#and now i’m SAD and i should SLEEP.

[clockwork-carstairs]

you ever lie awake at night and think about how jem and will never truly got to be together when one of them wasn’t cursed, dying, or a silent brother, and they still loved each other so much? it makes the vision in gotsm where they get to be young together with no illness, the knowledge of no curse, and no emotion-muting powerful runes, so much more moving…when you realise they never got that chance in their real lives.

I just think sometimes of an ideal world, untouched by time, where they get to be parabatai without any of the tragedy, and will, jem and tessa are all happy together side by side.

#i’m thinking of the scene in gotsm where brother zachariah remembers how ill he had been and how he’d loved tessa as much as he could bear #and i think of how even as ill as he was or with his emotions muted by the brotherhood’s runes he still loved will SO much #and of course jem was always will’s great sin #and i imagine that ideal world where the three of them can be young together and love each other with no restraints or shadows #i’m just imagining will getting to see jem when he’s healthy and isn’t running out of time basically #and now i’m SAD and i should SLEEP. #the chokehold they have on me ….. #herongraystairs #yeah this is why they’re my otp forever #jem carstairs #will herondale #tessa gray #tid #the infernal devices #tsc

[otaku553]

2 am thoughts about roommates

#small dooble at 2 am :) #I think the they were roommates trope is great because living with someone beyond the sort of intimacy of sharing a space also comes with #compromises and accomodations for each other’s differences. small psychological changes such as internal clock and lighting and such #I’m glad I have roommates haha though it’s a bit lonely right now since one of them is doing summer research in Wisconsin #and the other is on vacation and went home for July 4th long weekend #a bit sad that I’m working over July 3 and 4 but I did plan it out that way for myself since there’s not anything else to do on those days #anyways I should go sleep

[arthur-r]

hello new self portrait just dropped which means this is officially what i look like now

#i have glasses now!!!! i’m not very good at drawing them but i sure have them on my face at all times shdhdf #and i recently started growing out my hair!!!! my distinctive bowl cut had a good run but i’m officially moving forward #i’ve also started exaggerating my big droopy sad eyelashes a LOT in pictures lately it’s part of my core identity now or something #(that’s not true shdhdf but i think my face knew about my puppydog destiny long ago and gave me puppydog eyes) #anyway i just haven’t drew anything in forever like i think i’ve drew four things that weren’t JUST notebook doodling. all this school year #(and one of those was vent art on paper and the other one was coloring with my little sister. so i’ve drew two things on ibispaint at all) #anyway i think my glasses suit me really good and i’m also really excited i can see the world really good now #i still have some vision problems from POTS that aren’t fixed but like. i can see detail in brick walls now and i’m obsessed #house fucker behavior i’m so sorry shdhdhdff (THIS IS A JOKE AND LIE. I DONT FUCK HOUSES) #(and i’m apparently a house m.d. kinnie so i wouldn’t fuck him EITHER cause we’re the same person i could never) #ANYWAYS i can see well finally and that’s good. and in conclusion i’m real tired and should go to bed #i took my meds at 9:30 then started drawing at 10 finished at 11:30 #and now it’s midnight and i’m long overdue to be asleep already. so goodnight world!!!! #i have a sleepover tomorrow night which is very exciting. and also work and homework as usual shdhdf #but in the meantime i get to sleep. for up to 12 hours!!!! here’s hoping #ok anyway!!!! goodnight!!!! #P.S. text or call if you need anything!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later (probably)

[vvitchering]

What is it about being awake past 9 pm that summons The Horrors lately like damn

#like I don’t want to have to start going to sleep at 8 just to avoid feeling like shit #this week has just been noticeably worse with it and I’m getting annoyed #I work all day I just want to have my nighttime hours to relax and do fun stuff #but nope I get to sit here and be sad for reasons unknown #I guess I should be thankful this is just a nighttime occurrence now instead of 24/7 like it was the first half of the year lolololol #but I guess I need to trouble shoot my stupid brain again and figure out what it’s issue is now #life

[lemonlinelights]

So like I randomly chose to listen to The Edge of Sleep and going into the tag hoping for some fanart (which there is a lot of beautiful fanart) and finding out that there’s supposed to be a tv show and that there’s a book is NOT what I was expecting

#the fact that tv shows are being based off of podcasts now is wild to me #like you’d think it’d be the other way around #but the fact that it’s not just shows how good these stories are #sad that the teos tv shows apparently in distribution #hell though #womp womp #I feel like making a list of podcast that got adapted into othet mediums #and comparing them for funsies #like #the edge of sleep #limetown #archive 81 #idk if I should count dnd like the taz graphic novels and the vox machina animated show #man I’m just rambling now #I should go to bed :P #podcasts

[petrichorium]

Happy anniversary of the time I wrote 20k words in a week and got ghosted by the artist who was supposed to make art for the fic lol

#it’s been a year I can be bitter now right #for a SINGLE DAD BAKUGO FIC r u kidding I should have had artists lining up to make the art and instead I get shafted #I don’t fully blame the Big Bang staff. I think it could’ve been handled better but it’s mostly on the artist #but wow that rlly happened huh LMFAOOOOOO #shoutout to Shay for being the most supportive friend through all that truly #I got to live vicariously through her assigned artist who was amazing && also she drew me some stuff that was adorable 🥺 #if anyone wants to know why sleeping is taking so long to write it’s bc I was fueled by spite and a deadline for the first chapter and now #I am just. kinda bitter and sad abt the rest #which sucks bc I love the fic I rlly do #hopefully I can get over it bc it’s silly to let something like that ruin the fic entirely #SO insane tho. the way I was the only one who made the cut and didn’t get art too #not even bc I didn’t get picked but bc my artist was a sham. nice. love that truly #the staff was okay. I’m not gonna pretend I felt supported but I get that it’s a complicated and stressful event #and it was a difficult situation bc my artist insisted they were working on stuff. never got an official ‘sorry I’m dropping out’ message #so I get it. but I’m also still pissed :) abt the whole situation not. at any singular member or staff or anything #mostly at the artist #but again could have been handled better fr

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void #shits rough dawg #I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts #haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier #it’s cold #saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early. #and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed. #went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours #guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left #even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are #I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh #my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week #maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done. #I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting #woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside #hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning #can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding) #actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so… #I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience #anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments #I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired. #I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die. #is this relatable? #just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda. #gonna look at pictures of butts now #ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever #you can ignore this #text

[fail-eacan]

Wait why did nobody tell me that alto clef is the name of a character in a show

How am I just finding this out

Saw someone whose profile says “certified alto clef simp” and I thought I found another violist and now I’m questioning it

What is life

@theultimatepielord

#like I thought oh me too #but they don’t mean the c clef alto clef #they mean some anime guy #which like you do you #but I thought I found a violist 😔 #and now i’m sad #we don’t even have the alto clef anymore 😭😭😭😭😭 #this shouldn’t be affecting me so much #maybe i should go to sleep #but there’s a guy called alto clef #and people think he’s hot #aaaaaaaaaaaaah #alto #alto clef #viola #orchestra #where are the tumblr violists #am i the only one?

[kuiinncedes]

:’)

#to start this w a good note lol #bro almost all the music i’ve heard since we got to this vacation spot was done on gIee LOLLLL #not even just at the hotel where they were playing xmas music so like ofc a lot of that but also other music #that was just . all done on gIee lmfao #but also on the shuttle ride here from the airport #the driver had like disco music playing and istg it went from like #staying alive to ​u should be dancing to uhhh disco inferno #to idk if it’s disco but after that was u can’t touch this lmao 😭 #on to the not so good part bro it’s day one why i gotta be so sad lmfao #im blaming it on the like 2-3 hrs of sleep 🤩 #it ok i actually feel not bad for only 2-3 hrs of sleep before flight LOL i’ve been banking up the sleep so that rly makes a difference lma #i feel fucking ridiculous tho bc i feel lonely af and unwanted on a family trip #bc my brother has a childhood family friend to hang out with who for the fucking record i was also friends with #and last time we were together for a significant amt of time idk why but my brother freaking ignored him basically #ik they exchanged snapchats tho recently and they’re both like buff gym guys now lmfao so idk they’re besties now so #i kinda feel like i can’t hang out w them #and then idk my parents like yeah and then my grandma so i’m just kinda hanging out w my grandma #they all went onto the beach i think and i’m here in a room w my grandma and i spent fucking like 30 minutes watching the beach bc i didn’t #know where they were and they didn’t tell me and like overthinking whether i should go #i got as far as tying my hair up and taking out a change of clothes #and then almost cried and gave up and took out my book and came out on the balcony lmao #like what am i even complaining about. but idk #it all goes back to that lovely middle school friendship that left me fucking devastated bro lmfao 🤩 #idk if that’s actually the reason but i’m blaming it all on that LMAO #anyway we’re here for a while so . i’ll just chill and read today bc i do want to read more and i kinda in the mood recently #also another thing was that my skin is still being a little fucking bitch #and i’m so hesitant abt doing anything w it so like going in ocean water #anyway. fuck my fucking brain i hate it here #it’ll be better tmrw when i’ve had some fucking sleep lmfao #jeanne talks

[avatardoggo]

,

#so my best friend died this morning and i’m not handling it well i’ve cried 5 times today and i was balling my eyes out in the shower and im #scared to sleep bc ik i’ll have nightmares. and it doesn’t seem real like she’s not dead she can’t be and i didn’t find out first hand her #sister told one of our friends and she texted me and i thought i was hallucinating bc wtfreak and now i feel like crap bc i kept thinking of #her towards the end of august like should i visit her just to tell her how i feel in person and then just leave? but i was scared and worrie #about her rejecting me to my face and now she’s gone and i feel like i didn’t try hard enough to save our friendship and ya she’s in heaven #but she’s not here and and we like all the same things so when i think about the pjo live action or the new solangelo book or atlab or freak #ing anything it just connects to her bc now she won’t be able to see those things like we were so excited to geek out together and now i can #t bc she’s gone and even if she were here she wouldn’t want to be with me and i have school and i want to do well but i can’t focus but i do #nt want to use her death as an excuse and i hate myself bc part of me was her and her favorite color was pink and it became mine too bc it r #reminded me of her and i stopped being her best friend but she never stopped being mine even when she was ignoring me and i was angry at ber #i still loved her and she was the first irl person i told about my SAD and OCD and now she’s gone and my best friend is dead #and she was one of the few people that Knew me yk? like she just got me and i got her and she ignored me and now she’s dead #so ya i’m not ok so if y’all could pray for me that’d be great <3 #vk overshares in the tags

[rosicheeks]

Morning Rosi!

What’s your favourite outfit to wear when you’re feeling especially extra cute? ☺️ x

Morning lovely ☺️

I haven’t dressed up in AGES! 😭 I have so many cute dresses and clothes but I don’t go anywhere special so I don’t get to wear them 😔

#technically 5am here and I need to go to bed soon cause I’m going to my brothers earlyish tomorrow morning #l o l #who needs sleep #I honestly don’t remember the last time I truly got all dressed up :( #which is such a shame cause I can clean up niiiiice #just saying 😇 #someone needs to take me on a date so I have an excuse to dress up and look all cute #the best thing I wear is this navy skater dress with some flowers on it #but I wear it all the time and it’s not thaaaaaat cute #it’s cute for an every day casual wear #but I have so many dresses and they just collect dust and it’s sad :( #I’ve been trying to go through some of my clothes cause I need to get rid of a lot of them #but they’re cute and I wanna keep them 😤 #buuuuuut I don’t have space for them right now and like I said I don’t wear them so why keep them #I would like some girlies to come over and I’ll try on my clothes and you guys can tell me if I should keep or donate #and then if anyone else is my size if they want something they can have it!! #and uhhhhhh #maybe we will have some fun after hehe 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤭 #thanks for the ask lovely 💖 #ask #anon

[fractallogic]

I mean yeah dude no kidding she’s better when she eats, because that’s how humans work

Dude is in DENIAL and I am just so tired of it. I’m looking forward to talking to grandpa when he calls me so that I can get an update, because… sigh. I just want broad strokes. I mean yes a shitty update is an update but is it really better than no update? Idk.

Our energetic friend happened to call last night and since her mom also died of cancer and also had a brain tumor, it was especially meaningful to have her tell me for the umpteenth time that whatever decision I made re: seeing her is the right one. If someone who adored and cared for her mom in her final days says that… I mean, I KNOW it’s true, but coming from her I believe it.

Idk man. I want my mom to be at peace. I want her to die. She wouldn’t want to be like this.

#I bet she’s going to die while I’m in Nashville #I should text grandpa and see if she’s drinking anything because I think that’ll be a big clue #idk why death is scary #especially in situations like this #like. maybe I have a skewed view on it because I’ve been suicidal multiple times #but regardless of what your brand of spirituality believes happens it has to be better than this #death is an ending. it’s sad for the still-alive people! that’s reasonable! #but for a person who’s not going to get better and has no hope of going back to a fraction of their past self? #for someone who doesn’t respond and sleeps a lot and is already shutting down? #nah. death means you don’t have to struggle anymore #you don’t have to be changed by your partner and be embarrassed that your kids know you’re incontinent #you don’t have people talking down to you #you don’t have everything you talk about questioned or get asked questions like boy do you remember living up in Washington #you don’t have to have uncomfortable topics hidden from you or be talked about while you’re still in the room #you don’t have to have invasive questions asked about you #death—honestly—sounds like a relief after all this #and knowing how FIERCELY and OBNOXIOUSLY independent she was #and how she HATED asking for help #that alone… she would fucking hate this. she DID hate this when she was still able to do things on her own #but now? please just let her die. #like idk man this isn’t a family who believes that any of US are going to hell #everyone who’s religious believes everyone is going to heaven #and those of us who aren’t just want her to be able to have this end #like sorry mom I don’t know if you can be buried in the cemetery with your mom and the baby who died #but if you can’t be then I’ll have you cremated and figure out how to get your ashes spread up there #it’s the next best thing. #I hope you’re not hanging on just for me mom.

[danswank]

idk how to express that the maine is my favorite band but the 8123 family of it all makes me want to be sick bc i want nothing to do with these people

#their fans are so fucking intolerable #they’ve created a monster and i won’t forgive them for that #but their music is still home to me #i drafted this in an uber at 2am and now i’m in my hotel room feeling drunk and sad #like this is seeing my favorite band it should be fun!! #and obv it is but there are also parts that are shitty #anyway i’ve been up for 24 hours i need sleep goodnight #paige talks

[goldenhypen]

it’s 5 am ,,,, :/

#should i sleep? 😭 #don’t rlly want to :/ #but ig i should :( #i should get off of this site before i become even more delulu and giddy djsjdj #i’m sad to say but being here only encourages the delulu <//3 #ok y’all 😔 #going to sleep now ig 😔💔 #good —night— morning 😭 #em speaks

[floral-hex]

Can’t tell if I’m so anxious because of drug withdrawal or it’s just because I have a bad brain 😓

#I took buspar for about 4 nights then had to stop because it put me on edge #first night without it and I’m hit with the same feelings again #just sad and hopeless and my nerves feel sick #I had thought there wasn’t supposed to be any real withdrawal from that stuff #so maybe this is just me being sad #quick rant: I feel so hopless and alone and scared #it’s 4:30am and I know there’s nothing I can do right now about it so I should just chill out #brains suck #just go to sleep! #I have my first therapy session tomorrow/today so we’ll see #and I’m realizing now I really need to bite the bullet and apply to some jobs #any jobs. even if I’m afraid my hearing will go out and I’ll fuck up working #I NEED to get out of this house more. I NEED money. I NEED some hope for a future. #I want moneyyyy so I can go out to eat and take my brothers to the movies and help my mother with bills #I can’t just stay awake all night suffering. I need to be productive. #ian I swear you will feel so much better with a purpose #even if that purpose is just to work a register for a few hours a day #it’ll be okay #we can do this. we’ll talk to the therapist tomorrow. we’ll call our doc and bitch about our meds. we’ll apply for jobs #we’ll shower and eat and go out in the sun and it’ll be okay #baby steps baby #get a job. get money. buy a burger. find someone to kiss once or twice. #I can do this #I feel everything falling apart and fading away and I have to fight that #I’m fighting it now just verbalizing this and it’s helping #it’ll be okay ian! #life can still be beautiful! #you’re afraid of losing everything well then fucking grab it hold it do what you can #I’m so fucking scared but I have to try #text

[deus-ex-mona]

the week just ✨flew by✨

#raise your hand if you still have to work tomorrow (saturday) though lmaoooooo #inedible blubbering #how has your week been?👀👀 i’m… ✨deceased✨ #work has been weirdly tiring… like i have to stand all day long bc whenever i get a chair someone else steals it the very second i stand up— #so like i p. much have to stand up the entire time from 8.30am to 5pm… i wanna chop my legs off so baddddd idw walk anymoreeeee #also this tube i use to suck up oil during my testing slapped me across the face just now and splashed oil onto my mask </3 #thank goodness for the mask otherwise i’d have eaten old oil ಥ‿ಥ #cries in exhaustion that i’ve brought upon myself anyway ಥ‿ಥ #over the past few nights i’ve had the option to just go to sleep early. but i stayed up to auto enstars music instead lmaoooooo #i don’t even want the event wataru i’m saving for conquest iihiyori. i need him so bad it’s pathetic— #i barely missed him during the jp run of the event (cries) i was at like 3.2 mil points when it ended :( i want my sad boi ii hiyori :((( #also!!!! love it love it nazunii is after conquest and aaaaaaaaaaaaa #cue flashbacks to hiding in the mall bathroom to spam joyful box and silent oath to clear bp </3 sorry boss niichan called and i answered— #and aaaaa after that there’s that tour event leo and double face mama… i have neeeeeeds i need double face mikejimama as welllll #sobs so many events to aim for and sooooooo little time… ಥ‿ಥ #i just want my ii hiyori… and my nazunii… and my double face mikejimama… and that event leo… #and there’s also honeycomb niki after that… aaaaaaaa what do ಥ‿ಥ #omg speaking of honeycomb niki i found this random note in my reminders app that just read ‘get niki’ in all caps with no context #i was so confused about what it could possibly mean then i realised that it was set on the date that the honeycomb event ended on basic lmao #fml enstars definitely adds stress to my life i should stop (i can’t stop) ಥ‿ಥ #how tf did i end up rambling about enstars when i just wanted to blabber on about my day at work…? eh well no one reads this anyway so lol— #but well… if you read this… yukai tsuukai that’s alright is the best mikejimama song rightttt? (ʘ‿ʘ) i take no objections—