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livelovelaug-h · 5 years

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Irreplaceable you pt 1

Sam x reader

Summary- inspired by the movie irreplaceable you. Sickness/cancer and a lot of emotions. Definitely grab a box of tissues.

You: "What if we stayed in bed all day?"

" That sounds like the best day ever. We should stay here all week."

You: "What if we got bored?"

"Us, bored? When have we ever been bored?"

" What if we got hungry? What would we do for food?

Sam: "Well, we could order takeout and have it delivered right there."

"you know dean would come in and make us get up."

Sam laughs "Stop. Stop worrying."

~~~~~~~

Full disclosure:

I didn't have to worry about any of that, because this is where my story ends. So does yours, by the way. So does everyone's.

It's okay. Really.

Most of it I don't miss at all.

One with nature.

Really.

Calm. Peaceful.

But then, there's Sam.

Sam was... is the love of my life.

Sams walking to your grave. You narratoring: " Hi, Sam."

Sam by your grave: "Hi, y/n."

But let's start at the beginning.

~~~~~

Even with being a hunter, you were so excited. You were late for your period, it had been a couple weeks late. Now it felt like you were bloated like maybe a baby bump showing.

"Sam?"

"Hey what's up ?" He answers as you walk into the library.

"I kind of have some good news." Siting down next to him.

"oh yeah what's that ?"

You smile big "well... we need to make a doctors appointment. Because... I think I'm pregnant. I haven't had my period for about two months."

His turn to smile real big "really????" You nod.

"This so great, I'm gonna be a dad.!" He hugs you and kissed your forehead then nose and then lips. "And I'm gonna be a mom."

You set up your doctors appointment for about a week later. You were getting some stomach pains. You got up to throw away your wrapper when:. "ah ouchhh".

'Why does this hurt so much.' you thought.

You were waiting for the doctor to come back and confirm your good news !

There's a big picture of a baby inside of a belly showing the insides and sam says

"that picture makes it look gross and painful."

"that's not helpful!" The doctor comes in:

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting."

"Um, y/n, I have some difficult news. The blood test shows that you are not pregnant.

Oh. Sam grabs ahold of your hands and squeezes them.

" Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay." It felt like someone just ripped your heart out but you couldn't believe it. Sam started rubbing your arms and hands.

"I guess that's okay. I- I mean, the whole thing was kind of a surprise... Yeah. We probably weren't even ready."

" Right-"

"It-it-it's just.. its weird 'cause, um, I know it's super early but I really feel something there." You say.

"The sonogram shows that you have a mass in your pelvis roughly the size of a tangerine. It can mimic pregnancy."

"A mass?"

"What kind of a mass?" Sam asks. He looked pretty discouraged to.

[Dr. Michaelson] "I don't want you guys to panic, because it couldbe nothing."

There's this moment

when everything changes.

You look back, and there was the moment before.

See that person?

Flashback to a few minutes -

"It's not helpful!"

She's thinking about whether she's hoping for a boy or a girl, and tiny fingers and toes, and then...

[Dr. Michaelson] "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting."

[you] and now Suddenly...

End of flashback

~~~~~~~~

You and Sam were laying down in bed:

"At least we won't have to pay for college." You say.

"Unless it's a really smart tumor... Too soon?" He says.

You sigh "It's too soon."

"A tangerine is better than an orange." You say.

"Or a grapefruit."

"Right. Or, um... What's bigger than a grapefruit?"

both of you say "A watermelon."

Cas can't heal you because he's human so there is really no other option.

.... At the doctors again .....

Did I say that was the moment?

[Dr. Kessler] "It's two tangerines and a grapefruit."

Correction, this is the moment.

"That's a lot of fruit."

[Dr. Kessler] "Uh, the tests have shown that it is cancer. And I know how hard this must be to hear. It's incredibly rare in someone your age. It's just... It's just terrible luck. Now we can talk aboutoptions whenever you're ready."

"Is there one that doesn't involve dying?" You ask.

[Dr. Kessler] "Uh, I-I've already consulted with a colleague, and after the initialsurgery, there's a clinical trial I'd like to enroll you in"

"You didn't answer my question."

Did he answer my question?

[Dr. Kessler] "We don't like to make predictions. But in addition to your treatment, I want to talk to you about your quality of life. Uh, we can help with pain management and some palliative care. And also some people have found great solace from supportgroups. I know this is a terribleshock, but let's take it one day at a time."

You knew you would go out one day probably hunting, but not like this. Not cancer.

"hello yes I would like to cancel my subscription to you guys."

"oh why is that?"

"I just have cancer now so I figured I wouldn't really be exercising."

"oh that's terrible. Are you sure you want to cancel?"

"yes . ... I am."

~~~~~ later that night ~~~~~~

Sam: "how you feeling?"

"I'm scared."

"It's-It's gonna be okay."

"What if I die?"

"We're gonna fight this, I'll always be there for you"

~~~~

Your laying on the floor because They say after surgery there's gonna be some minor discomfort.

It's Stage IV cancer.

Nothing is minor.

Nothing is comfortable.

Your doctor talking :

"So, let's, um, let's take another look at the proposed model for auto-associative memory and its constituent neural network."

'Or not. Let's not and say we did. Class dismissed.' you think.

you're walking to the other clinic and the guy greets me. "Hey."

"Hi."

"How's it going? I'm Dominic."

"y/n, Nice to meet you."

"I'm gonna be running your treatment suite."

"Treatment suite? "

"Oh, yeah, don't get excited. It doesn't even have four walls. Uh, go ahead and grab a seat right there. For the next time, you're probably gonna want to bring your own pillow in from home. You're also gonna need your cell phone with headphones and grab a magazine. Some of these guys tend to hoard 'em. You're gonna end up reading an old ripped up copy of Duck Enthusiast.

"Oh. It's okay, I don't read Duck Enthusiast. "

"Yeah, well, you will. All right, feet up. " he says.

"Uh, yes, you will feel like shit after this, but it's different for everybody. And no, your hair isn't gonna fall out right away. And besides, it looks like you have plenty of it, so you're doing good. Uh, and if you need snacks, you got to bring them from home."

Great. Just great.

You walk into one of the support groups.

"Hey."

"Come on in. We're just getting started. " the girl says. "Go grab yourself a hook and yarn."

One of the people in the group start saying "have you heard of Catholic yoga? It's a full Latin Mass with vinyasa yoga positions, and I come out... "

"You serious? " someone asks. "yeah!"

"How is Estelle holding up?"

"She's good. There's a new hawk in Central Park. Every morning we go out there and watch the little guy. I hope she keeps up the bird-watching after I'm gone. With whatever new guy she's banging.

[laughs]

"Welcome to group." they all say. "It's the way we roll."

" We have fun. "

"Cool." you say. The end of session finishes up and you start walking away when the guy who was talking about the bird calls to you.:

"The whole point is to mingle. "

"Not feeling up to it. " you say.

"Neither does anybody. That's why we do it. Myron. Multiple myeloma. You've never heard of it? Stay a while. " he says.

"I'm not really a mingler. "

"Not a crocheter either, apparently. "

"Didn't have time for pointless hobbies then, really don't have time for them now, and I'm especially uninterested in discovering that crocheting is a metaphor for healing or whatever."

"What you're feeling is totally normal." Myron says.

"You know, I wish people would stop telling me that totally insane things are normal."

"Have you looked around? "

"But you just accept that? You just accept everything that's going on? You make jokes about your wife having a new boyfriend?"

"I don't accept it, but in the event that I do kick the bucket, I hope she does find a boyfriend. Somebody nice. Less well-endowed to be sure, but nice. "

"Well, I just think I am in a different situation. Sam and I met when we were kids, and then started dating 10 years ago."

"How old is he? "

" Thirty-five."

"Yeah, he's gonna go through a major slut phase."

You laugh.

"I also have Tourette's."

You- "Good to know."

"Yeah. You come back."

"Nice to meet you, Myron."

"Nice to meet you, y/n."

"And thanks for the advice. "

" All right"

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you gonna go through a slut phase?" You ask Sam.

"What? No. Why would you say that?"

"You're not even thinking about it?"

"That's the absolute furthest thing from my mind right now. It's further than like meeting someone on Tinder." You chuckle.

"Okay, but Tinder can't be that far from your mind because you just said it, which means you had to be thinking about it, which means you're thinking about this too."

"Yeah. I'm busted." Sam says.

"I'm serious. Look at you. The puppy-dog eyes.

"What?"

" This is a disaster. "

Sam: "What are you talking about?"

"You don't know. Because you have no experience. Women are gonna eat you alive."

" I can take care of myself."

"I know But what if you can't? Who's going to get you to go to bed and stop researching? Who's going to make you real food?"

"you don't make me real food."

"Yeah, but I would, hypothetically. "

"Well, our hypothetical food has been in the freezer for like a year." You got up and started near the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"Figuring out how to cook a real meal."

"Now?"

"No time like the present."

"How do I cook a chicken?" You say into the phone.

[Siri] Let me think about that.

Okay, I found this on the web for "How do I cook a chicken?"

"It's gonna be amazing."

~~~~~~~~~~

Just 'cause you're dying

doesn't mean your life stops.

Sam has been through so much so maybe if you found him a new girl, he wouldn't think about your passing.

In group support-

"And so, uh, when my numbers came back this time, I just, honestly, I just thought I can't keep fighting."

[Kate] "Jim, you don't have to go there. 'Cause it's all about attitude. "

"Well, let's let Jim have his process."

[Kate] "Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I just think that his process should be more positive. Everyone is entitled to... to be sad."

"Thank you."

"You know what I'm loving these days is meditation. And I... I know it sounds trite, but I just have been feeling so blessed every time I sit there in silence. Maybe you could try that now?

You laugh.

"Or we could laugh."

"That's okay too. "

" Sorry. I'm sorry. Just... Some of these women are so cheesy. "I want to dip you in whipped cream and put my cherry on top." What does that even mean, anatomically speaking?" You ask.

"Using a sundae model as a sexual proposition. It is confusing. I have to s... " Myron says.

"I mean, cherry... cherry's got to be a hymen, right?" You ask.

"Probably a busted hymen." You giggle.

[Kate] "Mm-hmm."

"I... I, um... mine broke on a horse. And me, I was born without one. So... It was my favorite horse, though. " ......

"Okay, uh, that's about it for today. "

~~~~~~~~~~

"Were you sexting just now?" Myron asks while you sitting down looking through tinder.

"Let me have my process." You say.

"Your process is sexting?"

"You're the one who said Sam would go through a slut phase. I thought you were crazy, but then I thought about it more, and he's gonna be a chick magnet. he already is And the worst part is, he's gonna have no idea how to handle it because he's going to be too sad. He hasn't dated to many people in his life. He's gonna be lonely and vulnerable. He already lost his fiance."

"Classic rookie mistake. " Myron states.

"What are you talking about? "

"Thinking you can do something to lessen the loss. There's a word for what you're doing. It's a technical term. You want to know it?"

You: "No, thanks."

"Anticipatory grieving.' Trying to cope with the loss before it happens. So, Meryl over there writes a birthday card to her husband for every year she's gonna be gone, and Jim... makes a video montage of himself as Santa for all the Christmases he's gonna miss with his kids. It doesn't change anything. Look, what do I know? My advice? You're hooking him up, concentrate on a booty. Yours, you know, it's... it's flat."

You laugh "My booty is not flat."

"You have a terrible ass. "

"Fuck you."

"Here, give me that. Oh, you got a match. Sexypants89."

"Okay, let me see that."

~~~~~~~~~~

You started interviewing girls that Sam got a match on from tinder at a coffee shop.

To be continued.

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tinkerbellafan · 6 years

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Hard to Love (Chp 4)

Dean drifted back to sleep with the assumption that Cas just happened to use that paper to write on, and had nothing to do with why Sam had been on his case lately. If there was something up, Cas would tell him. His subconscious, however, had a different stance. His dreams were filled with scenarios and situations that had him making a heroic run through a hospital while Cas lay dying in desperate need of a rare item Dean had gone across the world to find. The next dream had Dean watching Cas slowly fade like an old picture and no one else seemed to remember him but Dean. Easy to say Dean woke up less than rested, he rolled over hoping for some cuddle time as he had already told Charlie he was coming in late today.

He twisted and swung his arm over expecting to make contact with a warm body, the cold space he found was much of a disappointment. It was unusual for Castiel to be a morning person, that’s one of the perks of being a writer Dean. So where had his adorable husband gone? Flashbacks from his dreams had him wondering if he made up the whole thing. The book was no longer on the nightstand and the blanket he dragged in with him was also gone. Maybe he shouldn’t fall asleep watching Dr. Sexy anymore, clearly, his imagination was playing tricks on him.

Dean got up, hopped in the shower and got ready to start his day. As he walked out to the kitchen, he could hear Cas on the phone clearly talking low enough he didn’t intend to be heard.

“Yes, I know..I know I’ll begin monitoring it immediately. I appreciate you doing this for me its such a big deal. No, he doesn’t know. I’m not ready to tell him. I’ll just tell him that I’m going to a convention or a conference. I’m leaving tomorrow, yes I know its only because you love me.”

Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was Cas cheating? Although Dean couldn’t blame him, Castiel was always too good for him. Dean started to wonder if Sam knew and he was pushing him to be better in the hopes that Cas wouldn’t leave. Of course, Cas would leave, everybody left Dean eventually.

After steeling himself to hide his emotions, Dean made a show of humming and stomping down the stairs so Cas would definitely hear him coming, wouldn’t want to interrupt the rendezvous he was clearly planning.

“Morning babe” Cas turned to Dean with a big smile. Dean noticed that he looked worn out, before at dinner when Sam pointed it out Cas looked like he just needed a good nights rest, now he looks ragged but puffy. Castiel had taken to wearing more and more of Deans sweats and no shoes today, that was weird for him. He’d always worn his normal slacks dress socks and some sensible slip-ons with an adorable argyle vest or sweater even though he didn’t have to look so professional working at home.

“Hey Cas, I missed you last night. I got home with some good news about the shop and you weren’t here.” Dean tried to sound inconspicuous, but he couldn’t help but wonder if his husband had been out on a date.

“Oh, honeybee I didn’t know you would be home so I went to have dinner with Sam & Jess. Sam is trying to soothe Jess’ case of baby rabies by having her dote on me. I highly doubt it’ll work but I won't argue with fresh baked cookies and pampering.” Cas chuckled and shook his head. He was in the process of making oatmeal for breakfast although instead of his typical bananas, Dean noticed he was adding apples.

They both knew Sam was not going to win the battle this time, he had already convinced Jess once before that they were not ready. There was no way she would be swayed to his opinion a second time.

“Ha, Sammy is so screwed, he might as well pick out a crib and start painting the nursery.” Dean chuckled while he started filling his thermos full of coffee.

“That’s what I told him, but he’s in denial and like I said fresh baked cookies.” Cas shrugged, everybody knew that pb&j cookies were his weakness. If you offered those in payment Castiel could never say no.

“So, I have to go in today but I think I’m going to take the weekend off. The shop is doing great and I need a break.” Dean kept his back to his husband, he didn’t want to see the look on Castiels face while he worked out the lie in his head.

“Oh honey, I wish you had told me sooner, I just agreed to speak at a convention in New York, you know how my publisher has been hounding me to be more……” Cas gestured in the air trying to find the right word that didn’t make him sound robotic. “..personable.”

“Oh okay, then I guess I’ll just hang out with Jess, help her figure out what color she’s painting the nursery, maybe convince her to give it a classic car theme. If I want to be the favorite uncle I gotta get a head start.”

The shift in Deans demeanor didn’t go unnoticed by Cas, he felt horrible knowing he was the reason behind the shift.

***

“Hey Boss, sleep in or get you some morning lovin from that handsome hubby of yours?” Charlie’s eyebrows danced suggestively as she looked up from her computer.

Dean walked into the shop on autopilot, he breezed pass Charlie like she wasn’t even there.

“Dean?” She followed him into his office and shut the door. “Earth to Dean” She tried again this time waving a hand in front of his face snapping him out of his zombie state.

“huh? Oh hey Charlie.” Deans eyes barely focused on hers and she instantly knew that look, he was spiraling. That meant Cas either still hadn’t told him, or hadn’t told him everything. Either way, this could only end up bad if it wasn’t fixed.

“Okay I know that look, its the same look you had after you and Cassie broke up, and after you were so convinced Lisa was cheating so you just ended it. Whats goin on, spill” Charlie folded her arms across her chest and perched in the middle of Deans desk preventing him from escaping into his computer.

“He’s leaving.” Dean barely said above a whisper. “There’s someone else and he’s leaving me.” Dean hadn’t said the words out loud but they were on an endless loop in his mind. His whole body started to shake with tears he hadn’t realized were falling.

“That’s insane, Cas loves you almost as much as you love baby, be real.” Charlie tried but couldn’t resist the urge to smack Dean upside the head.

“It’s true, I heard him on the phone this morning, they’re meeting up for some getaway this weekend.” Charlie’s heart began to break, she knew exactly what Dean had heard, she was yelling at Cas for going to see the out of state specialist on his own.

She was sworn to secrecy but watching Dean fall apart in front of her eyes broke her resolve. She couldn’t let him fall apart like this, knowing the only reason Cas kept him in the dark was a failed attempt to keep from stressing him.

Charlie turned very serious and made Deans eyes focus on hers.

“Dean, Cas is not cheating on you. He was talking to me this morning. He’ll probably kill me for telling you this but, you deserve to know. Not knowing is hurting you more than knowing and he was just trying to spare you the stress since you’ve been so freaked out about running the shop.” Charlies eyes had softened during her speech. The internal struggle between keeping a secret and helping someone she saw as a brother.

“Dean, Cas isn’t cheating on you, he’s sick.”

#supernatural #fanfic #Destiel #dean winchester #castiel #angst with a happy ending #sick castiel #mechanic dean #doctor sam

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