#and I could get free relationship points with Halsin

[elizabethrobertajones]

Oh wait oh no... Astarion is in his 200s, Halsin is in his 300s... Astarion is destroyed by no one saving him sooner... Halsin is tormented by his own inaction and inability to have saved the Shadowlands sooner... exactly the sort of guy to eat the exact pain Astarion is radiating and become tormented that he was alive that whole time and somehow didn't magically know to fly to Baldur's Gate and save him in all that time...

And I'm here getting ready to smash the barbie dolls together with no remorse about the 1000 psychic damage Halsin might take on acquiring a mean little vampire boyfriend...

Oh well :)

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #i messed up some nonsense in the circus and save scummed but my last save was ages back #so I redid Orin's little relationship trial with Halsin #since Wyll is so stupid in love with Astarion his approval is maxed out #and I could get free relationship points with Halsin #anyway that man is tormented by not being able to turn into an even LARGER bear #if only.... it could have saved everyone long ago.... #sighhhh #staring blankly at the ceiling time #Orin sure commits to that bit #i think she could have been a great relationship guru in another life

[whathebeep]

Y'all imagine being able to give gifts to the BG3 companions, kinda like you can in Stardew, some gifts will raise your relationship/friendship level with them, others will lower it, and there would be a corresponding conversation

So like

Imagine if you could give vials of blood to Astarion? Bottles of wine too?

Or any rare or interesting books to Gale?

Imagine if you could give Halsin back his pipe and journals (if you take them like I do) (I always put them in his inventory once he's a companion)

Any of those stuffed bears to Karlach? Maybe having an option to gift her bottles of water that, if you're romancing her, she can pour on herself so you can get a quick kiss? (I always feel bad throwing it at her)

Maybe even specific weapons for Lae'zel? Or if you could gift her any tadpoles you find so she could destroy them?

Imagine too, if you will, that depending on where you are in her story, you could gift Shadowheart any of the many many many Selunite items you come across in your travels. If you give it to her too early she gets mad, but she's quite happy and thankful if you give it to her after freeing Dame Aylin. I imagine if you give it to her in her Dark Justiciar run she'd instantly destroy it, maybe even leave the party for your disrespect to Shar

Imagine having special mini quests almost where you could also make something to give them. Like imagine if Wyll at some point mentions in passing that his horns are taking getting used to and kinda ache, and you can talk to any of the tieflings in the tiefling party and they give you the recipe for a home remedy, like a soothing balm that you can make for him to ease the aches and pains.

Or if you could, once in the city, bring something to Halsin to remind him of home, of the forest and the woods- perhaps a potted plant that is native to the area near the grove, or perhaps a bundle of dried flowers or something of the like.

Astarion, imagine if you could gift him a new set of clothing made specially for him, or even drain your own blood into an empty bottle so he can have some if he gets hungry.

Larian let me give my lil blorbos gifts

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #Shadowheart #Karlach #Gale #Wyll #Halsin #Lae'zel

[chaoticbardlady99]

hi hi! I was wondering if you could write some halsin x male reader headcanons about them cuddling or just some physical touch of the fluff kind pls! Have an amazing day/night! And thank you for being open to taking requests

(Brief mentions of NSFW content, but mostly fluff)

I hope I didn't disappoint you! I wasn't sure how to emphasize the male part so I added a little mention at the beginning. I tried my best to fluff it up!

 Fluffy (like GRIZZLY BEAR level fluffy) Halsin Headcanons with a male partner:

When Halsin propositioned you, you told him you have never been with another male (let alone another person) because you never met anyone you clicked with.

You tell him you worry you’ll disappoint him. Halsin scoffs at this idea- you? Disappoint him? Perish the thought. He tells you that he can go slow with you, letting you explore the relationship at your own pace, but encourages you not to discount how incredible you are.

Once you become comfortable in your relationship, Halsin can’t keep his hands off you (Astarion often yells at the two of you to get a room).

He is constantly wanting you near him, on top of him, holding his hand- whatever he can get. He aches for you when you are away and wonders what you are doing when you are gone.

Halsin finds it fascinating that you are originally from the city and not familiar with the outdoors. At first he was shocked and asked what you did to pass time in your boyhood. Your response? Surviving.

After your conversation, Halsin is determined to show you every beautiful thing you have missed out through the years because there was no one to protect you. You have him now, there is nothing to be afraid of.

While you are gone with your other companions (ya know, saving the world and shit), he explores the area around your camp- in search of natural phenomenons to introduce you to on your mutual days off.

Some locations he scouts out for…. Sexual purposes. Waterfalls, for example, are a great way to hide your moans of pleasure. Halsin loves to worship your body. He takes his time and he knows you are embarrassed about the volume of your moans, so he finds a way to make it less uncomfortable for you and just as fun.

Oh, you also always have an assortment of wildflowers outside of your tent when you come back from your adventures. He enjoys the blush on your cheeks and watching you enjoy the scents each flower has.

When you finally have free time, he allows you to sleep in. He brings you breakfast and sometimes he finds berries, fruits, or honey for you since you’ve never had them fresh before. He enjoys your reaction when the sweetness hits your tongue. He is so happy he gets to share his world with you and introduce you to new things.

During your hikes to Halsin’s mystery locations (a romantic never reveals their plans), he holds your hand or he carries you on his back if you had a particularly rough day the day before. He enjoys the way you feel against his back; how you hum happily into the nape of his neck and his hair.

If you point out a plant, animal, or rock- Halsin is ready to educate you about it and answer all of your questions.

Sometimes he takes you out to see the stars and he stays right next you, hand in your hand, because he knows you are afraid of the forest in the dark. You are used to city lights.

He holds your back against his chest while you sit in his lap looking up at the sky.

You are an average sized man, but compared to Halsin? You might as well be considered a halfling, but you don’t mind. He often rests his head on your shoulders or leaves soft kisses in the crook of your neck.

When he feels you tense from a noise in the forest, he provides you with reassurance- he will let no harm come to you, you don’t have to survive alone anymore.

Whenever he is on watch, you sleep outside next to him in your bedroll with your head next to his crossed legs. He enjoys stroking your hair and singing old druidic lullabies to you until your breathing is even and you are fast asleep.

His most favorite thing to do though? Kiss you. He loves softly kissing your lips- whether it be sexually or not. Your lips feel like velvet against his as he gently holds your face between his hands. 

When it’s all said and done, you and Halsin continue to explore nature. He takes you to other druid groves, you swim together in crystal clear lakes, and you sleep tangled together under the stars every night.

Oh and you just know Halsin has some next level kush that you smoke together, entangled while giggling, and coming up with your next fantastic adventure.

#halsin x reader #halsin headcanons #halsin #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #dnd druid #halsin romance #halsin x you #bg3 spoilers #bg3 #bg3 tav #halsin x male! reader

[pythoria]

In light of the new astarion voice lines in reaction to mizora, I think we finally need to put to rest the whole monogamous vs polyam astarion discourse. Here's the thing. Polyamory is never explicitly discussed or negotiated at any point during the astarion romance. You get individual instances of astarion being okay with various things, like a one night stand with the drows or halsin. It's unclear in the coversation about halsin if he's agreeing to a one night stand or a three-way relationship deal, he just gives you a general go ahead to do whatever you want with halsin because he trusts you. But then halsin doesn't stick around at the end of the game, and by the time he leaves he's only ever been with astarion in the context of the drow orgy (which is optional), and only sexually. Halsin is only interested romantically in the player char from what we're shown. Everyone is free to headcanon otherwise or write whatever fics they want, but as long as we're arguing about canon we have to be very specific. Nothing about any of the conversations with astarion suggest polyamory. They might have suggested a sort of open relationship situation before, but now with mizora, we have proof that there was no negotiation or blanket consent given off screen for having sex with other people, and in fact, it hurts astarion deeply to see his partner engage in sex with someone else.

Now, you can argue it's because he didn't consent to it beforehand, fair enough. Let's walk through what that conversation could've looked like, shall we? If you'd have asked him if you can sleep with mizora, he could've either said yes or no, it's pretty straightforward. From how upset he is, and the fact that he doesn't bring up you not getting his approval beforehand, we can infer his answer would've been "no" (because if he would've said yes anyway, you would get the type of reaction you get with ascended astarion, a "next time invite me" type response). So then, why would astarion say no to mizora specifically, if asked? After all, he's presumably okay with meaningless sex, even when he's not involved, because he lets you sleep with one of the drows all by yourself. And presumably he's also okay with it when feelings are involved, if he's truly okay with the halsin arrangement. So what part of sleeping with mizora is different? Why would he suddenly disagree with it if he was previously okay with similar arrangements?

Here's the thing. Astarion says yes to things out of pressure. Obviously he tells you so himself in act 2, "i didn't know how to say no", and that's corroborated by his dead expression during the drow 4/5some. He says yes to things, hates them, and then depending on how violated he feels afterwards, he decides whether or not it's a forgivable transgression on the part of his partner. He HAS to do it after the fact, because prior to it, he doesn't know how he will feel, he doesn't know if something specific is going to be the thing that tips him over. When he says "i didn't know how to say no" in act 2, it's not just that he instantly knew he didn't want to have sex with tav and went along anyway, it's also that he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, and maybe mistakenly believed he could put up with it, until he actually did it. With the drows, the only difference is that he does put up with it, by dissociating. For astarion, something is either too much, or something he can tune out and deal with. He never expresses any "mild" discomfort that you can talk to him about, except for when he's anxious you want to have sex with halsin because he doesn't put out. And even then, there's nothing you can say that will make him disapprove of the halsin thing, short of completely breaking up with him. He voices an insecurity, sure, but even when told that insecurity is legitimate, he still agrees to the halsin situation.

This is why I need everyone to understand, there is no polyam negotiation with astarion, he blanket accepts everything until he snaps, because that's what trauma victims do. I'm not saying this out of a desire to prove astarion is monogamous, either. If the game showed healthy communication about this I wouldn't be here arguing about any of this. Polyamory is valid and can be done in a healthy way, but what you have in the game is not a representation of polyamory, it's a representation of a trauma victim not knowing his own limits and chugging full speed ahead until he snaps. The mizora exchange just cements that further. The roll you have to pass to get him to stay with you isn't "let's discuss boundaries, i didn't know this wasn't allowed", it's "this didn't mean anything". If this man was already okay with meaningless sex on the side, why would you need to convince him of it? All you're doing is manipulating him, and the result of that manipulation isn't even "okay, you can have meaningless sex from now on as long as we talk beforehand", instead, he says he forgives you. There's no implication that this could happen again, if only you have his consent, he just forgives you for this one transgression and agrees to move on. And let me be perfectly clear, I've shipped polyam ships before, I don't have an inherent bias against it. But we all, collectively as a fandom, need to learn to read the room. The signs of discomfort are all there, it doesn't help anyone if we put on horse blinders and ignore them. My only desire is to see astarion interpreted faithfully, not to start or contribute to a war people seem to be having about the validity of polyamory in general or in real life.

So, in conclusion, we need to separate headcanons from canon. Canon is, at best, unclear on what Astarion is comfortable with. It helps no one to act like this is a clear cut issue on either side, but imo it's more harmful to potentially force him into situations he's uncomfortable with than to just let him lead, since he doesn't propose any of these arrangements himself, and never does them for his benefit, only his partner's.

And one last thing. This is not to say "don't do these things because they're bad". They're in the game so you can do them and roleplay however you want. However, we need to be realistic about the kind of characters we're playing. If your tav pressures astarion into these various situations, that's not a good-aligned tav, and that's okay, as long as you're not pretending otherwise. I love an evil durge playthrough as much as the next person, but none of it would be cathartic or fun if the whole time I was under the impression that murder is actually fine and good.

#pythoria.txt #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #baldur's gate iii #bg3 astarion #my analysis #astarion analysis #mizora #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate astarion

[its-jaytothemee]

Until I Met You - Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Introductions

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 3,898

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Read on AO3

Next

Summary: A slow burn Tav and Halsin romance fic about their relationship forming between the major events of Baldur's Gate 3, and probably a little bit after too. Explores Tav's friendships with some of the other companions, but mainly Karlach. Lots of longing and fluff, including plenty of soft Halsin moments.

Tags: Slow burn, hurt/comfort, love confessions, eventual smut, light angst, implied past rape/non-con

A/N: After starting another playthrough specifically to romance Halsin, I decided to write some additional details of how their relationship forms throughout the game. Not sure how many chapters there will be yet...we'll see where the game takes me :) There will be POVs from both Tav and Halsin throughout the fic. Enjoy!

The disgusting sight of the goblin camp was bested only by the smell that assaulted the group’s nostrils as they strolled through the mucked-up halls.

“Ugh, goblins are such vile little beasts. Remind me why we agreed to come here?” Tav could hear the eye roll in Astarion’s tone.

“Because Astarion, there’s a medically talented Archdruid who can maybe help rid us of these tadpoles who is being held and probably tortured by these little beasts.” She tried to keep her voice down but found it hard to stay quiet while keeping up with Astarion’s quips.

“Speak for yourself, my friend. My tadpole and I are getting along swimmingly. I can walk in the sun, wade through rivers, and enter any home I like. I’m living the dream.” He teased back at her.

“All good points. I’ll make sure to remind you of them when your skin is turning purple and sprouting tentacles.” She turned back with a smile just in time to catch Astarion’s playful glare.

“Hey soldier, eyes up. Archers on the beams.” Karlach had her eyes fixed above them on the two goblins patrolling the large chamber.

“Best exercise caution. I might remind you all that goblins come by dozens when one of those war drums sounds off.” Gale was clutching his staff with a white-knuckled grip.

They carefully continued exploring the unfamiliar temple, on the lookout for anything that could give them a clue to Halsin’s whereabouts. Tav had thought the mercenaries and tiefling refugees may have been exaggerating about the goblins. But now that they were here amid their den of depravity, she was starting to doubt the abilities of her party – and herself. The numbers alone were enough to overwhelm them even if Karlach could cleave three goblins at a time.

In one of the far corners, Astarion spotted a small path that wound around into a back room. There was a door guarded by a few goblins, but they were able to pass by them easily while still passing as ‘True Souls.’ The air around them somehow smelled worse as they walked into the next room. The mix of decaying flesh and the worg pens caused them all to gag slightly. Several small laughs and squeals drew their attention towards another prison cell, inside was a very large cave bear. Two young goblins were throwing stones at the bear huddled in the corner of the cage. Tav quickly and quietly cast Speak with Animals just as the bear’s eyes locked on to hers.

“Stop them…free me.” The bear growled. Listening to its voice, Tav noticed the smallest tone difference between this bear and other animals she had spoken to in the past. Given Rath’s description of Halsin, she was almost certain this bear was the Archdruid they had been searching for.

“Again! Again!” One of the young goblins squealed, picking up another rock. Tav jogged up to them.

“He’s helpless! Let him go.” She demanded.

“Tav, what are you doing? We can’t stop to help every furry creature in need.” Astarion didn’t even try to hide his disapproval. She turned around to glare at him and called on their shared tadpole.

“Astarion! Use whatever piece of your brain the tadpole hasn’t eaten yet. This is obviously Halsin from the Emerald Grove.” She held her glare until he seemed to understand their situation. He let out an exaggerated sigh and backed off.

Gale groaned behind her, realizing that they were probably going to be fighting off the several goblins and worgs in the room with them.

“The beast is stayin’ right ‘ere.” The older goblin responded, taking a step towards Tav.

“I’m ending this. Now.” She growled back. The bear let out a small roar in response.

“Time for blood.” Its voice was a low snarl.

Before she had a chance to react, the cave bear rammed into the cell doors, effortlessly breaking them from their hinges. The older goblin was crushed beneath the heavy iron, causing a scream from the two younger ones.

“The guards! Get the guards!” One of the little ones yelled. They both turned to run past Tav and her party.

“Those little brats are going to bring this whole fucking camp down on us!” Astarion yelled, daggers twirling in his hands.

“Then take care of it you whiny prick!” Tav yelled back at him, lunging for the goblin that was looking after the worgs. Karlach followed suit, jumping back up the stairs to swing at a goblin that had been butchering some suspicious looking meat.

“We’re killing children now?!” Gale cried from the top of the stairs. A thin line of ice shot from his hands to the goblin archer approaching them from the rear.

“Goblin children, darling. Hardly a moral dilemma.” Astarion responded, driving his dagger into the chest of the first young goblin.

“Perhaps but still, I think we should discuss –” Gale started to respond but let out a strangled yell that interrupted him. When Tav looked back she saw an arrow sticking out of his neck, and blood was starting to spew from his mouth. Another arrow suddenly struck him in the chest. He made a small choking sound before collapsing to the floor.

“Shit! Gale’s down!” Tav yelled. When she turned away, the goblin she was fighting tried to make a swipe at her but was quickly taken down by the cave bear that had rushed to her side.

“He’s going to have to wait! We can’t risk these little monsters alerting the rest of the camp.” Astarion was slicing his blade across the throat of the other young goblin.

Tav drew her bow and shot two arrows into the worg pens, easily landing the shots right between their eyes. She could hear Gale’s labored breaths, the sound was warped by the blood spilling into his throat. Karlach took her goblin out with one more clean swing of her axe and turned to the archer.

“I’ll get Gale, take that archer down!” Tav yelled. The others all moved in to surround the last goblin as Tav dashed over to him. She quickly looked him over, ready to remove the arrow in his neck so she could heal him. Before she could start the spell, she heard one last raspy gurgle come from Gale before his body went limp.

“Fuck.” Tav whispered under her breath. She pulled her pack to the front of her waist and started frantically searching through it. They had found a couple of revivification scrolls on their journey that she was certain she had stored in her pack somewhere. Just as she started to search through the pockets, the air around her became thick with the smell of death.

“What the…” She started to exclaim before she became horribly sick, necrotic energy swirled all around her. Startled and struggling to breathe, she jumped back a few feet away from Gale’s body, allowing her to cough the toxic air from her lungs.

The last goblin’s body fell to the floor with a soft thud. Karlach and Astarion walked back down to join Tav, examining Gale and the small cloud of death encircling his lifeless body.

“Terribly tragic, always a sad day when you lose a friend. Oh well, best we keep moving before these goblins catch wind of our little fight.” Astarion said, waving his hand in the air nonchalantly and starting to walk away.

“Astarion…” Tav grumbled and turned to shoot him a warning glare. He smiled sweetly in response.

Before they could say anything else, an illusion of Gale popped up in front of Tav, causing a small scream to escape her lips.

“Well met! I am a magical projection of Gale of Waterdeep, and if you see this manifestation, that means I have prematurely perished.”

“Oh for fucks’ sake Gale…” Tav pressed one hand to her forehead, already exasperated by Gale’s afterlife theatrics.

“…it is of vital importance that my death be remedied at your earliest convenience.”

“How am I supposed to bring you back then?” Tav asked, annoyed.

The three of them sat and listened to Gale’s projection list a very detailed description of his security protocol to receive a scroll of true resurrection. First, they had to retrieve a small pouch from his robes which Astarion deftly picked from his pocket. To open the pouch, they had to unwind the purple cord in a counterclockwise motion. Inside, they found a small flute and a folded letter with notes in the corners that they would have to play. Next, a magma mephit was supposed to appear and pose the question ‘I’ss k’cha t’chiss n’aga’ to which the answer should be K’ha’ssji’trach’ash. The mephit would then give them the scroll.

“Well shit.” Tav muttered. “Does anyone know how to play a flute?”

Karlach and Astarion shrugged in response, the panic they felt evident on their faces.

“I at least caught the mephit name!” Karlach offered.

“Gods above, Gale!” Tav yelled. “What are the chances that whoever you’re dying around knows how to play a fucking flute?!” She waved the small instrument in front of the projection’s face, whose expression didn’t change. While she continued berating the magical illusion in front of her, she failed to hear the magical whoosh behind her.

“…and even if we do figure this out, it won’t matter! Because I’m going to punch you so hard that I send you in to the beyond again! And then I’ll revive you, just to choke the life out of you so we get to do this shitshow all over again!” Tav was stomping and screaming at the projection now. She noticed Karlach and Astarion staring past her, bewildered looks on both of their faces. Was Astarion…blushing?

“Excuse me,” A deep voice called out from behind her, “perhaps I could be of some assistance? It’s the least I could do.” She could only assume it belonged to Halsin.

 “Look, I know we came here to free you and all and yes, we will need your help but right now our melodramatic friend has…” She had whipped around ready to tear into the mysterious addition to their group, but her breath caught once she was able to fully look at the Archdruid.

Tav wasn’t sure what she had been expecting to see when they met Halsin, but it certainly wasn’t the large, handsome elf standing in front of her. She was rather large for an elf, but Halsin made her feel tiny. Her mouth was hanging open, unable to form words as she stared him down. His smile was enchanting, his tanned skin covered in blood from their fight.

“I owe you my thanks, I am the druid Halsin. I did not expect to meet the acquaintance of someone who would not only speak with a bear, but free it too. I’m always happy to meet another true friend of nature. And you are?”

“I’m…” Tav sputtered, “…single.” Her voice was barely a whisper. She shook her head to regain some semblance of composure. She could hear Astarion giggling like a child behind her.

“Tav…my name is Tav.” She finally blurted out.

“Oakfather preserve you, Tav. Now I’d be happy to…”

Halsin was speaking but she wasn’t really listening to his words. She saw that he was holding his hand out to her. Without thinking, she placed her hand in his and gave a soft handshake, interrupting him. He gave her a confused look, still smiling.

“As I was saying, I know how to play the flute if that would help to resurrect your friend.” He was still smiling at her.

Tav’s face and chest turned a deep red and she yanked her hand back quickly. Astarion burst out laughing behind her, almost falling over. Karlach at least had the decency to try and cover her laugh. She handed over the small flute and quickly unfolded the paper, holding it in front of her face to try and hide her blush.

“Okay so his instructions said to play the notes listed in the corners of the pages, starting in the bottom right, and working our way around the page clockwise. I’ll read them off to you. Ready?” She asked, peeking over the page at Halsin. He gave a small nod, flute held up to his lips.

“D…” The first note floated through the air.

“E…” Halsin switched gracefully to the next note.

“A…” Another note rang in across the room. Tav paused before reading the last note, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

“…D…” The last note echoed off the walls slightly mixing with the groans of her companions. Of course his resurrection tune spelled out ‘dead.’

A small magma mephit appeared in front of them.

“I’ss k’cha t’chiss n’aga.” He asked.

“K’ha’ssji’trach’ash!” Karlach responded, excited to help.

“D’a jah’jah s’um!” The mephit leaned forward as Tav held the folded paper in front of her. The small note transformed into an ornate scroll. She turned back to Gale as the mephit vanished.

Tav read the incantation and felt a warm swirling energy gather around her. It was quickly transferred to Gale who disappeared momentarily. He reappeared in front of her, standing and gasping for air. His hands shot up to his neck, feeling the area where the arrow had pierced him. Then he started laughing.

“You did it! Oh it feels good to be alive. I’m sorry to say my hands are still quite cold, so a handshake will have –” Gale was interrupted by Tav punching him in the gut, letting out a loud grunt.

“That was for your ridiculous protocol. What if we couldn’t find someone who could have played the flute? What if you had died and we weren’t around? We need to do something about that orb, Gale.” Tav was yelling again, she wasn’t truly angry with him though. She had come to like Gale, seeing him dead had upset her more than she cared to admit.

“You know the volatility of my condition, Tav. The element of mystery helps persuade others to keep me amongst the living. Sore abdominals aside…I sincerely thank you.” He wheezed back.

“You’re welcome,” Tav sighed, “and welcome back.” She nudged his arm slightly.

“Thank you for your help.” Tav looked back over to Halsin. “I suppose proper introductions are in order.” She wanted to put her embarrassing display from earlier behind her.

“This is Gale, that’s Karlach back there, and Astarion standing next to her.” She pointed to each of her companions as she introduced them. Karlach waved enthusiastically, Gale was still bent over catching his breath, and Astarion wiggled his fingers seductively in their direction.

“A pleasure, truly. Might I ask how you found me?” Halsin looked between the four of them.

“We’ve been to the Emerald Grove, it’s in danger.” Tav responded. She quickly filled Halsin in on their adventure so far. Kagha’s alliance with the Shadow Druids, the cult of the Absolute, the mercenaries that had escaped from the goblins. She paused, trying to decide if she should tell him about the tadpoles yet. Before she could continue, Halsin held a hand out in front of her.

“That look in your eyes…” He said quietly. A golden glow surrounded her as Halsin closed his eyes in concentration.

“Oakfather preserve you child, you’re infected, aren’t you?” He jerked his hand back to his side. Tav placed a hand on her sword, prepared for a fight. Halsin held his hands up innocently.

“It’s no coincidence that you found me, I wager. I’ve been studying these tadpoles. They’re different from how mind flayers typically procreate.”

Halsin launched into a summary of his research surrounding the tadpoles. Of course, there wasn’t going to be a simple cure for their affliction. He confirmed that their tadpoles were special, altered, just as they suspected. He was also able to give them their next destination, Moonrise Towers. She froze at the mention of Moonrise. It was their first solid lead since the nautiloid crashed, but the news filled Tav with dread. She knew all too well the evil that besieged that land. Without thinking, she stepped close to Halsin, leaning in so only he could hear her. She reached up and grabbed his arm, trying to keep her balance.

“You’re sure that’s where we need to go?” She asked quietly, in Elvish. “That is no easy task.”

His expression softened and he gave her a knowing look in response.

“You know of this place?” He lowered his voice to match hers, as smooth as his voice was before, it was nothing compared to hearing him speak their native tongue.

“Unfortunately, yes. I would not go back there unless I had no other choice.” Tav’s hand was starting to shake slightly against his arm, but he placed his other hand over hers to steady it. His hands were lightly calloused but warm and comforting. She felt the blushing feeling returning to her face.

“It will be dangerous, but it can be done. And perhaps, we can see the light there again.” He whispered back. His voice was hopeful, but his face was a mask of pain.

We? Before she could respond, she heard Astarion clear his throat loudly.

“Care to include us in your little whispers, darlings?” He practically sang the words.

Tav quickly let go of Halsin but noticed his hand lingered on hers for just a fraction of a second longer.

“Don’t be jealous, love. There’s enough of me to go around.” She composed herself and flashed a teasing grin at him.

“Thank you, Halsin. At least we know where to go now.” Tav turned back to face him.

“Wait,” He called after her, “I could accompany you if you’ll have me. I’ve long sought to return to Moonrise.”

“Great!” Tav said a little too quickly. “We just have to find a way to sneak through this camp and we can get you back to the Emerald Grove. Could you shift into something small so we can sneak you out? Like a mouse or a bird?”

“I cannot do that.” Halsin said, his voice lower than before.

“So much for a powerful Archdruid.” Astarion murmured. Halsin pursed his lips.

“I cannot allow these butchers to continue to threaten the Grove. I have no right to ask it of you, but if you would lend me your aid in removing the goblins’ leadership, I would be free to join you on your journey.”

Tav considered his offer for a moment. They were a capable group of fighters, but there was an alarming number of goblins between them and the three leaders. Even with Halsin, she wasn’t sure if they could fight their way out. Then she thought back to the refugees, the tieflings sheltered in the Grove. Even if they could sneak past the entire camp, Zevlor and his kin would never be able to survive on the road. Halsin was right, they needed to take out the leaders.

“Having a shapeshifting bear-druid at my side might make things easier.” She smiled at him and held out her hand. “Welcome to the team.”

He smiled back at her and clasped her forearm, once again lingering just a little longer than she would have expected.

***

Halsin let go of Tav’s arm and took a moment to catch his breath. He had been in his bear form for days now, standing on two legs made him feel a little uneasy at the moment. The four strange adventurers in front of him had huddled close together, plotting their plan of attack on the goblin leaders.

His eyes wandered to Tav, who seemed to be their leader. A picture of elven beauty in his humble opinion. Her long white-blonde hair was tied back in a braid that was currently slung over one of her shoulders, several strands had worked their way out of the confines of the braid and swirled around her head. The long scar that ran over her nose and right cheek looked like it had been caused by a claw of some kind based on the shape of the edges. She had a rugged look to her, like she had been in the wilds long before she was abducted by mind flayers. But something was off. He listened as she strung together a plan with her companions, effortlessly doling out assignments and orders, commanding their attention despite their tired state. There was a noble air about her, but he hardly knew of any nobles who would prefer stomping around in the wilderness over the comforts of their estates.

Seeing her now, it was hard to believe their initial awkward encounter had happened. She seemed so confident and sure of herself talking with her companions. He wasn’t a stranger to others being caught off guard by his appearance. Given her own beauty he was surprised that she would have any trouble forming words of flattery. She seemed witty enough and happy to flirt back at the pale elf in her company. He would have assumed she had suitors lined up from here to Neverwinter, so why would he elicit such a flustered response from her? Regardless, he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a slight pull in his chest looking at her. It had been quite some time since anyone looked at him with any kind of desire in their eyes. As for her awkward fumbling, he found it rather endearing. He pushed the thoughts away for now, he couldn’t allow himself to be distracted, not when he finally had a chance to correct so many of the mistakes from his past.

At some point while he was lost in his thoughts, Tav had summoned a large wolf to her side. The beast paced around her protectively, the smells in this wretched hideout were no doubt overwhelming to it. Halsin met its eyes, causing the wolf to freeze. He kept calm, careful not to startle it. Making a small lap around the others, it walked over to stand in front of him, still crouched in a protective stance.

“Lunari! Here girl!” Tav shouted.

Halsin carefully lowered his eyes, continuing to stand still. The wolf tentatively circled around him, sniffing around his legs. Seeming satisfied, she moved back over towards Tav and plopped down on her haunches in front of her, tail wagging slightly. Such a loyal creature, he thought to himself. Tav was absentmindedly scratching Lunari’s ears, causing her to lean against her legs and wag her tail faster. A friend of nature indeed.

Halsin thought back to Tav’s reaction to Moonrise. She had to know of the curse. When he looked into her eyes, he saw the same fear that had haunted his reflection for the last century. There were so few still alive who knew of that tragedy, let alone who had lived it. Now, it seemed that he may have found another who shared that burden.

“Okay, I think this gives us as good a chance as anything.” Tav’s voice rang through the room. “Anything to add?” Astarion’s hand shot up in the air, but Tav gave him a look that caused him to lower it again. She took a deep breath and motioned for them to head for the door. Halsin took the cue to wildshape back into his bear form. He padded up behind Tav, braced and ready to follow her into battle.

#Someone take this man away from me #i cannot be contained #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 halsin #halsin x tav #halsin silverbough #bg3 headcanons #bg3 brainrot #bg3 fluff #the tadfools

[pixie-in-a-moonlantern]

KILL ME LIKE A LOVER

Durgetash | explicit 18+ Enver Gortash x f!Durge / Halsin Silverbough x f!Durge smut, sex, p in v sex; homicidal urge, light bondage in a non-sexual setting, graphic threats of violence; prolonged emotional/physical hurt, comfort, fluff, love confession, 2 romantic relationships (separate for now, hinting at possible future poly f!Durge/Halsin/Gortash)

❗ Closely follows events of the first fic: I Don't Like You (Tumblr | AO3)

Read on AO3 for more context and comfort (I'll be very grateful if you toss me a kudo there as well, even if you read and reblog here ♥ - remember, fic writers share their work for free!)

13,795 words in 10 chapters

My Spotify playlist for this couple »

“You’re back,” he whispers, and an almost maniacal glow radiates from him. “And something in you is drawn to me, I can see it. It makes me hopeful.” He tilts his head to the side and brushes hair away from my neck. “Did you really not expect me to use every resource at my disposal to convince you to stay?”

I gulp. Gods, I should never have gone to see him. Some things are best left buried, some fires best left extinguished. But I poked a bibberbang and now my world is ablaze.

01 She walks escorted.

The Watcher walks beside me the whole way to Wyrm's Rock. I try keeping my head down, but any hope of not being noticed is lost with every thundering step the Watcher takes. People hold the Baldur's Mouth gazettes and point at the hallowed hero as she walks escorted to the City's would-be savior for an audience.

I wish I could just open up a portal to the Hells in the sidewalk and jump in. Gortash is going to pay for this one.

We finally reach the elevator to the audience hall and the stupid clanker squeezes in with me. I bulge my eyes, just about ready to go on a murder spree.

"Seriously? It goes straight up into the tower, where else do you think I could go?"

"There is no need for alarm, citizen," the Watcher assures me monotonously, not moving an inch. "I was instructed to deliver you safely directly to the Archduke, Lord Gortash."

"Would you chill with the 'Archduke' already?" I groan, head lulled back. "You know he's not one yet, right? No matter how many times you repeat it."

The Watcher doesn't respond. Perhaps Gortash expects such quips from people and instructs his hellish machines to not react. Or—perhaps if I was other people the metal hulk would just smash me on the spot for such a comment. Fucking tyrant.

What was even wrong with me when I willingly worked with this man, having just as deprived plans for the Sword Coast myself? Did I accidentally get lobotomized into a sane person? That would be one Hell of a joke on fate. And on Bhaal.

I imagine he must be simmering in his own rage, watching his prized child run around helping refugees. That little fantasy cheers me up. I lean on the side of the elevator and just chuckle to myself through the ride, mocking Daddy dearest in the relative privacy of my skull.

The Audience hall is deserted once more. The Steel Watch form a line in between the columns from the entrance to the dais on the other side, standing at attention. It's like some sort of welcoming ceremony, but just for little ol' me.

I reluctantly scale the acres of red carpet over stone flooring, feeling my chest tighten.

Gortash watches me as I approach, the remote-control suit of armor still stomping next to me. This time, he sits on the throne in all his grimy glory like the shameless usurper he is.

Except... he doesn't look grimy. Did he bathe again? What in the Hells does he think he can pressure me into doing?!

... again.

If there's a term for how his face simultaneously brightens and darkens, I can't recall, but that's exactly what happens. He's happy to see me and has very unsavory thoughts about it.

The Watcher only peels off my path once I'm literally at the lowest steps before the dais. I cross my arms over my chest and give Gortash my most unamused expression, even though my heart is racing with both fear and excitement.

He smiles as if he didn't notice it and opens his arms wide in a grand welcoming gesture. "My dearest assassin," he exclaims, voice warm like sunshine.

"Yeah, right, whatever," I roll my eyes. "So what, do I just stand here, like a pleb before their master, or did you have something civil in mind?"

He leans back in his seat and pats his thigh, a smirk playing around his lips. "You can always come sit on my lap."

Indignation and an unwelcome spark of lust flood my chest. I let out a bestial growl, not quite sure if I mean to intimidate him or my inner demons.

Gortash chuckles and, to my surprise, actually stands from his throne and steps down, until he's face-to-face with me.

It's hard to say whether he made it better or worse. I try to keep my gaze from wandering down his ridiculously low cleavage, but looking into his eyes is not much safer. They gleam with both smugness and affection and my stupid heart flutters.

"How lovely to see you, Nara," he drawls, sight approvingly gliding up and down my body. "I love how you chose to wear your custom made version of my gauntlet."

I sigh. I should've known he would bring it up.

I woke up on the nautiloid wearing that thing. I didn't remember anything about it, but it looked badass and was also quite useful. I store a healing potion in the socket and even the claws have come in handy in a pinch.

I didn't feel like getting rid of it when I noticed him wearing the same thing in Moonrise, because I grossly underestimated the significance. I just thought he set off a new trend among Baldurians and I wasn't immune to the allure. Happens to the best of people, right?

After I made the mistake of having sex with my ex, I figured ditching it won't help me anyway—if I do it now, it will only show him that I care.

"I didn't exactly have time to change for you, Gortash," I sneer. "You had your metal munchkin threaten me into coming here. It paraded me through the town, taking the busiest route. What do you think I am to you? Your lapdog? Your fucking mascot?"

Despite my derisive tone, he chances a step closer and my heart jumps up into my throat.

"You came to see me yourself first, remember? No one forced you."

"Well, at least no one saw me then," I bitch.

"Too bad," he bites his lip, coming closer.

He slowly, cautiously reaches out and runs the backs of his fingers along my jaw. I grit my teeth in an effort to not show it, but I like it too much to make him stop. He smiles contentedly and keeps lightly touching my face.

"You're back," he whispers, and an almost maniacal glow radiates from him. "And something in you is drawn to me, I can see it. It makes me hopeful." He tilts his head to the side and brushes hair away from my neck. "Did you really not expect me to use every resource at my disposal to convince you to stay? Nara?"

I gulp. Gods, I should never have gone to see him. Some things are best left buried, some fires best left extinguished. But I poked a bibberbang and now my world is ablaze.

"Do your friends know what you did the other night?" he smirks, smarminess making its comeback in his voice. "Does your druid know?"

"I tell him everything," I say equally smugly, finally gaining some leverage. "He's the most wholesome man I know. He's not trying to own me or isolate me like some."

A shadow of irritation and disappointment dims the self-satisfaction in his face. Point for me.

"Karlach wasn't so understanding," I continue, narrowing my eyes. "She's worried about me falling for you. I told her it's a ridiculous notion, but she proceeded to make me feel better by describing how she's going to disembowel you if you hurt me."

He scoffs. "I can imagine. She always was a crude weapon. Effective, but crude. Nothing like your refined style." His gaze softens again when he gently combs the hair on my temple with the claws of his gauntlet. "You never used brute force, yet there was no one you couldn't break. I wouldn't have been an exception, but you stayed your hand. Against your father's explicit wishes, apparently."

"I'll break you right now if you want," I say in a trembling voice. His tone and touch are doing things to me. I'm getting scared and the Urge in me is trying to respond to the stress with violence.

His mouth stretches into a delighted smile. "I'm sure you'd like that. But so would he. I thought you were done being his good girl?"

My throat goes dry as I recall the night it all went awfully wrong. When I failed to do my duty one too many times. When I got my reward for disobedience.

"What Orin did to me," I croak, "was Bhaal's punishment for my refusing to kill you."

Once Gale understood the predatory patterns of his former lover, he got eerily good at interpreting gods' behavior. He gave me more answers than even Gortash managed to. Knowing this lifted a certain weight off my mind; I wasn't just discarded for being useless—I was being a bad murderer to Daddy and he decided to teach me a lesson.

Gortash's face goes slack for a moment, before darkening with realization. He didn't know. Or he didn't want to. It was easier to blame Orin's ambition.

"So, yeah, I'm done being his tool. If I do kill you, Enver," I'm the one to reach for him this time, running a fingertip down that enticing window of his shirt, "I'll be killing you for myself."

He gulps, fumbling for lost balance. "Incorrect, sweetheart. It was punishment for loving me. Not calling it what it is doesn't make it any less true."

"Did I, though?" I've had a long sleepless night thinking about it. "I was a naive, brainwashed cultist. Did I really choose you? Or were you just convenient? The only man around with enough balls to risk it with me, maybe? Or worse: the only one who figured how easy it would be to use me?"

I'm hissing by the time I finish the last sentence and I can see how close to home it hits. His chest heaves and he takes a few steps back, turning from me. I can't see his face, so I assume he's looking for a way to refute my accusations.

"I don't know."

His voice is so small I can barely hear it. Small and vulnerable, filled with insecurity. I'm once again reminded of the image I created of the little boy Gortash treated to neglect and betrayal instead of love, and I feel the telltale stinging in my eyes.

He slowly turns back, his expression a pure emotional chaos.

"I... don't know if you chose me," he says a little louder this time, but still sounds so... lost. "One day we just... were and..." His eloquence bends under the heft of his uncertainty. "It was so easy to be with you, so... natural. I..." He closes his eyes against the turmoil raised by the memories. "At first I figured you were just having a bit of fun rebelling against Bhaal, but... You were so amazing. So warm, when your Urge was satisfied. I've never... no one ever made me feel like you did."

The only things I knew of our relationship were what he told me. I imagined it a lot different than what it sounds like now, after he suffered a sobering blow to his ego. I can't know how much of this is genuine... but he suddenly painfully reminds me of Astarion, the way he fumbles in the dark as soon as his winning act falls apart.

I know he's not a good man. I've heard plenty about the things he's done—and is still doing. But how much of his flaws can I blame on nature when I also know what he's been through? He's a survivor. No one is inherently evil—not even me.

The people you surround yourself with have a profound effect on you. Even Astarion's worst traits are being slowly worn down in the unexpected acceptance he's receiving. If it had been Gortash who was betrayed, almost killed and taken, and then found by such a wholesome group of similarly afflicted weirdos, would he have remained selfish and cruel? Or would he have chosen a better path, like me?

"I thought I was a 'horrible influence' on you." I swallow hard. I shouldn't believe a word he says... but I do.

"You were," he shrugs casually. I find him a lot more pleasant without the air of fake grandeur. "We did wonderfully bad things together, things I wouldn't have thought of myself. But that was your heritage." He studies my face for a second, longing in his eyes. "No one taught you to be silly and fun. No one taught you to be gentle. No one taught you how to appreciate more than blood and guts in people. You bloomed with all colors like a flower, when we were alone."

I blink the tears away and hug myself. No wonder Bhaal got mad. He wasn't raising me to be gentle and fun. He wanted a devoted follower. He wanted to own me. And yet I seem to have found myself in someone else instead of him.

He couldn't smite him, so he took it out on me.

"Then why can't I remember any of this?" I whisper. "My murdering days keep coming back to me. But the picture where you should be is blank."

I don't expect it and certainly don't wish for it, but Gortash notices my discomfort and rushes to me. He takes my shoulders and squeezes them reassuringly.

"You are his creation," he says grimly. "He has the power to restore everything within you. It's clear why he chooses only the parts without me: for the same reason he had Orin attack you. You were a different person with me—a person he didn't like and didn't need. He won't let you remember me as long as your blood belongs to him."

I'm getting overwhelmed. I feel used, manipulated, trapped. I feel my fear and smell the scent of my blood as Orin's beating the life out of me, calling me slurs I've never heard of. I feel as if someone's invisible hand presses on my windpipe and I sense a dreadful but familiar presence.

"NO!" I'm shaking my head wildly, trying to push him out. The world seems to blacken around me, but I keep fighting. "I'M DONE WITH YOU, YOU HEAR?!" I yell blindly at the ceiling, pulling on my hair.

YOU CAN NEVER BE 'DONE' WITH ME, CHILD.

I gasp when his voice thunders in my brain without having gone through my ears. It's deafening and it's all around me, smothering me.

YOUR CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION. GIVE IN. OBEY. BEFORE YOU FORCE ME TO END YOU.

I shudder and shrink into myself, falling to my knees, cradling my head. I'm suspended in agony for several impossibly long seconds... then my vision goes black.

02 Daddy sets an ultimatum.

"...Talas... Talas!"

My head is pounding and feels like it's stuffed with cotton. Someone's calling out my name... but it's not really my name.

"Nara!"

There it is. But it feels wrong. I feel movement, but can't tell what's happening.

"You know what," I grumble and I'm surprised to hear my own voice, "I've changed my mind. I hate the way you say it."

"Thank the devils," I hear Gortash snort. "As names go, exchanging 'Talas' for 'Nara' is a pure downgrade."

I open my eyes. Red mist is clouding my gaze. I feel thirsty and hungry. A rough palm cups my chin and a violent jerk runs through my body, making my teeth snap and try biting it. But the hand is strong and its grip tightens enough to hold me still.

"Easy now," Gortash hums, unbothered by my little attack. "You're safe. I'm safe. Let's work through it slowly. We've got all day."

I look up and find his face and it's the only thing I can clearly focus on. Everything else is muted, but his features are so sharp I squint at the intensity at first. But I understand. I know what I want now.

I want to kill him.

I grunt and try to reach for him, but I'm restrained. I look down through the red haze and see myself kneeling on red satin sheets. I'm still wearing all my clothes, but my boots, armor and gauntlet are off. The ties right above my elbows creak like tough leather as I strain against them, but I can clearly feel soft padding pressed against my skin. My wrists are bound in front of me. I can move, sit back, relax...

...but I need to KILL.

"Let. Me. Loose," I filter through my gritted teeth, almost foaming at the corners of my mouth like a rabid animal. Then a maniacal giggle gurgles in my throat. "And I'll show you something fun!"

"For fuck's sakes, you're beginning to sound like Orin," Gortash shakes his head in disappointment. "I'm sure you'd have fun, my dear, but if I'm not completely off my game, I believe you would regret it later. Maybe you would even cry for me?" His brows form a hopeful little arch, a soft smile playing on his lips. "I'm not keen on finding out, but I'd like to think you would."

I growl, pulling on my binds with all my strength.

"Don't be a spoilsport, Enver, come on!" I tease, baring my teeth, my tone dark, rough, vulgar. "I know you like the pain. I will cut you and slice you and bleed you real nice. You'll love it, I promise."

"Ssshhh," he soothes, caressing my face, skillfully evading my bites. "You can cut me when you calm down, Talas. You won't get to kill me today."

Anger jolts through me, hot like a branding iron. I lurch at him, uselessly dangling on the ends of the thick chains tying the leather cuffs to the bed frame.

"You will let me loose! And I'll tear you to pieces." My voice scratches like sandpaper. "I will slit your throat... and as you bleed out, I will lick blood off your soft skin." Growls turn to hisses. "I will drink blood from your sweet lips. I will shower in the thick stream of it as the last pathetic bubbles of your breath emerge and burst at the edges of the fresh cut. Then curl against your struggling chest to listen as your heart stops."

Gortash smiles as he listens, infuriatingly misty gaze softening his features.

"That sounds almost romantic," he purrs. He holds my hair firmly in his fist to keep my head steady and nuzzles my neck, slowly kissing a line from my shoulder up to my lobe. "I always thought the Urge was purely homicidal," he hums against my skin, "but is it possible you're mixing in your love and lust for me? Would you kill me like a lover?"

A chortle escapes my lips and I realize he's given me back a sliver of myself. I don't have the capacity to analyze if it were his words or his touch, but a tiny, heavily suppressed part of me suddenly knows what's happening. It knows this is not me. My Urge is spreading through me like a malignant growth, filling every inch of my torso, of my head, and that little piece of me is watching in horror.

No....

I let out a tortured moan and my head lulls back for a second. I can feel my body spasming and the agony is making it hard to keep my thoughts remotely clear. I hear my blood thrum in my ears, and a low voice speaks inside my skull:

It is wise to obey me. Yet you resist. You did not kill the Moonmaiden. You did not kill the druid. But you WILL kill the Tyrant's Chosen.

Or you will DIE in his place, child.

I feel tears trickle out of my eyes, even as my mouth is making raw, animalistic noises. The pressure in my temple grows so much I feel like my head is going to pop. It's excruciating, but I have no intention to submit. I fight with all my will, defiantly flipping off the god I didn't choose till the bitter end.

"En... ver," I squeeze through the teeth I grind so roughly my jaw hurts. My voice is but a wet wail, a desperate plea—but it's mine.

If I could focus on anything beside the blinding pain, I would see the alarm in his face. I register his hands on my arms, holding me upright. The sound of his voice carries over my head, but I can't distinguish the words. A high-pitched whine fills my ears. My vision fades to black again.

And I fully expect to not wake up this time.

03 We are still alive!

A chunk of void. A big skull in the center of it. Flames dancing in its eye sockets and around it. Almost playful.

I don't understand its meaning. Who am I, anyway?

Even though the skull is clearly before me, I can feel it surround me. It presses on my temples and squeezes my chest. I feel a headache of the century crush my head in its metal jaws.

A creature slinks from behind the skull. Hideous, covered in blood. Long body with a thick tail and four clawed arms. It hisses and chitters, spreading its toothy mandibles. Its beady little eyes are flashing with malice.

I cover my head with my arms as it jumps at me.

But it's not there anymore. I try to gasp, but a sick clicking sound comes out of my mouth instead. I hear rumbling laughter—the giant skull is pleased, it's mocking me.

I reach forward and instead of hands I see claws coated in fresh blood...

.

...and I wake up screaming.

There's water everywhere. I thrash and splash and heave for breath, but my arms are wrapped tight around me and my wrists and ankles bound. I accidentally splash water into my mouth, breathe it in and start choking.

Someone's big, strong, incredibly warm hands fish me out and steady me, patting my back, helping me cough. I hear a soft rumble, but this time it's not eerie and foreboding—it's familiar and soothing. A broad palm strokes my wet hair, humming comforting sounds in my ear.

"You are safe, my love. I'm here."

I lift my heavy eyelids and look up. Halsin's beautiful face is in my view and my heart is uplifted. He puts a cold compress over my forehead and I feel a little better.

"Halsin," I squeeze out of my burning throat, failing to make it sound as loving as I felt.

He smiles anyway and his eyes sparkle with affection.

"You will be alright, my heart. I will take care of you."

"I will too," I hear another voice and Gortash steps into view, obviously annoyed by Halsin taking all the credit. He's hugging his chest, nibbling on the ends of his gold claws, looking anxious and worried.

I finally realize where I am. It's Gortash's study. The flames roar in the fireplace next to the bathtub and all lamps are lit: it's dark behind the tall windows. Through the finally calm water I see my body, completely naked.

But none of those things are important right now.

"Come closer, Enver," I croak, failing to produce a seductive voice, sounding like a hag instead. "Untie me, let's have some fun. We haven't finished what we've started."

Halsin and Gortash exchange glances. It only ticks off my Urge. I flail back and forth in the tub for a second, trying to loosen the binds, but they were put on by someone who knew what they were doing. It infuriates me, tearing a ragged scream from my lungs.

"COME CLOSER, BABY, AND LET ME GUT YOU!"

"Nara," Halsin pleads softly, stroking my hair again, putting back the compress I shook off and adding one to the back of my neck. "You will get through this, I promise. The tepid water and the cold compresses should help lower your blood pressure, so you don't suffer an aneurysm. You popped many blood vessels before you passed out. That's why Gortash called me here."

I feel the Urge let up just a smidge when the cool rags press on my aching head and Halsin's voice and touch give me comfort. I try to breathe deeply and steadily. But no matter how hard we both try, it's no use. I take one look at distressed Gortash and the pull is back in full strength.

"Have you experienced this before?" Gortash asks, doing his best to ignore my rabid growls.

"She woke me up in camp several nights ago," Halsin nods somberly. "Refusal to kill Isobel redirected the Urge at the person closest to her heart, as punishment. She came to me before it overtook her and put her trust in me. It lasted the whole night, but she won in the end. But it was not this bad..."

"He..." I try to utter words that are not permitted to leave my lips. I fight my own muscles to continue. "Said... He... Dies or... I do."

Halsin's brows join in surprise and he glances at Gortash again, whose face darkens even more.

"Sounds like we really pissed Bhaal off this time. She screamed at him, defying him, before the Urge took over. I was just an outside observer, but I figured he was communicating with her. Seems like we know the gist of the conversation now."

"What were you doing?" Halsin wonders.

"Nothing much," Gortash shrugs evasively. "Talking. Talas was learning more about our past, about how and why she came to such an unceremonial end in the cult. Said none of her memories of me returned to her. Clearly Bhaal's job."

"Nhhhnnnhhhng!" I add my gold to the discussion, thrashing in the tub again. I'm glad I'm at least able to follow their words, even though I can't contribute. Sweet images of me running my hands through Gortash's spilled guts flash in the back of my mind, but they're just white noise.

Halsin wipes my upper lip with a troubled expression. He lets go of me to touch the air in that divine way of his, to call upon Silvanus, and pulls healing energy out of nowhere, pressing it to my head with the broad palm of his hand. I breathe a little easier for a few moments.

"If this goes on for much longer, I'm afraid even I might not be able to help you," he sighs, squeezing his eyes shut, pressing his forehead to mine. I gulp and just moan in response, hoping my intonation will convey my thanks.

"I don't suppose we could trick the Urge somehow? Have her stab me a couple of times and then knock her out, and when she comes around I'll be lying in a pool of blood and... You get it."

Halsin chuckles in amusement.

"You would just let her stab you? Are you a masochist, or just so in love?"

"What kind of question is that?" Gortash growls defensively. "We have a problem. I'm offering a solution. If I had to die, I'd prefer it to be by her hand, but I plan no such thing just yet."

"I do not think it works quite like that," Halsin shakes his head. "But thank you for the offer."

"It's... my fault she's like this." Gortash's discomfort at admitting responsibility is evident. "I don't want her to die. So if you have ideas, I'll do anything to help."

"You can help me right now, Enver," I screech, failing to restrain myself. "Come here! Come and make love to me. But don't forget to untie me and bring me a knife. I'll show you a little trick! You'll be positively drained after I'm done with you."

"Perhaps the best thing you can do to help is to get out of her sight for now," Halsin suggests and only a touch of derision reaches his tone.

Gortash frowns and grumbles something under his breath, but takes his leave. There's only Halsin's broad form next to me now, effectively shielding me from seeing Gortash. My Urge immediately eases up and I lean back on the headrest, exhausted from fighting my own muscles.

It doesn't last long, though.

"Halsin?" I coo, swallowing hard as I feel another crushing wave of twisted need.

"Yes, my heart?" He bends down to kiss my forehead. It doesn't work as well as before, but I manage to hold back the instinct to bite.

"I love you," I tell him while I can still form words of my own choosing. "And I'm grateful for everything you do for me. Don't take this personally, but now that you're getting in my way of killing Gortash... I'm beginning to want to kill you, too."

He pulls away, but not far, and studies my face. I can see so much compassion in his eyes, but they're tired and he looks older. He wipes my upper lip again and sighs.

"This is going to be another long night, isn't it, my love?"

.

"Halsin, stop," I mumble weakly as he prepares another spell, looking more and more sapped every time. "Please. Just... let me go."

I'm so run down. The pain is debilitating. In the rare moments of peace, all I can do is float. My mind is fried, my organs struggling to keep running. I've had enough.

But the worst is the thought of accidentally pulling Halsin under with me.

"Do not even start," he growls. His voice sounds dry and spent, but he collects the healing energy and once more fixes some of the damage the high blood pressure has done to my vessels.

I want to cry, but I don't have the strength to do it. But I notice something: it's been really quiet for some time.

"Where's Enver?"

"He is... off trying something else."

The evasiveness would normally make me inquire, but the Urge lashes out again, spasming my body, forcing more horrible words out of my mouth.

"I WILL SKIN YOUR LUSCIOUS PELT, LITTLE BEAR! I WILL WEAR IT ON MY BODY AS I WATCH YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS TO PUT YOUR GUTS BACK IN YOUR BELLY. I WILL—"

04 Unbearable lightness of unprecedented fluff.

I feel like I must have died when I open my eyes and nothing hurts anymore. The world is soft and quiet, the water around me like a blanket, the dim flickering lights enhancing the peaceful silence. Perhaps this was the afterlife.

"Welcome back."

I don't recognize the voice at first. I slowly turn my head to find Halsin—

—but I look into Gortash's worn out face, languidly blinking at me. I see a giant bear slumped on the rugs by the bathtub, exhausted from keeping me alive.

I watch Gortash in fear for a little moment. But there's no tug, no agony this time. I only feel... slight elation. My weary heart flutters, tapping into its last reserves of power.

"Enver," I whisper, letting my eyelids fall. I feel his palm cup my cheek and his lips plant a soft kiss on my forehead. Tears stream down my face, but I can't gather enough strength to sob.

It's over. It's really over. At least for now.

"Sshh," he coos quietly, combing my hair. "Do you feel like you can handle moving to the bed? I'm afraid you'll melt if you stay in that bathtub for much longer."

I take a few breaths and nod. The instant I move, I can feel all my muscles scream in protest, but I push myself through it. He's right, my skin is getting tender from soaking so much, I can't just sleep here anymore.

He unties me and that's when the ache in my arms and hands joins the party, making me whimper. I've struggled against my own body for hours and hours with only short reprieves of unconsciousness. It's taken a heavy toll. But I'm alive, and so is everyone else.

My legs are so wobbly I slip back into the water a few times, splashing around, sprinkling sleeping Halsin. His snout twitches and I hear a grumble, but he doesn't wake up. Poor thing.

Gortash is trying to hold me upright, but his angle is all wrong, standing next to the tub. But on my fourth try I manage. I just lock my knees and hope it'll be enough for a minute. I notice the water in the bath is surprisingly fresh after housing me for so long, but it's already draining—someone must've changed it several times during the night.

I gasp in surprise when warm drops start raining down on my head and shoulders.

"Another handy technological marvel," Gortash smiles. "Just try to keep yourself on your feet. Let me wash you."

He takes a sponge and a bar of soap and begins slowly rubbing my skin under the gentle, refreshing shower.

I'm too busy keeping my knees locked and staying awake to have any deep opinions on why he's being so caring. My foggy, tired mind is simply enjoying his attention.

He's gentle and thorough and doesn't shirk from any part of me, but doesn't linger for longer than necessary. I mistily welcome the muted rush of excitement his touch gives me and close my eyes, fully trusting him like I only could with my marbles scattered all over the floor.

"Mmm," escapes my lips. I don't know words, but apparently I can make sounds.

"Sit back down, I'll wash your hair," Gortash commands softly.

I sit curled up, my eyes shut, jaw slack, little mewls of pleasure coming out of my mouth. His fingers caress my scalp in circular motions, coaxing some blood back into my skin. It melts away my tension and feels so good against the leftover headache that still throbs in my skull.

Gortash picks up the shower head and rinses the shampoo foam off my hair. It finally hits me that it smells like him. I let out a quiet chuckle. Doesn't he have a special flower scented bottle for his feminine conquests? Maybe he just likes marking them this way.

He helps me stand back up again, dabs me with a towel and then wraps me in a robe.

"Come here, princess," he murmurs and pulls me into his arms.

And he carries me to the bed. I don't think I would protest even if I had the energy. I may be a strong independent woman... but this is nice.

He pushes a tray of food and drink to me and we both eat in silence. I can't force much into my wrecked throat, but I thirstily guzzle all the water and wine. The slight buzz is not helping my overused veins, but it does wonders for my cramped muscles.

Then I lie on my side, watching him freshen up and change. I finally have plenty of time and no capacity for shame; I take in every detail of him I can spot. The toned muscles of his legs. The line of fine dark hair on his chest going to his groin. The way his thick hair softly reflects light when it's crisp clean. The pleasant, earthy color of his skin. Every glance he tosses over to check up on me.

My heart flutters again. I gulp hard and convince my eyes to close, so I can't see any more of him.

Suddenly the mattress beside me sinks and I can feel him next to me. The warmth from his body envelops me, his scent fills my lungs and I find myself looking into his dark eyes. My poor blood pressure spikes again and I try making my gulps for air subtle, but I can see the delighted amusement deepen his crow's feet.

"Sleep," he sighs, studying my face. "You need to rest to get your strength back."

He runs his fingers through my damp hair and kisses my temple. His skin is soft and warm, but his short stubble and rough palms leave a tickling sensation that's driving me wild. I inhale a lungful of him and press my mouth to his jaw, testing the scratchy surface against my lips.

I can hear his breath quicken and feel his hand move to my shoulder and rub the silk of my borrowed robe. I take his face in my hands and bite this time—just a little, letting my teeth graze the stubble, enjoying the sweet scratch—and I hear a moan.

I forget myself. I forget who he is. I just want to keep tasting his skin.

His mouth is on mine. I hungrily welcome him in. His hand roams my body, kneading my flesh—mine frantically search his every surface, unable to decide where to stay. Perhaps I'm just cold from exhaustion, but I feel like he's radiating more heat than an average human being. I bathe in the warmth, pulling myself as close as possible.

The way he pulls air in through his teeth when I bite his lip is like music to my ears. How is this man so edible? He drags his fingertips across my face and I suck his thumb into my mouth. The low rumble of his chuckle travels right to the knot in my lower belly and my eyes roll back.

He presses me flush to his body, molding my flesh, and I let out a feral groan, grabbing fistfuls of his thick hair and pulling. I need him. I need him now.

His mouth moves to my neck, but he doesn't kiss and nibble like I want him to, he takes me by the nape and immobilizes me. I can hear his ragged breath in my ear as I blink in bewilderment.

"Talas," he exhales desperately. "I know your opinion of me has taken a sharp dive... but I don't fuck mentally compromised women."

He lets me pull away and I stare at him in doubt. He snorts, shrugging.

"Alright, I guess sometimes I do," he admits, "but I just know you'll wake up in the morning with your wits intact and hate me for taking advantage of you."

The hum of blood in my ears quiets down as I swallow my disappointment. Tears sting in my eyes; I can't tell why, but I feel robbed. He sighs and pulls me closer again, but only to hug me.

"I've missed you so much," he whispers into my hair. "I don't want to ruin this." Running his fingers through my hair once more, spreading soothing tingling over my skin, he rocks me gently. "Sleep. I promise I'll make it up to you later... if you still want me to."

I can barely hear his last words, but I sense the uncertainty in his tone. The pressure around my chest tightens and I wrap my arms around him and hold on. The pleasurable hormones surrender the stage to the exhaustion in my muscles and bones. I feel myself falling asleep even before my consciousness drifts off.

05 Warm bodies.

The soft light creeping in through my closed eyelids rouses me gently, but I'm so tired everything still feels like a dream. I cling to my drowsiness and try to go back to sleep again.

Then I feel a warm palm on my hip, stroking the silky fabric covering me.

I shift slightly, moving into the touch, and the hand slowly travels across my back. Another joins it, caressing my thigh. I moan quietly, reaching out for a body to hold—

—and I find two. Both are very warm and my hungry touch is ecstatic to feel each pressed to one side of me. I gently squirm between them, rubbing myself against soft muscle that eagerly responds in kind. Their musky scent is both soothingly familiar and enticingly erotic. I can hear two breaths and two sets of soft sighs as I let my palms feel my way across their skin.

I open my eyes and meet Gortash's sleepy eyes watching me. My heart jumps up into my throat and I jolt into a sitting position. I turn to find Halsin on the other side—probably crawled onto the bed when he felt strong enough to move again.

"Shit," I mumble under my breath, quickly removing myself off the satin sheets.

"And it was just getting good," Gortash laments wistfully, a tone of amusement coloring his raspy voice.

"Seriously? Jokes?" I pull my robe tighter around my body, suddenly self-conscious about being completely naked under a thin layer of translucent fabric, and prop my hands against my hips. "Did you even realize you were groping me right next to my partner?"

"As I recall, you were enthusiastically groping me back, sweetheart," he smirks. "A few hours back you didn't mind making out in front of him."

I gape mutely at them both for a second.

"I was out of my mind!"

Halsin groggily drags himself off the bed and holds me close, patting my back comfortingly.

"I'm sorry," I hum into his chest.

"There is nothing to be sorry for, my heart." He kisses the top of my head.

I push away to look at him sternly. "Yes, there is. You've spent your whole night taking care of me at great cost to yourself and the first thing I do when I'm finally okay is this? Not even my mental state is an excuse. I only want to make you feel loved and safe, not uncomfortable and uncertain. I don't deserve you."

Instead of appreciating my commitment, albeit failed, I see pain flash in his eyes.

"Halsin?" I sniffle, my chest filling with dread. "Please don't leave me."

His expression melts into a touched one. He cups my face and smiles softly.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise," he rasps. "Not until you decide otherwise, my love. You have nothing to fear. I will always be by your side, for as long as you'll have me."

I feel tears trickle down my face, the relief mixing into my terror tapping a generous stream.

"Now I'm sorry," he sighs, futilely trying to wipe my tears away with his fingers. "I misunderstood. I thought..."

He didn't have to explain. It didn't even come to mind at first, but I figured it out.

"You thought I would replace you with him?" I chuckle through the turmoil in my chest. "Not in a million years."

"Yes, don't mind me," Gortash growls and removes himself from the bed as well. His face looks like it's carved from stone, cold and hard. We both watch him as he locks himself in the next room, leaving us alone.

"I think you hurt his feelings," Halsin says quietly and I can hear commiseration in his voice. "He really is in love with you, sweet thing."

"Well, I'm not in love with him," I snap. "I don't want to have anything to do with him."

I'm still raw from the suffering Bhaal has inflicted on me, and the realization of just how much my heart has softened towards Gortash puts me on edge. The possibility of hurting Halsin through another bit of my unfortunate past just piles on top of that.

"Far be it from me to push you towards another man," he smirks, mild amusement creeping into his expression. "But I don't want you to limit yourself on my behalf, Nara. I thought you understood that I don't wish to own you." He takes my hands and kisses my knuckles. "If that is what you need, you are free to be with anyone else to any extent you deem necessary for your happiness. I only want you to be safe and happy by my side. That is my only goal."

I close my eyes and let him lean his forehead against mine.

"You know that's my goal too, right?" I mumble.

I can sense he doesn't believe my words—never have. But I haven't figured out why. I really mean it. He's the ray of sunshine in my bleak days. I want him to keep shining at all costs, even if I'm not the one basking in the beams.

"You deserve all the joy you can get, my heart," he whispers. "Do not make me the one to stand in your way. I will always wait for you to come back home to me."

I swallow a new wave of tears. "Then let's go right now."

"No," he sighs. "I will go. You seem to have unfinished business here. When you are ready, find me in camp. I believe you are safe here, at least for as long as you don't try to kill him first," he chuckles.

"I just might," I grouse. "He's playing a dangerous game here. I didn't think he'd be so bold to try to seduce me in front of you. Didn't he notice how big you are? Doesn't he think you'd rip him to pieces if he pisses you off?"

"I think he knows he has a chance." Halsin gives me a slightly patronizing glance, likely getting tired of my refusal to acknowledge my weakness. "Doesn't he?"

"I don't want to have anything to do with him," I repeat, but my voice falters.

He smiles, presses his face to mine and inhales deeply. "I can smell your arousal, little duck," he chastises softly, combing my hair with his fingers.

"That's for you, too," I frown, a little embarrassed, recalling the unexpectedly pleasant first moments of my morning.

"I know," he nods and this time I can tell he's certain. "But you two have history. Unless you explore this road, you might spend the rest of your life wondering 'what if'... I don't want that for you. I don't want that for myself. Whatever you do, I would like you to be sure that you're not missing out on something. I will be here if you decide to come back to me."

I have no more to say. I let him press a kiss to my lips and watch him exit the room. I don't follow. I keep standing where he left me, hugging my shoulders.

"I can't believe you actually stayed."

I whip around to find Gortash in the doorframe, dressed and tidied up, shaved and smelling fresh. He's leaning on the doorframe and though his face is still grim, his swagger doesn't seem to have suffered irreparable damage.

"Don't congratulate yourself just yet, Enver," I sneer.

"Oh, don't be crabby, baby," he purses his lips in mock comfort. "You landed such a perfect boyfriend. I'm jealous, now I want one, too. Hurry up and break his soft heart—maybe he'll be interested in me instead."

"I'm not breaking his heart," I spit. "I love him."

That sentence makes him wince, but he recovers in record time, smirking like the bad boy he is.

"Then maybe I'll break it for you. When he's no longer there to enable you, will you run back into my arms?"

I don't realize I'm moving before I have his stupid tall collar bunched up in a fist, pushing him against the door. I bare my teeth, my nose a hair's-width away from his. My tortured muscles protest against such treatment, but the rush of adrenaline outvotes them.

"Touch him and I'll kill you," I hiss into his face. "Stone or no stone."

The initial flash of surprise, even fear, is quickly replaced with a seductive smile.

"Gods, I missed this fire," he grunts, grabbing my waist and pulling me flush to his body. "Too bad your devotion belongs to another now."

I tear from his grasp, gritting my teeth so hard they squeak. I don't know what else to do; hurting him only gave him twisted pleasure. So I stomp off to the bathroom, looking for my things, so I can leave this cursed place already.

06 Payback is a bitch.

I dress up in my clothes that feel like they've been freshly cleaned and pressed, and complete my morning routine with the conveniently offered supplies left in the bathroom for me. As I put on my gauntlet I have to stop and lean against the sink. My thoughts are spiraling.

Remembering all that I've done since I arrived at this tower is making me hyperventilate. Gods, I really did nearly jump Gortash's bones. My reason was clearly damaged, but... Gathering my wits didn't erase the desire. I still want him. I hate everything he stands for... but I can barely resist him.

I stare into my scarred face in the mirror, hoping to understand my own mind. Even if I really used to love him in the past doesn't mean I should now. It physically hurts me to imagine Karlach's probable response to that. And Wyll's. And everyone's, really. Apart from some of my companions who would prefer to take control of the Brain, or even to actually team up with the Tyrant's Chosen, none would approve.

"Oh, fuck me," I mumble.

I close my eyes for a few long seconds, trying to get a hold of myself. It doesn't help; my mind is serving me memories of Gortash's gentle, respectful touch, in blinding contrast to what I thought I knew about him. How does that happen? Was he just that good at playing me? Or was it genuine?

Poor Halsin. Perhaps the thing that scares me most is his disapproval. Would he stay by my side if I succumbed to my twisted desires? Would he be open to sharing me with a man who doesn't care who he abuses as long as it serves his power-hungry agenda? Even he must have a limit to what he's willing to tolerate.

I slam my hand against the mirror and growl. I feel like I'm being split in two. One part will not let go of the beautiful, peaceful vision of what life can be with Halsin. The other... the darkness in me, one that has nothing to do with the Urge, craves to be nourished, to be recognized and utilized, to be accepted.

Can I have both? Or is that just a mad hope of a lobotomized freak?

I need to get out of here, now.

I rush out of the room, then into the Audience hall. I'm hoping it's deserted and no one will notice me leaving, but Gortash is once again comfortably seated on the throne, his alert eyes on me the second I come into his field of vision. I slump my shoulders and frown, turning to him.

"Hey, look," I choose a neutral tone, nonchalantly hooking thumbs in my pockets, "I gotta go. We have lots to do in the city. There's a vamp that begs to be staked, a pregnant hag on the loose, and also Orin's not gonna kill herself."

"Ah, yes," Gortash drawls, getting up and slowly sauntering towards me. "You're very busy. The slayer of Ketheric Thorm. The hero who's lifted the Shadow Curse. Pretty impressive."

I purse my lips, glaring at him. Of course he figured out it was us who exchanged his planned article in Baldur's Mouth for a puff piece on us.

"Yeah, it would be a shame if we were slandered instead of celebrated, don't you think?" I nip sarcastically.

"Why do you think I made you come here, my dear," he tosses me a sour grin. "You get in my way, I get in yours. You'd do best to remember that."

I roll my eyes, folding my arms over my chest. I actually considered thanking him for what he'd done for me tonight, but I'm not in the mood to do that anymore.

"Yeah, yeah. If you're done threatening me, mind letting me go? Like I said, lots to do. You want the netherstone, or not?"

Gortash stops maybe an inch from me and leans in to whisper in my ear: "You're not a prisoner here, sweetheart."

A powerful shiver runs through me, so strong I can't possibly hide it. His gaze slides down my body and lips twist in a delighted, sinful smirk. My breath hitches at the sight of him and his scent makes my throat go dry.

He pulls back to a little more respectful distance. "But I thought you might want to have that brunch on the balcony I planned for us yesterday. Don't worry," he chuckles, "I had my cook make us fresh food—birds seem to have eaten the last batch, anyway." His gaze lingers on my eyes, gauging my thoughts. "It's sunny outside. I want to sit with you, talk and enjoy the view from this tower."

Still reeling from the mind boggling reaction I'm having to his closeness, I swallow hard. 'What's the worst that can happen' isn't even a question here. I know what can happen. I know what my body, my own treacherous body, wants to happen. But maybe... just maybe... if I spend more casual time in his presence, this assault of hormones will stop.

After all, there's nothing more off-putting than really getting to know the horrible man you're attracted to. Could be just what I need to get over him.

07 What's the worst that can happen?

I let him lead me onto the balcony. Any thoughts get knocked out of me as soon as I lean over the stone wall and stare at the city stretching below us.

I've only spent two weeks here since we arrived, and from up-close it never quite seemed as grand as people tend to describe it. It's big and loud and overcrowded and smelly... But it seems gorgeous from this high above. No wonder Gortash wants to settle up here permanently.

I don't appreciate the thick atmosphere of this place. I miss the clean waters and animal white noise of the picturesque location the nautiloid crashed in. Even the Underdark is breathtaking in its menacing way.

This doesn't feel like home anymore. It's familiar, but I'm a different person.

Much like what I could say about Gortash. The fact that we used to be a thing shouldn't mean that we have to be it again.

I have so many questions it feels like a chunk of anxiety is balled up inside me—I don't even know what to ask specifically, I just know I need a lot of answers. I want to understand what happened between us and how. And how can a man so callous, so cruel to everything else be so gentle and sweet with me.

I have to know what game he's playing. Is he hoping to weaken me? Stab me in the back as soon as I kill Orin and take both the netherstones off my cooling flesh? Was any of what he showed me real?

"Heavy thoughts, Talas?"

I sigh and turn away from the view to see him comfortably sprawled on an actual rug stretched over the stone floor.

"Couldn't get a blankie?" I quip, shaking my head. "Your ass get too soft?"

"Well, since I don't have to live rough anymore, I just don't do it," he chuckles, tapping a spot next to him. "Come have some comfort, too. I imagine you're not used to it anymore, being on the road for so long."

"I think I pretty much forgot what comfort felt like when that Myrkulite bitch of a torturer got a hold of me," I say dryly as I make my way to the picnic. I immediately see the change in his expression and his fists clenching.

I sit down and stretch my legs in front of me. "Do all your Absolute lackeys respect you this much, or was she special?"

"That's still under investigation," he growls darkly. An image of his most loyal soldiers beating information out of the slightly less loyal soldiers crosses my mind. "The nerve on her. The nerve on Ketheric. He should've told me."

"I guess plotting to take over the world doesn't make for the best bonding time," I smirk, picking up a chalice of wine.

"True," he nods, deciding to wash his rage down with some wine as well. "This is not a circle of trust. I even had to kill a number of my own for being too ambitious. Mostly when they tried to assassinate me to take my place. Or get to me through you."

"Hm," I grimace, not ready to believe I was so important to him that he wouldn't sacrifice me in a blink of an eye if it brought him enough reward. "How do you know I won't kill you? Bhaal sounded pretty determined. He'll try again. You might not get so lucky this time."

"He won't. Not until you get rid of Orin."

I raise my eyebrows at him and toss a few grapes in my mouth. "How would you know?"

Gortash pauses, looking away, squinting at the sky.

"Last night I told her what was happening, got her properly pissed off. I promised you would come to her, which is what you want, anyway. She went to talk to him, to convince him she's capable of defeating you. I hoped she had the pull—and it looks like she does, because it worked. Bhaal wants you to ritually combat her at the Temple just a smidge more than he wants me dead—and can always make either of you do it later."

He says it in such a matter-of-fact tone as if he didn't just confess to virtually saving my life. I gape at him mutely, wine forgotten half-way to my lips.

"Well," I chuckle in disbelief, "I'm stunned that you didn't brag about it immediately."

"I knew you would see it as bragging, no matter when I told you," he rolls his eyes, chugging his wine. "So I wasn't going to. Until you asked."

I shrug and nod, admitting that's true. I'm always ready to believe the worst of him. Just in case.

"But you should know." He turns to me, face serious, gaze intense. He takes my hand and squeezes. "When Orin is dead, he will sic you on me. It won't matter what you feel or what your agenda is. This time he'll have no reason to relent, he will have one of us dead."

He sighs and tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear with the same tenderness I tasted last night. His eyes are warm and gentle.

"If nothing else works... I will let you kill me," he whispers and my breath catches in my throat. "Which is why I suggest you keep your word and we finish our plan together. If we're successful, we might have enough power to keep him away from us."

I watch his hair flow in the breeze around his face. He lets go of my hands and looks to the sky again, as if the endlessness of it helped him feel like he has more options, more freedom.

"So, at the least, we have until you kill her."

His voice is so heavy, raspy, wistful, I shiver again. He doesn't even suggest that we actually stay together or anything... he's just contemplating the near future, counting down days until he might not see me again. Or live.

"You would just let me kill you?" I ask, suddenly reminded of Halsin's similar question from last night. Gortash brushed it off then and I was too busy trying to survive, but it hits differently now.

I see his throat jump as he gulps. He seems to mull over his answer. Then squeezes his eyes shut.

"I began hatching the Absolute plan for my sake only. I wanted power and control. But then you came..." He flashes me a glance, almost shy. "And things changed. So slowly I didn't even notice at first. But I started to work towards a different goal. I wanted to make this work for us. Make the world the perfect place for us to be happy in. To do whatever we want, to have all the comforts, all the fun."

He pauses for a long time. I'm wracking my brain to try to remember something, anything, so that I could confirm his words, but the memory of him is still as incorporeal as before.

Before I figure out how to react, he speaks up again:

"I didn't know how differently it could end," he rasps and I'm in shock to notice his eyes getting somewhat wet. "How someone could hate me, hate you, so much that they would tear us apart and destroy everything." This time he looks at me steadily, though I can see how much effort it takes him to not let his sight run away again. "I love you, Talas. We were having so much fun I hadn't realized it... until I lost you."

I rapidly blink in utter bewilderment. My heart squeezes hard. I feel tears fighting their way out of my eyes. I can taste bitterness in the back of my throat. As if the only thing I could remember about our past is how heartbreaking it was to be separated from him like this.

And I realize that I believe him. It makes sense. Bhaal's ultimatum revealed one thing: this murder was personal to him. I really must have been in love with Gortash before my disappearance. Enough to make the Lord of Murder feel threatened and want our bond broken.

And I'm beginning to see why—to see past my initial impression of him, past his flaws and sins. It makes me scared. What happens if I give in to it, even if just for a little while?

But just how much time to decide do I really have?

08 Innocence of a guilty man.

Turns out, I don't need much time at all.

Gortash's confession was so raw it's impossible for me to stop thinking about it. He's quiet as we eat our breakfast, and so am I, but my head is buzzing. The alcohol doesn't help hold my walls up, but I don't think being sober would save me now.

'We only have until you kill Orin.'

That could be mere days. We've only just arrived, but already met her more than once—sniffing around, gauging our weaknesses, snickering maniacally and giving us the creeps. If we don't strike first, she will. Not to mention the ticking clock that was the tadpole wriggling in my head, threatening to turn me into a tentacled monster the second the Brain breaks free of Gortash's and Orin's control. We are all screwed if we don't find her soon.

My mind ambushes me with slightly fuzzy memories of last night. The way Gortash washed me, the way he carried me to the bed like royalty, the way he cared. I don't have to run away and marry him in secret to enjoy him. I don't have to make any promises at all.

I can just have him one last time. Whatever happens next.

"Well," I peep, nervous about what I'm going to do, "since we're full, alone and have the time... maybe we can... uhm."

Gods, I'm awful at flirting. I'm so lucky Halsin decided to approach me first. We would still be hungrily circling each other if he hasn't.

To my utter dismay and embarrassment, Gortash laughs out loud. "You haven't improved one bit," he shakes his head.

"Shut up," I grunt, trying to hide in my hair.

He props himself on one elbow, reaching for my jaw, caressing me and pulling me down to him for a kiss.

"Your best line so far was 'I would love to carve you up real slow,'" he smirks, coaxing me to look up. "Fortunately, that worked like a charm on me."

My brow crinkles and I burst into vivacious laughter. It makes me feel better, more at ease. I guess I didn't change that much.

"Gods, it's been forever since the last time I heard that laughter," Gortash sighs, stricken.

He attacks my mouth voraciously, making me gasp into the kiss.

It's different than before. It's not libido that drives him this time. There's pain behind the layers of need. Pain of long separation, of deep grief, of lost hope, of impending death. He's virtually inhaling me, as if he would love nothing more than to blend into me.

I feel dizzy and compelled to return the kiss with the same intensity, even though I'm running out of breath. I don't want to hold back anymore. What good would it do me to fight my feelings when this is the last time I get to have him.

His skin is much smoother after the morning shave, but I can still feel the faint remnants of stubble gently scratching me. I run my fingers all over his face, trying to imprint every shape of him into my damaged brain. I come across the scar on his chin and the sensation feels more familiar than ever. I know I've touched this scar before.

His hand copies my movements, tracing my scars. They must be new to him; Orin left them on me when she tried to kill me. He remembers my face when it was still flawless, yet his fingers are feeling my new imperfections with reverence.

"Bleed that bitch slowly," he rasps against my skin. "Savor the kill. You deserve a sweet revenge for this."

"I wish I could do the same to Bhaal," I reply breathily.

"So do I, my love. So do I." He pulls away a little, skin flushed, eyes misty. "Let's go inside. It's chilly here, you might catch a cold."

I squeeze my eyes shut, half wanting to laugh, half crying. I feel him get onto his feet and the next thing I know I'm in his arms, carried like a princess once more. I hug his shoulders and hide in his neck, nibbling hungrily, making his breath catch as he's walking towards his study, gait a bit wobbly.

My legs are weak too—I nearly buckle as he puts me down by the bed. I steady myself holding onto him, while he's doing his best to keep my armor and clothes intact as he's pulling them off my body in ragged, desperate moves.

He pauses with his hands hovering over my offered gauntlet.

"What?" I wonder. "Think you won't be able to enjoy it without me hurting you?"

He tilts his head, squinting in the distance. "I don't think we've ever tried that."

"Just take it off," I say and put his fingers on my wrist. "If it's not enough, I can always use my nails."

"To be honest," he raises his eyebrows pensively, "I don't think I even care. I just want to be with you."

He shakes the metal off my hand and tosses it to the floor. Then his eyes find his own, with the glowing netherstone adorning it.

"I promise I won't steal it," I chuckle. "At least not until I have Orin's."

He doesn't seem to appreciate my teasing. He takes the gauntlet off, but quickly puts it in a small, sturdy looking metal box and locks it inside.

I roll my eyes. "Still don't trust me, Enver? Did I use to fuck people just to get their precious stuff and favors? I thought that was more your style."

"Just a precaution against whomever else might be sneaking through the tower," Gortash smirks and returns to me. "You weren't even interested in fucking until you met me," he touches my face. "Granted, you didn't have many eligible choices around you, with your father keeping you in dark tombs among abominations. But I taught you everything, little lover."

My breath hitches a little at the realization, but I gulp the shock down.

"Well, then I guess I'm glad you've been sleeping around with so many of your noble conquests. Would hate to be taught by someone inexperienced."

He laughs with his eyes shut, then sighs and pulls me into his embrace.

"Oh, Talas, don't be jealous. There's no need to drag nobles into my bed anymore. I did try to drown my grief in a few... but it never helped. You were my first in months."

I blink at him, stunned by his words yet again. "Explains why you looked like you hadn't bathed in weeks at your inauguration." I swallow hard, distressingly aware of his enticing scent now.

"I've let myself go a little, yeah," he admits with an amused grin. "My company didn't mind. I thought Ketheric smelled like death, but then I met Orin." I snort and he joins me. "That faint stench of rotting flesh makes me want to gag. You, though..."

He buries his nose in the crook of my neck, pulling off his clothes. "You." He inhales a lungful of me, groaning. I shiver, closing my eyes, running my fingers through his hair. "The sweetest thing I've ever tasted."

I yelp as he suddenly picks me up and lets us both collapse onto the bed. Our limbs tangle, skin grazing skin, our mouths lock in a thirsty dance of tongues. It's a strange feeling, like being with him for the first time, even though it's far from it. I'm not fighting him, not resisting unwelcome desires, not trying to pretend this isn't what I want... I give myself to him willingly and eagerly.

09 Your fingerprints all over me.

He pulls us higher and flips us over, so he could lean on the head of the frame with me on top. The unexpected exposure makes me flinch. I'm still getting used to showing all of myself even to Halsin, and this... I haven't had time to decide how to feel about it. But the way he watches me makes me shudder. His gaze worships every inch of me, his fingers following closely after. So I lean into his touch and close my eyes, letting my mind rest in the soft waves of pleasure.

"How are you even more breathtaking than before," Gortash whispers so quietly I'm not sure he even meant to be heard.

I look down at him, using the rapidly depleting brain capacity to study his face some more. I didn't think he was capable of such adoration. I'm trying to hold onto my healthy doubts for the sake of everyone who's put their trust in me, but it's getting truly difficult.

So I choose to focus on the rest of him instead. On how he makes me feel.

I let my hands wander over his body, enjoying the inexplicable electric sensation of touching his deliciously mocha skin. Making him shiver as I run through the fine hair on his chest he so likes to show off. His muscles are defined just the right amount, well hydrated and comfortably soft. The little love handle on his tummy makes my mouth water and my hips grind against him wantonly.

He groans and grabs me by the nape to pull me into a ravaging kiss. I lift off his lap just enough to help him slip inside me. I cry out softly, unable to hold back the sweet tears of ecstasy.

My needy mouth devours him. He holds my hip in a firm grip to help me ride him. The fingers of his free hand dig into my back, desperately pressing me to his chest, but the hurt they cause isn't physical. I don't want to look into his eyes, I know they will bewitch me.

But I fail and let his gaze swallow my soul.

I can't focus on kissing him anymore. I just lay my forehead on his shoulder and keep rolling my hips. I feel the crushing orgasm closing in when he rakes my hair and starts murmuring in my ear:

"I love you, Talas. I love you."

I let out a sob as it hits me like a wall. I'm not screaming or moaning—I'm crying. My heart is breaking, my soul is splitting... Yet, in the midst of my torment, there's mind boggling ecstasy shooting through my body like lightning.

He caresses my back, letting me ride out the last of the tremors, while I latch onto his mouth again, mixing his intoxicating taste with the salt of my tears. He doesn't seem bothered, drinking my inexplicable sorrow eagerly, thirstily.

I collapse onto his warm chest and keep softly sobbing into his flesh.

I remember now.

"Are you alright?"

I don't respond for a long while. I just keep slowly rolling my hips, not letting him stop making love to me. He listens to my intentional body language, running his fingers gently all over my skin, and lets me deal with it in peace before I'm ready to speak up.

"I love you too, Enver."

The leftover reason in my brain gags its mouth in horror. But I know that it's true. It's been true the whole time, I just didn't know, being stripped of all my memories of him.

The memories didn't return per se. Only feelings. I was a drooling mess, and still my heart yearned for something I lost. Someone I lost. I doubt I could even recall his name or his face... but I knew I needed him.

"Please," I sniffle, finally dragging myself up to look at him. "Make me forget how I know this. It hurts."

That strange sucking feeling in the center of my chest suddenly makes sense now. I've had it since the crash. My head was empty, but my heart ached for him.

"Talas," he whispers, cradling my head. I watch his eyes well up like mine.

I kiss him, letting him tangle his fingers in my hair. He presses my face closer to his and drowns in my mouth. When we're out of breath, he leaves my lips to travel up to my cheeks and eyes, kissing away every tear.

He wraps me in his arms and smoothly rolls us over, pressing my back into the red satin sheets. He holds my hands above my head and I expect him to get rough—I wouldn't mind having this gnawing emotional anguish knocked out of me with a delicious pounding I know he's keen to inflict.

But his fingers lace with mine and his eyes watch me with tenderness I didn't think he was capable of. He's not done fighting for me.

And I'm not done being loved by him.

I hold his gaze, studying the specs of color in his irises. I let out soft moans as he languidly moves inside me and kisses my mouth without breaking eye contact. And when my body begins buzzing, building up to another mind-shattering climax, I whisper his name. The first one slips from my lips accidentally, but as my mind clouds I get bolder. When my body spasms and my toes curl, I scream it over and over in between waves of ecstasy.

His gaze never wavers—up until his own finish catches him unprepared, drawing a surprised, tender whimper out of him. His body quivers, uncontrollably shooting hot seed inside of me as he holds me close, encasing me in his arms like something fragile and precious, moaning my name into my ear.

Mind blank, I just lay, limbs wrapped around him, not willing to let go. We stay like this, gently caressing each other, panting, cooling off. It's not until we start getting uncomfortable that we're finally forced to let go.

"How would you feel about having a bath together again?" Gortash suggests, his roguish smirk gracing his lips once more.

I'm all sweaty and sticky and full of his load, so I nod.

I don't want to leave just yet. Going back into the real world means being faced with responsibilities and morality. It means remembering what a menace this man is to the city. It means considering losing him forever if he decides to stand in our way. I'm not ready for that. Not after I had an emotional charge the size of an extinction-level catastrophic event go off in my chest just minutes ago.

10 One last chance.

Gortash fills the tub with hot water and takes me by the hand. But it seems like I'm not quite ready for this, either.

Come on. It's just a bathtub. The only place that's actually filled with horrors is your own head.

And I recall all the tenderness and care that happened around it, as well. Two diametrically different men doting on me, sacrificing their strength and favors for me. The thought further eats away at the walls of my poor heart.

"Need some help?" Gortash glances at me, evidently understanding my hesitation. His arm snakes around my waist and he kisses my temple. "Come on. I'll be in there with you. Promise not to tie you up this time—unless you want me to," he chuckles into my hair.

I snort and relax a little. There was really nothing to be afraid of; Bhaal was taken care of for now, there was no reason for my Urge to come out this soon. But my legs won't work.

"Yeah, I do need help," I sigh, draping myself over his shoulders.

He tosses me a wicked grin and picks me up. "You're getting used to this fast."

"It's a nice thing to get used to," I shrug innocently.

"You know you got heavy?"

"Maybe you got out of shape," I narrow my eyes at him, then we both laugh.

I almost don't notice how he submerges both of us in the pleasantly hot water. My heart thrums in my throat for a bit, but then Gortash starts rubbing my neck and shoulders, massaging the tension out of them. I let him do it for a while, then close my eyes and lay my head in the crook of his neck.

"Thanks for saving my life last night," I mumble and I really mean it. "I was ready to beg Halsin to mercifully end me. Wait, no, I did actually beg."

I feel his palm run along the side of my face, then his fingers combing my hair back in soothing motions. "It's the least I could do after putting you in danger. I'm so sorry, Talas."

"It wasn't your fault," I sigh. I know what he means, but... when two people fall in love, neither of them should be held responsible for the disproportional reaction of their relatives.

"I still can't believe how close you were this whole time," he rasps and I his hands ball into fists. "Bloody Ketheric. What a low, petty revenge for making him feel uncomfortable and redundant during our Absolute meetings."

I snort. "How were we getting on his nerves so much?"

I feel his chuckle reverberate into me through my back. "You used to like sitting on my lap and making out while he was speaking. And whenever you spaced out during discussions, or simply didn't have an opinion, you would always back me up, not even listening to his arguments."

"Oh," I grimace. "We were very dismissive of him. I'm not surprised he felt affronted."

"Oh, Talas." I hear exasperation in his voice. "He kept you in his dungeon as a toy for his deranged 'scientist' and let me believe you were dead. He deserved to get his tongue ripped out and be beaten to death with it. Would you really just forgive him?"

"I'm kidding," I turn to him, eyes still closed, and plant a kiss on his chin. "I hate his fucking guts. I'm just sad I wasn't able to make his death proper fun."

"There she is, my Bhaal-babe."

"We've met all of his children," I growl. "All cursed and deranged, almost begging to be put out of their misery. The man couldn't give two fucks about any of them, beside precious Isobel he raised from the dead in exchange for their lives, with thousands of innocent souls on top. He didn't deserve redemption and he knew it."

There's a long pause and I can feel Gortash tensing up.

"Do I?"

That knocks the breath out of my lungs. My eyes open wide, but I only stare into the distance.

Why would he even ask that? He didn't seem remorseful of his many, many sins. He looked straight in Karlach's face and looked pleased with himself. He tadpoled Wyll's father and shipped him who-knows-where the minute he got him to surrender his title. He subjugated a whole city and prepared to wage a fake war on it, just so he could pronounce himself its savior.

And those were only the deeds we knew about so far.

"Do you think you deserve it?" I deflect the question back at him, unsure how to respond. Suddenly I'm aware of how naked and defenseless I am in his presence again.

"Shh," he rubs my arms, noticing my discomfort. "I didn't mean to make you bristle up. In the end, Ketheric was left with no one who supported him out of their own free will. I know how depressing that is—I was in the same position before you returned. There's a big difference between doing things because you know you're alone against the world, and doing things for someone you love."

I scoff. "Well, if that's how you operate, how about you give me the stone and help me clean up this mess? Because that's the only way this," I gesture between him and myself, "is going anywhere. You know that what we just did doesn't really change anything between us, right?"

I can see the hurt in his eyes—but no surprise. He knows. He's just probing for another option. Or trying to manipulate me. Whichever.

He decides to abandon the topic. "We've never done it like this before," he studies my face. "You changed so much."

"Enver," I sigh, feeling almost bad for him. "How do you still want me back, when I'm not even the woman you remember?"

Silence. He evades my gaze, watching the sunlight behind the tall stained glass windows. He doesn't seem to understand it himself.

"I guess you've given my life more meaning than anything I've ever done before."

My heart and eyelids flutter, touched more deeply than I was willing to admit.

I know what that feels like. I could've let my Urge dictate my path, succumb to the thirst for blood and death, do what I knew to do best. Instead, I've found myself in people around me, people of varying degrees of 'good' who sometimes struggle as much as I do.

I've found purpose in keeping them alive. In helping them denounce their gods, avenge their traumas, fix their mistakes, save what's important to them. In loving them as much as they've grown to love me. They healed me in ways medicine and magic could never have done on their own.

They saved me, and now I would rather choose death than let a bloodthirsty god take control over my life again.

Perhaps Gortash would do the same...?

I don't dare to guess. Not until I see the change with my own eyes, in action, when I present the choice to him with Orin's netherstone in hand.

Because I've just decided that I will do just that. Despite everything he's done, everything that deserved grave, and likely final, punishment, I will allow him one last chance to do better.

Thank you for reading ♥

Remember, if you liked the story and want to support me as a writer, » please REBLOG «. We share our work with you for free.

Likes don't mean anything if this baby doesn't find its next thirsty reader. This is not Twitter/Insta, no algorithm is going to help me.

Also please consider leaving a kudo on AO3 even if you read here, it will be deeply appreciated (there's also more context in form of author's notes).

I welcome comments and discussion on this topic!

Constructive criticism is not unwelcome, I'm not a native English speaker, so if something sounds strange to you, I'd like to know ♥

I was just on my way to tag when both of my lovely moots already read and reblogged xD. Anyway, thanks for being here for this, guys! ♥ @thoughts-of-bear @starfleetwithhorns

#durgetash #enver gortash #the dark urge #bg3 fanfiction #female Durge #good durge #resisting durge #love story #lord gortash #bg3 gortash #gortash #durge #bg3 durge #durge x halsin #durge x gortash #halsin #halsin silverbough #bg3 halsin #halsin bg3 #gortash bg3 #dark urge x gortash #smut #violence #whump

[malicedafirenze]

I unintentionally skipped a lot of the romance content in Baldur's Gate 3 and I want others to learn from my mistakes:

So: I managed to lock myself out of romance entirely and ended up alone, which was a huge bummer and a serious crack in my motivation to play the game. I finished my playthrough (because I was already close to the end of Act 3 when I realized it), and plan to do another one eventually. I'm making this post in hopes of a) keeping others from making the same mistakes and b) to possibly get some additional insight re. what to watch out for in my next playthrough.

PSA: Pick a Partner before Act 3

The key learning here for me was this explanation from the poly mod

In BG3, romance is divided into 2 steps: dating and relationship(also called partner). Dating is basically where you are at after the 1st romance scene. Relationship is where you are at after the 2nd romance scene (relationship also unlocks the kissing menu). BTW, If you enter A3, all dates will break up with you (partners won't, ofc).

I hadn't realized this until well into Act 3, at a point where going back to a save to properly fix it would have meant replaying large parts of Act 2 as well - I decided to finish my run instead and then start a completely new one later.

Note: lots of spoilers below. (click here to read this post on reddit instead)

My Romance Woes

I read in advance that you couldn't romance multiple people (except for the specific Halsin combos with Shadowheart and Astarion) and therefore turned down Gale and Lae'Zel early in the game (not realizing you could just date/bonk them without fully committing or getting anyone upset)

I didn't take approval all that seriously, thought I'd have more opportunity to fix things later. I was playing pretty good guy, and ended up with high approval for Karlach and Shadowheart, but low for Astarion. Weirdly, I don't recall an option to romance Shadowheart (no clue what I missed?) and the only option I had for Karlach was at the Tiefling party, where I went with Astarion instead. I had a scene or two with him, but then didn't progress further in the relationship, without really realizing what I was missing.

I wanted to romance everyone, sat on the fence for too long, and ended up not romancing anyone at all, by missing a thing or two in act 1 and 2 and being too late to fix it in act 3. Don't be like me, it feels bad man.

Early Act 3, I got Astarion's breakup dialogue ("we haven't spent a night together in some time" --> him explaining it was just transactional and he doesn't see the value in it anymore) and got super worried, but when trying to look up if I'd messed up, I didn't find a clear answer for without more spoilers, so I just continued playing Act 3, including all of the companion quests.

I later learned that I missed out on at least one important Astarion romance interaction by not going to Moonrise Towers until after freeing Nightsong. (when the Towers are already on high alert, i.e. I could only fight and not have a lot of conversations)

After realizing I had messed up companions romance, I instead fucked everyone it was unwise to fuck (Emperor, Mizora, Harleep...) for fun and to see what would happen... but chickened out and reloaded after Emperor and Mizora. Still, got to enjoy some fun content that way!

The ending I got (going to Avernus with Karlach) was really cool and made me cry a lot. I then did try to reload my last save though, to see if I'd get any other epilogue content if I didn't go to the Hells, but... apparently that scene on the docks (Astarion goofily running off, everyone kinda agreeing to go party after this, no other conversations with anyone again.... is just... it?

Idk how much of this is the lack of romance, but I really felt like something was missing there. I at least wanted to talk to everyone again one last time.

This is a post about my romance failures and regrets so I'm not gonna talk about everything else that I loved about the game, but just in case this is getting a bit too negative: I had an absolute blast with the whole game regardless, I'm stoked to give it another go the "proper" way (i.e. with romance). I also generally think it's really fucking cool that this game's romance options depend on how you behave, and that you can't just e.g. give someone the right kind of gift 20 times in a row to make them love you, like it works in games like Stardew Valley.

Next Playthrough Plans

I'll probably wait for another patch or two - considering how much got fixed and tweaked with the first three patches, I suppose it's worth to wait a bit and see what's coming

I'll play with the Poly mod next time and try to romance all of the Origin characters.

I plan to play with the camp notifications mod, as well as the approval ratings in dialogue mod. Both in hopes of being able to game the romance a bit better and get much of the romance in one playthrough

I'll play Dark Urge (haven't seen any of that so far!), but probably still go for a "good" playthrough mostly

I plan on equipping & levelling all Origin companions and switch them out more freely, in order to get approval from everyone and edit my party as makes sense depending on story events (e.g. take Lae'Zel to the Creche, take Gale to the Ketheric fight...)

I want to romance everyone. I already saw some tips for early game Astarion approval and assume the aforementioned mods will help in optimizing this

Am probably not gonna do anything all that differently otherwise because my heart can't take an actually evil playthrough

Aand that's about it. As mentioned, I'm mostly posting in case this helps anyone else.

I was really damn sad when I realized I had locked myself out of all romance, because the romance was a significant part of my motivation to start playing this in the first place. At the same time, I loved so much about the game that I still got a lot out of it in 110+ hours even with minimal romance content.

If you see any red flags about my plans for the next playthrough (or if you have experience with the mentioned mods!), I'd appreciate comments and insights. Other than that, here's hoping others can learn from my mistakes. Thank you for reading <3

#bg3 #baldur‘s gate 3 #baldur's gate #astarion #bg3 romance #karlach #gale #lae'zel #shadowheart #astarion romance #baldur's gate 3 romance

[pikapeppa]

Year-End Writer's Round-Up: 2023

It’s that time of year, writer friends — time to take stock of what we’ve been up to this year! Tagging to literally ANY AND ALL WRITERS who would like to participate, but I’ll throw down some tags from the top of my head: @contrivedchaos @jadefyre @kittynomsdeplume @iamcayc @hollyand-writes @elveny @johaerys-writes @crackinglamb @mogwaei @alyssalenko @about2dance @cthu-boo @chloefraazers @fogsblue @lordofthenerds97, join in if you fancy!! If you're not a smut writer, feel free to leave out those stats, and feel free to add any accomplishments and "metrics" that are significant to you! 🥰

(Blank template at the bottom for convenience!)

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!!): 999 496 — ARGH IT WAS SO CLOSE TO A COOL MILLION. I did this calculation on the evening of Dec 31 and I was like DAMMIT I NEED TO WRITE A DRABBLE LMAO. 😂🙈 Honestly, I’m surprised the word count was so high this year — I could have sworn my word count had dropped because I wrote very little for a few weeks after BG3 first came out LMAO!

Smut scenes: 42 — I've done better LOL. I’ll blame the slow-burn BG3 ships I’m working on currently. 😂

New things I tried:

I started dabbling in M/M smut this year, in the context of my beloved Horizon F/M/M polycules (Aloy/Drakka with either Kotallo or Nil). Usually when I write F/M/M threesomes, the focus is on the men pleasing the lucky lady of the group, but I headcanon Drakka in particular as being very unapologetically bi, so it’s only fair and right that he get some sweet M/M action. I’m looking forward to putting this M/M practice use on Halsin/Tav/Astarion when my BG3 writing finally gets to that point! 

This was also the first time that I wrote an AU where I gleefully yeeted the canon deaths LMAO. I’m usually a stickler for adhering to significant plot points including character deaths, but the dastardly and darling @iamcayc nudged me into writing Here Come the Dreams, where Varl and Fashav both get to live, and it was a total delight to keep those darling men alive and happy. 

I wrote a smut scene in first-person POV for the first time, using the adorable voice of Karlach from BG3. This was a particularly interesting challenge because I feel that the first-person voice calls for a more urgent in-the-moment kind of narration, which means that I had to alter my usual way of writing smut in terms of phrasing/wording and pacing, so it was a fun challenge! 

With Astarion/Tav/Halsin, this is my first time writing an OC who falls in love simultaneously with two people, and it’s been… interesting trying to negotiate the polycule coming together. Of course I had to get enamoured with (arguably) the two most emotionally complicated male LIs in BG3 and make my own life difficult, LMAO. I’ve been struggling a little with bringing the relationships together and it’s been slowing my writing down over the past month or two, but I’m trucking on because I love both Halsin and Astarion and I really do believe in the dynamics of the OT3. SILVANUS GUIDE MY HAND AS I FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.

Fic I spent the most time on: 

Even The Hardiest Desert Blooms! I really sank my focus into my beloved Desert boy this year and wrapped up his fic, which is always a bittersweet feeling when you adore the pairing. 😭

Fic I spent the least time on:

Burning Blue (Karlach/Dammon). I was bitten by a sudden bug of adoration for them, and that piece basically came together in a day and a half because I was on fire to get it out. I LOVE THIS PAIRING SO MUCH. 😭🔥

Favourite thing I wrote: 

Even The Hardiest Desert Blooms has always been my self-indulgent pleasure because I just love Drakka to the moon and back, so focusing a lot of this year on his fic was a treat. But Here Come the Dreams was also an enormously fun project because I just went ham and hyperfocused on it for a month and a half. I really wanted to see if I could finish it in a month just for shits and giggles, but AS ALWAYS it ended up being longer than anticipated so I didn’t meet that goal, but it was still a total ball to come up with a fun little project and finish it as quickly as possible. 

Favourite thing I read: 

Hands-down, without a doubt, What’s A Sex Tape Between Friends?  by @auntie-coagulant. I don’t read much fanfic, and when I do, it's only for the ships that I don't write. So when I saw this fic recommended in the Kotallo server and I was like “Travis/Lis?? You have my attention.” My eyes were popping and I was HOWLING by the first chapter, and I’ve been dead in the water for this fic ever since and procrastinating on finishing the fic because MY EMOTIONS ARE NOT READY FOR THE HEARTBREAK.

Writing goals for next year: 

Finish Coming In Like A Western Wind. I’ve been sleeping on this fic since September because Astarion and Halsin turned my head and I feel really bad about it… but I do mean to finish it! 

Just keep on keeping on with my BG3 fics for Astarion and Halsin! I’ve been DYING to write smut for Halsin for months, and I have images living rent-free in my head of Astarion enjoying some very tender sensate focus, so let’s hope I get around to writing these scenes before I explode. 

**************

Template time!

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!)

Smut scenes written (if applicable)

New things I tried

Fic I spent the most time on

Fic I spent the least time on

Favourite thing I wrote

Favourite thing I read

Writing goals for next year

Enjoy, friends!!! And cheers to another fulfilling year of writing! 🥰🥂

-- love from your friendly neighbourhood Pika! xoxo

#pikapeppa writes #fanfic writer's life #tag meme #horizon forbidden west #hfw #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #kotallo #drakka #astarion #astarion bg3 #halsin #halsin bg3 #kotaloy #aloy/kotallo #aloy x kotallo #aloy/drakka #aloy x drakka #bg3 halsin #bg3 astarion #astarion/tav #astarion x tav #halsin/tav #halsin x tav #karlach/dammon #karlach x dammon #heartforge #dammon bg3 #bg3 dammon #karlach

[bg3-npc]

Asexual Awareness Week and BG3

Below the cut is 1,000~ words of introspection on Astarion and sex repulsion. As an asexual person who's very sex averse, I surprisingly found myself relating to many of his struggles regarding sex and intimacy. This is less about Astarion being ace, and more about how his struggles with sex and romance mirror mine. That relation has lead me to this potential insight into his character. It's obviously extremely biased, which is why I put the word count first. I have a similar post about Wyll here. So if your interested in introspection that is probably more projection, I bring you this.

Astarion has been denied his autonomy for over 200 years. He’s amassed trauma from that, and a prominent portion of it is sexual. It’s this specific form of his trauma I will be working with.

For him, there are practically zero positive associations with regards to sex. He essentially uses it to survive, mainly because it’s all he knew in his time under Cazador. Nearly every sexual situation he encounters in game, he dissociates through it. Even when he enthusiastically consents, dissociation still happens. While sex is distressing in of itself, it is even more so when romance is factored in.

While love is great in theory, it would be a nightmare for Astarion personally. One of the reasons being sex is seen as inherent to romantic relationships. It’s an unspoken fact. Even people who know they’re not entitled to sex go into every romantic relationship expecting it. It’s one of the perks of having a romantic partner. Consistent access to a free source of mutual pleasure, consistent access to a body. He's actively trying to escape a situation where he has no autonomy, why would he want to enter a situation where you’re expected to forfeit it?

As you continue to develop a relationship with him, he's put in a dilemma. He’s been a sex object for so long, he doesn’t know how to be anything else. What do you do when the inherent expression of love is also an activity integral to your trauma? You can have sex without love, but no one loves without sex. What’s the point of pursuing love if you’d be constantly making yourself do something that distresses you? Aren’t relationships supposed to make you happy? Comfortable? Safe? What’s the point of them if they don’t? Falling in love while trying to actively escape captivity never even occurred to him as something that could happen.

If you respect his boundaries, Astarion refrains from having sex with you. If Halsin propositions you later in the game, Astarion asks if his lack of participation is a factor. He knows that besides all the other drawbacks to dating him, being denied sex is the biggest blow to romancing him. When you want to remove sex from the relationship, suddenly even the strictest monogamist will want to be non-monogamous. Your partner is the one sacrificing something after all. It’s them who doesn’t get to have sex with you. They’ll always be the one going without, you’re the one denying your partner something. It’s never seen as you sacrificing your autonomy for their pleasure. Denying someone sex in a romantic relationship is viewed as worse than traumatizing yourself for the sake of your partner’s sexual pleasure. You are the one expected to compromise. You’re supposed to be the one to forfeit your wants and well-being. What’s the point of loving someone if you can’t even fuck them?

If you find the drow twins after killing Cazador, Astarion eagerly wants to have that sexual experience. This time for himself. He is free from him captor, he has his autonomy back, and he wants to reclaim the pleasure of sex. I get that! Sex is (supposedly) wonderful! Attitudes towards it vary, but the consensus is everyone enjoys it. Not only can it allow you to connect with someone, but it can also allow you to connect with yourself. When done correctly, sex is a universal pleasure.

Until it isn’t.

You try to exposure yourself enough to it, change enough variables, hoping that there’s a secret to enjoying this act you just haven’t figured out. Yet every time, no matter how many things are different, at the end of it all it’s still sex. And it makes you sick. Your skin feels like it’s trying to crawl away from your muscle, you can feel disgust roiling through your veins, and suddenly, you’re aware of your own skeleton. You feel this revulsion to your bones. Yet you push through. You go through the motions, follow the steps. Even someone you trust entirely will touch you with erotic desire and your body reacts horribly. You try to make it good for your partner while you tolerate it…at best.

“What purpose do I have other than sex?” Is one of Astarion’s main struggles throughout the game. He feels sex is all he has to offer, yet it’s a continual source of pain for him. He can discuss it, describe it, theorize and philosophize it, but the actual act distresses him. The “universal pleasure” does nothing for him but harm. Romance only compounds this issue. If the only thing he has to offer hurts him, then what’s the point of romancing him? “What is the point of being with me if you can’t fuck me?”

These are all issues constantly on your mind when you’re sex repulsed. While his problems with sex stem from trauma, they still mirror my own. I will probably never be able to enjoy sex, but he might. He can work through his issues and learn to enjoy it again. However, another recovery option coud be opting out of sex altogether.

Realizing and accepting it’s not something he wants or enjoys, and having a partner who respects would be life changing for him. I know it would be for me. Because there's never someone who views you as a whole. Never someone who looks at you and doesn’t see anything missing. There’s never someone who’s content with what you’re able to give. There’s never someone that sees a relationship with you as complete. Never someone who goes “You’re not lacking anything. You’re giving what you can. Relationships are continuous agreements of consent, not entitlement to autonomy.”

Sex repulsion has an odd way of objectifying you, similar to how Astarion has been. When you try to remove yourself from sex, it becomes the sole focus of you. Whether it’s because you’ve only ever been a sex object, or because you don’t want to partake in it. Every rejection and failed compromise continues to reinforce how vital sex is to everyone. Everyone, except you.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #asexual awareness week #asexual #sex repulsed #so anyway here's this i guess #mine #🎮 bg3

[ur-friendly-nbhd-cardassian]

Hello there!

a little "about me" post

I'm a very long-winded person and when I like doing something, I like doing A LOT of it. I recently moved to Tumblr full-time after being stuck with 200-symbol posts on Twitter (ugh), so I'm using the full power of this blogging platform. I'm concerned about the AI, so it's all switched off on all my blogs. I hope Tumblr will wise up and survive, because I love it here so far 💛

I have a lot of fandoms, I like pretty art, I write and muse about stuff - it's all a huge mess if I put it one place. So that's why I decided to split my obsessions into several neat piles, so people could have an easier time decining whether to follow, ignore or block my stuff according to their preferences.

Here are my blogs which you're free to explore and follow as you like:

» ur-friendly-nbhd-cardassian

The main blog where I shout into nothingness. But where I also post lots of Star Trek, mainly about Cardassians (bc I love them). I do not do Garashir, tho, look for that particular bit elsewhere (not bc I don't ship them, but bc I'm severely overfed to the point of having an allergic rection). My focus Cardassian is Damar, followed by Dukat. I'm super open to reblogging your OCs, though. My other favorite fandoms you might come across on this blog (which I don't post enough about to make a separate blog): Mass Effect, Discworld, Tolkien, Detroit: Become Human, Apex Legends, Marvel/DC, Hunger Games. I also ramble, post about writing in general, reblog some fitting memes and pets/animals, share my own photography, reblog art etc.

» pixie-in-a-moonlantern

The initiated already know: Baldur's Gate 3 brainrot blog. I post my OC screenshots, maybe some stories, perhaps one day I will even finish a fic (started one, didn't finish). My all-time favorites are: Halsin, Gale, Rolan, Emperor. I do not have any VP tools, so my screens are only lightly edited to be prettier, and that's it. I do not draw or paint (tho I so want to). It's mainly reblogs and discussions so far, with my screenshots sprinkled in between.

» shaved-wampa

Diehard fans surely got the joke: Star Wars brainrot, and that goes for every conceivable piece of the fandom, even the bits you might not agree with - I don't discriminate. My all-time favorites are: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Bode Akuna. Yes, just the two, because I also have a huge pile of characters I love, but don't really focus on: Padmé, Ahsoka, Ventress, Plo Koon, Kit Fisto, Din Djarin, lil Grogu, Cody, infinite number of other Clones, ... soooo many. My top two are just the guys I actually write about. Bode is getting his fic right now, Obi-Wan's is on hold.

» cyber-vianne-77

As the name suggests, this is my Cyberpunk 2077 blog. I used to do a lot of virtual photography in that one - and yes, this time I mean real VP, though still no paid tools, just vanilla and free mods. I love Goro Takemura and ship my fem V with him heavily - wrote a dope fanfiction about them, too. I reblog other cp77 vp (especially of Goro) and fanart. I don't currently play the game or shoot photos, but I have a large collection I plan to drizzle over the next few months, until I maybe decide to go back to cp77 for a while again and finally play Phantom Liberty that's been waiting for me for a long time now xD.

» goodness-all-around

My "assorted dopeness" reblogs. I love pretty pictures and I love supporting artists in my own small way, so it'll be reblogs of general beautiful things I can't stuff into my other blogs, and reblogs of commission offers. Perhaps even some theory and discussion if I happen to like any.

I will update the list if I happen to change things or add/remove blogs. Thanks for your attention and see you in the activity notifs! 💛

Bits of trivia: I'm Czech, cis woman (bi & poly and, frankly, hyper), 32, in a relationship, mom to a 5yo boy, a writer struggling to finish and publish her first original novel, drowning her sorrows in fanfic instead :). I got to most of my fandoms quite late in life, because where I live this info only started to properly flow in with the coming of the internet. I'm usually a casual fan, though when I hit a gold vein I can get a bit obsessed. I love writing fanfiction, which is mostly why I'm here on this site. I self-insert a lot (therapy writing) and usually ship us, with the rare occasion of finding a couple where I can identify with one of them (or mold them to my image because I like or even fancy them). I've spent my life believing I was hetero and discovered I'm not only once I (finally) was in a hetero relationship and had a kid, so... my ships are also hetero. It's a habit, not hating, I don't discredit any gay ships (maybe quietly to myself when they don't make any sense to me character-wise, lol). My AO3 account: XindiChick I usually try to write even the most niche of my ships in a way that doesn't require much knowledge of the original, so you're welcome to browse and read to your heart's content if you happen to like my style. I welcome any interactions, especially comments, because I don't get many.

I think it's something everyone should always be aware of, but I've also seen many people ignoring this unsaid rule:

HATERS NEED NOT INTERACT

- lest they get blocked. I'm not here to argue with you about why I like certain characters and why you think I shouldn't. Go simp for your own top picks on your own blogs and leave me alone. Same goes for any of my personal trivia I shared.

Also:

DISCLAIMER: My blogs are a safe space for everyone who doesn't go around hating on everyone else. I will block assholes of every shape, color, faith, gender, orientation etc. indiscriminantly, just as I will happily interact with good people of any kind. Idc what your deal is, I just wanna enjoy being on this platform, so if you plan to rain on it, don't expect me to indulge you.

Icons by: @rpschtuff

By the way, a fun fact known only to people aware of my main fanfic novel, The Casualty, the Cardassian in my username was actually born Bajoran, but raised Cardassian, which is why she's a Cardassian in heart and spirit. She's your friendly reminder that not all Cardies are the same and as a nation have the capacity to be much better than how they were presented in the DS9, which is what she's trying to achieve.

#ur-friendly-nbhd-cardassian blog masterlist

[obsoleteozymandias]

If I could get a male BG3 matchup it'd be lovely, no pressure though.

I'm 21 and I work in an antique shop restoring furniture. I suffer from BPD which unfortunately makes me a difficult one, but when I love I love with my entire heart.

I love crocheting, sewing and art in general. I spend my free time listening to music and crocheting. I'm very creative and that's my outlet.

I'm extremely sensitive and cry easily, I'm very romantic and love doing things for people. My love languages are physical touch, acts of service and gift giving, especially handmade ones. I'm super affectionate as well.

I really dislike mean people, yelling, physical violence.

For my looks, I'm 5'3"and a chubby hourglass figure. Medium length brown wavy hair and few piercings, including Medusa and vertical labret, as well as nostril. I've got exactly 30 tattoos as of now. I tend to dress in mostly beige and form fitting clothes, kind of a clean girl aesthetic. Gold jewelry, slicked back hair, white shirts and shiny makeup.

That's it, thank you for your time!! 🫶

I got you! Thanks for the request miss ma’am! Hope you enjoy :)!!!

== Baldur’s Gate III ==>

I match you up with…

Halsin 

This man, THIS MAN.

Halsin will treat you RIGHT. He’ll never raise his voice nor hand when you’re around, not that he is inclined to do that anyway. 

He treats you like a queen - he worships your every step. He weeps at the sight of you in the mornings because this big boy is so full of love for you. 

He wakes you up with kisses and cuddles, delighted to be embracing you at the start of every day. 

Unrelated, but he’s a big fan of your sense of style - practical yet highlighting your beauty in all the right ways. 

He’s a big fan of your art - likely the biggest fan. Anything you make he displays proudly around werever it is you’re staying, and he’s quick to show those he meets your creative endeavors. 

If you crochet him something, he’ll carry it with him everyday like a good luck charm. And he peppers it with kisses when you’re not around, hoping you can feel his love through it. 

Halsin is also great at meeting you on your romantic desires. He is also a man of romance, and values a slow but passionate relationship wherein the two of you truly get to know and love one another. 

Any romantic thing you do for him is quickly reciprocated, to the point that it's even become a sort of game for the two of you. 

At the end of the day, when Halsin falls asleep with you in his arms, neither of you could be any more in love. 

Y’all are perfect together <3. 

#oz’s requests #matchups #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 x reader #baldurs gate 3 matchup #halsin x reader

[inaconstantstateofchange]

astarion/durge/halsin & hanwenzhou: a manifesto

For @sugarbabywenkexing and @realitycheckbounced, because you asked, and I am more than happy to deliver.

Starting notes: I do not at all like reducing characters to simple archetypes/tropes, so trust that the complexities of the characters and their interactions are implicitly maintained, and this is of course not anything like a 1:1 connection (how could it possibly be), just core themes that stood out to me from both relationship dynamics.

Also, the Durge connection is going to be affected by how you personally conceptualize/play Durge, but I am writing this with a Neutral Resist!Durge in mind, so that's what we're going with for the sake of this meta.

Spoilers for both canons, but especially the Dark Urge backstory.

Durge & Zhou Zishu

[Using my own Durge, Kelis, for the image - incredible art by @somespareserotonin-please]

A cult leader of a murderous organization, with an ocean's worth of blood and evil on their hands, who has broken away from that past but doesn't expect or even pursue anything like forgiveness or true redemption.

These characters are so unique to me because they hold regret for their actions, but not in the traditional "past evil seeks redemption" way that is familiar. They're so much more complex in their motivations, desires, and conceptions of the world than that.

Astarion & Wen Kexing

Steeped in blood and spending the majority of their lives being taught that power is all that matters, and those who have power will only ever use it against those who do not. The only way to get out from under the heel of those above you is to overthrow them, take their position, become worse than they could ever be.

When free from the oppressive darkness they were "raised" in, even for a brief period, they grasp onto it with a bloodthirsty glee.

Halsin & Han Ying

Loyalty and devotion are the very core of these characters, deep-rooted. They feel the weight of responsibility upon their shoulders and they wear it like a mantle. When they make a promise, especially to one they are devoted to, they will see it through, no matter how long it takes, or how much it requires of them.

Relationship Dynamics

Astarion and Durge are to each other, in so many ways, what Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing are in another universe. They find each other at a time when their fates are at a point of divergence, and they find a kindred spirit - a kindred monster - within each other. They make each other better, but they do not make each other morally good.

Durge and Halsin have the capacity for a very similar relationship dynamic to Zhou Zishu and Han Ying. In an ideal situation, Durge is the one who makes it possible for Halsin to make good on his century-old vow to see the Shadow Curse broken. He showcases a great deal of respect for Durge as a leader, and a significant amount of loyalty and adoration for them as well.

Finally, Halsin and Astarion have the potential for a relationship with similarly disparate and flexible conceptions as Wen Kexing and Han Ying. They can be equal partners in truth, bonded first over their shared devotion to Durge, if provided enough time and narrative support to build such a relationship. They can be comrades with a bond of devotion only, not engaged romantically with one another but appreciating the other for their importance to Durge. They can be neutral parties, without true care for one another, but still cordial for the sake of their shared love. These are just three examples of a truly infinite number of variations.

Thank you for coming to my TedxTalk. All six of these idiots are so absurdly important to me. I'd love to hear any thoughts you may have!

#voidling speaks #my meta #meta #hanwenzhou #astarion/durge/halsin #astarion/durge #halsin/durge #halsin #astarion #durge #kelis #bg3 #word of honor #zhou zishu #wen kexing #han ying #halsin/astarion #wenzhou

[cccgsr-blog]

Some thoughts on Halsin (Part1/2)

I haven't tried EA so my understanding of Halsin is based on the content released in the official version of the game. I Love this guy but obviously his character has lots of room for improvement. I've read some discussions, some I agree with, some I don't. Here are my thoughts.

1. Lacks of character content

1) Act 1 & 2

Lacks of action

Halsin joins our camp after we solve the crisis in the Grove, and stands there idly until near the end of Act 2, which is ridiculous. I understand that as a character added for fan-service blablabla, if he were to join the combat and plot development, it would mean adding lots of character interaction and performance which of course increase costs, but there can still be smoother ways to handle this:

After the player rescues Halsin, he returns to the Grove to deal with follow-up matters, becoming a non-joining NPC, until the player enters the Cursed Land. Here the player can choose to notify Halsin actively; or not notify him, but Halsin will show up anyway.

As the leading Druid of the Grove, it is normal for Halsin to arrange scouts on the risen road, tracking the player's movements thus receive massages on when the player enters the cursed lands, and eventually join up. As a Druid who had previously traveled in the Undergrounds, to have a connection with the local Myconid circle is also make sense. It could explained as, although Halsin knows there was passthroughs lead to the shadow-cursed lands, he has no knowledge of the Grymforge and could not cross the dark waters on his own, until he Gray Dwarves invasion that open the path and brought boats. After the player cleared the map, Halsin receive massages from the Myconid Sovereign and catch up with the MC via spore traces or other signs (just make up some reason)

At this point, Halsin can officially join the main team and participate in combat. In case of players going to different maps mid-game, Halsin can still leave the squad when the player leaves the shadow-cursed land, either staying in the camp or the Last Light Inn, or returning to the Grove. Not much change but much smoother. Of course, I personally would very much like to see the interaction between Halsin and the Myconid Sovereign (a reunion of old friends!) or Halsin's thoughts on the fall of the Losanda Monastery (since the Archdruid and certain monks could have previously studied the shadow issues together.)

EA content

I've read some discussion on EA content. It's said that EA hinted Halsin had something to do with Isobel's death. Both a good and bad idea I'd say. Letting Halsin be connected to Isobel's death, and turning him into one of the responsible parties for the shadow curse, which of course would greatly help to flesh out his character, but also makes the plot overly complicated. This change of plot kind of turns the entire Act 2 into Halsin's personal story that all the MC doing was to deal with the consequence of Halsin's past decisions and actions, which would be a disaster for the game narrative. So it is completely reasonable that Act 2 makes no more dig into the relationship between Halsin and the shadow curse as EA hinted.

2) Act 3

Lacks of content

It's quite disappointing that Halsin has no personal content in the third act, and I almost lost my motivation to finish the game for that reason. It makes no sense that Orin would not kidnap an LI, especially when she set the Love Test int the circus. Halsin even teased about your many questions, joked about you being a doppleganger and taking his place. But when it comes time for the real shapeshifter plot, all this foreshadowing makes no use for Orin doesn't kidnap the LI. This really make no sense to me. Just kidnap him (or Minthara), at least we could have more content for him, more emotional pack for the players who romance him too. He can free himself in the middle of the quest or get some new clues about something if it's too embarrassing for him to be always abducted, just make up some, I don't care.

The possibilities with Shadow Druids

In the same time, many people, including myself, find it absurd when Halsin suddenly approves the reasons of the Shadow Druids in the third chapter. But it could be the chance for some deepening to take place, suggesting that Halsin indeed has deeper connections with the Shadow Druids.

I've read some discussions suggesting Halsin keeps his anger until he's two hundred years old. As a young Druid roaming the land, angry and wild, it's easy to imagine he would have had contact with the Shadow Druids and somehow was attracted to their doctrines - In our rebellious teenage years, who never dreamt of crushing the toxic human society/civilization? Although Halsin later had chosen a more peaceful way, his early involvement with the Shadow Druids could still leave him with a profound impression. He understands the dangers posed by the Shadow Druids and the temptation of their doctrine to other Druids, which is why he reprimanded Kagha but still allowing her to restart as a novice rather than giving her more severe punishment, since he himself almost went down that road when he was young. That could also explain his absurd statements on Shadow Druids in Act 3, as he has to personally experience the human city and its chaos/careless, the temptation of the Shadow Druids doctrine comes back with force.

So, enhancing the content about Shadow Druids into Act 3 would be most suitable, which also avoids changing the main story. It could be that, As Shadow Druids learned of the Mind Flayers' large-scale activities in Baldur's Gate and view this as another piece of evidence that human cities are a threat to the balance of nature and decide to destroy the city. Halsin, aware of the danger, could propose that the MC deal with the Shadow Druids, also triggering dialogue about his experience as a hot-headed and untamed young Druid roaming the land, desperately trying to understand and learn about the world while seeking his own path. This way, Halsin's character can be deepened.

Depending on how the Shadow Druid mission is completed, Halsin in the ending can be angrier and more distant from civilization, or more peaceful and striving to reconcile the relationship between society and nature. Thus, his character's arc becomes much clearer.

Part2:

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #halsin #bg3 halsin #character design #character discussion

[margridarnauds]

So, my Honour Mode Anathematisma Run, aka "How Many Ways Can I Fuck Up This Run Without Dying"

So, I got the Friends cantrip, which I've never really used before on this difficulty level. This is important for down the line.

Ana is RIDICULOUSLY powerful because I installed a cambion mod because it's what Hell's Little Princess deserves.

We easily demolish most of the early Act 1 things that can end an Honour Mode run easily, even getting the Everburn blade.

Then...we get to the Grove. I'm not able to prevent Zevlor from being punched by Aradin, but it's *fine*. Kagha's there, wants to speak with us, etc.

Ana goes to talk with her with her bardy powers

Because this is Honour Mode and redos are MUCH more expensive (and I don't want Arabella to die), I use. The Friends cantrip.

It succeeds, Arabella runs free.

Then...it runs out. Kagha and co. turn hostile immediately.

Worse, when I try to run out as a way of getting RID of the temporarily hostile buff, the druids decide that's the time to start the tiefling genocide party. I'm able to take down Kagha and the remaining druids, but then I have to take down the rest outside.

It's...not pretty.

I'm able to put them down, but there are a lot of casualties. Including Wyll and Dammon. Wyll...who is Ana's canonical love interest.

Okay, fine, this would make me reload another game, but we can move ON from this. It'll be *fine*. Especially once I resurrect Wyll. We're back on track.

I still have to give Rath money in order to make him like me again even though he turned on Kagha.

...I go to recruit Karlach. She shames me for killing everyone in the Grove. Calls Wyll a rat.

...well, she's not joining our side AND was rude, so she's gotta die.

Okay, so a lot of people are dead AND Karlach's dead, but we can move on from this.

I go to the Owlbear cave after convincing the expendable Absolutists to avenge their brother. The owlbear cub stays hostile after I kill both of the older owlbears. I have to knock it out. (I'd been hoping to trigger Wyll Approval Points by sparing it in the cutscene)

I go to the Zhentarim locked in the cave. Unfortunately, even though I succeed in convincing Flind to kill all her pack mates, I'm not able to get her to eat herself. So she's gotta go.

I'm not able to win this fight because my team's exhausted after everything else, so I'm able to book a retreat with Astarion.

I get everyone resurrected, do a long rest, go back, kill Flind. Rugan and his buddy are dead, but they're Banites (albeit hot Banites), so I don't care about them.

Go to Waukeen's Rest, save everyone there, go to the Zhentarim hideout, hand over the chest. I go to negotiate for the painter's release. And I use. Friends.

I have to fight the Zhentarim.

At least I got a Titanstring bow out of it.

Astarion is lagging behind in approval, so I decide to go to the swamp. He kills Gandrel instantly because he hasn't revealed he's a vampire.

I go back to the Goblin Camp, prepared to kill the leaders + make it to the Underdark (it's...going to be fun giving Halsin the news). I go to Priestess Gut, especially since she's USUALLY the easiest to kill.

...some combination of my dialogue means she isn't willing to even talk to me and tells me to go away. So I have to initiate combat. I cast Silence so she won't call for help, but she runs outside of it and does it anyway.

She then DRAGS Roah Moonglow, aka One of the OTHER Best Merchants In Act One, into the battle. I have to put MORE Zhentarim down as well as deal with Priestess Gut.

Eventually, I kill all of them.

So, at the moment, Ana has a relatively poor relationship with Astarion (even though she allows him to munch on her), not NEARLY as good a relationship as she could have with Wyll (even though she's making him worse now that Karlach's gone), Gale has been asking for magical artifacts freakishly fast, we've lost a total of four merchants, the druids are dead, and Karlach is McFucking Dead. And I honestly have no idea whether the Owlbear Cub will spawn, especially since Korra is too focused on me poisoning her friends to want to play Chicken Chase.

And we still haven't had the chance for the Family Reunion with Raphael.

At least Ana's new design is hot?

#long post #oc: anathematisma

[treecove]

ok i finally have the braincells so here's some of my criticisms/pointing out of .... questionable content in bg3 that i've personally come across. it may get a bit long. apologies for if it's difficult to read, i'm just trying to lay out my thoughts here. some things are also more serious than others.

The Dark Urge this one is relatively small, as playing the dialogue for the dark urge kind of hints at it, but i do think that it needs a MUCH clearer indication that it can be dark and probably disturbing/distressing to play as. and also that it should probably not be reccomended for a first run, as it does change things quite a bit.

sexuality and romance choice i think it would just be helpful if, when a party member hits on you or shows interest, that you are able to say 'i'm not into girls/guys/anything at all'. and that this specifically shuts down their comments. i have a friend that was disappointed that he couldn't say this to lae'zel, and got further uncomfortable when she kept on saying 'you will wonder what i taste like' when he's a gay guy trying to play a gay guy. it would also be uncomfortable for someone not interested in that aspect of the game/romance and sex in general, i would imagine. also related to this, and i do understand why every single romanceable character is bisexual as this just makes things a lot easier, but i do feel that there should be characters that just are not bi, even just among npcs. there's some npcs in same gendered relationships which is good, though i think there needed to just be more characters that clearly are not bi. (though given the dragon age modding scene's track record, i also get just wanting to avoid that outright.)

trangender characters you the player character can be trans and i love this. i do wish there was a way to have the more feminine frames with a flatter chest, and vice versa, though. i mean we have genital options, but no chest options...? (also no weight or further body shape options but i digress). i also think i noted maybe, two? npcs? that were transgender? and i feel that there really needs to be more trans and nonbinary npcs, specifically prominent ones and not relegated to background characters that you blink and miss (which one of the ones i found was). bg3 has given me as a player far more options to play a trans nonbinary character than any game ive played thus far, but there needs to be more beyond just the player themself in terms of trans rep.

party member racism as a romani person myself, i found myself relating to the tiefling group quite a lot. i dont expect larian to not include fantasy racism in the game, but playing as a tiefling and having a party member, lae'zel, call you and your kind 'cockroaches' with no way to chew her out for it, and just having no proper way to direclty combat the racism of your party members in general is. very uncomfortable. astarion also has some lines like this, and while he does eventually change his attitude, i havent been able to change or confront that with lae'zel. not good for someone youre meant to adventure with and trust.

the goblins and treatment of the way that the goblins are depicted and treated (while not wholly larian's fault since they didn't make the setting- still not an excuse tho) could have been handled better. there are a few instances where you can stand up for them as being people without condoning their actions, but overall they are treated as 'dirty uncivilised tribals' and i hope i dont need to explain why that kind of depiction is bad. they're background cronies of the bbeg, explicitly revealed to having been manipulated and controlled into serving the bbeg, and any exploration of actual goblin culture is treated as a joke.

murdering goblin kids specifically is okay apparently on the topic of the goblins- i was appaled when i realised that in order to free halsin, you have to kill two goblin kids. in fact, if you choose to attack the whole goblin camp, you kill more goblin kids. nobody bats an eye at this. yet, when you do the reverse and attack the grove where there are children that you can kill/cause the death of, this is explicity treated as a bad thing. it's just disgusting that goblin children being killed is not given the same treatment, just because they're goblins.

ableist abuse is fine when the person was abusive to you first in the underdark in act 1 (and later in act 3 if you helped them), there is a dwarven? couple, baelen and derryth bonecloak. baelen has gone missing, and you can find and rescue him. he clearly has some kind of neurological disability, and has difficulty with verbal communication and his memory. his wife, derryth, berates him and treats him as stupid for his disability. you can confront her about it in act 1, and later in act 3 go snooping and find out more information about their relationship- baelen, prior to whatever caused his disability, was an abusive and evil man who beat her and gave her the facial scar she has, among other abuses. of course this abuse is horrific, but this is then used to justify derryth's own abuse of the man, since he now is reliant on her for food ect. she basically says that she can treat a disabled man however she wants because at least she cares for his needs and he abused her anyways so it's payback. i do believe that his disability does not override or excuse what he did in the past and that she has every reason to still hate him, but this still does NOT excuse this treatment of him now that he is disabled and relies on her as a caregiver. becoming disabled is not a fucking punishment and it's disgusting that larian even chose to include this kind of thing in their game at ALL. it's also worsened by the fact that i see many people commenting on how they're going to just kill him because he deserves it, and it's 'doing him a favour since he's disabled now'. this is the kind of sentiment that larian are encouraging by having this narrative in their game and as a disabled person myself, and someone who has family and friends who literally act the way baelen does with his disability, it is not fucking okay.

twin drow sex workers i hope i don't need to explain why it's fucking gross and creepy that larian have two sex workers in act 3 be twins that regularly participate in sex with the same client at the same time, and the player is also able to do so. some party members, such as karlach, comment on how them being literally brother and sister is gross, so it's not as if larian are not self aware enough to see why it's not good to fetishise incest. but they put it in there anyways! for the player to indulge in! and it's depicted as sexy! being a survivor of incest csa, i was pretty shocked and appaled by that inclusion. they could have very easily just had the two be runaway lovers. there was literally no need for them to be made twins.

sexual slavery and abuse is sexy when it's halsin if you do actually sleep with the aforementioned drow along with halsin, he will have a new dialogue where he talks about being held prisoner in the underdark 'chained to the bed, somewhere between a prisoner, a guest, and a consort'. so, he was kept as a sex slave and just slave and captive in general by drow for a while. the player can say that's horrible, but halsin brushes this off and says it wasn't so bad. because apparently he liked being kept as a sex slave? this is just brainwashing and coercive rape, larian. considering how they handled astarion's sexual abuse and slavery, it was outright shocking to learn that halsin's own abuse is handled so poorly and in fact turned into some weird bdsm fetish instead.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3

[local-vampire-enjoyer]

Day 18, Smores

We doing everyone (even Karlach I refuse to believe canon.) Have an old photo of Minette and Gale

Rating: Fluff

There are spoilers for one of the endings here.

Spoilers for Shadowheart’s romance, of course.

Female Drow, Cleric of Kelemvor. Entertainer background.

Not betaed, put on your battle gear.

“Nice to see everyone again.” Minette's black-painted lips turned into a smile as she saw the group of unfortunate friends she was able to make due to the tadpoles.

“It is good to see you too, Minette.” Halsin gave Minette his usual soft smile, Minette still had a poly-relationship going on with Halsin, and Shadowheart. 

“I do hope there is blood.” Astarion fangs flashed slightly, it was night so Minette did not need to worry about Astarion burning in the sunlight. “Don’t worry, I made sure to get blood for you. Bear blood… no offense Halsin, Jaheira.” Minette responded to Astarion, she tried to hold back the smile on her face when mentioning it was Bear blood. Knowing there are two Druids around that took the form of a bear often.

“Soldier! Good to see ya standing!” Karlach pulled Minette into a hug, lifting her off the ground, she quickly hugged her back. Minette laughed as she was put down. “Karlach, I’m happy to see you.”

Minette made sure everyone found their seats around the campfire. Welcoming the others that showed up like Wyll, Gale, Lae’zel, and Minsc.

“Lae’zel, I am happy you found time to join us.” Minette knew that the githyanki would give her a death glare, but she knew it was one of love.

Soon the ingredients to make smores were brought out by Shadowheart. The night was full of stories about the past few months, how Astarion continued to find a way to walk in the sun, Halsin helped rebuild Moonrise with the help of Jaheira’s harpers, Minsc lending a hand as well. Wyll and his dad are trying to rebuild their bond. Gale is finally free of Mystra, and of course, getting to spend more time with Tara. The smell of melted marshmallows and chocolate filled the air as the night dozed on. 

“You seemed to set up cozy here.” Jaheira pointed out, taking a sip of the wine that was brought out, that thankfully wasn’t spiked. Minette had to bring it up every time just to terrorize Jaheira, which made Minsc laugh.

“Yeah, the community nearby is nice, no need for terror. Shar’s influence isn’t around and there is a temple of Kelemvor.” It was all Minette could ask, Shadowheart needed peace from Shar. Minette still wanted to continue her service to Kelmvor, which was a normal god to follow in the region.

The rest of the night was full of stories and laughter, Minette was thankful to meet this group. It is her family now, no matter how some of them are at each other's throats sometimes. “So, what about that time you tried to kill Lae’zel?” Minette asked Shadowheart with a grin.

Shadowheart huffed as Minsc and Jaheira looked at Shadowheart with concern. Astarion and her shared the same look of mischief as Shadowheart told the story.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 drow #bg3 tav #promptober #drow tav #bg3 spoilers #sleep deprived af #bg3 #shadowheart x tav #bg3 astarion #bg3 wyll #bg3 jaheira #bg3 minsc #bg3 lae'zel #bg3 halsin #bg3 has me in a chokehold #I swear I'm forgetting tags #no beta we die like men