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cantdwellonanyofit · 3 years

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Fic Dedicated to Stolperzunge - Ch 2.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28770078/chapters/70548765

Gene felt as if he’d been in line for days when he finally reached the ticket counter. As he spoke the words ‘New Orleans’ aloud, purchased his ticket, and turned to sit and wait for the train, he finally realized he had no idea where he was headed. Or whether Snafu even still lived in New Orleans. But he had come too far to turn back now. He couldn't imagine returning home. Couldn't imagine explaining, 'You know, I forgot I had no idea where my long-lost love lived,' to Sid without confessing the entire truth. He had nothing to return to anyway. Perhaps this could be good for him. Maybe just walking the same streets Snafu had walked would fill some of the gaping holes left in him from the war. Maybe coming home from the war had been so hard because he tried to return to his old life. The life he had before he ever met Snafu. It would be impossible for him to ever be the person he had been. Trying to fake it wasn't doing him any good.

When the train finally pulled into the station Gene had talked himself in and out of the trip about a dozen times. But he was doing this. He wasn't a quitter. He handed over his ticket and stepped up the platform onto the train. It wasn't the glamorous train they had ridden home from the war. It was cramped, and people were everywhere. Gene felt as though he couldn't breathe. He tried to take note of every exit available to him in case he needed to escape. He was catching pieces of conversations. Families trying to stay together. Men on business trips. Screaming children. It all slammed into his consciousness at maximum volume as his breathing sped up. He rushed past the seats trying to find somewhere he could be alone. Touching each seat as he passed and propelling himself forward. By the time he reached a compartment that was quiet, he had nearly reached the end of the train. He sat down in one of the empty seats by the window, and immediately propped it open. The mid-September air was still warm, like it always was in Alabama. But there was a gentle breeze that brought him some relief. He gulped it down like fresh water. He wished he had thought to bring a book or magazines. He was going to spend a day and a half with no one else for company but his own mind. This was going to be bad. He nearly bought a newspaper to read but thought better of it. He didn't want to risk reading about the war.

He sighed heavily and leaned his seat back to lay down. Then immediately regretted it and sat back up. He didn't like the feeling of not being able to see his surroundings. There were too many people around. He resigned himself to imagining what it would be like to see Snafu again. Those blue eyes. That sly smirk. He wondered what it would feel like to see Snafu outside of the battlegrounds. In America, in Louisiana, in his hometown. Wherever that may be. Gene had been a fool not to ask for Snafu's address before they boarded the train. They were all just so exhausted and ready to return home. They didn't much think about life beyond that. They had survived. It was inconceivable, unwanted, and unnatural.

Gene suddenly remembered a story Snafu had told the night of their drunken celebration with Burgie. Snafu had mentioned getting into trouble with the Baton Rouge police. Snafu had been pulled over for speeding, and when the officer approached the car window, he was met with Snafu's, “pale white ass against the glass.” As he had poetically explained it. Burgie and Gene had howled with laughter. Gene wasn't sure how Snafu managed to escape being detained, but they had been too drunk then to question it. If he were honest, Gene had been bordering on black out drunk at that point. His consciousness black spotted and stuttering like a worn-out filmstrip. He couldn't believe he remembered anything from that night. It boosted his spirits to know he had a starting place for hunting down Snafu.

He wondered if he was crazy. Obviously, Snafu didn't see fit to seek Gene out, but he didn't know what that proved. Considering Gene had just now boarded a train destined for New Orleans 7 months later. He couldn't believe 7 months of his life was already gone. It seemed he hadn't moved since disembarking the train home in February. Yet here he was, back on a train. Headed for great things or tragedy. He tried not to focus on the potential embarrassment of being rejected. What if Snafu pretended he didn’t know who Gene was? What if he was disgusted by Gene’s longing for him? And he had no choice but to accept that whatever connection he thought there was had been imagined. God would humiliate and ruin him again. He wasn't sure he could accept more of it. Maybe he'd die right there on the sidewalk in his several day-old clothes. Maybe people would just step on him as they walked by. Their feet passing through his ghostly form. The final indication that he never made it off Okinawa. And all the past several months were just the beginnings of his eternity in hell. He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the worst-case scenarios. Snafu had already rejected him once; he could surely live through it again.

---

As the train neared the terminal at New Orleans, Gene could feel his heart thumping in his throat. It didn't matter that he would just be stepping off the train to board a bus to Baton Rouge. He was virtually in the same city Snafu might be in. He may see Snafu again. He spent most of the train ride alternating between watching out the window, and fist fighting his brain into submission. Several people filed into the seats around him, and it made him more restless with every person that joined. Luckily, the person next to him had brought a surplus of reading material and offered him a book. 'Mind At The End of Its Tether," which had distracted Gene for a good half hour. And then another couple hours when his mind pondered if the book had been right. Maybe humanity would cease to exist. This aligned with his assumptions that God had expected both the Japs and Americans to die. War was everywhere. The world was on fire. And here Gene was, chasing a boy that might not want anything to do with him. What else was a guy to do during the apocalypse? He might as well get his first kiss before the world ended. Ed had poked fun at him for keeping his virginity throughout the entire war. But Sledge had also been a bit surprised and fed up with it. He wanted to forget. And he knew no better way than to give in completely to sin. The elderly woman next to him shifted in her seat, and Gene blushed. He sure hoped she couldn’t read minds. He carefully returned the book to her and thanked her.

Gene waited in line, boarded a bus, and did more waiting. Became more restless. He hadn't showered in days. He was still wearing the same clothes. At least if he ran into Snafu now, he'd be recognizable. He looked just as disheveled as he had in the war. He was buzzing with energy. Even though he hadn’t slept more than four hours both nights, he had never felt more alive. He was bordering on giddy. Finally, he stepped off the bus and into Baton Rouge. He was immediately met with traffic, people, and bright lights. His eyes landed on a Sears, and he decided he'd stop in for some clothes. He tried to imagine what Snafu would find attractive, but he had no idea if Snafu even liked men. Or him. He must've looked helpless because it wasn't long before he was approached and assisted. He considered asking, “Picture this, you decide to chase down the man of your dreams. But only after finally accepting you might perhaps be homosexual, and it took losing your entire identify in a hard-fought war to reach this conclusion. What would YOU wear?” But thought better of it.

"I'm trying to find clothing that would impress….someone." He finished lamely. He knew he looked ragged. It made him feel even more unsure of himself. "Delightful! Come this way, I know exactly what you need." Before long he was handing over money for several sweaters. Some had a chain-link pattern across the chest, while others were knit vests he could wear over the collared shirts he’d purchased. He bought suspenders, a gabardine jacket, cream trousers, and several brown and maroon pants. He delightedly purchased a couple of fountain pens and paper as well so he could write to Sid. He tucked the receipt in his pocket with the others so he could track how much money he owed Sid. There was no way he wouldn't pay back his friend. He stepped back out into the light and looked around. He needed to find a motel to stay in. He desperately needed a shower. He walked several blocks until he spotted a hotel called the 'Grouchy Hotel,' and stopped in his tracks. No wonder Snafu was the way that he was, the entire city called it like they saw it. Gene's arms were nearly numb, and he decided this would have to do. Grouchy personnel or not, he'd be delighted to check in.

Checked in, and successfully in his room, he dropped his bags all over the floor and immediately stripped off his clothes. He lingered in the bathtub, soaping up several times before feeling clean. If he was going to see Snafu, he wanted to be presentable. He toweled off, put together some of his new ensemble, and then felt at a loss at what he should do next. How was he supposed to find Snafu in this huge town? He had no idea if he had even chosen the right place. It had been one story Snafu had told while blindingly drunk. Gene’s stomach growled and he checked his watch. It was nearly 1600. He decided he’d venture back out in the street for a meal. He hadn’t eaten much the past few days. Mostly due to nerves, but he also had no idea how long he would be paying for a hotel, and they weren’t cheap.

Gene stopped at the front desk for some food recommendations then made his way out into the street. He headed towards the water, as he was told to. He hoped he would find it relaxing, and not an unpleasant reminder. He had a tumultuous relationship with water since the war. He used to love swimming, or the sound and feeling of fresh rain. But after spending months soaked to the bone, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to be wet again. He followed his nose until he had reached a pizza shop. His stomach groaned in excitement. Before long, he was seated and reviewing the menu. Contemplating whether he should buy one of everything. Suddenly a worker emerged from the kitchen walking backwards while he spoke to someone in front of him.

“I can’t thank you enough Mr. Shelton, you do great work.” Shelton, Gene thought, must be a popular surname around these parts. Great. It wasn’t already going to be hard enough to find Snafu. The odds continued to mount against him. It was likely he’d spend all this time, money, and return home just as lost as he’d been before he left. He was like a mistreated dog, returning to the only home he ever knew even though it would eventually kill him.

“It was nuthin’, Mr. Alesce. You enjoy that cool air, now,” Gene dropped his drink and didn’t even register when the glass shattered against the table, and then the floor. His Coke splattered all over him.

He’d know that voice anywhere. His head turned so fast to the side it cramped. He stood up and his chair tilted before it clattered to the floor. Time slowed; his blood rushed to his head. He was going to pass out. He turned and stared directly at Snafu, who had a faraway look to his eyes. The shattering of glass must’ve startled him. Or perhaps seeing Gene had caused the wild look in his eyes. Maybe Gene was the last person he ever wanted to see again. But in true Snafu fashion, he shook it off faster than Gene could. Someone rushed over, apologizing to Gene as if it had been their fault the glass shattered. Gene was standing in shards of it when he locked eyes with Snafu.

Those fuckin’ blue eyes. They were the same as the last time he saw them. Somewhat darker underneath from lack of sleep, but so beautiful. They stood staring at each other. Seconds, minutes, potentially hours passed. Maybe this was Gods final act. He’d let Gene have this moment for as long as he needed it, and then God would plunge him back into his home in Mobile. His chance at freedom ripped out of his hands. He’d be clawing his nails raw at the door, begging for another glimpse of the life he would never have.

Snafu was walking towards him. Gene backed up and hit the wall behind him. Then, as if the walls were made of rubber, he propelled himself forward and began walking towards Snafu. They met in the middle. Gene thought it funny that they were always doing that. Meeting each other halfway in every situation.

“You look like shit, Eugene,” Snafu smiled his stupid damn shit eatin’ grin. His attempt at a lighthearted hello.

“You—You fool. You fuckin’---Damn, piece of----. You absolute piece of---. You fuckin’…. Damn fool!” Gene’s voice was rising, and he couldn’t stop it. He knew he shouldn’t be causing a scene. He just kept hurling insults and growing louder. This is not how he imagined reuniting with Snaf’. Snafu’s smile dropped. He began pushing Gene towards the door. Gene was fighting him off. Hitting him with one closed fist, right in the shoulder, and then the other hand joined in.

“You have a great day now, Mr. Alesce. Ouais, t’inquiète! I got this handled. Merci, beaucoup. Naw, it’s on the house!” Snafu continued pushing Gene until he was out the door and on the sidewalk. Snafu grabbed Gene’s hands and dragged them behind his back until Gene was in front of him. Snafu held a tight grip on both of Gene’s biceps. “You gotta calm down, cher.”

Gene nearly fought his arms free so he could wrap both hands around that tanned throat. Cher…who the hell was he calling cher when he left Gene. Abandoned him. When Gene needed him the most, he just walked out. “Don’t you sweet talk me, you asshole,” Snafu chuckled.

“I’m not kiddin’ with you, Snafu! Why didn’t you wake me up? Why?!” Gene tried to free his arms but realized immediately it was pointless. All he managed to do was swing both men wildly from one side then the other.

“I don’t know. I didn’t think it’d matter so much to you. Just…thought you’d move on.” Snafu responded.

“Excuse me, is that supposed to calm me down because now I’m extra fired up.”

“What are you doing here?” That calmed Gene down. What a good question. What the hell was he doing here. Talking to this man who obviously didn’t think walking out of Gene’s life was much of a big deal. It seemed to measure up to swatting away a pesky fly to Snafu. He washed his hands of him, and then just continued his life as it was. While Gene’s life had completely stopped. Right up until the moment he locked eyes again with Snafu. Surely, he had broken the spell, and time would begin ticking again for him. Gene stopped struggling, and said in an icy tone, “Making a huge mistake, apparently. Let me go.”

“Now wait just a second, Eugene. I didn’t mean it how’ya heard it.”

“I heard it just fine. Let go of me.” Gene wrenched his right arm and swung both men to the right. Dangerously close to the road.

“I don’t want to.” Snafu said, matter of fact.

Gene laughed. “That’s rich. You did such a beautiful job of it the first time.” Snafu twisted Gene around so he was facing him. “Don’t mistake my absence for indifference. I-“ Snafu seemed to be bracing himself. “I’m incredible at fucking up my own life. Don’t take it personally.”

Gene hadn’t expected to hear such honestly. His mouth hung open as he tried to think of a response. He eventually just closed it. Did Snafu really think leaving Gene had fucked up his life? He seemed so aloof about it. Gene didn’t understand how Snafu could hold so much regret, and then just act like nothing was amiss when they met again.

Snafu twisted Gene back around, placed a hand on the small of his back, and began steering him. “Where you staying at? How long you been here? You really fucked up your clothes, man. I hope you got more.” Gene was barely registering his movements as he walked both men towards the direction of his hotel. His clothes. What a waste of Sid’s money. Maybe he should just walk them both to the water and jump in. Kill two birds with one stone. Clean his clothes, and the sin off him.

“I’ve been here for…Maybe a couple of hours.”

“No shit? Ain’t that somethin’. You got lucky; I’d been procrastinating this job because the bus ride here is a bitch.” Gene couldn’t believe his luck. The utter fate involved in his reuniting with Snafu. It was almost as unreal as their chance to meet in the first place. If the war had never happened, what would his life be like right now? Would he be continuing to force himself to go on dates with girls? Would he still listen to all the guys around him talk about the things they did with girls in the dark? While Gene continued to hope his innocence protected him from questioning? While Sid continued protecting him from questioning? Before long, Snafu and Gene reached the hotel. Snafu dropped his hands from Gene’s back.

“You know what brought me here? I remembered that damn story you told about mooning that police officer. That’s why I chose Baton Rouge.”

Snafu laughed loudly, “Aw, Gene, I can’t believe that. I made all that up!”

Gene nearly started laughing hysterically. Instead, an anguished cry ripped out of him and he began sobbing. Snafu was here. He recognized him. He had walked him back to his hotel. He regretted leaving Gene. Snafu looked incredibly startled and vulnerable. Like the face he wore when Gene threated to cut that Japs teeth out.

“Eugene, I’m sorry. I’m real sorry. I shouldn’t have made that up.” Snafu offered.

Gene laughed as tears slid down his cheeks, “That’s not why I’m upset.” He quickly wiped away the tears, embarrassed at losing his composure, “I don’t even know if I am upset. I just can’t believe I found you so quickly. My life stopped the second you left me on that train. I haven’t breathed in months. I feel like I died on that damn train, Snaf.”

Snafu looked genuinely confused. “Why? You have a great family. I thought….. A good home. Friends….” He trailed off. “You have so much good in your life.”

“I don’t care about any of that. They don’t understand. They can’t accept who I am now. That I’m not me anymore, and I might never be again. You were the only person to understand.” Gene paused; lowered his voice in case anyone walked by. They were in public after all. “You’re all I think about. All of the time.”

Snafu continued to look perplexed. Gene left Snafu’s side and opened the door for them to enter the hotel. “Let’s talk inside,” he offered. Snafu slowly nodded.

“Bienvenue, messieurs!” The man at the front desk called fondly. “Merci bien. Bonne journée,” Snafu responded. Gene smiled politely at the man. He was really going to have to pick up some French while he was here.

They remained silent as they walked to Gene’s room. Gene opened the door for Snafu, then quickly turned to close and latch it. When he turned around again, Snafu was on him. Pushing him against the door and touching noses with him. Snafu’s breath was a breeze against Gene’s lips. Gene forgot everything he was going to say. Every moment of sadness and despair. He forgot his own name. All he could think about was Snafu’s mouth on his.

Gene reached both hands towards the sides of Snafu’s neck. Gently touching his fingertips to his skin. Gene pressed, bringing Snafu toward him, and closed the gap. It was like dunking his head in ice cold water. He’d never felt so alive in his life. His heartbeat sped up. Warmth traveled from his mouth, down his throat, filling his chest, butterflies bounced off his stomach, and a ball of heat shot straight into his groin. He moaned in Shelton’s mouth. Snafu positioned both his hands firmly on Gene’s hips. Pulling him towards Snafu until Gene’s sticky clothes rested against Snafu’s. Gene wanted to chastise him. ‘You’ll get your nice work clothes all dirty,’ Gene thought. But he didn’t dare stop to voice his concerns.

Gene was softly rubbing his fingers along the back of Snafu’s neck, then he dragged his fingertips up along the sides. Landing in Snafu’s hair behind his ears. The curls were as soft as he imagined they’d be. He opened his mouth wider and slipped his tongue into Snafu’s mouth. Snafu moaned. Responding by sucking on Gene’s tongue and tightening his hold on his hips. Taking control of the situation. Of Gene. Gene was overheating. This was better than any fantasy he ever thought up. He must’ve said as much because Snafu chuckled.

“You think about this often, boo?” Gene brought Snafu in for another slow, open-mouthed kiss. When Gene broke off the kiss to respond, Snafu caught Gene’s lower lip in his teeth and sucked. Gene moaned and took a deep breath. “I can’t believe you left me. Left this.” Snafu seemed to be thinking before responding, which was a real first. “I thought it’d be better. For you. I couldn’t-“ Snafu struggled again to find words.

“I couldn’t stand bullshitting with you like we did with Burgie. I’d have asked you to come home with me. And I ain’t—Eugene.” He opened his arms wide, “I ain’t got shit to offer you here.”

Gene stared pointedly. “What do you think I need other than you? Just you. It’s simple as that.”

Snafu was shaking his head in disbelief, “I don’t understand you, Sledgehamma’. You got the whole world in your hands, and you’re just gonna keep chasing the one thing you think you’re missing.”

“I don’t understand you neither,” Gene retorted. “You claimed leaving fucked up your life, and you just walked away. Like you left one of your bags on the train. As if you might be able to just replace what you lost, so there’s no need to go searching for it.”

“I wasn’t interested in replacing it. I was just gonna add it to the list of irreversible mistakes and leave it at that.” Snafu reasoned.

“Why?” Gene’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.

Snafu shrugged, “I told you, I don’t know. I just thought it’d be better for you.” Gene scoffed, “Well you got a lot to learn about what’s good for me then. I can take care of myself. You just stay out of making decisions for me from now on. I’m a big boy. You should’ve at least given me the option. I’d have come home with you if you had asked.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Snafu responded quickly. “That I’d hold you back. From moving on. From being happy. Starting over--” Gene interrupted, “There’s no startin’ over unless it’s with you.” Snafu smiled slowly, his eyes half-lidded, “You’re a real sap, Eugene.” Gene laughed. And it felt good. His stomach groaned loud enough for both men to hear it.

Snafu finally turned to look around the hotel room. Gene had left his bags scattered everywhere from earlier. “You get robbed while you was out?” Snafu teased. Gene started removing his clothes. Snafu went a bit red and turned around to offer Gene some privacy. Gene had to bite his lower lip to keep from laughing. “What’re you doing? You just had your tongue halfway to my tonsils, and now you’re protecting my modesty?” Snafu’s laugh burst from him. Gene’s grin nearly split his face. He missed this. The teasing, the laughing. It felt so good to be safe with Snafu. They could just be men. Boys. War had aged them greatly. Mentally and physically. But they still reached in and yanked out each other’s youthfulness. Their innocence. This is what he had desperately been missing.

“Shut up and get yourself cleaned up. I’m going to take you to dinner. Isn’t that how this works? Take you to dinner first before I take you to bed?” Snafu said it so matter-of-factly it was Gene’s turn to blush. “You’re an animal.” Gene kidded, and Snafu chuckled. “You chose this life, Eugene. Got no one to blame but yourself.” Snafu had no idea about the implication of those words. How true they really were. Gene had brought everything upon himself. The war, the anguish, the brokenness. But also, the joy, love, and growth. He didn’t want to imagine what his life would’ve been like without the war because then he wouldn’t be right here with Snafu. And that was a life he already tried to live and couldn’t. Gene changed out of his clothes and dropped them in the tub with some water. He soaped them up, but he doubted it’d do much. He might as well try, he figured. He quickly washed the stickiness off himself in the sink, redressed, and did a 360 turn for Snafu, who laughed. He was sitting on the bed, practicing patience as Gene tidied up. "You ready? Before the entire town closes down?” Gene crept up and stood between Snafu’s thighs, dropping a gentle kiss to his lips before standing and heading for the door. “Lead the way.” Gene had already followed Snafu to hell and back. He’d be delighted to follow him anywhere for the rest of his life.

#smutty #Whoops #Sledgefu #Eugene Sledge #Snafu #stolperzunge #*stresses out about my snafu characterization #Translations and comments are in the AO3 link #I'm too lazy to repeat myself

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tessisawriter · 5 years

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Hiya! I was wondering if i could get 9,11,23, and 24 with Barzy (I'm sorry i know you've gotten a lot for him recently) In a situation where they get stuck in a cabin in his hometown because of some weather warning (but the reader isn't afraid of thunder if it's a T-storm)

Flash Flood

A/N: I love writing about Barzy, don’t worry about it! He’s my favorite player 💙🧡

Warnings: One swear word, minor spoilers of Stranger Things 3

Word Count: 892

You were psyched to be with Mat in Coquitlam, British Columbia this summer. It represented a huge step forward in your relationship for him to take you home to see where he grew up; he already saw your hometown since it was on Long Island.

This weekend, Mat rented a cabin about an hour north of the Vancouver area so that the two of you could have some quality time away from his parents and sister. You adored Mat’s sister, Liana, but you did want to have some alone time with your boyfriend. You had just finished drying your hair and were about to exit the bathroom after your shower when a harried Mat came in.

“Hey Y/N, what are you doing?”

“I’m just going to change into my dress. What’s the matter, babe?”

“There’s a flash flood warning, and we’ve been told to shelter in place.”

You froze when you heard “flash flood warning.” You lived through Hurricane Sandy in 2012 and saw so many people lose their homes and electricity due to the storm surge. One of your closest friends lost her home when it burned to the ground in the Breezy Point fire. You went to visit her a few days after the fire was put out, and seeing the charred remains of the foundation of her house scared the shit out of you. Since FEMA was extremely slow to help, their house wasn’t rebuilt for almost four years, and your friend and her family were forced to move in with relatives. Seeing her go through such a devastating tragedy left its mark on you. While you were lucky enough to live in an area of Long Island where the impacts were not severe, you developed a life-long fear of floods.

“You just got really pale, are you all right?” Mat asked, alarmed.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You cleared your throat to try and stop the tears threatening to spill. “I was just thinking about Sandy and the flooding.” When you finished talking, you started to cry.

“Come here.” Mat pulled you into his arms and hugged you.

“We’re only sheltering in place as a precaution, but even if the worst case scenario occurs, I promise I will never let anything bad happen to you.”

“I love you, Mat,” you said, cuddling into his chest.

“I love you too, babe,” Mat replied. “I’m sorry we can’t have dinner on the patio like we planned.”

“You don’t have to apologize; it’s not your fault, babe,” you said.

“I have a good idea: why don’t we start watching the new season of Stranger Things?”

“Yes!” you cheered, and Mat flashed his beautiful smile at you. Even after over a year of dating, his smile triggered butterflies every time.

“All right, I’ll go cue up Netflix, and why don’t you get dressed in something comfy?” Mat said. “Although if you want to keep the robe on…”

“Mat!” You playfully whacked him on his shoulder.

“Sorry, you’re just so damn sexy. I’ll see you in a few, babe.” Mat kissed you on the lips before padding into the living room.

You walked over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants, an old Hofstra t-shirt, and warm, fuzzy socks. When you got dressed, though, it felt like something was missing. You opened Mat’s drawer and pulled out one of his old Thunderbirds hoodies. Once you put it on, you felt much better.

When you walked into the living room, you saw Mat had put the dinner you were going to have outside on the table in front of the couch. You would never know it, but Mat was secretly a good cook.

“That smells so good,” you referred to the bowls of seafood linguine on the table as you sat on the couch next to Mat.

“Wait a minute…is that my hoodie?”

“Bite me, Barzal,” you joked, and he kissed you on the cheek. You pulled your food closer to you on the table while Mat grabbed the remote and put on the first episode.

An hour passed, and Mat paused the show before it could move on to the second episode. He then put his arm around you, signaling that he wanted to cuddle. You curled up into his side as he hit play.

You screeched in happiness when El went to Max’s house for boy advice, and you couldn’t stop laughing during the mall montage when El and Max had a ball shopping while Mike and the boys moped.

“God, stop doing that,” Mat muttered.

“Doing what?” you asked.

“Laughing.”

“Is that a problem?” You turned your head to face him, surprised.

“Well, considering that I’m trying to watch the show but my girlfriend is distracting me with her adorable laugh, yeah,” he chuckled.

“You are too much sometimes,” you joked, kissing him on the cheek.

“I’m actually glad we got stuck in here tonight,” Mat said. “It certainly wasn’t part of how I envisioned our quality time, but I’m just happy to sit here in comfy sweats and watch you laugh. And I’m looking forward to you hiding in my arms because it’s going to get really gory in the next few episodes.”

“You really think that’s how it’s going to go?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll see about that,” you replied, cupping his cheek and bringing his lips to yours.

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octoberwren · 7 years

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If it’s words you seek (I’ll Remember You) Chapter 2.

Thank you all so much for loving this odd ball fic, seriously I can not tell you enough how much I adore you all for it! The only thing I have to say about this chapter is that it almost killed me. I wanted it to be perfect, so of course I ended up re-writing it like a thousand times. Yep. (I’m neurotic about posting no matter how many time I’ve done it, I’d hate to disappoint you guys who have liked it so much.) But now that it’s done I’m happy with it, you might not be with the amount of angst. I can’t write fluff guys. I wish I could, my mind would love me more for it.

Anyway...happy reading! Hope you enjoy. Seeing as this is going to be a multi-fic you’re more than welcome to ask me to tag you in it! I love doing that ; )

Chapter 1 here

Also on Ao3 for your convenience

(I own nothing, Marvel owns me)

Summary: Darcy Lewis is many things, avoidance expert, current holder of the Hydra Survivor Cup and not to boast, but she's at an expert level with self defense in sarcasm and shiny wit.

What she's absolutely not is Steve Rogers Soulmate, she doesn't give a flying monkey what The Universe is trying to tell her with the 'gifts' she's recently acquired, i.e Reading His Mind and other tricks that have to do with The Good Captain.Her and Steve?

Pffft, that's never gonna happen.

Chapter 2: Hindsight is a bitch and so is HYDRA.

3 years ago

Darcy loved her job, most days. The benefits were good, and honestly, she needed those, it was all fine and dandy being an intern with Jane when there weren't Aliens and Gods trying to have a smackdown on planet earth. And for some Loony Toons reason, Darcy was always smack dab in the middle of all of that world ending hoopla.

So when Nick Fury himself offered her a job, well what was she supposed to say?

No. She could have said no, Jane had demanded she say "Fuck no, you damn pirate." But Darcy really needed the health coverage, it was just a hop skip and away before she was shot at, and she was trying to be an adult and handle her business.

Janey hated the idea, but she slowly came around when Darcy had pointed out quite reasonably, if she said so herself, that what better way to keep an eye on S.H.I.E.L.D shenanigans than to have an all-access pass to their home base.

Technically her job title was ‘File Manager', so a lackey in Nick Fury terms, Darcy fully believed he'd only given her the job so he could keep an eye on her. But whatever, she had a coffee shop in her workplace and a hell of a view.

A view she had been creepy staring at for over three months now, it was borderline stalker behavior. But the man had an ass that wouldn't quit, and that navy uniform did so many things for Darcy's late night imagination, that she physically couldn't help but stare.

It was only when she started noticing other things that Darcy thought she may be in some trouble here.

Like the way he opened doors for the science dudes, who stuttered and looked on in awe, or how he sometimes looked so lost, like a boy who let go of his mother's hand. He came in some days bloody and broken, with eyes that seemed too haunted to be real. It took everything Darcy had and then some not to rush over and hug the stuffing out of his chest, just so he didn't look like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders alone.

Four months in and when she could actually detect his steady steps from a room away, Darcy decided that enough was enough, she needed to do something before she bear-hugged the man out of sheer frustration.

It was then that Darcy came up with a foolproof plan; because everyone loved coffee right? Right.

She'd put on her big girl pants and give him something to smile about because his sad face was breaking her soul, so she ordered a coffee just the way he like it, ignoring the side-eye she received from the barista when she wrote down the order.

She then marched her butt down to his office that looked as bummed out as he was, with the plain gray walls and bare furnishing practically screaming his loneliness out loud with hand gestures. Darcy lifted her hand to knock on the Captain's door, only to reel back in shock when it opened up.

Steve Rogers towered over her and for a split second Darcy felt like she was going to lose her breath, he was just so damn handsome it was unfair to the people of earth.

His open face blanked carefully when he saw her standing there holding two coffees. He took in his name on one of the cups and Darcy's stomach dropped when she saw the flicker of something flash through his eyes. Before he even opened his mouth, Darcy had the strangest sort of sixth sense, she felt something disastrous coming her way, she knew exactly what he was going to say and she wanted to stop this, she wanted to wake up this morning in total ignorance. The coffee cups started to tremble in her hands as she began to wish feverently that this wasn't what she thought is was.

But Steve didn't notice her distress, he spoke the words that damned them both, "Sorry Miss, but whatever the hell this is, you're not my priority."

And just as she knew it would, Darcy's world shifted on its axis and fell apart at her feet.

She opened her mouth ignoring everything in her screaming to shut the hell up-keep quiet-he doesn't need to know- it was instinctive, she wanted to say something, anything to him, not to leave her alone like this, but she could only let out a stutter, It was too late anyway, he was already turning away from her, even when the coffees fell from her hand and landed on the floor in a wet mess, he never even glanced back in her direction.

Darcy stood like a statue, watching Captain America-no-Steve Rogers (because of fucking course her mother was right. She wasn't special, she'd never be great enough for him, for the world he belonged to.) walk away with his shoulders straight like the soldier he was. He blocked out the evening sun as he left her and engulfed her surroundings in darkness.

Darcy really thinks her brain is coming up with bullshit metaphors at inappropriate times, but she can't breathe. Let alone think.

She's left standing in the middle of his door, the air around her seemed so much colder than it was before, her teeth started chattering against the freezing air and she wanted to break down and laugh or cry, maybe both, she wanted to sink to her knees and yell that she knew it, she knew this was always going to be her downfall.

All those years of looking at her mark, she had stupidly convinced herself that she was bigger than this moment.

It was the worst lie she had ever told herself.

She couldn't breathe.

And for a vomit inducing second she thought she was going to black out, but then no, she knew this feeling, she just hadn't felt it for a few years now, she was having a panic attack. Joyness abound today.

She slid to the ground slowly, tracking her breaths, trying to touch the floor, smell the air, until her heart didn't feel like it was going to explode from her chest in a gory mess.

She hadn't felt this fragile-and her mind spits the word like venom-since she left her shitty hometown, filled with shitty people.

Because this wasn't some average Joe…it wasn't someone who thought she was just a body with big boobs and no brains or even someone that thought her life experience consisted of a nice suburban life and no real tragedy. It wasn't even her mother's condescending taunting, Darcy dear, are you sure you want to go out in that? Are you sure Political Science is the field for you? Don't you think he'll love you more if you cleaned the house?

This was someone that-Thor help her- she wanted respect from. She had actually wanted him to like her, she all but scoffs at that, all she got was a mere glance and words that she never thought would spill from his perfect lips.

Steve Rogers was her soulmate, a shudder wracks her body with just that thought, he was a good person, all the things she told herself about her mythical ‘one' was ignorant.

She had read about his heroic deeds in history class and had admired him long before he turned out to be alive and walking in the same semi-circle as her own.

What the hell was the universe thinking pairing her up with him? Her insecurities seemed to drown out the noise of the building as she got up and headed home.

In the days, weeks after, Darcy was a mess, and she couldn't shake herself out of it no matter how stubbornly she wanted to. It felt like her soul was missing, and maybe it was, maybe he took it from her the moment he spoke.

She went from rage to helplessness. One day she was convinced she was going to storm into his office and yell every curse words she knew and ones that she made up on the spot. She wanted to see him regret ever speaking those words, but before she'd even get to his door she ran away in a fit of panic.

There were plenty times she just paced the hallway and Darcy knew she looked crazy, hell, she felt like a nutjob. She stayed away from work a lot as well, she was surprised Nick Fury didn't burst into her room and drag her out by her feet. (In the oncoming days she realized why he didn't and Darcy barely kept the tears away when she thought about how her life would have been, if she just put on the news)

Darcy had finally made up her mind, she would just say something, he had the right to at least know, Darcy couldn't keep it from him, that was unfair, although she really, really wanted to. It was taking most of her strength not to get on a plane and book it to the nearest deserted island. She wanted to crawl into a ball and scream until her throat was sore. But Darcy Lewis wasn't a coward, and she wouldn't let her shitty hometown be right about her. She wasn't second best, she deserved more out of her life than to be a throwaway thought.

Steve may not want her around but he'd at least know what they meant to each other, then and only then could he decide on where he wanted her in his world. (and if he didn't want her anywhere near him, then she would accept it like the grown-up she was, even if the very thought left her with an ache in her heart,)

So with that, Darcy bought a new cup of coffee, and so help her if he even thought of turning the drink of Gods away again, she entered his empty office and waited and then waited some more.

She stood for so long, straining to hear even the slightest noise, that her back protested her very existence. Bored, she put the coffee down at his table and sat at his desk, his chair swiveled and she amused herself by twirling in it, and almost threw it to the ground when she heard a noise outside. When it grew quiet again and her thundering heart settled down, she figured it wasn't Steve about to catch her in her lunacy.

When she heard the thud again she got annoyed at the dumbass that was ruining her fun times, she was an anxiety-ridden mess and whoever the hell that was, was going to get a mouth full from her when she let loose all her nervous ramblings and probably, no definitely, some insults.

She stormed out the room and peeked around a corner but she instantly deflated when she saw Adam looking at her sheepishly, while he tried to get into another office a few doors down. Adam was a good guy but he looked more like he should be down with the sciences dudes, than working as a field agent. He was also spacy enough that forgetting his keys was common enough occurrence.

Darcy was about to offer her help like she normally did, but stopped when she heard a familiar deep voice coming from the speakers, Steve's voiced echoed along the walls and what came next made her blood run cold with fear.

"Attention all S.H.I.E.L.D agents, this is Steve Rogers. You've heard a lot about me over the last few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it's time, to tell the truth. S.H.I.E.L.D is not what we thought it was. It's been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader. The S.T.R.I.K.E and insight crew are HYDRA as well. I don't know how many more, but I know their in the building. They could be standing right next to you. They almost have what they want. Absolute control. They shot Nick Fury and it won't end there. If you launch those helicairriers today, HYDRA will kill anyone that stands in their way. Unless we stop them. I know I'm asking a lot. But the price of freedom is high. It always has been. And it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not."

Darcy's emotions ping-ponged from self-disgust and shame that she didn't know, after all these days, Steve had been going through so much worse things than her. He said he had been hunted, like he was just a step away from a bullet and she really fucking hoped he was okay because she wasn't sure she'd forgive herself if he wasn't.

Next was a burning anger that made her skin hot thinking of those HYDRA dicks, she fucking hated Nazi's and she hated that she worked in a place that was crawling with them. It was like a light switch clicked on, as Darcy realized that she wasn't alone listening to that announcement. When her eyes met Adam's, Darcy wanted to spit, his mask of clumsiness had fallen away and in its place was an ugly rage that she had never seen on another human face before. He looked alien to her.

"Oh Darcy," He leered at her, and she wanted to throw up, preferably on him, the dickwad. "I really wish he had waited at least a few seconds. This might have been less painful for you."

She had a second to think ‘what the actual fuck?' before he took steps towards her, but nope, she backed the hell up and slammed the door in his face, sliding the lock home.

"Please, Darcy, you think that will stop HYDRA?" His voice was too smooth behind the door, to clean and Darcy never hated someone so much in her life. "Do you think he can stop this? We're HYDRA, If a head is cut off, one shall grow in its place."

She snorted at that, even when the door kicked in she was still chuckling with amusement at these massive douche-nozzles, "Is that in your brochure? Because and I'm just being honest here, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You do know that the Greek legend ended with Hercules killing the monster right? You have cracked open a book before, right?. So I'd say the odds are against you here Adam, there's a real-life legend kicking your buddies asses right now, no way you're getting out of this alive."

Wow, who knew a vein could thorb that angrily? Guess she hit a nerve, she wasn't smug, much. Oh who the hell was she kidding, the smirk curved her face like war paint.

"This is what's going to happen little girl," she didn't actually think he could piss her off more, but that kind of flew out the window and died a horrible death with that remark, "You're going to stay still and not move, I'm going to take all the information I can out of your hero's computer. I'll take you away and get a promotion for all my trouble. You, on the other hand, will be locked away in a room so small, that by week one you'll have lost your mind, your bravado will vanish and I'll be there every step of the way to watch it happen."

She could lie to herself and say she was just buying time until help arrived, or that she was a second away from getting out of this. But the dread was lodged like a stone in her stomach, and she could tell that no one was coming for her. Especially not the man she really wanted to see, he was probably a bit busy saving the world.

There was no way out, but even as her fingers shook with terror, she'd still be damned if she let him see her fear, he wouldn't get that from her, "Okay dude, just two things, this is the twenty-first century, do you really want to be walking around as a chauvinistic prick? Because I think that's the wrong lifestyle choice."

"Also, who said it was just bravado? Kudos on the big words, by the way, some people, but not you obviously, would clearly see all my talk for what it was... Stalling." Darcy then flipped over the coffee cup that was for Steve and it sloshed over the computer's hard drive, there was a sizzle and- a quite frankly- underwhelming whine as the thing was destroyed.

She glanced up at his gaping mouth and shrugged carelessly, "Guess that promotion is off the table now, huh? Sucks for you."

The last thing Darcy could recall without a head-splitting throb was a fist barrelling towards her face.

Three years later and Adam was lying in his own pool of blood while Darcy stood over him, knife in her hand, and sick threatening to give way, and if she could go back, she'd tell that girl pacing outside of Steve's office to say something. To stop being such a chicken shit and use her damn voice. She had enough light in her soul to be worthy of his affection, she could be what the universe believed she was; the perfect match for him.

Now though, she had crimson blood dripping from her hands and guilt suffocating her lungs, his love was the last thing Darcy would ever deserve.

Present

Steve stumbled back from her, shaking his head as if to clear it, "What the hell?"

Darcy turned her head, she really didn't want to see what realization he came to, what kind of emotions she had unwilling let him feel, she just hoped whatever he was going to do, he'd make it quick and spare her the drama. This day had been long enough already, she was exhausted, she really didn't care how it ended at this point. Even if they had a prison at this…she was on a farm… How the hell did she only notice that now, where exactly did they expect to keep her locked up, in the barn with Betty the cow?

"Steve what-" Whatever Bucky was going to say was drowned out by her startled shriek, as Steve bloody Rodgers, reached down and hauled her off the ground and into his arms.

Darcy wasn't going to lie, this was on her her bucket list, but she was too shocked to actually enjoy the moment, she's also pretty sure she looked like an absolute idiot with her mouth hanging open as she stared up at his face.

His strong jawline of freedom tightened, when he noticed her appalled look, and was it her imagination or was he blushing slightly? She had to reel in the urge to pinch his cheeks, she succeeded, but by barely an inch of self-control.

"You're in agonizing pain, Miss Lewis. I could feel it." Darcy felt the rumble of his voice against her side, and she needed to have a stern talking to with her body because she shivered in response to the feeling and now was definitely not the time for her it to start perking up like a bloodhound.

He did smell sinfully good though, and her lady parts loved it. She wasn't even sorry.

If anything it looked like Steve blushed harder and her curiosity was building, she really wanted to ask what kind of aftershave he used (she thought it may have been specially made just for her, like in an actual lab somewhere) but that would involve speaking, and that was something she was going to avoid at all costs. Like the end of the world type stakes before she even uttered an I'm-your-soulmate-let's-go-for-coffee-and- by- coffee-I mean-sex.

"So," Steve cleared his throat and shifted her in his grip, and damn she wanted to melt into a puddle as she watched his muscles flex and ripple, "You can communicate your thoughts through touch?"

It was then that Darcy realized a few things in rapid succession, Steve had no idea that it was only him that she could communicate with through touch, hell she didn't even know she had that little trick up her sleeve or she would have built a literal wall around herself and not just her emotions.

Another thing was when Steve felt her pain, he picked her up gently, he was still holding her as if she was made of glass, it wasn't a big revelation but it was just so damn sweet of him that it made the cliff notes, especially if he felt her guilt, then he really was the best man she had ever come across. (He really needed to cut that shit out if he ever expected her not to love him.)

The last thing was probably the more important one, her hands were wrapped around his neck, so he had to be feeling all the inappropriate thoughts about those muscles, and how she had fantasized about the many things he could do with them.

So now she was flailing around in his arms as she tried to break free because nope, him actually knowing she lusted after him ruined The Plan. The not talking to him until death or the world imploded plan. It had its flaws but it was working so far.

She wasn't exactly succeeding in trying to run away with some sort of dignity intact, Steve just held her tighter in his unmovable arms, "Miss Lewis, please stop, you'll hurt yourself and despite what you may think, even if you did betray us, I wouldn't want anyone to be hurt under my watch. And you're in too much pain to disrupt your injuries any further."

She wished she could tell him that his words hurt a hell of a lot worse than any bullet wounds she suffered from. Darcy was used to physical pain, it was always her emotions that ran a little too deep and cut too sharply with her.

She assumed that he had felt her guilt and hey, at least she knew now where she stood. That didn't stop her from folding her arms across her chest as he walked into the house. If she could minimise skin contact and her subsequent humiliation then she would take every precaution she could.

They walked past the kids, now watching tv and Darcy didn't stick out her tongue when the little girl giggled at her position in Steve's arms. She was an adult, she had loads of restraint.

No, she did not. She leant over Steve's huge shoulder and stuck her tongue out at the little tattle tail.

"That wasn't very nice," Steve said as they entered the hallway she had bolted from, she could hear the amusement softening his tone, and Darcy couldn't help the grin that teased her lips if she tried.

His answering grin lit the embers of a flame she thought had been killed years ago, she had to reached down deep to actually feel that it was hope surging in her bloodstream. Darcy tried desperately to douse it but it kept flickering up again, and she wished that whatever happened next that, that small amount of hope didn't end up sealing her fate for the worse.

Fun fact, fear was one of the biggest triggers to her bond with Steve, Hydra used that information brutally. And an awesome effect was that being experimented on left Darcy with a healthy dose of fearing needles. So when Steve had left her in the room with Helen, the doctor who she really regretted pushing and yeah she felt like a dick for hurting the woman, but now that she had a huge needle in her hands, she would call them very much even, alright.

Darcy tried closing her eyes and counting to ten, she tried wrapping her hands in the sheets to feels something concrete, but her heart wouldn't stop slamming against her rib cage, she didn't want this, she hated this, invading his privacy. It wasn't hers to have, it was never hers to keep. She couldn't just-

"Sam touched her," Steve said to half of The Avengers, all sitting on the porch looking up at their leader

"What?" Clint asked standing behind a brunette that Darcy knew from past episodes of Walking In Steve's Shoes, was the archer's wife and Soulmate. She cradled a baby in her hands and Darcy had never seen something so small and fragile before or that damn adorable.

Natasha got to what Steve was trying to say first, "When Darcy touched Sam, I assume he felt nothing?" When the man nodded his answer, she carried on, "She made skin contact with Helen as well."

"So what you're sayin' is that Steve's finally got a girl he can understand?" Bucky chuckled at his friend's heated glare, but Darcy didn't feel real happy. If they could figure this out it was only a step closer to that something bigger and more terrifying.

Steve wasn't stupid, he'd add it all up and get a big fat Soulmate red flag.

The only shot she had was that he was still feeling confused, "All I felt was guilt and pain." He stated and Darcy felt a sudden rush of worry, for her. It was so out of left field it left her mind silent. A miracle that had never been achieved before.

"They flipped her then?" Sam asked but Steve was already shaking his head.

"No." He was using his Captain's voice, the one that demanded attention and Darcy could feel her eyes tear up outside of his mind, she didn't think she needed his support until she got it. She had been afraid he would look at her with eyes that were cold, that she would become his enemy. And deep down, to the squishy part of her that was forever vulnerable where this man was concerned, that part of her knew, if Steve had ever come to despise her, it was probably one of the only things left in this world that could tear her to shreds.

"I thought maybe at first she might have been, but that's not the guilt I recognized. It was self-loathing. I think Miss Lewis fought her way out of HYDRA, she probably killed the bastards that took her, and that's what's eating her up inside." Darcy felt that swirling black rage again, it almost swallowed her up with its ferocity. Steve was livid, and she got the suspicious feeling that if she left anyone of them alive, he'd finish what she had started.

"Why'd she run then?" Clint's wife, Laura, asked while rocking her child in her arms, Darcy felt a pang of envy as she looked on with Steve's gaze at the family, and she almost choked on her tongue when she sorted through the huge mass of emotions to fully realize that, that one had came from her. Well shit, that wasn't ever going to be thought of or repeated again.

"She was scared," Steve shrugged looking away from his teammates to the evening sky beyond them, "she just got out of an extreme situation, trust probably isn't her first priority right now."

Darcy felt searing pain hearing that word repeated again, and this time she knew that came purely from her own body. Her chest burnt with it and she needed out, she wanted to keel over and just breathe properly for the first time in three years, without fear of this curse she had robbing her of her own mind.

She just wanted this to end.

But no one was listening to her, they never did.

“I think-" and Steve said this so softly that even in her head, she still struggled to hear him, and maybe she didn't want to, "I think I'm hurting her."

Darcy's link slammed closed and she took in deep gulps of fresh tasting oxygen, Helen was standing over her hands stretched as if to press down onto her chest.

"I'm fine." Darcy wheezed out, bending her head over her knees.

"Yeah and I'm not still mad about you shoving me." The small woman said with an arch of her eyebrow, but she still looked ready to give Darcy CPR.

"I'm sorry about that, I was a bit-" She searched for the right words to come to her, but her mind felt like sludge.

Helen helpfully filled in the blanks, "Crazy?" or not as helpful as she thought. But Darcy still snorted out a laugh. In another life, they might have have been great friends.

"I was going to say freaked out but yeah, that works."She laid back down on the bed when her words turned slurred, "Did you give me smumthing?"

"Yes. You were severely exhausted, frankly I don't even know how you were still standing." Darcy tried to say something back, about her award-winning stubbornness maybe? She also feels like she should be a little more freaked the fuck out by losing awarenesses, but she couldn't get all that worked up about it.

She felt way too groovy.

Darcy's going in and out of consciousness when she opens her eyes again to a clash of blue, so bright that she smiles at it like it's the sun itself. She remembers that blue, and it never failed to bring an ache of longing to her world.

She lets herself feel the safety in that gaze that looks so welcoming, she loves the warmth that spreads through her like a campfire and she wants to stay in this moment forever, she wants to keep that feeling close to her, so she never feels alone again. She even lets her fingers reach out to touch and when she collides with something warm, she instantly gets hit with a strong sense of what she always assumed home would feel like.

And for once Darcy sleeps without nightmares or a fear of what the next day will bring.

Apparently what it brings is one pissed of God of Thunder and a tiny astrophysicist that wants to defend her honor and say fuck a lot while she does it, so y'know, the days looking brighter than the last.

Silver linings and all that shit.

Soooo? I hope you enjoyed it! If not, thanks for sticking with me this far! Much Love guys!

#shieldshock #shieldshock fanfic #darcy x steve fanfic #my fics #angst like whoa #soulmate au #slow burn #steve is stubborn #and darcy even more so #hence the slow burn #soulmate with a twist #darcy has some tricks up her sleeve is what i'm saying #steve rogers x darcy lewis

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hoenn-hakase · 7 years

Text

I don’t babble about my personal stories very often, but I really wanted to share this for some reason and I’m not sure anyone is interested enough for me to babble directly. But I can’t stop thinking about it. -rolls around whining-

I ended up going through some old notebooks the other day and a specific group has been on my mind. You ever just sit back and think, not on just the plot, but the overall consequences and go “DAAAAAMN I am horrible to my characters D8” Like, in the series I’m working on, there’s a group of seemingly unrelated characters but they all have one very big event of importance to their back story. And while this major connecting plot element explains their individual situations, motivations, and character relations (as well as possibly being a cause in the motivations of other characters), it’s…. not a good thing.

Keeping this vague to stick to the basics. So the main characters involved in this backstory were a group of six who during “The Great War” were part of an experimental military unit after the government had spent several years testing and honing this mysterious Substance they discovered could be used to “improve” their troops. There were already other units of “super soldiers” who had done well and were already in combat, but this group was to be like the next big thing since even with their enhancements, it had only turned the war from a losing battle to even ground. The country needed something to give them an edge to officially turn the tide. Long story short, they discovered some serious dark magic but the experimental unit was fine for two years and proved fruitful to the cause, so they decided to expand on the project. This backfired horribly because the “power source” couldn’t handle being the overload of new members and, being sentient, decided to fulfil it’s new requirement by taking a few “shortcuts” which in turn created a living nightmare for those caught on the wrong side.

Of after these six characters supposedly got their “happily ever after” for escaping the nightmare:

- Character 1 ended up leading a massive rebellion, creating a civil war in the already broken-by-the-big-war kingdom, and eventually overthrew the government that had forsaken him and others like him. This created something of a power vacuum that lead to the rise of the Big Bad in book One. Since then, Character 1 has become somewhat disfigured by his extensive exposure to the “Substance,” and disillusioned to find that the new tyrant is no better than the last one, his rebellion has instead turned into a resistance movement. Instead of trying to fight back anymore, he’s become the leader of a highly-fortified township that serves as a refuge for those wanting to escape the reign of the Big Bad. Unfortunately, while he can help train those still wanting to fight, he fears his fighting days are over. As the Big Bad has weaponized the Substance in a new way, Character 1 can’t shake the internal fear that coming into direct contact with that stuff wouldn’t kill him, but instead send him back to the hell-state he fought so hard to escape from.

- Character 2 and Character 1 stayed friends for some time before events with the Big Bad made it hard to stay in touch. Unlike Character 1 though, 2 doesn’t have a fear of the Substance or of the Big Bad. Having gotten a taste for the power Substance can provide, he’s continued the experimentations on himself for several years before the start of the series and by the time our Protags meet him, he's in WAAAY over his head in his struggle to control the power he's obtained. And yet, he still feels like he’s not strong enough, because as powerful as he is, Character 2 wants to somehow become strong enough to take on Big Bad and all his armies by himself with the possible intention of taking over as he wants to be powerful enough to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. His obsession has caused him to spend a lot of time alone due to people being scared of him and unfortunately, he really SHOULDN’T be left alone as it just leads him to making himself worse.

- Character 3 was VERY young when he entered the program, and really only got in due to his father’s connections in the military. He still passed all his preliminaries to see if he’d be suited for the program, and the logic of him going into this unit instead was the promise that it kept him far from the frontlines and guaranteed him to return home safe. Physically, he returned just fine, though his father kept saying he felt that somehow he had returned… wrong. After he went home, he managed to settle down and had a kid before the civil war broke out. As the one leading the rebellion was an old friend of his, Character 3 was more than happy to join in the fight again. And his growing aggression only seemed to continue even after returned home. He had plans, BIG PLANS that didn’t sit well his elders and after being deemed dangerous, he was somewhat sent into exile back to the lands he seemingly belonged to. Years later, no thanks to help from the True Villain of the series, he finally made it back with the delusions of him having some “great destiny” to fulfil and was going to reclaim his birthright by force if need be. He could regain that “happily ever after” if he followed the True Villain’s instructions, leading to him playing up the role of the Big Bad in book 3. …Until his role in the “grand scheme” caused him to be betrayed by one good friend, costed him his entire army and one of his dearest and most loyal companions, and almost lost him his daughter. Not to mention, even after he came to his senses, he’s physically looking to be as bad off as Character 1 now due to being exposed to Substance once again to great extent. While he does want to help the good guys (because damn the foul creature who used and abused him), it’s really hard to accept such help because of how mentally troubled he is. Not very dangerous anymore, but his previous connections with the True Villain have lead to some severe paranoia, and sometimes his explanations just don’t make any sense.

- Character 4 and 5 were both able to go home quietly to their individual families and tried to settle down. They both are parents to some of the protags in Book 2, though neither plays a vital role in the main series itself. Character 4 however never truly got over things and spent a rather fruitful, though somewhat lonely, life as he remained distant to his friends and family. He never made contact with the other five ever again, and seems to tense up when they’re mentioned. His strained relations with his son, unfortunately, are a key fact in the entire series’ events as his son is basically the cause of like EVERYTHING after accidentally getting his hands on the power source to the Substance. (Honestly, protag looks at Character 3 after he’s been defeated and realizes they did have a few things in common. It’s enough to make him at least want to sit down and have a talk with the old man about what the heck happened.) While Character 4’s fate by this point is still pending…. It’s probably not good considering he’s either missing, dead, or unknowing being held to the whims of his son; which considering their relationship would not be a good thing.

- Character 5 probably got out the best of all of them, as he lived a seemingly normal life with the only major tragedy coming up during the civil war. It was because of that event he cut off ties all together with Characters 1, 2, and 3 (4 had already cut off from them by that point anyway), and he became something of a recluse within his hometown. Not that he avoided people, he still loved company, but he never really could integrate back into their society. Ended up being a stay-at-home dad and claimed he didn’t go out much due to some “injury” he received during the war, although what exactly no one is really certain, but the odd scars on his back serve curiosity well enough to believe him.

- Character 6 has me worried because, while she is spoken of often by the others in fond memory or her importance to the war is noted, she’s currently only a backstory character. As in, while she was important for that point in history, she hasn’t shown up in the main story. Which would be great to think she went home, settled down, maybe had a family (maybe is a relation to someone we know in the main story), the fact we don’t know what happened after “happily ever after” gives me the hope that she had no major tragedies to draw her out of hiding. I’m worried though because, as my characters tend to do so, IF she should show up in the series, I’m afraid we’ll find out all kinds of heartsick that’s happened either since then or that she WAS living her life happily until story events came up to bring skeletons out of the closet. Either way, STAY WHERE YOU ARE, GIRL! I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU DON’T WANT TO BE INVOLVED HERE! Seriously though, my brain has been trying to look at some other characters who don’t have a backstory and going “… Is that secretly you? Some twenty years later in the timeline, did I finally finds you?”

I just… damn though. The worst part in thinking about all this though is WE NEVER ACTUALLY SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO THESE GUYS! We get told what happened from Characters 1 and 2, and we find out about Character 3’s involvement even if he doesn’t explain what happened to him directly, but even then it’s more of a summary to what happened. Like I know this happens a lot in series where there’s some major event that happened before the plot that’s constantly alluded to but it’s just sort of bizarre seeing how many different directions the group took from going through the same thing. Ranging from utterly broken to possibly moved onto to bigger and better things. I just… -rolling around in feels-

#long post #haji babble #late night babblings #writing #writer problems #book of realms #malachi #wolf blythe #harkin aedor #captain sharpe #aldin #edith #in that order if anyone is curious

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