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#and i mean EVERYONE who didn't drop this blog because it's not as active as it used to be

toskarin · 3 months

Note

sorry if you've already answered this before but I'm new to your blog, what did you not like about gwitch? I haven't watched it myself, but I know friends who liked it and was just curious about a different perspective :] hope you're having a nice day!

these are like my sleeper agent activation words, but I'll make my rant about as short as I can. that being said, I am very much a hater about that series and would probably have more restraint normally LMAO

a lot of my problems with gwitch are intrinsically tied into the handling of the second half of the series and the tonal shift around it. the first cour was really good and there is a really jarring change of series direction after it

in what was seemingly an effort to cater the show more towards the largest fanbase possible, it drops a lot of its plot threads and muddles its more complicated themes by trying to tie them up into a simpler story of forgiveness. in pulling its punches and lightening the tone towards that second half, gwitch ends up relying a lot on fan content and shipping to achieve a satisfying ending

which, of course, means that if you weren't deeply invested in that side of things, you're left turning over some uncomfortable implications in your head that the show almost certainly didn't expect you to linger on

the first season opens by lampshading differences in social norms around homosexuality between planets, but when the show decides that there should only be one (deniable) gay pairing and everyone else should be straight, this never comes up again

beyond that, was the ending of the story really supposed to imply that you should reckon with how abusive parents only harm their children out of misguided love? surely not, right? that's a deeply conservative moral, and it only really feels that pronounced because of how the series doesn't engage with its own concepts

that's not really a generous way to look at things, and taking the second cour in isolation, that's absolutely not what it's saying. the problem here is that it still has to answer the questions it left open in the first cour, and if you were taking the writing seriously, it's hard not to feel that the change in story direction accidentally gave those answers

at the end of the day, gwitch feels cynically-made, like a creative vision was leading it towards saying something that old men in suits might've seen as complicating toy sales, and so its wings were clipped to keep it from doing so

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madfantasy · 2 months

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Dear blogging

Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.

Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.

Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.

(commissioned by precious Julia ♥️🖤)

And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:

-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.

Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:

-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now

-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.

I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'

-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do

.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.

Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.

I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..

I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo

I'm at my happy place rn, heh.

Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈

And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe

Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤

Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024

#text #drawing journey #non binary artist #on the spectrum #personal

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mid-somer · 1 year

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I'm thinking about Bob' Burgers again

I've been thinking about Linda and Bob Belcher a lot lately. Bob's Burgers is my favorite show and I've noticed that everyone who watches the show shares most of the same opinions on things (almost all of them positive, very few being negative) but one thing I've seen quite a few people say is that Bob and Linda aren't good parents. They say Bob doesn't care about anything except the restaurant and Linda favors Gene and is the typical "boy mom" and as a kid whose parents are those exact things I have thoughts about it.

At no point in the show does Bob ever put anything over the well-being of his family, but he does it in subtle ways. We obviously know the restaurant is his dream, but from the movie, you can tell he cares more about it being a source of livelihood for his family, keeping a roof over their heads, and keeping them safe. He did not hesitate to follow Linda into the Mole Hill when he saw the kids' bikes. once he realized he might be taking their childhood from them like his dad did at his restaurant he didn't hesitate to fire them so they could go live their lives and have a good childhood and he didn't hesitate to go get them from the weird old people's pot farm. That episode where Gene has a bully and he tries his hardest to help him out without hesitation. The Thomas Edison episode where they think Tina's hurt and he got to her the fastest despite being portrayed as someone who hates physical activity and never does it. The stone the witch game he plays with the kids where they're throwing pillows at him and jumping all over him while he's reading and smiling so huge because he just loves having his kids around. He got his legs waxed to help Tina through her fear! It wasn't "you're too young" or "that's a stupid thing to worry about" it was "it's your body and this is your worry and also I don't know how shaving works so I'll help you through waxing"

And Linda? Linda so very obviously loves Gene but I don't think she favors him or has that toxic boy mom mentality. When Gene started dating Courtney she was so excited for him to have a new person in his life who could see how cool he was. But when Louise fell into the crime hole? The only thing she cared about was her kids safety. When Tina and Bob told her they got into that accident in the parking lot with Jimmy Pestos car and her first reaction was to scream in terror and concern for her daughter. She loves everything her kids do, she supports them in all their ventures and runs into danger for them at the drop of a dime. Her kids feel safe enough to come to her when they have problems. She brought Louise to the mother-daughter seminar because she couldn't understand why Louise didn't love her and she just wanted to be able to spend time with her and bond with her and once she found the right way to do it she put in the most effort. She sacrificed her valentine's day with Bob to help Tina after she got her heart broken. She's able to bond so easily with Gene because they love all the same things, they're basically the same person, but that doesn't mean that he's her favorite. It means they like the same things and are both more open with physical and verbal affection. Tina and Louise aren't like that and she respects them and that quality and she adapts to it and loves them the way they need and like to be shown love.

My point is that Bob and Linda are top tier parents and are tied for best tv parents with Gomez and Morticia Addams. They still make mistakes but they love their kids and each other and they're like the most functional fictional family I've ever seen, despite being chaotic and weird. There will be no Belcher slander on this blog or like ever

#bobs burgers #tine belcher #bob belcher #linda belcher #louise belcher #gene belcher #the belcher family #the bobs burgers movie #bobs burgers movie

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poohsources · 4 months

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HELLO EVERYONE! as the year is slowly but surely coming to its end, and i'm now home for the holidays, i thought it was finally time to make another one of these. partially to give a little update on what's been going on in my life and partially as some sort of retrospect for this past year and a look into my plans for next year.

looking back, it's been quite an eventful year — especially when compared to the weird covid years we had to deal with previously. the biggest change was probably my dropping out of college to start a dual studies program in law. i did like my college program just fine ( until i didn't anymore ) but i really feel like law is my thing. and apparently everyone else in my circle of family and friends thinks so as well because i seem a hell of a lot happier than i did before. kinda unfortunate it took me seven years since quitting high school to figure that bit out, but hey, at least i got there in the end. it's been quite time-consuming, and i feel like in those past five months, i've already learned more than i did in all my years of college, but it's fun. i also finally got some new friends my age again. it's also strange to think back that just one year ago i was still struggling financially and just generally dealing with some bad mental health stuff.

i'm actually happy now.

in terms of tumblr and roleplaying, i gotta be honest that i have been sidelining it a lot over the last months. sure, i'm still around but it's not my primary focus, and i'm learning that it's okay not to be online all the time. it's okay to take breaks and focus on other things because as much as i love this blog, the community and tumblr, there are some more important things now. still, i am and always will be eternally grateful to every single person who supports me - whether it is by liking or reblogging posts, sending asks or messages, following me or using any of my stuff. it means so freaking much to me, and i always feel so proud whenever i randomly see my own stuff pop up on my dash because mutuals use it. thank you all so very much! in a similar vein, i honestly still cannot fathom that i almost managed to double the follower count this past year. i'm probably not gonna reach the goal i've kinda been looking at until the end of the year but that's okay. i am so incredibly grateful for everyone here anyway. no matter what.

as for next year - i'm not too sure what i'm gonna do. of course. i'm gonna keep posting memes, and templates and whatever other stuff i feel like doing, but i think my activity is gonna keep on being spotty. i'm also still tempted to do commissions one day ( and we're totally gonna ignore that i've been saying this for over a year now, okay? ) but with the amount of time i don't have, i'm not sure i'm gonna be able to deliver on that. if i do finally build the courage and self-esteem to do that, it will be like an occasional thing that might take some time. however, one thing i do wanna do more of is gifs. i'm not sure what kind of gifs, but i enjoy making them and it's been way too long since i did them so i'm gonna see how i'm gonna incorporate that. or if anyone has any specific gifs they want, always feel free to shoot me an ask or a message. maybe also some aesthetic-y stuff? after all do love making pinterest boards for characters.

maybe i'll also do a blog reveal once i finally set up my multi that i've been planning to work on for months now. since i'm gonna scrap my current main blog ( which i haven't really been active on in a while now anyway ) i'm kinda thinking of coming back to writing and who knows, maybe i'm gonna reveal it here in case anyone would like to write with me.

anyway, this was a lot of rambling, and if you've made it this far, i once again wanna thank you. i know i do this a lot but i really do appreciate you all being here so much, and even after two years of having this silly little blog, it still feels unreal to me that so many people here enjoy what i do.

much love and happy holidays, pooh 🧡

#pooh speaks.#pooh's (ir)regular updates.#long post tw

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archivalofsins · 19 days

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So, let's talk about the last few questions.

In this post we'll be discussing Kotoko's second trial interrogation questions.

Here's every post I've made regarding all of her interrogation questions.

Question 1, Question 2, Question 3, Questions 4-7 Part 1, Question 7-9 Part 2, Question 10.

So, today we'll be attempting to cover every question that has come out since then.

That means questions eleven through sixteen.

They aren't really that interesting but at least the written interrogation is almost over. This trial has been rather repetitive if I'm being honest.

But first let's address the elephant in the room-

I want to spend the beginning of this post discussing the behavior exhibited by a few bad apples over the course of Kotoko's second trial. What follows are just my personal experiences and my opinions on the matter.

Gunsli; why haven't you been discussing the questions the day they release? You were doing it that way at the start. Why are you waiting for a batch of them to drop then writing something up on it now? To take it further why are you being so thorough when it comes to Kotoko specifically? I mean you weren't like this with any of the other prisoners.

Okay, example questions that I've written up to answer. For anyone new here I was like this with other characters. Like literally this whole side blog is like this.

I spent the second trial of one of my favorite characters blatantly stating he was lying in every way possible. Highlighting it was definitely him that did that shit and how unfair it was that he was coasting to an innocent verdict in comparison to the trials of others before him. Regardless of if others wanted to speculate differently.

So, please believe me when I say one thing, I am consistent in my behavior.

I talk and write about the things that interest me.

Literally all of the prisoner's written interrogations have been interesting to me to varying degrees. Kotoko isn't the first prisoner I've written a lot about, and she won't be the last.

This is Milgram.

This is how it works. We've gone nine other trials doing the same thing for everyone else. Kotoko is not special. This is just another trial on the record for me. Sorry not sorry; don't go losing your heads over it now. She's no different from the nine other characters to come before her.

Plus, to be crass for a moment Kotoko doesn't want to step on anyone here anyway. She especially isn't going to want to step on the people that fully believe she's right. I've got a better chance of being stepped on by her than any of the yes man thirsting after her. Well, that is if Anti Beat is anything to go by.

With that low shot out of the way. I have been as critical of every prisoner as I've been with Kotoko. Even going as far to highlight when my own biases may be impacting my view on a character or their situation. The only character in Milgram who even remotely got any leniency from me if we're being real was Kazui.

The only reason that was is because people were espousing what came off to me as homophobic rhetoric in regards to his case, and I didn't want anything I said to be involved with that. Even still when I said what I thought he did after his trial ended, I still got flack for it. He wasn't even on fucking trial anymore it literally couldn't impact anything to speak about the concept in good faith.

So, I'm not coming at this brand new. I try to remain as consistent as possible. I have my lines and stick to them.

Even though I can get heated just like anyone else I still try my best to not compromise myself and discuss the topics at hand with consideration towards others. The reason I've moved to discussing Kotoko's written interrogation in batches like this is because-

One, it's more entertaining for me to do it that way and keeps my own attention better. Since I'm busy with life stuff currently. Also, it gives breathing room for the tag to die down in activity. So, more avid fans of her character don't end up coming across my post. Whether anyone wants to believe it or not some of Kotoko's fans have simply been the most obnoxious out of any trial to happen so far.

One going as far as to direct message me with what they believed to be pertinent corrective information that needed to be brought to my attention about a post I made. Condescendingly telling me I think you don't know what that word means causing this post to be necessary.

These are all the screenshots of it I still have from sharing this experience on discord. Honestly, I don't have a damn thing to hide. Even though I believe my behavior in this instance could have been better.

The behavior exhibited by this party regardless of how they personally feel about Kotoko or not was incredibly inappropriate. They contacted me under the belief that they could educate me on my improper use of this term. For what I can only believe was in the hopes of me rewording the post I had written to use a softer and less serious phrase in their opinion.

The way this person went about this was to me indicative of an entitled and woefully misinformed individual. They begin this conversation by demeaning my intelligence. Then when informed they were in fact incorrect about their assertion state,

"I apologize with that, I wasn't trying to say grooming can only be sexual. That wasn't exactly my point though with messaging you about this."

Then continued to denote that grooming can only occur when physical touch is present through stating,

"Grooming is still a very serious term to throw around, so I do not see how Kotoko deliberately pushing a child away from her and manipulating her to retract a testimony can somehow equate to grooming her."

A sentiment that still implies this individual believes on some level that all grooming is overtly physical or sexual.

I can admit I came on strong in these direct messages with this individual. Who again decided they just had to contact me about what they believed to be an egregious error on my part. I was defensive due to being rightfully upset by the situation occurring. However, this instance is not indicative of the sort of person I want to be when instances like this arise.

Even if from my perspective this individual had messaged me in a very accusatory, combative, disrespectful fashion that ultimately ended in insulting my intelligence. I can recognize how me sticking to facts and definitions may come off as callous, inconsiderate, or obstinate.

Still, I've stated before and I will state again I do not argue with people over their subjective opinions.

That is why when it came to my attention this was a subjective and personal interpretation which had nothing to do with my wording or the meaning of the term being used, I told this person as much. Then the discussion ended shortly after. Did I have to explain my point of view further when I stated that to them? No, I did not. At the time I was very annoyed that someone had messaged me with a lecture about something they didn't fully understand and were only treating seriously to use as a justification for why Kotoko or her actions should not be referred to in the way I did.

An individual going from, "I think you were using this term wrong" to "Well even if you were using it correctly I still think it's a very serious term to just fling around like you are". Is incredibly wishy washy to say the least and at the most disingenuous. In my opinion the behavior exhibited was not treating the topic of grooming with the seriousness it deserved.

I used the term I did in that post because this topic matters to me. It is something I am very serious about for personal reasons. For someone to message me something of this nature without knowing one thing about me or my life solely based on my post about Kotoko is disrespectful. They don't know what I know, what I've been through, or what experiences shaped me concluding what I did.

They just saw me saying something they didn't like/agree with about a character they enjoy and messaged me this without taking my own personhood into consideration. I could have blocked them. I didn't have to engage. I could have spent that hour doing something better with my time than being pestered by someone who had already chosen what their opinion of me was before even messaging under the guise of just wanting to share their concerns.

Because heaven forbid people know the technical definition of grooming or how to spot it. I mean if they did that may actually help people recognize when it's happening outside of a sexual context and move away from individuals that may be predating on them. What kind of sicko would want that? Me I want that. I want people to know how to spot these things because it's important and it allows people to be safer in real life. I don't think it's a controversial opinion to have or to state. I don't think that's an odd thing to want.

I'm not worried about fictional people. I'm worried about the safety and well-being of real people. How the beliefs people apply in Milgram can impact how they act in their real lives, the way they treat others, and how they analyze difficult and controversial topics. Maybe if we just fling around terms when they're applicable people just might learn something. Even if some people don't see how this applies or even agree with the assertion on a subjective level.

Some people in this fandom could really benefit from becoming comfortable with saying that lesson wasn't meant for me and moving the fuck on. Instead of doing things like this.

Outside of this instance other people have been harassing me before this trial even fucking started. So, what the fuck am I meant to do in this situation, huh? Some people may feel like I should stop talking about it. Yet, the fact that some people have no clue what the definition of grooming is should be a topic of concern and discussion actually. That's a legitimate problem.

Which is why I made that post discussing it.

So, from this I know personally that more avid fans have been behaving in this manner since checks notes (the timestamp of the discord messages)-

The day after her song was released.

So, if anyone doesn't see a back and forth happening here, please assume it's happening in private just like many did with other trials. Instead of believing both parties are ignoring the other and equally dismissive.

In previous trials people wanted to talk about taking things too seriously, Milgram being in good fun, and the characters not being real people when it came to literal depictions of child abuse and neglect.

There were a fair few people reducing Amane's situation to not treating her like a child because she asked us not to do that. Stating that treating her like a victim of abuse was comparable to treating her like a child. That doing so would be infantilizing and something she expressed not wanting in her first voice drama.

Ignore the fact that in her second voice drama Es specifically speculates that she on some level did want to be treated like a child and for her mistakes to be forgiven.

Along with these line that blatantly allude to this being the case from her first song Magic,

"Dear wise one, is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes? I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah! I won’t say “I’ve had enough” Will you laugh with me and forgive me?"

"I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile. Forever, forever together would be a dream. Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?"

"Even I can say "I'm sorry". Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

This isn't about the abuse or her age this about taking a firm stance against cult mentalities. Amane needs to know that this sort of behavior is wrong and is never excusable even when you're being actively abused. Despite that not being the case at all during Mu's first trial.

It's like trauma and abuse are only a reasonable justification that should be taken into consideration to further contextualize the situation at hand only when it's certain characters. Not something that is getting applied equally across trials. Statements such as these prompted me to state this at the time.

Some fans of the series even going as far to state the individuals who wanted Amane Innocent during that trial were mean, aggressive, rabid, and unreasonable. Based on things happening from other platforms that certain individuals choose to bring here.

For some reason during Amane's trial people were barely discussing the blatant trauma displayed let alone speculating about other trauma she may have.

Then when discussing this situation with a friend during the day of the eclipse they brought up how everyone was really different about Haruka's trauma too. Voting him guilty for safety reasons or to show him how he was behaving was wrong and undesirable. Despite a 50/50 being possible in his situation. The same reasons people tried to use again with Amane.

So, I really don't see why some people believe speculating about Kotoko having trauma, something that everyone in Milgram and every person on earth has, is going to better contextualize her behavior, bring nuance to, or even help her case. The fandom has consistently shown that they do not care about people with trauma over the course of trial two unless it's a certain type. Some want to state that others are pushing forth the idea that Kotoko doesn't have trauma when I've personally seen no one say that and I have not said that myself.

Because it would be asine to say that. Everyone in the world has trauma to varying extents. I could not walk up to one person and ask hey do you have trauma that would go, "Actually no.... I don't think I have any. Nothing in my life has ever upset me to the extent of it being traumatic. I've actually never had any troubles ever. The world is just perfect for me. I look outside the airs crisp the sun shines all time. Sure I've faced hardships but nothing as severe as what it takes to have genuine trauma and no I've never needed therapy. I'll also never go."

It would sound off if someone told me that. It would sound a lot like, "Well some have it worse so I can't complain. Even the worst thing that has happened to me couldn't compare to what people who truly struggle go through." When honestly people can be doing worse than you and that would not diminish the experiences in your life that have hurt you or even excuse those people who have had it worse hurting you if they do. The reverse is true too. Someone could be doing better than you and that in no way can be used to dismiss the struggles they've gone through or the pain your actions may cause them.

That's just simply not how anything works. Trauma is not a competition. Sure there are varying degrees of trauma and not everyone's is going to be the same. Think of it like a burn there are different degrees but at the end of the day everyone still gets burned every once and a while. We can discuss the severity but at the end of the day all burns need treatment and time to heal. Getting burned is no excuse to be an arsonist. That has always been my point with this. Not that Kotoko doesn't have trauma but that having trauma is a normal part of life. That does not make anyone less or more than the other people around them.

I've only pointed out that I believe it's a bit ableist to state she has to have trauma because "No normal person ends up like her" or "Because no one without trauma would end up the way she is". Because newsflash everyone has some sort of trauma. Something I don't personally have an issue admitting. Furthermore, anyone could end up like Kotoko no one has to be a special sort of messed up in their past to end up the way she is. Yet not being a special sort of messed up from your past doesn't it make it more likely for someone to turn out like Kotoko.

Any person could turn out like this. Anybody could choose to behave the same way she does. Regardless someone's past does not justify or excuse them being cruel or lashing out at others. Plus, like I covered in both Amane and Haruka's cases their trauma was either blatantly ignored or weaponized against them. So, I don't see how speculating about this will make the situation better.

If that's just what people enjoy doing with their time go for it. I'm not one to knock what others find enjoyable as long as they aren't hurting others.

Plus, on a personal note I love a bit of angst every now and then myself. As well as project on the characters that I relate to. So, I understand why a good deal of people would be attached to the concept of her having trauma, maybe even trauma like their own.

However, other people not enjoying that is no reason to consistently harass or mistreat them. People can have their fun but it shouldn't be at the expense of the people around them and their feelings. I'm personally not going to speculate about shit we haven't seen at all and I have no interest in.

Kotoko having the sort of traumatic past for the reasons some individuals want her to have one just does not intrigue me. I'm not speculating on this at this time because the way it is being speculated is demeaning to me.

Want to know the most fucked up part?

People will say that others are saying she doesn't have trauma. Including myself in this when I literally fucking speculated, she had a dissociative disorder.

Something that forms through traumatic events.

So, it's not even like I'm avidly against this, don't see the merit in thinking about it, or haven't speculated on this before. I just don't think having trauma should be used as a justification or excuse for how she has behaved in the past or has stated she is committed to continuing to behave now.

I also don't believe it is something readily apparent based on how she behaves. Because again that's fucking ableist regardless of how I slice it that's how it comes off. Yet even if I didn't fucking speculate that and I saw no merit in examining Kotoko's possible trauma. That would be a personal decision of mine deserving of respect, not a thing to be antagonized over.

To be honest I find it interesting and somewhat disingenuous that things are suddenly that serious now.

Oh, but no it's only that serious if that speculative information is being used to explain and give additional context to her behavior specifically. Only if the one doing so is presenting that in a sympathetic way of course. If they're doing this in a way that comes off as demonizing Kotoko to the other party or displaying that she's wrong, then they get messages like those.

Explaining politely that they are in fact a moron, whose statements have really hurt the other person's feelings, that just doesn't know the harm their words are causing or the definition of the terms they use. To people viewing these issues in this way suddenly the other party is the sort of person who couldn't analyze their way out of a paper bag let alone through Milgram.

You just don't get it- You're a,

Moron who just didn’t understand.

Q.10 What were you called online?

Kotoko: A lot of things. Cause there were people who supported me, and then there were also morons who just didn’t understand.

No need to fret though these good people are here to help teach you the right way to interpret this now. You can learn the right way to analyze this, okay? A way that isn't so offensive to them. If you can do that maybe there's still some hope for you. Ya little dumb-dumb. With your little dumb-dumb theories and statements that lack nuance. Oh, you little thing you- If you can just listen now there's still a chance.

If you can't then you're just one of those people, it seems.

Wait, wait hold on- Let's wind it back a bit.

What about the logic used before? What if all the people voting Kotoko guilty were just having fun and the innocent voters were so aggressive and unreasonable? So, what if some people wanted to vote Kotoko guilty for the fuck of it. They're just trying to have some fun guys, it's not that serious. She's not a real person.

How would people behaving in that manner now be any different from any of the other trials then? Other than the fact that some of the people involved are on the receiving end of it this time.

At least I wouldn't be making an entire fucking shrine over it! Bribing people to vote a certain way and creating a new superstition. Yet to some of the people behaving in these ways towards other people the other party just talking about it online is bad enough.

The only reason that things have been quiet in this case is due to a lot of people who are too nice not wanting to rock the boat and staying quiet. Not because nothing is going on at all. Just like with the anon sent to the confession blog. There have been individuals who act like this for a well-documented amount of time. Harassing people behind the guise of anonymity and in private. The tactics have not changed, and individuals who choose to behave in this way will do anything to who they view as against them in the moment without much thought.

This is not an us versus them situation. This is not a cold war. This is a few bad actors harassing people for enjoying and viewing things in a different way than them.

I believe that's the definition of taking things too seriously when it comes to Milgram. So yeah, I'm saying my piece and hauling ass as quickly as possible and doing something else.

Because this is what people who even remotely discuss any of the characters analytically get for it. Not even just Kotoko. This same shit has happened to me multiple times throughout the second trial of Milgram with different characters. Which is why I treat all of this like any other day.

Yet, through saying this I recognize there are still going to be some who could frame me as behaving like this. Some people may seriously view myself and others who discuss Kotoko in ways they dislike as literal villains. People that are just conniving in the shadows to ruin her good name and strip her miraculous character of all nuance.

Evil laughing guffawing like fucking Alvin and Chipmunks villains. As they rub their hands together and laugh with their high pitch voices of sin.

Mwahahah-

"Look at her bloody evil covered in sin we've done it- We've ruined and flattened this character! We've achieved! Yaha!" They possibly imagine people who discuss her in disagreeable ways cheering as they hit that post button with a menacing grin. Just like Kotoko doing her fucking journalism and all that research.

It's so funny how much both parties in this situation have in common with Kotoko when one takes a step back to really think about it.

Hell, some fans of Milgram look at the work the staff on the series does and how certain characters have been portrayed in canon over the course of trial two the same way as people are being viewed in this situation for how they discuss Kotoko. Something that has been happening for a while. The people who create the thing aren't even exempt from this sort of behavior.

There are a good deal of people who act like this toward others then go crying about how there isn't enough nuance being applied in these situations. How people just aren't thinking about these things hard enough or in the right way. When really there is nuance just not the sort they want.

I talk about Milgram for my own enjoyment.

I'm not getting anything from this outside of displaying that enjoyment for the most part. I don't have a vendetta against Kotoko as a character. None of the Milgram characters are the people who consider themselves to be their fans.

How the people that claim to like these characters treat other real people is completely on them, reflective of their character, and ability for empathy. Simply put they chose to treat other people the ways they did and they are responsible for that regardless of how in the right they believe they are.

Yet, even if some bad actors who call themselves fans of hers consistently caused me strife that doesn't impact how much I like Kotoko's character. Just like me discussing her in a not completely positive light isn't indicative of my feelings on her either.

I can separate a character from their fans. I had a lot of practice with other prisoners before this. I can criticize a characters actions while still grasping and understanding their motivations. This is just another Monday where I talk about the things I like the way I enjoy discussing them. This trial is like every other trial to me.

In my opinion the fandom hasn't changed one bit and if anyone were to pop the hood they'd see all the gunked up gears inside. Yet, heed this warning once you go under you don't go back up top without getting dirty.

That's Milgram and it always has been.

This is what this fandom is like. A lot of good people are trying to make the best of it. Even those mistakenly hurting others in their upset are just trying to look out for their own enjoyment. Possibly in what may be the only way they know how to in this moment. That's really the only grace I can extend at this time.

So, as always when I discuss things like this within the fandom- Remember to treat people how you would personally like to be treated. How you would want your opinions and beliefs to be treated. Remember that this fandom is a space for more people than yourself. So, not everyone is going to view things the same way as you.

Take a step back and realize how amazing and enriching that fact can be. Take a moment to appreciate the diversity that each person within this fandom contributes to it. Whether that's for better or worse.

If someone's views aren't doing any harm to real people then the best thing to be is respectful. No one would want another person to walk up to them then tell them they're enjoying something they like improperly. Yes someone's individual beliefs can upset another person and be in direct opposition to what they believe but that's not causing anyone harm. Not everyone I meet in my life is going to agree with my personal beliefs or how I present them.

That does not diminish the value of those beliefs.

Diversity of thought isn't an issue. It's only becomes an issue when those thoughts turn into actions that hurt people. In fact, diversity of thought is how nuance is formed. The thing some are saying Kotoko's case does not have enough of. Which is why that statement rings so disingenuous to me across fandoms not just here.

If for some reason it's impossible for another person to be considerate and respectful of the other individuals they share a space with then they should remove themselves from that space. There is no reason for anyone to actively antagonize others on their posts in a bad faith, disrespectful, and reductive ways. There's especially no reason to direct message someone in an attempt to make them feel insecure or uncertain about something they've posted just because one may personally disagree with it.

I'm not sorry about the way I discuss Kotoko.

I am sorry that so many people are more concerned over the perception of a fictional character that they've begun stepping on the feelings and boundaries of the real people they share a space with. I'm ashamed that individuals in the fandom have and are continuing to act the ways I've experienced, seen, and heard of them acting towards people.

All of whom do quite frankly thankless work at times. I can only hope that the people who have behaved in this manner over the course of the series mature one day and recognize how detrimental their actions have been not only for themselves but to those around them.

This is the only time I will be discussing this situation in depth.

Now onto the questions.

I'm going to be brief with some of these because I didn't really feel like they gave much of anything new.

Q.11 Is there really no chance to start anew for wrongdoers?

Kotoko: No way. Once a beast gets a taste for human flesh, it will always come back for seconds.

From the beginning Kotoko hasn't been focused on if people can change. She has been focused on making them understand the suffering and pain they've caused. She's stated that people can't realize the severity of what they've done without first losing something themselves in her second voice drama,

"Es, look. Someone who committed a crime can only realise its severity through losing something. I've seen many criminals, but none of them would give way without pain."

Yet, this goes as far back as her first trial song.

"I’ll teach you the pain you caused. It’s a tie after saying sorry? What are you hoping for?"

Where she blatantly states that this isn't about apologizing and making amends it's about the other person experiencing the same pain as they caused. Throughout Harrow we also see that one of the people that Kotoko jumps has been held accountable by a court of law. However as we know from Kotoko's seventh second trial written interrogation question she has her doubts about the legal systems ability to properly punish sin.

So, she may not believe that a punishment handed down by judiciary is good enough in this circumstance. Especially for an individual implied to be a repeat offender. Him possibly getting a slap on the wrist for something he has a pattern of doing would probably only frustrate her more.

Especially if Kotoko was connected to the person he swindled in any way. Then that would make this situation more of a personal one.

So, let's take a look back at the articles from Harrow. For the record this is more speculative so feel free to ignore it.

I just felt there was something strange about the newspaper articles in her case. On of them is about a serial killer going around murdering young girls. Yet the others are mostly petty financially exploitative crimes that expressly take advantage of an elderly woman, moms, and bike owners.

That a pretty huge leap in severity. I wouldn't really think that much of it if it weren't for what we know about Kotoko.

Q.08 Tell us your family structure.

Kotoko: Grandmother, father, mother, older brother.

Q.08 What are your parent’s occupations?

Kotoko: They’re just the normal office worker and housewife. Did you want me to be born in with some unique circumstances?

In the translation there are two articles that stick out the most to me in reference to this information.

The one about the Bank Employee Impersonation scam where an elderly eighty year old woman was stalked and tricked into giving up a bank note for five hundred thousand yen or three thousand two hundred ninety four dollars and eight three cents in USD. The perpetrator of this crime was later identified as Mikio Oshii the person we see Kotoko jumping in Harrow and alluded to going to jump in Deep Cover.

I think it's possible and reasonable to speculate the first elderly woman that Mikio Oshii scammed was Kotoko's grandmother. Something that may have caused her to be interested in the case to begin with. I say first instead of second because it seems she was looking into it before the second case even occurred.

The second article referring to the fortieth victim of a "It's Me" Phone scam where a woman received a phone call from a man claiming to be their eldest son stating they'd been in an accident and needed money. Ultimately the man ended up scamming the woman out of a million yen. Stating that he'd been hospitalized due to the accident and needed the money he told her to deliver it to a train station which she did. That's another six thousand five hundred and eighty nine dollars and sixty-six cents gone.

Oh yeah Kotoko has an older brother and her mom is a housewife right? Huh... She implies that her family circumstances aren't unique through asking if we wanted her to be born under some unique circumstances. Yet, her life is a lot more interesting when you really look at everything laid out.

Her father is the sole earner of the household. Yet she goes to a top law university and managed to study martial arts from a young age. They're not rich like Mu's family but they're comfortably middle class at least. Yet this means a few scams like this and Kotoko's family would suddenly find it incredibly financially difficult to cover her university costs.

I asked Bunny about what her tuition costs would look like, and they stated,

Ok the amount I found for the University of Tokyo's law department was 804,000円 per year or $5298 per year

Then because I asked what the average office worker salary was.

kotoko uses the term 'kaishain' which is very generic 'office worker'/'company employee so as you said, lots of variation but this is apprently the average

If we go by ungendered average (4,610,000 yen) then its roughly $30,000 per year

Meaning the amount of money that her family members could have possibly lost for these scams is over the amount of how much one year of tuition would cost her.

"How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” Is the damage to get in the way of someone’s dream- I’ll gouge you out with my fangs."/ "How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it- I’ll gouge you out with my fangs."

Not having the money to cover your next year is a good enough reason for anyone to take a break. Whoa Gunsli you just spent the whole first segment of this explaining that people were harping on Kotoko having trauma too much but now you're speculating-

Well, I also said I talk about the things that interest me. The fact that Kotoko's family members could have suffered from financially exploitative scams by the people she jumped. Well, that's pretty damn interesting.

Especially when we take this interaction between her and Mikoto into consideration,

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

It's incredibly funny to me personally to imagine Kotoko possibly just disliking Mikoto because he reminds her of her actual older brother with his careless and flippant behavior. Hell one of the bikes stolen could have actually been her older brothers. Yet, this also showcases that she may hold a great importance in her family. Be it found or through blood.

Something she's consistently shown to be committed to. She's the sort to want to protect her pack is the best way to put it. I don't even know if this can be considered trauma or being incredibly unlucky. This would also explain why she's so hypervigilant around others and standoffish when it comes to the other prisoners at first.

If she's used to being in a close proximity to scammers and conman of course she'd be suspicious from jump.

20/05/30

Mahiru: Hey, Kotoko-chan. There’s something that’s really been bugging me, so do you mind if I ask? ……how do you style yourself so well? Have you always dressed like that? But it also looks like something you’d wear for training. Do you play sport? Ah, or maybe some kind of martial arts?

Kotoko: ……you really are carefree. Everyone in here is a “murderer” right? Is this really the time to be asking questions like that?

Mahiru: Hmm, I guess so. That’s what they said. But nobody here seems particularly scary or anything, right? If I had to pick someone, then maybe you’re the scariest! Ah, wait, do you do like yoga or something?

Kotoko: ……I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or are just an airhead.

It would also fall in line with her going by Es' word because even though she doesn't really have much faith in Es just the merit of Milgram as a system. Then she may recognize she's simply a bit oblivious when it comes to the behavior of other people, knows she isn't the best judge of these things, and doesn't want the responsibility in case she's wrong. Sure she's confident that she'll know evil when she sees it but living with the what if's is a bit more difficult when it's all on you. Ultimately this is purely speculative and the people she jumped could be completely uninvolved with her.

However, the reason I doubt that is because of this line in Harrow-

"Whose fault is it, This is getting ridiculous."

We're never really told whose she's looking for and why. It's fair to assume that it was the child murderer but she continues going even after taking care of him as we see in Deep Cover. So what the fuck is this line referring to?

Plus it would make sense if she was suddenly no longer financially able to go to college anymore. Kotoko doesn't show a disinterest in law. In fact though she scrutinizes the justice system her interest in it seems genuine. She probably had an interest in cleaning it up from the inside and since being in Milgram she's shown an interest in continuing her studies repeatedly. So, if that was the dream that was stopped then it'd make sense if due to Milgram she began to believe it was possible again.

Especially since she went from blatantly stating she dropped out in her first voice drama to stating she's just on leave because there's something else she wants to do right now in her first written interrogation.

Q.07 What did you study at university?

Kotoko: Technically, I’m studying law. I’m on a break right now because there’s something else I want to do, though.

This would also fall in line with her belief that once an offender always an offender. As she would have been there to witness how some people behave even if it wasn't her who was actively victimized by them and just people close to her. Something that would tie into her very defensive response to this question,

Q.18 Have you ever personally been persecuted in the past?

Kotoko: I haven’t. But are you trying to say that if you haven’t had those experiences you can’t hate evildoers?

Plus I feel it would explain why literally outside of the child murders everything else on her board is a petty crime. This could just be a tidbit meant to mirror how Haruka works his way up from animals to people. Yet I don't think so because Kotoko goes from taking out a serial killer to jumping a conman. It's also possible that Kotoko and the serial killer are related in some way. Maybe through the hit and run.

From the beginning of Harrow Kotoko is flashing to the memorial and call for information on the hit and run. That we later find out the person she kills is speculated of being responsible for as well. If Kotoko was a witness to the hit and run in some way she would have more reason to assume the worse of this guy. She would also know the lengths that people involved with this person had gone to in order to cover up his heinous behavior and enable him.

Making it more likely for her to believe that if he wasn't taken care of then and there he'd just end up getting another slap on the wrist again. Or basically that this was the only way of handling the situation.

However outside of all that what Kotoko says here could also be a simple case of projection. Where she believes that others can't change because she thinks she can't either. Note that in her answer she moves away from her usual wording of discussing things in terms of good and evil.

Instead stating,

"No way. Once a beast gets a taste for human flesh, it will always come back for seconds."

Despite the question only asking about wrongdoers not murderers she immediately jumps there by saying once a beast gets a taste of human flesh. Kotoko also very similarly to Mikoto fears that she is the beast or monster that she's trying to fight.

Plus, her very first glitched voice line is-

"This feels so good."

Making it likely that a bit of her own self-hatred is coming through with this answer. Making me interpret it as her going I can't stop so how would they be able to.

Q.12 But aren’t 'your' actions an overstep of boundaries?

Kotoko: You were the one who chose to walk this path with me, aren’t you? I simply serve as a means to fulfill your wishes as a warden.

Remember when I said I was going to make some of these brief. I agree with Kotoko here. Like the audience supported her mindset. She put on full display she jumps criminals and she was in a place where others had already been judged as criminals. Before she was even on trial the others started showing signs of being viewed that way. I mean what can I say other than yeah the audience choose that. I didn't. I didn't vote on her first trial.

Like in the first half she's right. The second half she's lying. Like she hasn't even asked Es what they want her to do. Es is the warden. However, technically Kotoko does not consider Es to be the warden. She considers the audience to be the warden and Es to be just another prisoner being used as a proxy for the audience the real wardens. As shown through Deep Cover,

"“UNDER” Inept “011 Guard”"

And like some of the audience did want those people jumped. Hell, some celebrated them being jumped. So, like maybe we've wrapped back around to her just being right. Still I don't have much to say about this.

Q.13 Was the person you killed evil?

Kotoko: Of course. I’ve investigated to the very end and confirmed every detail. It’s easier here since you’re the one who’s deciding who gets punished.

I believe in journalist Kotoko to be unbiased and fair. She is fair and just. No one would ever wrongfully report on an event in the music videos where it's put on fully display that news outlets cannot be trusted as one's sole source of information several different ways. In a series where the voice drama of the very second prisoner discusses the pitfalls of tabloids and news shows.

I don't believe her by the way.

I believe that she believes she researched it thoroughly. However, she did just attempt to jump four people solely based on the opinion of what appears to be a middle schooler. So, who's to say. Then ended this by saying it's easier now that she has said middle schooler here to decide who gets punished.

In fairness she could be referring to the audience but we all know how much we know. So, that's hardly any better. I'd feel safer if she was making the decisions herself actually and I know she's going to jump Mikoto if she does. Maybe they would just be in constant combat like Wile E Coyote and the Road Runner. Then at least everyone else would be good.

Q.14 Don’t you feel a sense of isolation in your current situation?

Kotoko: It feels like nothing's changed. If the world gets even a little better just by me undertaking this isolation, then that is the role the strong play.

Hey, she's committed to being alone just like Mikoto is committed to that job. If the world can't change that's the world's problem you just keep doing you. Never introspect. If nothing has changed that really means the world hasn't gotten better or worse. Yet, you know maybe if you keep doing the same things over and over the outcome will change.

Also sidenote she wasn't really talking to anyone like that. Why would she mind the isolation like who does she miss. The one girl that's nice to her she put in a cast. She could go see her. Hell, she doesn't have any hard feelings about the jumping thing. She said so in her second voice drama. Kotoko does not have to be alone.

Mikoto even tried talking to her on her birthday. Shidou and Kazui tried to negotiate a ceasefire and have been since the first trial of trial two. People talk to her! Plus, they aren't really rude when she comes up and talks to them.

Literally everyone is over here like,

Kazui: Come join us in sin Kotoko.

Mikoto: Yeah come in the sin is fine~ Koto-koto duo!

Yuno: Come on a little sin never hurts- Do it just smile.

Mahiru: We're not so different- We could all get along if we try. Let's have fun!

Kotoko: ... (They’re still here, still here, it grates me.)

In Kotoko vision meanwhile they're all here in actuality like,

Yuno: Does she like want something?

Mahiru: Maybe she feels bad about what she did.

Shidou: ... Possibly. (Shiina is so hopeful. Though why is Yuzuriha-kun making growling noises...)

Kotoko: Sinful...all of them.

Amane: ???

Kazui and Mikoto aren't even here she's just still mad about them interfering.

Q.15 Tell us the details of your promise with Haruka.

Kotoko: Looks like you’ve done your research. Well, it’s something I won’t go forward with myself. I do feel a bit disappointed about it though.

Look I've been writing this for two days and if I don't finish before her next question drops, I'm going to feel obligated to add that too. So, no lead up with this one.

The way this question is phrased heavily implies exactly what Haruka will be doing over the course of the intermission. Which will be killing our favorite good girl,

Yuno Kashiki.

Or at least attempting to. Kotoko expressly states that what Haruka is doing is something she wouldn't go forward with herself. The thing that Kotoko has taken a hard stance against is attacking the innocent or forgiven.

Something that Kotoko has repeatedly stated herself that she would not do,

Specifically in these instances.

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time.

Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you.

Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you're to keep to your word, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets.

Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

"Hurting the innocent through violence, taking from others, killing people... I can't stand it at all! There are too many cases of The Law being unable to deliver a verdict to sinning. Just by exploiting loopholes in the law, the sinners who have bullied and tortured the weak can still live out their lives unpunished! I want to change this world but I alone only have so much power!"

Q.20 What do you consider “evil”?

Kotoko: The persecution of the weak and innocent.

That's Kotoko's hard line she's not going to attack people who have been deemed innocent. Because she genuinely believes the persecution of the weak and innocent is wrong. We don't have to worry about Haruka attacking Amane because Kotoko said he's going to do something she wouldn't which she admitted she would have done that,

"Ah, about that... My apologies. I couldn't give enough pain to Kayano Mikoto and Momose Amane."

..! You..!

"I attacked everyone in order, but because of the interference caused by Kayano Mikoto and Mukuhara Kazui, who was protecting Kajiyama Fuuta, I couldn't finish it properly. But I was still able to do some damage. After attacking Shiina Mahiru, I had no time left for Momose Amane."

You've planned... on attacking Amane too?

"That's right. You haven't forgiven her, so wouldn't it be justified?"

But she's just a child...

"So what? This "child" is kept here because she murdered a person, isn't she?"

Right...

"You thought I won't attack her because of the young age? Sorry for disappointing you. It's all because of my lack of strength."

Whether Kotoko behaves this way because she genuinely believes hurting the innocent and weak is wrong or because she wants her actions to be justifiable in the eyes of the law is completely secondary. The point is this in fact tells us what Haruka is going to do through the process of elimination. We know all the things Kotoko would do and one thing that she wouldn't.

She basically just tells us without telling us. Now one could debate that Kotoko wouldn't harm herself either. So, that could still be all Haruka is going to do. Yeah, that'd be reasonable but there's also foreshadowing of him being jealous of Yuno and under the belief that she is the audiences favorite out of their pair.

Or the one who wound up getting the most attention. Including parallels between their trial two songs.

I just want to be your good boy-I will keep on killing to be a good boy/Caressing me with your “Good girl”- Who needs your self-righteous pardon?

Like she has what he wants and he bluntly states in his second trial interrogation-

Q.20 Did you hate the person you killed?

Haruka: I wonder if I did. I was jealous of them.

Man I doubt Haruka would be jealous of the person who is right after him who has been innocent twice. It's not like he was already upset about the idea that the audience and Es would change his verdict this trial.

Meanwhile Yuno is over here like,

Yuno: They keep telling me what a good girl I am. How I've never done anything wrong and never could. Who needs that type of half-assed shit.

Haruka: *collapsed on the ground trying to reach a blunt object struggling for air* (It could have been me! I wanted to be the good one- I've been the good one! I've been practicing better communication and everything- She doesn't even want it!)

Yuno: Like really who do these people think they are? Who needs words like those filled to the brim with self-righteousness and demeaning assumptions. They're all so gross can't they just disappear. Innocent- Ugh, like shut up already nobody even asked for your opinion.

Haruka: *sustaining psychic damage on the ground sobbing* (SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT IT SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW GOOD SHE HAS IT!)

Though he could end up attacking any of the innocent prisoners. It doesn't have to be Yuno. So thanks for telling us it's at least something you wouldn't do yourself that really narrows it down. It's either that or he's attacking Shidou or Kazui. Though Haruka does specify he can kill anything smaller than him in his second voice drama and Yuno fits the description best out of those who have been consistently innocent.

Q.16 Do you think there are the ‘weak’ among the other prisoners?

Kotoko: I’m sure there’s a lot. Those with weak wills will easily turn to evil. The only thing we can do is firmly instill the risk of turning to it.

So, the way this question was translated confused me and I ended up asking @doctorbunny what exactly was going on with it. This is what he said.

囚人の中に弱者いると思うか？ shuujin no naka ni (Amongst the prisoners) jakusha iru (there are weak people/'the weak') to omou ka? (do you think) aka Do you think any of the prisoners are weaklings?

A few questions ago Kotoko considered herself to be 強者/kyousha/a strong person

Q.14 Don’t you feel a sense of isolation in your current situation?

Kotoko: It feels like nothings changed. If the world gets even a little better just by me undertaking this isolation, then that is the role the strong play.

This was the conclusion from this exchange based on the answer provided.

Given that Kotoko stated she was sure there are a lot of weaklings amongst the prisoners. Then choose to elaborate stating that those with weak wills easily turn to evil. Causing the only thing we (in this case being Es and her the strong as she stated herself to be earlier in this interrogation) can only firmly instill the risk of turning to it.

This can only imply one thing that she punishes weaklings as well if they are at risk of turning to evil. Because she blatantly states that there are weaklings here within the prison and in her second trial song tells blatantly states that them still being here grates her and implies she'd like them to guilty. So, she recognizes they're weak and states that as why they turn to evil as well. So she's just saying the weak can be evil and deserve to be punished like anyone else to be dissuaded from doing evil.

People needing to be dissuaded from doing evil is a belief she was open about in her second voice drama Yonah.

"Es, look. Someone who committed a crime can only realise its severity through losing something. I've seen many criminals, but none of them would give way without pain." - "When a person who killed someone is met with violence, it's called "karmic retribution". Don't you have such a feeling?"

"If you sin, You need to do more than be atoned. It’s karma dude!"

This answer serves to further contextualize her second trial glitched voice line as well,

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing Earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

Kotoko basically came out and said the quiet part out loud. That she attacks weaklings too. At least if they're at risk of turning to evil or to dissuade them from it. Still given the phrasing of the question was difficult for me to grasp and I genuinely couldn't believe she would just say that I asked him to look into the answer too.

Again sorry Bunny for the inconvenience. At first, he came back with this,

たくさんいるでしょうね。takusan iru deshou ne. = There's a lot, [of prisoners who are weaklings] aren't there. 弱いではあぐ悪に転ぶ。Yowai dewa agu(?) aku ni korobu. = 悪に転ぶリスクを不直え(??)付けるしかない。aku ni korobu risuku wo fu naoe tsukeru shikanai.

But ended up having to ask another party for help. Then came back with this later on.

OK so 囚人の中に弱者いると思うか？- shuujin no naka ni jakusha iru to omou ka? - Do you think any of the prisoners are weaklings? たくさんいるでしょうね。- takusan iru deshou ne - A lot of them are, aren't they. 弱い心はすぐ悪に転ぶ。yowai kokoro wa sugu aku ni korobu - [people with] Weak minds/spirits readily turn to evil. 悪に転ぶリスクを植え付けるしかない - aku ni korobu risuku wo uetsukeru shikanai. - I have no choice but to instil the risks of turning to evil Weak one of these www

So, that's the full breakdown of that.

Personally, I'd interpret the question and answer this way given all this-

Q.16 Do you think there are weak people amongst the prisoners?

Kotoko: A lot of them are, aren't they? Weak minds easily turn to doing evil. I have no choice but to instill the risks of resorting to such things.

So, she is bluntly stating that she reprimands the weak too in order to make sure that they resort to evil as well. Which, um I've been bringing up this line a lot but- Here it goes again.

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing Earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

So, it's not this is even new either. She'll punish the weak too. Why else would she be yelling this at someone she considers a weakling? This isn't really a friendly thing to yell and she didn't sound friendly when she yelled it either. I'm glad she established that with very little prompting... The second statement didn't even pertain to the fucking question. She just added that second part on. Kotoko I said this for Mikoto before his trial but girl shut the fuck up. Learn to lie by omission better and on paper. You did not have to fucking write that girl you didn't specify what the fuck Haruka was planning you were pretty vague then.

Why didn't you keep that fucking energy? Nobody fucking asked for an elaboration. You could have kept it to a simple yeah some people here are weak. Listen not everything has to be more than one sentence start leaving shit blank, start scribbling on the page.

(Star here- I think she's trying to be personable in a similar way to how she's tried with Es in both her voice dramas. However, not only is it detrimental to her case as a whole, it also gives off a way different vibe when written down instead of spoken.)

What Star typed is incredibly fair. I Just find it a bit funny because Kotoko that wasn't the question. You didn't have to add that. All I can say is at least Kotoko tends to be honest. Sometimes too honest if she really doesn't think the topic of discussion or her beliefs on it are a problem. I'm just a bit flabbergasted. Like why I don't understand. Why say that?

I just... Do I really have to say anything else about this it kind of speaks for itself. Well that's really all I have to say on that situation and these questions. So, yeah if you made it this far thanks for reading this to the end. These are just my thoughts on this and I hope that even if you don't like them some of what's here can at least help you understand where I'm coming from.

#milgram #kotoko yuzuhira #yuzuriha kotoko

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birdofprey1234 · 1 year

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So I had a really bad dream today.

Going through tags about yourself is always kinda weird, but. It's meloncholy when the blog people are talking about isn't really around anymore. By your own choices but. The memories attached to it are then kind of flitty and detached because of that. Like you don't think about them anymore.

I saw posts where people were talking about me and like, sad that it seemed I was gone. Wondering what had happened or if I was still active somewhere.

I've gotten sentiments like that before. But like... usually it was asks sent to me, or thing directly from friends who said they missed my art. It's appreciated, and still baffling, but I guess that can feel kind of put-on for my feelings compared to... making a post talking about me, thinking I'll never see it. Making that post and like.... missing me in it. Talking about me nicely.

I've never experienced that feeling before. That like... true sweetness and appreciation and humbling kindness.

I'm thinking maybe a lot of people feel that way about my blog. Thinking about me on occasion and wondering what happened, or where I am. Not because they think I died or something but, because they liked me.

I always wanted to leave a mark on this community. By that I mean like, general tumblr but also specifically the ego fandom. A huge part of the reason I left is because from my perspective people weren't really digging what i was making. Maybe I felt i was an unpopular artist in the community, or that my work was kind of unliked compared to others. I felt constantly that I was making things that I loved and was super excited about, but people around me were never as excited, and didn't really care about the things I made. (And yk, to clarify, i felt like that looked bad on *me* not the people looking at my stuff)

I think the ego/mark fandom is generally less to actually interact with content or the people making it, ((at least compared to the other fandoms I've been in.)) I didn't know about the possible differences when I joined, so I just saw people not engagin with my art in the way I wanted and I assumed my art just suddenly wasnt enjoyed anymore.

I wanted to make a mark. All the art that I made, for me was about expanding on the stories and ideas about characters I loved. I wanted so badly for those ideas to be shared and talked about and remembered. Like I was a part of something. Egos was likr one of the first fandoms i ever joined that wasnt already "over".

When I left I really wanted to dissipear. I was in a very bad place for a lot of reasons but mainly i was upset and flustered and I wanted to get away from the blog because the size it had gotten to really scared me and made me anxious. I was having trouble motivating myself to create and I feel like there was a lot of resentment over my art that I now feel guilty for.

I felt at the time like dissipearing was impossible. Like this blog would somehow always follow me? I also thought that pretty much no one would care. That they would miss the art i drew but not me, like no one would care if it wasn't about the Content. But I'm m realizing. Maybe I really did dissipear. Maybe people wondered where I went. Maybe I just dropped off the map, completely went away, like I wanted to, but... maybe not everyone just ignored it, didnt notice or didnt care like I expected.

I've been going back and reading stuff about camp UA, how I apparently brought so many kids and people together and. At the time I didnt notice. I remember people telling me that, butbit never actually sunk in. It felt fake, like just nixe words. There were people asking about me after I left, sad I wasn't around. Friends lately started to tell me recently that from their perspectivesl I was really well loved in the fandom, that I was extremely popular even though at the time I didn't feel like it at all. Seeing things occasionally about my curly haired yancy or my trans abe etc and. People still recognizing i influenced these things, seeing my joys and my ideas still circulate, even though I felt like I had made no fandom impact at all. Even if its small it's there. And combining all of these things...

I don't know. It's really nice. Now that I have some distance, to actually view the things I did and see the influence maybe I didn't realize I had. To see actual good things that came out of my blog. People...cared? Maybe they always cared and I just didn't have the perspective to recognize it. Like...joy that I've caused people. People calling my queer posts "classics", or that they made them feel good in their identity. People referencing specific ego posts i made, people missing me and wondering where I'd gone. People in old posts mentioning me by name, like I was a recognizable friend of the "family". People clearly...liking me. I don't know. Caring? Seeing me as me and not just an art funnel. I never felt that way while I was making art. I feel now like I had so many blindspots while I was running this blog and I'm not even sure why.

It feels incredibly selfish, to be honest. Super high and mighty and self aggrandizing that I'm saying all this. like..."ohhh i didn't get the response i wannnted :( and that made me saaaddd :((((" like, I don't deserve any specific treatment. I'm not "owed" any response from people. I'm not even owed recognition after the fact. I'm not owed care or interest or any of this.

...but still people care, they liked me? Maybe I did add to the community? Maybe I made things and posts that braught people together and had community effects, that people had fun and got excited over the things that i made...? Even if it was things i didnt intend, or in a way I never intended.

It makes me miss it, you know. It makes me feel, it makes y heart swim with kindness and appreciation and gratitude and LOVE and. Everything everything. It makes me teary eyed, heart full to bursting alone in my room, completely pathetically. I shared things, maybe. Things that maybe meant something. And people cared? Some of them, at least? A few people were effected, really? A place that caused me so much strong anxiety a year+ ago but. I still do miss it. People are so nice. And for what? Why do I deserve it? Everyone's so nice. The blogs i saw over and over, my friends and mutuals in the community, that I never talked to because I was small and a freak and anxious and too self concious about myself. They were so nice. People are so, so nice.

Thank you to anyone at all that ever did that for me? That asked about me after I was gone, that left me sweet messaged or comments, joined in on some thing i was doing for fun, made art of my posts, told me that i braught you joy. Connected with me. Or tried. I love you.

Idk im a weird fuckin. Emotional sap and also I gotta tell you I'm sick and haven't slept in like 13 hours so. Sorry for random long posts on ur dashboard I'm extremely sensitive.

Maybe I'll link to some other blog where I'm making art someday. Idk. I just miss the nice people in the community and the connection and. I wanted to thank you. I hope i did make an impact. At least a little.. I really really hope I did

#birdtalks #wow jesus i forgot abt that tag #also i am still vry into and fixated on egos so there u go yk shfjdjc #closure?? who? i barely even know he r #long post cw

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pancakejikook · 10 months

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So, I used to pretty active here, some of you might remember me. I'm not an army anymore but I still have a soft spot for jikook so I occasionally check on what they've been up to, but I don't delve deep at all and miss a lot of stuff. In the past few days however I was overcome by a sudden jikook-missing wave and started going through some of my tags from when my blog was active which made me miss them even more (and also made me realize that the overwhelming majority of the blogs I used to reblog from have since deactivated or just stopped posting/turned their blogs into something else, which was a bit sad). So I went to the jikook tag and started browsing a bit to see what was going on in the shipdom. I was a bit surprised to see how little activity there is in the tag compared to a few years ago, and there seems to be quite a mess going on: extremely polarized views compared to before, dubious amounts of delulu theories, and especially a lot of jikookers dropping the ship for one reason or another, although most or the reasons given make little sense to me (yes, I did see THAT post and all I'm gonna say is.. yikes). And like, you do you. We don't have to agree on everything. You know more than I do anyway lol, since I don't follow jikook closely. But there was one specific thing that kinda baffled me. The JM tattoo discourse. I'm late to the party, I know. I'm sure a lot was said at the time, but I wasn't around back then checking the tag. I was vaguely aware that jk talked about his tattoos in a live, and claimed the ARMY tattoo on his hand referred to armys (duh) and the J referred to Jungkook (makes sense). I literally didn't think anything of it at all at the time, I just thought it was nice of him to explain the meaning of his tats. But while scrolling through the jikook tag these past few days I realized that quite a lot of people considered that to be some sort of "debunking" that the JM stands for Jimin, sometimes to the point of dropping the ship because of it, or considering it the ultimate proof that jikookers have lost it if they still believe it stands for jimin and are now moving like teakookers or whatever. And I'm just, confused. I was like where is the debunking. Now. I'm not one for delulu theories. I think they can be fun sometimes, and I used to reblog some of them from time to time but for the most part I just thought they were cringe and always preferred to focus on jikook's actual actions and words (I never really actually cared if they were "real" or not, I just love their relationship and have enough reasons to believe they have feelings for each other and are attracted to each other, but how they deal with these feelings and attraction isn't really any of my business). However, the JM thing. I wasn't even aware it was considered a theory. For me it's just.. there. His ring finger literally spells out JM. Not a theory, it's a fact. Jk knows that JM is frequently used to refer to jimin, we literally have abundant proof of it. Jimin knows it. Armys know it. So unless you think Jungkook is a complete idiot who has somewhat never realized how that's gonna be perceived (which is possible I guess, but very unlikely), it was obviously deliberate. However, I never, ever, ever for a second thought that Jungkook would ever "confirm" it verbally one day. I see it as a statement on its own, that doesn't require an explanation and will never get one because it doesn't need one. It's just there, it speaks for itself, you can just choose whether you wanna see it or ignore it. So I was just puzzled to see people think there was any "debunking" going on. He didn't lie. Of course the M is part of ARMY. Of course the J is for Jungkook. But the JM is still for Jimin. He's not gonna say it because there is no need for him to. In a way, it's comparable to gcft. It's all there for everyone to see, and he knows it, but he's never gonna spell it out. He's never gonna say this is my love declaration for Jimin in video format. He doesn't need to, you'll see it on your own if you're open to it.

I really mean no offense but I feel that sometimes some people go so hard with the whole "I am SKEPTICAL because I'm smart and not a delulu shipper like you and I don't wanna be associated with you clowns" that it ends up circling back to being delusional except in the opposite direction. Apparently some of you genuinely think he just happened to put the J above the M, on his ring finger, and it just HAPPENS to read JM vertically. He also concidentally happens to never cover up the J with rings, and regularly gets the JM touched up but not the other letters (and I DID think jikookers were being delusional about this at first, but it kept happening and became undeniable so what was the point of denying it, I thought). All a coincidence. It doesn't mean anything, because Jungkook pointed out the obviousness of ARMY meaning his fandom and J meaning Jungkook. Did I miss something huge here?

#jikook #I can't believe I'm engaging in jikook discourse in the year of 2023 but here I am apparently #ngl I was taken aback by the state of the shipdom rn #I'd have many things to say but I doubt anyone would be interested #but this specific thing about the tattoo really rubbed me the wrong way #so I decided to address it #but seriously did I miss something?#was there a follow up where jk categorically claimed no the jm doesn't stand for jimin??#will probably delete later

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scarlet-ancunin · 1 year

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Scarlet how are you my love /p I hope you're having a fantastic day/night whenever you see this. The reaction you did to the big three seeing their s/o tiktoks kinda inspired me to send this in so could I ask for Desire dating someone who's a kinda famous streamer on twitch, one day while reader is streaming talking to the chat desire decides to drop by unexpected (like usual) which leads to the chat lovingly teasing reader about it maybe even desire joining in on the teasing as well.

Hmm, this may be a long story depending but I find it interesting oddly and if it does become a story I'll post this when I can this story specifically. btw making a little twist to it cause I don't actually use twitch lmaooo

Key things: Reader will be gn, and Desire will have they/them/he pronouns bc if I am in the mood I will maybe add nsfw later in the story we will see.

My Immortal Blogger: pt2, pt3?

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

My Immortal Blogger

Y/n was a very well-known twitch streamer, you soon branched out to have a Youtube channel, Instagram, and post video's on TikTok from time to time. your streams consist of talking to your followers, doing suggestions that were daring or funny, or reaction video suggestions they would want your input in, and sometimes you would do daily streams of your activities of the day.

However, the one thing you loved talking about was immortal beings that were so interesting some people on your chat talked about greek beings and such even sharing certain videos with commentary. you looked at the chat and spotted someone sharing a video of a man walking with a raven on his shoulder and they suddenly disappeared by being engulfed in sand.

"wow, this looks real and judging from all the views and such I believe this could be real. I mean how else would they have made-" you played soon after "Mr.Sandman" and giggle laughing a bit.

you noticed some people actually gave you very big tips to which you showed them a mystery box saying you would send it to them once the live ended and such. you smile enjoying your followers and how kind they were but...You were missing something important. you kept that to yourself.

you saw videos of blogs that had couples doing cute things and you found it adorable but sometimes you envy them for having a perfect person in your life. "I will find you, my love.." you said softly

That was three years ago until you met Desire of the Endless they were by far the best thing that happen to you. of course they never told you they were an endless until you woke up one day in their realm and almost panicked they had to calm you down and hold you close telling you the truth.

you never told your followers that you have met someone and have been happy for the past three years because you weren't sure if Desire would want you to. You decided to log into your computer today and wave seeing how quickly the views reached close to two thousand and you thanked everyone having another random chat with everyone.

That was until you notice your comments started to ask you questions you didn't think they would ask. well not yet anyway.

User: LoveMe4Ever "I'm not sure if it's okay to ask but you are such an amazing person have you found someone that loves that amazing energy?????"

User: CatchMeOutside "omg I was going to ask the same thing please Spill the beans you have been really happy well happier recently!!!!?" you read the other comments and blush lightly.

"um well-" you stop seeing some of your followers asking who is the "Hunk" behind you another said "OMG WHO IS THAT!?" you turned in time to see Desire there. Your face was red at this point since you haven't seen them for two days because of what they are and what they do but they always had this habit of popping up when you least expect it.

recalling the time they popped in on your doing some private things and the only thing they said while grinning was "don't stop on my account love" of course they helped you afterward. BUT, right now everyone can see Desire standing behind you grinning they leaned down and kissed the top of your head.

"Love what are you up to.....Oh those very nice comments are they regarding me?" you look at said comments of "AWW" and "OMG THEY SO CUTE" "DAMN THEY LOOK FINE" "I NEED A MAN LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE" your face was red and your followers started to tease you

Desire laughed and sat beside you reading the comments and looking at You now "they want us to kiss we should do it" "D-desire please y-your just as bad as t-them" your followers was all saying how adorable you looked flustered or for you both to Kiss.

Desire made you face them and kissed you softly on the lips to which you close your eyes melting from the kiss and the nervousness literally faded. of course, this was when Desire pulled away and looked at the camera "I hope you liked that~"

"OK I will log on Friday," you said quickly before you saw the comments begging to know who your lover was and some begging to bring your lover to your next stream. "Um they want you to join me on my next stream and probably future ones do you mind love"

"of course not you know you are always welcomed to call me" they purred in the end and everyone spams your comments once more and you blushed to see some of them "b-bye guys we will see you all soon and thank you for watching and stay amazing"

once you closed it you look up at Desire blushing deeply "I'm really glad you are by my side again love I missed you these past two days" Desire pulled you to his lap and kissed you deeply before nipping your neck lightly "I'm glad to be here to my love and I want to show you how much I missed you actually." With that, they took you to the bedroom.

To Be Continued...

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Should I continue??

~ ~ ~

Taglist: @justaproudslytherpuff , @sherazyjade , @the-masked-scorpio , @sugakookieswithacupoftae16 , @happilydangerousworld , @harlekin6 , @supermegapauselouca

#unhinged desire simp #desire #desire of the endless #the sandman desire #desire headcanons #the sandman desire of the endless #the sandman desire of the endless x reader #the sandman desire x reader #desire of the endless x reader #desire x reader #desire x you #desire x y/n #the sandman #request open #send request

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souryogurt64 · 1 year

Note

https://twitter.com/r3dwoood/status/1614399653197348864?s=46&t=adZ8s0yI5e3FsM_CuVyJcA this twitter user is talking ab how you are contradicting yourself with your article on swmrs

While I was in line before a show, Joey approached my general vicinity in line to say hello, but I was too shy to talk to him specifically. Because I didn't talk to him, I do not qualify this as "meeting Joey," but I did recount the story about being too shy to talk to him.

As for the Destroy Boys stuff, I get that there's a lot of fake activism stuff with them that upset people, and I get that they have a lot of vague drama in their personal lives, I get that it wasn't cool to tour with SWMRS, and I even alluded to some issues with the band in the article.

As of late, I've stepped away from them and haven't listened to them or posted about them or gone to any of their shows or worn any of their merch in a long time. However, certain people need to be more mindful about things they say about someone who was coerced into publicly sharing the fact that they were groomed by a 35 year old man when they were underage.

I also did not "spread rumors about Lydia being a racist mean bitch." Way prior to anything that occurred with Lydia's allegations against Joey, a former member of The Regrettes (Sage, the bassist) said publicly on Instagram that she left the band due to bullying. There were many things that went around between 2017-2020 that Lydia behaved in a way that was culturally insensitive or "racist" or was a "white feminist" or a "bully." This discourse was occurring for years prior to Lydia's accusations against Joey. Those accusations did come up periodically on my blog during the 4 years I posted about SWMRS, but they absolutely did not maliciously originate from me to smear a victim of abuse, and I was actually pretty horrified by the extent things were being taken to on Twitter.

I did not get into excess specifics in my essay, but I pretty obviously alluded to it. As a former fan, the online harassment Lydia discussed being subjected to by SWMRS' base in her statement went something like this:

Everyone fucking hated Lydia as soon as she became associated with SWMRS because they were jealous. Everyone would say horrible things about her in group chats and finstas, but they would publicly support The Regrettes because it was what the band wanted. I actually wrote SWMRS a letter to their stupid safety hotline in 2018 to tell them because it was getting really out of control.

When The Regrettes dropped out of the tour, Max started badmouthing her to fans after shows At this point, everyone took cues from the band and started openly hating Lydia instead of supporting her. Max started liking Tweets that were vaguely about and unflattering towards Lydia, and it egged on their fanbase and escalated to a point where a number of people were actually calling Lydia a white supremacist.

My general stance from 2017-2020 was that it was plausible she may have made insensitive comments in private or picked on Sage and a couple other people but like… She was 16, there are bigger problems, and a lot of the base was blowing stuff way out of proportion.

I have no idea where the foursome thing came from. I do not dispute that I have made sexually explicit comments about guys in bands and continue to make sexually explicit comments about bands like FOB and MCR on a daily basis. But I genuinely don't believe I ever said that specifically lol

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sometimesrosy · 1 year

Text

The 100 rewatch 2023 ep 1.07 Live Blog

Contents Under Pressure.

The clarke/raven/finn love triangle is so soapy. blech.

Oh. Storm is here. Raven is trying to reach the Ark Station. But through a hurricane so that's hard. Clarke is being so supportive and reassuring. (that's a real relationship. Princess Mechanic forever.)

Kane is listing Abby's crimes. All punishable by death. Kane is trying to ignore the radio signals. The council voted to save Abby. Kane is bitchy saying those flashes AREN'T evidence of the kids' survival and Abby gets kicked off the council.

THAT is a signal from Raven Reyes. OH it's station wide. LOL. Everyone in the Ark hears Raven saying The 100 are alive. Ha ha. The signal is coming from earth. Kane looks gutted.

Ah it's ClLARKE on the radio. Abby's voice cracks. Ope she just lets dropped the fact that they aren't alone and Finn got stabbed by a grounder. oops. Jaha asks about Wells. No sorry. Wells is dead. :(

Bitch. You sent him down there. Don't get all pissy Jaha.

Abby is breaking up. THERES A HURRICANE BABY. A huge one. Does that cover the entire south east? Monty's moonshine is used as treatment. Monty and Jasper and Bellamy are out in the storm. No they're back. They are dragging Lincoln. "Intel."

"This is not who we are," Clarke says.

"It is now," Bellamy says. And he's right actually. But it's not really a good thing.

Clarke the medic. Abby guiding her. That's nice. Oop. Tying Lincoln up. And here's Miller. Is this the first time we seeMiller?

Octavia is defnding Lincoln. He hit Lincoln for Finn and Jasper and John and Roma. Who are dead. Yes O he speaks English and Bellamy things he'll understand.

Jaha is morose an looking at memories of Wells. Again. You sent them down there. I have never liked Jaha since he said the kids were disposable. Sorry.

Oh what was that lady's name. Diana. Thanks Jaha. She's divisive. Her people are the workers. She used to be the Chancellor. My people. Your people. Sigh. "you've activated project exodus. congratulations. you will forever be remembered as the man who brought us back to the ground."

Well. No actually. He won't. There's no one to remember him for bringing the ark home. Because they are all dead and/or sucked up into a sparkly purple alien.

I missed all Diana's maneuvering because I was thinking about how pointless it all turned out to be. Stupid season 7.

Yeah yeah. Finn will die if she moves the knife a millimeter in the wrong direction.

Oh. he wakes up as she tries to take the knife out. Yipes. I bet the grounders were not as careful taking the spear out of Jasper's chest. Wait what happened? They all got knocked off their asses but the knife is out of his chest. And he's not dead yet. But he's giving Clarke the lovey dovey eyes right in front of Raven and that is just icky.

Bell trying to get Linocln to talk. Miller finds his antidotes. "Who knows with these people." Listen. Bellamy could EASILY have been Pike. I will forever declare that Clarke's influence kept him from being like that.

Finds Lincoln's journal with a drawing of O and hatchmarks of the 100 live and dead.

Abby wants to talk with Clarke. Clarke doesn't want to talke to her. She goes up to talk to Bellamy. Tells his goon to "get the hell out of my way." "If he didn't hate us before, he does now."

Relax princess. You know the narrative never puts the weight on that term that the fandom did.

Bellamy thinks they're fighting a way and Clarke things they're not soldiers. Bellamy thinks they can't win if they don't fight. Because Lincoln is intimidating.

Finn is seizing but i gotta say I don't care. The stakes mean nothing because we know he's fine in the end. Except for being an awful person who ends up murderous. So like. That does not draw me into the narrative in retrospect.

Kane walking through the people and having all of them being angry at him does, however, have narrative and character resonance. Surprisingly. Wow. Watching Kane alter his character before our eyes. Jaha is finally doing the right thing and telling the Ark the truth. General assembly. Oh wait. This is section 17 where everyone died. Kane came to the culling site to wallow in his guilt. "If I had waited a day, two days, they'd still be alive."

He knows it was him. He was so sure. He swore an oath to protect them and instead he killed them. (ACAB)

"Pull yourself together Kane, and then get your ass to the mess hall." Okay I don't hate Jaha ALL the time. He's like a midrange fav character for me. I suppose I like him better than Jasper (sorry Jasper fans.) If I look at it that way. L was a midrange fave, too. There are lots of characters I hated more.

Clarke has figured out that the knife was poisoned. They say he doesn't understand her but he does. She's trying to force him. Now she's begging. B is going to torture him to get the antidote. O wants to say this is not who we are. Ironic considering who she became. I do not like the character development of O through the whole series. Honestly. She mostly got worse. Seeing her now and she was way better in s1 even being a bratty kid.

Now they're hitting him. No. We do not like torture. Bellay. You do not like hitting him. Clarke begging again. But he won't so B has to hit him again. Aww. B touches Clarke's shoulder to get her out of the way.

This ep is pretty good honeslty.

Jaha telling the truth. He lied about the 100. Earth is survivable. The Ark is dying. He says the culling gifted the rest of them the time they need to go to the earth. But the people still think he's lying to cover up the culling. The dude says all those people died for nothing. But he literally just said that they gave them time to find a way to get to the ground. The dude is like you don't know how we feel.

I LOST MY SON!!!!

Jaha offers the open seat to Diana Sydney. What? No election? Bad idea. She's a scum bucket.

Back to the torture. Pain is not going to make Lincoln tell the antidote. Sorry Clarke. B is not hapy. Oh no. I forgot he shoved that thing through his hand. Yikes. He tries to get Clarke to leave. Ugh. Bad. That's bad. Ugh.

Oh i forgot about this. Raven without any compunctions. Shocks him with live wires. He screams for the first time.

Oh wow. Is this necessary???

Raven crying because "He's all I have!!" O slices herself with the knife. "HE won't let me die."

B is dying. Not literally. Emotionally. HIS SISTER.

But fucking Lincoln tells her which bottle is the antidote. She won't let B touch her.

This shit is FUCKED UP. Wow.

Finn has been given the antidote. Now Clarke is crying over Finn. "I can't do this without you." UGGGGGGGHHH. I'm gonna throw up.

Oh is the hurrican passing already? Nah. That doesn't happen that quickly. It was like three hours tops and probably less.

Ugh. Clarke is being a total bitch with Aabby. "Dad's dead because of you. You turned him in. I know it. WElls told me everything before he.... He let me believe he did it so I'd hate him instead of you."

"That was never supposed to happen. Jaha was supposed to talk him out of it."

She was used to preferential treatment because Jaha had a crush on her. But he didn't offer that preferrential treatment to her husband. I'm going with season 1. And season 1 had Jaha with a thing for Abby. Even if they didn't go anywhere with it. Maybe Jaha gave it up when Wells died. But that is a narrative motivation in season 1.

Clarke takes the spike out of LIncoln's hand and tries to treat him but he won't let her. God he's stubborn. And he lets Octavia do it. Sorry Lincoln you're being creepy with the teenager. You are NOT a teenager. This is a kid man.

And O is being spiteful because O does that best. But she's so sweet to lincoln about him saving her life. and fair he did. but he was willing to sacrifice ALL of the other kids. Now he speaks english does he?

I was not expecting to not like Lincoln. This is weird. Stop looking at her like that. Ew it's creepy. I was caught up in the narrative before which makes this a romeo and juliet story. But they were both kids and LINCOLN is and has always been an adult. wtf.

UGh now finn is looking at Clarke like she's the love of his life. And CLARKE says "She needs you finn."And she wakes up Raven and says he's asking for her. Which he isn't.

Must I say it again. Dump the limp hair biscuit and hook up with Raven. PRINCESS MECHANIC RULES.

Bellamy and Clarke. Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things.

I DO NOT LIKE THIS FAMOUS BELLAMY QUOTE> IT's just the ends justify the means and I DO NOT AGREE.

"It's not being in charge, is it?"

Ugh Diana Sydney swearing in. HOw many eps before she betrays everyone?

OH THE BAD NEWS. We're going to the ground. NOT ALL OF US. 2237 people on the ark. Room for 700 in the dropships. They're on the titanic and there aren't enough lifeboats.

All right. That was a jam packed episode. And I have to say I liked it a lot. It didn't have any big resolutions. I suppose the knife came out of Finn. But it was a lot of character development.

Kane has his complete personality switch and goes back to his childhood spiritual center.

Abby learns that Clarke knows she told on her dad.

Jaha finds out Wells is dead and begins to slowly lose it.

O defends Lincoln and sacrifices herself to save him and Finn trusting Lincoln and the Romeon and Juliet thing starts.

Bellamy pushes himself to be this emotionless torturer because he thinks it's who he needs to be.

Clarke essentially gives up Finn in favore of Raven. Poor judgement. She should give up fin FOR Raven and both of them should dump him and sneak off to the bunker together. I am not apologizing. Bellarke isn't ready yet. They should be future ex girlfriends.

Miller takes over as Bellamy's lieutenant.

Diana Sydney, one of my least favorite characters, despite my kind of being on her side with the class issues on the ark, shows up and is giving power without any sort of vote at all.

The exodus is set up. Oh i can't wait til they get to the ground.

LOTS of character development. Lot of action.

Man if I could write this instead of them, things would be different. Wells would survive. Raven and Clarke would hook up and support each other for a while. When that broke up, amicably, Bellamy and Wells would be waiting in the wings. Yes. Raven and Wells. She never had a guy worthy of her and he never had a chance to be who he could have been. I would have LOVED to hear them argue. It would be enemies to lovers, because he was Jaha's son and a pompous ass and she was a cocky bastard who has no respect. AWESOME.

sigh. well anyway.

What did y'all think of the ep? I'm not editing this post. We die like teenagers in the apocalypses.

#the 100 rewatch 2023 #contents under pressure #the 100 #liveblog

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demonsfate · 7 months

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Jin-Mun. Any toxic fandoms/RPC you been a part of in the past? Tell us a story! :o

OH YEAHHHHH... there's a couple. (Which luckily isn't many considering my time I've spent in the RPC) But I'm unsure if I want to drop the fandom names or not? Just because one was so bad that I don't want the particular bad people I have in mind to find me.

There was this really bad RPC, let's just say it's basically a fandom for a cartoon. Like it was practically walking on eggshells when talking to people there. They'd really get upset at any little thing you said or do. Like I told somebody that I personally watch my weight and careful with what I eat and they got so upset with that??? That they blocked me???? And it was just so weird because it's like I told them I had a heart condition (hell, I barely even eat salt at that time) and like. It's my body. Why are they getting upset with what I want to do with my body?

I also had a muse who would actively mistreat my muse, but as soon as other muses came to my muse's defense, the mun got so upset and started saying how much it hurt them that their muse was being treated as a 'bad guy'. And that was just so weird because it's like. ur muse is actively abusing my muse who has done nothing wrong LMAO. And like their muse is canonically written as a bad person, too. Like if other muses started ganging up on DJ (which has happened) I wouldn't care, in fact - I'd find it funny. The bastard deserves it.

But that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst of it was when sb got mad at me for a writing with a particular partner. Like they would just make nasty, nasty, unbased claims about me on their blog. Which I didn't even KNOW they were posting all this until my partner went to me and told me about how they were being attacked. And then when I looked at the blogs they mentioned, I saw they were talking about me, too! And it was wild because I didn't even know who this person was. And they were talking mad shit about me behind my back but without even mentioning (@ - ing me I mean) me. At first, I started to wonder if I did do something wrong. But nearly a couple years later when I was in a different fandom, I happened to meet sb else totally unrelated to that fandom, and they brought up how they had a friend who was really nice to them, suddenly ghosted them, and then started talking mad shit about them behind their back. And that was all too familiar with my former partner (same thing happened to them with this person) - so I asked them if it was [redacted] and they were surprised I knew them. So, clearly this was a horrible person. I'm unsure if anything ever happened, but I really did hope their true colors were revealed to everyone. Because hoooo boy clearly it was somebody who just loved to hurt people and cause drama for the fun of it.

If I'm being honest, I probably blame that fandom for why I have a harder time talking to people ooc today. It's just hard without thinking you're gonna say the wrong thing, or if they're sb you can really trust, y'know?

As for other fandoms - I was apart of one that tended to have drama spiced into it every now and then... and while I didn't like that drama, it still wasn't nearly as bad as the one I just told you about now.

#✏️ - ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏsᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ // (ooc)#✏️ - ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ? // (inbox)

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shy-magpie · 1 year

Text

RQG 168

live blog under the cut

"stellar" "no Rusty Quill Gaming" Ah a Benterval for them redoing the intros sleepy

Bryn just asked us to cut Alex some slack, so I guess all that last episode was probably just him trying to (eta: sentence cuts off here not sure what I thought he was trying)

Poor Cel, even Sigguf dropped off on them. Oh honey they aren't dead.

Sigguf fell asleep as he tried to wake up Draal (one of the cohort); so he considered the cohort as equally worth waking.

Will Save for Zolf, 19. The ship is fighting him when he does those mis-steering power plays; but he can still over rule it.

Oh curse? Oh just wants to have more details on the magic the ship is under.

Detect Magic? Is this going to be like when Sasha got knocked out trying to appraise that thing or when Hamid got knocked out trying to get a look at the spell in Rome, or when... Yes apparently, Bryn tried to warn him. Stunned him, but confirmed its just Wild unschooled magic, not good or evil or necro or enchantment etc. Only stunned for a round.

The ship is now actively unsetting one control to get him away from another so it can keep them on its chosen course without directly ignoring his commands.

Cast remove curse on the ship, Ben doesn't seem to think it will work. The Borealis thickens around him. He has a nice clear connection to his god* but other than the Borealis pressing against him it didn't do anything. Which is good because for someone who is only theoretically a person/character I like the ship but Zolf losing his connection to Hope right now would break my heart.

The cargo is reorganizing itself in sight of the cage.

Cel is starting to feel the pressure to fall asleep increase. Lydia wants to channel vigor but can't find where it would help a Will Save. Oh Ben coming in with Pathfinder insight. Can be cast directly on Spirit for Will Save, rather than a body part persay.

They really are a good table: the way they are coming in with the extra reminders after Bryn said Alex was having trouble at the top of the ep but using clear "this isn't a 'you should know this already' this is a 'I have reason to have this knowledge handy' manners" goes very nicely with what I have commented on before about how Ben & Bryn esp are good at giving help with Pathfinder to Lydia & Helen without hitting gender baggage or geek rank stuff.

Cel now feels like they are being "dosing me with something" and casts the Channel Vigor on their spirit just in time for the will save.

Cel is still muttering to themselves.

They try slapping Hamid & Azu awake, no sign they even noticed. Switches Vigor to mind and does a Knowledge Arcana, +4 see what I mean about Ben's manner? Lydia put a question mark on the end of the sentence and he still used the "I have this info handy if it would help" tone not a "I am correcting you in front of people because I am better at Geeking than you" tone. Plus a little joke about shooting people at the end to diffuse any tension.

It doesn't fit intentional spells. Cel is debating going to Zolf but leaving the room would put them at risk and they are the only one left to watch over the sleepers.

Oh Cel! They are now checking that everyone is breathing, it didn't occur to me that would be a concern.

Alex is nicer than he gets credit for and accelerates past Cel anxiously watching over everyone before Lydia completely breaks my heart.

Cel feels a knock in the ship after about 90 minutes and it sets off the internal arguement. They decide to stick with the decision to stay.

"turn into a monster and hurt anyone" Cel backstory please, why was that in the list of possibilities?

The ship finishes organizing itself and a rag is now scrubbing at a stain.

Cel talks to the rag and calls it "little buddy" the rag stops when addressed and responds to Cel's questions. Cel is a delight.

Scrapping noise coming nearer, Cel is treating the rag as a separate entity rather than part of the ship.

A tankard of grog just offered itself to Cel. Cel just asked the tankard if the grog was sentient and it shrugged.

Huh are they separate beings Awakened by the storm? I assumed it was all the ship as one being.

The tankard is continuing to offer itself.

When Cel reaches out to pat the tankard they experience the stretching Zolf felt.

When Cel says they would prefer to continue this through the bars of the cage rather than leave its safety the tankard pulls away and sulks off to a corner.

Cel apologizes as the tankard leaves.

"how can I be alone and still messing this stuff up". The entire table speaks for me in how heart rending.

Something is coming back its bigger, its the tankard followed by a keg with a straw in it so Cel can drink through the bars. Cel takes a sip, it tastes like normal grog. Cel points out they need to stay sober now but offers to do this later, which perks up the tankard. Cel offers to polish its wood to return the favor and a can of polish offers itself. Cel asks the objects about themselves and apologizes if they just didn't notice they were sentient before now. Because Cel is the absolute best. Alex accelerates to avoid breaking Lydia.

Bryn asks after Zolf, and Alex starts to keep the camera on Cel but Lydia backs him by having Cel ask their ship friends to check on Zolf. We follow the Ship bits to Zolf.

"to anyone trying to keep a timeline, I'm sorry"

Zolf nearly lost his will save but used Liberties Blessing to boost himself. Then The Rag flops in.

Zolf asks if it is alright then asks if anyone can hear him and if they are being killed by a Rag. Cel tries to yell then passes a note for the ship to give to Zolf. I love Zolf.

The Aurora is thining.

Oh Zolf thinks the elementals may have fused with the ship.

Oh the ship is going back to normal. Cel says goodbye as Azu awakens.

"either the ship has gotten very big or you have very small"

Azu's voice sounds wrong... Because its coming from Meerk. Alex rules Helen should keep using Azu's voice. The players openly rebel and Alex concedes as long as they all do new voices or all keep normal voices. Fair be easier to keep track.

"I don't like being small" poor Azu

Azu's body is still asleep in Kiko's arms when Azu(Meerk) slaps it awake. Its Hamid, because they love us fans and want us to be happy. Keep in mind Hamid just got slapped by one of his cohort who is even smaller than usual.

I need this entire scene clipped. I want to type the whole thing.

Ew point Ben, if anyone is in Azu at least its Hamid and especially not Sigguf.

Oh Azu just asked to be picked up.

Reflex save, stats just got weird. Oh no, Hamid nearly squished Meerk because he isn't used to being big.

(sorry if there is a tone change I was interupted for a few hours)

Azu is quicker as Meerk and skitters to safety

Aw Hamid normally hugs everyone "as a tree trunk"

Azu reaches out to Aphrodite and its harder than usual; Hamid feels the necklace warm up and gives it to Azu

Who is in Hamid? Its Sigguf, who knows Meerk by name. Huh didn't know I was still worried about the cohort was being treated until the relief at the signs they are regard like anyone else. Bryn asks if his claws popped but Sigguf isn't panicked yet

Sigguf goes as full dragon as he can then passes out as he panics.

Zolf can hear the commotion. Specificly Hamid's voice in distress, there is a fic prompt.

Who is Wilde? No who is in Wilde's body? Hamid is taking charge reasonably well and tells him to look at his hands.

Cel made name tags for everyone

Wilde is still Wilde, and he is disappointed. Its gotta be the cuffs.

Can Hamid cast? Ok Detect Magic it works, so does comprehend languages which Cel tests by explaining about Rag and Tankard in Japanese. Hamid confirms he could understand but asks if that happened or was a children's story but they are interupted before they can follow that conversation line.

Wilde advises they separate people because a whole room full of people going through identity issues is a bad scene. Cel doesn't want to let people out of the box because it might be permanent if they leave.

"its not urgent" Cel ILU

"What kind of obstacles love can overcome"?! Alex, who is Kiko? Alex get back here! Who is Kiko and who is in Kiko? Alex?!

I can't believe they did a body swap episode in canon.

*hate to quibble directly against what Ben said but its Hope not himself. A Zolf who believed in himself that much would be very different. Although maybe he was just angling for recognition that Hope isn't an external Power/person.

#RQG 168 #rusty quill gaming #rqg spoilers #live blog thingy

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opportunistic-chicanery · 1 year

Text

★ NAME Spinda ★ PRONOUNS she/her ★ PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION Discord for sure, but tumblr IMs are okay if you don't have discord ★ NAME OF MUSE(S) My three blogs are @opportunistic-chicanery @chronically-engaged and @side-chased. I'm only really active on this one.

★ EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?) I started in 2019, but I didn't really start writing regularly until mid-2021.

★ PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED tumblr, discord and animo way back.

★ BEST EXPERIENCE I'm usually very happy when the Cyberchase RPC comes around which isn't often, but I always have a great them with them. I enjoy crossovers too, but it's a bit more of a struggle for me to get on the same page as other muses in terms of where threads are going. I also struggle when I'm not sure if someone wants to talk to me or not, or if I'm bothering them, which I often feel with those outside the fandom. Can make it hard to get to where I'm confident in my replies.

★ RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS Very bad grammar and sentence structure. Everyone makes typos, but there are some blogs where the writing comes off as a bit sloppy. Also ocs that are just a list of superpowers. I am hypersensitive to this one when it comes to Hacker because I know there are people who know the show out there who just want to bully him and don't really care too much about his character (or at least have a weird way about it).

★ FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT ALL. Fluff and angst. No smut if you mean NSFW. Shipping is cool with me depending on the character, but still not preferred.

★ PLOTS OR MEMES It depends, but generally I prefer plotting. If I already have an idea of what I want our muses relationship to be like I think plotting is a good idea to make sure everyone is on the same page. Otherwise memes can help in finding a dynamic.

★ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES It again depends, but generally I'm comfortable with around two paragraphs. Shorter replies are still good though. I mostly prefer threads where I can continue across many notes over threads that get dropped after a few weeks.

★ BEST TIME TO WRITE I'm usually working during the day so I typically write during the evenings, or afternoon if it's a weekend. But I'm on discord pretty much all day so don't feel like you'll be bothering me by saying 'hi'.

★ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) For sure. I put a lot of myself into him when writing even though it's mostly a subconscious process. As I started writing him more, I realized a lot of things about myself. He has not gotten justice in the show for years so I've become extremely invested in writing him the best I can.

#find those gleamers ✰ dash games ✰

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scribbet · 1 year

Text

With all the delays in bringing internet to the new place I'm only getting around to this weeks after it's been and gone for everyone else, but thank you @ninjakk for tagging me, always nice to get to know people better :)

Three ships:

*did this leave 'I saw three ships come sailing in, come sailing in, come sailing in...' stuck in anyone else's head after doing this??*

Wangxian are clearly going to be top here, very little I can do about that really, and I don't think they're exactly news to anyone following this blog...

So outside of them, and assuming that shipping means I have spent a lot of time actively seeking out fan content for a pairing, my next three ships would be:

TodoDeku- Todoroki Shoto/Izuku Midoriya -BNHA (My Hero Academia) – I've dropped off with the manga/anime and fandom, and I'm essentially waiting to see how Horikoshi wraps this up before I commit to picking it up again but darn it I do really enjoy this pairing. They can be so good for each other! They're two people messed up in quite different ways who still manage to bring some good into the world out of that! One of them sets on fire and the other one is annoyingly OP but still his mind and his heart are two of the most dangerous things about him!! Sue me :P

25th Bam/Khun Aguero Agnis – Tower of God – So what did you do during lockdown Scribbet? Well I decided it was definitely the time to go and spend literal weeks reading the entire backlog of an infamously long and convoluted Webtoon, and then read hundreds of thousands of words of fan fiction about the potentially world-destroying (sort of) sunshine boy of an unwitting catalyst and the scheming, wickedly intelligent, single-mindedly loyal manipulator who became his first real friend, how about you?

Howell Jenkins/Sophie Hatter from HMC by Diana Wynne Jones (very specifically the book rather than Ghibli film characters) – DWJ is probably one of my longest-standing favourites, of anything, and I have literally submitted degree essays on her as an author so I'll try to restrain myself. But these two ridiculous magic-users drive each other up the wall and they're exactly what the other needs. Both pretty brilliant at what they do and both with the capacity to be stubborn idiots who cut up the other's clothes or have magically empowered tantrums over accidentally dying their hair ginger. Will not face up to unwelcome truths until they literally chase after them as destructive curses. Welsh PhD students running off to become wizards (mood) and argumentative red-heads, what more could I ask for?

Hmm I didn't realise just how much I tended towards power couples (probably with emotional issues) before this.... competency kink what now?

First Ever Ship:

In terms of being so invested that I actually consumed and created content of them? Somewhere on Fanfiction.Net I believe there's still several Mulan/Shang fics of mine from around 2004 from Disney's Mulan. Honestly the more I think about it the less surprising my whole only recently recognised bisexuality is, I'm spending half my time feeling like a Tumblr joke right now....

Last song:

It's Alright by Mother Mother - not my usual sound really but apparently I'm looking for emotional catharsis in my music right now https://youtu.be/G5-KJgVsoUM

Last movie:

Glass Onion – which I've now had the fun of seeing both at the cinema and through Netflix. Definitely a film that rewards a rewatch as you start to notice all the things that were laid out right in front of you the first time round. Everyone making it seems to have had a whale of a time and it's amazing how much satisfaction I got out of that conclusion. Smashing glass can be something so personal you know?...

Currently reading:

The Tough Guide to Fantasyland by Diana Wynne Jones – one day let me be this good at dryly nailing the ridiculous aspects of the things I enjoy while still having fun with them.

Currently watching:

The Lord of the Rings Extended Editions Appendices- because I've just moved into a flat by myself after living with other people for years, and those extras are the media equivalent of being snuggled under a warm blanket with a hot chocolate for me.

Currently consuming:

Cadbury's Wispa bites. There... really aren't many left now.

Currently craving:

Headspace? A lot of major things going on IRL right now and it'd be nice to have a bit less emotional and organisational heavy-lifting going on. Also, snow. Where I live seems to be one of the very few places in the UK not to have snow so far this winter, and I'd like to see some before the first spring bulbs come through!

#scribbet talks

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mak-a-renses · 1 year

Text

Hello friends who may or may not remember me. Don't worry, this is not a request for asylum from Twitter. Though you may not have seen posts from me, know that I have continued to enjoy my tumblr citizenship while studying abroad on twitter.

Aka fanart can be hard as hell and frustrating to find on twitter so once in a while I open this piece of crap app to check out the tags.

That said, I recognize it's been.... uh, years? Since I had any actual "presence" on tumblr. If what I had can qualify as a presence. It was The 39 Clues Fandom. We had like, what, 25 people?

No I'm here today to address: holy shit I used to be a bad person sometimes?

I did and said a lot of shitty, problematic things. You can comb back and see. I haven't deleted anything, nor do I plan to. I've had this blog for over 10 years now. There are posts here documenting interactions with people who have been my friends for that entire time. Through the entire time I was learning how to be.... not as terrible.

Being apart of this place helped me learn how to reflect on myself, even if I was initially unwilling to do so. I know for a long time I was a bit of a holier-than-thou type. I didn't see my own microaggresions and biases. I though if I wasn't intentionally racist, homophobic, antisemitic, etc then I was good. I've learned now that simply isn't the case and I was just an asshole, simple as that.

So while I'm not on this site much anymore, nor do I plan to actively return anytime soon, I want to apologize. To everyone I may have hurt, upset, targeted with the things I said.

Especially to my East Asian friends and community in general. I used to use the name Makaria Lee. I recognize now that it's not an appropriate surname for me to use as a white individual. I apologize for my ignorance, and the name will not be used anymore. I dropped it years ago, and I've done my best to change any usernames I have that use it. I know that won't make up for the years I wrongfully used the name.

I also apologize to the LGBTQ+ community. A long time ago I reblogged a post that was incredibly transphobic. I didn't realize it at the time and mistook it for commentary on something else. I apologize to my friend who reached out and attempted to educate me. That post has been deleted, but it was deleted a long time ago. At the time I didn't identify as nonbinary (only bi), but it definitely goes to show that just because you are a part of a marginalized community, doesn't mean you can't be bigoted towards that very community.

I know I was also a dick to the community board faction of 39 Clues fans and huge apology to all those great kids. It seems like you guys had a blast over there, and just because we were on tumblr doesn't mean we were better than y'all.

This probably seems entirely unnecessary and it probably is! Regardless of its necessity or acceptance, I am sorry for the actions of my youth that caused harm. That's all.

#personal

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