “I called Ramsey. He and Haley are in Gryffindor for Finn’s game but he asked me to keep them updated. He doesn’t get sick often, he said. Or at all.”

Their fingers met mid-stroking red hair, and held on to each other for a moment.

It was just a fever, nothing to panic about. But it was the first time they got to take care of Alex together, and he was taking a while to get back on his feet. The doctor on the phone had mentioned the stress of the season, that didn’t mix well with the constant moving around of roadies. Alex had scrunched his nose, looking elsewhere, in a silent this has never happened before. Kasey had taken his hand in a firm grip. If there was someone who understood the frustration of your own body beginning to act differently, that was him. And just like Alex was helping through it all, Kasey was ready to do the same. For a fever or an injury, he would be there.

The bundle of blankets stirred.

“Nat,” Alex called without emerging from his nuzzle. “Will you be my date at All Stars?”

Natalie smiled, shaking her head. “Alexander, I was your date at All Stars. Three months ago.”

Alex sighed. “Kasey is sabotaging my presence at All Stars.”

“Is he now?”

“You’d think he’d be more supportive, wouldn’t ya.”

 “So much hate,” she agreed, looking at Kasey with a grin.

He shook his head, bringing another blanket up to the redhead’s shoulders to stop the trembling. And left a kiss there, as if to trap the heat. When he noticed the candies on Natalie’s lap, his eyebrows shot up.

“Speaking of hate, aren’t those candies supposed to be for the weak?”

 She took another one, looking at Kasey. “Alex, baby, do you want your candy right now?”

A low groan answered.

“Yeah, how about later,” she said softly, bringing a third one to her mouth. Point taken.

Kasey scoffed. “Yeah, if there’ll be any left for later.”

One of the few pillows survivors of the blanket nest hit his shoulder weakly, and they laughed. Alex scooted closer to where Kasey was lying at his side, getting comfortable on his chest. Big arms kept him close, drawing a happy sound from under the blankets.

Natalie stared at them for a moment before getting up. “Okay. I’ll go check on the soup. Should I bring it here?”

Kasey looked up at her. “I’ll investigate.”

They shared a quick kiss, and Natalie left a soft peck on Alex’s back before leaving the room.

 Silence lasted…longer than usual. It was a rare thing, with an O’Hara in the room. The raspy breaths and the mix of stirs and trembling were a strange comfort against Kasey, a moving presence that kept Alex from falling into quietness.

“She was stunning.”

He said it so quietly that Kasey had to ask him to repeat.

“At All Stars. She was stunning.” He sniffled against his hoodie. “She, she was wearing that dress. That silk dress. It was wow. How did she call that kind of blue?”

Kasey smiled. “Light steel blue.”

“Light steel blue,” Alex repeated to himself. “She’s always so wow. ’nd so are you.”

“Thank you. You’re pretty wow yourself.”

Alex huffed. “Yeah, I bet. ’specially right now.”

Kasey shrugged. “You are to us.”

He felt a head shaking in disagreement somewhere below his neck. “’M all sweaty and sick and stinky.” Then the head finally emerged. “Why are you here? You shouldn’t be here. You’ll get sick, too.”

His face was red, radiating heat at the mere sight. The weekend scruff had turned into a week-old scruff, and messy hair was in every direction. His eyes were a glassy gaze, and just below, purple circles from sleepless nights were slow to fade. Kasey brought the hair back from the pearly forehead and left a careful kiss there. A fever kiss, half temperature check, half concern.

“Nah,” he replied softly. “I’m fine here.” He gently brought the burning head to rest on his shoulder, chest expanding at the way Alex’s fists grasped his hoodie.

Truth was, it was the first time in years he had the possibility to stay close to Alex with one of them being sick. No coaches or team doctors warning to limit contact with sick players, or roadies and games keeping them apart. Kasey found he missed many things about the League, but there was also a long list of discoveries and relief that didn’t end with letting his body rest. Finally being able to take care of Alexander and being close to him was a wonderful, new thing. And not just for the time of a weekend, or a home game. It was their new life. It was amazing.

He gathered the man closer to him, keeping his voice down to reduce the wincing Alex couldn’t help with too loud noises. We’re going to take care of you. You’re going to rest, and I can give you a massage later. I know your back is still hurting. Dinner will be ready soon. We can have it here or on the couch, if you feel like moving. Then you’ll have your candies. And your meds. And I’ll be here the whole time. I’ve been waiting for this, Berry.

Alexander stirred some more, head buried in Kasey’s neck. “Love you, Winter. In sickness’n’health’n’all.”

Kasey smiled in his hair. “Yeah. ’n all.”

.

.

.

#o'darwin #alex o'hara #kasey winter #natalie darcy #lumosinlove #vaincre lumosinlove #lou's writing

[lxvvie]

Your lover who makes themselves home between your legs.

Sucking. Kissing. Caressing. Loving on you.

Your lover who holds you with a stare dazed and penetrating just the same.

Your lover who won't let you cum. Not unless you keep your gaze on them.

"Eyes on me. And only me..."

#2queued4u. #multifandom imagines #nsfw. #dick grayson x reader #jason todd x reader #captain john price x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #valeria garza x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #alejandro vargas x reader #frank castle x reader #horangi x reader #könig x reader #gaz x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #rodolfo rudy parra x reader #leon kennedy x reader #chris redfield x reader #sapphic #alex keller x reader #bucky barnes x reader #x black reader #it can be anyone you envision.

[desperate-gay]

The Look of Love

Ali Krieger x fem!reader

“-It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Says you! It’s going to be so embarrassing for me.”

Ali turns her head and sees you and Kelley bickering back and forth. She can’t help but notice the cute pout on your face as you playfully stump your foot and huff at the defender.

“Now what are you two arguing about?” Alex asks, giving the both of you a pointed look.

“Our friend here has been invited to her brother’s wedding, but she doesn’t have a plus one,” Kelley informs while resting her hands on your shoulders, making you roll your eyes and head over to your locker.

“It’s not how it sounds. My family constantly pesters me about how my siblings are either engaged, married, or even having a kid. I don’t even have a girlfriend! I just don’t want to deal with people asking me where my plus one is on my brother’s special day.” You sigh, shaking your head and pulling your sweaty training jersey over your head.

You only have two siblings; one brother and one sister. Your sister has been married for around two years and is now pregnant with her second child, and now your brother is getting married. A little over a year ago, you were dating a girl you thought would be your endgame until you caught her kissing some other girl at a coffee shop. At the time when invitations were sent, you expected to have someone attending with you, but now you don’t.

“So why don’t you bring a fake date?” Christen shrugs as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, so when she turns around, she notices everyone staring at her. “What?”

“That’s genius! Y/n/n you’ve got to do it.”

Everyone begins to agree with Kelley and Christen while you stay quiet with a hesitant look on your face. Ali also remains silent, observing your reactions to see what your thoughts are about it.

“Guys I- I don’t even know where I would begin to look for someone willing to do something like this, yet learn everything about them within two days.”

“Then one of us can help you!” Kelley says, expanding her arms, gesturing around the whole locker room. “C’mon, it will be a win-win. No family bothering you about your love life and your brother gets his day.”

Thinking of all the pros and cons, you eventually agree to the plan.

“Well, who’s gonna be my girlfriend for a day?” You ask, sighing at how stupid it sounds.

“I can’t because I have plans with Sam in Australia-“

“-me neither, I have to be out of state but the end of tomorrow.”

A bunch of the girls start spitting out excuses and their plans for the week. You just roll your eyes and continue packing your kit bag up.

“I’ll do it.”

Your head immediately snaps up along with everyone else’s. Silence overcomes the room, but you continue to stare at the person who volunteered.

“Wha- wait, seriously?” You stammer with your eyes slightly wider than usual.

“I don’t see why not. I don’t have any plans and I can help you out.” Ali shrugs nonchalantly while the rest of the room remains quiet, silently watching the interaction between you two.

“Oh my god, thank you thank you thank you!” Ali laughs when you bring her into a bear hug and bounce up and down before pulling away slightly, causing your moves to slow.

“It is an open bar, right?” She looks down at you with a teasing smile. You smack her shoulder and begin to pull away before she pulls you back in, laughing at your reaction.

Christen and Alex give each other a knowing look and go back to changing.

—

“Okay, let’s go over this one last time.” You say, scared that if people start asking questions about your relationship you’re not gonna have the same answers. Your rushing mind is stopped by Ali reaching out and grabbing your hand from across the table.

“Y/n/n, it’s going to be okay. We’ve known each other for years, so all we have to do is say how our first date was and maybe a few other details.” She starts gesturing her breathing by raising her hand up and down and pursing her lips for you to follow her lead.

Once your heart rate goes down to its normal level, you both head into the separate rooms of your apartment to get dressed. The wedding starts in about 2 hours, so you’re both just on time. When you step out of the room and into the living room, you notice Ali staring at you with her eyes widened and mouth slightly slacked.

“What? Does it look bad? Oh god, I cannot deal with the comments of-“ You ramble on while twisting and turning to see if there is something wrong with the dress.

“N-no, no, you just look…stunning.” The tall girl words breathlessly, admiring your loose lilac-colored dress that matches amazingly with your light face of makeup.

You blush and take in her outfit. She stands in a cream-colored suit that compliments your dress perfectly. “You also look great.”

After a minute of just looking at each other, Ali clears her throat and says, “We better get going if we don’t want to be late. M’lady?”

She holds out her arm with an opening between her forearm and bicep for you to slot your own in. You giggle, accepting her gesture while walking to her car. Being the gentlewoman she is, she opens the passenger door for you and offers you a hand so you don’t trip in your heels.

“Here we go.” You mumble before Ali starts driving.

—

You and Ali walk into the venue hand in hand while scanning over the crowded room.

“Darling!” Looking up you see your mother walking over to you with open arms.

“Hey, mom.” You accept her hug before introducing her to your girlfriend. Ali shakes her hand and makes a small conversation as if it’s the easiest thing on the planet. You begin to space out but a laugh and a hand on your lower back interrupt your thoughts.

“You okay, my love?” The girl next to you asks once her laughter dies down. The name gives you butterflies but you choose to ignore it, knowing that all of this is fake.

The reason you got into your past relationship was because of Ali. You have basically followed her to each and every one of her clubs your whole career. You met in 2013 when you both were signed to Washington Spirit, and you have been attached to each other’s hips since that day. You quickly found yourself blushing and swooning at everything the brunette did after a few months of knowing her and you carried those feelings all these years. The only people who know are Alex and Christen.

Instead of confronting your love for the defender, you tried everything to try and vanish them. Eventually, you got into a relationship with your ex when you finally started to feel something for someone else, but that ended up in the dumper.

Now you’re afraid that all your feelings are going to flood and resurface. Sure you never stopped loving her, but it didn’t feel as strong. The fact she is your fake girlfriend for the day is going to make it 10x harder to ignore the constant butterflies in your stomach and the blood rushing to your face with every word she speaks to you.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Don’t worry baby, you might get wrinkles.” You tease while wiping your thumb over her cheeks, causing the talker girl to squat your hand away with a laugh.

“I am not that old.”

You have a 6-year age gap, but you both never think of it because you’re so connected in ways that most people who are the same age are.

“Keep telling yourself that, granny.”

Your mother watches the interaction between you two with a soft smile before excusing herself to go talk to other members of your family. Your mom has always been supportive of you and always stood by your side through the tough times, so seeing you look so happy makes her heart squeeze.

—

After the vows and rings are exchanged, everyone heads over to the room where the reception is going to be held. Ali’s hand never leaving the small of your back, guides you to the room with music blaring out from it.

Most people go out onto the dance floor and sway to the music while you both find a table to sit at. She pulls out the chair for you to take a seat and places a kiss on your cheek, making your face turn all red.

“I’m gonna go get us some drinks, I’ll be right back.”

Once she’s out of sight, your mom pops a squat across from you and gives you an unreadable expression.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask warily, scared of what might come out of her mouth.

“She’s not your girlfriend.”

You’re taken aback by the sudden admission and start to stumble over your words. “Wha- what do you mean?”

“Oh please, you can’t lie without me figuring it out. I have mom instincts.” She states matter of factly while sipping on her champagne.

You take a look around to see if anyone is near you and lean in so she can hear you clearly without having to shout. “Okay, we’re not dating but no one can know.”

“Why did you even lie in the first place?”

“Because I can’t deal with Aunt Mary or Uncle John constantly asking when I’m going to settle down and why I haven’t yet. At least not on my brother’s and sister-in-law’s night.” You sigh, looking down at your fingers as you fiddle with the tablecloth.

Your mother reaches across the table and grasps your hand before going on to say, “I know that you love her. She’s the girl you were so hung over on before you got with she devil, isn’t she?”

You snort at the nickname your siblings and mother have given your ex. They all thought she was no good from the beginning and knew you could do better, and so did Ali but she never let you know that.

“Yeah, she is.” You nod and look over, noticing the girl you’re speaking about approaching you. Your mom also sees so she quickly says something that leaves you stunned.

“From the way she looks at you, she feels the same, even when you’re not looking she can’t keep her eyes off of you. She looks at you like you’ve hung all the stars in the sky. She loves you, sweetie.” With that, she stands up and greets Ali with a smile before heading over to the newlyweds. You continue looking shocked not noticing your plus-one setting down your glasses.

“You still there?” Ali waves her hand in front of your face, grinning once your eyes meet hers.

“Sorry, did you say something before?” You ask with a soft smile to which the older girl responds with a nod.

“I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me with a dance?” She holds out her hand, hoping you’ll take it and you do.

“I would love to.”

Right when your feet hit the dance floor, a slow song turns on making you feel as sheepish as if you were at your first middle school dance. Without hesitation, Ali intertwines one of her hands with yours and rests her other on your waist. You place your other hand right where her neck meets her shoulder before you both begin to sway. The side of your forehead presses against her cheek, keeping you close together.

Subconsciously, you inhale her perfume and sigh at the smell, and what you don’t know is Ali is doing the same thing to your hair, smelling your coconut shampoo. When you open your eyes, you look over her shoulder and notice your mom smiling at the two of you. She nods her head, signaling for you to finally confess your true feelings.

You let out a shaky breath before pulling away slightly so you can see Ali’s face. She smiles at you with her eyes remaining on yours. The crinkles on the side of her eyes make you swoon and lose your thoughts.

“Do you want to know what my mom said to me while you went to get us drinks?”

“What?” She cocks her head to the side slightly, showing you she’s pretty curious as to what was said.

“Well, first, she told me she knows that we’re not dating, and second, she insists that you love me.” You whisper the last part, hoping she doesn’t catch it but she does.

She chuckles and looks up at the ceiling before returning her gaze to you and says, “Is it that obvious?”

Your head snaps up at her statement and you look at her with a puzzled look.

“You…love me?” You ask, pointing at yourself to make sure she is indeed talking about you.

“It’s impossible not to. That doesn’t scare you, does it?” Now it’s her turn to look sheepish and scared while waiting for your response.

“No, it actually makes me extremely happy. I have been in love with you since 2013.” Your confession makes the defender smile widely which you return, both of you in your own little circle. Her eyes switch between each of yours and down to your lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

“I will hit you if you don’t.”

Her fingers curl under your chin and pull you in, allowing your lips to finally touch. It feels like the movies where the girl kisses her one true love and her foot pops up in the middle of it. The butterflies in your stomach swarm like never before. Once you both pull back, your smiles never leave your faces. The comfortable silence between you two is interrupted by the newlyweds and your mother clapping and wooing.

You laugh into Ali’s neck while she chuckles and hugs your smaller form. She pecks your forehead and asks, “You wanna know what took me so long to get the drinks?”

“What?”

“The new bride and groom had a stern talk with me. They also knew about us not being a couple. Your family must be spies.”

Looking over her shoulder, you see the three wiggling their eyebrows and giving you a thumbs up, making you roll your eyes.

“Thanks to them, I can do this whenever I want now.”

You smash your lips against hers and hug your arms around her neck. Ali dips you down, causing you to squeal against her lips and her smile into it. She lifts you back up and hugs you.

“Can I take you on a date tomorrow?”

“You better.”

#ali krieger x reader #ali krieger #kelley o'hara #christen press #alex morgan #uswnt x reader #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso fic #woso #lgbtq

[womanwithahotdogstand]

I just want to say that it has been an honor and a privilege to have had this generation be the generation of USWNT players that “raised” me. ❤️

#I love them all so much and I simply cannot fathom this team without them #kelley o'hara #becky sauerbrunn #alyssa naeher #ashlyn harris #ali krieger #morgan brian #megan rapinoe #alex morgan #julie ertz #tobin heath #christen press #uswnt