#and i get so so so invested in my projects that this fucks with me a lot

[kirkwallguy]

reading da reddit discussions about anders makes me feel a little crazy because it's like oh you've never been a member of an oppressed group that got pushed around so badly that it made you violent. you can't conceptualise the bitterness and anger that brings and think only demonic possession could drive someone to extreme action. we live very different lives.

#sorry. at least 40% of my weird anders obsession is admittedly me projecting the horrors im going through being a trans #person in the uk. there are so many similarities that struck me even the first time i played with 0 investment. #i remember watching some horrible video of a major figure saying trans people werent real people so eradicating us wasn't a hate crime #and being like ok thats fucked let's play a video game so i feel less bad. then getting cullen's mages arent people dialogue directly after. #obviously not intentional though i maintain the writers probably used queer experiences as a framework for some mage oppression #still hits! still makes me feel insane when people can't understand how someone could end up like anders does #sorry for being real i got into the wine again

[fandom-blackhole]

My friends, idk how, but im gonna figure out a way to share my final presentation with you guys for a class after I finish it. Because I'll be damned if I'm gonna be this passionate about this thing, do all the research, make a ppt AND cardboard tri-fold, and present this at a "Research Symposium" for 2 hours to whoever stops at my booth during finals week to not share with the people I like most 😤

Basically for the project we have to take a person or event and give background on them before analyzing them through a Social Psychology lense (bc the class is social psychology lol). AND GODS DO I LOVE SHIT LIKE THISSSSS. I will not be sharing what event I chose for two reason: 1) I want ya'll to read and learn about it through my post when I post it 😌 and 2) It's a REALLY obscure event from what I've gathered (like I barely have 5 sources for references and one's ONLY in german) and I doubt many would know what I was talking about.

#Ive literally been working on it all night basically (and have little to show but aesthetics) #BUT! I did get all my photos i currently have and their captions put in too!! #I just need to fill in the slides with their info #im literally chopping at the bit to show you guys bc im so fucking into this project #i love being a psych major 🥰🥰🥰 #I have been this excited about something in AWHILEEEEERE #I can wait to look through social psych theories and ideas and figure out which im gonna hold up for anlaysis #we are just at the stage of turning in the first part which is just the who. what. when. where. why. #the how (which will be the theories) will be next part to turn in #but god am i invested and ferally upset about this story #ok i need to go to bed now so that i can finish this project tomorrow so i can turn it in :) #ill rb this a few times to gauge interest but besties im 100% posting it no matter how the poll turns out #im just too pumped and i want to SHARE with people who know and like me (i mean i think yall like me lol) #social psychology #college final project

[ongreenergrasses]

i just wrote probably the gnarliest lines i’ve ever written in my LIFE and i want to post about them here but sadly the prior 160 pages of context is needed for them to really pack a punch

#.txt #the behemoth #LOTS of posting today smh. I always think man i should talk less and then I’m like wait this is my blog skdjdjdb it’s all me talking #they’re so fucking good. they’re SO fucking good and it’s impossible to do them justice without again. the 160 pages of context #but for the lucky few who are like let’s read this fuckin whack ass passion project dark shit of ongreenergrasses’s and make it 160 pages #(to the chapter called day 30 btw. if anyone gets that invested in this) then you will read those lines and you will go holy motherfuck and #it will be great

[ardate]

Things are just so bleak man.

#vent #just me rambling #SO many fucking things #first off and maybe the least bad of all #that one studio that contacted me for a feature film turned me down ultimately #i WANT so dearly to work on features. it's what i want to do. but nobody will give me a chance #because they all want experience on features to work on features. well how do you guys think this works #i'm so tired of it and discouraged #but ultimately that's the least of the issues because #my usual studio is going under. they been struggling financially for years and the CEO did a special meeting to say it #they're lowering activity (one friday every two weeks is off to try and save money) and have 6 months to get back on their feet #which is nothing. they can't find producers willing to dump money in the studio in 6 months esp with ENOUGH to pull it out of the gutter #if they're not better off in 6 months the CEO said ''then ill get back to you with terrible news'' and didn't detail but we know. we know #it's basically said and done in my mind. my main studio as big as it was is crashing down. and idk what ill do. #i bought a flat in this city due to this studio being there- without it this place has no more work to offer me. empty city #job security doesn't exist anymore #and we all know why. producers are much more squeamish about investing in animation because ai is here #why would you give money to allow hundreds of workers to live and pour passion in projects when you can pay a pathetic percentage of that #with midjourney or whatever the shit and get an easy cheap show. rack in more money for smaller an investment #and tumblr is going down that route too. can't get a fucking break anywhere #i'm heartbroken and grieving the world we lost #in a bunch of years looking at art while 100% knowing a person made it with intent will be a memory #being able to not even think about it is already out of our hands #ai 'art' will be everywhere and it will become a new normal. and i'm just.. man. #the world feels so empty already

[compacflt]

Okay. Need to know after seeing your graph breakdown. Who told Bush and/or Obama about icemav???????? Please I need answers

i mean all they’d have to do is just look at them.

#not that hard to figure it out LMAO #But a serious answer is like ice is funneling $3k+ into mav’s bank account every month im sure that might’ve come up on a bg check #also other admirals who know & see it as their sworn duty to notify the govt of personnel liabilities #which like. fair. #icemav is kind of a liability. #my ‘fatal flaw’ is not that people wouldn’t find out it’s that people DONT BRING IT UP WITH ICE & MAKE HIM CONFRONT THE TRUTH lol #’uh you are paying this guy you are fucking to live with you? and he’s uh. your subordinate? hm.’ #ice: oh yeah were good friends we invested in an airplane together :D its our big project :) #’yes all very legal yes.’ #mr president sir jsyk one of your rear admirals is likely engaging in fraternization with the most dangerous pilot the navy has ever seen #dubya: I DONT CARE IF THIS MAN IS GAY SO LONG AS HE FIGHTS A GOOD WAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST FOR ME #Obama: ‘well let’s let ‘em get away with it. and lets not say anything about it to him. it’s good for the plot.’ #asks #ive been saving ‘pancho and lefty’ for sliders songs but it’s like my no 2 tom kazansky song for this reason

[solardistress]

guys i was gonna play wuthering waves but i actually got interested in my project that requires drawing and it looks so freaking good

#ive gotten invested (im never getting this project back in my life) (it looks so fucking good right now though) #I REALLY WANNA PLAY WUTHERING WAVES PLEASEEHWBRHWBD (the project is choking me)

[haarute]

i impulse bought a model someone made for 3d printing and now i'm looking at videos on how to paint printed resin figures lmao

#it's my favorite character of all time so i had to. she has no merch except one figure that came out in like 2009 that's like 800$ now. #so i guess fuck it we'll make it ourselves?? #note: i do not own a 3d printer. #but i can send the file to a shop who'll print it for me and send me the parts #leaving the painting to me. which honestly i'd be super down to do because i love the idea of painting figures #however. it's been A WHILE since i painted anything with real brushes. #just kinda hoping my raw inherent artistic intuition is enough to do it. #i'd genuinely get super invested into this and commit to getting air brushes and the like. but i don't have the working space for it #so i have to do it classic style and hope that it's good. #just like with anything in life i'm hoping i do get started on this project because if i do and it ends up OK i'm probably going to do more #and that'll just be like a fun hobby for me #there are some really good 3d models people have made.

[tenspontaneite]

I have to say, I am Massively enjoying not being active / writing in tdp fandom while all the s5 leadup is going on. I've been following the short stories and watching the clips and I'm....not massively stressed about it?? I'm not having a crisis or panicking every time because every detail makes me need to re-evaluate my massively complicated ongoing project? Instead I'm just like. Oh that's cool, I enjoy this, this was not an ordeal.

Ngl I'm going to actively try to stay out of writing for tdp while it's updating this time at least, because it's letting me actually enjoy the show again. Sorry tdp readers, but I'm liking this unstressful experience too much 👌

#life of sponty #like I'm steadily realising that writing in fandoms that are actively ongoing is like. bad for me #because i extremely do not cope well with not having canon stability to work from #every new canon detail is hugely stressful because i never know when something is going to pull the rug out from my projects #and i get so so so invested in my projects that this fucks with me a lot #so yeah im glad the rain world brain rot got me now of all times #really well timed hyperfocus #gonna see if i can keep it going #and in the likely event it runs out before s5 drops i will try to still be writing for it maybe #so that i can enjoy s5 properly as a show i like #rather than a massive source of stress #sorry my many tdp readers but we're going on hiatus a while i think

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭 #this is dumb. like i have a lotta steps to go bc i can even consider this a possibility but i met with one of the ppl #im talking to for a phd. hes from a big impressive uni and his research is so fucking cool #and he thinks my cv is competitive for scholarship and he wants to support me as a student #so 🥺 #i did not sleep much. i was having stress dreams plus i was a lil dehydrated lol #and i was watching a talk he did over and over until i got why he was so excited about it. bc it was real fucking cool once i got it #and we talked for like 80min abt our interests and potential projects. and now i have to take some time and start a proposal #bc im gonna do at least 2 scholarships and the deadlines are happening pretty fast. so rip my free time #but like it could potentially include genetic engineering and adaptive evolution so like so so cool #i mean its a lil risky bc he is only just establishing his lab. so its not like hes had a bunch of students but i think at this point #even if hes not so hands on i can probably drive myself forward #we'll see what happens. it would be super fucking cool to do some genetic engineering nonsense. and fucking adaptive evolution #ugh and get to live in the uk again 😭 i miss the gray english skies #so yea thats 2 potential projects im really invested in now #so like. it depends on if i can get the scholarship. which will be intensely competitive #so idk. we'll see. and ive got a meeting with another guy monday #but its the dude from Arizona and i dont wanna live there so im hopefully the project isnt as cool... but i think it kinda is so rip #ugh. its been a wild day. im so tired. #but happy. but also sad i wont have as much free time for drawing #but again happy bc im gonna learn and up my writing skills and chase my weird wild dreams :-) #unrelated

[moe-broey]

Honestly I'm a bit relieved we don't have PMD2 remakes like. Not even cause I'm a hater (though I am VERY partial to the og sprite work, they really killed it w that). No, the reason is because I'm autistic and there are simply Too Many Things actually, esp in quick succession lately LMFAO like. I do not have the brain room for it.

And like as silly as it might sound, I've been REALLY overwhelmed and frustrated by it. I'm upset that I moved on from SV so quickly, I haven't even touched the Engage DLC despite having it, I haven't touched Engage in general actually. I feel like Fire Emblem esp takes up A Lot of brain space. I'm really upset that I Almost got really into SuMo again but kind of immediately was distracted by other things and I have art projects that have been left hanging bc of it.

Something weirdly specific is like??? Bc I make a lot of fanart and a lot of it takes the form of comics and focuses heavily on interactions and dynamics between characters, something I've REALLY been struggling with is like. I feel like it takes a lot of studying a character and getting to know them to really capture their Voice, how they talk, how they think, how they feel and how they react to things, outwardly and internally. That's a deep process for me that takes a lot of time and thought.

I feel like I can't quite express it all the way, like it's stuck, but like. Really picking apart the SV squad and trying to learn each of their mannerisms vocal quirks and general vibes about how they Are. Feeling abruptly uprooted from that to do it all over again but with a huge roster of brand new characters. Also really wanting to revisit older characters that are near and dear to me that I do feel I know very well.

And also like??? A very sudden distraction and almost instant loss of interest is like. Hell on earth hell on earth. Like as much as I fucking miss SV already and as much as I really wanted to keep working on my projects about it (had a whole AU going and everything) literally I Could Not get myself back into it even if I tried really really REALLY hard. And that is SO upsetting????? It's such a specific thing.

Hhhghgh got. Distracted thinking about PMD LMFAOO making that a separate post tbh but like. Main point is replaying it a bit reminded me of the importance of being able to slow down and really sit with a game. It's characters and story and what it has to say. And even now, I'm already getting the Hell feeling of needing to chase whatever can grasp me and hold me. When will I stop chasing my own tail??? When does it end??? Will I ever be able to finish my projects???? Will I ever be able to play a video game like a normal person?????? I'm launching my own ass into 2013. Not even in a woe nostalgia type of way, but in a I really just had Two Interests and that was it way. I'm blowing this whole building up.

#also this is way genshin has been on the way back burner for me lately like. it takes up SO much brain room. #fucked up gacha tactics aside LMFAO the lore and characters and potential for antics is a huge draw for me #which. eats up so much brain room. #i'm really thankful splatoon is like. has lovable characters for sure had an insane amount of lore if you wanna look for it. #but really it is just like a snack food game. none of that shit matters! i'm just here to have a gay ass time. #i am getting sv dlc bc i am deeply invested in sv and i deeply desire like. having it hold my attention again. #IDK IDK HONESTLY. maybe i just have a skill issue. alledged highly speculated by my therapist undiagnosed adhd. #anyway i do have some sillies about genshin i'm considering posting just sketch art of my genshin sillies #projects i said i wanted to finish and simply didn't. may never end up revisiting again. sad! #i always get stuck somewhere during the art process like. at dialogue or at linart or at coloring or at coloring bg (different beasts) #but for now i guess i'm just gonna play pokemon. i think that's what i wanna do. maybe draw. #hhghgmnfhgg THAT DAMN TIMELOOP. ALWAYS IN THAT DAMN TIMELOOP. #i think today i will play video game :) and then draw :) and then play video game :) and draw :) and th-- #what the fuck ever!!!!!!!!!!! drink three coffees about it asshole!!!!!!!!!! coofe.....

[vamptastic]

danganronpa is whispering its siren song to me but alas nobody shares my big brain million iq opinions (drv3 hater) (korekiyo defender) (ishimaru understander) (celeste and hifumi apologist) (kaito hater) (protagonist love triangle poly advocate) (post sdr2 anime enjoyer) (fucking hates the writing bar the first half of sdr1 and ending of sdr2) (never even finished v3 because it was so dogshit terrible and also i genuinely can barely get through the minigames) (problematic psychological horror fan)

#the executions were not gorey enough they were not even that camp. except the celeste one. #leon baseball one was good. the korekiyo one had potential. kaedes ROCKED. taka's concept version was cool. everything else was shit. #everything about the way they wrote korekiyo drives me fucking insane ive written essay length posts on it before. i care him okay. #let me project onto the predatory fem gay man stereotype incestual serial killer. #mostly because his writing was wildly homophobic + transmisogynistic and a horrible depiction of abuse #but had so much potential for a genuinely good character if theyd pulled their heads outta their asses and deconstructed the tropes #which is what danganronpa is all about thats what makes the first game halfway secent #ughhh. its just so frustrating how all the writing js so close but so far. #like genuinely this is one place where i think fandom and fanfic is better than the original #say what you will but it's one of the only fandoms where ive felt p much all fanfic and headcanon done genuinely #has told a better and/or more complete story while keeping the original concepts and tone #unfortunately most of the fandom is insane and/or too preoccupied with shipping (understandable. i guess.) to like. engage with it fully. #and there's still such a dearth of content for my faves #kiyo is like at best a side character and at worse written as even more of a parody of himself 😭 #theres literally like four people in the world who get it max. korekiyo eating spaghetti is still my favorite fan art of all time #...anyway. idk why im thinking about this rn but im nostalgic all of a sudden #i never really got invested into any of the crazy fandom stuff i just read old fanfic and watched from the sidelines #but me and a couple friends had a lot of own interpretation and theories and fanon sequel ideas n they mean a lot to me yk? #genuinely got me to do a lot more writing and art even if it was all korekiyo themed. im like soooo good at drawing him now (lie) #he's still my litmus test for picrews if i cant make him it's shit. he literally just has long hair a mask and pretty eyes. simple elements #anyway whatever he will live on in my head forever.

[aberrantmind]

also another installment in elsies adventures on the ensemble stars fandom wiki (please forgive me i dont know if theres any better wikis for it) i found out that two of the characters were online buddies before they had a falling-out and that also one of those two is very heavily implied to have been trained as an assassin and the other is like. a stan twitter member. and is the one who ended their friendship.

#8lah #it makes me insane #i like to imagine that like kohaku finally got up the guts to be honest w aira and aira was just like #what the fuck dont fucking roleplay at me youre 13 youre not an assassin #its going to make me write a fanfiction. its bad. #like i mean mostly i just get rlly invested in online friendships in fiction cause ive been in so many that went so terribly #and projecting is a Time-Honored Tradition ok. #its either aira got pissed bc he thought kohaku was lying or i completely transplant one of my big online friendship breakups on them #and kohaku lied about smoking weed bc he wanted to sound cool and aira was totally straight edge at the time and got pissed and ditched him #and then spent the next Rest Of His Life feeling guilty about that whenever he jokes about weed or when his family is like #hey kid do you want to try an edible for your headaches #like no mom if i do that then im a hypocrite bc me years and years ago threw a fit about a friend claiming to vape

[9hikers]

i think my winning strat so far is to save my genuine passion for personal projects and be very aloof with ones that involve other people. it seems to avoid the classic pitfall of "oh damn, i care more about this than the others involved and am only going to make myself annoying if i try to push for the project's continuation"

#9 speaks #creating something with another person is like. such an insanely important bonding thing to me #so if we say we're gonna do something together i'm gonna go all fucking in dude. i'll drop everything i'm doing just to make this work #i need to quit doing that #bc most people will suggest shit like that very flippantly and then back down once it stops being immediately interesting #no way in hell am i getting personally invested in another 'long-term' project that the other people give up on in a week #putting all my spoons into working on 613 again bc at least i know that's actually long-term

[elysiuminfra]

reaching out to anon with a shaking hand right now like who are you . you come like an angel in the night to ask ME about MY brain guys . kind stranger you have made my day…… such a treat to wake up to for little me

#i never really get asks or questions outside of when i share project details with friends #So oh LORD having at least 1 person i don’t know be INVESTED? In MY retelling? #wow…… #(me when the audience is watching) oh fuck

[not-terezi-pyrope]

Often when I post an AI-neutral or AI-positive take on an anti-AI post I get blocked, so I wanted to make my own post to share my thoughts on "Nightshade", the new adversarial data poisoning attack that the Glaze people have come out with.

I've read the paper and here are my takeaways:

Firstly, this is not necessarily or primarily a tool for artists to "coat" their images like Glaze; in fact, Nightshade works best when applied to sort of carefully selected "archetypal" images, ideally ones that were already generated using generative AI using a prompt for the generic concept to be attacked (which is what the authors did in their paper). Also, the image has to be explicitly paired with a specific text caption optimized to have the most impact, which would make it pretty annoying for individual artists to deploy.

While the intent of Nightshade is to have maximum impact with minimal data poisoning, in order to attack a large model there would have to be many thousands of samples in the training data. Obviously if you have a webpage that you created specifically to host a massive gallery poisoned images, that can be fairly easily blacklisted, so you'd have to have a lot of patience and resources in order to hide these enough so they proliferate into the training datasets of major models.

The main use case for this as suggested by the authors is to protect specific copyrights. The example they use is that of Disney specifically releasing a lot of poisoned images of Mickey Mouse to prevent people generating art of him. As a large company like Disney would be more likely to have the resources to seed Nightshade images at scale, this sounds like the most plausible large scale use case for me, even if web artists could crowdsource some sort of similar generic campaign.

Either way, the optimal use case of "large organization repeatedly using generative AI models to create images, then running through another resource heavy AI model to corrupt them, then hiding them on the open web, to protect specific concepts and copyrights" doesn't sound like the big win for freedom of expression that people are going to pretend it is. This is the case for a lot of discussion around AI and I wish people would stop flagwaving for corporate copyright protections, but whatever.

The panic about AI resource use in terms of power/water is mostly bunk (AI training is done once per large model, and in terms of industrial production processes, using a single airliner flight's worth of carbon output for an industrial model that can then be used indefinitely to do useful work seems like a small fry in comparison to all the other nonsense that humanity wastes power on). However, given that deploying this at scale would be a huge compute sink, it's ironic to see anti-AI activists for that is a talking point hyping this up so much.

In terms of actual attack effectiveness; like Glaze, this once again relies on analysis of the feature space of current public models such as Stable Diffusion. This means that effectiveness is reduced on other models with differing architectures and training sets. However, also like Glaze, it looks like the overall "world feature space" that generative models fit to is generalisable enough that this attack will work across models.

That means that if this does get deployed at scale, it could definitely fuck with a lot of current systems. That said, once again, it'd likely have a bigger effect on indie and open source generation projects than the massive corporate monoliths who are probably working to secure proprietary data sets, like I believe Adobe Firefly did. I don't like how these attacks concentrate the power up.

The generalisation of the attack doesn't mean that this can't be defended against, but it does mean that you'd likely need to invest in bespoke measures; e.g. specifically training a detector on a large dataset of Nightshade poison in order to filter them out, spending more time and labour curating your input dataset, or designing radically different architectures that don't produce a comparably similar virtual feature space. I.e. the effect of this being used at scale wouldn't eliminate "AI art", but it could potentially cause a headache for people all around and limit accessibility for hobbyists (although presumably curated datasets would trickle down eventually).

All in all a bit of a dick move that will make things harder for people in general, but I suppose that's the point, and what people who want to deploy this at scale are aiming for. I suppose with public data scraping that sort of thing is fair game I guess.

Additionally, since making my first reply I've had a look at their website:

Used responsibly, Nightshade can help deter model trainers who disregard copyrights, opt-out lists, and do-not-scrape/robots.txt directives. It does not rely on the kindness of model trainers, but instead associates a small incremental price on each piece of data scraped and trained without authorization. Nightshade's goal is not to break models, but to increase the cost of training on unlicensed data, such that licensing images from their creators becomes a viable alternative.

Once again we see that the intended impact of Nightshade is not to eliminate generative AI but to make it infeasible for models to be created and trained by without a corporate money-bag to pay licensing fees for guaranteed clean data. I generally feel that this focuses power upwards and is overall a bad move. If anything, this sort of model, where only large corporations can create and control AI tools, will do nothing to help counter the economic displacement without worker protection that is the real issue with AI systems deployment, but will exacerbate the problem of the benefits of those systems being more constrained to said large corporations.

Kinda sucks how that gets pushed through by lying to small artists about the importance of copyright law for their own small-scale works (ignoring the fact that processing derived metadata from web images is pretty damn clearly a fair use application).

#not-terezi-speaks #ai #nightshade

[neo-percs]

BEGGING:: ( day 7 )

WARNING:: enemies to lovers, rough sex, begging, friends to enemies, make up sex, arguing, misunderstanding, college au!

SUMMARY:: in which after a year of breaking off your friendship with Jaemin due to a misunderstanding you both get into a heated fight that leads into the unexpected.

WORDCOUNT:: 4.2K

A/N:: this is reposted from my old blog so if you think that this post is familiar it probably is, last time I posted this it did pretty good😭

You were so sick of the reoccurring problem that kept popping up around almost every weekend, going out to have fun with friends and then running into Jaemin only to walk away frustrated and huffing about how he got under your skin. If someone had told you a year ago that you'd end up on terms like this with Jaemin you would've told them their out of their mind.

Yet here you were in the middle of a house party giving each other dirty looks after yet another squabble about how Jaemin had spilled his drink all over your white top. You could see your bra through it by now and you were beyond pissed. "You're getting me a new one. And by getting me a new one I mean you're buying it" you snap as you set your drink on one of the coffee tables that had scattered beer bottles and ash trays.

Scoffing at your tone Jaemin opens his mouth to speak "all of a sudden you can't ask your rich ass parents to buy you a new one? Daddy cut you off or something?" He says with full confidence and the intention to piss you off. "No, but since your so invested in my life why don't you invest in some good eye sight and find me a new shirt bastard" you snap.

Jaemin had it up to this point, your smart mouth, your attitude, and simply the way you mouth off to him in-front of everyone to embarrass him. Snatching you by your arm he tugs you through the crowd of screaming and laughing people as they dance and sing along to whatever playing. Dragging you upstairs and tugging you through the dimly lit hallways.

You felt lost, your shirt was practically sticking to your skin and most likely staining it a deep shade of red as you can feel the liquid seeping through your bra. Jaemin opening a bedroom door and pushing you through making you stumble over your shoes. Leaving the party behind without a care in the world. The loud slam of the door behind him makes you jump in shock.

Jaemin drags himself to open one of the drawers of the dressers in the bedroom. "Are you seriously gonna steal someone else's shirt to opt out off buying me a new one?" You snark. "No, this is my room, my shirt. If you want a new shirt so bad I'll buy you one" he grovels as he shovels through the folded clothes finding a random t-shirt he hadn't worn in a while and simply had forgotten about at the bottom of the pile. Tossing it without even looking at you, hitting you in the face earning a yelp from you.

Ripping the shirt out of your view and tossing it to the bed "you are so fucking intolerable I swear. It's been 2 years and you still have the nerve to act like I did something to you" your voice ripples through the room. "You did, 2 years of dirty looks and pissy comments yet you're acting like I started all of this" he was heated beyond belief at this point. "And I'm so sick of you acting like I have to kiss your ass to make your day better" he says louder than before.

"Because you did! Have you ever thought I wouldn't find out that you lied?!" You're face felt like it was on fire, standing up from the edge of his bed taking strong strides towards him "you lied to everybody that I had sex with Jeno sophomore year, which never happened. I worked on a project with him and next thing I know Jisung is telling me your going around saying I slept with Jeno" you say as you jab his finger into the middle of his chest.

Earning a laugh that bubbled within his chest "what are you talking about? I have never once told anyone that you slept with Jeno. I would've beat the shit of him if he did if anything" he glared deep into your eyes. "So who lied? Because all I know is what jisung told me" you glare right back at him. "I don't know but you never once asked me if I said it. You left me in the dark for 2 years y/n and all I wanted to know was why you hated me and all this time it was over some stupid lie I never even knew about" he said breathily his chest puffing and his face red.

"I liked you sophmore year, and if anything I would've been more hurt about the rumor than spreading it. But you've never paid attention, I've tried to get along with you really but you're so infuriating sometimes" Jaemin voices his distress as his brows pinch together in complete frustration. The both of you share a look of confusion and hurt.

"You liked me?" You whisper with wide eyes looking into his "yes, and the day you snapped at me was the day I was going to tell you and for Christ sake you just wouldn't spill what was wrong and why you were so angry with me" he says as his fist fall tightly at his sides feeling anger spread through his body. "And all of it was for nothing. 2 years down the drain for nothing" he says through his teeth.

You look down at his hands seeing how red his knuckles were becoming you reach for his hand pulling his fingers away from his palm seeing the deep red indented marks. "I'm sorry" you whisper your throat felt tight and tears were on the brink of spilling onto your warm cheeks. You were embarrassed that the both of you had to even do this in the first place. "Don't be. I don't blame you for being angry, but I'm just mad that you had even believed it was me" he sighed finally letting the words that had been building up in his mind for the past 2 years out.

Your thumbs rub against his aching palm, Jaemin pulls his hand away wrapping an arm around you and tugging you against his chest into a hug. The familiar smell of Jaemin brought you peace as you let your wild thoughts settle down, the sound of his heart beating at a slow rate had your eyes fluttering shut as you relax. Wrapping your arms around him tightly as if he'd disappear you felt his chin rest against the top of your head for a moment before feeling he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of your head.

Pulling away your head from his chest the both of you share a longing gaze reading each others minds the tension becomes thicker in the room. Jaemin's hand finds the back of your neck pullling you into a rough kiss. And the moment your lips meet, has been a long time coming, an eruption of your lust. His lips are warm and gentle as he kisses you softly, delicately, as if he isn't sure you're real and he's still checking.

Letting a soft whimper out against his lips the feeling of his tongue licking a stripe against your bottom lip, granting him entrance you drag your tongue against his as your hands rake through dark hair tugging it making him gasp at the feeling. Roughly Jaemin guides you towards the wall beside his study desk, moaning as he manhandles you against the wall the sound of a few of his books falling off his desk onto his floor.

His hands finding the back of your thighs dragging your hips closer until they touch. Pulling away from your lips nipping at your bottom lip once before trailing kisses from your jaw to your neck sucking and leaving opened mouth kisses on your hot skin.

Moaning at the feeling you tilt your head "Jaemin" you whisper breathlessly as you give him more space. "Say it again." He moans as he placed his hand on your ass, kneading the flesh harshly. "Jaem please" you beg as you grind against him letting out small huff of moans. Jaemin let's his teeth make a small ounce of friction against your neck before pulling away his hands roughly grasp the hem of your shirt pulling it over your head dropping it onto the floor.

"So fucking beautiful" he groaned as he presses his face into your chest kissing and leaving hickeys all over you making you arch your back against the wall as your fingers tug onto his hair. Pulling the padding of your bra down not even bothering to unhook the clasp he pulls down the padding of your bra letting your breast spill out.

Though the hair was warm your nipples were pert, Jaemin didn't waste any time licking and kissing against them. Biting your bottom lip in hopes to at least hold back your moans in the slightest but ultimately failing to do so. His hands trailing your waist and finding themselves under your skirt tugging down the thin fabric of your thong watching as it falls down your ankles.

"Can I eat you out?" He whispers against your skins as his big brown eyes look up at you with an almost needy look in his gaze. "Yeah" you whisper back with a shy nod. Only pulling away and kissing down your chest to his knees he gives small kisses to your lower stomach, his chocolate eyes looking into your eyes he lifts up your loose skirt and his eyes are met with your panties that has a cute wet patch growing on it.

He smirked knowing he was the cause "you're so cute" he mumbled darkly as his hand moves. Pressing his thumb on your clothed crotch you whimper as he rubs your slit pressing down on your clit, you whimper feeling the harsh fabric make friction with your sensitive clit.

Tugging your panties down from the elastic waistband over your thighs and down your ankles he's met with the pretty sight of your pussy and thighs glistening in slick. Looking back up at you his gaze darkened as he hooked your leg over his shoulder.

You gasp as you watch his head disappear under your skirt.  The heat of his mouth nearing your pussy he licks small stripes against your clit before he sensually licked from your hole to your clit, and sucking on your clit with fervor.

You moan as your head falls back against the wall. The sounds you make are so pleasurable to his ears. He presses his nose on your clit, inhaling your scent deeply before his tongue dives inside your waiting pussy. You pull onto his hair, writhing against his face.

"Oh fuck" you manage to whimper out you tug at his hair as he groaned, your eyes shut as you "please use your fingers" you moan neediness dripping from your tone. His hand moving from your plush thigh under your skirt his thumb rubbing harsh circles on your clit  he pulled away licking your clit once more his middle and ring fingers make way to your entrance.

Pushing in slowly you groan at the penetration, easing your tight walls around his thick fingers as he pushes them deeper you feel the cool metal on his rings all the way at the knuckles of his fingers as it grounds you from the euphoric feeling.

Pulling his head from under your skirt he looks up at you with your juices on his swollen lips and on his chin his fingers begin to move opening your eyes you look down at him feeling his gaze as he watches you react gasping as the feeling you grind down against his fingers "you like that? Hm?" He says as he licks your essence off of his lips.

His hair now disheveled  as his cheeks were blooming with a soft blush, you nod eagerly "yeah? You want me to go faster for you?" He coos feeling you clench around him at the sound of his lewd words. "Speak" he demanded making you clench harder "yes, please?" you say losing your mind on his fingers as you absentmindedly grind down on his.

He hums as he lifts your skirt bunching it over your hips he watches his finger get sucked inside of you. Moaning at the sight with sparkling eyes. His fingers hitting all the right places stuffing your pussy as the sloppy sounds of his fingers pounding into you as if you were his personal fuck toy.

"So good just for me right?" He asks as his tongue finds its way back to your clit, he looks up at you choking on your moans "only you I promise jaem" you say feeling a familiar pressure build in the pit of your stomach. "I'm so close" you whimper.

sending tingles down your body before he licked big stripes of your cunt, sucking on your clit, his tongue working wonders on you. "Cum on my fingers" he says possessively.

His thumb replacing his tongue as he rubs circles on your clit your hips shake as your mind is clouded with the sudden rush of your orgasm. You let out an almost pornographic moan as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of you until you ride out your high.

"Good girl" he coos as you grip his wrist as overstimulation starts to creep in. Waiting for you to come down he slowly removes his fingers as he is eager to taste you. jaemin's dripping fingers make their way up to your clit as his mouth makes its descent to your puffy lips. he pushes his heavy fingers on your clit as he adorns your lips with light pecks and kitten licks before using his free hand to pull them apart and licking your hole. his mouth sucks you hard in its endeavour to suck out whatever your pussy allows him.

Your hips buck at the feeling the sloppy sounds make your head spin. one of your hands moves to grip the hair on the back of his head and you push his face into yourself even more "oh god" you say shivering at the feeling. Pulling away his eyes look up at you while his lips attach themselves to your thigh that still sat on your shoulder, he bites and sucks the skin on your thigh in different spots leaving red and purple spots to bloom into hickeys as the hours pass.

Pulling away he lifts his fingers still covered in your cum up to his lips sucking on them becoming addicted to the way you taste. "You taste so good" he mumbled as he stood up showing the tent in pants that seemed to grow. And once your eyes meet the bulge your eyes visibly widen.

His chest presses against yours as you feel his bulge press I to your front, looking at Jaemin with round soft eyes "please fuck me" you beg and the glint in his eyes seemed to grow darker. "Beg" he spoke sharply not missing a beat. "Please, jaem I need it so bad. Please" you almost whimper as you press your forehead against his showing how truly desperate you were.

Nodding he felt content with your words, guiding your hips to grind against his before pressing chaste kisses to the side of your mouth as you whimper in sensitivity. His hair tickling your forehead and his heavy breathing clouding all your senses. Pulling away from you he walks to the edge of the bed stripping out of his clothes he looks at you with expectant eyes to follow his lead, and you did.

The both of you tangling yourselves into his warm bed sheets kissing and grinding into each other messily until Jaemin reaches over into his bed side drawer making you tug at his wrist to stop him "we don't need it" you shake your head. Jaemin can't help but let his body heat grow hotter at the thought of fucking you raw. Nodding mindlessly he wraps your legs over his thighs.

Your hand finds it way down past the ruffled sheets to his lower abdomen trailing until your hand flush against his cock, the tip of your finger rubs against the slit of his tip leaking hot precum. His hips jolt at the feeling which makes you capture his lips into a perfect kiss.

Sloppy yet passionate. Teeth clashing and tongues dancing against each other; you couldn't be happier in the moment. you wet the palm of your hands with your tongue before taking his shaft into your fist, slowly jerking and teasing the tip with your thumb earning you a moan.

Your lips against his give him a sense of euphoria that no drug could. Wrapping your legs around his waist as you pull him into your closer "handle me" you whisper, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips and rubbing his tip against your entrance makes his head spin.

Pressing his hips against yours he watches as your soaked and tight walls envelope him with a choked moan "feels so good inside you" he says as he presses forehead against yours which makes you giggle. As he pushes into you deeper and slowly you whine your legs without a second thought push his hips into you deeper earning a gasp at your own actions "fuck" you moan at the feeling.

"Such a slut, can't even wait for me to be inside you all the way huh?" He says rhetorically as he begins to thrust into your sharply, your moans are the only thing egging him on to keep going while your hands rest against his shoulders; nails begging to drag against his skin.

Your warm puffs of breath against his face has him in a trance. You smelled of cigarettes and cherries and it was so intoxicating for Jaemin who's hands greedily need your hips as he drags them against his. The sound of skin against skin in the air made Jaemin's eyes roll back. "So good" you babble as your head falls back against the pillow. Your hair was scattered against the leaning space for Jaemin to kiss and mark your neck with purple and red splotches.

"Yeah? I fuck you good right?" He says as he pulls your legs over his shoulders and hits a new spot that makes your jaw slack and mind go blank. "Tell me. Tell me how good I fuck you y/n" he demands making you moan even louder "you fuck me so good Jaemin I swear" you whine as your nails drag against his skin leaving behind red trails in their wake.

The bed thumps against the dry wall as your moans cover the sound. The sight of Jaemin over top of you with a clench jaw and your legs on his shoulders as you clench around him tighter. The sight of his hair falling over his face as sweat begins to trickle against his skin under the red and blue hues from the window.

"Fuck it’s so big" you slur seeing how good he filled you up to the brim your arms wrap around his neck your foreheads pressed together as you watch him begin to slowly move. Jaemin couldn't get enough of the sight as his cock disappeared inside your Pussy.

His cock buried deep inside you that you moan and dig crescent shaped dents into his skin. set a pace for grinding against his lap. The feeling of your velvety walls tightening around making him choke back a moan.

"Oh- god" you whisper shakily. His hands holding onto your hips guiding a pace, the sound of skin slapping with your small moans could be heard throughout the room.

You looked so good with your chest bouncing and your hair all messy. You looked good with a small sheen of sweat on your skin and your makeup smeared, he was addicted to the sight.

Stopping his hips completely and pulling out you whine at the feeling of emptiness "lay on your stomach" he says his tone low and raspy making you not miss a step as you roll over onto your stomach and propping your knees into the mattress.

Arching your back gives Jaemin the perfect sight of your ass. You could feel his palm caressing and needing your skin before giving it repeated harsh slaps that had you quivering. Nothing compared to the beautiful stinging feeling on your skin given by him.

"Want you inside me so bad" you mumbled as your fingers grip the sheets, you were so needy that you were dripping down your thighs and it didn't take much for Jaemin to run his tongue over his lips and grab onto your hips pushing his tip against you again letting him bottom out fully.

The sharp grip he had on your hips kept you grounded as he set a steady pace that had you panting and moaning. Hearing yourself made your face heat up, dropping your head into the sheets hoping to muffle the pleasure falling from your lips.

"Don't hide now" Jaemin says as his hand pulls your hair into a makeshift ponytail, pulling your head away from the sheets "I wanna hear you. Don't hide from me" he says breathily as his thrusts become more sharp and the sound of him pounding into you was hard not to hear.

"I can't help it. Fuck it’s so good" you slur your words as you begin to bounce and grind against him to meet his hips. It felt like he was in your stomach and you didn't mind at all, your hands clutching the sheets tighter as he used his other hand to wrap around your throat.

"Fuck you looks so good, you care what other people think now hm?" He asks as his grip around your throat tightens, you couldn't even gather your words as he hits a spot that has you breathing shakily and your moans are even more louder.

"You like it don’t you? Huh? Answer me." He demands as he drags his cock against that same spot again and again "yeah, it feels so fucking good Jaem" you moan as your eyes roll back. The feeling of his sweet lips on your skin as you feel like you're in heaven.

Your thighs are practically shaking at the feeling, pleasure practically taking over your body as Jaemin pounds you into his mattress without a single care in the world. Pushing your face against sheets while he becomes sloppy and rougher with every passing second you could feel the pressure in the pit of your stomach growing and waiting to be released.

"I can't" you moan as you shake your head "I'm gonna cum" you whimper as you feel warm tears slide down your cheeks. "Don’t run, you like to talk big shit but now you can’t take dick?" he teases sweetly in a faux tone. His thrusts are non stop and you can't help but let the pleasure envelope you.

"Oh fuck" you gasp as the feeling of release comes closer "cum on my cock. I know you can '' he coos at you while pulling your hips into his harder than before tipping you over the edge as your walls clench around him sporadically earning a guttural moan ripping through Jaemin's throat.

"I'm close, where do you want it?" He asks as he continues to fuck into you "inside. Please cum inside me Jaemin" you beg before you feel the pressure in your stomach let loose "I know, you’re doing so good" he praised as his fingers rubbed down your spine leaving goosebumps up and down your body.

A few more thrusts slow and deep have your toes curling and sending Jaemin into an orgasm struck daze. "Fuck you feel so good" he groans as his hands rub against the red warm skin of your ass. Leaning of you and kissing up your spine as you both bask in your pre orgasm clarity.

You both were practically glowing as Jaemin waited until he softened inside you to pull out "you did so good" he whispers sweet nothings to you as he pulls out and watches his cum drip down your inner thighs.

The both of you settle into the bedsheets the body heat coming from the both of you feels comforting, Jaemin doesn't want even the slightest bit of space between the both of you as he pulls you by your waist until your pressed flush against his chest. "Are we okay now?" He asks as he peeks over your shoulder to watch for any change in emotion or the slightest hint of regret. "We're better than before" you whispered as you turn around pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

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