#all that s/a talk HELP.

[doppoorochisimp]

See it's that last post why I'm so out of the main Baki fandom because I'm insane and enjoy exclusively old and admittedly unpopular characters and that is a blessing bc . There is a lot of crazy shit going on with the popular characters LMAO.

#simp.txt #all that s/a talk HELP. #not finding out about that LMAO #tbf im not a man for discourse just block and move away but y'know #i feel like a lot of ppl in... bakiblr? WJWGKWFBRN i feel like a lot arent native to tumblr tho #im literally Tumblr exclusive so it's like. #WELL I WAS IN PIXIV A LOT TOO BUT YOU KNOW PIXIV IS FULL OF THE MOST DEPRAVED MINDS #but I'm just not for what most seem to be that is cute x readers I'm here to fuck old men but also like #dissect shit and analyze themes and whatnot #i wish my main blog followers were into baki cries sobs throws up

[spllwys]

endless ghifs 11/? ⛧ source — "I don't wanna end like this—"

#but the sting in the way you kisss meee #we are back to ghostposting! #i should be working but the fire alarm went off in the library so what can you do #work at home? nahh #lgifs #alltag #eg_series #ghost #the band ghost #papa emeritus iv #nameless ghouls #the source material was soo crusty i am actually thrilled with how these came out all things considered #added a bit of noise which is smth i started doing for s///up//ern- i cant say it #did not do many of those. just made some things for myself then ducked out #forgot about that trick until today #it really helps i recommend #just 1% to kind of hide the grainy smoke background #i don't know what i'm talking about ngl

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[sergle]

There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.

#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep #the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them #really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying? #before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over #before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this #which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground #in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween #and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return #don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here #right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing #on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate. #maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe #but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts #long post

[yesokayiknow]

frequent questions i keep getting on the bigeneration au(s):

-why don't ten (point five) and eleven tear each other apart/beat each other to death with hammers/eat each other

eleventh hour starts like normal, since they can't exactly leave while the tardis is redecorating, and then rory's like but how can they be here?? how can the raggedy doctors be real?? they were a game?? you made me dress up like the funny one all the time?? and ten's like sorry what. the funny one? and rory's like yeah uh [points at eleven] the funny one and the uh. um. [looks at ten] the uh. hot one. and That's How It Starts. every single interaction is an opportunity to show eleven up. does he want to beat eleven to death after they've spent longer than an hour together yes of course but good god the spite of it all. the DRAMA. the whole of leadworth knows him as The Hot Doctor. the ponds and clara ADORE ten. they love him so much. like sure he's a massive dick but compared to eleven he's the nicest guy in the world. he's incredibly suave and incredibly smooth and is capable of dressing like a normal person and literally everyone keeps commenting on it. sometimes he goes off on his own just bc the ponds throw him a party when he comes back. eleven keeps trying to get him killed and he just keeps slipping out of danger and it drives eleven up the fucking wall

-why does twelve allow eleven to travel with them

he simply does not notice him. just constant white noise. he's not clara and therefore he's insignificant. the three of them keep going on trips and then clara and twelve leave before he gets back to the tardis and it's not even on purpose they just literally forgot he was there. one time they accidentally leave him in victorian london while visiting the paternoster gang and he gets a boat to new york and ends up spending ~50 years with the ponds and when he finally gets to modern day london a century later clara's like huh you look different did you change your coat. and then hell bent happens and twelve finally throws eleven out (eleven didn't get wiped and twelve isn't gonna live with that reminder) and eleven retaliates by showing up to every single one of his lectures. the only reason he isn't dead is because missy would definitely find out about it and twelve can't deal with how incredibly smug she'd be

#doctor who #also imagine two tens in the 50th #10.5: please stop telling them i'm a zygon you're gonna get me shot #11: no ❤️ #i really love the thought of the s9 three parter happening and 11 turning up with an iced latte like what did i miss #also he definitely gets left behind on skaro too. whoops aykdhsjshjs #missy's like you owe me for helping your younger self get off that planet bc fucking hell #and 12's like what are you talking abt he wasn't even there in the first place #bigeneration au(s) #they're all different timelines obviously #which is incredibly fun. a dozen aus for the price of one #doctor who spoilers

[starrysharks]

charlotte and mr. cinnamon's big show! dec 31st! you're all invited!

#zeno's art #wip #ocs #soulstice circus #charlotte cardamona the third #mr. cinnamon #hardly draw lottie but she is genuinely in my top 3 favorite ocs to draw #hardly talk about soulstice circus at all but its a thing that exists believe me #basically: ghosts have a giant talent show every solstice and the winner(s) gets to grant a wish #minty and charlotte are a jester and magician who are trying to bring together a whole talent troupe of ghosts #to help charlotte with her “super special secret wish” #its like super barebones rn but i really want to develop it further #lottie is like my actual daughter i love her shes so cute and her favorite food is pumpkin pie #and she makes mr cinnamon little outfits sometimes even though he eats them AAAAAAARGGG

[dark-elf-writes]

Was thinking about eleven year old Fawn Spots Harry and made myself laugh because he would be so angry that technology doesn’t work at Hogwarts.

Full on “What do you mean Olympus has cell service and the middle of Scotland doesn’t?! It’s not even the same plane of fucking existence and calls aren’t even long distance!” Little man has not been more than a phone call away from his family since he was adopted and he is not coping well, but beyond that the lack of online databases, easy way to compile notes and write the eight million essays they’re assigned, and actual entertainment that isn’t ’dangerous flying dodgeball’ (which he does love tbh but still not everyone does) would drive him up the wall. Fuck the lack of things like highlighters and binders would piss him off. 

He would show up with a spiral notebook and a mechanical pencil and a pureblood child would pass out from shock. He writes his family constantly begging for any and all stationary they can send. He uses breaks to type up last term’s notes and introduces the first final study guide in Times New Roman into Hogwarts and makes a killing off of selling them. The older pureblood students beg on bended knee for help making their own and the muggleborns realize oh shit they can corner the market per year and subject. Harry will drag Hogwarts into the modern age if he has to do so kicking and screaming.

#the elf talks #harry potter #fawn spots au #Hermione sees him pull out a folder and immediately writes home because god dammit she misses her trapper keeper #the muggleborns all have an underground meme market and everyone else is so confuse #Dean sending those flying notes to Rick Roll other muggle raised students and being so damn smug about it #he took a whole summer to learn how to draw Rick astley from memory just for this #the twins see the psychic damage this does and help him charm it to play the song too #Hogwarts becomes a lot more chaotic in the 2000’s #Percy is the one to figure out how to get tech to work around magic #purebloods are sheltered Victorian children and Harry will find a way to put one in a coma by playing WAP

[velvetjune]

the chapter songs in Alan Wake 2,, flawless

#they deserve more love and discussion #saying this while also not knowing what to say other than they’re so fucking good #alan wake 2 #i think it’s partially because poets of the fall’s tracks are iconic so of course they’re in the spotlight (as deserved) #but also the CHAPTER SONGS. them being made for a given chatacter(s) with the help of Sam lakes poetry #the changes with ‘this road’ by Poe with every Alan chapter. becoming more distorted and revealing lyrics and the spiral #the scratch song being 1) hilarious and 2) similar to Zane’s poetry in the aw1 arg #the emotion in superhero when saga feels lost at the story making it so Logan was gone #the lines of her feeling like a ghost in this story forming around her.. how she feels guilty and absent for both what the story’s doing #and being away from Logan because of her job. ashdhhhhjhh my heart #AND. follow you into the dark HAS to be alice. which kills me because at for at I thought of Alan #but no. Alice jumped in the dark place after him. it’s so !!!!!!!!!!! #the rabbit hole line. Alice spiraling deeper and deeper into a dream—into wonderland #the Lost at Sea one is also good. intrigues me. the Bowie and Lynch references are blatantly aw2 Zane #but it’s so similar to diver Zane and the ‘originals’ death. being lost in the dark place with illusions of escape #and losing any sense of identity. whether he’s real at all or the monster of this sea or just a lost soul. #the soft and calm vocals / instrumental really makes the whole thing #NEED to stop typing more tags because this is a Lot. however. #‘no one left to love’ is also a phenomenal song and one of my favorites from the album. GORGEOUS vocals and how it all flows together. #such a powerful and beautiful way to end a chapter #anyway that’s all I had to say :) #god. I’ve started to watch a few playthroughs of the game and 90% of people have skipped the chapter songs and every time im #that’s fair but my brain and soul might implode if I don’t see anyone else talking about how good these songs are

[pursuitofinsanity]

still thinking about Hawkeyes resiliency. yes he's tired and broken and hurting, but he's got so many protective factors working for him. he's funny and loyal and clever, he tries so hard to see the good in people, to appeal to their sense of good no matter how ugly the world in front of him gets. and he cares!!! he cares so much it hurts but it also saves him. his kindness, his compassion, his selflessness allow him to connect to everyone around him and the connections keep him going. his suffering would be so much greater and darker if he didn't wear his heart on his sleeve because then he'd be alone. but he talks and shares and confides, and he leans on those around him when he needs to - always letting them lean back when they need to. that's what saves him, what keeps him from "walking into a chopper blade". It's. All. About. Connection.

#m*a*s*h #hawkeye pierce #mash #mashblr #i truly could talk about this all day #like the human services counsellor in me just wants to support hawkeye and help him keep going

[anendoandfriendo]

"Fuck your online discourse" actually, no, we do think the halloween DID flag shouldn't be used but it's not because of some bullshit like "waah it's just a recolor" it's because the system that created that flag is a huge fucking racist and ableist last we checked, and we never saw ant kind of apology for being racist and ableist to endogenic systems. We never saw them stop being anti-endogenic or anti-Black (because let's be honest, Black endogenic systems specifically would be the ones most affected and hurt by this).

Like, we know people have forgotten by now, but we were THERE just before TPA became a thing, when systems like The Entropy System were fully mask-off in their bigotry (we call anti-endogenics facsists because of the personal experience of having the not-pleasure of seeing shit like the above link lmao), and such other things. We used to be very visible on Twitter as an endogenic system who's seen this shit but it was kind of taking over 99% of our focus when we were working retail instead of working at home, so we ended up tapering it away.

#to be clear. this IS an actual opinion of ours. #it is also a vent & we are fully aware we will never be able to get people to stop using it entirely. #like that would be rude/mean at best we guess. #but we're kind of in that liminal time/space where we came out as an endogenic system pre-TPA but just barely. #researching niche bullshit was a REQUIREMENt for us...until it wasn't #which we thought was supposed to happen in your 50's -- not like...somewhere in the 20's to 30's range yall #we remember niche bullshit in the plural communities that you woluldnt even DREAM of if someone gives us the correct recall trigger if your #newer than like 2 years to plurality #“the plural pride world conference did not even exist yet and then existed within like two years of us coming out” levels of transition #we're so glad the kids will be okay but we're a kid ourselves if were using that metaphor. the older teen-quasi-parent specifically. :') #if were going with that metaphor/those vibes that is #we wont always understand but we do try to at least be kind #does anyone else remember that guide to “so youve slipped into another world” or smth like that??? #you had to dig for hours and hours if not DAYS/WEEKS and you could still be fucked #if your system friend did not also have it to share with you all #yeah that system popped in and said “hI” to us on our twitter when we talked about that there too and is glad people have been helped by it #iwrc that is

[steelycunt]

an um. snippet. from me. for the first time since. july :-)

#from a fic you likely will not see for at least. two months. but still <3 #reallt brave of me to snippet considering ive still got no plan from one scene to the next and have only written um. four scenes but. well #if you all bear witness to evidence of the wips existence then maybe it will help me commit to finishing it. :-) #this is also. this snippet is from the very first scene and it is not my favourite but the snippet i WANTED to share is simply too long so. #sorry about that. :-/ also im just talking now you don’t need to read these tags but it is so lovely being in remus’ head now im so used to #it it used to be so unnerving…but i live here now i love it…im also in a bit of a #loving sirius era atm so actually im enjoying writing about how pretty he is. (<- me after being visisted by three spirits on Christmas Eve) #special shout-out to hope lupin. kicking things off immediately with her funeral she is so killable and i really appreciate it. #tsahonip feels like a silly acronym so i think we’re sticking to shortening it to. #tsah #snippet #my fic #r/s #anyway. if it goes the way i want it to the whole fic is very. london and dreary flats and bars and mugs of tea and resentment + melancholy #you know. because ive never done that before have i. also the discography of the smiths so prepare for that on the playlist soz :-(

[hermidetta]

[ 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬 ] : after being misinformed that the sender has died, receiver is grieving.

* for you i would.

when does a war end? when can i say your name and have it mean only your name and not what you left behind?

they already died once.

bernadetta thought she had lost jules forever. but jules turned out to be alive. jules is yuri—yuri is jules. yuri is alive! and wasn't that the most wonderful discovery? yuri, her childhood friend, being alive?

bernadetta doesn't think she has the right to most everything in this world, let alone the right to ask which name of theirs is real. what matters is them. yuri can use whatever name they want as long as they stay alive.

alive. yuri is supposed to stay alive. she's probably begged it of them more times than she could possibly count—arguably sounding silly nine times out of ten, arguably just enough so she doesn't give away that she cares more than she should (she does, she does, she does care more than she should) because she is a repulsive worthless thing that nobody in their right mind would want caring for them—

and because yuri is no longer jules. yuri is no longer jules, and she cannot just wildly lunge and hug his arm like the girl she used to be. she is lucky enough that yuri might still think of her as a friend now. might. she does not dare assume beyond that. she can live with being a ghost or a blemish or nothing at all as long as yuri stays alive.

but whatever the case, yuri is supposed to stay alive.

yuri almost died because of her, already, and bernadetta can only imagine from the glint of their lavender eyes what hells they have clawed through afterwards. one 'almost' should have been more than enough. if not for her, then for them.

but yuri does not return from their mission. that is at least what she has been told. the debriefer shakes bernadetta off his elbow like the pest she is, and before he walks away, the punch of his words slams her into silence.

her first friend is dead. her first heart is dead. her father crushed them once and now they're dead again. immediately, the loudest thoughts come back:

if yuri had just brought down the knife that night like they were supposed to—

if yuri had just been able to take that gold and run without looking back—

later that night, she slinks haggardly into the greenhouse with rot in her steps and a pouch in her grasp.

bernadetta von varley is allowed a corner—a very humble one, secluded, but her own all the same. there she grows her peculiar motley of flowers, from colorful blooms to carnivorous plants. next to a fanged flytrap, there is a space in the dirt from a recent harvest of herbs. into her palm, she turns over the pouch in her possession, and small seeds tumble out.

she usually sings while she does this, but has no heart for it tonight. the seeds get buried in the soil with the care of a casket; her hands pat down the soft mound, then clasp—she doesn't know if it is a gesture of prayer or a mere pantomime of. she just doesn't know. she just doesn't know.

all things considered: she cannot bring herself to pray to the goddess her father claims to regale. the man's wretched face flickers through her mind. acid and ache rise in her throat.

and there, bernadetta cannot pinpoint exactly when the dam breaks—just that it breaks.

it shatters like the porcelain of a teaset she gets punished for dropping. it bursts like the double doors of her old room when the suitors won't buy her. it claps like a palm against the wood of a table and sends her careening over the edge.

so bernadetta, unable to hold back any longer, finally tells yuri.

crying, gasping, she hangs her head to the planted seeds and tells them everything, through the uncontrollable hiccups and sobs, the words streaming from her lips like the tears down her cheeks. she tells them about the wicked count, tells them all the truths she never thought would see the light of day. she explains to yuri that she is just property. she tells them that before the academy, she had forgotten how much it meant to be offered a hand instead of taking the back of it.

she tells them about why she cut her hair, about the fist in it that made her kick and scream so hard that even her mother could no longer stand by—how the woman had bernadetta bagged like garbage and shipped to the monastery without any say. she sobs and apologizes, over and over, for everything that makes sense, and for everything that doesn't.

"and sorry, i'm sorry, i shouldn't be dumping all of this on you—"  because even in death bernadetta gives yuri more humanity than she will ever give herself. more humanity, more grace, and infinitely more kindness.  "but i always really, really wanted to tell you the truth, you know? always. that i wished i could've ran—"

her voice cracks. "—ran away, with you, wherever you went, even if that was selfish of me. or that i wished you could've killed me if it meant one of us could live happy. a-and i know, i'm just bernie, i don't mean much! i know already! bernie's worthless and doesn't have to mean anything to anybody! and i promise that's okay, but for me you're someone who... who...!"

bernadetta swears that her heart has been ripped out from her ribs, flung to the dirt and stomped into paste. she can't take it. she can't take it. not when it's yuri. not when she has spent her life shut in that birdcage, bars just wide enough to have a loved few she can count on a hand—and to lose the one she already mourned most? what kind of sick punishment was it? why was it hers? she loves, and loves, and loses. bernadetta always loses. she weeps into her hands, nails curling crescents into her face.

she doesn't know how long the moon hangs over her head, sneering down at her foolish lament. at some point she balls into herself, head tucked over her knees with clenched fists on the ground. bernadetta cries and mourns until she's out of air, out of strength, out of everything—and somewhere along the way she toes across the line into slumber, limping onto her side with finality in her bones. the last thing she thinks she sees is the watery blur of lavender petals.

#aubins #it got so long i cut it help me im so doomed im so doomed #asks / #abuse cw / #just in case but yeah :laughsob: #s: ⚘ * i've left you flowers — all sorts of types (i don't know what you like) | aubins #this was all over the place because she was all over tghe place HELP LMFAO #i scream with my entire mouth shut and act sane i scream with mg entire mouth shut i will not talk about bernadetta making herself small #when i'm in a self destruction competition and my opponent is bernadetta von varley #ty for sending darcy!! i love them both a lot and love getting to bounce her off of yuri. sorry she's such a mess rn #bern when she learns this was all a sike won't be able to look at yuri for ages like [marge simpson.jpeg] #it can def be taken as either canon or not whatever you would like hehe!!

[sidesteppostinghours]

WIP its-not-Wednesday-but-close-enough

tagged by @autistic-sidestep! thank you for the tag :D i have,,, so many wips rn. pulp stop starting a million projects challenge. all of these are very rough, and a lot of them feature other steps, but i wanted to share a few :]

for writing, ive got these:

“What the hell, man!” Mitchel hisses. He’s let go, but he hasn’t bothered lowering his voice. Too loud, but real. Caine groans, pulling themselves up from the mattress. At least it wasn’t the floor– this could’ve hurt a lot worse. They wince at the throb in their shoulder as they reach for the wall, probing for a light switch. When he flicks it on reality re-establishes itself once more.  It’s Caine’s room, familiarly bare-bones. There’s only a singular twin sized bed in one corner of the room and a desk just across, with a heap of laundry they haven’t bothered to do taking up the chair. Mitchel stands on the mattress in the middle, both parts pissed and bleary eyed. His cheek is a lightish colour that’s a telltale sign it’s going to bruise, and a portion of his blanket stubbornly clings onto his shoulder. There’s no threat in here, or at least nothing more threatening than Mitchel annoyed. The knowledge doesn’t stop the blood pounding in their ears.

-caine wakes up and gets jumpscared by @hyper-pixels mitchel. they react to this calmly.

Marshal Steel has hair stuck in his finger joints. That's the first thing Daniel noticed when he came in to work this morning. Steel has his civilian hands on, which is normal when he has admin work. Those civilian hands will usually have hair in it too, mostly from Spoon. That's also normal. What's not normal is the colour; because instead of the odd tufts of grey fur Daniel's used to seeing scattering Steel's joints, this is a single, longer strand that he's sure wasn't left on purpose. Because the hair strand is brown. Suspiciously similar to Ortega's own brown hair.

-herald is suspicious that his boss is having another secret relationship with a pretty old man, but its none of his business! not at all. thats why hes eavesdropping on them from the breakroom pantry.

“What are you two talking about?” Ortega jerks, nearly spilling coffee all over Wei, tearing a curse out of him as he yanks his head to the direction of the voice.  Speak of the devil. Caine glances between the two, head cocked. When did he get here? Ortega doesn't remember inviting him, and nobody told him he was coming either. Not that Ortega isn't happy to see him, but the timing… “Dios mio, Spot, how long have you been standing there?” he mutters. He gives his coffee a once over, but nothing's spilled.  He turns back to Caine and double takes. The poor guy looks like he's just run a marathon– he's drenched in his own sweat. He's not wearing his raggedy sweater, for once. Instead, he's got a skintight suit with a simple white tee over it.

-a multi-pov fic featuring the same conversation, but told from the perspective of ortega, chen, and caine. trying to practice voices with it, and so far its been fun digging into each of them!

as for art wips:

-arde and vera based on the song "the villain i appear to be"! i actually made this today after playing the new revelations demo lmfao. i do not remember what arde looks like 😔 im so sorry ive done you a disservice

the next two have blood+mild gore in them, so im throwing them under the cut!

-cyrus gets Fucked Up by a dream version of fawn from @villainsidestep, based on this absolutely vile(/pos) soul read of him:

because why not fuck him up even more??

-mitchel painting i have yet to put down colours for that i am lovingly dubbing "cannibalism (NOT ROMANTIC)". chew it out with your teeth mitchel!!!!

ill be tagging everybody mentioned in the post, plus @idlenight, @disastersteps, and maybe @euelios if you all wanna give this a shot?

#caine is a cringefail loser that cant place the fact that he is. fucking scared of mitchel. and i love dancing around that fact in writing #herald is fighting for his Life trying to mind his own business but his gaydar is beeping incessantly at him everytime chen is in the room #theres a line in the multi pov fic that is. accidentally really sus. but i find it so funny im keeping it like that #i love vera so much yall you dont understand #no spoilers for the rev demo but something about her that gets brought up makes me want to gnash my teeth w the implications of it #think its actually really fucked up and evil of me to make fawn hold both of their brothers tenderly by their faces #during the two times ive drawn things between their brothers for this fight #pov: u are cyrus getting held by your younger sib and realizing theyre way better at protecting and loving u all than you ever will be #the last drawing was based on a line kore casually threw out there while talking about ortega being a bitch #and it made me so insane i opened medibang like. immediately. help #caine lynzal #cyrus becker(s) #nmoc: mitchel becker #nmoc: fawn becker #sidestep #ortega #chen #chentega #herald #dove #arde #fhr #pulp writes #pulp draws

[waterlogged-detective]

i wanna write lore about my characters but i am in the eternal struggle of how do i start

#the pain of wanting to talk about ocs but not what to say #s o b #forget art block how do i deal with oc block #id call it writing block but i always have that lol #vibrates #i wanna talk about my idiots #like the corpse trade in london #especially since depending on what youre reading on site people come back to their bodies or they dont #its not super consistant #like i know darcy wouldnt care but others WOULD depending on if you come back ot your original body #which i think is true??? #idk man its super unclear #but its super morally dubious and I KNOW det doe isnt cool with it at all think of the FIGHTS #couples arguments but make them about philosophy and the fact that youre both actually diametrically opposed to things and you cant always #have a healthy work life balance between the two of you #because even if it works most of the time darcy is going to end up working on someone his husband thinks deserves better #especially if he finds out about the burking darcy did on the surface #cutting out the middleman as it were #and cutting the middleman #anyway i wanna talk about ocs help

[sysig]

Hey, it’s not inaccurate! As advertised! (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #The Captain #ZEX #Finally the punchline! Yay! #Thanks for all your help brain /s I'm just glad it turned out haha ♪ #I do love the panel of the Captain putting the pieces together for all the reasons haha - not even using words to describe ZEX and his pinky #Such a polite sip haha - it would be rude to refuse tea from the princess he's trying to rescue! It's all part of the play! #Oh and ZEX just casually touching him lol keep on eye on that arm Captain or he'll talk you into a corner haha #At least the Captain is being more polite than Rand - not that that's a difficult task lol #He disappointed but he's not about to be mean! Nor undermine ZEX's princess status #He lives in a tower with an attendant and wears a pretty dress and tiara - it just all checks out! #And I mean technically he Does align with whatever legend has managed to be spread around lol just in the opposite direction #All such silliness ♪ I'm glad I saw it through haha #Can finally set it down pleased! #Did he rescue him? Or just come to visit him again? Or leave forever??? It's intentionally open-ended lol #I'm satisfied with my joke so it's whatever ending your prefer haha

[barksbog]

What site did you use to make your shop/blog?

i used squarespace but i´ve been meaning to switch because i hate how they changed things to be extremely confusing at the backend for the sake of "simplicity" (like calling the E-commerce menue "selling" and putting every tool in the "selling tools" menue

they also still only have a handful of useable ecommerce templates

#they also straight up have shit customer service #i had issues with my domain being blacklisted by security companies and all they did was send me in circles. i talked to one guy who did mo #e than just rattling off the websites help menue and he was allowed to help for one (1) email. like it´s not the fault of people working th #re to be clear it´s them not providing conditions that let their employees be helpful