Don't Love Me Like A Brother - Prologue
Brothers Best Friend Series - PROLOGUE
CHAPTER 1 -
series synopsis - ronnie's younger brother, tyler, is a famous youtuber & influencer and is best friends with the sturniolos. This series will be following ronnie's life as she befriends the triplets and catches herself developing feelings for a certain someone...
**series will contain smut as it develops but warnings will be added to those specific chapters
**found myself writing a few flashback chapters before present day just to build up the established friendships bc I'm impatient and don't want the slow burn to drain anyone 😭
warnings/notes - no smut in this as it's just the prologue to introduce y'all to the story.
a/n - starting this series and im very exciteddddddd i hope y'all fuck with a slow burn, friends to lovers best friends brother type beat. Buckle up mfs it's gonna be an angsty ride
a/n pt 2 - im not gonna share who ronnie develops feelings for just yet I want y'all to be on edge okok enjoy MWAH xx
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PROLOGUE
ronnies pov
having a brother who's famous on social media is humbling to say the least.
The amount of fan girls who have followed my accounts just because they're obsessed with him makes me question many people's sanity (including my own).
But tyler is one of my best friends. And thank god for my dad, who from the jump, did not tolerate any misogynistic bullshit from my brother.
Raising two kids as a single dad after my mom passed away (before ty and I were older than the age of 5) was tough for him and he embraced the times when he needed support (like when i first got my period, bless his heart he bought almost every type of menstrual product off the shelf).
His values were the perfect structure for us to grow up following; respect, open communication, giving our best efforts to everything (even if the only effort we could offer up was a 60% instead of a 100%)
My childhood friends would always whine about how "chill" my dad was. And it's not cause he didn't care, (he probably cares too much) but he didn't want to shield us either, knowing we need to learn how to exist in the world without him constantly up our asses.
"As long as we can talk about shit at the end of the day then we're good" one of his favorite mantras he would spew to me and ty when we would get caught doing something you might call a "right of passage" as a teenager.
And since it was just the three of us, we've always leaned on each other a lot. Sunday family dinners at nans' every week, taking turns helping my dad at his shop after school (he's a car mechanic), movie nights every thursday night where my dad would close up shop early, setting up the projector in the shop garage and ordering us pizza. My brother has been a best friend to me since I held him in my arms at the age of 3 when he was born.
And of course, we have the usual chaotic fights to the death like most siblings do, him pranking me in the most annoying ways, me making fun of his dumbass, him eating all of my food, me stealing his cool clothes, him begging me to uber him around everywhere, etc.
But we also just really enjoy each other's company too; going on late night walks around town, sitting in bed staying up talking all night, playing mario cart for hours (id always kick his ass), going adventuring together to forests or beaches, hanging out at the skate park together (me laughing at him eating shit and him chasing me around trying to whack me with his board), us both ditching our friends to stay at home and yap to each other instead, us having campfires in the backyard with both of our friend groups together, working on restoring mom's 1967 ford mustang together that she left us when she passed.
So when he came to me a few years back, during the pandemic, asking my thoughts on him posting on youtube, I was in full support (after teasing him that no one would find him, an 18 year old lanky white boy about to graduate high school funny or interesting. I have to keep him humble ya know?)
But his first few videos on youtube went viral and his following kept growing daily, especially when he started posting on tiktok too.
He's had me (and even my dad) featured in his videos which i don't mind at all (since im the one that's editing them)
I can see why the internet loves him (i did help raise him of course).
But since he's hit over 3 million on youtube last year, he's been doing a shit ton of collabs with other influencers and youtubers; the sturniolo triplets, larray, emma chamberlain, jake webster, tarayummy, vinnie hacker, carrington, etc.
And these days I try to stay behind the scenes as much as possible, trying to enjoy my solitude away from the opinions of crazy fans. (why do they care so much about what im doing anyways?)
Yet he understands (thank god) and he's always inviting me to come hangout with the friends he's made through social media, and i can't lie and say i don't enjoy being in the company of such dope (and attractive) people.
END OF PROLOGUE
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a/n - hellooooo i have a few more parts already written for this but im gonna wait to see how this post goes first (because i have a dire need for validation and praise) anywaysssss thank you for reading mwah xx
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Blaise Zabini hcs
flavor: fluffy and smutish but they're separated so you won't get jump scared
fluffy
literally liked you since 2cend year
saw you in herbology and was like “I may be 13 but that's the love of my life”
all his friends were goofing around with him bc he was too anxious to actually talk to you
He never even made eye contact with you he was too scared
and then you just appeared next to his seat at dinner and handed him a letter
you asked him out in your letter in the best way a second-year student can and he was bullied so hard by his friends bc he was flustered 24/7
Eventually, as your one-month anniversary turned into 6 and then a year his friends cared less and less
you guys just kept going and they just got accustomed to you two just being together it was like “Where are our parents” and then they found you both sitting in the commonroom just sitting in silence together and they're like “Aha we’ve found them”
like you've become a package deal
you guys are the healthiest relationship on the entire planet
you're perfect
he's your number one supporter no matter what you could kill a man and he'd be like “Yeah baby whatever you want”
you could walk out wearing only a belt and he'd be like “Oh fuck them up do a spin hell yeah you look bomb oh shit hell yeah baby”
He will listen to you talking about your favorite flavor of candle wax for years he just loves you soooooooo much
rates your burps you guys have been together since you were 13 years old you grew together and so it's just like nothing is gross anymore bc like “and?”
so far you have not gotten a 10 but you're working on it
you have gotten a 9.25 though so you are getting there
You guys are so stable in your relationship that even if someone does flirt with you or him the other is just like “Okay? And?”’ Like Draco will be like “Your boyfriend got flirted with today” and you're like “Alright. Hey also did you do that essay or like what?”
biter
he's a tad rabid you'll both be sitting next to each other minding your own business and he'll just lean over and bite your shoulder
and when you're like ? he's like “It's cuteness aggression, it's natural. Read a book every now and then”
once you saw how much he enjoyed quidditch and so you tried out, broke your arm, and decided not to do sports anymore
Blaise was super stressed out the entire time you were in the hospital wing he pacing constantly and muttering
He makes your breakfast plate every morning while you're passed out on his shoulder
you have so many inside jokes that have you two almost pissing yourself from laughter and everyone else is just glaring at you
impromptu dancing in sync is a bit frequent between you two
you'll get stuck in a hallway doing that “Oh they'll go that way so I should go this way” but you both go in the same direction thing and he'll just pull you in and you both waltz out of the situation before just walking off in opposite directions like nothing happened
he's literally perfect the best boy in the whole world
He listens to all your rants all the way through and takes notes
one time Draco asked if Blaise knew anything about your friends and Blaise pulled out one of those corkboards with the red yarn
he's like perposterly good at history of magic
massive lover of study dates and nap dates
your grades skyrocket every time you ask for his help stg
spoils you rotten his mother is a breadwinner dude she bathes in 100-dollar bills
also he is a total mommas boy he sends his mom a letter every single day
when you did meet her you were like “Aha so that's where his good looks come from” Pansy heavily thirsted over her she was actively asking Blaise how old she was like “Mm that's not that big of an age difference” and Blaise was like “You're not rich enough babe cut your losses and end with dignity”
you guys are passing letters
he will be writing out love poems and handing them to you while stealing a piece of bacon off your plate
he's so deeply in love with you and has been for so long that he just like gives no shits anymore
yeah he gets all wimpy and lovey-dovey around you of course he would what are talking about dude
if anyone is like “Dude you're pussywhipped” or whatevs yk ppl hate Simps yadaa yada hell just be like “Yeah? and? which one of us in in the committed relationship again?”
god he is so-
he's just such a loverboy
he remembers every anniversary, holiday, birthday, and the day you first made eye contact with him, every time there's something important going on with you he remembers
he has your friends' birthdays memorized better than you do
his job is trophy husband and that's about as far as he goes(I'm lying he's so DTDTUYUgfADXZaSFDFZjcADFAGYUA ZXDJADHJKYJWAEMQC DFSIN)
he's so funny You're giggling all the time
nsfw(ish)
tits guy unless you don't have tits then he's all over your ass dude
this one time you guys were relaxing in his dorm as one does and Draco walked in and you were straight up just shirtless laying back against Blaise and he was just holding your tits (he's self-soothing its fine) and you guys were just like “hey:)” “hi:) how was your test” Draco just turned around and left
if he ever sees you laying down on your stomach he's flinging himself to you as fast as he can so he can use your ass as his pillow
you think he's weird though when he does that so you're like “Dude what if I fart” and he's like “Why do you have to rain on my parade?” And he continues to do it bc like that's his home<3
every time you walk past him he slaps your ass
you threatened to stab him once because he did it out of habit in front of a teacher and both got detention
he oddly talks dirty quite well however he always does it at the worst of times
You'll be mid-conversation about Enzo’s grades and he'll lean over and whisper the filthiest thing in your ear and you're just like “:/ who raised you?”
munch when he got older he went through a beard phase and shit was bleached 24/7 it was basically platinum
grabbing your ass if you breathe a little differently like the only time hell stop is if his hands are cut off
he likes leaving the door unlocked just cause “babe someone could walk in that makes it 10x more exciting” “I wish you'd shut the fuck up sometimes”
is so used to you shaking ass on him at the randomist of times he's learned how double task so he’ll fully be standing next to Lorenzo and explaining something to him while Pansy is showing you her new playlist and you find a song you like and you’re like “Where is boyfriend the shaking of ass must commenece” and he continues to explain everything to Lorenzeo while you do
:)
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
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Extensive non-graphic discussion of suicide (I'm fine, I'm not suicidal, don't worry). Also lots of maternal enmeshment talk
Therapy today was rough. I'm doing so much better in so many ways, but that doesn't mean the trauma is gone lol. I do so well in early spring, and then May and June comes and I can taste death in the air. I won't let it pull me under this year, I refuse to spiral into long-lasting psychosis and lose my progress until next February again. But it's still difficult.
My mother is. Fucked up. Obviously. But something that I realized in today's session was that her dream scenario is still the two of us committing suicide together in the end. And that's. Well. It feels bad.
A few weeks ago she brought up again how she wants to commit suicide when she gets very old/sick, or if the world goes to a very bad place. And the reason she insists on bringing this up with me is that she's very clear that it will be my responsibility to make sure she gets the assisted suicide she wants someday. Basically, asking me to kill her one day. And today was the anniversary of my uncle's suicide, and in about a month it will be the anniversary of my mom's suicide attempt when I was 11, and so it's all just...been on my mind. And we talked today in therapy about how the fact that my mom attempted suicide shortly before my birthday was especially damaging for me, and how basically being the one to find her that day but then not being allowed to see her for a while in the hospital once she woke up was deeply traumatic. And it's all just. Tangled together in my head.
I've known for years that I'll be in charge of making sure my mom gets the assisted suicide she wants, she's made that very clear to me. And I do not want that responsibility, but I just always knew/assumed it would be my job. And I was talking about that with my therapist today and she was like "I think it would be very dangerous for you to do that. You will always have a tendency towards psychosis, and there is already so much tangled up in you and your mother and annihilation and death and loss of self, and I do not think it will ever be safe for you to help her with that." And I realized she was right, but it literally hadn't occurred to me that I was allowed to not be the one to help with that? But like. I don't have to. A friend of hers can do it. My brother can do it. Someone, anyone who isn't me can help her find a doctor and get what she needs someday. I do not have to kill my mother. I do not have to kill myself.
Because I know in her dream scenario we'd do it together, and/or my doing it for her would push me to do it to myself. First of all, she's literally suggested it before. Second of all, she cannot cope with or even begin to comprehend the fact that I am separate from her and that I would dare to live without her. We were talking today about how my mom's relationship feels almost parasitic, like she's drawing on me to sustain herself, and how I was worried that by cutting her off and having increasing boundaries I was hurting her by taking away her access to her life force. And my therapist was like, "No, because those boundaries are real for you, but not for her. Consciously she sort of accepts them, but in her mind you are still completely enmeshed. What do you think would happen if you asked to move back in with her?" And I was like, "She'd be thrilled, she'd start working towards it immediately." And she was like, "Exactly. If she was developing the type of boundaries you are, she would have reservations about her adult child moving back in. But she doesn't have any of those boundaries, and still believes and feels you to be as close as you were, so you're not hurting her by having those boundaries internally, because she will never be able to share them or even truly understand that you have them." So that was helpful, if disturbing in its own way. Bc it also made me realize how deeply enmeshed we still are on her end, and how clear it is from that and from several things she's said over the years including quite recently that she wants us to kill ourselves together someday.
But I won't. I refuse. When she wants to die she can find someone else to help her manage it, and I will not be joining her. I will not let her annihilate me in life or death.
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this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.
it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?
it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.
as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.
on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.
and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.
and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.
as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.
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