I think someone needs to say it.
The JRWI fandom as a whole has a lot of issues with gender roles the expression of ones self. More specifically towards the guys with longer hair. Which is what I'm talking about the most. Characters that are the core example of this are characters like Gillian, Kian and Ashe. The latter two moreso. Both of these characters are canonically cis men with long hair, yet both are consistently headcanonned as transfem. And whilst I literally headcanon Ashe with he/she pronouns (prefferring he mostly though) I really want to make a point of what I'm going to say.
And I'm making a point of saying this now that: I don't have any fucking issues with transfem headcanons. In fact, there's several that I have and several that I see that I adore. Mostly they're outside of this fandom, both are examples of story and for fun:
Hunter from the Owl House is one. It adds so much to the character when you add breaking free and seperation from the control of your abusers, self expression that they can show once free of their uncle. It drives a really nice narrative which works so beautifully for their character. Transfem Hunter is an interesting thing to look into, especially with the issues they have with having longer hair but how having longer hair is always percived as something a girl has. It works so well as a narrative and could be such an interesting thing writers and artists alike can look into.
Another is my one that is literally just for fun. It's Scott Pilgram. It's purely from a piece of fanart I saw that derrives from the 'im in lesbians with you' line said in the comics and film and it's such an interesting take as well. Even though it's one that's just for a silly, I can imagine so many in-depth takes and conflict that could happen in Scott's mind because of this and who they are as a person. As well as the tale told in the film being one of self acceptance and the baggage that carries through in relationship.
Now my massive reasoning for why I'm not against transfems as a whole and people shouldn't butcher me and call me transphobic (because yeah, transphobic trans people exist-) is out of the way, I can get to what I actually want to say:
All the time I see folks headcanoning these canonically beautiful boys as transfem. And whilst that's cool and all, I feel like we should actually look at why we're headcanoning these characters with long hair this way. It feels like it's almost enforcing typical gender roles, that pretty boys with long hair are women. And that's just not the case.
It's gotten to the point that people outside of the fandom think and even sometimes go into PD thinking Ashe is canonically a girl. And whilst yes, popular headcanons exist in all fandoms (see Tubbo with horns in the DSMP fandom) that they leak into the mainstream, it's gotten to the point of where I'm starting to think peoples brains really do just link: boy with long hair = girl all the time. All the time I see people basically going 'boy + long hair = you're a girl now' pretty much and the ammount of just dysphoria that gives me as someone who wants to dress more feminine and grow out his hair long after he starts T is driving me insane.
It enforces a lot of particular gender roles when you're deciding that anyone with long hair is a woman. that they're girly. That they're just that. A girl. And I've seen ages ago (when I was much younger so I don't remember the fandoms) people do the same with women with short hair. Women who are buff and strong and don't have traditionally 'girly' frames. Just instantly making them men. It's kinda fucked but a lot of people don't think the same when It's about men, do they?
You never see extremely masc presenting characters headcanonnoned this way.
Never Rolan Deep, who you could say having this hidden 'monster' inside of him is an analogy for being in the closet, about sexuality or even gender. About not knowing a part of yourself and then seeing others 'express' themselves (murder and maim and kill) in a way that makes you realise something about yourself that you're not who you thought you were in life. That you've been repressing this part of you, that you've discovered this part of you, that feels so weird and foreign that even now you decide to try and push it down, to pretend to be yourself.
Not Ryan, and his very heavy masculinity, how he engages in frat culture and how that can effect a someone's psyche. And how he plays sports and is very traditionally a 'boy'
And you don't see people headcanoning Mark fucking Winters as Transfem. A large, muscularly built person with facial hair.
It's always the folks who are more lithe, lanky, skinny canonically. Always the people who have long hair and are just pretty. Always them.
And I'm just wondering why?
This post isn't anything to start discourse. It isn't asking for you to 'fight back' against what I said with even more content of this sort of stuff. It's just asking for you to stop and think for a second. As to why it's always these pretty boys with long hair that you're thinking are femminine. That's all.
I think my desire to talk about this has been sparked a little more with someone using she/her pronouns for Sylnan in the jrwi-kiss bracket. Sylnan's very masc in apperance, although has long hair like my point, so it did make me curious about that person's headcanons and why they think that. There's another person on ao3 who headcanons Rand as using she/he pronouns and whilst that's not my cup of tea I still am a little curious as to why, as a lot of this fandom does just present very 'femme' or pretty looking guys as transfem.
And I'm welcome to other people's opinions on the matter. I'm welcome to open discussion. I will say though that I find it very hard to disscern tone over text with people I don't know well and that I'd appriciate if you state things such as the fact that you don't mean it argumentativly and such if that is the case. That we're talking civally. I've been attacked a lot over minor things in past fandoms, hell, I even got called racist randomly in THIS fandom for just mentioning colour theory in art styles and how colour picking source art for skintone might not work for your art style. Which, when you think about it, is moreso calling Wyvern racist, if anything. So please just make sure you mention your tone or even use indicators or brackets.
Also going to say: when talking about characters on this post, if you usually headcanon them as she/her or using she/her pronouns, if it's in the context of your headcanon and we're not talking about the canon character seperately (as fanon an canon are completely seperate), I'd appriciate if you use they/them for the characters. I will follow in suit when talking about fandom interations of characters as well. As I have done litearlly throughout this post. It's moreso out of respect for eachother and our personal headcanons, if anything.
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It was already 2 o’clock in the morning. Hard rain poured down on the thin metal roof covering the sunroom in which Aki had ran into a while ago, making loud clattering noises. He couldn’t help himself. Although the evening went fairly good after he joined Tooru in building up the rest of the furniture up in his room, he suddenly had one of his extreme moodswings seemingly out of nowhere again. At first the older one didn’t even realized it since Aki told him he would go down to smoke on the terrace, which was the code for smoking a joint, but when time passed and the younger didn’t came back he went down to check on him just to find him, cowering between boxes, curled up like a ball and sobbing.
Tooru: .... what is going on, chibi? *he whispered gently but mixed with a deep sigh as he sat down to the younger*
Aki: *he picked up on that sigh, naturally his brain started playing with that, leading his thoughts directly into the direction of him being an annoyance which made him sob even harder* .............. *he couldn’t respond even if he wanted to as his grip around his legs got tighter and his body tension getting so strong that if one would have pushed him with just a finger he would have fallen to the side exactly as he sat there*
Tooru: ......... *he observed this for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts, trying to come up with a good thing to say but as mostly, he had no idea what was even going on* ........ *he cleared his throat before he spoke in a soft, gentle tone* ... Misaki, please ...? Tell me wha-
Aki: I’m trying! *he mumbled peevishly under sobbing, interrupting the other with it before he stopped speaking again*
Tooru: *he couldn’t restrain rolling his eyes which he regretted instantly yet still, it also made him notice how thin his self control got towards situations like this. He took a deep breath and decided to stay silent for a while, was his hope that just his presence might calm the smaller one down and make him talk more after a while*
Aki: ..... you should have sent me back to brazil! *he suddenly said eerily calm, almost accusatory after some minutes of silence where nothing else was to hear but his gradually more quiet becoming sobbing and the hard rain on the metal roof*
Tooru: ... aha .. *he responded with a dry snort as he started to get a hint of what this was about*
Aki: ............ aha ..... right .... *he repeated the older in a sarcastic tone before his sobbing grew a bit more again. For him, this little word meant that he was right, for him it meant that the older agreed to it but didn’t wanted to speak it out, for him it meant, that it would have been better if he never had found him.*
Tooru: *he watched the youngers face closely* .... do you wish, i would have sent you back? *he asked dry*
Aki: What? *he asked startled about this question and for the first time in this conversation looked up*
Tooru: *he put on a soft smile yet kept silent to wait for the smallers answer*
Aki: .... *confused by gotten ripped out of his chain of thoughts that ran into a complete other direction, he kept staring puzzled at the other for some moments* .... no. *he whispered rueful*
Tooru: *his smile grew a bit bigger as it seemed he finally got the youngers attention* .... so what makes you say this?
Aki: *he instantly took a deep breath to get ready to blow out a whole chain of reasons* First of, this! *he rolled his eyes down on himself to point out that he was very aware of the scene he was making* You can’t tell me this is fun! Don’t you even dare to try! I know you try and i hope you know i appreciate it but how long will it take till you loose it yourself?! Look at you! You threw your job away, for fuck! You threw your entire life away for me! *he sputtered and was far away from being done*
Tooru: *his frown got deeper and deeper as he tried to listen to the younger. The only thing that kept him from interrupting him was the thought that it might be good to let him vent out a bit first*
Aki: *unfortunately it was one of those moments where, to let him keep speaking, was actually quiet contraproductive as it gave him the room to get more and more obsess about it* I mean?! What were you even thinking?! *he now yelled at the older*
Tooru: *which was enough for him as he couldn’t stand it to get yelled at for no valid reason. He felt some sort of anger rising up in him but he tried his best to contain it, yet his voice got clearly deeper, way more serious as he finally stepped back into the conversation* What i was thinking? Really, Ben?!
Aki: *he instantly bit his lips to stop talking as he heard the older one calling him this name. It was always the sign that the older one meant something very serious if not already grew overwhelmed*
Tooru: *he noticed the reaction of the smaller one but was already too agitated to steer back to a calmer tone* I can tell you what i was thinking back then!
Aki: *his body tensed up again, a quiet, anxious whisper was all he could get out* ... no .. you don’t ha-
Tooru: No! *he interrupted him with a angry growl* You asked for it and i will tell you, again!
Aki: *he dropped his face, trying to subdue the upcoming sob*
Tooru: I was fucking scared! *he started yelling*
Aki: *as he heard the older using the word ‘fucking’ he couldn’t hold it no more and broke back into heavy sobbing. He knew Tooru too well to know that he barely swore unless he was really on edge and it was his fault*
Tooru: How can you even doubt the decisions i made?! How can you even doubt that i want you to be here with me?!
Aki: I don’t!!! *he yelled back in a desperate tone as he looked back up, trying to take back what he just blurrted out a moment ago as he realized how hurtful it must have sounded like*
Tooru: You do!! *he yelled back*
Aki: .. please ... i don’t! *he sobbed*
Tooru: What i was thinking was that if i don’t quit and look for you on my own i would never, fucking ever see you again except in pieces in some black plastic bags! Is that what you wanna hear?!
Aki: *his crying grew erratic at these words. He barely could breath anymore and his body trembled*
Tooru: *he hold his breath for a moment, trying to get a hold of the situation and what went on right now* ........... i .... *he looked at the smaller closely, still struggling with all the anger that came up in him but realizing that this would lead no where* ........ i am sorry .... *he sighed strained and shook his head*
Aki: *he also shook his head heavily, trying to give the older one a sign that he actually agreed and understood how the other one could get so irritated by him but he couldn’t speak for his crying*
Tooru: .......... *his frown changed from an angry one into a hurt one as he kept watching the other* ........ Misaki ... *he whispered worrying*
Aki: *he kept shaking his head, his face by now dug deep into his arms he clutched around his legs* .. no! *he sobbed loud but muffled due to his mouth being covered by his knees* .. it’s right!!! *he kept trying to speak*
Tooru: *he felt a stitch in his chest as the thought hit him that he was too harsh with the younger and did him worse than he already was* ..... no it’s not. I’m sorry.
Aki: NOOOO! *he screamed followed by a heavy choking sound as he was still struggling to breath, still his face dug*
Tooru: *he backed away a bit, startled by the scream* .... Misaki, please calm down, breath! *he said in a forced calm voice as he moved back closer to the younger. He slowly placed his hands on the arms of the smaller in an attempt to loosen his grip around his legs*
Aki: *he responded with a big shiver to the touch, making him tense up even more*
Tooru: *now his mood changed completely as he came to the conclusion that he scared the younger even more. Tears started to fill his eyes* ... Chibi ...? *he whispered as his voice was breaking but there was no change in respond of the other than the heavy, shaking sobbing that slowly started to break his heart* Misaki, please stop ... *he said as the first tear found it’s way down his cheek*
Aki: .. you will see! *he started speaking again, getting interrupted by his own attempts to breath and swallow* .. one day i’ll become too much and you will have to-
Tooru: *he rolled his eyes as he recognized the youngers record starting to play from the beginning again before he grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him up to himself, not caring anylonger what would happen next as he himself didn’t knew what else to do anymore*
Tooru: Urusai baka no chibi! *were the last, shaky whispered words he said before he planted his lips on the smaller ones to make him stop talking this nonsense*
Aki: *he couldn’t help himself than to lean in, grabbing the olders shoulders to scooch closer into his arms as their kiss intensified*
Aki: *he wrapped his arms around the older, clinging onto him as if he was a the last straw that kept him from drifting away completely as his sobbing slowly got quieter and his breathing more steady*
Tooru: *he gently stroke over his hair as he hold him tight* Shhhhhh .... now focus on my voice and concentrate for a moment on the fact that what ever you have on your mind right now needs to take a break for just a moment, alright?
Aki: .. oh- ... okay .. *he stammered still shaking*
Tooru: *a soft smile came up on his lips as the smaller seemed to at least try to listen to him again* ... okay *he whispered soft, planted a kiss on the others head and from then on kept silent as he hold him close, softly rocking from side to side*
They sat like that for almost two hours more, just listening to the rain and feeling each others warmth, before Tooru started speaking again.
Tooru: ... hey ... did you fell asleep? *he whispered in his deep and calm voice*
Aki: .. mhm ... *he hummed agreeing with a little chuckle*
Tooru: *he had to chuckle softly himself about the smallers respond but mostly he was simply relieved things had calmed down again* ........ hey, the sun’s getting up. How about we go to bed? *he whispered gently*
Aki: Mhm-mhmmmm! *he now hummed denying, a sulky tone in his voice, as he dug his face closer against the tallers chest*
Tooru: *a dry snort leaked his throat before he raised his hand to tenderly pat the youngers cheek* .... come on, Misaki. Let’s get up.
Aki: Ngnnnn! *he moaned whiny* ... just 5 more minutes, ple- no! *he couldn’t restrain a little chuckle before he continued* - onegaaaaa~i, seeeee~npaiiiiii! *he warbled cheeky*
Tooru: *he rolled his eyes at what he heard and laughed warmly* Oh, come on now! Really?!
Aki: .. hon ...to ni? *he more asked then answered, not sure if this was even the right term*
Tooru: *he couldn’t help but chuckle again* ... wakarimashita ... watashi wa anata o hakobanakereba naranai to omoimasu ne?
(... i see ... guess i gotta carry you then, huh?)
Aki: *he opened his eyes and looked confused up at the others face* ... what?
Tooru: *he laughed and shook his head*
Aki: EY!!!!! *he shouted sulky and started poking the others bare sides*
Tooru: *he kept laughing and tried to enjoy this moment of peace as he knew it could change back into something else at any time*
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