#and i feel like i wasted my life lol

[felizusnavidad]

bitches will say they're fine and then go and create a fun little playlist for pierre from the great comet because they relate to this sad old man a little too much-

#i came for natasha i stayed for pierre #it's not even funny #it's actually terrifying #like i get him #i am just like him: sad old man #and i feel like i wasted my life lol #and if anyone deserves their own playlist on my spotify it's definitely pierre #i love him so much so so so much #pierre my beloved #natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 #but sincerely can you hear me?*

[babacontainsmultitudes]

80 or so years of life really ain't enough can I have an elf lifespan instead please? Or at least a dwarf's... I need at least a couple hundred years... Oh and a new spine every 5 or so years, if that's not too much to ask. 3. 3 years actually. Yeah, a new spine every 2 years, and a lifespan of 350-750 years, that's all I want really.

#SORRY this is such a random thing to be posting about and I guess it's a vent post haha #I suppose I've just been feeling a lot of... dread and fear lately... especially in the late hours... #''Lately'' as in on and off for most of my life but *a lot* as of the past few months #Like #Oh it's weirdly embarrassing to talk about this here it's a tad personal uh **tw (discussions of) death #But do you ever just feel paralyzed by the knowledge that one day you'll be 40? Or 60? Or 80? If you're lucky! #I worry a lot about wasting my life #I worry a lot about dying an unpleasant death #Or a painful one #I suppose I've always been gerascophobic... #But finishing school and turning 23 and not having a job and having just a hard time with my physical health lately... #I haven't been great I guess #I just feel like time has been moving so quickly lately!!! #And I've been going nowhere. #:0 not to be too much of a bummer y'all I'm not like feeling horrible rn or anything but I do need to vent I think #Cause if not it just stays coiled up inside of me. #*gah* I should channel all of this energy into Glenn in my pirate fic lol #😌 he's insecure (in part) cause he feels old #🥲 ough and I don't feel amazing about that most recent chapter but I guess that's a whole new vent #working on some different stuff for a bit. #ANYWAYS #I hope whoever happens to be reading this is having a good night ✨️ #oh or day if it's day for you lol

[slutdge]

how i feel when i remember i can overdose and die any time i want

#if i still feel like relapsing this badly by sunday im just gonna do it lol whats even the fucking point anymore #imagine the person i couldve been if my life wasnt like this. i couldve been worth something. i couldve been valuable. #what a waste of fucking space and breath i am lol

[bl33ditout]

one of the worst feelings out there is believing that somebody is your friend and/or thinking their intentions for you are good only to find out that they never gave a shit about you in the first place.

#tw vent #personal #this could be implied to many people in my life but i got a couple irls in mind atm #never trust a snake #like i hate it when i'm putting in all this effort to preserve a friendship that i care about #only for the receiving person to just say nah fuck it you don't matter to me lol and they just go cold turkey #like if there's something i did wrong i'd like to know what it was. even if it hurts. it's better than just lying to me #'oh i'm sure they didn't mean to treat you that way' doesn't matter. they wouldn't have hurt me in the first place if they had cared ab me #and had considered my feelings for one small moment but nah easier to be a fake lying ass #and then i feel like i just wasted all that time and energy for nothing lol #oh well that's life

[girlwithfish]

had this very toxic thought like why do other ppl find healthy relationships and love and i cant. it does not feel fair i just won the unlocky lottery i guessssss lmao

#why did i have to waste 2 and a half years of my life on someone who just hated me and abused me what am i doing wrong #like when is it my turn to find someone who actuslly treats me right #theyre either emotionally immature or weird theres always something wrong w someone LOL #ik i shouldnt look but sue me #might just go back to casual sex to feel smth until i get depressed from that tew ... lmao #I am sooooo sad #it really is what it is i cant think stuff like this bc it doesnt make sense and its not the universe punishing me or #something inherently wrong w me i didnt deserve it it just happened and thats how it is . Acceptance 👍

[floral-hex]

hi it’s my birthday tomorrow

#had to redo this since someone left a comment that bummed me out a lot #well… didn’t HAVE to but I didn’t like seeing the notification #guess I could have just deleted their comment… shit… didn’t think about that #hey uhhhh please don’t be mean to me about my birthday. I’m just a sad lil guy 🥺 #I already dislike my birthday. I hate feeling older. like I’m wasting my life. #it’s already usually an afterthought since it’s Christmas Eve #but with my mom’s surgery it’s even more of an afterthought and I’m so stressed and I have to take care of my bros and I’m just not great 😬 #like… what do I even want to do tomorrow? #I’d love to just sleep in and eat junk and maybe go see a movie #but I have to go drive 40 minutes to see my mom and if I try to cut the visit short I’ll just feel guilty #so… I guess I’m spending my birthday watching my mom shake and cry in pain 🤷🏻‍♂️ #which can be okay! I mean not okay but I can 100%… well… 85% live with that. it’s okay. it’s just a day. #but fuck does it hurt when people just ignore it or downplay it or make jokes about my birthday this year #people don’t have to care about my birthday. strangers online don’t have to care. it’s whatever. #and I’m not even mad at anyone in particular. I just… yeah.. I just can’t take negative jokes about it right now. #I’m trying not to be specific! I don’t want to be mean! nobody is being mean to me! it’s okay! #im just a sensitive baby that just wants people to be nice to him for the next 24 hours #…. I’m sad! #I think I’ll just be mean to everyone tomorrow #…. lol like I could do that. pfffttt I’ll bend over backwards for my family and I’ll be glad to do it. mostly. #it’ll be okay #days are 24 hours. I’m sure I can squeeze some good stuff in between the bad. that’s life babyyyy #and I love you and I appreciate you to no one in particular and I’m sorry I’m so sensitive #my mutuals are great #you’re all great. unless you aren’t. but we won’t talk about that. #ok you can ignore this #text

[wild-at-mind]

Don't want to tone police anyone else, but I kind of hope that if anyone sent me a misguided ask trying to 'correct' some terminology I used for my own self-identity, I'd be able to reply in a way that didn't frame myself as superior for being out longer than the asker.

#i've only been out for like 5 mins anyway so i kind of hate that anyway for maybe personal reasons?? #i met a lot of trans people my age this year who also didn't come out during their entire 20s for Reasons #and we all agreed it fucking sucks and feels like wasted time #and i'm well aware people come out much much later than that and the same applies #as a transmasc person i have detected a small amount of 'well how would you know you only just came out like 5 mins ago' #from other transmasc people about my age who have been out way longer #and i understand where they are coming from i guess but i also can't help it #and i hope our community never has to be divided by supposed privilege lines of who came out when and who spent more time as 'cis'... #maybe people are already trying to do this but i hope not because none of that stuff is fixed enough to be an axis of oppression #though it does change our experiences of life of course it's never as simple as 'privileged vs oppressed' on things like this #in particular there's one transmasc person in my local area (there aren't many lol) who i really want to connect with but who has made #implications that they see people like me as trans babies of sorts #like not talking about me but someone else they said of a long-time friend of theirs who just came out as transmasc #'i could have used that support 10 years ago!' #i was just like :/ well they aren't talking about me but is this how people in my community see me?? #anyway i think if we can't have compassion for and acceptance of each other's unique experiences it will stand in the way of intra-communit #connection

[stonerzelda]

woke up paralyzed by the quick and unforgiving passage of time

#story of my life is that i never feel like im supposed to be the age u am and im going to feel ancient no matter what #and that i wasted me whole life. 😭. like arent ur twennies supposed to be fun. and theyre almost over for me lol #ACK!!!!!! #im still struggling to find a job or at least one to STICK WITH for gahds sake #why does childhood and your teens feel so fleeting yet SO LONG and then once u hit 20 its already OVER

[daydadahlias]

any time i feel like my life is slipping away from me I remember the “open eyes right at twenty-three” line from take my hand and realize that im not even 23 yet. i have time

I’m going to say this in the most loving and compassionate way I know how

💙 you need to shut the fuck up 💙

im teasing but seriously the internet has so warped some of y’all’s perception of what age is and it’s genuinely so disappointing. If you are under 25, your goddamn brain is not fully developed and you need to chill out with this “im on the edge of my deathbed the second I turn 20” bullshit, especially if you’re a woman because media is constantly trying to convince you that you’re worthless if you’re not skinny and fresh-faced. Trust me, you’re fine. Your life is not slipping away. You’re literally not even a quarter into it. If you wanna come back and have this conversation when you’re 60, by all means feel free. But until then imma need you to buck up buttercup.

#I can’t stand ageism sorry pal it’s my number one pet peeve #it turns me into a monster #like you quite actually have your entire life ahead of you #if you’re younever than 40 I never wanna hear SHIT about you wasting your life #ageism in fandom is so pronounced it’s truly so sad #why does the internet act like women over 23 aren’t allowed to live their lives anymore ?? #calling 30 yo men middle aged?? #I need everyone to get it together asap lol #like be so srs rn #pigeon #anon #sorry I know you want me to validate ur feelings and be like yeah same!! but #no #I’m 21 bro I’m fresh as a damn daisy #and I also. don’t hate women so ageism makes me angy #ok yeah ur life is fine #uh. politely 💙 pls get over yourself RN shawty I’m begging #you are a lily in spring #wow do you like that word I invented before 40 #I meant to say ‘younger’

[maddy-ferguson]

the thing is i loved stranger things before i thought byler was a possibility but i loved it in a non-fandom way i thought it was good but now i know it's great and if byler somehow wasn't endgame then it just wouldn't be Great anymore...it would still be good. i guess.

#i would be like what happened to my themes </3 #because byler is like...the themes personified (even though obviously it's not the only storyline like that i feel like it's the best and #biggest example) or like the themes come to life. crazy wasted potential and i would be like do i even know this show #this is what i said about mike if byler wasnt endgame lol like i would still like him/the show but i would also think they're not That good #i voted for i would delete s5 from my brain #the as long as will gets a happy ending option winning is so funny. i need mlvn GONE will getting a happy ending that isn't byler is like.. #well i would hate it. and it's so funny because that option is kinda leaving mike in the dust. i mean i guess mlvn would be his happy #ending but like. it's a bad ending even for straight mike. or he'd be single. but that's still...well the option says as long as WILL gets #a happy ending it doesn't say as long as will and mike get a happy ending #i would still like the show but i would also never think about it again. i thought about it like three times between season 3 and season 4 #and like i say: brf slt

[coolcoelacanth]

it's been almost a week since i stopped talking to my friends over text in our gc, and it has been way better. no more will i have to feel rejection multiple times a day, or feel like i will never be good enough for anyone to even listen to for a second

#personal #well not rlly friends #ill call them my school friends lol #seriously tho fuck people that call you their friends then treat you like a burden for daring to talk to them #im not wasting anymore energy on people who refuse to meet the bare minimum #its rlly not that hard to care about people #except maybe if you lack empathy which they seem to #im done feeling like a loser by the people who are supposed to lift me up #ive done that way too many times in my life #thx mom for setting me up for failure #but theyre shady as hell fr like wtf #ive never met a stranger group of people #theyre so obsessed with upholding this weird social hierarchy #and im like girl its just us calm down #mostly just one of them i got the most beef with #shes actually an asshole fr #like frfr #theyre all rude anyway

[gayspock]

what if I wss emo instead 🤔

#Egg.txt #Sorry im going to my graduation bc they actually let me defer it #But I realise again why I felt like I shouldn't go man #It's always just so depressing going to ''leavers'' celebrations and everyone's crying and reminiscing on the good times with their loved #ones and you just rotted and never managed to make friends and just wasted your life or something ehrrmmmmm #sorry LOL this happens every time I should have felt it coming 😭 but it's so weird being back inmy uni town and just feeling like God.... #What did I even do for 3 years here and cryingggg bc you're just soo bad at connecting with anybody and you have always been no matter how #many chances you get and blah blah there's not even any comfort in it just #empty platitudes of ppl saying wowee you'll find the right place some day like no man I'm a fucking creep I'm a weirdo FOREVER #like God im just a fucking loser to the correeee

[dandyshucks]

whyyyy does nobody ever come back to this group fjdkdl they show up once for a first time and then never return !!! its kind of crushing bc some ppl I've been like... excited at the prospect of seeing them again and then they just never show up ever again :')

and I didn't even get to draw anything good while sitting there !!! AUGH

#bleaseeee come back shfkdl im the only person that goes every week !!! #theres one other person who occasionally shows up but fjdkdl otherwise its just me #and then new ppl every time #and i cannot help but feel like im doing smth wrong and making them not want to return fhfkdl #i even get ppl to talk in the latter half once I've figured their vibe out and they seem genuinely happy to engage w convos #i somehow land on a topic we all enjoy and then we have a fun convo #and im very careful to not talk too much or too little djfkdl i am constantly adjusting to make sure I'm matching whats needed #i kind of have conversations irl down to a science dhdksl its ridiculous honestly but. it is what's gotten me thru life lmao #and I've been told countless times how good i am at connecting w ppl and making ppl feel comfortable #so im just like. what am i doing wrong !! how do i make this group enjoyable so ppl will come back !! #i know it's not my job lol im just an attendee and not a leader but i feel like i Have To if i want ppl to return #idk i just. god. there were cool ppl last week and this week it was some other new person who seemed like she did not want to be there #and i doubt I'll ever see those cool ppl last week ever again #i just want to cry a little bit sbdjdkl today was such a waste of time except for the fact i was able to get out of this hell house fhfkdl #i will just keep hoping that someone actually enjoys it enough to return i guess but this is getting a bit crushing to have happen so much #but... at least i am getting to talk to ppl face to face outside of my mother every week i suppose #vent // #dandy.cmd

[mer-se]

I vaguely mentioned in conversation the other day while making a sandwich how bread at the store has a bunch of gross shit in it and how fresh would be better whatever and I went to the kitchen and saw my dad made a loaf of sandwich bread today and it was on the counter…..made sure it was ready before I went down to make sandwiches for work………love is real.

#made me emotional actually lol #he’s not a super lovey huggy dad but he does really cute thoughtful stuff #was so pretty too I’m excited to go on break and eat #been a lot of stress and worries going on but been shown so much love lately #I’ve also had a lot of self reflection #like a lot of it #and I’ve been realizing things like actually letting them sink in #and making new private goals that for the first time in a while idk.. #make me feel inspired to tap back into parts of myself I feel I’ve abandoned #back to old goals but also new ones #last year was really bad and put my life to a standstill in a way and I’m kinda over it and myself being the same #I feel like I’ve grown a lot more than I did in year(s) and changed #in some ways worse in ways I can’t control but also better #it’s been no easy feat but I’m stronger #it's probably time to use that growth and I deserve to have my wants and goals and dream life to come to fruition #this isn't the year to be stuck l've wasted a lot of time #idk this year feels like it's going to be important #the growing pains are real #so for now l'll continue to be scared but brave and sad but thankful and stressed but motivated #I’ve felt all the things at once lately #but no matter what my eyes are more open than they’ve been in a long time #and there’s people who want to be apart of my journey whether it’s happy and fun or sad and hard #and everything in between #the rest is confetti

[flowachild]

..

#also I know I said it before but I’m genuinely so thankful for everyone on here who pulled me aside and messaged me when I was being delulu #😭 #like thats how i know it was bad that a buncha strangers had to tell me that this man hated me lol #i wasted almost 2 years of my life waiting around and I feel stupid #but im also so glad to feel moved onto a new chapter #thoughts

[allaganexarch]

godddddd wasting time and energy on things that don't fucking matter has got to be THE worst feeling

#personal #i felt super embarrassed in my korean lesson today #because I didn't have a lot of time the last couple of weeks and I was trying to resolve the situation w the other tutor #when i should have just cut my losses and bailed #and look i know i'm learning there's literally no reason to be embarrassed etc but i am insane so that's not an option LOL #i should have somehow already known the contents of the lesson and therefore not needed the lesson hope this helps #but actually it was like i spent what little time i had preparing for the other lesson that was stupid and pointless rather than this one #and that just made me feel :( you know #in fairness to me my mental health was circling the drain literally until 2 days ago #so the last couple of days have just been like *sweeps up the carnage of various mental breakdowns and other insane behavior* LOL #but idk just generally feeling frustrated with myself even tho that's not super helpful #also frustrated that stupid bullshit has been taking up way too much of my time and energy lately #and it seems like the more i try to get the stupid bs out of the way the more it just dominates my life somehow #also super helpful that my brain's natural response to this state of being is 'well maybe you can't do anything right and should die :)' #like okay ty for your input LOL #despite how this sounds actually my korean lesson was REALLY good LOL #it was so good I just like got upset about wasting time on other bs you know?? #anyway ty for coming to my nightly overshare i actually feel better now #love to shout into the void #exciting korean learning tag