#and my brain is full of anxiety

[hafwen]

Tonight when I went in our room to sleep Timmy was sleeping on my husbands head which which is so bittersweet because that was Ollie’s spot

#she slept there every night #I would get in bed and give her chin scritches and she would purr #just fuck last year #No tomato started sleeping on the bed and is trying out positions #I kind of want him to alway sleep there but I also hate if #anyway my heart is full of sadness #and my brain is full of anxiety #they all get old and die #but will they die sooner from cancer? #or some other thing I can’t think of #will I accidentally poison them #how? don’t know but what if I do #fuck #just fuck #personal #so i have cats and a dog #Timmy #Ollie #pet death

[runawaymun]

Mood stabilizer has been going at full dose for awhile, so I took my stimulant today and I wanna CRY

#getting out of bed no problem?????? #the CLARITY #the lack of anxiety #I just did the dishes and emptied the trash while I was waiting for breakfast to cook #I’m dressed I showered #unmedicated me could NEVER do all that in one morning #in an HOUR no less!!! #im on time for my bus!!!!!!!!!! #AHHHHHHHHHHH #god I have missed my meds so much #I need to remember this when that anxiety creeps in of ‘am I faking this?’ #full zen calm my GOD #medication cw #no brain fog????????? #who IS she??? she me?????

[fisheito]

Big Agree... how could i have forgotten that olivine has SOCIAL SKILLS?!. he has siblings. He has followers. He knows how to deal with petulance. Of course he has the expertise to inadvertently bribe eiden... something something catch more with honey than threats...

Wait hold on it's like an interview question

MASTER EIDEN REFUSES TO STAY IN BED DESPITE HIS INJURIES. WHAT DO YOU DO?

#the mansion is full of creatures ready to AGGRESSIVELY CARE EIDEN #canon: yakumo has tripped over a single blade of grass (horizontal) #i bet yakumo drags his feet in this weird silent shuffle so i'm surprised he hasn't tripped over himself more often #olivine's chest is like a weighted blanket for your brain #let his weighty bosom smother all your anxieties #after i drew these i started thinking about the scenarios for aaalllll the clan members #and trying to separate them into classes like. ;violent. force. persuasion. gentle #but my brain shortcircuited bc too many people #just goes to show howmuch bias goes into every person's headcanons #because i? would personally suplex eiden into bed and force feed him soup #so of course Violence would be the most accessible idea in my brain #and i would categorise most clan members in that Box #regardless of whether that's accurate characterisation or not............ #sometimes. peace is an option.i should not forget #(i will forget.) #nu carnival #replies #eiden #kuya #yakumo #garu #olivine

[queenofbaws]

there are already roughly a million posts like this already circulating, but man. just. sometimes you really do have to step away from something you're working on and come back to it later.

creative buds, please. please. no one is worse at taking my advice than i am, believe me, but seriously, if you've been feeling down or frustrated or stumped with something you've been working on lately, take this as your sign to maybe take a little break. a week, a month, whatever. you've been looking at it too long, you've read it too many times, you've erased that same line so many times you've lost count - you need to come back to it with a rested brain and fresh eyes.

however rough it feels to you now, i promise, promise, promise that it'll feel so much better after a little distance. <3

#queenie rambles #writing woes #full disclosure this is 100% about me finally sitting down and forcing myself to reread my own stuff lmfao #there was a lot of Other Stuff happening during the time but the last like. 5-6 chaps of like wringing blood made me SO anxious to post #no matter how many times i edited/reworked them i felt like they were hot fucking garbage #and every time i posted a chapter i was just like. consumed. with anxiety for hours/days after lmfao #now i'm rereading and i'm like aw shit. why was i nervous about this???? #anyway. yeah. let your brain rest. sometimes you need that. #and to anyone who's in the middle of the venn diagram of 'tag reader' and 'like wringing blood reader' hey #thanks for never questioning my rampant misuse of commas and italics and the word fuck!!!!! y'all are the real heroes <3 heheh #and as soon as i finish rereading this you guys better strap in because...i have like...two chapters almost ready to go lmfaooo #FULL SPEED AHEAD FUCKERS

[b4kuch1n]

langa special

#sk8 the infinity #hasegawa langa #kyan reki #renga #sure. every shrimp is a prawn etc #man. listen. langa is my core ''freaks make the world go round'' baby rn #I have like. a Thesis in my brain abt skateboarding and how its viewed in sk8 and like. deviancy and social norms and #the intrinsic relation between being cool and being a weirdo. gods I did Not shut up at mim abt it last night #or two nights ago. time is fake #fuckign brought up adam in relation to warfred bartosz too that was embarrassing #(for the record my opinion on adam is ''he is too rich and being less rich would literally cure him'') #but yeah I'm laying a bit of ''purposefully thick'' on langa here. its not that the boy doesnt know its that he doesnt care #guy who deals with anxiety by simply not thinking #every day in langas brain he walks into a room full of smashed cups and vases and he like. picks up a few pieces at a time #and puts em on the counter. hes been doing this for months #bet kid has set fire to something in a steel barrel at least once. langa youre a real one to me #anyways! the ''tastes like ant'' thing is real I just experienced it. idk why but I think? oolong caramel? #can smell Really close to the ant smell. it is Very weird #(I did finish that piece of cake anyway. paid for that shit) #last night has been full of events! that I am still digesting. theater very good. hangin out with friends very good too #heres to freaks. makin the world go round. gotta be weird to be cool! #have a good night! I pass the fuck out now. goobaba. tilt ur stage a little bit it makes a world of difference

[shrikeseams]

.

#my brain is full of the fire-alarm-in-next-room of anxiety #Two (extended) family members are probably actively dying #I need to clean house before one of those members comes (back) here to (probably) continue treatment #I need to entirely refigure my like. Life work plans. But feel like I can't while we're coping with family health crisis #And I have been on my period for going on four weeks now #So I also need to snag a same-day apt with my pcp about that #And while it is PROBABLY stress or thyroid or pcos bullshit #The anxiety brain fire alarm is convinced it's cervical cancer #Because what we need right now is a third active cancer diagnosis! #Plus (probably) anemia from 3+ weeks of blood loss is making me hella lethargic #When I need to be cleaning house. And getting up early to get a same day Dr apt. #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[snickerdoodlles]

regarding posting extra fic content that is not fic, but being worried about notifications... i have no idea how user subscriptions for pseuds work on AO3, but would it be a viable option to post those extra things under a pseud and then you can make it a related work to the fic in question?

it doesn't work! :( anyone who's subscribed to my main 'snickerdoodlles' username will get notifications for everything i post on AO3 that isn't anonymous because the pseuds still tie back to it. which is actually really convenient for me in every other case, but ajkfdjh.

right now i'm mostly considering building up a queue of tumblr posts that i'd want to copy over to AO3, then making a specific story post that's in my anon collection as i move stuff over. i can link all the story stuff together in the fics themselves, then take them out of the anon collection after i've finished uploading everything so that it's just one email notification at the end. my only hesitation rn is that moving a bunch of stuff over sounds very boring and i'm procrastinating it lol, but that's the only method i can think of atm that won't drive me completely nuts? i also don't really want anyone getting AO3 notifications from me to become associated with "not fic" either oof, i will cry if that happens 😂

#its mostly random extras i have for gone fishing series that i want to include too orz #like the long fic headcanon posts and some random snippets that are in the universe but not going to be full fics #i have the usernames and outtakes story already but i dont want to keep disappointing people with update emails that arent story updates #but im also eyeing various snippets because i'd like them to be easier to read/find but i dont want to clog up my ao3 with too many shorts #and im not sure how a bunch of notifications for them will go down >.< #on one hand i am DETERMINED not to fret over AO3 notifications because!! people who subscribed subscribed for a reason!! #logic says they want the notifications!! #but while im crawling towards being in a better brain space anxiety says i am So Annoying and need to cut down on how much i bother people #and there's a part of me that feels squiggly posting stuff that was always meant to be little snippets and vignettes instead of full storie #hjgjhgfjhfgjhfg

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous #and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep #I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :') #way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip #I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home #(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh) #my best friend and I were having a conversation today #and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?' #and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too #BUT I also get what she meant #not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy' #and fun fact #a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!! #which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like #the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!! #and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes #(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me) #'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever #same with my mom's hallucinations as well #and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again #which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that' #fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything #like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds #and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well #which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up #I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today #didn't eat #took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all #had too much caffeine #stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking

[sunmisbf]

#I ❤️ MUSIC #i’m having the anxiety attack of the week listening to these rn full volume isn’t enough i need them inside me #trying to trick my brain into thinking the anxiety is adrenaline instead.. sunmisbf hacks follow for more 👍 #side effects n adios r brother n sister n nightwalker n scream r brother n sister. they’re cousins… #.txt #Spotify

[socialprawn]

i visited my sis and her bf yesterday and these guys dont play w weed i got blasted to jupiter for literal hours and got panicky, FEK

#its unfortunate my brain turned full anxiety mode i was having a guud time :"V #tw drug mention

[localrye]

lads since 2 weeks I'm going through the worst nerve injury since a while and it fucking sucks. It will probably take some more time, won't be very active on here till it starts to feel normal again coz using the mouse hurts :/

#I'm so fucking bored I want to work and do stuff again D: #and my anxiety-filled part of the brain tries to convince me that it won't heal fast and that I will waste half a year #last time I injured my nerves it took almost a month till I regained full control of my arm and didn't feel pain #so hopefully I'll be fine by the middle of the month but I'M VERY ANXIOUS IT'S DIFFERENT NOW #ryemblings

[demo-ness]

i think this website may be allergic to the idea that most medications aren't for neurological stuff

#just saw a post that was an image with the text ''don't forget your meds!'' (this part is good) #next to the autism creature on top of a bottle labeled '''brain helpies''' #and i'm trying to parse my hatred in a way that spares the cringe. i am full of rage #but i will dabble in hating on the cringe a little. what medication is for the autism creature exactly?? #i thought the ''brain helpies'' for autism were universally dangerous and/or scams sold to horrid parents #it's comorbid with adhd but jfc it is SOOOOO inconsequential to forget a stimulant for a day #even compared to other quality of life meds. i'd rather remember to take my thyroid medicine and not be lethargic #and then. do i need to get into my health anxiety. please fucking GOD do not forget something that keeps you healthy #forgetting a stimulant makes you less productive in a day #forgetting something like a cholesterol medication will SLOWLY KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #is it REALLY health anxiety to think one is more important than the other???? #sorry i'm in a bad mood today. take your brain meds congrats on having a perfect body otherwise

[voidedjuice]

I want to talk with people so bad but I wasn't installed with the proper software when I was made, so it's so unbelievably difficult for me

#theres a hole in my brain where things like that shouldve gone #its all full of anxiety now #social interaction is like playing the 4d chess of visual novels. no idea what im doing but with the vague sense i am losing #text #latenightposting :3 #sowy im feeling emo and anxious tonight

[yanguazalie]

The logic and emotion in my head going at it!

Who will win??

#uglydolls #dollsona #dollsonas #just some sillyness before bed #usually they battle over eating a full meal or pulling an all-nighter for a drawing #it's a tough gig for my anxiety-riddled brain #if you know that ''fighting a toddler'' meme #that's what this is based on! #had to give my uglysona a weapon because she can't make fists

[fatcowboys]

hehehe i get to start t today!!! im taking gel which is ready 2 pick up today and i am Excited

#also its very funny bc i have been v excited to start but my anxiety brain is afraid of change #so as soon as rhe time was ACTUALLT here it started getting anxious #even tho i know its just my brain being silly anxious #and then the other part of my brain reaponded by giving me a wild dream full of gender weirdness and euphoria #and transgenderism so uhhh ty subconscious brain for that