#and im also sexier like win win win wins on all fronts here

[girltomboy]

Having a pretty sweet and relaxing time at my parents' house. Taking some time off to visit them was a good idea. Their new house looks and feels lovely, although the yard/fence/general exterior are not yet totally finished (obviously the interior was a priority so they can move in lol) which was a bit disappointing because I expected to spend a lot of time sitting outside in the sun 😭 but those are just my own selfish delusions, the weather is gloomy anyway so the best option is to sit inside and revel in the comfort and safety of the house. I thrifted a cute Sailor Moon hoodie (I've never watched Sailor Moon lmao) and a sweatshirt in the exact shade of blue I've been looking for. I also got a pretty & comfy wind jacket in a sky blue shade, a Minolta vintage film camera that only cost me 6 euros, and some modelling clay (been wanting to make a little hamster for my coworker 😁). I miss hanging out with my boyfriend for hours - lack of privacy is preventing me from doing that, but I'm having a nice time with my parents too.

I've been having these super weird dreams ever since I got here, literally every night. And not to sound weird, but hear me out: I think it's because of the mirror that's facing the bed in my parents' new extra bedroom. Like, I did read a lot about room arrangement and how the mirror placement will influence the mood of the room, but that didn't really apply to me much, because there was also a mirror hanging on the wall facing my bed in my childhood bedroom, AND one "behind" the bed, and that hasn't caused me any weird sleep experiences. Maybe the two mirrors facing each other and sandwiching the bed cancel out the bad feng shui? BUT I also have a mirror facing my bed at my apartment, and generally I'm fine, save for a few weird dreams every now and then. That's just me and my brain. But here my dreams have been wild and weird ever since I arrived lol. And a lot of them are related to the things I see and read during the day - unusual for me. Normally my dreams are super random.

Anyway, enough about sleep and dreams. Today in my waking hours I will be reading, maybe doodling a bit, rummaging through some boxes and bags for my old college stuff - books, notebooks, and other objects, and also going outside to chill. I realized I barely went outside ever since I got here (the absence of a fence will do that) and I briefly walked to the back of my parents' yard this morning while on a call with my bf, and it was pretty pleasant, especially thanks to the walnut tree that shed a lot of leaves and basically created this bed of leaves curtained by the bare branches hanging low. It was so cozy and fresh.

Btw my parents went to church and returned saying my aunt asked about me, so I told them she should come over (no one came to visit ever since they finished the house, which is bizarre; apparently my stepdad's brother and his wife - my aunt - were taken aback by how similar it looks to their own house, which is true to an extent, but it feels like such a petty reason to refuse a visit to your BROTHER'S NEW HOUSE, considering you are supposedly on good terms no beef? 💀) and my parents were like "No, you should come to church this afternoon". I reminded them that I don't have any "nice" (AKA acceptable by the church's unspoken & unwritten superficial standards 😛) clothes here, to which they (my mom) replied "then wear your jeans"??? Lmao I mean in any other context this would be reasonable, I've seen people come to church in casual clothing and it's a normal thing for someone who just wants to go to church, it should be common practice. But unfortunately the people in this church turn attendance into a fashion show & contest, gossip fuel, and ego stroking party. And I really don't want to gather like any attention whatsoever from anyone there tbh. And there's also this tiny detail called ummm I don't want to go 👁️👄👁️ so yeah terrible idea. I told them I don't feel comfortable with that suggestion, so they dropped it for now. So I'm just gonna go about my day.

#gaining some weight has helped me grow out of all the church clothes i still had here 💪 #and im also sexier like win win win wins on all fronts here

[partyanimal167]

A Win-Win Situation- Rayleigh x F!Reader

I had to drop a bag at the mechanic two days ago, and to literally keep myself from not crying, I was coming up with a fic idea to make the situation sexier and not depressing 😅 This popped up, and I was just like, 'At least I can finally write for Rayleigh.' I also told my friend, and he supported doing what you needed to do because damn do autoshops scare me.

CW: modern au, black fem reader, age gap, very light dubcon, smut, praise kink, daddy kink, MDNI

You only expected to get the tires rotated. So when the man started talking about parts and labor costs, you were ready for the earth to swallow you up whole.

You were confident about a lot of things. You could do most adulting tasks like clean, organize your bills, plan a trip, etc. But cars...weren't your area of expertise. But you managed for awhile, so you didn't worry too much! You watched videos and knew that there were things you needed to get done to maintain the vehicle.

So you went to get your tires rotated. Easy. Nothing to worry about....until, the guy pointed out that your check engine light was on. He must have seen the way you stiffened and tried to keep your expression calm.

The man gave you a sweet, flirty smile and waved his hand. "Don't worry too much, sweetheart. I'm actually a bit packed today, but an old friend owns a shop on the next street over. He should be able to check it out. Shouldn't cost you much either."

You bit your lip nervously as you rocked a little. "Really?"

"Of course! Tell 'im Shanks sent you. He'll take really good care of you."

~~~

You shyly stepped out of your car in front of the older shop where a radio played throwbacks and a fan blew strongly.

You walked quietly through the open garage door where a person stood under a lifted car with a welder's mask on. "Uh, excuse me" you raised your voice a little since you weren't sure if they'd be able to hear.

The body looked up at you before stepping from under the car and turning to take off the welding hood.

You weren't ready for the kind, sweet older man to beam at you. His glasses were somehow spotless despite the hood. After he wiped his hands on a rag, he pulled his long, gray hair out of its ponytail. "Hi dear, how can I help you today?"

You fidgeted with your hands a little. "Huh, I was just trying to get my tires rotated, but my check engine light is on. The guy, Shanks, said I should come see you." you explained.

The man nodded. "Ah the boy. Yes of course I can help you." he wiped his hairline and sipped his water. "Shame you're out here in this heat. That boyfriend of yours shouldn't be having you out running car errands either."

Your cheeks warmed up, and you scratched one nervously. "I don't have a boyfriend." you softly corrected.

The man handed you a water bottle. "Well that can be fixed--easily." he chuckled. Before you could ask what he met, he held out his hand, and you gave him his keys. "I'm Rayleigh by the way." You nodded and with your own. "Beautiful, what a pleasure."

You stepped to the side as the man drove your car in and took out a little gadget to hook up to your car. You watched a bit confused as he pressed some buttons and frowned at the screen.

The sun continued to beam down, so you were glad you were wearing your short shorts and cropped hoodie, but you weren't expecting to be out alone with just you and the older man. The other shop had a lot of people coming in and out. You wiped your brow and chugged some of your water as you eyed the older man. You didn't feel too nervous though. Rayleigh seemed nice. He was all gentle smiles and had a calm demeanor. Plus, he looked good for his age. You bet he was a real lady killer in his day.

"I'm going to be honest, love. I think one of your catalytic converter is shot. We're going to need to replace it." the man sighed as he closed the door and looked over to you.

You blinked twice. "That's the expensive part, right?"

The man chuckled at your wording and nodded. "I'm afraid so. But don't worry. I won't charge you an arm and a leg." he assured you. You rocked the on your heels a little as you nibbled a little on your lip. "That's what Shanks said..."

"Let's get you out this heat." you entered a small office and sat at the desk. Rayleigh handed you another water bottle before taking off his denim jacket. You nearly choked. This man is jacked. He had on a white tee, but you weren't expecting the way his muscles filled it in. "You okay there?"

You cleared your throat and met a mischievous look. Hopefully, he didn't notice your stares. You nodded. He grinned as he typed away at his computer. "So I need to order the part, but I think including labor we're looking at this amount." he filled out an invoice and circled the total. Rayleigh watched as your body went rigid and he sighed. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I wish it could be less. I-,"

"Oh no, it's fine! You have a business to run of course," you gave a little nervous smile. Rayleigh gave you a once over before that innocent smile was back.

"Come here, princess."

You whipped your head up. "Excuse me?"

Rayleigh pushed away from the desk a little and patted a spot in front of him. "Come sit."

You stood and walked around the desk and sat. You gasped as your hand was taken and a soft kiss was placed on it. "You can't go giving an old man ideas especially with the way you're looking at me." you gasped in response. "We can do a little trade. What do you say? Let's see how many rounds you can last, and I'll make some adjustments." You were surprised by the challenge, but it excited you all the same. The old man seemed experienced. Plus, there was no way he was going to out last you either. It was an easy win-win.

~~~

"Fuck daddy, daddy!" your legs were shaking as the man continued to pump his fingers inside as you sat in his lap. You gripped tightly on his shoulders as you bounced up and down.

Rayleigh grinned meanly at you. "What's wrong, dear? It's only been two so far. I'm trying to be nice here. Can't you give me some more?" The man went back to licking and sucking on your nipples as you moaned and sobbed. Your walls started clenching on his fingers once more and you whined as he put more pressure on your clit with the heel of his palm. "Ah there we go. Good girl, I knew you could do it." He sucked a hickey right below your ear. "You flatter this old man with how you sound. Is it good?"

"Yes!" you groaned as you tipped over that mountain again.

It took you a couple moments to catch your breath, and when you were present again, you realized you were on the desk looking up at the man who didn't even have a hair out of place. That sweet smile was there, but with the three orgasms he just gave you, it was so deceiving. Your face was burning, and you let your eyes trail down to see his member out and proud. It was girthy and hard. You could see the veins that ran down and the streams of precum that had been leaking. You whimpered.

"I wanna suck it, daddy." your eyes glossed over, and your cheeks were shiny with tears.

The man groaned at the sight. He'd have to thank Shanks for sending you over. He shook his head. "Ah ah, no sweetheart. You can do that next time. This is your reward for being so good for me, princess." He lifted your hood and spread some of juices around. "Deep breath now," and he sunk in.

You cried out deliriously. He filled you so well and stretched you more than you expected even with prep. You hooked your legs around his waist and pulled him even closer. Rayleigh chuckled before pushing in further. "Fuck, you feel so good, love. Such a naughty girl just for carrying around this good pussy, shit." the man huffed as he started up a slow but strong rhythm.

Skin slapped against another loudly, and you were drowning it. It was too much yet not enough at the same time. Rayleigh grunted deliciously near your ear and cooed about how pretty you were, how good you felt, how he wanted to keep you around and fill you up. You clenched around him more and more, and he sped up. "I'll give it to you, baby. Good girl wants to get pumped full?"

"Yes, yes! Please, let me- uh uh, let me have it please." You cried out. You moaned as you were kissed deeply and felt your tongues twirled around. "Fuck, fuck! I'm gonna cum, daddy. I'm gonna cum. Fuck, yes!" Your orgasm hit you hard; you saw pure white in your eyes as you crashed and rode that wave into pleasure.

"So good. So good! I'll give it to you princess. Just take it," Rayleigh continued on and huffed loudly, glasses finally falling off. He gripped the back of your thighs as he finished and milked himself.

The two of stay silent for a moment before you squeaked as you felt fingers stuff you full. "Can't waste a drop." Rayleigh winked.

You looked at him completely stunned.

This was certainly not how you thought the day would go...

~~~

*rereads and blushes* God damn....

I hope I did justice to my mans Rayleigh! I'm just gonna indulge in this fantasy to pretend that I didnt have to drop cash on this damn car...

Thanks for reading!

Part Two

#one piece #one piece imagine #one piece x reader #silvers rayleigh #dark king rayleigh #rayleigh x reader #modern au #fem reader #black fem reader #mine #partyanimal167 #one piece rayleigh #one piece smut

[matchamabs]

I know you didn’t ask for it but- BOTW MONSTERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE,,,,

i do fuck all in the days lemme tell ya

ill admit i havent done EVERY enemy but like. i do enjoy making these posts so who knows, i might actually rank everything sooner or later 🤷‍♀️

,,,,, and if u want a specific ranking of botw/aoc stuff lmk 👀

ahh the ol reliable. the classic bokoblin. he is just a little lad! unfortunately they’re genuinely kind of ugly??? and the idk the singular horn in the middle aint a good look. i see cute comics abt these guys being domestic and thats adorable but also giving them so much leeway bc they’re really Not that cute. not sure what the loincloth is hiding and im not sure i wanna know anyway. 3/10 really kind of. not good. 

slightly bigger loincloth only means slightly bigger things to hide :( i rlly hate these guys noses and whatever the fuck toenails they have why do they have toenails?????? s’bad. the thing is tho they have the proportions of a potentially attractive gerudo which is probably what takes the edge off the general vibes of... u know... being an abomination. its also only JUST occured to me as im writing that these guys r just evolved bokoblins so. glow up i guess. 6/10 what that tongue do

ok bypassing whatever the fuck rule 34 has done to these guys, i actually dig them. i find the huge fat ones way cuter than the lil bug eyed ones. in their case theres rlly no, like... hotness about them. its just cute. i think they’re cute. any monster that is cute and also doubles up as a bed gets my vote 7/10 get urself a fella as flexible as these guys 

u know what, im gonna say it, these guys r actually kinda hot. proportions arent super bad, the face aint bad and generally they have good vibes. aside from, u know, when they’re tryna shank u. id say one of the most bearable monsters to have to look at. 8/10 im not a scalie

??????????? idk what to say. u could tie these little shits to like swingball poles and beat them with rackets thatd b good. aside from that these guys have like no redeeming qualities. they’re a pain in the ass and not in a good way. 3/10 cute but like. is it worth it?

i mean,,,,,,,, someones probably into it. i dont like these guys for a lot of reason and surprisingly the thing that gets me is the fucking hair why does it have that hair its like he-man just went straight over the top with an electric razor its not a good look!!! stop trying to make it work! it wont! and again with the loincloth??? im not into it. the only thing i like abt these guys is the lil waistcoats. they have some amount of decency (but the implications it makes are Not Good). uh. 2/10. barely.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,9/10. but if you see a lynel up close like that chances are you died about half a minute ago

again. ??? i dont rlly like. i mean. im digging the top heavy proportions? its got the same body type as kass so like. 4/10. bit plain around the features but what can u do. i dont understand how but the igneo taluses are like. sexier 

UGHGHHH I FUCKING HATE THESE THINGS okay okay okay like these motherfuckers lure u in by being quite cute and dancin around and then u get a look at their faces and its like fucking JESUS and its even WORSE when you see under their cloak and they have no necks????? and like????? they do that gay little fucking dance that pisses me off???? they’re wearing hoods that give the ILLUSION that they have necks and im im fumin ok i HATE it i hate it i have been betrayed and i will NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT UGHGHGHG I HATE THESE CUNTS -10000000000000000000000000000000000/10 die

hhhhh i just dont like em. theyre too annoying to be cute now. and whats gonna happen if i squeeze one? is like. water gonna come out? r they just gonna deflate? 4/10 tentacles are not hyrules forte it seems ://

trust kohga to send the twinks out on the front line. seriously. they’re not bad tho? kinda small and underwhelming :((( tho i give extra points for the good crazy laugh we love a good manic cackle 6/10 they dont really count as monsters but ah well where else am i gonna put em

now THATS what im talkin about babeyyyyy we love the muscles,,,,, the posture,,, the stride,,, we love it when u fuck up stealth and a torrential downpour of these motherfuckers come down to beat ur ass,,,,, 9/10 its raining men 😎

u know. u dont rlly like. get a good view of these guys when ur balls deep in a battle with them, but the more i get like closer looks at them the more i go ???? like idk. everything about them looks backwards and wrong. but as far as backwards and wrong goes its not a bad look and the boss theme is a banger so 4/10 maybe dont jump on my ass every time i step one foot onto the desert :/

i just. i dont dig it. idk why. aside from the fact they’re a monumental pain in my ass, and now everytime i hear a beep even slightly resembling a guardian i shit my pants, but. idk??? as far as robots go its not like. terrible. they’re like the milfs of robots. the milves, if u will. a rilf. except i wouldnt. so its more like riwlf. but even that leaves too much up to interpretation so im just gonna call em a cunt and go. 4/10 leg game strong

here we are,,, the big boys,,,, waterblight isnt too bad i will admit, but the spear hand is both annoying and mildly inconvenient. its got a rlly big chest but rlly thin arms?? also not sure how i feel abt the strap on beard but oh well its not like ganons got taste. 5/10 kind of average for a blight i think

a hefty motherfucker. a chunk of a lad. big large. the fact this is like one of the easiest blights makes it more forgiveable to me but like whatever its got going on with the 80s hair needs 2 be sorted out. i like its moves but it doesnt hang upside down like waterblight :((( 5/10 calm down kate bush

ok who doesnt like gun arms. and a gun back. this things like fuckin megatron. the whole face plate thing doesnt look bad either. honestly its kind of a look? but its dickheadery in aoc makes me wanna set shit on fire so :// 6/10 hot but will not leave u alone 😔

ok this one is by FAR the sexiest of all the blights. i just cant explain it. i like guys with bad posture. i had an easy time beating it but apparently its given other people a lot of grief and that makes it 10x more sexy to me lmaooo. also it can clone itself which is like. thats a win. 8/10 ganon spilt all the sexy juice into this one

ok i didnt realise how many arms this motherfucker has and the whole hairline behind the ears thing is not a great look. especially w the beard. in fact the longer i look at it the less sexy it becomes tbh. 3/10 they tried to make arachnophobia sexy and it didnt work

10/10 i will be taking questions in my inbox but i wont be taking constructive criticism and you cant make me 

#botw #breath of the wild #aoc #age of calamity #calamity ganon #ganon #loz #legend of zelda #hyrule warriors age of calamity #hyrule warriors aoc #windblight #thunderblight #waterblight #fireblight #yiga #i ran out of ppl to rank and then i went wait-- #;)

[sukirichi]

Hey bestie, so, here goes my rant about today’s chapter <3

OMG BESTIEEEEEE I feel proud of how you described the suit btw uwu <3, perfect description wink wink. LMAOOO WHY DO I READ VERA WANG INSTEAD OF VALERA RANG????

That scene with Geto?? It was short but deep, like wow, he truly knows Satoru like the palm of his hand. It really shows that he has been with Satoru through everything, I love it.

Omg even I want to be Valeria so badddd, but just in the business and successful aspect. Cuz she is the worst...

WHY WAS IT SO HOT WHEN Y/N STOOD AGAINST VALERIA HUH!??!?!?? It made me feel chills... [insert bite lip face]

GODDDDDD WHEN VALERIA SAID “Because I see myself in you,” I was like “BITCH...” I was so ready to throw hands ù-ú

I retract ALL OF THE GOOD THINGS I said about the Gojo parents in my last ask. I HATE them, I want them AWAY from the baby and I HOPE they drown in their greediness and fall into despair. LIKE AHHHHHHHHH MAMA GOJO WHAT WAS THE REASON?!?!?

WHY ARE RICH FAMILIES, more specific the parents, ALL ABOUT FUCKING IMAGE??????? MAMA GOJO GET READY CUZ IM ABOUT TO THROW HANDS AT YOUUUUUU

The contrast of her saying “As the mother of this household” instead of saying “as your mother” it’s quite powerful, it shows [at least for me] that mama Gojo only cared for raising a heir and not a son. And the “You have failed as a heir” only strengthens my statement, like woman!!! Get a grip!!! He is your son, not a doll for you to manipulate as you please for your own good!!!

“teeth sinking down onto his lower lip the more your face and smile planted itself in his heart” this part.... this part broke my heart so bad, I want to give Satoru a hug T-T

Bestie do you watch RuPaul's Drag Race? Cuz that sashayed away is ver sus wink wink.

NOT THE GENUINE SMILE BESTIE NOOOOOO.... I...I.. WHY WAS HE SO COLD HEARTED WHEN FIRING HERE T-T [like I know why but still] The way he was so technical and cold, that shit hurt like a bitch... Tbh I’m glad y/n slapped him <3

YOU HAVE ME IN TEARS LIKE ACTUAL TEARS, “You’re nothing to me” that shot burned so bad and the way y/n still said “This isn’t you, Satoru. You’re lying to me, you wouldn’t do this.” ONLY TO BE BACKED WITH THE YOU DONT KNOW ME CARD AHHHHHHHHH

“Because I finally opened my eyes,” this... this line right here just shattered me </3 and this “And now I’m just disgusted of everything that’s in front of me,” it was like you stumped over the shatters

“you promised.” I can’t believe I’m actually crying at this part again it’s just, it’s so frustrating as a reader to see both POV's and how they both are shattering apart. Y/N shattering in the outside and Satoru shattering in the inside.

“He couldn’t win. But you could. You would.” THE FACT THAT SATORU WILL ALWAYS HAVE FAITH IN Y/N CUZ HE JNOWS WHAT SHE IS CAPABLE OFF EVEN THROUGH THE MESS HE DRAGGED HER ALL THIS YEARS AND THROUGH THE RESENTMENT HE IS FORCING HER TO HAVE AGAINST HIM IS MINDBLOWING

And for the last part.... I’m SPEECHLESS ONCE AGAIN LIKE FUCKKKKKKKKK

Bestie, sorry for my long ass asks and I know they are getting longer within the chapters go by but ahhhhhh it’s just so good that I can’t help to do a comment about even the smallest thing, sorry T-T. Your talent is amazing as always and I send you many kithes <3

BESTIE IM SORRY I REPLIED LATE TO THIS BUT OMG THANKS SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭 no no thank YOU for the suit and outfit inspos they were so beautiful and really helped me picture Gojo 😭 plus you were the one who helped me describe their clothings so thank YOU for it 🥺 omg absmamaka people said valeria rang sounds like vera wang too 😂 yeah satosugu best buddies they’ve been with each other through the thick and thin and even in the time when [gunshot noises] bestie right??? even i find valeria sexy so it makes sense her daughter is sexier 😭

“i see myself in you” maam you left her wtf 😭✋🏻 gojo’s parents are not good for the baby. gojo’s parents are not good for gojo. gojo’s parents are not good for y/n. gojo’s parents are not good. well i mean,,,image is pretty important to them since the higher you are on a pedestal, the more drastic the fall. ALSO BESTIE YOU NOTICED THAT DETAIL WHERE MAMA GOJO SAID MOTHER OF THIS HOUSEHOLD AND NOT AS YOUR MOTHER? Omg wow thanks sm 😭😭😭 my dialogues are always intentional so I get so happy whenever someone picks up on it 😭 no omg gojo in that last scene was so 🤢😡💔 yeahhhh y/n is shattering on the inside and gojo on the outside but soon they’ll shatter everyone anyway so 🤷🏻‍♂️ and yes bestie BWMSKSKA THATS MY FAVORITE PART, THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE HE HAS IN WHAT Y/N IS CAPABLE OF AAAAAAAA *flings myself out the window* and no no I don’t mind the long asks I appreciate all of this and thank you so much 🥺💕💕💕 THANK YOU FOR THE KITHES MWAH MWAH I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME HAPPY AND I LOVE YOUUU!!! 🥺💕💕💕

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series: reckless #besties

[remyhudson]

Breakdown/Breakthrough || Remy and Jocelyn

Jocelyn whined and rolled over as she heard her phone buzz. She was about to ignore the call but when she saw her girlfriend’s name on the display, worry shot through her. “Hello?” She answered softly, slipping out of bed to go into the bathroom so she wouldn’t wake Willa.

Remy couldn't sleep again and this time all she could think about was Jocelyn. Of the fact that she was upset and it was her fault she was upset. She did this, she fucked everything up, she always did and now she felt like she was going to lose her because she couldn't get her shit together. On the other hand, she knew full well she was being ridiculous. but the irrational side of her brain was winning out at the moment, too exhausted to try to fight it. So she picked up her phone and called. She didn't even realize it was almost 2 in the morning. The sleepy voice on the other end startled her and she sniffed, cursing under her breath. "I'm sorry...I woke you. I fucking woke you. Of course I did because it's the middle of the god damn night. I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

Her mouth turned down in a frown and she sank down to sit against the bathtub, her phone clutched to her ear. “Baby, what’s wrong?” she asked, ignoring the suggestion to go back to sleep because Remy’s voice was shaking and thick, like she’d been crying. “Are you okay?”

The voice on the other end was both soothing and heartbreaking, knowing she'd upset her today. She sat for a little while in silence, trying to keep her composure. "No...I...I don't know..." She shook her head. "I'm sorry...about today..."

She sighed lightly, suppressing a yawn as she leaned her head against the cool tile. “You don’t have to apologize. Im being stupid and... im just being stupid,” Jocelyn insisted.

"No...you're not. I'm stupid. I'm sorry..." She shook her head, burring her face into her knees. "I can't...I can't sleep babe...I haven't in like...days..." She started, tears falling down her cheeks as she finally let it out.

Jocelyn frowned and sat up a little. “Days? Baby... you’ve been taking your meds? What’s going on?” Maybe it was an insensitive question but she needed to make sure it wasn’t medication related.

Remy sniffed, wiping her nose on her arm. "Yeah...days...and yeah..yeah...like clock work." She shrugged, laughing a little too darkly. "It's a downswing...it happens...I just...usually I just get really fuckin' high and hide away for awhile...but..I...I can't" She breathed. "Not when it's hurting...you." She shook her head, tears falling again. "Baby...I'm sorry...please..."

She ran her hand through her hair. “Baby...” her throat clogged up as she listened to her love cry. “I don’t care if you get high but you just can’t here... you’ll get in trouble. Are you sorry because you didn’t tell me? Why are you sorry?”

"No..no...I didn't get high. I wanted to. But Clark reminded me that I hurt everyone last time. I can't hurt anyone again. Not again." She repeated, biting at her lip as she tried to stifle a cry. "Because I couldn't tell you. I wanted to...fix it. I wanted to fix it before it got bad. But I couldn't. I can't." She shook her head. "I'm sorry I kept it from you..." She breathed out a shaky breath. "Baby...I need...I need you." Her eyes filled with tears as her words fell from her quivering lips.

“Breathe baby, just breathe,” she coached softly. Jocelyn winced slightly, feeling a bit like she was stabbed in her chest. “You can tell me anything...” She swallowed hard and got to her feet. “I’m coming, baby, Okay? I’ll come right now.”

Remy tried to do as Jocelyn said, trying to focus on her breathing. She didn't realize how bad it had gotten until this very moment. Maybe she was just overly tired, she tried to tell herself that was it, because the alternative was a shitty thing to think about. "I know...I know...I'm sorry...I know I can...I just hate this...I hate worrying you...it's so stupid. Everythings so fucking stupid...fuck..." She cried before taking in a sharp gulp of air, trying to calm herself down before she really had a breakdown. "Please...please babe." She begged, knowing how weak she sounded right now, but also knowing she needed to be with her girlfriend, she shouldn't be alone.

She lowered her voice to a hushed tone, holding the phone between her cheek and shoulder. “I’m coming sweetie, okay? I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she promised as she tugged on sweatpants, stubbing her toe as she tried to get her shoes on.

Remy laid herself down on the cool tile of her bathroom floor, nodding her head even though she knew full well Jocelyn couldn't see her do it. She was so tired and yet she couldn't sleep. She just curled into herself, closing her eyes. "Thank you" She whispered into the phone.

“I love you, honey,” she whispered tightly, sliding on her coat before quietly leaving her room and heading towards the front door of the sub building. “Fuck it’s cold,” she cursed without thinking.

"I love you too" Remy whispered into the phone, her eyes still closed as she laid on the cool tile, trying to focus on that and not her spinning thoughts. Her heart clenched at her girlfriend's comment, biting at her lip feeling suddenly so shitty she'd asked her to leave her warm room to come to her aid. "I'm sorry...shit...I'm sorry"

“You don’t control the weather, baby, you’re fine,” she whispered, walking as fast as she could to the switch dorms. “Tell me something happy, love. Tell me something good.”

Remy shook her head, pressing her eyes shut as hard as she could, trying to push her thoughts away. The dark ones. "I...I love you..." She whispered, pulling her legs up to her chest. That was the good she could think of right now. The only good.

She swallowed hard and pushed into the building. “I love you too, baby. Tell me what we’re going to do when we graduate. Where will we go together?” she asked, jogging up the stairs.

“Anywhere.” She whispered into the phone. “I want to c-claim you...and marry you...and travel with you...maybe babies...but not..not from me...I can’t..I won’t do this to them...” she shook her head, New tears falling as she thought about it.

Jocelyn smiled as she came to the door, hanging up her phone and going to the bathroom, not sure why she thought Remy would be there. “You want to have babies with me?” she asked, going to her knees beside her girlfriend, running her hands through her hair.

Remy heard the beep of the phone but didn't register right away that Jocelyn was in the apartment. It wasn't until she heard her footsteps next to her that she opened her tear soaked eyes. "I...yeah...I do." Her heart clenched watching her girlfriend kneel beside her, knowing she'd woken her up. "I'm sorry I woke you up..." She whispered, curling into her.

Jocelyn pulled Remy up against her, kissing her hair lightly. “Shh. You need me. I’m here,” she said. “Would you still think I’m sexy when I’m all round and pregnant?”

"Even sexier." She smiled lightly, grounding herself as she felt the warmth of Jocelyn, her heartbeat. She laid there for a moment, breathing her in, thankful she came.

she trailed her fingers through Remy’s hair, cradling her head against her chest. “What about after? When I’m all chubby and stuff because I can’t lose the baby weight? And exhausted from being up with a newborn?”

Remy smiled at the thought, finally looking up into her girl's ice blue eyes. "Even more then. Cuz you'll have made that little baby...and I'll be up with ya too...not fair if it's just you." She bit her lip, feeling a little more at ease with Jocelyn there.

She smiled down at Remy, gently stroking her cheek with her thumb. “You’ll be the best mom,” she said with a nod.

She bit at her lip, worrying it in between her teeth. "You think? Really?" Her lip quivered a little at the thought. "What if...what if it's always like this?"

She nodded. “Even if it is. You’ll still be an awesome mom. You’re so caring and thoughtful. You’ll worry over every sniffle and scrape.”

Remy chuckled, "It's true...I will..." She shook her head, pushing herself up so she could fully face her girl. She sniffled, clearing her throat. "I'm really sorry, babe...I didn't think...I didn't know it was this bad. I didn't want it to be." She shook her head. "If I knew..I would've told you. but I...I know I shoulda told you anyway."

She kissed the top of her head, wiping her cheeks lightly. Jocelyn glanced away, color lifting in her cheeks. “You have to tell me, okay? Because I know when you’re not telling me stuff and my mind goes to bad places. And I think bad things about people I love,” she admitted.

Remy listened, licking her lips before she spoke again. "Bad things? What kind of bad things babe?" She whispered, biting at her lip before taking both of Jocelyn's hands in her own.

She bit her lip and flushed deeper. “Like how Clark is better for you. And how you can tell her stuff you don’t tell me. Do stuff with her that I’m not ready for,” she admitted. “Which is bad because I love Clark and you and you’re such good friends and it just makes me feel worse for thinking those things.”

Her breath hitched as she heard what Jocelyn was saying. None of it was true, she knew that, and Joc had to know that. She shook her head. "No...no no no." Remy squeezed her girl's hands, biting at her lip to keep from crying once again. "Baby...no." She breathed. "Clark...she's...she's my best friend. That's it.  That's all she'll...ever be." She looked into Jocelyn's eyes, trying to get her point across as best she could in her current state. "I love you. I want a life with you." She took another deep breath, nodding her head. "I'm so sorry...this is all my fault...fuck...I should have asked you to go with...I know...I just...I wanted to get high because I thought it would help...but then I didn't even get high...and I love you, I should have asked you."

She blinked back tears of her own, borne of self-loathing for even thinking those things about her girlfriend and best friend. “I know. I do. I know that. My mind just... I see you two together and I know she makes more sense for you but I love you, and I want that too.” Jocelyn slid her fingers through Remy’s hair again, swallowing hard. “We just need to talk to each other. This won’t work if we’re not honest.”

Remy's tears started to fall again with the girl's last words. "It will work...it will. I'll talk more. I'll try. I'll...I gotta do something...I hate this side of me." She shook her head. "Baby...no...you're better for me. Clark...she's a good friend, a great friend...my best. But we really don't talk...yeah, we...we talk about stupid shit...and sometimes I babble. But...that's it. We don't talk, we don't do feelings..." She leaned into the blonde's touch, pulling her hand to her mouth so she could kiss it. "I love you, and you're more than I ever dreamed I'd have. There's never gonna be anyone better for me, love."

Jocelyn hurried to wipe the tears from her girlfriend’s cheeks, shushing her softly. “It’s part of you. We’ll find another doctor. Whatever doctor or therapist or someone. Whoever can help. But even if they can’t? I’ll still love you. Just as you are,” she promised. Jocelyn swallowed hard and shrugged lightly. “You didn’t want to do feelings with me. I kind of made you,” she pointed out.

Remy nodded. "Please...something..." She agreed, practically begging. She didn't want to feel like this for the rest of her life. She didn't want to worry about the next time she had a downswing, or an upswing for that matter, those sometimes being even more destructive. "But you made me...and I did." She added back. "And I will keep doing it...because I love you."

“We’ll find it. We will,” she promised, kissing the top of her head. Jocelyn nuzzled into her hair, hugging her close. “I love you too. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I doubted you,” she whispered thickly.

Remy pulled her girlfriend in close as soon as she got the chance, holding her, needing her close. "It's okay...It's okay..." Tears fell freely as she held onto the blonde, her body shaking as she let everything out.

The blonde curled into Remy, losing the struggle against her own tears now. She cried softly against her, clinging to the switch like she was a lifeline.

"I'm so sorry baby..." She whispered against the blonde's ear as she cried too, feeling the weight of everything slowly spilling out between the two of them. "What can...what can I do to help you...remember...remember that you're mine and I don't...I wont want anyone else?"

She sniffed and shook her head. “I don’t know. I think it’s... something I have to... figure out myself,” she admitted softly, prsssing her cheek to Remy’s shoulder.

"I hate that you feel that way...I hate that I make you feel that way...I wish...I wish I could do something" She breathed, sniffing back tears as she pushed away only for a moment to see the bracelet around her girlfriend's wrist. "This right here...this means youre mine. Until we have...enough points and we get into...a groove or whatever...this means you're who I choose." She nodded. "Understand?" Her words were shaky but they were true.

Jocelyn swallowed hard and shook her head. “You don’t. It’s what I do to myself,” she mumbled. Shaky fingers stroked over Remy’s arm lightly and she nodded, biting her lip. “You really want to claim me?” she asked after a few long moments.

Remy didn't like that answer but there wasn't an easy solution to any of this. "Yes...I really do." She added, pushing the blonde's hair out of her face and taking her chin so she was looking into the other's eyes. "Baby...I know it's all so fast...and I don't like...I don't understand it..how it happened...but I love you and I never wanna be without you. I want you. No one else. Just you, forever."

Watery blues blinked up at Remy, and she sniffed, trying to stem the flow of tears. Jocelyn rested her head against Remy’s. “I don’t understand it either. And I want that too. Just to be with you. To be yours,” she said with a nod, her voice shaky.

Remy gave her girl a small, shaky smile, biting at her lip. "You will be. I'll make sure of it." She pushed Jocelyn's hair back again, taking a deep breath. "It's late, my love. You need...you need sleep." She sniffed, kissing her hand. "Come on, come to bed with me?"

She kissed her nose lightly, hugging her close. “Will you try to sleep too? If you can’t, we can stay up together. Talk,” she promised as she got to her feet, her hand still twined with Remy’s.

"I'll try." She nodded, squeezing her girlfriend's hand as she walked toward the bed, letting Jocelyn hop up on the bed first. "No baby...you need to sleep. I can't have you exhausted and falling asleep in classes tomorrow." She pulled the blonde close to her, pulling the covers over both of them.

She licked her shoes off and stripped off her sweatpants, climbing into Remy’s bed. Jocelyn curled into her lover, nuzzling into her neck. “You’ll try though?”

Remy nodded, kissing Jocelyn's forehead. "I will. I'll try." She hoped that she would sleep, she knew she needed it and with Jocelyn next to her, it would be so much better. One could only hope. "Tomorrow...we're gonna make a plan. My head...a schedule for us, scenes, all the things." She whispered against the blonde's forehead.

She reached around to rub her back, hoping the motion would soothe her. Help her sleep. Her lips curled into a sleepy smile and she nodded. “All the things,” she agreed through a yawn.

Remy smiled, closing her eyes as she felt the soft rub of her girlfriend's hand on her back. "All of them" She whispered. "Now...go to sleep, baby." She cooed, kissing her forehead once again.

“You too,” she urged softly. Jocelyn snuggled into her, yawning once more before drifting off, held tight in her love’s embrace.

@jocierosesterls​

#jocelyn