#and im sick and theres nothing i can do about it!!!!

[thedeafprophet]

I’m reading the thread your meme was used in, and…why so much hatred for Revolutionaries and Liberationists? I’d assume it was personal taste or silly responses, were it not for how genuinely vitriolic it can get. They make it sound like evil star gods who eat humanity are preferable to people making the world a bit darker and a bit freer. Is. Is there something I’m not getting here?

*deep sigh* frankly, i dont get it all either

If I am to give others the benefit of the doubt, I would hope to presume some folks simply get too far into their roleplaying of their characters. since their characters absolutely despise anything to do with the revs and being a decent person, that spirs onto into vitriolic behaviour and far too into constantly hating on and shit talking the revs.

to a certain extent i think, especially in the echo chamber it can become, they dont really get how this comes across to other people, especially those who like the revs. (I had a particular convo with a guy on reddit who i blocked for posting anti liberation conent... and then proceeded to dm me, when i have never talked to them before, questioning me on why. seemed geniuenly baffled that i would have found the anti-revs post unwanted and said they thought the back and forth was 'all in good humour'. of which it is certainly not to me, having had violent 'jokes' directed towards me in past conversations)

If I am. to be a little less charitable. I think this is sometimes shining a less then ideal light on the moral insights of these folks.

Look - im not saying people cant like villains or play evil characters, i mean, im literarly mr fires' pr manager and post about the captivating princess all the time lmao.

But when you're constantly talking about 'how dare workers ever ask for rights' and constantly making out the revs to be horrid immoral monsters (even going as far as to call it 'kind of sick' when the writing has changed its LoN writing to be less in bad faith) it kind of paints a bit of a picture in my mind. At a certain point there really is no other explanation then people being needless edgelords with 'centrists' views promoting the concept that revolutionaries are evil.

perhaps its a bit of a balance of the two - theres many different people around in the fandom, and i of course dont want to make assumptions. but man is it hard as a revs fan when you cant even make a pro rev joke without someone suggesting you should be decapitated. shits rough

tldr: there's nothing you're missing, thats just what these people do

#sorry if its a bit of a non-answer theres just... not really a solid answer here #also the whole thing with the early writing approaching all the revs suff in bad faith doesnt help #the early writing is Not To Be Trusted with rev characters #and no one has bothered to update their view #asks

[rohirric-hunter]

I'll have to see if I can pull funny out of this and successfully circumvent the Uncomfortable but situation: Leonys, recently engaged, traveling across Gondor with her fiance in the service of the King, starts randomly asking around about Eomer, king of Rohan (since Lothiriel is insistent that you don't tell anyone it's her asking). This isn't surprising at first, given her Whole Deal, until the questions become a little bit too obviously besotted. This is also not surprising, given her Whole Deal, but it is a bit scandalous. After all, her fiance is right there.

#lotro #to be very clear hathellang absolutely knows why shes asking the questions and is not even a little bit concerned #i would never consider shoving a half-baked infidelity misunderstanding arc in there #they make me sick #the potential comedy comes from both of them trying desperately to convince people who arent in the loop and dont know them that well #that honestly really theres NOTHING happening there its all FINE #while also protecting lothiriels privacy #but again its something ill have to experiment with to see if i can make it work #i dont know why im feeling the urge to dump my entire writing process all over tumblr this evening #this is it if anyones curious #1. i could pull a parallel/foil out of that #2. heres a potentially funny situation that might arise from that #3. lots and lots of thinking about that situation to decide if i really want to do it #this is like dangerous territory #it comes very close to one of my Rules #when i realized that leonys of rohan was going to be pretty romance focused i immediately established some Rules #one of them was absolutely no shitty stupid misunderstanding arcs #because theyre shitty and stupid and i hate them #and also i think they destroy a lot of romance in other media. like it could be a perfectly decent romance #but then they throw in some contrived misunderstanding arc where one of them thinks the other one is cheating or something #and it pulls back the curtain and reveals that actually they dont even fucking like each other #so yeah. number 2 on the Rule list and for a good reason #but its probably fine since the problem with that comes with one member of the couple thinking that #and it would all be external

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.

#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up #but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones #i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it #so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda #positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic #and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even #removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax #and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy #but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic #bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this #also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes #just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine #annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol #unrelated

[todayisafridaynight]

Okay I can't post it until next week at the earliest and NEED to get this off my chest between now and my next longer reply because of stuff we were talking about:

Confirmed in one of my livestream clips there's been actual consideration towards Mine having survived. It's just a matter of his voice actor's availability and wanting to do it right if they end up doing it. We really could see Mine back in the main series.

And I recorded that clip based on something I misheard and didn't register that part at all until now. How Are We Doing Tonight

(Speaking of, get well soon!! I was sick myself the past couple of weeks, it's awful)

me waiting for the absolute millisecond yokoyama drops the 100% Mine Survived The Fall statement

#snap chats #ON THE REAL THOUGH HELLO ? #hang on i need to put my thinking cap on after i threw it across the room excited #OK so i recall yokoyama(? im p sure it was yokoyama lik 99% sure it was him) talked about the concept of mine being alive #i think i still have the tweet bookmarked and while he didnt blatantly confirm it he did kind of allude to it #EITHER WAY ive gotten hope from the idea of mine being alive before #BUT IF THIS IS CREDENCE TO FURTHER CONFIRMATION i might just explode. i MIGHT just be even MORE insufferable #this is such a funny case though like i love how the status of mine's mortality is treated like an actual missing person's case sometimes #Area Man That Went Missing In 2009 Has Finally Been Found Alive #im holding off on the Mine's Alive memes until theres a Confirmation confirmation #i dont even care if he comes back in the main games (yes i do im lying) just the idea that's he's out there would satisfy me for now #if mine was just a local cryptid in the rgg franchise that would be JUST as funny oh my god actual zhao in judgement type beat #BUT THANK YOU FOR THE INFORMATION I CAN SEE WHY YOU'D WANNA SAY SOMETHING NOW #IF YOU GET THE CLIP OF THAT READY LIKE OBVI ID LOVE TO SEE IT ?? MY STARS #gonna think of this all night.. mine should come back so i can be even more annoying #and thank you- i hope you're feeling better from your sickness now ! #i think im starting to feel better- i just have to stay inside more i guess #when i was at school there was pretty much no foliage so my allergies werent as bad #but back home theres nothing But foliage im gonna throw up ☠️

[arthur-r]

what’s really embarrassing is my roommate on the phone with his mom saying “yeah i’ve been getting really sloppy i haven’t cleaned in a week it’s terrible” and my side of the room is just like that. all of the time. and i feel guilty but he also hasn’t ever said anything to my face he moved my stuff some at the beginning of the year but has never talked to me about it and i’m also so fucking ill that i just cant really handle adding that to my list while trying to also not fail school. so here i am being a terrible person i guess. did i tell you guys about turtle-person. have i showed my bracelets. i’m gonna go to sleep but in the morning i need to show my bracelets

#help i have work tomorrow. i also feel sick and strange. wish me luck #the sun was around today which was incredible but also i think it gave me too much mental energy #cause for the first time in forever i had the brightness of spirit to go for a walk. but that’s not the same as having the blood flow for it #so i think i overexerted myself cause of being finally happy and mentally energized i forgot about being physically disabled #i also had to explain POTS to somebody today and she was literally like ‘oh is that the thing where you need to have salt’ and NO like #i do have a really high salt intake to cope with POTS. but that’s not the fucking thing yknow?? like no that’s not what the thing i have is #it has nothing to do with salt. salt is a fun little coincidence that it can help with water retention which in turn helps with POTS #and it raises blood pressure is i think the other reason? but anyway idk i would honestly rather she just not know about it than have like #that very particular tiktok version of it like i am so glad for internet knowledge being spread and stuff and i mean. i guess even the posts #that i’m about to complain about are good for making people feel like they’re not alone. so maybe it’s fine. but i was going to complain of #the videos that are like ‘‘that one POTS friend’’ and it’s just like. salty food. instead of like. having to sit down?? BEING FATIGUED?? #and like whatever. whatEVER but i wish it wasn’t getting conflated with one particular little way of treating it. even though i use that way #i don’t have needs-a-lot-of-salt-disease. like that’s not the point. that’s not the issue. it’s not a salt deficiency. salt just helps #and it doesn’t FIX it. it just helps. that’s all #ANYWAY EVERYTHING IS FINE. i feel sick though. but i’m gonna sleep and i’ll be fine #i miss before i had a job cause then i could sleep all day if i skipped class and it would be really nice. but now i have a job i would be #missing on my responsibilities for. and I don’t actually have accommodations. but im gonna sleep i’ll be fine #and library book cart is actually so rollator. like as far as being able to walk the library situation is such a win #anyway i’m gonna go to sleep now. but yeah idk i’m sick and a mess what else is new. but i have something whatever i’m good theres something #unrequited love for life or something like that. ok im gonna go to bed sorry for being weird and strange all the time!!!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[devilfruitdyke]

spiraling is so wild first im pissed that my drawing didnt look good now i dont think ill ever forgive my family for their treatment of me

#im sick of being babied because theres a man whos taller than me 🙂 #'ooohfhgf yr so little im sorry about how you dont know anything 🥺🥺' #< talking to a 5'7 person who swims at least twice a week has a 3.97 gpa and calls my grandparents more than my parents do #if i try to make jokes to not just fucking PISS EVERYONE OFF they think ohh so silly woman. never had an opinion 🙂 #nothing i say is ever serious dont even FUCKING worry 👍👍 #its fucking pathetic. at my brothers age i was like i can relate to this scary character haha #cue my mother swooping in to be like noo this isnt you #AND HE FUCKING SENDS SOMEBODY TO THE HOSPITAL IN HOCKEY. BUT ITS FINE BECAUSE HE PLAYS BETTER HOCKEY THAN ME #all you have to do here is be strong. physically not mentally because knowing you have undiagnosed adhd for #a literal third of yr life doesnt count. BUT if yr shoulders are too big for the prom dress that they think you want to wear its also over #and my brother is so butthurt from also growing up in this wack ass situation that he wont let me have ANYTHING. #sorry that you dont think i can read a map or whatever the fuck #sorry that you THINK you make more money than me at yr silly sports job #WHEN IM TRAINED TO HOLD 150 POUNDS TREADING WATER. sorry i got illegally scheduled and it gave me heat cramps #silly me.

[disco-cola]

i fucking hate my life so fucking much not just bc of the constant ever lasting era struggle also everything else that can go wrong does and just nothing good or exciting ever happens it’s a drag i only feel halfway okay when I’m delulu pretending it’s another decade and I’m someone else and somewhere else tbh like don’t get me wrong I am not su!c!dal I’m way too scared and a hypochondriac on top of it like I could not and would not but if I was to get hit by a truck it’s like fine just please don’t bury me in my dumbass suburb (also I’m a single dog mom we would literally both have to d!e the same day bc none of us can exist a day without each other tbh)

#im poor im ugly i hate my apartment i rarely do anything whats the point #and im feeling too sick and too weak to change anything i can #but the main problem aka the era struggle theres just literally nothing i can ever do about that #so I’m just giving up on everything #which is also some kind of freedom tbh just giving up

[st4rstudent]

ramble ramble boo boo tomato tomato🍅🍅. but anyways sometimes i think i draw those freaks a little too much but also at the same time i like drawing them . i don't think i have been this motivated to draw for a whiiile (if ever) , its nice. its fun! giant shirt that says "I HEART DRAWING"

#putting the rest in tags #ive only shared... an estimated 58% of what ive drawn of them but the other 42 is stuff im embarrassed about or i think its just too old #ive been drawing that one freak for about 7 months straight so theres some struggles in the beginning but anywyas. #i used to only draw once a month or so. probably not even that so shouout to that rabbit and mouse... and brain if i have to #i also see all the notes/comments people put and i go :-] hehehe #i need to interact with people more. i have a bad habit of just lurking without interacting and idk where that stemmed from #its been like that for a while. for some reason i think if i like someones post theyre going to find me and kill me (not actually. hyperbol #im bad on here with it but at least theres tags i can put stuff in. on twt im terrrible about it. i will have to work on this #anyways sorry this is a post full of nothing. i guess the main thing to take from this is that i do see everything everyone does and i #appreciate it a lot. smile! #i'm glad people can enjoy my sick and twisted mine (3 same characters)

[mrpsychokiller]

i dont think theres a single thing in my life im not tired of anymore. i dont feel like doing anything and im sick to my stomach of everything ever

#i live day after day going through all daily activies i can do #and being sick of all of them #i dont want to sleep i dont want to eat #i dont want to talk to people anymore. i dont want to draw anymore #im fucking sick of social media #i get bored and try to distract myself but all youtube videos are boring ive heard every song on my playlist and im sick of all of them #i want to leave my house but theres nothing to do outside and no place to go #i want to buy a snack or something fun for me but the number on my bank account keeps going lower and lower everyday #im scared of running out of money and starving again #but i havent finished the commission i got ages ago and im too burnt out from drawing to get new ones #i hate everything and everyone everything makes me angry and i get mad even at my friends #im sick im tired its like i havent felt actually good about anything in ages #i am in some kind of fucked up torture chamber purgatory losing any sense of self every second #god.

[scattered-winter]

.

#officially we wont know how things will shake down until next week #but unofficially?? i think i already know. i cant explain how but. i think i know already which direction its gonna go #and its not like i havent been preparing for this for years but . man. #i genuinely dont know how im gonna do this guys. im being so fr. #im just starting to get my feet back under me from losing my friend like that and now im gonna get bowled over again #and its gonna be so much worse. and i dont know how im gonna get a job or fix my fucked gpa or even finish out the semester #im going home in a few weeks and my siblings and i are gonna put pink in our hair for october #and ofc by the time we do that we'll know. one way or another. and thatll be that. #nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to stop it or make it better. #my brothers are still so fucking young man. my youngest brother doesnt even remember a time when it wasnt like this. #he's only ever known this version of her thats sick and exhausted and hollowed out like she isnt even there most of the time #and man. idk. #really i am so close to snapping and dropping out of school and this might just be what finally breaks the thread. i am being so fr. #winter speaks #personal #and theres so many projects that i want to do but i Know that i wont be able to do any of them for a while once it hits #and just. hhh. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

[wkdwtchoftheest]

Is there a way to blacklist words in my browser? Like, if I don't want to see articles with a particular person mentioned in them, can I blacklist that person's name? Or video game title? Or a book title I don't want spoilers for?

#i use firefox btw #i just dont know if something exists that can do this #or if theres something in firefox that does this #i saw an article about neil druckman and i never want to see his name #i want to know nothing about him #also im sick of being recommended articles that are about starfield #i played 20 extremely boring hours my opinion has already been made

[jeepers-scoob]

Everything wrong with me ends up being cyclical. Specifically I have kinda bad emetophobia so feeling nauseous makes me really anxious but being really anxious makes me nauseous so they go hand in hand bc I also just have an anxiety disorder. All this to say I'm almost always feeling sick and anxious and that's why I deserve all the treats bc what a way to live

#text #kayla rambles #theres nothing like waking up and immediately thinking youre going to puke so you panic and it makes it worse #or when i actually do get sick i make myself more sick bc of how upset i get like ill puke cry so hard bc i puked that I puke again #and now im tired and its not even 7 am and now i have to worry about feeling this way when i go into work which is always fun #thankfully i have today off but i have to figure something out so i dont lose my mind #also how annoying is it that my emetophobia is specifically in regards to myself i can handle others puking can even help clean up #but god forbid i puke cause then its all down hill

[teeth-kid]

feeling positively inconsolable........!

#christmas is RUINED #it actually has nothing to do with christmas and isnt a big life problem its just something im Very Sad about #and i cant tell my friends bcus they would be sad too!! and theres a chance it could all be okay and i dont wanna tell em #dont wanna admit i let this happen.... how could i......... #but i must talk about my feelings and my mom is already sick of me (/lh) so. tumblr tag vent #i just cant believe it today was the worst day for it to happen #i came home. cried about it. was normal. thought about it again. now i cant do Anything #this is like when i broke my tablet and lost all my art #its not as bad as that but same vibe #its bc of my own lack of caution and im So Sad about it Forever #like it would have been so easy for it not to have happened and its so impossible to fix afterward #how can life have these small tragedies that i dont notice until its past too late #oh i lament it all!! #oh how i lament....... #teeths

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing #ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like #visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do #so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible #mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done #but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing #how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate #and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem #it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research #assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head #and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck #it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing? #i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads #to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood? #hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing? #idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed #bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me #so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a #slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would #b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh. #unrelated

[andragoras-in-vanity]

well i just fell down a 1am wiki rabbit hole reading about Joseph Merrick...

#i never knew that much about him but honestly the abled and the otherwise 'normal' have such a sick obsession with the grotesque #theres so few works written about him the seem to acknowledge treves as the shite he likely was #or refer to norman as a vile human #its like it never occurred to people that Freakshows didnt exist for the sake of the spectators #they were lodging and safety in numbers of anyone poor and othered #i never understood why the thought felt safe to me as a child and now disabled and very visibly queer i know why #demeaning yes but food and shelter and more like me...thats all that scenario has ever been #survival we'd never find anywhere #and his depiction in ripper Street was lovely to me especially since when you look him up his occupation was listed as artist #he suffered greatly but just like all of us its more so the world we live in than it is our disabilities that cause that #and by the end he was so loved and i hope he knew that when his time came #although i do believe that since nothing more can be learned from his remains his body belongs in the earth to rest #how much pain must have he been in every day of his life ans the little fears he could never forget #either of other humans or the knowledge that he might decline or even die? all because of shape of his body? #but he seemed like he was such a beautiful soul and so full of adoration of the best parts of earth #and especially now learning of his admiration of women? his line in ripper street about how love is peace hes never known? oh my heart #to be clear i dont pity this man im only sad over what was forced on him but so so emotional over the good people who rallied for him #and the princess of Windsor sending Christmas cards every year 😭😭😭😭 #i hope he knew the love was genuine by that time in his life he might be long gone now but im sure anyone who knows him still #holds that love like a martyr and a guardian for that he never knew he did for the world #i do believe that even in a small way..his existence forced on him it may have been..opened doors of empathy to others disabled #even only a little #he knew wonder but i so hope he knew genuine love from the companions he met

[bastardsofravenkroft-blog]

the only thing on this blog i will apologize for is the occasional traumadumping.

#i do not have any other safe place to talk about my thoughts #which like yeah is not good. ik. but one of my parents hasnt had a conversation w/ me since i was 13 and the other spends every other convo #invalidating me. and anything i aay to anyone else will get back to them. #tumblr is quite literally my only escape. #like i cant tell anyone at home that all lights were too loud today i coulnt get anything done i have too many things put on me at once #all clothes are itchy theres not enough time in the day #i would be told off for this shit. or ignored. or told to get over it. or the conversation would be changed to smt that im just as uncomfyw #ffs #im sick of fucking feeling like this 24/7. and there is nothing i can do to make this situation better. at all. bc nobody will give a fuck. #anyways #/NBH #but fr if it wasnt for some of you guys my coping mechanisms would be wayyy worse. #vent #rant