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femalechibiblogger · 3 years

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My Top 7 Underrated Indie-Horror Games

1. Detention

Set in 1960s Taiwan of the White Terror period, students Wei and Ray find themselves trapped and vulnerable in Greenwood High School (翠華中學), which is located in a remote mountainous area. The place they once knew has changed in unsettling ways, haunted by evil creatures known as the "lingered" (魍魎). While hiding from the rampaging monsters, the protagonists unveil mysteries which slowly reveal the dark past of the cursed school.

Detention is a horror adventure video game created and developed by Taiwanese game developer Red Candle Games for Steam. It is a 2D atmospheric horror side-scroller set in 1960s Taiwan under martial law. The game also incorporates religious elements based on Taiwanese culture and mythology. The game was released on 13 January 2017. A demo version was released on Steam Greenlight on 13 June 2016.

The concept of the game originates with the Red Candle Games co-founder Shun-ting "Coffee" Yao. In February 2017, a novel based on the game was published by novelist Ling Jing. A live action film adaptation distributed by Warner Bros. Taiwan was released on 20 September 2019.

2. Layers of Fear

The player takes control of an artist who has returned to his studio. His initial goal is to complete his masterpiece, and the player's role is to figure out how this task should be accomplished. The challenge comes from puzzles which require the player to search the environment for visual clues. The house appears straightforward at first, but it changes around the player as they explore it in first person. These changes in the environment provide scaffolding for the puzzles and provide regular jump scares common to games of this genre.

The game is divided into six chapters with various items for the player to find in order to complete his work. The game is heavily dimmed, and there are objects that uncover certain aspects of the painter's history. While completing the painting, there is a letter that is slowly pieced together, which shows the origin of his masterpiece, and objects which explain the secret of the painter through dialogue flashbacks.

Layers of Fear is a psychological horror video game developed by Bloober Team and published by Aspyr. It was released on Linux, Microsoft Windows, OS X, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One worldwide in February 2016.

In Layers of Fear, the player controls a psychologically disturbed painter who is trying to complete his magnum opus as he navigates a Victorian mansion revealing secrets about his past. The gameplay, presented in first-person perspective, is story-driven and revolves around puzzle-solving and exploration. Layers of Fear: Inheritance was released on 2 August 2016 as a direct follow up add-on to the first game. This time the player controls the painter's daughter with the downloadable content focusing on her apparent relapse into trauma after returning to her old house.

A definitive port for the Nintendo Switch, entitled Layers of Fear: Legacy, was released on 21 February 2018 and it features, in addition to the Inheritance DLC, Joy-Con, touchscreen, and HD Rumble support. A limited physical retail release for the Nintendo Switch and PlayStation 4, published by Limited Run Games in North America, would be available starting October 2018. A sequel titled Layers of Fear 2 was announced in October 2018 and was released on May 29, 2019.

3. The Blackout Club

You are a teenager from a small, modern town. Each morning, you awaken covered in mud or scratches, with no memory of the night before. You've heard of sleepwalking - but this is different. Sometimes you lose entire days.

There are others like you. Your new group of friends bonded over this shared secret, forming a club to investigate the cause of these BLACKOUTS. Together, you discovered a network of bizarre underground tunnels, hidden just beneath the surface of your quiet community. An uncanny, disorienting music beckoned from below.

You hesitated. But last night, your best friend vanished - and now, a mysterious group of adults wants to eliminate you. You must strike back, capture their activities on camera and expose them to the world.

The Blackout Club is a first-person co-op horror game centered around a group of teenage friends investigating a monstrous secret beneath the skin of their small town. 1-4 players explore procedurally-generated missions against a fearsome enemy you can only see with your eyes closed.

The developers describe the content like this:

There is violence in the game where players or enemies might use tranquilizer darts or electric stun guns on another human. Although there is no excessive violence or gore in this game, there are scenes with blood and evidence of crimes such as kidnapping and murder. It should be noted that the player characters and their allies are teenagers. Players are not allowed to injure or hurt another teenager, but the game does depict teens in situations of peril.

4. Cry of Fear

The player controls Simon Henriksson, a 19‑year‑old who wakes up in an alley shortly after being hit by a car. The player must navigate the city solving puzzles and fighting monsters to progress. The game switches between normal gameplay levels representing the city and surrounding areas, and "nightmare" levels, similar to those found in the Silent Hill series of games.

Cry of Fear features many unique mechanics, such as the limited inventory system, which allows the player to carry only 6 items at a time and does not pause the game while the inventory screen is open. Another unique mechanic is the ability to dual-wield inventory items, allowing the use of two weapons at a time, or one weapon and a light source. Item combination is also possible from the inventory screen. Health is recovered by the use of morphine syringes, which can blur the player's vision if overused. Stamina is consumed through strenuous actions such as running and jumping, and can be recovered by resting or the use of morphine syringes.

Some days before Cry of Fear's anniversary, Valve released a Half-Life update for Linux compatibility, making changes in the folders and engine. This update made several Half-Life mods, including Cry of Fear, incompatible with the base game. Team Psykskallar decided that, since no more could be done for the mod itself, they would finish a standalone version. Confusion due to Valve regarding Cry of Fear's status as freeware caused the game to be delayed until April 25, 2013.

5. The Coma: Cutting Class

The story follows Youngho Choi, a freshman student at Sehwa High. In the midst of finals season, a student attempts to commit suicide during their study session. Despite this event, final exams are scheduled to continue as normal. Youngho proceeds to take his exam, but falls asleep from exhaustion due to having gotten no sleep the night before. Consequently, he wakes up at his school desk in the middle of the night and finds that there is more to Sehwa High than he thought.

The Coma: Cutting Class is a 2D survival-horror video game developed and published by Devespresso Games. It was released on October 19, 2015. It follows the story of Youngho Choi as he explores the mystery behind the abandoned Sehwa High school.

A remastered version was released on September 22, 2017 for Steam, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One, and on December 21, 2017 for Nintendo Switch. A mobile version was released on January 17, 2019 for Android and January 22, 2019 for iOS. A sequel, The Coma 2: Vicious Sisters, was released on PC platforms (Steam, GOG) on January 28, 2020.

6. The Park

The game follows Lorraine, a struggling single mother and widow with a troubled past, as she searches for her young son, Callum, who goes missing in Atlantic Island Park. Lorraine enters the park after her son just as the park prepares to close for the afternoon, only to find that nighttime comes unnaturally fast as she ascends the escalator and discovers the park to be abandoned, vandalized and rundown as if several years have passed. Despite abandonment, the rides and lights mysteriously still function. Lorraine calls for Callum and his voice calls to her, leading her through the decrepit park.

Lorraine boards several rides which reveal the themes and backstory of the game: the Tunnel of Tales tells the story of Hansel and Gretel, this time with a new ending - in which after cooking the witch in the oven, Hansel and Gretel devour her. On the Ferris Wheel, Lorraine remembers Callum's father Don, a construction worker at the park who died in a fall from the Ferris Wheel when Lorraine was still pregnant with Callum. Between rides, Lorraine expresses her frustration with Callum, her belief that she is a failure as a mother, her history of mental health problems, and her fear that Callum is becoming changed by some mysterious threat. However, while aboard the roller coaster, a monstrous top-hatted ringmaster (identified in the credits as The Boogeyman) accosts Lorraine and claims 'the Witch' has her son.

The Park is a first-person psychological horror adventure game developed and published by Funcom. The game was released for Microsoft Windows via Steam on October 27, 2015 and is a spin-off of an earlier Funcom game, The Secret World. It was released for PlayStation 4 and Xbox One on May 3, 2016 and Nintendo Switch on October 22, 2019. It will be released in Japan on September 24, 2020. The game takes place in the Atlantic Island Park that closed back in the year of 1980 for mysterious reasons that are gradually revealed throughout the game.

The Park is experienced from a first-person perspective as the player, Lorraine, interacts with and experiences the decrepit environment of Atlantic Island Park. There is no combat or defense and the player has no health HUD as Lorraine can only interact with limited objects in-game and there are no enemies to battle. These objects mostly consist of pages that reveal the backstory of the park and later, Lorraine. Lorraine can call out to character Callum at any time during gameplay, and this may have a small affect as it allows Lorraine to follow Callum's voice and thus continue the narrative of the story or to reach necessary areas or objectives within the park such as the rides. The rides act as both exposition and scares. To enter the House of Horrors, Lorraine must find a flashlight. Throughout the game, Lorraine narrates her feelings and memories to the player.

7. Mad Father

Mad Father takes place in northern Germany, where the 11-year old protagonist, Aya Drevis, lives with her father, Alfred Drevis, and their maid Maria. Aya is a shy girl who never goes outside. Her mother, Monika Drevis, was incredibly ill, and presumably died of illness before the occurrence of the game. Her father performs secret research in his laboratory in the house's basement, with the assistance of Maria. Aya is aware that Alfred experiments and kills humans in the basement, as well as the fact that he is involved in an extramarital affair with the younger Maria, a former homeless woman he had taken off the street some years prior.

On the anniversary of Monika's death, the very beginning of the game, Aya awakens at midnight to find herself surrounded by test subjects that escaped from the laboratory. Fleeing back into her room, Aya encounters the mysterious salesman Ogre, who offers her the task of solving puzzles to break into her father's laboratory and uncover his secret. Aya discovers that her father had intended to perform taxidermy on her and convert her into a doll, as he had done to numerous other children, having been enamored with preserving humans after having killed his own mother as a youth. Aya soon discovers that her father killed her mother in fear of her mother taking Aya away to prevent him from performing taxidermy on her.

The game has three endings based on the player's choices. In one ending, Aya allows her undead mother to take her father away to another world. After returning to the real world, she runs into Maria, who knocks her out, takes her to the basement and then kills her, turning her corpse into a doll. In the second ending, Aya saves her father from being taken by her mother's spirit. However, after doing so, Monika reveals to Aya that Alfred murdered her for one of his experiments. Horrified, Aya flees while being chased by a chainsaw-wielding Alfred. While attempting to escape, she runs into Maria. Maria attempts to follow her, but when she fails to capture her, Maria is attacked by Alfred. The game then branches into two endings depending on Aya's actions; if Aya neglects to help Maria and instead attempts to escape the mansion, she is found by her father and killed, with Alfred performing taxidermy on her corpse and rendering her into one of his dolls. In the true ending, Aya helps Maria, declaring that the two shall henceforth live together. Maria then kills Alfred and the two women leave the mansion, which is burned down by Dio, the spirit of one of Alfred's human test subjects.

As the house burns down, Ogre transports Alfred's spirit to another world, where he is free to experiment to his heart's content, creating a mature adult clone of his daughter, leading into the events of Misao. Meanwhile, while walking away from the burning mansion, Aya notices that her father's medical book has survived the blaze. Some years later, Aya and Maria have created a clinic, where they perform medical services free of charge. A poor woman named Jean Rooney arrives for an examination, and Aya uses anesthesia to render Jean unconscious, claiming that Jean will no longer suffer from her illnesses. In another room, Maria muses that Aya has become just like her father and that the tendencies run in the family, heavily implying that Aya has followed in her father's footsteps.

#Top List #my top 7 #indie horror game #Underrated #video games #horror #detention #layers of fear #the blackout club #cry of fear #the coma #cutting class #the park #mad father

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mygangtome · 7 years

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Where They Were, Where They Are Now - Lucy Griffiths

She was the Nightwatchman, Lady Marian, the proud and strong lady in Nottingham who fed information to our favorite outlaws, stood toe to toe with the Sheriff and caught the attention and desire of Guy of Gisborne. Here is a list of the project Lucy Griffiths has worked in since her days as Marian ended.

U Be Dead (2009) – Bethan Ancell

A doctor and his girlfriend are stalked by a woman who claims to be in love with him. Meanwhile, the man falls in love with a younger woman. Based on a true story.

Character bio: The much younger and second fiancee of Dr. Jan Falkowski, who is caught up in the events as the doctor’s stalker refuses to relent.

Fan comments: Not one that I have seen or heard much about at all, so I have little insight to offer. It seems like it could be a suspenseful story, and the cast is pretty strong, so it does have that.

Collision (2009) – Jane Tarrant

The story of a major road accident and a group of people who have never met, but who all share one single defining moment that will change their lives.

Character bio: Jane is living a normal, possibly dull, life; she works at a fast food joint and living with her boyfriend. When he suggests they get married, she gets frustrated and is afraid of being trapped. When the massive car crash drives victims to her workplace, she meets and begins an affair with Richard Reeves, an older business man.

Fan comments: I did see this one, and enjoyed the suspense and the trail of stories that weave together at the collision point. The individual characters are intriguing, and the plot holds your attention. Lucy does very well, though it was a shock to see her in blonde hair!

Inspector Lewis (2010) – Madeleine Escher (1 episode)

Inspector Robert Lewis and Sergeant James Hathaway solve the tough cases that the learned inhabitants of Oxford throw at them. Falling Darkness - During a Halloween, one of Dr Hobson’s college roommates is found dead with a stake through her heart and a garlic bulb in her mouth.

Character Bio: Madeleine Escher is one of four students living in a house that is apparently haunted, but is one of the three who are initially unconcerned.

Fan comments: I have never seen any Inspector Lewis, nor this episode, though it sounds clearly like a Halloween episode with supposedly supernatural connections to crimes that have mundane answers.

The Little House (2010) – Ruth

A reluctant mother, young Ruth Clee’s post natal vulnerability and failure to bond with her baby is exploited by Elizabeth, her manipulative mother-in-law in a battle to seize control of the child.

Character Bio: Described as emotionally fragile, Ruth is diagnosed with post-partum psychosis after the birth of her son. Her mother-in-law’s controlling nature only compounds Ruth’s other troubles, which include spectral sightings of her own mother, confusion and memory loss.

Fan comments: From the reviews I read, it feels like the script lets the actors and characters down, rushing development and skipping things that would lead to better understanding of their emotional development.

Dirt 3 (2011) - Store Manager (voice)

A racing game about a guy and a woman wanting to race against humanity can they do it? Your story your choice.

Fan comments: I couldn’t find anything about a character, so there is not much to talk about her.

Billboard (2011) - The Ex

A dark, twisted tale of two young suicidal characters who, through a series of unfortunate events, come together for one crazy night.

To shake things up, here is the teaser trailer, which does feature a lot of Lucy:

youtube

And here is another video of her talking about the project:

youtube

Awakening (2011) – Jenna Lestrade

Two sisters find themselves on opposite sides of a zombie uprising.

Another video clip, as there is next to nothing else to be found about this made for TV movie.

youtube

The Numbers Station (2013) – Meredith

A disgraced black ops agent is dispatched to a remote CIA broadcast station to protect a code operator. Soon, they find themselves in a life-or-death struggle to stop a deadly plot before it’s too late.

Character bio: One of the code dispatchers / operators at the broadcast station; leaves a code for Katherine (lady lead), which is a vital part of the code breaking that needs to be done.

Fan comments: This seems like a thriller that I would be interested in, with codes and a race against the clock. Lucy’s part does not seem large, though it is a part important to the plot.

True Blood (2012-2013) Nora Gainesborough (21 episodes)

Telepathic waitress Sookie Stackhouse encounters a strange new supernatural world when she meets the mysterious Bill, a southern Louisiana gentleman and vampire.

Character bio: “ Nora was irreverent, intelligent, intimidating, cool under pressure and a very good liar. Like many siblings, she and her “brother” enjoyed a fiery love/hate relationship. Though she cared for him deeply, and looked up to him, she dedicated her life to a higher purpose. However, she lacked self-discipline and, unlike her maker, seemed to have little regard for human life. Like Godric, Eric and Pam, Nora spoke Swedish. Nora was a devout religious vampire and when she was captured by the Authority and placed in her cell, the only thing she did is pray to Lilith. When Lilith mercilessly destroyed Godric, Nora finally realized that Lilith was evil and cowered in fear of her.” (from True Blood Wiki)

Fan comments: I will say that I have no intention of watching this show. Vampires on HBO is not really my speed. Though from that description of Nora, there might be moments were we see Marian’s brand of stubbornness and fire showing up.

Winter’s Tale (2014) – Young Woman

A burglar falls for an heiress as she dies in his arms. When he learns that he has the gift of reincarnation, he sets out to save her.

Character Bio: Lucy is credited only as young woman, so I have a feeling she barely shows up on screen.

Fan comments: And as I have not seen this one either, I cannot say for sure how much she shows up. But it is a pretty looking movie, so let’s have the trailer:

youtube

Last Summer (2014) – Rebecca

Having lost custody of her six year-old son, a young Japanese woman has four days to say goodbye to him on-board a yacht belonging to her western ex-husband’s wealthy family. Alone with the crew, who are under direct instruction to keep a watchful eye on her, the woman must try to forge a connection with her son before she has to part from him for many years.

Character bio: One of the yaht crew, Rebecca is the person that young Ken clings to when first interacting with his mother.

Fan comments: The only trailers I could find of this film were in Italian, but I don’t think the film was shot in Italian. The reviews have said it is a quiet film, artistic and beautiful, with a hopeful ending. I might track it down, because Rinko Kikuchi is the main character, Naomi, and that with Lucy in the film intrigues me.

Don’t Look Back (2014) – Nora Clark

An adult woman must face the trauma and horrors of her difficult childhood after avoiding it for years.

Character bio: Nora is a writer of young adult books, struggling with a writer’s block and the death of her grandmother. She decides to move back to her grandmother’s house (where Nora had been raised), to deal with the estate and the other details. She opens the house to a lodger, Peyton, who develops an unhealthy attraction to Nora. At the same time, Nora’s life continues to be bombarded by skeletons from her past.

Fan comments: This is another one that the writing fails any and all of the talent from the cast by all accounts of the reviews.

Constantine (2014) – Liv Aberdine

A man struggling with his faith who is haunted by the sins of his past is suddenly thrust into the role of defending humanity from the gathering forces of darkness.

Character bio: Liv winds up working with Constantine to banish a demon that is hunting her. She also inherited a pendant from her father that allows her to see multiple planes of existence, making her more than an ordinary office worker as we first think.

Fan comments: So Constantine has been on the back burner of my shows for awhile, since I heard it was actually pretty well done, despite not being renewed. I may bump it up the list now that I know Lucy is in it.

Home for Christmas (2014) – Alice

Beth Prince has always loved fairytales and now she feels like she’s finally on the verge of her own happily ever after; a dream job in a charming independent cinema by the seaside and a gorgeous boyfriend. There’s just one problem - no man has ever told her they love her. Desperate to hear their crucial three little words for the first time Beth takes matters into her own hands - and wishes she hasn’t.

I couldn’t find much info, though it apparently a rom com with Christmas, and is generally feel good. Though I did find this video and thought I would share it:

youtube

Uncanny (2015) – Joy Andrews

The world’s first “perfect” Artificial Intelligence begins to exhibit startling and unnerving emergent behavior when a reporter begins a relationship with the scientist who created it.

Character bio: Joy is at first just curious about the actual AI project, but then develops a friendship with David, the creator of the AI, Adam. This friendship builds to a sexual relationship, and the AI develops more and more human emotions which puts Joy in danger.

Fan comments: I would have put this on a list of movies to see, but in the course of researching, I’ve seen all the spoilers… and well, I might still watch it.

Preacher (2016) – Emily (10 episodes)

After a supernatural event at his church, a preacher enlists the help of a vampire to find God.

Character bio: Emily is no-nonsense single mother of three. Emily’s a waitress, while also serving as a church organist, bookkeeper and Jesse’s loyal right hand. (bio from Preacher Wikia)

Fan comments: While the premise of the show doesn’t quite catch me (so sick of vampires, sorry), Lucy’s character seems an interesting change from some of the other roles I’ve seen her in, and from those that I had to research. I may have to look up her episodes.

That is it for now in Lucy’s filmography, but I am interested to see what her career will bring!

#my gang to me 2017 #lucy griffiths #who they are now #lady marian #bbc robin hood #lafseanchai #submission

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davidvsgoliath-blog1 · 7 years

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Police Corruption In small town

I feel it’s the right time to shine some more light especially on a town of corruption. A town only someone who lived there nearly 20 years can verify as reality. I would like to start by saying that this is long overdue. A child molesting rapist who used my little sister as one of his victims faces no persecution. This man to my knowledge was arrested in a sting called “Operation Black Widow”. I thought finally, he’s going to prison. I kept hearing my dad was still hanging around this pedophile. For those that don’t know me well, this man was my dad’s best friend. This guy used to wait for my dad to go to work and stop by to masturbate and try and rouse my then 9 year old sister into sex. This went on until she was an adult and moved away. My dad had no idea, and either did I. Todd had a way of making you think he was “Mr wonderful”. I know now that it’s a manipulation tactic of the wicked. When my dad found out, he wanted to kill this man. Could you blame any father for having that feeling. I mean my sister was raped a few years before by a younger man, but it was still rape. I will never forget the blood stain on her pants. My dad looked at me and said “ I’m going to kill him”. I said “dad let me handle it”. I did exactly that. The person who committed the heinous act to my sister had to have reconstructive surgery on his face. I headbutted him twice. I ended up charged with simple assault. I spent time in jail, and was sentenced to indefinite probation. So the day my dad asked me to help him go kill Todd, I declined. I didn't believe it to begin with, and I saw what happened last time I took the law in my own hands. Also, I couldn’t fathom the thought this went on underneath my nose. I couldn’t imagine the shame or guilt my dad had.

I want everyone to know, to my knowledge neither was persecuted for rape or molestation. I, however was sentenced for two headbutts. Most dad’s or brother’s might have done worse than I did. I felt I made the point very clear as he begged for mercy. Now, why did I take the law into my hands you may ask? Well, this is a town of injustice. A police force more concerned about making teens and young adults lives miserable out of sheer boredom then actually protecting and serving. When my sister was a victim of an apparent rape they dropped her off at my mom’s and suggested my mom take her to the hospital “she may have been raped” they said.There was hardly any investigation into the rape, however the cops main concern was whether my sister had drank alcohol or not. Which brings me to my false imprisonment. I spent 5 days in jail while I waited for a bed to go to treatment for alcoholism. Sounds normal right? 5 days in jail without any charges accept a serious alcohol problem. I couldn't be held at the hospital where I would've been safe and under professional care. When I went through DT’s so bad from alcohol withdrawal there I got scared and ran away from the hospital in my underwear in the middle of winter. I was found in a shed nearly froze to death. You ask why did you run? I honestly cannot tell you why. I felt like I was hallucinating, but it felt very real. So real that I thought I was being held prisoner by evil people to be persecuted and killed.(There’s a story exactly the same just different content in the back of the Alcoholics Anonymous book). I was transported the next day to County Jail where I spent 5 days incarcerated before riding hand cuffed in a cop car 2 hours to treatment. I, someone with a history of seizures should not have been confined in jail. The then state’s attorney visited me in jail and apologized that they were holding me there. Any true professional would've admitted me to a psychiatric ward or just helped me through the DT’s I was experiencing. I feel like I was imprisoned unlawfully and plan to seek justice.

Then there was an incident where I was backing up a friend in a fight. Little did we know that we were bringing 4 fists to a knife and gun fight against numerous people. What a bunch of wussies. My friend and I were about 16 or 17 at the time so I can’t imagine we needed that much heat on us. Long story short I’m not even the least bit scared. I went after the guy with the knife. At the same time an officer pulls in and everyone flees to their vehicles. The cowards get in their two cars and peel out, and my friend and I attempt to leave the parking lot when we are stopped. We had both had around 3 or 4 beers. Our night was just starting. The cop pulls my friend to his car for questioning as I wait patiently in the car. Another officer pulls up at this point to bring me in his car. I explain what happened, and right on schedule the cops only concern was whether I had been drinking or not. I said kind of irrelevant when our lives were in danger sir. Well while all this is going on the driver (my friend) is getting put into the back seat. I’m thinking “Oh shoot” he’s getting a drinking and driving because I was already getting an underage drinking ticket. Well you will never guess what happens next. A nice new car pulls up. A lawyer gets out (just so happens to be my friends father). He speaks with the cop and just like nothing my friend is set free to his dad’s care. I, however, didn’t receive such an option. The cop took me across town to my mom’s where I promptly called my friend to see what happened. The officer was small talking with my mom when I put it on speaker phone. I said “ so you didn’t get a DUI or an underage?” his response “nope”. I walked at the officer asking why I was the only when being persecuted for underage drinking when I wasn’t even driving? He then drew his pistol and told me to “get back”!!! I said “officer I’m like 15 feet from you is the gun necessary”? He was calmed down by my mom and re holstered his weapon. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe my friend got off scotch free. His car wasn’t even towed. Recently in late January I called my former friend’s dad (the attorney) to help me with some legal stuff, and he of course declined. I brought up( on speaker phone for witnesses to hear) “do you remember when you came and got your son and somehow got him out of A DUI/ and or Underage drinking, and left me to get an underage. Your son drank as much if not more at that point, yet his car didn't even get towed”. He said “ yes I remember that night”, but I still can’t help you. At that point our conversation ended.

That brings me to one of the retired Sheriffs( hmm wonder why he’s retired). His son threatened my life, he even threatened to “slit my dog’s throat”. If you knew me well, I don’t think it was wise of him threaten my dog Baby. I at that point went to his house to confront the drug dealer face to face. When I drove past (his father the sheriff) waved for me to come into the alley. As I approached I saw the coward who threatened me and my dog standing behind their fence with a hockey stick. His dad (the Sheriff) had we walk towards him. He then said “come here you little shit I heard you think your tough”. I said I hear the same thing, but my concern is your son is threatening to kill my dog and myself. He grabbed my coat and started to try and drag me into his garage to “talk”. I declined and swiped his arm away from mine and was prepared to fight. I then realized I was up against a deadly weapon and a town Sheriff. It was most definitely a lose, lose situation. I decided to retreat to my car helpless with even the law. This Sheriff knew of his sons cocaine and marijuana dealing. He would allow his son to rip people off and show up in his Sheriff car to make sure his son was unscathed. Wow, great police work. Obviously for me to know all this I wasn’t perfect. I’m not claiming to be, but my job description wasn’t protect and serve.

I have so many other stories of this corrupt town. You would not believe the truth I’m going to bring to light. All the persecution I endured will not be for nothing. There are others now suffering the same abuse by the hands of those who are supposed to “PROTECT AND SERVE”. I want to be clear not all the officers are corrupt, nor do I have any proof of that. I want it known that this town that ran me out (thank GOD) is disgusting. As far as I know Todd(my dad’s pedophile best friend) isn’t on the pedophile registry, and to my knoledge has done about the same amount as me. LOL I’m attaching a video I found on YouTube. It exemplifies and proves what I’m saying is not false. I will go under oath if I have to. I will subpoena any and all witnesses because best believe I remember all their names and faces(even the officers). I want to remind you this is a small town in South Dakota with a police force and prosecution that ignores real crime like rape to persecute underage drinkers or pot smokers. To my knowledge because of their great work the city was able to build a new jail to house all the new inmates. I’m ashamed to call this place my hometown. In one of the last scenes they are in the ice arena where I helped put a banner up for a state championship. Instead of having year round ice for kids and hockey players to excel and compete at higher levels, the police force uses the building for special ops training. You heard me correctly. A town of 20,000 people with their own swat team. They’ve had like two homicides since like 1900. I wonder where the funding comes from? HMM

Thanks for reading! PLEASE SHARE//// Here is the link to see these officers gearing up for war in a town where I never used to lock my car door! Content not suitable for children. Watch at your own risk.

https://youtu.be/SBmCUaohu8U

#corruption #police corruption #unlawful #sick #new world order #helpless #injustice #justice #truth #writers on tumblr #writers #facebook #mybook #mystory #false imprisonment #lawyer #rape #child abuse #southdakota

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lalobalives · 7 years

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*An essay a week in 2017*

I encountered this poem on the train this week:

I’ve read this poem before. I read all of the poems in the Poetry in Motion series when I’ve see them in my travels across the boroughs. But this one I read with new eyes. I thought about the #52essays2017 challenge and I thought about the first time I actually saw myself in literature.

I was a Latina (Hondureña and Boricua) from Bushwick, Brooklyn and had seen my hometown buckle under the weight of the crack epidemic. I left to get away from my mother and pursue an education that I thought (hoped?) would save me. I didn’t realize that it would also fuck me up in so many ways. It was in Wellesley, MA that I learned the ugly faces of racism and classism. I learned solitude when I realized that I wouldn’t fit in and stopped trying to. I found solace in literature. One day, I was all of fifteen, sitting on the mezzanine in the boarding school I attended. I had my nose in a book, as I always did, when an English professor came up to me and said, “You should read this, Vanessa.” He handed me Julia Alvarez’s How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents. My first thought was, “Alvarez. That’s a Latino name.” I devoured that book in two days. For the first time, an author I read looked like me and talked like me, and I could relate to her characters and their struggles in white America. For the first time, I thought: “Maybe I can be a writer…”

I was a voracious reader, and though I could relate to the characters in many ways and the ways in which they lived their lives and coped, there was always something missing. Those faces didn’t look like mine. Their neighborhoods didn’t look like mine. They didn’t speak two languages. They didn’t get called gringa and Americana when they went to their parent’s motherlands. They weren’t called spic and nigger here in the U.S. I kept reading looking for something that looked and felt more like me…

I wanted to know myself…

Don’t we all want to know ourselves?

I didn’t have the language then but what I was ultimately getting to was this: Representation matters.

My love for all things personal writing began early. I read the Little House on the Prairie books over and over as a kid. In college at Columbia University, St. Augustine’s Confessions was the first required book in my core Literature Humanities class that resonated with me. I wanted to know who this daring man was. I ate his story up. I didn’t yet know that his is considered the first memoir in history.

My senior year I did an independent study where I read and analyzed Esmeralda Santiago’s When I Was Puerto Rican. As I read, I wondered: “Can I do this too? Can I write a book about my life? About being raised by lesbians at the height of the crack epidemic in Bushwick, Brooklyn?” Reading a book by someone who looked like me and came from where my ancestors came from made me think that I could. Twenty years later, that’s exactly what I do–I write about my life.

The literature I read throughout much of my academic life was very white and very male. It wasn’t until my junior year in high school that I learned that my people do write and read and have rich histories.

As a woman of color who grew up in Bushwick, Brooklyn, left at 13 to attend boarding school in rich, white, Wellesley, Massachusetts, then went on to Columbia University, I’ve been told countless times, both directly and subliminally that my voice is less than and that my stories don’t matter. I was told that when everything I read was largely white and male, and even the few women that were sprinkled in were white women. The history I learned was western and white, even Egypt was presented as not really being black though it’s part of Africa and clearly a black nation. I did not learn that there are pyramids throughout the Americas, that my indigenous ancestors had written language and intricate civilizations.

When I went to college at Columbia University, I took every Latino Literature and History class I could, and in my junior year I joined the fight for Ethnic Studies because I wanted to study the immigrant experience. I wanted to know myself.

That hunger is still with me. I still seek it out in the stories I write, the stories I read and see on the screen and on stage.

I’m not the only one who’s spoken on this. In an October 2016 Op-Ed, John Leguizamo wrote:

Without a past to glorify and uplift you, how do you propel yourself into an unknown, tenuous future?

I’m only an amateur historian. But I am an expert on my own life and career. So to bring it around to more contemporary slights: Hispanics are the most underrepresented ethnic group in film and television. “Saturday Night Live” has only just hired its first Latina comic. Are we really to believe there are so few funny Latinos? We are similarly marginalized in business and corporate life.

This exclusion sends a painful message to every Latino child about how he is seen and judged. Latino people face a double challenge: to create our own positive self-image while battling against the way the broader society portrays us. Without textbooks in schools that do justice to our contributions to the making of America, and without media representation expanding to include more Latin faces and voices, we are vulnerable to a demagogue like Mr. Trump claiming that we are all “drug dealers,” “rapists” and “criminals.”

In an NBC news interview with Lin Manuel Miranda and his dad Luis, Lin Manuel, whose “Hamilton” has transformed Broadway and American theater, Lin Manuel shared that Alexander Hamilton’s quintessentially American story resonated with him because: “When I realized he came from the Caribbean I said ‘I know this guy — he’s you, he’s the taxistas (taxi drivers) that became congresspeople, he’s a version of the story we know.”

I think about my first novel, Woman’s Cry, about a young woman in college at Columbia while struggling with her love for a drug dealer from Washington Heights. That book, because it was and wasn’t about the hood, was about the lure of the streets and the familiar, was labeled hip hop literature, and thus relegated to the tables of the vendors on 125th Street and 149th Street and 3rd Avenue in the Bronx.

***

The personal is political.

Because our lives matter.

Because we’re told to forget and move forward, get over it, move on, but that doesn’t nothing to heal us.

Because in story you, we, can take back our power.

Because I did this thing, the Relentless Files, an essay a week in 2016, and I saw how much it helped me confront my ego and push back on the self-sabotage of perfectionism; & I know how it helped me open up to my story and make connections I hadn’t made before, and flex this writing muscle that requires, no, demands so much attention to stay in shape.

I believe that our stories matter. All of our stories. Stories of growing up in Bushwick, Brooklyn when it was a pile up rubble AND growing up in the ‘burbs with its greenery and great schools AND growing up in the montes of Lares, Puerto Rico, wherever it is you saw and experienced you had, they matter, you matter, your stories matter, and I want to read them. I want to read about how you sang freestyle songs at the top of your lungs from your perch on the stoop of your building, and how you learned all the choreography to Menudo’s Subete a mi Moto. I want to hear about how hard it was to be raised by lesbians. I want to read about the storefront Pentecostal you grew up attending with the name of the church in calligraphy over the door and the women with their waist length hair, worn in a long braid down their backs, their skirts to their shins, and the men in their guayaberas, bibles in the crooks of their arms, their noses up in the air so as to look down on you. I want to read all of it. About your first kiss and the girl who broke your heart and how you got her back by hooking up with her best friend. Tell me your stories. Write them. Why? Because this is how we “re-write the script.” This is how we take back our stories. How we say: “Look, I’m here” and contrary to what that fool Trump says, my tios aren’t rapists and my tias aren’t criminals and we do in fact contribute so much to this country, in so many ways. This is who we are. It’s through our stories that we show who we are, that we rewrite the narrative. We write ourselves.

Latinos are already doing it in various mediums. Linda Nieves Powell with her Latina Icons tribute and her plays including Yo Soy Latina; Alicia Anabel Santos and Renzo Devia with their AfroLatinos: The Untaught Story Documentary; John Leguizamo, Junot Diaz, the poets at the Nuyorican in LES and Capicú in Brooklyn and Lunada in The Bay. #52essays2017 is my way…

***

I had a dream recently where I was in my mother’s garden. It looked like it did when I was a kid–I saw the chipped red paint on the fence, the plum tree with its crooked lean, the dilapidated fence that separated the yard from the junkyard next door. I was standing there, looking around when a hawk swooped down and circled me. Then she perched on a low branch of the plum tree and stared at me. I stared back. We were staring when I woke up, filled with awe at her and her visit.

***

I created a video this week for the #52essays2017 challenge. I’m always pushing myself to be more vulnerable, more open, more willing to put myself out there. Why? Because this is who I am. Because I’m tired of hiding and shrinking myself. Because I think this work is so very important.

As I was writing it up, I thought of a writer who showed up to my free five hour Writing Our Lives Workshop the other day. This writer rolled her eyes and said she’d worked through all her shit, all this stuff we write about. She said she didn’t feel attached to her trauma, yet she kept going back to that poetry book she wrote that was pulled by the publishing company when her half sister threatened to sue. This is the thing: there is always a different way to reflect on our lives, to explore and mine our memories for story. I don’t want to not to be able to reflect and remember, even if I’ll be called or considered a victim for doing it, like my sister did on Christmas. This is how I write my narrative, the script of my life. That power is in my hands, no one else’s.

There’s always a writer in this free class who comes in unwilling or unable to learn. This writer sits in the front row. This writer is here to challenge me. She is here to remind me of why I do this work, to stress the importance of it, even if you don’t see it. This writer represents imposter syndrome and that cualquiera who wrote to me years ago to tell me that I had to stop writing “these sob stories.” This writer represents my mother and my sister and those people who question why I do what I do, who don’t respect it or me. This writer is there to remind me that people like this exist and there’s nothing I can do to control that or them. What I can do is dig my feet and heart deeper into the work, and keep doing it and believing it and being fuckin’ relentless.

I told the writer that if her writing felt boring and “not visceral” as she described it, that didn’t mean she had reflected on all of it and milked it for everything it had. Writing for me isn’t about exploiting my experiences, what has and still aches. Writing to me is about reflecting and learning, and yes it’s part of my healing journey. I don’t think about the destination or that moment/place when I will feel completely healed. When she described herself as having worked out everything, I didn’t feel any authenticity in the statement, it felt rigid and dismissive. It felt like she was avoiding and trying to numb. To me, someone who is healed doesn’t come into a class closed and unwilling to learn.

I don’t want to be so sure about everything. I want to always have questions and be open to a variety of answers. I want to always care enough to keep digging and looking at the world and my traumas through the eyes of someone who is always evolving.

A writer chimed in and encouraged the resistant writer to read more. I thought of James Baldwin’s quote: “You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.”

***

I’m writing this at The Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota. On the flight I was seated in the middle seat, which I hate. I prefer to sit at the window. I always have. Why? As a kid looked for heaven in the clouds. I remembered that in all the images of God in heaven, he is surrounded by clouds. Heaven rests in clouds. God rests in clouds. So when I traveled with my family, to Puerto Rico and Honduras, and that time I traveled to Turkey with a dance group when I was 13, I searched for heaven in the clouds from my window seat. And I was always disappointed when I didn’t see it–heaven with its golden gates, the angels with their white gowns and glimmering wings. I stopped searching for heaven in the clouds long ago. Still, the perspective from above the clouds is glorious. Truth is: I like to know how far off the ground I am. I like to see when we’re taking off and landing.

I always get anxiety before a trip. My chest tightens so I have to use my nebulizer since my albuterol inhaler is useless in these moments. I make lists of what I need. I always overpack, no matter how I try not to, though I’m getting better at leaving things… It’s the flying that gets me. The hulk of metal hanging out in the great expanse of sky, traveling at hundreds of miles per hour. The reality of it is both frightening and miraculous. I am grounded knowing the earth is below, the mountains and the rivers and pastures and cities and all of it, the blanket of ice I peeked at over my neighbor’s shoulder. Seeing the earth from the window seat reminds me that no matter how high I fly, I will make it back down. I will land.

And isn’t that a metaphor for the work I do mining my life. I pull back the camera and zero in on these moments. Nostalgia creeps in when I remember our trips to the beach when I was growing up. The days long preparation that included a trip to Western Beef, the seasoning of all that meat, ribs and beef chunks and chicken legs, the smell of sofrito and comino filling the apartment and the hallways of our three story building. Joy and sadness inevitably fill my chest when I remember how different things are now, that my Millie is gone and so is my brother…but I also know that no matter where I float in my memory, I will land, in this life, more aware of how these stories have shaped me and continue to shape me. What to do with that awareness is up to me…

***

This weekend I was reminded that poetry is image. What images do we go to when we think of love and loss and hope and desire. What images do we go to when we describe the people we love and/or have hurt us.

I think of the faculty reading tonight. I remember a poem by Elmaz Abinader about work and labor, and how it starts with her in a pedicure chair and ends with her talking about her father and his shoe business, how he spent his life at people’s feet. I think of Chris Abani’s reading. Chris spoke of the South African poet Keorapetse Kgositsile. When describing him and his compassionate heart, he told us two stories. Once they facilitated a poetry workshop at a prison in South Africa. This is the prison where the hardened criminals were incarcerated. In the courtyard where they were reading, there were four men in steel cages that the poets were instructed not to look at or talk directly to. These were the lifers. The hardest, most violent, most dangerous. The cages were meant to protect the poets, or so they were told. At one point during the event, Keorapetse Kgositsile could not be found. They searched high and low but found nothing. They were worried for his health. Where could he be? He was later found seated cross legged in front of one of the cages, one hand slipped between the steel bars of the cage, he was quietly reading poetry to the caged man who was sobbing.

The next story is of a reading Chris and Keorapetse participated in. There was a poet who went on and on for more than twenty minutes, crying out repeatedly “Oh mother Africa.” At one point, in a pause in the poem, Keorapetse, in his seventy-plus-year whisper that the entire audience could hear, said: “I can’t believe Mandela spent 27 years in prison for this!” The audience roared with laughter. I marveled at Chris’s ability to show the layers of what it means to be human.

I thought of the images I go back to when I think of my brother. The way he flicked the pantyhose he wore on his head that time we were playing house when we were children and he insisted on being the mom. Years later when he finally came out to me, I flashed to that image and said, “Pa, I’ve known for years.” We laughed and went on loving each other as best we could… I thought of my sister and how she would wipe her dirty feet on my head from her bunk bed above the cot I slept on. I pictured the way she would glare at me while she did it, lip curled with a disgust and resentment I didn’t then nor do I now understand. Recently, when she told me she was tired of me playing victim, this scene flashed in my mind.

I think about the ways we love one another and the ways we don’t. The ways that we are tender with each other and the way we aren’t.

I think of the heart to heart I had with Elmaz Abinader, my memoir mama, the first night we were here. We talked of the work we do. I asked her how her family dealt with the memoir she wrote, Children of the Roojme: A Family’s Journey from Lebanon. I told her about what happened with my sister; that she called my work bullshit and said that I don’t think about how my writing will affect people. I said, “I think about it every day.” “Of course you do,” Elmaz said. She said that I am dealing with people’s shit that they haven’t or can’t come to terms with. “Your sister has her own trauma,” Elmaz said. I nodded. “But I’m not trying to heal my entire family, Elmaz.”

The first time I said that was to my therapist this past Thursday, and I was surprised when I said it. He leaned forward and said, “How does that make you feel?” I teared up. “It’s sad that I can’t heal them, but I know I can’t.”

I thought of Dorothy’s craft talk at Tin House last year. At one point she said: “There’s no get out of jail free card. You will be damaged.” She told us about the time her sister called to tell her that her daughter, Dorothy’s niece, was following in the family tradition–she was raped by her grandfather, her father’s father. Her sister wanted to know why it happened to so many of their girls in their family. “You wrote that book. You should know,” she said. Dorothy stared off into a corner and I could almost feel her ache. “You’ll wonder if you’d been better, you could have protected your niece.”

Chris shared excerpts of a book of poems he’s working on about his relationship with his brother. Of course I was sobbing through much of it. One line made me almost cry out: “I wish I could have saved you.” I wish I could have saved my brother. I wish I could have saved my mother and my sister and my grandmother…but I can’t. I can only try to save myself, again and again, the best way I know how: through my stories. That has to be enough. It just has to be.

Relentless Files — Week 55 (#52essays2017 Week 2) *An essay a week in 2017* I encountered this poem on the train this week: I’ve read this poem before.

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