#and understand that sometimes caring about feelings is more important than your shitty input

[xcal1bur25]

just thought it might help you to know, maybe no one was brave enough to say it, but for your own good:

the comments you leave on posts, more often than not, tend to come off as unhelpful. they tend to be, like, contrarian. while you may thing your input adds to the conversation, it usually seems to not do that? so, please be more careful, or you could get yelled at.

okay uh. Hm. it's a bit hard to know what specifically you're referring to here because it could be a couple things, and I will keep that in mind and put more thought into the things I say. I know I've put my own foot in my mouth more times than I can count. But, it's exactly because of those failures that I feel compelled to make some of the comments I do. A lot of times when I say those contrarian things it's because I feel one side of the argument is being dogpiled and not being given the benefit of the doubt. And, by that I don't necessarily mean "achktually the thing you're criticizing is correct" because usually the criticisms of it are, at bare minimum, making some good points, I mean "hey you're being a bit overly judgemental of the people who are wrong". Hanlon's Razor: Never assume malice when stupidity is an adequate explanation.

Sometimes, people are morons. They'll believe stupid things, they'll hold stupid mindsets, they'll word things poorly, they'll make dumb mistakes, they'll do a terrible job of explaining their point of view, and they'll do a shit job of trying to make amends. But the thing is? Being an idiot is forgivable. Or, at least, it *should* be forgivable. A lot of times though, I don't see that happening.

What I see is people (usually correctly) stating that a certain action is wrong and then proceeding to state everyone who hasn't figured that out yet is a complete asshole, or act like the idea that someone could disagree is a sign of complete insanity. And, look. I get it. Saying that the people hurt by stupid shitty actions and beliefs are obligated to be all nice and forgiving and sympathetic to the people who hurt them...that's not a fair thing to ask. It never will be. But...if you're wrong about something, and the only feedback you're getting is "you are an asshole for being wrong, and you were wrong in the first place because you are an asshole" when from your perspective, your actions and beliefs were just the end result of a chain of things that seemed reasonable at the time, then that's not exactly a conductive environment for admitting you were wrong. And it's not just about giving them room to save face, it's also about the fact that people in general can't be convinced that the opinions they hold are wrong by people whom they believe do not understand their opinions and the reasons they hold them. So, there's gotta be someone to say "yeah, look. You're wrong on this, but I genuinely get where you were coming from" in order to actually bridge that gap.

Okay, I think I'm rambling and starting to...maybe not get off track, but perhaps I'm narrowing down to far on specifics? Anyways. I'll leave what I said because I think it's worth saying but to get back on track: Yes, I play Devil's Advocate a lot. Sometimes I do it at the wrong time, and sometimes I fuck it up and say the wrong thing. But I don't do it to be an edgy contrarian or because I think it makes me smarter than everyone else. I do it because either a) the people who are wrong are being shamed for being wrong in a way that I don't feel is productive towards actually stopping the wrong thing, or b) the people who are (mostly) right are using the fact that they are nominally correct as an excuse to ignore important nuance or to act like the point of view of the wrong side doesn't matter, even though it does because ignoring it leads to (a). That, and well, I think I'm just the sort of person who's just instinctively inclined to..."sympathy for the devil" is probably the best term for it. Even when a person is mostly wrong, or mostly an asshole, seeing them being treated as completely wrong, or completely an asshole, makes me want to spring to their defense and give them credit where it's due.

That, and if you're in the right, then lying, even if just to slightly exaggerate how bad your opponent is, undercuts your argument immensely. The correct side of an argument should not have to ignore nuance or demonize the opposition or exaggerate details or say anything that is not 100% objectively fair and true in order to win. If you have to lie in order to win an argument, even a little, then that's not an argument you deserve to win. So when I see that happening, I do my best to correct it. If you're not fair to the other argument, then it doesn't matter how bad you rhetorically kicked their ass. It's a hollow victory that means nothing.

So...yeah. That basically sums it up. I think I probably wrote too much about a random bit of constructive criticism and also went on way too many tangents about this sorta thing. So, sorry if I've been an asshole in the comments in the past, I will try to be better, and buried somewhere within my ramblings here is probably my thought process on why I, at the time, thought that stupid thing I said was a good idea.

[randomsnakesimp]

Okay. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna take the leap and say: Phobos is the victim (sorta).

Quick disclaimer: I am going to abuse plot holes and cartoon logic for my cause in a very nitpicky way. If you dislike that, I can completely understand, and I hope this warning will save you a lot of reading.

Also, this won't go into just headcanon territory, I'll put those in a separate post. Everything here I'll try to keep based on actual information from the comics and what I made of them.

That said...

Let's take a look at this scene:

(for a quick translation of the important part, the mother says: "No, Phobos, Meridian is meant for your sister. That's the law. The crown is hers.)

What we can see here are a few very important things:

1. Phobos is at most 5 years older than Elyon.

2. The name "Phobos" is not an edgy nickname he gave himself. Five-year-olds don't go around calling themselves Phobos. So his parents, for some reason, gave him that name.

3. His mother is very adamant about him not even touching the crown and reminding him of his sisters' birthright.

So, after establishing what I would call more or less facts, what else can, relatively savely, be deduced here?

- Since Elyon never noticed anything weird about herself, she can't have aged slower than earth children. So neither can Phobos. This would mean that, as she was kidnapped after her mothers death as a baby, he would have been five. So, he either tried his best to rule at age five, or the council we see as Elyon rules stepped in for him for a while

- this would then mean two things: we need an explanation as to why Miriadel, Alborn and Galgheita fled explicitly from Phobos (I'll give my explanation a bit further down) and second, Phobos' reign of terror wasn't even thirteen years, and a lot of that time he was a child/teen and could not even have been mature enough to rule.

- This also means that Kandrakar pulled up the veil when Phobos was at most five, likely younger, and that the so called "Seal of Phobos" also existed at that time, as both the veil and the seal are seen in the flashback depicting Elyons abduction. For Kandrakar, this, too, I will try to explain soon, but as for the seal, I find it most plausible that the theory @ror-witch used in their fanfiction, of the seal being a royal heirloom and named after each ruler, is true.

- His and his mother's relationship was neither as bad as some assumptions go, but neither was it that good, probably, or at least it wasn't in his perception. See how his memory is of her cradling the baby the entire time and talking more about his sisters birthright than about what he has/can do? Yes, it's only a short memory, but I think it's clear that it's a summary of what he remembers of his mother.

- Phobos desire to rule Meridian does not stem from something deeply sinister, but rather from a childish spite. Five year old Phobos probably just wanted the crown cause it looked nice and shiny, and he was fabulous even back then, but after his mothers words, he sulked and decided to show her. That's his motivation.

So, now let's go a bit further and look at some other things we can deduce from the rest of the comics:

- Phobos has a huge dungeon, a wall of roses that turn people into more roses if they touch it and his plan for the annihilation of Meridian is "Well, Cedric and I hide in the castle and...we'll see". He hates the people of Meridian, but he doesn't seem to have it in him to directly attack anyone until Elyon is there and even here, when he has her knocked out in their duel or locked up as Endarno, he isn't unnecessarily cruel. He's not evil in nature, he's more of a very dangerous child throwing tantrums. ( Cedric is kinda similar, and they both start losing it toward the coronation, but I sincerely believe that before that, there would have been a chance for them to come around )

- The only person he ever tortures or even hurts directly is Cedric. Because one, he likes Cedric and so gets more extreme emotions around him, and two, Cedric never says anything, and just plays it of afterwards, so I don't know if he even fully realizes what he's doing, like a child hitting someone. If Cedric ever just said "Stop it, you're hurting me", Phobos would probably need an entire week to process that input.

- Phobos is VERY reclusive, and he doesn't want anyone to have even pictures of him, and while that could be a God complex, I get some highly insecure vibes out of it, in a vulnerable narcissist kinda way, in that he is massively overcompensating. I gotta admit, though, that I cannot put my finger on why, so maybe take this with a grain of salt and decide for yourself if you agree.

- Kandrakar never orders the guardians to help Meridian in any way, just to make sure nothing oozes out. They likely pulled up the veil for their own protection, so Phobos wouldn't be able to spread far enough to become a real danger, rather than to protect innocent people, as clearly the Meridian people mean shit to them

- while the guards are widely feared in Meridian, Cedric seems to be viewed as... not very frightening or important, as some random merchant feels comfortable clinging to his cape (and rightfully so, apparently, as Cedric just tells him to piss off and doesn't care any further). This further leads me to believe that Cedric is rather unhealthy devoted to Phobos and his tantrums while their shitty ass reign leaves a lot of free space for unsuited people to become guards and tyranize the people.

- the King and Queen seem to have died in rapid succession, and shortly after the scene shown above, yet she looks perfectly healthy in that scene.

Now, what do I make of all this?

I believe the line of events to be as follows:

I don't think Phobos traveling back in time is a viable theory for mainly two reasons: I think his mother would be less chill around him if she saw/heard about his reign herself, and I believe that it would have been mentioned somewhere along the way if that were the case. Instead, what I believe happened is that the oracle had a vague vision of Phobos nearly taking over Kandrakar. Deciding in their random mood swings that today was a day of action, they had the people of Meridian informed that the next male born to a queen would become a dangerous tyrant, pulled up a veil and set their guardians to make sure nothing oozed out.

The veil, of course, made the people of Meridian feel trapped and a horror of the unborn prince who would ruin their lives spread.

So, when Weira gave birth to that prince, a full blown panic spread, so much so that she, in a fit of hysterical emotion, named him after that boust of panic. Of course, people tried to kill the prince basically from the moment he was born, and he was met with barely concealed resentment.

Soon after, Weira and her husband died - whether they were killed, or fell ill, or died in an accident, I have no idea, but I wouldn't completely rule out an assassination either aimed at Phobos and accidentally hitting them or the strain making at least one of them fall terminally ill.

Either the people rioted and Phobos' magic panic reaction or the leftover loyal guard was enough to fight them back, or the people succumbed to their fate at this point, slumping into the state of despair seen throughout the comics. But in the end, five year old Phobos had to be handed the throne. I assume the council still had some say at this point, but he did manage to get all pictures of him destroyed - this order was likely due to the fact that they were mostly caricatures.

So he grew up with the very volatile combination of a shitton of power and no one able to tell him if he was being stupid on one hand, and feeling unloved and unwanted on the other. He withdrew, likely also due to countless assassination attempts or things he perceived as such, and went into a negative feedback loop of being unable to mature and take responsibility, therefore being a shit ruler, therefore being hated, therefore having no one to help him, therefore being unable to face and grow from his mistakes, rinse and repeat.

So, Meridian was plunged into chaos, yet he seemed fine more or less just sitting in the new playroom he made for himself in the gardens, sporadically giving out an order or two and having generally no idea about anything that didn't directly concern him.

Enter Elyon. Now, she send him of the rails, as she was a danger to his lifestyle AND a reminder of all the sentiments he'd be drowning in alcohol if he wasn't too much of a recluse and education denier to know of that option. He doesn't even try. He just lets Cedric, the one person he trusts, handle her, like everything else, and somewhat plays along sometimes, when he feels like it. This is where he passes the point of no return and starts actually trying to kill people, culminating in him creating an army to wipe out Meridian. I still believe that even at this point, in his head, what he's doing is just throwing a nice toy out the window just so his sister won't have it.

#w.i.t.c.h. comics #w.i.t.c.h. #w.i.t.c.h. theory #prince phobos #Kandrakar is a shitshow

[jawritter]

Happy Birthday, Dean...

**Warnings** Some language maybe? Angst. That’s pretty much it. This one is pretty light.

A/N: Just a little drabble that I threw together for Dean’s Birthday! Hope you enjoy it! All mistakes are mine! Please don’t copy my stuff!!

Word Count: 1504

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Read, kinda, mentions of Sam x Reader

If anyone wants to be added to my tag list let me know!!!

To say you and Dean didn't like each other was an understatement.

You'd been with the Winchesters for five years now. Ever since your uncle Bobby had passed away, and you didn't have anywhere to go. They had taken you in, and from that moment on you and Dean had become worst enemies. You where certain that if it were not for Sam, Dean would have kicked you to the curb a long time ago. You weren't a hunter, well not exactly, you preferred research. You'd been raised in the life, and for that reason, coupled with the fact that you where Bobby Singer's niece, every evil thing and it's mother.. creature... whatever... knew your name. So you, like the Winchesters and every other hunter/hunter family, had one giant target painted on your back. 

Lucky you.

You weren't a fighter. 

Not that you couldn't, you just didn't care to. The pain involved wasn't exactly your forte, and you didn't go out looking for a fight even though you did know how to defend yourself. You made yourself useful to the boys and other hunters by becoming a female version of Bobby. 

Well, without the overuse of alcohol, and the horrible taste in classic country music, not to mention a lot cleaner to say the least.

You answered phones for hunters. You did the research for more than just the Winchesters. Dean didn't really like that either, though you didn't know why. Even though you had contact via email, phone, text, and sometimes video chat you never talked to any of them in person, so you couldn't see or understand the danger. Every hunter out there knew you lived and worked with the Winchesters. So nothing in its right mind, living, dead, or the undead, dared to lay a finger on you.

You traveled with them all over the place. Staying in abandoned houses, shitty hotel rooms, and whatever else you could find. Sometimes it was just the back of the Impala. That was until they found out about being legacies, and The Bunker. Things did seem to improve after that. You all had a little more space. Definitely more personal space. That helped in and of its self. Dean though, for some reason, still seemed to hate you no matter where you were staying. You couldn't remember ever doing anything to the handsome hunter. You weren't stupid, or suicidal. You never challenged him in any way. You just didn’t get it.

After you moved into The Bunker you did classes online, and even snuck around and took some clinical work it took to get your RN. Until Dean caught you anyway and flipped his lid, screaming at you that something or someone could have found you working at that hospital late at night while you did your Clinicals, and killed you. You thought you would be helping becoming an RN, something you always wanted to do, but he insisted you where needed behind a book or a computer screen. That they had Cass to handle the healing, and they didn't need you, or your input concerning the matter of their physical health.

That was the last time you spoke directly to the elder Winchester. That night you cried yourself to sleep, and when you got up, you swore you'd never let him, or any other man, do that to you again. So you buried yourself in research and work, only speaking to Dean when it was required.

Sam, on the other hand, he was your best friend. Always had been since the moment you meet him. He seemed to get you, the two of you just click. Like two little nerds, happy to do whatever it was that you were doing together. You never got into a fight. You watched movies together. You did everything together.

When he met Eileen the two of you clicked right away as well. You knew Dean couldn't figure that out because he was always swearing that you and Sam were sleeping together even though you didn't see each other that way.

Tonight was not much different from any other night, the boys were out on another case, hunting a Wendigo from what you could guess, that’s what it looked like in the evidence pile that Sam had emailed you. They were close to wrapping it up last time Sam had texted you, but you didn't expect them back till sometime early that next morning. So that meant another night alone in The Bunker. Which honestly you were used to by now, and it sort of was the safest place in the word when you took all the warding and things like that into consideration.

You wondered your way back to your room down the hallway, a cup of coffee in hand, and the intent to watch Netflix until you finally got tired enough to fall asleep.

Settling down with your laptop you typing in your password. Your time and date popped up on your screen saver. Jan. 23, 2020. 11:34 p.m.

The date stopped you for a moment. It was Dean's birthday in less than 30 minutes time. He'd made it to 41 years old... That was something in the life you lived. Most men didn't live until they were 35, much less over 40. Bobby and Rufus were almost the only exception to the rule you'd ever meet in person. Here he was though, if he survived the next 30 minutes he would officially be 41 years old...

Sitting there in the darkness, the only light that was going was the laptop, and the dim old bedside lamp, you caught yourself thinking. That was something you didn't like to do.

Think.

It caused way too many emotions and things that you didn't want to feel. Like the fine line between love and hate you knowingly walked with Dean. Yes, you were technically enemies, and yes, you couldn't stand each other most of the time, but sitting here in the dark, thinking the words that just rolled across your mind, "If he survived the next 30 minutes,” made your heart feel like it weighed 200lbs in your chest.

The thought of Sam having to call you, and tell you that Dean was gone was almost unbearable. A single tear rolled down your face before you could even bother to wipe it away. Shit... Maybe you didn't hate Dean after all...

Was it really possible that you actually loved Dean... That you were terrified of his rejection, so you chose rather too act as his enemy because it was easier?

It crossed your mind that this hunting life was finally starting to get to you, but you shoved that aside for later. Right now the most important thing you had to face was the fact that like it or not, you were in love with Dean; and it took you imagining his death to really see it. You had it shoved so far down you believed your own lie.

Picking up the phone before you could stop yourself, you dialed Dean's phone number. It was now midnight. If he made it through this hunt, and Chuck wasn't being a total Jackass, then he'd made it to 41, but you realized something.

Being a hunter meant that there was a strong possibility that you didn't have the next five minutes, and you had worked yourself up so much that you had to hear his voice just once to settle your pounding heart and know that he was okay.

It rang and rang. The more the phone rang, the more afraid you got that you were right. That your fear was right. He hadn't survived the hunt.

Then just when you were about to give up hope and have a whole nervous breakdown, you heard the voice that made your heart standstill in your chest for at least three beats.

"Hello...."

He sounded uncertain, which you guess was normal, you had never called him before... Ever...

Normally you just made contact through Sam. You preferred to act like Dean didn't exist to you, so you ignored him.

"Y/N? Hello? Is everything okay?"  

His voice more desperate now, which made you feel even worse for the way you'd been treating him. He was worried because you never called him, now he thinks something is wrong.

"H...Hey Dean," you stuttered, knowing if you didn't say something if he survived the speeding trip here he'd kill you when he saw you where unharmed.

"Is everything okay Y/N?" he asked, a little calmer now that you answered him.

"Yeah, uh, I just uh, I just was worried about you guys. I haven't heard anything since Sam's text." 

Here you were lying to him again, mentally slapping yourself. Why did you keep doing this?

"Oh... Uh... Everything went fine, we're about an hour from home now. Y/N, you do know this my phone not Sam's, right?" he asked. 

You couldn't understand his tone, it was, strange, soft, hopeful?

"Oh... I'm sorry Dean... Guess I got the wrong Winchester," you mumble, trying to keep your voice even. 

You hang up the phone before he could question your odd behavior anymore. Looking at the disconnected call you whisper what you called him for in the first place. What you didn't have the guts to say.

"Happy Birthday, Dean...."

_________________________________________

Pt. 2 here!!!

30 Minutes til Midnight

#Happy Birthday Dean Winchester #Dean Winchester fanfic #dean winchester birthday fanfiction #dean winchester drabble #drabble #fanfiction drabble #spn drabble #spn fanficiton #spn 15 #spn #Supernatural #sam winchester #dean x reader #Dean winchester x reader #dean winchester smut #deans girls #jensen's girls #jensen ackles #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles drabble

[bustedbernie]

Hey, I was wondering if you could give me some reasons to be excited for Biden? I dunno, I'm not big on any candidate except for Warren, but she hasn't been doing well... So I'm trying to prep myself for Biden, even though he's not the best in debate, and there was that whole eye filling with blood thing, and the "creepy uncle joe" type stuff flying around still make me nervous. I dunno, I just want to at least be content with whoever the democratic nominee is, and I was hoping for some help!

Well, as i don’t know you and I can’t even see your blog, I’m not sure how you might compare to me politically and what appeals to you most in a candidate, so I’ll just tell a little bit about my own experiences, having been a very disappointed Kamala supporter into the Biden camp...

The first thing that made it easier for me was just the way Joe spoke about Kamala, her supporters and all that. He is genuinely empathetic and also understands how powerful and important it is when he gains a voter from another candidate, or the support of that candidate. Knowing that I had a place on his campaign, EVEN when there were things I disagreed with him and his group on, was helpful. Your input was important and valued. 

Second, I think after the initial sting of sadness/anger started to dissipate, Biden really shifted into a green new deal and also proposed a very ambitious transit and amtrak proposal. 

I think too, doing more research, I found that he had a pretty robust criminal justice reform plan, marijuana decriminalization plan, and many of his plans were actually quite robust. So on policy, although it still wasn’t Kamala’s plans, it was still really damn good. So I didn’t feel like I was jumping ship onto some shitty life raft. I felt it was still a really good platform that touched on many of the issues I care the most about. 

Eye filling with blood... Idk what to tell you on that, other than my eye has done that and I’m [age redacted but between 28-32] lol. Sometimes these things just happen. I’ve never been convinced that the “creepy uncle joe” stuff would get any more traction than any of the other remaining candidates weak spots, if anything, It has always come off to me as a gigantic stretch. And that seems to be the response by a lot of the key demographics we need to target to win. Of course these things can change, but that’s true for most candidates. 

As a Warren supporter, I’d assume you’re into banking & labor reform and the like. Well, Biden’s plans on that is also more robust than I had previously imagined. Just a bit of it here:

$15 minimum wage

Massively expanding unionization and the right to unionize

closing loopholes that allow employers to avoid paying overtime to employees by classifying them falsely as “managers”

Increasing taxes on the wealthy and taxing capital gains

Similar to Warren, using trade as a way to advocate for both labor and higher standards across the board, domestically and globally

Like Warren, has a Rural America plan to bring investment and jobs back to small communities. Young people should not have to leave their communities for opportunities if they don’t wish to. 

Providing rental assistance to low-income Americans, ending redlining and addressing its disastrous impacts, increasing housing supply, working to ensure no American pays more than 30% for housing, increasing neighborhood stability to avoid displacement, protecting tenants from eviction, massively expand Section 8 housing benefits, the creation of a renter’s tax benefit, plan smarter growth and expand and repair transit, retrofit old properties for environmental sustainability through a new tax-credit system

Hold CEOs personally accountable toward labor abuses, including for anti-union activities

Incentivizing collective bargaining and new unions to form to empower workers while fighting “Right-to-Work” legislation

Create a cabinet-level working group focussed on unionization

Ensure the right to protest and boycott, including secondary protests

Empower the National Labor Relations Board

Extend rights to both farmworkers and domestic workers as well as “independent contractors (like UBER)”

End mandatory arbitration agreements 

Protect undocumented workers who report issues, safety problems, or labor violations

I’m sure you’re also interested in his plan for medical coverage, since that is another cornerstone of the Warren campaign. As a Kamala supporter, I also supported a Medicare-based solution. That said, Biden is proposing a Public Option as well that would help radically expand access to medical care and drive down costs, as well as directly negotiating prices federally for drugs. You prolly know that all already, but he also is proposing free contraception and STI prevention services, protecting abortion rights through federal legislation, will lift restrictions on US aid to help global communities combat HIV/AIDS and Malaria, expanding access to specialized care for minority groups including the black community and LGBT+ community. He also aims to achieve mental health parity, bring mental health resources into the governmental framework so folks can afford the care they deserve, and work to help end the stigma attached to mental health. Similar to Warren’s plans, his plans here largely are funded through additional taxes on the wealthy and taxing capital gains :) 

Education is another area that is important to Warren and many of her supporters. Here are some of his ideas in another bullet format lol: 

Increase teachers pay to be competitive 

Provide teachers with additional professional and educational development

Ensure the federal loan forgiveness program is both preserved and enhanced so that our educators can focus on teaching and their personal lives, and not on paying off onerous loans

Double the number of psychologists, guidance counselors, nurses, social workers, and other health professionals in our schools so our kids get the mental health care they need

Bring needed support for students and parents into our public schools

Invest in our schools to eliminate the funding gap between white and non-white districts, and rich and poor districts.

Improve teacher diversity

Make sure children with disabilities have the support to succeed.

Allow folks to discharge student loan debt through bankruptsy 

Free community college and additional support for State Universities

Biden would create a new program that offers $10,000 of undergraduate or graduate student loan debt relief for each year of national or community service, up to five years. If you work in a school, for the government or for a non-profit, you would be automatically enrolled in this student loan forgiveness program. Under the proposed program, you could apply up to five years of prior national or community service.

Student Loan Forgiveness and Repayment: 

If you make less than $25,000 per year: you would owe no payment on your undergraduate student loans and also no interest would accrue. 

If you make more than $25,000 per year: you would pay only 5% of your discretionary income over $25,000 toward federal student loan payments. After 20 years of student loan repayment, you would receive student loan forgiveness for your federal student loans. The amount of student loans forgiven also would not be subject to income tax. Borrowers also would be automatically enrolled in income-based repayment, with an option to opt out.

I hope that these few things help you feel a little more comfortable!!! He ain’t Kamala, and you may not ever see him as Liz, either. But, he still is pretty progressive and would help us build the framework for more progress later on! I tried to focus on policy stuff since I know Elizabeth Supporters tend to, unlike the Berniecrats, like policy lol. Anyway, this kind of stuff helped me get on board with him. 

#Anonymous

[freddyfreebat]

Jack Dylan Grazer’s interview with HERO Magazine

[In] a far step from his first appearance on stage at six years old, during which he adopted a British accent and warbled out an opera ballad, [Jack Dylan] Grazer is currently gearing up for his role in Luca Guadaginino’s upcoming HBO series, We Are Who We Are, a love story set on an American military base in Italy.

Lindsey Okubo: Let’s start by talking about the on-set chemistry between you, Zach [Levi] and Asher [Angel] in Shazam! It was amazing to watch and I imagine that the influences you have on set play a large role in your life. How has your understanding of yourself been influenced by the roles you’ve played? Jack Dylan Grazer: Oh for sure, I think that if I wasn’t living through the opportunities that I have with acting... Oh my god, I’d be a mess. I would be all over the place [laughs]. This is my outlet. This is my world. I tried doing sports when I was little and it just didn’t work for me and then I started doing theatre and was like, this is my tribe, this is where I belong, this is my niche. To live in these fantasy worlds has been so cool because when I was growing up, I used to dress up as Captain Hook or Batman and do little scenes in the mirror. I just enjoyed living through these characters. Lindsey: You must feel a certain level of freedom as you disassociate from who you are? Jack: Yeah, it’s so liberating. Some people choose to bottle thing up, but for me, being on a stage or in front of the camera is freedom. Being someone else is really just me being me in a weird way, it’s who I am, it’s living out loud, which I’ve been doing my whole life.

Lindsey: Yeah, and growing up nowadays we really do have larger platforms to express ourselves, to live out loud and actually be heard compared to past generations. Jack: It’s definitely easier to speak your truth, be your real self, choose your destiny and not have a pre-orchestrated future. It’s easier to carve your own path because people are more understanding – or more empathetic. Lindsey: Are there ever any moments where you do feel vulnerable in those instances? With acting, you really have to open yourself up and be in tune with your emotions in a way that most people aren’t, it’s your livelihood. Jack: Totally. But when you surpass that wall of being afraid, of being vulnerable, you’ll find there’s comfort there. With acting, you’re also this other character and you get to speak your so-called “truth” through his character who may or may not be similar to you. Lindsey: Right, but how do you then fend off moments of doubt when you’re stretching your understanding of yourself? It’s the thought process of like, I know who I am, but how do I become someone else? Jack: Of course there’s going to be doubt, but when you know that you have the capability then it’s easier. You have to have some kind of empathy for your character and an understanding of why they’re doing what they’re doing. A while ago I watched this interview with actor Steve Railsback, who is this super nice hippie dude, but he played Charles Manson in Helter Skelter (1976). Charles was a sickening human but Steve was like, “I can understand why my character does what he does. I can convince myself of his motives.” That’s a tough thing to do but it’s just that, it’s convincing yourself of your character’s motives instead of holding onto your own. Lindsey: Going back to what you were saying earlier about our generation being able to empathise to a greater extent, I’m wondering how do you differentiate between understanding and empathising? Jack: Empathy is putting yourself in the person’s shoes and comprehending the outcomes, while understanding is like, okay, I get where you’re coming from but I’m not going to fully go there. Lindsey: Do you ever feel suffocated by the fame while still figuring out who you are? Jack: Originally I felt, yeah, kind of suffocated, but what really grounded me was school and the fact that it’s super important to me. I plan on going to college and if I start thinking of school as a necessity, like brushing my teeth, or taking a shower, then it’s not as big of a thing. I do my final take on set and then it’s back to school. I never want to neglect it. Lindsey: That’s funny because I feel like now more than ever, people are questioning the importance of the schooling system – where does school become important for you and what value do you see in it now? Jack: Education in any field informs your art because there are always so many references to draw from, it’s so useful and I myself applying these when it comes to acting or anything creative. Subject-wise, I’m super into English, history and world civ, but it doesn’t need to be drawing from school directly, it can just be life experiences because I like to know a bit about the character and what that kind of person they are. Lindsey: Right, but there’s also something to be said about the people we are learning from. What makes a good teacher to you? Jack: I think it’s important when a teacher focuses on each student individually, instead of teaching students as a whole. It’s important to understand everyone has different learning capabilities, everyone learns at a different pace and has a different process. Lindsey: Taking that a step further and applying it to your own career, you’ve spoken about wanting to direct and write... Jack: Yeah I definitely want to extend into other creative factions – I want to stay in this environment and industry because it’s what I love. The cool thing about my experiences on set is that I’ve always been able to apply my own creative input. Like on It, me and Finn [Wolfhard] were always coming up with stuff. The majority of the dialogue between him and I was improvised and Andy [Muschietti], our director, was super fantastic about that. Lindsey: That’s cool. What do you think is the inherent power of storytelling? Jack: I think it’s the ultimate entertainment. It’s so vast, there are a multitude of conduits that go into telling a story and there are so many ways in which to be a storyteller. I’m equally interested in both telling the story and being a character in the narrative. On set, we’re all building the story as open, it’s a team, an ensemble. That being said, I think the key to being a good director is being flexible and doing away with the formalities, to allow for free reign. Lindsey: And it’s also about having trust in the people that you’re working with. I feel like that can be a difficult thing when so many of us have our walls up – how do you begin to break them down through storytelling? Jack: I’ve worked with actors before where I’ll be in a scene with them and they’ll be trying to flex their jawline to look good for the camera when it’s a serious scene. That’s great, but if you’re there in the body of that character, in that moment he wouldn’t be flexing [laughs]. It’s that self-aware thing where it’s like, “Wow, how good does my jawline look right now?” There are levels to it. For instance on social media, I’m a pretty open book but there are things I won’t share because it’s not other people’s business. I keep it lighthearted, I keep it easy, not because I want to make it seem like the life of Jack Dylan Grazer is all fun and games but it’s like, what’s the point in sharing if that’s not my purpose? I think my current purpose is to entertain and that’s what I want to do. My goal is to be funny, to be moving, to be storyteller. Lindsey: Does entertaining ever get tiresome for you to the point where you feel like you’re always performing instead of just being? Jack: I guess sometimes. But I really do feel at home performing. I remember the first time I ever went on stage to do a play, I was six, doing a British accent, singing opera and I found myself. I was like, I can’t do anything but this, I won’t allow myself to do anything but this. Now I’m here and have realised that I want to stretch myself – and sometimes it does get tiring to entertain. Humour is my number one trait, I like making people laugh – that’s my favourite thing. Lindsey: To what extent is sharing that creativity for yourself? Jack: If you’re a creative person and you’re confident in that, then it’s better to be open about it and express it to people who you feel you can share it with. I’m not saying show it off to the world if you don’t want to, but be proud of yourself and have assurance in yourself. There are always flaws in creativity but it’s all part of the art. It’s different for everybody, but for me, I love showing off what I do. Lindsey: Does it have anything to do with needing validation at the same time or are you past that point? Jack: I don’t know if it’s validation. I guess the simplest way to put it is that I’m just proud of what I do and if someone’s like, “Oh, it’s shitty,” I’m like, “Oh, okay, cool, I don’t care.” Unless it’s intelligent, constructive criticism of course. Lindsey: How do you define personal growth? Jack: You’re never done evolving. It’s pretty hard to detect when you’ve reached your full potential, which is like the blood of everything we do, it’s how we operate. By having dedication, commitment and discipline you’re able to access your ability and that’s my ultimate goal, as a human being and as an artist.

#jack dylan grazer #eddie kaspbrak #it movie #it chapter two #freddy freeman #shazam!

[eldritchsurveys]

277.

601. Do you have a lust for life? >> Sometimes. I can’t imagine maintaining that sort of fervour all the time. 602. Do you want to get more out of life? >> Sure, in the sense that I want to... be more present, I guess you’d say. Sometimes I get all wrapped up in my brain shit and whole days will pass where I’m just... completely disinterested in anything but shitty obsessive brain spirals. I hate that. 603. Would you want to learn to: Convert to Buddhism? >> The way I understand the sects of Buddhism that I’ve been interested in, it isn’t really necessary to... convert to it. Maybe some of the more stringent sects require a conversion, but I wouldn’t be too interested in those anyway. Regardless, I wouldn’t ever be “a Buddhist” or anything, I just dig the philosophy. Cure a hangover? >> I don’t get hangovers, but regardless, there is no cure. You just gotta ride it out and try not to do anything stupid while doing so (like... drinking more...). Eating and drinking water helps you feel a little better, because both of those things are good for you in general, but it’s not “curing” the hangover. Lie persuasively? >> I think I am well enough at lying, for my purposes.

604. What character from a movie is most like you? >> I’ve seen way too many movies to answer this. But also, I don’t really find characters like me in movies. I’m about seven minorities in a trenchcoat, for one, and for another, I don’t think I make for a very compelling character model.

605. Are you comfortable with the idea of your own death? >> Not really, but it’s a goal of mine to grow more comfortable with it. I mean, if I’m going to die anyway, I might as well be as comfortable with it as I can be. It’s important to me. 606. How do you feel about arranged marriages? >> I definitely wouldn’t want to be in one, and that’s the extent of my opinion. I can’t dictate what’s good or bad for other people. 607. What do you hate that everyone else seems to like? >> *shrug* 608. What do you like that others seem to hate? >> *shrug* 609. If you had to be named after a month, which month would you pick? >> August. 610. Is time more like a highway or a meadow to you? >> A meadow. But really, it’s more like a sea to me. 611. What is your favorite movie? >> The Fountain. 612. Which would you choose to be back in the day: a warrior, an alchemist, a minstrel, a bard, an oracle, a peasant, or a merchant? >> I’m not sure. 613. What is your favorite song lyric? >> I really can’t begin to think of an answer to this. 614. What will you never run out of? >> *shrug* 615. If you could force someone to fall madly in love with you, (anyone you choose) would you do it? >> I am allergic to the idea of forcing someone to fall in love with me. 616. Have you ever seen the Disney movie The Black Cauldron? >> No. 617. Have you ever read The Black Cauldron by Alexander Lloyd (or any of his other books in the Prydain Chronicles)? >> No. 618. Have you ever written a paper the night before it was due? >> Probably. How about the day it was due? >> Probably. 619. Is there a movie you have watched so many times that you can quote it line for line? >> No, but not because I haven’t seen any movies a shitton of times, but because I have an abysmal memory for movie lines. I’ve seen Event Horizon at least 30 times by now but I can’t remember any of the lines except like, a line or two from really pivotal moments. What I can remember are songs -- so, like, Repo! the Genetic Opera, Labyrinth and The Prince of Egypt? I know just about every song. 620. What is your favorite season? >> Spring. 621. Do you mind being described as cute? >> I’ll allow it, but it’s not my favourite adjective. Still, I understand that people mean it as a compliment and I’m not going to shoot them down for being kind. 622. What is the tackiest object in your home? >> I don’t think any of the stuff in here is tacky. I think that word and the spirit behind it is rude. 623. What do you think people are most ignorant towards? >> Oh, I don’t know. 624. What is it that makes you an interesting person? >> I am driven by curiosity and interest in a wide variety of things, and openness to new ideas.  625. What makes other people interesting to you? >> When they are also driven by curiosity and are open to new ideas and experiences. Also, if they have a lot of experience with or knowledge of an area that I lack experience in/knowledge of, because then I can learn something new. 626. How open to suggestion are you? >> Pretty open, sometimes to the point of straight-out gullibility. 627. Is Michael Jackson black or white? >> Black. This question is not cute. 628. Are you often lonely? >> Yes. 629. What’s the most unusual pet you’ve ever had? >> I’ve had no unusual pets. 630. Have you ever threatened an authority figure? >> Not that I recall. 631. If you had to choose would you rather make all your decisions henceforth with your head only or with your heart only? >> Ideally, I’d make all my decisions with both emotional investment and rationality. Makes no real sense otherwise. 632. How imaginative are you? >> Very. 633. Do you like the Counting Crows? >> No. 634. If you took this survey from the diary (5000 Q Survey V2.0) did you note me so I could read it? >> LOL 635. Are you more tense or laid back? >> There are times when I’m tense, and there are times when I’m laid-back. 636. Does your happiness depend on anyone else, or are you happy no matter what any one says or does? >> My happiness very much depends on outside influences. It’d be naïve of me to assume that I can just... generate some kind of blithe happiness infinitely, without any input from the world I live in. If that were the case, why do anything at all? Why have relationships? Why have hobbies? Why watch television? Let’s be real. 637. What do you think of the idea of putting the bible into the format of a fashion magazine to attract the interest of teenagers? >> Heh. I used to have a “Teen Bible” and honestly, yeah, it was a lot more interesting to read for me than a “regular” Bible. It was a little corny at times, but that’s what often happens when adults try to write for teenagers. I understand the Christian church often gets a bit neurotic about trying to “keep the young ones in the pews”, so, you know, it is what it is. 638. How often do you drink to get drunk? >> Not as often as I used to. I don’t find being drunk nearly as interesting as I used to. Tipsy/buzzed usually does the trick well enough. 639. Would you consider yourself to be diplomatic? >> Yeah, because I don’t consider most things worth arguing with people about. Arguing doesn’t do anything but piss everyone off. 640. Do you think that most of the classes you have taken were taught in such a way as to make plain the relevance of the subject matter in your everyday life? >> No. 641. Do you remember Crystal Pepsi? >> I do. 642. When was the last time you spent a night away from home? >> I don’t remember. 643. Some people say that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Is that true? >> I really don’t care if it’s true or not, I think it’s rude to say to someone, “your question is stupid”. Like, what the fuck is the point of that, except to make them feel bad for asking, and possibly make them self-conscious about asking questions in the future? As someone who is driven by curiosity, that kind of shit is anathema to me. 644. What is the most interesting TV channel? >> I don’t know, I don’t watch tv channels. 645. Name one song you could live without hearing ever again: >> Meh. 646. Do your pets understand you when you talk? >> I don’t know what animals understand, and I wouldn’t attempt to assume. 647. What are three things you HAVE NOT done that might surprise people? >> I don’t know. 648. Have you ever had a secret admirer? >> No. 649. Have you been to a museum this year? >> No. 650. Do you ever watch porn? >> Sure do. Not as often as I used to, but I still keep my collection relatively tidy and up-to-date.

#surveys #survey #random survey

[rabbit-pieces]

Im sorry for saying goodbye in the way that I did. I am extremely upset and salty about the situation. Though I'm not upset with you nor do I hate you. Loathe am I to say, I still love you more than I would like to admit. But I still think we should keep our distance for that very reason.

If I'm honest, we are almost never on the same page and even we try to "grow" together you are just never reliably there. And your opinion on the matter just suddenly changes, and not only does that naturally hurt but no matter how hard I try for you nothing ever sways you from just abandoning me more and more until you are gone. And frankly I always have to guees on where we are at emotionally. You say you won't leave or burn your home down again yet you told me goodbye in a way that was plausible to say forever. I don't think you understand how much that hurts, and if I'm honest, I think you try to take care of people, not necessarily me. Because jn a lot of ways you disregard my emotions and you are impulsive with the things you say. I think you are also hypocritical and we just will never see eye to eye or see each other the same way. Don't take that personally because I think everyone is hypocritical and that's fine as long as you aren't delusional. Overall I don't think you have ambition for me and maybe that hurts for you to hear but that's nearly impossible for me to bare. And confessing that has always been impossible because it the problem then becomes you can't take that news, but not how Ive had to deal with it. And always you never want to argue because you simply don't care. Disagreements never happen between us and they're really important for growth even though they can suck sometimes. And even though we're in a state where neither one of us is happy there just isn't a debate nor do you even consider one. You never see us as a team and you always make decisions based off of how you are feeling despite how emotionally invested I've been in you. So no matter how much it i hurts its not up for discussion and is fuck all for consideration. But if I hurt you holy fuck saying sorry is worthless and Im a douchebag for saying that I feel neglected because it hurt you. Even though I'm the one who has been suffering and you have been asking. You say it's about how I approach things but nothing seems to work and there is no info on if anything is working. You just tell me it's the approach when Im just been running blind trying anything I can for you. I also don’t understand how you can somehow be upset at me  being “pushy” When like I said, you don’t even consider what the hell I’m trying to say, you just read and instantly form a shitty opinion on it. What I said wasn’t a shitty take, stop claiming i’m so important, and so close and yet bridging that distance to narnia after and being so fucking shocked when I’m hurt. Even though you never do anything to indicate I’m anything special. But you’ve done tons of things for Casey before I even knew anything about him. Stop saying I’m being pushy, when you constantly asked how I felt after me not telling you 5 different times, and even then telling you was a complete waste of time to begin with because all you did was give input like you knew shit. That’s the epitome of hypocritical because all I said was that maybe if I was aware of how you felt, then maybe I wouldn’t have done the thing that made you feel worse about it. I’m not sure how that’s a shitty take, how tf is me not wanting to make the situation worse a shitty take. I can’t do that without info. What do you expect of me, to read your mind so you don’t have to say say anything?

like I said, Im done. We had a good run but it was doomed from the start. Goodbye and goodluck with everything.

[palmettofoxden]

what if neil had some sort of identity crisis? i mean he's cycled through so many personalities and looks so what if something happened that triggered him into wondering if 'neil josten' really was his true self? how do you think andrew and the foxes would react?

Oh, Neil would totally have a bunch of little identity crises that he tries to just shrug off two minutes later and it would eventually add up to a full blown one.

I feel like Neil’s pretty cemented in wanting to be Neil Josten and belonging with the Foxes

So, I’m seeing it more as a ‘Who the fuck am I? Oh, fuck, I’m still not the Neil they all think I am’ kind of thing

Like Neil has a bunch of memorized answers to things to try to not arouse people’s suspicions

But he doesn’t know the real answers to these questions?

Like sure, he can spout off a rehearsed answer to simple questions

But he doesn’t want to lie to the Foxes anymore and they’ve made Neil a real person, but he still doesn’t know who Neil is

And he’s starting to suspect that they all know Neil better than he knows Neil

And there’s this fear that he’s not really the Neil they see and know and that he’s still just chameleoning to blend in with whichever of them he’s with

It’s the little things that plant the seeds of doubt

Fucking tiny little questions that trip him the fuck up

What is his favourite movie?

Most people can at least come up with one movie that they like, even if they’re not sure it’s their favourite

Neil can’t come up with one movie that he even remembers having watched?

He just sits there on the sidelines for any movie discussions

Same with tv shows?

Neil’s seen like three episodes of The Price is Right and five minutes of a soap opera and other than that, he’s exclusively watched exy or the news or exy news

He doesn’t even have a preferred news channel? He just goes to whichever?

He hasn’t even heard of any of the tv shows people are talking about

What music does Neil like?

He only knows country music from the endless country radio stations his mom put on their travels

He doesn’t like country music, but it’s the only thing he knows

He can’t follow any discussions about music

He doesn’t recognize the popular songs he knows he’s supposed to

For the most part, it doesn’t make any difference to him whose music is on, but the Foxes keep looking to him for opinions on songs that all sound like variations of the same thing to Neil?

One time, the Foxes were talking about concerts and Allison asked him if he could only see one concert ever who he would see

And Neil just sat there silent for an uncomfortable amount of time, struggling to think of a concert he wouldn’t mind seeing, until Renee rescued him by starting to talk about something else

What does Neil even like to drink?

Clearly, water is not the right answer

When he gave that answer even Kevin thought he was joking

He is supposed to like a larger variety than just water

But water is good for you?

But like he doesn’t crave that water taste, he just drinks it to live?

And he doesn’t drink soda

And he has no opinion on different types of alcohol?

When he decides to drink, he just drinks whatever Andrew gives him

And he doesn’t even have an opinion on which juice he likes best?

Honestly, juice isn’t that great???

The different kinds don’t exactly taste the same, but they’re all just as whatever

Like the boy honestly doesn’t even look at what kind of juice it is when he’s having some?

And hot chocolate is way too sweet

Milk just tastes like water to Neil?

Except for chocolate milk which is too sweet (and Andrew stocks an unnerving amount of it at all times)

At this point, Neil can’t tell the difference between good coffee and horrible coffee that’s been sitting for hours

He will literally drink shitty instant coffee that’s been sitting out for two days without flinching?

He is totally desensitized to bad coffee after all the days and nights downing awful truckstop coffee to keep himself awake for his turn driving

He knows he should have some kind of opinion on this sort of thing, but he just doesn’t?

And he doesn’t have many opinions on food and hasn’t tried that much stuff either and mostly just eats whatever he’s given

Because if he didn’t eat whatever he was given, his parents would not react well

So, he knows he doesn’t like things that are too sweet and avoids them

And he doesn’t like vegetables but he can make himself eat them if they’re there

But he just eats whatever is there and never seeks out any specific kind of food he’s craving or anything

And apparently the Foxes think this is strange

Like they asked him what kind of takeout he wanted and Neil shut down for two minutes and then told them to decide?

And they all looked between each other like this was very concerning stuff

But, honestly, Neil didn’t care what kind of food they got so why shouldn’t someone who cares decide?

And as more little things like this add up, Neil starts to feel less like a whole person and more like an outline on paper again

He knows more lies about Neil Josten as a cover than he knows truths about himself as a person

And eventually he comes up short in a conversation that should be simple and is simple to the rest of them and it’s just too much

He’s with the upperclassmen and they’re talking about terrible books they’ve had to read for school and what the worst book they’ve ever read is and what their favourite books are

Neil can hardly even remember the books he’s read

Never once did he read books he was supposed to for English class in high school because Neil Josten wasn’t supposed to have a future, he was just supposed to skate by with grades barely good enough to still be allowed to play on the exy team

Nathan heavily discouraged reading because a book was never going to teach Neil anything practical like how to stab a man to death so that he feels maximum pain before dying

Plus, Nathan didn’t want Neil daydreaming about other places

And on the run, Mary would occasionally pick up one of those cheap romance novels that are everywhere and read them in the car while Neil was driving

Neil tried reading one of them once, but he did not get it

He did not understand what the main character saw in the love interest

He did not understand what his mother saw in these books after her marriage turned out so poorly

Neil made it about thirty pages in before he gave up

Neil knows the upperclassmen are still talking and he thinks they might have asked him for his input, but he can’t really focus on their words and he can hear his blood rushing in his ears

He stands up and doesn’t realize until after he’s left the room that he probably should have said something to them instead of just walking out

He doesn’t realize he’s called Andrew until he’s standing in the hallway and hears Andrew’s voice in his ear and realizes he’s holding his phone

Neil barely manages to get out “I’m in the hallway”

Andrew doesn’t ask why Neil’s in the hallway

He doesn’t ask why Neil is calling him from the hallway instead of just coming in the dorm room to get him

Neil called him

Like actually picked up his phone and used it

And Andrew knows that means it’s important

He comes out of their dorm, takes one look at Neil’s face, and leads him to the stairwell

He’s already got two cigarettes out when they make it to the roof

Neil’s still kind of dazed and confused when they sit down, but he feels a little better looking down at the cigarette in his hands

Burying his mother on a beach might not be a pleasant memory, but it is a concrete memory that is undeniably his

That’s not crafted

Andrew’s waiting to see if Neil is going to explain what’s going on

Neil doesn’t say anything and the minutes drag on

Finally, Neil says “I have no idea who I am.”

And Andrew tells him “That’s stupid. You’re Neil Abram Josten.”

But Neil explains that he had this constructed identity of who Neil Josten is and he’s not that either

He’s just nothing

Neil Josten was fake, but they made him into a real person

A real person he knows nothing about

Neil starts explaining all the things he doesn’t know about himself and about how he doesn’t even know his own simple likes and dislikes

And how even what he does know about his tastes doesn’t feel like opinions, it feels like choices made for him because he doesn’t know anything else

Andrew says “Who gives a fuck if you didn’t read some shitty book in high school or have no opinion on juice?”

Andrew responds by listing off the things he does know about Neil

“You are an exy junkie. You chose that. You’re a striker. Because you chose to be a striker.”

But Neil’s even starting to question what he knows about that much

Because he likes exy, fuck does he like exy, but he used to think it was the most important thing

He was willing to die just to play it

And exy’s still significant, but sometimes he puts other things first

Ask Kevin, he hates how Neil will make other plans instead of dropping everything to watch games with him

Andrew tells Neil that’s bullshit and him changing his priorities from Kevin’s is him forming his own identity, not losing it

Neil mentions that he thinks he changes his identity depending on who he’s with and Andrew immediately calls bullshit on that too

“You practically got us all killed starting fights and that was while you were trying to blend in. You do not have the capacity to change your personality to appease anyone.”

Andrew starts listing off things he knows about Neil like how Neil likes running and for whatever reason it calms him

And how Neil would totally die a martyr in a zombie apocalypse

And how he has some weird obsession with bringing the team together

And he’s a stubborn little shit who won’t back down when he gets an idea in his head

And how Neil has a knack for finding the perfect insult to shut someone down

And how he’s an observant piece of shit who can’t mind his own business, even though he tries so hard to keep his own identity a secret

And he just keeps listing things off

It’s not in the nicest tone, but Neil actually starts to listen to him and believe the things he’s being told

He’s still confused about who he is, but Andrew’s listing enough things that he’s got to admit that it forms at least a partial identity

And Andrew’s like “That’s who Neil Josten is. All the other stuff is minor. Favourite songs. Likes and dislikes. That’s all small talk. Surface level. Unimportant. You can figure that out later.”

#All For the Game #The Foxhole Court #Neil Josten #Andrew Minyard #Andreil #Ask #Anonymous #Personal #I feel like this is the kind of thing Neil would still just go to Andrew with

[thewaywedo33]

Wynonna Earp 2X08 Thoughts

This week on Wynonna Earp, we got a treasure trove of mythology, a dose of lessons in unintended consequences, a painful example of doing the wrong thing for what seems like the right reason, and a boatload of feelings to go along with all of it.

Normally I would wait a couple paragraphs to delve into my biggest take of the episode, but this week I have to start off with it.  My brain won’t let me do it any other way.

“Waverly.” A name.  A pretty name according to everyone, including Willa, who despised the person who bears it.  By uttering that name, Wynonna broke our hearts, put them back together, and reminded us yet again why the Earp sisters are so special.  She also set into motion a big old case of unintended consequences.

Let’s trace the decision forward.  Yes, by giving Bobo Waverly’s name, Wynonna essentially did pull Waverly out of the ice the day she fell through, and also gave her years of protection she wouldn’t have had otherwise.  But, she also sealed her own fate in a way I’m not sure she foresaw.  By saying her sister’s name, Wynonna ensured Bobo and Waverly would be connected.  Without that, Bobo doesn’t become Waverly’s imaginary friend; Waverly doesn’t bury a talisman on the Earp property at her imaginary friends’ behest; the Seven aren’t able to come onto Earp property and attack them; Wynonna doesn’t accidentally shoot Ward with Peacemaker; Willa isn’t taken; and Wynonna doesn’t go through years in institutions and foster homes before being thrust into the position of Earp heir, which she never really wanted, but is perfectly suited for.  With one word, Wynonna herself brought to fruition everything she’s struggled against for the past two seasons.  

If someone told me I could ask Emily Andras one thing about this season that she had to answer, it would be this: Did Wynonna realize the scope of her action? Or was it simply a matter of her natural inclination to protect Waverly, tied with the fresh in her mind conversation from the frozen lake and realization that came with it of how difficult Waverly’s childhood was, that prompted her to give Bobo Waverly’s name?

Now, on to doing the (very) wrong thing, for what you think is the right reason.  Nicole made a mistake.  A big one.  There’s no way around that, and I don’t think anyone would argue otherwise.  When a character does something like this, my first inclination is to step back and ask why?  What is the interpersonal dynamics at play that brought about the choice?

Nicole knows better than anyone how important being an Earp is to Waverly. Even more so than Wynonna, who can’t understand Waverly’s feelings on the matter because she personally struggles with her Earp title. Waverly has tied up so much of her identity in the family name.  She thinks she should have been the heir, never stopped trying to put together the puzzle pieces to break the curse, hell, she even worked in a place that proclaimed ‘Drink where Wyatt Earp drank’, and happily bids on eBay items connected to Wyatt.  Nicole was well aware of how hurt Waverly would be if the family lineage was ripped from her hands.  It’s exactly the reason why I think she held on to the DNA results when they came in.  She needed to be sure Waverly wanted the answer, regardless of the outcome.  Was it the right choice?  Absolutely not.

Now, this is me putting my personal interpretation on the situation, but, I don’t think Nicole had the results for very long.  There’s no way Nicole was just rolling around town with a very obvious large envelope in her purse for a long period of time (a purse I don’t believe for one second Nicole Haught would carry, but that’s beside the point).  I believe she was waiting for the right time to present the results, because she knew Waverly’s world would come crashing down when she saw them, and she was reluctant to hand over that kind of pain to the woman she loves.  I don’t agree with Nicole’s choice, but I do understand the place it comes from.

Nicole should not have looked at the results, and she should not have withheld them from Waverly for any period of time, but she is just another character in a long line on this show that’s done a wrong thing for what felt like the right reason.

The first, and biggest, example that came to mind for me was in episode 1x03, when Doc Holliday strode into Shorty’s, grabbed Waverly roughly by the arm, shoved her, banged violently on the bar before breaking glassware, called her vapid and useless, and tried to angrily intimidate her into staying away from the Revenant trailer park and out of Earp curse matters. We the audience come to understand he ultimately did it to protect her, to shield her from danger.  And yet, there is nothing about how he handled the situation that is okay.  I would not, and could not, ever excuse it. But that doesn’t mean I hate Doc, or think he’s toxic and the worst type of person. He’s not.  He’s flawed, just like all the characters on the show, including Nicole.  

Everyone on this damn show has engaged in poor decisions in order to protect other people, without input from the affected party.  Waverly decided to demote Nicole from Black Badge without consulting her.  She did it out of fear of anything happening to Nicole, and it’s obvious neither Waverly nor Nicole can stand the idea of the other getting hurt, physically or emotionally.  Seem familiar?  It should, because Wynonna refused to let Waverly be fully involved in Black Badge for a long time out of fear of her getting hurt, which Waverly resented.  It was a slow road from Wynonna demanding Waverly get on a bus with her to leave town and “Baby girl, we is the team”. Wynonna also tried to work around telling Doc he might not be the father of her baby.  Letting Doc continue to assume he’s the father, when she knows he might not be, is a pretty questionable thing to do.  Dolls made some iffy choices on Wynonna’s behalf during episode 9 after she was held hostage.  In the pilot, Gus tried to pay Wynonna to leave town, thinking it was best for Waverly, even though we know Waverly wanted nothing more than to have Wynonna in her life again.  My point is, everyone on the show is deeply human, flawed, and has made poor decisions at one point or another.  It’s exactly what makes things so compelling.  I want screw ups and the character development/relationship growth that comes with it.

Nicole and Waverly are ultimately going to come out the other side of this stronger.  They need to talk, air their frustrations, learn to stop making decisions for the other, sex it out, finally work together as a team, and repeat as often as necessary.  

They’re the A Couple of the show, and you want your A Couple to reflect the overall thematic scheme, to embody some of the most important concepts, of the series.  You need them deeply tied into the narrative tones, and god, are they ever.  People are messy, they sometimes do very wrong things, but it’s the family we choose and the love we make that redeems us, over and over again. “My enemies are made whole in my house” doesn’t just apply to the villain of the story.  It includes those we trust in our lives who have wronged us and inflicted a deep pain.  No one has the ability to do that like those we love, and Nicole and Waverly are so in love with each other.  It’s that all encompassing kind that makes you lose your head sometimes and do ill-advised things, which we’ve watched them both do now. Eventually though, Nicole and Waverly will be made whole again, redeemed through the fires of redemption, forgiveness and love.

Honestly, in Season 2 the women of the show can’t stop making unilateral decisions to try to protect the people they care about.  It’s fascinating to watch.  I’m waiting for Wynonna, Waverly and Nicole to stop putting so much effort and focus into protecting each other without input, and start working together on the same level.  Because once they figure that out?  Then they become virtually unstoppable.

Okay, on to some rapid fire thoughts before I finish this ramble/feelings fest up:

-Juan Carlo used to be a priest, so I find an interesting sort of symmetry in his curse/burden being to witness all, but never to interfere or decide.  Sounds a lot like the free will concept he’d espouse from a pulpit.

-Nicole’s “I love you” wins the prize for worst timing ever, but it’s not manipulative.  The answer to Waverly’s “Why wouldn’t you tell me” IS because Nicole loves her.  Love is the very thing that clouded her judgement and caused her to make a shitty decision to shield Waverly from pain.  (Tired of me yelling about that concept yet?  I can’t help it, everyone on the show has done it).  I hate that this is the first time we got to hear one of them actually say it to the other, but I think the payoff will be that much sweeter when they both say it in the future.

-Doc encouraging Rosita to get to know the Earp sisters, and her response of “That could be problematic” felt like it was about more than just the complicated tangle of Wynonna possibly being pregnant with Doc’s baby.  I might be reading too much into it, but we don’t know much about Rosita at this point, and the line delivery seemed to carry extra weight.

-Mama Earp used to call Waverly her ‘angel’, and Wynonna told Bobo his angel’s name is Waverly.  There’s no way that’s not connected, but I don’t know how yet.  I’ve never been able to get myself to buy into the theory that Bobo is Waverly’s actual dad, no matter how hard I tried.  There’s something missing in this puzzle, and I think Mama Earp is the only one who can deliver it.  Why did she leave so suddenly?  Especially after saying it was the ‘right thing’ to bring Waverly into the house.  Was it really just Ward’s fists?  Which, quite frankly, is enough, but why leave the girls behind?  I have so many questions.

-From the short glimpses we’ve seen, I actually like Doc and Rosita together.  There’s a simple understanding and sweetness there.  It helps that a relationship with her isn’t tied up in guilt and memories and regret over Wyatt Earp for Doc, the way it is with Wynonna.

-The scene between Dolls and Wynonna at the end was sweet.  I like that Wynonna’s pregnancy has not gotten in the way of their connection.  The truth is, I will ALWAYS be team ‘Wynonna’s love interest needs to be herself’, for multiple reasons, but both Doc and Dolls are important in her life, and I want them to stay that way.

-Bobo is back, and I am ecstatic.  So our resident smarmy villain used to be a good guy, huh?  I love an origin story like that.  I’m curious if Doc remembers him, or if the comments about his drunkenness are supposed to give us a reason for him not to.  I do hope we get to see him interact with the whole gang for however long he’s back.

-“The Earp sisters will be reunited before sundown.”  Weird sentence Juan Carlo, especially since they weren’t.  JC does have a certain way of speaking that makes everything sound vaguely puzzle-like, so maybe he really was just trying to reassure Wynonna she’d make it back for nacho night, and he just didn’t foresee the Widows mucking everything up.  But it’s Wynonna Earp, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was something else to it.

-Constance Clootie commenting on hell having a ‘dry heat’ tells me she’s been to hell prior to when we see her in the 1800’s.  It suggests we may not have seen the last of her in present time, even after being decapitated.  Because if she went to hell and back before, I have to assume there’s a way for her to do it again.

-Waverly’s face after reading the DNA test results was not okay.  It’s painful to see obvious hurt on her face.  I actually don’t love the reveal that she’s not an Earp, but I think that’s a testament to how much I could feel her desire for it.  It’s impossible for me to not want what Waverly wants.

-Nice parallels between episode 1X08 and 2X08, much like last week had parallels between 1X07 and 2X07.  Are we going to see 1X09 and 2X09 parallels?  One can only hope.

All right, my friends, that’s all for this week.  As always, feel free to drop me a line on Tumblr or @haughtscuffs on twitter with your thoughts and feelings.  I love talking Wynonna Earp.

#Wynonna Earp #Episode 2X08 #Waverly Earp #Nicole Haught #Wayhaught #Everyone screws up on this show #The joy is seeing character and relationship growth come out of it #Please stop crucifying female characters for things male characters get excused (or beloved) for 2K17 #And maybe wait to see how things play out before making sweeping declarations of horribleness #Just my two cents #And now I'm done

[milquetoast-on-acid]

Poster Boy, A Reactionary Post

The Narcissistic Killer

Major Crimes, S2xE11: Episode Review

The intro is filmed like it in False Pretenses. Which makes me believe they shot all of that at one time and just disbursed it through out the season. Using it sparingly to subtlety remind us that Rusty is in danger and someone is after him.

What this episode is about: Butt Monkey Emma Catholic Julio Brandon North, The Killer & The Crime Being at odds Brandon vs Poster Boy Rusty vs Emma & Kris Sharon & Andy vs Taylor Sharon confronts Brandon Declarations Brandon & Grandma: My Only Family Rusty & Kris: A girl who cares Sharon & Rusty: Mother & her Son Sharon & Andy: Emotional Partners  Rusty's Stalker

Butt Monkey Emma "Just observing how horrible it smells in here." I love that Emma remarks how horrible it smells in the living room. To the point where she says it smells like the body is in there. And of course later on we find out that there actually is another body in there. The body that Emma later on unknowingly sits on. 

"Don't Scream." It seems that even Amy isn't having Emma's shit. If your going to be at the crime scene you need to suck it up. Why in the hell is she even there? What purpose is this serving her? None of the other DA's regularly come to crime scenes the way she does. I feel that the only purpose this serves is straight up 'Torture Spoiled Emma'. Other than that I can't think of a logical reason why she is always at crime scenes and the morgue.

Catholic Julio

46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." Always knew that Julio was a devoted Catholic but the fact that he's got Bible verses memorized really shows just how much he studies the Bible. Even though they ultimately turned out to be Joe Fox's pin code that Brandon forced out of him, that verse is still important. It really tells us a lot about what kind of person Brandon is. Irrogant to the point of thinking he's invincible. Also that he plays God by holding people's lives in his hands.

Brandon North, The Killer & The Crime Loving that they flash back to the aftermath of the cleanup of the murder. So that we dive right into the killers mind. This guy is a complete psychopath. Showing how arrogant he is about not getting caught. That he just leaves all kinds of DNA and finger prints behind for the police. This is pointed out again when he destroys one of his victim's cellphones so the police can't track him down through it. He's a complete narcissist and thinks that no matter what he does he won't get caught. 

It's not often that we get the crime from the perspective of the killer. So it's a welcome change of pace. There also doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to how he kills his victims. His weapons of choice seem more based on what he can find more so than what he brings with him. He's spontaneous and messy. He's really only kills those that stand in his way on his way to fame. His would be competition (if he'd gotten on the show) and those that may expose him. 

"It's not the shows fault that he can't handle rejection." Rusty talking some sense here. I do think think that certain things like modeling requirements can be ridiculious. You can do nothing about how tall you are and you shouldn't be punished for something as ridiculous as that. But at the same time rejection is a part of life, period. And if you can't handle rejection then your going to have some real problems. Romance, Sex, Jobs, Parenthood, there's always going to be some kind of rejection that you'll face no matter what you do. No matter how perfect you are.

"That smells way too familiar."- Provenza

Being at odds

Brandon vs Poster Boy

His rejection of not being picked for Poster Boy is what started his killing spree. So in a way he was at odds with Poster Boy and it's contestents.

Rusty vs Emma & Kris Kris proves just how caring a person she is when she spills the beans about the truth of the letters that Rusty has recieved. While Rusty doesn't see and doesn't appreciate it, it's probably what ultimately saved his life. I don't think that Rusty would have ever seen it coming the way he did when Weller did try to kill him. Once Kris tells Emma what's really going on. Emma goes straight to Sharon. And Sharon is so caught up in the case that she blows Emma off. One thing I don't understand is why didn't Emma tell her that Rusty is in serious danger. It would have gotten Sharon's attention.

Sharon & Andy, The Squad vs Taylor

Once again Taylor is all about releasing every detail of their crime to the media. I think in certain situations it's helpful to have the public's input on a crime. But Sharon is very strategic when it comes to how she's going to go about solving a crime and when and when not to hold back on certain information. When Sharon and Rusty see CNN's coverage of Brandon North, her reasoning for not releasing info to the public becomes very clear. Andy brings this up when Taylor pushes to release the info. He points out that North kills when he needs something. Both Sharon and Andy's points are that him getting fame and attention for killing may just prompt him to kill even more. I love how in tune they are with Brandon and his motives and how Taylor is way out in left field. 

But I do love that even though Sharon is put up againest a rock and a hard place. She always does her best to use that shitty situation to her advantage. Such as having Dr. Mohandie reach out to Brandon by placating him. Once again we have Taylor vs Sharon with Andy backing her up. Just think that at one time Andy was so very loyal to Taylor that he went into Brenda's division to spy and attempted to screw things up for her. 

It's amazing even when Taylor is faced with another murder he still thinks that his releasing info to the media was the right call. When in fact the release of the info to the public is what got that girl killed. And then when Sharon tells Taylor they caused the murder he blames it on the media! What an asshole! He takes zero responsibility for his own actions. Then he tries to spin it in a positive light by saying that no one will take him in because he's been plastered all over the news. 

And once again Sharon proves her strategic mind over Taylor's by using what North took against him and turning it into a GPS. As well as internet searches for the names of the victims they hadn't released to the public. This time Sharon isn't letting Taylor have is way. He could make it another order to release the names but Sharon would definitely speak out. 

Taylor always running to the media makes me think that he did that throughout his career. And he did show in TC that he basically used other people to do his own job. When he planted Andy in Brenda's unit as I mentioned earlier.

Sharon confronts Brandon I love that this episode was referenced in Shockwave. And Sharon's hesitation to call the bomber in that case came from her not being able to talk Brandon down for turning himself in. Sadly, Sharon doesn't have the greatest track record for talking killers down. That however is no fault of her own. She does her best by empathizing with them in order to gain their trust. It's just that sometimes things like this are out of our hands. No matter how hard we try. No matter how much we do things in the right way. Like reality, the end of a crime won't always be tied up in a nice neat bow. 

The Squad and their nicknames. 

I'm not sure if Carlo is an actual famous model but the guy can't act for a hill of beans. He's got one line...ONE LINE.

Sometimes I really dig Mike's fashion. Love Mike's glasses.

"I can see three things for sure." "She's dead." Gotta love Morales' amazing sassy sense of humor.

As declarations go...

Brandon & Grandma "You always believed in me, even when other people thought I was crazy."

We finally see some real emotions here from Brandon, regarding another human being. That tell us that he's most likely a Sociopath and not a Psychopath. We did see some of this before. When Brandon would call his Grandma every single day. If he didn't care about her he wouldn't have bothered calling her everyday. Nor would he have bothered to even talk about her in his confession.

Rusty & Kris "I swore I wouldn't tell anyone but if something happened to him." One thing that makes me sad about Rusty and Kris' relationship is that Rusty pretty much writes Kris off after this. She only did it because she cared about him and couldn't stand to see if anything were to happen to him.  

"He can't know that I told you." "He will never hear it from me." One thing that I do like about Emma here is that she's FINALLY starting to see Rusty Beck as a person. If this were Emma at the beginning of season 2, she wouldn't hesitate to say this to Rusty.

Sharon & Rusty

"Whatever happens next, know I love you." What I love about this scene and those words. Sharon is finally telling Rusty whats been in her heart for nearly a year and a half. She has no idea wants going to happen. She has no idea if Rusty will be with her or put in witness protection. She knows that he could be ripped away from her as soon as he walks into that office. So if he is suddenly gone from her life she wants him to know that there is someone out there that loves him unconditionally. There are also no accusations from her on why he didn't tell her about the letters. She knows why he didn't tell her.

Sharon & Andy Sharon unloads on Andy. I feel like it's really the first time that she actively talks about her feelings to Andy (other than about Rusty). This is a huge breakthrough in their relationship. Because really, who does Sharon talk to about her feelings? She's so closed off and so self sufficient when it comes to emotional things like this. 

Sharon hasn't really had a partner she can lean on. She'd had to do all of this on her own. And now Andy is starting to become that person, in the way Jack never was. What I love about this is that Andy has zero motives for doing this. He does it, simply because he cares about her. 

Andy gives Sharon all of the positives as she beats herself up.This is something we see more of as their relationship deepens. We get a very similar scene between the two of them in "Hindsight" pt4. The infamous Hug scene - which is one of my all time favorite Shandy scenes. 

After Andy points out that no one got hurt and that the victims wouldn't have to relive their trauma in a trial. Andy gives her some words of encouragement. 

"Listen Sharon, For whatever it's worth. You did great." At this point in their relationship, Sharon has given Andy permission to use her first name. He only seems to use it when they are not at work. And as I recall the only time we have heard him actually use her first name was when she tells him he has permission to use it. So for Andy to use her name at work is pretty significant. Andy is addressing Sharon the person. Not the Sharon the Captain.

Essentially Andy is saying "I see you. Behind that mask you put on." Going beyond Jack. We could even talk about how no one saw Sharon in TC. Even Andy. In "Dead Man's Hand" Sharon expresses concern about a member of her squad who she suspected was being abused by her husband. And this is what Andy specifically thought about her at that time.

And you know who saw Sharon? Ally Moore. She saw Sharon's heart and used that against her. And it worked.

Rusty's Stalker At the end of the episode we see Rusty's stalker writing more letters. It feels like the same letters but at the last second the Stalker starts addressing his letters to Sharon instead of Rusty. So what is the point in him doing this? I think he felt he was getting no where writing Rusty. He'd written how many times and Rusty just put the letters away hoping that it would all go away. He wanted Rusty's attention otherwise he wouldn't keep writing those letters. 

What I would like to know is? What was the point for bringing Sharon into the Rusty/Stalker storyline? If they were going to do this at least bring some danger to her character. But there wasn't any other than here at the end of this episode. Later on when we met our Stalker Wade Weller, Sharon isn't anywhere near this guys radar.

What I didn't like: Not one of my favorites. I think what I dislike the most about this episode is Brandon's narcissism and how much his life revolved around fame. Just wasn't all that interesting. Brandon as a character...not very interesting. I think for them to do something like this - at least make a somewhat compelling character. 

What I liked: I really liked that we delved deeply into Brandon's mind. I loved that the case did not end up in a nice neat bow with the killer making a deal and behind bars. It's good to be a little messy from time to time. Sharon finally telling Rusty that she loves him. Someone finally spilling the beans about the seriousness of Rusty’s stalker. And the beginning of Andy being an emotional partner for Sharon.

#major crimes #a reactionary post #mc season 2 reactionary post #sharon raydor #andy flynn #rusty beck #kris slater #rusty/kris #sharon/andy #shandy

[nebris]

"Dealing with Magical Attack" by layo

Jan 5th, 2010

..this is the work of an actual Wise Woman.. "My attitude toward this problem is more holistic than replying with a counterattack or self-fortification and cleansing rituals. There's a way of being in the world that, once grasped, closes up several tasty ports of entry. It's a challenge for people who are by nature merciful and receptive to harden up and take severe countermeasures, and these thoughts are addressed to them. A lot of such people are women. Men often don't understand what a mindfuck it is to seek love and community in a world of war and predation, so their input, though possibly well-intended, is coming from a somewhat oblivious paradigm. Women sometimes find ourselves emotionally entangled with people who are totally enemies, because women - especially young women - are more inclined to filter reality through love goggles. I know how pathetic this seems from the outside, but we all have our filters and blind spots and fantasies. Those who stumble into drama with sadists aren't necessarily stupid. It's more that as children who were trying to survive relative helplessness while surrounded by varying degrees of malevolence, some of us resorted to denial because the truth was too overwhelming to bear. We often then unknowingly retained that blind spot into adulthood. This spot can get even *blinder* when we're subjected to stress and fear, because the childhood habit gets reactivated. This is NOT somehow more contemptible than those of us who coped with childhood by retreating into fantasies of godlike omnipotence and revenge - yet people who took that path tend to look down on those who took the other, even though they're basically just as crazy and ultimately self-destructive. So what I'm talking about is the need to grow up and face reality, integrate repressed aspects of oneself, and take responsibility for doing some things we might want to avoid because we were taught that aggressiveness makes us bad people. That's the bare minimum required for dealing with a stubborn enemy. And then there is the issue of self-sabotage and self-hatred. It's a good idea to make sure you're not unconsciously complicit in abuse or attack. This happens all the time; people who were raised to feel ashamed of themselves can be receptive to mistreatment by others. However, just because there *are* people who react with misguided submissiveness to bullies, and people who harbor beliefs that they don't have the right to defend themselves, doesn't mean that every victim of an attack is one of them. If those issues are present, the person who has them should not be shamed about it. Being shamed about so-called weakness and stupidity during childhood is what put those holes in the ego in the first place. The person should instead treat those injuries with love, and assert their conscious ego as a protective parent standing guard over this hurt child self until those wounds have had a chance to heal. It is important for a magician to be queen of her life, and to thereby wield the authority that directs her immensely powerful inner guardian to crush any who would assail her. There is a mighty Leviathan dwelling in every person's subconscious; those who have the ability to summon it in their own defense are difficult to intimidate. If you doubt that you have the right to win, and prefer someone else to wield the responsibility associated with aggressive behavior, the outcome for you will depend upon whether someone else feels like stepping up as your white knight. The magician must realize that she owns herself and her life, and also holds the reins to the mighty power that dwells below her conscious mind. We can all summon this force, Adept or not; but most of us have given this power up and been tricked out of our sovereignty. It is also useful to get a weapon and learn to use it. Even if you never use this particular weapon against an enemy, you are teaching yourself to *see yourself* as strong and competent in the use of power; amending your self-image thus will allow you to summon your strength in other ways as well. Get clarity about your ethical system so that you can hold your ground without self-doubt; lack of inner conflict is key to full access to your power. Ethics is not just about refraining from wrongdoing - it also grants permission to kick ass when warranted. This is the side of proper ethical grounding that you now need to access. If you have some kind of emotional attachment to the aggressor, analyze what sort of person would attempt to terrorize a person who cares about them. Such a person doesn't deserve mercy, you'll find. Those who in childhood had no choice but to love their abuser because it was also their only protector can have issues with detangling love and fear later on in life. But your aggressor is *not your parent*! They do not love you, nor will they change into the person you wish your parent had been and thereby rewrite your childhood with a happy ending. You have to put your foot in their evil ass. They may well believe that they do love you; this is the same twisted product of having been abused when young, which is that they believe that love and abuse are the same thing. This is not your problem. They are also not your child, even though you may sense the hurt child inside them motivating the shitty things they do. Such a person sneers at weakness rather than appreciates kindness, and is not helped spiritually or emotionally by your submission. Kick their ass rather than feed their addiction. Oddly, they will like you as a person if you punch them in the face, if that helps. And don't try to reason with them; when it comes to malevolence you are dealing with an evil little kid, not a rational adult. What they understand is power, so get it and use it. I think it's natural for those of us who've been mistreated in youth to fear turning into the same kind of monsters who hurt us if we use our power aggressively. That's why we hesitate to hit back; we think we'll lose control and become something terrible. This is really not the case. If we wield our power consciously we are far more likely to wield it ethically than if we wait until we're cornered and act in a state of panic. That's why undertaking training is so useful - you're transferring control of this part of yourself directly into the hands of your conscious mind, and refining it. Certainly we all have the potential to turn malevolent, but you must have faith that you will not get addicted to hurting people if you take conscious responsibility for your own power. It is actually disowned power that is more likely to come out sideways as abuse."

#The Sisterhood